Crazy as a Loom

Ah, Sunday

noreply@blogger.com (Hilary) — Sun, 26 Feb 2012 22:53:00 +0000

aToday was a quiet day in the studio, just me and four needy cats. Five, if you count Next.
And of course, we have to count Next.

I spent most of it upstairs, in the big bedroom, weaving on the Macomber.
Finished this turquoise shawl.

I love those days when I take Roy for a walk BEFORE I do anything else. It feels good.

I usually drink tea with a little milk, except that there wasn't any, so I went with it straight up.

Then I decided to finish off the warp with a little fabric.
I haven't figured out what I am going to make out of it yet.

Now here is a little video I took with my Iphone, and I admit it is a blatant promo for double ended bobbin winders. This is a Leclerc, which I can order for you. It is fantastic.

Just watch. I can't tell you how much time I have saved using this, and how much I LOVE it.

Sometimes the simplest of things make me happy.

Ignore this one.....it doesn't work, and I have
been unable to remove it.

Hope your Sunday made you happy, in lots of little ways.

Warping to weave.

noreply@blogger.com (Hilary) — Sun, 26 Feb 2012 00:46:00 +0000

“From time to time, people tell me, “lighten up, it’s just a dog”, or, “that’s a lot of money for just a dog”. They don’t understand the distance traveled, the time spent, or the costs involved for “just a dog”. Some of my proudest moments have come about with “just a dog”. Many hours have passed and my only company was “just a dog”, but I did not once feel slighted. Some of my saddest moments have been brought about by “just a dog” and in those days of darkness, the gentle touch of “just a dog” gave me comfort and reason to overcome the day. If you, too, think it’s “just a dog”, then you will probably understand phrases like “just a friend”, “just a sunrise”, or “just a promise”. “Just a dog” brings into my life the very essence of friendship, trust, and pure unbridled joy. “Just a dog” brings out the compassion and patience that makes me a better person. Because of “just a dog” I will rise early, take long walks and look longingly to the future. So for me and folks like me, it’s not “just a dog” but an embodiment of all the hopes and dreams of the future, the fond memories of the past, and the pure joy of the moment. “Just a dog” brings out what’s good in me and diverts my thoughts away from myself and the worries of the day. I hope that someday they can understand that it’s not “just a dog” but the thing that gives me humanity and keeps me from being “just a human.” So the next time you hear the phrase “just a dog”, just smile, because they “just don’t understand”.”

(by Janace Moss, sent to me by my daughter, on Facebook.)

Just wanted to share it with you, it seemed to say it all for me.
Because Roy is not 'just a dog'. Trust me.

Today I took a drive, (permission granted from said head) to put on another warp.
I feel like the itinerant warper.
But my good friend, Sheila, was jonesing. Loom bare. No warp. No weaving.

We got a dusting of snow last night, and today it was chilly, and the wind was whipping.

I took my spool rack and tension box with me.
She has a sweet little studio in her side yard.

I wanted to get the warp on, but also I wanted to teach her how to do it herself.

We got the warp on in time to go to Steininger's in Salem, for lunch.
I had curried butternut squash soup, and an asparagus, bleu cheese salad.......it was so, so good.

After lunch, we went back to the studio, tied on the new warp to the old one, and pulled it through the heddles and the reed, tied on, and her loom is ready to go. Whew. We put 50 yards on this time, so she should be OK for a while.

Time to go home.
I love driving through the country side.

Someone says:

Have a nice ride.

Still learning.

noreply@blogger.com (Hilary) — Fri, 24 Feb 2012 21:30:00 +0000

Some days I am reminded of my frailties.
Damn.
Woke up about 2 a.m. with a vise on my temples, by 7 a.m., it was no better. I stayed home. Roy and I rested on the couch all morning.

L held down the ~~fort~~ studio.

I knew I was in no shape to work.

My mother made tea, and came in and sat on the end of the couch. She said, "Maybe if you cry you'll feel better."
Ha.
Been there and done that already. And crying too hard just makes the vise get tighter, so that's not really an option I want to explore.
She made me lunch, suddenly I am her little girl again.

She brought her sandwich in to the living room, and talked constantly.

What have I said many times?? that there is always a lesson? in everything?

Well, today I learned how lonely my mother is, how in our busy-ness, we don't spend enough time in a day, just talking to her.
While my head was screaming, I filed that information under 'things to do'.

Eventually, I decided that I was not getting any better on the couch. It took a supreme effort to get moving, but move I did, and Roy and I went for a walk down by the river. It doesn't help the headache, but it clears my head, and gives me a different perspective.

"we are disturbed not by what happens to us, but by our thoughts about what happens" (Epictetus)

So many of you have commented on how strong I am. Is that another word for 'pig-headed'????
I am not a super woman. Really.
But what are the choices??? Plod on.......or give in. Not much of a choice.

When I am trying to keep it together, I remember that as bad as this is, there are so many others who have it so much worse.
Like my dearest friend, in Georgia, whose husband is now on Hospice. He is losing his battle, and she is facing life without him. I bet she would trade me for this vice, in a New York minute.
I just have a headache. I'll live. I think.

Another friend said this to me in an email today:

"Maybe if you promise the universe that you will stop and smell the roses once in a while , you do not need the headache to make you do that...... "

There's a lesson here, I know there is. There always is.

I wanted to share a video with you. The link is HERE. It is 25 minutes long, and well worth it, a story about twin priests in a northern NY town, one of whom is diagnosed with Alzheimers at age 57. The last few minutes made me cry again, and said it all. I think that's when I got my butt off the couch, and took Roy's leash off the hook.
I cried.
Roy smiled.
Enjoy the video, and let me know what you think.

