POSITIVELY STELLA!

2011-09-11T00:20:00.001-04:00

OK, people. I know it's been a while. I've been busy launching my new biz, WOOPAAH! It's the whole reason I went back to school to learn about positive psychology. I'm only telling you so far. Still kinda hush, hush, soft-launchy. Bigger splashes to come. But here's the deal. I have a blog on that site. And need to figure out how to transition or make sense of positivelystella.com in light of my WOOPAAH blog. Solution coming. But meanwhile, I'll just copy and paste. And double-post for now. It's my stuff and I can re-purpose if I want to! Hopefully that's cool with you for now. My best, S

sweat as glue

2011-07-23T13:35:00.003-04:00

It's 92 in NYC. Creeping up to 100. It's been the kind of heat where the breeze is so hot it makes you warmer, not cooler.

The other day (which was even hotter) I found myself pacing impatiently at the Christopher Street stop in the subway. As my legs slipped around each other glazed in sweat, my arms akimbo for ventilation, I noticed the scene around me: a mini dog's head flopped over its LV carrying bag like a lifeless bob, giving up. Mr. Banker man's light blue shirt was all dark blue. The homeless man just sat on the bench, looking like he normally does. The sexy girl's make-up was dripping, she seemed devastated. We all were quiet. Slow. Mouths open. Waiting and waiting for the 1 train with messed up service. Looking desperately into the tunnel for a sign of two lights.

What I realized in that moment was just how connected I felt to everyone there with me. Money, power, sex, brand names, hurts in heart, places traveled, degrees earned, good deeds done, crimes committed, whatever it was that we were or doing, had or strived for- none of that mattered. In that heat, on that platform, all that defined us as individuals was perspired away leaving each person in the same - wilted, breathing, and being. I felt each one of them.

I just think that's cool.

Best
S

Permission to Fumble

2011-06-28T17:02:00.000-04:00

You know when you know something but just can't find the right words to articulate it? Or the right thoughts? But, you know that there's something there - whether it's a feeling you can't quite place, or a hunch of a good idea. This post is about giving yourself permission to fumble through the thick of it so you can land in a place of improved clarity. The key to fumbling as elegantly as possible - is to do the following:

1. Identify a "safe" person(s) to fumble with. By safe, I mean someone who is a good listener, non-judgmental, and authentically has your interests in mind. Even better if they're not vested in the outcome of what you're fumbling with.

2. Ask your safe person(s) for permission to fumble through and request what you need of them. "I just need you to listen." "Tell me what you hear me saying." "I don't know what I'm getting at...but think there's something, can you help me clarify?"

3. Pay attention to the mirror, mirror, on the wall. Face the fact that you might not actually want to hear what's coming out of your mouth. So really listen to what your safe listener is playing back for you.

4. Take mental or physical notes and then let some time pass. Let your subconscious speed up to your conscious. Your brain has wheels turning that our out of your control - and those parts work wonders. It's what happens when the AHA pops up. The best way to let that happen is to switch your attention to something other than what you're trying to resolve. Take a break.

5. Repeat this cycle with another safe person (s), or advance to the party that may be involved in either developing your idea or working through the issue you have.

Innovation, growth, progress only happen when we give ourselves permission to take risks into the unknown.

Peace.
S

Consuming or Nurturing?

2011-06-19T02:24:00.000-04:00

When making way for the new, consider what you can release. Maybe it's that book you are never going to read. Maybe it's the "friend" who is total drain-o (technical term for "depletes your energy"). Maybe it's clearing your bag of all those loose receipts. Maybe it's parting ways with t-shirts that are expired.

I once read that nature doesn't like holes. So if you create a new opening, a new space, fill it with something nurturing to seal the deal of goodness or the same stuff will just be attracted right back. You know how when you get a facial - they clear you out and then seal your pores? It's the same thing for everything.

If you're clearing a physical space, consider lighting candles, adding flowers, or performing some blessings. If you're clearing a relationship, make sure to fill your life with activities that fill you with positivity. Get the point?

