Not Just for Seniors

Remembrances of Alex Tizon

2017-03-26T10:41:00.000-05:00

I have had the good fortune of having two great sons-in-law and now I have lost one. .

I first met Alex some 22 years ago when he drove Melissa home to Kansas City from Seattle. She had just finished an internship with the Seattle Times and was home to finish a summer project for her graduate journalism degree. Filipino parents that we were, Melissa anticipated the interrogatories that Alex might be subjected to. She immediately cornered me with stern admonition. "Don't mess this up for me, mom. He is really very important to me." Alex has been a very important part of our lives since.

I came to know his storytelling which always spoke of the human condition and some of which changed my way of thinking. His news articles were not news reporting. They were stories of people and the circumstances that got them where they were. Some of his stories prompted me to change my own behavior. His piece on The Killing of the Bears got me to seriously look at my relationship with the environment. It got me to take recycling seriously. He taught me about Filipinos in America, how we have been here for close to 400 years. Filipino sailors working in ships sailing from the Philippines to Spain would jump ship in Louisiana. Known as Manila men, they had a thriving dried shrimp business. I learned things like that from him. Alex always cautioned against looking only at a single narrative. "There are always many narratives." he said. Somehow I think that on some obscure level, we may have been kindred spirits, journalist and psychiatrist, both in the business of trying to understand how people find themselves where they are.

Once while dining on a counter at 13 Coins in Seattle, I told him I had always wanted to learn how to write but did not know how to string one good sentence after another. (I escaped medical school without having written one paper.) "Don't worry about it, mom." He said. "Just find your own voice and write about what you know and what you love. And just write." I read his articles and studied his sentences for self training. I still cannot write good enough sentences.

Alex always made it a point to spend alone time with me whenever we got together,too infrequent as they were. Sometimes we had prolonged conversations over his favorite whiskey and my Riesling or over lunch in the neighborhood Thai restaurant. Sometimes it would be short like just driving me to the grocery store. He told about how he could be brooding at times. He talked about his marriage, his children, his career. We talked about what great massage we got, where.

It was fun to see Alex with his daughters, from building forts with chairs and blankets or slides from upturned tables to listening to them exchange ideas as they girls got older. They hugged and laughed and watched silly TV shows or serious newscast. He comforted Dylan when she just wept and almost had a panic attack when the Trump win was announced. He and Maya would kid each other and hug and tell each other silly jokes. They loved dogs and would take turns mauling their dog with kisses.

We became a part of Alex' family as he quickly became one of ours. His siblings looked to him for counsel and we looked to him for opinions of what was going on in the world. We took vicarious pleasure in his writing trips from how dangerously freezing it was in the Arctic to his road trip across America after 911.

Alex loved my daughter very much and he thought he was the luckiest man ever because of her. Every now and again, over the years, he would thank me for the beautiful person that Melissa had become, as if it was my doing.

Melissa loves Alex very much. When she called and said, "Mom, Alex died." I at once felt the loss. More than my own loss, at that moment I felt my daughter's overwhelming pain. I felt my granddaughters' pain. I felt his family's pain. The mother part of me wept for them.

Alex was a magnificent writer greatly respected by his peers. More importantly he was a good man and we are all the better for him. Thank you for having been in our lives, son.

Alex Tizon, former Seattle Times reporter who won Pulitzer prize dies at 57

Remembering Cooper

2016-03-28T23:38:00.001-05:00

My son, Rob, and Cooper, his canine friend and companion of 15 years said goodbye to each other today. I am very very sad not just for Cooper but because I know how much he meant to Rob. As Rob puts it, " Fifteen years ago, we rescued each other. What a great run."

Cooper's last day

Cooper was a handsome mutt with a very gentle spirit. Rob was in his late 20's, trying to find himself and Coop was a mutt just waiting to be found. They were very much alike, quiet, gentle and loving. Cooper was a highly evolved soul who liked to observed life. He taught Rob caring and responsibilty and relationships. Rob, in turn, loved and nurtured him. I remember one day when Rob called with worry in his voice because Cooper had stepped on broken glass during a run. Rob had to carry him down the hill and was relieved when the vet got him mended. Most other times, Cooper was just very low maintenance.

Rob's dad, Felix, was highly allergic to animal dander which caused him asthma attacks. When Rob and Cooper came to visit, Cooper knew he could only stay downstairs and so he never came upstairs unless invited. He liked to sleep under the coffee table. You hardly knew Cooper was around because he just sat around and watched. Felix passed away a few years ago. Rob and Cooper came home and stayed a while to keep me company. Still struggling with sorrow, I would stay up till the wee hours. Cooper remained at my side every single night, only going downstairs to sleep under the coffee table when he saw I had finally fallen asleep. I was so moved by this kindness and I am still grateful.

I was sad when Cooper came home one weekend and Rob had to help him up the two stair steps into the house. Coop had gotten so old, his knees now buckled when he walked. He was clearly in pain and we knew he would have to leave one day. I felt sad for Rob for what decision I knew he would have to make. Rob said he would do what was best for Coop when the time came. Seeing all the preparations Rob made to make their last day together meaningful, I again am moved and again I am grateful. Cooper's friendship had helped shape Rob's gentle persona into a caring but strong man, capable of making well thought out, though painful decisions for someone he loves.

I thank you for the joy you have brought my son, Coop. I wish you an auspicious rebirth, dear friend. And I love you very much, Rob.

Cooper and Rob

A Celebrated Life

2016-02-04T06:00:00.000-06:00

My sister, Belen Oag, passed away on February 2,2016. She was 70 years old. She lived a well celebrated life.

Belen and I were the older of 13 children, some have gone before her. Living in separate continents, we had been separated by time and place. In the last few years, I have been free to travel and have chosen to spend a great deal of time visiting her in Sydney, Australia to recapture time lost. I have learned a lot about her during these visits.

Belen and I November 2014

We reminisced about our childhood and having had the good fortune of having been born poor (though we did not realize it at the time.) We were born in a remote village in the Philippines. It was not in the map. We lived in standard issue bamboo and nipa (straw) huts. It had no outhouse and we did our business outside and washed up in the river. We planted and harvested rice and crops with our grandparents, learned to swim in San Miguel Bay by tying two dried coconuts for life preserver, rowing out in the middle of the bay, and jumping off capsized canoes. (Ironic that as adults, we could not swim to save our lives.) We marveled at how far we had come. We thought it was a hoot that we had these experiences because it taught us to take life as it came. And Belen looked the world in the eye and met it squarely.

Belen studied law at the Universityof the Philippines and after a few years of law practice, moved to Sydney, Australia. She struggled to get accepted into law school again and eventually became a solicitor specializing in immigration law, which became her passion. She was very a formidable lawyer, researching every possible loophole, often taking cases to the High Court if needed. She was responsible for having many immigration law loopholes closed. Government immigration lawyers coveted her briefs and notes.

Belen would have died rich but for the major flaw of allowing her heart to get in the way of business. It was not uncommon for clients to come to her after exhausting their life savings with other lawyers with unsuccessful outcome. They could not pay her customary fees but she took them anyway. I met clients who would come to the house to see her because they had a problem "That only Belen Oag could solve." It became a family joke together with her usual instruction to "Bring a piece of paper, write down and follow everything I tell you." She was passionate about making sure that the immigrant brought the family intact and worked tirelessly to ensure that parents got their children. She was also a stickler for timing. Like a chess player she could see the moves from start to the desired outcome. It was important not only to know the what, why and how but especially the when.

Adversity was not a stranger to Belen. She had more than her fair share of ups and downs and she took them as learning experiences. Belen took care of siblings who strayed from their life paths at such enormous financial and emotional burden to herself, even I could not fathom. She served numerous people some of whom even bit the hand that fed them. She had her standard remark of "It was a lapse in judgment. I just need to learn from it." On the surface, she seemed to be a glutton for punishment because she had no qualms about offering help again and again. But like I said, her heart always led the way.

Towards the end of her life, as we talked about things, I discovered her life secret. Belen loved the challenge. She reveled in it. "I first have to define the problem and know what it is and how it came about. Then I can figure out the solutions." The more difficult the challenge, the more resolute and invigorated she became. She believed that there is no problem that cannot be solved in law or in your personal life. You just have to research it. You have to bite the bullet and ask yourself how you got into the situation that you are in and only then can you get yourself out of it. She even took to studying the challenge of the casinos, a pastime she enjoyed. Whenever we went, I would be disgusted after losing my $50 casino donation quota while she would end with $500-1000 wins. She would laugh at me and out of pity, gave me her insights on how to beat the slot machines. I can't wait to try it.

