A Work of Art: Raising Our Exceptional Son

The Water is Wide

noreply@blogger.com (Ben and Bennie) — Sat, 26 Nov 2016 03:16:00 +0000

The time to write is once again right. Long story short my creativity burned out around the same time I quit doing art shows. It was at the same time as The Great Recession while I tried churning out crap that people could buy from Pier One Imports or Bed, Bath, and Beyond cheaper than I could make it. Am I bitter about people buying junk verses true art? Maybe. Okay, yes.

Regardless, my writing stopped. I've been singing once again the past few years in a classic rock band but that has not filled a void within me. The mojo is finally returning and the following is just a tiny (okay, really big) part in getting me to write once again. It is a piece partially taken for a secret Facebook group that focuses on kayaking which explains some of the specific references to the sport. I hope that each and every few of you that still read here have a terrific weekend.

How a Kayak Changed my Life

I don't remember the actual year (maybe 2008?) but church member David Freeland turned me on to kayaking. Our families were vacationing at the time on the South Carolina coast when my good friend was suffering from his own family tragedy. The peace Dave had while on the Water in the midst of his own grief was something I coveted. At the time I was told by my wife that there was no way, no how that I would get a kayak. We were just flat broke.

Years have now passed and on Father's Day this year my wife took me to Walmart (yes, I hate it too). My incredible wife bought me my first kayak! it is a 10' Sun Dolphin Aruba which she could only afford via her paycheck that came at the end of that month. This occurred at the end of our vacation on Lake Keowee, South Carolina paid for by a family member.

In recent months I have purchased another kayak wanting others to join me. I have a terrific friend (Tom Taylor) who has been patient with my family's circumstances and who invited me to this forum.

This is my point. I have discovered peace and tranquility on a floating vessel that I have never found on solid land. Foremost I am thankful for friends like David Freeland and Tom Taylor who may I add, have very different political and religious opinions from each other and possibly myself (even though all three of us have southern preachers within our families) yet we remain true friends for life - hopefully an example to others. The water is indeed wide. It accepts all. It bathes all. It can heal all if we let it.

Peace and love to all who are part of this Church.

Bennie Waddell

A Life Without Regrets

noreply@blogger.com (Ben and Bennie) — Tue, 23 Aug 2016 23:15:00 +0000

There really is no such thing. That point was made so very clear via a farewell to life in a blog post written a few weeks ago by a friend from my past. I had no idea that she was sick even though we shared quite a few friends on Facebook and quite frankly I don't know how I would've responded since we hadn't seen or even heard from one another for close to two decades. I'd like to think we would've rekindled our friendship...that she would've gained strength and courage knowing Ben's story...that I would've (like so many others) been there for her in the end.

I do know that through her words after death I have learned something new about regrets and failures: they are as much a part of the human experience as success, learning, growing, and most importantly love & forgiveness. This is an e-mail I sent to several close friends and family today.

"I'm not so certain where to begin here so I'll start with the fact that I received news via Facebook of the passing of a once very good friend this morning from ALS. Vi Riner graduated from Eastside the year after I did (1981). She was in the same class as my first wife and so I knew her fairly well. In fact we went out a couple of times my senior year. Two things would prevent me (and I'm certain Vi as well) from becoming anything close to serious with her: first, she was taller than me and second, she was "high-maintenance" (only child). Relationships with two high-maintenance personalities rarely end well Like most classmates from high school we gradually lost touch over the years.

I ran into her during the Waddell Painting days when we were asked to give a quote to paint J.L. Mann High School's gym. I guessing this was around 1996. As I was taking measurements I asked a student about finding someone to open the locker room areas for me. I watched as the young lady walked to the middle of the gym to interrupt the coach of the girls volleyball practice. The woman raised up a finger in gesture to suggest "give me one minute." I nodded and went back to note-taking.

A few minutes later I heard someone approaching so I turned and found myself staring at Vi. I recall thinking with my shallow brain how she could've been a successful model given her looks and height. At the time she was teaching English there along with coaching the girl's basketball and volleyball teams. Over the next half hour or so we caught up with each other while exploring the smelly gym locker rooms and basement of that ancient facility. We discovered that we both had several mutual friends, that she was in the middle of planning a wedding, and that we most definitely planned to keep in touch in some form or another.

That would be the last time I would ever see her again.

Over the years (particularly in more recent ones) I've learned about the deaths of friends and classmates from days gone by. There have been maybe a handful that have affected me enough to give me pause from the day to day activities of life; essentially they are forgotten until a reunion rolls around or I run into another mutual classmate. For some strange reason today's revelation has been different. I have been unable to get it off my mind. In fact I have spent the better part of my day trying to find out more about Vi's death.

What I discovered was far more important than ALS (an absolutely suck-ass disease with symptoms that could very well determine Ben's outcome), her suffering, and her death. She kept a blog over the last 27 months of her amazing life and closed it with her own farewell...her own obituary. Quite honestly I am blown away in its honesty, wisdom, and beauty. In fact it is probably one of the most profound things I've ever read. It is a testament telling us how we should live despite the circumstances we come from, where we have found a safe place, what we may have been taught, and waht to do when life completely sucks.

