duh!!

Today I feel stupid.

2010-12-21T15:58:00.002+05:30

Today I feel stupid... and I'm proud about it.

Today I am not ashamed of myself anymore.

Today I do not feel that I am not good-enough.

Today I feel I am stupid and boy, am I glad!

I am just a foolish girl and it is the best thing to be!

Today I know that I don't know.

Today is just now!

Can You Mask It?

2010-12-16T14:34:00.001+05:30

Just recently I was reminded of our experience during the swine flu scare that we had last year. Albeit unpleasant and tedious we did manage to find things to laugh about and cherish for the rest of our life.

In the peak of the swine flu scare any ordinary flu like symptoms would almost always look like the feared flu itself. We too fell prey to this stream of thought. But, sometimes a lot of good comes out of our expectation to see and find good no matter how terrible the situation. What follows is all about that.

Early in the second week of August '09, Uthkarsh came down with flu like symptoms. His temperature highs touched 104 deg F and it was such a herculean task to bring it down every time it rocketed. We were dosing him with Crocin, Ibugesic and Meftal alternatively and sponging him round the clock for five full days (nights included, nights are part of the day when a baby is unwell). Luckily around the time he was just about beginning to fall sick we had a few extra hands who we planned on retaining until all this was over.

Being very responsible citizens we made sure that whatever it was we would take precaution and not allow the virus to spread - be it human or the animal kind. So we decided to stop visiting anyplace and also told all new contacts not to visit us until the ordeal was over. That was our first step.

But, we did have to go to shops and visit doctors. So, we had to think of something workable that would enable us to uphold the title of responsible citizens. And that led us to our next step - wearing masks. All of us wore masks everywhere we went, even when we were sitting in our car. For starters it was such a head-turner. Four adults and a baby sitting in a car, all wearing masks is not quite the run-of-the-mill scene that you see very often on the roads of Chennai.

Meanwhile, Uthkarsh's temperature peaks were not coming down and it was accompanied by the proverbial adamant cough and annoying running nose. So, his pediatrician had no other choice but to ask us to have his throat swab taken to rule out H1N1. So, off we went to King Institute of Preventive Mediceine Guindy. That was the only official Swinu Flu Testing and Treatment facility in Chennai declared by the Government.

There was a huge queue for testing at King'g. A couple of lab technicians who almost resembled Neil Armstrong in their attire were doing the tests. They were fast and extremely efficient at their work. Else finishing that serpentine queue would have been next to never. Uthkarsh was asked to be brought in for the test by one adult. So, Kumar decided to do the honours while we were all waiting outside anxiously. One minute he went in quietly and in the next second there was a loud scream continued by some crying and that was all. In exactly two minutes he was out. It was that fast and that smooth. I was in awe of our government's arrangement for testing and treatment of swine flu. It was impeccable to say the least.

Though the result came back negative, we continued to wear our masks wherever we went. EVERYWHERE from shops to buy groceries to the beach - just everywhere. Apart from being a head-turner, it was also a conversation-churner. Everyone who saw us and happened to be an earshot away started talking about the swine flu and how fast it was spreading and how no one is responsible these days and how many people were dying (some random numbers thrown in) everyday. Seeing us with masks people took it for granted that we were confirmed cases of swine flu and hence kept a safe distance from us. Everyone who saw us would move away from their trajectory that would have probably led them to us, so that they could avoid contracting the virus from us. It was so funny to see the moral dilemma in their face - to move away or not to move away. This actually worked to our advantage because wearing a mask helped keep people at bay!! We also met some who boldly walked up to us to point blank scold us for being out and spreading the virus! Some others thought we were out there to deliberately scare people away.

On the whole it was such a hilarious experience to watch people from behind the safety of our masks. I guess doing something like this once in a while can be a lot of fun. See if you can bypass the embarrassment of being seen in a mask just for a day and see the kind of experience you can have. I guarantee it will be nothing short of cartloads of fun.

Can you muster the courage to mask it?

You Can Heal Your Life (by) Embracing Uncertainty!

