Mrs. K

Ramblings

mrsk1230@gmail.com (Mrs. K) — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 20:41:00 +0000

Today I will ramble- I would post pics but I have a headache and can't start to think and figure out where my camera is. Probably still in J's swim bag.

J had another meet this weekend. People? She kicked it. She beat all her previous times- some as much as 12 seconds. Her coach was shocked that in only 8 weeks she's come this far. Her other girls just made B times and they have been swimming for a year. J got her B times this weekend and is not far from BB times and close to qualifying for Junior Olympic trials- she has a year to do it in her age group- 5 seconds to shave in a year? I think she'll do it... and this B, BB, is swim talk for just keep swimming faster so you can qualify for better meets.

Her dad was there and so was his mom- whom I adored until she turned on me after the split- we never ran out of things to talk about and better still we share the same birthday. But I understood...blood is thicker than water. But we sat and talked about the old times, about our new lives and somehow she hugged me at the end of the day and asked me to stay close. I would love nothing more than to reconnect because I always just liked her...you know those kinds of people that to you, they are likeable? At some point I couldn't figure out how she could conceive such a son but whatever, she even 'served' him in front of me which was quite funny.

So that was my weekend- now J has two tests tomorrow, homework up the ying-yang...and it's back to reality for me. I just want to know what teachers get out of giving out so much darn work every day. Do you know?

And the winner is...

mrsk1230@gmail.com (Mrs. K) — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 23:56:00 +0000

Only FOUR of you guessed it right...shame, shame. Ok so this is what happened...

The NEXT day my boss was en route to NY for some wedding and she starts texting him furiously asking- why did you have to take 20 minutes to fire me? why didn't you do it in 1minute instead? why did you even have me come in? and so on and so on...crazy? YUP. So my boss finally called her and said ENOUGH!

So the answer was B.

Martha, Beth, Michel and Coco answered right. I simply gave each one a number from 1 to 4 and asked J to pick a number from 1 to 4. After 20 minutes of her wanting to know why the hell I wanted her to pick a number (why isn't EVER simple?) she picked...TWO. Which was BETH!! (so please send me your email so I can send you the loot!).

Ok so what happened when we were clearing out her mailbox? we found lots of emails from uhm, shopping? She's shopping craigslist for a boyfriend and making drink dates and just crap like that. And then she's writing poems, fighting with her ex and well...the woman needs help. In the form of strong meds or something. She's certifiably NUTS.

A little contest...

mrsk1230@gmail.com (Mrs. K) — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 00:49:00 +0000

Well we all know NC got fired about 3 weeks ago.

What I forgot to tell you was what she did AFTER...and I'm going to make it into a teeny tiny contest. If you guess correctly you will win a $10 gift card to Amazon.com! So here goes:

She got fired on a Thursday...

a) Friday morning she came into the office demanding her job back and for me to tell the boss that it was ME who had screwed up all along.

b) She started texting the boss with a fury asking hundreds of questions for a couple of days and telling him that the reason she was out of it was because she was very sick.

c) In real NC fashion, she called asking for the number of one our clients so she could ask him out.

And I will later share all the fun we had emptying out her email inbox.

Rules: main one is you have to be a follower- second one is I have to know how to reach you :)

Have fun! You have until Thursday night to guess right. So go at it!

Watching them Grow...

mrsk1230@gmail.com (Mrs. K) — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 09:41:00 +0000

J went for her 10 year wellness check up (she'll be 10 in a little over a month) and while there, we had a conversation with the doctor about starting to wear 'training bras'. J refuses flat out to wear anything resembling a bra. Never mind she doesn't mind playing with mine,but she won't hear any argument about this next phase- not from me, not even from her doctor.

While at Target the other day, I said we needed to shop for "socks" and ended up at the training bra rack (no pun here). She literally held on to my waist and wanted to pull me out of there because she was SO embarassed- when I turned and said 'J! WE ARE SHOPPING FOR YOUR COUSIN! NOT YOU! EW! you don't need this!!" and she looked at me like I had three heads but her grip eased up. She started laughing and pulled up to my ear and asked "do I have a girl cousin?" and I just went on and on about a gift (of training bras) for her cousin Maria. She was ok with that.

At the register she told the lady that the bras were for her cousin except she couldn't keep a straight face. We get home and I take them out and explain to her that these are just worn like a bathing suit top. She agrees to go in her room with me and put it on. After it came on, she felt the 'bra', looked down and said:

"Now what? what is supposed to happen?"

She got mad at me because I couldn't stop laughing...I just told her she could either watch them grow or just go about her business. She told me to get out...I'm assuming she's watching them grow right now 'cause she hasn't been out in a while.

No NyQuil = No Sleep around here

mrsk1230@gmail.com (Mrs. K) — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 20:39:00 +0000

I've been trying to lay off the 'hard' stuff and for the last couple of days I've been up since 430am today because my plugged up ears and throat couldn't let me sleep. Last night I went to bed at midnight because my friend and I could not stop talking on the phone until then- never mind we had lunch yesterday but yet we still had tons to laugh about until MIDNIGHT. So now I'm 'hurting'.

