Just Life

Namaste Nepal

2018-11-07T09:08:00.000-05:00

I do have a blog dedicated to travel but I felt compelled to share this on here. Is that okay with you?

Last week this time of the week, I was wandering the streets of Kathmandu with my partner. We were there for a week and it was an enlightening time. I'm not saying it was as profound as Elizabeth Gilbert described her Eat Pray Love experience that took the women of America by storm. I'm saying it has at least imprinted on me like Jacob did on Renesmee.

Okay, enough of the pop culture references and on with the trip. Well, I learned more about what was going on in my head without realizing it. We had an almost 4 hour hike from Nagarkot to Bhaktapur. It was only my guide, my partner and I on the walk. We went downhill, we went uphill. I had no support in my shoes because I couldn't find my insoles. I could feel every rock and change in surface under my feet. To say it was horrible, I think it may be an understatement. Although in the moment, I just knew I would pay for it later.

But that wasn't the part that made me cry a little. It was me. Me walking and thinking. Me thinking so much that my legs shaking went from, "Hey I need to rest" to "Oh my God the two most important women in my life almost DIED this year." Very intense, right? It sure felt intense because I fell so far behind I was able to tear up and tell myself I could finish this hike out loud and no one heard.

Let's back up though. Who was dying? Was I dying now? No, no one actually died this year (knock on whatever you like, perhaps wood). But there were so many hospital visits this year. A part of me feels like it was to combat my fear. When my grandmother died 17 years ago, we rushed to the hospital and she was already dead. That stayed with me for a while. Or maybe I was just being dramatic. Who knows? But I do know that this year I spent most of my summer visiting the hospital and rehab center, and during that time I was okay. I was confident and ready to take on whatever happened.

On my hike in Nepal, I think I realized that wasn't completely true. "I feel like my body has betrayed me." That is what kept going through my head. That's what both women have said without the other knowing. "I feel like my body has betrayed me." The reason they said that was because their bodies weren't functioning the same as it used to. They used to run cross country or at least walk to the nearby train station. But their bodies weren't allowing them to do that anymore. Just like my body wasn't letting push it harder to finish this hike. I cried, "I feel betrayed by my body."

Of course other thoughts went through my head. "What if I push myself too hard and I fall or pass out?" I really didn't need that to happen at that altitude. I needed to finish the hike. "Don't worry about them, focus on what you're doing." I remembered saying. "But if I move quicker, I can sit down faster." She'd say. And I laughed at the memory because when she would say things like that, things like her falling to the pavement on a summer day is the next visual. Not her sitting down. Because the truth is, if you push yourself too hard, you won't complete it at all.

I slowed down

I made it to my seat at the end of that hike and it felt great. There was no need to push myself too hard because we actually made it to the end a little earlier than expected. Who knows what would've happened if I pushed myself harder than I did. I could've needed that helicopter ride to the hospital.

We could all apply this to something in our lives. So lets do so and finish the hike.

A Wedding or A Show??

2018-10-09T12:53:00.000-04:00

I am an engaged woman. And since March, I have learned many things about weddings I had no idea about. I thought you would like to some input about these things as well.

1. You pay to go to weddings as if you are going to a Broadway show.

I thought guests giving money at the wedding was a sweet thing people do because the couple is going to be starting their life together. But OH NO. More often it is expected that you pay for your ticket, I mean for being invited. I spoke to a woman who said she's gone as far as looked up or CALLED the venue beforehand and based the check she gives the couple off of the average plate cost listed. Even if you can't make it but you RSVP'd, you "must" send a check to the couple for the amount of their plate cost.

My opinion is that this is ridiculous. I said it, be mad or be glad. I don't care. I think it is ridiculous that weddings (which don't get me started on the history of what they are in the first place) has a place in society still. I think it's more ridiculous that couples use a "joyous event" as a source of income. It's also a little disgusting.

If you want to celebrate your love, celebrate it without a price tag over everyone's head. Don't spend $100,000 because you expect everyone to pay you back for such a great show. You're not Lin Manuel Miranda.

2. EVERYONE thinks they are invited

I have never said, "Oh I better be invited to that wedding". I wish people would do the same in regards to my wedding. It's really annoying, it puts me on the spot, it adds to stress and automatically makes me not want to invite you. You're being selfish.

(I guess if I was a bride in it for the money, I should reply, "Well.. how much you got?")

I said selfish because you're not considering the person you're asking when you say that. Especially if it isn't in a joking way. "I better..." It's so entitled and so self-centered. Get over yourself.

3. Parents show their TRUEST selves

Of course I need to tread lightly on this one, but if you've read my writing before then you know I will still say what's on my mind even in the kindest of words.

Let me focus on my father.*

I don't publicly speak about my relationship with my father but he is in fact in my life. Not overbearingly, but still present. He has his life and I have mine. With that said, my dad has been the perfect example of what you want your parent to be like when planning a wedding in this century. He isn't paying for everything or showering me with everything I want, but he has given mature insight and advice. You know? What you expect from a parent.

To give an example, I will share that many relatives on my side and my partner's side will not be invited to our ceremony. Each parent has at least one close relative that is included in that disappointment. My father is the only one who hasn't made that decision even harder once he found out (for him it's sibling yal). SO, I say this... you learn a lot about the parents. Good and bad. I will leave it at that.

*I love my mom very much and she is a Momzilla FOR REAL, but she's also surprised me at how much she cares more about our marriage than the wedding.

Overall, I am not the "ideal" bride and I am very much okay with that. I want to only invite guests who have personally had a positive impact on my relationship with my partner. I want them to love us as a unit and not only as individuals. I also don't want them to reject coming to celebrate with us because they feel obligated to pay to get in. As much as I would like more people at my ceremony, I think it was destined to be a smaller one. I've always wanted to develop a community of people I trust and loved to help raise my future child. Why not continue developing that community with this very significant event?

Here are a few YouTube channels I found over the weekend and watch a ton of. Enjoy!

Moriah Robinson

Jamie Wolfer

Are you there? It's me, Selena

2018-09-26T19:56:00.000-04:00

As I eat my very sad lunch at my desk, I think about how "it's been a while" is such an understatement. It has been about 7 months. Then again, that's how long it was before that. Anyway, shall we with updates?

Travel Show in Philadelphia

the City & Beyond

As I said in my last post, I have been traveling and making videos for YouTube. My partner and I have gone as far as attending VidCon and meeting others who are in the YouTube world. It's been one of the greatest decisions of my life (maybe Top 5).

This year has been all about a "Year of Travel" while having a 9 to 5 stationary job position. Every month we have visited another city and posted a video about it. Then quickly we realized our viewers were going to want a better understanding of HOW we accomplish these trips. Therefore we added Talk Videos to serve as informative videos about the "how to" of travel.

Our numbers goal is to obtain 100 subscribers by the end of the year and to create 12 videos this year. So far we have 58 subscribers and we are already pass 12 videos. It's been an exciting adventure.

Women Create

Took me a long time to come up with that name. A support group for women who create. Simple right?

I had this idea for a little while and finally decided to just jump in and create something now even if it wasn't perfect. My idea is to have a place where women can gather to vent, share and listen. Many times it feels like I am my most unhappy if I am not writing. Things don't make as much sense. I'm not as polite 👼. The list goes on. And since my traveling last year and this year, I have caught myself wishing I had a group that would go spend a week abroad to just get inspired and create.

Last Fall, I created this group with women I already knew. Three other women who illustrated, sculpted, and filmed. All of them doing beautiful things. And once every two months we take a temperature on all the work we are or aren't doing. Because lets face it, women creators have a little bit more of a difficult time to find time to create. They become girlfriends, wives, mothers, in many cases. Not to mention have obligations at work or with family. The list can go on.

It has been hard to get the four of us to be consistent but I am determined to continue to develop this idea. If you are interested in joining or just visiting, leave me a comment below.

Personal Life

There are absolutely amazing and breathtaking events that has occurred in my life in 2018. Some breathtaking in a great way, some not so great. I don't want to spend too much time on this because some things my family and framily may not want me to share, but I want to make sure I continue to be as transparent as I can.

Here is the good and not so good in my personal life:

- I am engaged

- Family members who had major and minor hospital visits/stays

- Navient took me off of my rate reduction plan mid-year

- Had to postpone a few destinations for further in the future

- Loved ones had major financial trouble

- Major car maintenance

- Medical issues
- Increase in consumer debt
- Have been juggling side hustle jobs between 3 different apps
- A theft caused me to be minus $250 plus the money I had to spend on top of that

I think this list could go on, but why? I'm not here to make my life seem more interesting and yours less. Just think about all the things you endured this year and assume I've had about the same level of excitement.

