The Oxymoron Chronicles

Shehans's Colombo

2012-01-30T10:41:00.002+05:30

This article appeared on Newsweek. SK is one of my favourite writers and as expected I found this article absolutely amazing and a treat to read. So I am reproducing it here to share it with everyone who might not be able to or have the chance to browse through this weeks issue of Newsweek or was it last last week? I sincerely hope you enjoy it as much as I did.
If a visitor is planning a trip to Sri Lanka, I usually advise that they skip Colombo. Not being harsh, but on the island’s buffet table of scenic delights, the city is very much a side dish.

Shehan Karunatilaka Reflects On Colombo, Sri Lanka

On first glimpse, it’s just another Asian metropolis, trying to peddle that East-meets-West thing. Not as berserk as Mumbai, not as sober as Singapore. Most travelers will drive straight through, en route to the beaches down south, the hilltops out east, or the fallen kingdoms up north.

If you’re in Sri Lanka to upload pics, there may be some boxes for you to tick. The sun setting over the kites on Galle Face Green. The city ablaze with light and color during Vesak. Elephants by Beira Lake in full-moon fancy dress. Or the Town Hall that looks like the White House next to that mosque that resembles the Kremlin.

But cities aren’t just for tourists. Dismount from your air-conditioned car into the heat and the dust, and you’ll find that there’s plenty below the surface if you’re only willing to scratch.

The Greeks, Romans, and Persians used Colombo’s harbor as a trading port. The Portuguese built their fort here and commanded the coast. The Dutch seized the city in the bloody siege of 1656, before ceding it to the British a century and a half later. Every colonizer left his paw prints. You see it in the clock towers, the schools, and the grand hotels. In the railway line that snakes between Galle Road and the coast and in the cricket games that fill every street. Colombo’s the only city in the world with four test-match venues, a place where the game is practiced as a religion and celebrated as a carnival. Cricket binds this city, as it does a nation not short of divisions.

Colombo houses many worlds. From the malls of Bambalapitiya to the palaces of Cinnamon Gardens; from the dives of Slave Island to the balconies of Havelock Town. It’s a city that straddles the beautiful and the banal, that wavers between tacky and transcendent. Pathways decorated with lush trees and colorful kovils run by rickety billboards and smelly canals. Roads crowded with buses, trishaws, and trucks make way for motorcades of Pajeros and Lamborghinis. Gaudy casinos rub shoulders with churches and pavements full of kitch lead to cafes jeweled in high art.

It’s a city that doesn’t know where it’s going but is determined to get there. Today Colombo seeks to reinvent itself. Where once there were checkpoints, high structures are rising. Walls will be knocked down, highways extended, and slums replaced with greenery. While the sun shines without pause and the monsoon comes and goes as it pleases, everyone pretends to forget about the slaughters of the past. The burnings of 1983, the explosions of ’87, the abductions of ’89. The electoral bloodbaths, the prolonged power failures, and the parade of assassinations that punctuated the 1990s.

Today, we prefer to remember the victories. The cups won, the guns silenced, the bigotry overcome. We ignore the ghosts of the unresolved, the unconsoled, and the unforgiven that haunt our present. We try to celebrate our many communities and remind ourselves that we have no more excuses. No more war to hold us back, no more scapegoats to blame.

Because the city no longer belongs to the rulers who deface it, the thugs who defile it, or the bureaucrats who slow it down. It belongs to street vendors who serve up glorious kottu. To the trishaws adorned with misspelled slogans. To the bloggers who share secrets and the lovers who hide under umbrellas. It belongs to the girls with their straightened hair, the workers crammed into wobbly buses, and the strays that prowl its streets. To the drunks that mix arrack with baila and to the theatre groups that dish up biting satire and hammy acting. To those who appear in Colombo’s gossip mags and those who pretend not to read them.

Colombo is both big city and small town. And, like the nation it belongs to, it is on the cusp of something. Something that could be wonderful or malign. It is poised on a precipice, about to plummet or to soar.

For those who live here, who’ve seen it morph from city by the sea to garrison town to this shiny emblem of our unseen future, Colombo offers its own buffet table of delights. It may not be a city that you instantly fall in love with, but it is one that you grow to adore.

Some guys have all the luck?

2012-01-24T15:21:00.000+05:30

Hmm I came across this on FB and could not help re-posting.