Belen made no excuses for herself. She admitted to being a lousy homemaker. She could not cook either. When it was time for her daughter Mabelle to put on the annual boarding school senior bash, Belen gathered the committee, polled their talents, made the assignments saying it was not a democracy, that she knew nothing about giving a party but that she can take care of the trash and clean up. I am told that to this day, it is a boarding school event yet to be topped.

Sometimes, when I would suggest a business attire to go to the office, she dismissed me with, "What for. I am comfortable and confident within myself. My attire does not define me." You would not know it though because she was the slowest moving person you might ever meet. She moved slowly, spoke softly and never had a harsh word for anyone. She is the example how to slow it down so you can get things done faster.

Children Mabelle and Wello

Towards the end, she counted her blessings, her pride in her two children, Mabelle and Wello who had grown to be exceptionally good people. She lamented that she could not see granddaughter Aria grow up. But she said if she had to do it over, there would be nothing she would change.

Belen Oag 1945-2016

Beloved sister, move on with your journey unencumbered and free to find challenges yet to be researched and solved. But every now and again, let your spirit touch mine. I will know that it is you. Know that you are loved. I truly truly miss you.

Lessons on the Way to Old Age: Be Here, Be Now

2015-02-11T00:18:00.000-06:00

Now is the only time, here is the only place.

Everything else is nothing more than a memory or a promise.

All too often we live in the past or in the future. We are everywhere else but here. We fail to realize that life happens here, now. While it is prudent to prepare for the future, what we do here and now determines the kind of future we will have.

In Kriya Yoga, one of the observances (virtues to cultivate) is known as Santosha, meaning contentment. We are asked to be content when our lives are going well and just as content when our lives are going down the tubes. While we may not have control over things that happen to us, we do have control over our attitude and our responses. We are free to choose our responses. We experience contentment only in the present moment, never in the past or the future.

Dwelling in the past drains energy; dwelling in the future lends itself to procrastination. Sometimes, we fall in the trap of perceiving or judging the other person from our negative experience of them in the past such that we fail to see the good or the joy we can have with them now. We fall in the trap of clinging to hurt, guilt and resentment. Thinking someone had it to give or take away, we fail to nurture ourselves. Often, we postpone enjoyment to some future, more convenient or more affordable time and that opportune moment just never comes.

We can experience something only once. Now, quickly turns to the past and thus no two experiences can ever be the same. Buddhists know this as impermanence.

So be here now. Be joyful in the moment. Be confident that life is good. Even in the most dire circumstance, there is always something to be grateful for. Love like there is no tomorrow.

Author's Note: This is the first of a series of this blog category titled: Lessons on the Way to Old Age. These are lessons, sometimes painfully but more often joyfully, learned througout my life, many of which I could have learned in my youth had I not been so inattentive and hard headed. Hopefully someone will find some value in them.

Luis Gets a Pacemaker

2015-01-23T09:38:00.002-06:00

Luis' heart malfunctioned. A healthy vital and active man, he suddenly could not walk to his car without fatigue and feeling winded. A trip to the doctor showed his heart rate was too low and a trip to the cardiologist showed he had good heart muscle but the electrical conduction of his heart was not working. He needed a pacemaker. It would be an overight stay.

He was scheduled for the procedure at MidAmerica Heart Institute, which happens to be a premier cardiovascular facility in the country.

Dr. Sanjaya Gupta is a handsome, young internist/ cardiac eletrophysiologist. With illustrations on his Ipad, he explains to us what happened. Your heart, he says, is strong but the electrical circuitry is faulty. As people age the electrical circuitry degenerates much like the electrical wiring in an old house. The wires degrade, has erratic conduction causing the lights to flicker and eventually not turn on at all.

He explains that in the heart are specialized heart muscles which function solely to conduct electricity to trigger heart contraction. It starts at the sinus node to pace the atria that pump blood to the ventricles then to the atrio-ventricular node to pump blood out. Luis' sinus node was fine but the AV node had failed completely. The resulting heart action could sustain the resting body but not body in action. He needed a pacemaker.

Dr. Gupta explains the procedure. He makes a 3 inch incision by the collarbone where he can access the vena cava, a huge vein that receives blood from the rest of the body. He threads titanium wires encased in silicone, the size of a spaghetti noodle inside the heart and positions it somewhere in the lower part of the ventricles where he screws it. Once in place, the pacemaker, the weight of 2 silver dollars, is inserted under the skin. The pacemaker is programmable for the individual's needs. Since his sinus node is healthy, the impulses are routed from there to the pacemaker which then paces the ventricles. It is usually set to a heart rate of 60 to 130 beats per minute. If needed, down the line, the pacing can be programmed to start at the sinus node.

Luis agreed to the procedure but he did not want to be awake during the surgery. The doctor and the nurse anesthetist assured him he would be in dreamland.

The procedure took 90 minutes. Dr. Gupta explained how the procedure went. He said he is always thrilled when the heart accepts the pacemaker and readily gives up the function to the device. The only restriction post-op is that for 6 weeks, he not raise his left arm, (the side of the pacemaker) over his head and not lift any weight with that arm so as not to dislodge the electrodes. Luis has to take it easy for 6 weeks to give the body time to grow tissues around the titanium wires. Then he can resume normal activities. (He also has to give up using the chain saw,archery, arc welding, rifle shooting, activities I'm sure may have been in his bucket.) He receives a software app for his phone so that periodic checks of the device is done simply by placing the phone over the pacemaker. The wire and electrodes will last his lifetime but the battery needs replacement every 10 years. The new devices withstand being around microwaves and MRI scans but will trigger the TSA scanner at airports. (He says he does not mind the hand pat but only if done by a beautiful woman.) After the initial 2 week and 3 month checks, he only needs appointments yearly and on the 9.5 year, the battery will be replaced. I have not found any battery for my computer, phone or car that lasts that long. The doctor sighs.

So, Luis has a new lease on life. We did not expect such a life threatening condition but the wonders of modern medicine are prolonging our lives. I went to medical school in the 60's and respirators were just being put to use then. We were doing dialysis through the peritoneum and gall bladder surgeries took several weeks of recuperation and time off work.

We are very grateful but as I have been taught in medical school, it is not a matter of adding years to life, but of adding life to years. So, Luis and I are working on how we can make this life useful and meaningful not only for us both but especially for those lives we touch.

Growing Older

2015-01-14T23:35:00.000-06:00

Most of the time, I do not see myself as being old. I am reminded of my age only when I go to bed at night and those darn aches and pains just start getting pesky. However, I have been thinking of age lately, (ordinarily nothing more than a number.)

This month, I accepted a month long assignment to provide psychiatric coverage in a center for cognitive disorders in Osage Beach, Missouri. I did it mainly so I could spend some time in my condo in this resort town that I had not visited in years. In the process of honing my geripsych skills, I have to come to terms with the inevitability of growing old and what that means to me.

My love, Luis, had been suffering from that virus, flu or flu-like whatever that a lot of people have been getting this winter. He is my age and recalls being felled by illness only once in his life when he had acute appendicitis. He exercises, eats right, is very involved with his children and is active from dawn to midnight. He is always coming up with strategies for what he calls living well in our 70's. (Sadly, it includes exercise which is not in my vocabulary. I do yoga already. I protest to him. Is that not enough? He urges me to swim and walk and bike.)

That this flu-like illness would render him at 50 per cent activity is truly unacceptable to him. And now he has a slow heart rate which precludes him from driving until the doctors can make a definitive treatment plan. These last two weeks of his body saying, "Wait a minute. I need to slow down for a moment" is just really difficult for him.

I ask myself. What happens when denial no longer works for the aging body? It gives Luis and I pause. Dying is no big deal. It is continuing to live a full life in the face of the limitations of a body that has lived too long that requires some thought and preparation. I am thankful that my children , indulge my independence and have not seen fit to take over my life. I plan to live the rest of my life with purpose and meaning even when I must inevitably accept limitations.

In 2007, Atul Gawande, published an article titled , Rethinking Old Age in the New York Times, where he is a regular contributor. Next to my son-in-law, Alex Tizon, Dr. Gawande is my favorite writer and story teller. I have been rereading this article lately. It is as timely now as when he wrote it 8 years ago. I highly recommend it for anyone who hopes to grow old....someday.

Fashionable Scrubs for Men at Blue Sky Scrubs

2011-11-29T16:24:00.000-06:00

Health care uniform companies are becoming more and more aware of the needs of the health care worker. Not only do uniforms have to be utilitarian but they also must have good fit. Companies such as http://www.blueskyscrubs.com/categories/Scrubs/Scrubs-for-Men/ utilize Teflon coated wrinkle resistant cotton for their scrubs and mens lab coats.

Blue Sky Scrubs is the brain child of Dr. Shelby Marquardt, an anesthesiologist who wanted to add some color to the drab scrub hats worn in the operating room. She designed her own scrub hat and soon she was spending her free time sewing scrub hats for other employees who found the different patterns more interesting. Blue Sky Scrubs was born.

