Eterne

[That moment]

2011-07-05T15:43:00.002-04:00

That moment
when a tear fell off my cheek
for I’ve missed your kiss
contained a universe within:
someone’s joy and laughter
someone’s bliss
someone’s hatred
someone making love
someone’s cries of pain
someone’s birth
someone being shot to death
someone’s last breath
someone whispering the name
of the one they love
sunrise and sunset
raindrops and tears
war and peace
reflected within that moment
when I smiled
thinking about your lips
touching mine
and a tear fell off my cheek.

Escape 2

2011-02-08T13:07:00.003-05:00

Trusting but guarded

hopeful yet skeptic

afraid to admire

apprehensive

unassertive

afraid of being devoured

annihilated

terrified of the power

we have over one another

we’ve rescued ourselves by escape

eternal travelers

we’ve sentenced ourselves

for endless destitute

in the name of search for perfection

If we ever were to find yet again

divine love

we would escape it

once more

I wish that we knew how to love each other

braver…

Eterne

Shell

2011-02-01T14:07:00.002-05:00

I was a living, loving person:
My warm embrace,
the softness of my skin,
the scent of my hair;
my kiss and touch,
my laughter,
the timbre of my voice;

I was
the velvety darkness of my eyes
heavy with happiness
about being loved;

I was
my brightened face
by the rays reflected
from the Sea of Trust and Hope…

I was just the beginning
of your Great Love Story
all your life
you’ve yearned for.

* * *
Now I’m reduced to just a few snapshots
forgotten
on the bottom of your memory’s drawer…
Now I am a shell of who I was:
I am a small shell you brought from vacation
and forgot…

Eterne

The One and Only

2011-01-05T02:24:00.001-05:00

A solemn face in the mirror,

my eyes darker than ever before…

You stole the light and the fire,

casually passing by through my soul…

Eterne

January, 2011

silver lining

2011-01-01T13:58:00.004-05:00

the year

which just had passed

so strange

was meant to be

a year

of a blossoming love

and good fortune

for us…

it was a year

of suffering,

hurt

and death

and I am still to discover

the silver lining...

yet

I wasn’t the one who died

and neither

did die my love…

Eterne

Every Day

2010-11-27T05:19:00.001-05:00

Everyday when I open my eyes,
I hope: Maybe today will be better,
maybe I won’t miss you as much,
and my heart won’t break for the nth time.
But the days come and go
and except that you are still missing
nothing changes at all.

Eterne

no difference

2010-11-19T18:20:00.004-05:00

I live next door to you
but I could as well live half a world away
no difference it would make:
We would miss each other just as much
I would love you same as I love you now
and you would be as distant as you are.
Nothing would change if I lived far away:
We would miss each other
as we did all our lives
before we’ve met in person
for the first time.

Eterne
September, 2010

Dungeon

2010-11-16T19:48:00.001-05:00

Captured in your gaze

and chained by my thoughts,

I’m thrown into cold darkness

devoided of hope

for Spring, for sunlight,

for a warm hug,

a walk in a park,

heart-to-heart conversations,

Sundays’ breakfasts in bed,

small acts of love:

you in my life

Eterne

October 2010

falling asleep

2010-11-14T19:01:00.005-05:00

Last night you were with me:
I've kissed your eyes and your lips
and cuddled close to your your chest
happy with your presence
surrounded by your scent
and the warmth of your body.
You didn’t do anything,
just murmured "sweet dreams, baby"...
But I’ve been dreaming already,
sending you my love as falling asleep
while your body was somewhere else
far away from me.

Eterne
September 2010

nothing (I'm just angry)

2010-11-11T18:11:00.003-05:00

passionately and joyfully
i used to love life
now i just want to die
i shouldn't be paying a price so high
for a few months of your secret love
i shouldn't have
with all my strength trying to forget
what i want in life the most
to what you are blind and deaf
(or if you see it, you deny it anyway)
i just shouldn't have
i shouldn't have
had taken from me my heart and soul
and my body thrown away...
it's inhumane

Eterne
07.05.2010

For Those Who Love

2010-10-26T18:19:00.000-04:00

Perhaps your heart is full of birds and stars,
lifted by falling in love,
and you are thinking: It is possible
to sit comfortably on the cloud nine
till the end of time;

or perhaps your heart is too heavy to carry around,
because your lover is gone,
or no longer among us. But you still love:
Your heart cradles the memories of the past days,
your fingertips still sense the touch of their beloved face...

Maybe your heart is like a tree growing stronger each year
amid the hurricanes, winter storms and torrential rains
intertwined with sunny breaks,
repeating themselves with the regularity of passing seasons
- a predictable unpredictability bringing to your heart
strength and flexibility,

or maybe your heart is like a red sunset,
breathtaking at the end of a busy harvest's day,
or like a lake in a forest at dawn,
wrapped in a shawl of a white mist
- because your love filled up your heart
with beauty and peace,
and brought you the quiet joy of existence ...

