IT's Erik

MARVEL Direct-toDVD: Doctor Strange

2011-01-15T13:35:00.003-06:00

Marvel may be a rising power at the box office, but the direct to dvd market gets a little overlooked. Doctor Strange is a Marvel character that also gets overlooked. Combining the two either cancels that out or increases the overlookedness, I’m not sure yet.

The origin story of Doctor Strange plays out in this feature. We see his transformation from his life as a doctor of medicine to a wielder of the magic arts. While the plot may resemble that of the DC based movie Batman Begins, it is based solidly in Marvel history.

Stephen Strange is a rich doctor who loses everything after an accident. He finds himself traveling to a Tibetan monastery to reinvent himself and regain his life. They introduce a series of characters that are the sorcerers who protect the nexus from the forces of Dormammu.

Anyone with an interest for Marvel’s storytelling will enjoy this movie. I was even able to get my girlfriend interested despite her natural distaste for animation that even vaguely resembles the traditional “anime” style.

Overall I would say this is a definite renter, worth watching and the bonus features are very entertaining and informative on the history of Doc Strange. However, if you are like me, and have to have things because Marvel put their name on it, then there is no shame in owning this movie.

Until next time true believers.

Redondo Beach Fun Factory!

2010-10-13T02:04:00.001-05:00

Lyndsay and I had to kill some time while the guest house we are currently staying in was getting shown to future tenants. So we ventured on down to the Redondo Pier and went to the Fun Factory.

It’s this arcade down by the beach. They have a tilt-a-whirl in the middle of it. A wall of skee-ball lanes. Zillions of those crappy gambling/aim the token machines. And randomly throughout are some awesome arcade cabinets.

Lyndsay cashed in $10 and we set to work to take over the place. We started off with a little Michael Jackson’s Moonwalker.

We dropped about a buck in the machine before we danced so hard it broke. Right as we finished the second boss. I was player one for the record. Then we moved right along to an old favorite of mine. The TMNT Arcade game.

A lot of times people would give up after so long. But we had a crap ton of quarters and determination. We played as all four turtles at some point in the game. Each one had technical difficulties of a different kind.
Leonardo’s joystick didn’t respond correctly. He could move Up, Down and Right, but no Left. This meant that if you walked too far to the right side of the screen you were stuck and couldn’t go back. So as Leo, I spent a lot of time either getting punched by off-screen baddies to the right, or hanging out on the left and letting Lyndsay do the dirty work.
Michelangelo's joystick did every direction except Up. I could sometimes go Up on a Diagonal Left, but not always. So as Mikey, I stayed at the bottom half of the screen trying to keep everything under control.
Donatello had the most responsive joystick. Go figure Donny would be the best off technically.
Raphael also had a fairly responsive joystick according to Lyndsay.

Lyndsay started off as Donny, but we learned that the joysticks weren’t the only glitch. Every quarter in the first slot gave both Leo and Mikey two lives, and every quarter in the second slot gave Donatello and Raphael two lives. This worked out so that for every quarter you could play as two turtles. We played for most of the game where I would switch between Leo and Mikey, and Lyndsay would handle Raph and Donny. This became a problem when, due to the old blurred screen, you would lose track of your turtle. Lyndsay would think Donny died when it was Leo and so she would activate Raph. Then when Leo respawned we would have three turtles running about. You really show your skills when you micro-manage an arcade cabinet. By the end of the game we had switched to just using Don and Raph, so that each quarter gave us both a pair of lives. I’m not sure exactly how much we spent, but we had $2.75 left when this screen came up.

Not exactly a history making end to a video game, but it instills one with a sense of pride to know we wasted over $5 in quarters to earn this screen.

To use up the last few quarters we made our way to another old favorite of mine. The Simpsons Arcade. We tried out all four characters on this one too before we ran out of change. Marge was a little sticky on the joystick. Caused me to lose a bunch. Homer worked great, which is good, because that’s my personal favorite and the best character to be in this game. Bart seemed to be a little iffy on the joystick when Lyndsay was playing, and Lisa while fine with the joystick, her jump button didn’t work. That caused a few issues. We got to the 8th level before letting the timer run out but I was pleased to see a screen pop up alerting me that my time as Homer earned me the #1 score on the machine. I entered my initials and took this shot for bragging rights.

All in all, it was a really good night. Some great gaming. If I make it back I might pop a couple quarters into the Episode 1: Racer Arcade, that’s the one with Anakin’s pod that you sit in. Let me see if I can find a picture online of it….

There we go. Fun Factory, you get a C+ in my book. You got really high scores for having the great cabinets, but you lost points for not having any pinball machines. Also the machines you did have had major problems. If you’d hire someone to restore those or just sell me the machine, you could go down in history as the greatest ever.

Until next time true believers,

“The Erik”

What are you doing with your life!?

2010-09-29T00:15:00.001-05:00

Well, where do I even begin…
(psst… try the beginning.)
Oh, good idea, me.

So life never ceases to amaze me. Never letting me rest too long, always keeping me on my toes. I wrote on here awhile back about how my life got twisted, turned upside down. And I told you all about how I became a technician near Bel Air. Torrance to be exact.

I haven’t talked much about my adventures in California. Of which there have been many. Not as much as I would have liked, but I wasn’t established here very well. I packed up and moved so quickly that it put me behind on my bills and forced to borrow from friends. Friends should never be treated as banks, and I hate borrowing from them, but desperate times causes us all to bend our own personal rules.

10 months I have been out here in Los Angeles. It has flown by so fast. From the first few months trying to get settled, the next few months trying to balance work and play. Then moving down to Torrance with Lyndsay to be closer to my office, and now even more new adventures, but we’ll get to those soon enough.

From the first couple of weeks out here and getting my rental car rammed on the way to work, I realized this was going to be a completely different ball game from mild Kansas. And boy was it. The accident with the rental was drawn out for a few months. A crazy senior from Yemen was the one who ran the light and smashed into the car. A month after the accident he tried to sue me for injuries. Luckily, because the evidence that he ran the light was overwhelming he decided to withdraw his suit.

Kyle and I played car tetris with most of my worldly belongings loaded up his parents’ denali and played “Convoy” across the country. We bought walkie talkies so we could talk to each other even though we were in separate cars. The “10-4 good buddy” jokes only lasted about 5 hours into the trip, but they repeated at hours 13 and 21. We also discovered that our separate FM transmitters for our mp3 players had a range large enough so that we could both listen to the same music. Basically we turned our road trip into raid night on ventrilo. “More DOTS! Many gas stations, left side!”

The car lasted until around February. When I fell prey to Interstate 405. The 405 has been dubbed the absolute worst highway in the whole Unites States for traffic. I was mildly handling the 60-90 minute commute to work from the apartment. In fairness, California residents did warn me that it would be a horrible drive. I was a naive Kansas boy who thought 30 miles meant 30 minutes. Which it does in Kansas. But alas, during the routine stop and go, I go’d went i should have stopped and rear ended the car in front of me. Really did a number on my car. It was drivable, but it was ugly. Then on top of that, to save money back in Kansas, I had set my insurance deductible to a ridiculous $2000. The initial estimate was set at $2600 for the structural damage. The hood was bent in on itself and couldn’t be opened. While I saved up for it, I rode the bus to work to save on gas and to give my poor car a break. The bus ride changed my commute time from 60-90 minutes, to 2 to 2.5 hours. I was not enjoying life very much. With the commute to work taking a round trip total of 5-6 hours out of my day, starting with catchign the bus at 4:30AM and getting home around 7PM, I had enough time to eat and sleep before starting the cycle over.

But I lived with Kyle and all my new friends, Heather and Arazi, TJ, and the illusive Turner. And while they were not roommates proper Laura and James were there all the time. This was my new family. But our schedules did not play nice. Kyle for instance, slept in until noon… 9AM! Sorry Kyle, you were totally up by 9. Some days. When you had something to do. So Kyle’s average sleeping schedule had him still in bed at least 5 hours after I left the apartment. I would estimate his average bedtime was at least midnight, probably closer to 1AM. Out of the 24 hour day, I was away with work for around 15 of them. Leaving me with 9 hours inside of the apartment for leisure activity and sleep. 6 of those hours were during my friends’ prime time, 7PM-1AM. So from those hours as a group we would hang out, play video games like Rock Band or maybe even board games, watch movies, just generally being an awesome little group of friends. We were a community. But by the time I got home, I wanted to go to bed. I rarely did at first. Thinking, “I’ll sleep tomorrow!” and I would partake in the evenings activities, trying to make it through the day on 3-4 hours of sleep.

