F.R.I.E.N.D.S.

"Inside Out" fun

2015-07-01T00:15:00.002-07:00

This is a story of 29^th June when I went to see the movie called “Inside out” with my office friends. It involves seven people: Mohit, Harish Darapu (whom we used to call Darapu), Arnab, Bhikhu, Ravi, Nitish & I. But the people who brought fun to this story are Darapu, Arnab & Bhikhu.

Let me introduce Darapu. He is from Andhra Pradesh and his Hindi language vocab is understandably quite limited. I call him DJ Darapu for 2 reasons: 1) Both DJ and Darapu starts from D, so it kind-of fits & 2) He has a very good taste in Hindi songs. Yes, you read it correct “Hindi Songs”. Maybe he understands the beats. Well, let me clarify, he is really good when he plays songs on his computer, but when he sings…I remember one incident. When I, Nitish & Darapu were going home on Nitish’s bike and Darapu started singing Hindi songs, Nitish offered him his monthly salary to stop singing. To be frank, I like his singing. It feels like you are listening to some international music. It's different but definitely fun. He is a very emotional guy and gets frustrated at times when things don’t work out.

Arnab. He is Bengali by birth who can’t speak Bengali, which is in line with most of us Gen Y kids. This guy is very fond of his Nanaji. In June, July last year, when we had to stretch in office to meet client deadlines, I heard him talking to his Nanaji about ordering of Indian cricket team after 12 Midnight. That’s quite cool Nanaji he has. Cherry on the top, his Nanaji lives in Goa. He inherited his Nanaji’s coolness I guess and I think he achieved Nirvana long back. Once one of my teammates took his Activa somewhere and it got tolled. When she came back and told him that, he said with a faint smile: “Okay” and went back to work. He has his pace of doing things; be it lunch, work or driving. No external force can change this pace. It’s like he learned Newton’s first law half way through and truthfully implemented in his life.

Bhikhu. I don’t know much about this guy as he is not in my team. But I do know that Mohit is fond of him and I also do know that he is 28 but looks 24. But years of experience made him seasoned professional who won’t get disturbed by hiccups and when he tells stories about that, it’s always funny.

We had a movie show at 9 o’clock. We ordered food at office at around 8 30. We ate at increased pace and those we include I, Nitish, Ravi and Mohit. Darapu was eating slowly as he knew he was stuck with his dear flat-mate Arnab, who has his standardize pace of doing things. Bhikhu was still working. We had 4 bikes between us seven people. I was riding with Nitish. Mohit was going with Ravi so he decided to give his bike to Darapu as neither Bhikhu nor Darapu has bike. I, Nitish, Ravi and Mohit reached on time, left ticket for other three guys at security and went inside the movie hall. Movie was good but this is the story about what happened outside.

After Arnab finished his dinner, he along with Darapu left for movie; Arnab on his Activa and Darapu on Mohit’s bike. After half km, Darapu remember that they forgot to pick up Bhikhu. As Darapu has no balance in his phone, Arnab called him and found out that he was still in office. Arnab went back to pick Bhikhu and Darapu waited there. Arnab picked Bhikhu up and they started towards Movie halls and signaled Darapu to follow them. Arnab and Bhikhu reached movie hall. Darapu was nowhere to be seen. So Aranb called Darapu:

Arnab: “Where are you, be?”

Darapu (frustrated): “At the same place you left me. There is some problem with the bike. I haven’t moved an inch.”

Arnab (cool as always said his iconic word): “Okay”. Arnab told the problem to Bhikhu.

Bhikhu intervened: “ Darapu, bike me Petrol lock hota hai, open that. Tu close me chala raha hoga”

Darapu: “Arey, I tried everything. There are 3 levers and I tried all 9 combinations.”

Bhikhu (Smiling):” Abe petrol-lock open kar de mere bhai”

Darapu (frustrated): “No, I am not doing anything. Tell Arnab to come and pick me”

Call ended and Bhikhu told Arnab what Darapu said. Arnab decided to go back for Darapu and meanwhile Bhikhu entered Movie Hall.

It’s already 9 15 now.

Arnab reached where Darapu was waiting for him in 5 minutes or so. Once again, Darapu was nowhere to be seen. So he called Darapu. He didn’t pick up. Arnab saw a missed call from some unknown number. He called that guy. He said: “Harish’s bike started and he left”. Maybe finally he decided to open the petrol lock and start the bike. Maybe he believed in going green before he did that. Arnab thought he must have reached movie hall. So he went there, climbed steps and aksed for his ticket at security. Just then he also saw another ticket which was for Darapu. He went to basement parking to search for Darapu. One more, he is nowhere to be seen. This was the most surprising for me. Arnab traversed the whole distance thrice or let’s say twice after Darapu’s bike is started at his divinely controlled pace and Darapu was still not there.

He again called Darapu and he was not picking up. Just after that he got a call from some security guard whose phone Darapu borrowed and came to know that Darapu would take 15 more minutes. My theory is he decided to go green and push the bike using his long legs all the way through. I can’t think of any other reason.

Time is 9 40 now. Inside out was a 95 min movie. At this moment Arnab decided…..wait a minute, look up from your screen and try to guess what Arnab must have decided.

Guess..

Guess…

Pretty obvious, isn’t it?

Guess…

He decided as he has some time, he would call his Nanaji. WTH!!!!!

It’s good to have cool Nanaji. I wish I had one. But when movie is going to start..oh sorry…Movie is already started 40 minutes back, you don’t do that.

Meanwhile, let’s get back to Bhikhu. He entered Movie theater at 9 15. He went inside the screen, searched for his seat. No other guys were there. He waited for 2 minutes. Then he called Mohit.

