Living in the shadows of Greatness

Meet the Beatles

2023-10-23T16:50:00.000-07:00

It was the first week of September of 1968. This was before my Father was Ludlow Porch, he was mild mannered Claims adjuster Bob Hanson the owner of Hanson Claims Service with offices in Atlanta, Macon, and Athens and looking to expand even more. He heard about an adjusters convention that was supposed to be the best of the best for building a franchise and he wanted to go. The desicion was easy, the hard part was it was London but he was going.

He made reservations for him and my Mom. It was a 5 day trip, starting Thursday morning with the last class about noon on Sunday. Everything was all set...Then came the problem. My little Sister came down with the mumps and my Mom said she could not leave a sick baby with a babysitter for five day and go traipsing halfway around the world. The airline tickets were not refundable but they were transferable. My Mom shot down the idea of my Dad taking his secretary. My older Sister Barbara was the next logical choice but she had a date to go to her first Homecoming dance on Saturday. That left me and I was packing before I was told I was going.

We left Wednesday afternoon because stuff started for my Dad Thursday morning. It was dark when we checked in and jet lag was all over me so we went straight to bed. Morning came fast and we went downstairs and had breakfast. Keep in mind I had just turned 10 a few days earlier and I did have a small wild streak and my Dad knew it.

We went back to the room and he sat me down and held my shoulders and looked me straight in the eye and said "Now Phil, I'm gonna be gone about 8 hours and I need you to STAY in the hotel, do you understand that". I assured him that I did and I would, and I meant to.

Thursday I was still tired so I did stay in the hotel building. I don't remember the name but it was one of those big old 100 year+ hotels with a lot of stuff in it so I stayed busy.

Friday was a different story. I did some scouting and I found out our hotel was only 4 blocks from Abbey Road Studios. I had been a HUGE Beatles fan since I saw them in Atlanta 3 years earlier.

My Dad left Friday about 8:00 and I was gone at 8:15 on my adventure. I was rich we had converted dollars into pounds and I must have had 14 or 15 pounds burning a hole in my pocket but shopping could wait I needed to see Abbey Road Studios and maybe even Beatle...A 10 year old mind can wish.

There was a very light mist as there usually is in London and I made my way the 4 blocks to Abbey Road. I made it and it looked like an office building. I was a bit disappointed but I didn't know what to expect.

While standing on the curb looking at the building a car pulled up to the curb and I didn't pay much attention to it and I guess they didn't pay too much attention to me because suddenly the back door swung open hard and hit me in the butt and knocked me down. A very proper English Gentleman and a boy about my age got out. The man was very apologetic and made sure I was okay. I said I was fine but he insisted on talking to my parents to apologize to them but I explained I was alone and just stopped by to try to see a Beatle and he laughed and told me to come with him and his Son and I did.

We walked right up those steps like we owned the building and went right in. There was only one security guard at the door and we walked right past him as he said "Good morning Mr. Martin".

At this point I still didn't understand who Mr. Martin was but I would in a few minutes.

We walked up 2 flights of stairs to a door that said George Martin on it and it was beginning to make sense now. He introduced me to his Son Greg and told him to show me around and to introduce me to "The Boys" when they came in.

Greg ask me how old I was and he made sure I understood he was a year older than me, even though I was about 2 inches taller. He showed me around for about an hour and we went everywhere then he said he thinks the boys are coming in. They were supposed to be there at 9:00 but they were always late. We went to the main studio and the catering company had just put out pastries and coffee and hot water for tea and OJ and milk. Greg said we need to eat before John got there because he was a pig. About 10:30 Ringo shows up and heads straight to the pastries and made some tea. Greg introduced us and we shook hands and made small talk and I was in heaven. About 10 minutes later Paul comes in and it was kinda the same thing and I'm still in heaven. Then George shows up and walked straight over and started hooking up his guitars. Greg introduced me to George and he was very nice. About an hour later the three that were there were making small talk and playing a little bit of this and that. I didn't know at the time but they were working on The White Album. Paul was working on The Birthday Song and I thought that was cool. It was now 11:30 and still no John. George spoke up and said "Hey kid, can play the guitar and sing, you can fill in for John".

About that time John and Yoko show up and he yells sorry I'm late...Paul says he's always late. John headed straight for the pastries and loaded up a plate and made 2 cups of coffee, Yoko was on her own. Greg was right he was a pig.

Greg took me over to meet John and Yoko and John ask Greg if I was a friend of his and as John was taking a sip of coffee Greg said "No my Dad hit him with the car this morning and he felt sorry for him and brought him in". That was the point that John blew coffee out of his nose. Greg explained what happened and it was all good.

They all sat there feeding off each other and playing this and that and it was all new to me because the White Album had not come out yet but I was looking forward to it.

Well if you have gotten this far I guess I can tell you this only happened in my mind...I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

The Great Village Inn Pizza Fight

2023-08-26T04:07:00.005-07:00

This is the story about me being in my one and only police lineup. A million or so years ago around 1978 I was in the Marine Corps stationed in Charleston, South Carolina. If I remember correctly I was spending a quiet evening at the barracks watching TV. In town was a different story. Two Marines from our base decided to stop in to the Village Inn Pizza place for pizza and beer. At the time they had no idea that there was a Navy retirement party going on at the same place. The Navy had reserved the back room for the party and there were between 75 and 100 sailors in attendance. One of the Marines went to the bathroom and there were 3 sailors there also. The sailors had been drinking for about 3 hours at this point and they decided that 3 on 1 in the bathroom would be a fair fight and normally it would but they were drunk. There was a lot of noise in the bathroom and the other Marine joined him in the bathroom. 2 of the sailors were unconscious and the third one got away and got back to his buddies. The sailors came swarming out like ants at a picnic and basically beat the crap out of the Marines. Feeling pretty good about themselves they tossed the Marines out into the parking lot. The Marines were feeling pretty dejected and hurt and they came back to base to lick their wounds.

When they got back to base they checked in with the Sargent of the guard when the Officer of the day saw them he came out of the office and said " What the Hell happened here"? Once the story was told to him he was livid and told the SOG to knock on every door and get as many Marines as he could find. While he was doing that he had 5 vans and 3 trucks pull up outside. This Captain probably overstepped his limits but he didn't care at that point.

About 40 Marines headed to the Village Inn Pizza. When we got there it was about 10:00 and the party was still going strong. We marched in and went straight to the back room. Our Captain went to speak to one of the Navy officers and it went downhill from there. I think it might have been okay but the Navy office pushed my Captain. My Captain punched the Navy officer and he dropped like a rock and so it began. After about 10 minutes 4 Charleston police showed up and jumped up and down and ran around in circles and did nothing. The restaurant was a mess with bleeding and unconscious sailors laying around the broken furniture and we left and went back to the barracks and thought it was over but it wasn't.

Monday morning the Charleston police and the manager of the Village Inn Pizza place showed up at the base to pick out and prosecute the Marines involved. So out CO had EVERYONE fall-out on the parade deck. There were about 250 of us in formation for the police lineup. The police and the restaurant manager walked up and down looking at everyone. After about 10 minutes the manager pulled the police aside and told him "Damn it they all look alike".

That was the end of it but we were restricted from going back to the Village Inn Pizza place. How did I ever live this long?

Worlds fastest and most powerful hair dryer

2023-05-03T14:11:00.000-07:00

The story must be told...In high school my best buddy was Jimmy Johnson and he lived 4 houses up Will Lee Rd. from me in beautiful Red Oak, Georgia. Jimmy had a few different cars in the day and the one in the picture was one of those cars but back in the day it was green. I know it doesn't look like it from the picture but this is also the World's fastest and most powerful hair dryer.

I'll explain. Jimmy drove to school everyday and out of the kindness of his heart he would pick me up and we would ride together. I was not as punctual then as I am now and I would over sleep more times than not. Jimmy would come to the house and if I did not pop right out he would just come in and come upstairs to my room. There was 6 boys in the house so nobody even paid any attention when he came in, the fact is I don't remember our doors ever being locked, if it did lock I never had a key. Anyway Jimmy would yell get your butt up we gotta go and I would say I'll meet you in the car. He would head back to the car to probably listen to that rock & Roll music and I would grab whatever I was wearing to school and run downstairs and jumped in the shower. My hair was longer then than it is now as you can see in the picture but after the 90 second shower there was no time to dry it at home. This is where the world's fastest and most powerful hair dryer comes into play. We lived about 5 miles from school so the way Jimmy drove that would give me about 3 1/2 to 4 minutes to dry my hair and the best way to do that was to be on my knees and hang my head out as far as I could looking kinda like a Golden Retriever on a long family vacation but it worked. By the time we got to school my hair was clean and was wind swept into perfection. I'll never forget that green LeMans. Precious Memories how they linger.

You can't fool your parents

2023-04-27T21:30:00.000-07:00

Your parents didn't miss nearly as much as you thought they did...This would have been about 1973...OMG that was 50 years ago. WOW! Anyway, I would have been 15 years old and living in Red Oak Georgia with my Dad, my Step-Mom and my 5 Step-brothers. My Dad was working in Radio full time by then and many times him and his wife would travel on the weekends because my Dad was also a popular after dinner speaker and us 6 boys, 2 were 15, 1 was 14, 1 was 13, one was about 11 or maybe 12, and 1 about 9. In today's world parents would go to jail for leaving 6 small boys to fend for themselves over a long brutal weekend alone probably starving to death. In 1973 we said..."Have fun, see ya when you get back.

It probably would have started Friday night, I would have been depressed and lonely stuck in Red Oak with 5 other boys and I was going to do something about it. I worked at the National Triple Theater on Old National Highway at the time so I had some money but there was no where to spend it on Will Lee Rd and I was going to remedied that. I had a motorcycle but it was a dirt bike with no tag or headlight so that was out. So I picked the only other option I could come up with...I'll take one of my Dad's cars...That sounded like a swell idea but there was a small problem with...Being 15 I only had my learner's license. I was not worried about my driving ability because at 15 I already knew everything especially how to drive.