It is quite obvious in her final lucid thoughts that she is not only addressing her loved ones, her former students, and her former mentors; she is addressing all of us. I truly apologize for the length of this email (and her blog post is quite lengthy as well) but I want to share this with each of you because every one of you have been my family, my loved ones, my mentors. Ideally I want to share it on Facebook but as you will discover Vi shared an almost identical ideology as I do in regards to the "important" issues of life. Should I post it via social media there would obviously be some disgusting backlash that would tarnish the message she has for all of us. Please share it with all who will listen. Personally I would be so frightened to leave life in this manner yet it is the most probable way that Ben might exit this life. It reaffirms my belief that Ben knows his days and is using them wisely. He is also uniting the world without the academics or even the beautiful voice of Vi's."

One Last Time

New Ben Video!

noreply@blogger.com (Ben and Bennie) — Tue, 28 Oct 2014 22:43:00 +0000

I cannot believe our young man is now 15! October was very much a celebration since we were told Ben probably wouldn't make it to age 10 much less his teenage years. Yes, we've had some rough stretches over the past few months with increased seizure activity - more of them, increased duration and strength but he is extremely healthy these days (knocking on wood). I hope you enjoy his smile, his laughter, his curiosity as much as we do!

Post by Bennie Waddell.

A New Season

noreply@blogger.com (Ben and Bennie) — Wed, 09 Apr 2014 02:57:00 +0000

Yes! We are still here! Sorry for waiting roughly three years to update all of you wonderful folks that love and support Ben. Painful situations still surround us yet we somehow keep moving forward by God's grace.Actually I had this really cool and much more interesting post the other day but the computer ate it which means a) computers and technology have a mind of their/its own or b) I'm getting so much older I don't really know what the hell I'm doing any longer. I choose "a."

Ben is now 14! He is very healthy and thriving like a young teenage boy should. In short he is AMAZING!!! Of course y'all knew this already. As you can see our boy still loves baseball. We took this photo about two hours after his Miracle League game last weekend and now our television is now dominated by Major League Baseball or anything resembling it on ESPN. The ladies of the house are kind and sort of proud of this with the upside being I no longer have to watch "Cake Boss" or "My Big Fat American Gypsy Wedding."

There is much more to blog about including our daughter being 17 and all (which includes a boyfriend), me getting job(s) that let me contribute to our budget (a little more so than the art shows), our home getting partially renovated by some incredible folks, and of course our most awesome and courageous boy!

It is good to be back and I know Ben is happy to be here as well!

Color Theory

noreply@blogger.com (Ben and Bennie) — Mon, 28 Mar 2011 15:53:00 +0000

The irony of not updating our blog for going on six weeks is that for the first time in a long time I actually have something, or rather lots of things, to write about. And for a change it all feels so positive and worthy of sharing. It seems that each day a new realization occurs to me, a little nugget of enlightenment or just a funny little anecdote about Ben, and I can't wait to sit down to write about it. Except the ebb and flow of sober living attracts me so much that I move on to the next thought, word, or action and I lose the time to physically tap out words to express my little brainstorm.

After saying that I have to confess there have been many moments over the last month that I've spent in the eyes of some just "wasting time" with my kids in the evenings. That may or may not include curling up on the couch with one of them for a big drooly smoochfest, or a passionate game of whatever Wii sport Jessie chooses to kick my ass in, or just lounging between two sleepy souls with two sets of long legs entangled on my lap admiring the incredibleness that defines my two kids. 95 days ago Jessie and Ben couldn't count on that foot-rubbing guy to be anything close to sociable later on in the evenings, much less having their dad even awake or alert enough to notice the value of such profound moments - moments that some parents never will get back. Thank God I am no longer one of those.

In between those short snippets of pure joy have been visits with my two brothers - the two most responsible people for my sobriety - including a trip to Tampa, Florida for spring training baseball games; a fun day-long excursion to a NASCAR race with two of the folks financially involved with renovations to Ben's living space; watching Jessie learn and play softball; and the not-so-great annual allergy roller-coaster of March many of us endure here in the southern United States. The irony of ironies? Ben has been the healthiest of us all the past month or so!

Life is indeed good. I guess if I looked hard enough I could find something to complain about but it is just too much fun right now noticing all of the terrific stuff - the family, the friends, the music, the laughter, the smiles, the colors - surrounding me at the moment. There's an old almost forgotten trick one of my art mentors taught me a long time ago to help me break out of a rut or encourage creativity when the painting ideas have dried up. "Take out a couple of your favorite paints and put a few blobs of color on your palette," he says to me. "Close your eyes and smell the fragrance of those pigments and binders. Now put your hand on your palette making sure you get a good amount of paint between your fingers - rub 'em together like your breaking up a clod of dirt." Finally he tells me, "Now open your eyes and look at your hand. You have a choice. Are you gonna go wash your hands or do something better with all that paint stuck to your paw?"

More Dabs of Color: Character

noreply@blogger.com (Ben and Bennie) — Thu, 17 Feb 2011 14:54:00 +0000

"What lies behind you and what lies in front of you, pales in comparison to what lies inside of you."

"Character is higher than intellect. A great soul will be strong to live as well as think."

"Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail."

"You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late."

"Make yourself necessary to somebody."

"To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded."

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Expressions of Color: Character

noreply@blogger.com (Ben and Bennie) — Tue, 15 Feb 2011 18:07:00 +0000

"The more difficulties one has to encounter, within and without, the more significant and the higher in inspiration his life will be."