Eventually the need for sleep won out, I would come home, sometimes trying to sneak into the apartment as to not let anyone notice my presence and go straight to bed. I would remain there asleep until they came looking for me. Wondering why I would not play in all their reindeer games. Weekends would come and I just wanted to lie in bed the entire time.

My work ethic faltered, my social life faltered, and my friends began to feel I was being distant. I began to feel my routine was becoming a rut. Then I actually started feeling the need to become distant. I am pretty sure this caused some ruptures in some of my new friendships, which I hope one day they can be repaired.

But it came down to a choice, Work or Play?

What could I do? What would any of us do? Seriously, what would you choose?

Feel free to leave some comments, I’ll be continuing my tales and catching you all up on my many adventures. Until next time, true believers…

“The Erik” Sanburn
Sleepless Wonder

Asian Demons and the Snow Globes they Love.

2010-08-27T23:40:00.001-05:00

I came across this awhile back. It was a great laugh. Lyndsay was playing one of her many Iphone games, this one a particular favorite. Robot Unicorn Attack. I know it’s been around for quite sometime and I knew I recognized the music that was blasting out of the phone. Did a little research, (thanks Google!) and tracked down Erasure. I have a soft spot for Erasure. Can’t go wrong with a little homo-rock. That’s not an offensive term Erasure is a big proponent in the LGBT community. Of which I am not a member, but I fully support them in their cause for equality.

Breezing past the comment sure to whip up a political frenzy amid the comments… I have provided the video below. It cracks me up. I also provided a link to the Facebook version of Robot Unicorn Attack. Feel free to beat my score. I’m only moderately decent at this game.

Robot Unicorn Attack : Facebook App

Until Next Time True Believers,

The Erik

Project Wolfman: Or How I learned to Stop Shaving and Love the Beard.

2010-07-04T04:27:00.001-05:00

Day 93: Preparing to head back to Kansas for the first time since Febraury. I’m looking forward to reuniting with friends and family. As I begin to look more and more like Harry from “Harry and the Hendersons”, I just hope the family will recognize me.

It appears the beard has slowed its growth. The hair is slow and steady. Comparing this to the last picture I can see the hair now meets the bottom of my neck. Now it will branch out to fill the shoulder space. It will be interesting to see what will happen in the next 90 days.

More updates as the beard thickens…

Project Wolfman: Or I How I Learned to Stop Shaving and Love the Beard

2010-05-20T01:26:00.009-05:00

Day 49: Today was my birthday. The beard continues to grow. With each day it looks more and more like an upside down afro. While browsing the internet I discovered how much I am starting to resemble Kurt Russell from 1982’s “The Thing.”

My hair growth is not as noticeable at this juncture due to the rapid facial hair expansion across my jaw. More updates as the beard thickens…

Project Wolfman: Or I How I Learned to Stop Shaving and Love the Beard

2010-05-06T17:57:00.001-05:00

Sometimes in a man’s life he has to make some tough decisions. And then sometimes he make make some really questionable decisions. One such decision is my acceptance of TJ’s challenge to go a whole year without shaving or cutting my hair. I thought to myself, “Why not?” And then TJ upped the ante a little, to make me an offer I couldn’t refuse. TJ and Heather added some brutal stakes into this little challenge. If I maintain uninterrupted hair growth for a whole year, I will be rewarded with a 12 pack of Pepsi every week for 6 months. That’s approximately 288 cans of Pepsi! How could I resist!? There is a downside obviously, should I forfeit and give myself a much needed trim before the year is up, then I will be buying Heather and TJ a 12-pack a week for six months.

So here we are after the first month. April 1st, 2011 is zero day. We’ll see how crazy my hair gets this coming year. The things I do for Pepsi and/or money. One of these days I’m going to get myself into trouble. Now if you’ll excuse me I have some hair to grow.

Until next time true-believers!

“The Erik” Sanburn

I Came, I saw, I F*cking Ate It: KFC Double Down

2010-04-23T17:57:00.001-05:00

I decided that I’m going to try and start several “series” on my blog. Like this one called “I came, I saw, I F*cking Ate It.” This combines my strange need to blog and my strange eating habits. I mean if you’re going to be overweight, might as well enjoy it, right?

So to kick off this series, I went for a fast food item that I originally thought was a joke. The KFC Double Down. I have provided for you KFC’s sales pitch.

“The new KFC Double Down sandwich is real! This one-of-a-kind sandwich features two thick and juicy boneless white meat chicken filets (Original Recipe® or Grilled), two pieces of bacon, two melted slices of Monterey Jack and pepper jack cheese and Colonel's Sauce. This product is so meaty, there’s no room for a bun!”

That’s right, a cheese and bacon sandwich that uses fried chicken instead of buns. All smothered in a thousand island dressing. This is the American dream right here. I don’t know why we haven’t thought of this before!? Why are we still using bread for buns when we can use meat product!? Are we not men, do we not have needs? When you prick us, do we not excrete fatty solution that’s similar to mayonnaise? If you experience that last little bit, you may need to see a doctor.

Picked up the Double Down on my home from work the other day. With a side and a drink it ran me $6.99+Tax. I wasn’t driving, which was a good idea, because this thing was messy and greasy. I won’t lie to you, I enjoyed the taste. The textures played nice together. It literally is just a chicken and bacon sandwich without buns. While I think anyone who eats this should feel ashamed, and I can’t believe KFC actually put this on the menu, but I know deep down that America has dreamed of this. It’s a heavy sitter though. All that meat and cheese put a block in my belly, but I enjoyed it’s crazy wild ride while it lasted. I would only reccomend this for novelty purposes. It was decent, but I couldn’t imagine eating this on a regular basis.

I’m going to give this one 4 Cupcakes and a fat kid.

Another Satisfied Customer!

Give Me Your Money and I'll Do Your Job!

2010-04-01T18:19:00.004-05:00

My new ad on Craigslist. I need some extra cash, so if anybody needs anything done or has so money to waste, throw it my way and I'll take requests. Anything for a dollar! I accept paypal as well. Send me a request and how much your bid for the task is and I will do it! Want me to upload a video on youtube of me falling down some stairs? I'll do it for your money! Click the button below to send me some cash!

craigslist: Active Posting -

I live in NoHo and work in Torrance and I need some extra cash. I am trained and certified to fix your computer. I have experience renovating homes and handyman duties. I can draw and paint and act as well. I am willing to do anything for a price! (Within legal reason.) No job is too big or hard, let me save you from having to do household chores. I'll clean your room, mow your lawn, clean your gutters. Electronics are my specialty, laptop on the fritz? No Problem. I'll even do your homework!

I just moved to California and I need some extra cash to pay off some damage that was done to my car. Please help a guy out, I am very willing and eager to earn your money!

Thanks,
Erik

The Unwatchable Movie Challenge: Reel 3

2010-03-18T13:36:00.001-05:00

Welcome back to the Unwatchable Movie Challenge after 3 months of emptiness. The move from Kansas to California really took a beating on me. (As well as my car…) But we came back in the third round with a real contender. A movie so bad they didn’t release it for 26 years!

Movie: Death Bed: The Bed That Eats
Tagline: Lost Horror Film of the Seventies.
Director: George Barry
Starring: Demene Hall, William Russ, Julie Ritter, Linda Bond, Patrick Spence-Thomas.
Filmed: 1977
Released: 2003
This film has no rating.
Runtime: 77 min
Genre: Horror
Writer: George Barry

Length of Movie I Watched:
There was a group of about 5 of us that sat through this whole thing.

Verdict: There was a reason this thing took over 20 years to get released. As far as I’m concerned this thing probably should have stayed buried.