Bhikhu: “Kaha ho be tum log?”

Mohit: “Theater me. Movie dekh rahe hai”

Bhikhu (Confused): “Abey me bhi vahi pe hu…Dikh nahi rahe tum log”

Mohit (confused): “Hum to apni seat pe hi baithe hai”

Bhikhu: “Kya chal raha hai screen pe?”

Mohit: “Movie chal rahi hai... Animation wali”

Bhikhu: “Abe yaha to koi ad chal rahi hai”

Mohit: “kaha pahoch gaya be?”

Bhikhu: “Abe BigCinemas me hi ana tha na?”

Mohit thought a little and then said: “Ha. Kalyani Nagar wala”

Bhikhu: “Me wahi pe hu…Lagta hai galat screen me aa gaya”

Mohit: “Bahar nikal ke dekh lo ekbar. Screeen 1 me ana hai”

Bhikhu: “Arey bhag bhag k aya usme thodi thakan ho rahi hai… 5-10 minutes baith k ata hu waha” WTH!!

Once again, you don’t do that. Time was 9 20. He came after 5 minutes. He mistakenly went to screen 2 because the doors were adjacent to each other.

Finally Darapu and Arnab came at 9:50 I guess. Then there was an interval.

Darapu: “What kind of bike you have? It’s not starting only”

Mohit: “Bike is okay. Tuze chalana nahi ata”

Darapu: “ Arey I tried all combinations. There are 3 things: Handle lock*, petrol lock* and chock. I tried all 9 combinations. It didn’t work.”

*Key rotates 180 degrees and can take 3 positions: 0, 90 and 180 degree.

Mohit saw his frustration and let the argument die. But next day when I heard that story from Arnab, my analytical mind kicked in. There are no 9 cases. Handle lock is not a variable which he can vary. How exactly is he planning to start a bike by locking the handle? He would go in circle even if the bike starts. Isn’t it? Shilpesh provided the explanation: “he thought he would gain the momentum round and round then open lock and go straight”. That’s south Indian superstar way to do it.

So we thoroughly enjoyed the movie “Inside Out” Inside and out.

Water-Cooler Fun

2013-08-03T14:14:00.002-07:00

Today is a happy friendship day and what I thought is “ how can I make this special for my friends?” . What if I complete some uncompleted task that bring smile to all your faces. So here it comes..one more LOL story of college days. Aniket would connect better with one of the stories.

I don't really remember the time but it may be 3^rryear, 6^th sem. The events took place near water cooler of the comp science dept. which is situated on the ground floor near comp lab.

#1 Rise of the Fallen

We have one of those 3 hour long entertainment sessions (Lab) for some subject. I was coming from canteen after having Samosa after the break. Time maybe around 2 30 pm. I was with Vivek. As I entered ground floor lobby from the back gate of Electrical department, I spotted Aniket coming towards us. He was near JAVA lab at that time. So we started kind-of-cat-walk while we move towards each other. (I have no idea …why catwalk?? Even Aniket won't have any.) So we went ahead with our moves. Finally we crossed each other near water cooler and burst into laughing at our silly act. Vivek was beside me whole the time and seeing all the drama with a little smile and little more surprise.

So after we cross each other, Aniket moved towards Water cooler. So I got that he came there to have water. So we (I and Vivek) moved ahead towards JAVA lab. Just after a second or two, we heard a loud “Bh######!!”

So we turned back and saw aniket half way inside the metal frame which is there to cover water cooler. And surprisingly there is no water cooler. So Aniket was about to fall inside it.

The next moment I realized that Aniket must be watching us while we move forward and then lean against the cooler as per daily routine. But there was some maintenance going on so the cooler is moved out. That resulted in Bharti’s (almost) free fall.

Vivek and I saw him struggling to come out of the little window in the metal frame. We can’t stop laughing at this. Vivek almost fell on the floor laughing. Ideally we should help him but it is so funny that we can’t stop laughing.

Finally he "rise to the Occasion" and managed to come out of it. For one moment he looked relieved and next moment he also burst into laughter. On the top of it, HOD sir just came down the stairs and moved to his office while the whole scene was going on. This has increased the fun Quotient.

#2 Fall of the drinker

The next incident happen at the same place but the victim was someone else.

It’s 4^th year. On that day, our class got over at 2 00 pm as it used to be. So we came down from the back staircase which lends besides the water cooler. The intention was to have some water and go for cheese puff (remember guys!!! The cheese puff. Don’t know how many of it we eat.).

Coming back to the story, one person is drinking water from the cooler. As we don’t have clean glasses @ water cooler, we used to lean towards the cooler and drink directly from tap using our hands. That guy was doing just that. So we can’t see his face. He was wearing some loose T-shirt, 2-3 year old Rugged Jeans which is hanging at his west and one can see his nickers. The hair was ruff. These were enough indications for us to judge the guy. DHAGASH.

Soham was there. He started kicking his ass (literally) while loudly saying: “Dhagi…dhagi”. Dhagash was from Mech department so it was quite often that Mech guys comes to this cooler to have water. Apart from soham, Aniket, Aditya, Vivek, pankil and some others were present there. So we also joined and started spanking and irritating him with the chorus of “Dhagi …Dhagi…”

Either he was very thirsty or he was trying to prove that nobody could divulge him from the sacred act of having a mineral water. I am not sure which one of that is true but he had not moved even after all this nonsense we were doing with him.

Finally he stopped drinking and turned towards us. We were expecting some innovative abuses and some return kickbacks towards Soham. But nothing happened. Reason: He was NOT Dhagash. He was some poor chap whom nobody knew but as there are 7-8 of us standing there, he might be scared and ran off.

