yyuniverse

Giving

2011-12-26T22:17:00.001+08:00

During Christmas, we usually associate giving with beautifully wrapped gifts and treats at cool restaurants. Apart from the seasonal act of generosity, many of us overlook the fact that we are all givers in our own rights. In my previous article "Too Big to Fail", I wrote that we are more significant than we think we are, and the well beings of our loved ones are inseparable from ours.

It would be a very sad case if we are only able to cater for our own needs and our existence does not mean anything to the people around us.

"He who is unable to live in society, or who has no need because he is sufficient for himself, must be either a beast or a god." ~Aristotle

However, I observed that increasingly people are struggling to make ends meet. Inflation is high, and the costs of basic necessities such as housing and healthcare are becoming out of reach for more Singaporeans. This means that people have to work harder to just to maintain the same standard of living for themselves, let alone provide for others. Hence what used to be the norm such as getting married and starting a family has now become a dream that might even require divine intervention.

Now we are faced with a paradoxical situation. On one hand, we desire to to be an active contributor in our society. On the other hand, circumstances are making it more convenient to resign our fate to a forgettable life, unable to look beyond self interest and take care of others. As a result, people are unhappy not because they are not receiving enough, but because of the void in the heart that can only be filled by becoming the provider they are meant to be.

The good news is: this is a universal problem, and we do not have to be the best to be significant.

1) Be a giver of material needs

Gentleness, patience and kindness are honorable virtues, but they do not put food on the table or pay for the expenses. Love entails the desire to sustain someone beyond nice words and prayers. Money is the fruit of our labour. When we give money to our family or causes we believe in, we are indirectly giving our lives.

It is childish to associate self indulgence with generosity, or thriftiness with selfishness. A thrifty person is not stingy. He simply has better plans for his finances. A responsible person must have a sound financial plan with the right priorities in place.

2) Be a giver of vision

I believe that for most of us, our heroes are not the famous and powerful. A low profile worker seated in a secluded corner of the office may be the sole bread winner of his family. A quiet girl with a pure heart could be the source of inspiration for someone without commanding the limelight.

We may not be the cream of the crop, but we could mean the whole world to some body. The best motivational message we can share is our own life testimony. By excelling in what we do, we can encourage others more effectively than hours of counselling.

3) Be a giver of strength

"You say it best when you say nothing at all."

Over the years, I realised that true friends do not usually say the nicest words, or spend the most time with you. They are the ones who have seen you at your worst moments and yet chose to be personally involved in your life. You may not always agree with each other, but you can rest assured that they will be there when you mess up.

It is common to receive nice words and gestures from people you barely know. Goodwill is often given out of duty and grace, but what differentiates friendship from mere diplomatic exchange is the pureness of motive that needs no sweetening by words.

Consistency in a friendship gives assurance. Even in their silence, the presence of a true friend is more tangible than empty words from the rest. Get real and offer more than nice words and pretty cards. Instead strive to be relevant to our friends. Discern their needs and be prepared to meet them when necessary.

Finally, be grateful for the opportunity to give to people who matter to you, for that implies you are in a privileged position. True happiness is the gratification that comes from being significant to those you love.

Man in the mirror

2011-10-10T13:29:00.000+08:00

We truly see ourselves when we stop focusing on ourselves.

Looking down, we see our inadequacies

In Lord of the Rings, when Frodo was passing through the Dead Marshes, he was drawn by the dead faces in the water. Fortunately Sam called him back to his senses before he got pulled into the water by evil forces. The danger of looking down at our own reflection is that we can get obsessed with ourselves. When we are not careful, "dead faces" of our deepest insecurities may spring up and drown us in our darkest fears.

It is important to evaluate ourselves regularly. However, we need to have a clear objective in mind, lest we end up blowing our needs out of proportion and spiraling down a path of self pity. We look at the mirror not just to see what went wrong and frown about it, but rather, to see how we can improve by comparing the person we see with who we ought to be.

Looking up, we see our potential

In order to have a more accurate perspective of who we are, we need to look up and visualise our ideal self. The present is not a fair indication of our potential. If the ugly duckling only looks at its reflection in the water, it will never envision the beautiful goose it can be.There is a gap between reality and dream that can only be bridged by faith.

Looking around, we see our context

Before we can answer the question of what is our purpose, we need to first appreciate our context. We cannot define the role we play without knowing what is the bigger story we are part of. Hence, we need to look around us and strive to establish our relevance in our schools, workplace and other social circles.

Looking forward, we see our purpose

I believe there are three levels in human relationships.

1) Relevance

It is a beautiful thing when two paths collide. Confucius defined friends as people with common aspirations and pursuits（志同道合）. At first the relationship is transactional, as we trade personal interests and help each other achieve our goals. Then as trust grows, we extend goodwill without expecting a direct reciprocity of benefits. We become relevant when we start sowing into the lives of others, meeting needs as they arise.

However, relevance is not a one sided sensation of feeling loved. According to Immanuel Kant,

"A good will isn't good in what it effects or accomplishes, it's good in itself.

Even if by utmost effort the goodwill accomplishes nothing,

it will still shine like a jewel for its own sake

as something which has full value in itself"

In other words, if we focus on ourselves when we bless others, we have missed the whole point of a goodwill! When we are constantly anxious that our physical, emotional and spiritual needs are not being met, we subconsciously tie a string to our goodwill. Unless we have the faith to freely give and freely receive, we will always be dissatisfied.

"Suffering occurs when we want other people to love us in the way we imagine we want to be loved, and not in the way that love should manifest itself - free and untrammeled, guiding us with its force and driving us on." ~Paulo Coelho

Fate brings us together, but whether we stay together is largely determined by the conscious effort we make. Relevance is key to the sustainability of a friendship. The only way to establish relevance is to focus on the needs of our friends and be confident that we will be watered as well.

2) Significance

After passing the first level, we become an indispensable part of our friend's life. We are one of the few who made it to the inner circle. The difference between relevance and significance lies in the degree of interdependence. It is no longer just we needing our friend, but our friend needing us.

Very often people use the terms "brotherhood" and "sisterhood" casually. They only see one side of the equation, which is them being entitled to and receiving unconditional love. On the contrary, it is about our willingness to share the liabilities should our brothers and sisters ever falter. Since our capacity to shoulder risks is limited, it is impossible to go around calling everyone brothers and sisters. When we are unable to fulfill our promises, "brotherhood" and "sisterhood" will be nothing more than a cliché.

3) Intimacy

Steve Jobs said in his famous commencement speech at Stanford University,

"I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers... As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle."

Love keeps us going. The only way to do great work is to love what we do. Similarly, the only way to have a satisfying relationship is to truly love one another. We cannot reach the third level of relationship without passing the first two. Only after establishing our relevance and significance will we be allowed into the realm of intimacy, a place of complete trust, where our vulnerability in front of each other gives us strength.

Trust is a privilege, not an entitlement. It is not good enough to say that we have found our best friend. Our friends need to agree that they have found their best friend in us. A meaningful relationship is not self centered.

Before we can build strong friendships with others, we need to first come to terms with ourselves. Do not keep looking down at our needs. Look up with faith, look around with openness and look forward with a pure heart!

Freedom

2011-09-22T03:47:00.001+08:00

Freedom is autonomy

"Justice" by Michael Sandel

We are free when we are in control of our lives; we act not because we are subjected to the law, but because we are the authors of the law, and living by the law which we give ourselves.

Contrary to general perception, freedom is not about being able to do anything we please, or the absence of obstacles in getting what we want. When we do so, we could be yielding to our inclinations. We did not choose our carnal instincts to seek pleasure and avoid pain. Hence the act of satisfying our contingently given desires is one out of necessity rather than autonomy.

For instance, a drug addict did not choose to feel the pleasure derived from consumption, nor the misery from deprivation. He has simply become a slave to the sensations of pleasure and pain when he succumbed to them. The ability to indulge in drugs and the lack of legal or financial obstacles did not make him a free person.

Replace drugs with jealousy, insecurity, lust, greed, fear etc., we will realise that very often, we are not acting according to our convictions. People who are impulsive, no matter how confident they are, or how often they get their way, are nothing more than prisoners of their inclinations. A dominating person needs to grow in sensibility and learn to discern the forces influencing his or her actions.

Freedom confers morality

"We see now that when we think of ourselves as free,

we transfer ourselves into the intelligible world

as members and recognize the autonomy of the will

together with its consequence - morality."

~Immanuel Kant

Our action has moral worth only when the motive is right, i.e. doing the right thing for the right reason. It also means that the act is justified not as a means to an end, but an end in itself. Consider the following example:

A local charity offered a condominium as lucky draw prize, believing that it will boost the donation figures. Both John and Ken saw the advertisement. John was tempted by the prize and donated $2000, a large amount by his standards, hoping to increase his chances of winning. Ken was unfazed by the prize and donated just $200 with the intention of helping the patients.