Chasing the loom.

noreply@blogger.com (Hilary) — Fri, 24 Feb 2012 00:15:00 +0000

Hey, c'mon in. This is Teddy. He met us at the door.
Can we just say that he is friendly, and very verbal???

He belongs to my friend, Michelle, and today was the day to get her loom put together, so L and I went to her house.
I say 'chasing the loom', because it was one of those days. You know the kind.....when everything that can go wrong, does.
First, let me say that I LOVE her kitchen. It is SO RETRO, and SO COOL. The cabinets are metal, the appliances work, and I am mad for it.

I know a lot of people would rip it out, but I am glad she isn't doing that.
Just because something is new, doesn't mean it is better.

I love keeping some of the originality of a house. I think this has a lot of personality.
Like my friend, Michelle.

Of course, I am totally gaga about her huge living room, which she said I could show you.
I could put MY living room in here about 3 times. No kidding.

We started putting her loom together.....it used to be mine, so I know it well. And there were two parts missing.
Good grief.
So I called another friend, who had been using the loom for a year or so, and sure enough the parts were over an hour away.
But my friend's husband INSISTED on bringing them to us, so I met him at the studio just before lunch, and L and I went BACK to the loom.
We finally got it all together, and ready to put the warp on.
Except for ONE small item.
I had a special piece made to sit down over the round back beam, so I could clamp the tension box to it.
Michelle, however, thought that it was broken, since it appeared to be a box with only three sides. So she sent it off to her son's, to be fixed.
ACK~~!!!!!

Luckily her husband was kind enough to fetch it for us, and we plowed on.

What I thought would get done in a couple of hours, max, ended up taking all day long.

I got to do a lot of supervising, and they did the cranking. Whew.

Is this where they say two heads are better than one.........???

Oh, and we mustn't forget that Norman was helping. Thank you, Norman.

Finally.

The Reed Cambridge Loom all warped and ready to go.

A little black and white, 40 yards, this should keep her occupied for a while.

And you know what's worth spending a whole day on this?????

Well, this, of course.

And spending the day with two good friends, just one more thing on the list of things I am grateful for.

Pain in the neck.

noreply@blogger.com (Hilary) — Thu, 23 Feb 2012 01:52:00 +0000

I was nervous about today, I won't lie.

It was injection #3 in the back of my neck, and I was somewhat less than thrilled.

Imagine.

So I didn't do much at the studio, and came home at noon, had lunch, and took Roy for a walk before I had to leave.

The temps were in the 40's, and it was beyond beautiful.
I didn't even care that everything was brown, it was so pleasant to just be outside.
And you know Roy loves it.

We walked down the the local beach, Haviland's Cove. It is so quiet this time of year, and I was needing to find some serenity.

I had two injections in one week, last Monday and Wednesday. It was too much for one week.

The first one was tough, very painful. I was tense, and couldn't relax, and it made it hurt that much worse.

The second injection was even more brutal, since my anticipation was so high. My muscles tightened right up, and when the needle went in, I flinched and he had to do it again.

I wanted to be like calm waters. But I knew that no matter how much I concentrated on it, I needed some help.
No, I didn't smoke any dope or anything.
Not that I didn't think about it.

But I did have some Flexeril that my GP gave me a couple of months ago, so right before we left, I took TWO. Ten mg total.
Let's just say that TEN was plenty for me, I am such a cheap drunk.

I could only hope and pray that it would take the edge off my nerves, so that it wouldn't hurt so much, or take so long.
In the waiting room, there was a young woman, only 33, who fell and suffered much the same injuries that I did, who has had constant headaches for months, just like me. We talked.
It was amazing. It is the first time in all of this, that I haven't felt like a freak of nature......I mean, c'mon........WHO has a headache this long???? Me.......and her! And probably a whole lot of other people, that I haven't met.
But just talking to someone who totally understood, priceless. Really.

She was there for her second injection, right after me.

When it was my turn, I laid face down on the table, they prepped my neck, the doctor came in.

It was NOTHING like the first two times.
It hurt, but not the kind of hurt that makes you moan, cry, drool spit out of your mouth, wish to murder the director of the needle.
No. It hurt, I told them when it did, he moved the needle, again I responded, he did it once more. I answered, then he said, "You're done".
Oh, sweet mercy.
Flexeril, I love you. I won't go here again without you.

Now, let's get back to weaving, OK???

Just happy.

noreply@blogger.com (Hilary) — Wed, 22 Feb 2012 00:47:00 +0000

First off, let me say that I forgot ONE ingredient in the Vegetable Cheese Chowder, so if you copied it, go back quick, and fix it.

Now for the music:

Happy Birthday to me.
Happy Birthday to me.
I can't believe that I'm this OLD.
Happy Birthday to me.

SIXTY FREAKING FIVE years ago, my mother gave birth to me in the old Moses Ludington Hospital
in Ticonderoga, NY. She stayed in the hospital for EIGHT days, for a perfectly normal birth.
My cousin, Billy, was born on the 20th, and the nurse came out and told my father that he had a son. He didn't. He had a nephew. The next day he got me. I wonder if that's why he called me Tom until I was about 12?
Anyhow, Billy was an RH baby. His Mom had my two cousins, Justina and Jo Ann, but her third baby, Jacqueline, had died at birth. That's how it is with the RH factor, your first births are fine, and it gets worse with every subsequent baby. So it only stood to reason, that they told my Aunt and Uncle that Billy was a goner, with little chance to survive.
But just about that time, in 1947, they had started to figure out that if they could replace the baby's blood, or most of it, with the proper blood type, they could save the baby. These days, mothers get preventative injections of antibodies, and the problem never happens.
Back then, they were on a mission all over town to find someone with negative blood, that would match.
It just happened to be my father.
Billy's last name was Rooker. But all through my childhood, I heard the story, that REALLY Billy was 2/3 Cooper, from his Mom, and from getting a whole bunch of blood from his Uncle Mort.
It was a good story.
He WAS a lot like my father, in many ways.
Billy only made it to 57, so believe it when I say, that along with missing him, I am grateful to be here, to have the chance to love my children, my family, my friends, my Roy, my kitties, my looms, and my life.
Amen.