The reason for this post is to show that our lives aren't that different. I wasn't given a special life that makes things easier for me. Though my determination has been a driving force, my resilience is annoying, and my persistence contagious, I am still only human. Much like you are. So lets not forget it.

My plans for the next year are still in development, but I'll tell you right now, you're going to be amazed. I will have to say "No" a lot and some folks will be mad, but that's okay. My focus will be on bettering the future.

What have you been up to?

#ThatsHarassment

2018-02-12T18:06:00.000-05:00

Hello!

It's been a while huh? Well, I have been very busy with personal life stuff and business stuff. Of course, I wanted to write on here but wasn't sure what to say for a while. Most of my time has been spent traveling, recording video footage, editing that footage and making Youtube videos. Yes! Youtube videos. I am now on Youtube filming videos about travel and could not be more excited. I don't have plans on becoming a big deal Youtuber, but you know me, it's a tool to accomplish a bigger picture.

With the title of this blog, I'm sure you realize I am not here for a fun update but because something moved me enough to revert back to my blogging roots. A co-worker of mine shared these with me last week and I was in awe of them. These #ThatsHarassment videos are great ways to aware men and women what harassment includes. It's amazing in a way.

I wanted to write a post that points out KEY moments in a couple of these videos. It's the moment the man (who could be a woman in some situations I'm sure) tries to manipulate the women. Or should I say, possibly does manipulate the woman. It's such a talent and really upsets me because I know from experience how it feels when a man tries to make you seem absurd for thinking something. In this case, uncomfortable or insulted.

2:51- "I know you don't think a lot of yourself, but..."

Raise your hand if you've heard that one before? I knew a guy like this guy, but he was in college at the time. "Oh, we don't want the little guy getting confused." Um, then maybe you shouldn't have been the one to confuse him. Why is your penis out of your pants?

Anyway, he tries to pick at her insecurities to get what he wants. There may have been a woman in the past this worked with and so he did it again and again when he was the one horny and insecure. I wish there was another word other than harassment to categorize this because it's almost mental and emotional abuse. He's hoping she'll just take this and know her place. What do you think?

1:48- "I was totally showing you how they are"

2:02- "For a second there, you turned around like you were going to give me... literally some feminist rant. Bullshit."

2:58- When he's whispering in her ear and then says, "I've seen worst."

My boyfriend and I watched this one together and he had a great point. This coworker used Neuro-Linguistic Programming on her, the Disassociative Sales Technique. Cause his actions are not his own, it's "other guys", they're the worst and not him. He's simply just showing her, he's not actually grabbing her butt.

Here are a few examples.

And I mentioned to my boyfriend how he already dismissed her response or reaction because anything negative she now says is a "feminist rant" and she's no longer "cool". He sets it up so that she second guesses whether or not she was actually harassed, given a lesson in Bar 101 or hit on.

2:58- "I was just trying to show how much I appreciate you."

3:41- "You know what it was? I just wanted to show you how great you are. How good you are."

Then give her the day off unexpectedly or pay for her lunch. What the heck? This one in my opinion and another coworker's opinion, is very hard to fully use as a good example. The female seemed like she kissed him back, which was a bad move. And then used her boyfriend as a reason to not continue the kissing. Which was another bad move but no one should blame her for. As I got older, I started to realize using that as an excuse (whether you are making up the fact that you are with someone or not) just encourages the guy to try harder.

Even if she did kiss him back, he should have never stopped her at the door and insisted on more physical contact. No matter what, that's not okay.

----

Overall, I wanted to share these because I think it's important that we are aware of different views of harassment. There is one with a photographer and it's pretty repulsive. I felt horrible for the model. It's another case of, I wish we'd use another word other than harassment for that. It's definitely abusive... abuse of power mostly.

As a woman who was once young and had very unhealthy relationships with boys, I can honestly say some of this is circumstantial which I hate saying. But it is true. It really all depends on how it is interpreted or received by the other person (man or woman, boy or girl). Yes, women are the most likely to be the one who is harassed, but we can't dismiss other genders and go on a "feminist rant". We have to acknowledge and change as a society. And as a society say that this behavior is not okay for anyone to do.

I"ll see you soon with more content I'm sure. Maybe I will write more about my journey to creating my new businesses. We'll see.

How My____ Life all started

2017-07-10T10:00:00.000-04:00

I think I wrote this about 5 years ago. Every word is very true. Reading it actually made me fall in love with this world I created. The people, the relationships and the even the setting. This really puts things in perspective for the last installment that I have been trying to write for 4 years (wow!).

Read about my past views on the characters from "My Blank Life".

It's funny how every character in my book reminds me of a friend in my past and in my present. Of
course they remind me of friends from my past, all of them were based off of them! Every single one of them.

Many people say Samantha reminds them of me, but in actuality, there are definitely things I would not do that she does. She frustrates me sometimes. I think I was more like her back in the day but now, not so much. But I'm pretty sure I will always have Marlins and Justin's in my life. Unfortunately I've never found my Ryan.

Ericka- She's not a large presence in this book but I have written about her more in the first book for the trilogy. She's got some sass. What she's thinking and what she believes, is always said. Ericka is a truly good friend, which you see when she does the sleepover for her bestie Samantha.

Dennis- He's one of my favorite characters. The friends I usually have that resemble him are my

older brother figures. At the time of me writing My____ Life, I had a "older brother" whom I loved dearly. He was my world as Dennis is Samantha's.

Joshua- Love him. He also resembles the guys I'm close to as well. They're like brothers. Sometimes act a little immature but so sentimental and compassionate.

The way I started to write this book is kind of funny. One of my close friends (from church while I

was in Middle School) and I randomly were kind of bored and said we should write a story about our friends. At this point, I had been writing short stories and then stopped a little by the time Middle School rolled around. I was too busy chasing boys. I wrote like one page of this story with my friend… maybe 5. And then left it. One day my dad found it and he was alarmed. This was because (Spoiler) the story started off with Samantha in a towel kissing her boyfriend, Marlin. Yup and Daddy wasn't too fond of that since the names Samantha and Selena resemble each other. So I quickly explained and hid it at my friend's house.

One day I was bored and this was my Senior Year in Middle School or Freshmen Year in High School. I

started to write a story that took place a year after the one I had started to write prior about Samantha. And I couldn't put my pen down. I was captivated by this story I was telling. Of course life got in the way and had me writing off and on because I was getting at that age where boredom meant go hang out with
friends. So it took yearrrssss for me to finish that story. But I finally did in college. I believe that the experiences I had within those years helped me make this story more than a traditional teen girl novel (which is the narrator looking for love and finding it after triumphs). Of course My ____ Life has some similarities
to that but I put a little twist on it.

Whew that was a lot. Well it has been a while since I last wrote. So there you go.

It's scary how much that still sounds like me. I love it! My favorite part is that I have been looking for a Ryan my whole life, but I think I didn't realize I needed more of a Justin. Back then I believed that Justin was this average guy who was always shoved to the side and never spoke up about liking a girl. But when I sit and think about what Justin could have been like if he were still around in the story... I feel like he's exactly what most women want. Of course we never realize it until we're older. Hence, why I snagged myself a Justin and not a Ryan in my life. In the next book, we will see how High School romances takes on the adult world. It's not easy. I'm not sure what will happen with Samantha and Ryan's relationship in the end.

Another thing I want to point out is the part I say about My Blank Life not being an average teen fiction. Well... I would like to toot my own horn but I do feel like my two books ended up resembling a lot of other teen girl fictions out there. Not that there is anything wrong with that. I do believe my gift of writing dialogue makes these characters more like friends. Not just characters. And that's a really cool aspect of these stories.

As I'm writing this last book for Samantha's world, I am writing my own story about my life. A memoir about my trials and hardships, as well as, successes and accomplishments. It's REALLY difficult. I am going to have to sit and speak with people I probably don't care to speak with. But to deliver the best story that will help other women and teen girls, it's worth it. Look out for updates on that as well.

In Laws vs In Loves

2017-06-28T10:00:00.000-04:00

I've decided to start writing more about what's around me. And right now, I've been consumed with my in-laws. Which are not actually connected to be by law but love. So maybe they're more my "in-loves". The reason they are in my life is because of my love for their family member. Get it?