The charity probably prefers people who are willing to stretch their finances regardless of what their dominant motive was, even if it were greed. They would use the consequential justification that while the campaign capitalised on people's greed and compromised morality, it redeemed itself by generating a more desirable financial outcome. Is that morally right?

I believe that the charity not only has a duty to maximise the welfare of its stakeholders by raising more fund, but as a non profit organisation, it also has an honorific dimension to its mission. The fundraising campaign may perfectly comply with legal criteria, but when selfish interest is advocated as the main value proposition to its potential donors, it has defeated the purpose of charity in the first place, regardless of the outcome. What is at stake here is not just money, but the integrity of the charitable industry. How much is integrity worth?

It is clear that John's action has greater economic worth, but it has no moral worth because he was compelled by his inclinations rather than acting by his own will. However, as subjects of experience, human beings have emotions. Even Ken might be secretly relishing in the prospect of winning the prize, though that was not his reason for acting. As long as his motive was right, Ken's act of goodwill was done for its own sake, not a means to a selfish end. Emotions will not diminish the moral worth of an act as long as the dominant motive is right.

"A good will isn't good in what it effects or accomplishes, it's good in itself.

Even if by utmost effort the goodwill accomplishes nothing,

it will still shine like a jewel for its own sake

as something which has full value in itself"

~Immanuel Kant

How many of us have been guilty of doing the right things for the wrong reasons? For instance, a student studying hard to be top in class out of egoism, insecurity and jealousy of others, a businessman who befriends someone with the immediate intention of clinching a deal, someone who wants to be a leader so as to use the role as a stepping stone to boost his own resume rather than serving the people, a foreign worker who works in Singapore with the sole intention of using it as a springboard to migrate to other countries in the future...

While one may argue that the motive may change as time passes, and everything might just turn out right in the end. They are not performing any illegal act anyway. However, when we begin right, chances are we will end right. Why leave it to chance when we can set out on the right path from the start? It is not about doing what is convenient and trying to justify ourselves with excuses, but doing what is right!

Freedom leads to gratification

31 Then Jesus said to those Jews who believed Him,

“If you abide in My word, you are My disciples indeed.

32 And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.”

33 They answered Him, “We are Abraham’s descendants, and have never been

in bondage to anyone. How can You say, ‘You will be made free’?”

34 Jesus answered them, “Most assuredly, I say to you, whoever commits sin is a slave of sin.

35 And a slave does not abide in the house forever, but a son abides forever.

36 Therefore if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed.

~John 8

Here Jesus was talking about freedom from sin. Abraham's descendants, by choosing a life of sin, were not acting autonomously, but rather, held in bondage to their carnal inclinations. Instead of overcoming their sinful desires, they were dominated by it. Jesus also said that by believing in his teachings and living it out, they can experience the truth and after experiencing it, will be able to break free from the bondage of sin.

What is the truth? Jesus said "I am the way, the truth and the life". If seeking the truth means seeking the face of God, how does it lead to freedom?

"For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh,

but those who live according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit."

~Rom 8:5 (NKJ)

Philosopher John Stuart Mill offered a practical perspective:

“It is better to be a human being dissatisfied than a pig satisfied;

better to be Socrates dissatisfied than a fool satisfied.

And if the fool, or the pig, is of a different opinion,

it is because they know only their side of the question.

The other party to the comparison knows both sides.”

~John Stuart Mill

A pig or a fool would only be able to appreciate "lower" pleasures, the things of the flesh. They are merely creatures with appetites, devoid of the capacity to reason in the intelligible realm. Human beings on the other hand, have the capacity to rise above the realm of necessity into the realm of duty. Hence, due to this innate rational capacity, they are able to appreciate both pleasures, and having experienced both, would naturally prefer "higher" pleasures, things of the spirit. It is just like someone who has experienced true love will not want to watch pornography again. He has developed a yearning for gratification which cheap pleasure will never be able to satisfy.

We all have a choice. Instead of using our friends as means to an end, respect them as ends in themselves. In everything we do, do it for its own sake. Even if we may not reap any benefit in the end, there will be no regrets. It's not about the outcome, but the quality of the motive. When we finally appreciate the fact that we are not the centre of the world, we will stop being manipulative and insecure, trying to change the world to suit our needs. Only when we have a realistic sense of proportion will we be able to find true freedom!

Blinded by the light

2011-09-09T21:33:00.001+08:00

A student's photograph I saw at an art exhibition

In digital photography, it is usually better to underexpose than overexpose an image. This is because the sensor will be able to capture some information even in the darkest shadows, which can be recovered using photo editing softwares, but in the parts which are blown out, there will be no information recorded at all.

At times we find ourselves groping in the dark, trying to make sense of the things we do and the events happening around us. We might be blinded by darkness, but if we seek the answers persistantly we will eventually figure it out.

However, a more dangerous form of ignorance is to be blinded by the things that we know, or what we think we know. When we assume a state of superiority over others, we stop reflecting and asking questions about the happenings around us. On many issues concerning morality, there are no straightforward answers. Without constant evaluation, instead of being righteous, we can become self righteous, and fall into the viscious cycle of repeating the same mistakes and justifying them using our own theories.

In fact, some experts believe that is how cults brainwash their members. The mind of a brainwashed person would be unable to break out of the loop of self justification because he thinks that his beliefs are superior and shuts his mind from external influences.

It is important to have a good point of reference in life. When our computer screens are not calibrated correctly, an image may appear to be neutral on one screen but too warm on another. Then you realise that both screens are wrong when you finally printed it out. Thus, we should not simply take everything at face value. Always ask questions rather than blindly accept the status quo. What is currently the norm may not even deserve to be the norm. It must be able to hold water when challenged.

Role models are excellent points of reference. Sometimes we might not understand why our friends are so passionate about the things they do, such as serving people through voluntary work. Just like tourists in a foreign land, there are secrets waiting to be uncovered only if we are willing to be engaged rather than watching as a passive onlooker. If we are not willing to open our hearts, get our hands dirty and experience it for ourselves, we will forever remain skeptical.

Lets experience life to the full. Stop existing and start living!

Circles

2011-09-01T04:30:00.000+08:00

Screenshot from my Google Plus

Circles are omni-present in our social lives. Google Plus organises people in our social network into various circles. We can see circles as a form of inclusion or exclusion, but whatever the case, it is supposed to group people in a way that benefits everyone.

Circle of relevance

A circle of relevance is like a round table meeting. The beauty is that a circle has no starting or ending point. Regardless of seniority and hierarchy, each member is able to contribute to the discussion at appropriate instances according to their abilities. The burden of sustaining a meaningful discussion is shared as each member becomes more engaged. Similarly, we can sustain our circles of relevance, whether it is an interest group or just a group of friends, by proactively meeting each others' needs.

Most of our social circles are not permanent. We constantly find ourselves forming new cliques and fading out of existing ones when we lose our relevance, like salt losing its flavour. It is a fact that everyone has their own priorities at different seasons of their lives. We will be naive to expect the status-quo to remain unchanged no matter how strong the relationship is. Our significance will be constantly tested as change and progress is inevitable.

A team is as strong as the weakest link. An awkward situation arises when we are not able to keep up with the rest and yet do not want the others to slow down for us. Just like excessive income disparity in a society is detrimental, it is unrealistic to expect the team to move forward at the expense of the weaker members without affecting its cohesion and morale.

Hence, the sustainability of a friendship hinges on the individual's relentless strive for relevance to one another. While we can hope that others will support us when we fall, we need to be responsible for our personal development so that we can also be a source of strength when required.

Circle of trust

Privacy issues aside, sometimes we need to share confidential information with selected people in order to get things done. Our inner circle needs to have the capacity to not just keep a secret, but also have the sound judegment and wisdom to act in our best interest with the privileged information. The assumption here is that they want us to be well.

A circle of trust is not to be confused with a circle of comfort. Conventional wisdom tells us that blood is thicker than water. It is unlikely, though not impossible, to have friends who love us sacrificially like our own family. Usually people can only find one such person, and they probably marry him or her, and then friend becomes family. Other than that, we should not take it for granted and assume that all our friends will always accept us for who we are. There is a threshold of tolerence that can only be tested by time.

Thus, we need to be reasonably conscious and evaluative of ourselves in a friendship. Sensibility is the key to sustainabiliy.

Circle of influence

Power can be bestowed upon us in the form of appointment, but influence needs to be won. We all have influence over someone no matter how insignificant we think we are. Influence is not always about being a holistic person who excels on all fronts. On the contrary, it is usually built through a narrow scope.

For instance, we command influence in the field of our specialisation. The more specialised we are, the narrower is our scope of focus. A heart specialist has greater influence than a general practioner not because of the width, but the narrowness of his specialisation.