The Dawn

2012-01-23T20:23:00.002+05:30

A Magical night...

A Beautiful beach…

Colorful Lanterns.. twinkling Christmas lights

The beach is crowded with people from all across the world

Wisps of music assail our ears

As we sit back; relax and chill.

I feel the cool breeze against my skin

As the warmth of the first sip of my drink hits me

I watch a sky rocket lazily wind up and explode

And a beautiful magic Chinese lantern float up to the sky

I make a wish as I see it disappear into a tiny dot

That there would be many more dawns such as this

With you by my side…

My “Why this Kolaveri Di!” story!

2012-01-22T11:09:00.001+05:30

Oh goodness I got on the Kolaveri band wagon so late – actually when it was going out of fashion – but am so glad to have found it. I loved it so much that I had to find out more about the song. And realized the phrase “Kolaveri” means “Murderous Rage”. The guy singing is asking his girl friend why she is so angry. Well I am quite sure you know all this already. But this song is the perfect title for a story I want to share. About something which happened to a close friend of mine.

He was in love with this girl. But he was in a marriage and she was going through a divorce which meant circumstances prevented them from being together as much as they wanted to. This lead to lots of stresses and fighting and the relationship was strained and in the end they decided to part and still remain friends.

When they were together he had given her a handmade birthday card. It was not very pretty in fact it was an A4 sheet folded in two. But the idea behind it was how the letters of her name were a part of his name and how if those words were removed his name would not have any meaning any more. Anyway he still cared for her a lot and made sure her interests were looked after even though she may or may have not realized it. One day he met a lady missionary who he thought would be of immense help to this girl as she was going through a lot of mental stress and trauma. So my friend engineered a meeting and made sure that they got to know one another. My friend, the girl we are talking about and a few others were all working on a project together. My friend made sure the missionary invited her for Christmas dinner because she was going to be alone on Christmas day otherwise. The dinner was a success and everything was fine. During a conversation the girl told my friend the lady missionary’s birthday was a couple of days away. Sensing an opportunity to spend some time with the girl my friend decided to organize a dinner for the lady missionary and the team who were involved in the project. He even asked the girl to find out what kind of food the lady missionary liked. Anyway one night my friend and the lady missionary were having a conversation via email and the conversation led to food and my friend informed her about his plans of taking everyone out for dinner. The next day the missionary met the girl and told her about the invitation for dinner. For some reason the girl became quite upset that she was not informed in advance about the invitation being extended to the missionary though she knew that the dinner was planned. And from that time onwards she started behaving quite crazily towards my friend who was trying to pacify her. After all the main reason he did it was because of her. Anyway things did not go well and it all came to a climax on the day the dinner took place. Of course the girl had refused to attend the dinner. And as the dinner was progressing she created face book mail/group-chat message where she put the picture of the inside of the birthday card my friend had given her along with a message about how cheap and uncaring my friend was for not treating her in the same fashion that he treated the lady missionary. According to her all what my friend had given her was a folded paper. What was sad also some of the other people who were part of this chat was making remarks encouraging further dissent.

To say my friend was shocked beyond belief is an understatement. He had never intended for things to go this way. But to his credit he did not respond to any of messages going up and down. And the raging fire of jealousy and hatred has died down. Hopefully this would also mean that what remained of the embers of their relationship too would be extinguished with the fire. Though it is difficult to say when you are referring to people’s emotions. But one thing is for sure who ever said that Hell hath no fury like a woman (who believes she is – at least in this case) scorned was absolutely correct.

An unlikely place to find a decent sandwich at a decent price!

2012-01-16T12:57:00.002+05:30

You always find rarest of thing in the most unlikely places.

In this case a decent sandwich at a decent price. Trust me it is indeed difficult to find. Especially in Fort where the options are expensive Barista which does not necessarily mean good quality or the not so expensive low grade Perera and Sons muck. Of course I found my sandwich haven in the last place one would expect - if you are on a hunt to satisfy your hunger pangs that is - because it was in a tea bar. The Heladiv Tea bar or lounge to be precise. At the Dutch Hospital in Fort.

An interesting side note. I was with a group of visitors from overseas when it was discussed that we should be having lunch at Dutch hospital. The confused/concerned look on their faces was priceless.

