making it fun

Love, Marriage and name changes

noreply@blogger.com (Just Me) — Mon, 17 Jun 2013 18:04:00 +0000

My sister kept her maiden name when she married her husband.

I took my husbands name.

This is not what I had expected. I had been very loud about planning to keep my name- as getting married did not change who I was- I was just married.

My husband wanted me to change my name- it was very important to him- when pressed he just said, "It was the way it was supposed to be."

I hesitated though. I was embarrassed. I didn't want to hurt my dad's feelings by dropping his name. Seriously- that was my biggest concern- I didn't want to hurt my dad's feelings.

Anyway- I took his name. Its my name now. Our name.

Slightly off topic but I was discussing this with another woman a few years ago and she thought you were required to change your name after marriage. I was stunned, do you know anyone who thinks that?

Renaming littleDude

noreply@blogger.com (Just Me) — Tue, 11 Jun 2013 15:21:00 +0000

It has been brought to my attention that LittleDude would be better described with the nickname "scooter" in reference to how he crawled scooting his bum a long.

Now of course he can can walk but from now on--- he will be Scooter

LittleDude is braver than me...

noreply@blogger.com (Just Me) — Mon, 10 Jun 2013 00:11:00 +0000

There has to be a first injury right?

LittleDude sure got his.

My mom was visiting and we were outside, LittleDude was driving his toy car having a great time. Until he wasn't, he climbed over short landscaping wall, I picked him up and pulled him out and set him down. He turned around and toddled back towards the wall he tripped and fell, hitting his head on the stone landscaping wall right above his eye.

The awful hollow sound that his head made as it hit the stone sends a shiver down my spine whenever I think of it.

Immediately I picked him up- and saw the cut and my mind blanked I could not remember what I was supposed to do... Airway-- breathing--circulation right??

It was bleeding. a lot. I handed him to my mom to get ice and a towel. There were no towels in the drawer. Of course. Found a towel. ice. pressure.

The cut was deep- edges were pulling apart.

We got in the car to go to the hospital and of course hit the longest.red.light.ever.

He vomited and got very drowsy so we detoured to the fire house where someone could actually probably think clearly.

The paramedics helped and took him to the hospital. When we arrived at the hospital he was stitched and glued back together.

A popsicle was the reward for being so brave for LittleDude. I needed a glass of wine for holding it together.

He seems to not mind it in the least, but it looks awful!!! I hope it does not hurt him too much.

Virtually Connected

noreply@blogger.com (Just Me) — Mon, 03 Jun 2013 04:20:00 +0000

When I was little--- you know a hundred years or so ago (my son asked me if we had electricity when I was born), computers did not connect to the internet- there wasn't an internet to connect to, your mail came to your house, you had a phone in the house that everyone shared, no cell phones, not texting, none of it.
If I went somewhere, I'd leave a note on the counter, so would my parents, I also had an emergency quarter to call home with if I needed too- for a payphone.

The phone most often used was in the kitchen and it had a long cord so you could walk all around the kitchen and still talk- but the phone itself was mounted on the wall. If someone called while the phone was in use- they got a busy signal (remember those?? I don't think my kids have ever heard one).

My mom would spend a lot of time talking to her friends on the phone chatting. I don't.

The point of this is to discuss whether with all of out social media connections- we are more or less connected to others than before- because personally- I feel lonely- despite 600 facebook friends, 1000 twitter followers, and a house full of kids.

So with all of this connectedness how are we less close to others than we were 20 years ago?

Here are my thoughts:

My mom would chat for a while with just a few people- not 500. But with those few people she was very open and had great support.

So while I chat on Facebook with a huge crowd- I am not open. I am not giving of my deepest my real self- I lost touch with that long a go.

When talking on the phone or visiting in person, you can tell a lot about what a person is not saying by tone, inflection, or word choice. How many huge fights have been started on the internet because of a comment that was said as a joke but the reader took it seriously (why we need a sarcasm font).

My mom actually saw the people she visited with. They would sit and have tea together while the other kids and I played.

I am not saying that all tech is bad- I love video chatting with my kids when I can't be there- but it is just not the same as actually being there- iPads are great- but they kind of suck at hugs (said with sarcasm).

So, in some ways new technology brings us together- but in others it drives us apart- we can become isolated in our homes not venturing out to actually see people or have any real interactions..

All of the Facebook and text "I love you" messages in the world will not hold a candle to a great big hug from my husband and a kiss to tell me I am loved.