Thus, influence is about carving out our niche, not blindly pursuing what others possess and then feel demoralised when we cannot measure up to them. In order to be influencial, we need to first know our strength rather than keep dwelling on our shortcomngs.

The effectiveness of our influence is determined by the signals we send out, even the most subtle ones. It puzzles me whenever I see people venting their anger on facebook. A simple post on our facebook wall is like a press release, as it has the power to shape the opinions about ourselves in the minds of our stakeholders.

Just like a press release is supposed to clarify and not to mystify, we should be mindful that we do not leave loose, insensitive comments that cast doubts about our character. Isn't it ironical if we are the source of our own bad press?

The outcome of our lives is largely determined by the people we surround ourselves with. We need to understand the different types of circles and have the wisdom to manage them appropriately. At the end of the day, we do not want to look back at our lives and realise that we have been moving in circles.

A pure heart (part 2)

2011-08-16T13:10:00.015+08:00

In recent weeks, purity has been a topic that is close to my heart. Having a pure heart does not mean being simplistic. It is a conscious decision not to yield to our carnal desires.

Purity gives us the faith to engage

I came across a student's art project at the National Library titled "Life does not lack beauty, it lacks discovery". It is a video about how a blind girl taught a boy suffering from depression to appreciate the world around him. The video started when he met her on the rooftop of his flat. At first, he thought that she was going to commit suicide, but he was in for a pleasant surprise.

"The world is so beautiful!"
"You can't see, how do you know?"
"Ordinary people see the world with their physical eyes. I am blind, but through my senses of hearing, smell and touch, I am able to feel the world with my heart."

Indeed, nothing is more blind than to have eyes but lose vision. Focusing on short term tangible benefits often causes us to lose sight of things that really matter.

Through my experience at NTU Risk Management Society, those of us who were committed to one another forged strong friendships that endured after we graduated. The common memories we shared through thick and thin made the whole experience fulfilling. Members who were once strangers have become the closest of friends. Hence, the greatest mistake we can make is to despise the people placed in our lives, or tasks that seem insignificant. Ingredients for miracles do not drop from the sky, but are planted in our midst!

Our identity is not discovered by introspection. It is created through active engagement. A pure heart gives us the faith to experience life in its full splendor without being held back by doubtful thoughts.

Purity gives us the confidence to love

We can only give confidently out of fullness, not emptiness. When our hearts are filled with gratitude rather than jealousy, hope rather than despair, peace rather than anxiety, we have the confidence to extend the love we possess in abundance to the people around us. This is especially relevant in our friendships.

1) A true friend desires to bless at all times
Friendship is like insurance. No one in the right mind would hope to be on the receiving end for terminal illness or accident claims. Insurance is supposed to restore the loss we suffered as much as possible, to help us get on with life. Risk management forms the foundation for growth.

It is unfortunate that many people try to reap short term gains from friends and end up losing the goodwill built up over the years. They are in survival mode. Friends give us the assurance that there will be someone to catch us when we fall, liberating us to aim for significance beyond mere survival.

Hence, do not be calculative and constantly worry about being shortchanged. We are not supposed to profit anyway. Instead of hoping to be blessed, it is wiser to pray that we will always be in a position to give.

2) A true friend desires to lift and not to be lifted
A friendship is sustainable only when our friends become better off because of us, when two is better than one. It is supposed to be a win-win situation. Hence I am very mindful when I seek friends for advice. There is a fine line between seeking wise counsel and desiring comfort. We need to ensure that we are not overloading our friends with our burdens.

Just as joy is contagious, so is sorrow. At the end of the day, our aim should be to solve the problem. Condolences may give us instant pleasure, but gratification only comes when there is a breakthrough. There must be a determination to overcome the problem in the first place. We can only build our faith by using it, when we desire to be a source of strength.

We also need to be discerning about the needs of our friends. When we are obsessed with our own problems, we have a warped perspective of reality. We think that we are the only one with needs, and end up blurting out insensitive remarks which unfairly add to the pressure our friends are already facing.

Hence, the way to express our friendship is to be sensitive and look beyond ourselves. When our friends have issues that they do not wish to share, exercise selective ignorance. Respect their need for personal space. When our friends' schedules are packed and barely have time for themselves, do not demand more of their time unless it is urgent.

A little thoughtfulness in the little things is the least we can do to bless our friends who love us.

3) A true friend desires to protect
I believe that every friendship is sacred in its own right. We should not gossip about a good friend in front of a "better" friend. The common excuse is always that we are trying to help someone by opening up the issue for discussion. However, when the discussion goes off tangent, facts and opinions become mixed up, and we end up casting doubts about a person which unfairly tarnishes his or her reputation.

In a court of law, the accused always have the right of reply to any charges against them. Talking behind the backs of others is as good as passing a judgement on them in absentia. Hence, a true friend would never allow rumours and falsities to proliferate. Steer the conversation in the right direction or change topic altogether.

Protection does not always have to be confrontational. A subtle act of averting potential problems before they arise can be equally significant. Purity of heart gives us the grace and composure to act in the best interest of our friends at all times.

The intimacy of a friendship is rooted in trust. Do not allow our minds to be cluttered with sinful thoughts, lest we become blinded by darkness. Guarding our heart helps us triumph over our carnal nature. Lets get out of the darkness and walk in the light!

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

~1 Corinthians 13

Life. Story.

2011-08-06T02:25:00.009+08:00

I recently came across an interview of Tom Hanks with Today newspaper which I found to be quite thought provoking:

Questioner:

Any advice for the young, struggling Singaporean film-maker?

Tom Hanks:

People always come up to me asking for some advice. So, young Singaporean film-makers, the advice is: Always be creating. Never do it in theory - do it in practice. Get the camera. Get the friends. Get the writer. Get the shots. Just shoot. Always be doing it. There is no reason not to now.

Like (Steven) Spielberg - back in the old days, he got stuff sent to him all the time and he would never read somebody's screenplay. But if some young person out there had sent him a film, whether it was a small little 8mm, he'd put it on his desk and look at it eventually. Because even he knows, it's one thing to say "I'd like to make a film" or "I wrote this film" - it's something else to say "I made this film!"

That's the difference. As long as you are making films and putting them up anyway they can possibly be seen - on YouTube, on iTunes - somebody will see it and somebody will be impressed. And that's the only thing a film-maker can do.

If life were a movie, how many of us are living out our dreams in a little notebook? For every movie that was made, there are thousands of scripts that never saw the light. Procrastination could lead to a forgettable life, like a movie that was never made, a beautiful architecture that was never built, a great invention that did not make it to the production line, a career that failed to launch, a relationship that never materialised, a family that was never formed...

It is an irony that very often we need to be "selfish" before we can be selfless; we have to first build our own lives before we can help others build theirs. I once attended a workshop about entrepreneurship. The instructor was unconvincing as his only entrepreneurial experience was setting up a company to teach entrepreneurship! Throughout the workshop, he was regurgitating information from "Rich Dad Poor Dad" and telling stories of others. Not surprisingly, half the class left after the lunch break.

The same applies for our social circles. When we want to give advice to benefit our friends, the effectiveness of our words is limited by the extent our lives reflect that message. Their hearts will only be open to believe what we share only when they see it come true in our lives. If we really believe in something, we need to act as if we do. Words without works is meaningless.

Sometimes we may feel burdened by our past setbacks. We become too concerned with what the gossipers might say. From my experience, there are only two kinds of people in this world: those who care about us and those who cannot be bothered. No one would wake up in the morning and think "I'm going to condemn someone today". Hence, we should not let the voices of the naysayers shape the agenda of our lives.

“ Do not fear, for you will not be ashamed;

Neither be disgraced, for you will not be put to shame;

For you will forget the shame of your youth,

And will not remember the reproach of your widowhood anymore."

~ Isiah 54:4

If life were a movie, a poetry in motion, we can only focus on making it the best we can. We cannot possibly force the audience to like our movie, but we can be a shining testimony side by side the others and give them the liberty to decide.

References

Hanks, T. (6 July, 2011). The dark side of Mr Nice Guy. (G. Loh, Interviewer) [transcript]

18 But someone will say, “You have faith, and I have works.” Show me your faith without your works, and I will show you my faith by my works.
26 For as the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is dead also.

James 2

5 This is the message which we have heard from Him and declare to you, that God is light and in Him is no darkness at all. 6 If we say that we have fellowship with Him, and walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. 7 But if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin.

1 John 1

9 He who says he is in the light, and hates his brother, is in darkness until now. 10 He who loves his brother abides in the light, and there is no cause for stumbling in him. 11 But he who hates his brother is in darkness and walks in darkness, and does not know where he is going, because the darkness has blinded his eyes.

1 John 2

10For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.

