The Real World

My Fave Lines from the movie "He's Just Not That Into You"

2010-06-20T10:26:00.000-07:00

Mary: I had this guy leave me a voicemail at work, so I called him at home, and then he emailed me to my BlackBerry, and so I texted to his cell, and now you just have to go around checking all these different portals just to get rejected by seven different technologies.

Mary: It's exhausting.

Gigi: Maybe his grandma died or maybe he lost my number or is out of town or got hit by a cab...

Alex: Or maybe he is not interested in seeing you again.

Gigi: Ok, Ok. Exhibit A. Chad the drummer who lived in a storage space. He only used me for rides and yet I continued to stalk him for most of 1998. Then oh, um, there was Don, that broke up with me every Friday so that he could have his weekends free. I was delusional about that relationship. I used to refer to him as my husband to random people, like my dental hygienist. Anyway, all my friends used to tell me about how things might work out with these dipsticks because they knew someone, who knew someone, who dated a dipstick just like mine. That girl ended up getting married and living happily ever after. That the exception and we're not the exception we're the rule.

Gigi: I would rather be like that, then be like you.

Alex: Excuse me? What's that supposed to mean?

Gigi: I may dissect each little thing and put myself out there so much but at least that means that I still care. Oh! You've think you won because women are expendable to you. You may not get hurt or make an ass of yourself that way but you don't fall in love that way either. You have not won. You're alone. I may do a lot of stupid shit but I'm still a lot closer to love than you are.

Alex: Hey, Kelli Ann. Uh, did I get any calls?

Kelli Ann: Since you asked me 11 mins ago, no, not a lot of phone traffic.

Alex: [obsessively checks phone for signal]

Kelli Ann: Oh, my God.

Alex: What?
Kelli Ann: What's her name?

Alex: Who?

Kelli Ann: The girl... Alex.

Alex: There's no girl.
Kelli Ann: You can't hide it, man. I know strung out, and YOU are strung out.
Alex: Please.
Kelli Ann: This is amazing. You can't focus. Right? Jumping every time your phone rings. Checking your e-mail a hundred times a day. Wishing you could write songs.

Alex: [laughs]

Kelli Ann: No. Feeling the need to bring up her name in random conversations. It's always the same and it has happened to you, my friend.

Alex: Shit.

Kelli Ann: Welcome to my world, asshole. Let me get the door

Alex: You're my exception.

Gigi: Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up: if a boy punches you he likes you, never try to trim your own bangs, and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. every movie we see, every story we're told implores us to wait for it: the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. but sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending we don't learn how to read the signs. how to tell the ones who want us from the ones who don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. and maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy, maybe it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. maybe the happy ending is just moving on. or maybe the happy ending is this: knowing after all the unreturned phone calls and broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment... you never gave up hope.

Tsunami from Chile quake reaches Japan

2010-02-27T20:32:00.000-08:00

TOKYO – The first tsunami from Chile's earthquake has hit Japan's outlying islands, but the initial waves are small.

Japan's Meteorological Agency said the first tsunami to reach Japan after the magnitude 8.8 quake off Chile was recorded in the Ogasawara islands early Sunday afternoon. It was just 10 centimeters high. There were no reports of damage.

Officials warned that bigger waves could reach Japan's main islands, and kept up their alert for the nation's Pacific coastline.

Japan put all of its eastern coastline on tsunami alert Sunday and ordered hundreds of thousands of residents in low-lying areas to seek higher ground as waves generated by an earthquake off Chile raced across the Pacific at hundreds of miles (kilometers) per hour.

THIS IS A BREAKING NEWS UPDATE. Check back soon for further information. AP's earlier story is below.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/as_japan_tsunami

Massive earthquake hits Chile, 214 dead

2010-02-27T15:33:00.000-08:00

Vehicles that were driving along a highway that collapsed near Santiago are seen overturned on the asphalt Saturday, Feb. 27, 2010 after a powerful earthquake struck central Chile early Saturday.

