GottaLoveMom

Argh! A Blank Page

2012-05-30T12:02:00.002-04:00

Argh! A blank page

Hmm.

I had so many ideas in my mind; I was excited to write them all down. I started my E-notebook and opened a new Word document.

I was eager to type – turn the images into words, but then, there was nothing.

I looked around, rested my chin on my left hand, closed my eyes, moved my head around, and still – NOTHING.

It was not like I had nothing to say – quite contrary, I had plenty, but not one topic seemed to dominate the flow of information through my central nervous system.

Maybe that’s the problem.

Maybe I had way too many things in my mind that they were all scrambling in my brain – like a kaleidoscope.

It’s been weeks and still – Nada.

Maybe I’ll need to check off the enormous list of to-do in my mind, before I can proceed.

Oh well, at least I talked about nothing today.

Here's a video from YouTube of A famous Filipina singer and Tony Awards winner, Lea Salonga, singing "Nothing" from the play, "A Chorus Line".

Dream BIG & keep smiling.

Beyond Grateful I Chose LIFE

2012-05-29T13:16:00.001-04:00

I had been very sick. I was always nauseous, and for months, I couldn’t keep any food down. I had been seeing a gastroenterologist who had prescribed a few X-rays, and I was taking a lot of medication for acidity and nausea.

One day I was rushed to the emergency room and had to be admitted to the hospital because I was totally dehydrated. Of course, as standard procedure, they took a pregnancy test. To my surprise – and to the surprise of my very concerned parents -- there I was, pregnant at 24 years old!

The news went from “Congratulations, you’re having a baby” to “Sorry, but we have to terminate the pregnancy!” My doctor told me that since I had taken all sorts of medicine and had had a few X-rays, the pregnancy had to be terminated because there was a high probability that my child would have mental and physical disabilities.

The emotions that enveloped me that day were beyond words. I didn’t know what to do. I kept whispering, “Don’t I have a say in this matter?” I was young, very sick, excited and scared all at the same time. And then as God always finds ways to work His magic, a certain obstetrician gave me options! I believed that the obstetrician was sent to me by God. He ordered a meeting with a medical specialist so that I could get a more scientific and complete assessment of the medicine I had taken and their effects on the fetus -- my baby.

While I was staying at Elizabeth General Hospital, I shared a room with another woman. She apologized for having overheard my conversation with the gastroenterologist, and she consoled me by saying that “God will find ways.”

I didn’t know what to do. I was laying in the stark white room –shaking, feeling cold and confused. Michael had phoned in and had assured me that he would support my decision no matter what it was. His family encouraged me to pray, and they hoped for guidance and courage for me.

By the time the medical specialist came, I had calmed down – but was still unsure of what I needed to do. The medical specialist assured me that all pregnancies have risks. There were no studies that stated that the medicine I had taken would result in mental illness for my baby. The only thing she pointed out was that there was a chance my child would be born with a cleft palate.

So there I was, 95 pounds and pregnant with my first child. My baby would be the first generation to be born in this country! I wanted to do everything right. In my mind and heart, I had to take care of this child.

(excerpt from "Out of Status")

Today, that beautiful child is celebrating her 23rd birthday. She graduated from Rutgers University last May and is now pursuing a career in nursing. She hopes to work in the maternity and neonatal department. A quiet yet dedicated girl with a huge heart. We are so proud of her.

I am beyond blessed that I chose LIFE.

Happy Birthday, Coley Pooh.

My husband truly is the romantic super hero!

2012-05-13T22:02:00.002-04:00

Seventeen years ago, on Mother's Day, my husband and I vowed in a Jewish-Christian ceremony, "to love and honor, all the days of our lives."

In the book, "Out of Status", I immortalized my love to the man who epitomizes every woman's romantic super hero - my husband. Not only does he warms my side of the bed during winter time, not only does he make my decaf chai tea every morning -- he tries to make sure I smile every day, no matter what.

Today, my husband confirmed his title "romantic super hero", when he wrote a beautiful poem for our anniversary.

This card alone was a perfect, and the poem that he wrote just confirmed how lucky I am!

Seventeen Years,

What does it mean?

It is a long time, or a short time?

In the realm of things perishable, seventeen years

is enough time for

Freshness to become decay,

Playful youthfulness to become staid

maturity,

Novelty to become passé.

In the realm of things that improve with age,

seventeen years is enough time to

Turn a fresh grape into a treasured wine,

Turn an obscure book into an

international sensation,

Turn an overlooked artist into a

celebrated visionary.

In the realm of things enduring however,

seventeen years leaves no trace. You cannot find

its marks on

The facets of a diamond,

The majesty of a mountain range,

The endlessness of the oceans.

A lot has happened to our lives in seventeen

years, but my love for you remains unchanged.

My love for you doesn’t know time.

It is a thing enduring like a diamond, a mountain

range, an ocean.

A thing that lasts a lifetime, a backdrop against

which we can watch time pass, build lasting

memories, confront challenges, and enjoy our time

in the world.

Happy anniversary.

Needless to say, my day was more than complete when our four children wrote the following on our anniversary card:

"To the greatest parents in the world who show us what love truly is -- Happy Anniversary!
Your love is what we all wish to have someday once we are all grown up :)"

I am truly blessed! My life might have been chaotic but I definitely have reasons to count my blessings.

Ducky Love

2012-05-11T12:04:00.000-04:00

When my son was born, my husband's college friend gave him a small duck blanket, sort of like a lovey. I used to lay it across his chest thinking that it would help to soothe him as he was a fussy baby. My daughter sucked her thumb to calm herself, but my son never found his or took to the pacifier.

At about three months old, he started to hold on to it and even snuggle it a bit. The softness of the material helped to ease his stress by rubbing it on his face, smelling the familiar odors. He sought the ducky blanket for comfort.

We never went anywhere without Ducky. I soon realized that we needed a backup. In my journeys, I ended up finding two replacements, just in case we ever lost one. Being that we are always on the go, near and far, we ended up losing one permanently. It was not the original Ducky; that one was spared.

Walt Disney World

By the time my son was three, he found out that there were two Duckys and took them both everywhere. His ducks have been to several beaches along the East Coast, New England, Walt Disney World, Disneyland, Hollywood, Boca Raton, The Smoky Mountains, Montreal, and many other places. The stress level was high every place we went, constantly checking to see if he had both. He named them Old Ducky (the original) and New Ducky. The difference between them was their tag, each had a different type.

Ducky (and his entourage, which varies from month to month), has helped us celebrate many birthdays, Christmases, first days of school, graduations, Halloween, and many more life events, specials days, and not-so-special days. My son suffers from headaches occasionally, so Ducky is there to soothe him and relieve him of his pain.

Welcome Home Ducky!

When my son was four, we went on a day trip to a local beach with some friends. Old Ducky got lost! We looked all over my friend's car, in all the bags and came up empty-handed. My son was crushed. Three months later, my friend found Old Ducky. What a joyful reunion that was! Heavy restrictions were put on Old Ducky's travels as he is my son's favorite (it is all about the tag).

Duck, North Carolina

This Spring we took a vacation to Duck, North Carolina. One fun task we had while we were there was to photograph my son with his Duckys and as many "Duck" signs we saw. It kept us busy! There was Duck's General Store, Duck Deli BBQ restaurant, Duck Donuts, Lucky Duck gift shop, the Duck water tower, Olde Duck Road, Duck Ridge Shores, and many more. We did not get a picture with all of them, though.

My husband and I joke all the time that our son will be taking Ducky to college, and even down the aisle to get married. The truth is Ducky brings my son much peace and comfort, which makes me (and our whole family) happy. To take that away from him would be like removing his heart, his soul. As far as I am concerned, there will always be a place for Ducky in our home.

Ducky Entourage

by resident writer Gwen D'Amico

jerseycats@hotmail.com

A Song For My Mother - Awit Para Kay Nanay

2012-05-09T10:11:00.002-04:00

Three years ago, my third child wrote his first music composition which he presented to me for Mother's Day. He was about 13 when he wrote this song titled "A Song For My Mother - Awit Para Kay Nanay". He has composed quite a few songs, however, this still remains my favorite song.

This Sunday is Mother's Day. Did you know that the person who advocated for the celebration of Mother's Day died protesting against the abuse and commercialization of what the holiday had become?

The first Mother's Day celebration in the U.S. was in 1907, when Anna Javis held a memorial service for her mother. She campaigned to make "Mother's Day" a recognized holiday in the U.S. Finally, after 7 years, on May 8, 1914, the U.S. Congress passed a law designating the second Sunday in May as Mother's Day. On May 9, 1914, President Woodrow Wilson issued a proclamation declaring the first national Mother's Day as a day for American citizens to show the flag in honor of those mothers whose sons died in war.

However, by the 1920s, Javis was already disappointed with the commercialization of Mother's Day. She spent all her inheritance and the rest of her life fighting what she saw was an abuse of the celebration. She decried the practice of purchasing greeting cards, which she saw as a sign of being too lazy to write a personal letter. In 1948, she was arrested for disturbing the peace while protesting against the commercialization of Mother's Day, and she finally said "...wished she would have never started the day because it became out of control..." She died later that year. (wikipedia)

Like any other holiday, sometimes we fall into the commercial aspect of the holiday and lose sight of what the celebration is about. I love receiving gifts but the best gift I believe is a letter from my child.

