Unique Christening Gowns

uniquegowns13@gmail.com (Unique Gowns) — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 07:58:00 +0000

Corporate Department Takes Special Care

to Welcome Back Bereaved Mom Co-Worker

By Monica Novak

I received a call one day from Pat, the Share support group facilitator and perinatal bereavement coordinator at the local hospital, telling me that she and I had been invited to speak to one of the departments at a nearby corporation. Diana, the manager who had contacted Pat, told her that one of her employees, a woman named Michelle, had recently delivered her firstborn child, a stillborn daughter, and was about to return to work after a six-week maternity leave. Not only was Michelle an employee, she was a dear friend of Diana’s and everyone else in the department. They were deeply concerned about Michelle and wanted to do everything possible to make her transition back to work as easy as possible for her. Diana and some of the others had spent time with Michelle during her leave, and the department was planning a welcome back luncheon several days before Michelle’s official return to work to give her time to ease back into the routine and help her to get through the awkward first moments in a pleasant setting.

Pat and I arrived and were welcomed by a group of about 12 people and a table of fresh fruit, muffins, and water. Diana had placed tissue boxes on each table anticipating an emotional discussion. Pat showed a short video of a family as they went through the process of discovering they were expecting a baby, sharing the joyous news with family, preparing for the arrival, and then the devastating news that the baby had died. The video ended with the delivery and last moments as the parents and extended family passed the baby around and said goodbye (it was a good thing we had the tissue on the tables, for them and for me!) Pat then talked about what grieving families typically go through following the loss of a baby, and offered suggestions for what to do or say.

I shared my own personal story of losing my daughter Miranda, stillborn at full term just like Michelle’s daughter, and my agonizing decision to return to work. I suggested that they make sure everyone in the department and possibly in the building be told of Michelle’s loss to keep her from the pain of being congratulated (the first two people who passed me in the hall at work the day I finally did return congratulated me and asked how the baby was). I told everyone not to have any expectations about Michelle’s productivity for quite some time, although they laughed at that, saying “You don’t know Michelle, she’ll be as sharp as ever!”

Some ways they could welcome Michelle back included: give Michelle a hug, tell her “I’m sorry,” sit down and ask her to talk about the baby, to always address the baby by name, and ask to see photos if she has them. I then pulled out a photo of Miranda and passed it around so they would know what to expect. I’m guessing that most of them, if not all, had never seen a photo of a dead baby. Many commented on how beautiful Miranda was, even with her red lips and red fingernails..

I talked about things people say that Michelle most likely would not find helpful. Don’t tell her stories of other babies who survived the same situation (like the woman at work who told me about her baby who survived an umbilical cord knot-the reason for Miranda’s death). Don’t say “Maybe it was for the best,” or “It was God’s will,” or “You’re young, you’ll have more children.” These were things that were said to me by well-meaning people, meant to lessen my pain which at that time was not possible.

I also suggested to these caring co-workers that they treat Michelle’s loss as they would the loss of a parent, spouse, or older child, the main difference being that her memories were limited to her pregnancy and delivery, and instead she had a lifetime of hopes, plans, and dreams. I told them to expect periods of distraction and possible moments of emotion, and to ask how she’s doing from time to time, and let her know they were thinking of her or her baby.

When we opened up for questions, someone asked if they should remove the photo on Michelle’s desk taken of her at the end of her pregnancy, concerned that the sight of it might upset Michelle upon her return. Pat and I agreed that that decision was best left up to Michelle, and although the sight of it might bring a moment of sadness as she remembered that happy day in her pregnancy, it would also serve as a reminder that she had indeed carried her child and was still a mother. She might choose to leave the photo on her desk, and could very likely feel resentment at having that decision made by someone else without asking her.

Another issue that came up was the new baby of another co-worker in the department who was also on maternity leave and expected to return soon. We suggested that it was okay to celebrate with the other new mother, but to be aware of the difficulty for Michelle and to acknowledge her feelings. Keep the lines of communication open, and encourage a dialogue between Michelle and the other mother. On a side note, I added that nobody should expect Michelle to show up for any baby showers or baptisms anytime soon.....

Someone wondered if they should present Michelle with something on her first day back, such as balloons or flowers. Pat and I felt that balloons seemed too celebratory, but flowers would be a nice gesture.