Ephesians 2

2 “ Enlarge the place of your tent,

And let them stretch out the curtains of your dwellings;

Do not spare;

Lengthen your cords,

And strengthen your stakes.

3 For you shall expand to the right and to the left,

And your descendants will inherit the nations,

And make the desolate cities inhabited.

4 “ Do not fear, for you will not be ashamed;

Neither be disgraced, for you will not be put to shame;

For you will forget the shame of your youth,

And will not remember the reproach of your widowhood anymore.

Isiah 54

A pure heart (part 1)

2011-07-25T11:03:00.205+08:00

Life is full of ups and downs. Sometimes we can be overwhelmed by a flood of emotions that leaves us with no time to react. In spite of everything, I am reminded of the importance of having a pure heart and living a sanctified life.

Our world view determines our quality of life. I am not referring to material sufficiency here. How we think, feel and react to the adversities in life collectively determine our level of happiness. The thoughts that dominate our minds ultimately shape us.

A person walking on the street has two choices. He can either constantly look down when he walk to avoid falling into the potholes, or he can look up and walk upright. This is synonymous with our attitude towards life.

When we fill our minds with negative thoughts, we will constantly be in a state of anxiety, the absence of peace. Over time, if we allow fear and insecurity to dominate, we become vulnerable to the temptations lurking in the corner which look innocent at first sight, but may one day spring up and cause us to commit sin.

Very often, the common culprits that hide in our hearts arise out of a victim mentality. A businessman may be tempted to commit corrupt deeds because he thinks that he will not survive by honest means alone. He justifies his acts by convincing himself that he is a victim of a broken down world. Similarly, someone may use lack or loneliness as an excuse, when in fact it is jealousy and lust.

Hence, it is important to vigorously guard our hearts against such temptations. If we choose to look down when we walk, we only see our problems and lack, and our carnal desires are enlarged. Focusing on self entices us to take matters into our own hands when we do not get what we want. Our carnality and ego, if not sanctified, can result in devastating outcomes.

Throughout history, mankind has committed evil acts because they try to play God, such as the atrocities committed by the Nazis. They take matters into their own hands and will not stop until they get their way, no matter how many people they run over, even if it is against the will of God. When they eventually get what they desired, they will still be dissatisfied and lust for more things. Without peace in their hearts, their lives will be a endless pursuit of wants after wants.

Alternatively, when we choose to look up to God, seeking His presence and asking for His guidance in our circumstances, our problems are diminished and God is enlarged. Hence we should fill our mind with good thoughts at all times. Guard our heart as it determines the course of our lives.

Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble,

whatever things are just, whatever things are pure,

whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report,

if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy

—meditate on these things.

~ Philippians 4:8

I strongly believe that being pure does not mean being naive. A person with a pure heart will be able to walk upright and enjoy the beauty of the scenery, while others only see potholes.

How do we know we have peace in our heart? Philippians 4:7 calls it the peace that surpasses all understanding. One thing however is for sure. Someone with peace in their heart will exhibit the fruits of the Holy Spirit in their lifestyle, especially under difficult situations.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,

gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law.

~ Galatians 5:22-23

Hence, let us be anxious over nothing, fill our minds with good thoughts and the peace that surpasses all understanding will dwell in our hearts!

A Pure Heart

Rusty Nelson

A Pure Heart, That's What I Long For

A Heart That Follows Hard After Thee

(Repeat)

A Heart That Hides Your Word

So That Sin Will Not Come In

A Heart That's Undivided

But One You Rule And Reign

A Heart That Beats Compassion

That Pleases You My Lord

A Sweet Aroma Of Worship

That Rises To Your Throne

Reference

Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.

~ Matthew 5:8

Strive to live in peace with everybody and pursue that consecration and holiness

without which no one will [ever] see the Lord.

~ Hebrews 12:14

For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh,

but those who live according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit.

~ Romans 8:5

Keep and guard your heart with all vigilance and above all that you guard,
for out of it flow the springs of life.
~ Proverbs 4:23

33 "Either make the tree good and its fruit good,

or else make the tree bad and its fruit bad;

for a tree is known by its fruit.

34 Brood of vipers! How can you, being evil, speak good things?

For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.

35 A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good things,

and an evil man out of the evil treasure brings forth evil things.

36 But I say to you that for every idle word men may speak,

they will give account of it in the day of judgment.

37 For by your words you will be justified,

and by your words you will be condemned."

~ Matthew 12

23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;

Try me, and know my anxieties;

24 And see if there is any wicked way in me,

And lead me in the way everlasting.

~ Psalm 139

10 Create in me a clean heart, O God,

And renew a steadfast spirit within me.

11 Do not cast me away from Your presence,

And do not take Your Holy Spirit from me.

12 Restore to me the joy of Your salvation,

And uphold me by Your generous Spirit.

13 Then I will teach transgressors Your ways,

And sinners shall be converted to You.

~ Psalm 51

17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit,

A broken and a contrite heart—

These, O God, You will not despise.

~ Psalm 51

6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication,

with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God;

7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding,

will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

8 Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble,

whatever things are just, whatever things are pure,

whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report,

if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy

—meditate on these things.

9 The things which you learned and received and heard and saw in me,

these do, and the God of peace will be with you.

~ Philippians 4

Wikipedia - Fruits of the Holy Spirit (link)

Hope. 盼望。

2011-07-13T21:55:00.004+08:00

“我们都曾在生命中软弱过，重点是要在苦中维持盼望”

Many things happened. In the midst of it all, I was reminded of some of the encouraging messages I heard which helped me to remain hopeful.

1) Believe that someone is thinking about you

"Is there a lifespan to a prayer? What about the prayers prayed over you when you were a baby in your mother's womb, are they still valid? Every minute all over the world people are praying. Right now someone may be praying for you. God does not forget. As you step into tomorrow, you are not entering an empty space. You are walking into a spiritual atmosphere which is very much alive."

We all have prayed for someone at one point or another. They may not know it, but they could have felt it as warmth in their hearts. If thoughts have power, it is possible that the good things that happen in our lives are not coincidences, but borne out of the expectancy others have for us. There is no way to prove it. No matter what we can choose to have a heart of gratitude and expectancy.

2) Trust that there is a way

“上帝不是用标准来衡量我们，而是用路来引导我们。耶稣说：‘我就是道路’。”

We have all fallen short of standards in our lives. When we face setbacks, we can either feel condemned and run away from the problem, or to seek guidance and try our best to solve it. We may not have arrived, but it is more important to ensure that we are on the right path.

3) Remember your calling

“我们要用福音来看世界，不是用世界来衡量福音。”

We need to seek wise counsel when we cannot solve the problem by our own strength. However, we must discern between sound advice and those that only seek to confuse us (荒谬无评的话语). As we talk to different people, we may get contradicting advises which sow seeds of doubt in our minds. Hence, we have to ask what is our calling and act according to our convictions. As far as possible, we should surround ourselves with the right people who strengthen our faith.

Hopefully this post has encouraged you. Lets keep believing!

References

Dr. Robert H. Schuller, Sermon: "Lifespan of a prayer".
何玉锋，Various Sermons.

The photographer's mind (part 2)

2011-07-06T23:36:00.006+08:00

Seeing beauty among chaos

A great image is one which lingers in our mind long after we have seen it. It is able to captivates the heart of the viewer when the world in the frame is more interesting than the world outside the frame. Hence, it is not just about recording history as a passive witness, but to give emphasis to the elements which we wish to draw attention to.

Every photograph should be taken with a purpose in mind. Steve Mccurry wrote the following in one of his blog posts about children in war torn countries:

"These pictures are hard to look at, but much harder for the parents to look at their children who are severely injured physically, emotionally, and psychologically."

The reason why those pictures are hard to look at is because it is human nature to yearn for things which are edifying. The discomfort caused by those photos brought to light the sufferings of the children in those countries and reminded us about the cruelty of war. In this case, the photos stirred up compassion in the international community and compelled them to take action, such as providing humanitarian aid.

However, excessive negativity in our photographs can be emotionally draining. While life is not all sunshine and rainbows, it should not be entirely gloomy too. For instance, instead of simply portraying death, a hopeful gaze of a child could express resilience in the face of death. We should always strive to see life in a dead situation, light among darkness, beauty among chaos.

Photography is the physical expression of our world view. Just like how an optimistic person is uplifting to others, our photos have the power to inspire if we can bring out the positive amidst the negatives.

A bokeh is the aesthetic blurring effect achieved by rendering parts of an image out of focus. It is possible through selective focusing combined with a shallow depth of field. Essentially, it draws the viewer's attention to the most beautiful element of the image and allows the other non-essential elements to fade gracefully into the background. If every element is in stark focus, the full glory of the main subject may be suppressed by the various distractions.

On a philosophical note, we will never be able to fully appreciate the goodness of a person if we cannot see past their flaws. Bokeh is like grace. We choose to overlook the imperfections of others in order to give full credit to their strengths.