One way to decide whether it's for keeps or not is to ask: is this consuming me or is it nurturing me?

peace.

inspired by a friend

2011-06-13T23:31:00.001-04:00

a good friend just shared something brilliant with me and it was totally expanding. i was like, woah....how can i learn THAT?!?

she said, "i've been so busy focusing on what outcome i wanted, i didn't give any possibility for appreciating what just is. i've been trying to control the whole situation. and once i let it flow...i was met with something even bigger. not the package i wanted it in...but beyond GOOD. and, actually exactly what i needed."

hallo! let me get in on some of that action. ahhh, the tender place of envisioning, desiring, but being open to any outcome - for the masters.

sometimes you gots it. sometimes you don't.

s

The Download

2011-06-11T18:45:00.003-04:00

Today I met up with my business coach. It took me a while to seek out the support of someone else. After all, don't I advise thousands of women on entrepreneurship - shouldn't I have my own answers? Uhh. NO. Everyone needs someone. You can't do it alone. And that's the point of this post. So here we go:

It's been over two months since I saw her last. We're supposed to meet monthly. But to be honest, I put it off. I wanted to wait until I had some real "progress" to show her.

After ordering some divine fried chicken thingy, from the cool, local South Africa spot in my hood, she said, "Now, Stella. Stop judging yourself. Don't feel like you have to perfect for me. I'm not anyone you have to get "ready" for. I'm the one you can vent, you share, you can just BE wherever you are. That's the point. I'm here to help you."

AHHH. Yes. I forgot...you're here to help me (not used to that). So we just talked. I gave her updates. She was super validating and enthusiastic. I shared some insecurities. I expressed things I hadn't quite worked out in my head. And then I left feel lighter, better, energized.

My coach is a trailblazing entrepreneur - many of you have probably enjoyed her products sold nationally throughout Whole Foods. She gives me some amazing biz advice. But what I think I really pay her for is the listening. It's the chance to give a messy, undigested download, and have a space to see it somewhere outside my head. When "IT" is out in the world - through spoken word to someone else - somehow I feel I have more space from within to analyze, resolve, create, innovate, and feel alive.

Don't underestimate the power of the download. If you are wrestling with anything, unsure, overwhelmed, or feeling a little ick - talk to someone. Literally, say, "Hey Friend or Coach or Stranger: Can you give me 10 minutes of just pure downloading time? I need to get somethings out of my head and all you have to do is just listen - this would help me work it out. Would be happy to do the same for you if you like."

I know this sounds small, duh, and you know it. But I needed a reminder. So thought I'd share. We need each other - even if it's just to be containers for downloads.

Now if you want to be an advanced, super container make sure you validate the feelings or experience of the downloader. Don't negate what's happening - just show the sharer that you care for them regardless of whatever they are sharing. We all need to feel that we're loved, valued, and worthy - despite any junk in the trunk.

Much love
s

Plans

2011-06-09T23:18:00.000-04:00

What's a track record anyway? It's your choosing to acknowledge certain actions led to certain results. But there are infinite track records - infinite tracks. So perhaps we shouldn't so rely on what served us before serves us now. Or what worked before is bound to work again. Or that just because it was "planned" it's the best choice in the moment.

I'm getting more and more comfy with what my friend Lisa says to me all the time, "Stella, you choose now. And you can choose again later...everything is allowed."

So I'm allowing myself to get more jiggy with changing my mind and making up my own rules. Because 1) everything is made up anyway, so might as well create it in a way that sings true to me and my values. 2) things changes, and to override the present because of a past intention feels more about proving something versus exercising integrity in the now.

As best as I can now..
s

Ready Freddy? A relief from anguished patience.

2011-06-07T23:09:00.000-04:00

What does it mean to be ready? I actually looked it up on freedictionary.com it means: "Prepared or available for service, action, or progress."

I've been coming off an impatient jag recently...questioning why things weren't the way I wanted them now (I'm wincing as I write this ... but yes, I was having an existential tantrum...NOW NOW NOW!). Why can't I be ready for X NOW? Why can't he be ready for me NOW? Why isn't it all happening NOW?!? Why is the time not NOW? Why haven't I launched it yet? (Note to reader: This is not a recent jag - this is an-all-my-life-I've-been-feeling-this-restless-kinda-jag...I just happen to be recently coming off of it - settling into something else).

