His World

Ankle Gave Way

2012-01-29T10:20:00.005+08:00

Just when I thought I'm gearing up on fitness gear again, I sprained my ankle - great. I remember that particular year when I had one after another injury and then none for years. Let's hope this isn't the case of one opening the floodgates for more!

Year of the Dragon

2012-01-20T11:52:00.009+08:00

I'll admit, there are many of those little things that I have missed doing together. It is the way it is. Anger was necessary for me, and it's probably not the nicest. But once I managed to clear the cloud inside, I truly believe they were genuinely good times with loads of laughter too! My only wish is that the dragon would go on to achieve all the best that the world has to offer.

As I said, memang panjang umur. Happy CNY 2012, peeps! :)

Dishing out the Twenty-Twelve

2012-01-01T13:39:00.008+08:00

Yes, I have had my targets sorted out and all geared up for the new turn of the year - am honestly enthused with the prospects! Only hope that the much publicized prophecy for the end of the days don't materialize this year (there's still much I need to see and conquer!) :P

I would always tell myself: set your priorities right and you will go places. There is a certain thing I have been planning for this year but due to several factors and opportunities that arise, I will have to defer that for 2013. Needless to say however that its replacement no less exciting!

Four Thousand Metres Above Sea Level

2011-12-27T00:01:00.011+08:00

Looking back, this was a momentous year, being tested on extreme physical conditions three times and on each occasion, excelled beyond expectations. I have also proven that brilliance don't just suddenly disappear but instead rise to challenges wherever they are thrown to, just as I would have if I had been there. I would say that there was also a fourth condition test which admittedly, was the most difficult (no prize for guessing). Wouldn't describe it using the same words but I am really, really pleased with how the reconstruction went. I am so glad I didn't settle. Oh dear me, don't be ridiculous!

Could We Travel In Time?

2011-11-19T23:49:00.001+08:00

Einstein declared in 1905 that the faster one moves, the slower time passes. Sounds iffy? In 1971, American scientists proved his theory by taking an atomic clock (used for its extreme accuracy) around the world in a plane and comparing their clock with others that remained on the earth - it had lost time. And in Monday's Horizon (BBC2), one of those scientists, Professor Jo Hafele, relives the experiment, travelling from London to Washington on a 747. Bingo! His clock registers 40 billionths of second less than those earthbound.

The rest of Horizon's The Time Lords documentary extrapolates the theory to ask whether time travel is genuinely possible, with contributions from, among others, Stephen Hawking, Carl Sagan and a man who built a negative-energy machine "for fun".

The physics of the argument are naturally highly complicated and, during his stopover in London Hafele kindly attempts to explain using cigarette butts and an ashtray to represent aeroplanes and the earth.

But lets cut to the crux: is time travel possible? "Send one 20-year-old twin into space he'd have to travel at almost the speed of light, on a trip that lasted ten years, to reach the earthbound twin, who would be 30. The travelling twin would be 21 when he came back, having aged only a year. That's theoretically possible," says Hafele, "but to build the rocket required is not economically possible .It's way off in the future."

Suppose Einstein was destined to die in a year. If you sent him off into space and he returned after ten earth years, would he still be alive? Hafele pauses: "Yes. But he'd die as soon as he landed." At least he'd understand the irony.

NICK GRIFFITHS

Thank You

2011-11-16T00:04:00.004+08:00

A supposed special day arrived and passed. Maybe I'm supposed to feel like it's special. Well, it didn't. But I do know that I have some good friends who sensed it when I don't feel right watch my back. Here's to let you all know that I'd do the same - not like you don't know that already.

Oh here's to also put into record that work was very rewarding today.

Aeterna Veritatis

2011-11-14T14:16:00.001+08:00

Retaliation is a double-edged sword. You feel twice as bad as was found out. Sometimes they blow over and you only regret it after. True, it is human to lose control. But you realize there are certain things you cannot take back no matter what happens. And that is exactly why people preached and sought self discipline and control since consciousness began for the human race. Now that is a fundamental principle - timeless, objective, and one that perseveres whether you like it or not.