And I had a 7am tennis lesson today. With a new pro who I think is about 8' tall. Or at least he seemed that way to me. But it felt great to play tennis in the dark and watch the sunrise through the beads of sweat. And I got stung by a bee. Thank goodness I'm not allergic. I was hoping he wouldn't volunteer to suck the venom out or pee on my leg and he pretty much proved to be useless- I pulled my calf up to my mouth and sucked on it but nothing came out. And then I realized how stupid I looked and decided to keep playing with venom in my calf. My calf ended up getting really swollen but this morning is all gone.

Oh and the picture? all day today we've been trying to solve the mystery of the missing uniforms- one pair of shorts and two shirts are missing. She still has another pair of shorts and a couple of white shirts but of course the shirts she now WANTS to wear, are the ones that are missing. Finally, I just asked 'how can these clothes just disappear? Things don't just get up and walk out on their own!! If you can't find them you're wearing nothing to school on Monday!!!'. To which J replied, 'oh yes they can mom with the help of bugs- don't you know that they can get under the clothes to hide and then walk away with the clothes on top of them'. She said it with so much conviction and I think I believed it could be a possibility for like 3 seconds.

Well there you go- mystery solved. And all this time I was looking under beds, in drawers and between cushions. I seriously think our maid had them for dinner. That's the best *I* can come up with. So now it's like the UFO thing- did it even exist? Are they ever coming back? Could the lizards taken the clothes for ransom until I turn over the pics of them having sex? REMEMBER THIS? Am I still high from Nyquil?

Please explain to me

mrsk1230@gmail.com (Mrs. K) — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 01:22:00 +0000

why the strangest people are showing up in my dreams? I know I haven't been commenting much but seriously, I try to sneak in a minute here or there and commenting on my BB is hell.

In the WTF? Category- (and mind you I'm very afraid to disclose this but what the heck)

So who did I dream of last night? Nienie's husband. He was in my dream. And so was she. I was trying to help them do something....but I really wanted them to let me have a chair from their house.

In the Hmm...Interesting category-
Sunday night (which is the night I was VERY high on Nyquil- because yes I've/we've been sick but of course, I am the only one who can't complain about it) I watched some Julia ROberts movie...again...with some hot guy- British- they were diplomats or something? so of course I put myself right along Michel but instead of being a diplomat who likes to eat and drink, I was a CIA operative and had to hide stuff in very interesting places. And Michel helped me fit in with the Sudanese people and at one point we were speaking fluent arabic...or whatever it is they speak there. I am sure one of us screwed everything up.

So that's it- I'm weird. I'm still a wee bit sick - just a cold though and have a hard time sleeping but am fine during the day. How you doin?

LMFAO

mrsk1230@gmail.com (Mrs. K) — Sun, 18 Oct 2009 00:48:00 +0000

Have you heard that song by LMFAO? "I'm in Miami...trick"?

J loves this tune from the radio and tonight, this is how it went...

While LMFAO was talking about cojones and coronas...

Mom, what are 'cojones'?

Me: (wondering how the hell I'm going to explain that) It's a spanish word....(trying to stall)

J: for whaaaaaaat? now grin settting in on her face.

Me: testicles

J: what are testicles again?

Me: (AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKKKK!) boy's balls.
Yes that's what I said...because one time she asked me what her boy-friends meant when they talked about their balls. (NICE!) So I said those were their testicles...and then there was the whole Museum encounter in Paris.

J: snickering...so what do cojones have to do with 'coronas'?

Me: good question J, hey want to go to the bookstore?

J: YEAH!

Crisis averted...the kid has a very short attention span (for now) when it comes to cojones. Thanks GOD.

PS- having a kid say 'cojones' with a twinge of "gringo" in her is the funniest thing I've ever heard. Ask me how bad I wanted to say 'oooh say that again! you sound so cute saying it!'

Be still my beating heart

mrsk1230@gmail.com (Mrs. K) — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 22:28:00 +0000

J's dad has given me a great gift today.

The gift that my daughter is no longer going to be subject to tears on the weekends she's with him because she can't stand her stepmom and her stepmom can't stand her either and they seem to both act like 9 yr olds but the one that loses is my 9yr old because her poor little heart gets hurt.

So teh last time I put my foot down and asked her dad to please take her daughter's feelings into consideration. Today he finally did. He said we'd work out a new visitation agreement next week just between the two of us as long as I let him see her as often as he wishes (but of course!). Only thing is she won't be spending the night with the witch anymore. Some weekends she may go to his parents (great!) and others they may do a little getaway and spend some true father/daughter time (something she hasn't been allowed since he married the witch).

It's a good day and it's going to be an even better weekend...even though I am going to have to skip the halloween parties I was planning on attending. Best weekend ever.

She did it!

mrsk1230@gmail.com (Mrs. K) — Sun, 11 Oct 2009 17:09:00 +0000

If you've followed me for a while, you know I'm not one who gushes but this time, I have to gush because my baby girl, the one who was so nervous about her swim meet, just finished her swimming weekend and not only did she swim good in all her races but she flipping kicked ASS!

If you care (because I'm gonna type it anyways!) this is what she did:

2nd place in 100m IM
1st place in 50m breastroke
1st place in 50m freestyle
2nd place in 50m backstroke
3rd place in 50m butterfly

and she mostly swam against 5 other girls - all with established times which means they have been swimming for a lot longer than my little baby!!