This leads me to my final point. The photograph that we take reflects our impression of a person. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I noticed that whenever my friend takes a photograph of his fiancee, she looks more natural, and shows more emotion through her gaze and body language. I believe that resembles the image of her in his heart. Thus, theoretically, how photogenic someone looks in our photographs is correlated to our impression of them.

I shall end with the following lyrics from the finale of Les Miserables.

Take my hand
And lead me to salvation
Take my love
For love is everlasting
And remember
The truth that once was spoken
To love another person
Is to see the face of God.

There is no condemnation for those who are in God. In love we can see perfection.

The photographer's mind (part 1)

2011-07-05T01:17:00.025+08:00

Open mind, open heart

Over the years, I have approached countless people for feedback on my photos. I reminded myself to keep an open mind to all the comments as everyone is entitled to his or her opinions. There is no right or wrong. Surprisingly, I realised that professionals and those who take better photos tend to be very encouraging. They would first point out the good points of my photos and then suggest how I can do better. However, the mediocre photographers tend to be more critical and narrow minded, and have a rigid view on how the photo should be taken.

The greatest asset of a photographer is the ability to see from a unique perspective which provides a refreshing break from the conventional. Our photos should offer perspectives that surprise, excite and inspire. Hence, good photographers are able to see the goodness in the works of others, not just their own, and have the magnanimity to embrace diversity of expression. Keeping an open mind opens up our eyes to see beyond the ordinary and creates a whole new world of possibilities.

We also need to have an open heart which emphatizes with the subjects we are photographing. Some photographers tend to focus too much on aesthetics and neglect that photography is also about communicating emotions. In the words of Steve Mccurry, there is a split second when we take a portrait in which the soul is revealed. Hence, apart from composition, exposure, lighting and other technical aspects, a photograph is supposed to engage the spirit of the viewer.

I spotted a golden cat outside a food court on my way to work one day. It was peacefully sleeping on the chair, unfazed by the hustle and bustle of the people passing by. Struck by the confidence and grace it silently exuded, I used my handphone and snapped the photo below.

Prince of peace

I passed by the same cat again the next day. This time, it was laying by the trolleys in a different position with one of its friends. At first glance, they look filthy and unsightly, almost like a nuisance in the eye of the uncaring public.

Perspective of an unloving member of the public

However, I decided to get low on my knees and took a closer shot. Now it looks like an adorable pet and not a pest anymore.

Perspective of an animal lover

The third and last time I saw it, it was awake. I managed to have it look at me and captured it in a majestic, princely pose.

Golden prince

Since that day, it has mysteriously disappeared. Perhaps someone lodged a complaint against it, resulting in it being trapped and culled by the authorities. I will miss golden prince.

We will not be able to take a flattering image of someone unless we are willing to humble ourselves and see them eye to eye. The only way for our subjects to look dignified is when we lay aside our pride and esteem them higher than ourselves.

Cats, some say that they do not have souls, others think that they are not human and hence deserve less. The town councils cull thousands of cats each year in the name of Singaporeans like you and I. The empathy we show towards the most vulnerable members of the society is correlated to how we treat people who do not matter to us.

At times, we are prejudiced against someone not because they have done anything to harm us, but because of the noises of gossips that sneakily entered our subconscious mind. There is a fine line between gossiping and gathering intelligence to help a person. Tread carefully.

As we villanize and dehumanize others, we sow the seeds of insecurity and fear that we might be hurt or troubled by them. We see them as if they are from another planet, and forget that they could have the same intrinsic aspirations as us: the desire for food, shelter, family, happiness and love. At the end of the day, we are not so different after all. By condemning someone before they have done anything to hurt us, either animals or human, we are the aggressor, not the victim.

An open heart and open mind will open the eyes of our spirit and help us see through the lens of love.

Through my dog's eyes

2011-06-22T20:48:00.018+08:00

Sometimes I wonder what is going through my dog's mind. At times, he would gaze at me as if he has something to tell me but could not find the words. On other occasions, he would just lay next to my feet, trying to enjoy my presence a little while longer.

A recent study (link) suggests that dogs have the ability to feel for us, like a good friend, to laugh with our joy and cry with our sorrow. Though my dog cannot speak, he has the ability to communicate in a special way directly to the heart.

Single minded love

Since we brought him home three years ago, my mum has always been his favourite. He would wait for her at the door everyday until she comes home. Once my mum went overseas for a few days and did not come home. For those days he would continue waiting till 2am in the morning and I had to carry him to his bed. Perhaps there is some unexplainable power in a mother's love that even dogs can feel. Though I do bring him for walks and feed him tidbits, he still prefers mum.

Isn't it the way love should be? When issues of the heart is concerned, there should be no doubts and no comparison. My dog knows instinctively in the heart who he loves. I have heard people describe finding a partner as a process of prospecting in which they shortlist possible candidates and then work on multiple "targets" till they secure a deal. It is supposed to be more time efficient and avoid the risk of faithfully waiting for someone and get rejected in the end. To them, there is not much difference between the alternatives. If they are so unsure about who they love, it implies that they are either not serious or there is no strong, compelling love in the first place.

It is best to leave matters of the heart for the heart to decide. When we rationalise too much, we tend to become calculative, trying to find the best deal that reaps maximum benefit for ourselves. Love is the desire to give at the expense of self. When we truly love someone, we should be willing to accept "bad deals" by taking the initiative to bless at all times even though the rewards are not assured.

"No comparison" also means accepting someone in spite of his or her flaws. My dog loves my mum not because she is perfect, but because he has experienced her love personally. He remembers the day my mum carried him like a babe and walked two bus stops to see a vet as no taxi would stop for him. He remembers the countless times she kissed him in the forehead and whispered words into his ears. When we have experienced true love, all other factors of consideration become irrelevant.

For instance, Mother Teresa may be a saint and known throughout the world for having great love, but ask anyone and they will say they prefer their own mother. Just like a Rhema, true love has to be felt on a personal level. When we are touched by someone's dedicated love, we will yearn for nothing except the real deal.

Unwavering Faith

Hachiko statue at Shibuya Station

(Source kawaiikakkoiisugoi.com)

My dog reminds me of Hachiko, the legendary Japanese dog. Unaware of the death of his master Professor Ueno, he continued to wait at the train station everyday, appearing precisely at the time the train was due at the station. This went on for nine years until he died in 1935. His loyalty and faith continue to inspire till this day.

Love requires courage. It is about choosing to trust and love when it does not seem like the smartest thing to do. Sowing into the lives of others with no strings attached takes faith. A test of bravery is whether we dare to freely give and freely receive.

"A coward is incapable of exhibiting love; it is the prerogative of the brave" ~Mahatma Gandhi

People also say that love is blind. It could be a good thing. Love involves doing some irrational things that do not make business sense. True love is only possible when it is unrestrained. We do not want to be too "smart" for our own good!

Too big to fail

2011-06-11T15:13:00.011+08:00

Picture: Amazon.com

Author Andrew Ross Sorkin explains "too big to fail" in the following words:

"The idea that one institution is so big and so interconnected that ultimately it can take down the entire system; it can become the leading domino."

I feel the idea of significance and connectedness is highly relevant to our lives. The idea that the well being of our loved ones is complexly intertwined with our success or failure impels us to be more accountable in the things we do.

A sign of maturity is when we develop a desire in our heart to provide for others. The focus of our lives shifts from self indulgence to sacrificial giving. There is a void in our heart that cannot be fulfilled by receiving but through giving.

For instance, imagine a single man who has no burden of family, leads a carefree life and has plenty of personal time, yet he comes to work everyday looking like a zombie. In the same company there is another man who is married and has to take care of not just his own family but his extended family. His after work hours are packed with enrichment classes and split among his many commitments. Although his lifestyle is physically and mentally demanding and he hardly has any time for himself, he still looks sharp and driven everyday.

This tells us that we can be physically alive but spiritually dead. It is not about how much energy we conserve when we are doing nothing, but being rejuvenated through the things we do out of love. Love keeps us alive! (see video below) Our spiritual needs can only be met when we live for something greater than ourselves.

We feel ALIVE when 3 factors are fulfilled:

i. Vision

The sense of purpose and direction prevents our minds from wandering and keeps us focused on our goals.

ii. Momentum

The fact that we are moving forward and being productive makes us less vulnerable to be swayed by the temptation of guilt and self pity.

iii. Nourishment

The sense of accomplishment when we see results in our work or simply a word of thanks from our loved ones keeps us going.

The Alien Test

Ask yourself this question: "If you were abducted by aliens one day, who would miss you?"

This is a test of our self worth and significance. Listing down all the people who would be affected when we are gone enables us to have a more realistic view of our lives. Like the financial institutions during the 2008 financial crisis, our downfall can have more far reaching impact on others than we ever realise. If I am gone one day, my dog will surely miss me... I hope.

