Tresses N Treasures

We're Moving!!!!

2014-07-17T08:00:00.001-05:00

We're moving to T4Treasure.com!

I have really exciting news: We're moving!!!!!

Well, the blog is at least. My focus and goal in having the blog has changed since I originally started it and I want the blog and name to reflect that.

In the next month or so, I will be moving the blog to a new web address. This will give me greater control of the appearance of my blog and hopefully make it easier for everyone to follow. (There were a few people that couldn't remember the site address and Googling was never helpful.)

I'm really excited for the re-launch and some of the ideas I have. So stay tuned and I'll let you know when you can visit us at our new home: T4Treasure.com.

Treasure Today - You Only Get One!

Temi Talks: I Sorry

2014-07-08T11:00:00.001-05:00

We taught Tempess to apologize when she did something wrong and now the following conversation is common place in our house.

Todd: TEMPESS!!!
Temi: I sorry Daddy, it's ok. I sorry. I not do that. I luh zhou!

I guess now we have to teach her to only apologize if she truly is remorseful.

Temi Talks: Foot Hort

2014-05-29T15:12:00.001-05:00

Tempess has reached a stage where only Mommy can do everything. Daddy can't do it. Regardless of what it is.

Unless it's skate. Then in that case, "Mommy you can't skate. Your foot hort. You stay here and me and Daddy go so you don't hort your foot."

How thoughtful!

Daddy Say What?!?!: Ma Ma

2014-05-22T15:05:00.000-05:00

Tové: DaaaaaaaDaaaaaa
Todd: How about Ma Ma?
Me: You tired of her saying DaDa?
Todd: Yes!!

Guess Who Finally Has Teeth?

2014-05-22T07:03:00.000-05:00

Not that being toothless has stopped her from enjoying the finer things in life, such as her sister's chips or her daddy's chicken.

And if you're in denial - like I am - about just how big she's getting, check out these videos of her getting around:

Tové's First Steps

If At First You Fall (Tové Walks)

This-A Make-A Me Happy

2014-05-21T10:50:00.000-05:00

Dinner time with T4 and here's why:

Since I went back to work 2.5 years ago, I have struggled with my decision to do so. It was always my dream to be a stay-at-home mom. I wanted to raise my kids and give them the solid foundation they needed. I wanted to invest wholeheartedly in them. I didn't want them to feel that anyone or thing came before them. I didn't wanna be that workaholic who missed those treasured moments.

Then I got pregnant unplanned. And people talked. And the joy I was supposed to feel was replaced with this ever-burning need to prove myself.

→Prove that my innocent child wasn't ruining my life.
→Prove that I wasn't just some non-contributing member of my family laying around, waiting for Todd to take care of me. (Man, the way some people talk about stay-at-home moms is heartbreaking, to say the least.)
→Prove that I wasn't a failure at life.
→Prove that I could take care of this little person that I had brought into the world despite being told to do otherwise.

So, I went back to work. I had this child that I did not plan, but that was not going to stop me from giving her the world that I wanted her to have. It would just have to be modified.

☆★I want to stop here and say that Todd was 100% on board with whichever decision I made - stay at home or go back to work - so long as our bills were paid. And, our bills would be paid if I stayed at home, but that's all. There would be no saving, no room for growth. And, if something happened to Todd, I'd be in no position to carry us.★☆

So I went back to work, so we could give our daughter the childhood we wanted her to have. Only I felt like I was failing her. Our commute made for long days and I'd come home tired, then had to cook and off to bed she went. Our only "time" together was in the car.

Even after having another child and going through the routine a second time, I still hadn't figured it out. I wasn't giving my children the time and piece of me that I felt they deserved. Rolls on the floor and dance parties were reserved for Saturday's. There was little time to just sit in the amazingness that is them. Because there's always something to do.

Then we moved and bought a dining table. And BAM! Instant family time.

This little piece of furniture has added so much to my life in the past month. We went from eating in front of a Netflix-playing TV, not saying one word to each other to sitting around a table talking to each other. And, I love every minute of it. I suddenly feel like I've gained extra time with my daughters.

And the best part? Temi insists on leading us in grace every meal.

To keep this little piece of happiness, our table is a device-free zone during meals. No phones, iPad, TV or laptop.

And, this-a make-a me happy! ♡♥

*Don't mind the shirtless girl who wants her "shirt off like Daddy!"