If you haven't been to this place you should. It is sad that it has not created any kind of buzz. Especially when compared to all the excitement the fraud Starbucks created. By the way pardon the bad quality pictures it seems I have been shaking with anticipation when clicking.

Anyway, I found the place absolutely calm and tranquil. The décor was unique too. At least it was not a cross between Bawa and Paradise Road. I loved the sofas they had it was made from some kind of foam and absolutely heavenly to sit on. I did not sample any of the beverages or desserts. Both which looked absolutely nice and tempting. However the sandwiches were out of this world. The bread was fresh and fresh and so was the salad which accompanied it. It was simple but you could taste the freshness something you don't experience at Barista. I had tandoori chicken but what was really interesting was the beef sandwich as it looked as if it was made out of corned beef. Next time I am going to try it for sure.

Another side note. After much guessing I finally found out what kind of restaurant WIP is. It is a German Restaurant. I went there for a meal the other day and the food was excellent though the menu did not hold that much variety. A special mention has to be made of the spare ribs which I had. It was truly out of this world. If you have been to any of these two places do let me know what your experience was like.

Never ignore the words of a lesser being...

2012-01-10T17:56:00.000+05:30

Or someone who you consider a lesser being.

Even if you are Enzo Ferrari because you never know what that guy would do.

In this particular case he went and started manufacturing his own high performance automobile which we know of today as Lamborghini. This is a true story I heard when I was having a chat with some friends the other day. I first thought it was some kind of joke but when I did some serious research – well if you consider typing Lamborghini Story on Google serious research that is – I found it all to be quite true. Now let me do a marvelous job of cutting and pasting the important bit of the article I found so you don’t have to be bothered with navigating to another web page. So here goes:

Ferruccio Lamborghini was born in Italy in 1916. He was fascinated with engines from an early age. During World War II he joined the army and was stationed on the island of Rhodes. Fortunately there was little going on there during the war. The island was essentially isolated from the rest of world. Any cars, trucks or motorcycles that broke down had to be repaired on the spot with reused parts. Lamborghini became known as a wizard at mechanical improvisation and became very much in demand at fixing engines.

After the war he returned to his home near Modena in northern Italy and setup a small car and motorcycle repair shop. He soon realized that there was a desperate need for tractors in the agricultural area in which he lived. He found he could build about one tractor a month from derelict military vehicles. As Italy's economy grew demand for his high quality tractors started

to grow. He began building his own tractor engines. His tractor business became very successful reaching a rate of over 400 a month in 1960. He soon looked at expanding the business and in 1960 began manufacturing heaters and air conditioning units for buildings as well as maintaining the tractor business. This too became very successful.

About this time Lamborghini started to get interested in developing a high performance car. He had owned Oscas, Maseratis and Ferraris but was always disappointed with them. Particularly their engines. There is a now famous story about how he was frustrated with problems he had with a clutch in a Ferrari (a Ferrari 250 GT), and went to visit Enzo Ferrari who's factory was nearby. Enzo had no time for a tractor manufacture and simply dismissed him. Lamborghini decided there was nothing Ferrari was doing he could not do better. He decided too build his own car with a V12 engine. For the design he found a very talented engineer named Giampaolo Dallara who had previously worked on a Ferrari V12 engine.

And I thought to myself isn’t it amazing what some persons anger can do? And pride? Maybe it is not a bad thing after all.

Just another year?

2012-01-01T14:25:00.003+05:30

Certainly not in my case.

As I look back at the year that was I have mixed emotions. The one phrase to describe it would be “Pain and Pleasure”. It was a rollercoaster ride of emotions. And as I look back I can relate to the famous words of Charles Dickens when he wrote “It was the best of times; it was the worst of times. It was the age of wisdom. It was the age of foolishness”. I have known the heights of joy and experienced gut wrenching misery. I found love and then lost it. I shed tears of happiness and tears of sadness. If the past year was a movie I would just cut the first half and play it on a continuous loop. And hope that it never stops.

But sadly time waits for nobody. And sometimes what goes up has to come down.

Innovation??? Imitation??? Abomination?

2011-12-27T16:27:00.000+05:30

I don't know what to decide but what do you think????

They do know its christmas time...again.