I am going to really make an effort to have real interactions with people in the coming months- not just virtual ones.

Hold me to it please.

Do you feel less connected or lonely despite the incredible technology out there??

time to turn it around

noreply@blogger.com (Just Me) — Fri, 31 May 2013 15:49:00 +0000

When I fell pregnant with my first, I was unmarried I waited until I was 6 months along- I had managed to hide the pregnancy through the holidays and gatherings. First I told my sister- she said she would not advise me to get an abortion but she would always love me, I cried. I went to her office to call my mother, I was too scared to do it alone. She stood with me as I called my mom and broke the news.

My parents were less than thrilled. But they loved me. They supported me. Now 9 years later- having my first was the best thing that ever happened to me- she taught me how to love unconditionally. She taught me forgiveness. She saved me.

her first picture......

And now...

Netflix Dropped Dora and Diego--- OMG

noreply@blogger.com (Just Me) — Fri, 31 May 2013 02:44:00 +0000

"My life is over!!"

Pixie's favorite shows are Dora the Explorer and Go! Diego, Go! She would watch them on the iPad via Netflix every day. She learned so much about different animals and she loved seeing the live ones at the zoo and telling me about what she learned.

One day- we were settling in for the night and she started looking for Dora or Diego on Netflix to watch an episode- they were gone. With growing anxiety and fear I searched Netflix for the shows. They disappeared into thin air.

I don't think Map can help us with this problem. After some investigating I found out that Netflix did not renew their contract with Dora and Diego's company.

Fab.

It was like her best friend left, and to a certain extent that is exactly what happened- Dora and Diego were her friends.

The meltdown that followed could rival any tragedy. There were tears, enough tears to fill an ocean... from both of us. There was sadness and mourning.

There was yelling: "HOW DARE THEY TAKE MY SHOW AWAY!!!!"

Really-- were they not thinking about kids and how they love Dora and Diego? Were they not thinking of the parents? What, exactly were they thinking about?

Pixie's heartbreak was palpable and real.

Thank goodness for Amazon Prime-- they still offer Diego and Dora for instant streaming. And I will be buying a ton of Dora and Diego DVDs at resales so even if Amazon drops them we will still be prepared- just like Dora's Backpack and Diego's Rescue Pack.

Dishwasher Obsession

noreply@blogger.com (Just Me) — Mon, 27 May 2013 15:41:00 +0000

With my husband- we have always had a dishwasher and for some reason the kids have all been fascinated by it.

Princess- who hated the vacuum loved the dishwasher. She could hear the door being opened from across the apartment she would get her little bum over there as fast as she could.

Stinky had the same fascination he would try and crawl into the dishwasher when the drawer was open.
We plucked him off of the door more times than I can count.

Peas was the same way, add absurd determination and lightening fast crawling. I would usually pop her on my back and then do the dishes so she couldn't climb in, she would just pull my hair out by the roots.

Pixie was the same way- and she loved to chase the vacuum.

Now it is LittleDudes turn. The big kids help a lot, but he is so fast and he can pull hair like no one's business, when it is dishes time he usually goes in his bouncer-- baby jail- until the loading or unloading is done. After we close the door he leans against the door and hugs it. He loves the vibration and the warmth.

What is the huge draw to the dishwasher. We may never know- a great mystery of baby kind.

Happy Birthday

noreply@blogger.com (Just Me) — Fri, 24 May 2013 21:35:00 +0000

Today Princess is 9. 9. Can you believe it?? How'd that happen??

She is super. She is compassionate, kind, confident, smart and pretty awesome.

I cannot believe that G-d let me have the privilege of being her mother, it is greater gift than I could ever imagine.

Princess, you are so special, you are loved and cherished by so many.

A blessing in sadness and hope

noreply@blogger.com (Just Me) — Wed, 22 May 2013 22:17:00 +0000

I am sure like all of social media you have seen the story of Zach Sobiech. A teen who when down fighting- 'and didn't really lose'.

His story made me ugly cry at my computer

But it was wow. It was so uplifting, it blessed me in a way I did not know I did not know I needed to be blessed.

"You don't need to find out you're dying to start living"

Watching the video resonated with me in a deep soul crushing way, heart breaking, but most of all spirit lifting.

I wanted to share how amazing this kid was (and is- in heaven).