Speaking Your Mind Or Being Disrespectful

2014-05-19T14:30:00.001-05:00

"Respect Your Elders."

That was one of my mom's golden rules growing up. Disobeying that was a cardinal sin. It made her look bad, and among other things, she would not have a disrespectful child. She'd kill you first. As a result, my family will tell you I had manners. Instinctively, I still say "Hello, how are you?" on the phone.

Talking back was a huge no-no. If someone older than you said something, it was fact. You didn't disagree. You didn't correct. You didn't argue. No ands, ifs or buts about it.

I never thought twice about this rule until I started working in corporate America. I went from my peers being the same age as me to being the youngest on my team, even if I wasn't the lowest salary grade.

I faced an even stronger internal struggle in Kansas where my friends were 10+ years older than me. I had friends that were the same age as my aunt! Luckily, they never made me feel like I was just some youth's that needed to stay in a child's place. However, there would be times where I was reminded that they were closer to my parents' age than my own. And in those times, I would often wonder if my conversations with them were perceived as disrespectful. There were times where we had some pretty intense debates, and though there was no love lost I couldn't help but wonder if my speaking my mind was taking as me talking back.

I've been reading a lot of professional development articles lately and I've noticed that I have a lot of mild mannerisms. In other words, I lean out when I need to lean in. I know why this is. I don't want to be seen as confrontational or disrespectful. But the problem is I've been employed because they want me to challenge them. The powers that be decided I bring a fresh new perspective and they welcome me speaking up.

I'm just not always good at it. But I need to be. If I want to have the career that I desire, I need to find my voice and use it - loudly and clearly.

I also need to teach my daughters how to find their voices. To navigate the lines of respecting others without silencing themselves. I want them to know that they should always have respect for others as human beings, regardless of age. And, that their opinion is not any less significant because they may be younger. It's important that they know they can speak up and offer a differing opinion without being considered disrespectful.

Their future careers depend on it. Their value and worth, the way they see the world depends on it.

Momfessions: Sleeping Together

2014-05-14T16:05:00.000-05:00

Todd wants Tempess to sleep in her bed. I don't mind.

Tempess wants to sleep with Mommy. I don't mind that either.

As much as I like having a bed to myself (since 90% of the time someone falls asleep on the futon in front of the PS3), I also like that warm, fuzzy feeling I get when little arms wrap around my neck and giggle "I luh zhoo!"

Nothing says sweet dreams like a toddler who wants you to be a part of their every moment, both waking and sleeping.

But nothing says wine like a toddler who wants you to lay still while they reenact Five Monkeys and you got ish to do.

For now, I choose the former. It gets me through the long days and lets me know that even when I think I'm messing this Mommydom thing up, somebody thinks I'm doing it right.

Tempess, Tempess, Tempess, Tové

2014-02-06T08:14:00.001-06:00

A few nights ago, Tové and I were sitting on the couch when she started crawling to the edge. She pulled herself up and started leaning over trying to grab stuff from the table. I let her assert her independence for 0.2 seconds before....

Tempess.

Nothing.

Tempess.

Still nothing.

TEMPESS!

Is this girl ignoring...oooooohhhhhh wait.

Tové.

She turned, flashed her biggest "I'm the boss" smile and crawled over to me.

Sister, Sister

2014-01-18T09:39:00.002-06:00

Like I'm sure most moms do, I often sit back and stare in awe at my children. I'm not afraid to admit that I'm that mom that thinks I should call the 9 o'clock news because Tové just looked at me and smiled the biggest, most heartwarming smile. Or because Tempess has completely rewritten the words to Up, Up High (that's Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star for all the nonfans that haven't bought her CD yet).

But I digress.

So in true mommydom nature, I was staring at my girls, watching them play together. Before I knew it, I was back in my childhood, watching all of my favorite TV friends go through life with their twin sister by their side and thinking how awesome it would be if I had one of those too.

In all of our pre-baby, pregnancy chaos, we definitely wanted a boy, so we could be done. So we'd have society's perfect pair of kids. Society's perfect family of four. But watching Tempess and Tové play together, I was reminded of how I felt growing up sisterless. God has given both of them the perfect gift - a lifelong friend. Someone they can go through life with, side-by-side.

Tempess is still working to understand the concept of sisterdom, and that she's a big sister. But she does know No Mommy. Baby Sister. Me Tempess.

And she taught Tové to crawl to her, which Tové did giggling and smiling the entire time. And they cannot stand being away from each other, both girls crawling over me and Todd to smell what the other just ate as they lay nose to nose and have giggle wars.

