Relentless Runner

Eulogy from a Middle Child

2018-10-08T16:38:00.002-07:00

A Eulogy from the Middle Child

The three words that I would use to describe my father are disciplined, faithful & unselfish. As a dad, he represented to his children what a husband and parent should be. He taught his children the simple things in life, get a job, love & respect your spouse, sacrifice for the good of family & protect your wife and kids.

He certainly was not without his faults however it was his strengths that influenced me to be the person that I am today. He sacrificed his time, his desires and his lifestyle in favor of his family. It is these things that I use as a point of reference when making decisions in my personal life as well as those within my immediate family.

While he certainly had an impact on my life and those of my brothers it did not stop there. As an eighteen-year-old boy, he made the decision to sacrifice a college scholarship in lieu of serving his country for ten years in the Navy. It will never be acknowledged but I’m confident that others were influenced to do the same because of his sacrifice. Later in life, he opted to actively participate as a little league coach for ten years instead of using that time to pursue a better opportunity within his place of work. Again, it will never be acknowledged but there is no doubt that there are many young men that were put on the right path in life because of him.

Did he like to have fun? Absolutely but not at the expense of his family. He was a faithful, dedicated man who was always there when needed. Countless times I recall my father stepping outside what would be considered the comfort zone for most to be sure his family felt secure. He came to my school when I felt bullied, he supported me when I was down and he did his best to understand the things that were spinning in my mind when no one else could understand.

In his career, my father was a man who had the ability to motivate others to be productive. As a supervisor for thirty plus years for the DuPont Company, he contributed to the success of the organization by establishing good relationships with his employees prompting them to respond positively to his direction. He clearly underestimated his ability to advance or was just satisfied with helping others achieve their goals because he appeared happy in his long-time role as a mid-level supervisor.

My father, like everyone, had some complexities the most obvious of which was his aversion to sharing his experiences with his own parents. The gap in his life was mysterious but I’m confident that it was calculated and in his mind detrimental to the well-being of his children if revealed. He had a goal in life and that was to change the direction of his family to something better than what he had. Dad, I don’t know what you encountered but I can assure you that you have set the tone for those who you’ve left behind to have great lives.

I admire what my father did on this Earth and what he created and the legacy that he left behind. He did not just exist but instead, he contributed and left behind expectations that those that follow contribute as well.

Tribute to my mom---revisited from 2008

2014-05-11T16:21:00.001-07:00

It can be a long road if you have to face the world alone but most, like me, will never have to do that because their mother is always by their side or in their heart. Mothers are very special people that God created to keep this world moving in a positive direction. Somehow no matter what, under any and all circumstances, a mother finds a way to make everything seem better. Whether it’s a smile, a word or just her presence alone things that once caused pain seemingly disappear.

There is a special bond between a mother and her children that can never be broken. You grow up in her arms; she watches over you and guides you as you progress through childhood into your teen years. You grow up, you move out but her job is never over. She watches you succeed and then catches you when you fall. She listens and points in the right direction but ultimately she allows you to choose your own path in life. She sacrifices so that you may not do without. She feels pain on the inside but does her best to be strong on the outside. She sees both the good and the bad qualities that you possess. She is not afraid to address the bad but her main purpose is to emphasize the good. She never says no in times of need yet somehow accepts the word no from her children. A mother is someone that possesses a kind heart, strong will, nurturing soul, and a fierce desire to protect her children. Yes there are times when a mother and her children will argue and even separate for long periods but the love from your mother never disappears. Physically she may be out of your life but she can always feel your heart beat and you can feel her spirit in your soul even if you are thousands of miles away. Anger is a natural emotion that we all express and unfortunately we sometimes express it towards those we love the most because we know those people will never leave us. Mothers, in particular, suffer the most as a result but because they are so resilient and loving they absorb the pain and never retaliate. All mothers are very special people that deserve to be treated with respect and love.

My memory allows me to look back upon my childhood as a boy who could never be without his mom. My first memory is that of a shy little 5 year old holding desperately onto my mom’s arms as she went door to door selling Avon products. I looked to her for protection and cried when she wasn’t near. At the age of six I spent 14 very uneasy days in the hospital crying every second of every day for my mom. When I went to school for the very first time I had as many tears strolling down my face as she had. When death was explained to me I cried and refused to accept because I couldn’t think of life without my mom.

Though my mom’s presence always took the pain away there were times when her reaction to an event in my life made me cry. When I was 12 I was hit in the face at close range with a line drive while playing baseball with my friends. The impact of the ball left my face totally distorted. I broke my nose, blackened both eyes, loosened most of my teeth and split both of my lips. Now I was pretty dam scared but I didn’t get real upset until I saw the expression on my mom’s face when she first saw me. She very rarely let things upset her so I knew when I saw her crying that I was in bad shape. The funny thing is I didn’t cry because I was in pain but instead I cried because my mom was upset.

In the future I would make her cry several more times with serious injuries but I think I hurt her most when I got married at the age of 21. If my mom could have chosen the girl I was to marry it would not have been this particular girl. The indifferences caused me to believe I had to make a choice between the two. Somewhere in the bible it says there comes a time in a man’s life when he must choose his wife over his mother and I was certain that time was now for me. My relationship with my mom suffered over the six year period of time I was married. It suffered so much that in fact it has never been the same since. I have regrets but the past is the past and the only thing I can do is improve the future and hopefully regain the lost time with my mom.

My mom watched me make the wrong decision and then suffer for it but never once judged me but instead was there to catch me when I fell. She consoled me, comforted me but still allowed me to choose the path I would take in the future. The road I chose led me down another path away from my original plan in life. I lived alone for many years barely speaking to a soul but my mom refused to allow me to disappear out of her life. She could tell I was suffering but never fed into it. She recognized that I was beating myself up unnecessarily about my failed marriage. She took the time to discuss why I felt I failed and tried to emphasize my good qualities instead of allowing me to emphasize the bad. It took many years but ultimately she succeeded in helping me to move on. I regret the fact that I never acknowledged her hard work but I’m certain that the significant improvement I made has made her very happy.

My mom held me close in her arms, allowed me to make bad decisions, caught me when I fell, cared for me when I was injured, and consoled me when my heart was broken. She’s watched me run too far, worried when I didn’t show up on time and called when she could feel I was crying. My mom’s strong point is not words but rather actions. She has always been there for me when I’ve needed her most.

These words come from my heart and they are words that a card could never express. In my life my mom is the most important person to me and someone I will protect with my own life.

I love you mom and happy Mother’s Day. This is a very special day for all moms and I wish you well and hope you are able to connect with your children.

Why I no longer run ultras

2012-08-19T12:29:00.002-07:00

While there have been few inquiries about my status as a runner I thought, for my own sake, a note explaining my status would provide closure.

