4 and 20 Sparrows

Mr. Whackadoodle or how I became a criminal

2014-01-22T18:50:00.001-08:00

Okay, so the day started out like most days; I woke up semi-depressed and decided I wanted to stay in my room with my door shut and my iPad fired up…but No, the fam began chiming in “It’ll get you out of the house,” they said. “It’ll do you a world of good” they said. “Just look how sunny and balmy it is outside.” they said. “Let’s go to Redding!!!…” They cried. I was not easily persuaded, but I did need some supplies that Costco can only offer in the mass quantities that make you think you are getting a better deal than haggling with Omar in downtown Istanbul [or Constantinople, as I like to call it.]
So I blathered around for a while before agreeing, Anyhoo, Jamie, Jacob and I set out for “The Big City.” Bill stayed home to putter around the yard, because he is no fool and not easily talked in to crap.
I was almost out of the canyon. Almost dropping down out of the crack when I came upon, [*ominous music] an Oregonian driver. He had decided that he did, in fact, own the road. He was in the passing lane doing 60. We all formed a parade behind him. Some actually managed to squeeze between him and the endless procession of semis which took up the slow lane at maddeningly inconvenient intervals. This went on for about 10 miles, or 80 years in interstate time.
Finally there was a space he liked. He had been window shopping for so long, I was like “Eureka! Prom dress found!!!” Well he slipped over [no signal] and let everyone else by. I began to pass him and he sped up…I sped up too. He began to go faster and I could almost hear the maniacal laughter from inside his rolled up windows. We kept this up until I realized that he was truly a full-fledged whackadoodle!
Here’s what then happened; my buttons got pushed, my fight or flight kicked in and I said, “Oh nuh, uh!” So I decided this guy is dangerous and freaking nuts to boot…I was passing him!!! So I did. HA! When I saw him from a healthy distance in my rear-view, I slowed and so did he!!! Game over. BUT not really! Suddenly blue and red lights were flashing and I immediately began to shake, stifling whimpers as I pulled over. I realized the C.H.P had pulled over somebody else too….Hah! It was the Oregonian whackadoodle! I sat there in shock while the officer took forever to come and speak with me, They do that to help get your bowels moving.
So here are the facts: I have NEVER had a ticket and I am 53. The officer did allow me to explain what had happened. But he had already started writing my ticket so too-bad-so-sad. However; he wrote mine for 76 mph and Mr. Whackadoodle’s for 81!!!! At least it was something, it was a little bone thrown. His advice….’just drop back next time and let the crazies go’. Actually very good advice.
I was so upset that when I drove away I could not stop crying the rest of the way to Redding. I should have let Jamie drive right then and there because; in a confusing dust-up by the Taco Bell I ran a red light!!! !*@#!!*%?@! So now I had reached epic portions of hysteria as I pictured ANOTHER ticket issued electronically with a photo of my big fat tear-stained face as I wove my way through the kindly people turning left. [I found out later that there is no traffic-cam there] Thank You Jesus!!!!
Needless to say, the thoughtful loosening of my bowels which the officer had begun was now complete. I sat in a stall in, you guessed it, the Costco ladies room as I heard the little Hispanic cleaning lady chirping outside about filling up all the T.P.holders….and then WHAM!!! She pushed through the lock and the door….and I just thought…sure…for once that old poem was true “Here I sit broken-hearted”
Maybe I needed a lesson in humility, maybe I had thoughtlessly laughed at someone else’s misfortune. Maybe I had stepped on a bug, who knows?…So the next day I stayed in bed all day with my iPad fired up, beauty idea! Tonya Willman ©2014

Feeling Kinda Bloggy

2014-01-12T14:31:00.000-08:00

Well, hello there!
Thanks for stopping by and reading my latest blog post. I bet you thought I had either died, or been beamed up! The last post was around Easter 2013, so yeah, I’m a little behind on stuff.
I will tell you, I have changed the blog a bit. I took off all the extra pages of my favorite beautiful pictures, funny animals and cartoons because it’s all either on Face Book or Pinterest, or possibly Tumblr or Deviant Art. So I’m figuring many of you have seen it all before.
Plus, I am lazy and had not updated any of the pages and they were stale and dried out and crying out for nourishment. I made them go away….I decided to keep a couple things, but mostly just to blog, since well…it IS a blog.
So there have been lots of changes that are really just family changes and should not be shouted abroad [okay, I will shout this much; we have a new grandbaby coming in late June! Woot]. For a while I went into an even deeper mental hibernation that I just might be waking up from. And really, just ever so much that is simply called life. PLUS I recently had surgery. Stay tuned and I may reveal what kind of surgery in future blogs…are you intrigued? Well I am still female, white and old so it is nothing for prurient minds to ponder. Anyway, mia culpa on the lack of entries, I love your faces for hanging in there!
It’s winter time again and we still haven’t moved out of this canyon, which many of us refer to as ‘living in the crack’, which usually means snow. *Sigh, I always mean to move but I never get around to it….that’s a joke, if God gave us the okay I would be packing up faster than Congress heading out on vacation! But it is unusually dry here so far. Some rain but not the anxiety and migraine inducing snow and the heavy white drifts I loathe.
Why do I stay, you ask? Because Hubby can’t retire yet and where he goes, I go. Plus the lack of a little something I like to call ‘cash’. You have to be pretty flush to move, you know? And the only things connected to the word flush around here are the toilets.
So, as my neurons and synapses begin firing again I will be thinking of just tons of new blogging material. Check in and see once in a while. PLUS I love to rant! I know, I know, as a Christian I should not rant but two minutes in the Costco parking lot could produce and epic blog, you never know!
Also, I’d like to give a big shout out to our Troops!!! I wish you were all home and sitting in your recliners watching the game, I truly do... I also wish everybody at Costco was too. It would be SO much easier! Right?
Tonya Willman © 2014

EPIC UPDATE

2013-04-14T01:47:00.000-07:00

By finally accepting the truth that you have abandoned your blog as though it were a fractious and unruly step-child, (as if you were ever capable of such a thing)...*gasp! You come to see that it sits there on the Blog Spot curb; waiting for you, piteous and rain-soaked, and really not fractious at all.
No it is your own unruly, foggy and scattered brain that is the problem. Unfortunately I think I might just qualify for behavioral meds. I have digressed to a span of working memory that lasts up to, and until, there is any quick darting movement or bright shiny objects….
I am actually giving my already taxed synapses a challenge. I am writing this while listening to music**Adele right now. I usually write in silence because listening to music while I try to craft sentences is, for me, like walking and chewing gum….um yeah, not so much. But I thought why not accept the challenge? Who challenged me, you ask? It was the voices……*wink
So I thought I would update anyone who might have even a fleeting interest and still checks in….if you are out there you are a loyal and amazing blog fan!!!! With a list of highlights.....♫♪…….hang on…sorry this is my favorite Adele song *pause…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..♫♪
Sorry, so anyway let’s see:
~ My oldest son and his wife had a beautiful baby boy named Logan Rodney William Willman (he is now 9 months old!)
~They moved back to Medford and broke my heart, but it is mending, because it is what is best for them*pause…………♫………..dang, got lost in the music…………….♫♪…sorry, sorry!
~I turned 52 in September….SHUT UP!!! I know!!!!
~ I continue to battle the fibro, and it is a sucky, hard battle.
~I have gotten more little bright lights on my brain*pause……♫♪……anyway; though they are shiny and pretty on the MRI they are NOT helpful at all. BUT the good news is that it is not MS, which was the first diagnosis******BTW, to the medical community: DO NOT just GUESS with a diagnosis like MS!!! I lived under that for 4 months until the Neurologist finally saw me and said “No it is not MS, it is arteriosclerosis of the brain….Oh so much better then,*pause………………………………………………………………………………………………………….♫♪ sorry!!! Adele and I often sing together when no one is around. She works hard to keep me on key and doesn’t criticize.
So these little spots are calcified where little vessels have bled. Little TIA’s??? I dunno, I cannot get a straight answer…but the foggy ‘Aunt Clara’ thinking progresses. I have embraced it now. What the heck, on the bad side I can be easily gas-lighted, on the good side; I just flat out get to say; “Nope sorry I forgot that appointment. Sorry I don’t know….hmm, you may be right.” It feels good, I don’t argue, and takes all of the pressure right off. Plus, at least it makes some kind of sense now. “I’m sorry, have we met???”
~We got a new Puppy!!!!! A little black pug named Ruby!!! Oh my, she is the epitome of quick darting movements, and bright shiny objects! I love her little face!!!
~I seem to have aged a decade in this last big fibro flare-up, but *pause…….♫……~” you know how the time flies; only yesterday was the time of our lives. We were born and raised in a summer haze, bound by the surprised of our glory days…♫” ~Thank you Adele!!! She just reminded me of this. One of my all time pieces of lyrics, and so apropos.
~So; I am way older than I should be now. It was like some kind of horrible ‘beautiful mind’ experiment gone astray. Or like someone cosmically hit the fast forward button on my body in a matter of months. ****♫ now I am listening to David Essex’s amazing 1972 hit “Rock On”*pause……………………. ♫♪…………………………………………… oh my!!!! So faboo! I was such a young school girl then…. I wore that 45 OUT! Oh I am saying….
~I do not read the scary news anymore…only the headlines. And if North Korea bombs us, I hope it lands in my lap! HELLO JESUS!!!! *pause........♫♪……Jackson Browne “Doctor My Eyes” *pause………….♪…..

