Family Blog

Thinking

2012-05-29T09:26:00.003-06:00

I was just thinking about the mormon scriptures in the end of the book, there is a promise in Moroni 10:3-4 it reads:

3 Behold, I would exhort you that when ye shall read these things, if it be wisdom in God that ye should read them, that ye would remember how ^amerciful the Lord hath been unto the children of men, from the creation of Adam even down until the time that ye shall receive these things, and ^bponder it in your ^chearts.

4 And when ye shall receive these things, I would exhort you that ye would ^aask God, the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if these things are not ^btrue; and if ye shall ask with a ^csincere heart, with ^dreal intent, having ^efaith in Christ, he will ^fmanifest the ^gtruthof it unto you, by the power of the Holy Ghost.

What I was taught my entire life is to ask if those things in the BofM and the church are true and of god; however, a close reading of verse 4 does NOT say that....read it again; read it carefully. It says, "ask God, the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if these things are NOT true;"

I was not taught to ask if they were NOT true, but the opposite, if there WERE true.
Damn~ now I have to go back and re-ask if they are NOT true ::sarcasm::

Just a thought, be sure you know what you are to pray for....

Evolution

2012-05-20T10:14:00.000-06:00

This is my take on Evolution:

Things change.

In order for a species to survive, it must change or adapt to its environment to survive. A species that is resistant to change will not survive.

A species that has adapted to its environment is better able to survive. Dawrin shows this in: Adaptation is the process that makes organisms better suited to their habitat.^[153]^[154] Also, the term adaptation may refer to a trait that is important for an organism's survival. For example, the adaptation of horses' teeth to the grinding of grass. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Evolution

If a person becomes rigid in their thoughts or actions, then they are not able to accept change. If they are not able to accept change, they are not able to adapt to survive.

When I was confronted with new information about the mormon church, I had to either accept it, or adapt to it, or become rigid and not accept it.

As I have often contemplated why I was able to eventually accept this new information and adapt to it, act on it, and leave the mormon church, I have wondered why so many others, when given this same information are not able to make the same changes in their lives.

Even though making changes in my life meant a great deal of anxiety, heartache and pain, I was able to adapt to the changes necessary.

I have come to believe that it is this fundamental idea that has helped me accept and change my circumstances and others have not.

I have the genetic ability to adapt and change, and others lack this ability to do so.

This is my working hypothesis and I'm sticking to it.

The Irony

2012-05-19T07:13:00.001-06:00

From the time I was a teenager, I have been curious about learning all things mormon. There were two things that troubled me. I didn't understand the mysteries contained in the Bible; and the temple. I became obsessed with understanding. I felt that my eternal salvation depended on understanding the symbolism in the temple and the Bible, especially the book of Revelation.

As a teen, I even read parts of a book called Mormonism and Masonry. I didn't really understand it, however, since I hadn't been through the temple and I didn't understand what Masonry was, at the time.

I obsessed about going through the temple, wanting all things that god had to offer. After going through, I wanted nothing more to do with it, thinking it bizarre and cult like. I didn't understand it. I was told that I wasn't *worthy* enough to understand all of its symbolism. I was told that, 'all would be revealed upon my righteousness.' I then tried to live in a way to make me worthy.

I studied the scriptures voraciously. I read the bible, the BofM, the PofGP, multiple times. I read commentaries on all of them. I found stuff on the internet. I found stuff written by other religions. I attended other religions, hoping that all knowledge would open my eyes. I spent hundreds of dollars on books to help my understanding.

I tried to live the most righteous life I possibly could. I accepted each calling, even when these callings didn't fall in line with what my patriarchal blessing said these callings should be (my blessing said I would be a leader of other women, that I would rise to great heights of leadership; few of the callings I received, however fit into this category). I questioned everything. I researched, I studied, I prayed, I did all these things in an effort to understand the mystery of the temple and the Book of Revelation.

I believed the mormon scriptures that said that all knowledge is of god, that if we seek after good things, it was a good thing. The more I searched, the more confused I was. I found out that the way the Bible was put together was not how I was taught in church. It was very fascinating, but not necessarily inspired by god. I found out that the Greek and Roman and previous gods that were worshiped by other nations had a great influence on the Jews and eventually the religion that became the Christians. I discovered that there were many, many books that could have been included in the Bible. I found out the books in the NT were not written by the men that carry their names. The most recent research on the Book of Revelation is the most fascinating. Its author concludes that it wasn't meant to be an end-of-days book about our time, but a political commentary about the Roman government and about the time period it was written in. Of course, this only makes sense, once a person is able to step back and be objective. http://www.newyorker.com/arts/critics/books/2012/03/05/120305crbo_books_gopnik?currentPage=all Elaine Pagel, The Book of Revelation

I found out that Joseph Smith and nearly all of the early leaders in the mormon church were Masons. I found out that all the symbols on the Nauvoo and Salt Lake Temple are not religious symbols, but Masonic symbols. I didn't need to look at anti- sources for this, but to mormon sources:

The History of the Church records Smith's entrance into the Masonic lodge in 1842:

"Tuesday, 15.—I officiated as grand chaplain at the installation of the Nauvoo Lodge of Free Masons, at the Grove near the Temple. Grand Master Jonas, of Columbus, being present, a large number of people assembled on the occasion. The day was exceedingly fine; all things were done in order, and universal satisfaction was manifested. In the evening I received the first degree in Free Masonry in the Nauvoo Lodge, assembled in my general business office." (History of the Church, by Joseph Smith, Deseret Book, 1978, Vol.4, Ch.32, p.550-1)

The next day Smith recorded:

"Wednesday, March 16.—I was with the Masonic Lodge and rose to the sublime degree." (History of the Church, Vol.4, Ch.32, p.552)

The Mormon involvement in Freemasonry reached its heights during the early 1840's in Nauvoo. In the Encyclopedia of Mormonism we read:

"The introduction of Freemasonry in NAUVOO had both political and religious implications....Eventually nearly 1,500 LDS men became associated with Illinois Freemasonry, including many members of the Church's governing priesthood bodies—this at a time when the total number of non-LDS Masons in Illinois lodges barely reached 150." (Encyclopedia of Mormonism, vol.2, p.527)

I learned that the Kirkland temple was vastly different in design, worship and openness than the Nauvoo temple. Why? This is a question that will never be answered by mormon leadership. Why? Because it means opening up dirty little secrets like polygamy: http://www.i4m.com/think/temples/temple_legacy.htm
http://www.utlm.org/onlineresources/masonicsymbolsandtheldstemple.htm

I learned that I was lied to. God doesn't have secret handshakes to get us into heaven. God doesn't require women to cover their faces to pray. God doesn't require men to take women's hands to get women into heaven. God doesn't require polygamy to get into heaven. God doesn't require women to submit to men. God doesn't have an end-of-day plan written in secret-hard-to-interpret writings.

The irony: My quest to seek further knowledge, wisdom, truth and spirituality lead me out of the mormon church. Only by leaving, did I find the truth.

Possible

2012-04-03T23:55:00.000-06:00

Is it possible that Brigham Young, the man that BYU is named after, is not considered a prophet of the LDS church?