If you are that person, if this is your heart,
then in my poems you may see your love
in the mirror of mine.

Eterne

Sailing

2010-09-14T16:03:00.001-04:00

When you are sailing
on the ocean of your thoughts
your eyes are steel-gray,
reflecting the cloudy sky above
and the depths of the waters
you are crossing.

You are visiting countless ports,
and, like a back of your hand,
you know many different shores;
you can tell the constellations
guiding your boat from above,
but you never touch the waves...

Afraid of icebergs and coral reefs
just on the surface, drifting,
you don't explore the mystery of the ocean;
like a sailor afraid of a voice of a siren,
not knowing how to swim and afraid of drowning
- you never immerse in water...

While I dive,
and swim to the nadir of my sea
to set me free.

Eterne

September 2010

[It is not getting easier]

2010-08-28T09:05:00.002-04:00

It is not getting easier with each passing day...
They say:
"Time heals everything"
"Time makes you forget"

But what meaning does time have?
We are just a speck in eternity:
What difference does make a day,
a few months or a thousand years?

How can time contain love?
We are a part of eternity
and so is love: Immeasurable entity
and a part of us.

They say:
"Time heals everything"
"Time makes you forget",
but it is not getting easier with each passing day...

Maybe they really don't know much?
Scrupulous accountants
meticulously processing minutes of their lives,
slaves of time they created
oblivious to the strength of love.

Eterne
May 2010

Ash Tree

2010-08-28T09:01:00.001-04:00

When we spoke about the tall gray ash tree
in front of my bedroom window,
you've asked me:
"Can you see the sky when there are leaves?"
Then you came when the tree
was adorned with thick green foliage
- and we could see the blue sky
from our hide-away in my tree-house.
Now again the tree is full of young leaves
and I see the sky, despite that you are not hiding with me…
Yet there is snow falling on the new leaves in May;
It is snowing in my heart as well.
Such a strange Spring we have this year...

Eterne

May 2010

Lament

2010-08-28T08:52:00.001-04:00

How far do I have to swim against the current
to reach the shore of peace?
How high need I walk uphill
to reach the summit and see
the landscape and the road leading me?

How fast do I have to run against the wind?
How much longer can I sail in storm and thunder
without letting my boat sink?
How much more strength do I have
to do the Sisyphus' job against everyone's will?

Who is there to lend me a hand?
Is there anybody to inspire me and praise,
to let me know that my labors are not in vain?
Is there anyone on my side, who wishes me well?

I've called, many times
and I thought I've heard someone answering my cries,
but it was just my own voice
echoing....

Eterne

June 2010

Harbor

2010-08-28T08:44:00.001-04:00

Just seconds before I fall asleep

I go back to a place

of calm happiness, peace and tranquility…

Turbulence of the troubled world drift away,

nothing matters, I feel safe;

my heart is home to me.

The same way I feel

when you are holding me:

calm happiness, peace and tranquility…

Turbulence of the troubled world drift away,

nothing else matters, nothing else exists;

your arms are home to me…

This moment brings us together; before I fall asleep,

even when you are distant; amid the storms and rain,

every night I feel the safe harbor of your embrace...

I just have to reach it and make peace.

Nothing matters; nothing else exists;

loving you is home to me...

Eterne

May 2010

Quiet Desperation

2010-08-28T08:34:00.001-04:00

to Robert

Quoting a Very Famous Person,
Robert said so many times
that most people live the lives
of a quiet desperation.

They grind their teeth while smiling
to keep the appearances
of effortless happiness and success
- whatever they mean by that!

They are making their parents proud:
Getting married, build careers,
pleasing spouses, raising children;
in their lovely picket-fenced homes
they fear their own freedom.

They expect great rewards in this or in an after-life
from the cruel gods they choose to fear:
For living a loveless life, and for not knowing who they are;
for selling their soul to the devil of Compliance
who charms them with a sweet talk,
and looking deeply into their eyes
sways them to follow the one who follows last.

And only sometimes
when their spouse sleeps soundly at their side,
in the deepest dark of the night
secretly they take off their masks
and allow themselves to be who they are.

Feeling the loneliness of their own being,
staring at the ceiling during sleepless nights
with emptiness in their eyes and dry throats
or quietly crying in their pillows,
they yearn to be loved.

I am sure that the degree of desperation
varies from person to person;
sometimes it is bearable, sometimes they break free
like I did...
But I thought they always can get off their knees
and choose not to live such life
of a quiet desperation.

I've learned only now
that sometimes the choice has been made for us:
I did not choose for you to be gone,
I did not choose to cry at night,
I did not choose not to see the love in your eyes.
I didn't choose to keep the appearances
and smile while inside I'm falling apart.