So I've been asking myself:
Prepared? What else I have been doing but preparing?!?
Available? I've created a big huge space for available...hello?!?
What else am I to do? If it's not happening does it mean I can't handle it? Does it mean I have more work to do? Is there something wrong with me? Please, please, whoever is in charge, don't tell me...it's just because I'm not ready! I'm not feeling that ANSWER.

So...here are some alternative answers I came up to self soothe...check them out...They appeared through two events that shined the light on the complexity of that which I have been calling, "readiness."

1. A hangover
2. Very healthy and strong nails

What the hangover taught me about "readiness"
I had a great night on Saturday at a friend's b-day and spent most of my Sunday recovering. I'm not a big drinker, at all. So it's been a while since I felt this sweet. I tried to stay in bed but couldn't. I tried to work - forget it. I spent time with a friend for bfast - positive and distracting but I still wanted to throw up afterwards. What to do?

Nothing. But let it take it's course. I felt a familiar tug pointing me to look up and see the answer about my readiness examination. Saying, see, see, Stella, you just got to sit with it. Not much for you to do here. So, I took some Excedrin, and finally fell asleep. I emerged a NEW WOMAN! God was I grateful for my body working this out. I felt victorious. I felt AWESOME. All I did was relax. Hmmm.

What my nails taught me about readiness
There was a time when I covered my nails with fake stuff so I would have one less appointment every few weeks - so worth it (I guess). But I stopped because I couldn't find a good lady to replace the one I cherished. Suddenly it was just me, my natural and wilted nails from overly chemicalized treatment, and some pain.

So what to do? Well, not much. I tended to them as best I could. Bought some vitamins. And let, again, my body and time do its work. This week I looked down at them and realized, woah, they're back! They are rockin! Lookin FINE.

So what's the lesson? How have I appeased myself so as not to consider myself a failure because the things I've so been moving towards are still moving their way towards me? Well, if you think the message here is JUST WAIT, it will all work out - that's not what I'm saying. I'm saying, just LIVE, do what feels right in the moment, and one day, one day, dear Stella, and dear reader, you'll wake up and the shift would have occurred, effortlessly actually - because you were totally present in your life.

I'm done trying to clutch onto a virtue of which I have none (patience). It's not about patience or waiting. There is not waiting. There is just BEING.

So here's to being as full as you are, just right now. Which is perfect. Relaxing or doing. Preparing or not. Available or Occupied. Fresh and chipper or smelling like last night's cocktail. It's all good. And none of it is missing anything. It's not incomplete. So long as I'm plugged into this perspective I feel whole. I don't feel like I'm missing anything, like I'm longing to be any where but here, and the restlessness, oh that constant tug, well, it feels ever-so-slightly more peaceful. For which the tiniest droplet of that rest - I am grateful.

Best,
Stella

2011-06-03T14:11:00.000-04:00

When you feel like you're missing something, realize you have everything already.

I must have been ON

2011-06-01T14:17:00.002-04:00

The other day I was walking down the street to buy some quick groceries for an impromptu dinner party in my back yard. I quickly changed into my first summer dress of the season. The sun was just setting. I just got a mani-pedi. The breeze was warm. And the fog of sadness that I had been experiencing that week (oh romance) started to clear up.

Walking briskly to the market I made eye contact with a man who smiled big at me. As we were about to pass one another he held up his hand for me and I gave him a big high-five. And we both kept walking. We didn't lose a beat. If you were an observer you would think we were long-time neighbors. But I never saw this dude in my life, nor can I recall what he looks like.

It was the most brilliant exchange and gave me so much light. It was a "yeah, high-five to life mf'ers, we are all connected human beings" kinda moment. I LOVED it.

While random and so small it was my personal sign that everything is all good and will be all good.

I often use NYC streets as my mirror. I try to make eye contact with strangers. Gauging by their response, my energy. Sometimes I get tons of warm affection - and people who I don't know feel very familiar. Other times, I find, I can barely get a glance from the throngs.

We experience what we put out. And I'm so grateful for that mini-moment - totally affirming and celebrating. A little file I will put away for days when I need a high-five.

best
s

Non-Violent Confrontation with a Moth

2011-06-01T12:30:00.004-04:00

I just worked out. Sweaty. Excited to feel a cool shower. I move the shower curtain out of the way and something huge flies out. Holy shit! I scream. F+CK. I don't like having to deal with insects. Damnnnnnnn. Jumbo Moth calmly hides itself on the upper reaches of my medicine cabinet. Fine. (But you better not eat my clothes MF'er).

