WonkyMonk

Does SEO work?

noreply@blogger.com (SEB) — Fri, 09 Nov 2007 05:54:00 +0000

Today is the festival of Lights in India and some Hindu countries in Asia. And I don't want to start on a negative note. But does SEO work?

'Why?' you may ask. Because over the last few months ranking for this blog has has been weighed down to the lowest imaginable. Sometimes, I tend to think that there must be some other way of increasing your page rank. I've tried all sites that promise, page ranking to the top 10. I wonder how every blog, can be among the first 10. Some sites promise to make your blog go from standstill to stand out. But still, my blog does not get the promised visitors.

if you are in the same predicament, you are not alone. All the same I think the idea is to keep blogging and keep dreaming about getting thousands of visitors. Happy Blogging and happy Diwali.

Wonky Monk.

King Tut

noreply@blogger.com (SEB) — Wed, 07 Nov 2007 17:02:00 +0000

Flight Mechanics

noreply@blogger.com (SEB) — Wed, 07 Nov 2007 16:53:00 +0000

On reaching his plane seat a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him. He asks the stewardess for a coffee where upon the parrot squawks "And get me a whisky you cow!" The stewardess, flustered, brings back a whisky for the parrot and forgets the coffee.

When this omission is pointed out to her the parrot drains its glass and bawls "And get me another whisky you idiot". Quite upset, the girl comes back shaking with another whisky but still no coffee.

Unaccustomed to such slackness the man tries the parrot's approach "I've asked you twice for a coffee, go and get it now or I'll kick you".

The next moment, both he and the parrot have been wrenched up and thrown out of the emergency exit by two burly stewards. Plunging downwards the parrot turns to him and says "For someone who can't fly, you complain too much!"

Writers Block

noreply@blogger.com (SEB) — Tue, 06 Nov 2007 16:17:00 +0000

This happens to everyone once in a while. And that is coming up with ideas for posts. You get these flashing thoughts and then you can't remember them later on.

Often I’ll wake up with an idea in the middle of the night, or something will come to me when I’m on the train or out shopping.

By the time I find myself in front of a computer again, I’ve either forgotten about it or the words dont come as they had earlier passed my mind. Or then, I’ve forgotten the idea entirely.

These days I've come up with a solution to this and the answer, of course, is simple. Take notes! Always have some method of writing down ideas - and keep it with you 24 hours a day. It might be a PDA, or even your mobile phone. But I love the old fashioned way ofcourse and that is - a small pencil and paper.

It may be old technology, but you can take a pencil and paper anywhere and the batteries never go low or the pen doesnt leak. It’s perfect for noting down those ideas that come to you at the most inopportune moments. Like in the toilet. I'm serious! Nothing like it for a great idea. Remember Archimedes.

I’ll let you know how I’m getting on with my pencil and paper in a future post…. if I remember, of course.

Marriage Resume

noreply@blogger.com (SEB) — Sun, 04 Nov 2007 15:58:00 +0000

Here is a must read Wonky joke!!

HR Manager Wrote a Love Letter to his GirlFriend !

------------------------------------------------------------

Dearest Ms. Janet

Sub:- Offer of love!

I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in Love with you
since the 20th of October (Thursday). With reference to the meeting
held between us on the 19th of Oct. at 1500hrs, I would like to
present myself as a prospective lover. Our love affair would be on
probation for a period of three months and depending on compatibility,
would be made permanent.

Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous on
the job training and performance appraisal schemes leading up to
promotion from lover to spouse. The expenses incurred for coffee and
entertainment would initially be shared equally between us. Later,
based on your performance, I might take! up a larger share of the
expenses. However I am broadminded enough to be taken care of, on your
expense account.

Request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter,
failing which, this offer would be cancelled without further notice
and I shall be considering someone else. I would be happy, if you
could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take
up this offer.

Wish you all the best!

Thanking you in anticipation,

Yours sincerely,

HR Wonky Monk Manager

Wisdom of the Peasants

noreply@blogger.com (SEB) — Sun, 04 Nov 2007 15:17:00 +0000

In this age of mass global tranportation, exotic fruits and vegetables are moved across the seas to cater to different palates. Does consumption of these foreign foods affect our well-being and how?

Watch the peasants, it is said. The Japanese fisherfolk eat oysters, rice and sea-weed and live long and healthy lives. This is what is available locally and is akin to the region. Mountain people anywhere in the world are known to enjoy highly healthy lives. Again thier staple diet is grown around the region. There is wisdom in this. Nature meant it to be that way.