... holidays, especially Christmas and Mother’s/Father’s Day were very difficult days for bereaved parents. Michelle was still a mother, and it would be extremely thoughtful to send her a mother’s day card or at least acknowledge her on this day.

The anniversary of her baby’s death would also be very difficult, and I suggested that everyone put this date on their calendars and send a card, a note, or flowers next year to share in Michelle’s remembrance and show support. I wanted everyone to know that for the rest of her life, Michelle will be thinking about how old her baby would be, what she would be doing at that age, and how Michelle’s life as a mother would have been different.

Although Pat and I spoke from years of experience, our final message was this: Let your heart guide you. Don’t be afraid of Michelle’s pain or tears, and don’t be afraid to let her see you cry, because it shows you care. I closed with this poem that is often used in bereavement materials and was printed in our hospital’s Angel Garden calendar:

The mention of my child’s name may bring tears to my eyes,

but it never fails to bring music to my ears.

If you really are my friend,

let me hear the beautiful music of my child’s name.

It soothes my broken heart, and sings to my soul.
-Author Unknown

At the conclusion of our discussion, several women got up to give us heartfelt hugs and thank us for sharing this information with them. We all had tears in our eyes! Pat and I felt so honored to be able to spend time with this special group of people and wondered out loud how different things could be if employers and corporations everywhere took this caring approach towards their grieving employees!

Special Thank You to Diane Kirk

for the link to this insightful article from

Pregnancy and Infant Loss

uniquegowns13@gmail.com (Unique Gowns) — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 02:23:00 +0000

You Wouldn't Cry

Mandisa with Lyrics

All you saw was pain All you saw was rain

But you should see me now Moments filled with tears

Lasted all those years Disappeared somehow

You never said goodbye ...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YSyR3DWl998

press link to go to song xoxox

Thank you Mary for sending the link

sending ~ angel hugs ~ to your precious Lukas

Dana

Precious bubba early pregnancy loss xoxox

uniquegowns13@gmail.com (Unique Gowns) — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 00:00:00 +0000

uniquegowns13@gmail.com (Unique Gowns) — Sat, 11 Jul 2009 07:56:00 +0000

An Angel’s Mummy

An angel opened the book of life
And wrote down my baby’s name
Then she whispered as she closed the book
“too beautiful for Earth”

In a baby castle just beyond my eye,
My baby plays with angel toys that money cannot buy.
Who am I to wish them back,
Into this World of strife,
No play on my child,
You have eternal life.

At night when all is silent,
And sleep takes over my eye’s
I’ll hear your tiny footsteps come running to my side.
Their little hands caress and touch me so tenderly and sweet.
I’ll breathe a gentle prayer and close my eye’s

and embrace you in my sleep.

Now I have a treasure that I rate above all other,
The memory of the day that I became
“An angel mummy”

Even Doctors Avoid Talking About Stillbirth

uniquegowns13@gmail.com (Unique Gowns) — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 00:10:00 +0000

By Alan Goldenbach Washington Post Staff Writer

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

"...There are about 26,000 stillbirths annually in the United States -- one in about every 160 pregnancies, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. That is 10 times the number of deaths attributed to sudden infant death syndrome, which has been identified as a key public health issue, and four times the incidence rate of Down syndrome, for which prenatal testing has become almost ritual. Domestically, there are 2 1/2 times more stillbirths annually than deaths from AIDS...

"As a society, we're told just to deal," McGrath said. "There's this idea that you can just have another one, that they're disposable.

"We have a very limited ritual around death. In this country, it's 'Have funeral and get it over with and move on.' But when it's a baby, we don't even have a word for what to call it."

McGrath said she has heard countless times in her support group from parents who received no guidance from their doctors about stillbirth. One woman, she said, told a story about receiving a hand-written note from her veterinarian following the death of her dog.

"But when her baby died, the woman heard nothing from her doctor," McGrath said.

Lautenberg said. "We are crafting legislation to improve data collection so we can better understand what's causing stillbirths and help parents looking for answers."

The bill, which is more policy- and data-oriented than research-driven, will expand upon registries of stillbirths already in place in Iowa and metropolitan Atlanta. Lautenberg and the bill's other sponsors hope to have as many as a dozen states participating in the registry and providing a standard protocol for data collection following each stillbirth. Among the bill's other provisions is a campaign to increase public awareness and grief support services..."