Hospital and medical office uniforms have to be loose but comfortable with convenient pockets. They are usually wrinkle resistant and easy to launder. Except for operating room scrubs which have to stay in the OR and may not be worn elsewhere, most employees wear their scrub pants and tops as regular work attire. This has given rise to creative design and brighter colors than the old plain green and blue. Health care providers who work with children, for instance, now have various kid friendly designs to choose from. Dental office assistants can have tooth and toothbrush motifs if they tire of the white uniform. Yes, fashion is coming to health care.

First Home

2011-11-28T16:27:00.000-06:00

This guest post from Doris Dillon

My husband and I just purchased our very first home and we could not be more excited! From decorating to remodeling, we have a big new hobby that we work at constantly and fills up a majority of our free time. We really lucked out with the house and found an old, cottage-style home right in the neighborhood we wanted for quite the deal. I can’t believe that this entire house will be ours for the long haul. Since we both lived in condos and apartments before the move, we decided to install a new BEST home SeCURITY system to make us feel safe while we are at home or away. My husband travels a good bit with work, so a security system will give me piece of mind while staying at the house alone. Although we have a large yellow lab to help scare away any intruders, she can sometimes be more friendly and playful than a guard dog. With the new security system in place, I feel like our house is coming together and just needs the finishing touches.

Nature's Inspiration

2011-09-14T18:33:00.000-05:00

Nature's Inspiration

Comparison Shop at Become.com

2011-02-25T01:35:00.001-06:00

Shopping online is here to stay and sites that allow the customer to compare products from different sellers is a time saving way of shopping. Become.com is a convenient website where you can do just that.

I stumbled across this site as I was looking for affordable apartment furniture and was pleasantly surprised at the variety of stores I could access without leaving the site. There were several stores selling sectional couches to choose from for a small conversational area as well as lift top coffee tables to double duty for storage and entertainment. I was even surprised to find an entire line of Candice Olson furnishings. There is a an entire wallpaper section from zebra wallpaper print to velvet textures. I could find just about anything to furnish my apartment.

You can, of course, find electronics, jewelry, home and garden products, and many other things all in one place, compare prices, read reviews and recommendations with fewer clicks of the mouse. Now how convenient is that?

Become.com has powerful search engines and advanced search technology that allows comparative shopping at the click of a mouse. There are product reviews, shopping tips and other relevant consumer product information as well as coupons and discounts. It has international capabilities which expose the consumer to products from different countries.

It was quite a pleasant experience to shop at Become.com.

Get Carried Away with HGTV

2011-02-25T00:20:00.004-06:00

I must admit, I have been hooked on HGTV for sometime now. There is just something about vicariously enjoying nice houses in far away places or finding a solution to that crowded furniture look or the non-existent curb appeal.

There is no space Candice Olson cannot transform into a classy abode.I am certain she can do a lot even a with zebra wallpaper,( not my first choice for wallpaper but it is for someone.) There is no home that Lisa Laporte cannot renovate, redecorate on a budget and get ready to sell. She can re-purpose sectional couches into separate conversation areas and make the look new again. How about tips to unclutter that home office like storage in lift top coffee tables to maximize space. And John Gidding can make the path to your front door very inviting.

Sectional Makes Good Conversation Space

HGTV is a virtual feast and an armchair travelogue. I enjoy looking for houses for the first time home buyer as well as for the high end condo dweller in New York City or learning from Holmes about all the pitfalls of shoddy and shady contractors. I have fun traveling to different countries house hunting for just the right place.

Yes, I do love HGTV for taking me away to homes and places I could pretend to be mine.

Wounded Warriors in Transition

2010-11-11T15:01:00.000-06:00

In 2004, the US Army reformed the way it took care of its wounded soldiers. In the past, while medical treatments and resources were available, it was often left up to the soldier and his family to find and utilize them, not an easy task when the soldier is not well and is in unfamiliar duty station. The Warriors in Transition Program sought to change this by forming a team around the wounded soldier so that there is coordinated care from start to finish. This is known as the Army Wounded Warriors in Transition Program. (AW2)

AW2 is set up to "care for all wounded, ill, injured military members and veterans wherever they are located, regardless of military status, and for as long as it takes.” Wounded and ill soldiers are assigned to a Warrior in Transition Battalion (WTB) also called Warriors in Transition Unit (WTU) where they receive a triad of care consisting of a squad leader or platoon sergeant to lead the wounded soldiers, a case manager who coordinates the soldier’s care through its various phases and the primary care physician who coordinates complex multiple treatment modalities. There are over 100 Warriors in Transition Units all over the country. Each branch of the military sets up their own way of caring for the wounded warrior. The AW2 program takes care of members of the regular Army, the Army reserves and the Army National Guard.

For As Long As It Takes
Link to video

AW2 is headed by Col Gregory D. Gadson, a highly decorated hero of several wars who in his 2007 deployment lost both legs and injured his right arm to an IED. In 2009, there were some 6,000 severely injured, wounded and ill soldiers in the AW2 program.

Key to success of the program is the case management provided by an advocate to the soldier and his family through the different phases of recovery, rehabilitation and reintegration. During his time in the WTB, the soldier’s main job is to heal himself so that he can decide the best future for him between successful continued service in the active Army, Army reserves or successful transition to veteran service in the community. During this process the soldier also may undergo medical evaluation board (MEB) and/or physical evaluation board (PEB) to determine the percentage of disability. About 70 per cent of WTB soldiers are medically retired. Some soldiers return to their unit in deployment. Some remain as active duty soldiers in a different capacity. The advocate is there to assist in whatever decision the soldier makes.

Another important commitment of the Department of Defense is providing care for as long as it takes. Before a soldier is medically retired, the team ensures that he has improved as far as he can before he is transitioned to the veterans affairs system. Members of the AW2 triad of care are highly dedicated and committed to the soldiers they serve.The Wounded Warriors in Transition Program is one way America pays its debt to the American soldier.

I am a Warrior in Transition.
My job is to heal as I transition back to duty
or to continue serving my nation
as a veteran in the community.
This is not a status but a mission.
I will succeed in this mission
Because I am a Warrior
And I am Army Warrior strong.

Wounded Soldier and Family Hotline: 1-800-984-8523 or visit www.warriorcare.mil

First published in Qondio

Contributor's Note A Veteran's Day tribute to those who keep the peace and guard our freedom.

External Links

Army Wounded Warrior Program | http://www.aw2.army.mil/news/videos/foraslong.html

Audie Murphy: America’s Most Decorated World War II Hero

2010-11-10T20:58:00.001-06:00

Before James Dean and Elvis Presley and my late husband, Felix, I loved Audie Murphy. I saw some of his movies more than once. I even watched his autobiographical movie, To Hell and Back. (I know now he was not a very good actor but at the time, I was an enduring fan.) I was sad and morose for a week when he died in a plane crash in 1971. So, imagine my pleasant surprise when I saw part of a wall in the d-fac (dining facility) of the army hospital I work in, dedicated to the memory of Audie Murphy.

Audie Leon Murphy was born into a poor sharecropper family in Texas. One of nine children, he worked to help his parents feed his siblings. He was said to have learned to be a sharp shooter with the rifle from hunting game for his family. When World War II broke, 18 year old Murphy tried to enlist in the Marines and the Paratroopers, both of which turned him down for being too small. At enlistment, he was 5’4” tall and weighed 110 pounds. He persisted, was eventually signed into the US Army and was almost relegated to a clerk job when he fainted in his first week of basic training.

Murphy saw action in Europe where he earned his numerous medals in between hospitalizations for malaria and war injury. He earned most of his rank promotions on the field from enlisted man to Major. He led his troops to battle in North Africa, Italy, Germany and participated in the liberation of the south of France. Murphy received every possible medal of valor awarded by the United States, among others, the highest US award, the Medal of Honor, 3 Purple Hearts, the French Legion of Honor, one of five awards bestowed by France and one from Belgium. His autobiography, To Hell and Back, chronicled the war effort and his experiences, careful to emphasize the contributions of his soldiers and fallen comrades rather than placing the spot light on himself.

Murphy’s war hero status led him to Hollywood at the invitation of James Cagney. He starred in several Western B movies and was a mediocre actor until he starred in John Houston’s Red Badge of Courage and when in 1955 he played himself in To Hell and Back. This movie grossed ten million dollars in its first release, the highest box office grossing movie eventually topped only by the movie, Jaws by Steven Spielberg in 1975. Murphy was also a song writer and poet.