"Take your duty, and be strong in it, as God will make you strong. The harder it is, the stronger in fact you will be. Understand, also, that the great question here is, not what you will get, but what you will become. The greatest wealth you can ever get will be in yourself. Take your burdens and troubles and losses and wrongs, if come they must and will, as your opportunity, knowing that God has girded you for greater things than these."

"It is not necessary for all men to be great in action. The greatest and sublimest power is often simple patience."

"Habits are to the soul what the veins and arteries are to the blood, the courses in which it moves."

Horace Bushnell

The Character of a Saturday

noreply@blogger.com (Ben and Bennie) — Sun, 13 Feb 2011 02:24:00 +0000

In a few phrases or words: new softball glove...smoked ribs...a pink balloon to play with...breaking in a new glove...the smell of old & new leather...naps...Rocky Road with chocolate syrup & whipped cream...Dr. Pepper...spring-like weather...memories of youth...laughter...smiles...talking to a balloon...dance rehearsal...bare feet...looking through art show applications...acoustic guitar...soaking a sore elbow in hot water...mink oil...Fresca...camera...and great big hugs from two awesome kids!

Character Through Pain - Part 1

noreply@blogger.com (Ben and Bennie) — Wed, 09 Feb 2011 22:58:00 +0000

So far I'm failing miserably in attempting to post every day during the month of February, yet I am still determined to make 28 posts for NaBloPoMo before National Bird Feeding Month is over. It's not a matter of having anything to write about - in fact I have a list that could easily spill over into Spring - the issue of time has been the stumbling block so far...sort of. I knew the beginning of the month would be busy - I just didn't prepare for the unexpected circumstance which should be an expectation as a parent of a child that routinely pulls something rather unexpected.

Long story short Ben has been having "mini" seizures for the past few weeks. We have seen this before and it genuinely typifies something positive - that Ben is very healthy. So healthy that he is growing beyond his current dose of anti-seizure medications hence the occasional tremor whenever he is startled or disturbed while he is asleep or fatigued. Given that our boy is now a pre-teen we knew it was time to visit the neurologist to match his dosage to his weight...preparation and expectation in harmony. What we didn't count on was my own personal clumsiness.

Sunday evening I trip over Ben's feeding tube yanking the entire device completely out of his stomach. What followed was a scene straight out of ER or House including lots of sweating, cursing, and a mad scramble for medical & cleaning supplies. I cannot describe the sound of Ben's voice nor have I have personally suffered the same injury but I can damn well guarantee that it it hurt like hell. The seizure that followed shortly thereafter was one of the worst our family (including Jessie) has ever witnessed. It finally ended when Joan had to administer Diastsat, something we really, really hated to do. Watching Ben "stoned" is almost as unpleasant as watching him in the throes of his convolsions.

Thankfully his neurology appointment was Monday and throughout the week the seizures reduced in frequency and intensity. But yours truly has been doing a terrific job of punishing myself for putting Ben through a difficult few days. I think you will forgive me for not being so timely with my NaBloPoMoing.

Walking With Character

noreply@blogger.com (Ben and Bennie) — Sat, 05 Feb 2011 03:58:00 +0000

I have so very much to offer in regards to this month's theme yet time has not been on my side so far! That concept seems rather ridiculous since I've had plenty of time to write this winter. In fact I have been encouraged to write as much as I can after I joined AA and began working the 12 steps. There is a really, really good excuse though that has kept me from writing a great deal this week which I haven't blogged about just yet, but over the next few days expect some pictures and a terrific story.

Jessie's "mentor," the daughter of some dear friends who embodies all of those wonderful qualities mentioned in yesterday's post, has planned a wonderful fundraiser for our family. All of the proceeds are being donated to Diligent Hands, Gracious Hearts - the non-profit which is putting together all of the volunteers, supplies, and planning for the renovations needed for our home. Early tomorrow morning we will head to Clemson University for a 5K walk/run called Walk for the Waddells. The star of the event? None other than our beautiful talented son!

Since it's already late and we have a long day tomorrow I need to retire for the day very soon. However we really want to thank before hand Kindal Wessel (and all the Wessel family), Beta Beta Beta of Clemson, Swenson & Associates (and the rest of the Swenson clan), the Pynne family, the students & faculty of Clemson University, all of the friends and family who will braving the cold wind tomorrow, Diligent Hands Gracious Hearts, Todd Wilklow, Ellis Beddingfield, G1.6 Architects, and many other folks that I know I am forgetting at the moment.

I can't wait to tell everyone about the great day ahead of us tomorrow!

Behind Blue Eyes

noreply@blogger.com (Ben and Bennie) — Thu, 03 Feb 2011 16:50:00 +0000

"People grow through experience if they meet life honestly and courageously. This is how character is built. "
Eleanor Roosevelt

I have stared intently into these pair of stunningly gorgeous eyes. Like perfect sapphires their radiance is like a magnet that draws attention to them - not selfishly just to gain audience but an attraction none the less that one cannot help acknowledging. Just like iridescent azure gemstones her orbs offer many facets to examine and consider.

