Successful Dating Tips

Imagination in Sex Attraction

2011-06-15T05:59:00.000-07:00

Among well-known theories of the way sexual love grows is the belief that a powerful influence in its development is the imagination, or "idealization." The lover manages to find traits and qualities in his mistress — all of them favorable — that in reality she does not possess.

A book could be filled with quotations, ranging from half-humorous epigrams to serious philosophical meditations, conveying the idea that the person "in love" is one who, to some degree, is pursuing a creature whose many virtues he has actually created himself, unknowingly. Stimulated by his emotional condition, he becomes a victim of his own fanciful invention. The process is related to what Freud called "overestimation of the sexual object."

The traditional blindness of the lover results when all his perceptions are colored by his emotion. He is prejudiced by his feelings concerning everything about his sweetheart, just as a mother's judgments about her child may be biased in his favor by maternal feeling.

Emmanuel Berl thinks, ". . . it would appear to be difficult to conceive of love apart from this erroneous super-estimate of the object it chooses." Concerning the "error" that love is primarily an effect of physical beauty, Denis de Rougemont writes, ". . . actually, this beauty is but an attribute bestowed by a lover on the chosen object of his love." Stendhal, long ago, expressed himself in similar fashion: "In the case of other passions, one's desires have to accommodate them-selves to cold realities; but in the case of love, realities model themselves enthusiastically on one's desires ..: " Even Dante, often called the greatest of romantic idealists, ".. . wrote a poem clearly expressive of the fact that the beloved woman does not actually possess the qualities ascribed to her, but that she has been endowed with them by the imagination of her lover."

The idea that sexual love arises through a kind of creative process within the lover is well expressed by the novelist Marcel Proust. In his writings the sexual emotion develops by way of the "projection," upon another person, of an inner state. The important thing is what is in the mind of the lover, rather than what is actually true of the beloved. He will tend to "see" in her what he most strongly desires to find there. The kind of person he is, himself, will in part determine the kind of person he will perceive the loved one to be. She may be thought of, Proust suggests, as no more than a silhouette upon which we ourselves confer all of that greater part which is needed to make the perception of a whole person.

In making the basis of attraction an illusion, in part, this doctrine has doubtless for many people thrown a suspicion of deception and unreality upon the love experience, and furnished material for many a cynical epigram. For example: "Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another." An at-tempt will be made at a later place to show that idealization, or "overestimation," in the growth of sexual attraction may be given an altogether different meaning from that suggested by Freud and Proust. Meanwhile, whatever the part played by creative fantasy in the charms of sex attraction, the important truth remains that the emotion aroused is real enough, regard-less. A person frightened by an imaginary danger may be affected just as much as by a real one. A person angered by a mistaken judgment of offense may become as "emotional" about it as he would by a correct one. Ortega y Gasset has proposed that the significant fact in sexual love is that it is inspired in us by perceiving some sort of value, merit, or perfection. If this is true, it matters less that the perception itself may be at times or in some degree in error. It matters more that it can be said that ". . . the egoist becomes less selfish, the cruel man gentle, the dullard clairvoyant; every man feels that he has become greater and more human. This is neither illusion nor projection, nor is it a subtle, psychical deception — it is sober reality." [source]

About Female Sex Fantasies

2011-06-15T03:55:00.000-07:00

The mind is an astonishing thing; our imaginations, elastic, unfettered, are capable of producing the most amazing dreams. And sexual fantasy is in many ways like dreaming while awake. Forbidden fruit is the most common female fantasy, scenarios and images that are unlikely to happen in real life.

Some scenarios:

Top 5 Things to Know About Sex by Age 40

*Older women are likely to fantasize about making love with a much younger man, or a man of a different ethnicity, or a man who’s lower than them on the social scale. (Hence the fantasy of the pool man or the delivery boy).

*Quickie sex with a total stranger, usually on a plane or train.

*Being overwhelmed and taken against their will, which is why fantasies about being raped (but not painfully or violently) are surprisingly prevalent.

*Sex with another woman, even if they don’t consider themselves to be lesbian.

*Sex with someone who cares for them in some authorized, legitimate capacity, such as a doctor or priest.

*For younger women, "Daddy" fantasies about older men. Older women may fantasize about their sons’ much younger, attractive friends.

*Romantic scenarios in which the partner is a blur, taking a back seat to what’s more appealing to the woman, such as location and setting—for example, making love on the deserted beach of a beautiful island.

Five Ways to Rev Up Your Sex Life

The wonderful thing about fantasy is that it’s all between your ears. Nothing in a fantasy is wrong or illegal because it’s not real: it’s fantasy. The important thing to know about fantasy is that it keeps us alert and alive. Sexual curiosity in real life can lead to real trouble, but in our imaginations, anything and everything is possible.

In your sexual imagination, don’t censor, don’t put the brakes on, don’t condemn or deny. Your imagination is the one thing in life you completely own. Don’t forfeit your right to enjoy it. When it comes to sexual fantasy, let your imagination run free. It’s totally yours. And whether or not you choose to share it with anyone else is your choice.

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Eve Marx writes frequently about sex for ThirdAge.com.

Why Women Like Bad Boys?

2011-06-09T14:10:00.000-07:00

Have you ever wondered why THAT guy always seems to get the girls? He's brash, cocky and he marches to the beat of his own drum. He's on (or over) the edge, bordering on rude and doesn't seem to give a damn about anyone but himself - what exactly do women see in a guy like that?

You consider yourself outgoing, but conservative; interesting but a little shy; you can keep a conversation going, but with the right people... sounds good doesn't it? Why do the bad boys always seem to get the ladies? Here are 7 reasons why:

1. Rebels are confident

That's right. They wouldn't be able to pull off half of the antics they do if they weren't brimming with confidence. Bad boys aren't just confident around their friends, either - their cavalier attitude is in everything they do, from eating their cereal in the morning, to asking the bartender for a cool glass of draft... to talking to the ladies on the balcony at a friend's party. No matter where you look, women find confidence a major turn on.

2. Rebels are indifferent

Bad boys just simply don't give a damn. They can take it or leave it. That's one reason why they fare well with women. If a woman says no, who cares? They move on to the next one, and they do it with the same verve and maverick attitude as they did the last one. Here is a great quote, "Mr. Right doesn't necessarily care if he is Mr. Right." That's indifference in a nutshell.

3. Rebels are exciting and adventurous

Ask yourself, "when was the last time I took a walk on the wild side?" If you are asking yourself that question, then you obviously aren't a rebel. The 'bad boys' are always testing the boundaries and pushing the envelope when it comes to their life - and women can't get enough of it. They find it intriguing. And when you put exciting and adventurous beside the other rebellious traits, it sends women into a tizzy.

4. Rebels are challenging and mysterious

Women don't dig men that are pushovers. They also don't like men that they can see coming a mile away. Contrary to the belief women like men they can read and men that provide them with a sense of security, women actually LOVE to guess! It is challenging for them, and it is one of the elements of the bad boy that keeps them coming back for more!

5. Rebels are very masculine

This often goes hand-in-hand with being confident, indifferent, exciting, adventurous... etc. Bad boys are often rugged and in-control. That doesn't mean controlling; they just know how to get what they want. They speak clearly and confidently, they look you in the eye, they are passionate about what they believe in... but most importantly, they still know how to treat a lady.

6. Rebels give women a feeling of power

The illusion of control is often more powerful than control itself. Power within a relationship, power outside of a relationship - it doesn't matter - being with a bad boy, encompassing all of the above traits, gives women an air of strength and togetherness. Essentially the confident, cocky bad boy image rubs off a little bit on her - and she laps it up!