Death Bed: The Bed that Eats. Really? Where does that idea get fun? The writer/director George Barry supposedly came up with this in a dream, and tried to make the movie resemble that. The pacing is really off because of the attempt to make this surreal. But believe me, the pacing is by far not the worst aspect of this film. This movie is jumbled, poorly thought out and the exposition to how and why the bed eats is lackadaisical. So if you can muscle through the structure of the film and really get down to the core, a demonic bed that dissolves people in a frothy brew between the sheets, then you just run into more problems. The acting is obviously going to be sub-par, you wouldn’t want someone coming in and showing up the bed with “Acting Skills.” The filmography is rough and the lighting is poor. Sound design is half-assed and doesn’t always make sense. There really isn’t anything good to say about this movie.

The funny thing about this is the fact it took Mr. Barry 5 years to finish filming this. FIVE FREAKING YEARS! He started in 1972 and didn’t get it finished until 1977. He shopped it around for awhile but surprisingly no one wanted to distribute a crappy film about a bed that eats. Weird, huh? He finally gave up in the 80’s, and then right before the DVD release in 2003 his daughter started getting the word out again. He actually had forgotten he made the movie for some time. If the movie is so bad that it’s creator who wasted years of his life on this project could manage to force the idea out of his head, it might not be a good movie. What I wanna know is if the shooting schedule was really lazy or if he kept going back to redo scenes and improve the movie? I mean the idea that this release may be the 3rd or 4th revision and THAT was the very best he could do, that’s scary. That is scarier than anything actually in the film.

Patton Oswalt, who is a comedic genius, has a rather long bit on Death Bed from one of his albums. That’s where Kyle and I first heard about this film. In fact, they probably owe a lot of DVD sales to Patton’s stand up act.

There you have it. Reel 3 of the Unwatchable Movie Challenge. Kyle’s second pick was much worse than Teeth, but those mutilated penises will forever haunt me. Now it’s time for me to choose another movie. I’m going to try and aim away from the Horror genre, although Netflix did just release Dead Snow on Instant Watch. However I might try and dig deep for some really bad obscure comedy from the 80s or something.

I will leave you all with clips from Death Bed. Watch at your own risk.

--“The Erik” Sanburn

Erik, I've a feeling we're not in Kansas any more: Part 5

2010-03-17T08:00:00.003-05:00

PART V

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The reception was terrible here at home and the phone had never even rang on my end. I got up and wondered around until I found a sweet spot for signal. Phoned into the message system and retrieved something odd.

It was a response to a resume I had emailed in not 8 hours prior to that. The quick turnaround actually made me figure it was a dead end. I called them back anyway. Got their voicemail and left a message. I didn't figure I would hear from them anytime soon. However, I figured wrong.

I received another return phone call a few hours later. They seemed interested.

They were a relatively new company, but were based out of Los Angeles. I had only sent in the application as a longshot. The lady I was speaking to inquired about my location to see if I was looking to relocate or if I already had. I told her how I was willing to relocate and was still living in Kansas at the time. She asked if I could do a phone interview later that day. I agreed. She set it up for 5:30 Central time. I told her that time worked perfect and ended the call.

The time wasn't exactly "perfect" as I did have a conflict. I was supposed to be preparing to go on the air for my weekly radio talk show that went live at 6:00PM. I informed my co-hosts that I may be late for that evenings show as I had a job interview half an hour before the show.

I was excited for the opportunity and the chance to interview with the company, however my hopes were not very high. I didn't know what to expect, and I wasn't sure I could impress any potential employers anyway.

Around 5:00PM I prepared my things for the interview. Then I drove into town. I didn't want the cell reception to cost me a job, so I drive into the city limits to a K-Mart parking lot. I had my 5 bars of cell reception and I was ready.

The phone rang. Caller ID informs me that the company is calling for the interview. I nervously exhale. I answer the call. I am introduced to the Project Lead and the Senior Engineer. They give me a run down of the position and we discuss my experience and my qualifications. Then they inform me that they would like to ask me a few technical questions. I wasn't really prepared for them to call my abilities into question. It only makes sense to verify that I know what I claim to know, but I had never gone through that in an interview before.

I agreed to the line of questioning. They ran me through scenarios of user error, wrong keystrokes, and system settings. I answered the questions at about 98% efficiency. They expressed that they were impressed with me and would try to get back to me by the end of the week after they gave it some thought. I thanked them for the opportunity and ended the call.

I had a confident feeling after the interview. I had a text message from my mother waiting on me. My family was meeting for dinner at Taco Hut and asked me to drop by and get something to eat after the interview. I drove over to Taco Hut, which was only about a mile from K-Mart. I am parking my car not five minutes after ending my interview. I start to get out of the car and the cell phone rings again. It's the same company calling back again. I sit back down and shut my car door again.

"Hello?" I answered.

The lady who set up my interview called back to ask me how I thought the interview went. I told her I thought it went really well. She agrees and says she heard good things about me from the two guys who interviewed me. There is a slight awkward pause as no one says anything for about 10 seconds.

She chimes in again, "Well, I wanted to call and let you know that we've decided to offer you the position."

I did not know how to react. She asked me if I needed to think about it.

"Yeah, this is a big move, I should probably think this one over."

Yet as the words exited my mouth I thought to myself that this opportunity was too good to be true and that if I hesitate like I do with so many things in my life, if I over analyze this, I may miss out on something amazing.

"Yes! I accept! I want the job."

A mere 10 seconds of thought and my future was changed so drastically. I was embarking on an incredible journey. The next week was hectic as I was running around trying to secure all the details of my move. 2 weeks in L.A. and then 2 weeks in Kansas and then I was back in L.A. to start my new life. And what a life it has been...

Earthquakes are God's cell phone vibrating...

2010-03-16T16:24:00.000-05:00

I like to stay topical in my blogs. That's why I'm currently posting a five part story that took place last year some time about some stuff that no one cares about. So I keep hearing about these earthquakes all over the place. They were all the buzz after Haiti got one. Well Los Angeles isn't about to be topped by some little island, we got our own earthquake this morning! So I thought I would provide some rudimentary knowledge about earthquakes for everyone since these quake things are going around nowadays.

EARTHQUAKE SAFETY TIPS

Earthquakes can strike without warning, and being prepared for such a disaster can mean the difference between life and death. Here are some tips to help you and your loved ones make it through a quake:

Those living in areas not prone to earthquakes can respond quickly to the plight of disaster victims in quake zones by complacently smirking and saying, "I told you so.
To minimize loss and damage in a quake, try not to own things.
Experiencing an earthquake is terrifying, but a majority of people caught in one do survive. During the tremors, try to resist the temptation to have sex with pets or houseplants.
Practice your burrowing-out-from-under-40-tons-of-rubble skills ahead of time.
Look out your window often. If you see a large, zig-zag-shaped crevasse moving rapidly from the horizon toward your home, step either to the right or the left.
Do you have a treasured childhood toy? Perhaps a stuffed animal, such as a teddy bear? Well, let's see Mr. Bear help you now.
For those who fear earthquakes, it may comfort you to know that a majority of the damage during the 1906 San Francisco earthquake did not come from the tremors themselves. Instead, it was from the raging, out-of-control fires that consumed most of the city.
A doorway is the safest place to be during a quake. Eat, sleep and work in doorways.
Be sure to mail your house insurance payments a full five business days before a major earthquake strikes.
In the event of a quake, get under something heavy, such as a desk, a table or your uncle.
If you are caught in a major earthquake in Southern California and are part of the entertainment industry, take a moment or two to reflect on how grossly you've wasted your life.

So there are some good tips for earthquakes. I had never felt a "quake", as the cool kids call it, before. I wasn't sure if that was what it was when I woke just before 4 o'clock this morning. Kinda felt like i was sleeping on a vibrating phone. All in all, I'm glad nothing bad happened.

Until next time Donutheads,

"The Erik" Sanburn

Erik, I've a feeling we're not in Kansas any more: Part 4

2010-03-16T08:00:00.003-05:00

PART IV

----------------------------

I awake suddenly to dogs barking. Perhaps this nightmare is over. It's past noon. I am still in it. My mother has come home for her lunch hour. I am not hungry. Still so tired. I let the sleep pull me in.

