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Best Books to Read (Depending on Your Mood) Pt. 2 - Little Miss Momma

I almost cancelled this family photo shoot a million times. Life was hectic, the boys were complaining relentlessly, Stevie was anxious and irritable (we later learned it was likely she was having bad headaches from the tumor we didn’t yet know about—which crushes my mama heart today), no one wanted to wear the clothes I picked out, my dress wasn’t fitting correctly, my patience was already at the end of its rope and we hadn’t even left the house yet. But we hadn’t taken family photos since before Stevie was born and I knew if we cancelled the shoot, we would likely never rebook. I told our photographer @michellebeller that we were a shiz-show but being the wise friend that she is, she wouldn’t let me cancel. So we trudged along, and you know what…..it was miserable ???? the photos show a smiling, happy family. But between shots there were tears and arm yanking and threats to take away screen time and bribing and sore arms from carrying Stevie because she refused to be put down. I crashed in bed later that night and turned to Ben: I’m not sure that was worth it, there’s no way we got a single good picture. A few days later, Michelle sent over our pictures and I cried tears of gratitude. While the photos didn’t accurately capture us and our bad attitudes of THAT moment (thank goodness), for me, the photos so clearly show us whole—a family smiling because of the unconditional, infinite love we have for each other. A few short months later Stevie would be diagnosed with terminal brain cancer (DIPG). These were our first and last family photos before she passed away. And not a moment goes by that I’m not overwhelmed with gratitude that we have this season of our life captured for all time.

I almost cancelled this photoshoot… - Little Miss Momma

I have the best memories of albondigas soup from my childhood.  My family on my dad’s side came to the US from Sonora, Mexico in the late 1800’s and brought many of their recipes and traditions with them. My Mom tells me stories about how my Grandma Lydia would make this soup whenever she felt she needed to bring the family together because she knew no one would pass up a bowl of her famous soup!  Grandma Lydia passed away earlier this year after over a decade battle with dementia, and I have such regret about not getting her recipe so we could make the soup and think of her.  My mom searched and searched and found this recipe that tastes just like my grandmas (note: we add a ton of vegetables instead of rice–zucchini, roasted corn, celery, carrots).  We have this soup at least once a month now (and even more in the colder months).  I definitely recommend leveling up the soup by garnishing with your favorite toppings (cheese, sour cream, chopped jalapeños, radishes, etc). Here is our favorite Soap de Albondigas recipe!

These jack-o-lantern stuffed peppers are always such a hit with not only the kids but the adults too! They are super cute but also super delicious and nutritious.

(And tip: you can make them year round and just skip the cut-outs!)

Second to tacos, soups are my favorite comfort food! And this healthy version of chicken tortilla soup is SO yummy. I especially love this soup when we aren’t feeling well. The recipe is really easy too!

Okay how cute are these Halloween treats? So yummy and better yet.. so easy to make! Perfect for hosting or bringing to Halloween parties.

Adding these to the list of things I must make this year… Pumpkin Pancake muffins. They are SO delicious and it has been way too long since I’ve had one!

These are the BEST pumpkin cookies I’ve ever had! Truly a Fall staple. Would make a yummy Thanksgiving dessert!

‘Tis the season for trying new cozy recipes! I’ve been pinning so many things to my “Yummy Food” Pinterest board… I have enough recipes to last until Winter lol.

Here’s a few recipes I’ll be trying this week:

Slow Roasted Chickpea and Tomato Pasta 

I’m a sucker for a pasta dish and this one looks so good.

Sweet Potato Chowder 

This looks like everything I could possibly want in a “Fall” dinner.

Deconstructed Shepherd’s Pie

I’m drooling.

Roasted Feta Soup

Butternut squash, feta, and garlic… YUM!

Check out my Halloween Party Roundup blog post from a couple years ago for more recipes and a bunch of Halloween and hosting fun!

Happy Fall cooking and baking my foodie friends! 

Favorite Fall Recipes - Little Miss Momma

This had me thinking about the brisk walks I’ve been going on as my daily self-care commitment to myself.  While these walks aren’t necessarily an intense work out, they aren’t slow-paced. I work on breaking a sweat and getting my heart rate up for exercise. But, I also give myself permission to pause when I notice something special–like a flower I want to smell, a heart shaped rock to add to my collection, a dog to pet…I’ve even been known to stop mid-stride, remove my shoes and socks and stand barefoot on the grass of a nearby park.

It seems, that in this way, my daily walks have also become a form of “slow care”, my way of being present in the activity rather than rushing to check it off my daily to-do list. This week I’ve been thinking about additional areas in my life where I can apply this idea of “slow care”…

Today I Took Notice: A Poem

Today I taught my mom how to put on a tricky pair of earrings.

Today I woke in the morning to sunlight on my face after falling asleep to the sound of rain on the rooftop.

Today I stopped to pet a stranger’s elderly dog.

Today I listened to children’s laughter carrying in the breeze from the neighborhood park and I became nostalgic for those exhausting days of early parenthood.

Today I asked for signs from heaven in the form of hearts in unlikely places.

Today I counted 6 heart shaped leaves, 2 heart shaped potato chips and one pot hole in the shape of a heart.