Many people are living in delusion. They pretend that the world goes on without them. Bogged down by the guilt of past failures, they are afraid of commitments as they do not want to screw up the plans of others. They lack fighting spirit and think that it is a form of humility. All these descriptions point to a distorted world view. If we believe that the world will be a better place without our involvement, we will end up becoming what we think we are: a nobody.

Humility is not about denying our strengths, but acknowledging our weakness yet choosing to be strong. I learned from Kungfu Panda that wounds heal and scars fade. After a while, we must learn to recover from our traumatic experiences and get ready to fight again, if not for self, at least for our loved ones whose fate and ours are inseparable.

Very often, situations turn out badly not because of the wrong things we did, but because of the right things that we did not do. Hence, lets make it the burden of our hearts to acknowledge that we are too big to fail. Be bold and stay strong for the people we love!

A whole new world - 4 fundamental laws of attraction

2011-05-22T17:06:00.010+08:00

Photo: Disney's Aladdin

1. People are attracted to the world we create

When we engage people, we are effectively trying to draw them into our world. We are attractive to someone if they are interested to enter the world we have created.

The contrary is also true. No one would want to enter a world that we desperately try to get out of. A person who hates his own life and has given up shaping his world is extremely unattractive.

We are constantly creating our world through 3 aspects:

a) Words
Our words have creative powers. Positive words build people up and create an atmosphere of expectancy, whereas negative confessions drain our faith and lead to spiritual tiredness. As the proverb goes, "Death and life are in the power of the tongue". Our words frame our world and set the boundaries of success and failure, hope and despair.

b) Actions
The place we are heading to is a more powerful testimony of our world than where we currently are. A person who works hard to improve his situation wins more admiration than someone who is born with a silver spoon in his mouth.

c) Convictions
Convictions are the guiding principles of our life which put restraining and realigning power on our ambitions. Without strong convictions we might end up acting against our values. Unlike preferences, convictions strengthen under pressure and constitute the very fibre of our being. Hence, our world is created under the guidance of our convictions.

2. Our world should inspire

In the classic Disney animation, Aladdin brought the princess on a magical carpet ride. He took her out of her plain world into his world which is "shining, shimmering, splendid", and opened her eyes "wonder by wonder". Mesmerised by his amazing world, the princess thought, "I'm like a shooting star, I've come so far, I can't go back to where I used to be".

If we were to showcase our world to others, what will it comprise? Will it be packed with pleasant surprises that inspire them to think possibilities, or is it full of broken dreams and empty promises? If our world does not captivate the heart and mind, no one would leave their world and enter ours.

A world filled with hope brings life, and one filled with desperation is like a dark valley that speaks of death. Hence, to be an attractive person, we must first be prepared to be a giver of life.

3. Our world should be magical yet real

Disneyland is also known as the Magic Kingdom, a "happy place" that will be the "source of joy and inspiration to all the world". Everyone who goes to Disneyland knows that the mascots in the theme park are played by ordinary people and the "fairies" they see do not have magical powers, yet they are happy to immerse themselves in the mythical atmosphere of a fair-tale world that is almost too good to be true, as an escapism from reality for a day or so.

However, a magical kingdom in the real world does not happen spontaneously. The Walt Disney Company is a listed corporation with market capitalisation of 78.44 billion. Behind the magic we see on screen are the management team and thousands of staff that turn the dream into reality. Disney uses the term "Pixie Dust" to describe excellence in customer care, an aspiration that every person who enters Disneyland will get a magical experience.

In our lives, it is good to have our heads in the clouds sometimes, but more importantly, we need to keep our feet on the ground and be in touch with reality. Just like Disneyland, we want to have fireworks every night, not just once in a life time! Hence we should build a world that is both magical and sustainable through wise judgement and sound financial planning.

4. Merging of two worlds is the ultimate expression of trust

Towards the end of the song, they sang, "Let me share this whole new world with you, A whole new world, That's where we'll be, A thrilling chase, A wondrous place, For you and me"

For the first time in the song the word "we" was used. We saw the transition from "I" and "you" to "we" as she goes on her carpet ride deeper into his world.

The most beautiful thing in the world is when two worlds merge into one. All of a sudden, there is a new horizon. Perspective gets enlarged. Our lives begin to be filled with greater possibilities and wonders. A whole new world is created!

In the words of Dr. Robert H. Schuller, "Love is impossible without faith". People may be hesitant about a relationship because they are not sure whether the new world that they create together will last forever. They have love, but have no faith.

Let us put aside the fear in our lives and move into the realm of faith. Lets have the courage to trust, to love, and to create our world!

A Whole New World

Alan Menken (music) Tim Rice (lyrics)

I can show you the world

Shining, shimmering, splendid

Tell me, princess, now when did

You last let your heart decide?

I can open your eyes

Take you wonder by wonder

Over, sideways and under

On a magic carpet ride

A whole new world

A new fantastic point of view

No one to tell us no

Or where to go

Or say we're only dreaming

A whole new world

A dazzling place I never knew

But when I'm way up here

It's crystal clear

That now I'm in a whole new world with you

(Now I'm in a whole new world with you)

Unbelievable sights

Indescribable feeling

Soaring, tumbling, freewheeling

Through an endless diamond sky

A whole new world

(Don't you dare close your eyes)

A hundred thousand things to see

(Hold your breath - it gets better)

I'm like a shooting star

I've come so far

I can't go back to where I used to be

A whole new world

(Every turn a surprise)

With new horizons to pursue

(Every moment red-letter)

I'll chase them anywhere

There's time to spare

Let me share this whole new world with you

A whole new world

That's where we'll be

A thrilling chase

A wondrous place

For you and me

Ti voglio bene

2011-05-11T22:56:00.000+08:00

I learned a new Italian phrase today. Type "ti voglio bene" in Google Dictionary (Italian => English) and it will return "I love you". If you type them separately, "ti voglio" returns "I want you", and "bene" means "well".

This led me to recall one of the posts by SM Goh Chok Tong on his Marine Parade Facebook page during the General Elections.

SM Goh was referring to the group of people who, in the name of promoting alternative views and driven by their "love" for the country, were posting hateful comments on the facebook page. This election, we witnessed an unprecedented wave of resentment toward the government. Many people were unhappy about the way life has been over the past five years. While I agree that everyone is entitled to their own opinions and feelings, some of them have become outright obnoxious. Overwhelmed by their bitterness, they have lost the rationality to reason. What they originally intended out of love for the country has resulted in a mindless slew of slanderous remarks on the cyberspace and created a prevalent atmosphere of negativity during the election period. If love means "I want you well", they have achieved the opposite.

Gossiping among our social circle can be equally detrimental. It creates an atmosphere of distrust and anxiety, the opposite of love. In such an environment, friendship and intimacy cannot thrive. When we share confidential information with others, all we want is well wishes. Even though our friend might be far away and not able to make a difference, the knowledge that there is someone thinking good thoughts about us and sending us blessings from a distance is more than enough. However, sharing with the wrong people usually means your secrets will come back to haunt you in the form of gossips.

Dinah Craik wrote the following about friendship.

"... the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts or sift words, but to pour them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, knowing that a faithful friend will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then, with a breath of kindness, blow the rest away"

The depth of a friendship is reflected by our willingness to be vulnerable in the presence of each other, the assurance that we will not be judged for revealing our weakness. Intimacy in a friendship gives you strength, as you know that your secret is in safe hands and someone is watching your back. It is impossible to put on a strong front all the time. Instead of relying solely on our own strength and trying to be infallible, it makes more sense to build true friendships and have secret "guardian angels" over our lives.

Am I being too ideological here? I believe the term "ideology" is used by people who have fallen short of the standard to dismiss what is supposed to be the norm. In an imperfect world, we can either choose to be negative, like those that SM Goh wrote about, or choose to believe in possibilities. Hopefully we can all find that someone who wants us to be well.

General Elections 2011 - A Love Story

2011-05-03T07:02:00.012+08:00

Makeshift cubicle for meet the people
sessions at Potong Pasir
for the past 27 years
Picture: theonlinecitizen.com

There have been many interesting analogies this election, like the mushrooms and the tall trees, slapping the driver, spare tyres versus co-drivers, changing the maid etc, hence I decided to come up with one too.

Read the following story and guess who will the bride choose.

Mr. White is trying to win the heart of a girl, we shall call her Pauline Pamela. However, she is currently attached to Mr. Charles. Being a doctor, Mr. White is well to do and constantly entices Pauline with expensive spa and beauty packages if she chooses him. Mr. Charles is just an ordinary rank and file employee and cannot afford these packages with his meager paycheck. However, he does everything within his means to make her feel loved.