I awake again. Darkness has set in outside. I am still tired. My body heavy and sluggish. Sleep won't come for me, not now. I lay awake staring up into darkness as the occasional passing car causes a small glimpse of light across the ceiling. Time passes, I have no control over the moment.

I finally pull myself up. I pull up my chair to my desk. I double check my resume. Everything checks out. As I begin signing up for and browsing job postings in the local area I still feel gloom lurking. No way for me to see or know where I will be in a year, a month, or even a day. My life is a blank slate again.

All night long I continue to hunt for anything and everything that would accept an online application. I began a carpet bomb of job posting sites. Sending my resume to anyone and everyone that had even a glimmer of a chance of calling me in. I continued sending in applications until the search results only brought back postings I already applied for.

Then I returned to the comfortable and safe surroundings of the couch. Sleep had returned to claim me once again. I let it take me. Hoping that all would be well by morning.

Morning came.

My brain urged me to get up and seek out a fix for my predicament. I could not move, my appendages so heavy. All I could do was to return to sleep. I stayed there most of the day. It was all I could do. No desire to get up and face the world. I was feeling worthless and acting the part.

That evening I received a text. Molly was coming to town. This brought a sliver of joy to me. More than I had had in the last 36 hours. I went to meet up with her at our usual spot in Hutchinson. The IHOP. I was glad to see her, we had known each other for so long, yet never had gotten as close as we had over the month since Allison's wedding. I knew she could help bring me out of my funk, but at the same time I felt ashamed to have to admit my failure to her or anyone else.

We had a long talk. We always had long talks. I liked how we could just sit and talk for hours about whatever we felt like saying. I explained that my life had been thrown upside down and how I didn't completely know where I was heading. I knew where I figured I would end up though. Wichita seemed like the most logical and obvious destination. We concluded our evening.

I ventured back home and made another pass over the job posting sites. No responses from anywhere had come in. I had a few more days until I would really start to freak out. I wrote off the lack of response due to the Thanksgiving holiday that was upon us. I once again returned to my new favorite vacation spot, sleep.

I awoke again. Sleep was still uneasy and restless, but I still craved more. I rolled over and as I shut my eyes I notice a blinking on my phone. I had a voicemail.

To Be Continued...

Erik, I've a feeling we're not in Kansas any more: Part 3

2010-03-15T08:00:00.005-05:00

PART III

---------------------------------

I arrive at home. Still in shock at what is actually transpiring. I am in no hurry to return to the office. In some form of denial, I think the longer it takes me to go back, the less the events are actually happening. I can't return anytime soon though, I have several gigs of data on my work issued usb drive. I plug it in and begin transferring all my data off of the drive. I find my missing keycard that aided the cause.
I go pour me a stiff drink, Pepsi, on the rocks. I go sit down in front of my computer. Staring blankly at the screen as the data transfers. As each byte of data transfers I realize more and more how much I can not afford to be unemployed. Debt up to my eyeballs and it's only going to get bigger as my meager paycheck comes streaming in after the holidays. I hope that the job interview I had the week before pays off. It would mean moving to Wichita most likely, but that wouldn't be so bad. I could start over, a new life. I've been wanting something new and drastic for awhile, perhaps this is my chance.
I mean Wichita is a great city. I enjoy hanging out there, I have a friends there, one in particular who I would greatly enjoy spending a lot more time with. My actor friend is there as well and we could move in together. It would get me back into a more creative environment. My spirits brighten slightly as I think of possibilities.
I browse the web a bit and find the site for Kansas Unemployment Benefits. I am an unlikely candidate since I was fired and not laid off, but might as well cover my bases. I also go through and update my resume with an end date on my last employer. Send off a couple of applications online and then decide to go and head back to the office.
I drive back in. I come in through the back and my supervisor is in a meeting. I go ahead and begin cleaning up and packing up my belongings. I had such a nice cubicle. I pack up my trinkets and my swag I've obtained over the last year and a half. Picking up my tools and looking over at unfinished projects sitting on my workbench. Whoever gets stuck with those projects is going to have a heck of a time completing them. Not because of any sabotage on my part, but because I have been the only one who reassembled laptops in the last 2 years.
My supervisor exits his office and gestures for me. We march through the building and I take a seat in the board room. The lady with the paperwork comes in and explains the process to me. I sign the documents stating that I won't sue for anything and then head back to my cubicle. I continue the process of packing up what is mine and returning what was theirs. This goes on for another hour or so. I get the last of everything loaded into my car. I inform my supervisor and head for the door. The scheduler stops me.

This is a woman who has been working on my downfall for awhile. office politics can turn some into bitter human beings, and she had been turned long ago. She offered me condolences and words of empathy. I took nothing from the hollow words. I was becoming quite bitter over the whole incident.

I get into my car once more and I drive away. My car full of debris and a collection of paperwork and guides. I drive home once again. I feel empty, exhausted. Not sure where to go. What I will do? I am falling. I collapse onto my couch. Sleep engulfs me. Restless, uneasy sleep.

To Be Continued...

Erik, I've a feeling we're not in Kansas any more: Part 2

2010-01-27T14:25:00.002-06:00

I stepped into the office. It was covered in football memorabilia. I always thought it odd when I met a computer tech who enjoyed sports. It makes sense, lots of people enjoy sports. However, myself being a more stereotypical nerd, I don’t understand nor care about sports affiliations.

"Go ahead and close the door behind you." My supervisor says as he sits behind his desk. That's never a good sign. A closed door is an unhappy door. A closed door no matter how innocent makes people assume the worst. I closed the door, heard the latch click into place and took a seat in front of the desk.

"Alright, why were late this morning?" He asked. His voice sounding slightly strained. Others had mentioned he didn't handle confrontation well, and we both knew where this was going.

"I left the house and the visibility was down to practically nothing in that fog. I traveled at the safest speed in the fog and still nearly ran into people," I explained.

"Right, well I'm afraid I have no choice," the supervisor began.

"Whoa! Hold on, there was no possible way I could have anticipated fog. Can you even remember the last time we had a thick fog cover the entire city like this?"

"Regardless, you should have been prepared to leave on time. You had been warned in the past. I have no choice but to terminate you."

The words hung thick in the air. Words I had hoped to prevent, words that heavy cannot be recalled easily.

"You do have a choice though, there's always choices. I haven't been late even a second in over 40 days." I pleaded.

"I have to set a precedent. When I say something I have to follow through with it. You can pack up your stuff and turn in your key card." he said to me. I'm not sure if he was telling me or convincing himself that was the case.

"I don't have my key card with me, that's why I couldn't get in the building this morning." I reiterated.

"Well then let's see if maybe you can leave to go get your stuff and then come back to finish paperwork and things," he suggested.

We left the office and traveled up to the front of the building. We poked our heads into the the office of the lady who would be drawing up the papers for my termination. She was on the phone at the time. She raised her index finger to show that she wouldn't be much longer. She knew what was going on before I had been informed. I wondered how many others already knew what was transpiring.

"Yeah... alright... Yes. I gotta let you go. I'll call you back, I have an employee out here, Erik. Yeah he's not working out so we have to let him go. I gotta get some papers drawn up. okay, talk to you later," she whispered loudly into the phone.

Gossip. I hate gossip. Especially when it's about me. I don't understand why people like talking about other people. It was a problem I ran into a lot at this company. I had been targeted for termination awhile back because I filed a complaint against one of the "powers that be" for telling other employees about disciplinary actions taken against me.

I thought that it would solve a lot of problems by reporting something that everyone in the office knew was taking place. Stand up and fight the good fight. Well, from my personal experience, those that stand up for what they believe in become martyrs for a cause that may or may not have been worthwhile. I realize this is a horribly pessimistic thought, but being fired puts one in that mood.

"Erik needs to go get his key card and his external drive from his home. Is that okay if he runs to get that before signing the paperwork?" my supervisor asked.

"That will be fine. Just come back when you get that and we'll get everything sorted out," the lady in the office responded.

"Alright," I agreed.

I walked back through the building. I continued on through the garage and out the back door. Got in my car and drove away. Part of me wanted to keep driving forever. If I never stopped driving I would never have to face my failure. I slowed down at a stop sign and let my heavy head drop down onto the steering wheel. That's when I noticed the glowing orange light on the dashboard reminding me that I still have to get gas. Exactly what I need, to spend money.