If he is no longer considered a prophet, is it possible that the entire church is based on a lie?

Is it possible?
http://thelastword.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/04/03/10991815-romney-dodges-question-on-mormonism

Closed System

2012-04-01T19:45:00.001-06:00

Everyone has a need to belong, its part of Maslow's hierarchy of needs. When we belong to any social group, be it a family or an organization, we can often make rational decisions about how we think or feel within that system. An open system allows for logic, reason, and the sharing of emotions. A closed system does does not allow for dissent or expression of the individual.
http://www.exmormon.org/pattern/dbmormon.htm

There are 7 stages to a closed system and the emotions attached.

Stage 1: A question is asked to a presented problem, but no real answers are given. The result is anxiety.
If a person is looking to buy a home, they research; look at many options, ask lots of questions, bring in an appraiser, and feel satisfied they are getting what they are paying for. For many people this doesn't happen, however. A person has a loss, such as the loss of a child; and they feel vulnerable. In step the missionaries who give them hope. There is no real investigation into all religions or beliefs.

Stage 2: The agreement. The resulting emotion is ambiguity. This is also known as the Yes-But
*A person's patriarch blessing says they will get married and have lots of children. They can't conceive. They are told they will have children in the life here-after.
*A person is told if the pay tithing they will be blessed. They struggle financially. They are told their blessings are not of the material kind.
*A person develops cancer and receives a blessing that they will be healed. They continue to deteriorate. They are told they need to have more faith.
*A person is told if they wear their garments they will be protected. They are injured in a car accident. They are told the injuries would have been worse if they hadn't been wearing their garments.
*A person prays to have a testimony. They do not receive a burning in their bossom. They are told they need to pray more and have more faith.

When there is no direct answers, the result is
Stage 3: Identity Crisis. The resulting emotion is confusion and ambiguity.
... in order to become worthy, eventually, you must take an oath that all you own, including yourself, belongs to the Church; this is the hidden part of the meat of the original contract. Once received, the Church promises to give back to you, as a gift, that which you had formerly owned ... if you become worthy ... at some point in the unknown future.

This is a crucial stage; it is the wedge that opens the door to a the final voluntary loss of Identity. It begins with an insertion into the agreement of a "But." http://www.exmormon.org/pattern/2stage3.htm

Stage 4: The Double-bind. The resulting emotions are guilt and fear.
A promise was made back in stage one, but instead of being fulfilled, in stages two and three, a BUT was put in its place. Now there is an excuse for not receiving the promise. The burden is now put on the individual for not receiving the promise. They are made to feel guilty for not doing what they are supposed to do for not receiving the promise. They are made to feel fear if they do not hold up some end of a bargain to eternity to gain the promise.

This is the double bind; damned if you do and damned if you don't.
*IF you received a burning in your bosom, you now have to work to remain worthy of that; IF you don't work to retain that you will lose your reward and be damned.
IF you didn't receive the burning in your bosom, you don't have enough faith.

*IF you have sex before marriage, you are violating your body.
IF you don't have sex, you are evil, since you are commanded to have children.

*IF you speak of the temple oaths, you will be damned
IF you don't speak of them, are silenced by guilt and fear and are going against yourself.

*IF you educate yourself as a woman, as the D&C says, you are increasing in intelligence
IF you educate yourself as a woman, you are violating the counsel to only be a wife and mother

Boyd P. Packer said that reason is the enemy of God, and a state of war has been declared against it. He says, "In an effort to be objective, impartial, and scholarly, a writer or a teacher may unwittingly be giving equal time to the adversary... In the Church we are not neutral. We are one-sided. There is a war going on, and we are engaged in it." (From his talk: Do not spread disease germs!) The Closed System is "one-sided" (only non-brain faith is allowed). On the one hand, it turns its back on reason, the Open System; on the other hand, it claims "reason" in "lip service." The dual personality in Mormonism is the "Yes," reason, "But," at the same time, it is "non-reason." http://www.exmormon.org/pattern/stage4.htm

Stage 5: Denial. The resulting emotion is Humiliation.
There is no more individuality, only the body of the organization. There is no more unique thought, only the group think. There is no more questioning or critical thought. There is only silence, obedience and denial. Words like, 'paradise, new world order, Zion, the Elite, sacred not secret' are used.

But the leaders are only the man behind the curtain, pretending the something that they are not. There is a Zig to the Zag.

The Zig: The organization is family oriented. The Zag: If you leave the organization, then you leave the family behind, and you will lose your family forever.

The Zig: People feel they have a place to fit in when they join. The Zag: People who don't belong are ostracized and there's a feeling of elitism within the ranks of those within.

The Zig: The glory of god is intelligenge. The Zag: Don't look outside official sources for knowledge, they may be evil.

The Zig: faith is the essence. The Zag: Obedience above all else.

Stage 6: Accusation; we can never be good forever, so when we fail, it leads to the emotions of guilt and shame.

In other Christian religions, they believe that Jesus' grace covers sin; works do not get us into heaven. When it is our works that get us into heaven, it is up to us, the YES-BUT
When we fail to fully live up to the BUT part, the result is guilt and shame. It just isn't possible to do all that is asked.

There is a bait and switch. We are taught one thing in the church, (the bait) then an entirely different thing in the temple (the switch). Here is how one person presents it: "The first time I personally ever had doubts was when I went to the temple for the first time in the l980s. The whole concept of the temple was a great thing I thought at the time. Here I could be sealed to my family forever. Here I could help others who never had a chance to receive "ordinances" necessary for salvation receive them. When I actually went through to get my own endowment however, I was horrified by what went on, but I didn't say anything--similar to many Mormons. Not only was there nothing spiritual about the experience, the way the endowment is presented smells of cultism. You are instructed early on in the endowment that you can withdrawal rather than go through the ceremony. Of course no one withdrawals because you have no idea what is going to happen, you have your family and friends all sitting around you, and nothing has happened yet to incline anyone to withdrawal. The next thing you know, you have taken a series of vows in unison with everyone else which hardly resemble anything you normally do in your LDS experience. Before 1990, you also had extreme penalties or "bloody oaths" associated with the violation of any of these vows."
Post #12 http://www.exmormon.org/pattern/stage6.htm

Stage 7: Punishment. The resulting emotion is subjection/compulsion.

If a member feels the compulsion to leave the group, the result will be shaming that member by telling them they have sinned, they will never know happiness, they will not be a part of the group.

Abandonment, depression, suicide for not conforming are common.

Stage 8: Voluntary Union: Love/Hate is the resulting emotions.

If acceptance of the group is the result, the brain washing is the result and a person loses their individuality for good.

Stage 9: Cannibalism. The resulting emotion is suicide.

