It was only a matter of seconds into the ultrasound before the first jumbo image flashed on the screen.
Imagine that’s the view if you were changing the baby’s diaper.
Nope, he’s not shy–not one bit.

You certainly didn’t need a degree from sonogram school in order to determine that we were adding another busy boy to our little family.

And as much as I had dreams of tutus and headbands,
deep in my heart I knew this little peanut in my tummy was a “he” after all.
Just think about it…now I can get those bunk beds I always imagined having.
And I get to pull out those little red high-top red Converse shoes that Lil W hardly wore,
and that owl beanie, and the mini overalls, and the baby sized suits.
Not to mention, I’m already an expert at changing boy diapers.
And if it’s the last thing I do, I’ll see to it that my little guys are the best of friends forever.

P.S. Turns out he’s already an avid thumb sucker.

Read the prologue here.
Read part 1 here.
Read part 2 here.
Read part 3 here.
Read part 4 here.

***

Saturday Night:

My heart was racing as I unlocked my teal Huffy bike from its spot in my apartment courtyard.
I threw my canvas purse into the front basket and began to furiously pedal the 10 minute ride to the coaches offices.
Thanks to my nerves and a serious spike in adrenaline, I made it in 6 minutes–just enough time to dab the sweat from my forehead, flatten down the fly away hairs and reapply my Vanilla Frosting Lip Smacker lip gloss.

I walked into the courtyard and paused, realizing I had no idea where exactly I was supposed to meet him.
I became focused on the directory, looking for some clue as to where the basketball coaches offices were in this building with seemingly endless corridors.

Just as I stumbled upon “Men’s Basketball: first floor”, I heard the double doors behind me swing open.

I turned around with eager anticipation–I knew it would be him.
And I was right.

Ben: Well hello.
He said with a bit of mid-western twang and a flash of his dimpled smile.
I melted.
Me: Hi.

He was wearing a pair of rugged jeans, a crisp white and blue striped Ralph Lauren button up that he left open over a simple gray t-shirt which read “Regis University Soccer”–a subtle reminder that he had played college ball.  And his sleeves were rolled to the middle of his forearms–a small touch that made me weak in the knees.  His tan, almost clog-like shoes with textured rubber soles would later be the source of much teasing–but at the time I found them utterly charming.

I watched as he attempted to nonchalantly assess my outfit choice and overall appearance for the evening.
This was the first time he had seen me in something other than my oversized work uniform with mystery stains. He seemed pleased.

He leaned in for what I expected would be a one-armed “friend” hug.
I nearly lost my breath when he reached both arms around me and squeezed with just the right amount of firmness, meanwhile lifting my toes a few inches from the ground.

Ben: So I had planned to take you to “putt putt”, but Map Quest says the nearest one is 30 miles away. Sooo…
Me: I’ve gotta ask, what is putt putt?
Ben: Ya know, miniature golf.
Me: Ohhhhhh.
I giggled so loud I nearly snorted.

Before I could give him any suggestions for the evening he turned off into the shopping center right around the corner from my apartment.
Ben: I have an idea. 

I knew this shopping center like the back of my hand and there was nothing “first date-ish” about the place.
McDonalds, Home Depot, Costco, bathing suit shop, Borders books store and a movie theatre.
Oh no, not a movie theatre–I thought. I want to get to know him, not sit awkwardly next to him through a two hour movie.

I was even more confused when he parked the car outside of Borders book store.
A book store?
Like a gentleman, he opened my car door and held out his hand to help me.

Ben: Have you been here before?
Me: Actually, I come here a few times a week to study.
Ben: Well, good. Then you’ll know your way around.

I was even more confused now.

We stepped inside of the coffee shop portion of the store and I recognized the faces of the usual weekend studiers.
He grabbed my hand and pulled me into the book store.

Ben: Ok, here’s what were going to do. We’re going to split up. We’re each going to pick a book and a movie that will tell the other person more about ourselves. 