For those who have in-laws, bless your heart child. Please tell me it gets better. My mom says that sometimes it does. Sometimes?? I guess I'll take it. It's actually crazy that love could make you join a union with people you would've never socialized with otherwise.When you think about it, it's kind of ridiculous. But we'd all do a lot because of love.

My in-loves aren't the worst but they hurt my head sometimes. My uncle said I shouldn't allow the situations to, and he's absolutely correct. I am the one who is allowing things to become a headache or big deal. It's not like my boyfriend's mom is trying to kill me in my sleep. If she were, then that would actually be a problem. It's not like she even dislikes me. Instead, she has traveled with me out of the country twice, fed me, let me partake in family functions and even reportedly defended me. So why so stressed with the topic of in-laws? Cause sometimes my partner's family hits my raw spots. I'm reading a book called "Hold me tight" and there is a part about raw spots. You're supposed to discuss them with your partner in an attempt to make each other aware of and sensitive to the others' feelings.

I've done this with my bf but not his family. A part of me feels like it's a defense mechanism to make sure no one now tries to intentionally hit my raw spots. Although I don't think they intentionally would, it's still a hard defense to break. Maybe being vulnerable with your new family is how you prevent too much headache. Let things roll right off of you. Or if something really hurts your feelings, speak up! Also, never take second-hand or third-hand info as fact or truth. Things like this better guard your heart and mind. You don't have to open up your full self (meaning every single part of you) but at least open your heart. Closing yourself makes you part to blame for not having a close relationship with your in-laws or in loves. Think about it.

New businesses

2017-06-16T10:00:00.000-04:00

"Currently I am developing new business plans and figuring out what makes sense for me."

I wrote that line in a draft on December 13, 2015. Wow. I am still working on new ideas. New business models. New sources of income, as well as, new ways of using my brilliant mind. I have looked into "side-hustles" I would be interested in and I will share a few ideas I have used and friends have used.

1. Pet sitter- This has been an amazing way to earn some extra cash. I use the money for this one student loan I am trying to pay off. It's projected to take me 16 years to pay it off. I'm hoping with added payments, I can cut it down. Even if it is by half. You can do anything from boarding the pet, dropping in and checking on the pet, to dog walking, or day care service.

2. Cleaning service- I have a friend who was using an app to find places to clean nearby. She would do it on her lunch break from her full-time job or even on the weekend. Eventually, there were some issues with the app she was using and she decided to freelance on her own. But overall, it's a great idea. If you hate cleaning, this may not be the option for you, but if you don't mind it then I think it's an easy way to bring in a couple of hundred dollars a week.

3. Freelancing- As some of you know, I do freelance social media management from time to time. One client for me can be as low as $150/ month, but not any lower than that usually. Therefore one client can pay one to two bills that now is not coming directly from my paycheck. It's really awesome. I prefer using the money for student loans these days, but it's really up to the person. Maybe travel? :)

Honorable mention for getting a part-time job at a franchised business. I had an old co-worker who worked at a gym for a few months to save money for his trip to France. It was impressive how much he could blow on his trip because he had those extra savings.

My future plans for new business ventures I want to get into include, property management of my family home and t-shirt store. My grandparents own two homes and I think both can make more money for them. I'm developing a plan to make it another retirement fund. And as for the t-shirts, I think it will be a great "create it and then leave it" business. Low maintenance businesses are my fave businesses. In the future, I have my sights on a brick and mortar business but that's hush hush until it's a reality.

Here are more ideas you can look into: renting out your home, investing in someone else's business venture, selling items from your home, selling items you create, online tutoring, babysitting, lifeguarding, and more. Think... what would I do if I were 18 again but with all the technology that's available now?

Travel Tips Part Deux

2017-05-30T10:00:00.000-04:00

Colosseo. Photo taken with Fujifilm x100t.

How fitting is it that my last post was about Superwomen? In my life, I have been doing just that. The emergency oxygen masks haven't come down yet, but I am well aware that the "fasten seat belt" sign is on. That's what I've been dealing with for the past 6 months. And now I thought it was time to make a re-appearance. I miss you, ladies and gentlemen.

This post is not going to be about Superwomen though or my problems. I am going to move onto something more fun. Travel! A lot of people have asked about my recent trip to Europe. I spent 10 days in Rome, Venice, Barcelona and Lisbon. It was my first long vacation. Felt a little strange being away for so long, but I kinda loved it. Okay okay, I really loved it. There were a few things that I realized about "traveler" me. For example, by the time my boyfriend and I reached Barcelona, we needed a little break. Not like going our separate ways, but more so hanging with more people. Thankfully we met up with two friends in Barcelona. Got a chance to catch up with someone new and not bicker about how fast the other one is walking ahead of the other (Yes, that happened... a few times).

I'm going to share pre-vacation tasks that really helped make most of our trip really smooth and really affordable.

1. Airbnb- I can't say it enough. I know my last travel tip post mentioned it, but I have to list it again. I like having Airbnb private rooms for my stays in foreign countries that I haven't been to before. We did this in Rome, Venice, and Barcelona. All of them had amazing hosts. The one I had in Rome was a gentleman who studied archaeology. As you can probably imagine, he had really unique suggestions of where to go in Rome.

2. Camera- Buy a good one. Actually, buy a perfect fit for you. I recently purchased a Fujifilm x100T. Guys! Listen to me, I just went through my photos after being home for 2 weeks... I felt like I was reliving the trip. I'm a photographer; have been since I was about 8 years old. Therefore, maybe that's why this was so important to me. Even so, have a camera with you because you will want to remember your time away. Yes, you can use your cell phone but why???

3. Data Plan- I have the almighty T-mobile, who I believe kills it with international coverage. It's the best feeling when your phone works overseas. You get that oh so great message.

If you plan on traveling a lot, get a carrier that is travel-friendly. I do not understand why you wouldn't. Alternatively, at least have the phone cracked. Really? (See what I did there?) Using wifi is the runner-up to not having an international data plan. If you're going to be in Europe, you will be fine. If you are in a rural area, at least make sure your Airbnb or hotel is equipped with it.

4. Reviews- You're into the latest gossip but you can't go on a few websites and find out the "deets" about where you're staying, eating, or spending your money? If you are looking into package deals for ANYTHING, look up how it went for other people. If you are booking a flight months to a year before your trip, ask google for results of how it went for other travelers who did the same thing. And before you read them, decide what your criteria are. For example, I am the type of person that will dismiss reviews about restaurants that are not about the food. That means delivery, customer service, and crowds but not limited to those. Therefore decide for yourself what's a deal breaker.

5. More homework- What I do in my home is watch a gazillion episodes of travel shows about the place I am traveling to. My cat and boyfriend are probably sick of it. For my last trip, I decided to add YouTube videos into the mix (why did I never think of that before). It was exactly what I needed. Everything from packing light for a 10 day vacation to travel hacks I may need. These videos actually made a huge difference in our travel. One topic I searched for a lot was "tips on pickpockets in Rome and Barcelona" (Thank you Wolters World). Read articles/blogs/books, watch videos/documentaries/TV shows, ask advice, listen to podcasts.... whatever you need for preparing.

I should stop there. Save some for another post or even for my new travel blog idea with the boyfriend. Many things to come, just need to plan accordingly.

Next blog will be up soon. I promise!

Proofread a bit. Sorry if there are still mistakes.

Superwomen

2017-01-18T10:00:00.000-05:00

As a woman in a romantic relationship, I have had a lot of obstacles. I’ve been single practically my whole life. Now I have a partner, who adores and loves me. We share thoughts, ambitions and weaknesses. A couple we aimed to be like was Frank and Claire Underwood. A true power couple. One that doesn’t allow love to be a thorn in their goals or agendas. I was a bit sad to see how they triumphed in Season 3, but overjoyed when they got their shit together in Season 4.

When I re-watched the first season, as I approached episode 7, I realized that there was more to Frank and Claire. When I saw season 3, I wasn’t really thrilled at how it ended. Claire abandoned the team. Not just Frank. And it was disappointing.

I used to relate to Claire. Admire her. Then the Season 3 happened.

She was way too empathetic. Had a bleeding heart.
Let herself get overshadowed by her husband.
Wasn’t completely open with her teammate.

Of course, if you saw the next season, she definitely restored my faith in her. Claire was more cunning, stealth and calculated. I appreciated seeing a woman find her way back to herself. Many may say it was finding her way back to her husband, but it’s not true. This character is complex as are many human beings. She felt like she was losing herself and blamed Frank. But the fact was, Claire was the one changing plans and herself, Frank stayed the same. And I can relate in a way.