This is the most real quote: "The LDS church claims to be led by men of God. They are supposed to receive direct revelation from Him. Yet this is a church that turns away from the needs of both its men and its women, a church that will not acknowledge the child abuse/incest that goes on between some of its members--abuse that destroys children and steals their childhood, that creates wounds they carry the rest of their lives. Women in the church--some women, by no means all--are just as scarred and scared, just as abused. Yet those in authority will not deal with these issues. Nor will they deal with women who feel it extremely unfair that they are still to be "subservient" to their husbands, that they are not equal to their husbands, not even in the eyes of the LDS God. Mormonism is a patriarchy. For some, this is an acceptable way to live. For others, it's a torture chamber. Their treatment of homosexuals seeking help is appalling. While I am not gay, I was involved with a gay member of the church, and the hell he was put through--even as he begged for help--was appalling. Instead of self-acceptance for EVERY member, the church teaches conditional love ... To claim that it's God's will that people be hurt this way is emotionally, mentally and spiritually abusive."

Post #69 See: Stages 2-3, 4, 5. #69. http://www.exmormon.org/pattern/stage9.htm

Fear and shame and guilt are no way to run an organization.

Love and acceptance and an open system.

No more subjugating!

2012-03-27T09:55:00.000-06:00

Jimmy Carter recently announced his departure from his long held religious organization due to its treatment of women. He, like so many of us, tried to bring change from within, but found its leaders entrenched in dogma and traditions counter to the health of equality, unconditional love and fairness.

When it is impossible to bring change from within an organization and a person finds their morals, values, dignity and ideals being compromised by staying, then the only choice is to leave. I understand this only too well.

Here is a quote from Jimmy Carter:
The truth is that male religious leaders have had -- and still have -- an option to interpret holy teachings either to exalt or subjugate women. They have, for their own selfish ends, overwhelmingly chosen the latter. Their continuing choice provides the foundation or justification for much of the pervasive persecution and abuse of women throughout the world. http://www.politicsdaily.com/2009/07/20/jimmy-carter-leaves-church-over-treatment-of-women/

I hope more people, from all religious groups that subjugate women; stand up and leave. It is the only way to let them know that we are mad as hell and aren't going to take it anymore!

Ten Issues

2012-03-22T09:32:00.004-06:00

This is an excellent video that explains ten issues with the church:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ac_fLUHiBw&feature=youtu.be

Here is a brief summary:
1. Virtually all information about the church comes from the church itself
2. The Book of Abraham--contradictions with Egyptologists
3. The first vision--major contradictions and historical inaccuracies
4. The Book of Mormon
5. The temple-- history and changes

Perfection?

2012-03-17T09:28:00.000-06:00

In the mormon church, we were told, 'be ye therefore perfect, even as your father in heaven is perfect.'

Even though we were told this was not to be something to be achieved in this life, everyone still expected everyone else to pretend to be perfect.

The definition of what it meant to be perfect was also very narrowly defined.

A young man named Henry who lived in California tried so desperately to be perfect. But you see, he was also gay. You can't be gay and perfect in the mormon church. He tried so hard to change being gay. He couldn't, so he did what so many other gay youth in the mormon church are doing-- he committed suicide. http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1975981914/a-stranger-at-the-table-why-god-hates-gay-mormons

Although I cannot completely understand his struggle, since I have never questioned my sexual orientation, I do understand his struggle with the concept of trying to be perfect, and especially such a narrow view of what perfection is; and if you can't be perfect, pretend to be something that you are not.

Not being your authentic self, leads to frustration, disappointment in yourself, a life of sadness and unhappiness. Like so many people discover, it leads to suicide or attempts at suicide.

I know how it feels to strive for perfection and always failing; never being good enough for the church or your family; always trying to be someone you are not and feeling as though your authentic self is not good enough for the church, your family or god.

The mantra to be perfect is at odds with loving yourself and others.

Perception

2012-02-28T19:13:00.000-07:00

When I was a child, I was put in a program where a college student worked with me once a week. I don't know why I was put in this program or what the purpose was. I was very shy, I suppose she was supposed to help me with my shyness, I don't know; this isn't really the point.

One day, she took me to her apartment and fixed me some Tang. I didn't know what Tang was, I only knew that I had never tasted it before since my Mom never bought it for our family. I had somehow gotten the impression that if my Mom didn't buy it for our family, it was bad and wrong. I told the college student I couldn't drink it because it was bad for me. She was incredulous and asked what was bad about it. I couldn't tell, her, only that my Mom never bought it.

I realize now, that I had put it in the same category as tea and coffee and cigarettes and alcohol. Why? Because of the mind of a child; if my family didn't consume it, it must be bad for you. I perceived it as bad because it wasn't in our home.

I grew up in a church that taught me that drinking tea and coffee and wine is bad for you. They placed a value on it that I accepted because they told me to. Even when I would read things in the news that contradicted what I was told, my perceptions didn't change.

Then one day, I grew up and decided that I was capable of changing my perceptions. As I opened my mind to different perceptions, I read and studied and learned that it was okay to value things differently than what I was taught as a child.

I changed my perceptions.
I was told by those in my former religion that I was a sinner.
I told them no, I had only changed my perceptions.

Communication Styles

2012-02-26T12:35:00.000-07:00

How to communicate; lesson I
When they ask a question, give an answer or ask a question if unsure of what is asked.

lesson II
When they make a statement, listen.

lesson III
When they give an opinion, respect it.

lesson IV
When they cry, act upset, nervous, ask questions to discover why.

lesson V
When a problem arises, look for solutions.

How to create barriers, lesson I
When they ask a question, demand what they are asking or tell them they are wrong for asking a stupid question or call them names.

lesson II
When they make a statement, tell them they are wrong for making such a stupid or erroneous statement, roll your eyes.

lesson III
When they give an opinion, show contempt for their opinion and demean it, walk away, show disgust.

lesson IV
When they cry, act upset, nervous; fold your arms, turn your head away, cross your legs, walk out on them.

lesson V
When a problem arises, show anger for your partner and let them know that the problem is theirs alone to solve or blame them.

If you want to assure a divorce, the best way is negative communication styles: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/robert-hughes/why-do-happy-newlyweds-ev_b_1269205.html?ref=divorce

Here is the best quote from the article: "Although there were no differences in the degree of positive communication, there were notable differences in negative communication patterns. Couples who eventually divorced displayed more anger and contempt for their partners. When solving problems, they were more likely to disagree, and blame and invalidate the feelings of each other."

This was the single most defining moments in what led to my divorce. I was tired of being marginalized, walked out on, being told that every problem was mine alone to be solved, and that my emotions didn't count.

Help the Living

2012-02-25T12:57:00.000-07:00

There has been a lot written lately about the morg's baptisms for the dead. I do not like the practice.
I disagree with the requirement for baptism as a requirement to be saved for the living, why do the dead have to be baptized?

