Useless Ramblings

Time to let it go

noreply@blogger.com (Alli) — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 02:58:00 +0000

You know the song.. to everything there is a season. Well it looks like my scrapbooking season is over.

I have been looking at my studio for the last 12 months and have felt the accusing glare of every single thing in here, waiting for me to make a move, create something, make a decision just to do something. Well I made my decision and I called my friend Danelle, ok so I facebooked her because I avoid any direct contact with real people as much as possible. For some strange reason my friends Ali and Lis are still putting up with me after nearly 5 years, I am telling you that is a record.

So Danelle has been working with an orphanage in Bali for several years now, the Widhya Asih Bali Children and in the past has taken craft supplies for them to make cards. So I am sending my supplies to them. They will have a new home.

I still want to keep records, I still want to remember but that overwhelming burn to preserve every second has diminished. I'm going to set aside a time each week to work on a book like I did for my 365 days blurb book . So now I am going to save up and get myself a copy of Photoshop and stick to digital scrapbooking.

So what will happen to the studio? It is going to be turned into a reading room, it is already the computer room, and has sort of been rechristened the office, because nothing much creative has been happening in here I can tell you.

I have started sorting things and Danelle is coming over Thursday to take it all away. It feels right and finally for the first time in a year I have made a decision about something and I'm acting on it.

It's a start.

Hello my name is Alli and I hoard books!!

noreply@blogger.com (Alli) — Sat, 30 May 2009 07:53:00 +0000

I gave in and started sorting out the books this morning. Now most of them are in order and grouped by author. We have a lot of books, most shelves you see are doubled up. I can only ever have as many books will fit on these book cases so to be kept it has to be a relatively good book that I will want to read again.

Now if only I could make the draws and cupboards look as tidy and organised as this!

So darn close and how it sucks to be a woman who wants to lose weight

noreply@blogger.com (Alli) — Sun, 24 May 2009 06:57:00 +0000

So first the exciting news!!! at this mornings weigh in I am 100.3kg (220.6lbs), that is a loss of 29.7kg (65.3lbs) in 26 weeks. I so wanted it to go under 100, that will be my first goal reached, see I wasn't mucking around when I set my goal, I was going for a straight loss of 30kg and it feels good to see the scales moving down again. There are weeks when it hasn't moved and then I drop 1.7kg (3lbs) in a week.

This is so frustrating, every day my calorie intake is the same, I exercise and I do all the right things, and then after a week of agonising I step on the scale and noting has changed. I've never retained fluid before but i think I must be now I can't explain it, I am after a nice gentle loss of 500grams a week and while it is happening it is all over the place. I can't help feeling crabby when for two weeks everything stays the same. I haven't weakened though. At my visit to the surgeon last week he was pretty thrilled (and with Michael too who has lost 23kg in 18 weeks) and has set my goal of 75kg by may next year. So 25kg to go and 12 months to get there. The fact that I have been able to maintain this for 6 months already is fantastic and doing it together with Michael has definately made it easier. Seeing the differences in our weight loss patterns is annoying though, no hormones interfering with his efforts at all while mine ride rough shod over me making me either starving or psycotic, I can live with being starving for a week but the mild psyotic episodes are tiring, I want smooth balance and tranquility.

I'm getting there though and I am pretty pleased with myself.

gastric banding - the pro's and con's

noreply@blogger.com (Alli) — Thu, 21 May 2009 23:58:00 +0000

Everything comes with a price. Some we are more than willing to pay, some are hard to live with and others are tolerated because we know they wont last forever.

I've had a bad week food wise, I ate a bit of cheese on Tuesday and then tried some mashed potato for tea. Well that mash feel with a thud and sat over the cheese and the band. It made itself into a little mashed potato plug and sat there. I could feel my heart beating through the band, I could feel the band and my chest got tight. The only place it could go was up, and that is what it did, after an hour of discomfort. Once it was gone I had totally lost my appetite and I felt bruised. This has happened three times before and the next meal I have, I have been fine but not this week. The next day I had another blockage and felt even more bruised, I put myself on liquids then and today I am doing really mushy or liquids. So here is the list of pro's and con's I came up with this morning while I was semi asleep.