.But I thought about what I could do to help. You know when you need. to do something, a craving to do something to help in some small way. This, for now, may be all I can do, but for now here we are.

Maybe this song and video will bless you in a way that you don't know you need

Some celebrities lent their star power as a tribute to this remarkable young man.

LittleDude's Day

noreply@blogger.com (Just Me) — Mon, 20 May 2013 16:40:00 +0000

A day from the perspective of LittleDude

2:30 am wake up, briefly, just to ensure that I am still in the proper place, Mama and Dada's bed, closer to mama. Fuss a bit so Mama will snuggle me more.

5:43 am Suns UP! Time to get to get going! Dada takes me away from Mama. For some reason he thinks she does not want me to pull her hair- its so effective! Besides- we did not discuss the leaving Mama thing. Not cool man. Then he doesn't even feed me. He tries to cuddle. I have my standards. I cuddle with Mama and Mama only.

6:00 am Mama comes downstairs. Yay! It has been forever. I thought I'd never see her again. She gives me milky good sweet nectar of all that is good. She also gave me some breakfast of some sort. But the milky- that's the good stuff.

6:45 am I toddle around looking for something interesting, the cat does not think pulling her whiskers is fun. She runs away as soon as she sees me coming. One day I'll get her. At least the dogs like to play. I drive my cars.

7:00 am Brothers and Sisters are up. They can be fun, but mostly they bother me- they get in my way from knocking things down. While they eat, I eat my second breakfast- don't judge. I am a growing boy.

7:30 am Diaper time. I prefer to fill my pants in the morning. It makes Mama run around a little it is super funny. Great way to get her to blow on my belly.

8:00 am Look over what I need to do today. Its going to be busy! How am I going to manage to empty the plastic plate drawer and the sock basket AND the tupperware?

8:15 start on the socks. Take a handful toss and squeal! you cannot forget the squeal.

8:20 my arm is tired. Socks may look light but repetition is a killer. Go over to sister yank her hair. It is so funny.

8:30 Mama picks me up and takes me away. She gets out one of the carriers. OH I GET TO RIDE WITH MAMA! TIME TO GO ON HER BACK!

11:45 Not sure what happened- perfectly happy on Mama's back and the next thing I know I am waking up. Someone put something in my cup.

Lunch. Big kids have sandwiches. I have milky (YUMMERS!), some fruit, and yogurt.

Someone said "Park" I heard it. I know I did. I was not born yesterday. Hooray! We are going to the PARK! Now that I am a big boy and can walk I get to walk there by myself. I hope there is an open swing.

Swinging is awesome. Have you ever had an underdog? Its like swing peek-a-boo but better.

On to the sand. Must get sand in my hair I need a good exfoliation. The park by my house does not have the tasty sand, the tasty sand is at the sand box at the big park- there is no point in even eating this stuff.
I'm learning how to use a shovel- I am so big!!!

Slides are also fun. I can get to the top of them and go myself now. My big sister still likes to help though- and Mama catches me.

Who said we could go home? Why? There is still so much to do! The teeter totter! I need to drive the train. I express my displeasure. Loudly. Mama picks me up. She is so mean! We get home. I am still yelling. Oh milky- that sounds good, it makes everything better.

5:00 pm Seriously someone is messing with my drinks. Dada is home! I am so excited I can hardly contain myself with clapping and yelling.

5:45 Dinner. I love when we all are together. My sisters and brothers are so funny yelling and laughing at each other all the time.

6:45 Bathtime. Best part of the day. Splish splash, rubadubdub. LOVE IT.

7:15 Night-nights (its what we call pjs in our house) Mama gives me a massage with lotion and puts my night nights on me.

NOT READY FOR SLEEP YET

I get to go back downstairs and play some more. When it is time to go to sleep, I go with my Mama. She reads me a story (I love the Piggy Book) and then I have some milky and get comfy for sleep. Mama knows to pat my tummy when I lay across her.

It was a good day. I did not get everything done I wanted too the socks, the cabinet, the drawer, but I got to go to the park. One day I'll catch the person messing with my cup.

LittleDude

I am kinda surprised it took this long

noreply@blogger.com (Just Me) — Thu, 16 May 2013 00:29:00 +0000

I am open about my pole dancing. It empowers me as well as makes is a fabulous workout.

A friend of my daughter is trying to stir up trouble with other kids and adults by telling them I pole and how inappropriate it is.

My daughter knows that it is not in appropriate and is fabulous - but I am sorry she is dealing with a kid who wants to stir the pot.