THE ASSOCIATED PRESS/David Lillo

CONCEPCION, Chile (Reuters) - One of the world's most powerful earthquakes in a century battered Chile on Saturday, killing at least 214 people, knocking down buildings and triggering a tsunami that threatened Pacific coastlines as far away as Hawaii and Russia.

A map locating the epicentre of the huge 8.8-magnitude earthquake which has rocked Chile.

Photo:/AFP

To read the full article click here.

Source : Reuters - by Jose Luis Saavedra

Fishing boats washed up by a wave generated by an earthquake are seen in Talcahuano Port, a city just outside Concepcion, some 100 km (62 miles) south of the epicenter, February 27, 2010. A huge magnitude-8.8 earthquake struck Chile early on Saturday, knocking down homes and hospitals, and triggering a tsunami that rolled menacingly across the Pacific. REUTERS/Jose Luis Saavedra

(CHILE - Tags: DISASTER ENVIRONMENT IMAGES OF THE DAY)

Music`s Mad Genius : Lil Wayne -- I AM MISUNDERSTOOD

2010-02-19T18:49:00.000-08:00

At first blush, you might think its pretty easy to size up Lil Wayne. He's got the teeth (150k grills), the tatts, and the 'tude.

"I'm a Gangsta -- I don't take nuthin' from no one, I do what I wanna do. And I'm gonna do dat until the day dat I die. And if I can't do dat then I'll just die."

He has this... Fierce independence. In this age of highly packaged stars, Wayne is an outlaw.

In his words, ``I am great.`` He isn`t cocky like Kanye, he has the right amount of confidence.
He has ``I AM MUSIC`` and ``MISUNDERSTOOD`` tattooed on his left and right temple.

Things you might not know about Lil Wayne :

*** He grew up in New Orleans, he was a straight A student

*** He released his first album when he was 12 years old
*** Dwayne is a Jr. and dropped the D in his name because he didn`t want any asoociation to his father whatsoever.

*** Only 28, THA CARTER III was his 6th solo album and has other albums and mixed tapes released. THA CARTER III sold nearly 3 million albums making it the No. 1 selling album of 2008. He has won several Grammy awards and has collaborated with various artists.

*** His way of making music is eccentric, he doesn't write down his lyrics and he writes the music first.

*** Wayne loves bowling and has been since 16, he bowls with a curve so he has custom-made balls.

*** He has four kids to date, 4 different moms from Toya Jackson (his high school sweetheart) to Model/Actress Lauren London, Sarah B and R&B Singer Nivea.

*** He was rumored to have been addicted to Presciption cough medicine; he loves to smoke Marijuana; and has been arrested for Drug Posession. As of recently Lil Wayne’s jail sentence was delayed for dental surgery — and the rapper made sure he used it to have everything taken care of all at once.

Indeed -- what you see with this tough talkin`rapper is not necessarily what you get.

Dwayne Carter Jr.

With his signature `rows, is no doubt THE best rapper alive.

Watch his interview with Katie Couric here.

For VHI1 Special on Lil Wayne : Behind the Music, click here to see the 4 part HD Video.

'Talhotblond': Portrait of a mother from hell

2010-02-17T18:21:00.000-08:00

There's something addicting about a secret. -J. Edgar Hoover

I just saw this film a few days ago, about an upstate NY married factory worker Thomas Montgomery started playing  games online, he got a lot more than he signed up for. A beautiful  teenager, screen name talhotblond, texted him hello, and he was hooked.  But in order to keep her attention, he lied and pretended to be a buff,  brave 18 year old soldier, screen name marinesniper. The online romance  was epic, but the fantasy blew up when the teenager found out who  Montgomery really was. For revenge, she starts up an online affair with  one of Montgomery’s co-workers, who’s 22 and telling the truth about who  he is. The teenage vixen pits both men against each other, plays wicked  mind games with them, and raises the levels of desire and deceit until  the games escalate into real life murder...

Click here to read the full article. »

A frail King Tut died from malaria, broken leg

2010-02-16T18:33:00.000-08:00

CAIRO – Egypt's most famous pharaoh, King Tutankhamun, was a frail boy who suffered from a cleft palate and club foot. He died of complications from a broken leg exacerbated by malaria and his parents were most likely brother and sister.