One of my fears is becoming “a wife”. I love organization and planning, but I am not a “homemaker”. I never quite understood what that meant or how that was comfortable for many women. Of course I’d love to entertain guests in my home, or cook for my husband. I am more concerned with being only that. Being the only person who cleans the house because I have Mondays off. Or the only person that washes the communal items from the house cause I’m the only one who thinks to. And the only person who makes the grocery list because my spouse never thinks to. (Clearly these are things I'm hung up on.)

I never want to be in a relationship where my ambitions don’t matter. Growing up, I’ve heard about the moms who put aside their dream because they wanted to make sure their kids had someone at home. Or religiously makes sure dinner is ready for their husband when he gets home. I don’t want to be forced to be that woman. I want children, and maybe I will want a job position that allows me to pick up my children on time. And there are certainly times I love cooking feasts for my spouse. But I’m not into the idea of me being a mom or wife before a woman. No.

Back to Claire. I believe a lot of women have times like season 3. You want to support your husband, but you do not want to lose yourself. But as my boyfriend tells me constantly, “Stop making it up in your head that I’m trying to make you subservient”. And he’s not. In a way, neither was Frank. They had a plan, Claire was cool with it, but then once inside of the plan, she realized it wasn’t what she wanted. It’s okay to change your mind, you just have to include your spouse. That’s what being a team player is all about.

Quick note to all those superwomen out there: I understand that you want to put everyone else first. Just remember, you can't put on everyone else's oxygen masks before putting yours on first. Got it?

Come Together

2016-11-30T19:45:00.000-05:00

Saturday morning, my Uber driver and I got to talking about what's going on in America. Boonj told me that this is the first time he's seen something like this here. He even went on to say that he wants to make New York its own country. Surprisingly what I said to him resonated with him. "You can't hate people you don't know." He stopped and said to me, "You should write." Therefore I am. I did explain to him that I haven't written in a while but trying to get back into it. He also commended me on my speech, "I like how you speak."

I say you can't hate people you don't know, but as many of us know, people do. Hate is defined as "intense hostility and aversion usually deriving from fear, anger or sense of injury." So you could hate without knowing someone but that would make you fearfully ignorant. "Lacking knowledge or comprehension of the thing specified." Am I wrong? I don't think so.

I love the world, hence why I love to see it from all views. Although the whole world does not love me. My own prejudices growing up had me think that if I was lighter, I'd have nicer hair or a more handsome spouse or other ridiculous assumptions. The reality is that I am beautiful, have amazing but stubborn hair and have a future husband who is very handsome (he just walked into Starbucks and I checked him out).

I'm enlightened as well as intelligent. Persuasive when passionate or driven. Logical more than emotional when making decisions. And right now, I believe my country is lost. Struggling to grow up from its adolescence as many other countries have. Many times, people forget that the United States is relatively young. Not too long ago there were slaves and segregation. For goodness sake, there is still discussion and fights about civil issues in Palestine and Southern Africa.

Patience and kindness are needed. I've said it before, I will say it over and over. Be patient with one another. In the end of the day, you will meet people like Boonj who will randomly inspire you to write. And you'll thank him for the inspiration you desperately needed. That spark of creativity.

We need each one another to make our country great.

Definitions from http://www.merriam-webster.com/

Human Rights Watch

https://www.hrw.org/middle-east/n-africa/israel/palestine

https://www.hrw.org/africa/south-africa

Note from Jamie Lee to America

2016-10-24T09:06:00.000-04:00

It's been a while since I've posted any material. Jamie Lee reached to me and asked if I was interested in something she wrote about the election and I quickly said, "YES". I love having material on here that isn't just mine. Having all types of views and opinions is what makes this world fascinating.

Now I pass it on to Jamie Lee:

I have kept my opinions mostly to myself on social media, as I tend to find most discussions uninformed and argumentative which is not my way.... but no more, this has gone far enough.

#imwithher ....I don't care if you like #Clinton or not, please #read a book, read the #newspaper, #educate yourself and discover for yourself - #DonaldTrump is nothing short of a dangerous choice for our country.

#Voters: let's examine Trump's "policies", if of course you could manage to find the time when he speaks in depth regarding his positions on...uhm... anything. As opposed to utilizing diversion tactics such as putting a wife's husband's mistress in the audience as a petty attempt to distract Senator Clinton, or speaking ill of Former President Clinton or President Obama (I must have missed when they were added to the ticket and running for the 2016 election). Or lastly is too busy using his (mostly stolen) speaking time throughout the debates to threaten to arrest Senator Clinton (FYI Donald, that's not the job - you may want to reference a description before spewing out such uninformed threats, or you know...applying). Etc... etc.

Take a moment to read and listen to how he speaks to and of women. Do we want the leader of the free world to be a man who speaks about our #women in such a derogatory fashion? This #country fought for women's rights for decades. Now we are considering #VOTING for a man, into the highest office in the land, who feels this way about our nation's hard working women? Our mothers, daughters, nieces, granddaughters, who are CEO's, business owners, authors, actors, doctors, nurses, and etc? Donald Trump outwardly treats women in such a belittling and disgusting manner. Let us not forget, this man is a husband, father of two beautiful daughters, and grandfather to a granddaughter.

Voters answer me this, "Is this the American way?" Is this how we want our potential future President to speak and feel about of 47% (and growing) of the United States work force? Do you find that to be acceptable?

Our nation is considering electing a Commander in Chief, who filed bankruptcy only two weeks after he threw a lavish multi-million dollar wedding on his private island. This is a fact. Is this the candidate who will fix our countries finances? Our national debt? We are an intelligent nation of people. Do not make an uneducated uninformed decision. Let alone one so important to our future.

Ladies and gentleman, no one is asking you to read the Wall Street Journal front to back... for goodness sake just GOOGLE!

We have not even touched on the fact that we are a country based on #immigrants coming to America in the hopes of creating a life in this beautiful #free land. Not only did Donald Trump's own family come to The United States at a point in history, but two of his wives are immigrants. And that's not to throw a low blow (I typically find it in poor taste) but facts are facts. One of Trump's wives may or may not have hinted at...working in America illegally for some time.

Not every #immigrant is #illegal - let alone unworthy of a life here in #America. THERE IS A BETTER WAY TO ESTABLISH BORDER CONTROL and TO STABILIZE ILLEGAL IMMIGRATION. A WISER WAY, A MORE HUMANE WAY. AND WAY IS ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY, NOT A WALL! Is this 1961? Have we learned nothing from our world's history?

This "man", this CANDIDATE, believes and stands for NOTHING that this #beautiful land of hope and freedom was built on. His rallies do nothing more than spread inaccuracies, stimulate hatred and rile up the #American people based on chatter that is far from the truth.

VOTE!!! Vote #smart. Vote educated and most crucially vote as a human being. For you, your family, your #children, your grandchildren and our #future.

#BlackLivesMatter

2016-08-16T13:24:00.001-04:00

The gum chewing in between distracted me most of the speech.

Let's talk about this. The hype around Jesse Williams' speech is still much present. I came back from my vacation to find there were insulting remarks made to Justin Timberlake. Completely understand the perspective and argument but maybe we shouldn't attack white people who agree with the cause. That's like I never quite understand how racial minorities can be homophobic. You can not (although many do) fight for equal rights and still exclude people. It's incorrect. Absolutely incorrect. Equal rights itself knows no color, sexuality, or religion. It knows no difference from one person to another. Equal rights knows generosity and civil actions towards one another.

I surprisingly found myself agreeing with Jesse on a lot. Some things were best said because he in fact has been present, when black people talk about white people, and vice versa. His perspective is broad. "He's not 'that black person'. He's Jesse," I'm sure a lot of his friends think or say. I personally don't identify with being black often, but in regards to my race, Yes I am for sure black. Otherwise, I'm Panamanian Haitian American and I am very proud to be so. But when I thought about how white my day job is... I had to think. Is he right? My ideas are used but I don't get promoted but my supervisor does. The one director who was black in my department just left. Now everyone, who is black, in any sort of management role is primarily in a manager position. And I don't want to make this only about black managers, let me be clear, there are no minorities in any roles above a manager level. Interesting.

One would ask if anyone qualifies to be promoted or hired into a management role, and the answer is yes. Myself and a co-teammate of mine have applied to be managers before. We were told how amazing we were but weren't given a chance. I've been classified as a leader numerous times but I haven't been offered a position in an actual management role. Many would ask but I haven't, is it because we are both other minorities? My answer, I don't know.