I am not surprised it is happening- I am surprised that its happening in this way- with a kid.

Which complicates things. If it were an adult- I could address it with her, discussing the full details of what I do versus the 'inappropriate' things.

Why do babies hate sleep

noreply@blogger.com (Just Me) — Mon, 13 May 2013 02:16:00 +0000

Why do babies hate sleep?

Seriously? Why do they fight that crap so much-- who ever said sleep like a baby clearly never had one.

I take back every single time I fought sleep. Rocking, walking, nursing, singing.

Please note I am not a believer in cry it out- but damn if someone told me to go to sleep I'd be all over that. Instead- it is a hard won fight to bed with at least one child in bed at the start of the night and by the morning several more have joined which makes bed tetris with kids, pets, and parents. The kids of course wake up thrilled and excited and full of energy- where as my husband and I stagger out of bed looking at the sun wondering how Earth it could be morning already- yet my kids are charged and ready to go.

So why do babies (and kids) abhor sleep? And What in the heck can you do about it?

I end up just waiting them out- knowing at some point their little eyes will flutter shut after they become heavy.

Princess would go to sleep she just would go to sleep no questions know fuss. Stinky would sing to keep himself awake. Peas. What to say about Peas..... she thought (and thinks) that sleep is the end of the world. We tell her to listen to her body when it is tired (etc) and she says she 'can't hear her body' oh well. Pixie just needs to stop moving for 30 seconds to fall asleep. She moves and moves and moves.....but a few minutes of cuddles now she now goes to sleep. She used to need to nurse herself to sleep while sticking her her feet under my back. LittleDude snuggles and nurses to sleep while he places with his hair. Overnight he will scoot next too me to keep close.

But the question remains why the hatred of sleep?

Mama got very sick

noreply@blogger.com (Just Me) — Thu, 09 May 2013 17:37:00 +0000

You see last weekend, I had a blood clot in my brain- thankfully it was just a TIA and not a full stroke- but it it was blessing that it was not a stroke.

I don't really remember what happened. It is all kind of fuzzy. I remember not knowing where my two middle girls were (at my in laws). I couldn't figure out things basic things. Nothing made sense. There was a tub of flour on the table and I couldn't figure out why and it was very upsetting.

Somehow I called my husband. He realized there was an issue based on my slurring my speech and talking about things that made no sense what so ever. He wanted to me to give the phone to Princess so she could help. I- being stupid and not with it- refused. Arguing with me when like that was like arguing with 4 year old over ice cream. There was no reason.

At some point I had a glimpse of reason and decided to call 911.

My husband called my in laws to help, they arrived around the same time as the ambulance.

Everyone realized there was something seriously wrong.

I could not communicate with anyone. (thought I remember telling people things)
Apparently I had a facial droop, difference in strength and other signs of a brain issue.

At the hospital I had a a bunch of tests that I don't remember. I stayed overnight.

********************************************************************************

that being the story I wanted to have my kids tell about how they felt so other kids who have a family member experience a medical emergency can know they are not alone.

Princess -age 9-

I didn't know what was happening, I thought my mom might die. I tried to remember what to do. I was scared. When the police and the fire department came it was confusing there were too many people.

Stinky -age 6-

I was confused. I wished she would get all better. There were a lot of people here to help.

To say it was scary is and understatment

noreply@blogger.com (Just Me) — Mon, 06 May 2013 23:22:00 +0000

I was a little confused the other night. Not too unusual- I mean there are 40 people running in different directions in my house on any given day- slight confusion is par for the course.

After dinner though, the husband said something kind of weird. H said he was considering not going to work tomorrow because I was acting strange... I thought he had a screw loose. I was fine. Tired but fine.

The kids went to bed I dozed off the morning came. I had to help get 2 middle kids off to grandma and grandpa's because I was still recovering from surgery and taking it a little easier was a better bet.

This is where things get really fuzzy for me- or like non existent.

I remember asking Princess where the middle girls were. I had no recollection of them going to grandma and grandpas.

Nothing made sense. There was a container of flour on the table and I had no idea how it go there. That was really upsetting to me.

I could not type the passwords on my computer. The passwords I type everyday. I could not get my hands to work.

Some how I called H.I don't know how. I was slurring words and I had no idea. I had no idea about a lot of things. It is terrifying to not know things that you should know.

Where did my husband work? Whats his name? What month is it. Whats this callled. Squeeze my hands. Smile.