I finish my shower. Dry off. And know that I have to deal with it. Come out come out wherever you are.

I open my medicine cabinet and it's hanging out on the brim. But it's still steamy and I can't see that well. My glasses are off. And when I put them on they just fog up. "You've got to be kidding me," I mentally declare to the moth/man/world higher up's.

Can't you just leave or somehow not be here! Seriously, I don't have time to deal with this right now.

I stare at it. As I do with all bugs who come into my space (or so I think it's mine). I'm hoping it has ESP and will somehow catch up to my thoughts - knowing what's good for it, and peacefully depart.

The problem is that there is no way out. My window is shut. I'm still naked. The medicine door, if I let go to open the window will swing shut. And then Jumbo Moth will be squashed or tumbling around with my floss, lotion, etc. Uhhhh. And then dealing with opening up the cabinet only to have it fly into my face is not an option.

Quick thinking I create a MacGyver-like prop with some "Purity" face wash - it keeps the medicine cabinet from fully swinging shut. I cover myself up quickly with my towel - now free to open my window as high as possible without flashing my Super.

Then I tell it, OK. You can go now. Just go.

But it won't. So I start blowing on it.

Can't you feel the breeze of my breath? Move it!

Nothin.

So then I start to mentally bargain and be nice. OK Mr. Moth, it's been great knowing you, thanks for stopping by, you can seriously just take off now.

Nothin.

Fine. I get out a magazine and it starts to flutter. And fly. Oh no! It's all around. Ahhhh. I'm in a steamy box, naked, with a Jumbo Moth that has no navigational sense. What if it flies into me and sticks to my skin? (Amazing the imagination, isn't it?). Its wings flap so fast it feels like it has thousands of wings. I'm so freaking out.

And then it's out. Right out the window! The chaos and frenzy disappear. Silence and stillness.

I shut the window FAST. YES!

I raise my arms victorious. Jumping up and down in my bathroom.

This felt big for me. Profound. I'm not sure if there is necessarily a big AHA here or lesson. But dealing with this on my own (versus asking a boyfriend or my mom) made me feel quite competent. Maybe there's something in this about fear? About dealing? About letting go instead of squashing? I'm not going to over analyze this one - just relish feeling quite proud, relieved, and ready to take on the next challenge. Yeah baby. Thanks Jumbo.

Best,
S

Pleasure, A Close Cousin to Negative Emotion

2011-05-29T13:15:00.000-04:00

I started another blog post but got hungry. While searching for some research on my post, I found this paragraph below that I wrote in my capstone for grad school. Because I'm craving a yummy breakfast - I'm taking the easy way out of this post opportunity by copying and pasting something else I wrote. Read and you'll see how my hunger/ desire for food is affecting this opportunity for expansion, for giving you something bigger:

"I want to distinguish the difference between positive emotions and bodily pleasures. While they feel good, bodily pleasures do not function like positive emotions. The positive experience of sexual stimulation, a massage, yummy chocolate cake, or a warm blanket on a cold winter day, do not lead the way to flourishing. In fact, bodily pleasures are close cousins to negative emotions by the way they similarly narrow one’s mindset to focus on satisfying a desired action. Unlike negative emotions, rather than moving away from something [like danger], we are drawn to the craved experience (Fredrickson, 2009)."

Pleasure isn't bad, it just doesn't necessarily lead you to being your biggest self, to growing, to expanding - because you can't look up until satisfied. There's a role for pleasure, because damn, it feels good! Just know it has limits on how it can actually serve your intentions.

Quickly signing off for some bruncheroo action.

Best
S

Fredrickson, B. L. (2009). Positivity. New York: Crown Publisher.

Boundaries in Boundlessness

2011-05-23T18:05:00.002-04:00

The challenge of being a human is that you have two arms, two legs, one head, and so on. You have 24 hours. And you have needs that need to be met - like sleep, food, sex, friends, family, money, etc.

Yet. At the same time. You are limitless. You are boundless. The possibilities for your imprint have no horizon.