I understand that competition in the work place is strong, but as a resident in East Harlem said to me once, "Girl, you have a Masters?! What you doing out here?" I explained my reasons and he went on to say, "While you're being all noble, everyone else is making money". And he is 100% correct. What the fuck am I doing? What the fuck are we doing? I tell my clients in these undeserved communities all the time, "Stand up for yourself. There are resources and ways to help yourself." I need to take my own advice. I don't need to be happy that I just have a job. I need to excel, have a position that fully appreciates my genius and opinion. There is no need to hold myself back. But then again, my day job is not my end game. I'm an entrepreneur and have businesses I want to pursue. Cause when I'm in the Power Seat, I will make sure that everyone who works hard is compensated for all their hard work. Whether it is with me or somewhere else.

I'm not done.

Black lives do matter. I believe that wholeheartedly. Again, I want to emphasize that as Americans and humans in general, we need to learn compassion and understanding. Black lives, LGBT lives, Hispanic lives, poor lives... Lives matter.

There have been many disgusting acts of hate that unfolded in the last two months. At some points, once again, I had to think. Am I naive to believe that all people in America should be treated with equal respect? I don't think so. I believe that people are angry. They deserve to be. Cops are scared, and they deserve to be. What doesn't deserve to happen... black men being gunned down in the street. There is no excuse for that. At the same time, I believe many of us are waiting to hear a different type of black man to be murdered by the police.

"...a black lawyer who just finished working out at the gym, walking to his car with his duffel bag"

And I can't disagree. As a friend of mine pointed out, it will never happen. There is a scene I remembered from House of Lies. Don Cheadle got beaten up by the cops while taking a jog. Was it his fault? No. If you think it was, maybe it was because he argued with the cops. Do white people ever yell at the cops? Hmm I think so. So why exactly would it be his specific actions that warranted a beat down?

The Civil Rights movement wasn't even 50 years ago. We still have much to learn. Yes, we had a black president but that means absolutely nothing. The people of America need to change what happens next, not our leaders. The people. There are still people, who spewed hate less than 50 years ago about minorities, that are alive. My hope is that, as many of them die off, so will their beliefs about "porch monkeys" and "Spics". (And side note, Latinos also need to stop the race game too. A drop of European doesn't mean you're white. Your hair gets curly too.You know who you are.)

At the same time, it's been almost 100 years since women had to "stop" fighting for their equal rights. And still they push on every year. Getting a say in what they do with their bodies. Demanding the same pay for their roles in movies or even at more conventional jobs. Asking their men to stay home with the children instead. Becoming CEO's, entrepreneurs, millionaires and overall independent! Women have fought for their rights every single year and decade, for a hundred years.

There will be no end, but constant development. Be as strong as the women are and make that shit happen. Make everyone listen. Don't just isolate yourself from others, make others involved as well. No more conversations, instead more actions. We are all strong and capable. Let's push on for another 50 years and make shit happen. Don't get angry, get determined.

And THAT'S what I took away from all of this. Thank You.

Is this a job or purpose?

2016-05-09T08:15:00.000-04:00

I saw an ad while I was on the subway that said that. Moments before, I was writing notes for a conversation I wanted to have with my coworkers about what I have been feeling and what has happened during a project we're working on together. Some of those feelings are annoyance, distress, obligation and some I can't seem to describe.

Some people would ask, " Why bring it up?" "Like why bother?". And then I saw that subway ad. My answer is purpose. My purpose in life is to make a change, in whatever I do. I sometimes suffer from compassion fatigue as a result of my day job. But even so, I feel accomplished and whole with what I do for a living. "I save lives", is what I tell myself every time I have a really bad day. If it's not a pets life, it's the pet owners' life. How? Well that's classified info.

Also I've been busy promoting this congressional campaign, I have admittedly thought about quitting numerous times. No lie. I have to stop sit and think, then wonder if that is actually what I want to do. The answer as you can guess is always "No". Well so far. Maybe it's allegiance, maybe it's blind love, maybe it's masochism. I think it's cause it goes with my personal mission statement.

My purpose is more important to me than my comfort. I don't mind standing for 9hrs and then standing on the subway to get home at the end of the day. I don't mind making myself physically sick from all the stress of getting 425 animals free vaccines in ONE DAY. My sense of accomplishment makes it worth making my body and mind my slave. I own them, I'm using them.

Purpose isn't something everyone has. Therefore I appreciate that I have continuously had one throughout my life. As an advocate for under-served communities, the branding guru to others' dream businesses, a daughter who gets you tequila shots to keep you young, the spouse who motivates you to be the best you and no one else, to write words online to encourage her peers to strive for greatness and nothing else, ... The list goes on and it will keep going because I am living my life not just passing through.

I have purpose, do you?

Come away with me (Travel Tips)

2016-02-15T10:36:00.000-05:00

My first real vacation was to New Orleans in 2013. I was finally able to do what everyone else had done. Request to use my vacation days on a particular week. Book my flight and hotel. Plan all the activities I want to do when I'm there. My excitement can not be described. In my family, we didn't take many vacations. We did trips. Day trips. Work trips. There was this one time my mom and her friend surprised me and her daughter with a Girls trip. That was probably my first real vacation. It was a cruise to nowhere and then we headed to Canada. It was awesome.

Easter 2016

What I noticed after New Orleans was, "I can travel if I want". For some reason, I think I always had this belief that I wasn't able to travel. I couldn't AFFORD to travel. I didn't have TIME to travel. I had NO ONE to travel with. You know, the stupid shit we say to ourselves and others all the time. But I had decide NO MORE. I was determined to travel. And you should too.

Here are some tips to help you on your way.

Destination

If you're anything like me, you don't want to go to hot locations in their hottest months. Therefore I take trips to New Orleans or Latin America in the Fall/ Winter. Trust me, it will still be hot, but not burning. A part of your decision should also be based on what you like to do. Are you into art? Activities like bike riding? Food? Use questions like these to help stir you in the right direction.

If you've gone to many countries already, well... aren't you lucky? I guess just cover your eyes and point.

Request your days off

Of course this is an essential part of your vacation. You have to be off from work. Or in freelancers' case, you have to decide when it's appropriate for you to take off from your clients or are you bringing the work with you? In my opinion, I don't mind checking my work email when I'm on vacation. I have the luxury of deciding whether or not I want to check them, and more importantly if I want to reply. Rather than demanded to. This to me is a great big perk of vacations.

Request your days off at least 6+ months a head of time. Minimum time frame should be 3+ months. This is especially if you work on a team of some sort. You want to beat out everyone else for the days you want. You should not be mad at your supervisor if they do not approve your vacation time you sent to them last minute. That is in poor taste.

Look for flights

Lately I have gotten into the habit of stalking flights on Google Flights. I love it. It tells me when flights dip, as well as, the history of prices since I started watching them. I save specific dates to my saved flights list. I would suggest to check on the list in the morning and evening.

I got tickets to New Orleans, LA for about $200 each by doing that. As soon as it dipped that low, I bought them. Another suggestion of mine is, have your credit card be a travel card. If you're going to go into debt, do it in another country. Let's be serious.

Accommodations

Airbnb is my go to. Probably always will be. To de-stress, I put places on my wish lists. Now that they added new features to these lists, I'm in heaven. I can even share it with other people as well. Now I don't have to send my boyfriend numerous links when I find new places. Or if you have a group of people going on vacation with you, you can also just share the wish list with them.

Keep in mind that there is a point when you have to ask yourself whether or not it is worth staying at an Airbnb location. When the price goes too high or it gets too difficult to find a place for your time-frame, start looking for hotels. Expedia and sites like it are best for that. Be smart though.

Those are all the tips I am willing to give away for right now, but I have a feeling I will be providing more soon. Go and plan a vacation today!

Since October 2013, I have been to Atlantic City, North Stonington,CT, Washington D.C., Jamaica, Philadelphia (numerous times), Landsdale, PA, Buffalo, Niagara Falls, Toronto, West Hampton, NY, Seattle, Vancouver, England, France, and Mystic, CT. It's actually time for me to go on another trip soon. Guess where? Back to New Orleans. Woot woot.

What are you? Where are you from?

2016-01-18T12:00:00.000-05:00

Me llamo Selena. Mi familia es de Haití y Panamá. Mis padres de mi padre hablan español. Hablo espanol un poco porque de mis abuelos, mis amigos y escuela. Yo uso mi español en mi trabajo a veces.