Watching Tempess openly embrace her role as big sister, eager to share her vast knowledge of the world with Tové, warms my heart in ways I've never known before.

Don't get me wrong. Tempess is quick to tell me Mommy, Baby down, so that I can give her whatever it is she wants at the moment - dancing with her, food, kisses, more food. But as soon as that momentary desire has been met, she's back in Tové's face, singing Sister, Sister.

I've Never Bathed Tové

2014-01-05T21:10:00.001-06:00

Tonight I bathed Tové for the first time in her eight-month existence.

It went pretty ok. It was a straightforward process. Nothing went wrong. But I never want to do it again.

You see up until tonight bath time was Daddy's thing. But, he wanted to make stew tonight since the Great Arctic Freeze is upon Chicago. So we switched roles - he's cooking and I gave baths.

Bathing the girls made me realize how much I love the roles we've carved out for ourselves. My responsibilities around the house are things that either I generally enjoy or come natural for me. I don't dislike giving the girls a bath, but it's awkward for me. I haven't regularly bathed* another little person since my sister was Tempess' age. That was 11 years ago.

Then there was the absence of laughter that usually fills the house during bath time. No, it wasn't replaced with screams or cries, but there were no squeals of joy either. I felt like I was encroaching upon Todd's territory where I was not invited. The whole experience just was not natural.

So I will gladly take my nursing, cooking, singing and rocking to sleep duties. Daddy can have bath time.

Why Can't It Be Easy?

2013-12-30T14:09:00.000-06:00

About a month or two ago, Todd and I got into a huge argument, and after we both had calmed down, we tried to restore some normalcy to our relationship and routine. The problem was that the issue that caused the argument in the first place still had not been resolved. We spent the next few weeks avoiding the elephant in the room until it grew so big we could barely fit in the room with it.

I was ready to attack the elephant and reclaim my living space, but Todd wasn't. And then ~~I persuaded him to address it before it reached the point of no return~~ he was. So we sat down and we had a long, overdue discussion about us. Our issues. Our fears. Our doubts. He went first, telling me his biggest issues with the relationship. And I listened, asking permission to speak to make sure I didn't cut him off. I responded to his issues, explaining things that he didn't understand. Then, I went. And he did the same. And throughout the conversation, we both acknowledged where we were wrong and agreed to work on those things that bothered the other. And in those areas where we could see the other person's side, but didn't totally agree that we were wrong or they were right, we did the unthinkable - we came up with a mutually satisfying compromise.

And together, we decided to move forward. The End.

Only, a few days later, I couldn't help but feel like it wasn't the end. It was too easy. We both took the high road and handled the entire conversation with class and maturity and worked together to make sure both of our needs were going to be met moving forward. Yet, somehow I still felt unsettled. Maybe I should have yelled, or put my foot down more. Why did I agree to compromise? He's going to think he can walk all over me now. No, I didn't have a particular issue that I felt I was too easy on him with. I just couldn't believe the conversation went so well. And then, I caught myself. Why can't it be easy? Who says that relationships have to be hard? If we both have the same endgame in mind, why can't we work together to get there? Why does it have to be a Me vs. Him scenario?

I am extremely proud of how we handled a delicate and difficult situation. I hope that we continue to handle future situations like this. I hope that we can continue to grow and mature as individuals and a couple and reach a point where we are teammates and not competitors. We are in this for the long haul, and how much easier and more fun it will be if we are side by side for the journey of parenthood instead of at each other's throats.

So, why can't it be easy? Because it definitely doesn't have to be hard.

Momfessions: What Now

2013-12-28T13:49:00.001-06:00

As I write this, I'm sitting in bed with a heating pad on my left shoulder. I'm left-handed and right now it hurts to do anything with my arm. And I just wanna cry.

Cry because I feel damaged.

Cry because my body hurts and aches in places and ways I've never known before.

Cry because I can't seem to catch a break.

Cry because I am incredibly stressed.

Cry because I need an outlet.

Cry because I feel as if I have none.

Cry because I feel all alone.

Cry because my f'n dominant arm f'in hurts all the time.

I just wanna smile. I just wanna be happy. Able to see the good in life. I want to be a positive person. But every time I resolve to be a better person, something happens, and I snap. My tolerance for anything is non-existent. And I hate it. So I cry.