Without your love
my life has become one of those lives
Robert was talking about,
echoing a Very Famous Person:
Without your love I live a life
of a quiet desperation.

Eterne

June 2010

Serene Highness

2010-08-28T08:20:00.002-04:00

for François

contradictions
of your slender body
your stout hands
warm, decisive and giving
tenderly reaching
my inner being
through the refined touch of my skin

tides of caresses
bringing natural patterns
and rhythms
raising my body
to breath
my heart racing
to live

slowly
gradually
heavily
weighting my skin
pulsating with intensifying passion
in every heartbeat

my hesitating psyche
defeated
by your lips and tongue
whispering prayers
of a prodigal son
in an ancient dialect
known only to lovers
since the dawn of time

my conquered body prevails
willingly
until
the excruciating craving
of my elevated entity
to meet your consciousness
in anew dimension
erupts
in the waves of demise

ecstasy
serenity
peace

the tempest concluded.
bringing me back to life,
your soul peeking lovingly into mine:
my slave
my victor
my lover
your fond sweet kisses
soothing playfully

until the next tide

Eterne
August 2010

fairground ride

2010-08-21T13:51:00.002-04:00

like a ghost train
speeding through the black velvet
of a summer night,
bright lights at the crossroads
gray or sunny days
landscapes and people passing by
cold winds, eyes tearing
cities, streets and feelings
conversations, cries and laughter
someone playing Chopin
scent of blooming jasmine
always different yet still the same
repeating rhythms, colours and patterns
leading to nowhere
making no difference
leaving no trails
ending whenever
started by a chance
my life
different yet the same
as everyone else's
variations of the same theme
coincidences in clusters

Eterne

June 2010

A Phone-call to the Past

2010-07-29T13:11:00.006-04:00

Hello sweetheart,
how are you today?

I just wanted to tell you:
It is good to dream,
and beautiful...
Sometimes dreams do come true:
One day you will have that brother
you’ve always wanted to have;

strangely enough,
he won’t be your sibling
nor your relative,
yet he will be closer to your heart
than anyone else you’ll ever know
in your entire life.

Does he know about you?
No, he does not know yet
but when you will meet
he won’t ever forget,
because he misses you
since the day he was born,
same as you miss him:
in your play,
in your drawings,
in your stories,
in your dreams...

Will he love you?
Yes, with all his heart and soul.

Will you be together forever?
Sorry baby,
the answer to that question
I still do not know...

Let’s dream together:
Sometimes dreams do come true.
It is good to dream
and beautiful...

Eterne

July2010

Great White North

2010-07-20T12:36:00.003-04:00

time
slow and heavy
does not move at all
the world's still and frozen
no soul around
no one to hear
the deadly silence
of the Great White North
looming
from you
my love

Eterne

April 2010

said it all

2010-07-20T12:21:00.003-04:00

so many letters,
said it all
mountains of thoughts
crumbling into dust
*******************************************************

time passes by
empty nights
rivers we cannot get into twice

our separate lives

parallel universes of needs and wants
of wanting and needing love

time passes by
rivers dry
turn into dust

Eterne

April 2010

Yor Laughter

2010-07-20T11:52:00.005-04:00

your laughter
crisp like a winter morning
sunlight in your eyes
warming my face
ravenous lips and fingers
searching my body
all over again
an exclamation of happiness
suspended
above my bed

your laughter

scream
long and silent
mouth grasping for air
blue moon's light
above the black sea
of my despair

your laughter

Eterne
February 2010

a walk on mt. royal

2010-07-12T18:32:00.003-04:00

delicate wind stroking your radiant face
announcing spring on a gray winter's day
your funny hat with the strings I pulled
to touch your full lips
with mine
shy avid kisses on the cold bench
desire, joy and blind trust
in the wonderful future in front of us
yours and mine
you and me
indifferent to the whole city spread at our feet
our being suspended
between You - I and Us
somewhere between the ground
and sky
inviting us to reach it
on immense white wings
of love

Eterne
May 2010

Precious Heart

2010-07-12T18:27:00.001-04:00

If I were crying for a Tree’s love

the tree would weep,

would bind me in its branches and lift me to its crown

to rock me and soothe me;

my eyes kissed by its leaves .

If I were crying for Wind’s care

the wind would howl

its balmy breath would dry my tears,

and warm my soul

whispering the words of love.

If I were crying for Ocean’s kindness

the ocean would moan

its waves would surround me and hold me tight

allow me to know its unknown.

If I were crying before a Mountain

the way I am crying for your love

it would come closer, lean over,

embrace me, and give me hope.

I have the whole wide World open to love

yet I have no strength to unlock Your Heart;

it seems to be as tough as diamonds,

under heat and force hardened over time.

Eterne

May 2010