~ Maybe I can write while listening to music after all….or not. But regardless; I am pretty sure this list will not include something of major change and importance, because I simply forgot to remember it….no matter, it’s all good. Tonya Willman ©2013…..♫♪*big pause..........

A Quote For A Moment

2013-03-16T01:19:00.000-07:00

"If you're living the dream, how do you know if you're awake or asleep?" ~Karl Pilkington

Bloggity-blog-blog...

2012-10-01T20:44:00.002-07:00

Dearest lovely friends…..
This is a quick bloggity-blog to let you know that I have NOT abandoned 4 and 20 Sparrows. But, um, I simply lost my mind for a wee while and for a wisp of a moment; my will to live. You may smile and say….”That T. what a hoot she is…” well thank you, but it is still a true story. Depression bites, hard.
   Apparently all of my serotonin decided to leap from my brain and skitter away, possibly under the fridge, I don’t know. I rarely clean there. Don’t you hate that? Realizing it’s been like six months since you cleaned under it. So you muster up the courage and pull it out…oh dear Lord! It’s a special kind of dirt. It is evil, grimy fridge dirt…Oh, and look! There is that recipe you’ve been looking for, plus a bonus of a hairy tater-tot…so why would my serotonin want to go there?
     I am pretty sure it didn’t follow my eyebrows down to Cancun. The middle of both my brows disappeared, for real!--- I believe it was some type of tweezer protest--- I don’t know, but anyway, maybe the serotonin is way smarter without me and ran out into the garden and hid…just stayed there among the flowers and shrubs….lolling around and laughing with the wisteria.
    It is a certainty I wasn’t doing any laughing. Mostly I was weeping piteously and snotting on myself. I would vacillate between that; and angry outbursts because some driver cut me off, or my son hurt my feelings, or the dinner I made tasted like yak spit or when I looked in the mirror all I could see was that lovely combination of wrinkles and zits….
     I truly believed, at the time, my depression was spiritual. I kept stomping around and crying and scaring my family and begging Jesus to forgive me, and occasionally being mistaken for someone with Tourette’s Syndrome, until my mom and my sister said…”You must see the doctor”--- By the by: they had said this at least a dozen times before--- But finally after an outburst that would have impressed Alec Baldwin (as I sat sobbing and spent)…I listened.
    The doctor knew what to do. I had fought it, because I have to take so many meds anyway, and I certainly did not think it was going to help! It was supposed to take up to three weeks to work. By the end of week one I was feeling almost human. The Tourette’s immediately stopped! The crying jags began to subside. By week three I was back to my regular weird self, still with the fibro and the pain, but SO much better. I realized more than ever before that a person can take physical pain a hundred times easier when the mental pain subsides.
     Any hoo, I got me some shiny new serotonin! It is staying because the medicine says so. Apparently my brain soaked it up like a floppy camel at an oasis. Even that first week: what with the serotonin hypotenuse of the cortexial lingula being so depleted and all; and the synapsis just moping around firing randomly, not even caring if they hit a target. And really, at that point they were just phoning it in anyway.
    So, God-speed to the old serotonin, I just hope it knows to go south for the winter, it gets freaking cold and depressing here come December! But, truly I haven’t forgotten this blog. I think about it a lot. And just see! My brain and my fingers finally got together for this post.
    I do so love you all and hope you will still check in, because: ‘Every day in every way…I’m getting better and better.’ *eye twitch.
Tonya Willman © 2012

HOW COME

2012-06-03T01:43:00.000-07:00

How come now that I am 51 and ‘substantial’ all of these magnificently cute shoes come out? If I were to try to wear them now, people would stop and look upon me piteously, and my feet would scream in pain, and possibly blood would run… while all the time the shoes would chuckle in an *evol manner as the blisters formed!
How come now that I am old enough to realize that you should NOT pluck your eyebrows into surprised half-moons, the middles have angrily given up and moved away? I am fairly sure they are somewhere in the Bahamas sipping a cool drink, a place I will never be able to afford to go, while I fake it; and draw them in every day, while mourning their loss.
How come when we were children, in health class, we were told to brush our teeth and gums with vigor? “♫ Up like a rocket, down like a plane, back-and-forth like a choo-choo train. ♫♪” NOW my dentist tells me that the reason I have a place on my gums that is receding to the point of seeing root and possibly brain…is BECAUSE I brushed too hard as a child and adult!!!! I say everyone with receding gum lines should form a class action suit against the ADA…And possibly Mrs. Finch, who was WAY too enthusiastic about it all, really who knows what those little plaque dying tablets we chewed, actually did to us, besides the gross-out factor!
How come nature has decided, in a cruel joke, to shower me with “fine-line” wrinkles AND blemishes???? Seriously? I have to deal with sun-damaged, spotty wrinkled skin….AND zits???? Well sure…that makes sense.
How come People-----no haters please---think that epidermal-art …aka tattoos will somehow make their thunder-thigh, calves like bronto-tri-tips and/or ‘cankles’ look even better??? I ask this based on the latest e-mail forward installment I received of ‘Wal-Mart People, Summer Princesses’ (I have the whole collection) Most popular tats: Something large and unseemly, usually circling their whole leg. Or another possible favorite; their NASCAR driver’s number vibrantly displayed on their ankle OR even the top of their foot!
Also, how come some women think it is okay to go out in public without pants, or use a bra for a top? Why aren’t THEY arrested for indecent exposure?
How come I secretly fear that every time I go to a Wal-Mart now, I am somehow going to find myself in one of these emails? Is something loose and flapping? What if I do not realize I have TP stuck to my shoe, or someone catches me bending over to reach something on a lower shelf? I find myself darting through Wal-Mart like a Navy Seal on maneuvers….just get in and out as fast as possible and watch for snipers….AKA people with camera phones aimed at me.
How come a bleach blonde girl in a sports car, while simultaneously eating AND texting in Redding traffic, can lay on her horn and scream at me, using rude hand gestures… (I gotta say, she was an excellent multi-tasker) while I am in my own lane following traffic rules…and all I can do is honk back ineffectually while my daughter says, “Mom, Mom…don’t…I don’t like the look of that guy with her.”…Really? I don’t FREAKING care! I laid on my horn some more just because ‘boyfriend’ was scary, and based on the ‘wife-beater’ tank top, probably had pants baggy enough to house three other boyfriends and a crazy weekend party to go with it!!!!
….but fortunately then our paths diverged and I turned off onto another street, while they blew through a light, like a streak of white lightning! Still…NO cop---EVER---when you need one, BUT; Barney Fifes lurking about everywhere when you don’t! Dear Barney, go arrest the freaky, pants-less Wal-Mart women!
How come technology scares, while simultaneously luring me? It is like a siren’s song. And, it is bad. Because;
A.) I do NOT have the money for the gadgets I crave.
B.) I have absolutely no idea why I crave them; I just do….and
C.) They are for the young, who are now born with texting capabilities and can tweet before they can teethe…..
My “how-Coming” is definitely set on ‘Random’…but sometimes it is the only thing that helps me make any kind of sense of my day…I wonder How come?
Tonya Willman ©2012

