SAFAR-HUMSAFAR STORY

I do to an arranged marriage,what should you know before you say ?

2020-01-25T10:00:00.000+05:30

What should you know before you say ‘I do’ to an arranged marriage?

Let us make you aware of some interesting facts so that you will know what you need to know before arrenged marrige or I want to do arrenged marriage then.

While marriage has been an object of obsession in many cultures, its largest fan base exists in India.

Parents start planning the marriage of their children from the moment they’re born – sometimes even before that. That, however, does not mean that you can pick and choose who you want to marry.

There are strict guidelines regarding marriage in India.

As much as the country has progressed, love marriages are still frowned upon, let alone the ones that are inter-caste or inter-religion.

Arranged marriages are still the norm in India and are considered pretty successful, given that lesser number of arranged marriages end up in divorces.

Let’s examine this, along with the other arguments that support arranged marriage.

Lower divorce rates for a reason!

If it’s an arranged marriage, the knot isn’t just tied between two people – it’s tied between two families. Due to the involvement of families in a relationship, one that should only concern two people, it becomes the responsibility of the married couple to ensure that the marriage works.

So, even if the couple is unhappy, they keep going, because taking a divorce would mean breaking the hearts of the parents who had set up the marriage in the first place.

This especially works against women, who sometimes, become victims of domestic violence but still have to stay in the marriage.

Source: LawRato.com

Strangeness isn’t always a good thing

One argument that people always pose to support arranged marriage is that since the two people involved are complete strangers (which is not necessarily the truth), there is a lot to explore in the relationship. Have you ever had the pleasure of sitting next to a really talkative, annoying stranger in a bus? Now, imagine having to spend the rest of your life with that person! Not a great picture, is it? Strangeness is enjoyable only if you like the person in the first place. Even then, it is fleeting, and before you know it, it is replaced by familiarity.

Source: outlookmarketingsrv.com

It is based on the assumption that ‘parents know best.’

Most of the Indian youth is living a double life. Social taboos have made it so. The activities young ones indulge in are mostly kept hidden from the parents. Thus, the idea that parents know you well enough to choose a life partner for you is a gamble.

You may hit the jackpot sometimes, but more often than not, you’ll get stuck with someone who doesn’t see you for who you are.

Source: MEME

Sexual chemistry – the neglected variable

One thing that isn’t talked about enough is sexual chemistry between the couples. Rest assured, it isn’t something that is on your parents’ mind when they’re looking for your life partner.

However, it is a crucial variable, one that has a massive influence on the happiness of the marriage.

Many relationships fail simply for this reason, despite everything else being right.

Source: indiabookstore.net

More than anything, who you want to spend the rest of your life with should be your own decision.

It is one thing to seek approval of your family for the person you want to tie the knot with, and a whole another to leave that decision entirely in their hands.

People don’t let their families make such small decisions for themselves, yet, no one challenges the idea of leaving the biggest decision of your life to your family. Food for thought.

Now you must have understood what I want to understand, if you have understood then you will think once.

Tawaifs; not a profanity

2019-12-31T07:00:00.000+05:30

Azeezunbai

Tawaifs; अपवित्रता नहीं

In June 1857, with the closure of East India Company (ESI), there were a few other stories that were supposed to be in history, but unfortunately, got lost in the mists of time. Tawaifs (courtesan) were also strong pillars of support in the freedom struggle.

Azeezunbai is a name nowhere to be found in the pages of history. The archival reports, local legends, or a paper written by Lata Singh, is the reason the name has survived till date. Lata is an associate professor in the Centre for Women Studies Jawaharlal Nehru University. There are scattered stories of some unsung heroes, who contributed to a crucial time like the Sepoy movement of 1857. They were the heroes behind the scene who worked as a messenger, an informer and also as a conspirator in the times of Kanpur rebellion days.

ik sham aapke naam

The unforgotten story of Azeezunbai was revised and recognized in the seminar held at the Mumbai Royal Opera House on 27th April. Tehzeeb-e Tawaif was organized by Manjari Chaturvedi, the director of the organization who was looking into The Courtesan project. The Royal Opera house collaborated with Avid Learning and collected writers, historians, and researchers to discuss the legacies of performing artists of the 18th and 20th century.

Indian female artists have received a bad reputation, for example, Tawaifs. People are less aware of how the word Tawaif came into existence — known with names in different regions like devadasis in South and baijis in Bengal. They were professional dancers, poets, atehzeebnd singers, who were combated with the prostitutes later by the Britishers — popularly known as the “nautch girls” they were scrapped out collectively.