Here is a link to a PDF that summerizes the history of how the Mormon church is linked to a group called the Campbellites: http://www.njiat.com/JunePDFs/Campbellism%20and%20the%20Church%20of%20Christ%2004_30_09.pdf

In this, it is detailed why baptism is not necessary for salvation. If baptism is not necessary for the living, it is not necessary for the dead. Here is direct quotes for the above link:

The Reasons Why Baptism Is Not Essential for Salvation

2. Jesus never baptized anyone. If baptism is essential for salvation, then Jesus
never saved anyone.
3. Paul did not view baptism as part of the Gospel (1 Cor: 1:14-17).
4 John’s baptism did not save anyone, even though it was “unto remission of
sins” (Mk.1:4; cf. Acts 19:1-5).
5. Since there is only one God, there is only one way of salvation (Rom 3:28-30).
This means that whatever is necessary for salvation today was also necessary
during O.T. times.
6. The Gospel of justification by faith alone apart from obedience to God’s
commands is taught in both O.T. and the N.T. (Rom 1:1-2).
Abraham: before the Law (Rom 1:1-2).
David: after the Law (Rom. 4:6-8)
Habakkuk: in the Prophets (Rom. 1:17)
7. Baptism is the N.T. parallel of circumcision, just as the Lord’s Supper is the
parallel of the Passover (Col. 2:11-12). Since circumcision was not essential for
salvation, then neither is baptism.
8. Abraham was saved before he was circumcised in order to emphasize that
salvation was by faith alone apart from obedience to God’s commands, and
that the Gentiles would be saved by faith alone apart from obedience to any
command such as baptism (Rom. 4:9-11, 16, 23-5:2).
9. Cornelius was saved and baptized by the Holy Spirit before he was baptized
(Acts 10:44-48). This passage clearly refutes baptismal regeneration.
10. Baptismal regeneration:
a) makes salvation depend on the availability of water
b) makes salvation depend on the availability of a Campbellite preacher
c) confuses the symbol with the reality
d) makes faith and obedience the same thing
e) is based on a superstitious and magical view of baptism.

11. The thief on the cross was saved without baptism. The Campbellite argument
that he was saved under the O.T. way of salvation is not possible, seeing that
Christ had already died on the cross and finished the atonement before the thief
died. The thief belongs on the N.T. side of the cross, and not on the O.T. side.

What if the mormon church used the millions and millions of dollars it spends to build and run its temples on helping people who are alive, to build water wells in Africa, to build housing in Haiti, to feel the poor?

Not Good for Women VII

2012-02-11T17:40:00.000-07:00

Progressive, forward thinking, working women, artists. The mormon ads portray the women in the mormon church as all of these things. Yet, is this really the belief of the leaders and doctrine in the church?

Try on this latest quote:

‎"The most important thing for a woman in this life is to be the wife of a worthy

priesthood holder and the mother of his children."

"We know that every father can, or should be, an officer in the priesthood,

meaning that he holds the priesthood and presides over his family in

righteousness."

Boyd K. Packer

Saturday, February 11, 2012http://www.lds.org/broadcasts/article/worldwide-leadership-training/2012/02/priesthood-power-in-the-home?lang=eng

Note the date.

The man presides OVER his family. Wow. Not the words that translate into equality.

Not the attitude of a progressive church that treats women as equals.

Not of God?

2012-02-08T20:11:00.000-07:00

I stopped believing in the infallibility of the leaders. I stopped attending the temple. I then stopped attending church on a regular basis. I stopped reading all the church publications. I then stopped paying tithing. Leaving was a process for me, not an event.

Part of me wanted to still believe. Part of me wanted to one day return, because I knew nothing else. Then I saw a video on the Book of Abraham. After that, I knew there was no going back. I knew it was all a fraud. I could not live a fraud.

Do you know what it means to publish peer reviewed articles and books? "Peer Review is a process that journals use to ensure the articles they publish represent the best scholarship currently available. When an article is submitted to a peer reviewed journal, the editors send it out to other scholars in the same field (the author's peers) to get their opinion on the quality of the scholarship, its relevance to the field, its appropriateness for the journal, etc.

Publications that don't use peer review (Time, Cosmo, Salon) just rely on the judgement of the editors whether an article is up to snuff or not. That's why you can't count on them for solid, scientific scholarship.http://www.lib.utexas.edu/lsl/help/modules/peer.html

The mormon scholars do not use peer reviews to establish articles, opinions, facts, etc. they publish on DNA, archaeology, BofM or PofGP research they publish. Why is this important? Because it then cannot be verified or substantiated.

"Robert K. Ritner is currently Professor of Egyptology at the Oriental Instituteof the University of Chicago and was from 1991-1996 the first Marilyn M. Simpson Assistant Professor of Egyptology at Yale University. Dr. Ritner specializes in Roman, Hellenistic, Late and Third Intermediate Period (Libyan and Nubian) Egypt and is the author of the book The Mechanics of Ancient Egyptian Magical Practice, and over 100 publications on Egyptian religion, magic, medicine, language and literature, as well as social and political history. He has lectured extensively on each of these topics throughout the United States, Europe and Egypt. In association with The Field Museum of Chicago, Dr. Ritner was the academic advisor to two recent British Museum exhibits “Cleopatra of Egypt: From History to Myth,” and “Eternal Egypt,” and he has served as consultant and lecturer for the travelling Cairo Museum exhibit “Quest for Immortality: Treasures of Ancient Egypt.”http://nelc.uchicago.edu/faculty/ritner

Why do I care about Robert Ritner's credentials? Because he has this to say about the Book of Abraham: Now, for the first time, the surviving papyri have been translated into English in their entirety. In analyzing and translating the ancient texts, Robert K. Ritner, foremost American scholar of Egyptology, has determined that they were prepared for deceased men and women in Thebes during the Greco-Roman period. They have nothing to do with Abraham, Joseph, or a planet called Kolob, as Smith had claimed. http://signaturebooks.com/2012/02/scholar-says-mormon-scripture-not-an-egyptian-translation/

He also has this to say, "“Except for those willfully blind,” writes Professor Ritner of the University of Chicago’s Oriental Institute, “the case is closed.” In his new book, The Joseph Smith Egyptian Papyri: A Complete Edition, he also accuses two scholars of Egyptology at Mormon-owned Brigham Young University of borrowing and distorting his own writings in trying to defend Smith’s interpretations as authentically translated Egyptian." http://signaturebooks.com/2012/02/scholar-says-mormon-scripture-not-an-egyptian-translation/

So it remains, if the Book of Abraham is not a translation from Joseph Smith, then how can he possibly be a prophet of god?

Why They Leave?

2012-02-06T22:37:00.002-07:00

'You are so angry'
'You are so hateful'
'You will only be happy again when you come back to church'
'You are unhappy because you are sinning'
'You will only be at peace when you leave your sinful life behind and begin attending church again'
'Tithing has natural consequences if you don't pay to the church'

These are all things I have been told when I stopped attending the mormon church. I fundamentally reject all of them. I have never been happier or more at peace since leaving. I have told many people,

'Good things happen to good people; bad things happen to bad people.
Bad things happen to bad people; bad things happen to good people.
This isn't religion, this is life.'

When I stopped paying tithing, I was so afraid that god was going to reach out and punish me. That didn't happen. I went from working a minimum waged job-part-time job, to a full time job, to a full time job with benefits. I have been able to support my children. Why? Because I worked damn hard and took extra classes to supplement my education. That is life. God had nothing to do with it. Neither did paying or not paying tithing.

It is easy for people who live their lives by certain values to then judge everyone by those same values. People who pay tithing have been told all their lives that if they pay, they will be blessed. Yet, statistics show that those same people are no more financially well off than those who don't pay tithing. Also, there are more filings for bankruptcies in the state of Utah than any other state. http://www.exmormon.org/mormon/mormon356.htm

I was told my entire life as a mormon that those who leave, do so for only a few reasons: 'You want to sin'; 'You have been offended'; 'You are too lazy to walk the straight and narrow path'.