This war hero was plagued by the emotional ravages of war. Like many soldiers returning from combat, adjusting to life in the civilian world was not easy. Murphy was insomniac and beset by nightmares of scenes of war. He was hypervigilant and was said to sleep with a pistol under his pillow. He became addicted to the sleeping pill, Placidyl. When he realized this, he locked himself in a hotel room for days until he kicked the habit. At the time, little was known about post-traumatic stress disorder which was then called “battle fatigue.” Understanding his own experience, Murphy lobbied tirelessly for the better treatment of Vietnam veterans who came home to insensitive often disrespectful countrymen.

It is sad that Audie Murphy is no longer in our collective memory. He fought for the freedom of Europe and the mandate of his country, doing his duty without question. He is the American soldier. He is buried at Arlington National Cemetery, as he wished, in a no frills grave indistinguishable from other fallen soldiers.

Arlington National Cemetery

As a young girl, I was infatuated with his good looks and movie star status. As an old woman, I understand now why I loved him and I am grateful.

First published in Qondio

The Warrior Ethos/ The Warrior Creed

I am an American soldier.
I am a warrior and a member of a team.
I serve the people of the United States and live the Army values.
       I will always place the mission first.
   I will never accept defeat.
       I will never quit.
       I will never leave a fallen comrade.
I am disciplined physically and mentally tough, trained and proficient in my warrior tasks and drills.
I always maintain my arms, my equipment and myself.
I am an expert and a professional.
I am an American soldier.

Kidney Walk: Walking for Felix

2010-11-01T21:42:00.001-05:00

The National Kidney Foundation- Kansas City holds its annual kidney walk in October every year. My husband, Felix, died of kidney failure last year and my family and I joined the kidney walk last year and again this year. This event is a fundraiser meant to bring awareness to the early detection and prevention of kidney disease and to promote organ donation. There are some 100 centers across the United States holding kidney walks.

This year’s walk was held at the University of Missouri-Kansas City campus. It started out as a cool day which gradually got too warm. The UMKC campus with its hilly terrain was perfect for the walk ,giving everyone a good work-out. Teams of walkers fall into different groups, those who walk in memory of a loved one, those who are kidney disease sufferers and transplant recipients, and those who care for these patients. There were more walkers this year and there was entertainment for all from music and dancing to hot dogs and chips to face painting for the children. The kidney walk is a celebration of life.

Felix developed end stage renal disease, (known as ESRD, a condition where kidney function falls to 10% or less) due to diabetes complications, one of the most common causes of kidney disease. Other causes include high blood pressure, birth defects such as polycystic kidney, auto-immune disease such as lupus erythematosus, kidney infections, glomerulonephritis, injury or trauma, drugs and toxic substances, and other kidney disease. Stubborn man that Felix was, he ignored symptoms, doctor’s advice and family’s (of which there are six physicians and four nurses)pleas to get his diabetes under control until it was too late. Twenty six million Americans suffer from chronic kidney disease. More are at risk.

Once ESRD sets in, the patient must undergo kidney dialysis three times a week in a dialysis center or daily in their home otherwise, he dies because the body cannot get rid of toxins and excess fluids. One of 355.000 Americans who rely on dialysis for their life, Felix underwent dialysis for seven years. When I was a medical student in the Philippines in the 60’s, all we had available was peritoneal dialysis (dialysis done through the lining of the abdomen) with its constant risk of infection called peritonitis. Technology has so improved that this risk is much lower for those who opt for peritoneal dialysis and those who have hemodialysis (exchange of fluids through a fistula on the arm where a vein and an artery are connected and rerouted) can even do it themselves. The whole process still takes about 4 hours each time. Felix used to call it his second job because he went to dialysis after work. Dialysis allows the person with ESRD to live as normal a life as possible such as having a full time job or homemaking. There are reciprocal dialysis centers in the US and all around the globe allowing the individual to travel for work or pleasure. When our extended family went on an Alaskan cruise one year, we chose a sailing that had dialysis on board. The staff of these dialysis centers is exceptionally committed and treats their patients like family. I am very grateful for how they prolonged my husband’s life.

Felix got a kidney transplant towards the end of his life. Some 104,000 Americans are still waiting for a kidney transplant. One day, while recuperating from his transplant surgery, we watched a documentary about people waiting on a kidney transplant. I recall seeing my husband, a grown stoic man, weep for the staggering numbers of people waiting and the realization of the enormity of the gift he had been given.

And so our family will walk next year again. We will walk for Felix and for the many people with ESRD waiting for a second chance.

Seen on the back of a Tee shirt of one of the team walkers:

What Kidney Disease Cannot Do

It cannot cripple love.

It cannot shatter hope.

It cannot corrode faith.

It cannot destroy peace.

It cannot kill friendship.

It cannot suppress memories.

It cannot invade the soul.

It cannot steal eternal life.

It cannot conquer the spirit.

Team Quiason

Sign the organ donation line on your driver's license. "Heaven knows your organs are better needed on earth."

This article first posted on Qondio:

A Weekend in St. Louis, Dinner at Nora's

2010-10-10T14:32:00.002-05:00

In our family, September is a month of many birthday celebrations. Nephews Brian, Michael and Jacob turned 21 this year. Niece Rachel turned 18, daughter Emilie is 40 something, Vic is getting older, and Jonas is a senior citizen. This year, instead of the usual potluck, I had the bright idea of the family driving to St. Louis, Missouri and celebrating September birthdays with dinner at Nora’s. Everyone took me up on it. Daughter, Melissa and family even flew in from Seattle. It turned out to be a fun weekend.

Stock photo from Up in the Air, Cheshire Lodge in background

I reserved rooms at the Cheshire Lodge, an old world themed hotel. (It is featured in the George Clooney movie Up in the Air.) It is old but charming with authentic hundred year old furnishings from olde England. The rooms need updating but the rent was right and the staff friendly. It is a couple of blocks away from Forest Park so the exercise aficionados in the family had a scenic place to jog early in the morning. The hotel had a sumptuous continental breakfast spread. Embarrassing to say but the family just about occupied the whole lobby each morning. (In our defense, it was not a very big lobby.) The young and not so young occupied a good portion of the hotel's Fox and Hound Bar at night as well. The older of the group stayed up till closing, striking up conversations with the bar maid, also named Nora, and other hotel guests while the young adults decided they needed sleep more than conversation and drinks and gave up early, party poopers that they were.

Saturday was spent at the St. Louis Zoo. We all went, young kids, teens, young and old adults and senior citizens. It was the weekend of the hot air balloon race and I picked the weekend for that purpose. Alas, there were not very many balloons to be seen. I did not see any but Vic had pictures to show it was, indeed, the right weekend.

Dinner at Nora’s was on Saturday night. Nora’s is my son, Robert’s brainchild. It is a deli at 1136 Tamm Ave in the Dogtown district of St. Louis, Missouri. It is two doors down from a restaurant named Felix’s. Rob closed shop early to make room for Quiason family and friends birthday party. For appetizer, Lola Pulido from Seattle brought her special, you can’t eat just one, chicharones (pork rinds.) You could feel the cholesterol settling in your arteries. It was that good. The entrees were smoked ribs and beef tenderloin. The smoked ribs was meat falling off the bone tender, tasty, not too salty and seasoned so well that adding barbecue sauce would have been a crime. The beef tenderloin was cooked just right for every family member’s preference from rare, medium rare and well done. The best part of the evening, of course, was again, just conversation. Our family never seems to tire of this no matter how often we see each other. There are so many of us that there is always something new to talk about. Most of the time, however, we reminisce about the same old things over and over and smile and laugh like we were hearing it for the first time.

Rob, owner, proprietor and cook of Nora’s, is my youngest son. He has successfully defied the family stereotype (and expectation ) of being some kind of professional with a home in the suburbs, one or two cars, a wonderful spouse, and one to three children. He beats to the drummer within and insists on being his own person. Until he had Nora’s, he owned nothing and owed no one. He did not own a car unless it was a hand me down from parent or uncles. He walked, took the bus or begged rides from friends. He does not own a house. Like me, he shops at thrift stores. It takes very little to make him happy. He loves good food and good wine. He loves us. He knows no stranger and his friends love him. His friends brag about him, and when I hear how good a person he is, my heart swells. After all, my one wish for my children is that they become good kind people and they are. Anything beyond is just gravy. Our family does not really know Rob. We heard that he is an Elvis impersonator and he sometimes plays with a band, but no one in our family has heard him sing. At family gatherings, he shares very little of himself and stays mysterious. He gives glimpses of himself like bringing gourmet appetizers and introducing us to good inexpensive wine. Aunts and uncles still give him money for Christmas forgetting that he is no longer one of the unemployed college kids.

I am glad we had September birthdays in St. Louis, had the family see Rob in his own element and know how good he is at what he does. The food business is most difficult and unforgiving. Rob is still very poor. He works long tiring hours, but he is doing what he loves. Nora’s is getting good reviews and I have no doubt that in time, it will be a thriving business. Who knows, one of these days, there could be a Nora's near you. I envy Rob the simplicity of his take on life. I am trying to be more and more like him.