I do not understand how one can eat New Zealand grown apples on a hot and humid Indian summer afternoon, when you should be relishing the numerous juicy and pulpy home grown mangoes. I do not mean that one should never try exotic stuff and food from different lands. NO. Far from it. But to make the locally grown food a major portion of your intake is wisdom. Everything in moderation. And you'll never need to visit a doctor again. That is the recipe for a long life and this is the wisdom of the peasants.

What the Indian Yogi's say

Breakfast -- Like a King.
Lunch -- Like a commonner.
Supper -- Like a beggar.

The Russians have a similar saying.

Breakfast -- Eat alone.
Lunch -- Share it with friends.
Supper -- Give it away.

Wonky Monk Joke

noreply@blogger.com (SEB) — Mon, 22 Oct 2007 12:38:00 +0000

A monk newly initiated into his order was told that he'd have to spend the initial 20 years of training in complete silence. He was told that he would only be allowed to say two words every three years.

After 3 years of studiously keeping this vow, he was summoned before the Abbot and asked if he had anything to say, in two words or less. He replied, "Food Sucks." Three more years went by when he was again summoned before the Abbot. "Well, do you have anything to say now," the monk was asked. "Bed Hard," was the answer. After three more years the Abbot found our friend and asked him if he'd like to speak. "I Quit!" said the monk.

"Well, I'm not suprised," said his Abbottship. "You've done nothing but complain since you arrived.

Ciao Wonky Monk

Onward Christian Soldiers

noreply@blogger.com (SEB) — Sat, 20 Oct 2007 14:28:00 +0000

Stories about the role of Christianity in public life also prompted some lively discussion. “Are U.S. Troops Being Force Fed Christianity?” (a piece from the Christian Science Monitor) bagged 138 votes and 190 comments. “I’m not surprised,” opined engineer. “The far right wants to establish a theocracy.” As his user name might suggest, LordyLordy had a different attitude: “I have yet to meet an atheist in a foxhole.” Meanwhile, a post about CUFI, or Christians United For Israel, also got the brickbats flying.

Will being a christian come in the way of being a good soldier or vice versa? If you have views about this please comment.

E-MAIL COMMANDMENTS

noreply@blogger.com (SEB) — Mon, 15 Oct 2007 14:10:00 +0000

E-MAIL COMMANDMENTS

Thou shalt include a clear and specific subject line.

Thou shalt edit any quoted text down to the minimum thou needest.

Thou shalt read thine own message thrice before sendest it.

Thou shalt ponder how thy recipient might react to thy message.

Thou shalt check thy spelling and thy grammar.

Thou shalt not curse, flame, spam or USE all CAPS.

Thou shalt not forward any chain letter.

Thou shalt not rely on the privacy of email, especially from work.

Thou shalt not use email for any illegal or unethical purpose.

When in doubt, save thy message overnight and reread it in the light of the dawn.

And, the Golden Rule of email:
That which thou findest hateful to receive, sendest thou not unto others

La Tomato

noreply@blogger.com (SEB) — Mon, 15 Oct 2007 14:04:00 +0000

Why did the tomato turn red?
It saw the salad dressing!

Wonky Monk Graffiti

noreply@blogger.com (SEB) — Sat, 13 Oct 2007 14:11:00 +0000

If you like this photo leave a comment

I'd really love to paint the city red in this car. How about you?

Who needs a coat of paint for this house? Graffiti is really wonky.

Graffiti through a misty window. Romantic? what say Monk?

Alchoholic Anonymous

noreply@blogger.com (SEB) — Fri, 12 Oct 2007 15:18:00 +0000

A man was sitting at the bar with a drink in one hand and a picture of a woman in the other. He would gaze at the pic and then order another drink. A curious onlooker went up to him and asked him as to why he was gazing at the pic.

So this guy replies - This is my wife's picture. When she starts to look beautiful, then I know I'm drunk.

Interesting Pics

noreply@blogger.com (SEB) — Wed, 10 Oct 2007 13:06:00 +0000

Asterix

noreply@blogger.com (SEB) — Wed, 03 Oct 2007 17:31:00 +0000

Who has not heard of Asterix, the Gaul and all those adorable characters such as Obelix, Getafix the druid, Vital Statistix and Dogmatix and the rest? In addition here are a few I have thought of. If you can come up with some more, please add under comments.