There is a new survey that shows these assumptions to be false:
http://whymormonsleave.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/WhyTheyLeave_30Jan2012v4.pdf

Here is an excerpt:

Reasons why People Lose Faith
If you no longer believe that the LDS church is the true church (and once
did), which of the following were factors in your loss of belief:
Moderate to Strong Factor Primary Factor
I lost faith in Joseph Smith 81% 39%
I studied church history and lost my belief 84% 39%
I ceased to believe in the church's doctrine/theology 87% 38%
I lost faith in the Book of Mormon 79% 35%
I re-evaluted what it means to believe/know, and realized
that I never really believed. 52% 18%
I lost confidence in the general authorities 71% 18%
Church's stance on homosexuals / Prop 8 68% 15%
I did not feel spiritually edified at church 67% 15%
Church's stance on women 70% 14%
I became bothered by church culture
(e.g. conservative politics, etc.) 57% 11%
I lost my faith in God 39% 11%
Church's stance on science-related matters 64% 9%
I lost my faith in Jesus 39% 8%
I lost confidence in my local church leadership 41% 8%
Church's stance on race issues (blacks, native
Americans, etc.) 72% 7%
I did not receive the promised spiritual witness 37% 6%
I received a spiritual witness to leave the church and go
elsewhere 18% 5%
I or someone I loved was abused by someone in the church.12% 3%
I wanted to engage in behaviors viewed as sinful by the
church (e.g. alcohol, extra-marital sex)
8% 1%
I was offended by someone in the church. 8% 1%
Lack of meaningful friendships within the church 13% 1%

Regrets

2012-01-29T19:31:00.001-07:00

Some people say they live life with no regrets. I don't understand that.

This weekend I was watching home videos of Mr. Lover from his early 20's. He had a speed boat and a great group of friends. They would take his boat and 2 others out to Mojave Lake a few times each summer and camp out and water ski and have a great time. Of course, there was lots of food, alcohol and music.

What was I doing in my early 20's? Serving a mission for the mormon church, getting married and having kids. It's too late now to live that life of freedom and frivolity. I didn't have the opportunity to have a life free of worry and responsibility. I didn't have a life full of friends and happiness and carefree. Instead I had a life of paying bills and work and concern for the future.

Why? Because the mormon church said. They said to get married young, even before you have the ability to sow wild oats, before you have college done, before you are financially settled. Have children right away, even before you are financially ready for them, before you are done with school, before you are settled in a career.

Regrets? Yes, I have a few.

Historical Accuracy

2012-01-15T15:13:00.000-07:00

The internet is open to all who have access to a computer.

I hope that one day, those whom I love will find the information that I have found and will not be afraid of it.
Are these websites accurate? If the mormon church is telling the truth about its history, it will be able to stand up to scrutiny and its leaders and members have nothing to be afraid of if that history is scrutinized:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MFT1YUUDIUI&feature=youtu.be

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pa60T879hDQ&feature=related

http://www.i4m.com/think/images/JS_Polygamy_Timeline.png

http://sidneyrigdon.com/criddle/rigdon2.htm

http://skepticsannotatedbible.com/BOM/sci/long.html

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_the_wives_of_Joseph_Smith

http://sidneyrigdon.com/criddle/rigdon1.htm

And of course, this one is the most important one:

http://freedomofmind.com/Media/blog.php?id=15&title=An_Expert_Responds_to_the_Cult_Controversy_re%3A_Mormonism

Standing for Truth

2012-01-09T22:18:00.000-07:00

Why I am no longer a mormon?

The Church makes no apology for its selective story-telling policies. Boyd K. Packer, a high church official, has said that “some things which are true are not very useful.”

These are exact quotes from the following article. It is time for the people who are members of the mormon church to wake up:
http://www.ripoffreport.com/religion/the-church-of-jesus/the-church-of-jesus-christ-of-b071a.htm
What is it about the LDS Church which warrants the distinction of being singled out as a ripoff? Isn’t the Mormon church just like all the others, taking money from members to fund the day-to-day operations of the church?

Four aspects of how the Mormon Church operates makes it a ripoff:
1.       Since 1959, the LDS Church does not disclose their financial holdings. Why the secrecy? Simple. They are building an empire.
2.       Members who do not pay the prescribed 10% have privileges withheld. This is extortion.
3.       New recruits are not informed of the sordid origins and evidence contradicting the foundational claims of the faith. This is unethical.
4.       Blatant meddling in politics, unethical for a tax-exempt organization.

Since 1959, the LDS has not disclosed their financial vibrancy. Only in the UK and Canada, where it is required by law, does the church come clean with their financial holdings (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Finances_of_The_Church_of_Jesus_Christ_of_Latter-day_Saints). The LDS church stands alone among the major religious denominations in the USA in this secrecy....

MONETARY EXTORTION

Tithing in most religions is considered a gift, but the LDS Church makes it an obligation. Fear is often used as a motivator to get people to pay a full tithing. The member often hears the term 'fire insurance' associated with tithing. He who is tithed shall not be burned at Christ's' 2nd coming. Malachi 8:10 is often quoted - "Will a man rob God, yet ye have robbed me".

The guilt placed upon Latter-day Saints can be considerable. Members are not considered in 'good standing' if they are not paying a full 10% tithe. They cannot attend the temple if they do not pay in full. They cannot have temple-related callings or any high-profile positions if not full tithe-payers. And those who are full tithe-payers are often counseled to then start paying generous fast offerings, contributing to the missionary fund, etc. Extracting as much money as possible is the theme, and guilt is always knocking at the door. This is a destructive mind control technique, which in turn reinforces the escalation of commitment human bias.

SHAKY FOUNDATION

The Mormon faith is built on the foundation of a latter-day prophet, Joseph Smith, who was purportedly called by God to restore His true church, this being accomplished by direct revelation and restoration of authority through divine messengers from the heavens in 1820. Besides taking Smith at his word, the primary evidence that the sincere investigator is given to evaluate this claim, are the ‘revelations’ Smith received via translation from Egyptian-type writings; the Book of Mormon and the Book of Abraham, and other ‘revelations’ from Smith.

What the investigator is NOT told, incredibly, is virtually criminal. The sincere investigator deserves to know a bit more than just one side of the story, including:

1. In the trial of 1826, Joseph Smith was brought before the court on charges of fraud (money digging for profit). At this trial, Smith freely admits, under oath, that he was incapable of locating buried treasures using either his peep stone or while being carried away in vision.

2. The method of “translation” of the golden plates which supposedly produced the Book of Mormon was Smith looking into his hat through a peep stone. The golden plates Smith claimed he possessed were never anywhere in sight during the so-called ‘translation’. Every eyewitness account of the translation of the Book of Mormon describes Smith using this peep stone and hat method. Russell M. Nelson, Dallin Oaks, and other church leaders have also confirmed this. Does this sound like a method which would be used by a prophet of God or a con man?