I love receiving personal notes from my children. Ever since they were little, I have been insisting that they write their own greeting cards - it just adds a little emotion. (It's also an excuse for me to know what they're thinking and feeling).

With the hectic schedule, sometimes I wonder if I neglect my family's needs -- and wants.

Sometimes in my journey of being a mother, I can't help wonder whether or not I'm doing the right thing...
Sometimes it's easier to grasp the complexities of child development when he is just learning how to walk.
However, I feel like it gets tougher once he starts walking on his own, makes decisions and choices without seeking my approval.
I'm always wondering, second-guessing.
But then out of a blue, he sends me a note saying how much he loves me.

I realize, kids do listen after all.

So when you're busy schlepping the kids, getting the house organized, feeling overwhelmed and frustrated with the daily challenges, feeling like you don't have a single hour for yourself, and when you feel like no one's listening -- I tell you, they are listening.

Last year when I asked my second child, my 20 year old, to write the introduction for "Out of Status", I realized that we indeed survived his rebellious teenage years -- our bond was stronger!

He was listening after all.

Here's what he wrote:

Life is a collection of constant adjustments. It is the act of adapting to new settings and the combined reactions to the different hardships one may face on a daily basis. A family is a group of people that fills in the gaps. Upon deciding which road to take, a family helps you point out the pros and cons of each option and guides you along whichever path you choose. A family is there to help you work around and learn from the mistakes you may have made along the way. A well-connected family is what fuels a constant growth in one's security, confidence, and passion. Taking the reins of every great family is, more often than not, a strong motherly figure.

A mother can look briefly into a refrigerator and calculate exactly how much food is needed. A mother can make a pile of dirty clothes smell like a breath of air from the heavens. A mother will put off anything for the well-being of her family and still manage to get all the other important things in her schedule taken care of. A mother is someone who never sleeps until she knows (or in most cases for me, thinks) all her children are tucked quietly into bed, a feat that can prove rather difficult when your 16-year-old son suffers from self-induced insomnia (even more difficult when that son turns 20 and moves across the country).

This is the story of my mother. This is a collection of her hardships and a written documentation of the hard work, the support, and the love that she has brought not only to this family, but to this world. This is a book accounting the hope and inspiration that has brought me to where I am today. This is my mother's American dream.

My youngest (11yo), recently told me that "Motherhood is not a job. It's a gift -- a special gift!".

My oldest, who is turning 23 this month, wrote this when she was 7, and still one of my favorites:

We celebrate Mother’s Day because mothers are special.
They care for us.
They tuck us in at night.
When we are bad and when they punish us, they still love us.
They love us all the time.

They sing to us before we go to sleep.
Moms bring us to school and pick us up.
Moms give us hugs and kisses.
They wake us up and give us hugs and kisses.
When we come home after school, they are happy.
They think about us all the time.
Sometimes moms play with their kids.
They are happy for us when they see a good report card.
They help us when we are sick.
They stay with you when you are in the hospital.

Sometimes moms give babies or kids a bath.
Sometimes moms help their kids with their homework.
Sometimes moms stay with their kids at the doctor’s.

All of these and many more.

To all the mothers, Happy Mother’s Day
And to my mom – She works very HARD at home, and on Mother’s Day
She will have to relax for a LOT OF DAYS.

These are a few reasons why I look forward to Mother's Day.

From my family to yours, may you have a relaxing and lovely Mother's Day weekend.
Put your feet up, laugh and dance together, enjoy your family and remember -- this is your special weekend.

The Road Called Life

2012-05-02T13:20:00.000-04:00

"I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I've ended up where I needed to be." - Douglas Adams

When I was a child playing with my Barbie dolls, Barbie was always off on some adventure, with Ken along for the ride. I grew up always thinking that I would someday go to college (which I did), have a career that allowed me to travel the world (I only got to see the really NICE and SAFE parts of industrial New Jersey, New York and Eastern Pennsylvania), and be a carefree, independent woman.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Pumpkins.jpg

I was somewhat of an entrepreneurial child. I sold the pumpkins that we grew in our family's garden plot, frequently had a mobile garage sale (from my little wagon) to unload my unwanted/outgrown toys to the neighborhood children, and, as most children, sold lemonade on the corner of our block. This all led to my development as an independent person, ready to tackle the world.

In sixth grade, my teacher knew French and gave us a lesson every Friday on how to speak French. I believe this was the first time I remember becoming interested in what was beyond the borders of my small hometown, our state, and even our country. My family had taken many travels in the United States, mainly east of the Mississippi River, but never traveling to locales where we needed a passport.

http://www.visitingdc.com/paris/eiffel-tower-paris-france.asp

When it came time to choose a language in high school, I chose French. That first year I was fortunate to go on a trip to London, England, Paris and Annecy, France, and Geneva, Switzerland. It was at this point that I decided I wanted to study foreign affairs and become a diplomat. My first year of college was spent at George Washington University in their Public and International Affairs program. It was not what I was expecting. The history and political science classes ended up to be my least favorite, and math and statistics, my favorites.

I decided to change my major to Chemical Engineering (talk about a 180 degree shift!) and transfer to a university closer to my hometown. Four years later, I graduated with a Bachelor of Science degree and headed off to New Jersey to start my life. I was offered a position in an environmental consulting firm and had family in New Jersey to help get me settled.

Being in New Jersey led me to meeting my husband, buying a home, starting a family, and growing roots in a wonderful community. But what if I had not taken the path I did? Would my life be as fulfilling as it is now? No one will ever know, and I do not dwell on the "What ifs" in life.

I am certain that the phrase "everything happens for a reason" is true. I do not usually question why something happens, good or bad, but look for that reason and try to understand it. At the time, I did not know that I needed to be here, but I made decisions that led me here. I was honest with myself and listened to my feelings and instincts. Although I did not start out in life envisioning myself as being married and a stay-at-home mom, I truly believe that this is where I needed to be.

And I am happy.

by resident writer Gwen D'Amico

jerseycats@hotmail.com

Do you believe in magic?

2012-05-01T04:04:00.001-04:00

A couple of weeks ago, I was at a children’s party of a friend’s son who had just turned 1. Arriving a bit late, I found Ronald McDonald laughing with the kids as they tried to pin the donkey’s tail on his butt. Shortly after, a magician came out and performed some tricks that succeeded to catch everyone’s attention.

As I watched the kids get mesmerized with his magic tricks, I remembered the first children’s party I attended. It was at my friend’s house and their whole garden had been transformed into a wonderland. There were multicolored lights hanging from the trees and bubbles floated in the air. I felt sure Alice and her friends - the white rabbit, Mad Hatter, Cheshire cat – would all come out and invite us to join them for tea. While the others around me ate and played, I sat in my chair, oblivious to everything but fully captivated by the whole scene in front of me.

Watching the kids completely rapt in attention by the magician’s tricks, I remember myself just as fascinated at that children’s party many years ago. Then, everything seemed possible and willing something to happen was as easy as snatching a rabbit out of the magician’s hat.

As children, we loved such things. But as we grow older, we are told that these things are just make-believe, that there really is no magic, that wonderland does not exist. And so unconsciously, we accept the way things are and believe they are just as they are meant to be. I’ve always felt there is a certain crudeness to this way of thinking but the world can be overpowering that somehow, thinking another way was just not an option.

That day at the party however, as I watched the magician do his tricks and the kids eagerly watching his every move, I wondered if this was just another fork in the road for me. Do I accept things the way they are and consider perhaps that some things happen as a stroke of luck; or do I decide to go back to that wonderland and reclaim my childhood view that indeed, there is magic and that I can make it happen?

That night, long after the party was over, I suddenly became so aware of the magic in my life. There they were, some captured in pictures. Others were confined in my memory. Still many others in the life I lived, choices made and dreams fulfilled.

After so many years of being lost, I am back in wonderland again.

What about you -- do you believe in magic?

By resident writer Anne from Writer's Space

What I learned about being a mom on "Take Your Child to Work Day"

2012-04-26T15:10:00.002-04:00

This is Crumbcatcher #4 speaking; I just had a blast today on "Bring Your Child To Work" day. I always wondered what Mom did when I was at the boredom festival, A.K.A. school.

Well, now I know.

She makes doctor's appointments.

Today, mom took me to Westfield Imaging Center to get x-rayed for "Bone Age".

Mom is always schlepping us somewhere.

She spends most of the day in the car driving back and forth

She's always doing errands, or cleaning the house, paying the bills, or

doing loads and loads of laundry ---

-- errands that will put you and I to sleep,

or work that will drive a kid like me crazy!

Being a mom can actually be a lot more exciting!

Maybe, mom will find a 20 dollar bill on the ground for the ice cream truck,

or run into a reporter and get interviewed about her book,

or maybe on her way somewhere she will see a band playing her favorite songs,

or maybe the fun is in the “Mother Instinct”.(The last one was a guess.)

Even though I am not in school, I learned something:
Being a mother is not an easy job.

In fact, it is not a job, but a gift.