I had a facial droop and a difference in strength. Not good.

I was so tired. So agonizingly tired.

When we got to the ER I learned my my mother in law had gone with me. I had never been so happy to see a face I recognized.

Then again. I don't remember much I had some tests with ear plugs and something with a plastic thing over my head I have no idea.

Little by little I got things put together again. The doctors talked to me and explained a TIA- transient ischemic attack and told me I would stay the night and see an neurologist as well as my hemotologist to best manage this. There was nothing I was doing that caused this. There are some things that we can (and will do) do prevent this again.

For something I do not remember it is terrifying. To know it could have ended worse; it is horrifying.

For the fact that it ended positively I am exceedingly thankful. I have so much to express thankfulness for I will never be able to list them all.. Seeing, knowing, hugging my family is at the top of the list. It could be gone in the blink of an eye.

Thank G-d.

Pinterest is AWESOME

noreply@blogger.com (Just Me) — Mon, 29 Apr 2013 01:12:00 +0000

I love Pinterest. I have mad crazy love for it. I can spend hours on it. Pinning and hoping and getting excited about birthday parties I'll never have or a home that the closest I will come to is Pinterest boards.

The pallet gardens are wonderful the home improvement are amazing. There are life hacks that I cannot believe I did not think of ever but make like easier by massive amounts. The fashion ideas are awesome (especially for this walking fashion disaster)

Despite this I rarely try these ideas. I am terrified of failure. I don't often try new things in my life aside from Pinterest because I am scared I'll suck and get made fun of (either in my head or in real life) so my boards get full and many things remain untried.

Like painting my living room. I would love to paint the trim and the walls but I am to scared to do it, I have never painted anything aside from a picture- and I don't want to get yelled at or feel stupid. So the walls remain unchanged.

But how do I a) move on from that, and b) not pass this to my kids?

Any advice is greatly appreciated.

when you walk into my house

noreply@blogger.com (Just Me) — Thu, 25 Apr 2013 16:24:00 +0000

It will not be clean.
It will not be dust free-- in fact there may be dust monsters rolling about
It will not be organized
The counters will be cluttered
There will be toys everywhere
There will be people everywhere
There will be noise

But there will be joy.
There will be laughter (and occasional screaming)
There will be art projects proudly displayed.

There will be kids who believe the world is their oyster. There will be parents who love. There will be grandparents who love. There will be great grand parents who love.

Our home is full.. Bursting at the seams.
Full of life. Full of learning. Full of love.

Feminism or a hate group

noreply@blogger.com (Just Me) — Sun, 21 Apr 2013 16:45:00 +0000

Full disclosure I am edit and revise this post as my thoughts evolve.

I have been a self proclaimed feminist and always kind of wondered why there were 'man hating' segments of that group.

Laurie A Couture pointed out that feminism has a propensity to disregard, intentionally the needs of other groups. And after many hours thinking about it- I came to the conclusion that that is true. This is by no means to say that I think that all is hunky dory and whatever, just that by forwarding the agenda of one social group we are by default neglecting and in a way subjecting them to violence-- not always physical violence but mental and emotional- which can be just as damaging.

Here is were I am struggling: women, African Americans, Jews, Native Americans etc have all been oppressed as individual groups throughout history. Each of these groups have amazing and powerful histories to tell and have amazing cultures to share- I am eager to learn as much about every culture I can get myself and my children exposed to.

But as long as we as a society define success as doing well in school, business, having the best house etc how can we expect those groups that have been started so far behind the starting line of white privilege? Change the definition of success? I am all for that.

But what about the drug and gang culture? How can we end that? I firmly feel that secure- trusted attachment and engaging unschooling is the best deterrent to that- rather than great schools.

Back to my point. Feminism can be considered a hate group when taken at is source. When feminism neglects that ALL people are worthy that ALL people are deserving then it becomes a hate group. When we realize that be being people. By being human makes us equal. I am not equal to a man because I am a woman- I am equal to another human because I am human.

We teach our daughters to be modest and not get raped we teach our sons to be gentlemen. But we neglect to teach our daughters to not rape. Girls can be sexually aggressive too. But boys often feel like they can't report it- it wouldn't be manly. What a tragedy for their sensitive souls and hearts. Boys in fact are probably the recipients of most sexual violence and domestic violence- and then they are punished for it. It makes no sense.