Pro's -

you lose weight!!!!!
you lose weight!!!!!
you lose weight!!!!!
I don't snore anymore
I'm not tired all the time
my diabetes has gone
people say really nice things to me about my weight loss
clothes look better
I feel happier

Con's -

restricted food intake and type
possible blockages

So you see even though sometimes ick stuff happens I am still pretty thrilled I got the band. I just have to abide by the rules.. 1) chew your food!!!! this is where I usually go wrong, if I get too hungry I tend not to chew and hurry my food. I'm having terrible meat cravings right now, I think I am lacking iron and protein so I am going to look into a protein shake and try and remember to take my vitamin, because meat just isn't going down. I have become more comforttable with the fact I will probably eat soup for the rest of my life, well that isn't entirely true because once I reach my goal weight they will loosen the band, so it isn't forever. So I am off to obsess about my calories for the day and see what I can eat.

so I have neglected you a little haven't I

noreply@blogger.com (Alli) — Tue, 12 May 2009 00:55:00 +0000

Ever feel like you just don't have anything that earth shattering to share? that has been me lately. Lots of things have had an impact on our lives, stuff keeps happening all the time but I am missing those moments where I want to record it. I am going to make myself record it!

So I haven't been scrapping, I haven't been keeping up to date with my 365 day photos. I have been taking photos though, they are sitting there like a burden I have to carry, I will eventually have to do something with them. In the last 3 months I have still managed to take 2243 photos. We have been to the zoo, Kings Park, soccer games and all kinds of things. I think now that I have finally settled into the year, yes I know we are almost 1/2 way through May already it just seemed to take a little longer this year to get my act together.

You see my focus is on weight loss, you could say I am consumed by it. I'm down 28kgs (62lbs)now, it has started to slow a little and I am trying not to panic, trying to keep the same focus and resolve, you always know it is going to slow but you get addicted to seeing that kilo drop off each week. I had my first day off from strict control on Mothers day, I had a baby ham and cheese croissant, some egg salad and smoked salon and a frosted cup cake and it was great! I just picked up again on Monday as though nothing had changed. This isn't to say I don't have treats. I love salt and vinegar chips so when I have done a good bit of exercise I have a small bag and for sweet snacks I eat dry Milo cereal LOL it is just nice to have something crunchy. I am still sticking to the soups, it is easiest and as it is cooling down it fits right in to the time of the year and I also only have to cook every 3 weeks this way.

It works for me.

So mothers day was great, my boys ran in at 6:15 and I sent them away, then at 6:45 Michael took them out and they made me a cup of tea and bought me my presents. The boys have been excited for days now, they had a Mothers day stall at school and both bought me a present, they have wanted to show me since last Thursday. So I got pink fluffy socks, a painting, a card and a lavender sachet from Riley and a bath set with soap and body wash and some cards from Alec and from Michael I got a Pandora bracelet and some charms and I won a Book Seat from Book Express hi Karen!! that Michael snuck out and picked up Saturday afternoon, under the guise of getting petrol, he was gone about 45 minutes.. . Mum and dad came to Alec's soccer game then we came back to our house for lunch and after they left I got to lay in bed and read all afternoon and Michael waited on the boys.

Alec scores a goal!!

noreply@blogger.com (Alli) — Tue, 05 May 2009 12:07:00 +0000

This is from game two of the season, Alec is the one in blue and white waving his arms around a lot in the black and red boots.. I'm so glad he did soccer again!

I did try to find music to go with this but in the end I decided we didn't sound like deranged soccer parents so I left it as is!

answering some questions about blurb books and lap banding

noreply@blogger.com (Alli) — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 23:32:00 +0000

Lets do Blurb first... THIS POST has some of the information on how I go about using the blurb book software. For my 365 days books I use the landscape 10x8inch books and I get them in imagewrap which is a hardcover with the photo directly printed onto it, no dust cover. I am seriously considering going digital with my everyday scrapbooking as I find things I put in the book I dont seem to then feel like scrapping, because I have basically already done it. Blurb also have an 11x13inch format but price is holding me back a bit but when i weigh the cost of printing for the big book it is probably less than what I would spend on supplies. Then I can also get 2 books printed, one for each boy.

All about lap banding...

does it hurt? for about a week after the operation and then it is uncomfortable for about another 2 weeks.

Are there things you can't eat? this varies from person to person. I can't eat bread, chicken breast are hard to eat but thighs are ok. Raw carrot was very very painful, scrambled eggs are unpleasant and get stuck but i can eat hard boiled eggs and fried or poached eggs.