7. Rebels know how to talk to women

If they weren't confident, rebels would not be the chick magnets they are. Instead of indifferent, they would be self-conscious and non-committal (how many women have you passed up because you didn't think you were good enough?) - you see, rebels don't care. Rising to the challenge, living the wild side of life, being something more than conservative, and keeping her guessing about you - and her - it's an explosive combination! And one that is geared to success for the dating male.

The combination makes the talking part almost a given - considering the woman's interest has already been sparked. Talking with them is just the part that reels them in. And the bad boy knows how to tell her just what she wants to hear.

Rebels know how to talk to women because they are all of the above. Confidence followed up with indifference, sprinkled with a little bit of mystery, intrigue and excitement is what attracts most women to start. That gets you the 'in' to talk with them - they're interested, now you have to show them what you've got. Figuring those things out is the trick. Bad boys use their conversational skills to keep a woman interested and wanting more - and you can too.

Reconciling With an Unfaithful Partner

2011-06-08T16:36:00.000-07:00

The unfaithfulness of a partner, regardless of whether it is discovered or confessed, can be one of the most devastating moments in a person's life. Especially if there was little warning, the discovery can blindside an individual, and make them question everything about the relationship up to that point. If an individual finds themselves in this situation, there are a number of factors that must be taken into consideration.

It is important for the innocent partner to realize that the decision of whether to reconcile is theirs, and theirs alone. While well-meaning friends and family may try to give advice one way or another, with the possible exception of any children involved, no one will be more affected by this decision than the innocent partner. Therefore, this is a decision that must be carefully considered, and is usually not one that should be made at the height of emotion. Once this is realized, there are still a number of factors that must be taken into consideration.

• The intentions and actions of the unfaithful partner will play a pivotal role in any decision made. Needless to say, if the unfaithful partner refuses to end the affair, or is not committed to ensuring it never happens again, the innocent mate should not have any delusions about where they stand, or what is likely to happen in the future. Even if the unfaithful partner voices commitment to the relationship, if they resent the feelings of hurt that the innocent partner expresses, or fails to appreciate the level of hurt that was inflicted, these may be warning signs concerning the level of sorrow and repentance of the unfaithful partner.

• If the unfaithful partner is truly sorry, and is committed to rebuilding the relationship, it is important for both individuals to realize that this will take time. It is important to realize that the factors that led to the unfaithfulness did not develop overnight...and neither will the factors that lead to reconciliation and rebuilding.

• It is also important for a couple to move forward, as opposed to getting stuck in the past. In addition to addressing any underlying issues, it is important for the innocent partner to avoid the trap of obsessing about the "other person;" the one with whom the unfaithful mate had the affair. While that individual certainly played a role in the affair, they will have no role in rebuilding the relationship. Therefore, focusing attention on that person can distract from the task at hand, and ultimately be very counterproductive.

• Communication is the most important tool on the road to reconciliation. The innocent partner needs to communicate clearly how they feel, both now and as the relationship rebuilds. The unfaithful partner needs to understand how important communication is, especially when it comes to reassuring the innocent partner. The more clearly two people communicate, the greater the chances of success.

Without a doubt, the unfaithfulness of a partner can be a devastating blow. However, if there is basis for reconciliation, and both parties are willing to put in the necessary effort, it is a blow from which a couple can recover.

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Author's Bio:

Brooke Alexandria offers relationship advice for men and women of all ages, and in all stages of life. Regardless of if you are newly single, a dating veteran or married, you'll surely find useful tips to help you find love, navigate through your relationship and build stronger, long-lasting relationships. Follow Brooke on her journey through relationships at http://truth-about-relationships.blogspot.com.

How to Seduce Mature Women

2011-06-07T14:01:00.000-07:00

Mature seduction is like an art of seducing mature women with your manly seduction skills. If you want to know exactly that how to seduce mature women then you have to kill you boyish personality and adopt manly traits because women want a MAN who is fun, mysterious, sexually attractive and a great lover who can fulfill them emotionally, physically and sexually.

You need to learn the rules of mature seductions in order to seduce hot mature women. You have to create emotional bonding with your woman first. Women want a man who is fun, mysterious, Manly, sexually attractive and a great love who can fulfill them emotionally, physically and sexually. You should not be an immature person who is flashy and flirts around.

The first thing you have to keep in your mind is that, if you trigger women sexual feelings in right way then they will be the one that can not resist the urge to be with a sexually attractive MAN like you.

Mature women know that they do not need a needy boyfriend attached to their body to be happy. They want a MAN how is independent, open minded and understands Manly Seduction.

Here are few tips to seduce mature women and build emotional intimacy.

1. Touching: Touching is the most important part of seduction. It releases the stress, makes the moods happier and builds emotional intimacy. You can touch the various body parts of women while talking and laughing with them. Hold her hands, stroke her hairs, tickle her, do palm reading, rub her hands when she is feeling cold and light slapping in fun etc.

2. Steal Her Frame: Mature women want Manly seduction. They have more sexual experience and they are better in bed and comfortable in their own skin. That is why, you have to steal her frame and make your seduction exciting and interesting. Give her earth shattering orgasms and make her think about you as the best lover.

"The more she will wonder about your love making and seduction, the more you will be on her mind".

If you want to know exactly how to get her in the mood and trigger woman sexual feelings then check this out Manly Seduction Guides.

How to Heal a Broken Heart in 30 Days

2011-05-03T16:56:00.000-07:00

I highly recommend this book to anyone is that it's the only breakup recovery book I know of that is written for any person in the throes of heartbreak, including the person who ended the relationship. This book is very balanced and objective, with absolutely no blame-laying or victim-playing rhetoric in any of the thirty short chapters.

I found How to Heal a Broken Heart in 30 Days extremely pragmatic, organized, and well written. It's sympathetic without being touchy-feely and it's serious without being boring. Good work, Bronson and Riley! You go, guys!

Sample of Suggested Activities:
Clean your office, have a good laugh, have a good cry, make love to strangers (telepathically), exercise, spend a half-hour in a floatation tank, drink hot cocoa at bedtime

Best/Most Useful Line or Advice:
"Did you work too hard to maintain your recent relationship? Bend over backward, swallow your pride, play the doormat to prevent any conflicts?" Wow! How did they know? Wait a minute-did I date one of these guys?

Weirdest/Not At All Useful Line or Advice:
On day 14, Bronson and Riley recommended a two-week checkup to "acknowledge the truth." I don't think they meant that I should go for coffee with my ex, burst into tears, and hurl accusations while nosy Starbucks patrons looked at him like he was the Antichrist-but that's pretty much what I did and, let me tell you, it didn't help much. Two weeks is too soon to schedule an exit interview because the pain is still awfully fresh. I think it's much better to wait and "acknowledge the truth" when the truth is that you no longer give a damn. check this book at amazon

Double-Dating Improves Romance

2011-04-20T07:46:00.000-07:00

To get out of a romantic rut, a new study by a Wayne State University professor recommends that dating couples to integrate other couples into their social circle.

Richard B. Slatcher, Ph.D., found that couples that spend quality time with other couples are more likely to have happy and satisfying romantic relationships.

His study, “When Harry and Sally met Dick and Jane: Experimentally creating closeness between couples,” which recently appeared in Personal Relationships, investigated 60 dating couples in a controlled laboratory setting.

The study looked at how friendships between couples are formed, and how these friendships affected each couple’s romantic relationship.

