Carpe diem

2011-05-29T00:12:00.003+08:00

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

A Time for Everything

1 For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:
2 a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
3 a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
4 a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
5 a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
6 a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
7 a time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
8 a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace.

2011-02-14T01:50:00.001+08:00

Why am i so awake?!!!

2011-02-12T11:41:00.001+08:00

I feel excited about work.

It's been very difficult piecing together all the moving parts, and at the same time trying to figure out how best I can add value 1) without making people feel insecure, 2) after I gain enough expertise on the subjects, 3) while balancing the time needed to build expertise and time needed to persuade and talk to people. The more I stretch myself, the more shaky the ground becomes.

And I realise the reason why it all feels so big and difficult to manage is because all the issues are actually about building the future Singapore. All the discussions about smart cities / future cities / social fabric, it is really very big-picture and that's why it is so difficult to grasp it (the way i seize a problem and try to solve it). And every part keeps moving, I try to keep an eye out on their directions, speed, and their drivers, but its another challenge for my P personality. My new notebook has filled up incredibly fast, and I find myself thinking about my to-do list practically every moment of the day (minus at netball) just because there are so many things to check on, to push, to remind. The hardest part is sitting down and putting in all together.

It's quite mindblowing, really. I suppose I never really saw it in its entirety, but I'm happy its starting to emerge.

2011-01-19T09:25:00.000+08:00

Things to remember

1. It's not that difficult to talk to people! And people do want to talk to me, so stop thinking about avoiding everyone.

2. Self-improvement. In everything. Don't fall into the same rut and stand still while everyone passes you by. Always think of the next thing I want to do, where I want to get to.

3. Walk to the line with a purpose! Psych them out first.

4. Sleep more.

2011-01-13T00:12:00.001+08:00

I'm a robot.
I don't include ppl, and I don't want to be included.
I don't show affection to ppl, and I don't want ppl to be affectionate towards me.
Winz.
No wonder cannot get along with ppl.

Bubble world here I come!

2010-12-15T23:29:00.002+08:00

Colossians 3:20 Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.

Proverbs 30:17 The eye that mocks a father and scorns to obey a mother will be picked out by the ravens of the valley and eaten by the vultures.

Exodus 20:12 Honor thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.

I can do this!

2010-11-28T02:01:00.004+08:00

My heart breaks when I see my aunt cry in pain, when I listen to her question the existence of God, when she says she'll rather leave this world than go through the torture of dying painfully and slowly.

What would I do if I were her? I don't think I would have even made it so far. The world is such a cruel place, I think I'd just be weak and leave it behind.

My heart also breaks when I see my mum upset with my aunt's condition, when she tries to cook something nice, something easy to eat for my aunt, but gets so depressed when my aunt continues to lose weight and cry in pain.

How do people deal with such things? Apart from crying and wishing things were different, and that it was all a bad dream. I sometimes go for long runs because the exhaustion occupies my mind and removes me temporarily from all these other realities, but its so... transient.

Feeling helpless is a horrible feeling. Feeling heartache is also very hard to deal with. But maybe still better than feeling unbearable physical pain.

2010-11-26T00:32:00.001+08:00

2010-11-25T00:00:00.003+08:00

I'm constantly very tired. Sleepy, lightheaded.

Stressed, but sometimes excitedly so. Getting to see and learn many new things, about myself too. Feeling inadequate, feeling like I cannot live up to expectations. Or perhaps, I don't want to.

But I'm not happy I think. Not quite as happy as I would wish to be. And I suspect, not quite as happy as I really can be.

Pensive quite often, more so than before, and keeping things inside. I watch a lot more, I can sense a lot more, and I also react a lot less. More selfish maybe, more protective maybe.

Sometimes I think about what if things were different. Sometimes I think about, if only things never became different.

What I want is not good for me, and what is good for me is not what I want.

HK was, like never before. Same sights, but different emotions. Bball and Netball have pretty much kept me going despite some frustrating times. Joy comes in strange ways nowadays.

Its always so raw, so fresh, so pure when it begins. A clean slate, pure joy, no expectations, no defences, all in its truest form.

2010-09-26T02:18:00.001+08:00

vroom vroom
need some adrenaline rush now, to kickstart something
i need to feel... anything

2010-09-25T01:40:00.003+08:00

Exhausted.