I have to eat slowly, anything you eat quickly and don't chew properly is just going to drop down on the band and close it. I mainly eat soup, I can eat crackers, cereal..oh and chocolate, potato chips and icecream!! If you are interested you can see my food diary HERE as it is a public profile I don't think you will have to be a member to see it.

How do you control what you eat? This was really hard. I was still eating the same way just after the operation. I realised after about 3 weeks that I needed to count calories and my buddy Amanda mentioned the calorie king books. I went and looked and found they have an online food diary. This has helped me so so much. I am in total control, I also record every single thing I eat, so if I stand in the pantry and eat an easter egg I write it in. To lose between 800gr and 1kg per week I have set my calories at 1300 and 30 minutes of exercise a day.

I plan my food at the beginning of the day. With the food diary you can save meals, so when I make a soup I input all the ingredients into CK and how many serves it gives and save it, then I delete all that and when I want to add my meal I load it and select the serves I am having.

Where the band comes in, the capacity of the pouch above the band is one cup, so when I make my soup I freeze it in one cup serves in clip seal bags and freeze them flat. All meals come to a cups worth of food. This is my 24th week, 22 weeks since my operation and I have lost 27 kg (59lbs) and I am finding it quiet easy now. It takes discipline I have to think about everything I put in my mouth, do I want a latte or 2 ryvita with cheese.. these are the types of questions I give myself. I still go out, we have been out for a meal and to a few BBQ's and I coped. I am very careful though, if you eat too much, too quickly or the wrong food it will come back up. That has happened to me twice and I would like that to be the only two times.

I could not do this without calorie king or Michael, we have done the lap banding together and it has been a great help.

Do you have to exerice? I do!!! I go for a 50 minute walk every day I can and once a week I play indoor beach volleyball. If I don't exericse I don't lose much weight at all. Michael on the other hand has gone for calorie control and doesn't exercise. Where as I have to drag my bum out the door and power walk. Saying that though I have found exercise such a great thing, I feel better, I am calmer and I am on my way to having great legs!!

This is a life changing thing. It has to be to work. Things that have changed like 4 different meals for 4 different people isn't as hard as I thought it would be and Michael takes care of his own dinner, he has made stews and curry for the freezer and is eating lots of salad and he loves scrambled eggs. I get comments from the girls in the local bakery who see me walking and are amazed at how much weight I have lost, it makes me feel good people are noticing. The best thing of all is my kids are noticing, Alec loves to come and put his arms around me because he can hold his hands now, before he couldn't reach.

At first I was really impatient to lose the weight, it felt like it was going to take all too long and I wanted lots off quickly. Then all of a sudden I fell into a rythm and I was happy to be dropping that one kilo a week. I only weigh myself on weigh in day, yes I still have treats but now sometimes I am just not prepared to spend the calories on it, sometimes a slice of cheese seems like a treat.

So yes I would do this again, things will always be different now, I will always have the band, but I have gained so much more.

An Ikea photo frame collage/gathering/thing and the 600th post

noreply@blogger.com (Alli) — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 11:49:00 +0000

many many weeks ago I saw a gathering of photos in white frames on Ali Edwards' blog HERE , when she was giving a guided tour of baby Anna's nursery, I thought they looked great and decided to do one for above my bed.

I've used the NYTTJA frames , and I have mounted them on some 7mm plywood using strips of Velcro. I have used 6x4 photos in 5x7 mounting boards that I bought from a photo shop. It measures 87cmx50cm (35x20 inches)in total.

It has been sitting on my table for weeks, like a thorn in my side, nothing else could happen until it was done, so hopefully I can now move on and start getting some other projects done.

And look at that this is my 600th post on blogger. I have so much to catch up on, we are just finishing up school holidays now so we have been busy. Today Michael took the boys out and when they came home Riley blurted out... are we going to give mum her surprise??? well we are now! so today I got an early mothers day present from my boys.

I love it :)

some pearls of wisdom... from a 7 year old

noreply@blogger.com (Alli) — Sat, 18 Apr 2009 02:20:00 +0000

The only reason you sent us outside to play was so you could listen to your music... after being sent outside after sitting in front of the television for far too long!

