Is it me?

Mr Fat and the Oncologist

2013-06-20T09:08:00.002+01:00

Before I get on to my day with the Oncologist I should mention that I was back at the dreaded Broomfield Hospital for the CPEX test on Monday 10th June. If you don't know CPEX is where they attach all those electrodes to your body stick a tube in your mouth and sit you on a pedal machine while they monitor all sorts of crap. I'd tell you what they were actually monitoring if I knew but it seems to be a secret and I can only guess that it's my heart and lung rhythms!

The Doctor, Dr W, took me in and introduced me to the technician, and then he left us to it. The technician wired me up going through the procedure, commenting that once wired up I would be sitting on the machine for three minutes while base lines were established and then the test would start with me pedalling until I got to 60 on the counter and that once I got there I was to maintain that rhythm throughout the test. He went on to state that it would be a gentle pedal until I got to the 'hill' then the pressure on the pedals would steadily increase as I climbed. 'As you get to the top it will get harder, I've done it', says he, 'but don't worry I'll be cheering you on!

Well, all said and done, I never really noticed any change in the pressure on the pedals and I felt no discomfort or breathlessness at any point during the routine. At the end he called the Dr back in and they started to look and whisper as they looked at the ten or so graphs that had come up on the large screen. After a few minutes I asked if all was well and, 'Am I fit for surgery?' There was one blip on one of the graphs that they were both scratching their heads over but again refused to tell me what they thought it might be or if they thought there was a problem, getting ratty now, again...... and he said that they would need to analyse the results. I asked, well I don't know do I, if that's not what the computer did with all those graphs and 'how long have you been doing this?

Anyway he asked when and who was my next appointment with. I responded that it was with the

Oncologist back at Basildon on the 19th. He said that he would have the results by then and that he would make sure that they were sent to Dr C, and the team at Broomfield. Needless to say when I arrived at the Oncologist yesterday they had no idea what I was talking about and said that they wouldn't necessarily get those results as those tests were for the surgical team and not the oncology team. Fine, I can accept that but why then would Dr W say that he would ensure that they were available for me if he had no intention of doing so, getting really rat arsed now. In the meantime I have had two letters from the Cardio department at Broomfields stating that Dr W has referred me for two further tests, one I can turn up any time for and another where an appointment has been given for 9th July .... Now I fullY accept that these folk are trying to mend my diseased riddled body and it's not their fault, did you get that Dr H, not your fault, that I have cancer. But if you carry out a test and you find something awry then F*****g tell me what the problem is, I WANT TO KNOW..... don't just refer me for further test without explaining what you did or did not discover during the first test to warrant further tests.

So, on to the Oncologist yesterday. Met with Dr P her registrar who went through a list of questions and how I had been feeling to date and what symptoms were presenting themselves. Had a wee rant about Broomfields but I don't think she was really that interested as it's just 'not cricket' to be showing any interest when a patient is complaining about colleagues. Anyway after that she disappeared into the next room and Ishbel and I were left sitting there for about 10 minutes, presumably while she briefed Dr C who came whizzing through the door like a woman possessed (not in a bad way) I suspect she had many patients to see and needed to get through us all as quickly as she could...

So, she explained that I didn't need to have chemo and I could elect to go straight for surgery but results have shown that of the patients who elected to have chemo and then surgery, no numbers given on totals, that in 5% of the cases, the patients lives were extended by a couple of years. I could sense Ishbel stiffening up at that little nugget as we sat together. I asked if I was sitting there as her father and presenting the exact same symptoms, what would she recommend but she refused to answer that questing commenting that it was not their role to recommend but to present the facts and that it was for the patient to decided. I agree but they are the ones with the training and understanding, much more so than the average patient and there is a lot of information and and it is usually all bad, to take in and I think it is a fare question to ask, so I did again and got the same response.

So I was told the possible benefits of chemo, it may shrink the tumour and make it slightly more easier for the surgical team to get at and remove. On the other hand, it may not!