Love you mom!

by GottaLoveMom's 11yo son, Joshua

Open Hands and Clenched Fists

2012-04-23T16:20:00.001-04:00

A friend of mine recently chatted with an acquaintance, who began talking about what a hit her cookies were at the school bake sale. My friend, just making conversation, supposed that the women who raved about the cookies might like to have the recipe. The other woman responded as if my friend had asked for the deed to her car. The recipe, it turned out, was a secret family recipe she had gotten from her grandmother. She would never share it. Never.

Well, okay. I mean, if you have a secret recipe, by all means, keep it secret. Of course, that probably means you shouldn't start conversations about your cookies and intimate that a single taste would drive French pastry chefs mad with desire. You're begging someone to ask you for the recipe--just so you can wave it, clenched in your tight little fist, and say, "MINE!"

I've never understood that mentality. Where does it get you? Sure, you might score some buzz at bake sale time ("Ooh, I wonder if Mary Lou is bringing her famous snickerdoodles?") Maybe you get a little admiration for your baking skills, and possibly a little envy from the less-skilled. Admiration is nice. But I'd rather be admired for my kindness and generous spirit, quite frankly. And if someone envies me for a recipe, that doesn't means I'm a better person than she is; it means I'm lousy at sharing.

The way I see it, there are two ways to go through life: with clenched fists, or with open hands. If you have something, and you tighten your grip on it, nobody can take it from you. That's the good news. The bad news is that your hand isn't available to receive anything else--and depending on what you're holding, you could destroy it with your death grip.

Please understand: I am not a generous person by nature. I've been fortunate in my life, and I have wanted for little. But I've always had a fear that if I gave up some of what I had, I might not have enough. A funny thing happened, though: every time I took a chance and gave--money, time, advice, help, support, whatever--I wound up with more than I started with. Curiously, the more cheerfully I give, the more bountifully I seem to receive. That neighbor whose kid I watched after school as a favor? She's the one who raced to my house in the middle of the night to stay with mine when I had to take my husband to the ER. The friend for whom I made a casserole one night because I know she hates to cook crocheted me a soft scarf that has warmed me for years.

As nice as it is to have favors returned, something even better comes from giving with an open hand and heart. Relationships grow. Somebody gives, somebody takes, and then gives back, or gives to someone else. The threads of our giving connect us, like those cat's cradles we used to make with yarn and our best friend's hands when we were little. If you closed your hands and refused to play, all you had was a little length of yarn, not good for much. But if you faced your friend and both spread your fingers wide, your hands would be linked together in the most beautiful patterns.

by resident writer Becki King of "Adventures of a Nervous Girl"

Welcome our new resident writer, Becki King

2012-04-23T11:47:00.002-04:00

Every person I meet makes a difference in my life. He or she has helped shaped who I was, who I am and who I will be. I have asked people I admire to be a part of the GottaLoveMom community - to share their talents and their convictions, and in simple words from their hearts, make a difference in someone's life. I am lucky that Anne, Dawn, and Gwen have already joined this growing community of ours.

The new member of resident writers of GottaLoveMom is a dear friend of mine, Becki King. I have known Becki for years through our interaction in theMotherhood. I haven't really met Becki in person or even heard her voice -- but she has already made an impact in my life. Aside from reminding me in the power of faith and love, she confirmed my belief that creativity is the most important ingredient in writing a book.

Last week, I finally got the courage to ask her if she would be interested in writing for GottaLoveMom, and I am blessed that she agreed!

Becki King is a former social worker and collaborative divorce attorney. She now spends her days writing and caring for her husband, son and daughter in their home outside Augusta, Georgia. What keeps her going is her love for her family, her Orthodox Christian faith, and lots and lots of coffee brewed in her old percolator. Becki is self-diagnosed with a baking disorder and would love it if you came over so she’d have an excuse to make pie. Not that she needs one. You can also read more of Becki's writing from her website, "Adventures of a Nervous Girl".

I don't know about you, but I am excited to read her first article here in GottaLoveMom.

Becki, welcome to the team!

"Individually, we are one drop. Together we are an ocean." ~ Ryunosuke Satoro

A couple of weeks ago, a friend of mine shared this P&G Best Job video on YouTube. It highlights what mothers, fathers and guardians do for their children. But most of all, the video reminds us the joys our children bring to this life!

(Bring out the tissue box)

To read more about GottaLoveMom's resident writers, go to: http://gottalovemom.blogspot.com/p/about-me.html

Family Disney Vacation written by the Patriarch

2012-04-22T17:02:00.000-04:00

Recollections of the Furer Family vacation of April 8-14, 2012 in Orlandoas per the memory of the Patriarch, Al Furer. (These recollections will be reissued under the title “ Up From Dementia”.)

Saturday- Roz and I arrived at the Summer Bay Resort in the late morning and were joined around noon by Craig, Jen and the Two Jays. After putting away our stuff we went to the pool that had the Big Kahuna bar and snack shop.

While the kids swam the adults sat near the bar. Unfortunately, in front of us, a young woman with a loud annoying voice and a microphone was directing a group of over-hormoned adolescents in a series of games accompanied by blaring music from a Hi-Fi system. I found myself fantasizing the various ways that I could mate this female with her stereo. Mercifully Craig suggested something alcoholic and I ordered a concoction from the bar called a “Voodoo Bucket” which is made with five different rums. Craig joined me by sipping his private bourbon supply and in no time the music got lower and the woman less annoying.

Sunday- During an early morning conversation with Jonathon the subject of the Furer family history came up. I told him that there is a Furer family crest with a latin inscription which is the Furer family motto. When translated into Olde English it reads: “ Phooke upon them, act as thou desireth”. The modern version is more direct and profane. He also asked about the Furer family tree. I told him that the records were incomplete but that the first known Furer was an 18^thCentury German sausage-maker named “Phakokta”. I told him that the Furer family roots are deeply imbedded in the dirt. This seemed to satisfy him.

Later Roz and I took a ride to check out the route to Gatorland and we then went to Perkins. Roz had a late breakfast and I had a delicious turkey sandwich. We then went to the outlets. While we were gone everyone went to the main pool where the kids played on the inflatables in the lake.

Later that night Mom cooked this pre-seasoned chicken we had brought and it was a great in-house dinner.

Monday- We went to the main pool where I watched Josh, on the lake, do one flip after another on the trampoline. It was as if there was a key in his butt and someone wound the spring too much. He was surrounded by adoring crumb-catchers and if he was a religious leader they would have been kissing his ring.

Later we all went to Downtown Disney. As we were walking along we came to an area where a band was performing great rock numbers from the 60’s and 70’s. Jen immediately started moving to the music and I joined the Ultimate Daughter-in Law on the dance floor. We jumped, jiggled, glided, gyrated, bopped and boogied. The crowd around us said to themselves : “How dey do dat?”. It was a perfect blend of Filipino and Jewish jungle fever.

We ate dinner in Raglan Road , an Irish pub, where we dined on shepherd pie, lamb shank and fish and chips. We also drank Guinness and Craig ordered a beer sampler. There was live entertainment in the form of exciting traditional Irish music and clog dancing.

Tuesday- This day Jen, Craig, Jonathon and I rented two wave runners. I and Jonathon were on one and the Enchanted Couple were on the other. We had a blast doing high-speed maneuvers on the lake. However, my son, with complete disrespect for his elders, managed to semi-drown Jonathon and I by skillfully cutting across our bow and burying us in his wake. Retribution will have to wait for the future. We had a great time.

Later we went to Ripley’s Believe It or Not building in Orlando. Among the many exhibits were the world’s tallest man (8 feet 11 inches), medieval torture devices, numerous oddities from around the world and movies of Ripley on his travels to collect exhibits.

I noticed an exhibit which was an exceptionally large penis sheath used by a native from the island of New Guinea. I showed it to Craig and he stared at it as if he thought that, in comparison, his sheath would consist of three straps and a thimble.

Two of the most impressive exhibits were:

1- A room constructed on a tilt that induced dizziness. In the room was a pool table where the billiard ball appeared to roll uphill.

2- A catwalk running through a room with circular revolving walls which induced instant vertigo.

After Ripley we went for a late dinner at Perkins (the same restaurant Roz and I ate in two days before). Since I had previously enjoyed the turkey sandwich so much, I announced that I was going to have a turkey platter. Roz turned to me and said in a loud incredulous voice: “ You’re going to have turkey AGAIN!?!”. Everyone became silent as the word “AGAIN!?!” hung in the air. Nevertheless I decided to exercise my adult privileges and I ordered the turkey.

I enjoyed a little payback the next morning when Roz woke up the boys and the first word out of their mouths was: “AGAIN !?!”.

Wednesday- This was a day for the pool, the gym, some tennis, sunbathing, reading and general relaxation (except for Josh whose internal gyroscope kept spinning).

That night we enjoyed a great meal at Olive Garden and Roz behaved herself.

Thursday- Another day at the pool and the lake activities for the kids. That night we went to Downtown Disney and the kids went to Disney Quest (a paradise of interactive games) from 7:00 to 10:00. Roz and I ate and walked around until picking up the kids while Craig and Jen went off for a night on their own. They went to the Boardwalk where they shared a chunk of cow at Shula’s among other ventures.