For a moment everybody was surprised but the next moment we started laughing at our silly act. Nobody was able to control laughter and explain the situation to the guy before he ran off. And after that I haven't seen that guy anywhere near our department for the whole year.

Happy Friendship day Guys!!! Keep doing such things…

The dude who left his MBA

2012-08-15T00:56:00.002-07:00

My first meeting with him was quite uncommon. He knocked on the door; I asked for his name and let him in. He told me to keep the door open because he was bringing all his belongings. After getting his belongings to room (which included one unassembled table fan..quite shocking), he just put a bed sheet on his bed and slept without any further discussion. I thought ‘he may be tired’. Later I found out that he came here after long journey of 1 hour in his comfortable car. So basically, he is from Pune, Maharashtra.

We are students of SCMHRD, and the day I met him was the 0th day @ scmhrd i.e. a day before induction. Date was 30th May, 2012. As we didn’t know anyone out here, we used to roam around with roomies during and after induction for initial formalities. This is how the initial interaction and friendship begins.

He is dude as I mentioned. Kind of ladies’ man. We knew each other just for 2 months but become great friends in short span. He was my Gym partner, someone who dragged me to gym.

There are some points which I like and really appreciate about him are Assertiveness in talking and action, respect for others’ ideas and great listening skill.

I came to know about his decision of leaving the college on 31th July. It’s Tuesday night. Time is around 2 o’clock. So technically it’s 1st August. I came back to room after some Finance club work and there was some serious discussion going on between my 2 roommates. I hadn’t paid much attention as we got FCQ (Frequently Conducted Quiz) next day.

Suddenly he asked: ”can I trust you with something?”

Me:”Yaa, of cource.”

He:” I am leaving the college”

Me:” really? Have you talked to your mom and dad?”

He:”ya”

Me:”And they are fine with it?”

He:”Ya. They told me do what you really want to do. But don’t tell this to anyone until I talk to subbu.”

I am not as surprised about his decision as I am surprised with his father’s approval to his decision. The night is as usual.

He got a dream and firm conviction of doing something on his own, quite rare among MBAs. He wants to make his career in the green/renewable energy. So his initial idea was to join MBA and start his own venture after that. Sometimes I found his dream little hazy and sometimes I though he will give up on his dream when comes the job placement and all. I haven’t told him, obviously. But he remained confident about it. During the period of 2 months in MBA, he thought it would be better if he got some more technical knowledge in the field he wanted to explore and decided to go for MS in UK.

Next day I felt little low…meeting him is kind of become sad incident on other day. Now he started staying at home. People kept asking us, we kept saying, “busy hai”. Finally after a week and a talk with subbu, he made his decision public. Some people were surprised, some were shocked and many were indifferent.

This is where our combined journey ends and individual journeys begin.

Looking forward for a day when he had accomplished the goal he had set for himself.

You may have guessed it right; the dude is none other than Abhishek Bapat

Best of luck, Dude.

The new Triangle

2011-09-20T07:46:00.000-07:00

What mom says about........(you will know later, read on)

I guess all parents start wondering about their sons getting ensnared by wily women from the day they catch them eyeing neighborhood moppets with that ‘Whoa, not bad at all!’ look in their eyes. Our brat wasn’t above reproach either: shyly, he’d admitted to ‘liking’ little Ms G, when he was all of eight. “Ha, ha! Puppy love!” we’d smiled indulgently and forgotten all about it.

After school, our son flew the nest a few years ago, first for studies and then for work. Thanks to magical instant connectivity, distances lost meaning. The child would be his usual chirpy self, calling us up every few hours…well, giving missed-calls every few hours. That meant putting on hold everything we were doing and rushing to call back. The chats would last till we remembered last month’s bill. Or till the smell of burning food made me disconnect in a hurry. But all of it vouched for the fact that no girl had entered his life yet. Who would have time for parents if a new girl was around?

Things started changing when he was at business school. I’d call, all set for a heart-to-heart, only to hear his half-hearted “Oh really?”, “You don’t say!” or even “Ummm, what did you say?” At first I put it down to overwork. They do make you slog at those business schools, don’t they? On occasion, I’d put down the phone with a sigh and instructions not to forget his daily almonds. He’d say “Bye, then!” with uncalled-for alacrity. That was when I started wondering though I’d tell myself I was being unnecessarily suspicious. The poor child was just drowning in presentations and what have-you. He’d be fine once he joined work.

We decided to bide time till he was employed. When things didn’t change even then, my antennae started quivering. Cursory interest in all that enthralled him earlier – family gossip, neighbourhood updates, heck, even breaking news about our pet Chotu (who Sonny loves like a brother) finally bringing in the papers instead of chewing them – elicited distracted monosyllables. The boy sounded majorly preoccupied. Ergo, it had to be a girl! Nothing else quietens a voluble son as does a demanding girl. Being the broad-minded parents we hope we are, we accepted the changed equation with equanimity. However, his vehement “No, there is no girl” insistence made us a bit uneasy. We consoled ourselves: we’d get all our answers when he came home.

I solved the mystery earlier than that. When I happened to check my comatose Facebook wall. Of the last 50 updates, 47 were Sonny’s in a single day! All-2000-something ‘friends’ had commented on his comments and he in turn had commented on or ‘liked’ theirs! He assures me it doesn’t take any time at all. I have my doubts, but now I know what lay behind his ‘ummmm’ during calls.

Then he comes home. Some together-time at last, we think. “Wakey! Wakey!” I chirp brightly, steaming cups of tea in my hands, as the child looks at me blearily and mumbles “Is it eight already?” I praise the Lord: he’s finally learning the importance of time. He lurches out of bed, heads straight for the laptop. Flipping it open, he hits the keys frenziedly, exclaiming: “Heavens! I haven’t changed my status message yet! Oh my God! What shall I write today?”