My heart started racing as we split up and I began to completely over think my book choice.
Ultimately, I couldn’t narrow down so I grabbed two– Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice and a blank journal.
My latest movie obsession was Serendipity with John Cusack,
so I swiped the dvd off the shelf and hoped he was okay with a girl totally into cheesy chick flicks.

We met back in the coffee shop where I found him waiting at a little corner table with two hot chocolates topped with whipped cream.
I sat down, hiding my selections behind my back.

Me: You first.
Ben: You got it.

He grabbed a book from a nearby chair and set it on the table.
Rich Dad, Poor Dad.
Ok…not that exciting, but certainly revealing–I thought.

Ben: I’m totally into financial books these days.  It’s really important to me that I’m able to provide the best for my family. Now, your turn.
Me: Ok, but I couldn’t decide on just one.
I set both books out on the table.

Ben: Ahh, a hopeless romantic. 

Me: Yeah, I’ve read it three times already. I’m sorta obsessed.
Ben: Tell me about the journal.
Me: Well, since I’ve been in college I’ve completed about 8 journals. It’s a big part of who I am–writing down all my thoughts so I can sort them out.
Ben: Have you written anything about me yet?
Me: Maaaybe…

I could feel my face begin to turn cherry red–which meant he now knew the answer to his question.
Yes, he had certainly already taken up several mushy-gushy entries in my journal.

I quickly changed the subject.

Me: Okay, what about the movie–what did you choose?
Ben: Promise not to laugh?
Me: Promise.

He pulled out a dvd I could recognize a mile away.
Serendipity.

Me: Is this a joke?
He looked embarrassed.
Ben: I know, I know–kinda weird for a guy to like this movie, but…
Me: No, that’s not what I meant! See…
I pulled out my copy of Serendipity and set it next to his on the table.
This time his face turned red.

Ben: That’s a little crazy, isn’t it.
Me: I’ll say.

***

We took our time sipping our hot chocolate and getting to know each other better.
I told him how much I loved books and how I had this strange need to hold onto every book I had ever read.
He told me how he was starting a new job in an insurance agency in Colorado as soon as he returned home next week.
I told him about my plans to transfer to USC next semester–about how I was both nervous and excited.
He told me about his close relationship with his parents and each of his siblings–especially his youngest sister.

With every detail we revealed about ourselves,
it became more and more obvious that our lives would likely never intersect again after this week.
How could they?
I was moving to Los Angeles to finish up my last two years of college.
He was starting a new career hundreds of miles away.
I was determined to live near my family.
And he was obviously just as close with his.
He was 25, and I was 20–we were at two different stages of life.

This would be a Summer love–nothing more.

***

After hot chocolate, he took me to the beach…
where we took off our shoes,
rolled up our jeans,
curled our toes in the sand,
walked side by side
and talked even more.

For some reason, knowing I would never see him again after this week made me comfortable sharing some of the more intimate details of my life.
My relationship with my parents.
My hopes, my fears.
My past relationships.
My plans for the future.

He too opened up.
Described his dream home.
Told me what he wanted for his life.
What he wanted for his future family.

At the risk of sounding like “that girl”, I couldn’t help but find myself saying “me too” after he revealed all his hopes for the future.
And I could tell, from the look in his eyes, he believed me.

 

Source: whatstheenpointe.tumblr.com via Ashley on Interest

***

It was about 10:30 pm when we pulled up to my apartment.
Too late to go anywhere else, but too early to end our amazing date.
Me: My roommate, Rachel, would love to meet you if you want to come up.

***
I unlocked and opened the door to see that the light was off in Rachel’s room. She had gone to bed early.
A part of me was relieved, as I had not really wanted to share his attention for the remainder of the evening anyway.
We sat next to each other on the couch–knees touching.Me: We could watch a movie.
Ben:Neh, let’s just keep talking.I smiled. Wow, a guy who wanted to talk.

Ben: Is that your computer?
He pointed to my laptop on the coffee table.
Me: Yep.
Ben: Do you have pictures on it?
Me: Uh huh.
Ben: Well show me.

We spent the next 30 minutes giggling over my embarrassing high school pictures and more from my freshman year at UCSB.
I showed him pictures of my family, my home in Oak Park, and even those embarrassing glamour shots I had taken at every high school dance.

