I drank what?

Another night at Pagosa bar.

2011-08-10T22:54:00.001-07:00

The things that you see when you just wanna have a beer.

The North and South

2010-03-20T19:37:00.001-07:00

The North and South

The North has Bloomingdale's, the South has Dollar General.

The North has coffee houses, the South has Waffle Houses.

The North has dating services, the South has family reunions.

The North has switchblade knives; the South has Lee Press-on Nails.

The North has double last names; the South has double first names.

The North has Indy car races; The South has stock car races.

North has Cream of Wheat, the South has grits.

The North has green salads, the South has collard greens.

The North has lobsters, the South has craw fish.

The North has the rust belt; the South has the Bible Belt.

FOR NORTHERNERS MOVING SOUTH . . .

In the South: --If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.... do not buy food at this store.

Remember, "Y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is plural, and "all y'all's" is plural possessive

Get used to hearing "You ain't from round here, are ya?"

Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to use it.

Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can't understand you either. The first Southern statement to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "big'ol," truck or "big'ol" boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it.

The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.!

Be advised that "He needed killin." is a valid defense here.

If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all watch this," you should stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.

If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.

Do not be surprised to find that 10-year olds own their own shotguns, they are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim.

In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.

AND REMEMBER: If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think we will accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we wouldn't call 'em biscuits.

Why Condoms Come In Boxes Of 3, 6, And 12

2010-03-20T19:17:00.000-07:00

A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son.
They happen to walk by the condom display, and the
Boy asks, 'What are these, Dad?'
To which the man matter-of-factly replies, 'Those are called condoms, son.
Men use them to have safe sex.''
Oh I see,' replied the boy.' Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school.'
He looks over the display and picks up a Package of 3 and asks, 'Why are there 3 in this package?'
The dad replies,
'Those are for high schoolboys, one for Friday, one for Saturday, and one For Sunday.
'Cool' says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks,
'Then who are these for?'
Those are for college men,' the dad answers,
'TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday and TWO for Sunday.'
'WOW!' exclaimed the boy, 'then who uses THESE?' he asks, picking up a 12 Pack.
With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replied,
'Those are for Married men. One for January, one for February, one for March........'

What's the World's Best Cheese? Verdict Is In - AOL News

2010-03-19T21:29:00.000-07:00

What's the World's Best Cheese? Verdict Is In - AOL News

I Miss the A Team.

2010-01-28T06:00:00.000-08:00

Enjoy more tasty Maneggs at maneggs.com

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD???

2010-01-27T12:31:00.000-08:00

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD???

Plato: For the greater good.

Aristotle: To fulfill its nature on the other side.

Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.

Machiavelli: So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a
chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road,
but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend
with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely
chicken's dominion maintained.

Hippocrates: Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its
pancreas. More>>>

Jacques Derrida: Any number of contending discourses may be discovered
within the act of the chicken crossing the road, and each
interpretation is equally valid as the authorial intent can never be
discerned, because structuralism is DEAD, DAMMIT, DEAD!

Thomas de Torquemada: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll
find out.

Timothy Leary: Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment
would let it take.

Douglas Adams: Forty-two.

Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road
gazes also across you.

Oliver North: National Security was at stake.

B.F. Skinner: Because the external influences which had pervaded its
sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that
it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be
of its own free will.

Carl Jung: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt
necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical
juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences
into being.

Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true to
itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.

Ludwig Wittgenstein: The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into
the objects "chicken" and "road", and circumstances came into being
which
caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.

Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road
crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

Aristotle: To actualize its potential.

Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.

Howard Cosell: It may very well have been one of the most astonishing
events to grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecedented
avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement
formerly relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable
occurence.

Salvador Dali: The Fish.

Darwin: It was the logical next step after coming down from the
trees.

Emily Dickinson: Because it could not stop for death.

Epicurus: For fun.

Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe: The eternal hen-principle made it do it.

Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.

Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken
was on, but it was moving very fast.

David Hume: Out of custom and habit.

Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were
quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

Jack Nicholson: 'Cause it (censored) wanted to. That's the
(censored) reason.

Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road?

Ronald Reagan: Well,...................

John Sununu: The Air Force was only too happy to provide the
transportation, so quite understandably the chicken availed himself
of the opportunity.

The Sphinx: You tell me.

Henry David Thoreau: To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow
out of life.

Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.