For more on this story click here.

Source : Yahoo! News, the Associated Press

Valentine's Day [Movie] (2010)

2010-02-16T18:22:00.000-08:00

A diverse group of Los Angelenos navigate their way through romance and heartbreak over the course of one Valentine's Day.

Man Training to Be 911 Operator Saves Son's Life

2010-02-16T18:13:00.000-08:00

2010 Winter Olympics being held in Vancouver, BC, Canada

2010-02-16T18:06:00.000-08:00

The 2010 Winter Olympics, officially the XXI Olympic Winter Games or the 21st Winter Olympics, is a major international multi-sport event held on February 12–28, 2010, in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada, with some events held in the resort town of Whistler, British Columbia and in the Vancouver suburbs of Richmond, West Vancouver and the University Endowment Lands. Both the Olympic and Paralympic Games Vancouver Organizing Committee (VANOC). The 2010 Winter Olympics are the third Olympics hosted by Canada, and the first by the province of British Columbia. Previously, Canada was home to the 1976 Summer Olympics in Montreal, Quebec and the 1988 Winter Olympics in Calgary, Alberta. are being organized by the

Following Olympic tradition, then Vancouver mayor Sam Sullivan received the Olympic flag during the closing ceremony of the 2006 Winter Olympics in Turin, Italy. The flag was raised on February 28, 2006, in a special ceremony, and was on display at Vancouver City Hall until the Olympic opening ceremony. The event was officially opened by Governor General Michaëlle Jean.^[3]

^{For Olympic game} live results, medals, schedule, athlete bios, teams, tickets, news and photos click here.

Sources : Wikipedia.org and vancouver2010.com

Gov't: 34 deaths alleged in Toyotas since 2000

2010-02-16T18:00:00.000-08:00

WASHINGTON – Complaints of deaths connected to sudden acceleration in  Toyota vehicles have surged in recent weeks, with the alleged death  toll reaching 34 since 2000, according to new consumer data gathered by  the government.

Complaints to a database maintained by the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration  about the popular Toyota  Prius hybrid grew by nearly 1,000 in just over a week.

On Monday, Transportation Department spokeswoman  Olivia Alair said NHTSA is quickly gathering information to help guide  the government's examination of sudden acceleration, the Prius braking system and other  safety issues.

Toyota  Motor Corp. has recalled 8.5 million vehicles globally during  the past four months because of problems with gas pedals, floor mats and  brakes, threatening the safety and quality reputation of the world's  No. 1 automaker.

For more info on this article click here.

Source : Yahoo!

We Are The World 25 For Haiti - Official Video

2010-02-16T17:54:00.001-08:00

Source : YouTube

IMELDA

2010-01-30T23:04:00.001-08:00

A film by Ramona S. Diaz that explores the complex persona of  former Philippine First Lady Imelda Marcos. Her Rise to Power and Fall  from Grace.

Few contemporary political figures of this century  have been as controversial and outspoken and even misunderstood as  Imelda Marcos, the former Philippine First Lady and widow of the late  Ferdinand Marcos, who was the president of the Philippines for 21 years.

IMELDA  marks the first time that Mrs. Marcos agreed to tell her story. This  feature documentary details her rise from humble provincial origins with  a combination of guile, ambition and beauty to become one of the  richest and most powerful woman in contemporary history and one of the  few known by her first name. She tells her story in exceptionally rare  original interviews in which she is both vivacious and intriguing. The  documentary also features scenes from her daily life and archival  footage.

IMELDA is produced by CINEDIAZ in association with ITVS  and NAATA with funding provided by the THE CORPORATION FOR PUBLIC  BROADCASTING.

Released under Unico Entertainment Unitel Pictures  International

2003 Cinediaz, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

No  Copyright Infringement intended.

Haiti Earthquake - Latest News

2010-01-30T22:42:00.000-08:00

http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2010/jan/31/haiti-debt-relief-imf-unctad

A man carries wood from the rubble of a quake-smashed house in a Port-au-Prince street. Haitian police are holding 10 US citizens on suspicion they tried to slip out of the country with 31 Haitian children in a trafficking scheme, a government minister said.