Courtesans had their glory days where they were the center of attraction for art and culture. They had a time when they enjoyed power, prestige, political access, and were an important part of the culture. Reputed families would send their children to Tawaifs to train them with tehzeeb- “art of conversation.” There was a time when getting associated with the tawaifs, as they were of the Mughal’s descent was considered as a symbol of pride for people to hang out with. People never perceived Tawaif as a bad woman as they do today.

Now, due to the decline of the Mughal empire, tawaifs had to move out of Delhi and shift towards Oudh state, as Nawabs still valued their art. But, in 1856, everything changed when the British invaded the Oudh state. In the revolt for East India Company, Tawaifs were the unrecognized heroes who played an active role in providing with the hideouts and arranging meeting spots for rebels in the “Kothas.”

Tawaif

The decline of the renowned art

Warrants were released against the Tawaifs, and their Kothas were destroyed physically by the Britishers. The turning point in Indian history and courtesans was the switching of powers and handing it over to the British empire. Courtesans were connected with the prostitutes, and their Kothas were labeled as brothels.

Non-Cooperation Movement that happened from 1920 to 1922 also involved tawaifs and formed a committee named as Tawaif Sabha. Mahatma Gandhi had meetings with the groups of Tawaifs, which was led by some famous artists like Gauhar Jaan.

The director of The Courtesan Project said, “We snatched away everything from them, their music, dance, poetry.” She added. “But we’ve never given credit to them. We must respect them. We must know about them, and I hope to be able to do this in my lifetime.”

This is a story which should reach out to the masses, and the Tawaifs should get the respect and honor they deserved because they are our heroes just like our beloved freedom fighters.

Why do girls seem less happy than boys in single-sex schools?

2019-12-29T14:59:00.000+05:30

why do girls seem less happy than boys in single sex school

Some say single-sex schools are better; some say co-ed schools are better, but the truth has always hung in-between the two positions.

However, psychologists say that girls belonging to the same sex educational institutes are facing an increasing the rise in emotional and social problems.

single sex-school girls

Difference felt with girls in school

Researchers have found that girls feel more pressure during examinations compared to boys.

Also, girls in single-sex schools have a more negative review about their school experience when compared to the boys.

It’s because of the social pressure to do exceptionally well regarding their performance.

Peadar Maxwell, child psychologist, says that interaction with the opposite gender is a must as it plays a significant role in education.

Boys and girls need to be in the space where they see themselves as equals and learn to cope up with all the challenges faced. Creating that environment in work space and study is essential in the crucial years of development of a child’s brain.

Even if the circumstances make you put your child in the single-sex school, it is a parent’s responsibility to allow their child to mix up with the other gender. This mixing is very important for the children to be comfortable with the other sex as it is directly linked with our ability of dealing with the real-world situations.

Mutual respect and equality in a working or living environment is a part of child’s upbringing.

Exceptions are always there as there are many people who have outshined in the world despite being a part of the single-sex school, but miracles are rare which do not happen quite often.

What to do about it?

Girls, be it co-education or a single-sex school, feel the pressure of performing well in every field. Keeping aside the gender, we should be more focused on how to catch hold of the most relatable language and resolve the concerns of a student and how to make them aware of the peer pressure and give them ways to tackle through it.

school girls

Merits of same sex school

Girls participate more actively in activities and sports. The concentration is higher and it is easier for the teachers to have a hold or control the students.

Girls do not face the social fear of embarrassment and are ready to push their boundaries as they are up for experiments.

exam form getting

De-merits

We need to be more focused on the mental health or limitations a single-sex school puts on a teenager. We should take them out from their comfort zone as the real world doesn’t provide you that or alter according to your preferences.

The confidence that you gradually gain by spending time with the opposite gender comes handy in life.

Socially, you should be a part of it to understand it better for the future...!!!

Why do women feel safer in Mumbai compared to Delhi?

2019-12-28T16:30:00.001+05:30

Why do women feel safer in Mumbai compared to Delhi

night in mumbai

प्रिय मित्रों

मैं दिल्ली और मुंबई दोनो जगह में रही हूँ। यहां उन दो शहरों में मुख्य अंतर हैं जो महिलाओं में योगदान करते हैं, यहां तक कि पुरुष मुंबई में अधिक सुरक्षित महसूस करते हैं:

1. मुंबई 24 घंटे का शहर है। दिल्ली में रात 11 बजे तक सब कुछ बंद हो जाता है ।

2. मुंबई बहुत भीड़भाड़ वाला शहर है, हर जगह ज्यादा लोग हैं। लोगों ने अपने आप को उस मे ढाल लिया है वो लोग कोम्प्रोमाईज़ करके रहते हैं और जरूरत पड़ने पर एक-दूसरे के लिए अपना योगदान भी देना सीख लिया है।