Running was a method I used to work out problems, accomplish goals and gain self esteem while at the same redirecting painful memories into positive energy. The method served me well for many years but there was a downside in that it required focus, hard work and seclusion. The consequences of the seclusion, in particular, impacted the other people in my life without my knowledge. As I came to realize what I lost with running vs. what I gained was substantial. Alienating myself from my family was an immature act that left me in an okay state but deprived the other people in my life of my attention. I would consider my running accomplishments to be impressive but I also consider the effort not worth the cost of what I lost.

So why run 100's in the first place you may ask. My answer may sound selfish and in fact it probably is but the reason I ran was to feel good about myself and later on in my career to help other runners feel good about themselves as well.

The running stories I've published clearly identify certain people who positively impacted my life and who I admired & respected however there is no person I admire or respect more than my wife. She is the person who has helped me to understand the importance of sacrifice, sensitivity & courage. I now realize that it is more important for me to attend my 11 year old's ballgame than it is for me to run. It is more important for me to be available to take my 14 year old to karate than it is to run. It is more important for me to be in the house upon my wife's return home from work to ask her about her day than it is to run. And finally it is important for me to listen and not always feel as though I have to respond.

What my wife has showed me is that the hug of a child or the smile on his face or her herself saying I love you is more fulfilling than the feeling of crossing the fnish line of any 100 mile race.

Unless I destroy everything my wife has worked so hard to bring into my life I have no reason to ever want to return to the lifestyle I maintained as an ultramarathon runner.

Running both the good & bad

2011-01-14T13:48:00.000-08:00

It’s been a long time since I shared my thoughts in writing but finding myself with a few moments today at peace I felt it was time to share some thoughts. Running provided and still provides an excellent outlet for my emotions as well as an avenue that opened the doors to my creative side that helped to build my self esteem. I learned early on that to be successful at sustaining a long term running program I would need to implement methods that helped me to focus on external influences outside of the internal functions of running itself. This came naturally to me as the start of my running career was initiated by a divorce. Having a need to release emotion I found that running served a purpose in my life.

Like most beginners my goal as a runner was to build strength by increasing my mileage. I set goals and worked hard to achieve those goals and then set higher goals. When I felt that I had reached my potential I took it up a notch by attempting longer distances. I started racing at the 5 mile distance with a goal to place but found myself coming up short over and over again. Over time I became physically stronger but more importantly I became smarter which helped me to develop strategies to satisfy my goal. Ultimately I began to place in almost every race at varying short distances. Placing at races was fun but as time went on it was not challenging enough to satisfy my inner drive. I became bored which was a prompt to step it up a notch.

At the marathon distance the goal was to finish in the time lime provided which I easily accomplished in my first attempt. Obsession set in. After the first I saw no end nor did I want to see an end to my running career. When my goal was achieved I set higher and higher goals each marathon thereafter. The ultimate thrill at the marathon distance was setting my personal best time of 2:53:12 in the 2000 Boston Marathon. I then followed it up with a similar time at the Philly Marathon in November of that same year .

It was not long before I became bored at the marathon distance so I took the JFK challenge. My first attempt at the 50 mile distance left me with a finish in the top 50 in a sub-8 hour time. I loved that race so much that I followed it up with 9 more in consecutive years. Completing 10 straight showed that I could run through adversity and injury but toward the end it also revealed the impact that my running had on others.

The 100 mile distance loomed and though a bit intimidated I tackled the distance with no tutelage from other but instead used what I learned through reading race reports to give it a go . The 1^st result was failure but with failure brought more desire. I read, I asked questions and I read more. I changed my style of running, I deviated from my normal paths I challenged myself to work harder. My second attempt was a success as were my next 23 attempts in a row including the Grand Slam, Badwater and my personal best 15:57 Rocky Raccoon 100 (2^nd Place National Champion)

I trained hard but a result of my hard training was negative impact on those around me. Though it is a difficult thought and something I did not willingly admit at first I neglected those around me. I have bad memories of times when I neglected to follow through on promises, respond to requests or to those in need. My actions were not malicious or deliberate but instead they were driven by my mind which focused on a goal that I felt to be unachievable without 24-7 attention. Successfully I achieved one goal after the other but unfortunately the goals never ceased nor did they move to another field in life. I was caught up in my own little selfish world leaving those who cared for me susceptible to hatred for me.

The thrill of accomplishment diminished with each ultramarathon finish leaving me with only the physical wounds as a memory of my run. I was left feeling empty and in pain. Finally, after 17 years, I understood that an entire world existed. While I am proud of my accomplishments I also hold myself accountable for neglecting to be a well rounded person.

My mind clear and open I find new challenges in the form of my new family. The challenges I face can be tough but my background as an ultramarathon runner leave me not intimidated. The reward that come along the way as being a productive member of a family are certainly more rewarding than any ultramaraton finish I have ever had. Though the memories are there the desire to toe the start line of an ultramarathon have long ago disappeared. My goals are family oriented and focused on those who I can positively influence to be productive in life. Lucky for me I found a good companion in life who is understanding and willing to be with a person of many flaws.

I was not the best runner but when looking back I am proud of the work I did to progress from square 1 to a person who completed 80+ races at the marathon distance or greater. I’m now at square 1 again making many mistakes and hope to learn enough to be able to look back at the age of 80 and be just as proud of my accomplishments as a family man.

See ya

The former “Relentless Runner”

2009 Delaware 100 Report

2009-09-28T15:54:00.000-07:00

I lived this past year as most in these times have, building relationships, caring for my family and fighting desperately for my job. I found my place in life in a home where I’m surrounded by loving people who provide challenges outside those which I’ve been faced with before. I am happier now than I have ever been with a beautiful wife and two young step children by my side. I welcome the new challenges that I’m certain to experience and want to share with those whom I love the challenges that I’ve already conquered.

My wife, Angela, has read my stories and tries to understand why but as I’ve explained to her, if it is not in your heart you will never fully understand. It is not a cult or a way of life but instead it is part of a person’s soul. It is an individual sport yet those who participate connect and bond as they battle a common foe. The foe is not the person behind you or in front of you but instead it is your own mind. The questions start at mile one, “can I do it”, “did I train hard enough”, “will my body break down” and on and on they go, sucking precious energy from your body. How a person reacts to these battles determines the outcome of his or her run. They can be fierce battles that test your ability to make correct decisions about your body while keeping your mind in check. There are strategies which I personally incorporate to ensure success, mind games that I truly enjoy. I do it because I can and to prove to others that if they have a desire they to can do it as well. I am not superhuman, I have no particular outstanding skills or abilities just a burning desire to accomplish a goal.