I'm so proud of her and she is so proud of herself. She is growing up into her own skin and getting in tune with her body...coming home she said this was her sport and was reading the motivational times to qualify for the Junior Olympics (she's only 4 or 5 seconds away from qualifying for the freestyle and 5-6 seconds for the breastroke- the others like 7 or 10 seconds)...and asked me what swimmers eat so she can get her 'insides' in shape to become faster. I can't believe her thinking already...she's more driven than I am!! ('cause I will not give up ice cream, chocolate, etc for tennis or anyone!).

I will say this- my throat hurts from screaming and this was the most gut-wrenching weekend I've ever had. I just didn't know she had this 'calm warrior' within herself. She never wanted to be first in line, and prefers to just let others lead. But when she stood on the blocks, she swam like there was no tomorrow.

And yeah- I brought the camera but no battery- BOO on me.

Next time!

Which camp are you on?

mrsk1230@gmail.com (Mrs. K) — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 23:37:00 +0000

Let's see...

Team Kate? or Team Jon?- I was Jon first but then they split up and he started acting like a total idiot and buying boobs for his girlfriend and then throwing a fit when he got fired from the show to the tune of wanting to pull the plug on his kid's gravy boat. Not that I ever really watched but why was it ok to film while he was on the show and then not? Stop crying about it you cry-baby...I think he just made it harder for himself to pay alimony and child support for 8...that's gonna be tough Jon!!
Team Nene? or Team Kim?- neither- I can't stand either of them. But I did hear that Kim got engaged to Big Poppa...isn't he married though?
Team Taylor? or Team Brad?- if you watch Rachel Zoe that is...I love Brad. I want him to be my gay husband. LOVE HIM. Taylor seems so....cranky all the time- and is it me, or does she. talk. with. a. period. after. every. single. word?
Team Jill? or Team Bethenny? I hear they have had some major falling out and now Bethenny and Kelly are BFF's. Can't wait to see the show to see what happened. I really hope this is not true because for once, I thought that was a nice friendship....and I can't stand Kelly.
Team Gretchen? or Team Tamra?- well lots of news on this front people- Lynn got evicted (twice), Tamra is in foreclosure, and apparently Lynn may be getting a divorce- but she got a major face lift to the point that her face is not recognizable anymore. I am not kidding you- when I first saw it I thought it was a new cast member and had to go back and search more until I heard her talking...amazing what plastic surgery can do for some-

Before:

and AFTER:

And it doesn't end here- pictures have been surfacing of Gretchen Rossi from her college years...she denies any plastic surgery was done which is very hard to believe- but more power to her- if it makes her feel better, then whatever! what do I care?

And finally...Team Me or Team NC? Well if you're on team NC so sorry too sad- she got canned today...HIP HIP! HOOOORAY!

She's doing good, NC is STILL HERE and I just give up

mrsk1230@gmail.com (Mrs. K) — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 22:15:00 +0000

J had a practice 'run' today and she came in third in every race against the two strongest girls (well duh) who have been on swim team for a year now. So I've calmed down.

NC is STILL working with us- even though my boss promised me she'd be out by the 15th of this month, we'll see...at this point I really don't care. Except I am no longer really talking to her. We have really caught her in a web of lies so I talk to her only when it suits me (ie to get a rise out of her). What you say? Remember when she came in to work for the first time and told me that the reason she moved out here was because she just couldn't get along with her sons? and wanted to move away and her boyfriend was going to meet her here shortly? (the one that hooked up with her best friend?)

Well I was going to the bathroom and she was on her phone- to her son's school saying she had to move to Florida for cancer treatment. That's all I heard and she walked away...now I felt bad for like 1 minute but then tried to piece everything together to think: she's gotta be full of shit!

First of all, if you live a stone's throw from NY...why not go THERE for treatment? They have far better care than some of these centers in Florida. Never mind that she lives NOWHERE near a treatment center. And then she smokes and eats CONSTANTLY and then makes herself throw up- yup people, she's a purger. This is how it goes: she stuffs her face like a ravenous 15 yr old boy for about one hour...then she disappears for about 5 minutes. We never thought of anything of it until she came back smelling like puke.

THEN, she has never taken one iota of time off for supposed doctor appointments and has been working 14-16 hour days mostly because she can't keep up. My aunt had cancer and it pisses me off that someone would lie about this- mostly because well, that's just not something you lie about.

THEN, she gets drunk often on weekends and just doesn't have that 'look' my aunt had- I don't know I could see the illness in her eyes if you know what I mean...I can't see it on NC's.

THEN, she tells us that her ex is fighting to get full custody of her son and that she can't fight him because he has her by the balls...but what about your illness? Can't you use that to justify your move? I can't see a judge taking away a child because a parent has to go to get treatment- but I can see a judge giving custody to a parent because the other one can't deal with her son and runs away from him to be with a man who was a no show. So nothing gels.

Gosh, I'm being so judgmental but I'm just sick of her shit.You just don't lie like that but then I'm still stupidly torn in wondering, is she sick? or full of shit? Either way, at this point I don't care- I just can't believe someone would weave such a web...

I stopped helping her- I don't answer her emails, and my other co-worker stopped doing the same as well...she's on her own and I don't care. (I do, but I don't).

CLarifying- I answer her work related emails- I don't answer her 'woe is me' emails...and she's such a negative force in the workplace...I'm working more from home than I ever have...everyone just hates being around that miserable woman.