I decided that would be a good night to take the Dodge instead of the Orange & White VW Bus. My Dad must have been going through his mid-life crisis because in 1968 he bought a brand new Dodge Coronet 440 and it was a true hotrod.

Anyway I waited long enough so I could be sure the old folks were truly out of town and were not going to sneak back to try to catch us at something.

I knew where he kept the keys so that was not a problem. So at about 6:30 or so I hit the road for a wild Friday night on the town. It was not going to be too wild because I was a good boy and didn't smoke or drink or do drugs. I just liked to drive.

I was gonna head to where all the action was on Old National Highway. On my way there the temperature light came on and it was up to about 220° after about 5 miles so I pulled into a gas station and popped the hood to take a look. It looked like an easy fix, the upper radiator hose had a crack in it and it wouldn't hold water. I let it cool down and added water and drove straight to a parts store and bought a hose and replaced it in the parking lot, nothing to it.

Overall it was an uneventful weekend cruising all around Red Oak, East Point, and College Park.

Back home safe and sound in plenty of time before the folks got home Sunday.

The next day my Dad took the Dodge to work and that was unusual because he liked driving his Skylark.

When he got home he came straight to wherever I was and he said he wanted to thank me for fixing the busted hose on the Dodge. You see he had driven it the week before when the hose broke and he had an appointment to get it fixed Monday morning. I said alright which kid told you I drove it and he said nobody said a word, he just knew it was me.

It makes me wonder just what else they knew about...I don't really wanna know.

New Bat Kite

2023-03-07T10:03:00.002-08:00

This would have been about 1975 or so and it was a GLORIOUS spring day in College Park, Georgia and for some reason I was at my high school after hours. My high school was Lakeshore High School in College Park Georgia.

Being in College Park we were just a few miles from the Atlanta Airport. In fact we were so close that when a plane flew over the teacher would have to stop talking because we had no AC so the windows were all open. That's how close we were. I said all that to say this.

We had a concrete football Stadium behind the school with a large press box on the top of the stadium. On the top of the stadium I saw a friend of mine Mike Brown with a strange black kite that looked like a bat. I had never seen a kite like that before so I went up to investigate. Mike told me this was a brand new kite design with no tail. It was already in the air when I got there and it was flying great. Mike told me he had 4000 feet of string and looking at the spool about the size of a pineapple I had no reason to doubt him. After about 30 minutes all was going well and the kite was flying strong and pulling hard. Mike said, lets see how high it will go and he started letting out string.

Now from time to time they would change the traffic pattern at the airport and this was one of those time when all of the sudden planes started their landing approach almost directly over our football stadium. With about 3000 feet of string most normal kids would have panicked and would have quickly started reeling in the string. Well that's not what we did, I yelled MORE STRING and so Mike did just that...Up to about 3500 feet now we were laughing like crazy people because as each plane went over the turbulence from the plane would cause the kite to dip and dive and sway back and forth and we laughed even harder. Then it happened...A Delta plane came over and the kite disappeared and the spool of string was ripped out of Mike's hands and landed about 200 feet away in the middle of the football field. The kite had been sucked into the engine of the plane.

We were convinced the plane was on the was down and killing everyone on board so we decided it would be a good time to go home. On the way to the car we were expecting to hear the crash but it never happened. I'm sure there was an investigation but I was not involved. I'm hoping the statue of limitations has run out by now.

#Batkite

Robert Plant is a good guy.

2023-02-07T21:03:00.004-08:00

I've got another Big Ed story...The absolute very best part time job I EVER had was being a Swag Merchant. For those who are scratching their head with that I sold merchandise at concerts and sporting events. I really don't remember how I even got involved in it but I'm glad I did. You see Scott Eisenberg ran most of the merchandising that went on in Atlanta including everything at the Omni, sports, concerts, basically anything that went on at the Omni that included selling T-Shirt, hats, posters, and so on. Also we did the Braves World Series at the old Atlanta Fulton County Stadium. So you got the picture, Big Ed and I were vendors. We would need to be at an event many hours before hand because there was a lot of work to do before and after the show. This would have been in the late 80's I think. Now remember Big Ed and I were roommates as well as doing this side gig together.

Robert Plant and Jimmy Page from Led Zeppelin were on tour together as strangely enough "Plant & Page". For some reason Big Ed was not able to do that concert. After I got my cart together and put it where it needed to be and all the T-shirts and hats and posters and programs were all displayed in all they're glory there was not much to do but wait. I think for a 7:30 show they would open the doors about 6:00. We would have been setup by 4:30 or so. The bands would do a sound check no later than 5:00. This was always very cool because they would do a song or two in the sound check. Most of the vendors would step inside and watch and listen because there was no people yet so it was just you and the band and no other noise.

This night after the sound check I was hanging out at my cart and display when the elevator across from my cart opened and Robert Plant stepped off and walked over to my display to check it out. We chatted for a second and he ask how sales have been? I looked him square in the eye and said, " We haven't opened yet". He apologized and said "Well that was dumb" and we laughed.

Then I had an idea and I knew I would NEVER have this chance again. I ask if he would do me a favor and he said sure if I can and I said you can. I told him about Big Ed and what a big fan he was and I ask if he would call Big Ed and just say hello...He said sure that will be fun. As we walked the 30 feet to the payphone I said this must get old, I'm sure people ask you to do this all the time and he said, no actually no one's ever asked me to do this, so I felt better.

I popped a quarter in the payphone and called my house and it started ring and I handed Robert the phone...There was no answer. At the tone Robert said "Big Ed...This is Robert Plant and I'm down here with your buddy Phil...I'm really sorry you're not home I had a couple of back stage passes for you tonight I would have loved to have met you...Maybe next time" then he handed me the phone and I said "Sorry you're not home...See you later"

Robert was laughing and said "How did I do"? I said you couldn't have done better. Then he said I guess it's time to go to work for both of us. I thanked him and he went away.

I got home about 1:30 or 2:00 and Big Ed was still up and the first thing he said was, "Okay who was that you had call me this afternoon"? I said who do you think it was, you knew where I was...Big Ed responded "€£○|♤ zf:^( ^%[ "?[=÷ "

His response can not be repeated in mixed company. Big Ed kept that tape for many years after that.

#RobertPlant #LedZeppelin

My Soul Food Lesson

2023-02-05T22:18:00.003-08:00

This would have been about 1978 or so, I was still in the Marines and I was stationed at the Navel Weapons Station, Charleston, South Carolina. It was really in Goose Creek, SC but not very people know where that is.

Being born in the late 50's in Atlanta and raised in Birmingham, then Decatur I grew up in pretty much a white world. I went to Peachcrest elementary school in Decatur from 1st through 7th grade and I did it in ONLY 7 years. During that time Peachcrest was full of white students. I truly do not remember ever seeing a black child there the whole time.

Then I moved to Lakeshore High School in College Park, Georgia from 8th through 12th...Again in only 5 years.

Lakeshore was a bit more diverse than Peachcrest as they still had mostly white but they also had Black, Hispanic, Asian, and we even had an exchange student from Sweden. I said that to say this, I still mostly lived in my mostly white world. Yes I had black friends and some were better friends than others. I played sports and was very involved in the chorus and I had black friends in all of that but it was not until I joined the Marine Corps that I truly had GOOD friends that were black. My first day in the Marine Corps I learned there were NO black or white Marines we were ALL green, and we were. When you are in a life and death situation whether it is real or you are training for that situation you want someone next to you that has been through the same stuff you have and that thinks like you do so when you are knee deep in mud with barbed wire all around you and you stick out your hand for help you are glad there is a green guy there to pull you out.

This is the story of John...He was one of my very best friends that I had in the Marine Corps. I met John the very first day I made it to Charleston and we hit it off right away. If you haven't guessed yet John was one of those Black/Green guys. You see there was a LOT of Yankee boys stationed in Charleston for some reason and me being from Atlanta Georgia, and John being from Hickory, North Carolina we hit it off just fine.

The food in the chow hall in Charleston was pretty good mainly because it was run by civilians. There were only 300 Marines at the base. The base is where they maintained and rotated Poseidon and Trident missiles from submarines including the nuclear warheads there on the base. Apparently the government didn't trust the Navy to guard their own base so that's where we came in.

John and I hung out a lot when we were off duty including eating many meals together both on and off base.

One day John ask how I liked Soul Food...I replied that I don't think I have ever had any and he replied that I was in for a treat. The very next day John took my to a little hole in the wall and I think it was just called Mama's. We parked and went in and I noticed I was the only white person and I didn't care because of what I was smelling...OMG I was in heaven. This was not John's first time because the waitress called him by name and hugged his neck and he introduced me and she hugged my neck, I was liking this place more and more.

She handed us the menus and said I'll go ahead and get your Sweet Tea even though neither of us had said a word about Sweet Tea, she just knew.

John said what do you think about the menu? It's the best Soul food in South Carolina. I looked over the menu and I looked John square in the eye and told him I was a little disappointed. He seemed very confused and ask why?

I explained that I thought you were taking me to some wild and exotic place with food from around the world and I'm looking at this menu and EVERY SINGLE THING on the menu I have eaten at both of my Grandmother's house within past year...Don't get me wrong we had a splendid meal and we came back many times and thanks to John I found out I had been eating Soul food all of my life.

#SoulFood

Big Ed was one of a kind.

2023-02-02T14:44:00.001-08:00

I'm gonna throw out another Big Ed story but first I want to make something very clear, please don't think I'm telling these stories about Big Ed to make you think I disrespected Ed or I'm trying to make him sound stupid, nothing could be further from the truth I loved Big Ed like a brother and we had MANY "adventures" together and he was very intelligent but he did have his times like we all do and this is one of those times...

