This Thing Called Life

2024 Goals

2024-02-07T10:25:00.003-05:00

Welcome to 2024. I hope you all had a good start to the new year. I wrote down my goals for the year so hopefully they will be accomplished. My goals are listed below:

1. No ubereats/doordash. Not only will I save money, but I will also decrease my calories.

2. Yoga twice a week. I also want to incorporate meditation as well.

3. 15 minute mile. I'm going to track my time in a notebook and work on jogging/running a 15 minute mile.

4. Less screen time. I spend hours on tiktok and scrolling on facebook when I could be getting things done around the house or even working out.

5.Organizing and decluttering. I'm giving away items I no longer want or use. It just takes up space.

6. I'm not buying lotions, skincare, or candles. I have PLENTY. I'm going to use what I have and buy new when needed. If products are old or expired, of course they're getting tossed.

7. Volunteer at the animal shelter. Back in November I began volunteering at a local animal shelter so they could build new outdoor kennels. I helped cleaned the indoor kennels and also walked the dogs. The outdoor kennels are complete but I still want to go volunteer at least once a month. I love the animals and it's a great workout.

My Duties As A SAHG (Stay At Home Girlfriend)

2022-08-10T16:56:00.004-04:00

Back in June of this year I left one of the most toxic places I have ever worked at. There were so many things going on that I will just leave it at that. If you would like more details, check out my YouTube channel here. I thought it would be a good time to give nursing a break and take a different career path. I applied at an auto insurance company and started about 4 weeks ago but ended up leaving. Sitting all ay, wearing a headset, and having more than 2 meetings to attend per day is not my cup of tea. I gave a two week notice and have been a stay at home girlfriend since. In the last two weeks I've sent out over 20 applications. One place called me for an interview and they never followed up after I met. An animal shelter offered me a position as well but unfortunately, $11 per hour will not pay my mortgage. My boyfriend works very hard. He is a bodyman at an auto shop and he repairs some of the most wrecked cars I've ever seen. IT is only fair to him that I make sure the house is tidy, his laundry is done, and his meals are cooked. I'm going to break down a list of what I do now that I'm at home.

Cleaning the house: I make sure the floors are vacuumed, the dishes are done and put away, bathrooms are stocked with toilet paper and there are fresh towels, rags, and soap.
Take the trash out: This one is self explanatory.
Mow the lawn: I mow, weed eat, blow the driveway and sidewalk. If the flowerbeds and flower pots need weeding, I will do that as well.
Grocery Shopping: I plan our meals out and make sure he has plenty of snacks for work.
Laundry: He gets very sweaty working in this heat inside his auto bays so I usually do laundry once or twice a week depending on how many shirts and shorts he goes through.
Bills are paid: I make sure the bills are paid on time. Even though I left my job and funds are SUPER tight, I do have some money that my father left me as a safety net in case.
General Errands: If we need anything from Wal-Mart or other stores I go ahead and get that done.

This has been a change for me since I'm so used to working full time and cramming everything in during the week before or after work. It is nice having all day to accomplish things that make it easier for us to spend actual time together when he gets off from work. I cannot wait to get another job and have income to contribute to the household, but until then I will contribute by getting household chores done.

Ghosted

2021-05-18T10:46:00.000-04:00

Since my previous relationship ended several months ago I decided to get on a dating site and see what guys had to offer. It is sad to know that the majority of them only want to hook up and go on to the next. I have always been the type of person to be in a relationship with one person and I have always been faithful and devoted to only them. Times have definitely changed and I don't expect to be in a relationship any time soon. There were what seemed like some decent guys in my messages on this dating app so I decided to give them a chance. One guy we met for dinner, the other two we met at dive bars so the alcohol would help calm us down a little. I felt like we hit off. We had good conversation, listened to good music, and so on. We even ended up at my house watching a movie on Netflix. After the hang out sessions, dates, whatever you want to call it, I am shocked to find that they ghosted me.

The craziest thing about being ghosted by these "decent" dudes is the fact that we did not hook up. We made out. But it never went further and neither of us initiated for it to do so. Sex is fun. Sex is healthy. Was I willing to? Maybe. But I wasn't about to make that move and then be slut shammed for it at some point possibly. I just don't understand why they wouldn't just tell me they weren't into me. And I have sent them text like "Have a good day", Hope all is well" and no response. So now I'm done. I guess it irritates me because I know I would never hang out with someone and have a good time (so I thought) and then never contact them again. It makes no sense. Honesty is the best policy. Grow a set and be truthful with the person and yourself. Not everything is meant to be but at least be a decent human being and let the person know.