And then the list of possible side affects , that went on and on and the only one I don't need to worry about is the hair loss! So I signed the consent forms and now am on the circa three week waiting list before I head to Southend Hospital, at least I am getting to see all of South Essex, to start a 63 day cycle at 21 days per treatment cycle of chemotherapy and maybe by then the numpties at Broomfield will have sorted out what the problem is elsewhere with my heart or lungs or flabby belly and be ready to hack away at the offending little bugger - mind you, having said that I feel great today and I think we might be able to get back to normal and cancel all of these annoying wee hospital interludes.

I have mentioned elsewhere about the gagging problem I have as soon as food enters my mouth and I have been 'learning' just to take the tiniest wee nibble and not each much of anything (apart from Crunchie chocolate bars - just to maintain my fuller figure you understand). Well last night I couldn't be bothered, and you do know how much I like to cook, and decided to get a takeaway instead. Sweet and Sour chicken for the boss, never varies bless her, and I decided I would just get some noodles in the hope that they would just slide down, ha, wishful thinking. As soon as the first small forkful hit my moth and the first noodle began to ooze its way down my throat the gagging reflex kicked in. It was the worst one so far and I really thought I wasn't going to survive it as I stumbled towards the bathroom, no idea why as I have felt nausea on and off since this thing started but only actually vomited about three times, and as I got to the hall I hurled and a sticky gooey mess went all over the floor, thank gawd for wooden floors, and I think I may have dislodged the tumour, cos I feel great today, but it was a bit of a bummer at the time and poor Ishbel was as white as a ghost, what a fright she got.

But never mind she went back to her sweet and sour and left me to clean up my own mess, nothing disturbs Ishbel too much when she's eating. I even asked her to sing Soft Kitty to me and was told to bugger off so I never bothered asking her to rub something on my chest, but at least my interweb Bestie Julia R Barrett sang soft Kitty to me via email later on, Ishbel are you reading that, Jules knows how to treat me .....

Book Review: Overtime In the Woods by Ryan Sean O'Reilly

2013-06-19T12:38:00.000+01:00

Look inside Amazon UK here
Look inside Amazon US here

A quirky little short story which has left me in a little bit of a quandary as I have no idea how to tag it! I wasn't sure whether it was a mystery or a thriller or a who dunnit ...

Rich Lacey is an employed private investigator working for 'Bossman' who is trailing a guy through deserted country roads and into the backwoods of Michigan.

It needed to be a short story as I don't think there was much more mileage in it. Having said that it was well written and the premise is one that we see all too often, especially here in the UK where investigators attempt to get evidence against those who have 'suffered' an injury and are then getting hefty insurance payouts or state benefits as they claim they are unable to work. Lacey's problem is that Rufus Stamford has gone of the grid moved from an urban area to a an area where the critters outnumber the humans, so how does he manage to get the evidence he needs to have the claim and ongoing payments suspended? The investigation is further complicated by a chance meeting , or was it, when he attempts to find a motel for the night which then places doubts in Lacey's mind about the job he is doing.

For the paltry sum of £0.77 pence UK, or $1.17 in the US this is a diverting wee read that passes the time rather pleasantly. It has a touch of fraughtness in it with Lacey second guessing his decision to follow his target off road and into the woods and then fearing for his own safety when he discovers that he is alone in the wilderness with a guy with a gun, does he survive and is his conscience pricked enough to .......

As I say below in my scoring the editing seems to have been done properly but there were no links, which is always helpful, but it seemed nicely laid out although, whether it is Mr O'Reilly or anyone else, even in a short story of 29 pages I do like a natural resting point that gives you a break. There were a couple but you were already on to the next sentence before you actually noticed them.

Two grammatical errors; then the, instead of than the, and couple places instead of couple of places so overall not bad as I have seen worse in mainstream publishing and by well known authors.

The book cover certainly gives you the plot in one picture but there is just something about it that I can't put my finger on, that really doesn't do it for me, sorry can't explain it any better than that.