Each couple was paired with another couple and given a set of questions to discuss as a group. Half of the groups were given high-disclosure questions intended to spark intense discussion, while the other half were given small-talk questions that focused on everyday, unemotional activities.

“In this study, we discovered that those couples who were placed in the ‘fast friends’ group felt closer to the couples they interacted with, and were more likely actually to meet up with them again during the following month,” said Slatcher.

“We also learned that these same couples felt that this friendship put a spark in their own relationships, and they felt much closer to their romantic partners.”

The couples in the high-disclosure group reported greater increases in positive feelings after the intense interaction. They also felt the interaction was more novel and that they learned new things about their romantic partner compared to couples in the small-talk group.

In addition, one-third of the couples in the high-disclosure group contacted the other couple they met in the study, while none of the couples in the small-talk group initiated contact with the couple they had met.

“This study suggests that if your romantic relationship has a case of the doldrums, having fun with another couple may help make your own relationship more satisfying,” said Slatcher.

Source: Wayne State University

Dating Mistakes Women Make

2011-03-30T06:46:00.000-07:00

Trying to make your new relationship last or just looking to avoid a repeat of your latest dating mistakes? Follow our guide to finding Mr. Right. (No, it’s not impossible!)

Dating Mistake #1: Being Too Available
We’re not suggesting you play games, but we are telling you to indulge your passions and resist the urge to abandon your social circle every time your new man sends an invitation. Take Sebastian, 34, from Chicago, for example: “When I was single, there were women I initially liked who seemed to be waiting by the phone for me to call, which let me know if I didn’t meet someone else I wanted to date, I had a standby. There just wasn’t anything to work for, and that turned me off,” he says. The more you engage in and enjoy your life, the more he’ll work to be a part of it.

Dating Mistake #2: Trying to Rehabilitate a Bad Boy
Ending a relationship is rarely easy, and though flying solo might not be your long-term goal, being on your own is better than feeling alone in a relationship with someone who treats you poorly. Even when it might be tempting to give a toxic romance one more try, knowing when to cut your losses and move on leaves you available and baggage-free when the right guy comes along.

Related: 25 Things That Keep Him Hooked and Happy

Dating Mistake #3: Looking for Perfection
Encouraging you to settle isn’t our style, but separating your desires from your deal-breakers can give your love life a major upgrade. “There are some qualities that your mate must have—being honest, for example—and others, such as movie-star looks, that should be thrown in the would-be-nice category,” says Elizabeth R. Lombardo, Ph.D., author of A Happy You: Your Ultimate Prescription for Happiness. “Sit down and realistically figure out what characteristics are nonnegotiable and then be open-minded about the rest.”

Dating Mistake #4: Feeling Sorry for Yourself
Resist the urge to bemoan your single status (which will only make him wonder why you find yourself such terrible company) and use this time to date yourself. Taking a dance class at the local studio, hitting up the exhibit you have been aching to see and trying out the new wine bar on the corner will not only offer you the chance to have more fun but will also leave you more likely to meet someone who shares your interests. So much better than sitting in your apartment waiting for someone to “wink” at your online profile picture, isn’t it? Another bonus? You’ll have far more interesting things to talk about over dinner than what your boss made you do on your lunch break last Friday.

Dating Mistake #5: Knowing His Thread-Count Before You Know His Phone Number

Getting it on with a sexy stranger is your natural-born right, but according to many guys, it can be the wrong move if you’re looking for long-term love.

Follow the advice of super-sexy leading man Gilles Marini (he was Samantha’s sexy neighbor in Sex and the City: The Movie): “Men love women who respect themselves and who do not rush into bed with them but instead go on a few dates, where they can start to gain an understanding of each other and then decide whether or not to take things further. Women need to know that taking it slow and getting to know one another is the best way to get into a good relationship,” he says.

See our tips: 12 Things Guys Wish You Knew in Bed

Dating Mistake #6: Being Too Selfish in Your Relationship
One of the downsides of being independent is that it can lead to some self-absorbed tendencies—a huge turnoff for men looking for a serious relationship, says Ming Gregory, a professional matchmaker at Color Blind International Dating Service. So make sure you’re giving as much as you’re receiving in your next relationship. “A partnership involves two people who share mutual interests and mutually benefit one another,” she says. “It’s not just about what being with him can provide you; it’s about how you can come together to complement each other.”

Dating Mistake #7: Believing in The One

“A lot of women make dating more difficult by placing so much pressure on themselves to find the one-and-only-man-in-a-billion they believe is right for them,” says Ali, 35, from Gaithersburg, Maryland.

Instead of convincing yourself the ex you dumped was your soul mate or that perfect-but-married co-worker was your one that got away, take a cue from our male counterparts and approach the dating scene with the idea that there are plenty of men who are capable of making you laugh, sharing your values and melting your heart, and you’re going to have fun with several of them until you find one worthy of your commitment.
Dating Mistake #8: Forgetting Your Manners

We can’t imagine this is something you’d ever do, but a little reminder never hurts: Say thank you.

“Good manners have become so old-fashioned that men now wait for the thank-you at the end of the date as a way to see if she’s worth seeing again,” says Brian, 30, from New York City. “I don’t care if the woman looks like Kate Beckinsale and has a Ph.D.; if she can’t be bothered to utter those two little words, I am never calling her again.” [source: http://shine.yahoo.com]

First Date Mistakes Men Should Avoid

2011-03-30T06:44:00.000-07:00

Men often suffer a disconnect between their mind and their mouths when it comes to first dates. I’ve already done an article on 5 Things Men Shouldn’t Say On a First Date, so I won’t repeat them. I will, however, stay on theme. In the last couple of months, I’ve had some ridiculous dating experiences – some which simply cannot go unmentioned. The men with whom I was conversing were highly educated and a bit on the wealthy side. I’m starting to think I’d be better off with an intellectually stunted poor man.

Five Big Mistakes:

* Talking about money ad nauseum. An Englishman I’d only just met went on and on and on and on about money throughout our conversation. Actually, it was more his conversation, but that’s a different mistake. I like money as much as the next person, but if I’m getting to know you, I’d rather hear about you.

* Talking so much, the only thing your date fantasizes about is you shutting up. I love a man who enjoys a good conversation – but, damn it, shut up once in awhile. It’s supposed to be a conversation, not a lecture. The last thing I want to do is sit there and be talked at. And if you’re talking that much, it’s a sign you don’t really give a toss about me, anyway – or you’d have asked my opinion of the many, many topics you’ve just spent the last three hours dominating.

* Talking about irrelevant people your date couldn’t care less about. On my last date, the man actually spent ½ of the time telling me stories about couples he knows – couples I have no interest in, as I’ve just met this man, and his mates are perfect strangers to me. Now, if it’s your best friend, or if you just want to tell me a story about ONE couple – hell, maybe even two – great, go ahead. But 5 or 6 couples? Get real!

* Asking the same question 50 times in hopes of getting an answer. Even if we’ve known each other for years, you’re going to annoy me if you keep asking a question I refuse to answer. If you’ve only just met me, you get two chances to learn how to change the topic – without trying to be sneaky and come back to it when you think I’m liquored-up enough. No one likes a nag!