After he got a good laugh at my blue-eye shadowed Prom picture, he turned with giddy excitement and said:

Ben: So, you dance?

My heart sank.
Before I could tell him that any form of dancing was my biggest fear in all the world…
Before I could tell him that the thought of dancing literally crippled me…
Before I could tell him the truth, he had both of my hands in his and he was pulling me to the middle of the living room.

Ben: My sister and I go Salsa dancing all the time. Do you know how to Salsa?

This isn’t happening. This isn’t happening. This isn’t happening.
My hands were clamming up and my heart was beating through my chest.

Ben:  Put your hands up like this.

Somehow, by the grace of God, he didn’t notice that I was completely paralyzed with fear.
He grabbed my hands, put them up in the air, and then place his hands against them.
Apparently, this was how the Salsa dance began.

 

I looked down at my feet, too nervous to make eye contact.
He would certainly never want to see me again once he watched my make a fool of myself.
My hands were trembling against his when I noticed he pulled one hand away.

 

His fingers came into view as he grabbed my chin and pulled my face up to meet his eyes.
He smiled.
And in that moment I forgot that he was about to teach me the Salsa.
I forgot that I hated dancing.
I forgot that my hands were trembling.
In that moment, I took my hands that were placed against his, and I intertwined our fingers.

 

I smiled back at him,
closed my eyes,
went onto my tip toes
and prayed he’d kiss me back.

***

I think we’re overdue for an update,
although not much has really been going on around these parts.
I’ve just spent the last few months growing a baby in my tummy,
while time passes by–not quick enough.

My days are spent mostly in thick waste-banded sweatpants,
a messy bun and 4 day unwashed hair,
with smeared mascara under my eyes.

I can be seen hunched over the porcelain thrown about a 6-12 times daily,
avoiding any sort of “food” smells,
sipping G2 Gatorade,
and massaging the migraine that has taken permanent residence in my temples.

Honey Combs and Kix are my go-to meal,
frozen yogurt is my special treat.

I’ve attempted every sort of remedy out there to no avail.
So now, nearly 15 weeks into this pregnancy,
I’m just sorta accepting that this is how life is going to be for a bit.

Laundry will go unwashed,
beds will go unmade,
meals will go uncooked,
emails will go unanswered
and in the end, Elmo may be the one I have to thank for teaching my kid his ABC’s.

Because sometimes “good enough” is…well, good enough.
And that’s something this pregnancy is teaching me to accept.

This pregnancy is teaching me to let go of some of that Mommy guilt.

The guilt that overwhelms your soul,
and convinces you that you are surely ruining this stage of your toddlers life…
as he begs you to dance and wrestle with him though you can hardly lift your head from the couch.

The guilt that tells you two nights in a row of Mac & Cheese will surely harm his growth.
The guilt that points out you haven’t taken him for a proper hair cut in who knows how long,
that reminds you his pants ride an inch above his shoes and he needs new big boy clothes,
and the bicycle you got him for Christmas isn’t quite as “ridden” as you imagined it would be.

And then, just when the Mommy guilt tells you that you’ve surely scarred your kiddo for life,
you sprint to the toilet to heave up your lunch,
and from the corner of your eye you see his big baby blues peaking into the bathroom…
and he whispers, It’s okay Momma.

And with tears in your eyes,
you realize your toddler is right.
It will be okay.

You see, if it were up to Mommy guilt,
us Momma’s would never have more than one child.
But it’s not up to Mommy Guilt.
It’s up to us.
And our divine nature.
And our faith in this whole creation process.
And what we know in our hearts to be right for our little family.

Because no one ever promised it would be easy,
just that it would be worth it.

Congrats to the winner of a brand new Cameo Silhouette!
Whoop Whoop!

If you didn’t win and you still want one of these puppies, the discount code: LMM is still valid for a few more days!

________________________________________________________________________
GIVEAWAY CLOSED

I know. I know.
I have been super under the radar lately. And I really do promise to give you an update on our little peanut and my health soon.
But for today, I am crawling out of my little hole of morning all day sickness to bring you another jumbo Silhouette giveaway.
For all those who didn’t get a brand new Silhouette Cameo this holiday season, now is your chance!