*to read the full article pleaso go HERE

I WISH

uniquegowns13@gmail.com (Unique Gowns) — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 05:59:00 +0000

1. I wish you would not be afraid to mention my baby. The truth is just because you never saw my baby doesn't mean he doesn't deserve your recognition.

2. I wish that if we did talk about my baby and I cried you didn't think it was because you have hurt me by mentioning my baby. The truth is I need to cry and talk about my baby with you.

3. I wish that you could talk about my baby more than once. The truth is if you do, it reassures me that you haven't forgotten him and that you do care and understand.

4. I wish you wouldn't think that I don't want to talk about my baby. The truth is I love my baby and need to talk about him.

5. I wish you could tell me you are sorry my baby died and that you are thinking of me. The truth is that it tells me you care.

6. I wish you wouldn't think what has happened is one big bad memory for me. The truth is the memory of my baby, the love I feel for my baby, the dreams I had and the memories I have created for my baby are all loving memories. Yes there are bad memories too but please understand that it's not all like that.

7. I wish you wouldn't pretend that my baby never existed. The truth is we both know I had a baby growing inside me.

8. I wish you wouldn't judge me because I am not acting the way you think I should be. The truth is grief is a very personal thing and we are all different people who deal with things differently.

9. I wish you wouldn't think if I have a good day I'm "over it" or if I have a bad day I am being unreasonable because you think I should be over it. The truth is there is no "normal" way for me to act.

10. I wish you wouldn't stay away from me. The truth is losing my baby doesn't mean I'm contagious. By staying away you make me feel isolated, confused and like it is my fault.

11. I wish you wouldn't expect my grief to be "over and done with" in a few weeks, months, or years for that matter. The truth is it may get easier with time but I will never be "over" this.

12. I wish you wouldn't think that my baby wasnt't really a baby and he was just blood and tissue or a fetus. The truth is my baby had a life. My baby had a soul, heart, body, legs, arms and a face. I have seen my baby's body and face. My baby was real person - and he was alive.

13. My babies due date, Mothers Day, celebration times, the day my baby was born and the day I lost him are all important and sad days for me. The truth is I wish you could tell me by words or by letter you are thinking of me on these days.

14. I wish you understood that losing my baby has changed me. The truth is I am not the same person I was before and will never be that person again. If you keep waiting for me to get back to ""normal" you will stay frustrated. I am a new person with new thoughts, dreams, beliefs, and values. Please try to get to know the real me-maybe you'll still like me.

15. I wish you wouldn't tell me I could have another baby. The truth is I want the baby I lost and no other baby can replace him. Babies aren't interchangeable.

16. I wish you wouldn't feel awkward or uncomfortable talking about my baby or being near me. When you do, I can see it. The truth is it's not fair to make me feel uncomfortable just because you are.

17. I wish you wouldn't think that you'll keep away because all my friends and family will be there for me. The truth is, everyone thinks the same thing and I am often left with no one.

18. I wish you would understand that being around pregnant women is uncomfortable for me. The truth is I feel jealous.

19. I wish you wouldn't say that it's natures way of telling me something was wrong with my baby. The truth is my baby was perfect no matter what you think nature is saying.

20. I wish you would understand what you are really saying when you say "next time things will be okay". The truth is how do you know? What will you say if it happens to me again?
-Author Unknown

uniquegowns13@gmail.com (Unique Gowns) — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 12:33:00 +0000

Angels By Your Side

May you always have Angels by your side

Watching out for you in all things you do

Reminding you to keep believing in brighter days

Finding ways for your dreams to come true.

May you always have Angels by your side

Someone there to catch you when you fall

Encouraging your dreams, inspiring your happiness

Holding your hand and helping you through it all.

May you always have Angels by your side

May they give you the gifts that never end

And dreams and hopes to keep you warm

And someone to love and be a dear friend.

(author unknown)

A special Thank You to angel Rillee's mummy

for sending this poem to me to share with all of you

~ angel hugs ~ Dana

A Rainbow Lights the Way

uniquegowns13@gmail.com (Unique Gowns) — Sat, 04 Jul 2009 12:00:00 +0000

I have not turned my back on you

So there is no need to cry.