RETHINKING THE WILDERNESS

2012-05-15T00:18:00.001-07:00

I am not the stress or the sadness of events in my life. These moments, these pieces are just a tiny part of the rest of my world, the rest of me. I am not this disease in my life. It may have a slice of me, but it is not me. And also, I am not my loved ones or their problems. Their lives are theirs to live, as mine is my own.

When I forget that; God finds a way to remind me. I don’t know how, and it never used to be so before but; I get so intense about the negative things and about the pain within this disease that I lose myself in it all and seem to literally find myself becoming that moment, that hour of pain and unwellness. It overtakes me and entangles me in the depths until it feels like I am not just lost in the labyrinth, but the tangle of it is me. But, it is God’s desire to help me see the bigger picture.

I am more than the hard things I feel. In the moment in which pieces of sadness, anger, depression or illness seem to be saturating me, really almost becoming me, I have a choice to remember that this too shall pass; and for better or worse nothing remains the same.
There is a bigger space, a lovelier place within my world that I am just not seeing at that exact moment. But it seems to me the key is to rethink and not react, and then I will be present again in all of the rest of my world. I have found myself in this wilderness for so long now, that I somehow feel I am actually the wilderness itself, the barren unproductive wasteland. But God wants me to know that I am not.
If the MRI is right, if things are changing in my brain, if the findings are what have caused me to lose my creativity and wander in the negativity and pain, then I have to reprogram these things, these bright lights, these lesions on my brain, whatever their cause, by making new pathways or something.
If injured people can go into rehab programs for strokes and accidents and get pieces back, then I believe that through gratitude, through remembering blessings, and reminding myself that I am so much more than the negativity of any moment, I can, with practice, learn to rethink instead of react to each situation. I can retrain my brain and my spirit. Doesn’t God’s word say that as a person thinks, so he (she) is?
I think I am beginning to see the antidote. God wants me to consistently keep before me the fixed viewpoint of gratitude; it is like a North Star, and the simplicity of counting my blessings. It is all medicine, a well spring of grace, and I believe it is the cure.
There is a better way to see the big picture, to remember that I am not actually the stress, sadness or illness in my own life. These are but pieces of things that come to each one of us, and they are not my existence. My life is God in me and I in God. My life is the air in my lungs at this very instant. My life is made up of all of the graces, known and unknown, of every second.
How much more amazing would it be to feel instead, that mostly, and most of the time, I am the moment of laughter and joy, I am the moment of blessing and peace; than to believe the lie that I am the wasteland, that all of my creativity and energy is used up. The cupboard cannot be empty, it just can’t be, that must be an illusion.
The hard things come, but I am not the hard things and so I refuse to let them make me hard. Tonya Willman ©2012

beautiful, peaceful.....rethought.

MY SUPER POWERS!

2012-05-10T10:10:00.000-07:00

Okay, through intense introspection I have finally realized my True Super-Powers. I almost didn’t record this for history out of sheer modesty alone. But, I MUST be true to myself. Otherwise, how will I ever win my TIGHTS OF JUSTICE?

1. I am a highly skilled procrastinator; to the point of, say, receiving and extremely anticipated book, and then mentally not being able to read it for weeks and weeks.

2. I am a card-carrying flake. Everything I do is flaky. Others now simply marvel and exclaim; “THERE SHE GOES AGAIN!”

3. I absolutely never finish what I start unless it is dessert. Big endeavors or tiny projects can be randomly abandoned... I am actually learning to stop apologizing for my behavior, because really, what is the point?

4. I am an over-thinker to the point of lunacy; including driving all those around me, who have to listen to my bouts of angst, INSANE as well.

5. I have the attention span of a distracted toddler. Once-upon-a-time I could stay consistently and boldly on-task. It all eludes me now...

6. Though I am acutely aware that it is a ridiculous notion, my brain firmly believes that any harsh judgments I have will instantly bring bad things upon my life in direct proportion to the amount of said ‘harshness’.

7. Ironically, after naming super-powers #4 and #6, I now know that I have highly developed ‘bright-lights’ on my brain. (REALLY)--Though doctors believe these are detrimental—my keen senses tell me that they are what give me my NEWLY DEVELOPED ABILITY to impulsively and randomly not give a tiny-rat’s-heiny. Now, to just focus this power for good, on things that REALLY MATTER, and not things like whether or not the Jehovah’s Witnesses are coming.

8. My super-‘vagueness’-skills allow me to constantly do things I will regret, because I always forget ‘in the moment’ how miserable they will make me later. For example; I NEVER remember that I can no longer properly digest lettuce, therefore I ALWAYS order the salad.

9. I can convert a 4 ounce candy bar into 2 pounds of fat, faster than a speeding bullet.

10. Clutter is my nemesis yet I live in fear of throwing away something that could be important, even after I boldly trash it.

11. Even though I am working on development of super-power #7 for ‘good’, I have the amazing capability to completely and utterly SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF at a moment’s notice.

12. With my trusty mental-shield, I have no recollection of becoming middle-aged, yet the date and the mirror confirm this on a daily basis. Where did it go, and how did I waste it???

13. I am beginning to embrace my inner-curmudgeon, which celebrates the ideals of NOT giving the neighborhood kids their ball back and having an overwhelming desire to pop children’s birthday balloons with my cake fork.

14. I have attained a level of forgetfulness that causes total over-organization in order to function in my SUPER-FOG, for example; I can single-handedly check and recheck over fifty times that the flat-iron has, in fact, been unplugged. And I am only able to lock my car doors IF I am physically clutching my car keys. I have actually taken to using the mighty ‘CLIP OF JUSTICE’ to attach them to my purse in order to step away from the ‘BEE-MOBILE’.

15. Finally; I can leap to conclusions in a single bound, causing enormous amounts of remorse and mortification later.
This is MY super-power list! Tonya Willman © 2012…you go
get your own!

MEAN PEOPLE

2012-04-27T17:42:00.000-07:00

I would like to apply for a grant. This grant would be to study Mean People. Namely it would determine;

A.) Do all Mean People realize that they are, in fact, mean people?

B.) Why are some Mean People selective in their horrible rottenness, only to certain individuals, and then present themselves as kind, even virtuous to the rest of society?