And happy to be here talking to you all.

Gratitude.

noreply@blogger.com (Hilary) — Tue, 21 Feb 2012 00:04:00 +0000

Yep. I got it.
Gratitude.
Sounds strange, even feels a little strange to say that, with this pain in my head hanging on.
But it's true. I am grateful.
Grateful today for so much.

For Crazy as a Loom, 'the studio', that sustains me.

The joy of working at what I love.
It is truly priceless.

I am grateful for the people in my life. My family. My friends.

Yesterday, two of my daughters came and cleaned my house. Just because they knew I have been having a tough time of late, and they wanted to 'do something' to help.

They scrubbed, they vacuumed, they moved furniture, they mopped, they checked every single food item in my cupboard for expiration dates. They organized.
We talked, and laughed, and they joked about my less than stellar housekeeping skills.

They 'altered' the little sign I had hanging on the cupboard, when I wasn't looking, and then whispered and giggled until I finally saw it.

Comical, aren't they??

Still, I am incredibly blessed to have three beautiful girls, who have enriched my life beyond measure.

Sydney says:
I don't think that's funny.

I am grateful for a fantastic lunch of Vegetable Cheese Chowder, absolutely delicious, and almost a crime it's so easy. Yes, the recipe is here, just click on the RECIPE tab. And enjoy. People will think you slaved, just don't tell.

Miss Puss is grateful for a brand new window seat.
I hear ya, Miss Puss. Sometimes it's just the simplest of things that make us happy.

All in all, a productive day. L and I rocked, and finished two hot pink and lime rugs. Our good friend, Michelle popped in, and we chatted and laughed and the afternoon sped right on by.

I am 'staying in the day', OK? Not thinking any further ahead than right here, and right now.

Cause right here.........I'm A.O.K.

P.S. Only book left is the Atwater one. $20 plus shipping.

Like a drug.

noreply@blogger.com (Hilary) — Sun, 19 Feb 2012 00:04:00 +0000

I would say woot! woot!.........but I can't do half as good a job as Baby O can.

So here she is to say it.......

I did mention in the not too distant past that a loom would make me feel better.
Of course, I was joking.
Wasn't I?
Well, no matter, I told you these things just HAPPEN.

I found this loom on Craig's List.....it was just what I have been lusting for.......an 8 harness 48" Macomber.
Heart be still.
But usually they are pricey, and more than I want to spend, or too far away to get to them.
This one was far away, but the guy said he would DELIVER it, from Maine!!!
Get out. Seriously????
And the price was almost too good to be true.
I had him send me tons of pictures, since I figured there must be a catch. But the pictures all looked good, so I went for it.

He delivered it yesterday, and it came with a bunch of other good stuff.
For one, books!!

Three of them are books I already have, so I will be selling those.
They are:

Key to Weaving by Mary Black
The Shuttle Craft Book of American Hand Weaving by Mary Meigs Atwater
Handweavers Pattern Book by Marguerite Davison

It came with three warping boards, one of them is HUGE, that's the one to the far right.

It came with a great Schacht bench, that has storage bins on both ends.

It also came with a reed stand, to store all my reeds in.

It came with a 4 dent reed in the beater bar, and two extra reeds, an 18 and a 6.

It also came with several shuttles, rag shuttles, boat shuttles, ski shuttles, flat shuttles, a Toika temple,
two small reeds for some other loom, bobbins, threading hooks, and sley hooks.

The loom was dusty, but in great condition.

It also came with a Leclerc hand winder.

The harnesses were off the loom, but there were brand new heddles for all of them.

Thanks to L and DH who carried it in from the porch, due to my doctor's order not to lift more than 5 lbs.
We did find that the beater bar and the front beam were in the wrong places, but after a phone call to Sarah of
macomberloomsandme.blogspot.com/ for some advice, and she told me exactly what I needed to know.
L did all the hard work, so I didn't have to bend over, and have my head fall off.
Thanks, L, again.

Then I spent the morning cleaning it up, and putting heddles on all the harnesses.
Headache stayed a five, and let me work.
Such joy.

Ain't she pretty???

I know I said that I wasn't going to put another loom in the living room..............I did.........but what's a girl to do???

This may require moving some looms around, but I know one thing......this loom is NOT going upstairs. It is WAY too heavy.
So yes, looms are like drugs to me. And maybe they don't cure the headache, but they make me feel way good otherwise.

And isn't that what it's all about?

Goofing off

noreply@blogger.com (Hilary) — Fri, 17 Feb 2012 00:50:00 +0000

I should have tried to get some work done today, but I decided not to. I have had a tough week, and I might as well accept it. Give myself permission to goof off.
So I did.
Took a little yarn fetching ride with my fave knitting friend, and had some lunch, too.
And talked. A lot. It was good to vent a little.

This was on the support under a bridge near where we ate lunch.
It caught my eye.

It was definitely good to get away. The weaving will wait.
I loved this old building.
Is that a skylight way on the top?????? Really?

I recently made a commitment to keep my car, and I am resisting all those ads for new cars with great deals.

Every now and then I will see a new car on the road, or in a car lot, and I will be smitten. I have even tried out a couple of them.