Big Ed had been a smoker for as long as I had known him and this was a time it came back to bite him. This would have been about 1987 and Big Ed would have been driving an 81 or 82 Buick Regal. He was on his way home and we were roommates in my house in Lawrenceville Georgia and this is the story I got from Big Ed..."I was on 85 North heading home and I cracked my window and threw my cigarette out and didn't think anything else about it. After 4 or 5 more miles I glanced in my rear view mirror and saw smoke and thought that there must be a fire somewhere I just passed and I drove another mile or two and now the smoke was heavy and I looked in my side mirror and saw no smoke behind me and just that fast in my rear view mirror I SAW FLAMES...Fricken Flames in my back seat! I pulled over super fast and pulled off my Levi's jacket and went to work on my back seat, another guy pulled over and helped me with a towel and after about 2 minutes we had it out".

When Big Ed got home he came in and said Have I Got A Story For You! We went outside to scope out the damage. It was directly in the center of the back seat was a hole about 2×2 all the way to the springs. He drove it like that for at least a year before he found another rear seat in a junk yard...Big Ed was one of a kind and I miss him.

Shot in the forehead

2023-02-02T10:21:00.002-08:00

Let's go back to Bostwick, population 378 to the year 1964 or 65.

We have all gathered at my Grandparents house for a reunion or birthday party it didn't matter to me I was just glad to be there because I knew I was too young to be given a job setting up or cooking so I knew my Mom and her Sisters would run me out of the house to play and there was nothing I liked better than that. My Grandfather was a Dairy farmer and there were tons of stuff to do on a working farm. I would start in his blacksmith shop, I would turn the bellows to push as much air as I could into coal, no fire so don't worry. Then I would take one of the big hammers and bang on the anvil. I had permission to do this because they thought that even I couldn't break an anvil, they were right, I couldn't.

Then it off to the hay barn where I would climb to the 2nd floor and jump into the hay stack below and not once did I find a needle.

As I would wander back up to the house I had to pass the gas pump. This pump was about 10 foot tall with a glass globe at the top. You pump the handle at the bottom and the globe would fill with gas and you take the pump in hand and Mr. Gravity will let you put all the gas you pumped up into your car, truck, or tractor and if you were just playing the gas would slowly go back into the tank, no harm done.

Let's get back to the party, remember I was sent outside until I was called. While I was playing in the barn we had a summer rain shower. I was wearing the official uniform of all boys in 1964, a white t-shirt Levi's blue jeans rolled up because my Mom wanted me to get at least 2 years out of them but it was usually the knees or the seat that wore out first. Last but not least I had on my PF Flyers because I really wanted to run faster and jump higher and the PF Flyer commercial said I could do that with those shoes and I thought it worked.

Anyway it was a REALLY hot day in middle Georgia and after a rain everything was steaming so I wanted to cool off. In the front yard there were 2 really big live oak trees and with a full groth of leaves it was still dripping from the rain. I needed to make it drip more cause I was hot. Around the mailbox and the driveway was made with gravel as were most driveways in the South. I would throw a rock into the tree and glorious water would fall from the leaves and drench me with cool water. I thought I was in heaven until one-time I threw the rock and I'm looking up waiting on the water and the water came but so did the rock and it popped me right in the middle of my forehead. I thought "Dang that hurt" and didn't think anything else about it so I continued being the rain maker for about 10 more minutes.

It was getting close to time to eat so I headed to the door. The front door was open but the screen door was locked so I knocked on the screen door and my Mom's oldest Sister Aunt Helen came out of the kitchen with a platter in her hands as she saw me she put the platter down and let out a blood curdling scream and ran to the door. It scared me to death, I thought she saw a bear behind me or something so she opened the door and grabbed my arm and pulled me down the hall to the bathroom, I thought she had lost her mind until we got to the bathroom and I saw myself in the mirror. It looked like Dirty Harry had shot me in the forehead with a 44 magnum. My forehead and face were covered in blood and my uniform white t-shirt was red also. A tiny pinhole from the rock mixed with water and me continuing to play did a number on me. Too bad there were no cellphone cameras then I'd kinda like to see that again.

Helping Granddaddy feed the cows.

2023-02-01T20:02:00.005-08:00

My Grandfather on my Mother's side was a Dairy farmer and his Farm was in Bostwick Georgia. My Grandfather was born in 1888 and was 70 years old when I was born. I'm going tell a couple of stories about life on the farm.

I was about 10 years old and My Grandfather got up and said to me, "Come on with me boy we gotta feed those cows so I went right behind him until we got to his 1948 or 49 red stake bed international Harvester truck. It was a pretty big truck and I'm guessing it was about 4 foot high in the bed and it was full of hay. We drove down to the main gate and he said, go open that gate and close it when I pull in. There were about 100 acre before you hit the fence at the end of the pasture. My Grandfather pulled the throttle out a little and opened his door as he said "slide over here and drive this truck. Keep in mind he is 80 years old at this point. He hit the ground at that point as the truck passed him he grabbed the back post on the truck and he swung up into the truck and there I was sitting behind what felt like about a 5 foot steering wheel. My Grandfather pulled out his Barlow knife and was throwing bales of hay and cutting twine all in one motion. We reached about half way through the pasture and we were heading to the fence. My Grandfather finished with the hay and jumped out of the back of the truck and ran up and jumped on the running board, opened the door and said slide over. He thanked me for the help and for keeping the truck straight. We drove back to the farm to the hay barn and we filled the bed with hay for the next day.

I was feeling pretty cocky about driving that big ol truck and then loading it for the next feeding.

It took me a while to figure out what had just happened and it dawned on me that my Grandfather would do that exact same thing without me being there.

The pasture was kinda flat and he would just pull the throttle out to about 4 to 5mph and just jump out and do it all by himself everyday, then jump out and run up and jump back in the truck. But what he did was give me a story I can and will tell my kids and grandchildren if I ever have any. Plus I'm telling you about it now!

Sure do miss my Granddaddy!

Big Ed's Big Adventure

2023-01-31T01:58:00.002-08:00

Let me tell you about a really good buddy of mine...I'll just call him Big Ed! Big Ed and I were roommates for many years until I got married. For some reason my wife didn't want Big Ed to live with us...Hindsight being 20-20 I probably should have kept Big Ed and...Oh nevermind.

Big Ed was of German descent and he looked it, he had a very German first,, middle,, and last name and he was a Jr. he was about 6'2" with blonde hair and blue eyes and he was pushing 300lbs, that's why he was called Big Ed.

Big Ed loved to ask people if they would like to know what his Father did during WWII and of course everyone would say yes and he would tell them, "He was dropping bombs the Motherland". Big Ed's Father was a Bombardier on a B-52 bomber.

Big Ed had a few jobs in his time and he love to tell the story of the time he was a Courier and he was transporting human tissue. It seems that the tissue was in a cooler filled with dry ice. It was a cool day so Big Ed was driving with the windows closed and the heater on. After he picked the cooler up somewhere south of the Atlanta Airport he headed to Alpharetta to complete the drop off. About 10 minutes into the trip he started to feel a little light headed and a little sick to his stomach. The light headedness got worse and he thought he was going to pass out so he made it to the side of the road and stopped and barely got the door open and he fell out of the car on to the ground. He was just a little north of the airport on I-85. 3 or 4 cars pulled over to see if he needed help but after he laid still next to his car for a few minutes he started feeling better and told everyone he was fine and sent them away. Big Ed shook it off and was back in the car and was heading to Alpharetta. As he got on to Highway 400 he started to feel lighthearted again and it came on pretty fast this time and he barely got the car stopped before he got his door open and he blacked out. He didn't really know how long he was out but when he woke up there were about 30 people standing around him and a paramedic had an oxygen mask over his nose. He started feeling much better and was about ready to jump back in his car but the police that were there ask a few questions and he told them the whole story. One of the paramedics called him over and said I see the trouble sir. Somehow the lid came off the cooler and with all the windows he had been breathing the carbon dioxide gas from the dry ice. The paramedic said he was lucky to be alive.

Big Ed made sure the lid on the cooler was on extra tight and kept a window open the rest of the trip.

Children will not be bored, they will entertain themselves

2023-01-28T20:52:00.001-08:00

A few days ago I talked about living on Brookcrest Cir. in Decatur GA and what a steep driveway we had near the top of a very long and very steep hill. I'm gonna tell you what fun you can have with a steep driveway and a long steep hill. We had no cell phones or laptops or tablets or for that matter no internet so our mean parents forced us to play outside, can you imagine that?

We found things to do to entertain ourselves and had a real good time doing it. Let me tell you about one of the things we did. We would ride anything on wheels, bikes, skateboards, large Tonka trucks, skates, strollers and Flexible Flyers, and even at least 1 minibike.

We had a ball rolling down my driveway on everything I just mentioned. After a while we got bored with just riding down my driveway so we came up with something new. Somebody came up with a used tire and with that we thought the possibilities were endless. We came up with a new game called Dodge Tire. One at a time the rider would start about 2 houses above mine and would ride whatever they had down the big hill but the twist was someone would be in my steep driveway with the tire and try to time it just right and try to knock the person that was riding into the street. That all sounds well and good and easy to do but it was not. We were all pretty young and had not learned much about geometry or gravity yes so we almost always missed the rider but when we did connect it was a GLORIOUS THING!

Out of nowhere someone showed up to play with a truck tire. Now this tire was nearly twice the size of the car tire we were using and as bloodthirsty as we were we decided it would be unsafe to use the truck tire on children.

We started a new game but it didn't last very long and I will explain why. First of all I had no idea where these tires came from we were right in the middle of a very nice neighborhood with nice houses and fine tried lawns and no junkyards within at least 10 miles but I digress.