People sit in an empty lot near the collapsed Cathedral in the aftermath of a massive earthquake in Port-au-Prince, Saturday, Jan. 30, 2010. A 7.0-magnitude earthquake hit Haiti on Jan. 12, killing and injuring thousands and leaving many homeless.

Betina Joseph, 5, lies on a cot as her mother Denise Exima, 28, wipes her face at the University of Miami-run field hospital at Haiti's international airport in Port-au-Prince, Saturday, Jan. 30, 2010. Doctors said that tetanus developed in Betina's small leg wound and if she's not evacuated in the next 24 hours, she may die. Efforts to treat the injured suffered a setback as the US military said it had halted flights carrying earthquake victims to the US for emergency medical care, because of an apparent cost dispute.

iPad

2010-01-30T22:03:00.000-08:00

I have not touched or bought this new gadget so here is my stand on things for now :

The new iPad looks like an overgrown iPhone.

Pro's :

http://www.cnn.com/2010/TECH/01/27/apple.tablet/index.html?hpt=Sbin

Con's :

http://www.cnn.com/2010/TECH/01/28/wired.missing.from.ipad/index.html?hpt=Sbin

YOU be the judge.

Going Gaga

2010-01-30T21:43:00.000-08:00

"My grandmother is basically blind, but she can make out the lighter parts, like my skin and hair," the singer (performing in February in Germany) revealed to Rolling Stone.

"She says, 'I can see you because you have no pants on.'

So I'll continue to wear no pants so that my grandma can see me."

pay it forward

2009-11-17T21:06:00.000-08:00

i just want to share this story with you. tho some of you may have already heard it but i cant get enough of hearing this over and over again -- it still gives me goosebumps (in a good way!)

********************************************************************************

an old woman was travelling to another city when she gets hungry and decides to stop by a diner on the side of the road. she sees a pregnant waitress (her tummy already about 6 months) , balancing food trays in her hand, sweating and tired yet still managing to smile at the customers. when the waitress came to her table, the old woman named Nancy, made small talk with the waitress. she could see the sincerity in her eyes, but it also showed her the strength and determination of a woman and a mother-to-be.

she found out her name was Alison, that her baby was due in 3 months and that she was still working to save up for the cost of giving birth since her husband didnt have a stable job and only did construction work and was a car mechanic. then it was time to go; Nancy asked for the bill. the old woman decides to pay her due, add a few hundred dollars as tip and left a note for Alison saying : "this is for your goodness and for your baby. i wish you well. dont bother to find me, instead concentrate on how you can pay it forward."

Nancy left the diner and continued on her way. she decided to take a shortcut since it was already getting late and she figured out the shortcut would help her arrive faster. unfortunately her car broke down in the middle of nowhere. all she could see was shrubs, the place was deserted. it was one of those routes that vehicles seldom took. one thing was clear : she was definitely not on the highway anymore.

night fell and all she could do was sob inside her car. then she heard footsteps, faint at first but getting louder by the second. then she made out the silhouette of a man walking towards her. she feared for her life because the man might be a murderer for all she knows and she cant get help since there was no service on her mobile fone. but then she saw the man's face -- she suddenly felt at peace when she looked into the man's eyes. He introduced himself as Brian. he offered to take a look at the car since he was a mechanic. Nancy was skeptic at first but she decided to let him be, with her staying inside her car.

After a few hours, Brian finally got her car to start. She was about to hand a wad of cash to the man who had saved her but Brian would not accept it. He said helping someone simply fulfilled him and gave him happiness. So Nancy thanked him and drove off into the night.

meanwhile, Alison went home at the end of her shift feeling happy but somewhat puzzled by the old woman's message. she was wondering how she was going to "pay it forward". after keeping the money she received from Nancy in a safe place and preparing supper for her husband who still wasnt home, Alison decides to write a letter for him. It said : "baby, thank you for the happiness you have given me. i know we are in a tough time right now but i want you to know that everything is going to be alright with us and; our baby. with god in our lives, i know we can make it."

