Through the Looking Glass

2010-05-04T06:14:00.001-07:00

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Out of Rosenheim

2009-01-15T06:09:00.000-08:00

That's a very unusual situation. I have experienced reading a book before watching a film. The other situation is common too. I have seen many films before rading the book, just like The End of the Affair and Sonewhere in Time or The Constant Gardener, all of which have showed me better results in the film,. exception made for Greene, which is a great writer. He says he is not that good. but I like his writing very much.
This time, it was the music that hooked me. Bagdad Cafe is a song which has always allured me. It makes me feel great. And then, I finally came to watch it.

The End of the Affair

2008-12-30T17:02:00.000-08:00

This is the end of the year and there's very little to do. I miss being busy, don't know what to do with my time. Reading, yes, I've read two books in two days, but nothing that special. I'm postponing Saramago, leaving it till it gets really necessary. Tomorrow, perhaps, after a walk.
My other faorite activity saves me. Again, I watched The End of the affair.
Fim de ano, pouca coisa pra fazer, falta de hábito de ficar assim, à toa. What a awonderful film. The book is astonishing, but the film, oh, what a delicious thing. And I'm not even a big fan of Fiennes, but Juliane captivates me more and more.
I'm not sure about what it is that makes me so attached to it. Is it the passion, the lust, the dilemma...
"love doesn't end just because we don't see each other" Sarah tells Bendrix. True. But it can really hurt.
Well, I took the kids to the cinema last week for my son's birthday, there were 8 guys. Pre adolescents they call themselves. The film was Madagascar 2. New shopping center in town. New film, less good than the first one, but funny.
And the thrill of having everybody talking at the same time. Just what I call a happy day. Something to have once in a year.

Fatherhood

2008-08-10T18:26:00.000-07:00

Yes Bill Cosby is someone who can deal with this and still make fun of it. I can't. There's lots of things I would like to say about my own father. He was wonderful, always there for me, but never too visible. I could do anything I wanted and he would be there for me whenever I needed. I just want to know what I did wrong. Why wasn't I able to find another one like mine?
How could I? It doesn't depend on my own will. And it's not easy.
Maybe that's just because the weekend is ending. Or it's father's day.
Well, let me try to think about it any other time.

Her anxiety - Yeats

2008-07-31T06:37:00.000-07:00

Isn't it true?

Her Anxiety

Earth in beauty dressed
Awaits returning spring.
All true love must die,
Alter at the best
Into some lesser thing.
Prove that I lie.

Such body lovers have,
Such exacting breath,
That they touch or sigh.
Every touch they give,
Love is nearer death.
Prove that I lie.

William Butler Yeats

Veja meu Slide Show!

2008-02-24T09:00:00.001-08:00

Todo o Mundo é um palco: O Limite da Mediocridade Alcançada

2007-08-20T06:37:00.000-07:00

Todo o Mundo é um palco: O Limite da Mediocridade Alcançada

Monday

2007-08-20T06:17:00.000-07:00

Not all of them, but some Mondays make you feel brand new. That's it. I have been feeling used, misused, abused. And what's left of it?
Nothing.
Not even lessons for not making the same mistake again.
Improving.
That's the word.
I'm always sure it's gonna be better this time.
The worst part of it are the leftovers. A pan here, a book there. The chair, the "armchair".. Oh, what an armchair!
It looks like I was complaining, but now it comes all in such a strong blow.
Memories, most of them good. The thing that always annoys me is that they are so powerful I can't easily forget them.
So nice, so agreeable, the disgust comes later.
OK, I was gonna talk about my actual state of mind.
I'm really feeling useful.
I did a wonderful job last Friday. The thing worked so nice I think I'm gonna have to turn it into a habit.
Talking to different audiences. It is always a challenge and it makes me feel so strong.
To accomplish different tasks. To change moods, places, people.
That's GREAT!
I love it.

Blog da Graça - UOL Blog

2007-08-17T06:28:00.000-07:00

Blog da Graça - UOL Blog

Stuck

2007-08-15T20:10:00.000-07:00

Yes, I'm stuck here on the other side. I can see things happening. People coming and going, but I'm out, excluded, torn.
Well, if rupture was the thing I was looking for, Here it is.
I was proud, self sufficient, weren't I?
How could anyone be blamed on putting itself away?
Blergh.

King Lear

2007-08-02T11:52:00.000-07:00

It is no vicious blot, murder, or foulness,
No unchaste action, or dishonoured step,
That hath deprived me of your grace and favour;

But even for want of that for which I am richer,
A still-soliciting eye, and such a tongue
As I am glad I have not, though not to have it
Hath lost me in your liking.
King Lear, 1. 1

Self explanatory, I think.
Perhaps I will not understand it in a year or so, but now, it is all I have to say to myself. I don't have any other means to put it in words. I try, but my brain is still. Motionless, astonished...