3. मुंबई में कोई ग्रामीण प्रभाव नहीं है । दिल्ली में एक मजबूत हरियाणा प्रभाव है। एनसीआर में ऐसे गाँव हैं जहाँ पारंपरिक रूप से रूढ़िवादी समुदाय रहते हैं, और ये अब मुख्यधारा के आवासीय क्षेत्र बन गए हैं। लोगों के पास अधिक पैसा है, लेकिन फिर भी अल्पविकसित जीवन शैली और सोच है।

4. दिल्ली भारत का राजनीतिक केंद्र है। राजनेता = दुष्ट। दिल्ली भारत का नौकरशाही और न्यायिक केंद्र भी है। बाबू = बुराई। दिल्ली के किसी भी अपराधी के लिए "क्या आप जानते हैं कि मेरा डैडी कौन है?" ये बोलना बहोत ही आम बात है

5. मुंबई की प्रवासी मानसिकता। पूरे भारत के लोग काम खोजने और पैसा कमाने के लिए मुंबई आते हैं। महिलाएं लंबे समय से कर्मचारियों की संख्या में हैं। दिल्ली में आज भी वही पुरानी पारंपरा चलती अ रही है।

feel safed

I am a Mumbai girl living in Delhi these days...and believe me Delhi feels like a jail. You have to think twice before going out at 8pm and you cannot go out at all after 9 pm. While in Mumbai 9 pm is when people start getting out to chill. People here stare at you for no reason, even when you are fully covered and dis-hevelled.

I wish I could go back to Mumbai :(

When The Guy In Next Compartment Pulled The Chain...

2019-12-28T10:09:00.000+05:30

When The Guy In Next Compartment Pulled The Chain.

thinking of chain pulling

hello friends.

It was scorching hot and the blinders were leaking stingy sunlight. The train was moving towards Bhopal from Nagpur, and my destination was Delhi. The train was not going further from Bhopal and I had an urgent work that couldn’t have been missed, so I was practically and mentally ready to do anything that it took to reach Delhi.

When you are traveling without a ticket in Indian Railways, you are driven by a force that takes you over and instills in you a determination that even you never thought of possessing.

I learnt this during the summer of 2019.

I deboarded the train with two heavy bags and a rucksack. None of my bags had wheels and I reached the ticket counter panting. I was to buy myself a general boggy window ticket from Bhopal to Delhi, but unfortunately, it was closed due to lunchtime. Why can’t they shuffle their timings in such a way that there’s someone at the counter at all the times, I cranked.

I sat down finding a cool spot and revised my mental plan, while I waited for the counters to open. I planned to buy general ticket and ask the TTE to set me up in any seat, as simple as that! The situation was urgent but not urgent enough to make me travel in general boggy. I made a few calls while I was waiting. My phone’s battery was draining but I didn’t have the will or energy to drag all my bags in search of a charging point.

I went back to the counter and joined the queue again; some people never left the counter they just sat on their spots. I should have done the same, I thought. I put on my headphones and stood in the queue which never seemed to be moving.

I heard strange shouting; when I removed my headphones, I heard people shouting at the official inside the counter. What I figured out from the shouting was that the woman behind the counter was talking and giggling on her phone which was holding the lines.

I was not even surprised. I won’t deny that it slightly hurt my ego – having stood with all the people dripping with sweat while she sat in the air-conditioned cabin and decided the fate of our journey. There were few farts and kids who cried their lungs out, and still, that woman was the most hated person in the room.

I got my ticket and rushed to the platform to catch a train that was supposed to be not-very-crowded. But it turned out to be just the opposite.

I desperately started searching for the TTE and when I finally found him, he crudely turned down my offer.

I was tired and infuriated.

I had no right to be infuriated though, what I asking was illegal and he didn’t want to be bribed. Bribing the TTE has been so normalized that when

I encountered a non-bribable and law-abiding officer, I blamed him for not helping me, a poor-soul-who-was-in-need-of-help! I watched the train leave for my destination helplessly.

Disappointed, I bought a chilled can of Coke and sat below a huge fan.

I tried to enjoy my drink and as soon as it was finished, it hit me – if the train which was supposed to be comparatively emptier was so full, the condition of other trains would be worse. I needed to act up! I went to the platform on which the train was expected to arrive.

Next to me, sat a huge man in a khaki shirt. The force I mentioned, took over me again and made me ask the guy whether he or any of his connections could get me a spot in any train going towards Bhopal. I am a stutterer so was that guy. We puffed out more air than words. It was one of the most uncomfortable talks I have ever been a part of, but fruitful nonetheless.

He asked me to watch over his bookstall and he left all of the books and magazines trusting a guy who he had met 10 minutes back. Not because I do not have a look of a stealer, but because he didn’t know that I had shop-lifted a jar of Nutella once, I thought.

The train in which he said he could set me up made its way to the platform.