2011-12-27T14:52:00.001+05:30

I am paraphrasing the song by Band Aid to illustrate my point about Christmas time for some being not only about giving but taking. Even forcefully! And (sometimes) through intimidation. No am not talking about thugs who generally hang around with the likes of Vermin but actually more normal gentle folk who become thugs during Xmas and Sinhalese New year. People like the postman and the guy who collects the garbage. And some, who we do not know, turn up at our doorstep brandishing lists insinuating that life as we know it will not be the same if we don’t make use of this season of cheer to make them happy through a generous donation.

First the postman came with a list. We did the honors. Then there was another guy who delivers registered letters. Till then I thought the postman delivered registered letters as well. But I stand corrected and he too got a donation. We drew the line when a third guy appeared with a list claiming he was the “Old/previous” postman.

I must say I was impressed with the quality of the lists these people were bringing over. It was quite well done. Not the usual full scrap sheet with hand drawn lines. Someone had taken the trouble of setting this up on a computer and actually developing a heartwarming intro intended to make the reader tip more generously.

Much to their chagrin a few garbage collectors have discovered that some of their more unscrupulous mates have beaten them to the punch by going earlier to the doors of potential donors.

I don’t resent the fact that one should give something to those who make our life more comfortable with the services they carry out. But I certainly don’t want to feel like that I am making a donation because I have to. And these days to many of these people it is an entitlement not a gift given at ones discretion. Which to me is wrong.

An ode to bacon - Shenoj de Alwis

2011-12-18T12:06:00.003+05:30

Oh sweet bacon that comes from above,
You had me at hello – it was pure piggy love.
You are everything I need or wanted in a meat.
With your sweet taste on my tongue, I feel so darn complete.

I love to watch you sizzle and pop on that grill.
Your oozing fat’s delicious, your texture is a thrill.
You get along with everyone but can stand on your own.
If taste was a kingdom, you’d have a porky throne.

I come before you now to get down on my knee.
If you say yes, dear Bacon, I’d just die in jubilee.
I’d love you till forever, I’d never say goodbye.
The day I’d stop loving is the day that piglets fly.

I found this on a FB comment thread. Am sure it was written on impulse. So I thought it deserved a more permanent place on the web hence this post. I love bacon.

Rock on!

2011-12-17T16:15:00.003+05:30

Well this little article has nothing to do with rock music at all. I just thought it was an intriguing title to seduce readers into an otherwise boring subject about shower stall flooring. Well I just changed mine from the normal tiles to natural stone (or Kalu Gal) with the uncut (rough) surface. What I could not believe is the impact it had on my – for the lack of a better word – showering experience. It was a complete transformation which has to be experienced to believe. The fact that your feet are on natural stone makes your shower as refreshing as bathing from a spout or under a water fall. Isn’t the power of nature amazing?

Dutch Hospital and Ministry of Crab!

2011-12-17T15:32:00.000+05:30

Now us Sri Lankans have the perfect excuse to go out and have a good time and when asked by irritated boss/spouse/colleague say you had to go to hospital with a straight face. And that’s thanks to the opening of the new Dutch Hospital complex in Fort recently. I must confess they have done a remarkable job of renovating the place and it really looks lovely. You do need to ignore the few dogs who roam inside along with the rats and the stares of the military guarding the place. I happened to visit the place with my chums AJ and CT on the opening night of “Ministry of Crab”. We had made reservations without realizing that it was their first day. Since MOC has still not got its liquor license we had to have our drinks at WIP which is a lovely cozy place opened by the Hilton. I was really impressed with the place and the ambience. In fact if we had not made our reservations at MOC we would have had dinner here. After downing a couple of drinks we strolled over to the MOC. Well the ambience was nice. The cooking area looked really nice as it was an open kitchen. I had gone through the menu on the internet and was looking forward to sample some of their Japanese specialties too. For those who don’t know this place is run by the same gentlemen who manages neonbashi. At least three items we asked for from the menu was not there and our dining experience was a bit diluted because the vegetable dish we ordered only came once we had finished our meal. And how was the food you might ask? Expensive is the first comment which comes to mind. The taste was ok. Definitely not out of this world. And if there was one thought we left MOC with was EXPENSIVE! Our bill for three people for one big crab weighing 1.5 kilos two portions of prawns and some rice and vegetables was 12k! No drinks. No dessert! Well as my friend CT commented we would have had a far better experience at “The Lagoon”. I heard the owner of the locations had a 400% mark up on his food sadly the experience he provides does not justify it. Maybe this average service could have been because it was their first day. So I shall go there once more before giving them up for good and running back into the warm embrace of my ever so lovely lagoon.