Everyone great has the same limits you do. Everyone has the same time. I know you and your problems are special - so are mine. But so what?

So what are you going to do with your limits? Use them as a creative challenge. Use them to rub you into action. Use them to squeeze, to wrap, to wind, to twist around, in, between, above, and below. Be like water with them - flow, with ease, get through the cracks, rush with elegance, cleanse the unclean, nourish the dry, give life to what's yet to be born.

Use your boundaries as a way to get into your boundlessness.

Doing my best to expand with flow. As much for me as this is for you.
s

numb is dumb - hope is dope

2011-05-23T12:14:00.002-04:00

Stress, shock, stuff that sucks - is inevitable. But how you deal can have big effects on your health. I was reading Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom by Christiane Northrup - one of my favorite books. Most transforming. And I re-found this:

People who see their situation as hopeless actually release opioidlike substances (enkephalins) that numb cells of their bodies - making them incapable of destroying cancer cells and bacteria. It's not stress that creates immune problems, it's the perception of stress being inescapable. It's the feeling of not having control that kind of tells your cells - indeed, you are not in control.

What's disarming, mysterious, and wild is how sometimes our beliefs (established perceptions of the world) are lodged deep - so much so we don't even know (as in consciously, with our intellect).

So what do with this:
1. Be open to the fact that you may be a passenger to certain beliefs that don't serve you.
2. Know that you can un-do them or find them out with the help of hypnotherapy and other mental/spiritual health professionals.
3. Let yourself feel it. Cry if you want to cry. Scream if you want to scream. Move if you want to move. Don't ask why first - let yourself experience and the answer will come after.
4. Remember, you can create beliefs, destroy beliefs, and choose beliefs. You are in control.

S

Thank you 20's

2011-05-20T02:55:00.001-04:00

On the last 24 hours of my 20's here I go.

Thank you life for what you are.
Thank you lessons for getting me here.
Thank you loved ones. Family. Blood. Friends who are family. New friends. Strangers. People I pass on the street who smile. Thank you all.
Thank you NYC for being my home.
Thank you cozy-1-br-with-bricks-and-patches-of-friendly-grass.
Thank you coffee for my mornings.
Thank you body for being there, each second. Working beyond my knowing. Being my knowing.
Thank you possessions. My mac, my phone, my green t-shirt, my glasses, my key chains, my fur, my candles, my new laptop bag, my socks, soft toilet paper, great bronzer, all things, thank you.
Thank you universe. For today. For every moment up to now. For now. For what's to come. For it all.

How Success Sucks: The Anti-Climax

2011-05-06T21:02:00.002-04:00

This theme has been coming up a lot amongst my friends and clients (and I experienced it a few times myself) so thought I'd dig into this rather unspoken context: the messy, anti-climactic, depressing nature of success.

If you are feelin it, just know, I think you're normal.

I recently started another Incubator Workshop, reveling in the bad-ass-you-go-girl-you-rock-my-world entrepreneurs that I have the privilege of knowing and working with. In just 9 months one of my participants created a jewelry line that's ready to be sold on QVC and she is entertaining offers to sell her company before even officially launching (HOT). Even though she is making her wildest dreams come true she confessed, after receiving her product fully manufactured, and showing and telling in the Incubator: "I'm so ready to be done with this shit. I cried my eyes out for days when I received the final product. I'm exhausted. I don't know why I feel this way. But I'm done. I'm over it. Is there something wrong with me?"

Another friend who recently put her NYC pad up for sale and got an offer in two weeks calls me shakily, "Stell, I'm tender. This couldn't have gone better...but I'm feeling overwhelmed. I'm out of it. I'm not myself. I'm trying my hardest to keep it together."

Had I not experienced a total melt-down after pulling off a supremely awesome conference in November, I wouldn't have been able to understand what my friends/clients are going through. After Dream it! Launch it! Live it! - a-couldn't-have-asked-for-anything-more-successful-conference, I totally lost it. I couldn't finish my sentences. I was depressed. I was ickey and anxious and irritable. WTF?

So here's my theory: the process of creation is F'in uncomfortable. In fact, if you think about how babies are born, it's usually painful. Moving from one state into total newness means leaving or departing from something you know. In creation, there may be destruction of the former. Postpartum isn't just for moms - it can apply to anyone birthing new ideas into life. Perhaps the ick factor of success realized can be contributed to mourning the loss of the old (baby in belly, idea in heart, life as it was) contrasted with vulnerable, here-I-am-finally-here anticipated results.