2010-12-10T12:47:00.001+05:30

&
I'm currently reading both these books. Both of them were my mother's recommendation to me and just like she mentioned both of the books certainly do have a mind of their own. So, reading them together for me is a fantastic experience. What I like the most is while Dr. Susan Jeffers gives tips and 'how-to' handle impending anxiety, Julie hay tells what to do with all the bodily disease that has resulted from all the anxiety that I have lived with for all these years. (Between the two, I've got it all covered... Maybe). Both authors speak with so much conviction, ease and calmness that I am finding it impossible to refute the fact that I can truly heal my life by embracing uncertainty!

When it Rains, it POURS!

2010-08-09T10:22:00.014+05:30

I just noticed how many posts I have sitting prim in my drafts folder, all waiting for more words to complete them as a result stopping me from 'Publish Post'-ing them. I hope this one does not end up being one among them.

I have great news to share.

Uthkarsh has outgrown his milk allergy completely. Yes absolutely completely. This is by far the 'most' liberating thing that has happened to me in a very long time. This has let me set my sails and move in the direction that I want to go in. This time without having the constant fear and worry hanging around my neck all the time. He can have all the ice-creams, pizza's, flavoured yoghurt, chocolates, just everything.

I'm thrilled that Uthkarsh has finally set himself free to explore the world. Now there is no stopping him.

I was telling you about setting my sails up right. About that, I'm half way through my year-long course in basic counselling skills. And as a part of building counselling skills for being able to counsel others, we start with ourselves and our issues. Over the past few months I have noticed that my relationships with people (that I have known) both family and friends alike have changed tremendously.

I have started accepting and acknowledging my needs and wants as opposed to constantly focusing on the other person. From merely 'reacting' to questions by pleasing others I have shifted to 'answering' them by pleasing myself. In other words - by constantly paying attention to my needs and wants that I had always discredited and disregarded, I feel ALIVE.

As a child I had always been told to make others feel comfortable regardless of whether I was comfortable or not. This weighed down on me in all relationships, particularly at work where I was sh*it scared of authority figures (yeah the boss kinds) until very recently. And nothing, absolutely nothing constructive came out of such subservient bonding (here bondage).

Now, I am learning to LET Go of things that I don't want - everything including relationships that are futile and I'm instead opening my heart to welcome everything that had always been standing in front of me - waiting to embrace me with an open heart. Only I couldn't see it before.

Although this endeavour is one of the slow-and-steady kinds, it is nonetheless enjoyable, fun, fulfilling and empowering throughout.

Empowerment One step at a time

-I'm launching a library for kids that I've named Little Bookworms. A friend of mine designed and sent me a brand new fantabulous logo. I think it is super yumm! Thank you Saurav! I'm waiting for one final consignment of books to arrive that will mark my total number of books to a 1000. And then we'll all be set to roll!

-And BTW we were featured in India Today. YAY!(I was thrilled to see this article. I still am. :))

Signing out on that very high note.

Until next time then!

The little boy in Uthkarsh

2010-01-11T15:40:00.003+05:30

Up until very recently Uthkarsh was a baby first and then a boy for me. But now that little boy in him has been surfacing more often than usual. He was not all that much into soft toys right from the beginning and always preferred anything with wheels. But, to me that felt like he was still a baby-with- preferences.

A couple of weeks ago we'd gone to our usual baby shop to buy some baby goodies when we bumped into Kumar's friend and his almost two year old daughter. It was interesting to see how she walked towards where the very bright and colourful toy spoons and cups were kept and this little brat of mine gravitated towards where the very dull coloured transformers were stacked. He picked one and insisted that we open the box and give it to him right away. We got him a 'Kattka' (Tractor) instead, which he seemed to be mighty pleased with.

The transition to a boy from baby seems to be happening very fast. Last week he surprised us by identifying cars with their names. He seems to be totally fascinated in playing 'Name that Car' game every time we step out. As of today he can identify and name 9 of them that I know of.

TATA Indica - Indaka

Renault Logan - loggun cah

Maruti 800 - Mahyuti aet

Toyota Innova - Innanna

Hyundai Getz - Geizz

Santro - shattle

Esteem - Ishteme

Fiesta - Siesta

Omni Van - Omnee Nan

Boh-nee!

2010-01-05T07:50:00.004+05:30

I made brownies again for New Year Distribution. I decided to keep making brownies until baking them became almost second nature to me. This time it sure was a breeze and turned out very well.