C.) What percentage of habitually-Mean People truly enjoy being jerks through and through? Are there any that secretly really do hate this behavior but just cannot seem to stop their wretchedness? And,

D.) is there now, or has there ever been a 12-step program for the Habitually-Mean: “Hi. I’m Ralph and I’m a vicious JERK…” “Hiii Raaaalph.”
Mean People are taking over. They are everywhere; you can even get the occasionally snippy phone-tree. “Press 2 if you were not listening while being informed that our menu options have changed, press 3 if you only have enough I.Q. points to press the rest of our options at random. Press 10 if you can actually recognize the numerals ‘1’ and ‘0’.” *followed, of course, by a condescendingly patient cyber sigh…
At least a few years ago the Pakistani-type tech support people were overwhelming polite, though no help whatsoever. Now they are starting to get a bit churlish, “No! No Ma’am, I om sa-ying to YOU that you cannot pdess F10 and sy-stem reeestore at de same time without…what? No! Don’t dooo that!…. I toll you….But NO! I toll YOU that it does not mattah that your co-sin Cleatus say to you this will resolve de izzue! This is bad! And will lead to veddy, veddy bad things…YOU listen to me!” (I am pretty much serious here, in that I experienced a similar conversation *names have been changed)
These poor foreign-techies used to be profusely apologetic. Finally, after three hours of trying to grasp the instructions, I would burst into tears telling them I could not comprehend a single word they were saying, and I was so sorry, BUT I could not bear one more moment...And then I would beg to speak to somebody I could understand…

    ”We are be-ing so veddy sorry Ma’am, we are having no Amehd-icans availaboll at tiss time…”
     But now---times they are a-changin’---not only do I NOT understand them, I do understand that they are irritated with ME…and they don’t care either! This is possibly from having to listen to one rude, ugly American after another berating them and treating them like foreign-call-center-goobers, just because these very ugly Americans somehow think it is their God-given-American-right to harangue anyone who; “Don’t speak good English, and like whatever…”
   Meanness seems to be hyped and glorified in almost every aspect of our society today; from hideous reality television shows and gratuitous and vacuous movies, mainstream news that has gone tabloid, and to probably at least 50% of the ‘pithy’ sayings and photos that float down ones newsfeed on Facebook.
   Recently I got the opportunity to hear a wonderful young pastor speaking. He preached on the great, great love of God. He said that love always wins! And not squishy emotional love either, but the kind that Jesus showed when, as the God of the universe, he humbled himself to stoop and wash his own disciples feet at the last supper before He ultimately fulfilled His reason for coming to earth; living, ministering, teaching, loving, healing and finally dying for each one of us on a cross.
    And His command, after He had washed His disciples feet was that we, His followers, go out and show that same love and humility to one another and to the world.
   If ‘meanness’ is the disease; then this kind of real love is the cure. Kind and humble love always wins! It can melt all but the cruelest of hearts. I forget that sometimes, okay I can forget it a lot… I get hurt or offended and I want to be mean right back. But, if by God’s power, we can stop and take a moment to let love have a chance, it can disarm and profoundly change people and circumstances.
   So If I got that grant, apart from being a flagrant waster of tax-payer monies, I would only come to the obvious conclusion that everyone can be mean, and sometimes viciously mean, myself included. Even though I really believe that most people are not habitual-meanness-offenders. But I would also find that many a mean and nasty heart has been softened and reborn through the divine love of the God of the Universe…who is not afraid to love so big that He stooped to wash feet, and expects us to do the same. Tonya Willman © 2012

                                    Do mean eyes hide something more?...

SOME THINGS I'VE LEARNED SO FAR...

2012-03-21T15:56:00.000-07:00

· Eating salad---no matter how good it might be for me---after 9:30 p.m. is madness, unless of course, one enjoys burping salad in the morning....

· Mothers of young children, when in a pinch, in stores should NOT use those anti-bacterial wipes---which the store provides to disinfect the cart handle---to wipe their child’s snotty nose, dirty face or any other aspect of their anatomy. Hello toxicity!

· Never use someone else’s computer to log in and check your Facebook. Because; even if you are certain you logged out…computer gremlins WILL log you back in again.

· All the benefits you have reaped from an exercise program done for months can be undone by missing it for two weeks or less…>.<

· Adding sundried tomatoes to a deli sandwich is a joyous thing.

· Checking your shoes for trailing toilet paper before leaving a public restroom is a must.

· When a dog hates the mailman, there is nothing you can do to stop it. Do NOT attempt dog therapy, it is useless.

· Pinterest is highly addicting, and yet disturbing…you cannot possibly credit everyone for everything you pin, therefore you feel somehow plagiaristic, and it subtly steals the joy from the process, while simultaneously allowing you to feel proud of your pin ‘find’. Weird.

· Strong amounts of Chlorine in a public pool is needful…but it’s bad, M’kay?

· Learning to not be a ‘fixer’ or ‘helper’ is like trying to learn to tap dance, play the piano and NOT ‘Fix’ things for people, all at the same time. Is that oddly put? Well what I mean is that it is freaking hard!

· Wal-Mart Super stores are not better, they are just bigger and more stress producing. You cannot find anything in all of the acreage, and neither can the random, wild-eyed employee you corner.

· Texting is taking over and zombifying our youth. All you can see, say for example, at the mall, are the tops of their heads and their thumbs moving at a blazing speed.

· I have witnessed teens texting each other…whilst sitting next to one another!--We are losing our ability to truly communicate. We now interact only in random bits, bytes and screen-grabs.

· Spiders are much smarter than you think!

· Things change, people leave, life moves on, deal with it…Does that sound harsh? I’m sorry; I wish I could ‘fix’ it for you, but I can’t.

What Is Real

2012-02-06T22:42:00.001-08:00

WHAT IS REAL

A new blog piece usually comes flowing out based on what is happening in your life, or what you are socially aware of and anything about which you wish to express your opinions. I have worked hard to have as few opinions as possible. I only hold to what Jesus said; “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.’ He also said “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind and soul, and love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets…”
It’s really awfully simple. Not a lot of rules or right wing rhetoric, nor left wing whining…Jesus is not a republican or a democrat. Every time someone tried to pull him into the political arena He blew them away with wisdom and love and went on about His business of love, grace and miracles, and all the time preparing, always preparing to go to Jerusalem to his appointed time of His sacrifice of His death on the cross. It was NO surprise to Him, it was why He came into this world. He let nothing sway Him to the right or the left.
He said plainly what we need to do. Jesus told us that God loved us SO much that He sent His only Son to us! And whoever really believes in Him and His sacrifice will have everlasting life! EVERLASTING… such a better deal than either party offers!
There is SO much false self-esteem floating around right now out there in this old world that you have people that sing like tortured cats auditioning for American Idol because people lied to them throughout their lives and told them they could sing, so as to not hurt and actually build their false self-worth.
Then reality hits and they’re told that they stink! They can’t believe it! No, nooooo! They either cry or are crushed to the point of flinging themselves off of a bridge; or throw embarrassing, filthy mouthed fits and swearing up and down that they are the best there is, and A.I. blew it!!!…”YOU’LL SEE! YOU’LL ALL SEE!!!!” *shakes fist….*throws chairs…
But it is a fabricated bravado and the world is filled with false images and promises and people believe it because the world is scary and they are desperate.
They are hungry to be known for something, to feed their egos and make themselves believe that there is more behind the facade than a scared human being who needs true and divine direction. A human being who needs to let go of all the bravado and fall on their knees and ask the maker of the universe to reach down and forgive them and change them and meet their needs and make them into something truly beautiful and amazing.
But there is one truth, and it shines; there is one thing to truly hold on to. The Bible gives Jesus many names; The Door, The Way, The Truth, The Life, The Lion, The Lamb, The King, Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace, Alpha and Omega, and the Rock.
Oh, He is The Rock! We cling to Him; we build our foundation on Him. When things get hard we hide in the cleft of The Rock…
This blog post is to ask you, do you know Him? Do you really know who He is, and if not, do you want to? He will change your life and your destiny. There is an eternal destiny for everyone. Heaven or hell and we must choose. He paid such a price for us; He took the punishment for our sins and conquered death! I want to say to you that through the good and bad, He is everything, now and for always. And He can be everything in your life too, if you will only ask Him.
Tonya Willman ©2012

SPARROW'S NEWS

2012-01-15T15:00:00.000-08:00

SPARROW'S NEWS

Hello my wondermous friends. I have SO much news to share with you! If one needed a hard hat to work like a mad thing on their blog, I would totally have “hat hair” right now.
I don’t think I am promoting this new format right, what with being a total computer doof! So here are some new updates which I think you would enjoy exploring:

There are 7 pages to this blog now…SEVEN! Talk about diversity! You could play all day!
Page 1 is of course My Blog, which you are perusing right now! Filled with utter nonsense and strange ramblings, so feel free to look back at anything you may have missed. There is some pretty good stuff, if she does say so herself (notice how I went into third person there so as not to appear immodest?)