Friday- This day Craig, I and the boys went to Gatorland where we saw an amazing number of alligators and crocodiles plus other animals. You could buy food to throw to the alligators, but the thrown food would often be eaten by long legged birds(herons or storks) that would sometimes perch, unafraid, on the back of an alligator. We also saw an alligator wrestling show and another show which featured snakes.

Josh took two photos, one with a snake around his neck and the other holding a small alligator. In both his smile was wondrous to see.

While we were gone the girls went to the pool and indulged in alcoholic drinks, including the infamous Voodoo Bucket (I hope that they didn’t exhibit loud, slovenly behavior that would sully the Furer name). They said that they napped, gabbed and had a good time.

Saturday- Getaway day! We packed the cars, everyone hugged and agreed that this family vacation was one to remember.

P.S. I’m sure that I neglected to mention incidents or activities that were meaningful to others. In case anyone resents my omissions, think of the Furer Family Motto.

Memories or Nightmares

2012-04-19T16:00:00.002-04:00

Every year for the past seven years, my family and I have taken a Spring break vacation with my parents. We have been up and down the East Coast beaches of the United States, and even off the beaten path of Interstate 95 one year for a vacation in the Great Smoky Mountains. My husband and I always want to travel to a different place each year, especially so our children can experience the cultural differences of the United States and the world.

This year we visited Duck, North Carolina in the Outer Banks. While on the beach one evening taking a family walk, the kids started to complain that they wanted to go back to the condominium. My husband responded "These moments will be memories." My son quickly replied "or nightmares." Little did he know how true this statement could be. It all depends on your actions and reactions.

Pop-up Camper

When I was a child, my family traveled at least a few times a year. With the exception of visiting family, we always camped, whether it be in a tent, pop-up trailer or a Minnie Winnie mini-motor home. My memories of these trips are fond ones. However, it seems that each of these vacation memories involves one vehicle/equipment breakdown scenario, such as brake failure or loss of alternator function. These usually were nothing that caused us to cut our trip short, only just a brief diversion, usually involving shopping, getting a great meal, seeing a new town, and meeting new and interesting people. Each of these instances always involved the incredible hospitality of the local residents.

The first unfortunate incidents I can remember were on a trip to the Outer Banks, North Carolina. While on Interstate 80 in Pennsylvania, the brakes on the pop-up trailer seized causing us to stop at a gypsy moth-infested rest stop while my father and brother fixed them. With this same trailer, the cables on all four roof supports snapped at different points in the trip, prompting a trip to the lumber yard to get manual supports (wood boards) just so we could raise the roof and have a place to sleep (but not without using whatever was available until the next day when the lumber yard opened).

The Minnie Winnie gave us more comforts of home, but also had more mechanical failures. We had
breakdowns in Waco, Texas, the Badlands, South Dakota, and outside Penn State University. In each of these cases, we were fortunate that the needed parts were readily available. We got to see some amazing things while on these family adventures.

The first camping vacation I have clear memories of was a trip to Florida in 1976 (I was eight years old). This was my first visit to Disney World when it was just the Magic Kingdom, long before Epcot, Animal Kingdom, Hollywood Studios, and Downtown Disney. We continued onto south Florida, eventually to the Everglades National Park. Here we were, a family of five with three children ranging in age from eight to 13, pitching a tent next to a canal that was teeming with alligators. Some of our camping neighbors thought we were crazy and feared for our safety. At this campground, we caught crabs in these canals, cooked them at our campsite, and had a marvelous feast. We also got terribly sunburned!

During a trip west to Yellowstone National Park in June of 1983, we witnessed Steamboat Geyser, the world's tallest active geyser, erupt, shooting water up to 300 - 400 feet in the air. The thundering roar of the geyser commanded our attention and drew us in to see its glory. This particular geyser does not consistently erupt like Old Faithful, so it was probably a once-in-a-lifetime event that we experienced. This wiped out any nightmares caused by mechanical breakdowns!

My one older brother, however, sees these memories as nightmares. It wasn't until one recent family gathering that I found out his true feelings about these vacations. He enjoyed the places we visited and the amazing experiences, but did not enjoy the camping part. I realized that he was always the one helping my father respond to these breakdowns and fixing the problems. He also was the one who helped pitched the tent, set up the pop-up, get the fire going, and all the "man" jobs there were to do. We all had our tasks to do, but he always got saddled with the the extras that required additional muscle or mechanical ability.

All my vacations, whether as a child or an adult, have had unfortunate and adverse experiences. I tend to be an optimist, so I find the bright side and fun aspect in these misadventures. Each vacation has its own special set of memories, some of which I now look back on and laugh even though they were not funny at the time (did I mention traveling in the eye of a hurricane because we could not evacuate in time?).

These are the types of experiences my husband and I want to share with our children. It will be up to them to interpret them as memories or nightmares. I hope that our positive reactions during adverse situations help to mold their future behavior and help them see the positive side of life.

How do you react to adversity during travel? The way you react could be the difference between a memory and a nightmare.

by resident writer Gwen D'Amico

jerseycats@hotmail.com

The Present

2012-04-17T22:34:00.001-04:00

The most perishable thing known to mankind is the PRESENT.

It exists only for the moment during which it is observed and just as quickly becomes the PAST and never to be experienced again.

So when you just enjoyed that bowl of apple pie and vanilla ice cream,

Don’t fret, it’s perfectly fine because you enjoyed every bite!

When you feel like the world's going to end,

or you feel like nothing seems right --

and the only thing that matters is for you to cry and scream -- so cry and scream, it's OK.

The sun will come out tomorrow, and if it doesn't -- does it really matter?

In pursuit of beauty

2012-04-16T22:30:00.002-04:00

During one of my family’s 17 hour car drive, one of the conversations that came up was, “What is beauty?”

Can beauty be measured?

Can you put a value to something that’s beautiful? Is it all about the money?

Can beauty be recognized only through the rear view mirror?

Can you only recognize beauty when it is upon you?

Can you only recognize beauty in comparison to something less beautiful?

Needless to say, we all have our own definition of what’s beautiful.

But one thing is definite; every one has the power to be beautiful.

Just look in the mirror.

"Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart." - Kahlil Gibran

Technology and Self-publishing on CreateSpace

2012-04-12T13:14:00.003-04:00

Technology amazes me!

My recent encounters with technology made me think of the "Jetsons", an animated science fiction sitcom. When I was a kid, I really thought that at my 40's, my world will that be of the Jetsons'. I'm almost at my golden years, and even though we're not quite at the Space Age or what I call the "Jetsons era", technology had already changed the way we interact with people and how we live our lives.

Who would have thought that you would be communicating with someone using your smart phones, or have information available 24/7? Who knows, someday there will be a portable scanning machine that will let you know instantaneously what ailments bother your tinker toys.

I just got my iPhone. I resisted getting a smartphone for years, but when my "not-so-smart" phone stopped working, my husband insisted that I get an iPhone -- and I can say that it's the best investment so far! (Although initially, I was so hooked on it that I wasted a lot of time playing with Pinterest, lol!)

iPhone allows me to take pictures, check email, connect with my families in the Philippines through Yahoo Instant Messenger, check the weather, get NYC train routes and view my calendar -- all in this little tiny device.

In the past few months, I also realized that there are plenty of things you can accomplish. The resources are readily available. At first, I was scared at the fact that I didn't know what was available to me and what I can accomplish on my own. But I was determined and with the help of the internet and a lot of research, I found out that all I needed to do was try.

As Michael Jordan said,

“Some people want it to happen, some wish it would happen, others make it happen.”

So two months ago, I gave myself a deadline. I had a dream, and for it to become a reality, I needed to take some action. I was still procrastinating until my husband gave me a definite, non-negotiable deadline. He said, "You have until Thursday. Let's invite a few friends to celebrate the initial publication. You're ready. Just hit that publish button."

Needless to say, the first thing I did was re-format my manuscript for the Kindle eBook publication. Lesson learned: Never manually format your manuscript. If you're using WORD, format your manuscript using the software's formatting tools for paragraphs, page breaks, table of contents and page layout. (NOTE: For eBook publication, Kindle accepts page break and section break. However, Nook only accepts section break)

I researched different ways on publishing the book in paperback, and Amazon.com's createspace caught my attention. Their "human" customer service is so accessible. (You hit "Call me" and sure enough you're phone rings!)

(Here's the link. https://www.createspace.com/Products/Book/ )

So if you have thought of publishing your book, here are a few guidelines.

1) Copyright. Submit your manuscript for copyright. Electronic submission costs $35. It might take 3 months so I suggest you register as soon as you can. Here's the link: http://www.copyright.gov/

2) Decide what publishing name to use. You will need to provide tax information, too.

3) Book Cover. I uploaded a .jpeg format. Read the required dimensions. I was frustrated in figuring out the required dimensions for the placeholder image so I asked the help of my friend, Felicia Kramer of Another Bright Idea. To read more about the requirements, go to this link : https://kdp.amazon.com/self-publishing/help?topicId=A2J0TRG6OPX0VM)

4) ISBN (International Standard Book Number). It took a few days for me to decide if I needed to purchase my own ISBN. My answer: I didn't need to purchase one. Amazon and Barnes and Noble provide their own ID# for the eBook versions. And when you publish through CreateSpace, you get their free ISBN. And if you decide to use a different publisher (for later editions), you can then purchase another ISBN.