Mum, I think you are spending far too much money on books.... after our third visit to a book store in two days

I told Michael what he said about the books and he was surprised Alec actually noticed, but you see Alec has developed a keen interest in money and what you can buy with it. I am pretty sure he wanders around the house trying to figure out what he can flog so he can buy more Bionicles.

adios 25kg don't bother keeping in touch!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Alli) — Sun, 05 Apr 2009 22:00:00 +0000

I'm feeling a little bit happy with myself today!

This is my first new outfit, everything else had found its way to the give away bag as it was falling down. I can't believe how much different I feel and how motivated I am to succeed. I've become a very strict calorie counter but it is what I need to do, it gives me power over food.

I have lost 25kg (55lbs) in 20 weeks.

I didn't realise a milestone like 25k would make me feel so elated, but it did and I have to say I am pretty proud of myself. I am almost half way there.

The best thing of all is I have been feeling very satisfied, I do have to watch impulse eating, I still find myself at the pantry looking for something to eat, I have to pull myself up and say.. well are you hungry... NO... so close the door and find something to do!!! Sometimes I just go no I am going to eat something, and I will, I don't tell myself but I allow an spare 100 calories a day for walking food, you know the nibbles you have while you make the kids afternoon tea, a cracker here a nibble of cheese there.

It is working and I'm pretty happy with my progress.

losing it... hoisting the white flag and handing in my big girl panties

noreply@blogger.com (Alli) — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 07:26:00 +0000

done in, done over, done like a dinner

I want to check out, take a powder, take 5, take anything but I want everything around me to stop so I have 5 minutes to work out where I got so out of step with the rest of the world.

My escape right now is listening to ABBA on the ipod while I walk and walk and walk, but eventually you either get where you are going or back where you started and you haven't figured anything out at all. except for maybe I should do a blog post and get it off my chest and get some more ABBA from iTunes... or run away from home

oh and Lis sorry for the SMS... I just had to tell it to someone.

I always go back to the fact that I should just be able to deal with it, sometimes I can't. I am struggling with Alec right now, we all are. Yesterday he screamed at me for 20 minutes straight because we walked home from school. My fault partly, I didn't tell him before school, he wasn't prepared, I wasn't prepared for his reaction. Right now everything revolves around him. It is hard because he feels the emotions we feel, hurt, anger, happiness, sadness, confusion etc etc. It is just that he doesn't realise we feel too. When I tell him to look at his brother crying because he has hurt feelings Alec can not relate to Riley at all and doesn't realise he caused the hurt feelings. He feels more able to deal with reality when he plays it through his own made up world, we don't get to go to this world and sometimes it is hard to get Alec to come out and join us.

But this is autism and being a seven year old and I have to start teaching the seven year old some responsibility and what happens when you are not.

I have to be gentler with myself, do what i did last night, I went to bed with a book at 6:30pm and let Michael put them to bed, calling out prompts from the bedroom.. he got their teeth cleaned, played musical statues with them and gave them jelly... oh well

we survived though, but sometimes I want to feel like I am more than just surviving.

coffee beans, cat poo and great friends

noreply@blogger.com (Alli) — Sun, 29 Mar 2009 22:40:00 +0000

Sometimes something in your life has such a huge impact on you that you are moved to feel strongly and want to take action. For me that was coming in contact with the Western Australian Autism Association Early Intervention Program. This program changed our lives, it taught us so much about Alec and how to help him.

I would do anything for them!

Over the last 4 years we have run events to raise much needed funds for them, we have done 2 terrifically successful crop days made so by my amazing friends, I remember standing in my kitchen watching 5 women making baby quiche and pastries for the crop day and feeling such amazing gratitude that they would do this for me and some very generous scrappers, we have done coffee for a cause and now our friend Kamran and Louise from Fiori coffee have stepped up and held three events with all proceeds going to the Early Intervention Centre.

Last year Kamran was given an amount of Kopi Luwak coffee beans. Kamran offered them as a fundraising idea and over the last two weekends that gesture came to fruition in the form of coffee tastings at Entendre in Shafto Lane on march 21st and 2 sessions at the Fiori roastery on Saturday the 28th. On Saturday we packed up the boys and helped out, it is amazing how many glasses you go through for a coffee tasting, Michael said it was 180 glasses per session I think.

Alec and Riley set up amongst the beans and played safari or took turns on the computer, They very reluctantly came home with me at 2pm and Michael stayed and helped out for the afternoon session.