I'm VERY afraid...

mrsk1230@gmail.com (Mrs. K) — Sun, 04 Oct 2009 02:00:00 +0000

Baby J- yes she's my baby now- decided to return to the swimming pool two weeks ago. I called up her old coach and he happily signed her up- we met her new coach, J fell in love with her, and off she went. Practices are four days a week, for one hour.

Then I get news I was not ready to receive this past Tuesday: the coach comes up to me and says, "I'd like to sign her up for the next meet on October 10-11 if ok with you; I'm only picking 5 kids to go".

I wanted to scream "NO! NO! NO! My poor baby is not ready yet! She just started! I mean she looks like a drowning fish when doing the butterfly for jimmyni's sake!"- but I didn't- I told her to ask J and it would be up to her. Well apparently J is more gung ho than I thought- she's swimming in several events to include the butterfly and the IM (where they swim all 4 strokes).

Thing is she sinks while doing the breastroke, can barely get her arms out during the butterfly, and for her turns, she likes to stop and chat. For the backstroke and freestyle, she is pretty fast but I'm worried for her because I know what she's like (EXACTLY like me) and if she doesn't at least do well on her own standards, she'll probably throw in the towel even though it's too early for her to fully gauge her potential.

So- I told J all about my loss this week in tennis; I mean, I used that opportunity to show her how I can grow from my loss. She looked at me like I had three heads. I don't think she gets it, so tomorrow, I'm putting on my old swim team suit, my old swimming cap and goggles and we're going down to the pool so that I can work with her on her strokes and turns (yes I swam for a while and swam Masters for a bit but just did such a number on my hair, I was not too into it).

And all the while I'm here worrying about her feelings and what not (she's asked many times who gets a ribbon, who gets a trophy and what not and although we're hoping for the best, I just want her to be ready to deal if she doesn't do well this time around-in short, I'm trying to teach her what competition is, how to deal with losing and how to turn everything negative into a positive).

It's all giving me a headache. Please wish me luck.

So all it took was 2 emails and a facebook post

mrsk1230@gmail.com (Mrs. K) — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 23:58:00 +0000

Email is a wonderful thing. And so is the internet. Thanks to the internet, and an email response from their PR Manager, I was able to figure out what the emails were for their CEO, CFOs, and VPs....a couple of hours later, I heard back from a wonderful man. Apologizing profusely and wanting to rectify the situation.

I am getting all my money back. Plus a gift certificate to boot. And I told him I really didn't want anything more than what was due to me, but he said he'd do that anyways. I don't care if the certificate is for $5.00.

I was heard and I feel completely awesome about what I accomplished today. Thanks to all of you who emailed me privately and for those of you who posted. I took your advice...I just needed my anger to subside so I could write coherently and appeal to their senses.

Hooray for me.

Why Pottery Barn Teen sucks a$$

mrsk1230@gmail.com (Mrs. K) — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 10:40:00 +0000

We have been so excited working on J's room and even J is so excited for her stuff to come in...that is until I went to deposit my paycheck and saw that my checking account was in the RED for about $800. I immediately freaked out because I've never been one to bounce a check (and I don't even write checks) and I am vigilant about my Debit charges- simply put, if I don't have the cash, I don't buy it.

On Sunday, I transferred $ to my checking to cover the PB Teen charge of $1,600 for the stuff I got. Hours after I got off the phone, I saw that the charge had gone through...perfect. Then I got an email saying 'so and so shipped', great! and another saying 'so and so is being processed for home delivery'...awesome! Then I check my bank account....not only did they 'charge' my card for the first total transaction on Sunday, they 'authorized' another full transaction AND THEN CHARGED my card for all the items shipped (THREE charges if you are counting). So then, I start seeing red, especially because my $2.00 breakfast on Tuesday ended up costing me $37.50 with the overdraft charges. Add that times 11 plus some $10 fees to cover two or three transactions of about $3.00 a piece.

To say I was livid was an understatement. I called PB Teen and the first customer rep transfers me to someone. The second person I spoke to didn't do anything so I asked to speak to her supervisor. Her name was Lisa...Lisa didn't have a last name- and then proceeded to tell me in a snarky voice 'listen ma'am it's not our fault your bank posted authorizations against your account' about 3 times and asking me to shut up because it's not their fault- yes she did- well that sent me flying...I asked for the name of HER manager and apparently Amy Eckhart has a last name...and Amy's manager Mabel Hilton also has a last name but the snarky little twit doesn't. So I asked for Mabel's extension number and she said she didn't know it...I paused and I asked if she could look it up to assist ME the customer? Even though Mabel sits in front of Amy, Amy didn't know her number...weird huh? So I nicely asked her if she could please get off her ass, walk over and either talk to Mabel or look at her phone to find out her extension.

Snarky remark follows, puts me on hold and comes back with the extension, transfers me to Mabel, I leave a message and to date? NADA.

I am THIS close to returning all that stuff because of their crappy customer service policies- apparently this is one store where the customer is always wrong and they even tell her to shut up.

So I will wait one day to see if Ms. Mabel Hilton returns my call...if not, I'm going to do some googling and find out the CEO of this company and call him directly...apparently my name has to be Dooce in order to get some knee jerk reaction out of asshole companies.

It won't end here.