I also heard that Citrus Reef is starting a new fish restaurant aimed at Colombo Diners who can get their within an hour thanks to the new Southern Highway. Can’t wait for that to come true because I hear the prices are going to be really attractive.

Malnourished Santa!

2011-12-17T14:06:00.000+05:30

I always believe that if you can’t do something right then you should not do it at all. But sadly I seem to belong to the minority. Where ever I go these days I see these men dressed in red with some cotton wool as a beard and being an extremely bad imitation of Santa. It was really irritating but not enough to warrant a post. But then I was driving down Havelock Road the other day and saw the scrawny Santa above and I said to myself I have to write about this. Look at this guy. Does he have any resemblance to the Jolly Santa Clause in red which the good old coca cola company helped to popularize? He is more like what Santa would have been if he was born in some third world African Country ravaged by war, famine and disease! I could not help but feel terribly sorry for that poor fellow dancing in the hot sun wearing that stuffy costume I am sure he would have been boiled alive. But he did seem to set about his duties cheerfully and with lots of enthusiasm. I know if not for this work he would have been idling and we know what kind of mischief that can lead to. But nevertheless I still feel sad that humans have to be exploited this way to make a few bucks, But what really makes this particular Santa more absurd is that he was encouraging people to drive into a Vehicle Battery Replacement shop. A scene flashes across my mind. Of a couple driving and passing the mal nourished Santa. The driver turns to the passenger and says “Oh what a nice Santa lets replace our car battery!” If only life works like that. I wish! I really question certain peoples decisions sometime?

The Mirror of Paradise - Asgar Hussain

2011-12-12T19:29:00.000+05:30

I judged this book by the cover and am glad to say it was not a looser! Yeah!

We all know we should not do it. But I tend to do it most of the time. It is the rule, rather than the exception of my book buying addiction. Maybe it is because I don’t like hanging around the bookstore for hours on end virtually reading half of the book before I decide I should buy it.

But after nearly a lifetime of buying books I have realized I will buy a certain amount of losers regardless of me having browsed through it or not. And once again this book was a complete impulse purchase. I bought it because I liked the cover. And of course the author was known to another friend I knew. But wow it really turned out great. The book was a collection of short stories extremely cleverly written and the plots were amazing if I was being a bit critical I might say some of the endings were too abrupt. But in the end it was a wonderful relaxing reading experience. I relished every word I read. And I can’t wait to read it once more but this time I want a nice Old arrack and coke along with some hot cashew nuts while I savor each succulent word once more. Good job Mr. Asgar Hussain! Hats off to you!

Obituary on hoardings!

2011-12-10T19:34:00.001+05:30

A couple of days back a group director of Maharaja’s passed away. Almost immediately, all across the city hoardings sprouted up featuring a larger than life picture of this gentleman and a message of condolence.

I really don’t know what to make of it.

On one side a public display of grief from a company perspective is highly admirable. But on the other hand I do feel a shudder of revulsion pass over me as one part of me feel this gesture is in poor taste. A close relative of his told me I don’t think he would have appreciated it if he was alive. I for one did not know him well enough to comment. But one thing is for sure the day I go to meet my maker I would prefer my obituaries to be limited to the press.

PnS version of lampries.

2011-12-10T19:14:00.001+05:30

Some of you purists out there are going to call me foul names and the connoisseurs of this fine food are going to damn me into eternal suffering in hell when they realize that this is actually a complimentary post instead of a critical one. But do bear with me.

Firstly to call this packet a lampries –just because it is wrapped in a banana leaf – is an insult. It is like calling someone a mechanic because he is dressed in overalls or thinking someone is a doctor because he is wearing a white lab coat and carrying a stethoscope. But you cannot ask for it by any other name than lampries which ever outlet of Perera and Sons you decide to step into. Whilst it is not the authentic lampries like one would find at DBU and Green cabin I love what the guys have done. It is my kind of lampries. The “kana bona” mans lampries to say so in another way. To me it has all the goodness of a lampries plus more.