I know things come with the territory of being a parent and I know that in life ish happens. But it seems like the two always team up and screw me over and right now I really need to set the reset button. Life's downs and annoyances and trials and tribulations have beat the life outta me and I haven't had a chance to recharge, resulting in a person I don't particularly like or care for. I have less patience for things out of my control. I'm less tolerant of others and their flaws, especially those closest to me. And my ability to properly assess situations is ridiculously horrible - everything is a big friggin deal.

I need a change, a break. I need a solution. I know this ish ain't cool. But what I don't know is, what now?!?

Bah Humbug

2013-12-26T17:43:00.001-06:00

For whatever reason, I really wasn't into Christmas this year, and events leading up to and surrounding Christmas really didn't help my mood. At one point, I decided to sit Christmas out. But thinking about the money we had already spent and certain people that were depending on us, I changed my mind.

I'm glad I did. For me, the whole holiday was still kind of just eh, but my girls enjoyed it. And we were able to bring smiles to some faces. And, that outweighs my grumpiness.

I'm sure next year I'll be in a better mood. I'm already deciding that I'm not going to let anything bring me down. I am going to celebrate with enthusiasm with my family.

It's Not Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas

2013-12-24T23:39:00.001-06:00

Christmas Eve is almost over and I just keep thinking that it should feel different. My holidays as an adult are completely different from my holidays as a child. Things were easier, more delightful back then. I wish I could revive those moments.

But really.....

I really wish Vera was still alive. The more I live, the more I recognize the difference she made. And, the more I realize that not only was 17 years not enough with her, but I was also too young to appreciate and make the kinda memories I would love to have to reflect on right now.

I am, however, thankful that I never had to see her in an unfortunate light - in my memories, she was the perfect grandmother. And, I wouldn't change that for the universe. I hope my children get the same opportunity with their grandparents.

In a world that is increasingly evil, hurtful and dangerous, it doesn't hurt to have someone that you see as purely good. As a parent, I have to administer tough love and while I'd love to be their blissful happily ever after, I know more than likely it will be the grandparents that win that title. And I'm ok with that. I believe grandparents are God's gift to children and I truly cherish the bond my children have with their grandparents.

And they are fortunate enough to have three sets.

It's Never too Late for Holiday Cheer

2013-12-22T12:13:00.001-06:00

This holiday season just hasn't felt very "holiday-y" at the Sparkman household. I'm not really sure why, but we were last minute with everything, including buying and decorating a tree.

Todd and Tempess went on a last-minute daddy and daughter tree shopping trip. When they got back, she helped him decorate the tree with her ornaments. She was so proud of herself and made sure Mommy, Daddy and Baby all knew "I did that!!"

Now she keeps running to the tree, taking ornaments off so she can put them back on.

And here I was thinking we were a bunch of Scrooges.

Temi Talks: Diffcult

2013-12-15T07:22:00.001-06:00

Todd (To Tové): Baby, you're being difficult.
Temi: Ma, Baby diffcult.
Me: Tempess, do you even know what difficult means?
Temi: Yeah.
Me: What does difficult mean?
Temi: (Pauses for a second) Uhhh diffcult!

The Hardest Part of Blogging

2013-12-07T18:32:00.001-06:00

I started this blog as a way to keep our family and friends connected to Tempess as she grows. I also thought it would be a great avenue to share my experiences as a new parent. I thought it would be filled with lots of "Oh, Tempess just took her first step." Or "Isn't she adorable eating her first cracker?" I thought I'd talk a lot about my lack of sleep or the high price of diapers.

I didn't think my experiences would be so deep and hard to share. I didn't think so many outside forces and people would weigh so heavily on my parenting experience. I'm not talking about the "My mom gave her sugar" or "Todd's mom spanked her against our wishes" kinda outside forces. I'm talking things I never imagined I'd have to deal with, this ish only happens in books kinda stuff. I guess to be fair some of it, I should've seen coming. But, I guess I wanted to give life and people the benefit of the doubt. I wanted so badly to believe parenting wasn't going to be a bad experience that I chose to look the other way. Pretend I wouldn't have to deal with certain things.

But you can only pretend for so long. And I've exceeded my limits, making it hard for me to smile and pretend everything's okay. And since I've exceeded my limits of pretending, I'm also challenged with how much I share with people and how. People I know read this blog, so if I go into too much detail, certain parties may feel I talked too much about them or their situation. I run the risk of oversharing parts of Todd's and my relationship that we don't want to share with the outside. On the other hand, if I share too little, or I'm too vague, then I run the risk of confusing people. So I shut down and I don't share anything. Sharing nothing is easier than sharing too much or too little.