Justforkix - barman

Dynamix - local atomic bomb maker

Pediatrix - Doc

Googleanalytix - Webmaster

Broomstix - evil witch

Pingomatix - webcop

Quantummechanix- scientist

Bagotrix - magician

Unix - lone ranger

Pickchix - ah you know who?

Think of anything else? Please contribute. Maybe we will make a new comic together.

Smoke Signals

noreply@blogger.com (SEB) — Wed, 03 Oct 2007 15:52:00 +0000

Here are some beautiful smoke photographs. Don't get into the habit, though. If you like them please leave some comments, which will be appreciated. Bye Ciao. Wonkymonk.

Blogger's Wonky Slog

noreply@blogger.com (SEB) — Wed, 03 Oct 2007 14:04:00 +0000

Mirror Mirror on the Blog
How much more do I have to slog?
Before Google, Technorati and Adbrite
On their search results, will show my site?

I learnt HTML, XML and Javascripts
To make an impression on Google Analytics
Alas! Traffic has been completely static
You think I should’ve used Ping-O-Matic?

Problogger says ‘Content is King!
That really makes your coffers ring’.
There’s not a single comment to read
Even with Atom and RSS feed.

Green makes the world go round;
To monetize, Chitika I found.
On my Blog no ads are showing
That’s the reason money is not flowing.

Mirror Mirror on the wall
Do you have to bare it all?
Nay! I will not stop, but POST;
B’coz posting is what I enjoy most.

Ciao,

Wonky Monk.

GROOMS WANTED

noreply@blogger.com (SEB) — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 15:10:00 +0000

An Indian marriage?- WHOA ; the opulence, the excitement and the trappings that goes with the ceremony is to be seen and experienced to be believed. Well, the butterflies in the stomach start way before the ceremony itself, which is groom hunting. Finding a groom is a tedious and energy-draining activity, albeit with a whole lot of excitement, not only for the would-be bride, but for the whole family upto second cousins.

First cousin: “Hey do you know that they are on the lookout for a boy for Pinky?”

Second cousin: “Oh so cute! No?”

Along with the anxiety, groom hunting has a tinge of sweet agony. Well you see, a groom has to fulfill a lot of requirements and expectations, as it were. A suitable groom is finally chosen out of the innumerable prospective ones short listed from even more prospective grooms. And mother will choose the best - the I-Know-It-All-Mother. Yes, mothers know what is best for their brood, don't they? Some things never change, do they?

Sample this.

Fathers friend to bride's mother: “Didi, (meaning sister in Hindi) Pinky is all grown up now. Oh! How quickly girls grow up nowadays. Are you keeping a look out for a nice suitable boy? Eh?”

Mother: "Yeees. What does a mother want for her daughter anyway? One just wants her child to be happy and settled in life isn’t it? Who would want more than a good boy who can stand on his own feet?”

Bride’s third brother: “Hey Mom the boy whose photograph we saw yesterday has feet.”

Father to Bride’s first brother: “That’s great, here is Rupees 2000. Get some Kentucky fried chicken and lets celebrate.”

Mother: "What about that boy with a funny name - F-L-T L-T something?”

Third brother: "Aw mom …. It is not his name. Its short for Flight Lieutenant in the Air Force.”

Mother: "I don’t care what he is and where he is, all I pray to the Lord Almighty is that he shouldn’t drink, smoke and gamble. I want my child to be happy that’s all.”

Second brother: "Mom will your expectations ever end?”

Mother: "You won’t understand my son. One has to be careful while selecting a boy. By the way, how are the in-laws?”

Third brother: "Its better to be out-laws; at least you will be WANTED.”

Second brother: "Aw shut up, will you?”

[The would-be groom (Flt Lt) has been chosen and during next family discussions.]

Father to Mother: "Honey, now what? What is the problem? Doesn’t the boy meet your expectations?”

Mother: "Yeaaah he is good, but….”

Father: "But what?”

Mother: "HE DOESN’T TALK TO ME.”

Father to first son: "YEAH? Hey! what happened to the Rupees 2000 I had given you for ordering chicken?”

First son: "Dad, I was saving it up for today. Lets celebrate, shall we?”

Father: "Forget it! And give me back the money.”
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ciao.

Funny Pics

noreply@blogger.com (SEB) — Mon, 01 Oct 2007 13:56:00 +0000

Here are some real funny pics. Leave a comment if you like them.