Triage Nurse Duties

2020-10-16T09:50:00.002-04:00

This is the end of my second week in my new Triage role. At the end of the day, nursing is nursing but you still learn new things every day. Each day I clock in and check the messages, refill requests, prior authorization forms, and voicemails from patients. Throughout the day patients will call in and each call varies. Some patients are calling because they are in labor, have a UTI, yeast infection or BV. Other calls coming in are for pap results, genetic testing, ultrasounds, and biopsies. Everything I do from my desk is what I used to do on the floor. I assess patient symptoms over the phone and decide whether they need to try over the counter treatment, come in for an appointment, go to an Urgent Care, or head to to the emergency room.

At first when I accepted this position, I didn't know how it would play out. I'm used to running around doing multiple things at one time and always being busy. Surprisingly this is amazing. I'm not running ragged on the floor trying to do the job of three people. My job is the only job I have to worry about. Assessing patients and getting them where they need to be. I'm already familiar with doing prior authorizations so that is easy as well as scheduling. Putting in orders for mammograms, DEXAs, and prescriptions is easy too. The best part about this position is leaving on time every day. I don't have to stay behind to draw labs and spin them in the centrifuge. I don't have to clean and stock rooms anymore. At this facility I have my own desk and my own phone extension.. Leaving my last job has been the best decision. I have already lost weight, my anxiety and stress is down tremendously, we have more than enough staff, and I only have one job to worry about.

If your currently at a job that no longer values you or helps you grow, consider the job you've thought about but were nervous or scared of the outcome. It may turn out to be the place you've been needing for a peace of mind. People say the grass isn't always greener on the other side but you never know until go there. You have to take care of yourself and your mental health. I wanted so much for my old job but when I no longer felt valued or respected, I had to go and I'm so glad I did.

Hang Up the Stethoscope

2020-08-11T11:29:00.002-04:00

Lately I have been feeling like I am done being a nurse. Patients are rude, non-compliant, and have no respect or idea how hard nursing actually is. They show up late for their appointments and sometimes they don't even call to cancel they just don't show. They don't get labs done, scans done, or comply with diets we give them to help improve their conditions. The work load that comes with nursing is also stressful and frustrating. Constantly being told that there is new documentation that needs to be done in the patients chart as if what is already done isn't enough, drawing blood, random EKGs, answering phone calls, calling in prescriptions, prior authorizations for medications, scheduling and canceling appointments, referrals, and there is much more I'm probably missing.

When I went on vacation last week for an ENTIRE week, it made me realize there is so much more to life than working all the time and caring for patients who have no self respect and no respect for people working to take the best care of them as possible. I love making people laugh and I love helping people but nursing isn't the way I want to do it anymore. I've thought about waitressing or maybe even working at a vet clinic. I am not going back to school because I am already up to my eyeballs in debt and I want to be debt free eventually. I think the sad part about feeling this way is multiple nurses feel the same. I read articles about other nurses wanting to leave the profession because when I first started thinking of leaving, I felt bad. Who would take care of my patients need more attention than others? Will another nurse care as much as me when I leave? What if the providers get behind and the schedule doesn't flow smoothly? Then I realized....not my problem.

For months now, I have been trying to find my happy place and it has to be out there. Working myself hard like this and stress eating and not channeling my emotions properly due to this work environment is not healthy. And it is not just primary care. I have had a few nursing jobs and it always the same; people calling out and working short staffed, more responsibilities and less pay, no teamwork, rude and non-compliant patients, and rules and regulations constantly changing. It may take a while for me to find where I want and need to be to maintain a happy and healthy life while helping others, but I will find it. In the meantime I'm staying here dealing with the chaos and making sure my bills are paid on time.

I Am Not Okay

2020-03-06T12:21:00.001-05:00

Recently I have really been struggling with my anxiety and depression. I work with two doctors by myself and I am also the phlebotomist.I'm literally working just to pay bills. I have never been able to enjoy a check and spend it on whatever I want. I try to vent my feelings to my boyfriend he turns everything around on me and makes me out to be the bad person for feeling that way or he disregards my feelings and starts talking about his. He seems like a narcissist which I'm looking more into. I have been through a lot in the last 5 years and they have been the worst 5 years of my life. I try to explain to him how I'm different mentally but he never listens. It is a waste of time for me to continue trying to explain how I feel or why I act the way I do. In between trying to live life on the daily I am also trying to be healthier and workout instead of placing myself on the back burner. I'm just so overwhelmed. I constantly battle these demons in my head. I have not tried to commit suicide but I have thought about it. The only reason I think about it is because that is the only way all of my problems will go away. I have more good days than bad ones so I try to ride it out until these feelings go away. I have an appointment with a therapist on March 24 so hopefully that will be a good outlet for me.