Use the code: LMM
and get your very own Silhouette Cameo AND a Fabric Ink Starter Kit
for only $299!

(Silhouette has set aside a limited number of Cameo’s for this promotion)

And that’s not all!
One lucky winner who will receive their very own, brand new Silhouette Cameo!

This is over a $300 value!

The Silhouette CAMEO™ is an electronic cutting tool for personal use. Like a home printer, it plugs into your PC or Mac® with a simple USB cable. However, instead of printing it uses a small blade to cut paper, card stock, vinyl, fabric and more up to 12″ wide and 10 feet long. The machine also boasts a quiet motor and the ability to register and cut printed materials.

The Silhouette CAMEO™ ships with the following important items:

–Silhouette electronic cutting tool
–Silhouette Studio® software for Windows XP/Vista/7 and Mac® OS X 10.5.8 and higher
–51 exclusive cut-table designs
–Power cable, USB cable
–12″ cutting mat
–Cutting blade
–$10 gift card to the Silhouette Online Store
–Basic Instruction Guide

Already have a Silhouette? Then enter for a friend! What an amazing surprise this would be for post-Christmas!
This puppy does everything!

Click HERE to see all the fun goodies I have used my Silhouette to create.

{shirts made using my Silhouette}

Here’s how you enter to win:
(leave a separate comment for EACH entry you complete)

1. “Like” Silhouette on facebook and leave a comment on their wall that you stopped by from LMM.
2. Follow Silhouette on Pinterest.
3. Follow LMM on Google Friend Connect by clicking “join this site” on the right side bar.
4. Share this fabulous giveaway on Facebook and leave a link here.
5. Blog about this giveaway and link back to this post.
6. Tweet about this giveaway and include @littlemsmomma in your tweet.

This giveaway ends on January 3, 2012.

This whole Santa picture thing seems to be going downhill.

2009

2010

2011

I would love for you to link up your Santa pictures in the comments section.

Ben and I spent the first few months of our marriage squished on a tiny love seat in our teeny apartment living room watching episodes of 24 until the wee hours of the night. That tiny love seat was the only piece of furniture in the room.

So it was kinda a big deal when we made our first big purchase as a married couple–our giant, white fluffy couches from Sofas U Love, couches that fit more than two “affectionaite” newlyweds.  At the time, I didn’t think twice about choosing white.

And then, 3 years later we welcomed our little babe into the world.

And that’s when it started.
This couch has seen its share of messy moments.
Blueberries, yogurt, dorritto fingerprints, mushy goldfish crackers, apple juice…

and pee.

Yes, pee.
Only a few short days after the poo incident, Lil W was a bit too quiet by himself in the living room.
And after finding his diaper had been removed in the hallway, I went into the room to learn that he had managed to cover nearly every single cushion with his “stream” in a matter of seconds.

And while I’m not sure what I was thinking getting white couches, I’m giving myself a pat on the back for getting a couch with slip covers. Because in a few short hours, a load of laundry and a cap of bleach later–and my white couches were as good as new.

***

I am being compensated by The Clorox Company to talk about life’s messy moments as part of the Bleach It Away Program.

*Plus, I’m really excited to share this opportunity you have to win a whopping $25,000 for writing about your Messy Moments.

***

Clorox created the Bleach It Away program to help make sure you are prepared to tackle the next messy moment you face.  Clorox wants you to share your messy moments, and wants to reward you for sharing and surviving with a chance to win $25,000. Visit www.BleachItAway.com to share your story.

• Site visitors can vote for their favorite stories, and the ones that receive the most votes in a two-week period will be entered for a chance to win $25,000.
• In addition, each day a featured story will be selected and awarded a $100 gift card.
• Everybody who shares a story will receive a Clorox Liquid Bleach coupon to help make it easier to fight their next messy moment.

So head over and share your Messy Moment today!
If you write about a messy moment, I would love for you to leave a link here in the comments section so I can read all about it!