I cut down on the oil (canola) and replaced it with some soya milk instead and reduced the sugar to scant. They came out pretty well. Not too fudgy, not too crumbly, just right and absolutely delicious. I was so thrilled about it that as soon as I got it out of the oven and cut them, I wanted to pack them for giveaway immediately. And that is what I did.

Babbie and Mithun were over at home and were on their way to Coimbatore, so I packed some for my mother. I stuffed another little box for my in-laws and rushed to their place, before it got cold. I was really happy to give it while it was still warm.

Brownie Feedback:

I like getting feedback on something I do and attempt at working on it if it sounds sincere enough. I've also written down some of their older feedback for the brownies I made last time within parenthesis.

Kumar - It is Yumm. I want one more. It is very very nice. (1.It is quite hard. 2.It is very oily and sort of has a raw smell)

Babbie - Really nice Shobi! Nice... Yumm (1. It is slightly hard to bite. 2. It is slightly gooey, maybe you should work on that the next time)

Mithun - They've come out well. Its nice

MIL - (Slightly gooey)

My Mother - It was very very tasty. I started my breakfast with it. (1. It is tasty, but hard. )

And the best feed back ever was when after tasting a little bit, Uthkarsh started crying for more "Boh-nee" and kept asking for more "boh-nee" for the next two days!

So this time, it was really liked by all! Yay! :)

A morning at his father's Alma Mater

2009-12-27T12:45:00.002+05:30

On 26th Dec we were invited for Kumar's Alma Mater's 'Golden Jubilee Alumni Day' Celebrations. They had a fantastic line up of activities and things to keep Uthkarsh distracted. So occupied that he didn't even notice Kumar slipping out on the sly to meet up with some profs. It was an exciting day for both father and son. Each happy that they got their share of yummy pie to bite on. One of the highlights for Uthkarsh was a huge bouncer on which he wanted to jump all the time.

I also have a video that I wanted to upload, but I've not yet managed to compress it for upload. I don't want for ever before I post this. Will try uploading the video sometime later.

Turn back and return to joy - just by feeling better.

2009-12-24T22:55:00.002+05:30

One of the things I do when I feel low is to look for positives in whatever predicament it is that I''m in. I don't always find it easy-to-remember to look for positives so at times I do let things get out of hand and begin feeling frustrated before I realise that I had always had the option and still have the option of wanting to feel better.

When I was told by the pediatrician about Uthkarsh's 'Cow's Milk allergy', I did not exactly know what that really meant and how that would impact our lives from then on. For starters his pediatrician asked me stop consuming milk and anything with milk or milk products in it. To me that sounded like a very normal request and a very simple thing to do. Little did I realise then that it was not going to be all that straightforward as it sounded. However, because I was in a state of mind to even stand upside down if need be just to bring Uthkarsh back to normalcy, I went ahead in full swing with great fervour. First, off went my morning coffee, then my afternoon curd rice (a staple food in every south indian's meal), and I had to forgo the occasional pizza craving and ice-creams and softies and chocolates and as if this was not hard enough I discovered that everything, yes almost everything that I ate - cereal, chocolate, bread, pasta all of them invariably had some or the other components of milk. I had to ALTER my life. I had to start reading the ingredients carefully behind every pack of goodies that I bought and every time I read the ingredients in all paranoia, I would think that I was the only one in this entire world who had to go through this.

This was the beginning and it slowly started to get on my nerves. At first I felt I was being punished and my sadness manifested as anger at the world and its people, as if they were responsible for my situation.
The last straw was an experience in a store when I was standing by the isle that stocked chocolates. As I stood there waiting to be billed, a bunch of young kids rushed in and each picked their own favourite bar and ran away with such big smiles on their faces. That very second I burst into tears and cried so hard as thoughts about my son been denied of such simple pleasures in life and of being restricted for no fault of his, came flooding in. I sensed intense hatred towards everyone there and everyone who was 'normal' in the dairy sense of the word.

That was my turning point. I paused and acknowledged my sadness and my anger and I told myself that I wanted to feel better, because that is what feels better! Much much better than what I was feeling at the moment. Way more better.