I'm not saying all success comes with pain or anti-climax, just saying, if you happen to be lucky enough to ARRIVE, and it's not all you thought, and you're not feeling what you expected, you may just be experiencing some normal, uncomfortable, tension - and you're not messed up.

So what's the remedy? My remedy to most things is gratitude. Drinking in the privilege of the moment. Staying present. So present. Don't feel guilty, don't feel bad, just do your best to be loose, relaxed, and nurture yourself with rest.

I guess this is a long way of affirming, "it's about the journey and not the destination."

Does this make sense to anyone? Have you experienced this?

Best,
S

Play Tour: Upper West Side

2011-04-18T00:14:00.001-04:00

You know when you just feel "uggh.." that's how I was feeling for a few days. Maybe it was the non-stop rain, hormones, or the pressure I put on myself. Whatever it was, the un-enthusiasm I had for the past few days was totally un-inspiring. If I can't feel the flow, the magnificence, the wonder - than how the hell can I lead others in that direction? I see fixing my crunk as not only personally beneficial but also as public service (which is how we should all see it in my opinion). 1) because negative emotions are contagious 2) i'm not giving my best if i don't feel happy. There is a time and place for negative emotion. I value negativity. So I honored it - examined it - and chose to manipulate as much as I could to ascend beyond the pits of blah.

I started on Saturday, but didn't nip it in the bud. So I continued hard core on Sunday. I reached for whatever interventions were closest, easiest, and required least planning.

Imagine your emotions along a continuum...I was doing whatever I could to budge up just one notch. With each notch I felt flow and momentum sweep me up to a new level. All you have to do is inch, and the rest is handled. Just make a decision to shift and you're already on your way.

Manipulating your mood - to feel authentically better (I'm talking without drugs) - is a bit experimental. See it as that. Some things will work. Others won't. Some will work sometimes and not other times. Just keep trying. Don't get discouraged. Figuring out what does the trick is also revealing - it might also help expose the root.

On Sunday I literally dropped everything to focus on me - and what would make me happy. I had plans for a lot of work and being "productive" - but creating out of crunkiness is not what I want to let out in this world.

So here's what I resorted to...

1. Music - didn't really work
2. Exercise - didn't really work
3. Delicious breakfast: scrabbled eggs with tomatoes and goat cheese, date/tamarind dipping sauce, sprout salad on the side. And good coffee. And a good book. - Now we're talking. Started to feel better.
4. Youtubing spiritual talks - bingo! I needed to hear what I already knew. So easy to forget. It's helpful to have another voice coach you. You do know it all (somewhere deep inside)...but it's hard to integrate in isolation. Sometimes reading, listening, or watching someone you find inspiring can do the trick.
6. Putting on make-up - looking good helps. Studies prove it.
7. Taking a long-ass walk - wandered 40 or so blocks on the upper west side with great music. I sang it outloud. I grooved down the sidewalks. Music helped me now because I was budged up a notch.
8. Stumbling into different stores along my long-ass walk. I let myself discover, wander, and appreciate newness.
9. Taking pictures along the way - enabled both savoring of beauty and moments and also built up memory box of feeling good.
9. Visiting the Planetarium in the Natural History Museum in NYC - I have a new fascination with stars. I just visited the Planetarium in Boston last week. I remembered it made me feel good. So I did it again. I couldn't handle brainstorming and researching activities in NYC - so I did what I knew would work.
10. Being with a friend. I made sure to schedule time with a friend on a Sunday night. Sunday nights are always a bit extra ughh for me. They bring me back to school-nights. So giving myself something to look forward to is key.
11. Buying roses for me.
12. Buying gifts for friends.
13. Writing thank you notes on note cards I really dig.
14. Going to sleep, like now.

up a few notches.
s

Play Tour: Boston Museum of Science

2011-04-12T23:16:00.001-04:00

I LOVED the Boston Museum of Science. I was reminded in traveling through the cosmos in the Planetarium and in watching the Lightening Show that we are made up of the stuff of the universe, that we are electric, that we are magnetic, that we are small, like the earth is relative to the thousands of planets out, but yet, we are each special.