Je besoin de plus d'aide avec le français. Mon nom est Selena . Ma mère parle français et je essayer d'apprendre.

...mwen grangou

I have received the top two questions almost all my life. Black people look at me and say, "You're not black." White people look at me and ask, "Are you black?"Most Latinos start speaking to me in Spanish or ignore me and talk in Spanish anyway. Haitians and other Caribbean folks usually guess.

My heritage/ background has great importance to me, but I don't think it should be of great importance to anyone else outside of my family. Will you be my friend only if I am Hispanic? If I'm not "Black" you will give me the job? Yes, I do consider myself Hispanic often, but would I if this were the 70's or 80's? And would anyone care?

I bring this up because I deal with different prejudices from every ethnicity it seems. My family raised me that speaking another language while in the presence of others who do not speak that language is rude. Time and time again, I see people going on in Spanish (usually) and disregarding anyone who doesn't understand. Often I wonder, would I do that if I was more fluent? Will my children be like that? I don't think so. My boyfriend once told me a story about two female co-workers of his were speaking Spanish all day to each other (not saying anything mean about anyone, just speaking). Then when someone came in and greeted another co-worker in French, proceeded to have a conversation... only then was it rude. Is that how us English speakers feel? Are we as ridiculous as those two women?

When I go to Europe, I am always astonished about how fluent everyone is in different languages. I learned enough French to get someone to speak to me in English. One woman said she didn't know too much English to give us directions, but come to find out, she definitely knew more than I knew in French. Which got me thinking, Why don't more Americans know more than one language (other than Spanish)? My manager at work is British, she speaks English, Spanish and French. Another co-worker said, "I wish I could do that." I laughed because factually you really could. The only reason why I know so much in Spanish is because I taught myself and paid attention. You can do the same and probably better.

In our household, we switch in and out of French and Spanish. I practice with my partner because we eventually want to have children and want them to know other languages. I don't plan on being perfect but I have my mother and my grandparents to help. Which leads me back to the two questions above. What will people think my children are? They will have a long list of countries to spew but I hope they will be proud of each and every one. When I was a child, I was very confused about that question. My hair was kinky but not in the way other brown girls at school had kinks. I spoke with a slight accent on words because I replicated and learned words from relatives (like my mother) who have foreign accents. In result, I have a slight pronunciation issue when I say or learn certain words. Which is why I wonder about all this.

Let me tell you something, "What I am?" has minimal to do with "Who I am". That is what I am going to teach my children. In the end of the day, as my father used to say to me, "You are a human being first." And factually, we really are. If the planet was invaded by aliens, you think you're going to care who's German and who's Indian? We should be more concerned about feeling, learning, thinking, creating, and living. Not only the root. The seed is planted and it grows into a tree then produces fruit. Do you still obsess over the seed? No, you take a bite into that fruit and enjoy.

Kathy

2015-12-29T09:05:00.000-05:00

Young Love is a special thing.

My boyfriend told me a story about his once girlfriend named Kathy. She was a highlight in his life. I could tell by the way he told the story. Most people would say it was insane for him tell me about her, but I love hearing about his life before I entered into it. We're all human. And we all fall in love. In this case, I am wowed by how he maintined a relationship with this girl for so long and only met her once. Meanwhile, a lot of couples who see each other more often find it difficult to stay together.

For some reason, it all brings my mind to pen pals. Hopefully I don't lose you. But with a pen pal, you build this deep rooted relationship with someone miles away from you. You dare to tell them the truth about yourself and your life. Your biggest wants and your deepest desires. A soldier away on a base (in a non disclosed location) was once my pen pal. All because I left my email address in a Christmas card I made during a sorority unity event. It was nice to talk to someone who wasn't there or in my life. As I'm sure it was nice for him to talk to someone about something other than a possible war. Making that connection with a stranger makes you friends, or... pals. Therefore I can slightly understand how Kathy and my boyfriend became so close.

http://www.marcalexanderart.com/

When it came to my first love, it too was amazing. Deep rooted and maybe not so healthy for me. He made me laugh, made me cry. I had such dreams when I was with him. Honestly, at that age, I never thought a boy would find me attractive. Probably why I latched onto him right away. Then it became love... Or something like it. Isn't it funny when you think about all those times before now when you were " in love"? Some people think they were dumb, weak, or even childish. Some even dare to say they weren't in love. Well I am here to say, "Don't".

We all have a Kathy and I think respecting that love, whatever it was is necessary. Don't discredit or lessen the value of that time. You were in love for you then, not now.

I hope to write more about this in my memoir I started. Because we as a species are in love with love but don't quite know what to do with it.

*name was changed for privacy

Holidays and Family

2015-12-24T09:22:00.002-05:00

How many of us have come to a point in our lives when holidays are no longer joyous events? Now it's full of fights about why you're not going to their house.

The holiday season used to be the best time of the year. We loved gifts, Parties. Gifts... but the times have changed as we have gotten older. Although we would love to spend time with our family, our family doesn't make it easy for us.

Since before Thanksgiving, I have been bonding with other women who also have drama with their families about what times their getting to who's house and which holiday will they share and which they are not. The general consensus seems to be that no one has a joyous time deliberating and scheduling these events. Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Christmas Eve, Christmas and New Year's are the prime real estate for families to fight over. You get married, who's house do you open gifts in? You start dating someone, who's house do you have Thanksgiving dinner? You have children, who's house do your kids go visit first for which holiday? Let alone, if you are single, "how much trouble will you get in with you family for not coming over?" is the main question. The scenarios are endless and all very uncomfortable.

I'm here to tell you, there is no ultimate solution to this. Parents... Mothers, will complain anyway; if not yours, your significant other's. Just remember that the only person you can make happy is yourself. Therefore,first think about what you actually want to do versus what everyone else wants to do. Remember all your fun holiday memories, and get back to that feeling. Enjoy yourself!

Mean Women

2015-11-17T10:00:00.000-05:00

There are many people in the tri-state area that would call me mean. Not just mean, but vulgar, abrasive, rude, malcriada, offensive, judgy, bossy, harsh and whatever else they can think of. In fact, when I became Sweetheart for a fraternity in college, they nicknamed me Vulgar. And for a while I just thought of it as something I should work on as a leader and boss. Be a little gentler with others without coddling. Not having a bad attitude and snide remarks. The list goes on, trust me. However, when I looked at women like Anna Wintour, Kimora Lee Simmons, Khloe Kardashian, Michelle Obama, Condoleezza Rice, Kelly Cutrone, I thought "They're allowed to be like this but I'm not?" Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying they are all rude or harsh. What I am saying is that they are strong willed women who don't just sweeten things. For example, when the First Lady did not wear a headscarf or veil in Saudi Arabia. That could be considered rude but in fact I think it was bold.

Why are women mean when men are strong?

As some of you have read before, two years ago I wrote about Glamour's Women of the Year issue. I picked my own women of the year also. This year's group were more popular choices, like Caitlyn Jenner and the "black ballerina", Misty Copeland. Personally, I find what Bruce Jenner did was brave and Caitlyn Jenner living out the life is even braver. People need to see that more. We need to see more people like Kelly Cutrone who is fearless in being categorized as a bitch. We need to see that it's okay not to play nice all the time. Especially as business women. ESPECIALLY.

A woman called me after getting out of her interview and asked if I knew if her ex worked there as well. I did not know and asked why. She explained that it would be awkward if they worked in the same facility. Even went as far as saying she'd have to ask not to paired up to work with him. I laughed. Does a man at work put that much effort into a situation like this? WHO CARES if he works in the same place? Probably just you. Go to work, work extra professionally when he's involved and get paid. If he wants to act up, let him. Then hopefully he'll get himself fired. But I am mean for saying that. Get with it ladies. While you're wondering what he's going to think, he's moved on and making the money you aren't.

Be honest. Be strong. Be vocal. Get rid of those who tell you otherwise. I didn't hang out with most of those frat guys once I realized I liked being this way. Yes, that doesn't mean I should be malicious or degrading. No one should want to be that.

"Be fair, friendly and firm." Grandma Edwards

Singles vs Dating vs Married vs Married with Kids

2015-10-28T13:50:00.000-04:00

Many of us in our late twenties may be experiencing the influx of wedding invitations and baby announcements. I am very happy for all of those people. Well not for myself and the people who have to witness this but the ones sending invites and making announcements. Their wedding photos are cute. Engagement photos are inspiring for photography ideas, for me to shoot. Very creative baby announcement photos. I'm impressed at the fact that there is now a GENDER ANNOUNCEMENT party. Wtf? Now we're going a little too far. It's kind of cute but really? Is it?