The first positive thing I noticed is that it is not tiny. I feel full after consuming one. Also it has a decent sized piece of roast chicken, an egg as well quite a hot lunu thel dala added to it so it is quite spicy which is great for me. All in all I loved eating my PnS version of lampries and applaud them for having the guts to change it to suit our local palate instead of hiding behind authenticity. Well done gentlemen!

Good Restaurant(s) but Really Bad Situation:

2011-12-10T17:40:00.001+05:30

Well I was out with some friends the other day and as we are all foodies the conversation got around to food. And of course somewhere down the line the discussion led to how unhygienic some of the so called “posh” restaurants were. Here are three horror stories which I wanted to share.

Gallery Café. Even though I have not had a proper meal there for a long time I step in frequently for coffee and dessert. Well it seems that there was a cockroach in the meal my friends parents were served there once. But what is worse is when they pointed it out to the chef and the manager they had been quite rude about it and even suggested that the cockroach had somehow flown over the wall and landed into the food.

A lady who was eating Salad at the Hilton nearly swallowed a worm with a forkful of rocket lettuce she was about to swallow. Fortunately someone saw the worm dangling and decided to stop her.

And finally I heard from a highly trust worthy source the gelato ice cream parlor at Odel was inspected by the CMC and they found the ice cream contaminated with the e-coli virus.

Well guess it seems that it is not only the cheap things which are no good in these so called Fine Dining restaurants. So be careful very very careful. Apparently the only hygienic and clean kitchen in Sri Lanka is supposed to be at the Airforce mess in thunmulla.

Merv the Pervs foray in to the tea trade

2011-12-10T17:16:00.001+05:30

Maybe I better use the word furore! Because somehow it seems more apt.

Remember a couple of weeks ago there was a crisis in the tea auctions? The average price of a kilo of tea went down by 10 – 20 rupees thereby depriving the country of over 100 million rupees of foreign revenue. I don’t believe the newspapers carried the real story behind these events. If they did I did not see them. So here goes. Apparently Merv the perv had wanted to get the transportation contract of Sri Lanka’s largest tea buyer. In order to encourage them to give him the contract he had been strong arming the Muslim owners of the company by making it difficult for their containers to move around. In fact I heard that one of the store managers of this company had been kidnapped too. As a symbol of protest – as well as because they were unable to transport the goods - the owners of the company had refrained from buying at the tea auctions for one day resulting in this sad situation. Fortunately sanity prevailed and more powerful people got involved and this situation was brought under control. But it is indeed sad to see the state of the society we live in.

New cool and interesting places to stay in Colombo!

2011-12-10T16:30:00.001+05:30

I was looking for some digs for one of my friends visiting Sri Lanka in December and was amazed to find the new mid priced (Roughly 70 U.S Dollars) accommodations Colombo had to offer. I just thought I should share/save them on here for future reference though a simple search through trip advisor would yield the same results. Tripadvisor! What a great invention. These were some of the places I discovered.

Lakelodge down Alvis place. Casasusana in believe it or not Galle Face courts on top of German Restaurant. A place I have been frequenting so much without realizing there was a hotel right above my head. And of course Colombo haven which is situated near the Carnival ice cream parlor on the Galle Road.

Colombo Haven had such great reviews that I suggested to my friend he stays there and I am relieved to say it lived up to its reputation. My friend was gushing with praise about how good and friendly they were. And what an enjoyable time he had.

There were also two properties which were getting lambasted by clients. One was the Colombo City Hotel just outside WTC and the other a place called Ranjiths Ambalama? I have not been able to figure out where it is situated yet though it is supposed to be somewhere down Torrington Avenue. You have to see the reviews to believe how terrible these people have been! In fact if not for the negative reviews I would have suggested Colombo City Hotel as the first choice to my friend.

Isn’t this a great example of the power of the information age where bad service and cheating cannot be kept under wraps.

More power to those of us who are on the net and take the trouble and effort to share our experiences.

I couldn't post this on Facebook!

2011-11-28T17:31:00.001+05:30

Interview for a CEO

2011-11-23T08:38:00.001+05:30

A Large Australian Company advertised for a CEO, but only had one applicant,
whom they weren't enthused about, and so decided to give him a test
Irish Math Test
A Irishman wants a job, but the company won't hire him until he passes a little math test.
Here is your first question, the Chairman said. "Without using numbers, represent the number 9."
"Without numbers?" The Irishman says? "Dat is easy." And proceeds to draw three trees.
"What's this?" the Chairman asks.