Step Away From the Cake

2019-11-13T09:00:00.001-05:00

It is so annoying that I work in a doctors office that continues to bring in cakes, sugary drinks, and junk food. Today and yesterday I have had two non scale victories. This morning the first thing out of the receptionist' mouth was "there is bundt cake in the break room". Dude it is not even 9 a.m. Yesterday the doctor I worked for brought bake slices of pie and cake from the hospital cafeteria and I kindly said no thank you and walked away. It frustrates me because every one who works in this office with me knows I have an eating problem and they know I joined Weight Watchers. I am so proud of myself for looking at that cake this morning and walking away when I easily could have eaten half of it. I felt pissed off when I walked in the break room and saw it. Yes, everything in moderation is ok, but not for someone who is already way over weight and trying to get their shit together. I will be okay. I will get through this. I can do this.

WW: Week One Done

2019-11-05T09:32:00.002-05:00

My first week of weight watchers was a struggle. The first 3-4 days I felt like I was starving all the time. Then I ended up eating way too much sushi. I have also been drinking Stabucks and Dunkin here and there but I'm being honest with myself and I am tracking everything. My main focus right now is to focus on eating healthier, then I plan on incorporating workouts into my lifestyle. I feel like my pants are loose around the waist so maybe this plan is working. I will be weighing in tomorrow morning to see if I have lost anything.

I Joined Weight Watchers

2019-10-29T10:15:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I finally joined Weight Watchers. The day before, I printed the zero point food list from their site and realized that those foods were primarily what I ate along with fast food and junk food which has to be cut out. My total point allowance each day is 26 which goes quick if I include my coffee with creamer each morning. Since joining this program I decided to focus on cutting back on two main things: sugar and fried foods. I had 1 point remaining yesterday and I'm hoping to do well today. This will take some getting used to but I feel like this program will help curb my cravings and get my sugar addiction under control.

Toss Up

2019-09-19T13:21:00.002-04:00

Recently I have been thinking about going back to school for Personal Trainer or a Physical Therapy Assistant. I love being a nurse and helping patients but I kind of want something new where I can still people. Nursing isn't like the shows were patients are humble and appreciative. Most of my patients are rude and disrespectful. Patients don't understand that it isn't my fault their insurance doesn't cover a medication or a treatment we do here in the office. They also get upset when they are the ones who are non compliant with their medication regimens and wonder why their blood pressure and/or blood glucose is through the roof. I feel like working with people who need to be up and moving will help me become more active and be creative with ways to help them regain their strength. I won't be able to start right away because I have too much debt but I just want to make a decision that way I can start working towards that new goal and chapter in my life.

OVER IT

2019-08-13T10:51:00.001-04:00

Recently within the last few weeks I have so tired of being a nurse. Between drawing blood, answering calls and patient questions, rooming patients and taking vitals, processing prior authorizations for medications and more, I am DONE. Some patients are non compliant with their medications but will complain about not feeling well. Others aren't patient enough to wait for lab work to come back or scan results. I have spent my 20s taking care of every one else but myself. By the time I get off from work, I don't have energy to work out. I don't even want to eat half the time. I just want to sleep. Nursing is not what shows and movies make it out to be. Nursing school doesn't show you the ropes of what happens behind the scenes when the nurses are doing more than just taking vitals. Plus I am the only nurse in the practice so I have no peers to ask for help or vent to. I love helping people but I hate being stressed and feeling my anxiety go through the roof. I was sweating so bad this morning because the internet was out and no one could get in touch with the IT department or find someone to help. I am just burnt out. I want to take care of myself. I want to be healthy and feel good about myself. I'm tired of feeling foggy and drained all the time.

Mending A Broken Heart

2019-07-17T15:39:00.000-04:00

One of my past relationships is hindering my progression and ability to love with all I have. My current boyfriend is an amazing boyfriend and I love him. He does so many things for me and he makes sure that I'm taken care of but because of my relationship before that, I am scared to fully love and give him my all. Part of the reason is because that past relationship ended abruptly without many of my questions answered. He dumped me the Friday after Valentines day that year and it was not expected. We had been eating dinner together with my father like always, going out, and enjoying each other. It came out of nowhere. I had speculated that he used me in order to not live on a ship because it did seem to good to be true, but he was so good to me. When I had caught him cheating the third time ( I know, it shouldn't have got to that point) I started feeling that I would never be good enough and could never give him what he actually wanted because he would always want more. There were females from his life before me that I was uncomfortable with but I was convinced that because he "loved me" that I had nothing to worry about. I was faithful the whole relationship including the 9 month deployment while he was most likely messing around. When he dumped me all I wanted to know was why. Did he meet someone else? Was I not cutting it anymore? Was it something I did? Was I too fat? Did the sex suck? I had all of these questions but the only thing I could do is cry out of anger and heart break. My current relationship is affected by this past relationship because I am scared that if I give my all he will just dump me. And he has already shown me a picture of his ex girlfriend one night when were drunk. A drunk mans words are a sober mans thoughts, so they say. So I am keeping my guard up.