Behind these blue eyes lies even more beauty. Not a vain quality even though her physical appearance is indeed quite alluring, but an attractiveness that embodies all that an artist, a poet, a composer, or writer would dearly love to explore. It is beauty not so easily defined since every creative individual has attempted to interpret such over the course of time. Only God has been able to most closely characterize this countenance through a sunrise over the ocean or the laughter of small children on a warm sunny day or the aromatic first blooms of gardenias in the summer.

Through those splendid windows to her soul the beholder will find within the heart purity, honesty, courage, intelligence, strength, joy, and the greatest of virtues: hopefulness, faithfulness, and enduring passionate love. Perhaps some of these attributes were inherited but most likely most of them have been earned while those brilliant eyes kept diligent watch over a younger sibling different from most. They are a badge of honor for a young lady of only 14 years who is deeply involved in the creation of a work of art that is our exception son and brother.

Chillin'

noreply@blogger.com (Ben and Bennie) — Wed, 26 Jan 2011 03:10:00 +0000

For the record this is day number 32 of my latest attempt at sobriety. I will happily and gratefully admit that the first 30 days were much easier than I expected. Day 31? Not so much but I will get to that momentarily.

Because of the original theme of this blog I have been reluctant to write about my progress toward sobriety. After all this is essentially Ben's blog, chronicling his life's adventures and his interaction with the rest of the world. In that regards I can proudly say that our boy is truly thriving these days! At times in recent weeks it has been emotionally overwhelming given his good health, physical growth (think "weed"), and increased cognitive development. It seems that everyone involved with his care and support have taken notice of just how far Ben has advanced beyond those early limited expectations some folks predicted. For this we are quite thankful!

But as a friend pointed out that from the beginning I have always written quite honestly about the entire truthful representation of raising a child with special needs including the good, the bad, and the ugly. If I were to leave out how I've tried for so long to medicate my depression via alcohol then I would neglect a good portion of our family's story the last 11 years (perhaps even longer). And it seems I have quite a bit to write about since depression and anxiety run so rampant among parents of exceptional kids. How do we deal with it in a healthy way? I have no idea at the moment but I intend to find out.

Overall I am rather pleased with where I am along this 12-step journey. This to me is obviously a good omen as I reflect upon where I was at this point on two previous occasions. Attempt #1 may have lasted about 3 weeks way back in the spring of 2004 - long before I started this blog. Honestly I really don't recall much about it other than Joan and I were separated at the time. I do remember going to my first AA meetings and thinking "what the hell am I doing hanging around these bunch of drunks?" Evidently I also read some of the Big Book because I discovered some highlighted passages after I dusted off my copy last winter during Attempt #2.

That one lasted exactly 70 days. I know because I kept count...a close count. Knowing what I do now it was doomed to fail but in all honesty that was really the beginning of my sobriety. I slyly mentioned last year how I went to New Orleans and quit drinking, wondering comically how often that happens? In my heart I still believe that. It's just that it took nearly another year before I was absolutely convinced that my life had become completely unmanageable.

As I mentioned, things have been drastically different this time and there is a good reason for that - I have completely embraced the proven 12-step method of Alcoholics Anonymous. Praying to my Higher Power as I understand it has been a daily ritual, sometimes hourly. Attending meetings with those other "drunks" has been enlightening, educational, and even enjoyable! And of course the Big Book is never far from my hands. Like I said, it has almost been easy...until Day #31. So what happened yesterday that made me seriously consider heading off to the grocery store for a bottle wine?

Basically I didn't practice what I just preached. The day began with a unexpected doctor's visit for Jessie and before it was over we had discovered our downstairs heat pump to be completely shot....in the middle of winter...no heat within the area of the house Ben spends all of his time. In between there were no prayers, no quiet times, no reading - there was just me doing what I used to do a month ago: attempting to deal with and manipulate the outcome of events I had no control over. Thankfully my "new me" was smart enough to find an AA meeting ASAP and the attendance was well worth it. Yeah, there is a bit of a chill in the house but somehow we are managing with the help of a few electric heaters and a rediscovered Higher Power. And it doesn't hurt that I collected this for the effort...

The Courage to Change

noreply@blogger.com (Ben and Bennie) — Sun, 09 Jan 2011 01:09:00 +0000

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

It still makes me cringe just a bit in using the term "courage" in reference to my recovery from alcoholism. In general I reserve that word to define an individual wearing a uniform that signifies their commitment to protect and serve others - a military service person, a fireman, a law enforcement officer - those folks that lay their lives on the line when they punch the clock. Of course I don't have to look too far, across the room at this moment, to see a young man who I consider to be the bravest, most courageous person I've ever known. Instead the word I might be more comfortable with is perhaps determination...or tenacity...or resolved.

I'm halfway to getting my second chip: aluminum which signifies 30 days sober. Even though I made it 70 days last spring I never picked up that symbolic memento - mainly due to the fact that I had quit attending meetings by then. And that my friends defines an alcoholic in a nutshell. Unconvinced I really had a drinking problem (man, you should've heard some of the stories those drunks told!), I decided that whatever issues I needed to deal with I could do it myself. Notice all of the "I"s? So on day #71 a beer seemed to be a deserved reward for all that sober introspection over the previous two & a half months.

This is my third attempt at Alcoholics Anonymous but this is the first time I've quit drinking for myself. That may seem like a selfish comment but if you could see the big picture you'd know that my decision to work the 12 Steps as laid out in the Big Book of AA is one the smartest that I've not only made for my family but for myself as well. It has only been 15 days but I am already seeing and feeling the positive changes in my life. And this time I am not afraid to blog about it.