I started looking for positive aspects - "Yes Uthkarsh has milk allergy and cannot eat a chocolate with casein in it. But I'm very glad that his Pediatrician found this out and as a consequence Uthkarsh was already looking and behaving like a healthy child would. I realised how important his well being was for me. I looked at him, he looked happy and content and so much in joy. So what if he can't take cow's milk, he can take soy and everything can be made from soy. There is no dearth of vegan recipes and it's not all that hard to make something looking at those wonderful recipes." Suddenly I was flooded with options when just sometime back it felt like the end of the world. Now there was Hope. There IS Hope.

I'd never really baked anything before. But I bought an oven and subscribed to vegan baking and cooking recipes and made my foray into the baking world. Believe me there is so much joy and happiness in being able to make something for my son from scratch and see him eat it. Amen! It is the best gift I've ever had. His joy.

So, Just turn back and return to pure joy - just by feeling better.. and still better and better still.. It certainly feels much better!

Merry Christmas and a Very very Happy and joyous new year to all of you!

Cheers,

The allergy mom 'alert switch'!

2009-12-23T11:45:00.008+05:30

I just read Becky's post on her two year old's milk challenge and loved her coinage of the phrase The Allergy Mom 'Switch'. That I think is by far the best way to explain how alert mothers of children with food allergies become. I'd like to tweak it just a little bit (sorry about that Becky) and call it The Allergy Mom 'Alert Switch'. My alert switch gets clicked on every time a milk product finds its way into his space. That is when I or someone accidentally spills milk or coffee on the floor, or when a child that he is playing with is eating a chocolate that's drooling all over his or her hands, or when when eating out for fear of the tables not been 'de-dairied', or even when he is with a person who just doesn't get the idea of how poisonous dairy can be for him (in this case the switch remains on and continues to be on).

Ever since I found out about my son's milk allergy amongst other things I've always thought that it would be fantastic to have a contraption that will ascertain if something or some place is completely dairy-free. You know something like the litmus paper tests that we had way back in school. It'll ensure that your child is safe (for sure). This becomes particularly important if an allergy child has to share a swimming pool with other children. I think if someone with a strong chemistry background and a keen interest to help make environments safer for children with allergies puts her mind on the methodology behind the skin prick/scratch tests, then she should be able to arrive at some workable idea.

This is my 'asking' for every paranoid mother and father who wish their child can one day enjoy what other children take for granted - like a slice of pizza, or a cone ice-cream.

Yummy Brownies - Non-Dairy

2009-10-15T04:30:00.001+05:30

Finally I managed to bake some very yummy, very gooey and very fudgy non-dairy brownies. I'm thrilled that they've turned out really nice this time. Will do another batch soon.

Quick Recipe

Dry Ingredients -

2 cups Aashirvaad whole wheat atta

2 cups white sugar (if you want it really sweet)

1/2 cup cocoa powder (unsweetened)

1 teaspoon baking powder

1 teaspoon salt

1 cup non-dairy chocolate chips (optional - I did not use it in my recipe though)

Wet Ingredients -

1 cup water

1 scant cup canola oil (or 1/2 Oil 1/2 Soya Milk)

1 teaspoon vanilla essence

Preheat the oven to 175 deg C for 10 minutes. Meanwhile mix all the dry ingredients together and mix the wet ingredients together. Add the wet mixture to the dry and blend well. Grease a baking tray with canola oil and spread out the dough on the tray and bake it for 25 to 30 mins (recommended time. I however baked it for 40 mins). More importantly bake it till the top is no longer too shiny. Allow it to cool for a while before cutting it. These brownies don't last for too long, so I recommend keeping them in the fridge, the taste great cold as well. I think even better cold! :)

Remembering Daddy on his Birthday.

2009-09-17T12:53:00.004+05:30

It is Daddy's birthday today. Had he been here, he would have turned 62 today.

I loved wishing him on every birthday of his.

I loved the way he smiled when I wished him and how he showed his appreciation with a hug.

I loved the way it would make him happy.

I loved the way he never complained of growing old but proudly owned it.

I loved the way he aged graciously over the years.

I loved the way he managed to stay fit and healthy throughout.

I loved all of that.

I still love all of that now. It still makes me smile when I think of them.

Happy Birthday.