On the strength of this though I may just be tempted to look at the other short stories put out by this author which can be seen here or here

Editing for Kindle: 4 out of 5

Reading Enjoyment: 4 out of 5
Page Count: 29

Front cover Art Work: (related to story) 4 out of 5
Plot: 5 out of 5
Overall Rating: 4 out of 5

PRISM - GCHQ/NSA, Who Gives a Flying F**K?

2013-06-09T12:11:00.000+01:00

So, the news has been full this weekend that apparently the NSA in America has been spying on it's citizens through a computer programme called PRISM and have been accessing people's GOOGLE, FACEBOOK and other social media sites, although the owners of all these companies have denied, well they would wouldn't they, giving access to their sites to the Agency; other than what they would normally do as required by law or warrant. So, that's in the US, but what about here in the UK?

Well, most of us on social media are signed up to all these sites and I can't think of one that is actually British, so therefore, we are, by default, signing on to our social media sites through our American cousins in Silicon Valley or Seattle or in some non descriptive nuclear bomb proof shelter in the desert somewhere.

Now I don't know about you but have you looked at my twitter string or Facebook page or indeed my blog page, it's full of personal crap. My emails are normally me ranting to some service provider, usually a utility company and if not ranting they are full of boring mundane shit that no one wants to, or should want to read, although me and my Internet thingy BFF were messaging each other the other day about shotguns, in-laws from hell and setting up landmines around the approach to the house with sensors programmed for a specific person! I made a joke on one of the messages informing the security services that we were only joking, well one of us was, but I ain't telling you which one.

My point is, that even if GCHQ or the NSA were to look at that particular string I am fairly confident that I wouldn't have the SAS or anyone else storming the house or the office with stun grenades and gas, flinging me to the floor and cuffing me with plastic ties., (but if you do can you bare in mind I have a sore tummy after recent abdominal surgery that no gives a F**k about unlike Prince bloody Blundermouth Philip oh, and I have cancer, so be gentle on me if you do storm the place) No, I think they would look and say "Look, we've got a couple here talking about shotguns and land mines, and killing someone." Then they would hopefully look at our Internet history and emails and blogs and see that we are normal every day people who rant and rave occasionally about Big Brother our completely and utterly useless politicians, who should in fact be monitored for criminal activities on a daily and 24 hour basis, and decide that we are harmless venters who jokingly talk about serious stuff, including the Mother-in-Law, Politicians and the unfair System that Joe pubLic lives in from time to time, and THEN leave us completely and utterly alone in our own little worlds.

Sure, I would be worried if it was an 1984 or Fahrenheit 451 type society and as much as some of our dictators, sorry I mean Prime Ministers and Presidents or J Edgar Hoover, would like to have seen most of the population locked up and the keys thrown away on most of the population, for what they said, did or wrote, we aren't quite there yet, I don't think.

Off course the argument will then be put forward, yes Tom and therein lies the problem with allowing them to snoop on us now and to gather, collect and save this information on us from our private and personal (well as much as Facebook, twitter, google and blogging are our private little worlds and only those we allow to see it can see it, yeah right) Internet accounts and come the day when The Man does decide to really grind us into the ground, they'll have the information that 'we gave them'!

Now look at your own Internet footprint, is it as boring and mundane as mine, are you really worried that Big Brother is looking at what you're looking at, or what you are saying through the various mediums, nope probably not. So why are all those folk screaming about the infringement of civil liberties then? As I understand it these men and women who are sitting in their little dark cubicles are looking for key words or phrases that could lead them to find terrorists who are intent on KILLING US.

If that's the case, and I also realise that many will say that I am being a naive Buffoon and I don't understand the implications, well maybe. But, I do understand that if terrorists, killers, or even everyday criminals, including politicians, and lets not forget paedophiles can be stopped from carrying out these activities then I really don't give a fig how much of my Internet traffic the security services look at. It does not, that I know off, restrict my liberty or my thinking in my everyday life.