This new game went like this, the person was still in my driveway with the car tire and the other person would start the truck tire a couple of houses up and start the tire rolling. We had a plan if we failed to hit the truck tire. You see there was someone posted in the street below my house to stop the truck tire incase it got by the car tire...The first try was a miss by the car tire and the truck tire was picking up speed and the guy who's job it was to stop the truck tire chickened out and dove out of the way and at that point there was NOTHING anyone could do but stop and watch...We're talking about a big heavy truck tire rolling straight down a long steep with nothing in the way...Except the house at the bottom of the hill. It was lined up perfectly and the tire hit the curb and bounced one time in the yard then onto the front porch then right in the middle of the front door knocking the door and the frame into the middle of the living room floor. There was a stunned silence at the top of the hill then all at once it was like watching a cartoon where everyone runs in the air for 2 seconds before we could move but when we did you could here front doors of every kid out there slamming shut as we ALL went home. This was about 55 years ago and I'm assuming the statue of limitations has run out on this case. Kids left alone will not be bored they will entertain themselves.

Riding a Rocket on Wheels

2023-01-26T11:51:00.001-08:00

We moved to Brookcrest Cir in Decatur, Georgia in the summer before I turned 6 years old in September. The reason I remember that is because the cut off date to start 1st grade was September 1st and I was born September 4th. I'm not sure what kind if promises or threats or lies my Mom and Dad told the school board but they get me in 1st grade 361 days before I was supposed to be there, that being said I was almost always the youngest at every grade level.

Brookcrest Cir. Had a part that was a long steep hill that would dead-end into another cross road. This was a very typical 1960's neighborhood with typical split level and 2 story homes with 1/3 to 1/2 acre lots. We had a 4 bedroom 2 bath split level house and we also had a VERY steep driveway and we were almost at the top of Brookcrest Cir.

The neighborhood was full of kids in fact I can only think of a couple of houses that didn't have kids. The kids ranged in age from about 2 or 3 up through High school and truly every age in-between.

It seemed that everyone had something to ride and I was no exception I had a bike and a death machine called a Flexible Flyer. It was a sled with wheels and no breaks. I think back now and wonder if my parents had a HUGE life insurance policy on me. I would ride that thing down my steep driveway and crash into the curb across the street and I would measure how far I would fly into the neighbors yard. One day I did something I had been told not to do many times. I started at the top of Brookcrest Cir and I headed down the hill, now the hill was about 150 yards long from where I started so I had plenty of time to pickup speed. About halfway down and I'm guessing about 35mph at that point I noticed a very familiar turning and heading up the hill...It was my Dad.

I passed him going down and I couldn't think of anything else to do at that point so I waved... He waved back.

When I got home I had completely worn the toes out of my tennis shoes trying to stop, I mean you could see socks on both feet.

My Dad called me to the den when I came home and said, "Phil...I saw a little boy riding your flyer down the street on the way home and I know it wasn't you because I told you to NEVER ride that thing down that big hill. I hope that little boy didn't get hurt. You be careful who you let ride that thing...Do we have an understanding about that"? I agreed I understood.

A few days later my Flyer just disappeared for no reason...To this day I still wonder where it went.

Gotta love Willie Nelson

2023-01-25T00:11:00.002-08:00

Now for a Willie Nelson story...About 5 or 6 years ago when I was driving a limousine full time I would occasionally drive celebrities and this night I went to Chastain Park and picked up Willie Nelson, his bass player and his harmonica player after their concert to take them to the Ritz Carlton in Buckhead.

I was driving a Ford Expedition, no limousine and I was at the right place at the appointed time. First out was the harmonica player with 2 cases full of harmonicas, how do I know? Because he showed me. He said Willie would be a few minutes because he likes to take a shower after a show outside. Next came the bass player followed by Willie. The bass player sat in the front next to me and the harmonica player in the back passenger side and Willie was behind me.

Willie works on his Farm Aid Concert all year round. These concerts raise money to help Farmers that are in trouble for one reason or the other due to natural disasters or many others reasons to keep their head above water in bad times. Willie is very much hands on with everything involved on putting the concert on including getting the acts to preform and apparently that day was one of those days. All was quiet in the car for about 2 minutes when the harmonica player ask Willie if he had ever gotten back with KC as in KC and the Sunshine Band about the Farm Aid show. Willie responded with "yeah I talked to that Sum Bitch this afternoon". Then there was a short pause and the harmonica player said...Well what did he say? Willie said "That Sum Bitch told me he would do it for $50,000, I looked into the phone like he could see me and I said Man we are raising money to help farmers in need we ain't paying any performers then he said he would come for $50,000, then I yelled into the phone YOU STUPID SON OF A BITCH YOU WEREN'T WORTH $50,000 WHEN YOU WERE POPULAR AND PEOPLE KNEW WHO YOU WERE, then I slammed the phone down and broke the handset". Then the bass player said, " So I guess KC's not coming? We all had a good laugh after that.

#WillieNelson

The Lewis Grizzard you might not know

2023-01-25T00:05:00.001-08:00

I'm sure there are some of you that don't know that Lewis Grizzard and my Father, Ludlow Porch were Step-brothers. Lewis Grizzard Sr. married Ludlows Mother making Lewis Jr. My Step-uncle. Anyway I have told this story in private but never on in my blog so here we go

I worked for Lewis for a few years in the early to mid 80's. What I did for Lewis was...Well anything he needed/wanted me to do. Lewis's career was really starting to rock at this point, his newspaper column was in print 3 days a week and he was syndicated in several hundred newspapers across the country and that caused him to be in great demand as an after dinner speaker. He was invited to dinner at the Whitehouse and was even on the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson but before he was on Designing Women. He found himself in high demand and that was good because that meant more money.

Lewis didn't like to fly but he did but flying was always Plan B so he bought a Chevy conversion van with all of the Bells and whistles including a Queen size bed, a built-in cooler and a remote control television. Lewis was doing well over 50 after dinner speeches a year and we had a 4 hour rule. If we could drive home in 4 hours after the speech we would take the van and we took the van a lot. There was a few things that Lewis loved most of a...Miller Lite beer, Vodka & tonic with lime, fried chicken, and last but certainly not least was young ladies...Before you get your boxers in a bunch I'm not talking about children these girls were ALL over 18 and I know that as a fact. One time Lewis described the perfect girl for him:

1. She should be in her early to mid 20's

2. She should have gone to a SEC College majoring in Home economics.

3. She should have been or at least tried out to be cheerleader as some point in her life.

4. This was a big one...She must not mind if he cheats on her.

Simple as that.

I said all of that to say this: This happened on a random Saturday not in UGA football season.

We were at Lewis's house on Burdette Rd. in North Buckhead about 1:00 or 2:00PM and Lewis came I and said, "I've got a couple of girls coming over in about an hour so listen for the doorbell"

I said Lewis I wish you had said something when it involves me and he quickly interrupted me and said this doesn't involve you, they're both for me...But I did use your name and I ask why use my name? He said in case there's a raid I can't afford to have my name out in the public like that. I said I guess it's okay as long as you use YOUR credit card and he did.

After 3 or 4 hours they all 3 emerged from upstairs. I said I'm going to pickup Chinese food for dinner and I got everyone's order and off I went.

Once I got back and we were eating I was having Pot Stickers and one of the girls ask what that was and I explained it was steamed pork dumplings and ask if she would like one and she said very quickly "Oh I can't have that, I'm Jewish".

Lewis, the other girl and myself all looked at each other and busted out laughing and I ask "So you can't have pork but it's okay for you to come here with another girl and spend 4 hours doing God knows whatever with a complete stranger over and over again". She started laughing with us and guess what? She likes Pot Stickers.

#LewisGrizzard

Hopping a freight train.

2023-01-24T23:40:00.004-08:00

I'm guessing I was about 14 at the time because I was still riding the bus back and forth to school. This was one of those days. It was one of those warm spring days and I was on the bus sitting next to a buddy that most of my Lakeshore people will know, Danny Ingram. Anyway Danny suggested I get off the bus at his house so we could mess around...14 year old boys mess around a lot. So I got off at his house about 750 feet from Downtown Red Oak, Georgia, his house was directly on Roosevelt Highway. We went inside and told his Mom we were there and I called my house to say I would be late, I only lived about a mile from Danny straight down Will Lee Road after the big curve where it changed from Ben Hill Road to Will Lee Road...My Red Oak people will know what I'm talking about.

We had as much fun inside as we could so we moved outside to see what we could get into. Directly across the street from Danny's house was the Railroad tracks and we thought the coolest thing we could do was to put pennies on the tracks so a train would mash them flat and we could see a train coming. We ran over and put 3 or 4 pennies on the track cause the train was coming...It was coming sloooow. The Engineer yelled at us to get away from the tracks but we ignored his request. Get the picture this was a VERY slow train. There were a few tanker cars about 30 automobile carrying cars and about 30 boxcar.

Thats when we saw it, an open boxcar and it was like divine intervention because we both thought and did the exact thing at the exact time without speaking a word...Yep we both took off running for the open boxcar and we jumped and pulled ourselves in laughing so hard we were crying. The train was still going very slow and we said we will jump out in a minute and walk back to Danny's house. There we were standing in the open boxcar waving at the cars on Roosevelt Highway and having the time of our life until we realized the train was now going too fast for us to jump out without getting hurt.

We were still having a ball and we thought when we got to Fairburn it would slow down and we could jump out and walk home...Nope if anything it was going faster. At this point we were making plans on how to get home from Miami.

We were moving right along and still waving at everyone we saw until we got to Palmetto when we waved at a Palmetto policeman. He was heading north and we were heading south. He threw his blue lights on and did a very fast U-Turn and he rode along beside us for a couple of miles then he took off to the front of the train. After about 5 minutes the train started to slow down and we decided it was almost time to jump and run for it but before it got slow enough the police car was right beside us. He was out of his car when we stopped and motioned for us to come to him and we did. He said "Just where the Hell did you think you were going"?

We didn't have a good answer. He put us in the back of his car and we went to the Palmetto police station. We thought they were gonna lock us up but they didn't. Danny called his Mother and she came down and picked us up. Not a word was said on the way back to Red Oak and that was the last time I got off the school bus at Danny's house.