I'm watching you from heaven

Just beyond the morning sky.

I've seen you almost fall apart

When you could barely stand.

I asked an angel to comfort you

And watched her take your hand.

She told me you are in more pain

Than I could ever be.

She wiped her eyes and swallowed hard

Then gave your hand to me.

Although you may not feel my touch

Or see me by your side.

I've whispered that I love you

While I wiped each tear you cried.

So please try not to ache for me

We'll meet again one day.

Beyond the dark and stormy sky

A rainbow lights the way.

Authour Unknown

uniquegowns13@gmail.com (Unique Gowns) — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 22:10:00 +0000

A Mother's Grief

byKelly Cummings

You ask me how I'm feeling, but do you really want to know?

he moment I try telling you You say you have to go

How can I tell you, what it's been like for me

I am haunted, I am broken By things that you don't see

You ask me how I'm holding up, but do you really care?

The moment I start to speak my heart, You start squirming in your chair.

Because I am so lonely,you see, friends no longer come around,

I'll take the words I want to say And quietly choke them down.

Everyone avoids me now, I guess they don't know what to say

They told me I'll be there for you, then turned and walked away.

Call me if you need me, that's what everybody said,

But how can I call and screaminto the phone, My God, my child is dead?

No one will let me say the words I need to say

Why does a mothers grief scare everyone away?

I am tired of pretending my heart hammers in my chest,

I say things to make you comfortable,but my soul finds no rest.

How can I tell you things that are too sad to be told,

of the helplessness of holding a child who in your arms grows cold?

Maybe you can tell me, How should one behave,

who's had to follow their childs casket,watched it perched above a grave?

You cannot imagine what it was like for me that day

to place a final kiss upon that box, and have to turn and walk away.

*
If you really love me, and I believe you do,

if you really want to help me, here is what I need from you.

Sit down beside me, reach out and take my hand,

Say " My friend, I've come to listen, I want to understand."

Just hold my hand and listen that's all you need to do,

And if by chance I shed a tear, it's alright if you do to.

I swear that I'll remember till the day I'm very old,

the friend who sat and held my handand let me bare my soul.

Kelly Cummings 12/8/03

Precious Babes

uniquegowns13@gmail.com (Unique Gowns) — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 22:31:00 +0000

* *

Precious Babes

A new site which has been created as a way of honouring and remembering all of our Beautiful Angels.

All items on the site are one of a kind and will be personalised individually just for your Precious Babe.

Please have a look in the site's photo and video galleries

If there is anything that i can make for your special Angel,

please let me know.

Loving hugs to All of you and Sweet winged kisses

to our Angels In Heavenxxooxx

uniquegowns13@gmail.com (Unique Gowns) — Sun, 28 Jun 2009 21:23:00 +0000

If you are someone close to a grieving mother...

First of all, know that she has not "gone crazy", and despite what you think, she does not hate you..no matter how she acts.If that sounds like a strange statement, you'd be surprised at how many people are at a complete loss when it comes to understanding a grieving moms behavior.

After a Mom loses her child, she goes through a myriad of emotions that might range from laughter to out and out rage. This can be terribly confusing for others. You may see her relatively happy one day, and unable to get out of bed the next. The temptation is there to just want her "back to normal", and without realizing it, you may be putting pressure on her to"snap out of it".

What you must understand is that she has suffered a loss that can be compared to nothing else in the world. You could lose all of your money, your home, everything you own... you could lose a parent, a sibling, a friend.....but the loss of a child (for a mother)goes deeper than any wound imaginable.

This child was literally a part of her. She felt their first movements of life, felt him or her grow within her, and endured a labor of love to bring them into the world. The first time she saw their little face, she thought her heart would break, never having seen anything so beautiful. She watched them grow, she dreamed dreams for them, and in the reflection of her child's eyes-- she saw the faces of her grandchildren.

Believe me when I say that if she'd been given a choice, she would have offered up her life for theirs in an instant. If she could have died for them, SHE WOULD HAVE... so deep is that love.

I tell you truly, losing a beloved child is a loss like no other. Society doesn't even have a word for it. Why? Because it's so indescribable. If your parents die you become an orphan, husband dies..a widow, wife dies.. a widower, but if a child dies, we don't even posess the language to describe that.