“You could mention how good the ginger tea at home is, when you’ve tasted it, that is,” I say acidly. He says: “Ummm…oh, Anoop has got Goa! I must congratulate him!” “Ok,” I reply, giving up hopes of sustained conversation with the dear boy. “I’ll write on your ‘wall’ when lunch is ready!”

What do they say about joining them when you can’t beat them? A mother can fight for attention against one girl…but Facebook? Heavens forbid!

The Yellow-T-Shirt Girl

2011-08-18T14:19:00.000-07:00

Today I met one girl and that made me wish that such persons would always meet me at every situation in life…

Today I was at AXIS bank to buy my broachers for CAT’11. Actually we (me , Anant and Aniket) went there together from T.I.M.E. class. As we heard that there was so much rush for buying broachers that some of my friends had to stand 3 hours in queue, so we went there as swiftly as possible. We entered the bank which, by the way, looked like any college’s fee collection window as there were so much youngster standing and the queue was extended up to the door with some forms in their hands.

We entered into the bank and inquired for that form and got it from security guard. Then we went to end of the queue where a girl in yellow T-shirt is standing talking to her friend standing beside her. She is slender looking with small face and ponytail and has a nice smile. I and Anant went behind her to stand in queue. She took a look at me and noticed my unfilled form and told me with nice smile: “fill up your form na…”

I was surprised. I didn’t know her, didn’t even see her before this. Girls never start talks with complete strangers, as per I thought. Actually, I had noticed a huge crowd coming to join in the queue and I didn’t want to waste much time on queue so I had joined the queue without filling the form. So I told her in surprising tone (just some milliseconds had passed so I was still surprised): “I will fill it later……when I was walking in queue….on my way…”

She got the inside meaning that I was reluctant to get off my place in queue. And that was not surprising; it’s a natural thing to do and any one can get that. But the surprising thing was that which she told me after that. She told me: ”it’s ok ..sit and fill up your forms …I will keep place for you here…”

Now I was flabbergasted. What …what…what is going on…A complete stranger girl meet me just before 30 seconds was offering me to keep a place so that I could fill up my form with ease. That is …weird….good…in fact very good…but weird… I looked towards sofa as anant started walking towards sofa. So now my mouth was smiling as I was happy, my forehead might had creases and one of my eyebrows might be tilted as I was doubting her and my eyes must have widen with the surprise and sparkling with amazement at the same time. And with all this I was trying to thank her. I said “thank you” but actually I just mouthed those words and no sound came out. But she must have got that as she was looking directly into me. She might got all the gestures of my face or maybe not…no idea. But the surprise and doubt gone soon and then I was just smiling after a second. Then I started walking towards the sofa located at the center of the bank.

And then I saw anant confidently walking towards the sofa and I noticed that he hadn’t even hesitated a little bit, like me. He stood there during all the 30 second conversation just beside me. What does that mean? What the hell was I thinking? Anant must know her. She was talking in plural tone every time. She was making a small talk with him but I spoke first so it became me-and-her conversation. So I was barking on the wrong tree, nothing else. Otherwise how could Anant trust someone without any hesitation? So first mystery…then surprise…then hesitation...Then amazement…then smile...And at last…realization.

Then we all 3 set on sofa to fill up the form. (aniket was busy talking with some friend and then joined us on sofa) so we indulged ourselves in filling the form. I completed my form first and anant was still filling up.

So I asked him casually:”so how did you know that girl?”

Anant: “what???” He was surprised :”what???? I didn’t know her. She was your friend na…?”

Me:”what???” now it was my turn to surprise “you didn’t know her???”

Anant:”she started talking to you as if she were your friend so I thought…” he hadn’t completed the sentence.

Now we both were surprised and staring at each other with a little smile. Both confused…we were distracted by aniket laughing hard about our situation. He must have noticed us talking to that yellow-T-shirt girl. What the hell??? The person sitting beside aniket get annoyed with this but when boys are in group they don’t care about others, as a general rule. And then we were smiling at over selves.

Then we got up and strolled towards the queue. I was hesitated about join her or not. Or would she really allow us to take this illegal entry in queue.

I asked Anant:”what to do? Should we join her?”

Anant:”…she told us that she would keep a place then why should we hesitate? ”

Me:”ok..”

So anant stood behind her in a queue. And I stood behind him. There was a large queue behind us now extending outside the door to the end of the steps. So this was practical choice. ‘Let’s-take-a-chance’ thing. What’s there to lose? At this time yellow-T-shirt girl was talking to her friend about Paramarsh, an M.S.Unuversity non-tech. event. That made me wonders whether she had noticed me during Paramarsh as I was part of the Organizing team. She saw us joining in line behind her but didn’t say anything. I was not even expecting her to say anything at all. But she time-by-time stealing friendly glances at us.

Then after sometime aniket joined the row and one more person behind him also joined. Practically we were standing outside the queue, expecting those who stood behind yellow-t-shirt girl to give us space to join in. The person stood behind me asked and I told him that we had been standing in the line but just gone to fill the form. He satisfied. But then came the watchman and told all of us to go at the end of the row. Anant told him that we were here and had gone for the form-filling. But he wasn’t flinched and continued ordering us to go at the back. We tried to convince but now I knew I had to stand in queue 1 more hour then I thought. But then the yellow-T-shirt girl came for our salvation and told the watchman: “they were here…just gone for the form-filling…” and boom…the watchman convinced. Generally man tends to argue less with woman. He just gave us a look and gone. I turned from him to her and wanted to thank her again but she got indulged in her phone just after that. She had same sony model that I was using. Now we legally entered into the queue.