When Mr. Charles cannot afford to bring her to posh air-conditioned restaurants for dates, he would save up for a nice meal at the makeshift restaurant at the void deck every Thursday. The setting is far from romantic, with the noise of the people passing by and the lack of privacy due to the open layout, but they still managed to spend quality time together within his ability.

One day Mr. White saw Pauline limping in front of her flat with a sprained ankle and needed help climbing the stairs as the lifts at her aging estate do not stop at every floor. Instead of simply stretching out a hand and helping her, which he always does to the patients in his wards, he criticized Mr. Charles for being unable to afford a better house with lifts that stop at every floor, and said that he would give her a better living environment if she chooses to marry him. When she refused, he warned her that she would live to regret and repent for choosing the wrong man, and walked away, leaving her struggling to climb the stairs by herself. When she reached home, she received an sms from Mr. White, saying that offer is still valid and it is not too late to change her mind.

More of the same

Perhaps THE decisive question would be which man can proudly tell the girl that "If you choose me, I will give you more of the same."

What Mr. White offered is conditional love, i.e. she would be entitled to all the benefits that comes with his love if she chooses to marry him. He offered her the promise of a transformation from the arrogant, insensitive and cold person into someone who provides for her needs and comfort.

On the contrary Mr. Charles can confidently say "You have experienced my love for you over the years. Though I may not be rich, I will work hard and give you the best within my ability. I promise to forever remain the same person that I have been."

I am not discounting the competence and diligence of Mr. White. He may have better credentials, perform more effectively at his job and be able to provide a more comfortable life for Pauline, but ultimately all these amount to nothing if she cannot feel the love. More than physical needs, the desire for dignity is the immutable trait of human nature!

This story is far from perfect, and is never meant to be a fair analysis of the parties involved. I am just trying to say that when we deal with people in our own lives, it is more than the exchange of benefits. Without basic respect for the dignity of others, anything that we offer will be meaningless.

As the saying goes, "the heart of the matter is often the matter of the heart". We can make the world a better place with a little bit more love, and a touch of common sense.

What does your clothes say about you

2011-04-27T07:05:00.004+08:00

The clothes we wear is the outward expression of our inner world. The visual image we present is the first form of communication with others before we even speak a word or engage the senses of smell and touch. While some may be more meticulous then others, we are all unavoidably sending out signals via our clothes. The following observations are not absolute, but nonetheless are points worth reflecting upon.

Identity

Our clothes reflects what we see ourselves as. It is not just the type of clothes we wear, but how we wear it. Two persons may be wearing the same uniform, but one takes the effort to have it neatly ironed and wears it with pride, while the other may be happy with a crumpled and over-sized version. Sometimes an intern can be more well dressed than a senior worker in the company even though he is lower in the hierarchy. This subtly conveys the confidence in his abilities, the desire to punch above his weight and be more than just an ordinary intern. On the other hand, someone who dresses haphazardly may have lost the passion and sees his work as a tiresome routine rather than a challenge.

Aspiration

While shopping with my friends, I observed that those who are more career focused will be interested to look at formal suits, cuff links and leather shoes even when they are not buying. Some may call it vanity, but I feel it more significantly reflects the level of expectancy for their future. The budget allocated to formal attire is proportional to how much they value themselves as an asset, assuming that they believe they are worth more than their clothes.

Self Esteem

More than aesthetics, fashion is about allowing our true self to be expressed. Hence originality is key. However we often see people who are happy to just dress like their peers or fervidly follow the latest trends whenever it forms. This could mean that i) they are trying to gain acceptance among their peers or ii) they are satisfied with taking on any socially acceptable identity or even someone else's identity, suppressing their innate personality. They have a diminished view of themselves as someone who is insignificant and can be easily dismissed, someone who conforms rather than transforms.

A dear friend shared with me that self esteem does not always have to be developed from the inside out, but outside in as well. Dressing well is like a faith proclamation i.e. calling things that are not as if they are (Romans 4:17). Dress according to what you want to be, not what you currently are.

Therefore, lets not forget that we are our most important asset. Only when we bestow upon ourselves the value we deserve will we be able to attain our full potential!

A new beginning

2011-04-15T20:48:00.024+08:00

A visit to Prince Coffee House last week brought back many fond memories of my secondary school days. I was surprised to hear that it is moving out after 21 years at coronation plaza when its lease expires at the end of this month. The move is synonymous with what all students experience in their transition from studying to working life, as the end of one chapter also signifies the beginning of another. The following lyrics beautifully reflects the emotions at this juncture.

优客李林 - 钟声轻轻响

词：姚谦曲：曹俊鸿

当当当美好时光

不知不觉钟声又再响

互道珍重时才发现

我已经不一样

是因为你陪在我身旁

当当当青春路上

我们在学习中摸索出方向

心灵已装满了宝藏

是你点滴的血汗为我擦亮智慧的窗

让我出发前自信满满

如果把每一颗年轻的心

比喻成待扬的船

今后航向人生的海洋上

我们要乘风破浪

此刻有太多的感想

怎是一句谢谢说得完

钟声响在心上

一辈子收藏

Throughout the song we can feel the energy and passion of a young pioneering heart eager to take flight, like a ship departing from the harbour for the the vast ocean. It also describes how we only realise our transformation and appreciate the people who helped shape us in the process when we are biding farewell. At this moment, all we can take away are memories which will ring in our hearts forever.

The interesting point about memories is that we usually do not realize we are in the middle of the action until it is over, and then we would look back in anguish and lament that we have not made full use of the opportunities or cherished the people around us.

I always joke with my friends when we miss a train that we are simply too early for the next. "A fool will lose tomorrow reaching back for yesterday", sings Dionne Warwick. It is alright to miss a train, just make sure that we do not keep on missing the subsequent ones.

Procrastination leads to destiny delayed. New memories are being written everyday. Today can be the beginning of a new chapter of our lives. Let the young hearts soar!

Goodbye Prince Coffee House (Photojournal)

2011-04-10T02:06:00.005+08:00

The Muah Chee theory of affinity

2011-03-28T22:04:00.024+08:00

The following is an analogy about friendship.

Photo: www.thelittleteochew.com

When the glutinous rice dough is tossed in a huge bowl of peanut grains, it sticks the grains nearest to it until it is fully covered, then it will no longer have the capacity to pick up anymore peanuts. There is not much difference between the peanuts which are ultimately bound to the dough and those which are not. They just happened to be at the right place at the right time while others might be so far away that they never get a chance to even come close. There will constantly be peanuts that fall off and be replaced and none of them is guaranteed of a permanent bond. There is no preference as far as the dough is concerned.

Acquaintance by fate

The affinity between the peanut and the dough represents our relationship with acquaintances. We can come into contact with hundreds of people in our daily lives, but the relationship remains on a "touch and go" basis. There is breadth but no depth in the relationship.

Friends by choice

Friends on the other hand is like the type of Muah Chee with fillings on the inside. Rather than remaining on the surface, friends appeal directly to the heart, and become an integral part of each other's lives, like the dough embraces the fillings.

In life we choose who form our "inner circle" by allowing them into our hearts. As with Muah Chee, the dough and the fillings (whether it's sesame, green tea, red bean...) need to complement each other, so that they taste better when eaten together rather than separately. The same is true for friends. True friends meet both our practical and spiritual needs by being involved in our lives while others watch from a distance.

Conclusion

It is easy to have many acquaintances who come and go, but it is hard to come by true friends who strengthen us and make us whole. When you find them, cherish them and never let them go.

The heart of appreciation

2011-03-18T07:37:00.019+08:00

In the midst of our hectic schedules, it is easy to overlook the importance of thanks giving. Asian are generally less expressive, which could be interpreted as being cold or unfriendly. This may have far reaching implications on our relationships.

The heart of appreciation is the basis for a lasting relationship

Every time we interact with someone, we are either making a deposit or withdrawal from their emotional bank. A deposit can be a kind word or a helpful act, which lifts the spirit and leaves them desiring more interactions with us. Withdrawal on the other hand can come in the form of insensitive words or selfish acts, is mentally draining and leaves a feeling of bitterness, as if we have been taken advantaged of.

I'm sure we have all experienced instances when we helped others and did not get a word of appreciation in return. Failing to give thanks when credit is due can be interpreted as ungratefulness, even though it is not intended. Over time, if we make more withdrawals than deposits in the lives of others, they will develop an instinctive aversion to our presence and avoid future interactions with us.

We should desire to give more than we take. Only then can we build a sustainable relationship based on trust rather than simply trading of interests.

The act of appreciation reflects our character

Our character is tested by how we treat people who do not matter to us. I have encountered friends who are perpetually late when they meet me, or even blatantly postpone appointments at the very last minute at their whim and fancy, as if the world revolves around them. However, when meeting people who can benefit them, they behave like a different person totally.