Recall that last winter I made this entry. Yeah, it was a somewhat brave thing to write in those early stages of "sobriety." The funny thing is that I recall cringing within a few days of posting it because I wasn't really certain I was an alcoholic even though so many unhealthy incidents, issues, and relationships indicated otherwise. And even though I failed to achieve sobriety last spring the seed was planted at that time due to the encouragement of both my brothers (Cameron & Blair, I am so thankful for you guys).

There is no doubt that I am very fortunate to be where I am at this stage of my life. I still have my family, my home, and my health. In the past few weeks I have met some folks who have lost all to their addiction. And I am most thankful that at the age of 48, it's not too late to change.

Artwork in a Bottle

noreply@blogger.com (Ben and Bennie) — Wed, 05 Jan 2011 23:10:00 +0000

Over the holidays I was able to finally experiment with an idea that has been sitting on the creative back burner for quite some time now. Despite all of the clutter in my brain that I've been sorting through in recent days I am happy to report that more dust came off of these old wine bottles stored in our garage than the decorative idea that eventually got them into the studio.

I cannot say that this creation is entirely original. Most likely many of you have seen something similar in the past particularly if you've ever ventured into a cheesy craft show. There are plenty of bottle art projects and their knock-offs found in craft books and even on line these days. what makes mine (ours) different is my ability to paint on them.

The ultimate plan is to refrain from hot-gluing plastic or silk flowers to them and avoid the cheesy country craft look. Instead I anticipate using my folk and fine art influences to make something rather unique - a piece of art worthy of collecting. The goal is to employ the same whimsical, fun, colorful, expressive style of my paintings within the design of these Light Shine Soul Bottles...or rather...Soul Shine Light Bottles...or um...Soul Light Shine Bottles? Whatever. I think you get the picture!

The cool thing (as you will see) is that I'm getting a bit of help in the design of these Bottled Lights! Jessie and Ben have already been a terrific source of subject ideas; both have also gotten hands on experience working on them as well. Hopefully I will be able to carry a few with me each week once I begin the show season in March.

In the mean time please feel free to e-mail me if you have a particular design in mind. Keep in mind that I can do college teams as well as my typical fare of palm trees, cocktails, snow men, sky or landscapes, etc. E-mail me at benwaddell@bellsouth.net for pricing and orders.

Finished Palm Tree theme without the bow around the neck. Note the found objects attached to the cork (flip flops and sunglasses). I used a Barefoot wine bottle and kept the foot logo visible on the cork.

View of the lit bottle with all the room lights off.

Close-up of the decorated cork.

A not-so-frosty Snow Man adorns the front of this bottle. I used white lights for the interior of this one also (I forgot to get a "lit" picture before selling this guy).

A discarded earring made a nice addition to the cork. Several strands of different colored raffia along with a hemp wrap seemed like a fitting top piece to the neck.

I also used a strand of silver coated string to tie the "Dream" medallion to the bottle.

Here I help Ben start the painting process for one of his designs.

It didn't take him long to get the hang of it!

Jessie strings a set of lights into a bottle she helped design.

This is the finished bottle Jessie and I worked on together. We used the decor elements of her room to design the bottle. She has a variety of blues and lime greens in circular patterns throughout her window treatment and bedspread...

...so we added blue lights to her bottle! It really looks cool and serves as a subtle night light. If you are interested in having one of these based on the decor of an interior room then send me some pics and I'll get to work on it!

One Day at a Time

noreply@blogger.com (Ben and Bennie) — Fri, 31 Dec 2010 23:46:00 +0000

I guess that's a pretty strange title for the final day of the first decade of the 21st century. Earlier today my Facebook status declared that the first ten years of the 2000s was collectively the worst 3648 days of my entire life and how much I was looking forward to the beginning of the "teens." Of course there were some wonderful moments, even entire 24 hour periods among the others that were some of the best of my life. Those little treasures just happened to be buried somewhere between the loss of our family's business, our entire savings, the accumulation of a mountain of debt, three Christmases spent in a hospital, the beginnings of middle age health problems, dealing with some significant marital issues, the death of my last living grandparent, and the loss of several other wonderful folks who contributed significant memories and meaning into our lives.

This measure of time that encompasses roughly one fifth of my life is now juxtaposed with the way I am encouraged to live the remainder of my days - one at a time. Three thousand six hundred forty eight versus today...or yesterday...or tomorrow. For some reason it seems quite odd and so very foreign to me to think, plan, and prepare in such a way. Daily. Hourly. Minute to minute.

Yet when I look at my life as a snapshot of this moment rather than the feature film version that I am used to it is very difficult to be unhappy. After shaking the Polaroid I take a close look. I see two healthy children who are happy. I see a mother and wife with a good job, a steady source of income, who is beloved by her family. I see a home that needs some repairs but still keeps its family warm and safe from the elements. The faces in the photograph indicate laughter, fun, security, love, and happiness. And then there is a father and husband who has recently made a huge life-changing decision. He looks at peace - hopeful even - expecting good things to come. In this picture I see what is actually there and not what should be there.

Perhaps this new way of dealing with life will be good for me. Maybe it will even help me deal with the ebb and flow of time in a healthier way than I have ever approached it. After all, there is no other path to achieve sobriety.