As I write I want to delete. Because ugghh, such regular words don't capture the heightened sensation of connectiveness, awe, and delight that I got from receiving and engaging in the discoveries of the galaxy.

The thing with museums, which is my one thing against them, is that they require a lot of reading. Unless you happen to know it all. The reading is exhausting and interrupts the flow.

Overall, though. It was fun. I didn't want to leave.

In terms of the actual place. I think their strengths are in providing interactive, dynamic exhibits. They scatter topics and vary topics - so you are bound to find something you like. There's always a "show" playing or a demo of something happening. While design-wise it feels like a mall and is way too shiny and aesthetically un-inventive, the content and curation of content make it amazing.

This was play for two big ones:
1. Discovery - I learned, I got to choose my own path throughout the museum, I was surprised by the content.
2. Wonder - I reveled in the magnitude of what's possible. what could me more wonder-inspiring?
3. The whole point of the experience was to align, absorb, and engage in the wonders of life - all that was required was showing up with curiosity. That's play for moi.

best,
s

Play Tour: Laughing Yoga in Brooklyn

2011-04-10T12:22:00.001-04:00

Friday night. Greenpoint, Brooklyn. Loft space with illustrated floors, lively plants, treasures scattered around the room wanting you to look.

There were eight of us. Two of us new to Laughter Yoga. Me being one of them.

There was just a tad of, "oh boy, Stella, why are you here?"

We started out in a circle and introduced ourselves as vegetables. I was a juicy tomato still warm from the sun. Others were asparagus, creamy avocado, crispy english cucumber, sexy radish, spicy hot, red pepper, garlic, and beet. We lovingly put something "in" to the circle and also "released" something from the circle. I put "in" Playing Big and I released "hesitation."

There we were, a whole day's worth of vitamins. Uncertain of how it would go.

So we did all sorts of silly things to make the faking fun such as giving our sexy laugh, giving our timid laugh, etc. We pretended to be animals, we moved our hips, we rolled our tongues out, and I rolled around all over the ground - one of my favorite moments. We spoke in laugh like it was words. We played Hokey Pokey in laugh. And eventually I got to a point where I watched myself laughing - almost like breathing - without consciously faking it. I was just, well, laughing.

The whole idea of Laughter Yoga is "fake it till you make it" + Improv. It's like William James, famous psychologist said, feelings follow action. So do what you want to be and eventually you'll be it.

This session was total play for me because:
1. I felt free to move my body and my voice
2. There was uncertainty and invention in each step
3. I was challenged and I took risks
4. I enjoyed it
5. It created intimacy with new friends

It's not for everyone. You have to be open to being a fool. But is life worth living if you don't risk that?

On my way to Boston for the next play pit stop. Going to 5wits at Foxborough and the Boston Science Museum.

Best,
S

No pity party

2011-04-09T04:49:00.009-04:00

Usually I assign meaning to events. By meaning, I mean, "oh, well, even though that sucked, look at what you learned, or, look how you've grown, or, if that never happened, this would have never happened." That's what I mean by meaning.

Assigning meaning to events helps cope with unexpected, perhaps, less than desired, outcomes. It gives you a way to rationalize what doesn't make sense. To wrap your head around it.

But it also is beyond that. At least for me. I believe it's about discovering the order of the world, and the truth.

Some of us don't notice meaning when we're coasting and life is good. We only find it when things go awry. But there are signs and connect-the-dots readily available to us all the time. We just have to open our eyes and choose to see.

Choosing to create meaning is about choosing a positive perspective. It doesn't mean you ignore loss, or disappointment, but you choose to create something positive from it.

This type of stuff comes in handy when you are:
1. Feeling like a victim
2. Are disappointed
3. Experience loss
4. Are in need of hope
5. Need affirmation you're on the right path

LET THE PLAYING BEGIN

2011-04-06T23:18:00.006-04:00

Today I officially start documenting my Play Tour. The Play Tour is an effort for me to experience and learn what play really means. I'm launching a new business to help us all get a little more play in our lives. More details coming soon.

For the play tour I'll be traveling around the U.S. and the world to play. I officially kicked it off in Italy on March 10th, 2011.