Our human mind is skeptical. A thought swept across my mind ‘is she flirting with me or anant’? She seemed friendly and not the kind that could flirt. But you couldn’t say for sure. And ya, none of us were flirting or anything.

So for some time I talked with Anant and then she initiated a friendly chit-chat over the CAT with us. I came to know that she was in BBA and also a student at T.I.M.E. After sometime her friend also joined and the talks flowed about various exams, date of CAT we were choosing, AIMCAT and all. In short, we had a nice pastime talk. And ya, I found out that it was never about flirting. She was just like 12^th standard girl, didn’t seem mature enough, didn’t so hopeful about CAT or even preparing. But the way by which she initiated and indulged us in friendly talk so smoothly that nobody would believe that we were not classmates. She can easily deal with strangers and could be good at marketing if she would try.

At one moment, she pointed at something and said:” wouldn’t that perfectly appropriate for our situation?” She was pointing at the notice board above the counter which states:’ stand quietly in line, we appreciate your patient’. That made us smile.

When I took out my cell to check message, she literally jumped:”I had the same phone…” quite childlike.

Me:”ya…I saw that…”

How could our Aniket bhai be out of picture? At one point I was talking about placements with yellow-T-shirt girl and anant was talking to her friend and anant made same witty remark and we all laughed. At that time the watchman came and told us to stand silently. Aniket commented from behind:” saumil…take her outside and talk…let us take the broachers first”. But she hadn’t heard. What if she heard, she didn’t even know my name. Not even I knew hers. Before I asked her it was her turn to pay broachers fee and then she was leaving. I didn’t want to shout to ask her name because that seemed desperate. So I just said "bye" and she said "bye and Best of luck". She turned and left before i say thank you. So here I missed my 3rd chance to say proper thank you. So thanks to the "yellow-T-shirt" girl we got our form in 40 min instead of 1hr 40 min.

And ya at one point, she offered to help some elderly man whom she barely knew and told him to sit and took his form for submission.

OVER AND OUT.

I don’t think I was going to meet her again ever. But the thing that made me smile and write this blog was that “how some persons arrive in your life and become friendly without even knowing each other…just a flash or sparkle and you become friends…hadn’t notice this earlier…atleast not this fast..40 min to friendship seems absurd where you don’t even know each other’s names”

And one more thing that made me wish that I meet such girls again is that she offered help to me by saying to keep a place and told watchman that we were in queue earlier. It hadn’t seemed like a big deal. I doubt myself whether I would even tell some stranger old-age person to go sit and I would keep his/her place. Or if some girl or boy standing behind me, who went out of row for some reason, then would I dare to talk to watchman about letting him in unless he asked me to help him. I doubt myself. Those are the small things but with big meanings.

There is so much goodness around us.

Diary of a cricket widow

2011-03-12T07:07:00.000-08:00

Note: This article is not written by me but I came across it while reading TOI

Television is my rival in love and marriage

IPL has turned many men into addicts

I became a widow at 22. My husband was alive and well and sitting right next to me, munching on a packet of chips. But he did not respond to my voice and when I looked into his eyes, I saw a rectangular shape glittering with tiny men dressed in white. The terrible cricket disease that he caught in his teens had taken him away from me in the prime of his — and my—life.

First, it was just a mild attack of one-day matches, then came the more serious Test match fever and then the final blow was the dreaded IPL, which finally carried him off, leaving me bereft and alone. Though his body is still with me, his heart and soul belong to the cricket goddess. He eats, breathes and dreams cricket. At night, when he cannot sleep he counts the runs Sachin made in the last match. Our daughter (yes we did manage somehow to have one, perhaps it was during the monsoon) is called Sachina and the first word she spoke was “out”, raising her chubby, little finger to the sky.

My father gifted a 42-inch TV as part of my dowry and little did I know that it would become a hated rival for my husband’s love and affection. A woman with the same chest measurements would have been a better sautan. At least she would not be with us day and night, bedazzling, teasing and tormenting my poor husband.

Sometimes, my husband would get so hysterical watching a match that I feared for my life. He would rush to the TV shaking his fist at some poor man in a hat, shouting: “He was not out..., you b…” Or he would yell: “Get him ... Get him …Oh NO No No you idiot...you dropped it…”

It continues this way. The other day he picked up a book and threw it at the TV, shouting terrrible abuses at some men talking about the match and now my neighbours think he is a wife-beater and give me sympathetic looks when I go out. A concerned friend asked if I would like to lodge a complaint against him.Who is there to complain to? Is there is society for prevention of cruelty to cricket widows?

Fed up with this lonely life I decided to learn about the game. “Start with the 20-20 matches. They are great fun. They finish quickly and the players are all so good-looking,” said a friend who is cricket crazy too. She often says odd things like “Duckworth-Lewis and leg bye” for no reason at all. If I ring her up during a match she refuses to talk to me. “It’s a crucial moment. Just a single needed,” she says, “pray for us.”

So the next time my husband was frozen in front of the TV. I passed him the diet namkeen and asked. “Will the same man hit the ball now?”

My husband did not reply. I tried again. “Why is the other man not hitting the ball? Is he the enemy side? Silence.

“Oh look Pretty Zinta has changed her hair colour again,” I said waving my hand to point out this interesting tit bit.

“DON’T BLOCK MY VIEW…”

He shouted and then a tortured cry echoed all over the room.

“SH…Missed the shot. SIT DOWN . Replay, quiet, the replay.”

I see no end to this sorrow. Is there life beyond IPL? Maybe I can divorce him and remarry while I am still young. Perhaps I could marry a famous cricketer. A goodlooking fellow with rippling muscles and nice curly hair. He will not talk, sleep and live cricket. He will just play it and make lots and lots of money. If you have to be a crick et widow, why not marry a rich one. No?