5) Preview your uploaded manuscript and book cover. eBooks can be previewed before you hit that publish or submit button. Take your time. Check and review all links such as table of contents, "Go-to" links, and page numbers. If there are some issues, you can re-upload the manuscript or the book cover, until you're satisfied.

6) For paperback, you can preview what the book looks like onscreen. (I was so amazed the first time I did it. I would love to learn the design and analysis that went into programming the user-interface!)

Once you approved the manuscript, you have to order the proof copies. It takes about a week or two.

The giddy feeling of getting the first hard copy of the book - priceless! It's like getting your first Christmas or Hanukkah present! Publishing your first book is just the beginning. Marketing is another journey.

The Cranford Public Library is sponsoring a book signing and discussion on Thursday, May 3rd at 7:30 pm.

Here's the link to the event: http://www.nj.com/cranford/index.ssf/2012/04/out_of_status_book_signing_and.html

If you have any questions, feel free to contact me.

Continue to dream BIG and keep smiling!

An inspiration for the heart

2012-04-10T03:29:00.002-04:00

When Out of Status came out, I was nearly as ecstatic as Jen was. For one thing, the author is a very dear friend. Second (and this is the selfish reason), I could now align myself with published writers (getting published being my goal as well). Third, the book embodied the realization of a dream. While it wasn’t my dream, playing a role in the editing phase of the book made me feel very much a part of that realization. Fourth, the story gives a voice and a hope to the thousands of people who, up to the present, await their future in the land of opportunity. And lastly, Out of Status chronicles not just a young woman’s pursuit of the great American Dream. It inspires the heart as much as it empowers the will. It gives readers a new impetus to believe in the power of dreams. It drives us to face our battles, to never give up, and assures us that things happen only to those who dare.


Photo Credit: www.favecrafts.com

Out of Status gives us hope that dreams can come true. While happy endings are not always guaranteed, Jen's story shows us that as long as we keep the faith, never lose hope and continue to work hard, life will eventually take care of us. The poems included in some chapters of the book, serve as inspiration that make us believe that whatever troubles or pains us, there is a pot of gold waiting at the end of the rainbow.

In the end, this book is an invitation to live life to the fullest and a challenge to face our battles. In moments both happy and sad, this book is most inspiring.

by resident writer from Writer's Space

Be happy from within, embrace the imperfections

2012-04-05T15:52:00.001-04:00

My family celebrates The Holy Week, Passover and Easter. It was just one of those blessings I was fortunate to be a part of, and to be at a place where I am free to express and practice what I believe in.

This time of the year usually means time to reflect, think more about what you can do to help others and to take a break from the hectic daily calls of responsibilities and tasks.

I had a conversation with a mother from one of the squatter areas (poor communities) in the Philippines. She reminded me that even at the worst and “not-perfect” place to live, one can find happiness as long as there’s faith, hope and love – as long as there are people who help one another, and strive to be better. She reiterated what I believed – and as long as you’re free to believe and dream, there’s no excuse to be miserable. Be happy from within and accept the imperfections.

Passover and Holy Week remind me of why faith is important. I’m not talking about one single faith or religion. I’m talking about believing in something far more important than your own self. I believe that every man’s measure of success and happiness differs, and it’s the little acts of kindness that usually make an impact in another person’s well being.

I’m lucky to be able to see the beauty of nature, that’s why everyday when I see the trees or the sky, I remind myself not to take things for granted and learn to appreciate what I have and not worry about the material things that I don’t have.

This time of the year is the time to write down what makes you happy in life and ponder on how you can make this world a better place. Your contribution does not have to be enormous. You can start small – because before you know it, there will be domino effect of good deeds!

I believe that when you’re happy in what you’re doing, even if the world ends tomorrow, you will still feel that you have accomplished something of high importance. If you’re happy from within you, you reflect such radiance and positive energy that you affect every one around you.

It’s not always easy to do what you want to do, especially when you’re responsible for taking care of other people. Sometimes you don’t seem to have enough time to focus and concentrate. But that’s alright. Because every little task, no matter how trivial, gives you an opportunity to express your feelings. Expression is a gift! It’s okay to be upset, be mad as long as you strive to be happy.

From our family to yours --- peace, love and happiness.

When we least expect it

2012-04-03T05:46:00.000-04:00

It’s great how technology helps us in so many different ways. I’m sure we all have an idea of what these benefits are so I won’t go through them anymore. Going through the different social media circuit such as people’s blogs and facebook pages however made me realize how wonderful technology really is. The many positive quotes, inspiring words of wisdom and endearing videos people post on the web are just about enough to cheer anyone having a bad day.

For some time now, my day (after breakfast, prayers and some chores) usually begins with checking my mail, surveying facebook, dropping by on my friends’ blog, then going over the latest news. In the beginning, it was just routine. Later, I realized I was doing it to set me in the right mood. The positive quotes and words of wisdom posted on the web by friends and other unknown strangers gave me a boost each day. The short positive quotes became like a new mantra for me. Perhaps unconsciously, I picked up these words and allowed them to steer my day towards a joyful anticipation of what the new day will bring.

And so there I was, feeling good and proud of myself. I finished that magazine article a couple of days before the deadline. I learned to cook a new recipe for the family. I helped my husband with some rush job he needed to submit. I "wasted" a couple of precious hours listening to a friend's dilemma. I found time to clean the house inside out... and a whole lot of other stuff. I must admit, I felt so good I wanted to give myself a pat on the back.

This morning started the same as any other and after the usual routine, I was off to begin another wonderful day. Or so I thought...

It was morning rush hour and the train was late. I was not particularly in a hurry so I allowed people to get in front of me in the line. After some fifteen minutes, I finally got in and squeezed myself in the throng of people inside the train. It was an uneventful ride and finally it was my stop. I got off and headed towards the exit when suddenly, a middle-age lady walked right past me, making me lose my balance and letting go of the books and folders I had in my arms.

Suddenly, my calm and peaceful world was a wreck and though the lady stopped and helped me gather my stuff back, I had already given her the most piercing stare I could manage. There and then, I decided in my mind what a rude woman she was and forced whatever excuse she was giving out of my hearing. But then I heard her say, “I was in a rush... My husband has been missing... and now they’re saying there’s an unidentified man in the hospital who died in an accident... they say it might be him...”

I must have been standing there for a while before I realized she was gone. Who was this woman? Was the dead man in the hospital her husband?

The day had started bright and sunny. I had just accomplished a number of things and felt good about myself. The positive quotes I read on the web helped me face each day with the resolve to smile, to be positive, to be kind. And there I was, when I least expected it, when it was most needed, I failed to smile. I failed to give someone a positive thought. I failed to be kind.

We can write a lot of good stuff on our blogs. We can post endless positive quotes and words of wisdom on facebook and twitter for others to “like” and “share”. We can even manage to practice them on the people we love. But if we fail to live them at the least expected moment on the least expected person, the feeling still sucks.

by resident writer from Writer's Space

Is it fate? Is it a choice?

2012-04-01T22:11:00.000-04:00

Getting in touch with my grade school, high school and college friends made me more eager to go back home to the Philippines. We were setting up reunions since we had not seen each other in more than 30 years.

One of my close friends in college, Anne, was getting married for the first time. It happened to be around the time I had planned to visit my parents. Benjie had given me my round-trip plane tickets to Manila as a gift. I was thrilled because it was a sign that my brother’s business was doing well.

Most of my peers stayed in the

Philippines

, and those who left didn’t have the same immigration problems as my family did. I talked to three of my best friends from college, Anne, Chiquit and Caryn. We all graduated with a degree in psychology, guidance and counseling.

“What did you do after we graduated from college?” I asked.

Anne went first. Anne is a teacher at Assumption College, a prestigious private all-girls school in Manila. She is very conservative and soft-spoken, but always seems so sure of what she wants to accomplish.

“After college I went the normal route,” she said. “I got employed but only to realize that work was not what I thought it would be. After I resigned from my first job, an aunt invited me to teach preschool while waiting for my ideal job. What was supposed to be a short stint in a small preschool brought me to my life’s mission and ushered me into the world of teaching.

“This was solidified when I got accepted to a graduate program in education abroad,” Anne continued. “Those were five wonderful years of discovering myself and finding my niche in teaching. I studied, I taught, I made some good friends, and I wondered if this was the place for me. The answer came in one of my weekly encounters with my professor. Some months later, having finished my thesis and the graduate program, I came back to Manila.”

“I never thought of applying to the school system,” I thought. “I had this mindset of working in the corporate world. It had never crossed my mind.”

“Obviously, teaching has consumed my every waking moment ever since,” Anne said. “The classroom was my kingdom; the students were like my own children. Teaching, studying, reading, writing -- all of these updated me in my chosen field while the kids kept me on my toes. I found my niche and believed that I made a worthy contribution to those that mattered. Today my kingdom has extended outside the classroom as I find myself still consumed by anything related to education. I left the

Philippines

to discover what lies beyond my own shores. I came back five years later, certain that this was the place for me. And it is -- whether it is my work, my family life or my relationships. I continued to use and enhance the gifts given to me to make a difference, small as it might be. My old professor was right: Our place is where we can make a difference in our little corner of the sky.”