She fell asleep waiting for her husband. In the middle of the night when Nancy turned to her side, she felt the warm breathing of his husband near her. She simply embraced him and said "I love you Brian."

*************************

it just amazes me to think that our lives are all intertwined with one another tho we may not know it but you know someone that i know, one good deed benefits the same set of people we know. lesson learned -- an act of kindness goes a long way. (~~,)

Order in the Court !

2009-11-17T20:50:00.000-08:00

These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts of America, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?

WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?

WITNESS: July 18th.

ATTORNEY: What year?

WITNESS: Every year.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?

WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.

ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?

WITNESS: Forty-five years.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?

WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"

ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?

WITNESS: My name is Susan.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?

WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?

WITNESS: Uh...

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

WITNESS: None.

ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

WITNESS: By death.

ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?

WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.

ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?

WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?

WITNESS: Oral.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: So then, it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Melanisms

2009-11-17T20:47:00.000-08:00

Asked not so long ago what she had to say
about "sex and violence" in the movies, a popular actress said,
"Piano nga hindi ako marunong tumugtog, violins pa kaya?"

Hmmmmm. Witty? Yes - if she intended
that "quotable" to be so.

No, the actress "spokening" wasn't Melanie
Marquez who, like that one, is a self-confessed Madame Malaprop.
(Note: Malapropism, meaning "a ludicrous misuse of a word," is derived from Mrs.
Malaprop, a character in the play The Rivals by Richard B. Sheridan, 1751-1816)

I love my long-legged friend Melanie for, among other reasons (besides her
fractured English), her way of unwittingly amusing and regaling us with her,
that's it, malapropisms on national television.

During the passionate word war between her half-brother Joey Marquez
and Kris Aquino, Melanie provided the "comic relief" by mouthing quotables, thus
firming up her reputation as the (uncrowned) Quotable Queen.

The good thing about it is that Melanie herself
is amused/regaled by those little jewels tumbling out of her mouth, profusely
especially when she's angry. She told me that she would have her TV
guestings recorded and once she got home, she'd have a fun time watching
the tapes and, yes, laughing at herself.

That's the spirit, 'no?

"Bakit," Melanie said during an interview.
"'Yung magagaling mag-English diyan, may Miss International title ba sila?"

Oo nga naman. Mayroon ba kayo?

Don't look now but Melanie is seriously thinking
of compiling her "Melanisms" into a neat little book like the
pocket-size Mao little red book (of quotations, or Maoisms).
Nice idea, isn't it?

It should be a best-seller (like President Joseph Estrada's Eraptions).

When Melanie told me about it, I suggested
that she jazz up the book with cartoons and call it Quote Me.
But wait. Don't judge Melanie just yet
because, as we all know, she's not a book.

Here and now, my friend Jonathan Chua (who's
a STAR contributor) has compiled some Melanisms for inclusion in that
much-awaited book, to wit:

. My brother is not a girl; he's a gentleman.

. That's why I'm a success, it's because I don't
middle in other people's lives.

. Don't judge my brother; he's not a book.

. I won't stoop down to my level.

. Hello? Bulag ka ba? Bingi ka ba? Are you dep?

. 'Yung STD, baka sa maruming toilet lang niya
nakuha yan.

. Eh, ikaw ba naman, durugin ang ari mo... Pag
di ka naman manutok ng baril.

. We are lovers, not fighters.

. Kapatid ko pa rin siya. We are one and the
same.

. I don't eat meat. I'm not a carnival.

. Eto na po ang pinakamaligayang pasko at
manigong taon sa inyong lahat.
(During her acceptance speech at a Metro
Filmfest awards night where her
bioflick, directed by her late father Temyong
Marquez, won an award.)

. Sumasakit ang migraine ko.

. Ang tatay ko ang only living legend na buhay!

. Period na talaga; wala nang exclamation
point.
(When asked on S-Files if her present husband, Adam Lawyer, is her Mr.
Right.).

. At a talk show after her break-up with Derek
Dee, Melanie was asked if she
had some words for Derek's mother (whom she
partly blamed for the separation).
"Oo nga," said Melanie, "pero i-English-in ko para maintindihan
niya." She looked into the camera and, with the peremptoriness of royalty,
said, "And to you, Mrs. Dee, I have two words for you. Ang labo mo!"