Physically, emotionally, intellectually.

And for once, at a loss for words.

2010-04-09T08:39:00.002+08:00

I've never felt so frustrated with my job, ever.

Its quite a swell of feelings, when you realise you are not quite making the most of your life, that you won't be able to maximise your potential, that you are really capable of more but the "system" does not allow nor accommodate such self-assessment. You live a life that others think you will like to live, a life that others think must be full of meaning and fulfillment, a life that some others wish they could taste. You even sell it to some people, because there are days you choose to believe that there's more to it, and you cannot bring yourself to accept the fact that perhaps, for you, there's nothing more to it.

Why do some have the courage to take the leap, to put aside what others think, and to take the risk that perhaps some day, they wished they didn't. I fear, not of failure, but of letting people down. Those who have been sincere about helping me grow, teaching me how to do it right, think it right. Maybe they don't care, and maybe I'm actually more afraid that what people think of me will change.

Its all becoming more of a blur these days. A blur of realising that my life expectancy is perhaps not high, that i've been kidding myself about how much my abilities are valued here, that if I continue like this I will have a fulfilling and meaningful career, waking up each day eager to go to work.

Some days I wake up very happy, for different reasons, and that's what still makes life bearable. I wonder how long that will last

2008-09-05T23:44:00.000+08:00

:)

I am excited!!

2008-08-01T02:00:00.003+08:00

Some people are clearly super bored in school or at work.
They keep checking the same blogs.
Hahahahaha
Stop slacking!

2008-07-28T00:06:00.005+08:00

I was looking through my blog archives to find the name of my tennis racquet, when I found this:

I will present here the secret to enjoying olives.

The key is first impression. At the sight of an olive, one must suppress the assumption that since it looks like a currant or grape, it should taste sweet and sour.

Once this is achieved, the rest comes naturally.

It reminded me of many things, but more than anything, I realise that I have changed. Because I like black olives now. I like them so much I'd eat a plate of them on their own. Times have changed!

People change too. Well at least they appear to change, though I suspect deeper inside everyone's personality and character doesn't really change. But depending on who they hang out with or maybe, who they want to hang out with, they adapt behaviorally.

So my racquet is Bandit. It has emerged from hibernation and now works out once a week. I picked up tennis at MIT, and I remember cycling very fast from Tang Hall to the courts so as to warm up in the cold weather.

I miss you-in-Taipei now :P Stay safe and I hope you have a good time despite the typhoon! I will have them coffee cookies ready when you come back :)

Today I will get a new badminton racquet!

And then there are those days
When silly thoughts linger for a bit
I daydream
of Pirouettes and Piroulines
of Pyramids and Pot Pies
of Grand Canyon and the Hopewell Rocks
of the Atlantic City Boardwalk
of Late night interstate drives

But they melt repeatedly
like my heart, sometimes
And I realise,
that my problem is that i really care

2008-07-16T23:58:00.000+08:00

Very very very very ironic!!

2008-07-07T13:44:00.000+08:00

Wendy: I think you have, Peter. And I daresay you've felt it yourself. For something... or... someone?
Peter: Never. Even the sound of it offends me.
[Wendy tries to touch his face, and he jumps away]
Peter: Why do you have to spoil everything? We have fun, don't we? I taught you to fly and to fight. What more could there be?
Wendy: There is so much more.
Peter: What? What else is there?
Wendy: I don't know. I guess it becomes clearer when you grow up.
Peter: Well, I will not grow up. You cannot make me!

2008-07-01T18:37:00.005+08:00

So many blog entries stuffed away as "drafts". Time to reopen the blog. Not that I have anything much to say right now...