Now to go back to the people who have to witness this. I'm talking about the ones who post pictures of their vacations in South Africa. Journeys throughout the world. Receiving prestigious awards from their university or town. Running for local government positions. Using their second bedroom as an office and can not imagine putting a baby in there instead (Guilty). This group is just as impressive. Their life has meaning and everyone has a right to envy them. But with that said, DO NOT try hindering them because you are not fulfilled in your own life. You too can have your gender party and climb a mountain in a foreign country.

My boyfriend and I went to Europe for about a week in September. Every time I mention it in public, I kind of feel like that posh couple that is gloating. And honestly, I am not. We are not. We just had an amazing time. Trust me, we had our arguments and tough patches during our time there, but overall I wouldn't have traded it for anything else. Anyway, I mention this because my boyfriend was asked by many co-workers "Where are you going?" And he'd tell them. The response was often the, "Oh I wish I could do that." This comment infuriates him; and after reading "The Art of Non-conformity" I realize he is justified.

"The people I talk with now who tell me they 'wish' they could do something but feel unable have usually made a number of choices that prevent them from doing what they wish. They have chosen to prioritize other things above their stated desire."

It is not that people with kids can't go to London and Paris. It's that they decide not to. And can I be frank? London and Paris are beautiful places to go, but if you can't at least make it there... you are just making excuses. Straight up making excuses to why you haven't gone there. Chris actually mentions a married couple or two that moved their family to other countries because they didn't want their children to just be mediocre. And THEY DID IT! Which I found encouraging. And in no way do I think everyone should start uprooting their families or lives to foreign countries, but what I am saying is that your "wishes" can become realities. Only if you want them to.

Just so the mothers and fathers out there don't feel picked on, I will go back to my couples and singles. What the hell is your excuse? Yes, we (myself, Chris and my boyfriend) don't think having a family is an excuse to not travel, but at least it makes you think for a second. What is your excuse? Student loans? Ha! I owe over $100,000 in student loans and I STILL go on trips. Most of my friends who do not go anywhere or take chances in business, owe a lot less. So next?

The truth is, we are all worried and scared of stepping away from what we are familiar with. I believe I have written about "being comfortable" before. It's a very slow crippling disease. You stop creating, strategizing and hustling. You become complacent with your life. Personally, when I start to feel complacent, I cry. I get very emotional and sad about my life. There has to be more; I can do more. Then I wipe my tears and push on. But what if you like being mediocre? Well... then don't say "I wish..." when you hear about all the fun I'm going to have in New Orleans next year.

Here's a list I posted on my Facebook fan page about the 11 ways to be Unremarkably Average. Read it cause this is you. Just saying.

Before I leave you beaten up and mad at me, let me leave you with this. There is a sorority sister of mine named... lets say Ariel. She's a South Jersey girl and is very comfortable in her own skin. I'm not sure why, but one day she decided to lose weight. And she did. We're all so proud of her transformation. Hard work and diligence look great on her. Ariel also saw one of our other sorority sisters constantly traveing all over the world. Finally one day, her "I wish" became a "I did". Ariel reached out and told her to let her know when she was going on her next big trip. Guess where the destination was? South Africa. This South Jersey girl went to Africa. And I am so inspired at her dedication to explore and LIVE. Whether she goes anywhere else, ever again, at least she took a chance and lived a little. I think we're all capable of that. All I'm trying to say.

Something has to change

2015-10-19T10:04:00.000-04:00

My father gives me motivational books all the time. Do I read all of them? No. Well until my commute time to and from work increased a couple of months ago. I have been entrusted with leading a new project at my day job. It may revolutionize how we do things in my department and organization... therefore naturally I accepted. Even though my commute to East New York every day is sometimes a painful one.

"I was born to lead," my father has said since I was a young girl. He wanted me to be the first female to accept a Grammy, Oscar and I think Tony. I can't quite remember. He also wanted me to own my own business versus being like him, working 9 to 5 for the rest of my life. And often, I would just let my dad talk and fill my head with all these hopes and DREAMS. As I got older, my father instilled in me that I needed an agenda for my life. Not just goals, but an agenda I wanted to live out. I took that task and went with it. I made a 10 year agenda at about 16 years old. Do you want to know what I was supposed to be doing by now? Well...

1. Married by the age of 21
2. A Teen Ministry leader for my church
3. Had a child at 25 years old

That's all I remember off the top of my head. Clearly I was on the religious train. All they really want women to do in churches (maybe not all) is to find a spiritual husband (or more like they will find one for you), then you get married, lead together somehow and then have children. You could go off and do missionary work, but that is if they believe you are good enough. I actually never felt good enough to lead for the church I used to go to. But that's another blog entry. Conclusion: My agenda changed.

I have been reading "The Art of Non-Conformity" by Chris Guillebeau; and I realize, I am kind of over writing this blog. At least the way I have been. For weeks and months, I started again contemplating if I am a writer. I used to write so much more years prior. I wrote two books for goodness sake. Something has got to change. Maybe it's me, maybe it's my environment. Who knows? Well... that's just it, I should know. I need to get in tune with myself. Listen to myself. I have so many ideas and passions. I can create more stories and characters. I refuse to believe that I am dried out of creativity. Proof of this exist. For example, I reached out to an artist I admire and asked her if she'd do a children's book with me. She was honored and said she would love to but did not have the time currently. I laughed and said, "Do not worry. I have not written a word of the story yet." Even so, I am determined to make this book at some point. It's in my NEW life agenda.

This agenda is full of traveling, leading and excelling. Even becoming primarily pescatarian is on there, and approximately when I want to have a play written and read at a table reading by actors. I am determined to choose the direction of my own life. (I made a 5 year one this time. For now anyway)

Therefore, I will be figuring out exactly what I want to share with all of you. I know it's not about Fashion Week and entrepreneurial events anymore (not to say it may not come up). It's more like my most popular post from last year about Online Dating.

Change is good. Change is needed. And it's going to happen. Lets go.

Have you seen my sister?

2015-10-06T20:39:00.000-04:00

Have you seen my sister?
Well I guess she's more like a friend.
We met a tad later in life but it feels like I've know her since birth.
She likes to share her toys with me.
She even sometimes shares her bed.
Oh I forgot to tell you her name.
It's Olivia.
Pretty? Yes.
But have you seen her?
We left the house together but she never came back.
Dad rushed me home and left me there for a while, but when he came back, she wasn't with them.
Where is Olivia?
My sister, my friend.
Now I'm getting sad.
Mom and dad mentioned a car, but it's hard to understand them when they speak.
Unless they repeat it often and give me a treat.
I do remember a large car and screaming.
I've never seen mom yank the leash so hard.
Hopefully Olivia is okay.
Where is she?
Will she come back soon?
Mom and Dad look sad.
Mom cries when I sit next to her.
She never does that.
Did someone take her away?
I hope we get her back.
Maybe Mom will smile again?
Maybe Dad will be less angry?
If only I could remember what happened after the big black car drove by.
Dad yelled.
The car kept driving.
Mom disappeared.
I think I saw her knees, but then that would mean she was on her knees.
Why would she be on her knees in the street?
Mom always said it was dirty and wiped our paws when we got home.
But where was Olivia?
My sister.
Did she leave?
I don't remember, but I miss her.
I hope she comes back soon.
For now I'll get her toys ready for her and make sure her bed is clear.
Cause I'm waiting for my sister.
Have you seen her?

Fashion in the City

2015-09-18T09:56:00.000-04:00

I'm not participating in the joy that is Fashion Week, but I did want to put in some commentary.

As you may know, I was in Europe for the past week and they're Fashion Week in London is actually starting at the end of this week. So they were getting started with their Fashion events while I was there. It was fun to witness how it's done overseas.

This got me paying attention to the fashion around me during my stay. And really, I realized how boring my style is. Then realized, maybe it's American Fashion? Maybe. Either way, I bought some British mags to take home. Cause this 20- something going onto 30 girl is not into being bland. I also don't want to be one of those people who think they're SO different by doing stuff like wearing an ugly sweater and telling everyone else they don't get it.

Here are some fashion news and ideas from Fashion Week(s) and my British magazines. Hopefully this inspires you to live it up in your personal image. I'm probably going to start working with a stylist (send me any freelancers or starters cause you know I love the beginners) and making a image board as if I were a company. Oh wait.... Haha.

Where did i go?