But I am holding fast.

So realizing that my car with 95k miles was due for a new timing belt, to the tune of $601, I decided that this was a good time to renew my vows with my 6 year old Santa Fe.

I think our relationship has a lot of life left in it. And I have gotten very, very fond of 'no car payment'.

So now I am admiring my new yarn acquisitions, and working on my scarf.

And guess who is snuggling close on this rainy night???

I love your comments, especially the ones that challenge me to examine new perspectives.
Yes, I have days when I think I am depressed with all this.
But then, too, I have days when I literally kick myself in the butt, and get on with it.
And you are so right, I do get a lot done considering. That's me, not letting enough be enough.

Regardless of what is going on, I am continually grateful for all the good in my life, and there's a lot.

OUCH

noreply@blogger.com (Hilary) — Wed, 15 Feb 2012 23:29:00 +0000

Just in case you thought I was totally resting on my laurels.......I did get the Toika warped for an order.

Hot pink, lime green.

Luckily, it was already threaded through the reed, and the heddles, so here I just tied on.
Time consuming, yes, but not nearly as much as threading and sleying all over again.
By the way, Scrabble does not recognize 'sley'. Seriously?
That's my life they're talking about.

But you would kind of be right about me resting on my laurels, I have been shockingly unproductive of late.
Unless of course you count laying face down on a stretcher, with a needle stuck in the back of your neck, while being told to RELAX your muscles, DROP your shoulders, RELAX; sweat pouring off your face, knowing that no train of thought, no prayers, no concentration, NOTHING, will stop you from flinching with the stabbing pain that you know is coming. RELAX.
Then crying most of the way home.

That probably doesn't count for being productive though, does it.

Well, the good news is, I am done for this week. Another diagnostic injection next week, and then one the week after, and then the consult, and hopefully, a plan.

I have always thought of myself as physically, emotionally, and mentally STRONG. Prided myself actually, on being all those. I push myself harder and longer than anyone else would ever dare to do. I have a pit bull mentality about not allowing myself much slack.
I'm getting better, but honestly, I am still that way. Whatever I do, I do 100%, or more. Scary sometimes.
NOW, FOUR months into this, I don't feel any of the above. I cry at the drop of a hat. I can't concentrate, I don't get much done. I feel like a slug.
Not that there is anything wrong with that, just that it isn't me.
I realize that I have met up with the issue of aging and health problems...... head on. No pun intended.
I have always believed that when tough times come, there's a lesson to be learned. This is probably no different.
And I know that no matter how much I would like to resist this lesson, it's coming at me hard and fast.
I guess I should just RELAX and enjoy it.
No flinching allowed.

Also

noreply@blogger.com (Hilary) — Wed, 15 Feb 2012 00:14:00 +0000

You remember Also? Right before Next???

Well, her name is Smokey now, and she is settled in to her new digs.

A couple of months ago, I took some pictures of my friend's new house under construction.

Well, today L and I were invited to lunch.

And you can just tell, here is another abused kitty.

She has put on weight, and was not the least bit concerned that there was company.
In fact, she slept right through lunch.

But let me take you on a little tour.
I love her new house.

I love the skylights, the high ceilings, and the soft yellow color everywhere.

It is small, but perfect for her, and it sits on her 10 acres of wildflowers.

And it is quiet. Sometimes I crave that. Pure silence.

And someone made her an awesome rug for her bathroom. Hmm....who could it be???

This is such a restful space. I know she is going to love living here.

I am so happy for my friend, finally in her own place, and for Smokey, too, who once was a starving stray, and now has a home of her own.

I won't say much today about the injection, other than it was more awful than I expected. It was also diagnostic, like the next three scheduled injections. After the trigger points are identified, then I will get steroid injections, and then, maybe relief.
Until then, I will just put one foot in front of the other, cry sometimes, lean on the people who care about me, and act 'as if' everything is A.O.K.

She didn't even wake up to say goodbye.
Go figure.

Taking a break.

noreply@blogger.com (Hilary) — Sun, 12 Feb 2012 23:34:00 +0000

Ah, Sunday. Darn good reason to have a lazy day, if you ask me.
The studio will be there on Monday, and all the work I have to do will be there as well.

I walked around, and took a couple of shots for you. Some things around here never change.

That's a good thing.

Shuttles, ratchets, pawls, Texsolv cords..........part of our everyday.

Old looms. I love them.

OMG! Miss Puss!!! Have you lost your mind???????

Really??????

I don't want to stick around to see the fur fly.

Besides, I want to go home and drink tea, knit on my scarf, sit in a sunny window.

And you know someone is waiting for me. There's a walk in freezing temps in my future.

Little lover boy, Roy.

Tomorrow is the first injection in my neck..........send good energy, will ya?

I want to be able to endure it, and I want it to work.

Amen.

All frills.

noreply@blogger.com (Hilary) — Sat, 11 Feb 2012 22:07:00 +0000

This morning, I had to stop at a friend's house, to feed her cats while she is away.
When I pulled up, this is what I saw.
Not the best picture, with my phone.
But it's Humptey.........remember Bubbalee?????
It's her baby. His dad is Bunnynose.......which is evident.

He watched me until I got out of the car, and then he disappeared, hiding until I left. It's what he always does.

I was smitten with her new mixer, so I had to show you.
I love the color!

Someone asked me what I was knitting. Well, I have been a little obsessed with 'frilly scarves'.
The first ones I made were made with Premier "Starbella', but then I moved on to Katia 'Triana Lux'.
They are wicked fun to make, and I am putting them in the shop at a wicked reasonable price.

My mother actually asked me if these were warm............duh.