I'm not calling for a second chance,
I'm screaming at the top of my voice,
Give me reason, but don't give me choice,
Cos I'll just make the same mistake again,

And maybe someday we will meet
And maybe talk and not just speak
Don't buy the promises 'cause
There are no promises I keep,
and my reflection troubles me
so here I go

2008-05-26T00:02:00.001+08:00

2008-05-17T23:08:00.000+08:00

And so it goes

In every heart there is a room
A sanctuary safe and strong
To heal the wounds from lovers past
Until a new one comes along

I spoke to you in cautious tones
You answered me with no pretense
And still I feel I said too much
My silence is my self defense

And every time I've held a rose
It seems I only felt the thorns
And so it goes, and so it goes
And so will you soon I suppose

But if my silence made you leave
Then that would be my worst mistake
So I will share this room with you
And you can have this heart to break

And this is why my eyes are closed
It's just as well for all I've seen
And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows

So I would choose to be with you
That's if the choice were mine to make
But you can make decisions too
And you can have this heart to break

And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows

Billy Joel

2007-12-16T23:34:00.000+08:00

I am such an idiot.

pls pls pls.

2007-11-27T00:56:00.000+08:00

Cars.

I lazed for 2 hours on the couch on Sunday afternoon with my sister, watching the movie Cars. It reminded me of the Petrolhead application on Facebook. It also reminded me of bittersweet memories at the Grand Canyon. I liked this old slow song quite a bit, although its really not the type of song I'd usually like. But I suppose under current conditions, the song clicked with me, and I couldn't help but added it to my youtube playlist.

I want to work in a kitchen. I really do.

Find Yourself

When you find yourself

In some far off place,

And it causes you

To rethink some things.

You start to sense

That slowly you’re becoming someone else

And then you find yourself.

When you make new friends

In a brand new town,

And you start to think

About settling down,

The things that would have been lost on you

Are now clear as a bell.

And you find yourself

That’s when you find yourself.

Well you go through life

So sure of where you’re heading,

And you wind up lost

And it’s the best thing that could happen.

‘Cause sometimes when you lose your way

It’s really just as well.

‘Cause you find yourself;

That when you find yourself.

When you meet the one

You’ve been waiting for,

And she’s everything

That you want and more,

You look at her

And you finally start

To live for someone else.

And then you find yourself;

That’s when you find yourself.

We go though life

So sure of where we’re heading,

And then we wind up lost

And it’s the best thing that could happen.

Sometimes when you lose your way

It’s really just as well.

Because you find yourself;

Yeah that’s when you find yourself.

2007-11-17T23:03:00.000+08:00

Love is passion, obsession, someone you can't live without. If you don't start with that, what are you going to end up with? Fall head over heels. I say find someone you can love like crazy and who'll love you the same way back. And how do you find him? Forget your head and listen to your heart. I'm not hearing any heart. Run the risk, if you get hurt, you'll come back. Because, the truth is there is no sense living your life without this. To make the journey and not fall deeply in love - well, you haven't lived a life at all. You have to try. Because if you haven't tried, you haven't lived."

.Need to decide.

2007-10-29T01:43:00.000+08:00

Monday again.

I want to watch the Sox game. And then I want to watch the Patriots play, plus the Celtics!!
I miss the never ending sports season in the US.... So many evenings were spent in front of the tv, laptop and notes beside me, pretending to be doing work but in reality watching 3 hour games and burning the midnight oil after that.

And then waking hours are spent waiting for Monday night football, Thursday night NBA games, Sunday football, Tuesday NBA. Rooting for teams and players and then switching sides and rooting for others.

Towards the end of each season, meals and trips to the supermarket are planned around the games so as not to miss a second of tv time, oven-bakes and stews are preferred to minimise preparation time, and bags of chips and snacks are wolfed down as the Patriots or the Spurs score touchdowns and goals.

Miss those times.

And I miss the people I used to enjoy the tv sports with. Everyone has moved on or is moving on. I am too, but a lot of the time I feel very very sentimental about it.

2007-10-20T22:19:00.000+08:00

I was in St Gallen, Switzerland, for a week in September. I was invited to attend the World Ageing Congress, thanks to my Prof who was giving a speech. I had a nice room at the Radisson, and had been looking forward to the trip for the past few weeks.

Every minute of the trip was thoroughly enjoyable. I love plane rides, and I really enjoy having the private time where I can do whatever lazy activities I want, i.e. watch movies and read books. I also love Switzerland, having been there twice when I was younger. The milk, the croissants, the cheese, yum yum yum. And the skiing!

Heh. Some quick photos. My camera's battery is so weak, it lasts about 30 min after a full night of charging. Next on my wishlist is a new digital camera :P

I want to holiday again in Switzerland! Now now now now.

Would you want to come?