The only other comment I have on this is the Political one, where politicians, both from the Conservatives and Lib Dems, the parties in power here in the UK, and from Labour, who are hitting the airwaves and being quoted in the press, that this is a 'snoop to far' and are demanding questions be answered on this matter. This just takes party politics too far, again, as they would be the first ones or should be, to tell the other political parties too shut the F**k up, as they would if they were in power. Come on, Is it Me, or are these people just to dumb to be in positions of power?

And finally, I opened up my GMail inbox today to be confronted with this:

"2 people spied on you) - Safe*************** - Free tool that shows you who's spying on you."

Paranoia, really does take over the world at times and my only gripe is that no matter how rude I am to Facebook and Google and Uncle Tom Cobbly and all, they still insist on putting F*****g adverts on my F*****g timelines and web pages, now if the libertarians really want to help, help me to get these folks to stop putting F*****g adverts on my mail and timeline pages

Book Review: Lucy The Wonder Weenie by Nina Clark

2013-06-08T16:34:00.001+01:00

Look inside Amazon UK here
Look inside Amazon US here

Got kids, Grand kids, or Nieces and Nephews? Then this is a 'must have' to add to their book collection. What age group, hell any age group, I enjoyed it too and I am 57 (I think) and 4 of my grand kids all aged 7 loved it and so too did 'wee' Mollie our eldest at 10 years of age and they are all discerning readers I can tell you. In fact Mollie has reviewed a couple of books here.

This is a lovely little book with drawings by Sara Pulver who has done justice to Lucy in her marvelous drawings throughout the book

Mollie and Shannon Reading Lucy The Wonder Weenie

So, what's it all about then? Well Lucy the ditsy Doxie likes to lick everyone and every thing, her food, the walls, the floors, the kids, the neighbours and even other passing animals whether they are dogs or not.....

Holly has been to the library

In the course of doing all this licking, Lucy finds that she has a secret super power and so turns into Lucy the Wonder Weenie, but I'm afraid I am not at liberty to tell you what that superpower might be, otherwise it wouldn't be a secret and everyone knows that when you wear a mask and a cloak, you must keep your identity a secret from everyone.......

Shannon likes to read, even when getting her hair brushed

This really was a fun read and I am looking forward to sitting down with two year old Lacey Mae and reading it to her. I am sure she will enjoy it every bit as much as her big sisters and her two cousins

Note: we received an advance copy in the post all the way from BOSTON USA and the kids have all told me to tell Nina

LOVE YOU, AND THANKS FOR SENDING THE BOOK TO GRAND DAD XXXXXXXX

You can connect with Nina at http://ninaclark.com/

or if you are Mummy and Daddy and you want to be tickled by the thoughts of Princess Penny head on over here: http://www.pennyromance.com/

Lucy The Wonder Weenie is available both as an ebook and in book form, enjoy it however you choose to read it with your little ones ......

Editing for Kindle: N/A
Reading Enjoyment: 5 out of 5
Artwork: 5 out of 5
Plot: 5 out of 5
Overall Rating: 5 out of 5

Book Review: Nothing Lasts Forever By Roderick Thorpe

2013-06-07T11:04:00.001+01:00

Look inside Amazon UK here
Look inside Amazon US here

It was suggested I read this book by my twitter BFF Julia R Barrett as we had recently been discussing the new Die Hard Movie that I had not a lot of good things to say about, see here.

So, off I go and purchase the book,Nothing Last Forever, written in 1979 and as you can (just) make out from the cover, was the basis of the original Die Hard Movie from 1988.

There are a number of plot changes between the two genres, Maclane in the book is Joe Leland a retired cop now a consultant. His wife in the film is his daughter in the book and the bank being robbed in the film is an oil company in the book.

Other than that, we have a (ex) cop running about barefoot and bloodied over broken glass and up and down stairwells killing off the bad guys and gal's while the cops outside, when they turn up late to the party, are as confused and as bungling as they were in the film. Having said that and having enjoyed the movie for what it was, the book was not to disappointing. The book may have been written in 1979 but seems to have been set a few years before that as Leland/Maclane keeps drawing on his time as a fighter pilot in WW11. The language of the book is quite stilted in places but never the less still flows and although having seen the film, there were enough little changes to make you keep turning the pages.