* Running down the list of all the women you’ve been with. I know, it’s hard to imagine – but truly, women don’t want to hear about your previous conquests. If you feel compelled to mention one specifically, I suppose some women will tolerate it. But no one wants to hear about each chick you dated all the way back to the 9th grade, ok? Believe me, there are more.. I’ll get round to mentioning them in the future. For now, ladies, be glad you don’t date the men I get stuck dating! And men, don’t be one of these men

Why American Man Like to Get Married with Asian Women

2011-03-24T02:11:00.000-07:00

American men desire to marry Asian girls because of several reasons. The relationship between an American man and an Asian girl is not at all aberrant. Many people think that the relationship is a lot more deviant but it is not. This is stereotype thinking. American males respect the cultural attitude of the Asian females. There are thousands of American men who are happily living their married life with Asian partners.

Have a look at the following reasons why numerous American males prefer to get married with Asian girls:

-The beautiful and charming looks of an Asian bride is the very initial and most attracting feature. They have appealing eyes, lissome figure, and shiny and raven black hair. The most exciting thing is that the appearance of an Asian girl has loads of mystery hidden inside. The appeal is mind taking and exotic. The Asian girls are sexy and fragile. They are really delicate and mostly Americans love to be their protector as a knight in the polishing armor. The looks of these girls actually bring out the masculinity of the males.

-Many western males are also interested in learning more and more about the rich and bright culture of Asians. The Asian women help the white males to fulfill their dreams and learn about Asian countries and their rich heritage. On the other side, there are some people who think that the interracial and intercultural marriages are really tough to make adjustments. Therefore, they take it as a challenge and want to make the relationship exciting. Therefore, it is one of the advantages of marrying the Asian females. The two partners are different in views and opinions, thus, maintains the individuality.

-The Asian girls give high weight age to their partners unlike the western counter parts. They are ferociously loyal and honest to their boy friend and husbands. They sacrifice a lot to keep their family happy and prosperous. No matter what is the situation, these females always stand by the side of their soul mates. This is the reason that they are capable of bringing out the most from their partners.

-There is no doubt that the Asian brides are superb and amazing homemakers. They are well trained in managing their homes and related works. It is appreciated worldwide. They cook delicious food and their homes are always neat and clean. American men love the Asian girls.

What kind of women men marry?

2011-03-23T07:06:00.000-07:00

Plenty of single women out there are wondering why they're being "passed over" for marriage. To the naked eye, it would appear that these women have everything that men are looking for—or so one would think. Some women are puzzled by the permanent choices that ex-lovers have made. Indeed, what's good for some men is totally unacceptable to the next, and so on and so forth. But when it comes to finding a life partner, there are indeed several things that men tend to consider. You may think that an impeccable hairdo and a sexy demeanor are all you'll need to snag Prince Charming. But the qualities that cause men to settle down might amaze you.

Gold Diggers are Out

Even though musical pop culture still seems to focus on a man's ability to attract women with his deep pockets, a shift has definitely taken place. More and more women are showcasing financial independence that often rivals their male counterparts. In short, the gold digger is losing ground. In days where the economy has become fragile, men are seeking out women who not only know how to earn their fair share—but hold on to it as well. What men fear most is ending up in the poorhouse. They'll most likely be attracted to women who are frugal, yet fun.

No Fuss Beauty

On a recent episode of the Real Housewives of Orange County, one of the husbands acknowledged that his wife's quest for a younger façade was unnecessary. Nonetheless he was supportive of whatever she decided to do. This kind of support makes for good reality TV. But in most cases, there is a fine line between extraordinary beauty and high maintenance beauty. Plenty of men prefer their women to grasp the concept of moderation. In fact, many prefer to have women who will age gracefully along with them. The kind of no-fuss beauty born of a practical personality is usually what attracts men to their life mates.

Why Women Marry Women?

2011-03-23T05:01:00.000-07:00

Finding a guy is one thing, but keeping him around is another. Both are important steps. But what are some of the secrets of women who find men willing to commit? This is not an all-encompassing guide, but it may be a start in helping you develop deeper relationships.

1# Love yourself. If you're not happy with who you are then don't expect others will be. Analyze yourself and change what you don't like. Positive self-esteem is key.

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2
Communicate. From the start of the relationship and all through the marriage, the key to keeping the relationship together is communication. Tell him what you feel, both positive and negative.
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3
Be natural. For all the glamour advertisements out there, the fake boobs, hair dyes, and all the rest, a man really appreciates something that is genuine. Be natural and don't pose. You want him to get to know the real you because it is the real you he's going to have to live with when you're married.
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4
Be sexy. While sexuality isn't the only thing in a relationship, it is important. Show that you're interested in him romantically. Try not to be too prudish and withdrawn. Allow that aspect of the relationship to be free, fun, and lively. Men who want to marry aren't looking for just a roommate.
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5
Know your role. An important part of any relationship is making both partners aware that they have a crucial and indispensable role to play. Make sure that you and him have a similar view of the relationship. If you're looking for someone to have kids with and he's looking for a casual relationship, it's not going to work out.
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6
Be emotionally grounded. Life with you should not be a roller coaster ride. Men generally like women who are stable and vice versa. Sometimes this is a difficult task in our hectic lives, but it is not impossible. If you find yourself referred to as a "drama queen" in more than one instance, seek help and guidance in relaxing your nerves and calming your emotions.
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7
Men are often slower to commit because they are very careful about getting to know a woman before they commit to her. They date first before becoming a boyfriend, and they stay a boyfriend first before getting engaged. This is often hard for women, but there is a lesson to be learned from it. They make sure (as women should) that they feel compatible on all levels. This process must happen at its own pace. Pressuring a man to make a decision before he feels he knows you will inevitably lead him to be uncertain. Don't talk about marriage until either he brings it up or it's been about a year.
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8
Keep dating fun, as it should be. If dating goes well, and your interactions are positive, he'll want you to be his girlfriend. If he builds experience with you and sees you as a person he wants to be with forever, he will get more serious about his future and work, start considering more distant goals such as buying a home, and begin to discuss the future more and more. Only once he has made a decision about you and feels prepared and mature enough to propose will he do so.
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Show confidence. Be sure of yourself, and ready to tackle whatever is before you. Many men love confident women. How can a man not feel privileged when he earns the esteem of a woman who values herself so highly?
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Show endearment with class. A special glance, a scratch on the back, or a soft kiss is nice, but nothing "clingy" or inappropriate.
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Appreciate a man's strengths. Also, tell him so, even if he's already prideful. Then, support him when he is at his best, and avoid nagging or berating him when he is at his worst.
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Be fun. This sounds basic, but it's a critical factor in any relationship. Have a sense of humor. Don’t be uptight or negative.
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Overflow with joy. Women who are glad to be alive and are enjoying every minute of it may be irrepressibly attractive to men.
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Glow. If the warmth of your heart is written all over your face, and your feelings for your guy show in the sparkle in your eyes, you will melt him. This is what removes all doubt--it's the important "silver bullet".
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Practice humility. A humble person is not someone who downplays herself; it is a person who controls her ego and shows a genuine interest in others.
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Date. It may not be obvious, but you actually have to go out on dates with a man and commit to a relationship before he will propose. The term "date" in modern culture is vague and sometimes redefined as something more than it is. Simply converse with a man and get to know more about each others' lives.
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Don't assume. Some men wait slightly longer than you might want before they ask. If he is really worth marrying, you should be willing to wait (within reason). But if he is uninterested (or worse, making excuses) even after a long period of time, you need to re-evaluate the direction of your relationship.
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Remember that romance runs both ways. If you want to be respected and treated as an equal, do the same for him. Be romantic. Make him want to be in this relationship. Don't be a cheapskate. Men often enjoy romance too; pretending otherwise will only drive him away.
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Remember that some men are perfectly willing to date women they really like but don't see as "marriage material." If, after six months to a year, you still haven't heard him refer to his future plans for marriage or family (with or without you), you may need to ask, "What qualities do you look for in someone you see yourself committing to?" If he mentions qualities he's complimented you on, take it as a good sign. If his compliments are largely related to sex, it probably is not.
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If you feel the need to have a serious talk, reconsider the approach. Instead of coming at him with a serious tone (which will bring up his innate fear of pressure for commitment), be upbeat and positive. "I really love spending time with you. I really feel happy around you. But I just want to double check and see if we're on the same page. While I know it is too soon for us to worry about it, I do want to get married in the future and want to make sure I'm dating someone who has the same values as me. As we get to know each other better and better, are you beginning to see me as someone you could possibly see that happening with?"
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Convey unconditional love. A strong relationship should be based upon more than convenience. Pushing past difficult times while remaining together requires a deep commitment and appreciation for one another. Unconditional love is developed over time. It is a choice we make, not necessarily a feeling we experience.
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If you want to read more on how to get a man, then there's a good e-book that can be helpful at: www.howtogetaman.org ; best wishes