Resignation vs Resume

noreply@blogger.com (SEB) — Thu, 27 Sep 2007 03:25:00 +0000

Seeing as this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full
frontal lobotomy, I am forced to tender my resignation, however I
have a few parting points.

1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal to give
me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is "I prefer not to
comment." I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of years
to keep you honest, because I know you would be unable to do it on your own.

2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know every
password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get cute, I
am going to publish your "favorites list", which I conveniently saved when
you made me "back up" your useless files. I believe that terms like "Lolita"
are not usually viewed favorably by the administration.

3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your
mothers b-day", you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures
of yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them like the
techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never seen such odd
acts with a ketchup bottle, but I assure you that those have been copied and
kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of
recommendation. (Try to use a spell check please, I hate having to correct
your damn mistakes.)

Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on
my desk by 8:00 am tomorrow, not ONE minute later. One word of this to
anybody and all of your little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to
the public. Never freak with your systems administrators, because they know
what you do with all your free time.

Sincerely,

Resignation Letter (contd)

noreply@blogger.com (SEB) — Wed, 26 Sep 2007 13:52:00 +0000

This is a continuation of the previous post.

Your shiny new iMac has more personality than YOU ever will. You walk around
the building all day, shiftlessly looking for faults in others.

You have a useless look about you, that may have worked for
in your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it
off on an overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your glaring
ineptitude.

In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae
that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of
the Dilbert principle.

Resignation Letter

noreply@blogger.com (SEB) — Tue, 25 Sep 2007 16:36:00 +0000

There are many tips on how to write resumes. But how about this for a Wonky
resignation letter...

(An actual letter sent by a fed up U.S employee in Port Huncliff, New England)

Mr. Baker,

As an employee of an institution of higher education, I have a few very basic
expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superior shares an
intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel.

After your consistent and annoying harassment of myself, and my
co-workers during the commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you
are one of the few true genetic wastes of our time.

Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of
everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not only a
waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired because I
know about Unix, and you were apparently hired to provide amusement to myself
and other employees, who watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept
of "cut and paste" for the hundredth time.

You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as binary
still gives you too many options. You will also never understand why people
hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even though I am sure
this will be just as effective as telling you what an IP is.

(To be continued.........................................)

Butterflies in the Belly

noreply@blogger.com (SEB) — Sun, 23 Sep 2007 04:10:00 +0000

I have an exam coming up and am busy cramming. See you as soon as the exam is over.

Ciao

Marriage Bow Wow

noreply@blogger.com (SEB) — Thu, 20 Sep 2007 14:13:00 +0000

Five steps to a PEACEFUL Marriage

Hear everything your spouse says. LISTEN to only what YOU want to hear. Its called selective deafness.

When your spouse is whining and complaining about the bad day he/she is having, don't go - "Omigosh, How sweet?" Sympathize by cribbing and complaining - RESONANCE.

If your partner's talking about your dog's stupid tantrums - talk about your dream vacation to an exotic location together. Nobody said you HAVE to go there. Did they?

Fight for the morning newspaper on a daily basis? Subscribe for TWO. Newspapers cost peanuts.

You get a call at the office with a complaint - "Oh what a bad day I'm having!". Listen up and then YOU HAVE A MEETING WITH A HIGH LEVEL DELEGATION. Time has resolved many an issue.

FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE DON'T FIGHT. SOMEONE'S BOUND TO GET HURT.

Ciao WonkyMonk

Wonky Connection

noreply@blogger.com (SEB) — Tue, 18 Sep 2007 16:28:00 +0000

Uh huh! Just when I want to post something interesting, the broadband connection is acting up. Murphy's Law I guess.

I guess I will have to do it tommorow. I dont want to lose the connection in the middle of uploading stuff.

Ciao. Wonky Monk.

I think, so I am.

noreply@blogger.com (SEB) — Sun, 16 Sep 2007 14:38:00 +0000

"Aaghh! Uh-huh! Not agaaaiiin man!" you say.

You are right. This stuff has been said before and read before.

"Give me something new". I hear you say that.

There's no escape from this. We need to face the fact that life revolves around our mind and thoughts. Here's some fresh stuff! It might change your life. Read on.

You can only have things that are in harmony with your thoughts.
A man is what he thinks about all day long.
I am now, and my life is everything I am undertaking.
Change your thoughts and change your life.
No one is superior to what you might become.
As a man thinks in his heart, so is he.