Continue here

Next Chapter

2009-02-06T10:22:00.001-08:00

Have you ever dragged yourself on all fours toward the bathroom in the wee hours of the morning and then kissed the toilet seat in an attempt to bring yourself to a seated position? If you have had this experience and you were sober at the time than you can relate to how I feel each time I run in a 100 mile race. The feeling of accomplishment inside is amazing but I can not overlook the toll that I take physically nor can I overlook the risks that I have taken to accomplish a small feat in the grand scheme of things that happen in life.

In ten years time I have completed twenty-five one hundred mile races not including an impromptu run that I did in 2005 to benefit the Hurricane Katrina victims. While in the world of ultrarunning this pales in comparison to some but in the real world where even one would seem quite impossible my twenty-five would put me in an elite class. The reference I have made to elite is not an indication of my skill but instead it is an indication of how many people would consider an attempt at running this distance.

There was a time when I believed those who made such attempts were superhuman or even heroes. As I entered the sport and became more aware of the ins and outs I realized that most were just average people who stepped outside of the box. No matter the level we are all equal. Those that excel are those that are willing to teach what they have learned to help others improve.

I started to run as a way to release negative emotions generated by a divorce but as I progressed I became possessed and maybe even obsessed. The positive effects were many as I gained confidence through my ability to run which allowed me to shed all of my fears. As I grew in the sport I also grew in life and ultimately I came to realize that my obsession with running took away from my quality of life. I have many stories that I could share of times when I neglected my family and friends just so I could run but I won't share as I don't care to rehash the past.

In my mind there can be no moderation when it comes to ultrarunning so in my case a choice has always had to be made. Will I share my life with others or will I remain wrapped up in my own wants and needs? I lived with being selfish for a very long time but I learned how valuable friendships can be in each and every race in which I participated.

When I failed at my first attempt at running one hundred miles I swore I'd never return but the lady who drove me back to my hotel told me I'd be back. Sure enough after a few weeks of feeling sorry for myself I was back on the horse and working towards my second attempt. Four months later I finished my first and focused on my second while never failing to realize that I had some unfinished business with OD. This would be the beginning of a viscious cycle that would have no door leading me to a safe exit. The goals would never be achieved as I always set the bar higher. Even after gaining redemption at OD I found no satisfaction in such a minor feat. I worked by myself only using the stories of others as a guide. I failed miserably in my attempt to stay injury free as my penchant to do things in excess always caught up to me in the end. My performances improved as I increased my training mileage and with that I would increase even more. Eventually I tallied enough miles each day that my body became worn and battered. My crazy mind believed it was a good thing in that it would prepare me for the war of a one hundred mile race but when my limbs shattered to the point where I couldn't walk I shockingly realized I was wrong.

I never ran the same again after my injury in 2006 in fact the pain from that injury still riddles my body even as I write today. Despite the injury I continued to run at a lower level than ever. I lowered my expectations but still felt disappointed that I was not the same. As my training miles decreased my thoughts increased and became more logical. I learned to take things in stride and to prioritize the important things in my life. In "o7" I barely trained for Western States but still entered with an agressive goal only to walk away disappointed despite my finish. In "08" I gave one last gasp effort at reclaiming my past when I crewed 70+ hours at Badwater returned home twenty four hours later to participate in my own twenty four hour event. I completed just over 100 miles in 99° heat but the satisfaction that I felt inside was not due to the miles but instead of the havoc I wreaked on my body. I was blistered from head to toe and for the first time ever spent time in an ambulance. I didn't realize how odd my feelings were until two weeks later at mile fifteen of another one hundred mile race. It was at this time that I finally said I've had enough and almost walked away from the race prior to completion. My heart was the only thing that stopped me because my brain had given up. Though I finished I made some very long term final decisions at that race. I would run Cascade Crest in two weeks time but I would do so as a non competitor. I would be there to have fun, to experience the mountains one last time and to look deep inside of myself to gain new perspective on what I want out of life. My fourth event in five weeks would take place on the hardest course but with my mind at ease it would not take much effort. However when all was said and done my feet were more than two times their normal size. I barely made it through the airport as with each step I grimaced in agony. I finished, I hobbled away with another buckle but my body received another terrible beating.

I am still an advocate of distance running but I now stress the fact that once a distance is defeated there is no need to have to come back to do it over and over again. I did it and I was not a hero and my life never changed. However when I helped those who were in need I accomplished something much more than I ever could on my own. I shared what I learned and others were able to grasp the meaning and use it to their benefit. Hopefully the message I am sending today will also be understood and used in the life of another.

I fear that I will lose the admiration of many but I am willing to risk the loss for the chance of obtaining something even more. I once stepped outside of the box to attempt running distances that most would find unbelievable and now it is once again time to step out of the box to experience other things. I love my family, dad, mom, brothers, sisters in law and nieces and nephew and soon to be wife and step kids. It's time to conquer challenges outside those which present themselve in the sport of ultrarunning.

Take care
Dave B.

Always remember to share what you've learned and never feel as though you've learned enough. No matter who you are or what you do there is always someone who is better.

No JFK for Me

2008-11-21T13:39:00.000-08:00

I have a deeper sense of life than what most might expect. Yes I ran for many years but the running was not life but instead it provided a way for me to understand life. Over time I began to appreciate the things that I used to take for granted. I became aware of my surroundings and the feelings of others. The time that I spent running allowed me to recognize my own limitations which in turn helped me to be less critical of others. I learned to deal with challenges one step at a time as opposed to taking one giant leap in an attempt to tackle the problem all at once. I learned how to face adversity while managing my emotions by channeling the energy in a positive direction. I recognized the importance of sharing my most inner thoughts and feelings with those who I love the most.

I came to understand that running is a tool that can be used for success and once the tool is used it can be put back in it's place until needed again. I know what I want out of life and in order to get it I can't cling to what I have because it feels safe but instead I have to have confidence that I can put that tool in its place and use what I've learned to get what I want. I have gained an understanding that running will always be a part of my life but it will never again be my life. My decision to not participate in the JFK 50 this year signifies the end of a chapter but the book continues on as I now look forward to whatever the future may hold.

2008 Delaware 100 Report

2008-09-27T23:01:00.000-07:00

Carl Camp did not come up with the idea for the Delaware 100 after hitting his head on the toilet seat nor was the result the fluxcapacitor, however, for those of us who live in the fantasy world of ultrarunning his idea was just as exciting. The no frills run would allow us the opportunity to test our limits while running freely without the hype, the cost or the stress associated with other endurance runs. In December of 2005 Carl was able to capture the imagination of seven hearty souls who towed the start line of the inaugural Delaware 100. Despite the lack of mountains in our state the day was full of challenges as Mother Nature decided to lay a heaping helping full of winter upon us. The very first event or “non-event” as we like to call it was basically a clandestine operation. It was held completely on the trails of Middle Run Resource Area without the knowledge of either State or County officials. Was it the right thing to do? No, absolutely not but with little time to obtain the proper permits we were willing to risk which in turn made it that much more of an adventure. It was cold day and night and we froze and we suffered but not one person complained. In the end Carl’s idea came to fruition and Delaware could lay claim to have hosted its first one-hundred mile event.