I crank up the volume on the radio as I drive to the gas station.

Upon arriving I get out use the pay at the pump service and begin pumping gallons of overpriced fuel into my car. I stand there waiting for the pump to click off as the cold wind bites at my face and arms. I drive off towards home, wondering if I will have the ability to stop driving when I reach the destination. A coldness seeps into me. Filling me. Dark days loom on my horizon.

To Be Continued...

Erik, I've a feeling we're not in Kansas any more: Part 1

2009-12-23T23:42:00.001-06:00

What a crazy adventure that I have been set upon. An epic journey across miles of vast deserts to find a fabled city. And upon finding this city I will be rewarded with riches the likes of which I have never seen. The question is, am I prepared?

The week started as any week over the last year has started. But upon this fateful Monday morning a thick an ominous fog loomed over the city of Hutchinson. As I performed my morning rituals, slapped myself awake and stepped out to face the world, I realized this was no average fog. I had not seen a fog so thick in ages. My little orange car pulled out onto the road and chugged along as I noticed the warning light telling me I was out of gas illuminate on the dashboard. I sighed. I have a bad habit of pushing my car to the limit on gas mileage… which usually ends in me pushing my car.
This morning however the light was freshly lit, meaning I had up to 30 miles to go before I would be walking. So I ignored the warning and pressed on through the treacherous fog. Visibility was low. I could see maybe ten feet in front of me. Traffic was crawling and thus I was too. I watched the seconds ticking by as my twelve minute drive turned into fifteen, and then into twenty. 7:45, the Monday morning meeting had begun, without me in attendance.
I was always warned that if you were going to be late, don’t be late to the Monday meeting. The CEO of the company sits at the front of the room and can see everyone and watches as the employees file in. He glances at the clock noting as each person enters with coffee or soda in hand. This particular morning I can only imagine a list of names and a bolded “?” scribbled next to mine.
Where am I? I am clutching the steering wheel tighter and gnashing my teeth at the people who are arriving to their places of work ten minutes in advance. They slow their speeds and drive leisurely, to stall the inevitable Monday morning. I am now five minutes late to a meeting and I do not share their leisure. I am frantic. I am now stressed before I even start my day and I arrive 7 minutes late to my Monday. I park my car and hurriedly jump from the vehicle and run to the door. Hands flying, dumping out pockets, searching for the keycard that magically unlocks the door. I feel a cold breeze send shivers throughout my body. An empty feeling swells in my stomach. I forgot my keycard. Access Denied.
I press the button which rings the phone system like a doorbell. However, I know that it is futile as every single employee is sitting in a board room where the phone doesn’t ring. I wait, cold and alone, knowing that I have to find a way in. Thirty more seconds go by. I can’t sit outside the whole time. I walk around the building and beginning tapping on windows as I go by, hoping someone will hear me outside and come rescue me.
My supervisor opens the door and lets me in the building. I enter the room, collect the papers sitting by the door and find a seat. All eyes in the room watching me as I avoid their stares. The meeting continues as normal. Nothing out of the ordinary, business continues as though nothing has happened. The meeting ends and all the employees shuffle off to their respective corners of the building. I sit myself down to catch up on emails from over the weekend.
”Erik can I see you in my office?” My supervisor asks, but it isn’t a question. I can’t politely decline this and carry on. I breathe a heavy breath and push the rolling office chair away from my desk. I steadily make my way into the office, feeling that my morning is going to get much worse.

To Be Continued…

The Unwatchable Movie Challenge: Reel 2

2009-12-16T12:04:00.001-06:00

Movie: Teenape Goes to Camp
Tagline: No more teachers, no more books …only Teenape’s dirty looks!
Director: Chris Seaver
Starring: Meredith Host, Casey Bowker, Jesse Ames, A.J. Stabone, Josh Suire
Released: 2008
This film has no rating.
Runtime: 61 min
Genre: Comedy | Horror
Writer: Chris Seaver

Length of Movie I Watched:
I sat through every terrible minute of it.

Verdict: As bad as this poster makes this move look, it is worse. If you have an ounce of decency in your soul, spare yourself and anyone else the pain of having to watch this.

Here’s the trailer. Watch at your own risk.

So Reel 2 finally happened. This time around I was the one issuing the challenge. I started to miss “Teeth” a little bit while watching this. At least in Reel 1 the production values were existent, but with a company name like “Low Budget Productions” I shouldn’t have expected anything great. This movie definitely tested our ability to watch a bad movie and really amped up the challenge from Reel 1. I think as far as the “Unwatchable Movie Challenge” goes, if you think to yourself, “Maybe I shouldn’t have picked this movie after all” throughout the film, it was a good challenge.

This movie opens for no reason with a Pirates of the Caribbean parody. It then changes to follow the 80’s raunchy comedies path for the majority of the movie and eventually switches again to slasher and action parodies.
The acting is subpar, no, that doesn’t describe it well enough. When I was in high school I produced a half hour television pilot with some friends. We all were decent high-school actors, but we cast additional people who had no idea what acting was. Instead of coaching and directing the less experienced up to match our levels, everybody just seemed to suck worse. I loved to watch that show after we made it, coming back to it now, I despise it. It is absolutely atrocious. THIS MOVIE IS WORSE THAN THAT! It honestly just seems like a bunch of friends wanted to make something silly, they did, and somehow they are distributing this film and several more all over the place. I picked this up off of Netflix. While browsing their website I discovered that they have received a nod from Troma founder Lloyd Kaufman. www.dorkswithoutfaces.com/lowbudgetpictures/index.html

The writing is forced, they want to offend you in the style that South Park or Family Guy has offensive humor just to offend everyone. It doesn’t come off as offensive or funny. Perhaps I am biased, because I am a comedy writer and don’t really enjoy that kind of style of forcing dirty words into lines because of the “Ha Ha, you said poopy!” type of humor. But going back as far as the original “Scary Movie” and the ridiculous amounts of crap that monster has spawned I have hated them. I think humor should be more layered than poop jokes. And just because they have several layers of poop, doesn’t make it a layered joke.

Obviously, Teenape will have his followers, he will have people that think his gorilla mask that barely covers his face is part of the “feel” of the film. I have no problem with low budget raunchy comedies. I love Troma. I love camp, and that’s not the log cabins in the woods kind of camp, I mean campy humor. Over the top, obviously fake gore also has no problems in my book. But there is a way to do it right. There are cheap ways to make your title character not sound like he is talking inside a mask for an hour. There are cheap ways to cast your production with competent actors. And the cheapest thing of all is writing decent material to work with. I like low budget indie films. I think they can find a place and now and then even contend with the big budget Hollywood blockbusters. “Teenape goes to Camp” fails on all levels as a film. I have not seen any of their other productions, but I hope that they are much better. For the sake of all humanity.

I don’t even want to think where Reel 3 is going to take us…

Until next time, may god have mercy on your soul,
-- “The Erik” Sanburn

P.S. Coming next week I will be releasing the 5-part short story chronicling my recent adventures in life. I know a lot of you aren’t up with the full story, but all will be revealed soon.

Learnin’ and Burnin’

2009-10-06T17:30:00.000-05:00

I’ve been working at NMGI for about a year and some change now. Staying very busy with all sorts of exciting work, such as fighting viruses, installing new systems, and protecting data from disastrous hard drives. Okay, maybe that is only exciting for someone who enjoys working on computers. I have over this last year accomplished a lot in regards to my pursuit of knowledge. I’ve been earning certifications and passing tests as quick as I could get the information down. However, as of late I seem to be inside a bit of a lull. I haven’t taken a test in 2 months. I could say I’m just taking my time preparing for the next, but that wouldn’t be completely honest. I keep meaning to sit down with my study materials, but just can never get focused.

The test in question is CompTIA’s Server+ exam. This test proves to the world that I know how to install and troubleshoot servers. I really don’t have much experience with working on servers at this point and so the test is a little scary. I’m learning all new information to try and pass this one. I know that if I actually sit down and go over the material I could pick it up quickly. I’ve always been able to memorize and retain information super fast.