Mishima: For the beauty of it. The chicken's extension of its
sinuous legs sent shivers of a dark despair into the souls not only of
the silently watching hens but also the roosters, who felt a sudden
sexual desire for their exquisite comrade. The dark courage of the
chicken was as beautiful as drops of dew upon jade at midnight, struck
by a partial moon, its light filtered through clouds. One of the
deeply aroused roosters could stand the intensity of the moment no
more and bit off the head of the beautiful, courageous chicken-hero,
whose wine blood was deliciously drunken by the road, and he died.

Johnny Cochran: The chicken didn't cross the road. Some
chicken-hating, genocidal, lying public official moved the road right
under the chicken's feet while he was practicing his golf swing and
thinking about his family.

Camus: The chicken's mother had just died. But this did not really
upset him, as any number of witnesses can attest. In fact, he
crossed just because the sun got in his eyes.

John Sununu (again): I would argue that the chicken never crossed the
road at all. That it is a story concocted by the Clinton
Administration to distract attention from their failed agriculture
policy. Where is the evidence that the chicken crossed the road?
Where, Michael?

Michael Kinsley: Oh, John, come on! Everybody knows the chicken
crossed the road. What evidence do you need? It's obvious that the
chicken crossed the road. Your whole argument is just a smoke and
mirror tactic to distract us from the fact that most chickens polled
now back the Democratic Party. You ought to be ashamed of yourself,
John.

Siskel: I don't know why it crossed the road, but I loved it. Thumbs
up!

Ebert: I disagree. The whole thing left the audience wondering; the
chicken's crossing the road was never clearly explained and the
chicken didn't emote very well. It couldn't even speak English!
Thumbs down.

Michael Kinsley: But you both agree it did cross the road, right?
See, John. I'm right as usual.

Just one of those nights

2010-01-24T21:30:00.001-08:00

When you spend $90 on Long Island Ice Tea's you might find yourself doing this....

"THE BEST Put Down LINE EVER"

2010-01-24T21:06:00.000-08:00

"THE BEST Put Down LINE EVER"
For those that don't know him, Major General Peter Cosgrove is an 'Australian treasure!'

General Cosgrove was interviewed on the radio recently. You'll love his reply to the lady who interviewed him concerning guns and children.
Regardless of how you feel about gun laws you gotta love this! This is one of the best comeback lines of all time.
It is a portion of an ABC interview between a female broadcaster and General Cosgrove who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military headquarters.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:So, General Cosgrove, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?
GENERAL COSGROVE:
We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery and shooting.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?
GENERAL COSGROVE:
I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?
GENERAL COSGROVE:
I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
But you're equipping them to become violent killers.
GENERAL COSGROVE:
Well, Ma'am, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?
The radio went silent and the interview ended."

Jr. Ringer T-Shirt > Truegroover : Good Music No Attitude...Well maybe a little.

2010-01-24T20:51:00.000-08:00

Jr. Ringer T-Shirt > Truegroover : Good Music No Attitude...Well maybe a little.

wsj

2010-01-10T22:08:00.000-08:00

I gots Nothin'

2009-12-16T08:50:00.000-08:00

Happy St Patricks day All

2009-03-17T09:56:00.000-07:00

Awesome table

2009-01-19T11:27:00.000-08:00

I want one of these. Don't know where I would put it but I want one.

Manley Bonding

2008-12-28T10:41:00.000-08:00

PTSB2K

2008-01-17T12:53:00.000-08:00

Well I finally pulled myself away from the most addicting game I have ever played on the computer. I do have to warn you though, that clicking on the link below you are entering a site that will; eat away at your free time, drag your office productivity down, make you forget to shower, make you swerve into oncoming traffic if played in the car, and generally give up on society as a whole. Good luck, Have fun, and seek help if need be.

PTSB2K

So Freakin' Funny

2008-01-16T22:08:00.000-08:00

This was so funny that I had to change my drawers.
I think I watched this a thousand times, I just can't
get enough. For some weird reason I find the nerdy girl
kinda hot, I don't know.