Starting Over

noreply@blogger.com (Ben and Bennie) — Wed, 29 Dec 2010 20:26:00 +0000

This is an e-mail I sent my friend "Maggie, Dammit" earlier today. We both began a similar journey last winter but as you will read timing is sometimes everything:

Basically the subject speaks for itself. It's a long story that began in late January of this year but I had to wait until the time was right before deciding that I am indeed an alcoholic. I finally quit Christmas Day. My family thinks this was a wonderful present for them. The fact is that it will be the best present I will ever give myself.

The details of how I arrived at that moment, the one where an alcoholic finally decides he or she is too weary to continue being a slave, are not that important. For that I truly thank God because no one was injured, my family is still in tact, and I am still alive. What is important is the epiphany of realizing that were I to keep living within the insanity I would soon be dead. God made that perfectly clear to me on Christmas Eve. As I told my brothers, I now have a new appreciation of the Ebeneezer Scrooge story.

For now I have the Big Book at hand and meetings to attend. I met with a counselor today to begin the work of peeling away the layers of this onion which I shall call My Life. At the moment I'm not too fond of it but I think enough of what is left of it to salvage those layers in hopes that they will finally season the lives around me with something other than pungent and tearful.

Don't get me wrong! I am very happy and content with this decision which is a far cry from the previous two attempts to quit. For the first time I am not grieving over the absent bottle of wine. There are moments that I seem lost because that daily ritual must now be replaced with something more worthwhile. Instead I look forward to the freedom which my chemically altered mind cannot fathom that which I already have. So I live day to day now with simple goals. Don't drink. Go to a meeting. Read the Book. Say my prayers.

I hope this e-mail finds you well, my friend...

Love -

Bennie

Ben's Christmas List

noreply@blogger.com (Ben and Bennie) — Sun, 26 Dec 2010 01:27:00 +0000

Sorry we've been away for awhile. As usual the holidays have been hectic with lots of going here and there and...well mostly to a doctor's office. For some reason it seemed like one of us was knocked off our feet each week of Advent with the most wicked of cold viruses - Ben even had it twice. Despite the amount of Lysol, Tylenol, Advil, NyQuil, DayQuil, Mucinex, and hand sanitizer used the past month we've maintained a fairly upbeat attitude about the Christmas season.

Indeed as this Holy Day approached and eventually unfolded I would think the entire family would agree that this has been the most fun we've had during the holidays in quite some time. It all culminated in our community experiencing the first white Christmas in quite some time. Although Joan and I were both alive the last time it happened (1963) we probably weren't soiling our diapers in excitement.

Now that Santa has parked his sleigh for another year and Rudolph & company are snacking on left-over carrots, we'd like to present Ben's "official" Christmas list for the upcoming year. So throw another log on the fire, warm up some more cocoa, and enjoy reading about some things that will most definitely make our son's eye twinkle.

Take time to hug a penguin, mainly one by the name of Mumbo. If an arctic bird is not available then instead Ben suggest a friend or loved one who might need it more. Otherwise he thinks you might want to consider a Pillow Pet.
Sitting next to a colorfully lit Christmas tree and singing to it is a good thing. It's better therapy than watching Dad set something on fire. As Buddy the Elf would say, "The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear."
Everyone should have a sister like Jessie. No one can open a present faster nor run out of excitement over opening the next one.
Riding in a wheelchair down a snow-covered wheelchair ramp is quite fun. For Mom? Not so much.
After observing Jessie and cousin Chandler, the best way to spend Christmas night after playing in the snow is watching Elf in front of a warm fire eating popcorn.
Having a finger full of mocha icing placed on your tongue is an excellent treat particularly if you have a feeding tube.
Be sure to give the nurses a really big smile - they know where to find the mocha icing.

A Good Cold Snap

noreply@blogger.com (Ben and Bennie) — Tue, 14 Dec 2010 23:51:00 +0000

My apologies for not keeping updates available about our wonderfully healthy and beautiful son. If you follow us on Facebook this may seem like a strange statement given that Ben is about one week past the end of a very wicked cold virus. Let me explain so that you will better understand our "glee" in regards to this recent illness.

Ben was a pretty sick kid about this time two weeks ago. We knew it was bad because our boy ended up oxygen dependent for almost a week after it was all said and done. In the past (and I mean distant past - knock on wood) something like this would've put him in the hospital faster than a Danica Patrick pit stop. Add in the seven days of antibiotics on his sensitive stomach and we had the makings of a pre-Christmas reunion in the local Pediatric Intensive Care Unit.

Joan also picked up the same virus and has been miserable for about two weeks. Given her suffering it seems that Ben has come a long way in kicking ass when it comes to illnesses that keep him down! All the credit goes to Ben due to the determination he has in building strength via physical and occupational therapies. I promise to post a few recent videos and pictures very soon of him being more rowdy than this particular photograph. I just couldn't help myself because that kid is just so darn cute!

Please keep in mind that we are still selling our art. Ben has several pieces available that I have yet to photograph. Plus we have even more mini canvases available including some with flip-flops (which seem to be a popular theme again this year). There is still time to mail these but I will need your orders very soon! Please consider these as a gift for those that you love - as much as we could use the income we know many folks are hurting even more than us. If you need a gift for a loved one and cannot afford it we will gladly send you some of these to make the season brighter.