Back when I still performed in the theatre on a regular basis, I became a good backup choice because of my ability to learn long scripts in a short time. It started with a run of the Marx Brothers’ Animal Crackers. I came in as a replacement to an actor that had dropped out and was told that it was a big part and I would only have two weeks to learn it. I agreed and got to the first rehearsal and found out I was Chico Marx. I pulled it off and that remains one of my favorite shows I have been in yet.
Right after that show I auditioned for Agatha Christie’s Murder on the Nile. I was only cast as the captain, a cameo appearance with 3 lines at the beginning of Act II. However, Dustin had been cast as Simon who was a major supporting character present in almost every scene. As I recall, Dustin’s girlfriend thought that the show took too much time and told him not to do it anymore. So he dropped out two weeks before curtain. Well guess who got promoted? If you guessed Tim from Accounts Receivable on the 5th floor you’d be wrong. It was me. I burned through the script and nailed that performance almost word for word.
I followed that show up with The Hobbit. I played Gandalf the Grey, I was a bad-ass. I took a break for about a year trying to make it in the commercial sector. I got talked into doing Esther, written and directed by Craig Williams, a local junior high school principal. Came back a few shows after that and starred as Inspector Jacque Clouseau in the stage version of The Pink Panther Strikes Back. I told the cast it would be my last show with the FCT, Family Children’s Theatre. But I lied, I came back and auditioned for a musical based on the music of John Phillips Sousa. Think Mamma Mia! meets a grade school marching band. I don’t even remember the name of the musical. I auditioned as a favor not expecting to get in because of my lack of musical talent. Unfortunately there was a shortage of people at the audition and EVERYONE got in. I was struggling with time constraints and did the one thing I swore I would never do. I dropped out. I quit the show… 2 weeks to curtain. I’ve never set foot in the theatre since. Luckily for the cast, there was a new guy that was turning heads in the community for being able to pick up and learn lines quickly. He took my place and I hear he did excellent. Ironic, isn’t it?

Regardless of my credits at the FCT, I use my powers of memorization all the time. It helps out alot when studying for all these tests. For instance, the Server+ study guide has 312 questions in it, but the actual test will only have around 100. The questions that appear on my test are randomly selected as the test is generated. So I have to learn all of it. I wouldn’t dare only study some parts and try to wing it. The way my luck goes I would get a test full of everything I didn’t learn.

My goal for this week is to read through the whole study guide twice by Sunday evening. That’s only 624 questions in 5 days. Easy enough goal right? I’ll leave you all with the very first question in the guide. See if you can answer it without Google. Now, should I start studying or play video games with my friends? Decisions, decisions, decisions….

The performance of a RAID 5 dual processor database server is degrading over time. Symptoms include excessive disk access, high memory utilization, and slow responses to database searches.
Which action should be taken to reduce the server’s bottleneck?
A.] Add more RAM.
B.] Implement RAID 1.
C.] Upgrade the CPUs.
D.] Add additional CPUs.
E.] Increase the swap file size.

Until next time, keep your nose to the grindstone…
--“The Erik” Sanburn

Zombie-Mania!

2009-10-05T17:30:00.000-05:00

What is it about the dead rising up from their graves and roaming the earth that gets me all giddy?

Like tweens to vampires, nerds and nerd-folk are flocking to any and all things zombie. Pop culture is rife with zombies and similar undead, and as a self proclaimed junkie of geek culture, I eat this stuff up.

The new film Zombieland, starring Jesse Eisenberg, Woody Harrelson, and Emma Stone, opened this weekend and swept to the number one spot at the box office. Despite being gruesome horrific creatures that spread disease and destroy life, people love zombies.

Next month the sequel to the Award-winning video game “Left 4 Dead” hits the shelves. This game features four player cooperation to survive a zombie outbreak. Working together as a team you have to reach checkpoint after checkpoint until finally you can make contact with someone who can provide an emergency rescue. Players in the original game made their way through cities, farms, airports, and hospitals to try and catch a break from massive hordes of the undead. In this new sequel, players will experience the game from the perspective of four new characters set in the bayou and New Orleans.

We have even seen safety plans implemented at major universities for flesh-eating, apparently life impaired individuals. The University of Florida's response plans for a zombie apocalypse are no longer available for public consumption though, as some felt the joke was inappropriate.

These are great examples of ways zombies have mindlessly shambled into our hearts, but why do we accept them so? Obviously we don’t agree with their methods or their goals. If we would meet a zombie we would surely slay it without hesitation. But do these munchers of brains represent a bigger picture? In practically every incarnation we see the heroes fighting against the hordes, rebelling against the massing zombies. When society is becoming drone-like and with the disease spreading more and more become assimilated into the mass. Except for the brave few that avoid society. The ones that won’t conform and join the mindless masses.

Think of the zombiesque facets of society... mindless service jobs, the mindless homogeneity of youth culture, mindless conversations on cell phones such that we can have a crowd of people standing talking, but not to each other. Translation for the metaphorically inept: we *ARE* zombies and we don't even know it. Zombie movies even dating back to Romero’s original Night of the Living Dead have been metaphors for problems in the world. So next time you find yourself in the mindless lockstep of society, think twice and hold on to your brains.

Perhaps this is also why zombies work so well for horror movies, they are not some foreign, alien monster, they are us. Your neighbors, your friends, your family, all becoming a flesh eating monster. The idea of turning on your loved ones may be scarier than the graphic mutilations depicted on the screen.

Regardless of whether the zombies represent society, or are just there for some good ol’ fashioned fun, they are here to stay. If you are like me and enjoy Z-Culture, check out some of the following books that are a must for zombie fans.

Until next time, Hail to the king, baby…
-- “The Erik” Sanburn

The Unwatchable Movie Challenge: Reel 1

2009-10-04T02:22:00.001-05:00

A New Challenger Appears!

Movie: Teeth
Tagline: Every Rose Has Its Thorns
Director: Mitchell Lichtenstein
Starring:Jess Weixler, John Hensley, Hale Appleman
Released: 2007
Rated R for disturbing sequences involving sexuality and violence, language and some drug use
Runtime: 94 min
Genre: Comedy | Horror
Writer: Mitchell Lichtenstein

Length of Movie I Watched:
Every last bit of it.

Verdict: Watchable, not enjoyable, but watchable.

Kyle issued this challenge earlier this week. He’s been waiting for a good opportunity to force this onto somebody. It was a killer first round to the Unwatchable movie challenge. I am not exactly excited to see penises (penisi?) in a movie, but to see graphic depictions of penis mutilation is something I hope to avoid in the future.

This movie’s concept was outlandish to begin with. Vagina dentata. (Only Google that if you aren’t eating or at work.) I was pleased to see the Comedy tag on IMDB, i went into this thinking it was a serious horror film. As for scares, there are none. Not really any thrills either, apart from how thrilling the credits seem after 90 minutes of this. Female nudity is very minimal with only one quick scene of toplessness, but as for male frontal nudity, there is plenty. Well maybe 5 or 6 scenes with penises. The pacing in the first act seems very slow as well, coupled with the fact this isn’t a “scary” movie it might not be one to watch while trying to stay awake.

This was a bad movie. I do not want to watch this again, I do not want to watch it with a hen. I do not want to watch it in the night, I will wish it away with all my might.

I can’t even imagine what the next movie will be…

Until next time,
-- “The Erik” Sanburn

The Unwatchable Movie Challenge

2009-09-23T12:00:00.001-05:00

Over Labor Day weekend my best friend from California came back to visit. Kyle “MickeyC” McCarley drove straight through from L.A. to Hutchinson with his two roomies, Heather and Arazi. It was a nice weekend. Little sleep, but non-stop good times.

I know I miss the guy when he’s off doing his thing half a country away, but never do I realize exactly how much until we are reunited. A good friend of mine, Lauren, refers to us as the “Moron Twins.” Not as an insult per say, but more as a reference to the sheer stupidity that ensues from us reuniting. We get a overly excited and revert in age and maturity when around each other. Spending time with Kyle is always a highlight of my year.