Courtesy: Bulbul Sharma, writer and artist

COMPUTER ENGINEER, REALLY?

2011-03-09T01:30:00.000-08:00

This is esoteric post only for Comp. Eng.

Today I was having DMS (DataBase Management System) lab. We were currently working on Oracle 9i made by oracle corporation. After the lab I went to parking as I was going to bunk all other lectures. In the parking, I saw Pawaskar Brothers. If you don’t know them or saw them then let me describe them. They are twins, same height-body and look almost identical. Whenever I saw them, a question arose in my mind that how could someone distinguish them. But as none of them are my friend, I just put that question on back burner.

But today after looking those twins something came to my mind. Before I tell you what it was I wanted to ensure that the it was not made up afterwards but clicked at that particular moment and it was the first thought in the queue of thoughts:

“IS THAT ANY PRIMARY KEY WITH WHICH I DISTINGUISH THESE TWO….?”

So from now on I am confident that, in the 3^rd year of computer engineering, finally I became one.

ORACLE CORPORATION keep one reserved seat for me……………….

THE FP winning ParTy

2011-03-06T12:28:00.000-08:00

I had not written any blog for a long time that by no means indicate that I had fracture in my finger or arm but I was little bit disappointed with me. Let’s cut the crap…

The thing is we got a fantastic treat by AhmedAli, Finahas, Vishwa, Gajjar and Jenil. If you are regular reader of this blog then you must know Vishwa, Ahmad and Finhas. Jenil is one of the most studious guy of our class, a good programmer, always makes jokes about only two persons :”Dukhi” and “Vaghodia”(the mystery about this will be revealed later). Gajjar is ……hmmm…………Gajjar. I don’t think I can write anything about this person. He may be a good person but every time I met him he was talking about some nonsense. By the way, these 5 persons were winners of this year’s FP, a college event.

We 25 persons were invited into party. It would be boring for you to read all the names in the list. So I introduce them as the time arrives.

It was 1:30 P.M. and we were really hungry. I was sitting in the comp.lab. with Vivek(read his funny description in ‘Panchal’s marriage part-3’ if you want to.) and Keyur. Keyur got a message and we run towards the parking then accelerated towards KALYAN CAFE, a fatehgang based restaurant. This was my first visit to that. When we arrived, all others had already been in place. There was some small isolated section in the restaurant away from main area in which 4 tables were set up. It was good to have such isolated section as in the last party(soham’s birthday) the manager got angry because we were making so much noise that he couldn’t listen the order of other customers.

As I entered that isolated section I announced:”where is Panku?”. He replied immediately. The thing was as I found out that we had same taste in food so I wanted to sit with him. At least I had someone on my side who agree at my most of comments about food. But vivek LUKHOO sat across him so I had to sit somewhere. So I sat across Aniket. “that will be OK” I said to myself. By the way, menu is: papad, butter roti, malai kofta, palak paneer(my favourite and also Pankil’s), rice and daal fry.

First the soup arrived, it was corn soup, worst soup I ever had. Then papad. Actually we all had consumed more papad then Rotis.

By the way, “vaghodia” is our FR and “Dukhi” is Dhwanil. I had no idea why they called Dhwanil “Dukhi”. Hey guys, if you know the reason pl. comment it below. And for “vaghodia”, he came from vaghodia so he was named “vaghodia”, weird….lol.

I didn’t remember the whole party but some parts of it...

1) Keyur, who always make some silly comments at Finhas, said out of nowhere : “ve Finhas maar khana hai?”
Finhas answered in his typical style:”Ve kale sanje ghare nahi poke…yaha se Bharuch jane k sare transport bandh karva dunga….pachi pacho b avvano nahi re…”
Keyur:”******* **********************”

2)Finhas:”ve panku ka second rank aya hai be, 20% vo nikalega…sidhi bat hai…”
Actually pankil had contributed 20% of amount in soham and finhas’s common birthday party before. So Finhas was making such comments.
Pankil:”ve madan maar khavo che…”
I said in little bit angrier tone:”finhas…..aisa kar sale teri shadi me bhi pankil se 20% lena ….”

3)Finhas in his typical style said in my ear:”…mane uperwala e evo power bakshyo che ne k mane jamvanu na male to aa badha(25) glass nu pani pi jau ne to bi 4 divas lagi khavanu na magu….”
I started laughing.
Finhas:”…ve….evo power che la mara ma.”

4)me(saumil), Aniket, Donga, Asodariya, Keyur G and nirav were sitting at one table. The least noise-making table was ours as except me and Aniket no one is speaking in more than 20dB range.
At one moment I told aniket:”…ye parth jo jokes marta hai na vo to samaz me hi nahi ate…..akhir hasna kis baat pe hai…” he agreed to me:”..same here…”

5) There was one guy named barve kunal, a due soft guy, who had taken some agency or something, so people called him “duesoft”, I don’t know exactly what it was.
Aniket:”ye salla…….due soft kabse mera papad kha raha hai…ye kya hai be…”
Barve gave him a cunning smile.
Nisarg who was sitting on the other side of Barve readily agreed:”…haaa be…abhi abhi mera adha papad bhi vo hi kha gaya….”
KEVO LAAA…..Barve?