Well sorry to be MIA- but need your decorating ideas

mrsk1230@gmail.com (Mrs. K) — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 23:26:00 +0000

In the last week I've managed to make myself crazy with activities galore. First, I finally took J for her swimming evaluation and she was put in one of the swim teams and now we practice 4x a week. I say 'we' because well I have to go, but at least they play great music, I bring my beach chair, put sunscreen on my legs, sit, read and enjoy the breeze and the beachy smell while my daughter works out. The college team swims right next to her so the view isn't bad either. I tried to take some pics for you with my phone but it was too damn obvious.

Tennis season officially starts this week...we have 32 weeks of practices and 28 of games- I'm already exhausted but looking forward to the competition. Let's hope and pray NO INJURIES this season. One torn calf is good enough for a lifetime's worth of ouchies.

And finally, I've been working to overhaul J's room and turn it into a pre-teen room and finally I bit the bullet this weekend and painted her room- she picked a very light green for 2 walls and just two shades darker for the same room- it actually looks nice and it should look better once I'm finished with the accents. J picked this metal bed (she's moving onto a bigger bed-I don't know who's more excited!) :

And this bedding ensemble- I'm hoping with the green in the quilt and shams, it should work nicely- I also got her the brown polka dot sheets

Now my question is- I want to do an accent wall and was thinking of just doing brown polka dots on the wall with the window which has her desk and dresser- yes, no? and if no, then what should I do to bring more color because the bare walls make me dizzy and I want some punch of color- I was trying to convince her to let me do a brown wall but she said yes too late.

I also wanted to get one of these 'working' boards for her to hang her pics, you know, do the girly thing but don't know if this would be too much:
But if so, they have all kinds of colors and combinations I can create- the top tiles except for the brown are actually dry-erase boards- with the minty green in the background should I go for pinks, keep the brown, or would the blue be ok? her favorite colors are baby blue and mint green so that's where the theme is going.

Your help is appreciated...

Karma is a bitch- yup it is! and PIC of NC but hurry before I delete!!

mrsk1230@gmail.com (Mrs. K) — Sun, 20 Sep 2009 21:29:00 +0000

So I'm sad to report that NC is still with us- you see, my boss FINALLY got around to hand out the 'welcome to the firm' letters in which he states that the first 90 days is strictly a probationary period and the new hire (NC) can be fired without cause at any point prior to the 90 day probationary period.

On Friday, my boss asked me to stop in before my tennis boot camp- and so I did. He asked how it had been going- well, I didn't tell him how much fun I was about to have with my findings on her my space page (that's reserved for you folks) but I did tell him that I figured out how she works:

If something goes wrong with something she's working on, she'll always blame someone and I figured out exactly her system: If *I* ask her why she did something 'this' way or tell her she did it wrong, she'll blame B, our co-worker. If the boss asks her why she did something that way, she'll blame me.
She will always, always try to pawn off her work onto someone else- case in point: a client's petition had to be amended (her part of the alphabet), I told her so and then she proceeds to bring me their file for amending. To which I asked:"did you wake up and not have your fingers with you today? you can do it right?" Off she went huffing and puffing.

I'm done with her. But anyways, it gets better- boss said, does she really pass the buck with blame? I told him, 'want me to prove it?', I can find something I know she did and do it- he was up for the challenge.

Sooo, I bring in something she specifically told me she had finished and scanned for me to file with the court. And of course, it was done wrong- Boss follows me into her desk area and I ask, "NC did you know you scanned all the wrong documents for this? I mean, hadn't I told you already the documents we have to scan for filing?" Her response? "Oh B did that!, don't worry I'll fix it and do it right- ...." and then she went on for a few minutes as to how B is always messing her up.

Boss and I turned to each other and laughed...only because B is the most efficient support system he and I have ever had and we know B knows her shit.

B heard part of this conversation and came into my office and asked me if she thought she heard what she did because she was never asked to even scan that document- and Boss was in my office- Boss said 'no worries'...she went back to work and Boss turned to me and said- 3 weeks max and she's out. New hire starts on Monday and if she catches on quickly, then she'll be gone faster sooner rather than later.

Ok so what did I find on her my space page? Up there? that's her in all her glory. Here's another pic and look at them because I'm deleting in 48 hours. I just want to show you a) I did not lie to you about her hair, and b) who the hell plays softball with leggings and a FREAKING LEOTARD and then lives to POST a picture!?!?!? obviously she does...weirdo.

PS- I did find my 'winner' post of last week- I had entered the wrong date. We already know I'm a bit of an idiot but if you wanna see, just go looksie, click on the top banner, whatevs.

I found my post!

mrsk1230@gmail.com (Mrs. K) — Sun, 20 Sep 2009 13:07:00 +0000

It's here- http://itsmrstoyou.blogspot.com/2009/09/wow.html

Wow! Found it!

mrsk1230@gmail.com (Mrs. K) — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 21:26:00 +0000

Found it! found it! Apparently I had changed the date to Sept 1st so it was hidden away with older posts- whoopsies!--anyhoo-

I've never had such the case of giggles- some of you were so immaginative! Apparently when I said cricket someone must have googled some random cricket player and bam! Well ok...

Some guessed- Mario Lopez
Nope.

Others guessed Gerard Butler...and although he's hot...

Nope...