Since Kyle decided to pay a surprise visit, I had already made plans to go to the Starlite Drive-In on Sunday evening. Despite my attempts to persuade him into going, he refused. He refused on the grounds that the movies we would be seeing were not worth the money to get in. Now I’m not here to debate whether the price to see G-Force, Aliens in the Attic, and G.I. Joe was worth it or not. My motto has always been, “I’ll watch anything.” Now I’m not sure if that’s really a motto or just something I say now and then, because outside of movies, I won’t watch anything. That’d be gross and awkward.

Kyle asked me just before I left to meet up with Carissa and Candace’s family and indulge in a triple featured evening, “Why would you pay to see those movies?”
To which I explained, “It’s ten bucks a carload, so it’s only like two dollars to see three movies. That’s a really good deal.”
“I don’t know about that. Those movies are going to be crap, I wouldn’t watch them for free,” Kyle quipped.
I understood where he was coming from, I wasn’t exactly expecting these movies to be anything more than cheap laughs and eye candy, “You know me though, I’ll watch anything.”
"You’ve always been like that. I don’t get it. I’m going to find a movie you won’t watch,” Kyle threatened.
"Alright, good luck. I doubt you could find one,” I baited him.
"I’ll take that action!” Dustin who had remained quiet for most of this argument chimed in.
"It’s an official challenge then,” stated Kyle, who’s mind began to whir with memories of poorly developed films.
I decided to amend the proposal slightly, “Alright, but before I agree to this, anything you challenge me to sit through, you have to sit through it with me. So remember that you have to watch it too.”
"Deal,” Kyle quickly signed up.
"Fine,” Dustin said as he jumped up from his chair. He reached out to shake hands to signify a deal had been confirmed.
"A gentlemen’s agreement. Huzzah!” We all exclaimed in unison. A pact had been made that day. An evil deal that would only lead us down a path of destruction. For we had all three just willingly signed on to sift through hours upon hours of offensive, poorly made, badly written, horrible movies.

So the challenge is on. Will Dustin and Kyle find a movie that I will refuse to sit through? Will our minds rot from the garbage we will surely be feeding it? Can The Erik outlast the challengers in their own movie choices? All this and more on the next exciting episode of “As The Donut Gyrates.”

Feel free to help out the boys and post suggestions of your favorite “Bad Movies.” Only these two chuckleheads can issue a challenge, but they are going to need all the help they can get.

Also, while I would never call this a “Bad Movie,” unlike the majority of the film going public, Howard the Duck is playing at the Palace this weekend for their Cult Movie series. If anyone wants to see this magical 1986 Marvel Comic-based film, let me know. I will go to every single showing if I have friends to go with.

Palace West Theatre Presents
A CULT FILM SERIES
Shows play every Friday & Saturday between 9:00-10pm and 11:30-Midnight. With a new film each week through Dec. 5th
TICKETS ARE ONLY $2.50!
For showtimes call 691-9700
http://www.palacemovies.com/showtimes/new_cult.pdf
http://www.palacemovies.com
Proof of age is required

September 25th & 26th

Keep looking to the skies, true believers!
-- "The Erik" Sanburn

Download Complete: DominikAbelMarichePerez(1).nphw

2009-09-08T12:15:00.001-05:00

My sister gave birth to a bouncing baby boy this morning at about 10:30AM CST. 5lbs 6oz and 18.5 inches long. Dominik Abel Mariche Perez.

Well folks, I am officially an uncle. Uncle Erik. The idea is still a bit beyond me. I can’t fully believe that my little sister is a full-blown mother. I still remember her with a ridiculous bowl cut and waiters thinking she was a boy when she was like 6 or 7. I remember her as a teenager with a mouth full of metal and going into high school. Now she’s moved on to a new phase in her life. She’s a mommy. She’s officially all grown up. Here’s to you little sister, may motherhood bring you joys and happiness you have never known.

Nothing Endures But Change

2009-03-19T11:19:00.005-05:00

Change.

Changes, they are inevitable. Yet we as humans tend to never expect change. We get into these routines, we plan, we dwell. We form these grooves in our life and we never want to leave these safe zones. The universe is vast and ever-changing, yet sometimes in life all we want to do is fight change.

“It's not so much that we're afraid of change or so in love with the old ways, but it's that place in between that we fear . . . . It's like being between trapezes. It's Linus when his blanket is in the dryer. There's nothing to hold on to.”

--Marilyn Ferguson

We are all growing whether physically, mentally, or spiritually. I have always been a strong believer in the theory that everything is a learning experience. Each and every event that transpires in our life has important information encoded into it. I have had a lot of things happen in my life, a good portion of those can be perceived as negative events. As much as negative events weigh us down as we try to progress on to other stages in our lives, we must fight that weight. Life is a series of steps, with each step we have taken there is a piece of vital knowledge to carry with us. However, when that step provides a life lesson where one must learn through struggle, we all too often carry the burden of all the extra emotional baggage onto our next phase. If we don’t take the time to shed some of our extra weight and relieve ourselves of all the extra negativity we carry within ourselves, we will become bogged down and not be able to progress and transcend through life.

“So Mr. Smarty-pants, how exactly does one shed this 'negative baggage' then, huh?” You may be asking this very question. Sadly, I cannot answer this for you. I can only show you the door. Mainly because everyone will be different, every situation unique unto itself, thus I cannot give you a cookie cutter solution to sadness. How does one deal with sadness, deal with change? How do you deal?

“No sir, how do YOU deal!?” How do I deal? How does, “The Erik” deal? Does “The Erik” have sadness? I am often known to all as the fun-loving goofy comedian that goes through life with an ear to ear grin and a joke for every situation.

“Heard a joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says "Treatment is simple. The Great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears. Says "But, doctor...I am Pagliacci." Good joke. Everybody laugh. Roll on snare drum. Curtains."

--Rorschach, from “Watchmen”

I also have been a firm believer in the theory that the essence of comedy is simply a parody of tragedy. The ability to mock and laugh at the downtrodden and less fortunate. As grim as that sounds, think back to the last comedian you watched, or think about the next one you do watch. Their jokes will tell stories of break-ups, death, violence, and yet no matter how truly horrible the events in the story we will laugh. I am not saying that I wouldn’t laugh or we shouldn't laugh, merely that comedy is a result of tragedy. My life is a series of tragedies within the greatest comedy of all-time, life. If you have ever heard my story of my senior prom night, you will have laughed. It is a hilarious tale of an unfortunate young boy who on the night of his prom falls in a pile of cow poo. While the idea is silly and the full version is quite humorous, it is really a horrible event. Growing up, I didn’t have the perfect family life, but who does. If you have ever heard any story about when I was growing up, you most likely have laughed. However, the underlying story elements are quite serious. Substance Abuse and Domestic Violence are no laughing matter... yet somehow we make them out to be. A man gets on a stage and tells you his darkest secrets and how horrible life has been to him and you mock him and laugh at him. Yet, the instigator, the one spouting the most gut-wrenching vile insults is the man himself. We call him the comedian.

“Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.”

--Mel Brooks

So yes, I tend to deal with life by mocking it. When yet another tragedy strikes me, I create a joke. A casual quip that sums up my struggle and will make others smile. Listen to a comedian, and you will generally hear a very sad clown crying out to the world.

Change. We all are changing. Changing into something different, we grow, we evolve, and we create. We all deal with change in many ways, some better than others, some simply choose not to deal with change and those are the most tragic. To all who managed to take the time to fully read this through, I pose a simple question. “How do you deal?”

Whether you respond publicly or even take a moment to ponder it to yourselves, it is a question worth thinking about.

Keep looking to the skies, true believers!

-- "The Erik" Sanburn

I'm Sorry Extra Pound, It's Over Between Us. We had Some Good Times though. It's Not You, It's.... Acutally, it is You.

2009-01-06T12:27:00.010-06:00

Article no. 1: I will Reduce Volume and Girth of my Body.

That's right folks, the most cliche of all new year's resolutions. The obligatory weight loss resolution. Everyone knows Americans are stereotyped as rich egocentric fat people. When any true American knows, that we're not rich... pfft, silly foreigners.