I miss you, Daddy.

An angrezi babu's shot at hindi films

2009-09-15T15:19:00.004+05:30

Click here to see this really hilarious video on youtube. I guess the guy's not totally angrezi, his name is Sanjay.

A train, a wedding and a palace

2009-09-15T14:55:00.003+05:30

The Train:-
The Chennai Mysore shatapdi was a fantastic experience. I don't know if it is a rule with shatapdi, because I've never travelled in one, but this one had brilliantly clean huge windows, clean fresh-smelling upholstery, good leg room for the tall-boys like Kumar, well managed temperature control and pretty decent meals at regular intervals (which is already paid for in the ticket, now, that too I was completely unaware of). I think if anyone has an opportunity to take this train even if it is only to Bangalore from Chennai which takes about 5 hours of your day, you must make your trip on this train. And yes one more thing. It has only three stops in total; Chennai - Bangalore - Mysore.

The Wedding:
We went to Mysore to attend Kumar's colleague's brother's wedding. It was a wedding in which we knew only one person; Kumar's colleague C and of course C's wife and his six year old son. Which is as good as knowing only one person. To me it was a such a relief, because this meant that I could be myself without feeling the pressurising need to be decked up in gold or elaborate saris just to feel OK! Now, because I allowed myself this freedom it was life sans tension, life sans pretence for two full days that I absolutely loved. Apart from two fairly decent looking shalwar khameez(e)s, I took there with me a very precious gift for the newly weds - a wish for them to have a wonderful and happy married life.

The Mysore Palace:
I thought it would be rather foolish if we did not see the Mysore Palace in our two day trip there considering that Mysore is a fairly small city and the Palace is located very close to the Railway Station. So, on our way back to the Railway Station, we stopped by the palace just so that we get to see what the palace looks like at night. C's wife had told us about how it is lit with a lot of lights and that it is a 'must see'. So, we walked in with great eagerness to see the magnificent Palace and yes there WERE so many lights that lit its facade, so many, so... so many, way too many that to me it almost looked artificial. It reminded me of Durga Pujo back in Calcutta where all the padas (street) would have their own version of the Taj Mahal or Victoria Memorial or Qutub Minar done in cardboard and lighted up with bulbs as if to border the replica in order to make it come alive with grandiosity. I thought, the splendour of the Palace would have been better justified perhaps with floodlights making it dramatic instead of ordinary. Anyways we were at the famous Mysore Palace, so w e posed for some Patel shots. Here they are.

I was due to publish this post in the second week of August. But, finally here it is.

A to Z tag!

2009-08-20T12:06:00.007+05:30

I tagged myself on to arunima's post. It sure does feel good to get one post out of my draft box.

A. Attached or Single?
Attached. Currently another extra attachment sits on my hips most of the time.
B. Best Friend?
Hubby, sis and mom.
C: Cake or pie?
Cakes at the moment and lots of non-dairy baking adventures.
D. Drink of choice?
Filter coffee in the morning and kadak adrak chai in the evenings.
E. Essential item you use every day?
Diapers, baby wipes and all that baby jazz. The question doesn't say 'yourself' does it?
F. Favourite color?
Colours that run deep, like red. Colours that are ethnic, like purple and green.
G. Gummy bears or worms?
Gummy Bear of course. Check this out:- GUMMYBEAR
H. Hometown?
I was born in Calcutta. Grew up in Salalah and Doha. And then moved to Coimbatore. So technically, there is no one place.
I. Favourite indulgence?
S-H-O-P-P-I-N-G
J. January or July?
Er, January... cuz it is less confusing than July. I get July and June mixed up often.
K. Kids & their names?
One son. Uthkarsh.
L. Life isn’t complete without?
Uthkarsh. Getting online. Having a fight with Kumar or Babbie. Keeping my cupboards clean. Getting irritated once in a while. It is my seconds nature. All of these.
M. Marriage date?
31st of August 2005
N. Number of Siblings?
One. Younger. Sister. Soundharya. I call her Babbie. She's now a regular Page 3 picture. Thanks to her Radio Station.
O. Oranges or Apples?
An orange is orange, but an apple isn't. See, I did say I like it less confusing.
P. Phobias?
Dogs. Especially when they growl. I've had very scary experiences with stray ones in Bangalore.
Q. Quotes?
"Life is supposed to be fun" - Abraham, Law of Attraction.
R. Reasons to smile?
Uthkarsh's hug and his spontaneous kisses.
S. Season?
The cool breeze-wind that blows before it rains. And a bright day is shadowed by clouds ready to pour. The smell of wet mud because of rain else where. I'd like to be sitting with some hot shingaras (samosas) and chai.
T. Tag people:
Whoever reading this wants to do it.
U. Unknown fact about me?
I don't think there is any such thing.
V. Vegetable?
Broccolli.
W. Worst habit?
Pleasing others! really!
X. X-ray you've had?
Teeth, torso, abdomen and ankle. I guess that is about it.
Y. Your favourite food?
I'm a foodie. I love food. Vegetarian food.
Z. Zodiac sign?
Gemini. Heh! I love myself and my twin dwelling right in me.