3. It is a documented fact (multiple accounts diaries, personal histories, and the LDS family search website) that Joseph Smith Jr. took multiple plural wives without the knowledge or consent of Emma. If this was a commandment from God, why the secrecy? He persuaded women who were already married to marry him. Five different people (Joseph Smith, Joseph F. Smith, Benjamin F. Johnson, Mary Lighter, and Lorenzo Snow) assert that an angel of God with a sword commanded Joseph to institute polygamy or the angel would slay him.

4. The Book of Mormon cites cattle, elephants, sheep, horses, wheat, silk, chariots, steel, and glass, yet these things were unknown to native stone-age Americans when the European pioneers arrived. And the Book of Mormon makes no mention of what DID exist in abundance on this continent; potatoes, corn, llamas, buffalo, etc. Yet the LDS church claims the book represents an accurate depiction of American history. How does a culture forget how to make wheels?

5. The other LDS canonized scripture which Smith purportedly ‘translated’ from Egyptian is the “Book of Abraham”. The original papyrus scrolls that Smith translated into the Book of Abraham were found in 1967 and authenticated by LDS and independent scholars. Over a half dozen Egyptologists, including the expert hired by the Church, verified that the scrolls are Egyptian funerary documents typically found buried with mummies, and post-date the time of Abraham by 1500 years. The information contained on these scrolls bears zero resemblance to the Book of Abraham and could not have been “in Abrahams own hand” as asserted by Smith. Joseph’s own cross-reference showing the characters and the corresponding meanings is complete nonsense, according to every Egyptologist who has examined the documents, some of which are in Smith’s own hand, according to handwriting analysts.

6.The account of the first vision, where Smith purportedly received, in 1820, his calling from God and Jesus to be a prophet is not reconcilable with historical information. Neither Joseph Smith nor anyone else prior to 1838 referred to the event at all. Smith claimed intense persecution due to the vision as a teen, and it was during a time of “great excitement on the subject of religion”. However, no one, friend or foe, remembers any persecution or even a claim to have experienced a vision prior to 1827.

Not Good for Men

2011-12-30T07:42:00.002-07:00

As I'm being told for the hundredth time, "Why are you so emotional, why can't you be less emotional?" When I ask him why he doesn't show any emotion, he tells me that I show enough for both of us. I decide to try an experiment. Since I want the husband to be more emotional (why can't he express any love toward me? Why can't he show sadness, or excitement, or even happiness when he watches the kids have fun? Anything except anger at me for always being the wrong type person--like now for being too emotional?) I am going to show as little emotion as possible for a year to see if me being less emotional will make him be more emotional.

For a year, I don't get excited, I don't get angry, I don't get sad--nothing. Literally nothing; not from me or from him. My experiment failed, it didn't make him more emotional by me being less emotional. Why?

The roles people are assigned:

I have written a number of blogs about why the church is not good for women. The church is also not good for men. The church has assigned women the role of being nurturers. The women are assigned the role of loving and caring for the family and society. They are given permission to be emotional; they are allowed to love, to care, to be sad, happy, to cry. I can play with my children, hold them, cuddle with them. I can laugh with the husband, hug him, and love him with my whole being.

The husband has been assigned the role of provider. He is allowed to work, provide shelter and be an authority figure. By being assigned this role and denied the role of caretaker, he is not allowed to love or show emotion. Why? This would be beneath him. He is not allowed to partake in this role as a man.

This is how it is in a patriarchal hierarchy. God/church is above man. Man is above women. Man is to preside over women just as God/church presides over man. Man is to preside and lead and provide. Women are to submit and nurture. If men nurture, they are not fulfilling their role, as that role has been assigned to women. It is beneath them. Men are just as much devalued in this system as women are.

Men are not given permission to emotionally attach to women. They are not given permission to emotionally attach to their children. They are not allowed to love, to cry, to care, to show compassion.

When the marriage was in utter chaos, I insisted he see a counselor. He chose a mormon counselor. After the first session with him, the counselor asked to meet with me. He said, "You women send your men to me to fix them. What is it you want me to fix?" I told him right then that the marriage would end in divorce. He didn't get it because he was raised in the very system that messed up the husband. The husband was doing exactly what he was assigned to do, after all; he was providing and presiding. What more did I expect out of him?

I expected him to love me, to care for me, at have an emotional connection with me. The counselor didn't get this because that was not his role to do those things. I was unhappy not being loved and cared for. I needed these in the marriage.

Men are repressed. They, too can break out of the mold.

Reality or delusion

2011-12-27T23:56:00.001-07:00

I had someone tell me all the time, 'My perception is my reality'. I can't even begin to tell you how much I hate this; and on so many levels:
1. Perception does not change reality
2. Reality is fixed, accept it or live in your delusion, but don't try and make the rest of us think the two are the same
3. Perception for you does not change reality for me
4. You can live in your delusion, but don't for a minute think I will follow you there
5. I do not have to accept your perception as my reality
6. You can repeat this statement over and over and it still won't make it my reality
7. Telling me that your perception is my reality does not make it so
8. I used to believe that you living in your delusion didn't change reality. I now understand that your perception can indeed change how you perceive reality, thus it can change how you deal with events in your life and effect and even change your life.

In the book, Unbroken, three men are lost at sea in a raft. Terrible things happen to them. From the start, two of the men optimistic, work for the good of the group, and maintain hope that they will be rescued. The third man is pessimistic, looks out for his own good and eventually looses hope. Because of each man's perception, their reality is formed and fate is eventually set. The third man does not make it out alive.

Did the men's perception change reality? Not really. They were still lost at sea. They still had terrible things happen to them. The two men accepted their fate and thought and worked to survive it. Did their perception of reality help the two survive while leading to the one's death? I now have to admit that is a possibility. Yet, the one who was negative could not change the other two's perception that their situation was hopeless and that they should all give up.

I knew a married couple. He had the perception that she should stay at home and not work and just take care of him. This was boring, unfulfilling for her and as hard as she tried, she could not accept his perception that this should make her happy and fulfilled. He refused to engage her in any conversation about what would fulfill her or make her happy. She eventually divorced him and found happiness and fulfillment. His perceptions about what should be reality were vastly different than hers. He could not bend her will to fit his.

Another person had the perception that they could manipulate the people around them to get what they wanted by bullying them, yelling at them, calling them names. The people around them only became more stubborn in not giving in, began to alienate themselves from this person grew frustrated with this person. This person's perception that they could get their way through making others accept their idea of reality didn't work for them.

Accepting reality for what it is and embracing it and adapting to it and learning to survive and cope and thrive....or live in denial, in hopelessness in despair, in pain.

I choose reality. What do you choose?

Not Good for Women ~ Part VI

2011-12-21T18:41:00.002-07:00

The Blame Game
My house was recently broken into. The sad part is that my daughter left for school that morning and forgot to lock the front door. The teens had easy access, they just turned the handle and wahla, there goes my camera, the Wii, my computer and a few other things.

Who is to blame for this violation? My daughter for leaving the door unlocked or the teens for violating my rights to own and keep my property safe from intrusion?