I'm not fat by any means, I'm overweight for sure. But hey, who isn't these days? When society's view of ideal weight in females is about 32lbs, how can one not be overweight? However, society aside, I could stand to lose a few. I'm currently weighing in about 208. Not terrible, but according to the BMI index and my Nintendo WiiFit it is bad. Overweight they tell me. Ideally for my height I should be weighing 170-175. I can't remember when I have ever weighed that, though obviously at some point I did. 185 is my average weight, I have let it slide a bit.

So I want to lose weight. How can I achieve this goal? I have a plan of action. My WiiFit and Wii Sports. While working up a sweat with the Wii may not always have the same thrills as running down zombies in Left 4 Dead, it is more productive. I have finally hit the stage alot of gamers hit with the Wii. It's starting to collect dust. Not anymore, I'm bringing it back and am going to start actively using it every night.

Wii Sports is a decent form of exercise in of itself, with Tennis, Baseball, and my favorite Boxing. Heck even after bowling a few frames you feel it the next day. Then Nintendo introduced the WiiFit. A program completely geared toward healthy living with Yoga, Strength training, and recreational activities all designed to make you Fit and improve balance and coordination. Brilliant!

I'm actually looking forward to bringing out the Wii and dropping a few extra pounds.

In most cases, I would bring it out. Do it a couple of times and then give up. Most do. However, my office is participating in the Choose to Lose program. I don't know if this is a nationwide thing or just something local, but every January businesses in the Hutchinson area gather teams and set weight loss goals and work through March on achieving them. I think this is a great program to have the community working together to better themselves with a little competitive motivation. Choose to Lose starts January 12th I believe and will run through March. Weigh ins are weekly and extra points are rewarded for exercise. So hopefully this will provide enough motivation to keep me going. I'm going to set my goal for Choose to Lose at 10 lbs. Seems reasonable for 3 months.

Now my own personal goal is to be at 185lbs. by May 19th, my birthday, and then by the end of the year to try and get to 170-175. The WiiFit will stop calling me fat if I hit my ideal BMI, and it's something that I wanna try and do. I also hope that in the process I can tone up some as well. Abs of Jello may be something funny to say, but it would be nice to not feel self conscious about my torso. I mean, as nice as it would be to have some Brad Pitt looking abs with a v-line that catches all the fair maidens eyes at the pool, it's probably not going to happen. But I'm tired of having dinky doo syndrome.

Dinky doo syndrome is a problem in males when your stomach sticks out past your dinky doo.

Crude, I know, but it makes me chuckle slightly. And dinky doos aside, a flat stomach would be cool to try out for awhile.

This is the Year of the Donut. I'm a Donut Boy. The Donut Boys are a group of us that perform for WoW Radio, we produce the Chalice of Silvermoon web series. We decided that 2009 is "The Year of the Donut" a special year in which we work really hard to improve our talents, hone our skills, and gain popularity throughout the Internet. A year of self-improvement. Which is also what I see for myself in 2009. So when I start feeling like I don't want to do anything, I wanna sit around or sleep all day, I tell myself, "This is the Year of the Donut." This keeps me motivated, reminds me that I have a goal. I have to improve myself so I can help the group. Sum of the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. That's Synergy, baby!

Weight Goals for 2009: Down to 185 by May 19th. Down to 170 by December 31st. God Speed Soldier...

Keep looking to the skies, true believers!

-- "The Erik" Sanburn

My Money, We Hardly Knew Ye.

2009-01-05T10:15:00.006-06:00

As I mentioned in yesterday's post, I will be spending some time delving into why I picked each of those resolutions. Rather than conventionally starting at the top of the list, I'm going to cover items 2 and 3 first.
"WHAT! How can he not start at the top of the list!? What madness is this?"
"Madness? THIS IS MY BLOG!"
...

Well, I've definitely seen more humorous references to the movie 300 and that so often quoted line. Actually, looking back a paragraph, that joke is very contrived and illogical. Why does a blog about my budget need a 300 reference? I don't know. Don't look at me.

Regardless of the validity of the movie reference, I'm here to discuss my budget. At the beginning of every year, I set a monthly budget for spending. I have been doing this as far back as I can remember. Which is about 3 days, which conveniently is when I started setting a monthly budget. How's that for a crazy random happenstance!?

I'm hoping that budgeting will, if nothing else, make me aware of how badly misappropriated my hard earned money has been.
Article no. 2 of the aforementioned resolution list states, "I will eat out less." This item will have impacts on Article no. 1 and Article no. 3 on said aforementioned resolution list. I will get to Article no. 1 at a later date. I will be discussing the impact on Article no. 3, which states, "I will alleviate myself from much debt."
Fast food and restaurants can have an impact on your weight if you don't monitor your intake, and they have an impact on your wallet if you don't watch the outtake.
I recently reviewed my financial analysis for the 2008 fiscal year.

(I do this because I crave knowledge and like a true nerd, numbers give me thrills, but also because Bank of America provides this online for free.)

After reviewing this analysis for the year of 2008, I realized that I had spent a whopping $1817.10 eating at restaurants and fast food. $1817!! I can't even imagine how much food that provided. However, a good chunk of that was eating with my girlfriend, Stef, which means I paid for two and ate for one. So at least I didn't engorge myself as much as that number makes me think. I know that there is alot of Chinese buffets included in that number, as well as a good portion of Old Chicago in Wichita. Also the other insane bit is that the $1817 only counts for purchases made with my debit or credit card. Cash is not accounted for, and I know I spent alot with cash as well. Moral of the story... I eat out way too frickin' much!

It's just easier sometimes. However, when I think of that number, I realize change must be made. The other nifty thing about my financial report is that it constantly keeps tabs on my net worth. My current networth... embarrassing as it is... -$22,315.66. Ouch!

However, that includes the little bit of money in my savings and checking, (it's right before payday so the till is almost dry) as well as taking into account my brand new 2008 Chevy Aveo car loan for $14,500, and about $6,000 in student loan debt that I irresponsibly avoided for 2 years before attempting to make payments. I have another $500 loan out, as well as the credit card debt which is about $2000.

I know, I know... it's not a good place to be for a 22 year old college dropout. Believe me, I know. I'm actively fighting this debt though. As 2008 closed its doors, I closed a 4 year old outstanding credit card bill. So now I have $1200 less debt, and they will stop dragging my credit score down.

That is a different credit card than the one I currently owe on through Bank of America. It was some small company I've never heard of called Clout Financial. They gave me the card and I activated it and never used it. There was a $500 credit limit. No big deal right? Well, after I dropped out of college and drifted from job to job, I used the card to buy gas once or twice and bought some food with it now and then. I decided not to spend any more on the card since I wasn't earning anything to pay off the money I was spending. Well, then I lost track of where to send my payments, I moved like 4 or 5 times, and they lost track of me. Then that card sat there and late payments and overage fees stacked up to about $1200, they sold the debt. Several companies owned the debt since 2005, and now and then one would track me down. I would send them money, and the checks would come back, because the debt had already been passed on. However, last November we finally found eachother and I agreed to pay it off by the end of the year and they reduced it to a clean $900. It's all taken care of now and it feels good to have that burden off of my shoulders.

Back to the topic of my budget. -$22K seems like alot, well, because it is alot. However, as of about six to nine months ago it was in excess of -$27K, so I'm obviously making some great progress. Throughout 2009, I intend on greatly reducing my student loan debt, which is the other dark spot on my credit score. I'm paid ahead so much that my next payment isn't actually due until May 20th... of 2010.

Now, I may have a daunting task ahead of me with this debt. I created this problem for myself and am paying for my misdeeds and irresponsibilities. However, I am nearing financial stability and have allocated funds for fun and entertainment. I also will be returning to the ZLB Plasma center to start donating on a regular basis again. At $65 a week, that's an estimated $260/month and $3120/year in cash. Save lives, get cash... I'm a regular superhero!

This also means I will be in Wichita twice a week, Tuesdays and Fridays, so if anyone is in or around Wichita some night, we'll go hit up the Palace West theater for $2.50 movie tickets! My favorite theater in Wichita. I should get paid for that advertisement...

Budget Goals for 2009: Reduce spending on dining out and re-allocate funds to paying off debt. Let's hope for the best, obviously I got a lot of work ahead of me.

Keep looking to the skies, true believers!

-- "The Erik" Sanburn