Catching up! on what was lost.

2009-07-30T11:22:00.010+05:30

I landed in Chennai on the 3rd of February. Moving back to India was quite a big thing for me to get adjusted to. It was an overwhelming experience in the suffocating sense of the word. And while I was still in the process my father met with an accident. It tore me apart, because here I was in India thinking I'm going to be able to spend more time with him and give him a chance to enjoy his grandson and, there was my father, in an ICU, deep in coma from the head injury he suffered after a fall from his scooty on March 12th.

For the next 21 days Amma, Babbie and I were left hanging in limbo, unable to prepare for anything. We did not know what we were moving towards and what we had to prepare for. All we could do was see him as often as we were permitted to, talk to him and tell him how much we loved him. I would press his fingers and feet at every chance I got. I made him soup everyday which the nurse poured through the pipe that ran through his nostril directly into his stomach. There were times when I could not bring myself to accept seeing his lifeless body lying without complaining, without raising his voice, without voicing his discomfort. Just lying on a very complicated bed with a very complicated life support system holding down his earthly form and keeping it alive.

On April 1st in the wee hours of the morning, my father made his transition and passed away. It was as if there was this sudden uneasy peace that gripped me and shrouded me. What followed were rituals which played a part in helping me accept daddy's sudden departure. I immersed myself in rigmarole that had hitherto made no sense to me. But now, I needed every one of them to ground me and bring me back to reality.

Things got better by the day. I had my family to grieve with, which meant I could say whatever I felt in its truest form to help me really grieve. There was no compulsion to say only good things, there was no compulsion to share only good memories, there was no compulsion to be brave, strong, kind or thoughtful. And hence I could grieve well and make peace with his departure.

Yes I do miss him a lot. I almost keep seeing him in every random stranger on the road. I miss his words of appreciation and I miss feeling good when he looked at me with so much love. I miss feeling good when I hugged him and I miss the warm hug in return. I miss seeing my son call him 'thatha' and I will miss seeing his heart swell with pride, I will miss seeing his hair grey further from dense-salt-pepper to dense-snow-white. Yes, I miss him a lot. But I also know, that he is as much or even more with me now as I allow him to be.

In the journey of my grieving I am in a better emotional clearing now and it keeps getting better by the day. Daddy's passing has helped me gather all the loose reins that I had let go of out of control, and decide on living life purposefully and joyfully. After all life is meant to be only what we mean it to be. And I CHOOSE joy.

Announcing a garage sale!

2009-01-22T10:44:00.011+05:30

I love Ikea and I simply can't come back home from Ikea empty handed. So, everytime I went there I kept picking up things big and small. Now It is time I say bye bye to them!

I'm having a Garage Sale at my place in Hougang (Singapore)

Cane Armchairs with Chair Pads
AGEN - chair rattan/ bamboo (2 nos)
NORNA - Chair Pad

S$20 (for one with cushion)

Eight months old.
Condition - Excellent

Chest of Drawers
MALM - chest of 4 drawers (2 nos) Medium Brown

S$100 (each)

Eight months old
Condition - Excellent

Why do I want to sell? - We're relocating to India next month and cannot ship everything back there.