A Year Long Journey

2019-07-11T14:12:00.000-04:00

The other day I watched a Youtube video about a young woman who lost 90 pounds. It took her a year to get where she was and that gave me a realistic time frame of when to expect to be at or near my goal weight again. Losing weight is not easy. I have been overwhelming myself trying to eat right and work out so for now I am focusing on my food choices then I will incorporate exercise. I started the 21 Day Fix program, got to day 10, and realized I was doing too much at once. Realizing that it may take a year (give or take) to reach my goals seems like a long time but I didn't gain this weight over night. I have neglected my health since my father passed which has been a year and some change. I'm taking my weight loss journey one day at a time and I am trying not to think too far ahead. This time next year I want to be wearing cute summer dresses and swimsuits. Not jeans and big t-shirts.

Weight Loss Rules

2019-06-28T10:18:00.001-04:00

For the last several months I've been trying to lose weight and it has not been going well. I think I have found a partial solution to the problem and that is how I have created this weight loss rule list for myself. The rules are as follows:

Stop comparing myself to others. My fitness and strength level may not be like theirs but I will get there with time.
Stop obsessing over the number on the scale. My clothes are feeling loose but the number isn't changing and it discourages me. From now on I will weight myself on the first and last day of the month.
Watch my sugar intake. I'm addicted to Dunkin and Starbucks coffee but that crap has to stop. Also stop drinking my calories!
Progress and results take time. I was doing workouts and eating fairly clean and would give up after a week because I didn't see drastic results. This weight wasn't gained over night and it will not go away over night either.
Stay away from those who are negative about me making healthier choices.
Focus on my health and fitness goals.
Move more. Usually after work I eat dinner, shower and go to bed. I need to start a new routine including exercise and stick to it. For now, my goal is to be active for a minimum of 30 minutes 3 times a week. I hope to gradually build up.

The Same Debate

2019-06-27T08:56:00.001-04:00

It seems like I am always contemplating getting a second job to pay off debts. I looked at my student loan accounts yesterday and with the minimum payments I am currently paying, I will be paying on them for ever. I would like to pay them off so I could put it towards my mortgage or build a bigger shed. I'm just not sure what type of part time job to look for and when they ask why I want to work there should I be honest and say it is to pay off debts then I'm out of there? I also wouldn't want to start a second job, end up liking it, and letting it consume my free time. There is more to life than just working it away. Since buying my home, I have become more frugal with money and I've cut back on a lot of useless or wasteful spending. I do pay an extra $20 here and there towards the loans but it does nothing. I'm sure I'll figure it out at some point.

I miss you Dad

2019-06-14T08:55:00.000-04:00

Some days I feel okay. Others I feel so empty and lonely. It still doesn't seem real to me that you left this earth. I knew you were sick and I did all I could to spend as much time with you. I still have the birthday check you wrote me and in the memo it says "not for bills" because you knew I always stressed about paying them. I miss working with you and pulling weeds in Miss Pollys yard. Bushes were never my favorite but I would still help you. I miss your advice and life lessons. I miss singing 80s songs together in the kitchen while you're cooking. I miss everything. I miss you. I love you.

Mad House

2019-06-04T09:52:00.001-04:00

This past weekend was eventful to say the least. Moving is always a stressful process as well as the aftermath. My new home is a mad house. There are boxes, bags, and totes everywhere. I know eventually everything will find its place but trying to organize and do this after work each evening has been draining. Leaving my childhood home of 27 years is hard but I'm grateful I have the memories in my heart. I never realized how much stuff I had in my house until I had to pack and unpack the moving truck. I plan on going through everything and donating things I no longer use or want. I'm turning the page and starting a new chapter.

Where is the Motivation?

2019-04-30T09:01:00.000-04:00

I am really struggling trying to get healthy. I went so long not eating fast food and now that I have been eating it for so long it is almost like an addiction. I will go a day or two without it and then relapse. I look back at my old instagram pictures from when I was working out and it makes me sad. It frustrates me that I used to be so healthy and now I am a wreck. I don't want to be this way. I have been making better choices food wise. I am not working out like I should so I'm trying to start slow. Three days a week minimum and build up from there. Cardio will be my focus for now until I drop some pounds then I will focus on muscle groups and toning again. I can do this I just need to find the mindset I had back then.