I also have to admit that another reason I don't blog is because I don't want to be seen as a bad mommy, girlfriend, sister, daughter, person. Yes, I make mistakes, but I have nothing but the best intentions and I only want to do what's best for my family. Unfortunately, that can't be done without upsetting people, even those closest to me. I know everyone isn't going to agree with my parenting choices. But sometimes that's hard to accept. It's one thing for my formula-giving, sugar-loving family to give me a hard time for nursing and limiting Temi's sugar intake. It's another when I have to choose between being perceived as a bad daughter or a bad mother. Or when Todd and I disagree on how to parent in a certain situation and I feel like standing my ground makes me a b!tch, but giving in makes me a horrible mother. These are the parenting experiences that are beyond hard. These are the experiences I need to share to get support and advice.

But these are also the experiences that I probably won't blog about* because they have the ability to hurt those I care about and color how the outside world perceives them and me. And that's why blogging is so hard. Because balancing that line of over and undersharing is very, very delicate.

*I say probably because I may decide one day to share some things. Or I may find a way to blog about it that I feel is appropriate for all parties involved.

Momfessions: Pumping

2013-12-05T10:18:00.001-06:00

As much as I love breastfeeding, I hate pumping. With. A. Passion.

As Tové gets older, it's becoming harder and harder to stay committed. I would love to offer her only breastmilk after she's one, but I can't say that I'm not welcoming the opportunity to not have to worry about pumping enough milk.

Happy Thanksgiving!!!!

2013-11-28T15:24:00.001-06:00

Love T4

Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii'mmmmmmmmm Baaaaaaaaaack

2013-11-02T07:21:00.001-05:00

Miss me??

I missed you guys. Life kinda caught up with me and before I knew it I was running around like a chicken with her head cut off.
These past two months had a lot going on. Some of which was the culmination of things that were already going on. I won't bore you with the details or get on my soap opera box. What's important is that the girls are great and they are getting so big. Updates and pictures coming soon.

In the meantime, enjoy these Halloween pix. Much Love!

Temi Talks: I Got This

2013-08-22T23:05:00.001-05:00

☆★Today's post is Day 22 of the #31WriteNow blog challenge. I'm posting a new entry every day for the month of August★☆

Tempess had just finished peeing in the potty when she tried to empty the tray into the toilet. Not wanting her to spill pee everywhere, I simply said, "That's okay. Mommy will do it." To which she looked me square in the eye, stomped her foot and loudly proclaimed, "Mommy I got this!"

Where I've Been

2013-08-20T22:49:00.001-05:00

☆★Today's post is Day 20 of the #31WriteNow blog challenge. I'm posting a new entry every day for the month of August★☆

Things have been beyond crazy since Friday and the constant go-go-go finally caught up with me. It doesn't look like things are going to slow down anytime soon, but suck is life. My Cha-Cha slide just got super uptempo.

Everybody clap your hands.

Potty Chronicles: Potty Mama Booboo

2013-08-17T20:15:00.001-05:00

☆★Today's post is Day 17 of the #31WriteNow blog challenge. I'm posting a new entry every day for the month of August★☆

We have reached that stage where Tempess is overly ecstatic to use the potty. Where she says she has to potty even though she doesn't. Nana bought her some Elmo panties that she loves and refuses to take off. In retrospect, it's prolly the panties that landed us here. Anyhow, here is where Temi yells Mommy pooottteeeeeee then runs full speed towards the bathroom. Here is where she pulls her pants down, sits on the potty then empties the potty into the toilet all on her own.

She still won't poop in the potty. And she will occasionally have an accident, but I can't help feeling some kinda victorious.

Where Does the Time Go?

2013-08-16T23:04:00.001-05:00

☆★Today's post is Day 16 of the #31WriteNow blog challenge. I'm posting a new entry every day for the month of August★☆

Today is August 16. Which means Tempess is 23 months old today. Which means in exactly 31 days she will be 2 years old.

Where does the time go?

It seems like just yesterday I brought her home from the hospital. Now she is being potty trained and learning her letters, colors, numbers. She's bossing around everyone around her and being a real delight. And I mean that with the utmost sincerity. There aren't enough words to describe the joy she has brought and continues to bring to my life. I love watching her grow. But I can't help but wonder:

Where does the time go?