11:11

2011-11-08T20:48:00.010+08:00

Everyone has an emotional tank that needs filling. It's a basic human requirement. Everything nice like compliments, favours, quality time, thoughtful gifts, hugs, and the likes, are considered deposits to fill the account.

Then there are withdrawals as well, such as broken promises, harsh words, selfishness, arrogance, and all the bad things in the world one can think of.

What happens when one takes everything and never actually give in return? What happens when one ignores this tank? What happens when the tank dries up? Go figure.

Funny how when I named the title days ago, I didn't think that I'd post on an exact date. Was meant to remind me of a time when I always notice it when the time shows 11:11 and how I perceived it to mean. Come to think of it, I still do have the tendency to notice it.

Fitting Day of Sacrifice

2011-11-06T23:46:00.007+08:00

How do you sleep in this instance?

When your mind is here but

The whole body is set ablaze as if you were to die. You feel most a pariah in those eyes, repeatedly spitted upon. Repeatedly pissed on. Someone without worth, to be hurt and mutilated as wished. When you cared for with life gave nought of everything.

It would appear that it is over now. I'm too tired.

And much too wounded.

Chasing Shadows

2011-11-04T20:56:00.007+08:00

Tired of slapping the air and making no sound.

So do what you like.

One Last Time

2011-10-23T11:56:00.004+08:00

It still baffles me how I ever missed. Now that it is that time of the year, I just had to look back at how it turned out in detail and I mean, every single line. Maybe I should not have done that at all now that I'm all angsty - but still I simply cannot believe how . it . was . not . given .

I'm not being arrogant and unappreciative but one cannot help but feel very hard done-by. People can say it's not my rezeki or what. Not that I don't believe it that, I do. If I didn't, I would have been so affected the last round, but after thinking about it for a while, that is the kind of thinking that would decrease my motivation and willpower to better myself. Call me kiasu but heck, people work hard to achieve their goals. Stress on the word HARD.

If I don't achieve what I worked for, I would grind and push harder than ever. I am me like that. Granted, this is powerless to change what has transpired, but it's different this time.

This time, it's about proving my point - for one last time. And then, it's towards merit, if was said is true there.

The School Toilets

2011-10-22T13:18:00.004+08:00

I remember very well how much I hated the school toilets.

Yes, toilets back then were badly maintained,
Smells of rotten fish and biologically cooked purges,
Boosted by fresh ammonia stench, of all unrinsed wastes,
That's when a real-life nightmare starts, everything feels nauseous!

Yes, toilets back then were badly maintained,
You know you're in trouble when a full-tank bladder feels premature,
All learning capacity stopped and hours of counting began,
It never felt so long, towards the hours left before the school bell rings!

Yes, toilets were badly maintained,
You get to muster occasional courage to push open fateful doors,
Only to vommit at the sight of deformed pretzels on the floor,
Thats when cold sweats started their season of blossoms,

Instead of scentful garden of flowers, we were rendered sick on all fours!

I remember very well how much I hated the school toilets.
I hope the kids today do not suffer the same fate!

Office Politics

2011-10-09T10:05:00.000+08:00

Amazing how sometimes it only take a couple of people to bring chaos upon the community.
Hoping that the dark side of it stays away from me. For I haven't any time for child's play.

Jealous

2011-10-08T22:14:00.000+08:00

Just being human with my feelings. Hate to admit that I don't like it.

Better Things To Do

2011-10-07T14:07:00.000+08:00

Annoyed a certain relative complaining to my mum, "Why has Charles has got so many pictures uploaded on Facebook and is that all he does at work - online uploading all his pictures?"

If you think that's all I do oogling obsessively at my social networks, then I pity you. What-to-do right, heard you just got internet and a Facebook account set-up for the first time in your life huh? Well my dear unfortunate primitive-minded human being, unlike YOU, I don't live on leeching people's updates and create senseless gossips out of them. I have a life that doesn't revolve around Facebook. Reflect upon the mirror first and go find something meaningful in life to accomplish.

Seriously, please!

What's Your Type of Stone?

2011-10-05T19:31:00.000+08:00

Exposed to a revealing and attractive diamond for display amongst the rubies, emeralds, sapphires, and more, I kept finding myself drawn to a humble stone covered in bright green moss nearest to me. I find my unconscious self making a point to the conscious one.