Others guessed Michael Phelps...

eh...nope...

this one was great- Arnold!...
sorry but nope...

Susan guessed Ellen DeGeneres- sorry but I couldn't find a picture of a bathing suited Ellen...and answer was no anyways...

Moving on, another guess which was a good one after I googled him- Gilles Marini
hmmm....no and if I showed that picture to my husband, he'd work even harder on his abs- even though I don't think he needs it. And I don't like a muscled up man, I'm just not a dainty or petite girl so when I hug a guy, I want to be hugged by a GUY not my sister, hence the need for a little bit of...er...girth? substance? whatever- get your mind out of there.

To the ladies who guessed that was my husband,

you were CORRECTOMUNDO!!!

So those of you who guessed my husband were:

Connie, Jill, Jill's Sister (show your face will ya?), krhea, Frau and Suzy! I used baby girl's ability to pick a number while in the bathroom- (ie I shouted pick a number between one and six!) and her response? "I would have to go with 3"

So Jill's Sister- you won chickedee- drop me an email, tell me which book you want and it's yours.

This was fun.

Ok seriously

mrsk1230@gmail.com (Mrs. K) — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 21:26:00 +0000

I had my post about who the abs belonged to and then I came to post about NC and see that my post?

Is gone.

How in the world did that happen? Holy crap and it took me so long to write it with pics and all...all I can say right now is...shit!

My husband is into it so it's ok- and a GIVEAWAY-HINT NOW INCLUDED

mrsk1230@gmail.com (Mrs. K) — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 21:22:00 +0000

This week my husband and I both have watched the US Open- I told him at some point that I wanted to have Federer's love child. G just looked at me and said- I have no problem with that, he is a gentleman.

And then it stopped me on my tracks- say wha? You'd be ok with that? and then he laughed as if saying 'sure 'cause you'd never have the chance'...I had to remind him that his wife is not model skinny and I could easily wrestle her to win him over. So much so I googled a pic of Federer without a shirt on...just to see what's going on under that shirt:
Not so much...gah! So I guess I can only have an affair with Roger when he is fully dressed like this:

So then I decided that I would heart on Verdasco- see? He's totally cute:

And then I googled him without his shirt on:

GAH!!! don't these guys know about weights? maybe pump those arms up a little bit? and more definition on the chest? Like this one:
Per Jill's request, here's a hint- primarily cricket and soccer player.

And here's a game- if you can guess who's belly and chest this is, you will win either one of these:

The Devil in the Junior League was such a great read, I finished it in two nights- COULD.NOT. PUT. IT. DOWN. It's great. The Naturally Thin book? I got as far as the second chapter and decided I would unleash my natural 'normal' girl and forget about this skinny deal.

So go for it- take a guess...let's see if you can figure out who it is I really lust after ;o)

And this has been edited to add that I now want to bear Juan Martin Del Potro's love child....I am going to savor this moment before I google him without his shirt on and then be all disappointed and all...

If looks would speak...

mrsk1230@gmail.com (Mrs. K) — Sun, 13 Sep 2009 22:15:00 +0000

mine would say 'you're an effing moron and a twitt'.

What? NC again? well yes...but this time it happened in front of 'the boss' and I'm glad.

You see, I am #2 in the office- #1 is my boss. And it seems now that NC is grasping at straws, she just about threw me under the bus. Except I caught it and corrected her in front of everyone and told her never to quote me unless she has my authorization to do so- I know bad but what the hell am I supposed to do short of resorting to violence which is NOT my MO?...her reaction? head down and went back to her desk. My boss just looked at me and said 'don't worry'. I, however, was not worried- the other girl that works with us (whom I get along with very well) just turned to me and said 'when is she going to learn?' as in- she has questioned EVERYTHING I've told her...so far, I haven't been wrong but yet if she makes a mistake, she twists my words to make it say that *I* told her to do it that way. But this time, this time she was in my boss's office- which is right next to mine and I heard her...so I intercomed in- and just said 'NC, I just heard what you said and wanted to know if I can come in so we're all clear here'. She wouldn't repeat what she said to the boss again when I was face to face...basically this week? I've been chewing her out and spitting her back out again.

The girl is tenacious for sure because I think by now, had I had to encounter someone like me, I would have already quit. Or maybe not- depends on my level of desperation I guess.

But I just decided that I was going to stop wasting my time correcting all her mistakes. This past Monday I told her she's been here a month now, and it's time for her to start becoming accountable for her case load and just basically left her to her own devices. I've finished about 5 clients...she's done 1.

Anyways the number of mistakes she has made has now gotten ridiculous- the girl is a bona fide idiot. And her my space page? Ok full of pictures of her big wanky hair and the work in progress of what I guess will be a sleeve of tattoos on her arm. And apparently, BEFORE she was hired by us she had posted this thing on her page saying she was looking for work: none of it described she had the experience that she did when she was bragging to us about herself after she was hired.

Idiot. I have a feeling these are her last few days in my presence so for that I'm glad.

This will be a better week right?

He's gonna....PUMP! me up!

mrsk1230@gmail.com (Mrs. K) — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 01:31:00 +0000

Tennis season starts in 3 weeks. In 3 weeks I will have 32 uninterrupted weeks of tennis games, practices, round robins and boot camps. I went to my first practice today that incorporated 'training'. My team is hard core. They came in 1st in their division last year and this year we are in a new division altogether.