Scenes of the Season

noreply@blogger.com (Ben and Bennie) — Wed, 08 Dec 2010 23:54:00 +0000

When Nurse Tracy has gone home the past few days Ben has chosen to sit in a position so that he can view the tree and our decorated mantelshelf at the same time. I've turned on Christmas carols for him. It has been a tremendous privilege to hear Ben sing smile, sing along, and just enjoy the beauty of our little spectacle. I will do my best to try and capture this on video but you know how much Ben hates the camera.

Go ahead. It's okay. I got teary-eyed when I took it and also when I uploaded it. It is so incredible how much Ben enjoys the simple pleasures of Christmas. He was so very excited to be a part of the decorating process this year.

After we decorated the tree this weekend I found two tired Angels needing some daddy-love. The pile of red hair in my lap is Jessie. I love being a father!

Some new mini canvases!

This is a 10" x 20" original on stretched canvas. Ready to hang!

Another new theme in the 10" x 20" size.

Please check previous posts for details or e-mail me at benwaddell@bellsouth.net.

A Time to Speak Out

noreply@blogger.com (Ben and Bennie) — Tue, 07 Dec 2010 20:58:00 +0000

Long time readers of A work of Art know to find us on the seventh of every month over at Hopeful Parents. This month's column is certainly a dandy. In fact it maybe one of the most important posts I've made since joining there. If you are a special needs parent or care-giver you will definitely find it of interest.

We are still working on our mini canvases and a few other things as well. Be sure to check back (often) over the next few days.

How About Original Art for Christmas?

noreply@blogger.com (Ben and Bennie) — Sun, 28 Nov 2010 23:52:00 +0000

More new mini canvases pictured with the easels!

Close-up of minis - one displayed on an easel.

We like the Cross, the Snowy Christmas Tree, and the Sea Turtle.

10" x 20" original on stretched canvas. This is a new theme too!

10" x 20" original on stretched canvas.

New theme - new color palette - and already SOLD!

Contact me at benwaddell@bellsouth.net for details.

More Mini Canvases!

noreply@blogger.com (Ben and Bennie) — Sat, 27 Nov 2010 21:44:00 +0000

Here's a look at the first batch of this year's miniature canvases that I've turned out so far. Sorry they are a tad blurry - I missed my chance to capture these in daylight. Look for a few more photos tomorrow either here or on Facebook! Also you can click on each of the photos to get a closer look.

Once again they are $5 each but if you purchase five you can pick out a 6th one for free! I also have some miniature easels that you can display these on. Those are also $5 each. I'll have a picture of those tomorrow as well. E-mail me at benwaddell@bellsouth.net to order or for more information.

A Week of Thankfulness - The Blessing

noreply@blogger.com (Ben and Bennie) — Wed, 24 Nov 2010 22:51:00 +0000

This Thanksgiving holiday with its blessings so grand
Should serve to remind us of the joys at hand
The friendships we treasure, our families dear
The love we've been given and shared, year to year
The food at our tables, where many have none
The dawn of each morning beneath the bright sun
The dreams that we carry; the warmth in our hearts
That bring us together when we are apart.

The walks by the lakeshore as stars light the sky
The joys in the children who quickly pass by
The stillness of nature, the comforts of home
Each blessing the greatest that could ever be known
The warm, pleasured scents from the kitchen, delight
Arousing the senses near the firelight
The wondrous decor of the season to come
Good tidings, best wishes for everyone.

The freedom we hold, so to live peacefully
The soldiers who serve us, so diligently
The air that we breathe, the flowers we grow
The brightness of spring, the coldness of snow
Our sons and daughters, our husbands and wives
And the furry creatures who capture our lives –
All are blessings we’re given to cherish, always
Yet, especially so on Thanksgiving Day.

Celebrate this time for the beauty abound
Be thankful for all of the blessings you've found
For in the end, blessed you will truly be –
A soul filled with love, peace and harmony
Happy Thanksgiving, my friends; I am blessed, indeed
I am thankful for the love you have shared, selflessly
May each road that you travel be paved with a smile
Have a wonderful holiday....enjoyed in style!

A Week of Thankfulness - Day 2

noreply@blogger.com (Ben and Bennie) — Tue, 23 Nov 2010 23:23:00 +0000

Certain is it that there is no kind of affection so purely angelic as of a father to a daughter. In love to our wives there is desire; to our sons, ambition; but to our daughters there is something which there are no words to express. ~Joseph Addison

The father of a daughter is nothing but a high-class hostage. A father turns a stony face to his sons, berates them, shakes his antlers, paws the ground, snorts, runs them off into the underbrush, but when his daughter puts her arm over his shoulder and says, "Daddy, I need to ask you something," he is a pat of butter in a hot frying pan. ~Garrison Keillor

With Ben so ill this past Sunday evening, Joan and I decided she would keep him at home while Jessie and I attended my family's Thanksgiving dinner. I make a lot of jokes about my in-laws, in particular the way each holiday meal has to revolve around my father-in-law like celestial cranberry sauce would a big fat stuffed turkey sun. In reality I've found these events an opportunity for my family and more precisely, Jessie, to respect the traditions of her elders and hopefully one day, following suit, will create her own family customs that provide grounding and foundation for her own children. This was the case for my side of the family as well...until recent years.