Chiquit, my fun-loving friend, spoke next. Chiquit is a Montessori teacher for kids ages 3 to 6. She is married and has a 20-something son. She loves yoga and still continues to make me laugh!

“After college, I was obsessed with being a Makati working girl, but things were a bit slow with my applications in the industrial field,” she said. “I was desperate to land a job and saw this advertisement that offered Montessori teacher training in Montessori Pasay. I observed the 3- to 6-year-old class. I thought the children were so cute, and I kind of liked the idea of me as a grownup working with little-lees.

“After a year, I became a full-fledged Montessori teacher,” Chiquit continued. “Yes, I was working, but I had to make my contributions at home for rent, food and money for my mom. The contributions basically consumed most of my earnings. I felt earning in the

Philippines

was not getting me anywhere. There wasn't enough to save. I was so jealous of friends, like you, who landed jobs in the States -- the ultimate place! I decided to get more experience and I polished my curriculum vitae and then applied to Montessori schools mostly in the U.S.A. and in

New Zealand

, where my sister was already working. In 1990 I got the biggest break of my life, which was to start up a Montessori preschool in Wellington, New Zealand, as – take note – principal teacher! Woo-hoo! In 2005 the move to Perth, Western Australia, was brought about by my husband's work transfer. I had a break for a couple of years in between getting married and having my son, Alvin.”

“Wow, Chiquit, that’s great!” I said. “I left right after graduation. I never really got a chance to work in the

Philippines

. You did great!”

“I have a well-paying job in

Australia

that allows me to be a housewife for 12 weeks a year – of course with pay and benefits. What more can I ask for? Experiencing four seasons in a year is the bomb, compared to the wet or dry and hot or hotter

Philippines

,” she said. “Don’t get me wrong. I love my country and my countrymen, and yes, I keep coming back to them.”

“I love the four seasons, too,” I said. “Even though I get pretty cold in the winter time, the four seasons are just lovely! I don’t think leaving the

Philippines

meant we didn’t care. We needed to survive so we had to attend to our basic needs first.”

“Jen, had I not made the move to leave my beloved country and work elsewhere, I’d probably still be working as a Montessori teacher in Pasay, still paying rent, not being able to make home payments, and not being able to save,” Chiquit said. “I would not have been able to help my family financially as I have been able to since stepping onto foreign land.”

“Me, too,” I said. “That’s why I left. I needed to help my family financially – and of course be able to support myself.”

I then turned to my friend Caryn, who resides in Colorado. “What was your first job after college?” I asked.

“A few months after graduation, I don't exactly remember my title, but it was some sort of behavioral consultant for a fitness spa at the former Intercontinental Hotel,” Caryn said. “I lasted a few weeks. After my Pa saw me wearing leotards in the spa, designed for men and women, he made sure I quit immediately. I couldn't even give a day’s notice.”

“I would have loved to see you working in leotards,” I said, chuckling.

“My next job was as a personnel assistant for Grosby, a rubber shoe company,” she continued. But I quit after I was offered a job at Assumption as a high school guidance counselor. As you may recall, in 1986, I left a year later for the States.

“While earning my master’s in Illinois, I worked in one of the school’s cafeteria dorms, serving food,” she said. “I then moved to New York to work on my PhD and was fortunate enough to get consulting stints at the University Central Office -- which later led to a full-time job. I also taught some college courses and worked as a research assistant. I studied full time and worked full-time hours. That was exhausting!

“In 1995, after my first marriage failed, I moved to Michigan to work for Ford and then moved to Colorado to work for U.S. West, now Qwest,” she said. “I’ve been a full-time mom since having kids. And then I found out that being a full-time mom is a lot more challenging, especially when you have a husband who travels a lot for work! But that’s another story.”

“You have accomplished plenty, wow!” I said. “Why did you decide to come to the

U.S.

?”

“Call it a childhood dream,” she said. “I never thought I’d be able to accomplish those things, and I do believe that God was with me. I just had to try. I had to survive, so I worked hard. Growing up, I came across several older adults who lamented how their lives were not so good, but who never tried pursuing their dreams. Then they came around and discouraged younger people who wanted to pursue something. I decided to stay away from naysayers. Instead I asked myself, ‘What's the worst thing that can happen?’ and concluded that the worst thing that could happen was that nothing would happen. That has been my mantra. Call me a nonconformist.”

“I have always been proud of you,” I said. “Coming to the

U.S.

on a full scholarship, landing all those jobs, and now living the American dream! You’re lucky!”

“Now that I am a full-time mom, I have a lot more respect for other moms out there, especially single moms,” Caryn said. “None of my paid work has ever been as challenging. Moms – and parents in general – are truly unsung heroes. I try hard to be a good mom, but I do not see myself as a super wonderful mom.”

Hearing from my three friends made me wonder if each of us already had a set fate – a certain direction.

Is it destiny? Is it a choice?

Incomprehensible Loss

2012-03-30T12:27:00.001-04:00

As a parent, your child is your world. To lose a child is like losing your heart. Today, my friends are marking the tenth anniversary of the death of their first born child, Nick. I have been fortunate enough to get to know this family as our children have gone to school together for the past eight years. I see them frequently at school, around town, and at social functions. They are always happy, very loving, and gracious. One would not know the pain and sadness living in their hearts and souls.

Nick

Their first-born child, forever 2 1/2 years old, died from a tragic accident. He pulled open the dresser drawer and was climbing the dresser. His weight was too much for the piece of furniture and it tipped over on him. It takes very little weight to tip a dresser when the drawers are open. He was asphyxiated; the weight of the dresser was too heavy to allow him to breathe. Who would think that could ever happen?

Many questions started swirling around in my mind regarding how often these unspeakable tragedies occur, and the rate of injuries versus death from them. I visited the Consumer Product Safety Commission's web site (www.cpsc.gov) to find out if they have compiled any statistics. What I found was a 29 page report/analysis issued in September 2011 entitled "Instability of Televisions, Furniture, and Appliances: Estimated Injuries and Reported Fatalities, 2011 Report". The report compiles statistics for death incidents from 2000 through 2010 and injury incidents from 2006 through 2010.

As I was reading through the report, I was shocked to see the number of incidents occurring annually due to these accidents. The average number of incidents from 2008 through 2010 was 43,400 and 293 fatalities were reported from 2000 through 2010. 58% of the reported injuries were children under the age of 18; 84% of the reported deaths were victims under the age of 8. The statistics are broken down by what caused the injury/fatality (furniture/TV/appliance or combination), where the injury/fatality occurred, and what type of injury occurred (main injury type and body area affected). These are some heavy statistics and very hard to digest.

Many of these incidents were caused by televisions. The introduction of flat-screen televisions hopefully will decrease the frequency and severity of television tipping incidents mainly because they are lighter in weight and often mounted on the wall. However, the old television is often relocated to another room (the children's room) and placed on a piece of furniture that is usually not strong/stable enough for it. So, the danger is just moved to another room, not removed from the home.

Also, these are the numbers that were reported. How many go unreported and why? For example, Nick's cause of death was asphyxiation but it is unknown if it was reported as a furniture-related death.

For the ten years that the fatality statistics were compiled, there does not seem to be any trend in the increase or decrease of these incidents. What can be concluded from these statistics are that there are too many of these deaths and that the overwhelming majority (84%) were children. What can we do to cause a downward trend in these numbers? We can bring awareness to the community and hopefully prevent this tragedy from occurring. We can prevent another family from experiencing the deep pain of losing a child.

We can also rally the lawmakers to pass stringent requirements for furniture/appliance labeling and furniture safety. Fortunately, ASTM International (www.astm.org), a globally recognized leader in the development and delivery of international voluntary consensus standards, revised its standard for furniture safety (ASTM F2057) in May 2009. However, these standards are voluntary, only guidance for manufacturers.

Some advice that is often shared regarding these dangers is:

Place televisions as low to the ground as possible, and to the back of the piece of furniture they are on.

Secure televisions and furniture (bookcases, dressers, etc.) to the wall studs with safety straps or L-brackets.

Use furniture with wide legs and solid bases.

Install drawer stops/safety latches on all drawers and place heavy items in the bottom drawers/on the bottom shelves.

Reduce the children's impulse to climb by not having toys, shiny objects, food or the remote control on top of furniture or the television.

This family is strong and amazing. They are staunch advocates for securing furniture, televisions, and other large heavy objects that children may climb/pull on and be crushed by. My friends have worked endlessly in various forums to bring awareness and prevent this type of accident from happening and to also connect affected families. They are involved in a non-profit organization (the father serves on the foundation's board), Katie's Foundation for Child Safety (www.katieeliselambert.org), that was established to protect children by increasing the awareness to parents of the hidden dangers that present themselves in the home. This organization advocates for pediatricians during well baby visits to discuss the dangers of unsecured furniture and appliances and review proper steps to remove the danger, and for laws that require mandatory warning labels on all assembled and ready to assemble furniture and appliances (including televisions). Both my friend and Katie Lambert's father serve on the ASTM committee that developed the stronger furniture safety standard.