Leland also comes across as a much darker figure than Maclane in that while they are both killing people Maclane deals with it as is his norm, in all of the franchised films, with darkly but laughable humour whereas Leland who has a drink problem and has seen and done enough killing in the war would, I suspect, really like it all to stop, but knows that Gruber (same for movie and book) will kill all the hostages, including Leland's daughter.

There are a couple of plot twists in the book that completely changes the tone from the film and the ending is, well let's just say, a tad different, but all in all a good read and I suspect it would be more so if you are one of the few people on the planet who has managed to avoid the Die Hard Movie Franchise.

Editing for Kindle: 5 out of 5
Reading Enjoyment: 4 out of 5 (Mainly due to having seen the movie)
Plot: 5 out of 5
Overall Rating: 4 out of 5

Film Review: Takers (2010)

2013-06-05T15:34:00.000+01:00

Takers is a 2010 movie that is in essence. a poor man's HEAT (1995) with Al Pacino and Dustin Hoffman.

Takers is directed by John Luessenhop and stars Idris Elba, one of my favourite actors, alongside Chris Brown, Hayden Christenson (one of my least fav actors) and Matt Dillon.

Like HEAT we have a crew, led by Elba who through meticulous planning carry out high risk robbery using shock and awe tactics, where no one gets hurt. At this point, again as in HEAT at the beginning, they are of the police radar and no one knows they exist.

One of the gang is in prison and is released, we don;t know why and it is never explained, but there was clearly a back story as all of the gang despise this guy, but he comes to them with a plan for one big heist on an armoured car, sound familiar.... but that it needs to be done the following week.....

By now they are being pursued by two cops one of whom turns out to be dirty, but it wasn't the one I suspected, but again there was no real depth to the characters as there was in the previously aforementioned movie.. but did I mention the cop in this movie, like Hoffman, was separated/divorced and that he had a daughter who he drags around on a tail on his day off and he had her for the day.......

There are a couple of shoot outs that were not worth the effort and a nod to the recent American remake of The Italian Job on the attack on the armoured car but really it was all flash bang wallop and they would have done better making a 'new' movie rather than try to rehash a recent classic.

The ending was predictable and boring with most of the gang dying and the surviving cop lying on the tarmac of an airport, where did we see that before. I wonder?

My rating: A Big Fat Raspberry, don't wast your time

Book Review: Henry Wood Detective Agency By Brian D Meeks

2013-06-02T21:42:00.001+01:00

Look inside: Amazon UK here
Look inside: Amazon US here

This is first in a planned three books on Henry Wood by Meeks. It was a strange wee read, but not in a bad strange way.

Henry Woods is a Private Investigator who likes, when not investigating, to dabble in woodwork, he lives and works in New York and the year is 1955, just....

While recovering from New Year celebrations in his office, a woman enters; her father is missing and she needs Henry to find him..

As it turns out a second female client also has a father who is also missing and Henry has good vibes about one but not the other. The missing fathers are an accountant and the other an inventor and Henry soon finds that their disappearance is linked with, it is alleged, the accountant having been keeping a secret coded journal on one of New York's mobster family Bosses...

Everyone is looking for both men, the journal and the codex that will unlock the information, and as the boss of the family is not liked by the other bosses who sense a weakness, this starts a killing war around the city with the other families trying to weaken and be ready to take over Tommy The Knife's area, if and when the DA and police get a hold of the journal and the codex. Tommy will either be dead, or in prison.....It's a race to find it and the codex and of course the missing men while trying to stay out of the firing line and remain alive in the process....

The strangeness of the book comes in the form of a cupboard in Henry's woodworking workshop, nearly every time he opens the cupboard he finds things. Clues to the case, objects and books from the future, including a DVD on cabinet making (if memory serves) but I wasn't clear if he got the player to go with it, but the whole thing is not fully explained. I have spoken with Mr Meeks on Twitter and he informs me that all will be revealed in future books as to how this arose and why, and all will become clear.