The next day at school Danny told me the policeman told his Mom that he had a hard time getting the train to stop and we were almost to Newnan before it stopped. Oh the trials and tribulations of a 14-year-old boy. I'm guessing the mashed pennies are still there if anyone wants to go look.

Who stole Christmas?

2023-01-24T23:40:00.003-08:00

It was the late 90's I think and my girls would have been about 6 and 4 or close to that. It had been a good year so we went a little overboard on Christmas that year and I'm guessing every parent had done that at least once in your kids growing up.

We had lots of presents wrapped under the tree for family and friends so that we would make the rounds Christmas day to deliver presents and visit and eat.

There were probably 40 or so wrapped presents and Santa had not showed up yet. We had a hard time getting the girls to go to bed. It took 2 cups of hot chocolate and 3 stories and giving in and letting each girl open 1 present each.

My wife at the time picked the presents and strangely enough the girls got new pajamas, red flannel I seem to remember.

Anyway it was close to midnight before they got to sleep, early on we considered Benadryl but decided against it.

It was cold and I had to go to the storage shed so Santa could make an appearance. Like I said it had been a good year and we bought WAY too much stuff. Not thinking straight there was still stuff to put together also. To make a LONG story a little shorter we got to bed about 4:00AM. We had the alarm set for 6:30 thinking we would still be up before the girls. My wife got up to start the coffee and I'm sitting on the edge of the bed when I heard it...An ear piercing scream from the living room. I'm thinking a bear got into the house or Charles Manson had escaped and was holding my wife at knife point but it was worse than either of those. As I made the corner at full speed into the living room my wife yelled "We've been robbed" and standing there before me was a very well lit fully decorated tree with nothing underneath it. EVERYTHING was gone, the Grinch himself could not have been more complete. Still thinking we had been robbed we rushed to make sure the girls were okay. We got to their bedroom and we had a hard time getting the door open but once we got in there was a sight to behold. There were boxes and paper and ribbon and bows and more boxes and toys and clothes and more paper EVERYWHERE with 2 little girls right in the middle of it sound asleep.

They opened EVERYTHING and took it out of the box. Their stuff...Our stuff...And everybody else's stuff. I started laughing but not my wife, she found zero humor in it...Well we did get everything back in their original boxes I think and everything else went as planned for the day...Truly a Christmas to remember.

Fire station pole slider

2023-01-24T13:18:00.001-08:00

I may have told this story before and if I have I'm telling it again.

I guess I was about 7 or 8 at the time and this would have been BLP, in the time-line that would be "Before-Ludlow Porch. At the time my Dad was just Bob Hanson, mild mannered Claims adjuster and owner of Hanson Claims Service. Anyway at times during the Summer I would go with my Dad to work and we would just hang out at his office in downtown Decatur and I would spend most of the day playing on the elevator or running up and down the stairs because his office was on the 8th floor and it was just fun. On one particular day we were on the road and whenever we got south of town it always seemed to be around lunchtime and we would almost always find our way at my Grandmother's house and we would eat like Kings! There was rarely any leftovers and if there were the REAL King of the house would get that...That being Nick the black and brown dachshund that I'm not sure my grandmother didn't love more than us.

After the feast we would end up parked at the Headquarters Station of the East Point Fire Department in beautiful downtown East Point. We would stop there because my Uncle Tommy Kidd was the Fire Chief of the Department and we were a close family and it would have been rude not to stop by.

We were all standing out front and all of the bay doors were open and as any 7 or 8 year old would do I was very busy eyeing that beautiful tall brass pole that went all the way from the sleeping quarters upstairs to the ground floor we were standing. I got my nerve up and I ask my Uncle Tom if I could slide down the pole. He looked down at me as if I had just ask if I could touch the Mona Lisa. Then he bent way down and put both of his hands on my shoulders and we were eye to eye about 3 inches apart and he said "If I let you do that you have to give me your word that you will NEVER tell anyone that I let you because the last thing I need is to have 2 or 3 hundred 7 or 8 year old boys lining up around this building to slide down that pole". He must have thought I had WAY more friends than I had and most of them lived in Decatur at the time. I promised I would never say a word to ANYONE about it and I didn't until a few years ago and I figured that since he had passed away and they torn that building down and the pole is long gone I could tell the story. In the last 15 minutes we were there I bet I ran up those stairs and slid down that pole 50 times. That would be the only day I would do that... Precious Memories, how they linger.

Hank The Gator

2012-07-18T08:53:00.002-07:00

If you've ever travel to Charleston, South Carolina and you find a beautiful river feeding into a small lake and you decide – wow that will be a great place for a swim – you need to keep in mind that Florida ain’t the only place with gators!

Born and raised in the Atlanta area I had very little interaction with alligators, however, there was this one time when I was about seven – a friend of mine's father for some reason brought one home from a business trip, and I got to hold it. It was about seven inches long and his name was Smiley,

I wonder why...

Anyway my friend Mike was playing with Smiley and for some reason he thought it would be a grand idea to hold Smiley real close to his face and stick his tongue in and out real fast and to touch Smiley's nose with each flick of his tongue.

Apparently Smiley didn't like this worth a damn.

After about four flicks of Mike’s tongue Smiley had just about enough and he caught Mike with an inbound flick. Now gators are born with a full set of tiny very sharp teeth – just ask Mike how many.

Mike started running in circles and trying to scream but that’s a hard thing to do when you have a gator hanging off your tongue, but you still can run. Mike ran upstairs to show his Mom and Dad his new trick but they didn't think it was nearly as funny as I did.

That happens a lot when your seven. They managed to get the gator off Mike’s tongue, and he ended up getting a couple of stitches......Mike not the gator, but we never did know what happen to that gator. He just disappeared.

Getting back to Charleston – in an earlier post I told you a little about the security at the Charleston base. I'm not going into great detail because I love my country and I don't want to give anybody any ideas because you never know who's reading your stuff.

It was summer, it was hot and I was in a secure area way back in the woods locked in a cage for three days. This was a VERY secure area. There was only one gate in and one gate out, and it was the same gate. We knew where everyone was. If the Officer of the Day wanted to come snooping around we knew he was there. We had different codes on our radios that only we could understand. If you said a certain thing on the radio on code every Marine working at that time would know the Officer of the Day was in the area so you better put your shirt back on or stop doing whatever he might not like.

This was a Saturday. I know this because there were very few if any civilian employees in the area. I was on duty in the guard house, and that was okay with me because the guard house had the radio room and all of the alarm censors and the monitors – so it was air conditioned. This was your normal day at work until I heard the truck slide to a stop on front of the guard house and Wild Bill came busting in.

Bill yelled "COME ON.....I GOT SOMETHING GOOD!" Having known Bill for about a year by then I knew this could be anything. Bill asked me to get him a rope – we need a rope. I said we don't have a rope. He followed that with some sort of statement that said we need something for sure.....

I looked up. Hanging on the wall was our rifle rack holding 12-15 M16 rifles. In order to secure them we had a one-third inch or so braided steel cable with a two- inch loop at each end to lock it to the wall. Bill unlocked it and said, “This will work, come on!”

We ran out and jumped in his truck and headed out. When I asked what was going on Bill said, “You're gonna love this. We’re gonna have so much fun!”

Bill had been out checking locks and just driving around. When you check locks you check all of the locks. There was a good size creek that ran through the area we were in and most of it was underground because the area we were in was built over this creek. Where this creek came in and where this creek came out of our area was always of great interest to us. There were eight- inch reinforced concrete walls about four feet high on both sides of the creek and connected to the walls itself was a very heavy steel grate with a heavy steel gate that went into the water and was secured at the base underwater.

From the road you were looking down about a fifteen foot hill to the creek and the gate. The bars on the grate were about two and half inches apart so you could see in the water. They were also wide enough to let water and small fish through but not much else.

I know this is a very technical description, but I want you to get the picture.

We parked at the top of the hill and headed down. We climbed over a wall and on to the grate. As we approached the creek I could tell the water was pretty deep and very dark, but sure enough you could see the top of a gator snout sticking up about three feet from the grate. We were standing on the grate right above him, but it was too dark to tell how big he was.

Now – here’s where the stupid stuff starts.

We were both young, quick and strong and – we were MARINES.

Nothing could happen to us.

Bill unlocked the gate and put one end of that cable through the other to make a noose.Then he put the cable in the water at the end of the grate and told me to put my hand in the water and move it around and see if the gator would come after it.

I said "Do what?!?”

Bill told me to put my hand in the water and wave it around again.

I said, “Why don’t YOU stick your hand down there.”

Wild Bill used simple logic telling me he was holding the cable. So, like a dumb ass I put my hand in that black water to try to entice an alligator to come to my hand. That just sounds wrong even typing it, but that's what I did. After about 30 seconds he started moving closer to my hand. I could only reach out about two feet from the grate so there was not a lot of room for error. He swam straight for my hand and right through the cable.

Bill yelled NOW!!!

I jerked my hand out at the same time Bill pulled the cable tight around the gators neck – his really big neck, and he was not happy about it. Not at all, Bill is pulling and yelling, I'm trying NOT to fall in the creek. Bill and I got a good hold on the cable and started to pull the gator out of the water.

We pulled and he came….

and came....

and came. He just kept coming up out of that dark, deep water.

He was just under 8 foot long and we guessed 350 to 400 pounds and REALLY pissed off.

We got him up on the grate with us and that seemed to make him even madder – if that was possible. About that time Bill jumps up on the wall leaving me and Hank on the grate....Yes I named it Hank.

Lucky for me Bill still had the other end of the cable. That was the point when I asked Bill, “Okay, now what do we do?”

Bill told me we were going to take him to the guard house, and for some reason at the time that sounded like a good idea. Bill had the gators nose up against the wall so I thought I was on the safe end. I reached down and picked the gator up holding his tail.