6)In the middle of the lunch, I heard some noise from the table behind me.
Someone was yelling:”MOGLI…..MOGLI…..”
Soni hardik:”..ve abse parth(“vaghodia”) ka nam MOGLI rakhte hai….”
Aniket:”sahi hai be…maine mark nahi kiya ….dekh to sahi bilkul vaisa hi hai…baal to dekh…”
Nisarg:”ve chalo sab MOgli ka song gate hai….”
Then we all sang a song loudly:”jungle jungle pata chala hai…chaddi pahan k ‘fool’ khila hai……………”
Someone said:” ….paheni to hai na………?”
Keyur P from the corner: ”ve sab chup raho be …vrna vo boomerang se marega…”
Donga:”..ve patte-batte nahi pahenta hai?”
Jenil:”ve kya be…….modern mogli che be….mobile pan vapre che…”
Dhwanil:”hala….jena…ab programming chalu mat karna…” (I don’t know the relevance of this comment but I heard it.)

7)At one moment when Jenil was clicking the photograph of Dhwanil(“Dukhi”), he smiled. Everyone laughed at nisarg’s comment :”…ve Dhukhi hasyo…ve dhukhi hasyo….”

8)There was one surprise, Ankit was invited to this party and during all this time, he tried to smile at our silly jokes and situation. But as me and Aniket had observed, he seemed so out of place like:”…are yaar, in bandaro k bich kaha phas gaya…”

9)As I was not fat (that’s good way of writing that I am thin.), at the time when waiter was serving the rice, I said:”…bas…bas….”
Waiter continued to give me the rice and told me:”…are khao na….”
Aniket heard this and rold me:”…dekh saumil, ye waiter bhi tumhe khila raha hai…”
By the way, I was last at completing the lunch. Aur saalo main enough khata hu be but it’s not my fault k me mota nahi hota….

10)After the party, aniket:”…chalo na finhas ko pakad ke marte hai….”
Me:”…sahi hai…yaar uski personality hi aisi hai na……… ki usko marne ki dil se ichha hoti hai….”
Aniket:”…tumhe marne ka mood hota hai matlab khatam be…sahi hai per aisa hi hai…”

11) So at last we had ice-cream, then came out. We stood there in sunlight and were chatting.
Suddenly vishwa came from behind:”…are tum log kyu Anaconda ki tarah yaha dhoop me khade raheke khana pacha rahe ho….”
Vivek and I surprised:”…is that true?...”
Vishwa:”I am sorry but I had a lot more knowledge about snakes …yeah that’s true..”
Vivek saw parth the vaghodia standing in sunlight and said:”….apde to samjya pan aa MOGLI kyarthi dhoop ma khavanu pachvava mandyo…”

This party was good. But obviously not as good as soham and finhas’s birthday party. That was crazy.
At the end, thanks to Ahmed, Finhas, Gajjar, Jenil and last but not least Vishwa.

A cat’56 @ T.I.M.E. scenario

2011-02-13T04:27:00.000-08:00

Facts :

you might think that why 56 (cha-PP-эn)? Even I don’t know how chappan was came up or founded but as per my belief it was most probably founded by Aniket or Soham. The significance of this no is very huge among our group. If we are talking about some year in future than it must be 2056, if we are talking about our old age, it must be chappan. While working on the paramarsh launch video if we couldn’t find some featcher we needed in Photoshop CS4 or Adobe After-effects CS4 then one of us (me-saumil, Aniket , soham ,Vishwa) say:”apne photoshop cs-chappan banyenge usme ye dalenge and apne bache fir vo use karenge….” Or sometimes we use it for exaggeration: “ye NFS:most wanted to kya he be…apne to NFS:chappan banayenge be… ”.I don’t know why but this particular no. when spoken with intensity -chhhhhappan always brings laugh in our group. chhhappan rocks…

Fiction

Place: classroom at T.I.M.E., baroda

Date: 12^th feb, 2056.

Time: 9:00 in morning

Chandu ka beta:”han…han..han..han, agar ye 5 me se aapko 4 bhi aa jate hai na to aapka 80 percentile to pakka hai… han..han…to ham konsa kar rahe the, pahele 3^rd dekh lijie…usme kya aayega? Ye to ho hi jana chahiye tha…” now he moved his finger in the class with the hope of getting the right answer but the class was completely numb. “Are kya ker rahe hai aap, cat’57me bhi iska answer ane laga hai…”

He waits for some minutes and then different guesses arrived. Chandu ka beta:”aapne 1,3 and 4 bol diya matlab konsa answer hoga…”

“twooooooooooo…”whole class spoke in unison.

At this momemt Amal ka beta arrived in the class, as always late and with huge smile on the face which made whole class smile a little-bit.

Chanu:“answer hai 2^nd chappan, koi iska matlab batayega…?”

Vishwa ka beta with gestures of hands:”sir, it’s like…I mean…it’s…”

Mera beta ,soham ka beta and Aniket ka beta laughing silently and acting completely ignorant about the word. But they recollect that they might hear that word somewhere…

Ashish ka beta:”when we were talking about some very big thing and…”

Chandu ka beta with lots of gratitude on the face and with pointing towards Ashish ka beta ”very good, yahi answer chahiye tha…han..han..”

You might think that why our kids were not getting the answer even if we were the founders. Answer:’are hamare bache hai hamari tarah hi honge na, book thodi padhenge yaar….we believe in practicle knowledge.’

Chandu ka beta asked Ashish ka beta:”aapne ‘shabdik bhandol banyu saral’ by norman..sorry naresh kanodia padh lia kya? ”

Ashish ka beta:”haaa..sir.”

Chandu ka beta:”han..han…you know..aisa pata chal hi jata hai…”

By the way, with the speed the Gujarat is growing today in 2011 under narendra modi and in 2056 under narendra modi ka beta and with some trillions dollar of M.O.U.s, Gujarat will become the next New York and Gujarati language will dominate the world. But I am writing this in English because the day is yet to come (and I didn’t have gujarati keyboard).