What about a woman who is raped? Is she to blame? My other daughter participated in the Slut Walk this summer. The purpose of this is to bring awareness to what causes rape. She carried a sign that said, "Sluts don't cause rape, rapists do". The women who participated are hoping to change people's attitudes and bring awareness to this age-old problem, that it is the perpetrator and not the victim who is to blame.

I was raped many years ago. I was taught that it was the woman's responsibility for the rape. She either dressed provocatively, didn't protest loud enough or somehow enticed the guy. Here is a quote from the book, Miracle of Forgiveness, “Also far-reaching is the effect of loss of chastity. Once given or taken or stolen it can never be regained. Even in a forced contact such as rape or incest, the injured one is greatly outraged. If she has not cooperated and contributed to the foul deed, she is of course in a more favorable position. There is no condemnation when there is no voluntary participation. It is better to die in defending one’s virtue than to live having lost it without a struggle.”

- Prophet Spencer W. Kimball, LDS Prophet, The Miracle of Forgiveness, p. 196

And this quote from David O. McKay, “President David O. McKay has pleaded:
Your virtue is worth more than your life. Please, young folk, preserve your virtue even if you lose your lives.”

Or this: “I know what my mother expects. I know what she’s saying in her prayers. She’d rather have me come home dead than unclean.”

- Prophet Gordon B. Hinckley, Conference Report, April 1969, pp. 52-53

Do I wish I were dead? How stupid is that to even ask. I love life, I love my life, I'm so happy to be alive.

I am over the rape. I am over blaming myself for it.

Men are responsible for their own thoughts; women are not responsible for what men think.

Not Good for Women ~ Part V

2011-12-17T07:58:00.002-07:00

One Box Fits All
In 1987, president benson talked to the members of the mormon church and said these words:

http://fc.byu.edu/jpages/ee/w_etb87.htm

Has this dated, 1950's view of the family changed? Let's look at the counsel given in 2008:

By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness

and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. http://lds.org/Static%20Files/PDF/Manuals/TheFamily_AProclamationToTheWorld_35538_eng.pdf

What if this one-size-fits-all-mold doesn't fit everyone? What about these scenarios:

1. A woman has the need, desire and drive to have a career

2. The family finances dictate two incomes

3. The father desires to stay home and the mother is capable of making more income

4. A woman, who has never had the opportunity to get married, desires to have a child

5. Gays

6. A couple, who are traumatized by divorced parents, desire to be in a relationship, but to not sign on the legal paperwork and make it legal (marriage)
7. A couple who does not desire children; who wants to postpone children until they are firmly established in a career or education or feel emotionally ready and prepared

Of course, these scenarios are out of the round holes the church insists everyone fit into, thus they do not allow any varying for those of us who are the square pegs. Here is a quote from the church's hand book for women who would desire a child, but are not married:

Artificial Insemination

The Church strongly discourages artificial insemination using semen from anyone but the husband. However, this is a personal matter that ultimately must be left to the judgment of the husband and wife. Responsibility for the decision rests solely upon them.

Artificial insemination of single sisters is not approved. Single sisters who deliberately refuse to follow the counsel of Church leaders in this matter are subject to Church discipline

There is no varying, no flexibility, no kindness, no compassion for people who do not fit the mold the church has designed and said all people must fit into. Even when research shows there is more than one way, that it is good for women to work; they are not flexible and will not accommodate any other view.

http://jezebel.com/5867571/having-a-job-makes-moms-healthier-happier

There are some people within who are able to be cafeteria mormons (they can pick and choose those doctrines they want to conform to and follow, much like a person would pick and choose what to eat in a buffet line). They are the ones who seem to be able to look at these things say, 'eh, whatever; I'm going to church and doing my own thing.' Then there are people like me who are all in or all out. We aren't black and white thinkers, but we are very ethical. If we are going to live certain principles, we are going to do it all the way.

We feel we are violating our own ethical codes; if we say we are going to follow an ethical code we will follow it, but we aren't only going to follow it when it suits us. We are the ones who have left the church because the church is not willing to accommodate our free thinking.

The box did not fit, so we broke out of the box.

Not Good for Women ~ Part IV

2011-12-14T23:10:00.000-07:00

Discrimination vs Equality
We can learn a lot from the civil rights movement. Any group of people who have money, power, or privileges withheld from them are being discriminated against. During the civil rights movement, many people tried to state that separate was the same as equal. No, its not.

I hear women say all the time that they are just fine with not holding the priesthood and they don't have to have it to be considered equal with men. That may be so, but just because they are not give the title of having priesthood authority, does not mean they are equal in all other ways.

Let's take money. Do the women in the church receive the same and equal access to money that the men do? Any budget I ever saw and worked with in the young women's organization never even came close to the young men's budget. The boys scout's budget also superseded that of the teenage girl's. The teen boys were also allowed to solicit for money. If the teen girls were allowed to solicit, their abilities in this area were severely restricted. I was in many wards were they asked for money for the boys scouts directly over the pulpit, called each member of the ward for money (regardless of whether you had a son in the program or not) and they held several fun raisers throughout the year. The girls were allowed only one fundraiser for girls camp--that was all.

Let's take power. The church tells people and especially the women that they are in charge of their own organizations (Relief Society, Young Women's and Primary for the children). The church calls these organizations- 'auxiliaries'. By the churches own definition of an auxiliary, 'is not essential and not truly independent of male oversight, it only spells out that women are not to be trusted with any real authority themselves.' http://facsimilogos.blogspot.com/2011/12/10-reasons-to-leave-lds-church.html

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Auxiliary_organization_(LDS_Church)

Women must have a man present at their activities, must report their activities to male leadership, must have male approval for their activities and must get approval for any funding for them. There is no such thing as female power. Women who speak in general conference, primarily speak to the children, female youth, are given short speaking assignments, and rarely are given time on Sundays-- the highest watched times.

Let's take privileges. Many years ago, I worked in the young women's program. We were trying to motivate the teen girls to read the book of mormon. We came up with the idea to take all the girls who read it in a certain time period on a trip to Salt Lake to visit church history sites. The girls were to have fund raisers to raise all the money by themselves, thus not being a financial burden on their families or the church. We were denied our request by the bishop. We appealed to the stake president. We were denied again. That same summer, the teen boys took a trip to Lagoon for fun and enjoyment. Although they said it was for boys scouts, no merit badges were earned. All the money for the trip came out of the ward budget.

Boys are allowed to go water skiing, camping, skiing, hiking,swimming, site seeing in other states, etc. All these privileges are denied the girls. All these privileges are put under the umbrella of boy scouts, yet few merit badges are earned on all these privileges and equal access for something similar is not granted to the teen girls.

Girls are required to learn to sew, learn how to cook, be a good mom and stay a virgin until married.

Does this meet the level of discrimination? Good thing the church isn't the government; they'd likely be sued. Why do women tolerate such discrimination? Because they are told they are special.

Not good for Women ~ Part III

2011-12-12T19:40:00.001-07:00

Not Good Enough

Have you ever had someone in your life, that no matter how hard you tried, you were never good enough for them? You clean the kitchen, but they will find that one crumb you left behind. You pay the bills, but they will notice that you didn't balance the last week's worth of bills. You mow the lawn, but they point out you forgot to weed the flower bed. No matter how good you are, they will always point out the one thing you miss, the one error you made. You always feel like a failure around them.