Nora's

1136 Tamm Ave
St. Louis, MO 63139
Neighborhood: Dogtown

(314) 645-2706

www.norasindogtown.com/

A Year of Living Alone

2010-09-08T16:13:00.000-05:00

My husband, Felix, died a year ago today. Losing someone I had awakened with day after day for 43 years was a life changing event. But for the love and support of my family, immediate, extended, adopted, in my work places and around the globe, the loss would have been too much to bear. You all know who you are and I thank you profoundly. I am truly blessed.

Immediate family a year ago

Time flies, indeed. Felix used to say I should travel when he was no longer around. He, of course, loved travel. In our younger days, we took the kids across America and Canada in our apple green Volkswagen camp mobile. After years of faithful service and neglect, an eye sore on our driveway, I sold it for $300.00 and he never forgave me for it. Never mind that the muffler could be heard miles away or that it stalled on the railroad tracks with my brother-in-law, Vic and my son, Robert in it. But that was Felix. He could never part with anything.

So, my first mission was to declutter my house, filled with coolers (He loved coolers and had maybe fifty of them.) extension cords, refrigerators, electronic components, laser disc player, betamax (remember those?) I have filled and sent Balikbayan boxes (cargo boxes that go to the Philippines) and have more to fill. It has not made a dent in my garage and basement. It may take the rest of my life.

Next, I fixed the house. It started with badly needed roof repairs, then new windows to replace rotted old ones, and hey, since I was on a spending roll now, why not the kitchen and the floors and so on. I have transformed our house into my house. It is all right. “ Do anything you want when I’m gone.” He said. And I have. I had the kitchen cabinets painted chocolate brown and put funky glass tiles on the back splash. My brother-in-law, Vic , (a dentist) and his electrician friend spent two 10 hour days setting up a classy TV and audio system, on top of the fireplace and in my bathroom that even Best Buy would envy. Interesting, since I watch TV once or twice a week if at all. ( It must have been a Felix kind of thing.)

Youth

Parents

I have changed jobs, a not so easy move since my work family had been a steady rock of support through the years of Felix’ illness. I miss them. The new me decided to serve soldiers. It turned out to be no sacrifice whatsoever because the pay is good (the work- tiring 10 hour days) and the soldiers are just wonderful to work with. I will not stay in one place for long. There are US military bases all over the world and I plan to work in as many of them as life permits. That is how I hope to travel. Of course, there are the weekend trips here and there. My children, Emilie, Melissa and Rob are getting used to getting an email telling them where I will be, for how long, so they know when to get worried.

I am taking classes,too. I took an HTML class to try to become worldwide web literate. I am pursuing a dream of becoming a yogi so I am enrolled in that, too. If I am deserving, I will eventually become a swami and you can call me by my swami name. I might even grow my hair long and wear flowing robes, you never know. “Warning: When I am an old woman, I shall wear purple…” Google it.

Couples who have lived together long eventually have an intuitive relationship with each other, like having the bad habit of finishing each other’s sentences or the bane of therapist’s existence, speaking for each other. I have continued to do that with Felix. I intuit and give him jobs like looking for lost objects and checking out decisions I am about to make. He has not failed me yet. We never really lose anyone. We simply relate on a different plane.

Last year, my sons in law threatened to have a custody fight over me. I saved them from themselves by choosing to live alone. Dan, Alex, having the mother-in –law for a week is way different from living with her every day, getting underfoot and embarrassing you in front of your friends. I love you but trust me on this and thank me later.

Grandparents

So it seems that I have moved on and in many ways, I have. But I do still have those days of overwhelming sadness for not being around the physical person that Felix was. I know now that those days will never go away. I am glad I live alone because I can weep like a mad woman and not worry about inflicting my pain on those I love.

More grandchildren

This year, I have learned a most important lesson. It is about loving. For as long as I am a lover who loves for the joy of loving someone and not because I need to be loved back, love can endure forever, transcending time and space. Love multiples. I can keep loving everyone I have ever loved and still have room for those I have yet to meet, because there is an endless supply where it comes from.

Duty First

2010-08-16T20:46:00.003-05:00

The soldier at the gate of the army base I work in, hands me back my driver's license and says, "Have a good day, Ma'am, Duty First." It is the same every morning and it makes me smile.

When my husband, Felix, passed away last year, he left me the gift of time to pursue whatever I wanted. "Go to Europe, he said, or wherever your heart takes you." I thought of going with Doctors without Borders but I didn't think there was much demand for a psychiatrist there. Instead, I took a contract job in an army hospital out-patient service as a way of giving back. It has been a most enriching experience.

Unlike the 60's when military service was a mandated luck of the draw, today's US army (and armed forces) are served by young men and women who voluntarily raised their hand in oath to protect the country and the US Constitution. They go through rigorous training. They go where they are told to go. It is duty first.

Soldiers are held to a higher standard embodied in the seven core values ingrained in soldier training.
• Loyalty: Bear true faith and allegiance to the US Constitution, the Army, your unit and other soldiers.
• Duty: Fulfill your obligations.
• Respect: Treat people as they should be treated.
• Selfless service: Put the welfare of the Nation, the Army, and your subordinates before your own.
• Honor: Live up to Army values.
• Integrity: Do what's right legally and morally.
• Personal courage: Face fear, danger or adversity (physical or moral.)

This I see every day.

Soldiers come from all walks of life, from all 50 states, its territories and from different nations. They are young people, some are emancipated 17 year olds. They have differing reasons for enlisting most common of all is to serve the nation. The majority enlist because being a soldier has always been their dream. Some enlist because they have seen 911 and watched the war on TV and felt that it was their duty. Many come from generations of soldiers who have sacrificed family members to death and disability. Some left successful careers or businesses to be of service to the country. Some enlist because they lost their jobs. A single mother of three children enlisted because it was the only way she could get insurance for her sick child. Some come with express hopes of building character. A few come because they have nowhere else to go.

Regardless of the reason for joining, all are expected to live by the core army values. The day starts at six for physical training formation before they go to their job assignments. Soldiers must be physically and mentally fit, ready and able to adapt to diverse and changing conditions. They train in adverse conditions, in the Mojave desert of California, the swamps of Louisiana, the mountains of Colorado and the winters of Alaska. Soldiers can be discharged for not maintaining ideal weight. They are expected to be financially responsible, take care of their families, and obey the law. Everyone obeys the speed limit in the fort. A DUI will cost a soldier his rank and a second one a discharge.

All occupations are represented in the armed forces, doctors, lawyers, mechanics, cooks, aviators, engineers, custodians, computer techs, infantrymen and some duties no one should ever have to do like cleaning blown up vehicles where a soldier lost life or limb.

Unlike previous times, today's soldier expects to spend 12 to 15 months in deployment to the war zone, come home for a year and go back again for another year. Many are training for their third and fourth deployment. They expect this. It is duty first. Many lament not seeing a child born, not being able to attend a family member's funeral, or be present for a spouse's surgery. It is duty first. Couples assigned to different brigades could deploy at different times and live together maybe three months in two years. Single parents face the heartache of leaving their children to grandparents and relatives during these times.

I am awed by the service of these young men and women, professionals in their duty embodied in the words of a soldier who said, "Ma'am, I've been bombed, I've been ambushed, and I've been hurt, but I have never ever fired my weapon in anger." This, of course, is the true warrior, the samurai.

We take them for granted, these protectors and first responders. They fight the war, patrol our coastlines and national borders, protect our skies and our seas, patrol our streets, and go into burning buildings. They go to their jobs everyday because it is duty first. They put themselves in harm's way so we can sleep well at night while they remain in the periphery of our consciousness, if at all.

I came with the intention of serving. The people I came to serve, instead, teach me about our world, life, responsibility and duty first. I am the better for it and I am humbled and grateful. How is it, I ask, that I can give so little and still receive so much?

Go for a Relaxing Day in Langley, WA

2010-04-17T03:56:00.003-05:00

Langley's Small Boat Harbor by Ron Roesler

If you have never been to Langley, Washington, do make it one of your Pacific Northwest destinations. Last week I went to Seattle, Washington to visit my daughter, Melissa, her husband, Alex and grand daughter, Maya. They agreed to take me to Langley in Whidbey Island in search of Dave Gregor of Gregor Rare Books so I could learn more about book selling. Alex packed us and the family dog, Kobe, a handsome Akita into the family van and treated us to a most relaxing and renewing day trip.