There's no denying to it.

Address This Gap To Move Forward

2011-09-30T13:41:00.001+08:00

There is certainly a significant gap of misunderstanding between races, not sure if it's especially for those outside of the capital or just this specific age group. One thing for sure is that racial animosity is still very much alive and when furnished with racist statements or remarks, I would try to probe deeper to the underlying reasons behind such statement. W-H-Y-?

Maybe it's all those years of inequality on government's policies for housing, finances, scholarships, businesses, properties, and the constant need for racial quotas for everything. Or it could be the personal experience of treatment from deliberate government servants. It could also be when in times of desperation for assistance and money, financial institutions that happened to be controlled by a dominant race were perceived to be deliberately playing hard and in the end caused much life hardships due to rejected loans or financial assistance or scholarships despite perfectly good requirements. Maybe it is the paranoia from generations of generalization inflicted upon each race in the country.. that the Chinese are rigid money-minded people always looking to gain from other races when they're already rich, that the Indians are untrustworthy drunk people always looking to lie, steal, or cheat, and that the Malays are lazy spoon-fed ignorant people favoured by the government. And these sentiments are still very strong even til this day.

With the Power's constant drumming of racial over-protection, intolerance, perceived rights, inequalities, broken promises, and failure (or horribly delayed) actions to revert into meritocracy, the people are getting more agitated not only to the Power but unfortunately to the dominant race, Malays in general just because the Power consists of majority Malay. This, I'm certain, does not reflect the whole race's, (but since I cannot speak on that behalf) and if it does, who is there to blame for constantly drumming on Melayu superiority? And a natural defensive instincts within human beings (especially for the less educated ones) would naturally arise to take on the stance of hating the other races responding to perception of wanting to bring his people down. And thus this chain of hatred and heightened sensitivity continues endlessly.. I cannot help but see this as a long-running agenda by the Power and if there's anyone to blame for this unfortunate mentality within the people of our country especially in the , it's a no brainer who else we should look at.

In efforts to educate some of these people, when I try to separate politics and race into different entities. Putting both together certainly is unhealthy and does not bode well for the younger generations after us who're only going to learn all the good and bad things from their parents! When we find displeasure at any actions from authorities, it is not fair to have a go at the whole race calling them lazy or stupid. Times have changed and I hope there will be bigger voices out there that will make a difference and kick this whole WRONG in my beloved country out of the picture. If you really wanna see a working model 'one country', look no further than our east Malaysian communities. Very inspiring.

Seeing how my blog traffic dwindling drastically for the past couple of years given the reserved style of writing that I have since adopted, I do not expect to have followers who read my rants. But should I be proven wrong with that, an apology is certainly due for this unstructured writing and should there be any feathers that are ruffled along the way, rest assured that the my intention is purely to record my frustrations as a national citizen and as a neutral observer.

My Old Ride

2011-09-29T20:49:00.001+08:00

Stumbled upon my old bicycle earlier today laid at the corner of my house, looking quite abandoned. I remember that I used to cycle to school thrice a week for my basketball trainings and st. john activities. I couldn't remember when did I ever stopped riding, that thought kept me puzzled and lingered in my mind for quite some hours until I came to the conclusion that it must be when I started my studies in Tronoh. All of sudden, my good ol' bike was forgotten for more than 5 years!

Rust had settled on it's chains and break holders while the tyres flat below the two wheels. The black and purple paintings that used to be my pride now rendered faded and worn out. Had a feeling as though the bike had waited all this while to be noticed once again. Well thank you dear bicycle for giving me a part of my childhood and being a part of my growing up :) I have a feeling it won't be long before my nephews and nieces get big enough to bring you about once more!

Pasar Koboi

2011-09-26T17:34:00.002+08:00

I remember how as a kid I used to dislike going to the market, hopping over puddles, tolerating the strong fishy smells, hustling through so many people, and getting hot over such humid condition. The sole reason for my visit was to help Mum and Dad carry the groceries load.

That has changed this time around.