Kamran and Louise, thank you so much for everything you put into these events, we can never thank you enough.

coffee, sailing and a little boy with a big heart

noreply@blogger.com (Alli) — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 01:34:00 +0000

Wow what a big weekend. We had two fundraisers, one that Michael had organised with Kamran and Louise from Fiori coffee for the Autism Assoc and then on Sunday we went to the Royal Freshwater Bay Yatch Club for Doc on the Swan which is an event to raise money also for the WA Autism Association.
As you can see Riley went out on one of the spectator boats and absolutely loved. Unfortunately Alec wouldn't go on the boat. He had made his mind up days ago so I bought along provisions and the DS. Alec and I went for walks among the boats and he picked out a few that I am sure have a million dollar plus price tags that he said he would like.. I did ask what he wanted a boat for if he wouldn't get on.

They did have gorgeous grounds too and 3 different guns, Alec wanted to take them home I am sure, he loved climbing all over them, he also loved walking along the walls, which gave me major heart attacks as we were perched on a cliff and it was a straight fall down on the other side.

Alec did get on the boat when they came back, he froze on the stairs and yelled, I can't move I am scared of heights, Michael said look you are half way down you are fine, he said oh, I am too and climbed down, which is more than I could have done, I am terrible, especially with ladders! Michael said Riley was up and down the stairs every five minutes.

It was a long day and even though they put on a BBQ it is an hour drive home for us so we left at 6pm and picked up Hungry jacks for the boys on the way home, they loved that.

The day didn't end well though, at bed time Alec became very upset, he experienced regret, regret for not going on the boat, he was crying and almost inconsolable. Poor Riley kept comming out to tell me things so I went and had a little talk to him, I said, are you worried about Alec? he said he was, I told him I was worried about him too and I was sad that he was sad and what a good brother he was to be so concerned about him. I figure that while I can't explain the reason why Alec is different from him right now I can start talking to him about his feelings and what he can do when things worry him or when he worries about Alec.

A few months ago Riley came to me and told me that he would look after Alec forever. This little man has amazing insight and such a huge reseviour of compassion. It is not a roll I would ever push him into but from now we must give him guidance and attention and just talk to him. He can be such a serious little thing with such a huge heart.

look at me look at me!!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Alli) — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 02:47:00 +0000

I never thought I would yell those words from the roof tops but here I am!

As of today's weigh in I am 107.5kg (236lbs) and I have lost a total of 22.5kg (49.5lbs). Last week I got the results from my diabetes test and it was in the normal range, I still have to watch it because after exercise my blood sugar levels can take a bit of a dive and get too low. Speaking of exercise, can you believe it I have a sports related injury!!!! I am in a fair bit of pain, I think I have a groin injury from running up and down stairs, if it hasn't improved by Wednesday I might have to drag myself back to the doctor, limping is no fun and I really am missing walking.

See those clothes I'm wearing, well that is the last pair of pants that fit that I have and one of two shirts and a set of work out clothes, I am so reluctant to buy new clothes but I will have to eventually, I am looking a bit shabby.

A big thanks to Sharon for taking this photo for me and for Lis for emailing them to me :) . We were at Taylor's Studio in the Swan Valley for Lis' 40th birthday breakfast and I asked Shraon to take a picture. I did really well at brekky, I had bacon and eggs and I just ate the yolks and the soft bits of bacon, it was yummy and really nice being out and it was so nice seeing Lissy so happy.

On the creative front I have a couple of the photo projects I am working on almost ready to go, I just need 12 matching photo mats, you wouldn't believe how many different shades of white there are, I might get them to do me a cutom lot and I need a few frames for some things I want to put up and then I think it is time to print out some more photos and do some scrapbooking!

The 365's

noreply@blogger.com (Alli) — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 11:25:00 +0000

Here are some more of my 365 day layouts for my book. I have totally gone with the Ali Edwards digital brushed from designerdigitals.com . I like the idea of continuity and my handwriting is never going to look that good. I have also chosen the same font for all the journaling, 3 mm century gothic.

memory dump

noreply@blogger.com (Alli) — Sun, 08 Mar 2009 08:26:00 +0000

So you thought I had up and left didn't you. I can understand that it has been two weeks since I shared any amazingly exciting tid bits. It has been a mixture of being busy and doing just the everyday. We have had a birthday though, on the 25th of February my baby turned 7!!! Due to the bowling centre moving we booked his party for the weekend of march 7th, so glad we did. It was fantastic though, Alec bought along 4 of his little friends from school and they had a ball.