A decision was made to cancel the event in 2006 to allow more time for improvements to be made. As the year came to a close Carl remained silent as to the status of the 2007 run but in the late spring he announced that it would be on again. This time, however, the race would be held in September on a course that would consist of both trails and roads. The change of date would more than likely provide a better chance of moderate temperatures and the course change would allow us to comply with the park regulations. Though Carl’s plan has always been to keep the field small he made an attempt to attract others by gaining a link on the site most viewed by the ultrarunning community. His effort did not go unnoticed as runners from places such as New York, New Jersey, Ohio, Texas and California were amongst the twelve that started the second edition of the Delaware 100. The new course was more challenging because the variation of terrain led to the need to reverse the thought process and running style.

Race results

Cascade Crest 100

2008-09-02T17:30:00.000-07:00

I can only claim success at the Cascade Crest 100 because of the strength that I gained from the spirit of my grandfather who looked upon me, the discipline that I acquired from my dad to remain focused on the task at hand and the inspiration that I gained from my friend Phil Rosenstein.

There will be more later......

Viaduct Trail 100 Race Report

2008-08-18T19:13:00.000-07:00

Every year something prompts me to wonder if it’s time to move on to another arena to face a different challenge or to just observe, help and teach. I once felt like a machine focused on perfecting my ability while living in a funnel cloud where only few people are allowed to enter. A series of events occurred in 2006 that methodically broke through every inch of my inner being while cracking through that funnel cloud to force me to understand that it is much easier to let others in than to shut them out.

When I hurt my leg in 2006 I made a promise that I would recover and return stronger than ever. Things did not exactly play out to that script. The injury to my leg was never diagnosed or treated properly and because of that I still experience pain even today. The pain that I experience has never showed its ugly face in a race but it certainly limits the amount of time that I can train. My mind is still conditioned to give 100% but my body just can't do it anymore. I certainly will never renege on that promise that I made to myself two and a half years ago but I now realize that there are many definitions for the word strong. My body may be weaker but because I’ve rid myself of that pesky shyness that once dictated my life I am now a much stronger person all around.

A week prior to the race I came to a decision that I would not participate in the VTU. I came to this decision immediately after completing a story that I wrote about my experience as a Badwater crew person. When I read my own story about the suffering and inner struggles of my runner, myself and the others on the crew I went into deep thought and even a little depression. The question had to be why I would want to continue down this path of destruction. This question led to several others most of which I could not answer. I knew that if I couldn’t answer these simple questions than I had no business participating in this type of grueling event.

Results

2008 Badwater Ultramarathon Crew Report

2008-08-08T07:58:00.001-07:00

The story is very detailed and as such describes many of the emotions, thoughts and actions of those who provide support for a successful Badwater Ultramarathon runner. Prior to making any conclusions please keep in mind that not every emotion, thought and action could be shared. Part of the reason why I hesitated to publicize this story or any story about another person's race is because even the most minute detail that is left out can leave the reader with a flawed conclusion. I provide enough detail so that those who read will get a good understanding of the effort that it takes to crew a runner through Death Valley.

2008 Badwater Ultramarathon Crew Report

2008 Delaware Marathon Report

2008-05-24T09:28:00.000-07:00

A simple glance from my mom as I rounded the bend toward the 26^th mile allowed me to understand that everything was alright. I had just walked a considerable amount of the last 6.2 miles and felt sad and disappointed. It was if though I had let the entire world down. The approving look on my mom’s face gave me the freedom to release the burden of my perceived failure. When I'm lost and insecure she builds me up and makes me sure
that everything will be alright. Yes I had failed but in her eyes I had accomplished something special. My main goal in my life has been to make my parents proud and if I’ve done that than I’ve been successful no matter what I may think.

In February I targeted the Delaware Marathon as a run that I wanted to race and race well. After resting the entire month of December I returned slowly to running in January. My thoughts were not of racing but instead I focused on training smart. In the last couple of years I have had some unpleasant injuries the effects of which have lingered for many months. I could attribute those injuries to my style of running, body structure or any other number of factors but ultimately the reason I’ve been hurt is because I have not trained smart. In order to counter this I planned out a strategy in which I would run slowly but efficiently to progress to the point where I would be prepared to run a marathon by mid-March, a fifty mile race by mid April and the Delaware Marathon in May.

results

Take care
Dave

Delaware Marathon

2008-05-19T20:21:00.000-07:00

A friend asked me today how I felt about my performance this weekend at the Delaware Marathon. Below is my response:

Well to be honest I'm always satisfied with a finish but I am disappointed in how things transpired. I wasn't fully prepared and because of that I failed to meet my goal. This is why running can be frustrating because there are so many ups and downs. The only consolation for me is that I tend to focus on the ups which allows me to gain some satisfaction even in failure. That being said I have a decision to make. In order to get better I have to work harder and in order to do that I would have to sacrifice my time. I'm not sure that I want to go that route again but it's something that I have to think about. If I don't work harder then I have to learn to accept the fact I will not run at the level that I know I'm capable. However, over the last couple of years, my life has changed to a point where running at a high level is not the most important thing to me. Sharing my time with other people has taken priority and it will no doubt continue to gain momentum as my life progresses.

So I guess I have two answers to your question. Yes I am satisfied that I finished but no I'm not completely happy with my performance. I know that this may be hard to understand but I know that I can do better so if I accept anything less than I'm accepting mediocrity.

If I can find some time and get into the right frame of mind I will probably document my thoughts that I had before, during and after the race. I think when my head is back on straight I will be able to convey my feelings into words that all could understand.

Take care
Dave

The Challenge of the Broad Street 10 miler

2008-05-11T20:55:00.000-07:00

As runners we should not ever be afraid of losing. Our goal should be to give our heart and soul so that when we walk away we feel satisfied that we tried our best. The intensity that burns within our hearts is a flame that should never cease until we cross the finish line. The key to achieving our goals is not physical ability or conditioning but instead it is confidence and mental strength. I claim to have this confidence yet it was challenged as Sunday May 5 the day of the Broad Street 10 miler approached. What laid before me was a race in which my performance would be judged not only by me but also by my friends, family, and co-workers. This pressure that I felt may have been real or imagined but indeed it was pressure. Though I recognize that there are many variables that could dictate the outcome of a race it can be quite difficult to plan accordingly and accept anything other than a time equivalent to a past run or a personal best. The challenge was not the race itself but instead the challenge was finding my way to the start line to face the perceived judgment of my peers.