We will not be providing any transportation for the items listed. If you are interested please get in touch with me at shobster(at)gmail(dot)com

Teething times

2009-01-16T21:03:00.004+05:30

Uthkarsh and I are both teething. As I gave more thought to the word teething, I was increasingly confused if it was a verb or a noun. It sure does feel like a verb, but apparently it is a noun!

Anyway, yes, Krishu and I are both teething. He with his baby tooth and me with my wisdom. Both are perhaps equally painful and an irritating sensation to deal with. I don't remember how it was with milk teeth, but the wisdom tooth grows for a couple of days and then hibernates for fifteen to twenty days after that. As if it was garnering enough strength to force itself through the gums onto the inside cheek. The inside of my cheeks hurt so bad and I just can't seem to get my teeth together to bite. Gosh, it is really annoyingly painful. I am now in a position to empathise with Krishu.

Still talking about teeth, I made a very bizarre discovery a couple of months ago. One morning, all of a sudden one of my canines started to hurt very badly. And to my horror I felt it shake under my touch. I was very confused and scared and did not know what to expect when I went to meet my dentist the next morning. She took one look at it and said "Do you think it may be your milk tooth?" I laughed and brushed the remark aside and told her that it was impossible. She then took an X-Ray, which she said, would put an end to all our questions by giving us the answer that we may not always like to hear.

The X-ray got ready in a few minutes and she said, to my horror, "It IS your milk tooth"!!!

My mind was racing with questions juxtaposed with flashbacks of my falling teeth and the absent tooth fairy until I finally gave up and asked her what I could do next. After some thought and consultation with her peers and seniors, she said that I would have to have both the new canine and the milk canine surgically removed!! My next question, "And what would happen to the gap that it would form? She told me that they would ensure that the aesthetics be addressed to my satisfaction. Now it was up to me to get an appointment fixed for the ordeal that was so uncalled-for.

I still have not taken a decision. Like I have a choice, but I think I will want to have some second opinions to help me put my mind at ease. These are indeed very teething times.

Happy Pongal!

2009-01-14T14:15:00.003+05:30

and Happy Harvest Season to those from other states!

Uthkarsh - Ten to Fifteen Months

2009-01-11T19:59:00.045+05:30

Fifteen Months

Fourteen Months

Thirteen Months

Twelve Months

First Birthday

A day before his First Birthday

Eleven Months

Two days to Eleven Months

Ten Months

Uthkarsh - Growing up month by month

2009-01-10T14:19:00.031+05:30

Nine Months

Eight Months

Eight days to Eight Months

Seven Months

Three days to Seven Months

Six Months

Three days to Five Months

Four Months

Hello Chennai!

2009-01-07T20:13:00.007+05:30

Come February and we'll be in Chennai, this time for an entire year. I'm very excited about this entire deal. This will only mean more impromptu trips to meet near and dear, have more people come over to visit, Krishu will get to meet this thatha's and paati's and aunts and uncles more often than ever and I get to finish all unfinished business that I had left behind. Yes, it sure is exciting but it is change, change from routine, change from the daily drum I'm so used to hearing and change is scary.

I called my friend Ritika and told her about my current situation of mixed bag and she screamed in her usual excited tone, "girl, if I was you, I'll be throwing a party". That is a very Ritika thing to do, but that's not me.

When we moved to the house we are currently living in, we realised with the new addition we needed more furniture than what we were provided with by our very kind house-owners. So, we did some shopping in Ikea and bought things and then went there again and bought more things, and then some more and then my heart grew so fond of them, I cant seem to let go. I convinced Kumar that it will be a better idea to ship them to Chennai than to sell them. So, we went on to find people who do end to end packing and asked them to give us quotes. We simultaneously tried the option of having our many things stored away here in a warehouse for a year. We got quotes for them too. All the quotes hit the roof and came back down crashing on me. I knew I had to come to terms with the inevitable fact that selling was and is the only option we had.

I'm still grieving for my chest-of-drawers and a very pretty three door wardrobe for which we'll have to find new owners. Once we get that done we'll only have the rest of the stuff to pack and ship. That sure does simple to put in words to type out and just as difficult to get done. But, it has to get done for Chennai here we come!