I happened to weight about 200 pounds at the time, and that gator – Hank – whipped me around like I was nothing. I managed to hang on long enough to toss Hank up on the grass with Bill. We were all three surprised that I had done that. Bill started pulling the big gator up the hill to the truck, but he didn't have to pull long because that big boy raised up and started up that hill on his own moving very fast.

I yelled "RUN BILL!!!!”, but he already was running.

He made it to the truck just a few feet before the gator and dove in the back. Bill was still holding on to the gator leash, and that was a good thing since I didn't want to have to catch him in the open field. Bill climbed out of the truck with the gator pulled tight against the tire. I made it to the top of the hill and grabbed his tail again.

Hank’s tail….not Bill’s

I was pushing and Bill was pulling and we got that gator in the back of that truck.

It was a slow ride back to the guard shack, and we planned the whole way just what we were going to do.

Well when we got back there were only two other guys there. We pulled Hank out of the truck and brought him into the guard house. We shoved Hank into the bathroom and spent the rest of the day telling people not to go in the bathroom cause there was a gator in there and one by one they went in anyway and came out with a yell.

There was only one casualty that day. One of the guys kept sticking his boot on Hank’s nose over and over until Hank grabbed the boot and bit holes through it.

I’m just glad the owner’s foot wasn’t in it at the time.

We kept Hank until Sunday afternoon and decided to take him to a pond on the other side of the base and let him go, but you know – some things never change.

I don't care if it's a seven inch long gator or a seven foot long gator you keep sticking something in its face it's gonna bite it – every time.

Kung Fu Masters.....Not!

2012-07-16T12:25:00.000-07:00

The time was the mid to late 70's and the world was in love with Kung Fu. There were TV shows, movies, books, plays, toys, lunch boxes and Bruce Lee's death was still fresh in the mind of the world.

Kung Fu was king and I was in the Marine Corps enjoying life with my buddy Wild Bill. As I said in another post Wild Bill was a little nuts….Okay, he was fully nuts but he was sure fun to be around.

Like I said before Bill was a highly decorated Vietnam veteran with a Silver Star, a Bronze Star and two Purple Hearts. Bill and I also had something else in common besides being from the south and liking sweet tea. You see Bill and I were both Recon Marines.

The Marine Recon is our version of "Special Forces" only better because we were Marines.....Well don't you think that if the Navy, Army, or Air Force "Special Forces" had the chance to be a Marine "Special Forces" they would jump at it?

Well they can't, they aren’t Marines. And they ask themselves all of their life....."I wonder if I could have made it in the Marines?” Well now that I've pissed off half of the readers, I'll carry on. I was joking....kind of....okay maybe half way.

It's a Marine thing.

We trained in the hot California sun and climbed mountains and swam miles with 70 pound packs. They taught us how to use improvised weapons, they taught us how to live off the land, and they taught us how to kill things including people with our bare hands. We learned hand to hand combat; we learned Judo, and even some improvised Martial Arts. Our training was intense every single day.

Getting back to Wild Bill….He liked beer, I was not a beer drinker or anything else for that matter, I just didn't like it.

Still don't.

Guess who always drove? Yep, it was me and that was okay since I knew I'd get back safe. There was a little bar not far from the base we were at in Charleston, South Carolina we called The Pit, short for The Garbage Pit, I'm not sure of the real name. It was a dirty little place that only served beer and sandwiches. Its saving grace was it had a jukebox.

Now….Get the picture…Charleston, South Carolina is a Navy town. There is also an Air force base there. So there were about eight to ten thousand sailors and about three thousand airmen in Charleston plus approximately 300 Marines.

We were the MP's.

They sailors and the airmen hated us and the odds were thirteen thousand to three hundred.....The odds were about even. There were bars around Charleston that would have signs in their windows that said "NO DOGS OR MARINES ALLOWED" but the sign was often misspelled in some way. The Pit was one of these places so that's where we went.

There were about eight tables and about ten bar stools at the bar plus one pool table. I’ve already said that Wild Bill liked to drink beer and he liked to fight, right? I never saw Bill drunk, EVER. The boy could drink four pitchers and you could never tell he had a drink. That’s an important detail to remember, by the way…..

We had been at The Pit about two hours. When we got there we saw about ten cars in the lot and every single one of them had a Navy sticker on it. Like I said we had been there a while but the whole time we were there we were being watched by three sailors by the jukebox.

Well this is about the time the fun started.

Drinking two pitchers of beer will make you look for a bathroom and fortunately for Bill there was one in the corner.

Bill got up and headed to the bathroom and I was left at the table drinking my Coke and eating my sandwich. When Bill got up to leave there was a little commotion at the table with the sailor. They started poking each other and shoving each other and talking under their breath. Well two of them got up and followed Bill into the bathroom.

I sat there wondering if I should follow them and finally I said to myself "There's only two of them".

Well about ten seconds later I heard Bill in a rather loud voice say "What The F*** Do You Think I'm Doing You Stupid Deck Ape?!?"

Then I heard a high pitched scream and a man yelling "Let me go!!!, He made me come in here!!!!".

What followed by a lot of noise. I walked over to the door very slowly and propped up against the wall holding a bar stool I picked up on the way over. The lone friend came over and told me he was going to see if his friends need help. I said, “No, you’re not, you need to go sit down until my friend is through.” The guy responded with "What are you going to do to stop me"? I said "Do you want me to tell you or show you?” He said "No.", and he sat down.

About that time it got very quite in the bathroom and everyone in the bar was trying not to pay any attention to what was going on. The door opened as a bloody hand held it open and Bill said "I need your help."

As I walked in there was one guy unconscious under the sinks and the other guy was half way in a stall. I opened the stall door and it was a mess. Bill had pulled the towel machine off the wall and beat this man with it. This was one of the old kind that had the cloth towel all rolled up and you just the same towel for years. Remember those?

Anyway this guy was flat on his back on a really nasty floor with a red towel draped over his face. Bill said "What are we gonna do?" I said, "We? You killed um."

I guess Bill felt guilty. He wanted to get their friend…the lone one… to help us get them to the hospital. Bill walked out the door and was heading over to the table where the guy was sitting. Bill had not seen himself and I guess I should have said something, but he looked like he had just slaughtered a hog with nail clippers. He was bloody from head to toe, his shirt was torn and he was missing a shoe and one sock. The sailor saw Bill come out and heading to his table. He jumped straight up and ran in place in midair from Bill like you have seen in a cartoon. He bolted out the door and ran down the street. He might still be running today.

Well, we drug the two guys out and put them in the back of Bills truck and took them to the Naval Hospital and left them in the parking lot.

I'm sure hoping somebody found those old boys.

Now getting back to Kung Fu. Every year in the fall there is a big fair that comes to Charleston, and it's a really big deal. Like I said this year Kung Fu was a big part of the fair. There were a lot of places all over town teaching Kung Fu and there were also no shortage of exhibitions at the fair itself. Bill and I had gone to the fair and as we were walking out we passed one of these exhibitions. There were people jumping and screaming and kicking and punching and more screaming and we had a good time watching.

We headed out to the parking lot along with about a hundred other people. As we were walking to the truck I walked past Bill and turned around and in my best Bruce Lee voice I yelled Hiiiiii Yaaaa, and jumped up and kicked Bill in the chest, not hard but it looked it. He jumped up and got into his best fighting stance and chopped me in the neck and I went down and did a leg sweep and he went down and I dropped on his chest and he kicked me off and I rolled over and got up and he was behind me and got me in a full Nelson.

We were trained how to break that and get the upper hand and that's what I did as I dropped with a reverse leg sweep then I turned and jumped on Bill’s chest.....But it was not Bill. It was one of Charleston’s Boys in Blue. I had my guy on his back pined and Bill had his face down in the grass. At this point we stopped playing and the cops were really pissed. You see while we were playing a crowd had circled us, there several dozen people watching us.

We let the police up and they were both a little like Barney Fife. They were both shaking trying to get the cuffs on us and one was saying "You’re in a lot of trouble mister, we are police officers and you attacked us.”

I really thought it was Bill behind me and we tried to explain that to the police but they were embarrassed by just having their lunch handed to them in front of all those people. We told them we were best buddies and we were playing and not fighting and they said, "We know fighting when we see it."

I said, “Look there's no blood, I'm not hurt....He's not hurt, we were playing.” About that time Wanda came and saved our butts. Wanda had gone out with Bill a few times and she was still a little sweet on him and she also was one of the cop’s sister in law. After about 30 minutes in cuffs they let us go.

Kinda makes you want to rent a Bruce Lee movie, don't it?

Lewis & Catfish

2012-07-14T15:42:00.002-07:00

Lewis Grizzard owned a beautiful Black Lab named Catfish. Catfish was named after the great receiver from The University Of Georgia in the 1930's, Catfish Smith, Look him up he was a hell of a guy. Lewis didn't really own Catfish it was kind of the other way around. Catfish had it made. Catfish came from the home of Vince Dooley. Lewis had been looking for a dog and Vince got wind of this and let Lewis know he would have him one in just a few weeks.

A few months before that Vince and Barbara Dooley were having a wonderful outdoor party. Now this was a formal party with white tents, white tablecloths and even a small orchestra playing softly in the background. The Dooley's had two beautiful black labs named Miss Georgia and Herschel Walker, yeah....Really.

Anyway the party was in full swing and I guess it might have been the cool night air or maybe it was the soft music in the background. Whatever it was it put Miss Georgia and Herschel Walker in the mood to.....Well do what it is that dogs are known to do, but not always at your formal dinner party with a couple of hundred guest.

They started doing the doggies dance under a table and that's when all hell broke loose. There were chairs and tables being knocked over plates of food everywhere people screaming and running for cover it was mayhem in the Dooley's back yard at least according to what Vince told us when Lewis and I picked Catfish up and he was there so he would know.

Catfish was your average black lab puppy, full of energy and tons of mischief on his mind. On the ride back to the house, Lewis was holding Catfish in his lap and he was jumping and climbing all around and trying to get down so he could explore the back of the van, Catfish not Lewis.