At times we have all been guilty of taking others for granted. We might not see the value or feel the urgency to appreciate people who are non-prominent, who tend to be overshadowed by the flamboyant and confident, who conveniently fade into the back alleys of our minds. But when we need help with inconvenient tasks they are the first on the list.

Character is about doing something because we want to, not because we have to. If we have double standards and esteem someone only when they can do us good, we are reacting to our needs rather than acting by our principles. An honorable person is driven by his convictions and not dominated by his circumstances.

"And those members of the body which we think to be less honorable, on these we bestow greater honor; and our unpresentable parts have greater modesty, but our presentable parts have no need. But God composed the body, having given greater honor to that part which lacks it"
- 1 Cor 12:23-24

Someone with a big heart will not worry that they will be shortchanged by giving extra attention to the group of people who are easily forgotten by others, or even those who are unpopular because of their bad habits. Just like we wear clothes to cover up or protect the vulnerable parts, we should give more grace to those who need it rather than being elitist and dealing only with the high flyers.

The thought of appreciation must be expressed to be felt

Dr. Gary Chapman wrote a book called "The 5 Love Languages", which is about the 5 modes which people prefer to express or receive love. The 5 modes are:

Act of kindness
Words
Gifts
Quality time
Touch

Since love is a language, that means that it must be communicated before it can be experienced. Too often we assume that people can feel our appreciation and "it is the thought that counts". As a result many end up being stingy with their appreciation.

As much as it should be spontaneous, we should make a deliberate attempt to appreciate others when it does not feel like a natural thing to do. Let's have the heart of a giver and make a difference in the lives of our peers!

Beautiful Brunei (Photojournal)

2011-02-22T23:58:00.018+08:00

Bon Appétit

2011-02-18T18:32:00.016+08:00

In case you are wondering, this post is not about food.

Just as our appetite for food reflects our physical health, our "appetite" for life is an indication of our spiritual well being. When a person is sick in the body, not even the most delicious food will interest him. Similarly, when someone is emotionally down, everything in life seems to be dreadful.

Grass-eating generation

Japanese columnist Maki Fukasawa coined the term "soushoku danshi", translated as "grass-eating men", to describe a growing trend of men who have lost their appetite for life. In stark contrast to the traditional image of Japanese men who are the source of strength and the sole bread winner of the family, the "grass-eating men" are marked by a distinct lack of ambitions. Their prevalence is alarming businesses as they tend to stay away from fancy restaurants, do not buy clothes to impress their dates, give each other fewer presents, and give cinemas a miss. It is a major setback for personal consumption which in Japan is traditionally fuelled by younger consumers.

Not only do they lack materialistic ambitions, they are also uninterested in love and sex. Averse to the commitment and responsibility that comes with a serious relationship, they are satisfied with a virtual partner in the cyber world. It is believed that the "grass-eating" generation is a major cause of the decrease in marriages and low birth rate.

Plasticine generation

The lack of appetite is not limited to Japan. In China, a magazine recently popularised the term "橡皮人" or "plasticine man". It reflects the growing trend among working class young people who feel that life has become a meaningless routine.

"Brow-beaten out of shape by life, they show little if any response as they are kneaded this way and that ... they are mostly white-collar workers who are somewhat numb to life, have no dreams, interests or ideals, and do not feel much pain or joy", reported the Guangzhou-based New Weekly magazine.

At various points in our lives, we can all identify with the plight of the grass-eating or plasticine man. There ought to be times when our goals seem to be out of our reach and we feel like throwing in the towel and settling for less, even though it means a forgettable, dead end life.

Or perhaps we have been overwhelmed by the myriad of tasks screaming for our attention and it seems like we have lost control of our lives. Everything feels so bland as we were wallowing in emotional fatigue and emptiness.

We are as young as our dreams and as old as our pessimism. Youth is beautiful because of the exuberance of passion and energy, the desire to squeeze more things into our schedule even though it is packed, the endless list of tasks we wish to accomplish, or simply put, the appetite and love for life! It is always a challenge to keep our dreams alive, but we must never lose hope!

In the words of Moses: "Teach us to number our days, that we gain a heart of wisdom". Only when we understand how short life is, will we assign a purpose to each day we live. Only when we realise that in the face of eternity, we are like grass that "flourishes and grows up" in the morning but in the evening is "cut down and withers", will we stop dragging our feet and start focusing on the "work of our hands", and leave a legacy that epitomizes our short existence in this world.

Lets make it the cry of our hearts that we will never lose our appetite for life!

References
1. Psalms 90. link

2. Kin, K. W. (2009). Are you a 'grass-eating' male? The Straits Times . link

3. Yin, S. C. (2010). Rise of the 'Plasticine' generation. The Straits Times . link

Rekindling the first love

2011-02-04T17:28:00.002+08:00

Every Chinese New Year I get to meet many familiar faces. It is heartwarming to see my cousins grow taller each year, and my grandma age gracefully while still maintaining her positive attitude towards life.

As grandma was enjoying the company of her grandchildren, I was reminded of my childhood years, when I would be ecstatically leaping for joy whenever she visits, and would even lock up the door to prevent her from leaving. Well, I have matured and mellowed ever since. Now I have more friends and activities to keep me occupied, and more things to worry about, but I have a feeling that our place in her heart has not changed.

Sometimes, we are so engrossed in our own activities that family time does not seem to be exciting anymore. On some occasions we might even find it dreadful and bothersome. However, have we forgotten those days when we were the greatest source of joy for our parents and grandparents? They have not grown tired of us over the years. On our part have we shown them the appreciation they deserve?

I used to wonder why grandma would painstakingly ensure that everyone is able to make it for reunion dinner each year. Isn't it just a just a simple meal? Then as I grow older I start to appreciate her single-mindedness in keeping the family together, her simple desire for her children and grandchildren to excel in life and have a bright future. When our minds are filled with work, there she is quietly thinking about us.

More than a time for reunion, Chinese New Year is also a time of renewal, when we reaffirm our commitment to our family. Let us rediscover the childlike excitement in our hearts this season, and rekindle the first love that has been waning. Happy New Year my friends!

Cheaper, Better, Faster

2011-01-29T08:00:00.006+08:00

While checking out a camera rental shop today, I had the privilege to engage in an enlightening conversation with the boss. At first I was just enquiring about the rental cost, but soon we drifted to talk about a wide array of issues which I shall share in this post.

He recounted that once a Taiwanese client rented some equipment for a video production filmed in Singapore. They flew in the entire crew, including the videographers, from Taiwan and ended up using only using the service of his driver. When asked why they do not want to engage local videographers, they said that they were not impressed with the quality of the videography in local TV dramas. He then went on to lament that the quality has been declining over the years as the pay was too meager to retain experienced and skilled talents. Young talents are also finding it difficult to survive as more and more amateurs are willing to work for low pay, further driving down the market rate, snuffing out the whatever flickering flame of passion that remained.

The need to recognize and reward quality

He shared that very often in Singapore only two out of the three important conditions: money, time and quality, are granted. Just like a tripod cannot stand on two legs, the environment will never be conducive for talents to grow unless all three conditions are satisfied. For instance, Leica makes good lens, but their customers are willing to pay a high premium and wait longer for the lens to be produced. Only 2 out of 10 Leica lens pass the quality check, so effectively their customers are willing to even pay for the lens that Leica discard as long as they are assured of the quality.

When we deal with our project partners or engage the service of others, do we simply want cheaper, better and faster without regard for their interests? If we are not willing to realistically reward quality effort, a partnership will not be sustainable. If we are not willing to "give" in a friendship but constantly trying to "take" by exploiting our friends, the relationship will remain superficial and weak. Reaping without sowing is against the law of nature!

Don't just "try try", be the best

On the other side of the coin, we should make a commitment to excel in whatever we do. It is common to hear people say things such as "I'm not intending to stay in the company for long. After I had gained the required experience, I'm gonna jump ship. This job is just my stepping stone." If someone has this mentality from the start, it is no surprise that they will be mediocre at best.

In his recent State of the Union address, President Barack Obama said, "In America, great ideas do not just change lives, it is the way we make a living". We can all learn something from the land of Thomas Edison, Google and Facebook. It is all about the attitude! World changing ideas and breakthroughs will not be possible unless we are committed to the things we do, when we are driven by passion rather than needs.

We rise and fall together with the tides

No ship can stay up while others fall during low tide. The converse is also true: we will be lifted up when everyone is doing well. I know this sounds like Avatar, but we are all part of an interconnected, mutually dependent system. We should strive for sustainable co-existence by building each other up.

As much as we should be "gentle as a dove and wise as a serpent", our street-smartness must be built on the understanding that success at the expense of our peers is unsustainable. The way to be promoted is when others see more value in elevating us rather than pulling us down.

Hopefully this article has encouraged you. Lets strive for excellence in whatever we do!