Latex Condom which is Secure for Women

2011-03-22T04:24:00.000-07:00

Condoms are made of latex material which sometimes contain ingredients harmful to the body. But a company created a condom that is more environmentally friendly and safe for women.

Under U.S. office of the Global AIDS Coordinator in mind that 9 out of 10 women in Africa do not have a condom for more than 2 months and condoms are available most of the use of chemicals that are harmful to women.

For that condom companies 'Love Begins with L.' founded by Talia Frenkel independent photojournalist working with the red cross to create a condom L. safe for women and sensitive skin, and made with glycerin and paraben free lubricant designed to mimic the body's natural lubricant.

Glycerin is derived from the non-veggies can cause problems such as fungal infections, while parabens strongly associated with health problems. Also designed packaging more environmentally friendly and reduce carbon footprint.

Frenkel believe that safe sex is a human right of every human being, since it is necessary to protect and empower the attitude of female sexuality. Frenkel began to realize the importance of using condoms after seeing the devastating impact of HIV / AIDS for women and children when he worked in Africa.

"My job was to document the impact of the epidemic and every day countless lives lost in the absence of something that can be purchased by the society to provide protection," Frenkel said, as quoted from Greenphropet.com , Tuesday (22/03/2011).

Disease HIV / AIDS remains a major problem in several countries, mainly in sub-Saharan Africa. And Frenkel find that condoms are often not available there, while using a condom is one form of protection against transmission of HIV / AIDS.

In Africa, HIV / AIDS is a problem that can not be imagined. About 5,000 new transmission occurs in a day and 4,000 deaths per day, this means that there are approximately 22 million deaths from diseases preventable with reproductive health care better.

In addition to creating condom L. friendly to the environment and women, 'Love Begins with L.' also seeks to empower millions of young women in Africa by providing free contraception and sex education.

Virtual marriages, a new trend for teens

2011-03-21T22:57:00.000-07:00

A very hot topic on Pro9x online forum for people who were born in the 1990s is “Center for Marriage Registration”. This topic has lured a lot of members, with the following advertisement:

“There are many couples in our forum who want to get married. To meet your demands, we created this topic. From now on, you can visit this topic to make your “Marriage Registration”. Please fill the following “Application for Marriage Registration”. Admin will consider and grant you the marriage certificate. In addition, your names will be updated to the list of couples of our forum”.

Another topic for teenage also advertise: “Couples who are looking for a complete marriage can visit us to register for marriage by filling out the following form”.

This is a “fashion” from China. The virtual marriage certificate is to remind them of love and to show their “ownership” over their girlfriend/boyfriend.

Minh, a high-school girl, explained: “This is completely normal. We get virtual marriage certificate for fun and to confirm our attachment in love”.

Hoang Yen, a teen girl from Hanoi, said: “I feel like we are a married couple, and we are more serious and more responsible to each other after getting the virtual marriage certificate.”

Some adults said that marriage is extremely important and the youth should not consider it as a joke.

Many teen couples not only register for marriage but also take their personal pictures to post on their blogs or forums to prove their love. Some couples don’t publicize their sensitive pictures but in some cases, after they break-up, some boys used the pictures to blackmail their ex-girlfriends and became criminals.

Quynh Nga, a student from Hanoi, was in trouble when her ex-boyfriend sent their personal pictures and video clips to her current boyfriend.

Teens can prove their loves in many ways but they should be careful to not become the victims of such “evidence of love”.

http://www.lookatvietnam.com

The Myth of Safe Sex : Condoms Are Not The Answer

2011-03-19T05:34:00.000-07:00

NIH Report on the Scientific Evidence on Condom Effectiveness for Sexually Transmitted Disease (STD) Prevention.

Workshop Summary: Scientific Evidence on Condom Effectiveness for STD Prevention. www.niaid.nih.gov

See also: Sex, Condoms and STDs: What We Now Know. Safer sex isnt nearly safe enough, The Medical Institute for Sexual Health, 2002.
The Church teaches that the use of condoms for purposes of artificial birth control violates natural law, is immoral and offensive to God -- and is harmful to the well being of the husband, wife and their marital relationship.

Today, many people use the term, safe-sex, as if they are experts on a topic that is suppose to have a scientific basis. Experts they are not, and the term "safe-sex" is not based on sound science or morality.

The word safe means free from harm, danger or risk. Safe-sex is defined as using a male latex condom during sexual activity where there is exposure to genitals and sexual fluids. Health officials, sex educators, movie stars and other public personalities tell the public that they can have sex with anyone they want anytime they want and often as they want -- as long as the male wears a latex condom, then no harm or danger will come to the people engaging in sexual activity. According to the latest research on condoms and their effectiveness in preventing sexually transmitted diseases, condoms have been found to be anything but -- safe-sex.

The Condom Effectiveness Conference which was led by the National Institutes of Health, reviewed published scientific evidence on condom effectiveness as of June 2000.

Based on the conference findings, here is how condoms stack up against some common sexually transmitted diseases:

Human Papilloma Virus. Also called genital warts. Condoms offer little to no protection even if used 100% of the time.

Trichomonas. No protection even if condoms are used 100% of the time.

Syphilis. Condoms reduce the risk of transmission by 2950% if they are used 100% of the time.

Gonorrhea. Condoms reduce the risk of transmission by 50% if they are used 100% of the time.

Chlamydia. Condoms reduce the risk of transmission by 50% if they are used 100% of the time.

Genital herpes. Condoms reduce the risk of transmission by 40% if they are used at least 65% of the time. One study showed condoms reduced transmission risk for women by 25% but men were still at risk.

HIVAids. Condoms reduce the risk of transmission by 85 to 87% if they are used 100% of the time.

If so-called safe sex were truly safe, condoms would eliminate the risk of STD transmission but the NIH study reveals that condoms only offer risk reduction.

Read the back of any box of condoms and see that even condom manufacturers say that when condoms are used properly, they may help reduce the risk of catching or spreading many STDs. Realize also, that correct use of condoms means using a condom with every act of sex with no forgetting and that the five to seven steps for putting on and removing a condom must be followed since you can not make mistakes or you lose the benefit of the condom. And even if you use them correctly, condoms only reduce the risk of STDs, so youre still at risk.

Two things that condoms cant protect are the heart and mind. Condoms cant prevent the emotional, physical, mental and spiritual bonds that form when two people have sex and condoms cant reduce the risk and pain of heartbreak when relationships end. Condoms dont protect against unwanted memories and connections to past sexual partners long after those bonds are broken.