My late husband, Felix, and I have had a love affair with the the islands of western Washington State for many years and when he was still able to travel, we came to the Seattle area three to four times a year to escape work. We liked to pack an overnight bag, buy cheese, bread and drink and go on day or overnight trips to different places close by. Langley, the village by the sea, is one place we frequented and so I was happy to combine a day with family, learn about books, and reminisce of times gone by.

Langley is a small town on Whidbey Island, (0.8 square miles and population 1072 in 2008) packed with scenic views, shops, tourist accommodations, arts and activities. It is on the southeast end of Whidbey Island, the second largest salt water island in mainland USA. Even the local grocery store has a picture window with a view of the bay and the Cascade Mountains across the water. It is also calls itself a book town by the sea. It is a friendly town. People stop to chat, give directions, make suggestions or just get to know you.They are proud of their town.

Kobe and Maya in Langley
First order of the trip was to see Dave Gregor at Gregor Rare Books. He is treasure trove of pearls on how to run a book selling business. His store is a book collector's paradise. My daughter, Melissa and I envied his collection of first edition Hemingways, Steinbecks and many of our favorite authors. I got free advice and the hour passed by quickly. Melissa, a journalist and book lover later told me how the store clearly reflected Dave's great love and respect for books. I agreed. I want to be like him when I grow up in the book business.

Dave Gregor

Maya, Alex and I in front of Gregor Rare Books

We walked the town. I set out to browse through all the book shops in book town. I took in book store lay-out, customer service, book choices and learned so much on this trip. Alex and Kobe romped around the park. Kobe was a hit with just about everybody. Melissa and Maya did mom and daughter things.

There is a lot to do here throughout the year. Actors, playwrights, artists from other places come to live here and this town of 1072 people is cosmopolitan in its own way. There are many published authors here. I got Maya a delightful children's book by a local author. The Fire House is home to talented glass artists who give classes and demonstrations. There is a 250 seat theater where playwrights and actors put on different shows. If you can, do sign up for the annual Mystery weekend (next is February 26-27, 2011. Townspeople play a part in the plot. Shop keepers spread false news about the crime.

The outdoor buff will find hiking, kayaking and fishing activities. Children can comb the beach and dig clams. (Langley is home to the Penn Cove mussel.) Gardeners can enjoy the flowers. Meerkerk Gardens, a nature preserve, just a few miles inland has acres of rhododendron trees which is just magnificent in April. And then, there is whale watching.

Langley is included in the 100 best destinations by Life Magazine, in the best 3 scenic driving destinations by Coastal Living and the 50 romantic getaways by Travel and Leisure.

Whidbey Island is accessible through Washington State Ferry service from Mukilteo, 25 miles north of Seattle through the Clinton-Mukilteo ferry service available every half hour. It is connected to the Olympic peninsula by the Keystone- Port Townsend ferry service. You can drive through Deception Pass Bridge from the Anacortes exit off I-5. There is also ferry service connecting it to the San Juan Islands.

There is plenty of lodging from resorts to bed and breakfast inns. Felix and I loved to stay at The Inn at Langley. All the rooms are spacious, furnished in a minimalist style and have a panoramic view of the water and the Cascades. Resident chef Matt Costello serves gourmet dining from Thursday to Sunday in the summer and Friday to Sunday year round.

The Inn at Langley

And now to reminiscing. A few years back, I was caught in the busyness of work and burning the candle on both ends, I wanted so badly to get off the hectic train but found all kinds of rationalizations for why I couldn't. Felix is not ever subtle with advice but sensing my near burn-out state, he took me to a week of island hopping around Puget Sound. I think now it was his attempt at a subtle way of showing me life is whatever I wished it to be. There is something so liberating about being in these islands. No one is in a rush. It is futile to rush to the ferry when you could be the first cut when the ferry gets full. There is no road rage here. When you are in the islands, you take things in stride. When you drive to the ferry, you bring a book, a craft project, or your laptop, sandwiches and drinks, and patiently wait for the next one. In Langley, Oak Harbor, Friday Harbor or any similar coastal town, you can just sit by the water, drink, eat and chat with people you just met like there was nothing else to do. You notice things like kayaks and sailboats in the distance which seem suspended in time. You notice flowers, trees, clouds, birds, people, sunsets. You value stillness and stopping and now and who you are and who and what you have. You realize you do not have to chase whatever it is you're chasing because in the end you are really simply looking for you.

Here, you live on island time. Someone stole the clock and nobody cares.

Revisiting My Heart and San Francisco

2010-03-30T02:39:00.005-05:00

San Francisco is my favorite city so when Alibris sponsored a booksellers conference in this city, I was among the first to enroll. I had not been back in ten years so it was time to return plus I wanted to hang out with my niece, Janette and her husband Peter. Janette came to San Francisco after she graduated from Georgetown University a few years ago and we could not persuade her to return to the Midwest. I can see why.

I booked my hotel via Hotwire. (I'm cheap.) With Hotwire, you don't get the name of the hotel until after you pay. I was pleasantly surprised with Club Quarters (on 424 Clay St at the Embarcadero) which was strategically located, a block away from the conference venue, five blocks to China town and five blocks to the Embarcadero waterfront in the opposite direction. Club Quarters is a business hotel with few frills. The elevator can only be operated with a card key, lending a sense of safety. Senior travelers and single women would feel safe here. The room was comfortable, clean and equipped with free wi-fi connection. The bed was comfortable. Hotel price included the use of computers with printers in the club room (convenient for printing boarding passes) and free exercise room (or you could get exercise equipment sent to your room.) Coffee and tea was available all day and a guest closet in the hallway provided extra linen, bottled water and irons and ironing boards.

My late husband, Felix and I always visited China town in any city that had one. Friday was a free day so I woke up early to explore. Up and down the hills I went in search for breakfast other than bacon and eggs. Felix chose Chinese restaurants by watching which one Chinese denizens patronized because he believed he would get the real thing. Unfortunately, the first one I found filled with Asian customers did not have English speaking servers nor a menu in English. I settled for a dim sum bakery where I instinctively ordered won ton and noodle soup (for breakfast?) and steamed pork bun. It wasn't until midway through the meal that I realized why. In my starving medical student days in 1960's Manila, this was all I could afford and I remembered days upon days when this was my lunch fare. In a way, it was like being home again.

For a small city, parks are every place in San Francisco. Within the same street four block from each other was Trans America Redwood Park where redwood trees are beginning to tower and a China town park populated by young and older Asians chatting, playing, exercising and playing chess. I hoped to find a tai chi group in full swing and found none. After taking pictures of colorful Chinese lanterns and pagodas and losing haggling battles with jewelry and clothing vendors, I cut my losses and walked the opposite way to the Embarcadero waterfront. By now, it was lunch time and the park was full of people on their lunch hour listening to street musicians while they ate and tourists shopping the various craft stands around. Some, as I did, just sat on benches watching the water, boats and people.

San Francisco holds tender memories for me. It is the first US city Felix and I lived in when we arrived from the Philippines in 1967, $200.00 in his wallet, a suitcase a piece, and no employment. We got our social security cards with consecutive numbers here. We spent hours upon hours in the library looking at job ads and walking the streets looking for work. Coming from a conservative upbringing, we were in culture shock with the hippie generation, flower children, people protesting the Vietnam war and making love in the parks. Revisiting these places forty three years later, San Francisco is still quite enchanting. Haight Ashbury which had been a rundown drug haven in the 60's is now home to the affluent. The flower children are now senior citizens, perhaps more conservative but still fun loving. They are still in the parks watching their grandchildren play, sitting on the dock by the bay, or rocking to music in the night life of the city.

It is hard not to live a bohemian life style here. The city is only 46.7 sq miles so people live, work and play close to each other. In 2008, it ousted Seattle from the top rank of the most fit city in the US, rated by the American College of Sports Medicine based on personal health indicators, environmental health indicators and health care providers. There is walking, biking, jogging, surfing, tennis, golf and any number of sports activities. In the beaches, attired parents play ball with their children in close proximity to naked men and women without embarrassment or judgment, no big deal. It has the bay, wonderful weather, great sports teams, restaurants, and diverse culture.

I remember loving San Francisco for its great tolerance and even embracing of differences and uniqueness. Many cultures meet here, people from different countries, (Filipinos comprise a good chunk of the population.) people of different religions, sexual persuasions, professions, and beliefs. Artists perform in street corners. There are restaurants to fulfill craving for different ethnic cuisine. My niece and I pigged out on adobo and kari-kari at Goldilocks one of the ethnic restaurants where Filipinos go for the taste of home. ( We had been craving for daing-and tuyo- fried dried fish. They ran out just as we got there, big disapointment.)