Welcome Home!

2019-04-19T11:51:00.000-04:00

Wednesday evening I put in an offer for a great starter home and I go it! My closing date is on May 29 and I am so excited. I feel so many emotions since this is the biggest purchase of my life. I am nervous, excited, anxious, and preparing for this new adventure of adulthood. I really wish my father was here to see how hard I have worked to raise my credit and pay off debt to make this possible. I know he would be proud. My plan now is to de-clutter and clean things out so when it is moving time, I don't have a bunch of items I don't need. I still cannot believe this is a reality! I'm moving into a new home to start a new beginning and make new memories.

And we wait.....

2019-04-04T10:58:00.000-04:00

I cannot believe I may be making the biggest purchase of my life! I looked at a few homes yesterday and may have found the one. It is a cute starter home with a decent sized yard. 3 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms which is plenty. The master bedroom downstairs is huge. When the realtor talks all of the numbers and percentages I kind of feel nervous because I don't know what all of it means. Thank goodness my boyfriend works in the biz and helps dummy down the terms for me. I should be finding out sometime today if they accepted my offer. I qualified for a lot more than I thought I would and this home is under budget but has everything I need. Wish me luck!

House Shopping

2019-03-27T13:57:00.000-04:00

I recently found out how much I'm approved for in order to buy my first home and it is overwhelming. It is stressful trying to find a good location with plenty of yard room for my fathers boat and truck. I'm happy to see that a lot of the homes I'm looking at currently have white kitchens which I love because I think it makes the kitchen look bright and welcoming. Plus it will go with my yellow pain theme with pineapples. I don't have an immense about of debt but I thought with my student loans and car payment it would cause me to qualify for a low amount. I was wrong. All of the homes I've seen online are more than enough for my first starter home and some are even under my allotted budget! This Saturday my mom is going with me to look at a few homes and see what they have to offer. Leaving my fathers home behind which is also my childhood home will be hard, but I think my dad would be proud of me for making the first step in making a "big girl" purchase of my first home.

Clean Week

2019-03-11T11:27:00.001-04:00

Recently I rejoined BeachBody as a coach. I want to become a healthy individual again as well as help others become healthy. The workouts are convenient since I can do them in my living room after work and they also come with workout calendars as well as food plans. Wednesday will be my last day of the Clean Week program and then I will be jumping into the 21 Day Fix program. If you're interested in looking into these programs or looking for meal plans, check out my site here. I'm always here if you have questions. Happy Monday!

Bye Bye Caffeine

2019-03-07T11:26:00.002-05:00

It has been about a week since cutting out caffeine from my diet and I feel a huge difference. Caffeine can fuel anxiety and I realize now that it was making me sweat more than I needed in stressful situations, especially at work. I haven't cut it out completely but my intake is a lot less compared to what I used to consume. My old routine consisted of drinking coffee (not decaf) on my way to work. Depending if I hit a afternoon slump, I would make more at work or run to get some on my lunch break. I used to think decaf should be illegal but now it has become my friend. I enjoy a decaf cup from Dunkin Donuts once or twice a week. It doesn't make me feel shaky and super anxious like regular coffee used too. I'm slowly making different changes and trying new things to see what works for me and makes me feel good. I'm also trying to make health conscious decisions and caffeine is not all that great for you, especially your heart. I'm taking my health journey one step at a time and I think this is a good start.

Caffeine Withdrawal

2019-02-27T11:58:00.000-05:00

Recently I've decided to try cutting out caffeine from my diet. This is a very hard task considering I used to drink a minimum of one cup each morning and maybe some during work, possibly after as well. I want to see if it helps with my sleep pattern because lately I have been having trouble falling asleep and staying asleep. Also with my restless leg syndrome, I've read that caffeine can increase the restlessness. I'm making small changes and hoping it will help improve my health little by little.

The Purge

2019-02-22T10:13:00.001-05:00

Since a new year has started and it has been a year and some change since losing my father, I decided it was time to get my life back on track. I started thoroughly going through each room in my house and donating or throwing away items that I no longer need or use. It feels great. It is also a good feeling finding places for my dads things where I can still see them and think of our memories. Last year I kept a lot of his things hidden because I didn't want to think of him being gone. I'm slowly coming around and realizing that although he is gone here on earth, he is always going to be in my heart. I never realized how much junk I had and I also didn't realize how cluttered and unorganized I had become in the last year. The only thing left to do is put my new computer desk together and clean out what is in my current desk. It feels good to finally start being myself again and getting my life in order.