Nope, they are just fun. Frilly and fun. That's it.
Oh, and colorful, too.
Which is very necessary in February.

But my most recent addiction, since yesterday's visit to Cacklin' Hens, in Middlebury, Vt. is this 'Molly'

scarf.

My daughter took a liking to a sample scarf they had there, and I bought the pattern, and she picked out yarn.

Here is what I knitted so far, but since taking this picture, I ripped it all out and started over. It is a repeat of four rows, but if you don't pay attention, it ends up not looking right.

See my mistake, about half way up on the right????

Nope, don't like it.

Rip it out.

Start over.

That's my motto.

I can't post the instructions, unless I want to get arrested for copyright infringement.

But if you emailed me .......?

It is also wicked addictive, and I am sure I will be searching my yarn stash for my next one.

I am trying to be VERY DAMN GOOD to myself.

I am accepting that this is a difficult time for me.

And if I'm not taking care of me, then who is???
So Roy and I took a mega walk in the sun today.

And now I am knitting and drinking a cold glass of Pinot Grigio.

Be good to yourself today. Just because.

No weaving today.

noreply@blogger.com (Hilary) — Sat, 11 Feb 2012 00:18:00 +0000

Sometimes it's good to get out of Dodge.

Even if you have to take the monster with you.

Even though it was pretty warm out, the sun kept hiding, and the overall look of the world was gray.
Or was that my headache??

Anyway, I'm still on my feet, and still taking pictures.
That's a good sign.

I dropped some rugs off at Sweet Cecily, a sweet little shop on Main Street in Middlebury, Vt. I love thid shop, and not just because they sell my Solmate sock rugs. They have so many neat things, and the owner, Nancy, makes the most divine greeting cards. I could spend hours in there. So if you are ever in the area, make sure to get there.
In the summer, you can go out on their screened porch, see it there on the left?? It overlooks the Otter Creek River falls.

We had a nice lunch, one of my daughters, and my mother. We did a little shopping.
I bought some yarn.
YES, I need yarn.

On the way home, we took a drive over the new Crown Point Bridge. It's how folks in the north country get from New York to Vermont, and back again.

There used to be a toll booth, but now it's free.

It spans Lake Champlain, at the site of Fort Crown Point.

Not a perfect day, but hey, you have to take the bad with the good, right?
Right?
Listen, don't think that I am a dynamo. Please. Don't imagine that I am oblivious to pain, just practicing my super hero status here.
I am battling a freaking dragon of a headache. I get up in the morning, and am amazed that it is still with me. Every day. So I go through the motions, and get myself going. I go to the studio, and no matter how bad it is, I tell myself to just try to do something.
Get one thing done, no matter how small.
Some times that works.
Some days, it gets better, and I stay.
Some days it just wears me down, and I go home.
L covers the bases for me on those days, and keeps the fires burning.
I try not to let it get me down.
Some days I am successful with that, some days not so much.
On occasion, I go off and try to act normal, have lunch with a friend, take the day.
Some times it's ok, some times not so much.

Have you ever known anyone who longs for a big sharp needle in the neck????
Well, you do now.

Is it dark yet?

noreply@blogger.com (Hilary) — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 23:40:00 +0000

I am not going to tell you that I got a whole lot done today, because I didn't.
Taking my mother to the podiatrist took up most of the afternoon.

But I did help L get her Leclerc compact loom up and running.
Her first experience with the warping board, and first time using her new loom. She's making waffle weave towels.
That's her under the loom tying up the treadles.
Oh, she's having fun, trust me.

And I got pictures taken of all 20 medium tote bags. You can see them HERE
They are bigger than the purse size, and smaller than the beach bag size.
If you are one of the people who wanted one, there is free shipping on all tote bags for the month of February. All you have to do is mention "free shipping".
Why free shipping??
Cause I want to, that's why.

Other than that I was not very productive, unless of course you can count doing a photo shoot for Miss Puss.
Sometimes she is just 'in the mood'.

For all her bitchiness, and believe me, she has some, she is loyal and I know that she loves us.

Are you smiling, Miss Puss??? Check out those pearly whites.

So I left L to her own devices, and did my daughterly duty, testing my headachy nerves to the limit. In the doctor's office, my mother suddenly had no answers to the questions on the clip board they handed her. What meds do I take? Why am I here? What did I have done to my heart? What do they mean family history?

All bogus, folks, all for me.

The waiting room was full, she had an audience.

I was adamant that I was going to insist she do it herself, because I know she is capable. I held out, until she loudly proclaimed that she wasn't going to have time to pee if she had to make all these papers out.

I headed her toward the bathroom and filled them out myself. Signed her name, too.

I know when I'm beat.

Then on the way home, we stopped at a little country store, where we always buy cheese off the big wheel sitting on the counter. My mother was truly like a kid in a candy store, buying all sorts of goodies, mostly sweets, some ginger beer, a ceramic bird.....you get the idea.

She was so happy, she was fairly buzzing around the little shop, telling the clerk that she would have to come back really soon.

And I realized how completely our roles have reversed.

I got home in time to take Roy boy for a long walk before the sun went down.

Another day in paradise.

Just say YAY.

noreply@blogger.com (Hilary) — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 00:08:00 +0000

Sydney says:

WHEW! I'm exhausted.

I share her sentiments. I have had a couple of tiring days. But you'll be happy to hear that finally, FINALLY, I have reason to think that I might find an answer to my dilemma.

Yesterday, I went to the Headache Clinic, about a half hour from my home. I was up all night the night before, thinking and worrying about it. Hey, I feel like I've been going in circles for FOUR months now, and I was desperate.