Watching the US Open has taught me some things: a) they wear some butt ugly outfits, b) most are boobless, c)they are in absolutely killer shape and d) their feet never stop moving.

Now if you know me, you'll know that I'm a bit lazy and take full advantage of my long limbs and height- meaning, I get to the ball with the least amount of movement. Today, I tried something different which I will call an 'Oudin'...I tried to move my feet the whole time while I was playing and move back and forth like she did...within 10 minutes I was panting and ready to call it quits.

I'm out of 'shape' for the tennis that is ahead of me. And my husband (the man runs marathons, and has a stomach you could bounce quarters off of- while mine looks more like the mother of pillsbury's dough boy) said he'd create my workout plan and buy some weights for me (because he already tried the gym route and I only showed up for the spa part of the gym).

But I'm game. I've been ready to step it up- I'm thankful that my husband respects my stupid addiction to a game he thinks is boring as hell (but then again I think his soccer is stupid too) and that he doesn't give me a hard time at all that when the season does start- he becomes a 'tennis widow' most days (and weekends if I'm playing a tournament) and single step-father on some weeknights. And he's even willing to hit with me (he's way better than I am) so I can improve my baseline game.

Are you asleep yet? No? ok then- next post will be about NC. Can't wait to tell you what the hell she has been up to. I'll give you a hint- I found her myspace page- so, so, so stupid.

I don't know what's worse

mrsk1230@gmail.com (Mrs. K) — Mon, 07 Sep 2009 20:42:00 +0000

To have to deal with drama at work, or to have to fight with the kid. Today we had what could be considered a blow-out. Hormones are rearing their ugly head and the whole ordeal physically exhausted me and drained me and even made me cry a little.

Why? Well, first I'm going to blame her science and math teacher- because they both scheduled tests for tomorrow...day AFTER a long weekend. Really they are not to blame, but I'm on a blaming mood right now. Then I'm going to blame hormones because this is the 3rd month in a row that she's on 'my' calendar when it comes to the mood swings related to Aunt Jemima.

We had plans to go to Sea World this weekend with a friend of hers and she was to have her first ever sleepover with said friend. So Saturday, we spent ALL day studying with the promise that we would review whatever was left over on Monday. And may I stop to say- GOOD GRIEF! I never remembered to have such freaking long chapters in science!! OW MY HEAD! She has said sleepover, we go to Sea World and her friend asks if she can borrow the science book so she could study- we said yes because after all, we have all our notes (yes, I have my notes also) and J could study off of those if needed.

Fast forward to today at 3pm when she said she needed her book to complete the questions she was supposed to do. Long story short (I"ve been bugging her about studying all day) I blow my gasket- and seriously I think the devil took over me because I didn't even recognize my voice. I sent her to her room to do about 100 pages of worksheets for her math. Then I go upstairs to give her her folded laundry. And what do I see? She's emptying her drawers and packing her bags- and informs me 'I want to go live with my dad'. A quick look and I saw she had torn the picture of us on her desk- and for some reason, that is what bothered me the most.

This, my friends, stung. But a short breath later, I turn around, go to my room and go back upstairs bearing a huge suitcase and start helping her pack. She is in turn, stunned. I calmly told her that if she's going to 'move' to her dad's that will be her choice- but in that choice she is shunning me...and I will not play into her games...tears from her start coming. I offered boxes to take her things and she just stood there, crying quietly but saying 'sure' and could her dad pick her up by 6.

So I go downstairs and make my pretend call as she comes and stands in front of me and starts begging me if she can move back in. I told her as long as she understood the rules of the house in respect to homework and us in general and was willing to abide by them. She agreed.

So I'm mentally exhausted and physically exhausted because I had to lug suitcases up and down the stairs- I know I'm in for it but at least this was the cheapest 'move' I've ever had to physically pay for- but mentally? I need reinforcements.

Am I going to have to join others in blogosphere by referring to my kid as sassy or she-ra this early on?

Oh please no. Not yet.

I'm in an episode of the Office

mrsk1230@gmail.com (Mrs. K) — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 01:40:00 +0000

You see these pictures above? that's what my new co-worker's hair looks but curlier...EVERY. DAY.

Today, I felt like Pam from the Office...giving looks and disapproving sighs is all I did- and then my mind started to wonder as to how to make this situation fun for me...why? well let me tell you why...

1. New Co-worker (NC) came in and said nothing...ok fine. But as we know, NC is a bit incompetent and even though I told her to print from copier/printer because we get free toner, she ignored me and printed from her laser printer...which was running out of toner.

2. NC is a proclaimed IT expert. This is important to note.

3. NC starts running out of toner and I tell her again- dude, use the copier to print! or shake the toner because I'm not supposed to place another order until next week (no one needs to know my fib because I'm the only one with Boss's credit card number and I can order whenever the hell I please).

4. I start telling NC how to open the printer thing because she wants to shake the toner- she says she knows how to let her do it...she start physically abusing the printer, finally grabs the toner and pulls it out so hard that there is toner all over her 80s beige outfit (a la Don Johnson- blazer sleeves folded and all) and her big NJ blonde, curly hair.