Me

2007-07-31T10:00:00.000-07:00

Well, thinking about everything...
My kids are everything I have in life. I've been struggling to do every possible move to protect them. I've been worried because it seems never to be enough. I am everything they have. That was my choice and I keep on wondering if it was fair. I sometimes feel completely alone. There's nobody I can count on to help me. Their father shows whe he feels comfortale to do so.
But when they want to torture me, they threaten me by saying they're going to live with the father. I know, of course it's not serious. They can't stand him. But it hurts. Intenions are many times stronger than actions.
YesterdayI was wondering whre I would be if they didn't come to me. They surely kept me stable, I've always been so light minded. I can't imagine where I would be now. Not here, for sure.
They take a lot of time. Taking my daughter to work, I was thinking how many times I had to give up many other things to make it easier for her. Not that I'm not proud of her, but at her age I was so quick, and independent. In terms, my father has always been around. He was somebody I could always count on. That's what I would like to mean for her. But it's not that easy. That makes me value my poor old dad even more. I miss so musch the cnfidence of having him around, but, anyway, I deserted him. That's the price I have to pay for having left him. My mother too, she was a stone, always mad at me, but there! I could never stand their control over me. And when I complain about their granddaughter they say she's just like me...
Yes, they anchor me, I need them to feel necessary. It's so hard to feel useless the way I do when their father takes them away. I could be such a better mom, I could just care more abot them, but it's more than I can accomplish. She says I'm lazy, will it be true? Is it the reason why I let them do whatever they want?
I like to think that's because I know what it is to be ruled all the time. But wasn't it useful? Isn't that the reason why I'm somebody today?
I fear to be wrong, to have skipped something, lost the railway somewhere.
And it all comes because I feel completely unearthed. I don't know who I am, who I would like to be. I don't think I have the right to doubt. It's really hurting them to see me this way. Confused, repentful, unsafe, sad.
I don't have the right, I can't think of other lives, other places, realities.

Kerouac

2007-07-29T15:32:00.000-07:00

I like too many things and get all confused and hung-up running from one falling star to another till I drop. This is the night, what it does to you. I had nothing to offer anybody except my own confusion...
JACK KEROUAC

This is something that reminds me my own confusion.
I have been thinking about changing. Too many times, too many trials, and nothing happens. Changes come, pass by me and I'm still the same. I can even recognize my own pride, my stuborness. But not able to deal with tem, I keep on doing the sme things, the same mistakes.
I have thought a lot about many things and decided. I have to go to the shrimp. I can't deal with myself all alone. I need help. Perhaps it is nothing that serious. I'm just a person deprived of greediness. I don't care about the future. I keep here while the others go... I decided, again, I have to go ahead. I will keep contact with Miguel, he represents big promises, I keep on running away from him. I think I fear him. I have done this mistake once. It's enough. I won't...
Perhaps my daughter is right and I'm just too lazy to cope with things. I agree to some extent. I prefer to be told what to do when it means not having to decide what to eat or drink, but when it comes to important matters, it is different. I can't stand anybody telling me what to do, what to wear.
In fact, I recognize that people passed by me and found other pertners who can cope with distress and confusion. That's not my case. I'm sure it's bad for myself and for them. That's wht they leave and live happily forever after.
But I can't get out of myself. I can't just go. I have to satay and deal with it.
That's me.
Confusion, lack of concentration. What doctor. I must decide, now.

Eu uso óculos

2007-07-27T15:40:00.000-07:00

Bem, o médico mandou, eu faço.
Tenho que usar para ler. Além, lógico, da obediência, tem a necessidade. Não vejo mais nada sem eles, tanto, que estou começando a coleção.

Neo Napster Download - Superdownloads

2007-07-15T15:59:00.000-07:00

Neo Napster Download - Superdownloads

Relatividade

2007-04-01T17:45:00.000-07:00

Bem, se o tempo é relativo, então foi ontem que escrevi o último post. Estou ainda tentando enxergar o outro lado, mas a perspectiva mudou muito pouco. Ainda me sinto presa a um espectro que não sou eu.
Do outro lado,...

Reflexos

2007-03-06T21:01:00.000-08:00

Bem, ver-se ao contrário é sempre desumano. Mas sinto que o exercício é necessário.
Ver o que nego, o que tento esconder, mas que é tão nítido quando visto daqui.
Solidão, impaciência, carência, teimosia.