Condoms are not the answer. The answer is sexual self-control by developing the virtues of chastity, which is the virtue which excludes or moderates the indulgence of the sexual appetite.

Teen Guide: Safe Sex vs Safer Sex

2011-03-18T06:32:00.000-07:00

Safe sex, also known as "safer sex," involves protecting yourself and your partner from sexually transmitted diseases and infections (STDs). STDs include Chlamydia, gonorrhea, syphilis, trichomoniasis, genital herpes, genital warts, hepatitis B, hepatitis C and HIV.

Safe sex also involves getting tested for STDs each time you have a new sex partner. If you discover that you have an STD or HIV, it's important to get treated by a doctor and tell your partner so he or she can get tested and treated, too.

What's The Best Way To Protect Myself?
Cover up! Use a barrier on any part of your body that might come into contact with your partner's bodily fluids. First and foremost, this means using a latex condom whenever you have vaginal, oral or anal intercourse.

Condoms are the best way to avoid contracting and spreading most STDs. Condoms prevent bacteria and viruses found in semen, vaginal fluids and blood from coming into contact with your body.

It's important to always use a condom and to use it correctly each time. Don't use the same condom twice--ever.

Latex gloves may be used to protect your hands during digital penetration. Plastic wrap creates a protective barrier during mouth-to-genital contact with a girl or mouth-to-anus contact with a guy or a girl.
What About Using Lube With a Condom?
Lubrication, or "lube," can make sex more comfortable and enjoyable. However, beware: Oil and latex don't mix. Using lotion, Vaseline or any other oil-based substance with a condom breaks down the latex and prevents it from protecting you.

If you use lube with a condom, be sure it's water-based. KY Jelly, Wet and Astroglide are a few types of water-based lube available at your local drugstore or supermarket.
Where Can I Get Condoms and Lube?
Condoms, lube, latex gloves and more are available at your local pharmacy, Planned Parenthood and teen health centers.
What If My Partner's On The Pill?
Birth control pills and contraceptive injections prevent pregnancy, but don't protect you or your partner from STDs. In other words, it's still important to use condoms.
Why Is Safe Sex So Important?
In addition to preventing the spread of disease, having safe sex puts your mind--and your partner's--at ease. When you're calm and content, sex is much more fun.

Why girls like bad boys, here's some reasons

2011-03-16T12:31:00.000-07:00

Q: I'm very concerned about my daughter. She is very strong and successful in many areas of her life except one. She keeps picking guys that are just no good for her. She even knows she does it and just can't seem to stop. I even took her to see the musical "Why Good Girls Like Bad Boys." She thought it was funny, saw herself in it, and still can't seem to change. Is she the only one like this? How can she stop what she is doing to herself?

Here's some good news

I see lots and lots of women and men with this kind of pattern

There's even a name for it, and

Most importantly, there are specific strategies to quickly and successfully change the pattern.

Think back to the last time you watched The Weather Channel or the local weather on the news. Remember how the radar was able to pick up the storms and lock onto them? Well, each of us has an internal radar that picks up and locks in on certain kinds of people.

I call this process our "relationship radar." If we are lucky, and/or if we have worked at it, our radar picks out people who are potentially good for us, and things work out.

Unfortunately some folks have faulty relationship radar that predictably chooses people who will eventually cause them pain. Here's what I mean: if your daughter were to go to a party with 100 guys and there were two of them that were her "type", her faulty relationship radar would pick them out in about five minutes tops. She would even find the other good guys "boring" or just "too nice."

Now let's look at how faulty relationship radar gets set and then more importantly, how to change it.

How Relationship Radar Gets Set.>1. The model for relationships we saw in our parents

2. Our self-estee

Our relationship experience and history

If you'll notice, two of these factors, the model we had and our relationship experience are things in the past that we cannot change. That's the bad news. The good news is that 1) we can be aware of and begin to change past patterns, and 2) we can rather quickly and effectively change our self-esteem.

How to Correct Your Relationship Radar

Here are five key strategies for correcting, or re-setting, your relationship radar:

1. As you think back on the parental model you had for relationships, make two lists:

the first is a list of characteristics from your parents relationship that you would like to keep

the second is a list of characteristics that you would like to discard and leave behind. Then get to work on eliminating the negative characteristics from your life.

2. Pay attention to your relationship history and patterns. Do you find yourself attracted to the same kind of person who winds up hurting you? Do your relationships follow a similar pattern and end in the same way? Do you find yourself getting hurt in the same way over and over? These are signs that reveal that your relationship radar needs some radical readjusting.

3. Based on the exercise above, make a list of danger signals to watch for in people you are getting to know. As one client of mine put it: "I keep picking scum, so I'm going to call my list "Scum Signals." If you start picking up these familiar signals, an alarm should go off in your brain, sort of like the robot on "Lost in Space": "warning! warning! - danger Will Robinson."

Then follow this 3 word Rx: "Run like hell!"

4. Then make a list of positive characteristics in someone with whom you'd like to be in a relationship. This can be an ongoing and growing list that will guide you in re-setting your radar, and then in making a better choice.

5. Finally, here's a quick self-esteem raising exercise. Rate your self-esteem on a scale of 1 to 10, (with 1 the worst and 10 the best) in the following four areas:

where it is now

the worst it's ever been

the best it's ever been

how you would like it to be

Now it's time for some higher math: take the number of where you would like your self-esteem to be (let's say 10) and subtract the number of where it is now (3 for example). Where I went to school, ten minus three is seven. (I'm such a show-off!) This means you have 7 levels of self-esteem to reach your goal. While that's too big a chunk to handle all at once, you can break it down into manageable pieces by asking this question: "What will it take for me to go from a 3 to a 4, then a 4 to a 5, and so on?"

Follow this path, and watch your self-esteem grow, and your relationship radar change.

Visit SecretsofGreatRelationships.com for tips and tools for creating and growing a great relationship. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 10 day e-program on how to enrich your relationship today, from relationship coach and expert Jeff Herring.

Dating Scam: Fake Facebook Profile

2011-03-15T04:27:00.000-07:00

If you are an active Facebook user and often get friend requests from unknown people with attractive profile pics, there is a good reason to worry about.

AllFacebook.com reports of a recent Facebook spam, where an online dating site started attracting hundreds of users by sending fake friend requests and messages. The fake profiles contained vulgar profile pics which made most user curious enough to check their profiles or photo albums.

One of the common attributes of all these fake Facebook profiles is that most of them frequently send the same status update.

Clicking the link takes you to the landing page of an adult website where you are requested to sign up for free. This marketing campaign is a hit, because innocent users never know about the scam and click through the link, which may recommend the same site to their friends

If you want to keep your Facebook account safe from spammers and adult scams, follow these golden rules:

* Never approve friend requests from people whom you don’t know. Nor do send unsolicited mass friend requests to unknown people.
* Tweak your Facebook application settings – don’t allow applications to post in your wall.
* Resist the temptation to click on suspicious links posted on Facebook news feed or to any of your friends wall. You never know what’s behing the link, anyway.
* Report spam a Facebook profile which appears fake or spammy.

Are Muslim women allowed to date outside their faith?