My friends have also started sharing their yummy chicken wings, Angels Wings by Rich Pierce, because everyone in our community loves his wings. As a pledge of support to Katie's Foundation, they donate 10% of the proceeds from every tray of "Angels Wings" that they produce. If you live in the New York City metropolitan area, please visit the Angels Wings by Rich Pierce group on Facebook (www.facebook.com/groups/123899725438) for information.


Angels Wings

Please share this information and the foundation's web site with fellow parents or parents-to-be. It is one thing you can do to make a difference.

by resident writer Gwen D'Amico

jerseycats@hotmail.com

The reason why I wrote "Out of Status"

2012-03-27T19:12:00.002-04:00

We don’t really know what we’re missing until it’s been taken from us. We wake up every morning thinking that our soft and cozy bed will always be there waiting for us at the end of the day. There are things we take for granted because we never thought such things would cease to exist. To look up in the sky and see the sun shine and the stars at any hour of the day seems a constant gift that is always readily available – until you are not even allowed to step outside without barriers and restrictions.

It’s important to keep one’s mind focused on the good in one’s life. To make the hours in a day seem shorter, writing about one’s day has always been therapeutic, especially when there’s no one there to talk to face to face.

There are experiences that will fade and be forgotten. However, there are those that will always remain vividly in our hearts and minds…

This is my brother's journal. He was only 13 years old when he first came to America. For almost 20 years, our families hired various lawyers to obtain permanent status. However, my brother wasn't as lucky.

FREEDOM LOST: Benjie’s Journal

Elizabeth Detention Center

October 27, 2005 – November 24, 2005

Benjie’s Journal Entry – Oct. 27, Day 1, Thursday

5 a.m. – Got picked up from the house. Mood: Scared

7 a.m. – Homeland security office holding cell. (Spoke with officers about case. Officer in charge was watching us at our house in Willingboro for a week.) Jokingly I asked, “You were stalking us. Have nothing better to do?” We had more conversations about immigrants.

10 a.m. – Just found out Kuya Noel has just been picked up. Good versus bad news. Picked up: bad news! Mom and Dad at home: good news! I used the phone to talk to my family. I’m OK. I spoke to Mom and Dad and told them that I’m OK and then I spoke to my nieces and nephews: I said hello to (niece) Zoe. She made me cry. Then my “jester” Mikey said that he is going to be famous because of his “illegal alien” song. “Brap-brap” to my dirt-bike buddy, Paolo, and asked him to take care of pet dog, Kenny. Asked Jonathon about school. I tried to comfort Nicole and told her that everything will be alright. Don’t cry for I am not dead. Promised that we will see each other again. Started crying. It’s really tough to talk to my nieces and nephews. I told my sis that I don’t want to see the kids in jail because they will just cry and that will make me weak. The kids insisted, begged and cried. Craig said that I have to see them because the kids see me as their Dad. Started crying. Kids asking what they want from my stuff. Paolo – the truck, Nicole – my CDs. (She has been shy with me when it comes to asking lately).

11:30 a.m. – Met Bao Dong. Ankles chained together. Picked up at work at Atlantic City.

12:00 p.m. – Ate lunch where we pee at the holding cell; Tried to sleep hoping that “this is just a bad dream.” Prayed to God hoping that HE is listening and helping my family deal with this ordeal. Tried to talk to inmate but couldn’t coz he didn’t speak a word of English. (Short, skinny, dyed hair, heavy smoker and his breath smells really bad.)

2:00 p.m. – Head ached from lack of sleep and crying. Officer Fitz checked up on me. The officer told me how he had once fallen in love with a PINAY from Japan. But I said that he’s a pimp and he got a big laugh out of it! And he said the Pinoy phrase “Hahalikan kita!” and I told him that he’s not supposed to say it to me. (“Hahalikan kita” means I will kiss you!)

3:00 p.m. – Got transported to Elizabeth Detention Center. I asked them if the chains are necessary; they said “yes,” it is their policy. I was asked to lift my arms and then they wrapped the chains around my waist and ankles. About to leave for detention. The immigration officer said “good luck” and I begged him to take it easy with my Mom and Dad. Got transported with Dong. He kept shaking his head. Me? -- teary-eyed.

3:30 p.m. – Passed by N.J. Turnpike and said “goodbye” to exits 5, 6, 7A, 7, 8, 8A, 9, 10 and 11.

4:30 p.m. – Entered the detention center and imagined what Kuya Nelson went through, now that I am going through it.

4:45 p.m. – Processing and met “Y. Holmes,” big dude like a giant, but a nice guy. I was placed in holding for one hour while they had their burrito lunch.

5:00 p.m. – Got my first taste of prison food – bread, milk, chicken patty. Tasted like crap, but Dong seemed to love the food. He was practically inhaling it!

6:00 p.m. – Got my fingerprints done. First Holmes made a mistake. He used my info for Dong’s prints. Conversation with Holmes about business, college football and people he knows that became “pro.” Dong’s lighter was confiscated and thrown into trash. He got upset because it was expensive. Only found $1 in my wallet. “Perfect” time to go back to the Philippines because I am broke! (Got a laugh!)

8:00 p.m. – Got my survival kit – plastic cup, spork, three pairs of blue uniforms, three pairs of T-shirts (white), three pairs of underwear, three pairs of socks, toothbrush, soap, shampoo, towels, black shoes, lotion and deodorant. Took a shower for the first time in the prison. Made sure I did not drop the soap.

8:30 p.m. – Medical. I got examined and got a T.B. shot. Met Egyptian guy with asthma. (He got picked up at the hospital because the nurse called Homeland Security). Has a beard; looks like a terrorist according to the nurse. He spent one month in jail.

9:30 p.m. – Moved to my cell, A2. People were watching “Zorro.” Then got to my bed and Herman from Guatemala helped me prepare my bed. He then asked each inmate how they got picked up. The Guatemalans said that INS police showed picture of a guy that does not exist then asked for everybody to show their paperwork – passport or green card. Then Herman told the story of his life and how he hid and did not open the door. Wife was left behind with the kid and the officer said for him to say goodbye to his family coz he won’t see them anymore. Then met a guy from Tanzenher, South Africa. He spoke perfect English and told how he got picked up: in the airport for overstaying the last time he visited and they told him that he will stay in a motel. Turned out to be this rat hole and walked in airport with chains and cuffs.

10:30 p.m. – Lights out but couldn’t go to sleep. Just too much noise – sound of the TV, people yelling, dominos hitting the stainless steel table. Plus remembered the kids’ voices and how they would cry.

Photo credit: screen capture from TFC Balitang America interview with Don Tagala

Marriage is a contract

2012-03-27T09:11:00.003-04:00

Craig and I were sitting side by side on a bench in the middle of the American wing at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. Before I had met Craig a couple years earlier, I had not known such beauty existed. So the first time I visited the MET, I felt like a newborn learning new things about life – and about New York.

We were colleagues turned best friends; that was how our relationship evolved. Within a year, our bond became more profound. Cupid really did a number on us! Still, when Craig asked, “Do you want to make it official?” I was astonished.

The setting was perfect. I felt like I was dreaming. The atmosphere made me feel as if I had been placed in one of Claude Monet’s paintings.

It was a beautiful autumn afternoon. Outside the room, the sky was clear and the leaves on the trees were a potpourri of colors – orange, green, red, burgundy and yellow – and it all added to the magic of that dreamy day. The sun’s rays illuminated the atrium. The open feel of the room made the American wing feel like an annex of Central Park.

My eyes were feasting on the various pieces of artwork. On one side was the facade of the Martin E. Thompson Branch Bank of the United States, which used to be in Wall Street. On the other side was the Dogwood Tiffany stained glass. In this garden-like room was a bronze cast of the Manship sculpted Group of Bears, which was one of my favorites. It consisted of three bears in three different stances: sitting, standing and walking. Craig’s favorite was Augustus Saint-Gauden’s Diana, a bronze sculpture of a woman holding a bow and arrow.

When Craig reached inside his pants pocket and took out a pear-shaped diamond ring, I didn’t know what to say. I gazed into his hazel eyes, and I recognized that he was the prince I had been waiting for.

“Official, it is!” I answered, giggling.

We stood up, hugged and kissed. I fit just right inside his strong arms.

“I was trying to think of something special to say…” he whispered into my ear, chuckling, as he caressed my hair.

“Your proposal was definitely unique,” I said, smiling. “It’s something we’ll laugh about for the rest of our lives.”

That was an excerpt from my book, "Out of Status".

A marriage proposal is indeed an intention to live as one, and once you say your "I do's", you promise to love and honor all the days of your lives - and as my husband says, to continue to physically take care of yourself -- just like when you started dating.

And that includes "looking good" all the time!

The past few weeks had been hectic. Every morning, I would get up with an intention to work-out. Hence, the first outfit worn consisted of my favorite faded pink Old Navy sweat shirt and sweat pants.