Page 2 is a delightful mixture of Spiritual Musings that I add to all of the time. Oh yes it all grows as I mine the Word, and the internet for treasures…do check in for bytes of spiritual refreshment. P.S. Warning….I love Jesus!

Page 3 is Works That Inspire. OH-Oh-OH!!!! This is so divoon, so swell it moves me! All of these amazing images!!! Do you want a feast for the eyes? Do you want to feel saturated in deliciousness? Go and visit. Take your time on this page because it is a kind of Museum. It changes all of the time. You will always find new and mouthwatering things….

Page 4 is my Let’s Have Fun page….I love it. It is my clown car page! It is utter and sheer silliness. Everything that makes Tonya *snort! Some of these images will have been on Facebook already….to freaky bad! ENJOY I tell you!!! This page will get new stuff all of the time too! If you need a laugh, drop by!

Page 5 is Favorite Entertainment. Movies, books and music I love. Why should you care? No reason whatsoever, but it makes me happy and you might find some new stuff to explore. It is UNDER CONSTRUCTION right now so not a lot on it, but still, some general happy,happy,joy,joy…..so check it out, and just know that there is MUCH more to come.

Page 6 is My Art…it has been the same stuff for a while…and that is still on there, because it is me, it is my heart, but I decided to add some NEW drawings from my sketch book and a NEW painting or two. I WILL get my art mojo back!!! SO, hang with me! Hopefully more creativity to come!!!

Page 7 is just About the Blog and how to commission art work, etc…yes I still work commissions…

Any hoodle, Tonya just felt that the “full effect of the anesthetic” was not coming through. I WISH there was a place for comments and feedback on each page…but alas…there does not seem to be, or at least I don’t know how to create it. You can only comment on the blog pieces. WHICH IS VERY EASY TO DO NOW!!! You can even comment as ‘anonymous’ So, I am thinking; if there is anything else you want to comment on from the other pages, just put it on the newest blog piece and I will check in…It’s the best I can do right now fellow babies…Please come, Explore and enjoy! And let me know what you think…Tonya Willman ©2012

HAPPY NEW YEAR FROM THE SQUARE-9 ZONE.

2011-12-30T20:29:00.000-08:00

Hi, okay so it’s 7:00 pm…..I have been teaching my hubby a card game called square-9. It was fun but we seemingly went into some sort of Square-9 time warp!!! I mean it was weird. I guess I thought I was a better teacher than I am, because it began to feel as if we were sitting here for approximately three days.
When we started the game, after supper, it was daylight. As the time warp went on and the hard chair numbed my behind—and my brain--- somehow I thought time had just mysteriously flown by; so without looking at the clock I went in and took my Ambien at, oh… around 5:45-6:00 p.m. As I sit here now I realize the ‘error of my mistake’.
I am sleepy at 7:00 p.m. yet not truly tired enough to do anything about it except be as loopy as an outhouse rat….My brain fights Ambien the way a toddler fights an afternoon nap. You know how they whine and vibrate in place until all of the sudden you find them sound asleep leaning against a wall or draped over a kitchen chair… (I have photos of my children doing this) of course when they were toddlers. Not now, because that would be ridiculous.
   This is really a stream of consciousness blog piece, which considering the material we are working with----i.e. my consciousness---is a very scary thing.
   So my friend Kimmy mailed me a confectionery goodie plate all the way from Portland! It was truly like something out of a confectioner’s Shoppe (notice how I spelled that? Huh?) And she packed it like a pro…with an ice-pack and everything! Of course she has a hubcap business ---she is the hubcap QUEEN beyond compare---so she packs a mean shipping box!!! But this was sooooooooooooooooo much better than a hubcap!!! Truffles and fudge and toffee and thingies and stuff Veruca Salt would have a fit over!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA! It’s all mine!!!! Seriously I saved out a bit and froze the rest. I was gonna take plates around, but what with the Square-9 and all…I totally lost track of time.
So the fam can come around and pick out a little sumpin-sumpin on New Year’s Eve….
   Well, any hoodle we are coming up on the new year’s festivities people, so I may as well include that too!!! I think the Mayans or Aztecs or whoever were just messing with everybody….fear not! And if the end is near…Consider me your sandwich-board carrying, bell-ringer…get ready folks, JOHN 3:16…. Either way it is ALL good! ♫Happy New Year 2012 ♫…
   Do you want a peaceful new year? Follow these guidelines;
*Avoid talking politics at all times.
*Pay no attention to who becomes the next president, it will make no difference.
*Do not read headlines…especially now that it has all become tabloid. For instance from the headlines; I knew what Lady GaGa was up to and who was tazering whom over electronics deals in Christmas lines, but I did not know that Kim Jong II, the despot of North Korea was dead for five days!
*When in traffic assume that EVERYONE is either out to get you, or is completely unaware that you exist and so is ready to merge straight through your vehicle as though you were in a parallel dimension---possibly the Square-9 zone---
*As tax time approaches try to pretend it is all Monopoly money and laugh merrily as the IRS flings the orange cards at you. Remember those? They were never good! Like; pay a $10.00 ugly tax or something…
* Finally remember that it is not necessarily a bad thing to take your sleep-aid too early if you can appreciate the ebbs and flows, AND always put a cushion on a hard chair that you plan to sit on for three days. Happy New Year Everybody!!! Tonya Willman ©2011

Eww! Tis The Season NOT To Share!

2011-12-20T22:11:00.000-08:00

So as I am writing this, my little grandson Kyle has the stomach flu, or food poisoning, or too much holiday crud or the nasty gak or whatever it is. I feel so badly for him, poor little guy. I also feel so bad for my son Dennis who has full ‘puke patrol’ duties. I would come and help….really I would. I have not been asked to yet, but I would.
I am planning my Howard Hughes sick room uniform as I write. I don’t have a sterile surgical gown, but I do have painter’s masks and a box of disposable gloves. Why the gloves, you ask? There are many excellent and perfectly normal reasons. For one; I don’t touch raw meat, so there! Do you KNOW how many germs that nasty crap has? *Sigh, I love my gloves, and trust me I will use them if needs be!!!! I am there for you boys!
But then again, I might only be asked to pick up 7-up and Saltines instead. That is a ‘can-do’ kind of job…Then of course, you never know about all those germs at the store. For instance, who snotted on the baskets? Whose fingers scratched what area before entering their PIN number for their debit card? Who will decide to come up and wetly sneeze all over you in line, or stand next to you in the Kleenex aisle and cough so violently they seem to be hacking up a lung?...What poor harassed mother has had to bring her slick child with her; dragging him up and down the aisles as he weeps piteously through rheumy eyes and sports the “green-elevens”, which his mother is too frazzled and distracted to wipe off. But really you’ll be fine, try not to think about it. Just put it right out of your mind….You’re welcome.
I confess; I use hand sanitizer as though it were magic. And, I truly believe that when I use the little wipes the stores are providing now for the cart handles I am warding off evil spirits. I grab several of them and go at the cart as though I was Leona Helmsley’s char-woman and she was standing over me supervising the job. Oh sure, other’s begin to stare. Some even slowly edge away…
But I have seen it my friends! Others who have come in behind me and who had never thought to do it, go grab those little wipe thingies, and go at their own carts like a beaver on speed.
So far I have not been able to get the trend going of keeping a fresh wipe under each hand on the cart as one shops…but trust me when I report that it can be done if you are vigilant enough. Otherwise they tend to slip off and fall to the floor. Well you can’t pick them up after that, for crying out loud!!! So now all you can do is discreetly drag them behind some sort of display with your shoe.
Perhaps I sound a ‘wee’ bit germ-a-phobic to you; perhaps you think my Christmas package is not wrapped too tightly…. Well I don’t care! It is the Christmas count down people! This is where hyper-vigilance pays off! This is where the boy in the bubble had the advantage. This is where we circle the wagons, except not too closely because… well, you just never know.---Tonya Willman ©2011

12 Days Of Christmas--Disgruntled Housewife-updated!

2011-12-14T22:18:00.000-08:00

12 Days Of Christmas---disgruntled House Wife---UPDATED

On the First day of Christmas
The Hubster gave to me:
A beer-fridge; As Seen On TV.