A few more:

- When asked for a message to her daughter
who was allegedly abused by their houseboy:
"Don't worry little angel, big angel is here."

- On what they should do to the houseboy who
molested her kid: "He should be put behind bar."

- "You can fool me once, you can even fool me
twice, you can even fool me thrice. But you can never fool me four"

- While waiting backstage during a noontime
show, after watching Nikki Valdez do her dance number. "Nikki, you're so
galing. You should go to the States. You will sell hotcakes"

May the Force Be With Us.

Office - Related

2009-11-17T20:25:00.000-08:00

MEMORANDUM TO ALL EMPLOYEES :

SICK DAYS:
We will no longer accept a doctor
statement as proof of sickness. If you
are able to go to the doctor, you are
able to come to work.

SURGERY:
Operations are now banned. As long as
you are an employee here, you need all
your organs. You should not consider
removing anything. We hired you intact.
To have something removed constitutes a
breach of employment.

PERSONAL DAYS:
Each employee will receive 104 personal
days a year. They are called Saturday
and Sunday.

VACATION DAYS:
All employees will take their vacation
at the same time every year. The
vacation days are as follows: Jan. 1,
July 4 & Dec. 25

BEREAVEMENT LEAVE:
This is no excuse for missing work.
There is nothing you can do for dead
friends, relatives or coworkers. Every
effort should be made to have
non-employees attend to the
arrangements. In rare cases where
employee involvement is necessary, the
funeral should be scheduled in the late
afternoon. We will be glad to allow you
to work through your lunch hour and
subsequently leave one hour early,
provided your share of the work is done
enough.

OUT FROM YOUR OWN DEATH:
This will be accepted as an excuse.
However, we require at least two weeks
notice, as it is your duty to train your
own replacement.

RESTROOM USE:
Entirely too much time is being spent in
the restroom. In the future, we will
follow the practice of going in
alphabetical order. For instance, all
employees whose names begin with 'A'
will go from 8:00 to 8:20, employees
whose names begin with 'B' will go from
8:20 to 8:40 and so on. If you're unable
to go at your allotted time, it will be
necessary to wait until the next day
when your turn comes again. In extreme
emergencies employees may swap their
time with a coworker. Both employees'
supervisors in writing must approve this
exchange. In addition, there is now a
strict 3-minute time limit in the
stalls. At the end of three minutes, an
alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll
will retract, and the stall door will open.

LUNCH BREAK:
Skinny people get an hour for lunch as
they need to eat more so that they can
look healthy, normal size people get 30
minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal
to maintain the average figure. Fat
people get 5 minutes for lunch because
that's all the time needed to drink a
Slim Fast and take a diet pill. Sondra
gets none.

DRESS CODE:
It is advised that you come to work
dressed according to your salary, if we
see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers and
carrying a $600 Gucci bag we assume you
are doing well financially and therefore
you do not need a raise.

Thank you for your loyalty to our
company. We are here to provide a
positive employment experience.
Therefore, all questions comments,
concerns, complaints, frustrations,
irritations, aggravations, insinuations,
allegations, accusations,
contemplations, consternations or input
should be directed elsewhere. Have a
nice week.

-- MANAGEMENT

Why Technical Support People Get Paid So Dearly

2009-11-17T20:20:00.000-08:00

Tech Support: I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.
Customer: Ok.
Tech Support: Did you get a pop-up menu?
Customer: No.
Tech Support: Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?
Customer: No.
Tech Support: Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until
this point?
Customer: Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click.

===============

Customer: Do I need a computer to use your software?
Tech Support: ?!%#$

===============

Tech Support: Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you
see the 'OK' button displayed?
Customer: Wow. How can you see my screen from there?

===============

Tech Support: What type of computer do you have?
Customer: A white one.

===============

Tech Support: Type 'A:' at the prompt.
Customer: How do you spell that?

===============

Tech Support: What's on your screen right now?
Customer: A stuffed animal that my boyfriend got me at the grocery store.

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Tech Support : How can I help you?
Customer: My computer's telling me I performed an illegal abortion.