Laurie Couture, one of my parenting mentors and smartest women I know is a wonderful advocate for young boys, I can only hope to follow in her footsteps to help save and protect young boys and men. Her son is a shining example of a compassionate, smart, empathic young man.

Dayna Martin, another mentor and amazing woman is a mother to an amazing unschooled family and she is a daily inspiration of compassion, advocacy, and light.

There is a lot more to say on this but my pain meds are kicking in so I will be done now.

for the love of G-d do not use antibacterial products

noreply@blogger.com (Just Me) — Mon, 15 Apr 2013 04:53:00 +0000

Antibacterial stuff has been all the rage. And it sucks. I get it though no one wants to get sick. Everyone wants to protect their kids but it does more harm than good- good old soap and water is good enough- also for please for heaven's sake use antibiotics properly.

I have just had an epic battle with a bacterial infection that was resistant to all but 2 antibiotics- if it became resistant to those 2 I would really be up shit creek.

See what happens is this you have a large group of bacteria which are roughly susceptible to the same antibiotics. You use them and one or two may develop a resistance. Those one or two multiply and then require a stronger antibiotic. Cycle repeats.

Then we have all of these resistant bacteria with limited options to treat them. This use to happen only occasionally because antibiotics were more judiciousness used now they are given for everything, and at home people are using antibacterial soaps and wipes and cleaners which are doing more harm than good leading to more and more resistant strains of bacteria that are harder and harder to treat.

I had to have a PICC line placed- a peripherally inserted central catheter- and IV that went from a deep vein in my arm and threaded through to my heart to receive IV antibiotics at home via IV for a few weeks to treat a bacteria that should have been easily dealt with- but it had developed resistance to all but to antibiotics.

So please stop contributing to the increase in resistant strains of bacteria. If you do get prescribed antibiotics finish the course. Take them as directed.

Let me wallow for a moment

noreply@blogger.com (Just Me) — Sun, 14 Apr 2013 01:29:00 +0000

I am still in the hospital. Still. It has been forever.

I am having a hard time explaining how I am feeling- but it is not good. I miss my kids. I miss my kids so much it hurts.

What if LittleDude does not love me as much? What if he has forgotten me? Ugh What if our attachment has been disrupted?

I miss laying down and cuddling with him an snuggling with my kids. Watching them sleep: the funny muscle twitches. The sweet snoring. Their dreams.

Not knowing my kids is terrifying. I love knowing their passions. Knowing their hearts. What if I don't any more? How do I get that back?

Annoyances is the hospital

noreply@blogger.com (Just Me) — Thu, 11 Apr 2013 22:26:00 +0000

I am no stranger to hospital, and guess what I am in the hospital again. And I am crabby.

After a drastic increase in pain I had to go to the ER and was met with the least compassionate nurse I believe I have ever had the misfortune of meeting.

Sure, a lot of people are not well versed in their medical and health needs, but unfortunately (or fortunately) I am.

She was condescending and just rude to B and I. We came to the ER because I couldn't bear the pain and I could not pee. She was very unkind regarding my pain and generally quite cold.

I was admitted as I was bleeding quite badly I had to be admitted. The first nurse on the floor was no kinder.

Believe it or not- as someone who has had a decent medical history- I know my body. I know my limits. If I say something is not is not right- please believe me.

Please understand that minutes seem like hours when in pain.
Please try and respect my dignity
Please try and respect my modesty
Please try and give me the benefit of the doubt
Please at least discuss my options with me- if there is something that is unpleasant and I am hesitant.

I have also had some of the best caretakers ever. Some of the most amazing RNs and wonderful people who deserve a huge amount of respect and appreciation.

Life wifh a PICC in the arm

noreply@blogger.com (Just Me) — Wed, 03 Apr 2013 14:55:00 +0000

I guess I am sick. I guess I am really sick. Not the kind of sick where tea and a hot bath will help.

I have a massive kidney infection (which I do not feel sick from oddly enough). But the bacteria causing it is resistant to everything with the exception of 2 antibiotics- I had never heard of them until now. Both of these antibiotics are IV only.

So yesterday I had a PICC line placed. A PICC line is a peripherally inserted central catheter. It is inserted in the upper arm in a deep vein and threaded through to my superior vena cava.

The PICC is inserted using ultrasound guidance, and despite numbing medicine is not a pleasant experience.

After I had the PICC placed an xray was taken to verify the positioning of the line.