On the second day of Christmas
The Hubster gave to me:
Two rubber gloves, and
A beer-fridge; As Seen On TV.

On the third day of Christmas
The Hubster gave to me:
Three drenched kids
Two rubber gloves, and
A beer-fridge; As Seen On TV.

On the fourth day of Christmas
The Hubster gave to me:
Four brawling nerds
Three drenched kids
Two rubber gloves, and
A beer-fridge; As Seen On TV.

On the fifth day of Christmas
The Hubster gave to me:
Fiiiiiive cold coffees,
Four brawling nerds
Three drenched kids
Two rubber gloves, and
A beer-fridge; As Seen On TV.

On the sixth day of Christmas
The Hubster gave to me:
Six sneezes spraying
Fiiiiiive cold coffees,
Four brawling nerds
Three drenched kids
Two rubber gloves, and
A beer-fridge; As Seen On TV.

On the seventh day of Christmas
The Hubster gave to me:
Seven tips for slimming
Six sneezes spraying
Fiiiiiive cold coffees,
Four brawling nerds
Three drenched kids
Two rubber gloves, and
A beer-fridge; As Seen On TV.

On the eighth day of Christmas
The Hubster gave to me:
Eight mooks-a-mooching
Seven tips for slimming
Six sneezes spraying
Fiiiiiive cold coffees,
Four brawling nerds
Three drenched kids
Two rubber gloves, and
A beer-fridge; As Seen On TV.

On the ninth day of Christmas
The Hubster gave to me:
Nine football passes
Eight mooks-a-mooching
Seven tips for slimming
Six sneezes spraying
Fiiiiive cold coffees,
Four brawling nerds
Three drenched kids
Two rubber gloves, and
A beer-fridge; As Seen On TV.

On the tenth day of Christmas
The Hubster gave to me:
Ten Fords-a-leaking
Nine football passes
Eight mooks-a-mooching
Seven tips for slimming
Six sneezes spraying
Fiiiiiive cold coffees,
Four brawling nerds
Three drenched kids
Two rubber gloves, and
A beer-fridge; As Seen On TV.

On the eleventh day of Christmas
The Hubster gave to me:
Eleven loads of laundry
Ten Fords-a-leaking
Nine football passes
Eight mooks-a-mooching
Seven tips for slimming
Six sneezes spraying
Fiiiiive cold coffees,
Four brawling nerds
Three drenched kids
Two rubber gloves, and
A beer-fridge; As Seen On TV.

On the twelfth day of Christmas
The Hubster gave to me:
Twelve Plumbers plumbing
Eleven loads of laundry
Ten Fords-a-leaking
Nine football passes
Eight mooks-a-mooching
Seven tips for slimming
Six sneezes spraying
Fiiiiive cold coffees,
Four brawling nerds
Three drenched kids
Two rubber gloves, and
A beer-fridge; As Seen On TV.

Disclaimer: this festive song in NO way reflects on the writer's own hubby. =)

Dysfunctionally Dynamic

2011-12-07T19:32:00.001-08:00

Greetings from my remodeled 4 and 20 blog. I know I said I was changing to another blog site, but here I am! ‘Why’ you ask? I knew you would. Because it was too freakin’ hard, that’s why! I tried Tumblr, but they expect you to know stuff, man! I had three people trying to help me; young, computer savvy people! Eventually they all wandered off and abandoned me.
     One of them even has her own Tumblr blog! But she lives far, far away and was trying to help me by phone. Eventually I feel sure, if she could have reached through the wires, she would have beaten me to death with my own lap top-- and well she should have!
     So I came back to my familiar but dysfunctional relationship with blogspot. I kept working at it and trying; searching multiple templates and the new “Blogger user interface”-- until I longed to pluck my own eyeballs out and shove them in a drawer.
     Here is what I wanted: A multi-page blog site that is NOT all bunched up on one page. The old one was a crowded little page, baby! It took FOREVER to load, and had Waaaay too much going on. I wanted great graphics and to keep all my links and gadgets too.
     Whiner Alert: They took my gadgets! This new template is awesome; it is called “Dynamic”. I can add as many pages as I want, but I lost my links, gadgets AND my Follower’s Window!---37 people just vanished as though I launched you all into the Bermuda Triangle. Poof! Nor can I post links to several of your great blogs…YET. Oh sure, “Dynamic” is fun and cool and lots roomier, but I WILL get my gadgets back! Oh I will…because I am Dynamic!
    But, stick with me. Explore all the pages, see what you think. Keep checking in, because I will be changing them up a lot, a.) For your amusement….and b.) Because I know how! So leave me feedback so I will know I didn’t really shoot you into the ether. I think the only feedback place is on the Home page, on the latest post. But then who knows? Tonya Willman © 2011

JUST TRIPPIN'