5. I promptly excuse myself because (I really had to go laugh my ass off) I had to go to the bathroom.

6. I come back and NC is almost in tears...I tell her NC, just take it to a dry cleaner- it should be ok! but then she says she's upset because her landlord called her to tell her she got a certified letter (which she had opened- and excuse me...since when does your landlord have exclusive rights to open your mail?) and her husband was suing her to take away her parental rights.

7. This made me feel very bad...but knowing this kid was 8 or 9, I said- well don't worry, women hardly ever lose custody. At which point she said she gave the kid to her ex to move here to be with her boyfriend (who dumped her, remember?) except he never moved here to begin with!

8. And because I'm a gluton for punishment and was feeling bad, asked- well why didn't you bring your son with you regardless? And her answer? 'because we fight so much and we just don't get along'. Then all my pity and sadness for her went away because if my daughter ever knew this, she'd freak thinking that at any moment she pisses me off, I'm going to send her to live with her dad. And yes- what she described was just your typical piss-ant, run of the mill behavior. Ok feel sorry no more. Am I bad for feeling like this?

9. Anyways- later on I asked her to type a motion for me (because I just decided EVERYONE is going to be helping out around the office) and the IT person could not figure out a)outlook calendar, b) microsoft word and c) how to format a freaking document. My look must have been a giveaway because in the end she said 'I'll figure it out'. So a simple motion that should have taken all of 10 minutes to type up and hand to me for filing it with the Court, took her....an entire day. I shit you not.

10. On a better note, my boss told me a bit of good news...it looks like there will be NCv2 coming in soon to replace NC version 1. I can only hope. Which is also good because in my head, I said she wouldn't make it past December...G gave her through February.

On one hand I feel awful- I don't like to think that we're responsible for someone's pain and suffering - but this time, I've been suffering now for two weeks and 3 days and *I* feel, my boss has been wasting his money- money that could potentially go in my pocket for a bonus or a raise which I'm due for but because of the circumstances, have held off in talking to him about.

That's it for me...played tennis today for a bit and felt great although I played shittily. You can't have it all I guess.

So much drama around me!!

mrsk1230@gmail.com (Mrs. K) — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 01:53:00 +0000

First the new girl at the office is incredibly...uhmm....what's the word I want to use? ODD?

Let me preface by saying, she's not a girl. She's 40 years old, has been divorced twice, two kids, one boyfriend (here's where the drama comes in) of five years. Can you believe I know all of this after working with her for only 7 days?

So on Tuesday she comes into my office and tells me her boyfriend just broke up with her over a text message (classy) and told her he's dating her best friend back in Joysie (New Jersey). And then she says- (you ready?) "do you know any single guys? I need to be set up ASAP because I don't do alone well at all". Ok...uhm, hello? this is the office, I don't know you, but you just told me WAY MORE than I ever wanted to hear and I kinda don't care because we're up to our eyeballs in work? So she goes off to text more than work for the next THREE days. My boss asked me what the hell is going on- I tell him. Big sigh.

Then apparently because I simply nodded while she was telling me this story, she thinks I want to hear more and proceeds to come back into my office on Tuesday to tell me she is going to NJ Labor Day weekend to visit her kids and face her ex-boyfriend. I just looked at her and this came out of my mouth "You're going to pull a Jerry Springer? Have you ever thought about having some self-respect and just go to visit your kids and not once mention that guy or your so-called friend? You know they are all laughing at your expense right now because you are texting this man like a maniac begging him not to date your friend and you are going to go there and grovel some more? It will kill them if you say nothing- and you'll have your dignity in the end. You'll go there, he'll sleep with you, go back to the girl and you'll feel even worse- and frankly, if you're going to work here, I need you here 100% not half-assed". She just looked at me but I already had warned her I say it like it is.

I just got an email from her (Sunday) telling me how right I was and how she needed to hear that and that she said 'goodbye' to him and never plans on calling him again (cha right!) and that she needs friends here (I SO DO NOT WANT TO BECOME FRIENDS WITH HER- not to be mean, but I just don't want that or do that with people I work with)...and if I thought match.com was the answer for her. I recommended she meet people at the gym and told her maybe some time alone is what she needs so she can focus on herself (can she not get the hint I'm trying to tell her GET YOUR ASS TO WORK ALREADY!?)- hell what do I know?

And on a funny side, my boss is very religious and part of his religion shuns tattoos. In fact, one of the things he said about her was that he and his wife thought she would work well because this girl is also of this religion so she MUST not have tattoos. Of note (so that tattoo lovers/owners don't hate on me) I have no problem with what you do to your body- I Only have a problem with what my kid does to hers.

Well this girl has been coming in to work every day with long sleeve shirts- and dude, it's like 200 degrees here in Florida. So on Thursday he was not in and she came in a short sleeve shirt.

HOLY SHIT MOSES- it's the holy grail of tattoos all over her arms, and whatever other parts of her body- and to finish her picture- she's totally got the 80's hair going on. Again, it's work- I don't want to get to know you that way- (we can have fun, but buddies we won't be)...but I started laughing (in my head) and I think my eyes gave it away because she asked me- "do you think I can wear short sleeves while he's here?" it was my chance to completely put her in jeopardy but I said she better keep those covered up...and went back to my office thinking...'I wanna rock!...ROCK!' with the headbanging crowd and all...and just kept giggling to myself for the rest of the day.

Oh the irony!