Resist putting pressure on her to "be like she used to be". She will perceive this as a lack of concern for her emotional state. As much as you would like to have the "old her" back, she simply cannot be "normal" right now. For her, everything she thought she was sure of has been shaken to it's foundation.

for grieving moms

uniquegowns13@gmail.com (Unique Gowns) — Sat, 27 Jun 2009 23:37:00 +0000

What Makes A Mother

I thought of you and closed my eyes; and prayed to God today
I asked what makes a Mother and I know I heard him say..
A Mother has a baby, this we know is true.
But God can you be a Mother, when your baby's not with you?

Yes you can, he replied with confidence in his voice
I give many women babies, when they leave is not their choice.
Some I send for a lifetime; and others for a day
And some I send to feel your womb, but there's no need to stay.

I just don't understand this God, I want my baby here
He took a breath and cleared his throat; and then I saw a tear.
I wish I could show you, what your child is doing today
If you could see your child smile with other kids and say

'We go to earth to learn our lessons of Love and Life and Fear,
My Mummy Loved me oh so much, I got to come straight here..
I feel so lucky to have a Mum, who had so much love for me
I learned my lesson very quickly, My mummy set me free.
I miss my Mummy oh so much but I visit her each day
when she goes to sleep, on her pillow's where I lay.
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek; and whisper in her ear

Mummy don't be sad today, I'm your baby and I'm here.
' So you see my dear sweet one, your children are okay
Your babies are here in my home; And this is where they'll stay.
They'll wait for you with me, until your lesson is through
And on the day that you come home; they'll be at the gates for you.

So, now you see what makes a Mother, it's the feeling in your heart
It's the Love you had so much of; right from the very start.
An angel in the book of life wrote down my babys birth
and whispered as she closed the book -
"Too beautiful for earth."

uniquegowns13@gmail.com (Unique Gowns) — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 03:02:00 +0000

A Birth of an Angel

poem written by Mary Nelda Williams

"I sent you an angel today"the Lord whispered in my ear.

As I held my newborn baby, my eyes filling up with tears.

"Why Lord? Why me? Why was she the one called home?

Why couldn't it have been me Lord? Is my baby all alone?

Did I fail as a mother? Did her soul gently go?

Did she suffer in her passing? Did she really really know?

How much I truly loved her. How much I truly cared.

Now all I have is her body. I'm trying hard to stare.

To embed in my mind her image, so I never will forget

The angel that you have set before me, The angel that I have met."

He gently whispered to me"It's not your fault at all.

She was so pure and perfect and for that I had to call

Upon her name to sit beside me, where forever she will remain.

She only had to gain her body,

for she was worthy before you even knew her name.

You did your job as a mother, your love was not in vain.

She knew that you loved her and she will never be the same.

For when I let her go and entrusted her to you.

I told her and others like her that there were a chosen few-

A select group of mommies whose hearts could endure

and with faith everlasting, with love just as pure,

the separation from their child for they would come to understand

that I am God their father and their children are forever in my hands.One day you will be with her for all eternity,

The waiting will be worth it" he promised this to me

As I looked down at my angel with tears streaming down my eyes.

I gently kissed her forehead and said my last goodbyes.

"Mommy loves you my darling, I won't be very long at all.

I will wait patiently each day until God should finally call.

I will meet you on the other side. Right at the pearly gates.

I will run and scoop you up and kiss your pretty face."

As my baby left me and they took her away.

I knew that I was different than when I woke up that day.

For I had witnessed a miracle, one that I will never forget.

The day I birthed one of his angels, the day that we first met.

*In memory of my JuneBug ~ Kimberly June Williams ~

and all of her heavenly friends*

Dana,
Thank you once again. I pray and hope that this poem will touch the lives of other angel moms as it has mine already. As you know I like to believe that God has answered my prayers when I asked for a sign to let me know whether or not my child was ok. I was blown away by what came forth from within.
I am not sure whether or not I should take credit for this. Perhaps I am just a tool in God's hands and it really is a message to let us know that our little ones are fine. Either way I thank God for the inspiration and pray that it will move those that read it. Mary Nelda Williams

Heartprints photo service

uniquegowns13@gmail.com (Unique Gowns) — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 22:26:00 +0000

Heartprints

digital photo retouching service for angel families

Heidi 's photo retouching comes highly recomended by an angel mummy who has been overwhelmed by her compassionate service.