2011-10-25T18:12:00.000-07:00

I crave the chance to experience new vistas, near and far. Exquisite architecture in European cities, and simple tree-lined vintage neighborhoods in different towns across America, all of them call to me.
But I live with the knowledge that, ironically, I am tethered to my little mountain house. There are several reasons for this. The first reason being that extensive traveling requires funds, which, at the present, I do not possess. The second being that dealing with a chronic autoimmune condition often causes the need to curl up like a boiled shrimp at any given moment, which would be awkward, on say, a bus tour of famous English cathedrals.
Thirdly, I have a completely cream-puff need to be back in my own bed each night. I cannot help it. It is a primal longing to be in my own space as I lay me down. I keep waiting for the invention of the equivalent of the Star Trek transporter, to beam me home each night…GO technology, Go Scotty!!!!
And finally, I don’t actually like to travel. That is, I like the part where you get there, but not the process of arriving…This, I feel sure, is due to my childhood. I was a piteous child who got motion-sick if I watched a car chase on the television. Our family took many trips to places like; Yellow Stone, Mt. Rushmore, The Grand Canyon, The Grand Tetons, The vast stretches of Texas and the golden plains of Kansas.
I staggered through it all in a Dramamine induced stupor. My parents would wake me up at important land marks and attractions; “The World’s Largest Ball of String”, “the Mystery Spot”, “Knotts Berry Farm”, where I would stare owlishly and wipe the sleep-drool off of my chin. Taking deep breaths I would try to take in everything; from the stunning national parks and geysers to the colorful ‘Indian’ offerings at roadside stands in the pink and purple mesas of New Mexico.
I hated the “getting there” my choices were puking or sleeping….I had to have been the most well behaved child EVER in the history of automotive travel….it is hard to pull any shenanigans when you’re nodding off over your cheese burger and fries…all of the restaurants and drive-ins just blurred together. Except for the time we stopped and I ordered a strawberry shake ‘to go’ I drank it while staring out the side window on the windy road and promptly through the exact amount back up into the ‘to go’ cup…..
So, my mother had to choose between barf bags or Dramamine. It was really a no-brainer, but now, I am what I am, it formed me and shaped me into the Veruca Salt of travel…”But I want to be there NOW…”
Though I long deeply to travel the British Isles, I believe I would be a raving loon by the time I disembarked from a trans-Atlantic flight.
And now, I also completely believe, with my whole heart, that there is not a country left in the world, including Canada, where Americans are not secretly hated and I would not be immediately kidnapped if the tour guide simply turned away to point out the strange and unusual restrooms. Some places actually only provide you a hole in the floor, and signs illustrating proper squatting techniques!
So here I sit, in my prosaically familiar home with my own bleached bathroom, and my own bed to curl up on, dreaming of far away, exotic places. Tonya Willman © 2011

~~~JOY~~~

2011-10-02T00:09:00.000-07:00

This speaks to me. It is the simplicity of living life with joy. I have been asking the Lord to help me understand and feel more joy in my life again, even amidst illness. It seems like I have forgotten it somewhere inside, So, He sent me this. A friend shared it on Facebook and I felt as though it came with a bow, and a gift-tag from God....Enjoy! Tonya ~*~*~*~*~*~

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TILLY

2011-09-25T16:03:00.000-07:00

I am having an 'ugly' day today...I hate that, but what can a girl do? I will be 51 Wednesday the 28th...and time marches on, right across your face.
Yesterday as I was walking my dog I ran into a ‘fracquaintance’ ----this is defined as ‘friend’ you are not terribly close to, but you’re better acquainted with than, say, your dental hygienist--- She caught up with me and we walked together for a ways. All was lovely until almost the very end where, just before we parted company, she told me that initially she had mistaken me for another lady we both know (actually, another fracquaintance) apparently upon first glance she thought I was--- and here we will pick a random name out of a hat for anonymity purposes---‘Tilly’. But then, whew! She knew I was NOT ‘Tilly’ because ‘Tilly’ doesn’t... have a little dog!
Really? In my wildest dreams I NEVER thought I would be mistaken for ‘Tilly’---who is perfectly nice---but it has confirmed the fact that I have now attained that ‘matronly' look that I have so long sought after.
First of all; ‘Tilly’ is 10 years older than me and has happily let herself go gray. I just spent WAY too much money on my getting my roots done, highlights and a ‘styling’ as a present to myself for my birthday! Also, I thought I was far less round than ‘Tilly’. I mean, I know I am not svelte, I might not be even merely plump, but having lost around 30 pounds in the last while, I apparently have deluded my mind into a false self-image.
Last year, when I hit the big five-oh, I took it hard. Some of you may remember my melt down from receiving my first AARP letter. I think they sedated me, it was all a blur. But then one of my sweet friends---Thank you James---helped me get a better perspective. He cajoled me through it, made me laugh, and said “We are faaaabulous Dahling!” It worked! So it never occurred to me that fifty-one would be any kind of a bother. But thanks to my fracquaintance, every time I look in the mirror now, all I see is ‘TILLY’…
I had actually come to believe that I was one of those who are choosing to age ‘gracefully’. By that I mean that my funds do not go beyond affording anything more than smearing some sort of Oil of Olay type product on myself morning and night. Or as my dad calls it “Oil of Old Leg”….Well, Frack That! I am changing my hair style or something!!! Maybe I’ll save up for that dowager’s hump removal I’ve had my eye on.
Is this what happens to those middle-aged bald guys who would sell a kidney for a corvette? Oh the bitter irony! How many times have I seen them in their shiny convertibles with their equally shiny heads and shouted; “Mid-life crisis!” or “Man-o-pause!” then merrily went on my way? But, never again shiny bald man! Because somebody was your ‘Tilly’ too, weren’t they? At some point every one of you wanted to weep openly and say, ‘George’? You mistook me for ‘George’?
I remember a quote from the movie ‘Fried Green Tomatoes’ when Evelyn Couch says, “I’m too young to be old, and I’m too old to be young.” You and me both honey. I suppose once I get past this stage I can relax. Right? Right older people? Oh Lord, do NOT tell me that it gets pointed out at the senior-center that you have more liver spots than your fracquaintance in the knitting club, or that you used to be better looking before you got your dentures and, for heaven’s sake, stop making them clack together while you eat!
Oh, okay, I see the hand writing on the wall. I now understand why I’ve experienced random senior citizens that I do not know announcing to me, in the frozen foods section, that they can touch their toes and walk five miles, and then whisper coyly that they are often mistaken for their own daughters. Vanity, thy name is human frailty, unless, of course, it is Tilly….or George.
Tonya Willman ©2011

The Machine

2011-09-23T13:54:00.000-07:00

All the new Facebook changes have irritated a lot of people, including moi. There have been poems, odes, commentaries and even threats written about them. But do you think that bothers young Mr. Zuckerberg one bit? Pardon me while I wipe away the soda that I just spewed from my nose.
Really Facebook, Net Flix, Yahoo, Google and the myriad of other mega internet giants that are thrusting change upon us, whether we like it or not, and with no options, are just monolithic barometers of the times we live in.
They seem to be modeling their ‘service’ premise on the government’s longtime policies. These policies are clear; we are peons who cannot possibly know what is best for us. We will have change, and we will like it!
My mind boggles at the complete ‘out-of-touch’ state that politicians, the entertainment industry, the rich and big business exist in. Actually I could have just condensed that statement down to one entity and saved space couldn’t I?
The millionaires are crying foul over the threat of having to pay their fair share, citing the premise that it takes away their ability to create more jobs. I see a LOT of yachts and mansions and fancy cars and ridiculous amounts of money spent on everything from shoes and watches to ‘pre-school graduation parties’ for their children (extra ponies please….and throw in Circque du Soleil), but I do not see a lot of new jobs. These people do not live down here with the rest of us. But, they control the press and the news and the toys and the programs and the fashion and the technology. Oh yes my little robots, we are manipulated at every turn.
Of late I have had many opportunities to go to and from the rescue mission and homeless shelter. I see pitifully poor people. I see the homeless and the disenfranchised lives. I see people who sleep on the floor and are grateful for whatever food is available that day in the soup line. BUT I also see several of them walking around with cell phones which I cannot afford!?!?!?! You cannot swing a dead cat without hitting someone with a cellphone and a gallery of tattoos….I am not judging here, merely stating facts.
Oh listen, I do Facebook, and have my Yahoo account. I deal with Google for this blog. And every once in a while I go mad and believe the hype over some new thing, causing myself to pay good money for something I absolutely do not need. But what I am feeling like, is that we live in the machine…we are all shaped and manipulated by the big money that we will never see.