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Tech Support : What kind of browser are you using?
Customer: I have Microsoft Exploder.

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Tech Support : How may I assist you today?
Customer: How do I print my voicemail?

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Customer: You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print a document, but the computer won't boot properly.
Tech Support: What does it say?
Customer: Something about an error and non-system disk.
Tech Support: Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?
Customer: No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside.

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Tech Support: Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open 24 hours.
Customer: Is that Eastern time?

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Tech Support: What does the screen say now?
Customer: It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'.
Tech Support: Well then.. .what's the problem?
Customer: How do I know when it's ready?

To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity...

2009-11-17T20:08:00.000-08:00

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice!

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

5. In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write 'For Marijuana'

6. Finish All Your sentences with 'In Accordance With The Prophecy.'

7. Skip down the hall rather than Walk and see how many looks you get.

8. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

9 . Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go.'

10. Sing Along At The Opera.

11. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All Day.

12. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You have a headache.

13. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, scream 'I Won! I Won!'

14 . When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!'

15. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, 'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.'

Smile. It's Called . THERAPY

Get Informed and Updated

2009-11-16T15:21:00.000-08:00

The H1N1 flu virus is widespread around the world and the World Health Organization (WHO ) has declared it as a pandemic influenza virus.

It is contagious and spreads the same way as the seasonal flu. When an infected person coughs or sneezes, the germs enter the eyes, nose or throat of another person, thus spreading the virus. Although it is commonly called "Swine Flu", it is not possible to catch it by eating pork or other pork products according to the Public Health Agency of Canada.

Canadians should continue to take normal precautions to protect themselves as they would from a regular flu. Contrary to what we saw when the outbreak started, the Public Health Agency of Canada does not recommend that the general public wear surgical masks to protect against contracting H1N1 Flu Virus. Evidence shows that this is not effective in preventing transmission of influenza in the general public. People often use masks incorrectly, or contaminate themselves when putting masks on and taking them off, which could actually increase the risk of infection.

Some of the ways to protect yourself :

Wash your hands often and thoroughly with soap and water
Resist the urge to touch your face
Cough or sneeze into your arm
Get the vaccine. The government has purchased 50.4 million doses of H1N1 flu vaccine
Keep common surfaces clean
A good diet and exercise to keep the body strong
Talk to your doctor

For more FAQ's visit the site http://www.phac-aspc.gc.ca/alert-alerte/h1n1/faq_rg_h1n1-eng.php

Travel Wishlist

2009-11-16T13:45:00.000-08:00

Santorini, Greece

Côte d' Azur St. Tropez

Osaka, Japan

Rio de Janeiro, Brazil

Paris, France

New York City, USA

London, England

Trevi Fountain, Rome, Italy

Centro Havana, Cuba

Taj Mahal, India

Madonna in Malawi

2009-11-16T13:19:00.000-08:00

Madonna has raised $11 million from Brazilian millionaires for her Raising Malawi Foundation (started in 2006). The pop star visited Brazil and is reported to have gotten a pledge for an undisclosed sum of money from the country's richest man -- Ike Batista, a mining magnate with a fortune of an estimated $7.5 billion.

Madonna, 51, has two adoptive children from Malawi. She was accompanied during her fund-raising by 22-year-old Brazilian model Jesus de Luz.

"Fox" vs. Fox

2009-11-16T12:07:00.000-08:00

Is Megan Fox emulating Angelina Jolie? You be the judge.

Ladies in Leather

Identical Inks

Gorgeous Gams

Duplicate Dresses

Perfect Pouts

Both in Black

A-List Action Stars

High School Hotties

Wonders in White

Daring Do's

Women Who Don't Wed

Golden Goddesses

On-Set Style Solidarity

and of course... this --

a penchant for older men...

I think she could do better; its time for Megan to find her own "Brad Pitt"

Only one more thing left to do --
say... steal this guy married guy perhaps? lol

I can totally see it : Channing Tatum emulates Brad Pitt.

Give it time; it took Angie a while to realize it too.
Now that's what I call soul mates. Haha.

--Photos from US Magazine