If you are unsure whether the photos you have can be enhanced,

please email Heidi on this link with your enquiries

Naming a miscarried baby

uniquegowns13@gmail.com (Unique Gowns) — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 00:03:00 +0000

"..... Often we have picked a potential name long before the birth. It may not be the final form of the name chosen, but the intent and the beginnings of a decision are there. The baby is a person and a family member long before we see that rosy, wrinkled little face.When a baby is miscarried, the parents’ grief may be a very lonely thing, in large part because few people, if anyone, knew the baby’s name. If the baby was miscarried in early pregnancy, a name may not have been chosen yet, and most people may not even know of the pregnancy. Grieving and mourning our loss involves telling our story, and the lack of a name, or a name no one had yet known, may be a painful situation for the parents. Those around us may be reluctant to bring up our loss, ask the baby’s name, or even speak to us about the death of our beloved little one. Many feel that an early miscarriage is “normal” and not to be mourned as an actual loss, trivializing the parents’ pain and making their desire to name or commemorate the child seem abnormal.

In addition, people expect parents to quickly resolve the grief of a miscarriage. It’s as if since they didn’t know the child’s name, or it had not yet been named, or the pregnancy didn’t yet “show,” our loss is somehow not as devastating. People often remark to these parents, “At least you didn’t know him/her,” “You can always have another one,” or “Probably it would have had a defect.”

But of course we knew our child, their constant presence for weeks or months as the center of family love and excitement, the anticipation of who he or she would be. Our dreams, plans, hopes, our child’s whole life unfolds in the hearts and minds of its parents, long before it is born, and the loss is as devastating for them as if the child had been born alive and full term. Another pregnancy, another child, will never replace this child. And with or without a “defect,” a parent’s heart is ready to embrace and nurture the tiny one.

Naming your miscarried baby can be an important ritual. There are those both in the medical community and in our circles of friends and family who may feel that naming a child we will never see or hold is just prolonging the pain and sorrow. However, if this is something you want to do, it is perfectly appropriate, and may aid in your grieving and in holding onto your memories, brief though they may be. A name gives the miscarried baby a place in the family and validates the little one as having both lived, and died.

Whether your loss was recent or long ago, you will know if naming a miscarried baby is right for you. Some have picked names reflective of the brevity and beauty of their child’s life, such as Dawn Joy, Rose Dawn, Star, Sunshine, or Summer Angel. Names such a Precious or Lovey remember the child conceived in love. If you have used a nickname for the unborn baby, that may be the natural choice. A name from the Bible, such as Michael or Gabriel (both angels) are appropriate for boys, or a gender-neutral name—Jessie or Robin, for example—may feel more comfortable when you are uncertain if the baby was a boy or girl.

If you wish, sending an announcement of the baby’s name and date is one way to let those around you know that you acknowledge the baby as a member of your family, and it encourages them to do the same. It allows others to know that you welcome support, and gives them permission to offer it. Beautiful, customizable birth/death announcements are available from A Place to Remember. There is also a Memory Book where you can post a memorial to your unborn baby, a non-legal Certificate of Birth to commemorate your baby by name, and many other resources....."

Please read the full article here

Carol A. Ranney
Go to Carol A.'s Home Page
Family Grief & Bereavement Examiner

family and friends Fan Support Page

uniquegowns13@gmail.com (Unique Gowns) — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 14:31:00 +0000

This Fan Support Page is meant to create awareness for the extended family members how really horrific and lonely angel parents feel at timesI hope that, it will serve well to provide "hands on" information .

Together,with the amazing support from our fb Angel Baby private angel parent community, we will be responding to your questions.

Please post them on our Discussions page.
Ask the questions you are too afraid or too scared to ask .We just ask
you to refrain from any rude remarks and comments. Anyone doing so, will be banned from this Support site.