I think that the only way we could completely avoid this would be to totally live off the grid. But, this is not going to happen for 99.9% of us because we are not survivalists nor are we Ted Kaczynski. I have just been feeling very ‘pawn-like’ in the last couple of days. But, on the brighter side, I also realize I do not have to accept it. There are many ways to control my little corner and feel at peace. It’s just that I look at what the world is becoming, and though I know it is inevitable, in fact it is prophecy…it makes me sad for our children and theirs too.
I was in the store yesterday and saw a boy of about eight years old following his mother around while she shopped. He had his cell phone to his ear and was railing at someone about how they could not possibly advance to a certain level until they had earned enough points to buy some sort of mega death weaponry. The mother was just happy as a clam, there almost seemed to be a bit of smugness about her amused smile as he trailed after her ranting into his phone, which once again, I could not possibly afford….but I digress, and this is NOT about phone envy, this is about a haunting sadness at how the world seems to have lost what little bit of innocence it had left.
Somehow I want to blame; Snookie, Lady GaGa, Dancing with the Stars, US domestic policy and GoogleFlixSpaceNetYahooTubeBookYouTwitFace...Tonya Willman ©2011

Bits and Pieces

2011-09-05T21:01:00.000-07:00

I love pearls of wisdom...kernels of truth are good too. Seeds of faith are lovely. I even love drops of Jupiter...I have collected a whole bottle!...but I try hard to avoid webs of lies and roots of bitterness. Also...unless they are the edible kind one would do well to avoid all nuts, fruits and flakes...*evol granola...~~Tonya © 2011

I Can Hear it...Can You?

2011-08-22T13:17:00.000-07:00

    Grab your snorkel, swim fins and barbecue fork. Get in all of the outdoor time that you can. The school bells are a-clangin’ and August is winding down like a hot, tired old bag lady seeking a bench and some shade.
     I am ever-so curious to learn how summer sped by so fast. It seems to me that there must be some mystical time warp that is causing the space-time continuum to mess with our heads.
     I cannot seem to convince my flower blooms that they are rushing through the process. “Take your time my little dears…” I whisper, but they do not listen, as the faded petals gently drift to the ground.
     And, how did I already wear through a pair of flip-flops? The left one is cranky, and the top part will randomly wrench itself free from the bottom hole, causing me to stumble around like your uncle Fred who’s been lurking about the beverage table way too long during the family reunion, and all the while, an*evol, flappy chuckle echoes in the background.
   There also appears to be some depressed leaves bent on falling green and EARLY! This happens every few years. They seem to decide it is just not worth the effort of waiting until autumn or turning a beautiful golden red. They let go before their time as though suicidal and out on the ledge. Surely there must be someone with the job title of ‘foliage negotiator’ out there somewhere.
     I am well aware that one cannot hold on to a season. The tighter you clutch it to yourself the faster it unravels. A fistful of sand would stay longer. And really it is not that I mind the coming fall. It is quite lovely, so do not feel that you have to convince me. It is only that I know that once fall commences, then winter is only just around the corner.
   Winter and I are not friends. I wish it were so, but I cannot help it. You see,    I absolutely know that there will be a snowy, dark and dreary day in the future that I will mourn my broken, flapping flip-flop and even the humiliation of staggering around in the hot sun, shod only with one shoe and a tangled mess writhing its way up my left ankle, for all the world to see.
    I think that is why I refuse to toss these shoes, and why I just keep shoving the round plug back through the worn and weary hole in the flip-flop bottom. It’s my flip-flop, and I reserve the right to lunge about, flailing my arms all I want to!!! Of course I am a sucker for a summer close-out sale and there is bound to be a new pair with my name on them out there somewhere. If I listen very close, I can already hear the chuckle…. Tonya Willman ©2011

2011-08-10T18:08:00.000-07:00

"And, isn't sanity really just a one-trick pony anyway? I mean all you get is one trick, rational thinking, but when you're good and crazy, oooh, hooo, hooo, the sky is the limit." ~~~The Tick
*******************
My new motto....

Ginger Stein...Ready to Debut

2011-08-02T21:08:00.000-07:00

My son, Dennis Willman, creates art that is an amazing combination of fine art and zombie-whacking, cutting edge Comic-Renaissance Art. How do you make a comic book series about a zombie hunter; cool, creepy, fun, beyond scary, Gorey and artistically gorgeous? How do you make a six foot tall living-dead protagonist incredibly captivating, sarcastic, beautiful and insane, fresh and completely believable?
How, as the reader, do you find yourself becoming extremely fond of a severed head side-kick?
How does it all work? I don't know, but it does....
The mind and artistic skills of Dennis Willman somehow make zombie hunting new and weirdly fresh as well as completely hysterically horrifying...
Some gore a mother just should not see, of course!!! But the colors, form and trademark style of his incredible talent is all something you just cannot pull your eyes away from.
*Coming soon: The official Ginger Stein website is due out any day. ---more info as soon as I get it---
*Issue #1 will debut at the ~Rock and Shock~ Comic-Con in MA. this October.
Get ready, fall in love with Ginger, and if you are not a comic fan, the mugs and T-Shirts are coming...then you can have the gorgeousness without the gore.
Tonya Willman © 2011

Enquiring Aliens want to know....

2011-07-17T00:23:00.000-07:00

Main-stream television news stinks.
The talking heads that deliver it make me want to shudder all the more.
And then what is even worse than that?
The typical stories reported about the latest weeknight antics of
the hottest no-talent-pop-tart as though they were reporting on
actual peace talks in the Middle East.
How did main stream media become The National Enquirer?
*****
I do not give a tiny-rats-heiny about
frolicsome stories like; which reality star cheated on what other fame trollop.
And why in the world would I care who is gay or straight,
or entering or leaving weekly Rehab?
while the reporter, who is earnestly reporting these vacuous stories
gazes gravely into the camera as though
reporting about Lady Ga-Ga’s meat-dress is
somehow on par with sharing with us a possible cure for cancer,
the ultimate fate of the Social Security System, or
even, say, a fireman saving a kitten from a tree…
*****
So, I decided to get my news online instead.
I figured I could pick and choose
in a manner that would actually contribute to my mental health.
But sadly, I think it’s too late, I seem to have been taken over by the Aliens
that the National Enquirer always said were coming.
*****
They force me to read useless drivel that I care nothing about.
I think my being let loose to roam online is worse than news networks…
Oh sure, I may have rid myself of the sickeningly
earnest-faced television reporter,
but now I must read copy that I feel sure was written whilst the writer was
simultaneously performing the vital task of either; playing with his I-Pad,
or trimming his toenails, and possibly even all three at once!
*****
The Aliens also force me to click on the articles about;
“which starlet wore their identical outfits better.”
I don’t know why I do this…I truly do not care, and yet I am compelled.
It’s like a car wreck….I gotta look…
even though I am old now and do not know
who over 90% of them are…
Yet, shamefully, I actually find myself taking the time to earnestly critique
their accessories in making my final judgment,
as though world peace hung in the balance!
*****
It HAS to be the Enquiring Aliens…because if it is not, then what?
I could make the Wall Street Journal my home page
if I even just cared a leetle bit more.
Of course once one decides to get their news from
an agency called ‘Yahoo’ it is pretty much saying;
“I just don’t have the will to care anymore, and I like it….”
*****
Just a few short years ago; Googling, Yahooing or
admitting that you seriously received “hotmail”
would have made you look the fool you are.
Now, if you cannot juggle all three simultaneously on your
IPad, IPhone or Smart Phone, whilst tweeting and texting,
then you just do not deserve to know what is possibly in-store for
the new season of The Bachelor, or what Snookie is up to!
God help me, I know who Snookie is.
Don’t judge me! I do not watch the show, but she is everywhere, from the Jersey Shores to the Gulf Stream waters…
little stocky, furry uggs, daisy duke shorts wearing, and tan-in-a-can blazing like a bright beacon to the vacuousness that is creeping over everything we think, do or read.
*****
The National Enquirer Aliens have taken over. We walk about with invisible,
temporal face-huggers stuck to our frontal lobes,
they ride us happily as they lap up their primary food source,
which is:
complete ignorance of the intricacies of world-issues and global,social chaos.
It is deliciousness to them. They are cultural vampires,
bleeding us dry of the will to care about the budget or if global warming
is real, or just some colossal joke.
And do these Aliens get dessert?
Oh yes! That happens when we believe everything
that the mainstream ‘media’ feeds us. Yummy!
Fat, happy, happy Aliens….
*****
Oh well, I read where when all else fails, there is always tofu and Sudoku…
In their own way, they’re each supposed to keep the Alzheimer’s away.
May be they chase the National Enquirer Aliens away too!
Sounds like a plan, as long as we remember that;
living longer, or even just being able to easily
locate our keys does not necessarily mean living smarter.
But then again, Enquiring minds want to know… Tonya Willman ©2011