Chandu ka beta:“han..han..han..han… ye jo word chappan hai…. vo paheli bar ek blog pe introduce kiya gaya tha…abhi uska nam yaad nahi aa raha” now he was thinking deep with his first finger of his right hand on his chin and trying to get the name.

Abhijeet ka beta started his guessing:”sir ultasidha-hinglish.blogspot….”

Sir:”vo bhi kafi accha blog hai…aap padhte hai kya…but vo nahi tha…me abhi dekhke aata hu…”

Now the class started making noise. Tosha ki beti came to class with some announcement and said:”please pay attention…” but the thing was everyone had already paid attention to her from the moment she entered.

Now again sir returned:”vo blog ka naam likh dijie saumilandfriends.blogspot.com han…han…han…aj hi isko padh lena hai…”

Atharva ka beta came to life:”ala aato mara kaka no blog che laa…ala sachee hu madelo chu laa…” Nishant ka beta gave him a skeptical look.

Sir continued:”yaha pe aapko kafi naye word mil jayenge…jaise ki” again in deep thinking ”for example ungothable…fir madan and all that …padh lena ek bar…”

Vibhanshu ka beta in fustration:”************* ********* sala ******* ******* ******”

Sir continued:”han..han..ajse 45-50 saal pahele kuch students the M.S. me un logo ne is word pe kafi….you know…aise…matlab un logo ne itna preference diya tha ke uske bad is word pe jyada kuch change hua hi nahi…. ” getting form again ”han..han…matlab ye nahi hai ki unke bad kisine kuch kiya nahi but the thing is …ki unho ne itna jyada ker liya tha ki…..matlab age kuch karne ko bacha hi nahi ……………………………………………….(3 more minutes)”

The whole class didn’t know why sir was telling this.

Anant to neighbour:”ala mere papa bhi blog likhte the be…darroj na 5 words…”

Sir continued:”……..aj ki news padhi kya rahul ghandhi… ”

Abhijeet ka beta jumped for answer:”ha sir, Rahul Gandhi ka beta desh ka sab se eligible bechler hai…”

Sir:”..usme eligible ke spelling me ‘i’ ki jagah ‘e’ dala hai…mark kiya kya kisi ne…? chodo vo sab…”

Chandu ka beta continued:”abhi me jo bolne jar aha hu uska answer 2 second me aa hi jana chahiye…ek famous idiom hai chappan ka use karke…jiska reading achha hai use to ana hi chahiye, ye aa gaya to more than 85 percentile…”

Pointing towards Teena ki beti “han…han… mam aap batayegi kya…on cloud…age kya aayega..? jaldi se…” she shook her head. ”agar aap ye nahi bata sakte to fir …….thank you…are yad karo aa jayega…”

Teena ki beti:”sir, I am not IIM material… ”

Now answer came from behind. Sir:”sir, aapne answer diya kya?”

Mayur ka beta:”ha sir, on cloud chappanth”

Amal ka beta:”ha …sir..ha..sir…’on cloud chappanth’…”

Sir:”aap spelling batayenge kya?” Now Amal ka beta was numb.

Chandu ka beta to Mayur ka beta:”very good, that’s the answer. Aap ko maine mark karke rakha hai, aapki ‘shabdik bhandol banyu saral’ to ho gayi hogi…ab main puchunga nahi…..main ye man ke chalta hu k aapki ho hi gayi hai…is that clear? Han..han..han…”

Chandu ka beta, suddenly remembering something:”aapko ek doosri book bhi boli thi kya?”

All:”nooooooooooooo”

Sir:”chillana nahi hai…. likh dena hai..likho…’6 saptah ma shabdik shakti by Gajodher Choksi’ very famous …suna hoga aapne…nahi suna kya..” Nobody responded so he put his hand on his chest and pretended like he was filling terrible pain.

Vibhanshu ka beta to his neighbour: ”gajodher choksi ka ******* ****** ************************* ”

All the students were watching sir like some weird show was going on.

Chandu ka beta:”vaise us idiom ka matlab koi batayega…sir..”

Mayur ka beta:”sir, it’s similar to ‘on cloud nine’ ”

Chandu ka beta:”han..han…aap galat nahi hai…per aap ne jo bola uska meaning kafi chota hai ‘on cloud chappanth’ k samne. Ek famous auther hai usne kaha hai ki:’the figurative difference between ‘on cloud nine’ and ‘on cloud chappanth’ can be understood by getting their literal difference.’ Pata chala? … ”

Chandu ka beta :”Doosara ek idiom hai…dhyaan se sun na hai…’having chappan problem’ ….”

Ashish ka beta:”having so many problem concurrenty…”

Chandu ka beta:”very good… abhi kya koi muze chappan ka pural batayega …itna easy nahi hai…but fir bhi…I am expecting answer…ek rule tha..weird tha…”

Mera beta, Aniket ka beta , Soham ka beta and Vishwa ka beta in unison:”chhhhhhhhhhappan……”

Sir:”very good…ye sirf usage se hi ata hai…chappan ka pural karne ke liye uske piche ’s’ nahi lagana hai per bitch me ‘h’ lagana hai…”

You maybe thinking until now our betas were silent, how could they suddenly come to light. Answer is:”unho ne book bhale na padhi ho hamare muh se to barbar suna hi hoga naa…this is practical knowledge.”

Chandu ka beta:”aapko ek management book likhwayi thi kya? Soham karke…nahi likhwayi kya….thik hai …likho…’soham and his vadapao lari outside IIM’ …itna acha book hai ki IIM-A me bhi vo padhate hai… ”

Atharva ka beta:”ala e to mara kaka ni book che laaa……..”

Again Nishant ka beta gave him skeptical look……………………………….