In this pic, I'm running wild in the open fields of a castle's garden in Caserta, Italy, March 12th.

I loved running aimlessly, voluntarily, feeling my breath get shorter from giggles, blood rushing, and a whole, big, beautiful field for the taking.

A note about how I'll be documenting: because it's about play, the process of documenting should feel like it. So I'll discover as I go along. I'll do it because I want to. And I'll also stop when it doesn't feel fun. I also want to play with you - because it's all about being social. So please feel free to add to the mix - either by contributing your thoughts, ideas, or your own play experiences.

In the meanwhile, do share - how have you used your body to play recently? (Sex aside, please). Or, where did you unexpectedly create play?

F U dude

2011-04-06T23:11:00.000-04:00

The other day I was crossing the street. My right of way. Totally going at a normal pace. And a car honked really loud and long and turned way too close to me. Dangerously so. Without thinking I gave the guy the finger and screamed, "fuc+ you dude!"

It's been a long time since I let the finger get the best of me. I've gotten myself to a place where I automatically go for empathy versus offense.

(For example, now that I think about, what if that guy had an emergency).

But the truth is, I didn't care in that instant, I was reacting to my being being in danger and what I interpreted as unnecessary assholeness. I'm proud of the FU + Finger combo.

It felt exhilarating. There are times when the warrior needs to be on.

Even in positive psychology, people who score a 10 out 10 in being optimistic aren't actually that well off. If you're too positive and too optimistic you are a danger to yourself. You may not go to the doctor if something needs attention, you may be so content at work that you don't challenge yourself or get lazy, assuming you have total security, and, well, you just might also be manic.

Here's to be normal. And still positively so.
S

how bad do you want it?

2011-04-06T00:55:00.000-04:00

below is a video of the famous marshmellow study where a child is left alone in a room with one marshmellow and told that he'll/she'll receive another if he/she can just wait. 2 out of 3 kids eat it immediately. 18 years later, those that resisted temptation had better jobs, education, and emotional well-being than those who couldn't resist.

self discipline, luckily, is like a muscle and something that you can make stronger. but it can also get depleted. so that means don't try to quit smoking, diet, and reorganize your desk at the same time.

ever wonder why you come home from a hard day at work and just end up taking it out on your loved ones? it's because you've probably used up all your self control at the office and are tapped out - literally. they say that sugar and laughter help replenish one's self control. this must explain my chocolate fix.

anyway, enjoy.

i love being easy

2011-04-05T11:29:00.000-04:00

I recently returned to the gym for the first time in a long time. I took advantage of that one free trainer session they give you when you sign-up. Unfortunately, I was coming out of a bad cold without much sleep upon my first visit.

I almost didn't show. But I did (yeah, yeah, 80% of success is showing up - I tell people all the time).

Anyway. I get there and think, oh boy, some huge, over enthusiastic, big-muscle dude is going to make me run (not my favorite) or sweat like crazy - and right now, I just can't handle it.

But, instead, Danielle, who indeed turns out to be a huge, kindly enthusiastic, big-muscle dude, went easy on me. But actually, it was not JUST easy. It was just right.

For all you over achievers, let me repeat, E-A-S-Y C-A-N B-E J-U-S-T R-I-G-H-T.

I kept asking Danielle, "are you sure this is enough? will I get results just doing this? are you sure I shouldn't do more?"

Yes, yes. He assured me. Stella, it's your first day back. Okay, okay. I agreed. With relief and with disbelief: wow, I'm enjoying this.

You can create and work with ease or with struggle. Which one do you choose? Working with ease doesn't mean there is no challenge - it just means you're not fighting an uphill battle. You still can exert a lot of energy when things happen with ease, but the way you exert is willfully, joyfully, enthusiastically, almost effortlessly versus with dread, concern, and force.

toodles.
s

Dear Cold

2011-04-01T19:14:00.001-04:00

Dear Cold (as in rhinovirus):

Thanks for swinging by. I'm grateful that you came into my life and slowed me down. You reminded me that I need to sleep. That, maybe, I'm working too hard. I got it! I think you've been around long enough...

So feel free to take off, your work is done.

Best,
S

(witness my loving, and anti-histamine-medicated, approach to the stuff that seems like it sucks)