I followed my parents to the Pasar Koboi in Alor Setar and somehow surprised at how differently I view the place now. I was as much excited looking at the colourful people as well as the wide array of things being sold. Aunties and uncles speaking in dialect to each other, old gramps hanging out at some coffee shops reading newspapers while waiting for their ordered goodness-knows-what noodles for breakfast, opportunist cats and dogs lingering waiting for some chance at unattended fish or meat.. and even the sight of some old shophouses that I never once appreciated.

Not that I'm getting nostalgic but just to note how some time would change how we used to appreciate details we had previously taken for granted.

I had kaisi mee for breakfast and it was oh-so delicious. When was the last time I got to savour it??!! LOL

His World

2011-09-18T19:12:00.000+08:00

Welcome back *hugs*

Of Experience & Culture

2011-09-12T05:42:00.000+08:00

Every single time we were out dining, food would almost certain to arrive between 40-60 minutes upon our placement of orders. Our drinks on the other hand, would appear while we were halfway filling our hungry tummies unless we demand (as we would often do lately) to have our drinks first. But upon deeper digging into the local cultures, it is because the locals value food quality hence food are always prepared fresh upon recording of orders and indeed, everyone of us would agree that all those we have indulged ourselves with have been nothing less than sumptuous, or tamam as they call it (despite occasional purging).

The revelation on drinks however particularly retained my interest. Apparently in this country, everyone will only drink after done with their meal and this is because any form of drinking prior to the intake of the main course is deemed to unnecessarily fill out 'space' in the tummy that is meant for food. Any extra capacities after can then be spent on the drinks. It certainly makes sense if one analyses that their offered drinks are often extremely thick and one quick gulp of a normal-sized glass of mango juice can probably fill us up good.

This is contrary to our own culture whereby we would be accused of lacking tact for keeping guests/customers waiting hence drinks would always first be served in Malaysia. And our drinks are always light and serves more to relief thirst or kill time by slowly sipping the courtesy drinks.

Here's another one here when one is done, khalas with their meals, a strong gesture of using the palm to hit the other hand's clenched fist to express of satisfaction or fullness with their meal fathoor. This shocking gesture was displayed with such vigour and pleasure at me by my driver friend Magdi many times and would have been an embarrassment had we dined in Malaysia instead. He bursted into his routine lyrical laughter when I told him that the gesture would be inappropriate in my country whereby it would serve to communicate "f*** y**".

During our travel up north into the Sahara to visit the royal pyramid tombs of ancient Nubian civilization, throughout our frequent exchanges to kill time, I couldn't help but notice that the vehicles traveling from the opposite direction would more than often flash their lights at us and Magdi never failed to return them in kind. This also accompanied his frequent horns at vehicles on the road in the busy streets of Khartoum for no apparent reasons. So, when queried for any justifications, he replied that those were merely friendly gestures of 'wishing peace upon his friends'. I told them that unfortunately those kind wishes would likely to be musykila kabir and also be perceived as "f*** y**" on the roads in my country's capital, then his lyrical laughter started.

On a random note, I was told today (not the first time) by locals that they could confidently tell me apart from the mainland Chinese here due to my 'superior sophisticated' appearance (this, I believe, is truly subjective!) and would bet on me being a Korean (I would take this as a compliment, but I'm a Malaysian anytime). Unfortunately due to the different type of occupational class from the mainland that would be sent here for work, the mainland Chinese here, I observed, have been stereotyped as loud, dirty, clumsy, rough, rugged, and the likes - akin to our view of our own neighbours Indonesia that would enter our country for work. Food for thought indeed.

Anyway, I have just returned from the south for a couple of day's work to assess a new office proposal - summing up my trip, I was lucky to have met the influential former Oil Minister of the country, Luol Deng and sat next to a JOC president (let us not quote his name) in their chartered aircraft as we flew back to the capital. Some of my conversations exchanged with the two big personalities separately were indeed eye-opening. For me it has always been working absurdly hard during the weekdays and disappear during the weekends but, I would say it was worth every minute of sacrifice for this particular weekend of work.

It may only be a couple more days before I bid ma'as-salaamah for the second time to this land, but I can hardly think of it yet as I still have much to accomplish before I can brush my sleeves off Sudanese dust and pat myself for almost 2 month's worth of work well done despite depressingly saw more than 1000 civil war deaths reported during my leadership of the fort but with minimal impact on our businesses. I do miss home and cannot bear to think how those single people out there working for a prolonged period of time away. Focusing on work truly helps, but every night before you close your eyes, images of loved ones appear.. and you know who are the ones important to you in life.