This is when Alec's friend Jack bowled a strike, there was much hugging yelling and squealing, they were so cute.

Look at that a brand new bowling centre

After bowling, food and cake we took the boys to the arcade,some of the games you won tokens you could redeem for prizes, well Michael was pretty good at this and we ended up with 100's of them. Alec spotted a bow and arrow set for 290 tickets and Riley spotted some green army men, we said no to the army men as we have 100 already and said he could have a bow and arrow set too. Then home time came and I had to get the boys back to be picked up, I left Michael behind with Riley as he needed another 50 tickets, Alec was a bit concerned but I assured him daddy would be coming home with his bow and arrow.

We all recovered nicely and Sunday was a day of rest. It was so nice to just spend the time together watching tv, playing games and doing computer. Alec loves the protability of the OLPC, this will be the computer he uses for school.

So yes I am still here, just haven't had much of an ability to put anything into words lately. I've started working out which of my 53 projects I want to work on left, oh make that 51 as I got two done on the weekend, sroted all my paper and made some stuff.. lurve making stuff I do.

On the weight loss front I have now lost 22kg (48.4lbs!!!) I am keeping track of everything with calorieking.com.au, I'm not sure I would be doing as well otherwise. Saw the doctor today and my HBA1C level is down from 7.9 5 months ago to a wonderful 6.3 (under 7 is controlled) and my bp was 115 over 65. I have no regrets I tell you, I have a goal and each week it is getting a little bit closer.

Until next time..

20 kg lost!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Alli) — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 06:47:00 +0000

That is 44lbs if you are still on imperial :)

I've had so much encouragement. A little girls grandma from Alec's class pulled me over today and told me how thrilled she was for me, it makes me smile I tell you, I need the encouragement, I am touched and amazed that people notice. Before this everything I did was to try and not be noticed, but I suppose due to my size that was a bit of an impossibility.

This last week I have learnt so much more about exercise and calories and how many of each you need. I am loving my walking and my walking partners Ali and Amanda have been encouraging and great company, I doubt I would walk 1/2 as far without them.

I wish I had a photo, I will get Michael to take some tonight and add them on here later. I am down to about 3 changes of clothes. Ali and I went clothes trying on on Saturday and I bought a pair of size 18 exercise pants!! the size 18 jeans were still a no go but I have about 8 more weeks until I need any jeans so that will be another 8 kg hopefully.

I am just encouraged by how I feel and how easier it is than I thought. It is still hard work I have to watch everything I eat, I am weighing everything otherwise I know how easy it is to eat too much. I am using calorieking.com.au to record my exercise and food intake. If I find over a month it works I think I will buy the software.

I'm one third of the way there, another 40kg (88lbs) to lose, but that looks so much better than 60kg (122lbs) to lose.

layouts by three

noreply@blogger.com (Alli) — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 08:50:00 +0000

So this is what happens when you do the same thing twice in one week and take the camera on both occasions. Then you print out some photos, forget you did them and print out some more. This way I can put one in each boys album and one in the all of us album and I had a nice relaxing time doing it.

One is a Cathy Z scraplift and the other two are taken from Simple Scrapbooks magazine Mar/Apr 2008 page 82 by Margaret Scarbrough

wrung out

noreply@blogger.com (Alli) — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 01:51:00 +0000

It is the day after the most terrible day I can remember after the last terrible day that had slightly faded from my memory.

It was a bad day.

Due to diligent control of the environment and our family schedule I can usually keep everything at a low level of stress for Alec. Yesterday wasn't one of those days. He has built up such a sleep deficit that it is now really affecting him, he fell asleep one day at school last week. He is having trouble going to sleep because he is afraid of having nightmares, he is scared of movies that 2 weeks ago he was fine with, shadows on the wall scare him and we have taken down all his posters and moved any shadow making things.

Yesterday he woke up agitated, he was snappy and uncooperative getting ready for school. He didn't verbalise his concerns until we were 1/2 way to school. He had left his Ben 10 watch in his desk at school, that meant he wouldn't be able to wear it and play before the doors opened and he had to start school. I told him we would talk to Mr Gaglia and see if he could wear it for a little while. That was no good and he quickly slipped into a full scale meltdown. I managed to get him to the classroom but he was lost to it, he was crying and talking really fast with lots of big gestures, he looked tortured. When the door was opened I had to half carry him in, I took him straight to the teacher and Helen his aide saw what was happening and headed right over. Alec was past even knowing what was going on, he had gone stiff, his whole body tensed, b now I was so distressed I just started crying, Nic took Alec and Helen took me. Nic found his Ben 10 watch and put it on him, he said once Alec realised he could wear it he could feel his body relax.