This is how many people, including myself, always felt in the mormon church. We felt like we could never measure up. If we did our visiting teaching, we weren't doing it good enough because we waited till the last day to do it. If we did our church calling, we didn't put enough time into it. We didn't wear the right dress to church, we let our kids cry in church. We complained when our husbands were gone all day on Sunday instead of spending time with us. It was always something we were failing at. Square peg in a round hole.

How would it be, then to be a gay teenager in the mormon church? To be told that the feelings you are having are wrong, sinful, going to keep you out of heaven? Always trying to suppress, but never really being able to?

How would it be, to be molested by a priesthood holder and then be told by the bishop that you need to forgive him because he is the man-priesthood and not seek legal redress? Always trying to suppress, but never really being able to?

How would it be, to feel you want to not have children or get married, but feeling the need to, because you are told that the only way to be happy is to have children and be married? Always trying to suppress, buy never really being able to?

How would it be, to feel your only way out, is to commit suicide?
I don't think I can take any more of my friends trying to kill themselves because they are rejected, because they have been told their entire lives they are not good enough just the way they are.

Can we please just love each other the way we are?

Not Good for Women ~ Part II

2011-12-06T22:02:00.001-07:00

Control vs Self Determination

Do you trust yourself to decide what to eat in the morning for breakfast?
Do you trust yourself to decide what to wear to work each day?
Do you trust yourself to decide what career to choose for yourself and your future?
Do you trust yourself to make daily decisions that are as small as what time you are going to go to bed to as large as what house you are going to buy?

If you think you are capable to make these decisions, then why does the mormon church feel compelled to micromanage each woman's life? They determine weather she can have only one pair of earrings. They determine that she cannot have tattoos. They determine that she cannot wear flip flops, pants or casual clothes to church. They determine how many hours she should attend church, what volunteer hours she will serve, in what capacity, how much money she will donate to that church. They determine what underwear you will wear. Even when you're entire body is covered, they still have a say, and will tell you those clothes are too tight!

http://thestudentreview.org/2011/12/06/byu-idaho-bans-skinny-jeans/
http://www.sltrib.com/sltrib/blogsfaithblog/53068768-180/skinny-byu-jeans-clothing.html.csp
http://www.byuicomm.net/blog/2011/12/07/testing-center-reminds-students-of-dress-and-grooming-standards/

Are you a child? Why can't women make these decisions for themselves? Why do women need men to make all these decisions for them? Women are told all the time that they are equal to men, that they don't need the priesthood to be considered equal to men.

Its been interesting watching all the women at BYU-I freak out because one man on a power trip put up a sign at the testing center banning women from taking tests at the testing center for a week, because he took it upon himself to interpret the honor code how he wanted; to ban skinny jeans. Who gave him the authority to ban skinny jeans?

Why did he decide that all women on campus must now conform to what he decided was a moral way of dressing? Have any of these questions been asked? Why not? Why have none of the mormon women asked why one guy who is hired to run the testing center given the power to decide for all the women what they can buy, what they can wear, what is a moral way of dressing? Why is this not being asked? Any man with the priesthood has more determination over what a woman wears than she does. That is sad.

Because they are so used to being told what to think, how to dress, what is moral-- by men, that this very question, the essence of the root the problem; has not even been asked.

I can hardly wait for him to become a bishop! I can see the power trip already!

I want the women in the mormon religion who believe they are considered equal with men to accept a challenge. I want them to set their own standards of dress. I want them to stand up and say they will no longer have men set their standards of dress for them. Men will no longer say how tight their jeans will be, what underwear they will wear, how many pair of earrings they will have, what types of footwear they will wear to church.

Women, when you have the freedom to set your own standards of dress, then I will begin to believe that the male leadership regard you as equals.

Not Good for Women ~ Part I

2011-12-04T16:06:00.001-07:00

Perfection or Unhappiness?

I have said many times that the morg is just not good for women. I am going to write posts and give specifics as to why I think this way.

Perfection. Who knows anyone who is perfect? What is perfection? One person's idea of ideal is different than another person's. My idea of what is perfect is to spend the day with people who love me, we are laughing and talking. My idea of perfection is the ocean and the beach.

It is 80 degrees outside, just enough shade to be comfortable. The waves are lapping in. We can hear the waves and see whales in the distance. There are mountains in the background. The blue of the water is so intense that the deep blue color of eyes don't even compare.

I can feel the sand between my toes. I squish my feet down into the sand as far as I can. There is food; Italian, Mexican, hamburgers and french fries. I'm drinking Long Islands, Mai Tai's, and others I can't even name. We are laughing at something that my daughter said. This moment is perfect. It can last forever and I will be in the essence of happiness. The moment is perfect, the people are not.

Does this fit everyone's idea of perfection? I doubt it; but I'm okay with that. The mormon's idea of perfect is not for perfect moments, but for perfect people. Their idea is for women to have babies for eternity and for men to have many wives and to never laugh too loud. None of this sounds appealing to me at all. To live a perfect day and to be a perfect person is not the same thing, however. What does it mean to be a perfect person?

For the mormon woman, it is to not commit any sin; to be married; to have lots of children; to conform to the churches rules-many, many rules; for the women to submit to their husband's decisions; to be the primary caretakers of the children; to attend all your church meetings; to hold a current temple recommend and all that entails; to be a visiting teacher and visit certain families each month and at the beginning of the month; to hold a church calling and do your very best in that calling; to not question any of the church leaders or doctrines.

If a mormon woman does not succeed in any of these areas, she is considered a failure. It is not okay to acknowledge weakness or failure for a mormon woman. When mormon women talk, they often criticize the organization and how demanding it is, but they rarely will admit how they feel like they are not meeting up to the expectations demanded of them or how trying to meet these expectations makes them unhappy. Instead, they put on a persona. They pretend they have a perfect marriage, perfect children. They pretend they love the church calling they are serving in, or love all the women they are visiting. They pretend they are happy conforming and fitting in, even when they are not. Only occasionally do you see the cracks. When they let down their barriers and show they are indeed human, they will quickly recover and hide again.

This often leads women to hide who they really are. After years of hiding, they lose the essence of who they really are. After years of serving others and putting their needs, wants and desires at the the expense of taking care of everyone else: the husband, the children, the church callings; they lose their own identity. They lose who they are. They don't know what they want in life anymore. They don't know what makes them happy. They don't know how to even allow others to serve them or love them.

They are taught that if they even consider themselves, they are being selfish. This isn't selfish. This is life. It is okay and even necessary to love yourself; to consider yourself; to have a pedicure or manicure each month. It is okay to work and make money and even spend some of that money on yourself. Some men even like having the burden of making money shared. In this way, female children are taught that all things are equal. Male children are taught that women are to be respected and are not door mats. Everyone will be expected to help with the household chores. It isn't the women's work, it is the families' work.

What I found is that by trying to be something that everyone is not: perfect; it only leads to fakeness, loneliness, unhappiness, isolation and a loss in identity.

No, Virginia, there is no such thing as perfect people.