My appointment was at 9:30 a.m., I expected to be there for ONE hour, and I was there for FOUR hours. Exam, all kinds of testing, and the grand finale, two shots of novacaine in the back of my head.

But at long last, an answer, and a plan.

My tests revealed that there is damage to C2, C5, and C6 in my cervical spine, with a whole lot of inflammation that is causing my headache and neck pain.

Next week: two appointments, an injection to my neck in each one. Week after: two more appointments, and two more injections.

Apparently, I have a headache that is 'hard wired' now, and needs to be interrupted. To do that will take about 3 months of testing, injections, and searching for the exact nerve(s) that are causing the problem.

I feel, at least, like I am in good hands.

I am relieved to have someone taking charge of this monster in my head.

I'm not going to think about the injections right now.

Pain is pain. I already know that I can take it.

I live for the hope that there is an end to it.

At the studio, I finally got the sewing machine going, and the 20 medium tote bags are finished. Hope to have the pictures on my web site soon.

I want to say right here, that all of your comments, emails, prayers, wishes......all your concerns, have been very comforting, and helpful.

I have friends that I see all the time, and I have all of you, who I don't see. But that doesn't make you any less friends.

And I thank you.

Sydney thanks you.

Cause you know she speaks for me sometimes, or do I speak for her?

Well, whatever.

You know.

You keep coming back here, and you keep encouraging me, and that, dear friends, is priceless.

Super.

noreply@blogger.com (Hilary) — Sun, 05 Feb 2012 22:29:00 +0000

I'm sorry. I'm not a football fan. It just doesn't move me. There's nothing super about it, as far as I'm concerned.
Call me a communist.

I have been very introspective lately.
I guess a 4 month pain in your head will do that, make you a SUPER sleuth in your head. Trying to figure everything out.

When the head is screaming, I can't think at all.
But when I have a good day, then I am re-examining everything in my life.

Walking my boy Roy is a great time to ponder.

It's also a time to plan all the things I want to do, even though I know that I can't really plan anything until this is resolved.

I feel like my life is on hold. Every day is a crap shoot.

Today, when I woke with just a dull meanness in my head, I was so grateful that it wasn't a pounder like yesterday, I started making wild promises.
Out loud.
To no one at all.
Promises that once this headache is gone, I won't ever complain again about THIS random pain, or THAT inconvenience.
Promises that I will appreciate every single minute of my 'normal' life.

Promises that I will be satisfied with what I have, and not waste time thinking that it's not enough.

Today I am thinking about how perfect and lovely a life without a headache might be.
If there is one.

I leave you today with this, so you can go watch the Super Bowl.

Sydney's box, duct taped because her fat ~~ass~~ butt busted out the sides of it.
Jinx, trying it out, looking puzzled, apparently not seeing the 'fun' in it.

And me, being hopeful. Thinking that "super" could mean something incredible.

No whining.

noreply@blogger.com (Hilary) — Sat, 04 Feb 2012 23:38:00 +0000

Trust me, even though this post may make me look like a production diva today......it isn't so.

Remember the loom I gave away last month to my good friend?? Well, she has her own sheep, and she had a room full of yarns that didn't turn out soft enough for knitting.

So I helped her put a warp on, and these are her wool rugs. They measure 30" x 45" approximately, and they will be $95.00 each when I get them on my web site.

Some of the wools are natural colors, and some are dyed by her.

I am following each one with a close up, so you can see the colors.

I really like them, and she is getting addicted to weaving. Who knew????

I am so happy that she loves it, and loves the loom. I am glad I gifted it to her.

I am not sure which of these I like best, in fact, I like them all. They are a contrast to the bright colors of the sock rugs, and the wool is beautiful.

Her farm is called Simple Pleasures.

This one does have a touch of purple......can you see it???

Today was not a good day.

If there is one thing that drives me crazy, it is the 'not knowing'. One day is bearable, doable.........the very next day is right from the hinges of hell.

I took pictures of rugs, put some on my web site, and generally putzed around, but my head hurt so bad, that I finally gave up and came home.

I don't like to take pain meds, and I rarely do. I have this aversion to any drug that might be habit forming.
But today I surrendered, took two Fioricets, had a cuppa tea, slept two hours on the couch, and woke up with the EDGE off.
Not gone, but a little relief means so much, it's hard to explain.
I was thinking today, to the best of my ability through the pounding, and decided that PAIN is the great leveler.
It's an equalizer.
Things that you would normally worry about, or think important.........not so much.
Concerns that would occupy your mind.........nope, not really.
Every thing fades.
I can't say that I really feel like myself at this point.

I am hoping this that the doctor who specializes in headaches will say, "Yup, I know EXACTLY what the problem is."

Please God.

And just in case this post was a bit too black and white, I threw some Chunky rugs down, and snapped this shot.

And a Forest Floor rug, for good measure.

The sewing machine broke again this morning......still must have some thread stuck in the bobbin case, and I wasn't up to dealing with it.
So for any of you that wants a tote bag that you saw, email me at ragrugs@crazyasaloom.com

tell me which one you want, tell me the strap color, and I will put it aside for you.

If you are signed up for my newsletter, you will get one soon with a FREE SHIPPING on these new totes. If you don't, just mention it when you order, and I will apply it. I won't put them on the web site until I can finish them all.

Sydney says:

You should get a box to curl up in. You'll feel better.

Success.

noreply@blogger.com (Hilary) — Sat, 04 Feb 2012 01:02:00 +0000

You know I thought about fixing that sewing machine all night. It drove me nuts.