So, we have a murder mystery suspense book set in 1955 with a bit of 'time travel' thrown in with these 'strange objects' and messages appearing inexplicably from the future. We have a real estate agent who after Henry's office is burned down is ready and waiting to rent him a new office, an office with an address on a business card that is given to Henry, while he is still in the first office, but do you know what, as strange and as disconcerting as the lack of understanding for these things occurring, it did not detract from the overall flow of the story of a detective trying to track down a couple of missing men while being dogged by the mob. There were a couple of interesting characters the mob lieutenant Sal, for one and I loved this bit, a great line, 'Sylvia's expression was easy to read, so Sal continued, “My day job is being a thug; by night, I am a secret literary critic who saves people from poor prose." '

This isn't a long read lasting only for 212 pages, formatting on ipad and Kindle seemed fine and I had no real issues with it. There were a couple of spelling / grammatical/ missing words, three, I think, that stood out, which I'm sure will be fixed in an update. Over all a good read and he has probably dragged me back in to find out how and why the time travelling objects are appearing and their overall significance to Henry

Editing for Kindle: 4 out of 5
Reading Enjoyment: 5 out of 5
Plot: 4 out of 5
Overall Rating: 4 out of 5

You can connect with Mr Meeks at: https://twitter.com/ExtremelyAvg
and on his web site at: http://extremelyaverage.com/

Our Vegetarian Day - Carrot and Coriander Soup and Mushroom Risotto

2013-06-01T23:27:00.000+01:00

It wasn't planned, but today Ishbel and I had a vegetarian day, with the above meals.

I had planned to do the risotto yesterday evening but to be honest when I got home from the office after being off for a couple of days having had my Laparoscopy on Wednesday, my tummy has been so sore and I just couldn't be bothered to stand and make anything for myself but did manage to make a little cod, potatoes and veg in a parsley sauce for Ishbel when she got in from work later on Friday evening.... So the mushrooms had to be used today.

So, First up for Lunch - Carrot and Coriander Soup, so simple and quick and tasty

This is just for the two of us and gives us two bowls of soup and two for later, so just increase the quantities if making for more people

2 pints of good chicken or Veg stock
1 large or a couple of small potatoes peeled and chopped
1 large onion peeled and chopped
500 grams of carrots washed and chopped
2 to 2 1/2 teaspoons of ground corriander
Bunch of fresh corriander
2 tbls of good veg or sunflower oil
Maggi seasoning optional

Place the oil in a decent flat bottom pan large enough but not to large for the two pints of stock and heat.
Add the chopped onions on a medium heat and fry off for 5 minutes, without browning

Add the chopped potatoes and the crushed coriander and stir for 2 - 3 minutes

Add the carrots, stirring in and cooking for 2 - 3 minutes

Add the stock and bring to the boil.
Place a lid on the pan turn down the heat
and allow to simmer for around 20 mins to cook the carrots (If you want to,you can add Maggi or other taster of choice, or not, at this point)

Remove from the heat and here you can either transfer to a liquidiser or do as I do and just use a wand to liquidise the veg and bob's your uncle....

Whichever way you go, remember IT'S HOT

Chop up some fresh coriander and add to the soup

Serve with a couple of sprigs of coriander
and crusty bread, enjoy

Total prep and cooking time: 35 - 40 minutes

And for supper later in the evening - Mushroom Risotto

Again, this is just for the two of us and gives enough for two decent sized bowls of Risotto. I should point out that I usually use some dried porcini mushrooms and fresh parsley, but I forgot to get both today, so this is just with plain old chestnut mushrooms.....