Learn Chinese in 5 minutes

2008-01-13T08:59:00.001-08:00

Learn Chinese in 5 minutes (You MUST read them aloud)

English	Chinese
That's not right	Sum Ting Wong
Are you harboring a fugitive?	Hu Yu Hai Ding
See me ASAP	Kum Hia Nao
Stupid Man	Dum Fuk
Small Horse	Tai Ni Po Ni
Did you go to the beach?	Wai Yu So Tan
I bumped into a coffee table	Ai Bang Mai Fu Kin Ni
I think you need a face lift	Chin Tu Fat
It's very dark in here	Wai So Dim
This is a tow away zone	No Pah King
Our meeting is scheduled for next week	Wai Yu Kum Nao
Staying out of sight	Lei Ying Lo
He's cleaning his automobile	Wa Shing Ka
Your body odor is offensive	Yu Stin Ki Pu
Great	Fa Kin Su Pa

Special Funny Female Medicines

2007-09-23T14:25:00.000-07:00

Special Funny Female Medicines

Author: akhilesh

This article presents very funny female medicines.These funny female medicines are as follows:

Dami Toll
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 6 hours.

St. Mom’s Kort
It is a Plant extract that treats mom’s depression by making pre Schoolers unconscious for up to 2 hours.

Empty Gestrogen
Highly effective suppository that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn’t wait till they moved out.

Pepto Simbo
Liquid silicone for single women. It increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and improves flirting.

Dumerol
When taken with Pepto Simbo, it can cause low IQ causing enjoyment of music.

Flipitork
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and flipping off other drivers.

Anti Boytiks
It is highly effective in improving grades, freeing up phone lines, and reducing money spent on make-up.

Meni-Cillin
It is Potent antiboyotic for older women. Increases resistance to such lines as, “You make me want to be a better person… can we get naked now?”

Vuyagra
It is a Injectable stimulant. It is generally taken before shopping. It Increases duration of spending spree and potency.

BuyOne all
When combined with Vuyagra, can cause an indiscriminate buying frenzy so severe the victim may even come home with a Donny Osmond CD or an Anna Nicole Smith exercise video.

Jack Aspirin
It Relieves headache caused by a man who can’t remember your birthday, anniversary or phone number or something important.

Article from :

Optical Illusions

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/humor-articles/special-funny-female-medicines-208834.html

About the Author:

Akhilesh kumar

admin of FunnyJunk

Sugar Frosted Goodness!: Dont play with your food!

2007-09-20T19:41:00.000-07:00

Sugar Frosted Goodness!: Dont play with your food!

Josh Hoye

I found this great site called Sugar Frosted Goodness! that I wanted to share with

all of you. Browse around this site and check out some

great art, like this one by artist Josh Hoye.

Magic Crystal Ball

2007-09-19T22:30:00.000-07:00

I think that you will love this one. It blew my mind, knida freaky, a little dark forces working here, or maybe just a little math....Check it Out :Magic Crystal Ball

Can you read this?

2007-09-06T22:41:00.000-07:00

Can you read this?

Olny srmat poelpe can.

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! Just a quick reminder of how smart you really are!

I stole this from some website.......Sorry, I was drinking.

CONSIDER THIS!!

2007-09-06T22:22:00.000-07:00

NOW I KNOW YOU CAN ALL APPRECIATE THIS ONE! For those of you who are sick to death of getting emails that tell you toforward to at least X number of people in the next 15 minutes so that wonderful things and miracles will happen if you do and there will be consequences if you don't, then you will enjoy this.

Click Here

(Thanks Rachel B for sending more worthless crap. Keep up the good work.)

Beer contains female hormones

2007-09-06T22:14:00.000-07:00

Beer contains female hormones

Last month, National University of Lesotho scientists released theresults of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of femalehormones in beer. Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption. The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hopscontain phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women.

To test the theory, 100 men drank 8 pints of beer each within a 1 hour period. It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects:

1) Argued over nothing.

2) Refused to apologize, when obviously wrong.

3) Gained weight.

4) Talked excessively without making sense.

5) Became overly emotional.

6) Couldn't drive.

7) Failed to think rationally.

8) Had to sit down while urinating.

No further testing was considered necessary.

Technorati is borked right now

2007-09-06T16:10:00.000-07:00

Doh! The Technorati Monster escaped again.
We're scouring the blogosphere attempting to find it. Back in a flash!

This is what happens when technorati looses your blog. Who the hell came up with borked?

(yea that's what it said BORKED.)
Ain't that a Bitch...

Twisted Sister

2007-09-06T08:29:00.001-07:00

(Click On Pic)
TwistedSister... totally pissed off!
The ramblings and rants of the Twisted Sisters (who decided a blog was better than psychotherapy or anger management!)

For some reason I have an attraction to this blog. I guess I could

relate TwistedSister to group therapy, or a swift kick to the left nut .

I love these to insane ladies. They make you want to take your medication.

P.S. Don't forget to check out the archives on their site, there's lots of great stuff.