In an endurance event such as a marathon or ultra there is a buffer zone that allows for a sub-par performance. The perception of being judged by others is not quite as intense mainly because the sport is not main-stream or understood by most people. That being said there are no expectations and success is not defined by how long it took to finish but instead it is defined by a finish only. This type of relaxed environment devoid of unnecessary pressure is why I participate in endurance events. However, I can not allow comfort to dictate the events in which I choose to participate. A challenge, by my definition, is something that produces discomfort and must be faced head on.

On May 5, 2008 I stood at the start line on North Broad Street without a fear in the world. The challenge of getting there had been met and now it was time to run. I thrive in this type of venue for it is where I feel most confident. I recognize that despite the different walks of life each of the other participants was there for the same purpose as I. I stood there and I smiled because I knew that in the end each of us would walk away with a new experience. Though I’m a fierce competitor I recognize that an event such as this is not about running fast or doing well but instead it is about being there. Just being out there to make an attempt, to give an honest effort, to join the masses in doing something healthy is what this is all about.

My only regret in running the way that I do is that I miss so much. Though I’d like to be my talent is not such that I’m a front-runner in fact I'm probably closer to the mid-pack but I run with the intensity that I’m in the lead. It is because of this style of running that I miss talking with the people, I miss soaking in the atmosphere and I miss the excitement of the crowd. When in an event such as this I focus so hard on each and every step while calculating my next move that I zone out everything else around me. This gives me the ability to produce positive thoughts which in turn puts me at ease and allows me to run effectively. I’m not a front runner, I’m not going to win but it’s important to me that I try my best.

I will admit that as in every race there are times when my mind strays and I scramble to maintain positive thoughts. The key to any successes that I have ever had is recognizing my thought process and reigning back in to where I am most comfortable. Broad Street was no different. I recognized early on that my race would not be my best so to maintain a positive outlook I quickly reevaluated and changed my goals. Though I set my goals high a willingness to reevaluate each goal as the race progresses allows me to stay positive and ultimately perform at a higher level.

Broad Street is an easy race but the easiness of the course can tax the mind if not focused properly. I suffered twice but recovered quickly and finished the race with a respectable time. I walked away from the finish line feeling satisfied that I overcame a challenge whether real or fabricated in my own mind. My world will always be broad because I am not afraid to give anything a try.

Happy Mother’s Day to my mom! She is a very supportive person and someone who I love dearly. She is a very special lady.

Take care

Dave

How Lucky I Have Been

2008-05-06T15:52:00.000-07:00

I very rarely read my own stories but when I do I realize just how lucky I have been. I sit here today with the knowledge that I have had a great life. I am a simple guy who has very little in the form of worldly possessions but I have been given the opportunity to view the world from a different perspective than most. Amongst many other things I have seen the beautiful nighttime sky of Death Valley, a pair of eerie eyes staring back at me upon the mountainside of Northern Virginia, rattlesnakes, scorpions, and tarantulas in their native habitat. I have been given the ability to see the beauty of my surroundings while still satisfying my innate desire to run competitively. I am able to walk away from every race with vivid memories of the scenery and each and every step that I took a long the way. I have been given the ability to share those memories through the written word so that my family and friends feel as though they were by my side. Though I write I very rarely talk about my experiences in the many desolate mountain ranges and deserts in which I’ve traveled. I’m very open and would enjoy speaking but what I speak could not be understood by just anybody. Talk of physical and mental pain that generate whines and cries in the night does not equate to fun for those who do not understand the satisfaction gained from overcoming every challenge. Only those who have been there can understand the deep personal feeling obtained from being one of the few to cross the finish line. It’s not a talent or a skill but rather it is determination and courage. There is always more than one champion in a race for each and every person who crosses the finish line did so because they conditioned their mind as well as their body while overcoming every challenge. Champions are not born but instead they are developed. They listen, they observe, they implement and they execute. Though I know the sport can be brutal I will always encourage other people to step outside the box and take life to another level by making an attempt at an ultra marathon. I have lived my dream for I know that no matter what happens in my lifetime I will have memories that will always warm my heart.

Take care

Dave

There can be no other direction but forward!

2008-03-01T17:08:00.000-08:00

I have been silent for a few months and to be quite honest I can’t promise that after this post that there will be many more. I still enjoy sharing my experiences, thoughts and ideas but I have found very little time to do so. As the injuries mounted and the stress level increased I became focused on nothing else but improvement. I struggled to justify poor running performance after poor performance. I gave up fighting my injury and began accepting mediocrity while suppressing my true feelings. I finally retreated, saying goodbye to some while failing to even respond to others. I sat back to deal with my own feelings by reflecting upon the mistakes of the past so that I could improve the future. I took the month of December off to heal and to develop a training program that would start in January and culminate in a successful marathon in mid-March. I promise that I will never again accept a poor performance, a mediocre performance or even a strong effort but instead success will be gauged by achieving the times that I set.

As the days lead up to my first race of the year I will stay focused on my plan, remain confident, store energy and show no signs of outward emotion. I’ve faced numerous challenges and overcome most but since my injury in 2006 I’ve failed to raise the bar and overcome the biggest challenge that I’ve ever faced as a runner. I truly believe that my most significant accomplishment as a runner has yet to come. It will not be a race but instead it will be picking myself up from rock bottom and once again performing to levels that I find acceptable.

I’m not a world class runner, I don’t even consider myself a fast runner but still I am disappointed in how I’ve represented myself in the last 2 years. I want it to be fun but I also want to be able to continue to use the sport as a way to push my own limits beyond anything that I ever could have imagined. I ask myself all of the time…..Why do it if you don’t push hard? Where’s the success in being happy about crossing the finish line if you don’t give your all? Push until it is too hard to move the muscles in your face to smile, push until it is too hard to swallow your own spit. I don’t care that I’m not World Class and that I have no chance of winning a major marathon. I only care that I push as hard as I can possibly push myself. I demand a lot and I demand that I do better and will accept nothing less. I will be back and it will be soon.

Mom, Joe, and everyone else for that matter,

I promise when the hard work is over and I'm back where I want to be I will talk once again. I still care and one day soon I will once again share my stories and thoughts with anyone who shows interest.

Take care

Dave B

2007 Most Memorable Moments

2007-12-31T13:29:00.000-08:00

2007 Most Memorable Moments

Crewing for the ladies champion of the 2007 version of the Badwater Ultramarathon
Being blessed with the opportunity to be a part of the Western States 100 for the 5^th consecutive year.
Gaining ground towards my goal of helping others to believe in themselves.

Good luck to everyone in 2008
Dave B.