"Have you ain't got no brain? Tree and tree plus tree makes 9" says the Irishman.

"Fair enough," says the Chairman. "Here's your second question. Use the
same rules, but this time the number is 99."

The Irishman stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that
he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree... "Ere you go."

The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?"
"Each of da trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, plus dirty tree. Dat makes 99."
The Chairman is getting worried that he's going to actually have to hire this Irishman, so he says, "All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100."

The Chairman looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!"

The Irishman leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and whispers, "A little dog come along and poop by each tree.
So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree
and a turd, which makes ONE HUNDRED!"

That Irishman is now head of Qantas

The One Liners

2011-11-23T08:36:00.001+05:30

* I asked my new girlfriend what sort of books she's
interested in,
She said: Cheque books.

*****
* The easiest way to make your old car run better, is
to check the prices of new car.
*****
* Q: What is the difference between men and pigs?

A:Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.
*****
* Q:What's the difference between a good lawyer and a
great lawyer?
A: A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.
*****
* Nurse: A beautiful woman who holds your hand for one
full minute and then expects your pulse to be normal.
*****
* Boss: We are very keen on cleanliness. Did you wipe
your feet on the mat as you came in?
New employee: Yes, sir.
Boss: We are also keen on truthfulness. There is no mat.
*****
* Q: Why dogs don't marry?

A: Because they are already leading a dog's life!
*****
* Q: What's the diff between mother & wife?
A: One woman brings you into the world crying & the other ensures
you continue to do so.
*****
* Q: Singh enters kitchen, opens sugar container, looks inside and
closes it. He does this again and again. Why?

A: Because his Doctor told him to check sugar level regularly.
*****
What's the difference between a good secretary and a personal secretary?
One says "Good morning, boss". The other says "It's morning, boss."

The need to communicate...

2011-11-22T16:41:00.001+05:30

This picture was taken in a bungalow deep inside (35kms from the main entrance) the Wilpattu national park. If you look very closely at the picture you will realize a cell phone has been kept on a chair which has been kept on top of a ledge so that it can connect to the Dialog network in order an “incoming” call can be received. I have stayed in this bungalow before and know this for a fact. Only when I saw this did it make me realize that what a powerful need the ability to communicate is?

And I guess this need to keep in touch to connect increases by leaps and bounds when you are stuck in the middle of nowhere. It reminded me of a little bit of trivia which I gathered from Nat Geo that the human brain processes loneliness in the same area which pain is processed. That is why loneliness is such a destructive emotion. And we are coming in to the season where loneliness reaches its peak some resulting in suicide. Yes it’s the season to be jolly. Christmas!

CHINESE PROVERBS....

2011-11-22T14:15:00.000+05:30

Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.

Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly.

Better to be pissed off than pissed on.

Lady who goes camping must beware of evil intent.

Squirrel who runs up woman's leg will not find nuts.

Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion.

Man who eats many prunes get good run for money.

War does not determine who is right, it determines who is left.

Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.

It takes many nails to build a crib, but one screw to fill it.

Man who drives like hell is bound to get there.

Man who stands on toilet is high on p0t.

Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.

Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.

Finally CONFUCIUS SAY. . ......

"A lion will not cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood!"
(I've added)

Man with hole in pocket feel "cocky" all day

Girl sitting on jockey's lap get 'hot tip'

Man who tap around pubic area is 'beating round the bush'

"Live Band" is it an alternative to a "Dead Band"

2011-11-19T13:12:00.001+05:30

How many times have you been bombarded with the statement “With LIVE Band”? Especially in adverts for restaurants and bars. Yesterday I think I saw and heard this phrase three times which set my mind wandering. If they are advertising a “Live Band” it automatically begs the question is there a “Dead Band” out there somewhere? Maybe certain unscrupulous businessmen use bodies of dead people posing with musical instruments to dupe customers into believing that there are musicians performing. I know it is gruesome. And it would be that much easier to get some mannequins instead. Or is this an alternative to certain places playing performances of concerts through DVD. Or is this another uniquely Sri Lankan English word. Like Chinese Rolls? Do you know you can’t find Chinese Rolls in China and its only available (as far as I know) over here? What do you think??????