Without warning Catfish stopped in his tracks and stood perfectly still. Lewis said "what's he doing"? I said "how would I know he's your dog". Well it only took a second to find out what he was "doing". It was good old # 1 all over Lewis's lap. Lewis was yelling "Stop The Van The Dog's Peeing All Over Me". Naturally when ever I hear that I start to laugh and who wouldn't.

I did get the van to the curb pretty fast but then it was even funnier watching Lewis trying to get a wild little puppy that by the way was still peeing out of the van and on to the ground without getting any wetter than he already was.

With the pee stop complete it was time to head home but Catfish didn't see it that way. Catfish is thinking, "well now that my bladder it empty lets see how fast this guy is".He was named correctly, he took off like a running back. Here we are parked in a nice neighborhood in Athens and here we go, two grown men running through people's yards, front and back chasing a puppy that thinks this is a wonderful fun game called let's kill the humans.

After about a 15 minute chase Catfish just flopped over in the street. Lewis and I both stopped and just looked. I said "do you think he's dead"? Lewis said "at this point, if there's a God in Heaven he is". Well he wasn't dead but he was one tired puppy and that made three of us.

For the first few months that Lewis had Catfish it was a chew fest at the Grizzard house. If Catfish could reach it then it became fair game and his goal every morning was to see just how many things he could either destroy, render useless or make completely unrecognisable. He was very good at his daily task. In one week Catfish ate or chewed to a pulp 3 pair of Gucci loafers, 2 pair of glasses, 1 pair of sunglasses, 2 remote controls, 3 wood banister from the stairs, a hat, and 4 things we could not recognize.

Lewis took Catfish to a puppy school in Alpharetta and a miracle took place. When Lewis and I went to pick Catfish up he was a changed dog.....While he was there. I'm pretty sure that the dog trainer told Catfish that if he didn't behave he would go to Athens and kill all of Catfish's family. Catfish was the perfect dog. He would sit, stay, heal and poop and pee on command. Lewis ask me if I thought it was the same dog? I said what does it matter, lets take this one and go, and we did.

There are many Catfish story's but I want to leave you with this one. Lewis and I spent a lot of time on the road and that meant Catfish would spend a lot of time at home alone. Sometimes we were gone all day long and that's when we were in town so Lewis came up with the idea of a doggie door so Catfish could pretty much come and go.

Lewis lived in North Buckhead at the time in a big house with lots of woods. You could not see the house from the street and you could not even see any of your neighbors houses so Catfish had the run of the woods. Lewis would wonder out loud at times if I thought that Catfish would be lonesome while we were gone and he got his answer very soon.

We had been gone somewhere all day and Catfish loving his new doggie door pretty much came and went as he pleased. We got back to the house just before dark and parked the van and headed in. Up the stair's to the front door, as we walked in there was some commotion in the great room just below where we came in.

Well Catfish was not lonely at all. There were at least 13 dogs in the house, big dogs, little dogs black dogs, white dogs and spotted dogs,it looked like a Disney movie. There were dogs on the sofa, there were dogs on the beds, there were dogs in the kitchen and dogs sleeping by the fireplace and when they saw us they all started to scramble, kind of like catching a bunch of boys at your daughters slumber party.

It took us about 10 minutes to get all the dogs out of the house and Lewis did have to have the carpet cleaned. We never did find out who owned all the dogs. But we did find out that Catfish was NEVER lonely.

Name Dropper? Sometimes.

2012-07-13T16:43:00.004-07:00

I have had the opportunity in my life to meet and even become friends with some great people and even some not great people. At one point in time my Dad had the number one rated talk radio show in Atlanta and did so for many years. I also worked hand and hand with Lewis Grizzard for about three years in the early to mid 80s, and as my default career for the last 25 years or so I’ve worked on and off as a professional chauffeur.

I questioned myself for even writing this post because I really don't need people saying "Who does he think he is bragging about meeting and knowing all of those people?"

Well, I got some advice from some wise people and they told me this blog was mainly for me, and I'm just sharing it for those that are interested and those that have no interest in the post don't have to read it. There will be several editions of this type because frankly I have met a lot of interesting people and I want to share a who is a good guy and who is a jerk list.

To tell the truth there are WAY more good guys than jerks.

Growing up with Ludlow Porch was a lot of fun for many different reasons, but one of them was meeting the people he got to interview. One of these people was Charlton Heston. Chuck, as he wanted us to call him, was in Atlanta promoting Airport 1975, and was booked on my Dad’s show.

I begged and begged to go to the studio that day, and if I recall I missed a day of school in order to meet Chuck.

Darn.

He was a nice and humble man from the first hand shake till the time he got in the car to leave. You felt like you had just made a new best friend. He would look you in the eye and talk to you like he really cared about what you were saying. I know deep in my heart he cared nothing about what a 16 year old kid from Georgia was talking about, but he made me believe he did, and that made him one of the good guys. Him and my Dad became instant buddies, and they talked frequently. It was not long after he announced that he had Alzheimer's, he called my Dad one last time. He said he wanted to say goodbye to his buddies while he still could.

Charlton Heston – Class A act!

Another wonderful man I begged to go meet was The Greatest.....Really he was, it was Muhammad Ali. Another good guy. Off camera and off microphone he was a very quite man but once that light came on he became "The Greatest". He would also look you in the eye and talk to you very softly and he had/has very soft hands and for some reason that surprised me.

Jerry Reed had been on the air with my Dad a couple of times before I had the chance to meet him, and it was an instant friendship that lasted till his death a few years back. When you see Jerry Reed in a movie you are NOT seeing him playing someone else.

He always played Jerry Reed using a different name. He said he could not be anybody else since he had been him all his life. There was a get together at Callaway Gardens back when I worked for Lewis Grizzard, and some of the entertainment for the evening was Lewis, Jerry Reed, Tom T Hall, and Chet Atkins.

Needless to say it was a hell of a night.

Somehow after the show the five of us ended up in a hospitality suite and Jerry and Chet had their guitars. I wish I had a tape recorder that night. I think the jam session broke up about 3:30 a.m.

Another man that was "ON" all the time was Jerry Clower – an absolute wild man at all times. Jerry had been friends with my Dad and Lewis for many years before I ever met him. He was in town for some reason and wanted to meet Lewis for lunch. We met him at a hotel down by the airport, and when Lewis introduced me to Jerry he hollered, “You don't need to introduce me him to me!”

He then grabbed me in a bear hug and said "Boy, your Daddy marked you like an angus bull!"

I guess he did.

A couple of years after that Jerry was doing a show at the old Lanier Land, and I asked my Dad to get me tickets. My buddy Big Ed and I drove up to see Jerry Clower’s show. He had left word that I was to come back stage. All I had to do was ask for him and that's just what I did. He came running out the back door and said, “Come with me there's somebody that wants to meet you.”

We went back to the dressing room and there was Ray Stevens who was also playing that night. Well Ray got up to shake my hand and told me Jerry had been telling him all about me. Ray said, “I love your Daddy!” That’s about the time I remembered Ray is a Georgia boy as well. .

That’s it for now. I have a lot more of these stories, but I think I'll spread them out over time.

Overall I think I've had a pretty good life.......so far!

Ludlow Porch Child Abuser.....NO!!!!

2012-07-11T17:32:00.001-07:00

I've been going through my head about somethings that my Dad did when I was growing up that today would be frowned upon and child abuse.....I never thought so.

I know it was a different time but kids are still kids then and now. My Dad was not really the disciplinarian in our house, it was my Mom you didn't want to piss off. I really don't think my Dad spanked me more than two and maybe three times. If you ask him he would have told you NEVER because I never did anything wrong.....Time does fade your memory. My Mom on the other hand would keep switches in different parts of the house so she was never more than five steps away from one.

My Mom was not one of those "You wait until your Dad gets home" kind of Moms. She would grab a switch and smack the fat part of your legs at the drop of a hat. Don't get me wrong she was not a child abuser either, she only did it when I needed it and there were more time than not I would get away with murder. I spent a lot of time outside, away from the switches.

There are a few things that my Dad did that would get him reported today but I loved it. I knew what time my Dad would be home from work when he had a real job. I knew the direction he would come home. We lived on Brookcrest Cir. in Decatur at the time, just down from Towers High School. We lived near the top of a hill, a hell of a hill, it was a lot longer and steeper when I was a kid but I have been back not long ago and it's still pretty long and steep. I would ride my bike with the banana seat and the three foot sissy bar to the bottom of that hill ever day that I could and wait for my Dad.

He would show up right on time and roll his window down and I would ride up next to the car and hold my handlebar as tight as I could and he would grab my right arm and become my motor and push me up that hill about 25MPH. There was no chance of me falling and being crushed by the car, that would never happen and in never did.

Like most boys of the 60's I played little league baseball and football, soccer had not been invented yet, at least in Georgia. Like most boys of the 60's and I guess pretty much any time frame, it was not uncommon for me to get dirty at practice, real dirty. Well you see my Dad was doing okay he owned his own company with branches in three city's and he used his cars for work and did not want a dirty kid messing them up, me being the dirty kid.

When he would come after work to pick me up from what ever the sport of the day was and I even a little dirty he would put me in the trunk of the car. Okay it's not what you're thinking, he did not lock me in the trunk I would just sit in the trunk with the lid open and ride home. I loved it and would always try to look dirty when he came to get me.

It was my job to clean the gutters at our house. We had a split level house on a hill and it was a long way to the ground from the top floor. I would tie the hose around my waist and drag the ladder out and climb up on the roof. I would lay on my stomach and slide down the roof to the gutters and pull all that good old Georgia pine straw and drop it too the ground but had to pick up later. When I finished about ten feet I would untie the hose and spray the gutter clean. I know this doesn't sound like a big deal but I started this at about eight years old. I loved this also.