2015-09-02T08:28:00.001-04:00

Simple answer, to live Life. It's been a whirlwind of things going on but I have not forgotten my blog fans. Some people would love to blame it on my romantic relationship but that's very presumptuous. Others may say cause I don't care anymore.

I'm here to say, I need inspiration. Sadly to say, last week I wondered if I am actually a writer. Maybe my two books were it. That's all I have in me. But then I also thought about the girl who had such a thrill in making this world of people. I liked writing about them, more than I liked watching TV sometimes. As I posted on Facebook a week ago, I miss those times I was grounded and all I had was a pen and notebook. But oh have times changed.

Today I am going to work and then getting some teeth extracted. I will be drugged up and miserable for the night. Or at least I assume I will. Life is to be lived and I have been living mine. Have you?

Next week I return to the continent that helped me develop a better relationship with myself. Also where I wrote some of my best pieces. I found my love for psychology, sociology and communications as well. I'm going back and looking at life in a whole new way.

The theme here is life... So lets talk about it. I'll see you in Europe.

Chef Anissa: Angry Bird

2015-07-20T09:06:00.000-04:00

I call this the angry bird because once I took it out of the roasted pan it looked a bit angry. It didn’t look like other chickens I’ve roasted, all pretty and golden.

THIS CHICKEN. It may have the worst name in recipe-naming history (I'm renaming it Slow-Roasted Chicken), but that doesn't even matter, not one bit because OMG THIS CHICKEN. (Yes, I know with the all-caps, but this chicken deserves them, plus several exclamation point and a lot of underlining and four-letter words, too.)

I saw this recipe in a cooking magazine. The picture of the bird was soooo beautiful and perfect. That’s what caught my eye. I am a chef, how many roasted chicken recipes am I really supposed to jump for joy over? Even if you think that a new recipe for roasted chicken is snoozeworthy, you need to know about this. Like, REALLY. (People, I have feelings about this chicken and they are not equivocal!)

Instead of roasting your bird at a high heat or slathered with butter, here you put together a little herb-spice rub (fennel, hot pepper, marjoram, thyme and salt), add some olive oil and then rub the bird all over with that mixture, sort of as if you were giving it a relaxing salt scrub. You stuff the bird with a whole head of garlic cut in half, a lemon cut into quarters and more marjoram and thyme. Then you put the bird on top of some thyme sprigs on a baking sheet, surround it with potatoes (I added carrots and celery) and put it in a low oven, 300° F, for two to three hours.

When the chicken is done (I put my oven just a little higher - at 160° C instead of 150° C - so it was done a little after two hours - but I had to take the vegetables out earlier, so definitely pay attention to what's going on in your oven around the 90-minute mark if you're going with the original temperature), it is meltingly tender and the joints have practically dissolved. The skin is irresistibly crisp, but you have none of the crazy chicken-fat smoking out of the oven that crispy skin usually requires. The roasted vegetables have shrunk and sweetened and are infused with herby, savory chicken fat. It's pretty much the greatest Sunday dinner ever.

But I'm not even done yet!

Because, believe it or not, this roast chicken, is as delicious and perfect as it is freshly roasted, goes straight into the leftover hall of fame. I mean, cold roast chicken of any kind is tough to beat - it's just one of those home-run foods that everyone loves (right? RIGHT?) - but this cold roast chicken is unparalleled. A day or two of sitting in the fridge and it's pretty much the best thing ever.

Bonus proof-that-this-chicken-is-the-chicken-to-end-all-chickens story: This evening, while I was pulling the remaining meat off the carcass to recycle into a BLT chicken salad, Lil Rob literally grabbed the entire breast that I had just lifted off the bones out of my hands (I'd already put some shredded meat on his plate!) and proceeded to devour it, with his hands, like a very cute and yet slightly terrifying and hungry little caveman.

Angry Bird Herbed Chicken Serves 5

1 teaspoon ground fennel

1 teaspoon crushed red pepper flakes

2 tablespoons finely chopped fresh marjoram; plus 4 sprigs, divided (I used dried and skipped the sprigs)

2 tablespoons finely chopped fresh thyme; plus 4 sprigs, divided

1 tablespoon kosher salt, plus more

½ teaspoon freshly ground black pepper, plus more

6 tablespoons olive oil, divided

1 3½–4 pound chicken

1 lemon, quartered

1 head of garlic, halved crosswise

2 pounds Yukon Gold potatoes, scrubbed, halved, or quartered if large

1. Preheat oven to 300°F (150 C°). Mix the fennel, red pepper, chopped or dried marjoram, chopped thyme, 1 tablespoon salt, ½ teaspoon pepper, and 3 tablespoons oil in a small bowl. Rub chicken inside and out with spice mixture. Stuff chicken with lemon, garlic, 2 marjoram sprigs, and 2 thyme sprigs. Tie legs together with kitchen twine.

2. Toss potatoes with remaining oil on a rimmed baking sheet; season with salt and pepper. Push potatoes to edges of baking sheet and scatter remaining 2 marjoram and 2 thyme sprigs in center; place chicken on herbs. Roast, turning potatoes and basting chicken every hour, until skin is browned, meat is extremely tender, and potatoes are golden brown and very soft, 2-3 hours. Let chicken rest at least 10 minutes before carving. ( hint..hint: the reason we let the bird rest for 10 minutes is because we want all the juices will settle evenly through the bird and it also helps with the carving process. Juice won't squirt out all over you.)

By: Chef Anissa

The Truth about 3 Day Cleanse

2015-06-23T13:31:00.001-04:00

The fad of cleanses and detoxes. They are almost as popular as Brunches on the weekend. But unlike brunch, cleanses are not as fun.The results are eye opening though.

Day 1- Instead of juicing, I blended all the ingredients. Therefore I had less of my fruits and veggies than in the recipe. It was very experimental the first day. Some drinks had too much of some ingredients, some had too little. I didn't peel all of them, in result, there were some remnants inside the smoothie.

There was a lot of peeing throughout the day. I was hungry... or my stomach growled a bit throughout the day but usually it was time for the next smoothie. I even went to the mall and watched a friend eat a delicious veggie burger. In that moment, I decided that even though dinner was supposed to be just fruits and veggies, falafels were okay. And veggie burgers for the next night and vegan Chipotle salad for the last night.

Advice: I suggest you definitely make a decision before it's dinner time. No flip flopping. I didn't have any rice, pasta, or any grains. Just vegetarian/vegan ingredients that consisted of veggies mostly.

Day 2- This day was easier to have all the smoothies but I felt too bloated or slightly backed up (TMI?). Then finally I had a big "bathroom break" and felt better.I looked forward to my water with ginger and lemon every morning. Not so much the tea before bed. Some nights I really yearned for it, others I did without.

During the day, I almost forgot I was hungry most times. I got so caught up in everything else, I didn't care much if I needed my next drink. I work remotely so I also had to be creative about the way I kept my bottles cool. Unfortunately that meant my bookbag got weighed down. Not fun.

Dinner always tasted so delicious. My taste buds were definitely heightened. Things were sweeter, tasted even more lively. It was a big difference. I had an apple that wasn't on the schedule. It was the best apple I had ever tasted.

Day 3- I was so excited I was almost done. It felt like we had just begun, but it had been long enough. I started to wonder how I would ever do a 2 week one like Joe Cross suggests in Fat, Sick, and nearly Dead. That would be a toughy. I mean, I guess the main difference was that we would have to use a juicer. Speaking of juicers, a lot of people usually mention the clean up during a cleanse or detox. It is worth mentioning. My boyfriend helped somewhat with the cleaning up after making our smoothies, but it definitely took a toll. I didn't want to clean or keep blending. We were irritable. I'd clean up our fresh fruit and veggie scraps. It was annoying. The cost of eating healthy.

Drinking nothing but juice was a breeze this day. The pee breaks were getting really annoying. Early mornings, it was hard to find isolated bathrooms I could use with no embarrassment. If you get my whiff. The last day I skipped having the last smoothie. Mainly cause I felt so backed up from Day 1 and 2, I didn't want to do that again.

After- I was so happy to be done, I wanted to eat dessert. Haha. I didn't but I went to bed happier than ever. The next day I had toast and my lemon ginger water. I felt really good but craved a snack mid morning. I had granola. Then my coworkers had pizza, but I waited to get Just Salad instead. I didn't have meat for a while after the cleanse, maybe a week and a half. Minimal dairy. Your body does amazing things while not eating those things.

I did lose a few pounds but nothing significant, it was probably water weight.

There's my experience with a 3 Day Cleanse!