I always look back at these events and try to figure out where I could have stopped it from happening, what could I have done to make it better. You know what, nothing was going to stop this, this is what autism is sometimes. Most of it I can deal with but with these meltdowns I feel totally useless. I see terror, confusion, hurt and a look of being lost and I can do nothing and being powerless when it comes to helping my child is the most awful thing I have ever experienced.

He was fine though, he made it through the day and we went to his social skills class at the speech centre, I am still shattered, the tears are just under the surface. Alec needs more help, more therapy, more something but we are finding it hard, once early intervention is over unless you are in an autism school (which Alec isn't he is in mainstream school) you are pretty much alone. We will get there though, Alec and his brother Riley are the most important job I am ever going to have and I am nothing if not determined.

So today, the day after my very bad day I am going to kick back, do some scrapping and read a book. I need some down time.

obsessive calorie counting day

noreply@blogger.com (Alli) — Sun, 15 Feb 2009 05:01:00 +0000

My goal is one kilogram a week, sometimes that seems so hard that i wonder if I am doing something wrong. I am right on board for portion control so I know my quantities are ok, I was just wondering if the calorie count was too high.

I started out by working out what the calorie count per cup of soup I make was, then we baked some cookies from taste.com.au and they turned out to be 205 calories each. Then my favourite snack, a sao cracker with ham and a cheese slice came out at 165 calories.

Then on my search for a calorie worker outer I stumbled across this site called calorieking.com.au, so I joined up. I can now track what food I eat, the calories I burn exercising and how much water I drink. As I am walking twice today I wont use all my calories, if I eat everything I put in I will have consumed 1568 calories today and burnt 609 calories on 2 50 minute walks. I feel as though there is a lot of food on my list but i was pretty careful working out the calorie counts.. this is what I have down for today, I am really splashing out and having a glass of milo with my cracker snack.. and 3 snacks for the day!! if this works this week I will stick with it, it seems like too much food, I will drop a snack tomorrow as I will only be walking once.

Breakfast	Load Meal \| Save Meal	Cals	kJ
You have not added any foods to breakfast.
(x) 1 scoop (60g) of Sustagen: Energy Drinks: Hospital Formula, All Flavours, dry		228	954
(x) 60 g of Fruit, fresh: Banana, raw, edible portion		59	246
(x) 200 mL of Dairy Farmers: Milk, fresh: Skim		70	296
Meal Total		357	1496
Lunch	Load Meal \| Save Meal	Cals	kJ
You have not added any foods to lunch.
(x) 1 oz of Ham: Leg, lean, fresh		32	133
(x) 1 1 cup of turkey and spinach soup		135	564
(x) 1 30gr of bega supa slice		97	405
(x) 1 cracker (8.6g) of Arnott's: Crackers: Sao		39	163
Meal Total		303	1265
Dinner	Load Meal \| Save Meal	Cals	kJ
You have not added any foods to dinner.
(x) 1 1 cup of meatball soup		280	1170
Meal Total		280	1170
Snacks	Load Meal \| Save Meal	Cals	kJ
You have not added any foods to snacks.
(x) 1 1 of apricot cookie		205	857
(x) 1 bar (68g) of Nestle / Peters: Ice Cream Bars: Skinny Cow, Vanilla Chocolate, bar		82	340
(x) 1 cracker (8.6g) of Arnott's: Crackers: Sao		39	163
(x) 1 30gr of bega supa slice		97	405
(x) 1 cup (250mL) of Dairy Farmers: Milk, fresh: Skim		88	370
(x) 1 serving, 3 heaped teaspoons (15g) of Milo: Chocolate Powder: Original, dry		63	263
(x) 25 g of Ham: Leg, lean, fresh		28	117
(x) 25 g of Ham: Leg, lean, fresh		28	117
Meal Total		629	2632
Food Total		Cals	kJ
Day Total		1569	6563
Exercise		Cals	kJ
You have not added any exercises.
(x) 50 mins Walking 6 kph		-304	-1273
(x) 50 mins Walking 6 kph		-304	-1273
Exercise Total		-609	-2546

quality control

noreply@blogger.com (Alli) — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 02:06:00 +0000

So I am wondering what we should expect as far as quality goes, and by quality I just don't mean by the finish or materials used I mean do they do what they say they do.