A secret to success

2007-11-09T04:35:00.000-08:00

In a casual conversation I had today with a new sales rep servicing my area of responsibility I made mention of the fact that I run. She responded by saying "I would like to do that but I can't". I looked her straight in the eye and without hesitation I said you only can't because you believe you can't. I repeated the exact words she used in response to my comment about my running habits and afterwards she seemed flustered or maybe a better word would be amazed. She immediately realized that she was putting limits on what she could and could not do. She walked away after a short 10 minute conversation with me saying that she felt inspired. Mind you I never once went into detail about my history as a runner but instead focused on her own words that she used to describe her inability to run. The only thing that I did was to help her to understand that she can escape the narrow world she lives in by believing in herself. I have a secret as to how I am able to run but it's a secret that I am willing to reveal. Believe in yourself and never allow doubt to interrupt those feelings of belief. When you look into the mirror each day focus on the pretty smile instead of the big zit that is on your nose. Positive thoughts lead to a positive outcome. Visualize the best and you will receive the best. It has worked for me as runner and it is a work in progress for me in life but I can assure you that with a little effort it can work in every aspect of your life.

Take care,
Dave

Delaware 100 Race Report

2007-10-15T20:55:00.000-07:00

Is it a fools game or is it a positive way to express emotion? Why do I continue to run 100 milers? Where do I get the energy? Why do I search for my limits and push to exceed? I’m certainly not special or talented in anyway but instead I have some deep heartfelt emotions that most can not comprehend. Everything that I do, say, and think comes straight from my heart. It is because of this that I truly believe that there is no challenge that I can not overcome. I can be knocked down and stunned for long periods of time but I know that I will rise again. I’m not superhuman but instead I’m a real person who sees real things and has real feelings and has dealt with real problems. I grew up in an emotional environment in which I did not partake in most of the activities but instead avoided confrontation while suppressing my feelings. My energy is generated from the past; a past that included harsh words, unnecessary judgment, and incorrect assessments of my behavior. It was a past that included a young boy who tried to survive not only his own mind but also the taunts of others. My goals were different than most kids my age as my only hope was to defeat the demons that controlled my mind. There was much fear brewing from within but I fought each and every day and vowed to one day defeat whatever it was that was trying to destroy me. I had very little help but the help that I did have was incredible. The help that I received came from my 5 year old little brother who suffered as much as I trying to understand that which could not be understood. I think of him and how he cared about me and I become emotionally charged. I think about the times that I was teased and I become emotionally charged. I think of being improperly assessed and I become emotionally charged. I think about how I was judged instead of helped and I become emotionally charged. I think of other little kids even in this world today who unnecessarily suffer with the same problem and I become emotionally charged. I lost many battles as a child but as an adult I will never lose another battle against anyone or anything without a fight. I may not be a very talented runner but what I lack in talent I make up for with intensity. This is what drives me, this is how I become energized and this is what fuels the fire that burns within.
Read more

Delaware 100 Summary

2007-10-02T20:50:00.000-07:00

It was a cool crisp morning on Saturday September 29^th as 10 runners from 8 different states departed on a long 100 mile journey through a small portion of the state of Delaware. The chill in the air was a bit uncomfortable but not nearly as uncomfortable as the 25° temperature that the runners faced in the 2005 version of this same race. The lone organizer of the race, Carl Camp, had two years to improve upon the inaugural event which was held in December of 2005. Unable to obtain the appropriate permits from the State and County Park systems which would allow us to run through the night the run was cancelled in 2006. I was sad that the race was cancelled but the improvements that Carl made in 2007 were well worth the lost time.

The original course design used in 2005 included multiple loops on the trails of Middle Run Park in Newark, Delaware. In order to comply with State regulations Carl tweaked the course in 2007. The new design led runners 8 miles on busy roads from Carl’s home to the start of the trail in Middle Run. The runners then followed the original course design in which they were led up and down the soft, easy trails in Middle Run and Judge Morris for 10.5 miles. Carl concluded that it would be reasonable for a fit runner to have the ability to travel around this loop four times in the daylight hours. That combined with the 8 mile road section would allow us to have completed half of the race before sunset. His design worked perfectly as it provided the necessary mileage while also keeping us in compliance with the park rules.

After four loops on the trails the runners then had to make their way back to Carl’s house on the same roads that led them to the park in the early morning. Now on the roads the key to a safe, successful run would be the runner’s ability to maintain focus. Losing concentration on the trail could certainly be hazardous but losing concentration on the roads could mean death. The roads we traveled were bustling with activity as cars sped their way up and down the short steep hills. This activity remained constant through the afternoon into the late nighttime hours. Each person had to be prepared and alert at all times. Once the sun set it became necessary to don reflective gear and bright blinking lights so oncoming traffic would be aware of our presence.

The road loop led us 1.25 miles from Carl’s house to a very busy Limestone Road. We turned left out of the residential area and when given the opportunity crossed the four lane highway. There was plenty of time to do this as this particular section continued for approximately 2.5 miles. Once at the top of the hill and across the road we were directed to turn left on to a less busy Paper Mill Road. The journey from here would lead us up and down sharp climbs and descents up to ½ mile. I’m certain that there were those who were surprised by the short, steep hills and were forced to put more effort in than originally anticipated.

In contrast with existing 100 mile races I found this particular design to be quite interesting. Early in a run it is always very easy for me to maintain concentration because pain is not a factor. I find that I easily lose focus late in races and that the loneliness that comes with being out of civilization often complicates my problems. Carl’s course eliminated the loneliness factor that usually can be associated with late night running. Once on the road I felt at home as I was surrounded by people. I never once felt helpless because I was surrounded by help. Though aid was 10.5 miles apart there were many stores in which I could rely upon if needed. I enjoyed the variety of the trails and roads and thrived even in the most difficult situations.

The fact that 7 out of 8 runners completed the entire distance was impressive but even more impressive was the time posted by 69 year old Ralph Hirt. The only reward for this race would be the one each runner held in his or own heart but Ralph ran as though the first place prize were a million dollars. His wife, Renate, was concerned by the amount of effort he put forth on the trail but what I saw was a very intense, intelligent guy pushing himself to his limit. He knew exactly what he was doing and how to do it while at the same time caring for his own needs. His sub-24 hour finishing time was absolutely amazing!

The entire day was spectacular as the leaves on the trees were transitioning into the beautiful colors of the Fall and there was nary a cloud in the sky. As beautiful as the day was the nighttime sky filled with shining stars and an almost full moon allowed me to be relaxed and enjoy the ride.

I congratulate Carl for not only organizing the event but also completing the entire 100 mile course. Also I would like to thank his father Early and wife Mary for sacrificing their time to care for the runners at 10.5 mile intervals both at the park and at Carl’s home.