One more thing that I'm sure they would have thrown him under the jail for. In the mid 60's fireworks were illegal in Georgia. All fireworks, I was seven and I thought it was a stupid law and I guess my Dad did also because when he would travel to a state that sold fireworks he would always bring me back a bag of firecrackers, I ask for Blackcat when he could find them but I was happy with whatever he had.

At that point in history there were no disposable lighters yet and matches were kind of a pain in the butt for a seven year old so my Dad came up with the perfect solution. He was a smoker at the time and smoked cigarettes and cigars, his cigar of choice was the Swisher Sweet Cigar. He would light up a 5 inch Swisher Sweet and get it started and hand it over but only after the instruction of "Do Not Inhale" I didn't really understand what that meant until I inhaled one time and I thought I would die and from that point on I understood what that meant.

The neighbor kids would all show up to watch and I'm sure we were the talk of the neighbor hood. "That man is letting that little boy smoke a cigar right out in public. This is a very fond memory and I would not trade anything for it but I'm sure with the nanny state we live in today he would be in jail.

That's too bad.

NASCAR's Bobcat Box

2012-07-10T09:18:00.002-07:00

My Dad and I were sitting around one day working on a topic for his radio show while we were watching a baseball game on television.

We began to talk about how long and boring sports in general can be, and decided right then and there that we were going to help the world out and come up with some new rules for major sporting events.

We allowed our minds to wander at will. Anything goes so to speak!

Since baseball was right there before us we began there.

First we decided the game was too long so we put a fifteen second time limit on anyone holding the ball. The pitcher has fifteen seconds to pitch the ball whenever the catcher throws it to him, and if the batter steps out of the batter’s box after the pitcher has the ball to stall it would be a half strike. If it happened two times he would get a full strike. If the pitcher does not pitch the ball in his fifteen seconds the batter can go to first, which should help the speed.

Finally, after the batter has hit the ball the only way to get him out is to hit him with the ball.

Yep! You throw the ball and hit him anywhere on his body to get him out. There is a catch, however, the batter is allowed to take his bat with him and when you throw at him he is allowed to hit the ball right back at you.

Face it there’s not a more boring sport on earth than soccer. I can’t figure out for the life of me how a two to one game can be described as a wild scoring affair, so the only rule we could come up with was you’re allowed to bite.

That ought to shake things up a little!

Basketball was stumped us a little, but we did come up with a couple of things. The slam dunk has become too easy for these guys, so you make a slam dunk worth one point that will bring out the shooters. We also talked about doing away with the shooting at all and putting the goal in the floor, and of course, just like soccer – you’re allowed to bite.

Hockey was easy to improve. In order to keep the players on their toes the puck would need to be white. We also decided penalties were too easy. What’s so hard about being put into a box for five minutes to take a rest? What’s up with that?

On your first penalty players can have a foot cut off you’re their stick. The process will continue until all you have is the little paddle thing at the end. Then if you mess up one more time you have to give up one of your skates. Players would also be allowed to bite, but we were thinking that may already be in the rule books.

The Olympics could be helped by combining a few sports. For example downhill boxing, cross country Greco-Roman wrestling, synchronized pole vaulting in groups of three, and water polo on horseback. The list could go on and on, but you get the idea.

I bet you’re coming up with some right now, right?

I saved the best for last, and this had nothing to do with my Dad because we weren’t real fans of NASCAR, but if they would just use this next idea I would never miss a race.

I don’t remember exactly how this all came about and I may not have all the details exactly right but here goes. Two of my buddies – Big Ed and Sam were talking with me about how to make NASCAR more fun to watch because pretty much all you are doing is watching people go fast and turn left and every once in a while you get to see someone hit someone else or the wall.

There really is no suspense.

We fixed that with the Bobcat Box.

What’s a Bobcat Box?

Well it is the greatest sports enhancing tool ever!

Every car racing for NASCAR has a 3X3X3 foot box placed behind the driver’s seat. The box can only be opened by a remote device located somewhere around the track.

All of the drivers pick a number the night before the race to determine who will get the Bobcat that race. All of the cars will be left in an enclosed area one hour before the race so that the Bobcat wrangler can place the Bobcat in the proper car. Each car will be fitted with a speaker making Bobcat sounds so the driver will have no idea if he has the Bobcat for that race.

After the race starts the fun begins. Only one person knows when the button will be pushed and every car in the race will slow just a bit because the box behind the driver’s seat will fly open. But only one will have the Bobcat.

Keep in mind that a full grown Bobcat will weigh 30 to 35 pounds, and he will have been in this hot box for a couple of hours with lots of noise and movement.

When that box pops open the driver is going to have one pissed off cat all over him. I can hear the announcer now “It’s been a good clean race so far as the leaders are coming around turn two as they head into the…… Oh my….. Oh my….. Folks it looks like Jimmy Johnson has the Bobcat this week.

He just slammed into the wall in turn three and is heading for the infield as full speed!

Look out folks - here comes Jimmy and the Bobcat!”

And biting is allowed but ONLY by the Bobcat.

I’m telling you…I would never miss a race!

Squirrel Hunting With Wild Bill

2012-07-08T11:56:00.002-07:00

It was a crisp cool fall day in Charleston and we had a three day weekend ahead of us and I was ready for one. Just a little more background about what we did in Charleston. You see this base is where the Navy restored and stored the Poseidon and Trident missiles that the submarines carried, Google um there pretty cool. Anyway these missiles also happen to carry nuclear warheads and that made this base a very high security area to say the least.

To make a long story shorter the Marines on the base were in charge of the security.....We were the MP's. We were on a rotating shift of 24 on and 24 off and when on duty we were locked in the area where the missiles are stored. On our duty we were 4 hours on and 4 hours off and when we were off we were still in the middle of the secure area in an old Strategic Air Command train car with all the comforts of home. TV, bathroom and bunk beds, oh and it almost has AC. Every third weekend we had duty weekend that was Friday, Saturday and Sunday locked in the cage 4 on and 4 off for three days so the following weekend we had OUR three day weekend. Needless to say we enjoyed our three day weekends.

Bill had been planning this weekend all week we were going squirrel hunting. I had been squirrel hunting before but it was mostly for fun, I can hear the animal rights people now gasping and saying "You killed poor defenceless squirrels for fun"? Yep, there rats of the woods get over it plus it gave the other animals something to eat. While I had been squirrel hunting for fun I'm pretty sure Bill had been squirrel hunting for dinner and more than once but, I never ask.

We kicked back and did not much of anything on Friday but we did drive around to find a good place to hunt Saturday morning. If you've ever been to Charleston you know you don't need to drive very far to find some heavy woods and a swamp or two if you don't watch out. We drove for a while and found a place that looked pretty good and we drove until we found the closest house to it to ask if we could hunt there.

Well we found the house and an old man came to the door and we ask if it was his land and if we could hunt there in the morning and come to find out this old man was a World War 1 Marine Corps Vet. We sat on his front porch for about an hour just talking about life, war, the world and the Marines. He told us he owned all 800 acres around there and we could hunt there anytime we set out minds to do it.

Bill got me up at about 4;30 to go and I fussed the whole way there saying "It's too dark to see anything if it's out there". I was right we got there about an hour and a half too early. We had the same kind of rifle old Remington pump action .22's I think they would hold 14 or 15 bullets in the tube mag and that's important later on. We started hunting at first light about 6:30. We sat and we walked and we sat and we walked and I was thinking surely there are squirrels in South Carolina, then I remembered sure there are, I ran over one last week. We were out there in that old man's woods for 4 hours and we did not see squirrel one.

We started back to Bills truck that was parked up near the road when we heard something behind this giant oak tree that had fallen. Bill run up ahead to see what it was and I heard him yell "HOLY CRAP WE'RE EATING GOOD TONIGHT" then he squared away and starting shooting BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG as fast as he could get another round in he shot and at the same time I hear this God Awful scream and at first I thought it was a woman and I'm thinking "Dear God Bill what in the hell are you shooting" well in about 2 seconds I got my answer a giant wild boar came flying out from behind that tree and was heading straight for Bill. He was running and shooting and running and shooting, I was laughing so hard I could not see to shoot straight. Bill sounded a little like Jerry Clower when he was yelling "Help me....Shoot this thing" .

Well Bill jumped up and shimmed up a tree and the hog was trying to get to him butting the tree and trying to climb it. I was still about 75 feet away from the action and Bill was still hanging on to the tree and shooting. I regained my composer and started shooting also, the hog had no idea I was even there and kept after Bill. Well Bill and I were both out of ammo and the hog was still standing. Don't get the idea that Bill and I were bad shots, we were both very good shots but we had little tiny bullets and this was about a 300lb pissed off hog.

The hog had all it's attention on Bill so like a real dumb ass I'm gonna sneak up behind him and smack him with my rifle and that's just what I did. I used my best Parris Island taught Butt Stroke and smashed him right on the top of his head. He didn't move so I smashed him again and he dropped like a sack of potato's.

We dragged that bad boy about 1/4 mile back to Bill's truck and put his big butt in the bed. We started to get in the truck and the hog moved, we stopped in our tracks and looked at each other then we looked at the hog, he moved again only this time a little more in fact a lot more it seemed I had only knocked him out and he was coming to and was not going to be happy in the bed of that truck. We were very luck that day that Bill has an old Civil War Sword in his truck, don't ask me why he kept a sword in his truck, that's just Bill but that day I was glad he did. He grabbed the sword and ran the hog through his neck just as the hog was getting to his feet and that did the job. We counted 28 holes in that old hog some were entrance holes and some were exit holes . I told you we were good shots.

Well we didn't eat that hog that night but we dug a pit and cooked him for about 24 hours and there was enough hog for about 100 of us and there may have beers drank at the same time...... It was kind of a game to see who could find the most bullets in their food as we enjoyed that hog.I kept one of his tusk for years it was a little over 3 inches long, I wonder what ever happened to that thing? Good times.