Anger

2011-09-02T20:57:00.003+08:00

It's all so unnecessary.

Dancing With You

2011-08-24T02:03:00.005+08:00

You make my heart beat faster and slower at the same time.

You’re my angel.

For A Friend of Mine

2011-08-10T05:37:00.002+08:00

Adapted from M Fiore's Newsletter

See, most people think of "Love" as something that "happens to you." As a vicious, overwhelming beast that takes hold of your heart and won't let go. And you know what? In the beginning, they're right. When you first meet the man (or woman) of your dreams it's like the whole world fades to black and white and the only piece of color is in their eyes, their lips, their arms . . .

But then, somewhere along the way things change.

You stop being "obsessed" . . .

And a lot of people seem to think that means you stop being in "Love" as well. But they couldn't be more wrong.

See, when the hormones and the chemicals wear off, "Love" stops being something that "happened to you" (like getting hit by a truck or getting mugged in the street) . . .

And starts being something you choose. And what it means by that is that if you want to have a good (or great) relationship, you need to wake up every day and CHOOSE to be in love.

You need to look at the man in your bed, with his torn underwear and his buzz saw snores, focus on the

GOOD things about him and CHOOSE to think "I love you." You need to watch the woman you married, with her whipsaw emotions and bucketfuls of tears and say "What freaks me out about you is what I love about you too."

Which is hard as hell. Sappy movies and romance novels tell us love should be "easy", that falling in love is like going over Niagara falls, and staying in love is as easy as floating down a river.

But in the real world you need to paddle.

You need to forgive your partner for not being "perfect" (because none of us are perfect.) And you need to choose to be in love.

The reasons are:

1. Because if you give yourself permission to be "OK" with Love not being this overwhelming, overpowering thing you'll probably be a lot happier.

2. Because "Love" being a choice means you can choose NOT to be in love too.

There is a story about a lady who revealed that her boyfriend never tells her he loves her, who never wants to spend time with her, who never takes the time to remind her that she's an important part of his life. Guys like this can be technically called "Douchebags."

And guess what? Douchebags come in a whole bunch of different flavors too.

The guy who gapes at other women when you're having a romantic dinner (all guys look, but subtlety goes a long way.)

The woman who tries to make you "prove" that you love her by driving you through test after test after test. The "player" who lies again and again about the other girls in his life and makes you feel awful every time you see him. And even though it seems hard, you can CHOOSE to ignore all those chemicals and attachments in your brain . . .

You can CHOOSE to have self respect.

To walk away. to NOT be in love with someone who's bad for you, who hurts you, or one who holds you down.

Because the "Good Guys" and "Badass Women" are out there.

A Story About Chace & Eleanor

2011-08-03T02:01:00.003+08:00

A married couple walks into a therapist's office for their first session (let's call them Chace and Elaenor.) They're in their mid-50's. They've been married for 25 years. They've had a couple of kids who are in college. And it really seems like Chace hates Elaenor. See, as soon as they sit down on the couch Chace gets fire in his eyes and starts complaining about Elaenor . . . "She's gotten fat," he snarls (ignoring his own beer gut.) She needs to get a better job and make more money," he says while stomping his cheap shoes on the carpet. And he goes on on and from there. "She needs to be nicer. She needs to put more time into her appearance. She needs to be more adventurous in bed. She needs to be better, better better!"

He goes on for 15 minutes. His face gets red and puffy. He barely takes a breathe.

And the whole time, Elaenor just sits there with her hands folded in her lap without saying a thing.

Finally Chace winds down and they both look at the therapist expectantly. And then finally, he says:

Chace, if Elaenor was this amazing, astonishing woman:

If she had the beauty of Heliza Helmi and the genius of P. Ramlee and the bank account of Tony Fernandes, voice of Siti Nurhaliza,
If she was the perfect lover, the perfect wife, the perfect mom, the perfect woman,

If she was EVERYTHING you've been ranting about about,
If she was 110% AMAZING,

THEN why the HELL would she want with a SCHLUB like you?