What is left from my generation is a deeply fractured handful of leftovers. All of my grandparents are deceased. So is my father. Both of my brothers' families live 6 and 10 hours away respectively. What was an annual gathering of thankfulness has now become an occasional convention on dysfunctionality. In fact this was the first gathering of my local kin in two years. The core of "This House Divided" is basically my incredibly narrow-minded and bigoted Uncle William along with his daughter-in-law whose life is perfect in every way (she will be glad to remind you quite often). Some of you have probably wondered from time to time where I received my passionate liberal education in regards to politics and religion. That would be my mom. The combination of the three can be quite toxic.

So why am I telling you this in a blog post that from the outset looks like an ode to my daughter? Two years ago a family "thanksgiving" hosted by my mother concluded with phrases and threats along the lines of "you are no longer welcome in this house" - "don't worry, I will never step foot in this house again." It was a rather uncomfortable and ugly conclusion to what should have been a time of joyful reflection.

Late Sunday afternoon, once we decided Ben wasn't going, I told Jessie that she didn't have to go either knowing the images of that previous reunion was seared into her memory. "No Dad, I want to go with you...for you and Me-Ma." I couldn't have been more thrilled had she said, "Dad, I won't go on a date until you tell me to."

The night was rather uncomfortable and sure enough my racist uncle made an unsuccessful attempt over dinner to stir the pot by telling a rather crude joke about our President (within earshot of both of my middle-school aged 2nd cousins and Jessie). Although my mom didn't ignore it, she let him know how inappropriate it was.

Jessie and I took the earliest opportunity to leave - oh how I enjoyed the ride home! We held hands while I listened for the most part. We laughed and howled over some of the idiocy that had transpired the previous two hours. I couldn't help but think back to just a few years ago when I walked her home from school almost every day. For a few moments she was once again my little girl! Even though she has matured in so many ways within these middle school years, some things haven't. Particularly her ability to wrap her Dad's heart around her finger.

Honestly I have worried about my girl from time to time. I've worried about how much of her childhood has been stolen from her because of Ben's genetic disorder. It has been quite obvious to her family that she has matured mentally way beyond her years - something not uncommon for the siblings of exceptional children. I worry that she's missed so many opportunities to be a little girl that she will feel remorseful about it. And I worry that as her father, I'm not giving her enough daddy/daughter time because of so much daddy/Ben time.

I do know this: my Jessie absolutely adores her little brother and that her little brother feels the same. That just leaves me a pat of butter in a hot frying pan.

PS: for my Mom - I so admire you for standing up to William again and again. In no uncertain words, he's an asshole. I have no respect for him whatsoever. Jessie will tell you the same. As she said verbatim on the way home: "I have the coolest grandma in the world!" And you might want to check back later this week...

A Week of Thankfulness - Day 1

noreply@blogger.com (Ben and Bennie) — Mon, 22 Nov 2010 21:36:00 +0000

He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has.
-- Epictetus

When I thought up this idea (given that many folks on Facebook are posting all 30 days something they are thankful for, I wouldn't say it's a great one) of blogging each day the week of Thanksgiving, I didn't anticipate that it would begin with Ben coming down with a virus that currently has him teetering on the brink of a hospital stay. Given that visits these days to the Children's Hospital of Greenville, SC are as frequent as snow in the South, a thankful heart this does not easily make!

But even with the not-so-terrific situation we currently find ourselves in I cannot ignore the words written above by the Greek philosopher. Even though Epictetus believed all things were determined by fate he also believed we were responsible for our own actions and by not accepting our lot in life by doing the best we can under those circumstances, we would indeed bring suffering upon ourselves. What makes the above statement even more remarkable is that Epictetus was born a slave and somehow became crippled during his childhood. His philosophies continue to influence modern literature, acting, and psychology. In essence this lessor known Greek educator did not allow his outcome in life be determined by things he didn't have...like freedom and health!

In thinking about this further perhaps this is the perfect day to be thankful for having a son just like he his; with Pallister Killian Syndrome, compromised lungs and asthmatic tendencies, lacking muscle control and communication skills, needing 24/7 care by watchful and guarded eyes. This is what Ben is to most that meet him. But for those that spend any amount of time with him, Ben is nothing short of being a remarkable human being.

Ben is a fighter. He is determined and absolutely relentless in the pursuit of a healthier and more normal life for not only himself but for his family as well. He has not only beaten the odds, he has flat out lapped the field and quite literally kicked his "opponents'" ass!

Ben is courageous. Like all of his other PKS brothers and sisters (or any other exceptional child for that matter), he willfully faces daily challenges that would defeat many adults. Truly I have been awed by his strength on many, many occasions.

Ben is an artist. For those that are regular readers here you already know of his penchant for painting but Ben's gift goes well beyond that. He is the best of artists in that he not only attempts to interpret his world, he makes his world better by his work. That is not only illustrated via paint and colorful fingers but also through his charm, his smile, his touch, his unconditional love.

These are just a few obvious characteristics Ben has brought into our lives. To us he is not a broken person who we need to fix. To those of us that are privileged to spend a great deal of time with him, Ben was brought into our lives to fix what was broken inside of us. I have said many times that Ben is as close to God or Jesus as I will ever get in this life. I am so very thankful I have the opportunity to experience that gift any time I choose to.