I met my brother-in-law Mario for the first time in San Francisco. Barely out of his teens and the Philippine Merchant Marine Academy, Mario spent months on end at sea as first mate on a merchant marine vessel. Our paths did not cross until one day in China town, by happenstance, Felix turned around and saw him. Neither one knew that they were in the same city. Mario had a one day furlough while his ship unloaded cargo and we had a very moving reunion. Mario is now a mild mannered, accountant, devoted husband and father, land-locked in the Midwest. Few know of his youthful escapades and wild adventurous past.

It was a great weekend of reminiscing. The weather was great, the flowers colorful, the city as I remembered, only better. The conference was good, too. I learned so much about selling books I am confident I can make a profit this year. As I revisited familiar places, I felt that Felix was there,too, with his opinionated comments about people, food, shopping and what have you, while at the same time thoroughly enjoying himself.

A Weekend in Sedona

2010-03-12T12:07:00.012-06:00

Ten years ago, I trained in Reiki, an energy healing technique but never really got into it so I decided to hone my skills and become more proficient. Where else should one go to study healing techniques but to Sedona, Arizona, the place of red rocks and vortices and healers. It was also a test to see how well I would enjoy traveling alone.

The training was on a Saturday and Sunday so I gave myself time to get there a day early and leave a day later. From Kansas City, it is a 2 1/2 hour flight to Phoenix and a two hour drive to Sedona. I decided to enjoy the convenience of a shuttle van and leave the driving to a courteous knowledgeable shuttle driver doubling as a tour guide. (Reservations have to be made ahead of time, cost $99.00 round trip plus tip.) Red rock mountains and tall saguaro cacti populate the landscape along the Sonoran desert.

I stayed at Iris Garden Rodeway Inn, a bare bones but comfortable inn with free continental breakfast and helpful staff. I chose it for the reasonable rate, ($100.00/night for senior citizens) and the proximity to the training center. (Be prepared to spend upwards of $1,000/night if you check into one of the resort hotels which offer different cuisine and resort amenities.)

The towns of Sedona and Oak Creek rest in the foothills of the southwestern rim of the Colorado Plateau. Being on the high desert, it boasts of mild year round temperature (47F-75F) and clean air. From anywhere in town you can see red rock formations. Golf, art galleries and resorts abound here. The main drag is filled with tourist trappings of expensive clothing, crystal stores, healing practices and food establishments. There are psychic readers on every block, aura scanners, yoga, massage practitioners and what have you. For an alternative medicine practitioner such as myself, this was a candy store though I was not buying. Go further out and Cococino National Park and other nature preserves offer unlimited possibilities for the nature lover and outdoors man.

The story goes that Theodore Carl Schnebly who settled in from Gorin, Missouri had petitioned the US Postal Service for a post office in the area. Oak Creek Canyon and other names submitted to the post office were rejected for being too long to fit on a cancellation stamp. Schnebly's brother suggested Sedona, the name of Theodore Schnebly's wife, to be the postal town address. It has been Sedona ever since.

There are many activities in Sedona. Different tours are available almost on the hour every hour. There are red rocks tours, vortex tours, hiking tours and native American spiritual guided tours. I embarked on a Pink Jeep tour of the red rock mountains. The pink jeep is a pink all terrain vehicle. It is a bumpy but enjoyable ride that takes you to the top of the mountain and back down along rocky terrain sometimes with an almost 100 degree angle drop. My children would certainly have been upset had I met my demise there. "Elderly woman crushed under jeep in bottom of Red Rocks Canyon."

The mountains are given names befitting their shape. Submarine mountain which looks like a submarine is a great photo op location. Snoopy is a natural formation which looks like Snoopy laying on his back. This rim of the Colorado plateau is amazing and awe inspiring. Millions of years ago, the sea went inland into this place and when it dried out, the formations appeared. Copper gives the red rock sandstone its color. Mountain bikers, hikers and rock climbers enjoy the challenges here.

Standing in the midst of this grandeur, I learned a couple of things about myself. I learned that that I could enjoy traveling alone, exploring the world alone, going places I might not have gone before and meeting people of different ages, nationalities and cultures. I found out that I was still in good shape and could hike as well as the 30 something kids I was with. (Hike, not climb. The jeep did all the climbing.)

Just like my earlier life experiences standing on top of the Colorado Rocky Mountains, the Grand Canyon and Niagara Falls, I felt humbled by the majesty of the universe and how a lifetime is nothing more than a blink of an eye in the face of the eternity that these places signify. The most important lesson came in one brief moment on the canyon when I was one with the universe. In a precise same moment, I felt as vast and timeless as the red rocks and the blue sky beyond and as tiny and rooted in time as the tiny grain of red rock sand I stood on.

Famous Filipinos: Apl.de.Ap of the Back Eyed Peas

2010-01-31T13:02:00.004-06:00

The quartet The Black Eyed Peas is certain to gather Grammy awards and even more following this year. Band member, apl.de.ap, who has long been a hit in the Philippines and a voice for Philippine tourism, is sure to bring more attention to his country of origin.

The Black Eyed Peas quartet has taken the music world by storm since their inception in 1995. Formed by best friends, will.i.am and apl.de.ap who met at John Marshall High School in Los Angeles, the group recorded hit after hit starting with the album, Behind the Front. "Where Is the Love" from the album Elephunk was on top of the billboards in the US, UK and Australia for weeks on end. Their music video, Yes, We Can, shot in black and white, taken entirely from a Barack Obama speech and performed with different celebrities illustrates the group's keen appreciation for American culture in their music.

The quartet is a crew of unlikely musicians who are also very good friends and each other's best support. African American will.i.am, (William James Adams, Jr.,)official spokesperson, plays instruments and sings. Filipino American apl.de.ap (Allan Pineda Lindo) also plays clavinet and strings. Taboo, (Jaime Luis Gonzales) Mexican and Native American vocalist worked in the Disneyland clean up staff before joining the group, and Fergie (Stacy Ferguson,) child actor and singer overcame a battle with addiction to resume her singing career.

Apl.de.ap was born in Sapang Bato, Pampanga, Philippines. His father, an African American service man, abandoned the family and young Lindo had to work to help his mother support the family. An American, Joe Ben Hudgens, provided financial sponsorship through the Pearl S. Buck Foundation, a foundation which helps disadvantaged Amerasian children. Hudgens later sponsored Apl to immigrate to the US. Apl was 14. This tale of his life and the Filipino plight is featured in The Apl Song video (Elephunk album 2003,) recorded in rap in Tagalog and English, incorporating Filipino instruments. Bebot (Tagalog colloquial for hot chick) video recorded in the 2005 album Monkey Business, is a rap in Tagalog and has generation one and two versions. Filmed in LA with Filipino Americans and Black Eyed Peas, the song video provides a slice of Filipino life which will resonate with Filipino youth. Some criticize the video for oversexualizing the Filipino woman. It has, nonetheless, been a hit in the Philippines.

Apl's pride in his Filipino heritage is obvious in the Filipino rap included in Black Eyed Peas albums where he has introduced the Filipino sound. Like the other members of the group who are equally successful in their own right with their individual albums, Apl has projects with Filipino artists in the works. His website features his sound which he calls Jeepney Music, (perhaps taken from his childhood days of taking hour jeepney rides to get to school.) The Black Eyed Peas have made a video "Take Me to the Philippines" with the Philippine tourism board. Despite his tremendous success, Apl seems grounded in his Filipino roots and works hard to bring the Philippines with him into the spotlight. Watch Apl perform with the Black Eyed Peas at the Grammys.

(Note: I suggest Filipinos watch the entire video.)

The Dancing Inmates of Cebu Provincial Detention and Rehabilitation Center Hit the Big Time

2010-01-27T17:54:00.005-06:00

My sisters in the Philippines turned me on to the dancing inmates of the Cebu Provincial Detention and Rehabilitation Center and I have been following them on You Tube for sometime. They have now hit the big time with a Sony DVD of Michael Jackson's This Is It.

Cebu Provincial Detention and Rehabilitation Center (CPDRC) is a maximum security prison in the province of Cebu in the Philippines. The inmates include criminals convicted of violent crimes like murder, rape and drug trafficking. Some are serving multiple life terms.Yes, they, too, dance among the 1500 strong cast. Some are lead dancers.

The inmate dance troupe is the brain child of Byron F. Garcia, security consultant and prison official, who was inspired by Mozart music streaming in the prison yard in the movie Shawshank Redemption. Starting with yard exercises set to pop music, the activity progressed to full dance routines. The dance group came to international attention when their You Tube production of The Thriller by Michael Jackson uploaded in July 2007 immediately moved to the 5th spot in Time Magazines Most Popular Viral Video by December 2007. CPRDC dancers in their orange jumpsuits have performed before many Philippine dignitaries including the Catholic Archbishop and the Cebu provincial Governor. They perform for visitors on certain weekends and have participated in local festivals including the 438th Founding Day of Cebu. Within hours of Michael Jackson's passing, the inmates put together a tribute dance video of his songs, rehearsing for hours, pausing only for meals.