2011-03-09T16:49:00.000-08:00

Islam forbids dating before marriage regardless of what faith the boy is. If a Muslim woman wishes to see her husband to be ,she may meet in the presence of her family members.In some Muslim countries, the situation can be quite liberal where couples have been dating without much problems as long as permission have been granted by the family.When the family members have not been consulted such as when the woman is away from home ,it is up to her better judgment to decide on the date and to protect herself from going against her faith.Whatever the reason given ,Islam still forbids dating before marriage because of the believe that whenever 2 persons meet in seclusion ,there will always be a third party involved in the dating " the Setan ". This act is termed " Qalwat " which is strongly forbidden in Islam in order to protect the women from temptation and abuses.

Read more: Are Muslim women allowed to date outside their faith? | Answerbag http://www.answerbag.com/q_view/786697#ixzz1G9ZY74RG

Pregnancy for Men: The Whole Nine Months by Mark Woods

2011-03-01T06:56:00.000-08:00

An essential and easy read for dads-to-be

There are hundreds, possibly thousands, of books aimed at women to guide them through pregnancy, but very few books aimed at the fathers. This book aims to redress the balance a little, by providing a guide for daddys-to-be that will help them to understand how their child is developing, and how to support and help their partner along the way.

The book has an incredibly easy to read, personal style that drew me in instantly and made me want to keep reading. I never knew a book like this could be such a page turner, and that is almost entirely down to the excellent style. It is very funny and had me laughing out loud often. As a woman, I was a little worried that the book might turn out to be one that made fun of women and their hormonal changes etc., but I was pleasantly surprised to find that women are treated with nothing but total respect in this book and the emphasis is very much on how the fathers should be taking care of the ladies during this time.

I found that this book really does cover everything you would want to know. It deals surprisingly sensitively with the worries and possibilities of miscarriages and ectopic pregnancies during the early months and tells you the signs to look out for in your partner and how to respond to them. It describes all the changes a woman's body will go through, from morning sickness to heartburn, and suggests ways to help and to be sensitive to them. It lists things that are safe to do and eat in pregnancy, things you will need to buy, decisions you will need to make about the birth itself, and even takes you right up to labour, encouraging overdue babies to arrive, and holding your little arrival.

The book is also laid out in a helpful month-by-month way and at the end of every chapter is a round-up of how your baby will have developed during the past weeks, and how your partner will be feeling/changing/coping. There is also a list of things to do at the end of each chapter, which range from the practical (don't let your partner do heavy lifting or change cat's litter trays, put a nighlight up on the path to the bathroom), to the forward-thinking (book into the best antenatal classes ahead of time), to the sweet and thoughtful (arrange a pregnancy-safe massage or pedicure for her).

I can't recommend this book enough. It is a fantastic starting point for any guy who is planning to be a good partner and dad before, during and after the pregnancy process, and it is informative and useful without ever being dry or boring. If you're a guy, buy it for yourself, and if you're a woman hoping to conceive, buy it for your partner - he'll be able to understand you so much better, and I wouldn't be surprised if this actually saves a few relationships!

This book is currently available for £8.24 at Amazon.co.uk, but you can't put a price on it in my opinion - it's that good! [source; http://www.dooyoo.co.uk]

Some Problems in Dating Married Women

2011-02-19T00:05:00.000-08:00

Dating married women can have severe consequences. I am about to discuss with you the impact of such an act. A woman stepping out on her husband is happening more often today than it did 30 years ago; but just because it is happening more often doesn't mean you should join the trend.

In the United States 44% of married men have an extramarital affair and 32% of married women follow along. Looking at those numbers it's no mystery why roughly 50% of marriages in the U.S. fail. Also from the start of the marriage the odds are stacked against it lasting for the long term. Add adultery to those odds and you are almost guaranteed failure.

Affairs happen out of purely selfish desires, and not having the ability to look past the instant gratification. If you are one of those men that are thinking of dating married women then you are asking for trouble that you can't even comprehend.

The first problem you will run into when trying to date a married woman is the fact that she is married meaning one of you will be single while the other is with her husband, and it will stay that way throughout the affair, but she will have to go home to her husband. That may be fine at the beginning, but what happens when you start to have feelings for her! This leads into the next problem.

You're not a couple! Go ahead and get that out of your head. Your relationship can only go one of two places, she divorces him for you, or the affairs ends with her husband finding out or some other way. Either option is bad for you; because once she leaves him for you, how long do you think it will be before she is stepping out on you? The other option has some many possible scary outcomes that's it's hard to think about. Just think what you would like to do the guy you caught sleeping with your wife! It's fair to say you he wouldn't want to have a beer with you.

The point is there are plenty of fish in the sea, and dating married woman is simply asking for trouble! Relationships based on lies never work, if you want to know the secrets to building a real relationship you should visit

If you want to learn more about dating married women and are wondering what are the best types of relationships to get into and how to attract those types of girls, then visit my website to get your hands on that free report that has helped thousands of men improve their love lives.

----
Mark Taylor is an expert on seduction attraction and dating. He has helped thousands of men attract beautiful women and get over their shyness and transform into confident men. visit http://www.masteronlinedater.com/

Tips for dating a married woman

2011-02-19T00:04:00.000-08:00

If you're the kind of guy who enjoys dating married women, then this article may help you prepare for what's in store. If you're not, continue reading anyway - it may help you recognize this under-cover slickster when you see him.

here is the tips

Once a woman marries, that's the end of her

2011-02-11T09:40:00.000-08:00

this is a review for Arcadia Falls by Carol Goodman

The first came from an exhibit I saw at the Norman Rockwell Museum in the fall of 2003. The exhibit featured three women artists: Jessie Wilcox Smith, Violet Oakley, and Elizabeth Shippen Green. The women had met at the turn of the 19th century in a class at Drexel University taught by Howard Pyle. Pyle encouraged the three women to throw in their lot together because, he said, "Once a woman marries, that's the end of her." When they moved into an old inn called The Red Rose, Pyle began to call them the Red Rose Girls.

The exhibit was inspiring for its luminous illustrations and paintings--many of which I recognized from the pictures I'd hung on my daughter's nursery walls--but also for its story. These three women had found a way to be artists in an era that prohibited women from taking life drawing classes because it was considered to make them unfit for their true vocations as wives. Although the partnership eventually broke up when Eilizabeth Shippen Green married, Violet Oakley and Jessie Wilcox Smith went on to work as artists for the rest of their lives.

Implanted in my mind was the germ of an idea for a novel about a group of women artists who band together to pursue their art outside of the confines of marriage, which would have to be a historical piece because, after all, women could have families and pursue artistic careers in the present. Right?

At some point in the story's development, while I wrote other novels and my daughter grew up, I realized that I wanted to juxtapose a modern story against the historical one. The character of Meg Rosenthal, traveling upstate with her teenaged daughter Sally, emerged, according to my notebooks, in 2007, and it came out of a very visceral fear. Specifically that kind of fear that wakes you up at three in the morning and then keeps you awake, alone in the dark, spinning out worst-case scenarios until dawn. My yoga teacher told me once that there's a tradition in Vedic mythology that 3 a.m. is when you're most vulnerable to demons. When my daughter was little those demons gave me nightmares about losing her in crowded department stores. When she grew into a teenager I’d wake in the middle of the night with images of car wrecks and drug addiction, unplanned pregnancies and depression. There are ways you can lose a child who's sitting right in front of you. In fact, you are losing them, little by little, to adulthood. The child you knew is slowly vanishing, hopefully to become an adult you recognize.

I suppose it was these fears that made me think about the changeling story. Of all fairy tales it's perhaps the most horrifying to a parent--the idea that your child could be snatched away from you and replaced by a wooden (in some of the stories the replacement is actually made of wood), unfeeling creature that looks like your child but isn't.