Eventually, after other chores got done, I got around to it.
I had two choices, the first was to take the bobbin case apart, with instructions over the phone from Raphael Sewing, in Montreal.
That's where I bought the machine, and they advertise, phone support FOREVER.
I feel so sorry for them.
Anyway, the other choice was to remove the machine from the table, and drive it south for an hour and a half, to someone who could fix it.
I could see the thread that was stuck in the bobbin, but it wouldn't budge.
Neither would the wheel.

I finally decided to take it apart. So with L's help, that is just what I did.
First off, she dropped a screw. Now understand these screws we took out were the size of a grain of UNCOOKED rice. Seriously.
We crawled around on the floor, and she found it.
But even after we got the screws out of it, we couldn't move the case, or the thread.
So I oiled the whole area, and wiggled the wheel, and wiggled, and wiggled......and lo and behold, the thread came out.
Then we had the lovely job of trying to get these little screws back in. I dropped one on the floor.
Once again, we were on our knees.
L found this one, too.
Whew.
So after a bit of tweaking, and adjusting, I was back in business.

This machine sews through this gusset like it was nothing.

I am careful to keep my fingers away from the needle though, because it WILL sew right through that too.

I told L not to get my double chin in the picture, but I guess there's not much chance of that.

I got about half of the totes done.......this was the easy part after taking the bobbin case apart.
It took about 5 minutes per bag.
That's what I'm talkin' about.

These are the medium sized bags, bigger than the purse size, and smaller then the tote size. Taking individual photos of them, and putting them on my web site, will come next.

Today was the first day in a long time that I didn't have to leave early, or get there late. No appointments, no place I had to be.
I long for more days, just like that.
Minus the headache.
A girl can dream, can't she??

Question: do you get sick of all this color?? should I do a black and white blog, just for contrast????

The fave.

noreply@blogger.com (Hilary) — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 22:07:00 +0000

Today was a better day.
I love better days.

Had a stack of 20 medium sized totes that needed attention. I had already sewn the hems on them.
So today I sewed the straps on.
I lay them out on my sewing table, and put the strap on.......like so.

Here's a few with the straps pinned on.

Then I use my old Kenmore to sew the straps on. I have to change the thread to match.

Twenty of them. They took a while.

Then, I powered up my new Techsew sewing machine, to sew up the sides, and do the gussets on the bottom to make them square.

It took about 5 minutes to do one bag, which made me smile. Usually, the sides were tough to do on the machine, and the gussets were impossible. I ended up doing the gussets by hand.
This was unbelievably easy.

I did these two, and then the machine stopped cold.

WHAT?????

Can't anything be easy???? Ever?????

After a long phone call to Techsew support at Raphael's Sewing Center in Montreal, I discovered that there is a thread stuck in the bobbin..........and I have to remove it.
Which sounds like a job for tomorrow.

Remember Sydney's bed???
Well, today L was making some 'Sweet Bottoms' chair pads, and she made one way too small, by mistake.
I suggested that she give it to Sydney for her bed, but she adamantly said NO WAY.
She doesn't like cats. You knew that, right???

Yeah, right!!

Check this out Sydney.
L loves you. You're her favorite.

Oh, wait, that's right, you're everyone's favorite.

Not ever.

noreply@blogger.com (Hilary) — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 00:13:00 +0000

OK, when I start eating oatmeal for breakfast, I have accepted that it is winter.

Even though it is warmer than the usual, it's still winter.

Recently, someone that I used to know well, has fallen into the deep, dark well that is alcoholism.
When I heard about it, I reached out. I didn't expect that it would help, but I didn't know that it wouldn't, so I tried.
Doing so, brought a lot of memories roaring back at me. Memories of stressful, unhappy, dark times.
It also brought back a lot of feelings I had as I struggled to straighten my life out, with the help of AlAnon.
AlAnon didn't just help me in dealing with the alcoholic. It helped ME find ME.

My gratitude is eternal.

I learned a lot of things.

I learned that you create yourself by the choices you make.
I learned that you can choose happiness, and walk away from misery.
I learned that you can take your hands off what is not yours, and that the reward for doing that is great.

I learned that serenity is truly priceless, and that it is mine for the taking.

Mostly what I learned, can be summed up in a few pages from the Big Book, page 449 to the end of the chapter.
Saved my life.
Still does.
I wanted to share it with you all.
Cause it can't hurt. E.v.e.r.

"And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation -- some fact of my life -- unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.

Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes.

For me, serenity began when I learned to distinguish between those things that I could change and those I could not. When I admitted that there were people, places, things, and situations over which I was totally powerless, those things began to lose their power over me. I learned that everyone has the right to make their own mistakes, and learn from them, without my interference, judgement, or assistance!

The key to my serenity is acceptance. But "acceptance" does not mean that I have to like it, condone it, or even ignore it. What it does mean is I am powerless to do anything about it... and I have to accept that fact.

Nor does it mean that I have to accept "unacceptable behavoir." Today I have choices. I no longer have to accept abuse in any form. I can choose to walk away, even if it means stepping out into the unknown. I no longer have to fear "change" or the unknown. I can merely accept it as part of the journey.

I spent years trying to change things in my life over which I was powerless, but did not know it. I threatened, scolded, manipulated, coerced, pleaded, begged, pouted, bribed and generally tried everything I could to make the situation better -- only watch as things always got progressively worse.

I spent so much time trying to change the things I could not change, it never once occurred to me to simply accept them as they were.

Now when things in my life are not going the way I planned them, or downright bad things happen, I can remind myself that whatever is going on is not happening by accident. There's a reason for it and it is not always meant for me to know what that reason is.

That change in attitude has been the key to happiness for me. I know I am not the only who has found that serenity."