Loving hugs to all precious ~ angels ~
Dana angel mums Tanya & Lynda

" I'll be there " from your little Angel

uniquegowns13@gmail.com (Unique Gowns) — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 14:10:00 +0000

A special Thank You to angel mummy Tanya for asking me to share this beautiful poem with you, here on my blog and our fb Support Page

~ angel hugs ~ Dana

We thought of You Today

uniquegowns13@gmail.com (Unique Gowns) — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 14:08:00 +0000

Grieving fathers

uniquegowns13@gmail.com (Unique Gowns) — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 04:00:00 +0000

"...When a child dies, very often the focus is on the mother. There is a special bond between a mother and her child, and people automatically respond to that by offering the mother comfort, condolences, hugs, shared tears and shared stories. A woman’s typical response to child loss—crying, wanting to talk, wanting to be with others who share her sorrow, lends itself to having others gather round in a circle of support.

The father’s experience may be very different. After his son died, a friend wrote, “It didn’t take long to realize that grief for the father of a child was going to be different. When the first people started coming to the house after the death of our son, the question seemed to ring, Where is your wife? How is she doing? In their minds they realized she had lost a son. She would be grieving the loss. She would be having a hard time, but as for me, the father, they seemed to think I wouldn’t miss him at all. There seemed to be a consensus that the mother suffers the loss but the father doesn’t. Neighbors would walk by me on their way to see my wife. They would comfort her. ‘We are so sorry,’ they would say. ‘Is there anything we can do? How hard this must be for you.’ All this time I stood there too.”

...After the initial overwhelming sorrow, often accompanied by tears, he accepts the obvious fact that their child is gone. He may struggle with overwhelming guilt—as the protector, he perceives that he has failed. His child has died and he did not prevent this from happening, but instead allowed this terrible grief and loss to touch his family. Unrealistic as this is, it can be an overwhelming burden, driven home by the constant tears and grief of his wife. He wants her to understand that he did not mean for this to happen, and he may redouble his efforts at supporting his family, caring for them, working long hours and being the best possible provider, all the while knowing that nothing he does can bring the child back...

Men often express their love and grief through projects, whether or not related directly to the lost child. He may build a fountain in the yard, or finish the deck where his child had so looked forward to playing. He may be interested in joining an effort such as a benefit run to help defeat the disease that took his child. If communication is open between parents, common ground can be found where both can work together on something mutually healing, thus drawing them closer together. Communication is the key that allows everyone to grieve in their own way while being supported by the rest of the family..."

written by

Carol A. Ranney
Family Grief & Bereavement Examiner

Angel Baby - private parent support group

uniquegowns13@gmail.com (Unique Gowns) — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 04:29:00 +0000

The Do's and Don't's Of Supporting An Angel Mummy

uniquegowns13@gmail.com (Unique Gowns) — Sat, 13 Jun 2009 14:01:00 +0000

Advice For Those Who Haven't Lost

written by Christie Wildman

So you know an angel mummy, she has lost her child maybe through miscarriage, still birth or after birth, maybe a few yrs after they've been born. You want to help? You think she should pul her socks up maybe? Well please read and see if you still think you are helping:

DON'T:

1) Tell her to 'get over it' - These are the cruelest words anyone could ever say, 2 weeks, 2 months 2 years, 2 decades a mother will NEVER get over losing her child! But in time and with lots of support she will learn to live with it better.

2) Say 'at least you can have more/you already have children'. - This makes absolutely no difference to the child we have lost. You wouldn't expect not to grieve a sister cos you have 2 or 3 more, or a friend cos you have another. No parent should ever have to lose a child, period!

3) Say 'your child didn't look right', - if you are lucky enough to have seen pictures of an angel it's because you were considered special enough to do so, an angel mummy doesn't share lightly. Since beauty shines from within who are you to judge?

4) Wait for an invite - The worst thing ppl can do is stay away. The last thing an angel mother will ever do is ask for help, knock the door and ask if she'd like some company. She will be able to tell you if she wants to be alone, but staying away makes her think you don't care.

5) Feel awkward when she 'talks about the dead baby again'. Grief is individual, for me talking about my angel keeps her alive as it does for many angel mummies, but on the other hand still respect a mummy who can't yet bring herself to talk.

6) Say I knew a woman who went through it, then compare - It doesn't matter if that woman had 10 more kids and is ok, that doesn't mean we will be!!!!!!

DO:

1) Say 'I don't understand what you are going through, but I am here for you' and mean it. Just saying it is forming empty words, if you've told her she can call you morining noon or night leave your phone on, make time!