Vegetarian eatouts - Singapore

2008-12-27T16:23:00.002+05:30

Last month we went to Arab street looking for a particular Arabian restaurant. We did two rounds up and down the lane, but could not find it. All that walking got us really hungry and we decided to step into a tiny restaurant called Chilli code. I was not all that kicked about the name when I walked in and hence was a little apprehensive about what they would offer. But soon I realised that it was quite unnecessary. Not only did they have a good list of vegetarian in their menu, but they also had a very western twist to our very desi dishes. It is a must visit I say.

Indian Wok was a place recommended by one of Kumar's colleague. He told us that it had a good vegetarian selection to choose from. Indian wok like the name suggests serves Indian Chinese cuisine. Very chino-indo cuisine not indo-chino, if you know what I mean. This was the first time I tasted fried spinach and man was it yummy or what! Superawesome. Delicious. Indian wok has a very mellow yellow tone that kindles your appetite for the kind of food they serve. try it out when you can.

Non-dairy Mor Kuzhambu (yoghurt gravy)

2008-12-27T16:16:00.002+05:30

I successfully made some yummy non-dairy mor kuzhambu yesterday. I simply replaced yoghurt with beaten silken tofu and for the missing sourness I added a dash of amchur powder. It was fingerlickingly delicious. Try it yourself sometime, you'll be amazed.

I'm going to be baking some non-dairly brownies in a couple of months. Will let you know how that turns out.

To Jovan - My dear little friend

2008-12-07T14:38:00.003+05:30

I first met Jovan a few hours after I moved into my new place with Kumar. It was just a couple of hours after we got home from the airport when bubbly, chirpy and an excited five year Jovan ran into our apartment with his mother asking for milo. Then on everyday he would visit me after Kumar left for work and stayed on to play with me for an hour or so after he got back from school.

Kumar and I moved to another apartment after that, one that was really far away, but we still managed to meet up every now and then.

One evening in September I got a call from Kumar saying Jovan had been diagnosed with liver cancer a few months earlier and was admitted in a hospital. He had been in the hospital for a over a month. We immediately went over to see him, but they did not let us into the room. Through the glass in the door I saw how frail he had become. That day we prayed for his healing, prayed hard to give him strength. and things got better. He got better, he could sit up and got off all his support systems attached. A week after that he was discharged home.

For Deepavalli Uthkarsh, Kumar and I went over to his place to be with him. He looked much better. He was in the living room and apart from us had more visitors from his church, who were all singing for him. We bought him some crackers that we'd taken over to his place, but he was not in much of a mood for them. We hung around for a while and then headed back home.

On December 5th Kumar called to tell me that Jovan had passed away the day before. I was sad, very sad and cried a lot, i just could not stop.

That night we went over to his wake where I met his mom, dad and brother and I saw Jovan all grown up and peaceful inside his box. He looked so grown up and so calm in his resting place where a voice kept singing "you'll live forevermore" in the background.

His mom told me how brave he was through his last few days which were especially tough on him. She also told me that just before he passed away, he asked to see everyone one by one, as if to say good bye. He had told his brother "I'll go shopping with you after I get a'right" and to his mother he said, "Ma, be brave, I'm going to primary two".

Jovan was a wonderful boy. His memories will live forever and his chirpy voice that I keep hearing every time I think of him will live forevermore.

Uthkarsh is a year old!

2008-09-19T14:06:00.004+05:30

Time has flown by really fast. Uthkarsh turned a year old on 12th of September. Since he loves animals and birds a lot, we took him to the Singapore Zoo. Krishu had a whale of a time there looking at the otters and kangaroos and squealing in delight now and then.

We, Uthkarsh and I, made a trip to India just before his birthday to celebrate his Ayush Homam (star birthday) that fell on the 1st of September. Kumar was there only for a week. One month was good time spent with family and friends at home Chennai and Coimbatore.

Uthkarsh's current laurels include:
"vocabularily'': 'dah dah.. thah...thah... gaaah gaah... lalalalalalal... bhrrrrrrr (spit and saliva accompanied)
motor skills: Cruising, standing on his own for as long as he is distracted and unaware of his situation, climbing stairs, using the remote effortlessly to turn on the tv, fan, aircon etc., acknowledging himself in the mirror by nodding his head vigorously from side to side, clapping hands spontaneously and when he hears the word 'clap'.

He's such a happy child, Godbless!