CPDRC dancing inmates have been the subject of the British documentary, Murderers on the Dance Floor aired in 2008 and CNN news. Japanese and Korean singers have performed with the inmates and made videos to air in their countries.

The dance project has been widely received by both inmates and staff. In 2007, the inmates were in included in the provincial employee capital bonus each inmate receiving 1000.00 pesos ($20-22.00) as incentive for their hard work.

The program is not without its detractors. Some criticize the program as cruel and cite torture of prisoners who refuse to participate. Program founder Byron Garcia responded to critics in one of the videos "There are sick people who think that dancing is a form of cruel punishment! Since when was dancing categorized as punishment? My fellow citizens of the world, cruel and violent forms of punishment are a thing of the past. If we make jails a living hell for these inmates , then, we might just be sending out devils once they are released and re-integrated to society. To all "non-believers" of humane treatment of prisoners, and to all haters of our non-violent approach to rehabilitation, all I can say is ...get a life!"

Byron Garcia may be on to something very significant here. The logistics of having 1500 hardened inmates, many with nothing to look forward to, to set aside gang affiliations and personal differences,work towards a common goal and step as one to the beat of a common rhythm; that boggles the mind. Members of the US Legislature, Executive and Judicial branch, pay attention. There may be a lesson for all here. I have great hope for you.

Wherever you stand in the controversy, watch these men and women. They are awesome dancers and in some ironic way, by their example they may also teach us how to work for a common goal.

Watch by clicking on highlighted phrases like this You Tube external link.

Published on 1/26/2010 at: http://nora8197.qondio.com/

I Wish All a Blessed New year

2010-01-02T00:23:00.002-06:00

As I watched the Times Square ball come down to mark the New Year, events of the past year and the past decade came to mind. With it came my hope and prayers for a blessed year for all.

The decade was both a time of tragedy and a time of new beginnings. We suffered tragedies both nature and man made as we witnessed the devastation of tsunami, earthquakes, typhoons and flooding and the ravages of man in 911 and the economic meltdown. US soldiers have been fighting on two fronts. The auto industry, once an American symbol of promise and affluence came tumbling down along with industries and businesses that heavily depended on them. Families lost their homes first in a wave of the subprime mortgage fiasco and a subsequent wave of employment lost. Men, women and children continue to die of hunger somewhere in the world. Michael Jackson's music genius is no more.

In the same decade, man achieved great things. The US elected its first Black President. It saw acts of unprecedented heroism in 911 and events such as seasoned pilots saving passengers from going into the Hudson River. Outpouring of gift giving followed the tsunami while billionaires Bill Gates and Warren Buffet pledged to spend their billions in philanthropy to improve the human condition. Web technology grew by leaps and bounds allowing families to connect with each other continents away on social media like Facebook, Twitter and Skype. Mobile technology, portable readers, and Iphones promise more applications to come. Man is developing awareness of the earth as a living being requiring nurture, respect and respite. Athletes achieved unprecedented personal bests even as some fell from grace. Filipino boxer, Manny Pacquiao, won unprecedented titles in different weight classes while Michael Phelps broke 37 swimming records and won eight Olympic medals. Michael Vick and Tiger Woods fell from grace with their fans. US legislators passed a health care bill.

It was the worst of times. It was the best of times. The decade saw the worst and the best of man.

Just as each day is a new day, each year is a new beginning. For my part, I hope to live a gentler, kinder, loving life with gratitude for all that is given. For everyone, I wish each new day to be a blessed day filled with grace.

Kansas City Jazz Revisited

2009-12-14T22:59:00.006-06:00

My niece, Janette, visiting from San Francisco, wanted to listen to Kansas City jazz so I found us tickets to Diverse, an up and coming jazz group playing a one night gig at the Record Bar on Westport Road.

Janette, herself, is an accomplished pianist and music lover while I am, at best, a very reluctant jazz lover. I am tone deaf. I can't carry a tune. I am a piano and guitar lesson flunkie. And I am a lover of Elvis Presley, doowop, The Platters and ABBA. My late husband, Felix, on the other hand, loved jazz and took it upon himself to lure me away from what he considered to be my pedestrian taste and educate me on the finer points of jazz music. "I know all about jazz." I used to say. "I wrote a paper on Tin Pan Alley and the History of Jazz in high school." "That's not learning it." He insisted. "You have to feel the music and let it speak to your soul." He would say. And so it was that I allowed him to drag me to jazz concerts, (the likes of Count Basie even) and to jazz festival pub crawls when we were healthy enough to withstand second hand smoke and to the French Quarter in New Orleans and jazz clubs in Chicago. He had me listen to musicians like Pete Fountain, Charlie Parker, Al Hirt and others. Felix thoroughly loved live jazz while I, on the other hand, struggled to listen to instrument improvisations that go on for several minutes at a time, hoping it would speak to my soul. Jazz lovers don't care that in a two hour concert, the band may have played only eight compositions. Elvis and The Platters can speak to my soul in three minutes. Needless to say, jazz and I were not on the same page, my taste being limited to Dixie and Dave Brubeck. Ask me about jazz and Watermelon Man comes to mind. Because my husband loved it, I tried to be friends with it, sometimes even allowing myself to enjoy musicians like Wynton and Branford Marsalis.

Back to Diverse. Diverse was the last jazz band I took Felix to. We were invited to listen to them in the home of one of the Friends of Jazz Club in January this year. Surprisingly I liked them, so I invited Janette and her parents who were not jazz fans themselves to this one night show.

Diverse has a sound that is young, eclectic and fun. Members of the band have won awards and played with well known bands. Young (early twenties, two of them still in college at the University of Missouri Kansas City Conservatory of Music) but extremely talented, all the band members compose and create most of tunes they play. Ryan Lee plays drums; Ben Leifer is on bass; William Sanders plays tenor sax, John Brewer plays piano and rhodes and Hermon Mehari is on trumpet. Some Bobby Watson sound is noticeable in their compositions, not surprising since they have him for a mentor. I thought I heard some Charlie Parker influence as well but what do I know. Nonetheless, what I liked about them is that they made jazz enjoyable to people like me with their playful syncopations, the different styles that seem to come together just right and the sheer mastery of their instrument. And they seemed to be having fun doing it.

No, I am sorry to say, they still did not speak to my soul like Elvis or ABBA would have.

Find out more about Diverse at Diversejazz, listen to their sound, buy their CD and when they are rich and famous, remember, you heard it first from me. The Record Bar is at 1020 Westport Rd, Kansas City, MO.

A Lesson in Grieving

2009-12-08T23:22:00.007-06:00

Last night I had a very Freudian dream. It seems I had enrolled in pilot school. My husband, Felix, who passed away a few months ago and I drove to the airport for the lessons. He waited in the car while I went in. I went into the airplane which also had a store and bought what seemed to be a pilot bag. There was an announcement on the loud speaker that all students should now be on the plane which was leaving in five minutes. Suddenly I panicked and said I couldn't go. I had to get off the plane because Felix was waiting and needed a ride home. Then a voice which was both Felix' and an awake part of me said, "It is all right. I am dead. I do not need a ride. I am already home." Before I could decide, the plane took off with me in it. The plane was crowded. There was a big buffet with lots of food. A server saw my puzzled look and said it was all right. They always did this as thanksgiving and proceeded to serve me. Meanwhile, a fire had started in the back of the plane and the loud speaker once again blurted that it was now the job of the students to land the plane safely. And we did.

It has always amazed me how insights abound if we just pay attention. Felix loved airplanes and dreamed of flying one. He loved watching airplanes take off and land. He enjoyed seeing airplane fuselage frames on rail cars at the train yard. He believed that when planes are being built it meant that people had jobs.

Many a time, I still forget that Felix is no longer here and for a moment I think he is at work or somewhere or that I need to pick him up. Even as I pursue activities that are now truly my own, there is that momentary lapse of thinking that I am still part of a couple.

I have started the daunting task of redecorating the house which needed much repair. Felix resisted repainting our bedroom which was a manly hunter green because he was sure I would paint it a sissy pastel color. That is exactly what I did. The bedroom is now a very pastel sage green, very sissy and very happy.

I have also committed to a two year yoga study, something I have always wanted to do but did not have time for. One rigorous exercise is to study and learn from my dreams. That is how I remembered this dream and in remembering, found comfort in its meaning.

The process of grieving is a slow and sometimes tricky thing. I am still sad that he is not here. I also enjoy being alone and coming into my own, which, of course comes with great ambivalence precisely because I am not sad. I suppose it is why I had this permission dream. Looking back at the forty three years, I am sure we had hard times and fights and resentments but so generous is the heart that it filters the mind to only recall the good times. And so it is that I can remember and smile.