2) Tell a mummy you feel sad at her loss, that you were looking forward to knowing her child. That you are so sad this will never happen.

3) Ask if the mummy has anything she'd like to share with you, photo's, cards, a memory box maybe. It tells the mummy that her child was thought of and loved.

4) Offer to help, whether that be making tea, giving her a facial (maybe even a cuddle) or looking after the other kids so she can have a few minutes to grieve privately or do something to make her feel ok for the briefest of moments.

5) Cry if you need to, a mummy appreciates all who help, but it's those that cry with her that stay close to her heart.

6) Listen, maybe the most important thing of all. It doesn't matter if she's talked it over a thousand times, she will do so a thousand more, listening could just save that angel mummy's life one day.

7) Make time to visit her child's resting place, this smallest of gestures means so much, being too busy just doesn't cut it, surely you can spare 15 minutes out of your day once in a while?For anyone reading, I don't mean to sound harsh, but so many good friendships fall apart after loss,that I felt I needed to get this down for all the angel mummies out there!

POEM

uniquegowns13@gmail.com (Unique Gowns) — Fri, 12 Jun 2009 14:56:00 +0000

What a grieving mother really thinks

Hello old friend,

Oh yes you know

I lost my child a while ago.

No, no pleaseDon’t look away

And change the subject

It’s ok.

You see at first I couldn’t feel,

It took so long, but now it’s real.

I hurt so much inside you see

I need to talk,

Come sit with me?

You see,

I was numb for so very long,

And people said,

“My, she is so strong.”

They did not know I couldn’t feel,

My broken heart made all unreal.

But then one day, as I awoke

I clutched my chest,

began to choke,

Such a scream,

such a wail,

Broke from me..

My child!

The horror of reality.

But everyone has moved on,

you see,everyone except for me.

Now, when I need friends most of all,

Between us there now stands a wall.

My pain is more than they can bear,

When I mention my child,

I see their blank stare.

“But I thought you were over it,

”Their eyes seem to say-

-No, no,

I can’t listen to this, not today.

So I smile and pretend, and say,

“Oh, I’m ok”.

But inside I am crying,

as I turn away.

And so my old friend,

I shall paint on a smile,

As I have from the start,

You never knowing all the while,

All I’ve just said to you in my heart.

UK charity ARC

uniquegowns13@gmail.com (Unique Gowns) — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 22:46:00 +0000

Antenatal Results and Choices -A national charity

providing non-directive support & information

UK charity ARC provides non-directive support and information to parents throughout the antenatal testing process, and where there has been a diagnosis of fetal abnormality.

"...Its an organisation for parents who are having to deal with ending a wanted pregnancy for reasons such as abnormalities.Thank god such an organisation exisits, I dont know how me and other mummies on the ARC site could cope without each others support.~ angel mummy ~ "

Current News

uniquegowns13@gmail.com (Unique Gowns) — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 05:23:00 +0000

So much is happening in my life at the moment , I really do wonder how I manage to fit it all in ?

Currently my website is getting a make over. Alan dad to precious angel Lockie is giving it a "fresh" look .I am so looking forward to the unveiling. As you can see my blog address in no longer at Blogger . Alan has already "found " it a new home :)

At the same time Alan and Tabby started to combine their creative skills to work on a new exciting surprise for our Angel Baby community.

I will tell you more about it at a later time ....

Update on fb : with the help from angel parents we are building

Unique Christening Gowns fb Fan page

I have invited Tanya in UK , Lynda USA to be admins on Fan support page. Our Angel Baby group members come from corners of the globe and I know both of you do agree it is such a vibrant supportive group to be a part of. I am really proud of the wonderful community we have created and will open our loving arms to angel mummies and daddies who do reach out for help. This brand new Support Page is meant to create awareness for the extended family members how really lonely angel parents feel at times and hope that it will serve well to provide "hands on " information . Together with the amazing support from our fb angel parent community we will be responding to your questions.

Precious angel Noah

uniquegowns13@gmail.com (Unique Gowns) — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 04:55:00 +0000

A new star will be alight on our sky tonight.

Please pray for the tiny precious angel Noah

and for the angel family.

May God give them strength

xoxox