But like most stay at home mothers, I would lose track of time. Most of the time, I'd get pulled into doing other things except for working out. So by the time I picked up my husband, I would still be in my work out clothes, hair tied back in a very tight pony tail and tired-looking (not a hint of powder, lipstick or mascara).

My husband had been working long hours -- going in early and coming home late. So for the past few Fridays, he would "out of the blue" suggest that we stop-by our favorite wine and dine place while our littlest guy was still in gymnastics. We had 90 minutes -- just the two of us!

However, for the past four Fridays, I didn't realize I would be sitting in a restaurant having wine and cheese. He would laugh that I was still in my work-out clothes, but I didn't mind because I didn't think it was that important. Although I looked like the hired help!

The few spontaneous "dinner dates" helped my husband and I talked about our week. He reminded me that ignoring the way I present myself physically was a breach of our marriage contract!

"I didn't know we were going out -- again." I replied.

"But you knew I was coming home." he answered.

So last Friday, I made sure I changed out of my work-out clothes (even though at 6pm, I still haven't worked-out), put on jeans, a top and a sweater.

Every now and then, I read our ketuvah, which hangs on the wall in the den.

“This is my beloved; this is my friend. And each said to the other: I promise to share with you in times of joy as in times of trouble. To talk and to listen, to honor and to appreciate you, to provide for and support you in trust and in love. I take you to be mine according to the law. I promise to share my hopes and thoughts and dreams with you. I will work with you to build our lives together. May we grow, our lives forever intertwined, our love bringing us closer. Let us create a home for us and our children based on love, and on honesty. May it be a home filled with peace, with happiness, and with love.”

How do you keep your marriage as strong as it was the first time you said ,"I do's" ?

Choices

2012-03-21T11:31:00.001-04:00

My friends who know my daughter and have had conversations with her call her an old soul. At times, I feel like I am having a discussion with a 40-year old, not a 10-year old.

At dinner recently, she claimed that being a kid was hard because she is not allowed to make the "big choices" in her life. When asked by her dad what these "big choices" are, she responded that she would like to vote.

Yes, vote.

For some of us, the opportunity to vote causes some apprehension. I have always made it a policy not to discuss who I voted for and am very reluctant to discuss politics with anyone.

I thought about this comment for a couple of days, mulling over how I could include her in this year's Presidential Election process. After much consideration, I offered my vote to her, on the condition that she needs to watch the debates and research the candidates (with our help). I wanted her to make an educated decision and explain to me why she wants to vote for the candidate she chooses.

After presenting her with this proposition, she looked at me blankly and said, "That's okay Mommy, you can keep your vote." She went on to explain that she does not understand many of the topics discussed by the candidates (what she hears from the nightly news). I said, "See that is why you need to be 18 to vote. It is not an arbitrary age that was chosen." It was at that point she realized that some decisions she was not ready to make.

Recently, an opportunity to take a trip to Arizona presented itself to my family. It just so happens that the trip falls during the week that my daughter is supposed to participate in her school's state testing, the NJ ASK. If she were to miss this week, she would be required to make up the tests the following week, essentially missing two weeks' worth of instruction. I had traded a few e-mails with her teacher to find out if this would be too difficult for my daughter to manage should we decide to take this trip.

I fully believe that my daughter would be able to catch up with her schoolwork and not have her grades suffer. My husband was a bit skeptical, but her teacher said they would all do everything they can to help her. We were still undecided.

It was then that I realized we should present our daughter with the situation and let her help us make the decision. I explained it all to her and discussed the positives and the negatives of missing that week. She talked it through with me, shed a few tears, but came to a very mature decision that we should not take the trip.

I was a very proud momma at that point. She had made a very hard, but mature choice. I think she was even a bit proud of herself, despite the feeling that she was going to miss a special trip.

I guess Arizona will just have to wait for a visit from the D'Amico family.

by resident writer Gwen D'Amico
jerseycats@hotmail.com

Friends

2012-03-20T05:48:00.003-04:00

When I told my friends I was getting married and asked those who were overseas to come home for the wedding, there was no moment's hesitation on their part to say "yes". When I told a couple of them if we could get together when I had a chance to visit the States, they were only too happy to oblige. So when Jen asked me to guest write on her blog, it didn't take me even a second to say "yes".

Good friends are not easy to find. You know, the ones who stay not only when things are well but also remain for the long haul. These are the kind of friends who we may not see everyday nor talk to regularly. We may even lose touch with them at some point for various reasons. But the bond remains as strong as the last conversation we had.

I'm lucky I have friends like these. None of us live in an airtight room where we have everything we need. Throughout our lives, we encounter many circumstances that are made easier, possible, or even better because of the friends beside us. The head of Psychiatry at Stanford University was quoted to have said that "one of the best things that a man could do for his health is to be married to a woman, whereas for a woman, one of the best things she could do for her health was to nurture her relationships with her girlfriends."

While this may sound funny, isn't it true that women connect more with their girlfriends than men do with their buddies? I think we form relationships with our girlfriends not only to sit and laugh and chat (and perhaps gossip a little?) but also to provide a source of support for each other in times of stress and difficult experiences. Men, I find, rarely share or express their feelings with their buddies. Sure, they get together for drinks or to play games but hardly for heart-to-heart talks. Maybe I'm wrong, but I think they're just not made that way.

I find that the connections we make with our girlfriends provide us with "quality time" that nourish our soul as well as energize our mind and body. Just the knowledge that there are others who know what it's like to be in our shoes creates a great sense of well-being.

Photo credit: www.art.com

Bonds between good friends last a lifetime, whatever part of the world we find ourselves in. What's half an hour of coffee to get out of the house and meet them? Trust me, it does wonders for the soul.

By Resident Writer from Writer's Space

Me and My Reinvention

2012-03-15T00:01:00.024-04:00

"You miss 100% of the shots you don't take." - Wayne Gretzky

I am a 43-year old stay at home mom of two, ages 10 and 7. I did not return to work after my second child was born. My career as an environmental engineer had been at a standstill for five years. So when my second turned three, I returned to the work force.

I accepted a part-time position, working three days per week, so that I could be home with my children on the other two days. It seemed like the perfect situation. I would be at home for my children part-time and be contributing financially to the household, in hopes, that someday my contribution will allow us to improve our home and visit places we've always dreamed of visiting. Additionally, it would get me back into the workforce and I could start building my career again. After all, I did not go to college and spend my parents' hard-earned money for nothing!

I quickly acclimated to the position, building trust with my supervisor, colleagues, and clients. My responsibilities grew, and the time spent tending to these responsibilities also grew. I soon realized that I was not fully present in any part of my life, mother, wife, or employee. I continued with the facade for at least a year, hoping things would change and someone would miraculously see that I was not happy.

My A-ha moment occurred when my mother had double knee-replacement surgery and I spent a week staying with my father while my mother was in the hospital. Their father (my husband), friends, and a local after-school care program were caring for my kids. I had arranged for my colleagues to cover me at work. Had I covered all bases?

Apparently, I had not. I returned to my job, only to be told by my supervisor that I need to get back up to speed and get my priorities straight. I thought I had them straight, but not according to him. Was I supposed to leave my thoughts and concerns for my family behind because I was now home and back into my "normal" life? It was at that point I realized I needed to make a change. It took me two more months to get up the nerve to hand in my resignation, and another two months to be completely released of my responsibilities.

The timing was perfect as my last day in the office was the last day of school. My kids and I had a wonderful carefree summer, spending days at the pool, visiting family and friends, and just doing what we felt like doing. I was a bit apprehensive about what my life would be like when my children returned to school in September, but a few friends reassured me that I would have no problem filling my days and keeping busy.

Were they right! I now am a Girl Scout leader, a Cub Scout leader, serve on my kids' school's PTA executive board, along with shuffling the kids to various activities, cultivating my friendships with fellow mothers, training for various athletic endeavors, and maintaining a household. I never thought that all this would be as fulfilling as it is. Shot taken, goal scored!!!

Recently, a few fellow mothers have started personal ventures from their passions/hobbies. Of course, that has me thinking, "What is my passion, and how can I share it with the world?" One of these mothers is Jenjen Furer. As a show of support to her recent publication of her fifth child, "Out of Status", I downloaded and read her memoir. I was blown away! Not only was it a compelling, well-written story, but it evoked various emotions from me that I was not expecting. I shared my thoughts with her, posted a review of the book on the web site I purchased it from, and VOILA, Jenjen asked me to be a resident writer for her web site, GottaLoveMom.com. Thanks Jenjen, for believing in me and providing me this opportunity.

This could be the start of my reinvention of myself. I have decided to take another shot at the goal of life. Are you ready for a reinvention? If so, how will you do it?

by resident writer, Gwen D'Amico.

Gwen and I bump into each other almost every morning as we drop off the kids to school. We smile and exchange quick hellos. Her daughter takes piano lessons from my son. She has quietly supported every creative endeavor my family has ventured. I was surprised to find out that she was one of the firsts to have downloaded and read the book. I didn't even know she read it until she emailed me her feedback about the book. I noticed that she's an eloquent writer. So earlier this week, I told her that she has a gift - a talent putting words together. Needless to say, I asked if she would like to be a resident writer. And luckily for us, she said "yes"!