I’ve been doing my best to listen to my body.
Not push myself.
Be restful. Slothful even.
Because that’s what this little peanut inside of me has been asking for.

However, I still have a little toddler who is not feeling quite as “restful” as his Momma.
Mornings are the worst.
I have the least energy and the room seems to be spinning most of the time.
But Lil W…Lil W is rearing to go in the early morning hours.
Full of energy. Eager to wrestle, curious, cheerful.

So yesterday morning,
I stumbled down the stairs,
turned on the Wiggles,
set out some breakfast for Lil W,
and then curled up in the fetal position on the couch and closed my eyes.

A few minutes passed.
And then…clink…clink…
I opened my left eye and spotted Lil W hovering around the Christmas tree with a guilty look on his face.
And for the first time in over a week, I pulled out my camera to take a picture of what I discovered.

It seems he went shopping for some ornaments.
And even though we have had “the talk” about him touching the ornaments many many times,
and he knows touching the ornaments means sitting in “time out” for a bit,
I couldn’t help but smile this go around,
because I’m learning, that for the next 6.5 months
I may have to choose my battles.

It had been 7 months in the making–or rather trying.

And it was an early Sunday morning.
I had spent the night before hunched over a toilet.
I’ll spare you the details. Let’s just say it wasn’t pretty.

So I get to church the next morning, still a bit shaky.
Ben was already there–he had a few early morning meetings.
Before I took my seat next to him in the chapel,
I headed off to the restroom to see if my hunch was correct.

Fingers crossed,
and three minutes later,
I had the answer we waited 7 months to hear.

So I took a cell phone pic,
and right there, from the bathroom,
I texted Ben a picture of our exciting news.

And you know what pregnancy reminds me?
That it is possible to be both blissfully happy and petrified at the same time.
Because so far, this pregnancy is turning out just like the last one.
But if the result is anything like Lil W,
then it will all be worth it in the end.
And that’s what I have to keep reminding myself.

So that’s why I’ve been a little MIA lately.
My brain has turned into mush and it has taken an actual effort just to shower each day.
But I’ll try harder, I promise.

P.S. Our baby is growing fingers and toes this week. And that’s pretty exciting.

Personalized heart ornament c/o: Lisa Leonard Designs 

 We ordered a pizza.
Brewed some hot chocolate.
Turned on the Pandora Holiday station.
Hung the stockings by the chimney with care.
Taught Lil W to say “Cwistmwas tree.
Watched him take down the ornaments faster than we could put them up.
Got excited for his increased understanding about this special holiday.
Watched an episode of Parenthood on Netflix.
Said our prayers.
And then hit the hay.

What are your holiday traditions?
We’re looking to take on a few more. Ideas?

****************************

I would love for you to stop by The Anderson Crew to see my latest tutorial for her handmade gift guide.

And you can also stop by Lisa Leonard’s blog to read a bit about my fun mini photo shoot with her.

Some randoms, just because.
Well, mostly because my brain isn’t working and these things have been on my mind.

1. I’ve just recently re-discovered Cocoa Krispies, and I’m so glad I did. Nothing beats the chocolate milk once you’ve finished the bowl of cereal.
2. Do you ever feel like your face is rejecting your makeup? Because that’s what I’m experiencing. I think I need to try a new brand.
3. We’re still here in Wyoming, and my hands are cracked, my lips are peeling and I can’t breathe out of my nose. High altitude is not my friend.
4. Sometimes, when Ben tells me I look pretty, I say “what?”, just so that I can hear him say it again.
5. Did anyone else watch Tangled over 100 times this week?
6. Lil W is officially more sufficient than me at maneuvering the iPad.
7. Do I unpack the fake Christmas tree or go out and get a real one this year?
8. Suspenders for gals. Yay or nay?
9. I reeeeally need to get started on part 5 of our love story.

And let’s end on that note, with some pictures of Lil W and his adorable cousins.
It’s been an “energetic” week, to say the least.

See if you can find which cousin is Ben’s clone,
and see if you can figure out what’s wrong with the last photo.

 Your three randoms. Ready go!