Dave Bursler

Results

Carl's Pictures

Stumpy's Marathon Report

2007-09-18T02:30:00.000-07:00

Every night the sun sets and the moon and the stars become the prominent figures in the sky. While most people sleep I lay awake staring blankly at the walls in my home. I can not dare sleep for if I do I will have no way of fending off the demons that occupy my inner being. If, by chance, I do doze off the uneasiness of the emotions brewing from within awaken me in fear, anger and frustration. The energy generated by these emotions keeps me on edge for hours until the rays of the bright sun once again shine and allow me to feel protected. Though now secure the emotions have produced an unwanted reaction causing my hands to shake and my heart to pound. Over the years I’ve tried many different methods to help me to release this negative energy but the one that I have found that works the best is running. This particular method has served me well over the years but gaining the positive effects is not without consequences.

I’ve found it to be quite difficult to identify the appropriate dose of running that will alleviate the negative effects of my wild emotions while also maintaining a healthy body. Improper mechanics, a body structure that is unsuitable for running ultra distances and ignorance has led to many long-term injuries. One in particular that I’ve recently battled is a stress fracture to my right tibia that I first became aware of in February 2006. The long physical battle has led to an inadequate dose of running, which in turn has produced emotional struggles. I’ve felt lost in a pit of despair and though I reached out for help my hand seemingly slipped away every time I felt a firm grasp. Finally I made the decision to withdraw and limit my exposure to those with whom I work and one very good friend. It would now be my battle alone and a battle that I would have to face eye to eye without feeling as though my mom would somehow protect me and help me escape. Though I believe my presence is missed I’m certain that I was hurting people while also allowing them to hurt me. If I were to win the war I had to first win each individual battle and the first on the docket was to find a way to balance my running to my needs. Making amends with people in the end will happen if they indeed truly do care for me.

On Sunday September 9^th I carried a new way of life and a new perspective of who I am with me into my first trail marathon of 2007. Stumpy’s Marathon is billed as a no frills event boasting a tough course with relentless hills, water crossings, rocks, roots and extra miles at no additional cost. I was wired for this race literally shaking in anticipation the night before, as I slept not a wink. I expected to run as though this would be my last race ever and I planned accordingly. It wasn’t about competition with others or beating a tough course but instead it was about satisfying a need to explode and release unwanted energy. It was about pounding my feet hard on the ground while forcing long strides and breathing in deeply. It was about that feeling that I get when I’m alone in the woods free of worry with the ability to feel accepted amongst the trees, flowers and animals that inhabit the area. I could be a bird, a deer or a rabbit and fit right in without fear of judgement or gaining acceptance. My goal was not to win or to run fast but instead my goal was to be alone.

Leadville 100

2007-08-20T23:16:00.000-07:00

In the summer of 2003 I traveled to Leadville, Colorado to compete in the “Race across the Sky” as the third leg of my Grand Slam attempt. This particular event is unique in that it is held on a course that is generally easy but because of the altitude more than half of the competitors never make it to the finish line. All of the western 100’s scared me to death of but this specific one concerned me the most. Not only did I face the challenge of running 100 miles but I also faced the real risk of death in the form of pulmonary edema.

I can remember looking at the mountains as I made the drive down Interstate 70 on my way from Denver to Leadville. I was stunned by their ruggedness yet enjoyed their sheer beauty. I knew I was close to my exit when in the distance I could see an enormous mountain seemingly calling my name. It was gigantic, enormous, and rugged and it had friends. By the time I made it to Leadville my eyes were open wide and my heart was beating out of control. I felt the first effects of the altitude as soon as I stepped out of my car when I became quickly sluggish and was overcome by a pounding headache. I knew right then that I had a lot of work to do over my two week stay in order to acclimate.

I had the most amazing time in Leadville, as I was alone for one week with no responsibility and no one looking for me or depending on me for anything. I climbed mountains, read books, and exercised constantly. That was it, that was all I had and I loved it! The following week my brother and mother joined me and though I now had company I still had a blast.

Though I had acclimated for two weeks I still felt sluggish the day of the race and had some concerns about that lack of energy. I knew the day that I signed up that I would face new challenges in a race in this environment and would have to find a way to overcome them. Only half of the 500 participants would finish the race and if I were to be one of them I had to dig deep inside and find something I never knew I had.

The course is fairly easy and flat for the first 13 miles yet I struggled to get there in a decent time. I literally did not have the energy to move as fast as I normally would. The thin air sapped the power right out of me so I was forced to run slow and consistent and hope it would be enough. Over the next 10 miles there was one major climb up Sugarloaf Mountain and then the course flattened out once again. The next 7 miles I was bored to death on the route from the Fish Hatchery to Half-moon Campground because there was absolutely nothing but asphalt and dirt roads in front of me. My mind was weak and I was forced into a walk for several miles. Once through the campground the runners were led back out onto single track until reaching the 40-mile mark at Twin Lakes. I enjoyed this section and was able to run most of it into the small town but lurking just ahead was Hope Pass.

There was only a total of 10 miles to get over and back Hope and then back into town but it was a brutal 10 miles. The climb up was long but not very steep. The climb back? Well I have no words to explain how tough the trip back over Hope was but I can assure you it was Hell even though I felt like I was climbing to Heaven. I was told in advance that if I could make it over and back Hope Pass within the time limit that I would finish. I had no idea just how hard that would be. When I reached the top of Hope Pass going outward bound the weather turned ugly. I was not prepared for the hail, wind and rain that were beating down on my half naked body. It was just another challenge and in fact it would not be my most difficult challenge of the race.

I did make it over and back Hope Pass and was well on my way to finish when all of the sudden my spirits dropped and thoughts of quitting entered my mind. The trail I traveled was one in which I knew because I traveled the same trail on the way out. This time, however, it was dark and it seemed to never end which in turn disappointed me and left me in despair. Once I finally reached the aid station at Half-moon campground I was determined to quit but first I decided to sit and think a while. I looked around at the others in the aid station and saw real pain and real injuries both of which I did not have. I had no excuse to quit so I forced myself up and made myself run. When I reached my brother a couple of miles up the road I told him that I had almost quit and he told me that if I did he would have kicked my butt.

After that other than facing a few snow flakes on Sugarloaf Mountain and some tendonitis on the top of my foot I had no trouble getting back into town to finish. It’s a great race but hard as hell. I gained memories that I will never forget and gained a great respect for those that can give their best effort in these conditions.

Why write about this you may ask? Well I had a few friends compete in this very same race last weekend, some made it and some didn’t. I know everyone that participated did their best and though only half finished each was successful and each has something to be proud of. There are a lot of factors that we as individuals have no control of that can effect the outcome of our races. The only thing that matters is that deep down inside we know we gave our best effort. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks, it only matters what you know.