Having this procedure was kinda scary, there are risks that are exacerbated for me- particularly the danger of a clot- so I was put on anticoagulants- but I am having surgery Friday. It is all a delicate balance.

The home health nurse came last night and taught my husband and I how to work the pump and how to care for my PICC line.

Today, it is ok. The pulling and tugging feeling has stopped. The challenges as I foresee them will be not forgetting my very fashionable fanny pack, not having a kid yank on it, not having LittleDude chew a hole in the tubing.

Having a nurse who's name tag says "Hospice" care in the house helping me learn the pump was very disconcerting and not all helping my case of nerves for my surgery.

I will have a good attitude though. If I have crappy one, everyone will suffer. There are worse things.

Leave my kids alone, thanks!

noreply@blogger.com (Just Me) — Wed, 27 Mar 2013 23:12:00 +0000

I took my kids to the zoo today with some friends- while there we stopped at a playground and some lady was hanging around Pixie watching to make sure she did not fall.

I tend towards the more attachment parenting, natural consequences, free range parenting.

Pixie- is a very competent kid. She can climb almost anything. I call her my mountain goat. She is confident in her abilities and is surprisingly skilled! But she would not have gotten that way had I hovered over her.

Pixie was, quite capably, climbing up a climbing wall to a play structure. Sure, they have fallen, skinned knees, bruises and a little banged up. She has however learned her limits. She has learned she is capable.

I was watching- from the side though, if she needed me, I would be there.

Pixie can do all of these things because no one has told her she 'can't' You'd be amazed what kids can do when you let them.

Natural consequences allows her to learn a cause and effect relationship of her choices and it gives her a sense of efficacy in her world.

This woman though was just shadowing her. I understand it was coming from a place of concern. Is there a polite way to say something?

Lost: One Little Girl

noreply@blogger.com (Just Me) — Wed, 27 Mar 2013 17:17:00 +0000

The other day, I looked at Princess. She is not the little girl that she was. Smart. Compassionate. Brave. Strong. She is pretty. Tall. Graceful (sometimes).

Sometime in the past 8.5 years (almost 9) she has gone from being a 3 lb peanut to an amazing girl.

How I am teaching my children (boys and girls) to not rape

noreply@blogger.com (Just Me) — Mon, 25 Mar 2013 15:12:00 +0000

Did I say boys and girls?? Yes. Girls can be sexually aggressive and abusive too- and often are- boys just are expected to take it willingly and even like it.

So yes. I am teaching my children to not rape--- and not be raped.

I protect them from being assaulted- well duh. Take this a step further. I respect their boundaries and advocate for them when others aren't.

I respect them- and treat them with respect and kindness.

This means: I will not make my child hug, go by, be held by, kiss, or have their boundaries invaded. One time I had to reschedule an appointment because my child did not want to be examined by the doctor- as there was no urgent need- he was not terribly sick- we just rescheduled. Why? Because if I do not respect his boundaries how can he learn to expect anyone else to?

I show them real affection. If they know what real affection is like they are less likely to mistake it.

I respect their autonomy. It is their body. Not mine. With few exceptions, their body their choices. My girls choose their clothes, hair color, length etc- same with my boys.

I am open with them. If they are old enough to ask a question, they are old enough to get an answer.

I will always be their safe place to fall.

Because when they speak up to me and others they are listened to and respected they can learn to expect to be listened to. I can and do teach them to advocate for themselves and get out of situations that are unhealthy.

Because they have the self confidence to do this, and have been treated with kindness, love and respect, they treat others that way.

hurt feelings

noreply@blogger.com (Just Me) — Sun, 24 Mar 2013 23:35:00 +0000

Lately, I have been noticing that I have had my feelings hurt a lot more. Could I be getting more sensitive?

Not feelings crushed hurt- but feelings of exclusion and "ouch- that stung".

Do you get your feelings bruised? Do you take it up with the person? Brush it off? Have a less than mature passive aggressive attitude? I am unsure in these waters, and need advice.

I mean, as much as it would be awesome, I can't just stomp my foot and storm off in a huff. a) it is hard to do on facebook- the foot stomping loses something in the text b) with my luck I'd step on a lego c) stomping off is not the most mature way of dealing.

For Goodness sake. I am 31 years old- I thought the stupid hurt feelings things would be long gone by now. My 8 year old can fight with her friend over cursive writing and its normal- me getting ruffled feathers over an insignificant thing is not so ok.