You see I have this huge issue with things that are sold as self adhesive drying up and giving up the ghost. This is all well and good if you know this is going to happen but lets face it, when we buy a product we assume it will do what is says.

I was looking for letters today to use on a layout and sadly 3 brands of self adhesive alphabets I have either have dried up and have no stick or have been found to stick.. initially, then have slipped off. As I look through my albums now I am finding some pages with a little puddle of letters at the bottom of the page protector.

The guilty parties ?

dried up and fallen off - Heidi Swapp chipboard alphabets

falling off pages - chip chatter by pressed petal

not sticking, falling off - just about all the american crafts thickers

To me this isn't quiet good enough, I now have a hoard of flawed product. I used some of the HS chipboard alphabets today, I glued them, but as I was gluing them I am wondering well will this be enough or will it fall off too, I started with some dimensional magic and moved over to craft glue... just to make sure. You know what though, I bought self adhesive letters so I could cut down on the mess glue makes when you stick letters down, but now if I don't use glue I am out of pocket a fair bit of money if I don't use them.

I am considering moving entirely over to letter stickers, while these are a great looking bunch of products they let us down and don't do what they say they will do.

And here is where I glued my self adhesive letters! another in my scraplift series... this is another Cathy Z interpretation

scraplifting is good for the soul

noreply@blogger.com (Alli) — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 21:31:00 +0000

ahhh my first school day of scrapping. The boys have been back at school for a week and today I did 3 layouts! Two were straight up scraplifts, one from Ali Edwards and another of Cathy Z's . I love these, all about the photos and the story, nothing too distracting going on. I think I will just scraplift from now on LOL.

Victorian Bushfires

noreply@blogger.com (Alli) — Sun, 08 Feb 2009 21:24:00 +0000

I thought I had lots of interesting things to say today but after watching the news for 10 minutes this morning if you can afford to, donating to the red cross bushfire fund is far more important.

Australian Red Cross Victorian Bushfire Fund
Victorian Bush Fires

a new recipe blog

noreply@blogger.com (Alli) — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 04:41:00 +0000

Michael and I have started a new blog that is dedicated just to recipes, it is called Gastronomology
and here are a few of the soups I have posted recipes for this last week

walking to the beat of a different drum

noreply@blogger.com (Alli) — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 01:35:00 +0000

I'm a little sad today.

My boys went back to school, Alec started year 2 and Riley started pre-primary. They will both be gone everyday. Riley has been looking forward to school for weeks, always talking about it almost as a rite of passage, growing older, going up a class. He is already in a hurry to celebrate his 6th birthday which isn't until October.

Alec is 7 in 3 weeks and we still haven't finalised plans for his birthday yet. I only realise once we are among Alec's class mates how much different our lives are. A bit slower living in the now. I suppose when you deal with autism you shed a lot of baggage, I'm not saying this right I know. You try to travel light but with all eventualities covered, bit of a contradiction that isn't it. Things can still change, things you thought had worked well ended up being discarded. Like soccer, we had assumed Alec would want to play soccer again this year, but he started coming up with lots of reasons why he didn't want to, and we can't do the, you'll be right it will be good for you, because I don't want to be standing there at the first day being told I hadn't listened and he didn't want to do it. I don't want him to be distressed, sad, confused, hurt. Already on the first day there were things that could have caused hurt, thankfully this is a time when I feel a little relieved he can't read people. I mean what 7 year rolls his eyes when someone tells them something, we must have missed the bad attitude when it was going around, atleast it let me make a note of who to guide him away from during the year.

We have had lots of sleepless nights the last week, any new thing or change causes concern for him. It seems to manifest itself at bed time, so most nights the last week he hasn't been to sleep before 10pm, then he is awake by 1am, most nights I have tried to settle him again, one night it was 4am before that happened and then he was back at 6am, lucky we were able to sleep until 9am that morning. This morning when he came in I let him sleep on the floor, just so he would sleep.

He was excited to get to school, back to routine, he thrives on routine, it is something he can rely on, he wasn't all that excited about the first day of school photos though and I hope he doesn't fall over his new shoes too many times before home time.