The changeling story is about infants, but it occurred to me during one of my 3 a.m. bouts that it could describe the experience of raising a teenager. What parent of a teenager hasn't felt at some moment that the sweet child who doted on your every word has been replaced by a touchy, moody, eye-rolling teenager?

And so, I started Arcadia Falls with a mother and a daughter in a car. The mother, Meg, is trying to cajole and humor her daughter Sally, who's furious at her mother for moving her before her junior year of high school. Sally, plugged into her iPod, grows more distant the more her mother tries to connect. Because that to me is the hardest thing about raising a teenager. When they're little you know how to comfort them, but when they're older and in pain sometimes it seems like you only make it worse trying to comfort them. Sometimes you have to step back and let them find their own way out of their pain. It's like standing on the edge of a dark forest and watching your child enter the woods armed only with a covered basket and a handful of bread crumbs and hoping they'll find their way to the other side. All you can do is hope they remember the lessons you've taught them--be kind to helpless creatures, don't trust wolves dressed up as men, but do trust in your own strength and bravery.

Meg Rosenthal is afraid that she's failed to teach Sally that last lesson, precisely because she herself has sacrificed a piece of herself to be a good mother. She abandoned her own dreams of being an artist in order to be a mother.

So, I suppose the central question in Arcadia Falls is whether it's possible to be a good parent and an artist. Art--at least the kind I know first hand, writing--requires a tremendous investment of time and attention. When I'm absorbed in writing a book the world I'm creating sometimes seems more real than the world around me.

Over the last 15 years I think I've balanced being a writer and a mother pretty well. I've written nine books and never once forgot to pick my daughter up from school. (I did forget to pick up the dog from the groomers once, but that's another story.) I may have been distracted now and then, but I've also spent hours talking to my daughter about writing and storytelling, learning as much from her as she's learned from me. I think that being a parent has enriched my ability to write--and I hope that being a writer has made me at least a more interesting parent to her--but it's always been a balancing act. One I consider myself lucky to have been able to even attempt.

Why do married women cheat?

2011-02-11T09:35:00.000-08:00

I just noticed that most married that work at my job end up being divorced. This is the story. The job is male dominated enviorment for every 1 female their are 20 males. The females that do work there are either lez or married. So a few months ago, a new woman started work. She is married of 10+ years with 2 kids. Now she fooling around with another worker, and wants to leave her husband. Her husband makes good money, her kids go to private school. She only works parttime. Her life is'nt exactly easy, buts it's alot easier than most married women. The guy she fools around with only works parttime and is rumored to be a druggie. What would make a woman leave the current lifestyle she has? For a life of that is going to be worse. You're new guy only works parttime and is rumored to be a druggie. If the guy is a druggie then you life is going to be more worse than what it was.

Most of married women that do end up divorced at my job is becuase they choose to fool around with another guy. Those women usually pick the guy that work fulltime and are'nt rumored to be druggies. A fulltime worker at my job makes 80 grand a year. A partime worker makes 20 grand a year. From my perspective they guy making 80 grand a year can take care of you better then the guy making 20 grand. What I don't understand about this girl is. Of all the married women that came through my job. They cheated with a guy who could provide a better life for them and their kids. They cheat to make their life harder.

Why people betray?

2010-10-26T11:27:00.000-07:00

How do you think the average Pakistani cricket fan reacted when news of the latest scandal to hit their cricket team broke? When the British tabloid, The News of the World, ran a sting operation on a bookie who boasted on camera that he could get the Pakistani team to do anything he wanted?

And when the next day’s play – when two Pakistani bowlers bowled no-balls in exactly the same overs as he had predicted – proved that he wasn’t lying?

Well, the words ‘shocked’ ‘grieved’ ‘embarrassed’ ‘saddened’ or even ‘angered’ come to mind. But do you think that any of the fans really felt ‘betrayed’?
I think not. To feel a sense of betrayal, you need to have had a feeling of trust to begin with. And while I am sure that the Pakistanis love, admire, hell, even idolise their cricket team, I am not sure that they trust any of their players as far as they can throw them.

Mohd AsifI mean, honestly, how could they? Even the most naive Pakistani cricket fan is well aware by now that there is something rotten in the world of Pakistani cricket. Allegations of match-fixing have become routine over the last couple of decades.

Charges of ball-tampering crop up every year or so, with such senior players as Shahid Afridi at the centre of the storm. And spot fixing – in which a player tries to oblige his bookie friends by influencing a particular period of play by throwing away his wicket or dropping a catch or, as happened in Lords on that fateful day, bowling a no-ball – is so common as to barely occasion comment.

None of this is such a well-kept secret that the Pakistani cricket fan has no idea that this stuff really happens. So, while I am willing to accept that Pakistani fans may be upset and annoyed, I don’t really think that they really feel let down by their national team. As far as they are concerned, all of this is pretty much par for the course.

See, that’s the thing about betrayal. It only hits you like a sledgehammer if you have no idea that it is headed in your direction at the speed of light.

Ask Elin Nordegren. The Swedish ice-blonde wife of Tiger Woods had no idea that her husband was cheating on her – let alone that he was doing so with an assembly line of busty babes. When she finally found out, it was as if her world had collapsed around her.

As she said in an interview to People magazine after her divorce was final, she didn’t suspect him for a minute, so when the mistresses began to crawl out of the woodwork she felt very betrayed – and very stupid indeed. That’s exactly how Victoria Beckham felt a few years ago, when Rebecca Loos sold the story of her affair with David Beckham, complete with accounts of sexually explicit text messages and raunchy phone calls.

The Beckhams had built their brand on being a devoted, wholesome couple who only had eyes for each other and it must have come as a complete shock to Victoria to see hard evidence of her husband’s involvement with another woman. But the ones who probably felt the most betrayed were David’s fans who had bought into the myth of Beckham the family man.

It’s only when the world buys into a particular myth that a sense of betrayal kicks in. We all believed – or at the very least, we wanted to believe – that Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston were made for each other. She was our favourite Friend, America’s corn-fed sweetheart; he was the blonde God of good looks, the pin-up idol of every girl (and at least some of the boys). Theirs was a marriage meant to last.

So, when Brad Pitt fell for the dark, dangerous beauty of Angelina Jolie on the sets of Mrs and Mrs Smith (though they swore till they were blue in the face that no actual impropriety occurred until Pitt had left Aniston – yeah, right!) you could hear the sound of a million hearts breaking all over the world. Jennifer was, as expected, devastated and heart-broken, but all of us felt just as betrayed on her behalf.

It was that sense of betrayal that turned us against Shashi Tharoor when the IPL controversy broke. Tharoor was our middle-class hero, the squeaky-clean Malayali boy made good who had come back home to do his bit for his country. He was going to clean the system, making it as honest and incorruptible as himself. He was a politician with a difference; and he was going to make a difference if it was the last thing he did.

So, imagine the shock when it was revealed that Tharoor’s then girlfriend and now wife, Sunanda Pushkar, had been granted sweat equity worth about R 70 crores in the Kochi team that won the IPL bid, with minister Tharoor standing as mentor. You could argue that this was nothing compared to the blatant corruption that some of Tharoor’s fellow ministers indulged in.

But that wasn’t the point. The truth was that we expected better of Tharoor. And when he let us down, that sense of betrayal could only be assuaged by his resignation from the government.

I guess the moral of the story is: the higher we build them up, the harder they fall. The more the trust; the greater the sense of betrayal. [hindustantimes.com]