I was becoming increasingly panicky. Soon, he came back with a sturdy, short, grey-haired man in red coolie-shirt. Contrary to me and the book-stall-guy – he spoke really fast. So fast that I had to guess what he must have said based on some keywords that I managed to hear.

I don’t know exactly what he said, but I heard – “husdhsd barasau rupaye abhi do, husdhsudh scixnc Ghosh sahib,” and he introduced me to a TTE.

I suspiciously gave him 1200 rupees, because I had no choice. Meanwhile, I grew very anxious thinking that he wouldn’t come back with my ticket, I talked to Ghosh sahab, he asked me to and sit in coach S5.

The sturdy man came back with a ticket, I thanked him and boarded the train which was already blowing horns.

I sat in my side-lower seat which faced the setting sun, it was only afternoon and the heat was crucifying but I was too relaxed and happy to be bothered by it.

Soon, my relaxedness and happiness faded away but the heat remained. I took out my laptop, put on headphones, plugged the charger into the fluctuating charging point and started re-watching F.R.I.E.N.D.S.

2 hours went by gulping down gallons of water, perspiring, cribbing about the heat, peeing, and the occasionally staring out of the window.

The train stopped at some station and a group of four friends boarded the compartment next to me. I am never amused to travel in company of loud and talkative young men. They were the age where men refuse to give a damn about anything! So, when an elderly couple objected to something, they were hurt and started shouting.

I was sitting at a nice angle and was keenly watching the drama the angry young men had created. Things got too heated, both the parties started abusing the each other and one from the group of friends threw a half empty (or half filled, you decide) water bottle at the elderly man.

Things escalated quickly after that even the spectators joined the drama. That guy was taken away, and a random guy exchanged his seat with him to resolve the matter.

The buzz settled and everyone got back to their business – getting bored or talking about politics. The drama woke up the man sleeping on the berth right over my head.

Unfortunately, he came down, sat next to me and started talking. Just the usual stuff – “Why is your hair so long? “Don’t your parents scold you?” “Do you study?” “Which field?”

When I told him that I was a journalism student, he expected me to know every big name in the industry personally and asked whether or not I knew the salary of Sudhir Chowdhary, I nodded no with a flat smile.

Then he asked me the salary of Punya Prasoon Bajpayee and I said “1 lakhs a month” just to shut him up.

The conversation took an expected turn when it moved towards politics, I was least interested in augmenting so I agreed with everything he said, continued to stare out of the window and threw in a periodic ‘haan’ and ‘bilkul’.

Then he said something which made me attentive, it was not particularly interesting but it worth my attention to say the least.

He said – “Kaafi garmi hai na! AC me sahi rehta hai, par pata hai main AC jan-bujh kar nahi jata hoon kyunki usme logo se bat nahi hoti. Apne se nahi hota chup-chap rehna, apne ko chahiye log…” “Sleeper me apne jaise log jate hai, acha lagta hai.”

It was like saying – “I don’t like air-conditioned, cleaner, quieter, and more civilized carts, but I love smelly, damp, over-crowded carts more.”

I got tired of the conversation and used my laptop and headphones to get out of it. The train halted at some station and I got down to get a chilled coke and a packet of chips.

I came back up and just when it started moving and picked up a little speed, one of the angry-young-men pulled the chain and it stopped. It seemed one of them couldn’t manage to board the train back. He came in laughing with a handful of biscuits and bananas. Unlikely to happen, the train pulling awakened the sleeping Railway official, and they started inquiring about who had pulled the chain.

The guys became fearful, as they looked almost sure that the family they had a tussle with, would call out their name. But I was almost sure that they were not going to do it. The reason for thinking like that, more than anything, was my gut feeling which told me that the anger we have against the system is far greater than the anger we have for some other person could ever be.

The family didn’t say anything and the train moved towards my destination again.

SHAYRI

2019-12-28T01:56:00.001+05:30

जिस को देखो वही है चुप-चुप सा

जैसे हर शख़्स इम्तिहान में है

खो चुके हम यक़ीन जैसी शय

तू अभी तक किसी गुमान में है

सर-बुलंदी नसीब हो कैसे

सर-निगूँ है के साए-बान में है

ख़ौफ़ ही ख़ौफ़ जागते सोते

कोई आसेब इस मकान में है

ख़ुद को पाया न उम्र भर हम ने

कौन है जो हमारे ध्यान में है ll

सायरी

2019-12-28T01:52:00.001+05:30

हमसे मिलने को दीवार ओ दर नहीं आए

हम किसी मकान में आए लेकिन घर नहीं आए

परिंदो को भी था लौट के आना

शाम हुई और वे घर को आए

पलट के आ गया तू भी तेरी मोहब्बत भी

लेकिन वो पन्द्रह बरस लौट के नहीं आए ।।