Dave

Crewing for a Champion

2007-08-01T16:23:00.002-07:00

In the world of a person who lives far away from me lays the dreams of a champion that will soon be realized. What does it take to be a champion? It takes hard work, passion and a competitive spirit willing to risk all in order to make it to the finish line first. In the minds of most Lisa Bliss was not a favorite to win Badwater but she shocked the world. A pretty young girl who smiles all of the time yet has a burning desire to succeed and will risk all to do just that. She welcomes all into her world but on the racecourse she is a fierce competitor. While she talks, smiles and giggles she runs with purpose and the heart of a lion.

When Lisa Bliss asked me to be a part of her Badwater team in 2007 I accepted her offer without hesitation. She is someone who immediately gained my trust, put me at ease and accepted me for who I am without judgement. She saw through all of the barriers and disguises that I put up and looked directly into my heart and saw things that others missed. She is a very nice person who gives everyone a chance.

We first met when I paced her at Western States in 2005. While she had a successful race I walked away feeling as though I had failed her. I had promised her that I would do my best to help her achieve a sub-24 hour finish and I walked away knowing deep inside that I could have given her more. Since that day I’ve spent all of my time waiting for a second chance. A chance that would make it all okay. Badwater 2007 would give me that second chance.

The most difficult task for me and probably the others as well would be to find the courage to be a part of a team of people who barely knew each other. Though we did not know one another Lisa trusted us to care for her and to guide her safely across the desert while also making sure we cared for ourselves as well. Though fearful I had no doubt that the five of us would mesh together and strive for the common goal of getting Lisa to the finish line as quickly as possible.

Glenn Tachiyama's Photos
Lisa Bliss' Photos
Lisa's Blog
Badwater results
Click here to make a donation to Lisa's Badwater Charity

A real champion!

2007-07-27T20:26:00.001-07:00

I’ve always been standing still in time seemingly chasing a fantasy that filled my mind. I have the desire, the passion and the work ethic of a champion but I do not have the ability. I may never be a champion but this past week my friend, Lisa Bliss, gave me an opportunity to observe a champion at work. I watched her stay within herself and run her own race at a very consistent pace and then explode with less than 15 miles left to win. She methodically wore down each of her competitors and then out of know where she laid the hammer down. She was in 4th place as we approached the 120 mile mark but then motored past two ladies within 5 minutes before catching up to the leader at the 122 mile mark in Lone Pine. Once in Lone Pine there was no stopping her. She stayed focused and worked hard to increase what was a 1 mile lead at the bottom of the mountain to a mile and a half over the 13 mile climb up. She never once lost her concentration and never considered the race over until she crossed the finish line which she did in 34:33. She was gracious enough to allow me and the rest of her crew to feel as though we were a part of her victory but in reality Lisa worked hard, overcame a lot of challenges and fought her way to victory while realizing a dream of her own.

The night before I left I paid a visit to Lisa to let her know just how proud I was of the effort she put forth. I told her with tears in my eyes that though we may never see one another again she left me with something I can not ever forget. She left me feeling as though I made a contribution toward her victory. She is a true champion, a humble champion, and a gracious champion. Though I spoke of her outstanding performance the only thing she took from my words is that we may never again see one another. I could hear concern in her voice and saw a tear in her eye which told me just how much of a heart Lisa has. Every one of her friends means so much more to her than a victory. Lisa is my friend and someone who will remain in my heart until the day I die.

My last duty as a crew person was to help her through the airport to make sure she found her way safely through without having to struggle. She fought me tooth and nail every time I made an attempt to carry her bags because she said the clock had stopped and my term as helper/crew was over. I told her that the clock never stops for my friends and that no matter what I would be there for her at any time she needed me. She’s the sister I never had and someone I would protect until the bitter end.

When things settle down a bit I plan to write a story documenting my experiences as a member of Lisa’s crew. It will certainly be long as I watched her run the gamut of emotions and defeat challenges she never before incurred while ultimately finding new life to win. The crew themselves also ran the gamut of emotions as 5 individuals who never before met spent over 34 hours working together as a team to help Lisa to victory. Lisa will be given the first opportunity to read my story and I will only post it publicly is she gives me permission to do so.

Dave B.

Accepting Mediocrity

2007-07-13T23:24:00.000-07:00

Now that Western States is over and my body has healed and my mind has cleared I’ve taken some time to reflect upon my performance. I always go into a race striving for the best but I succumb to defeat easily and have accepted satisfactory performances way too often. I have already proved that I can run the distance in varied conditions but what I have not proved is that I can do so with a tremendous effort. I take pride in the fact that I’ve only gave up one time and it was my very first attempt but maybe I shouldn’t take so much pride in that fact. Maybe just maybe my goals should be set higher and I should force myself to find new limits. Truthfully I’m stalled in a position where I have not seen improvement because I’m not willing to reveal the upper spec of my limitations. At what point would I falter? At what point would I be so exhausted that my body would fail? At what point would I become so disoriented that my decision making processes would be skewed? I can’t answer these questions because I’ve never pushed myself that hard.

I have the courage to sign up and place myself on the starting line but I don’t have the courage to find my limits. In my heart I believe that I have the ability to run faster, place higher, and even possibly win some races but when the chips are down I fold. I am too willing to reevaluate my goals and too willing to accept sub-par performances and too willing to believe that a finish in a 100 mile race is the ultimate achievement. There is always room for improvement but improvement can not be found unless risk is taken and risk sometimes leads to failure. My fear of failure has been the main roadblock keeping me from further development but truthfully I’ve failed because I’ve accepted mediocrity. My definition of failure has been incorrect for many years because in reality failure can occur even in those who are seemingly successful. It’s all about effort. I’ve seen people at mile 45 of a race who’ve given more of an effort than I would give while running the entire 100 miles in the same event. That person could quit right there and be more of a success than I. I could easily say that I’m injured or stressed out or that my dog peed on my running shoes but honestly it all comes down to the fact that I’m willing to accept mediocrity.

I’m very hard on myself and I sometimes wonder why but then I remember. Growing up I had a very eccentric uncle who left a lasting impression on me. He lived alone and was not very well liked amongst our family because he was judgmental, discriminating and at times even rude. Though I was quite fearful of him I never disliked him because I understood he was a scared, lonely man. His behavior was a product of the fear that existed inside of him and truthfully I would be the bad person had I judged him. He once told me to never let anyone or anything intimidate me and always go for the win. Even as a child his statement was thought provoking and though it didn’t impact my life right away it has meaning to me as I write today. If one day God sees fit to allow me to run the way I once did I must find those limits and push towards them and see where it leads me. I must strive for something other than mediocrity while digging deep to find exactly how much heart I do have.

Today I’m shifting gears because it’s now all about helping my runner find her way through Death Valley and up Mt. Whitney. I have no predictions but I’m certain that she will teach me all about heart.

May God bless Team Slug leader, John Harper, and his family as they mourn the death of his father.

Take care

Dave B.