Today I listened to Burn, Burn, Burn on repeat, which inspired me to write.

Today I wore sensible shoes with arch support.

Today I started a new book.

TodayI told a beautiful blooming flower “thank you” instead of picking it for myself.

Today I stretched.

Today I warmed myself by a wood burning fireplace.

Today I rescued a worm drying to the sidewalk in the heat of the sun.

Today I curled my toes in the damp blades of our overgrown grass.

Today I made the conscious decision to go for a walk when I noticed my patience running thin.

Today I paused my walk to track a falling leaf its entire journey to the ground.

Today I cried for all that I miss, gave thanks for all that I have and said prayers for all that I hope.

Today I took notice.

 

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A post shared by Ashley Stock (@littlemissmomma)

Also, I made us a vibey autumn playlist today (I’ve been playing it on repeat all day):

Autumn Slow Care: Taking Notice - Little Miss Momma

Happy Fall – officially! I wait all year to bust out my cozy fall clothes–hands down my favorite style season. This means a chunky  sweaters, fun cardigans, slippers, denim, and lots of layered coziness! However, living in Southern California, it’s still that time of year when I need a sweater in the morning and am sweating my butt off my the afternoon.

For reference:
I’m super short.
I’m 4’11, 110 pounds.
Size 0 pants. Size 25-26 waist.
Size XS-M in tops depending on the fit I want.

Pro-tip for other shorties: I always look for pants in ankle length so that they are the perfect length on me without needing alterations.  Other pro-tip: I always read the reviews on clothes and prefer reviews where there are photos so I can reference that persons height and body shape to get a better idea about how the clothes will fit my body.

As a clothes-loving-non-fashionista whose just trying to take the time to get dressed every day, here’s what I wore this week:

Striped sweater / Jeans / Red flats / Necklace (code ashley15) / Bag

Vest (similar) / Tank / Jeans / Necklace (code ashley15)

Sweatshirt is vintage / Jeans / Shoes

Sweater / Jeans / Birkenstocks / Necklace (code ashley15)

Denim shirt / Tank / Pants / Shoes

OOTD: September #2 - Little Miss Momma

Books to read if you want to feel less alone in your grief without reading a grief book. Links

Books to read if you want a page turning thriller that will keep you guessing until the end. Links

Books to read if you want to get lost in good poetry. Links

Books to read if you want to get back to the classics.  Links

Books to read if you want to be surprised to learn you like fantasy. Links

Books to read if you want to be forever changed.  Links

Books to read if you want to get back into reading. Links

Have you checked out my amazon book lover storefront, because it’s pretty magical! I’ve put together a ton of amazing book-lover gifts and accessories I know you’ll love!

Best Books To Read (depending on your mood) - Little Miss Momma

The Weekly Report: Volume 1 - Little Miss Momma

Consistency…  This has always been a struggle for me! I work hard, I set goals, I generally get shiz done. But I also burn out, make excuses, and break promises to myself. Right now my physical and emotional health NEED me to have something healthy to commit myself to—to keep me moving forward, to make me stronger, to release the built up emotions in my body, to get my endorphins going, and to kick that cortisol to the curb! And that’s why I committed to 10k steps a day over the summer.

A promise to my body

My go-to “walking playlist”. I like to listen to songs that make me feel something when I’m walking. Usually sad songs, but (per my therapists recommendation) I’m working on adding more happy tunes into the mix, lol.

And for a bit more of an upbeat vibe, here’s what I love to listen to!

Here’s a little roundup of my tried and true walking essentials from amazon. That belt is super minimal and what I use to carry my phone and keys. Wrist weights for days I want to push more, over the ear headphones of course, thinner socks (I can’t stand thicker socks when I’m exercising, or ever).

I track my steps with the Oura ring and I swear by it.  It took me a while to order it because of the hefty price tag, but ultimately I took the leap because it tracks everything I’m interested in (sleep, steps, stress, heart rate, oxygen levels, calories, distance, etc) and it has a really long battery life.  The shoes are like walking on clouds and remember sunscreen is non-negotiable! This one is tinted and glowy (and IMO it’s better than the popular, more expensive options out there)!

Let’s go for a walk – 10K a day! - Little Miss Momma

This red striped set is so cute. Love wearing it to lounge but also dressing it up for errands, shopping, etc!

Set / Necklace (code ashley15)

Living for the cozy vibes! Shirt is thrifted.

Pants / Shoes / Similar shirt

I’m all about the fun pop of color this Fall!

Hat / Jeans / White tee / Shoes / Cup / Necklace (code ashley15)

Loving transitioning this vest from Summer to Fall! 

Vest / Tank / Jeans / Shoes / Necklace (code ashley15)

Free People dressing room fun!
You know this outfit came home with me.

Camo tee / Jeans / Shoes

A button up shirt is my go-to to look put together and cute.

Shirt is Brandy Melville / Tank / Necklace (code ashley15) / Pants are old from Anthropologie!