The cure?

noreply@blogger.com (Hilary) — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 01:20:00 +0000

I came home early today, just one of those days.
You know the kind.
But I was determined not to waste the day, so I took Roy for a long walk. The wind was cold on my face, but my long LL Bean down coat kept me toasty.
It was still a beautiful day.
After Physical Therapy, I decided to do some cooking, nothing that took me out of my comfort zone........in other words, easy stuff. So while I was making roast chicken and biscuits for dinner, I started throwing together some chili. Of course, I have to make TWO pots of chili, one with meat, and one without.
Then, while that was simmering, I roasted some vegetables in the oven, and made Roasted Vegetable Enchiladas, to take to the studio.

Pictures from the past make me happy.

You know how I am about color.

One of these days, I am going to wake up without a headache.

And when I do, watch out, world.

It's just a matter of time.

I believe that.

I haven't bought a loom in awhile. Maybe that's it. Maybe this headache is loom withdrawal.

Maybe I need to do some loom shopping. Ya think?

Sorry, it's goodbye.

noreply@blogger.com (Hilary) — Sun, 29 Jan 2012 23:04:00 +0000

Yup. It's farewell. Enough is enough.

In fact it stinks.

So just say goodbye.

Not to ME.
To Whitey, here.
Cuz he's a leavin' town.

He's leaving on the back of a pickup truck, with the Adirondack Nuisance and Pest Control. He's moving at LEAST 5 miles away, and I think the whole hamlet of Kingsbury will be glad he's gone.
He's very nice looking, but he smells BAD.
Now it's time to board up all the holes where he's getting into the barn, and going under the floor.

While I was waiting for his ride to come, I put another warp on the Hammett.....just 50 yards this time.
I am still weaving with this awesome floral fabric that I love, so I just tweaked the colors a bit.

I used the same red and ecru, but I ditched the yellow, and changed from a light minty green to an olive green. I kept a little of the dusty rose.

Stinky and sweet.
That's the way it is today, folks.
All in all, a good day.

Mushroom soup and the bottom line.

noreply@blogger.com (Hilary) — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 23:56:00 +0000

Last night, after pushing myself out the door to walk with Roy, I had to think about dinner.

DH and I take turns deciding on, and cooking, dinner.

It seems to work for us.

It was my turn, but my head was making it hard to concentrate.

DH was understanding, and said he would bring home subs for him and my mother.

I made cream of mushroom soup.

But I didn't know where my recipe was, and I had read somewhere that adding dried mushrooms to

regular mushrooms really made a huge difference.

So I didn't bother with a recipe, instead, I winged it.

Believe me, this was one time when it worked out.

There is not a drop of soup left. I can't believe it.

I posted the 'wing it' recipe on the Recipe tab at the top of the page.

I made myself a grilled cheese with guacamole. The picture is not so great,

but the sandwich was.

Today was a couple of notches better than the last four days. I hate that I categorize my days with a number, but really, that's the least of it.

Smoky, aka Lucy, aka Also, has gone to her forever home with my friend Bonnie.

She has put on some weight since we rescued her, and now relaxed, she has become a

very sweet girl. She will be happy in her own space, the only cat, Queen Bee.

I spent the day alone at the studio. It was quiet.

As I was puttering around, I noticed these purple towels, and realized that I never posted a photo of them.

They are a little weird, not exactly my color combo.

I worked on some placemats, finishing my 60 yard warp.

Now THESE are my colors.

Some days you do what you can. You let the rest go.

Years ago, in a rough place in my life, I started a gratitude journal. In my despair, I struggled some days to find 5 things to be grateful for. But they were there, from the simplest of comforts like a cup of coffee; to gifts we never think of, like a crystal blue sky.
I found myself grateful for a steady job, for my daughters, for my mother, for my dogs, my home.
Grateful for the chance to take a nap, pay my bills, make cookies, walk in the woods.
I kept that journal for two years. I still have it.
What I learned from writing down 5 things I was grateful for, every day, was this:
There is always something to be thankful for. Always.
So even now, mystified and some days nearly crazy with this headache..........I am still grateful.

Hard sometimes, confusing and challenging, life is still good.

Breaktime.

noreply@blogger.com (Hilary) — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 20:29:00 +0000

It rained hard all night. Our back yard is practically flooded, the first time in the 7 years we have lived here.

The slush on the roads is deep, and it is still raining. And while it is messy and annoying, my fear is what it will be like when the temps drop.

Oh, winter.

I did so well walking right into the first of January, but for the last week and a half, between my headache and the icy roads and sidewalks, I have not done much walking. Roy looks at me with those big browns, and I feel guilty.

This headache has been an 8-10 for four days now. I can't really figure out what changed to make it this bad.

I went to the studio this morning, with a few chores that I wanted to get done.

First, I had some orders to pack up.

Then I had three sets of placemats I wanted to put on my web site.

Here are the pink ones.......can you see Tweety peaking out at you???

These cream and green ones are my favorites.

Right now, I have about 38 sets of placemats. I told you January was placemat month.
Yeehaw.

I knew I wasn't going to last long at the studio. I haven't had to come home midday in a few weeks, but that was then, and this is now.

Sydney just watched me doing what I had to do.
She has molded this box to her shape. None of the other three cats dare to get near "her box", and I have left it on the counter, just for her.
I couldn't resist putting her name on it.

Sydney says:

You look like crap. You'd better go home.

And even though I had every intention of sewing the hems on this 'tote bags' in progress, I did go home about noon.

I came home, ate something, and took to the couch with a heating pad on the back of my neck, and sweet boy Roy.

I have an appointment with a headache/pain doctor in about 10 days.

I am focusing on that. Getting there.

Getting someplace where there is no headache.

Yay.