OOTD: September #1 - Little Miss Momma

Journal Entry:

April 25, 2021

On the day Stevie passed away, I made the wallpaper on my phone one of my favorite photos of her.  It’s a photo of her in our living room on a wooden rocking horse that was mine when I was her age. Her bright blue eyes sparkle back at the camera as she gives her signature open-mouthed smile, messy curls falling from a ponytail on the top of her head. The photo captures her joy and spunk and the rocking horse symbolizes all I had been hoping to share with her.  

Now, nearly one year later, our family is in Lake Arrowhead for the weekend.  Wesley is 11 years old.  He’s sitting next to me in the town diner messing around on my phone and taking silly zoomed in photos of my face with particular emphasis on my nostrils.  He thinks he’s hilarious and I smile at his joy in this moment. But then, without me knowing, Wes resets my phone wallpaper to one of these funny photos. 

Ashley of two years ago would have laughed hard and high fived his comedic stealth.  But that wasn’t the reaction of this Ashley.  I unlocked my phone, feeling his anticipation of a good laugh burning into me through his awaiting stare.  But when I realized Stevie’s photo had been removed and replaced with a practical joke, he did not get the reaction he was expecting.

Even as the words were leaving my mouth, I knew I would wish I could take them back. I’d wish I had instead taken a breath, and given myself a moment to process my initial shock before I spoke with words chosen carefully, before I responded with gentleness.

Instead, I reacted. Manically. 

Why would you do this? What made you think replacing Stevie’s picture would be a good idea? Nothing about this is funny!

The tone in my voice was frantic and desperate.  

I was sitting in the restaurant booth, a window to one side, Wes and his childhood friend sitting to the other side. I started to feel suffocated, trapped. I needed to get out of that booth before I said anything else I’d regret, before I let him see my tears.  Tears that were not his fault…yet, tears he’d feel forever responsible for because of my rash reaction. 

I anxiously scooted past the kids, leaving my phone on the table and I rushed to the restroom to regain my composure. When I returned, a plastered smile on my face and tears buried in the back of my throat, I could see that my frantic energy had transferred to Wesley.  His head was down and he was anxiously scrolling through my phone looking for the photo of Stevie he had removed. 

But he didn’t know where to find it and instead of cheerful, bright eyed, energetic and smiling photos of Stevie, he had stumbled on the photos of her in the hospital, monitors in the background and wires hugging the frame of her small body, photos of difficult moments I had worked so hard to protect him from.  With each photo he scrolled past I could feel the magnitude of the deleted picture searing into his soul and I rushed to rescue him. 

Oh honey, it’s okay.  I will find the picture for you later.  Thank you so much for looking though.

Reluctantly, handed me the phone. I slipped it into my back pocket and pulled his body into me and kissed his head. 

I love you so much bud and I’m so happy I get to spend the day with you today.

It was all I could think to say in the moment…a moment my mama heart will continue to replay with a sinking pit in my stomach for months to come.  Was it a big deal? Of course not. Could I have replaced the photo with ease? Yes, certainly. But in that moment my grief was irrational and I didn’t protect my innocent son from its wrath.  

(end journal entry)

I close the journal and look over my shoulder at Wes.  He’s silent, looking at the television, but his expression let’s me know he heard every word.  My Mom speaks first.

Do you remember that day Wes? She asks him gently. 

He nods his head and looks over at us. 

Yes, we were at the Cedarglenn Inn restaurant with Lily and Lacey. 

I’m not sure why I feel shocked that he remembers. Of course he does.  This had become one of those childhood memories seared into his mind forever.  We all have them.  And we rarely talk about them, especially with our parents.  These are the memories that usually get swept under the rug in families. Parents convincing themselves that their children won’t remember when they’re older. Children too confused by the overwhelming emotion of the memory so they never ask their parents about it.  Or worse, children try to bring up the memory but are told by parents that “it was nothing, not a big deal, that’s not how it happened” and so the child buries it back in the chambers of their heart until it resurfaces in their mind at the most unexpected of times.  

I looked at Wesley’s face, the pain still obvious years later, and I decided we were going to rewrite the meaning of this memory.  I set down the journal and stood to go sit closer to him.  I wrapped my arms around his body, a body that now towers over my own.

I’m sorry. I whispered to him. 

I never should have reacted that way. You didn’t deserve that. I let my emotions and sadness overshadow how I should have handled that moment and I’m sorry it took me so long to apologize to you.  I wasn’t the only one sad about Stevie that day. You were too, and I failed to ask you about your feelings on that day.  

He nods in acknowledgment and I can feel his shoulders soften ever so slightly. 

And Wes, if you have any other memories like this one, memories that make you feel bad, memories that are confusing or sad, or memories where you are owed an apology…please come to me so I can handle them better and tell you the words you deserve to hear. Those moments aren’t yours to carry alone, Wes. I’m far from perfect, but I’m here for you, always. 

My mama lesson: It’s a bitter pill to swallow for our children when they realize how imperfect we are.  I believe, one of the greatest gifts we can give our children after they learn this truth is found in the embracing of our imperfections, giving them permission to do the same.  Acknowledging our own shortcomings gives them space to make their own mistakes and live authentically while also offering them an example of how to seek and acceptance forgiveness even (and especially) when it’s hard.

An Apology, 3 Years Later - Little Miss Momma