What you'll need

1 onion, roughly chopped

2 cloves of garlic, crushed

500 grams od chestnut mushrooms sliced

1/4 pint of dry white wine

2 pints of veg stock

Parmesan Cheese

2 handfuls of Aborio Rice

2 tbls of Olive oil

1 oz of good unsalted butter

Place the oil in a pan and heat on a moderate setting Add the onions and the garlic Don't brown the onions. Sweat down until soft

Add the mushrooms and cook until Browned and turning soft

Add the rice and stir into the onion, garlic and mushrooms coating all of the rice in the oil

Add the wine and cook off allowing the rice to absorb all of the liquid. This also burns of the alcohol in the wine. Start adding the stock a ladle full at a time and allow this to be absorbed by the rice, before adding more stock. Continue doing this until the stock is used and the rice is bulging.

To give it the creaminess of a risotto, add the butter and stir into the risotto. I would also add the porcini mushrooms and a handful of chopped parsley at this point but had none so didn't.........

Serve, grating some parmesan for me, but not for Ishbel, and enjoy Total Prep and cooking time 40 minutes

So, if you fancy a meat free day, which isn't a bad way to enjoy your day, have at it my friends, if you try them and you like them, why not come back and leave a comment, always glad to hear from you

Mr Fats day at Broomfield

2013-05-31T12:46:00.000+01:00

The reception at Broomfield

Well, if I didn't tell you I attended the 'other' hospital last Friday, 24th, with Ishbel to meet with the consultant surgeon Mr J, a couple of junior Doctors, one from Bangladesh and one from Italy (and as I write this with the news on there is a report that there is a 80% increase of death if you have surgery on a Thursday or Friday in the UK, nice to know! Is that because the staff are thinking about their weekend off?).

So, met with the consultant who again confirmed that yes I do have a cancerous tumour in my gullet but that the last scan, a PET, indicated that the tumour was localised. He then went on to explain that there would be three further tests, starting next week, an *ultrasound then June 6th for a Laparoscopy* and then finally a fitness test, on a bike machine on 10th June, to test my fitness for surgery.

Once all those tests were done they would then have a video conference with the team in Basildon who referred me to Broomfield! It was the left to the delightful upper GI Nurse Specialist J B to go through the tests in more detail explaining the procedures and issuing me with another library of literature on my condition, very competent and put us at ease. Although I did point out to her that as it didn't come in Kindle format I probably wouldn't read it, and as it turned out, that was a mistake that led to an argument with the doc with the knife, before he cut in to me ....... More on the later

We were then handed off to the two Junior Doctors and both Ishbel and I immediately thought "The Big Bang Theory" for no other reason than, like Leonard, Raj, Howard and Bernadette, the two doctors were perfectly formed little humans; tiny perfectly formed little people - and if I may say so without getting another smack from you know who - gorgeous wee things - a total distraction, for me at least.

The only thing is, I can't remember their names, sorry ladies. But it's your own fault for being so distracting..... The Italian was from Naples and the Bangladeshi one was from East London and had never been to Bangladesh! Me, I'm from Scotland and consider myself British but there you go, they were still great and put us at our ease. They had a a battery of questions for me on my general health issues and the symptoms I had been experiencing and then a wee poke and a prod before sending me off for an ECG and a blood test so they could have my blood type, should I need a transfusion during / after surgery. And during this poking and prodding they told me I have a heart murmur too, bit not to worry about it, do I ever - not really, but suppose it is nice to know!

Of course, surgery will depend on whether I pass the fitness test.... Oh, and after giving me a good going over and taking swabs to test for MSRA So, although all these clinics are operating and there were still patients waiting to be seen and it was now 4.45 pm we discovered that the blood test clinic closes at 4.45 on a Friday, way to go Broomfields Hospital, no wonder then that more patients die going in to surgery just ahead of the weekend if departments can't wait to get out the door for their off time, is it!

So it was back to the clinic and the two wee darlings fighting over who was going to draw blood, I suspect my flirting had taking its toll on them and the pin prick was going to be a reminder to behave, but no, they liked me and were gentle ...

Ishbel. looking good

Atrium Information boards

When we arrived earlier in the afternoon, The Boss came with me, and we did arrive much earlier than our scheduled appointment for 3 Pm we were struck with the look of the hospital, very modern and high tech entering into a high roofed glazed main reception area with a couple of giant statues and their fancy patient friendly booking in machines so that you didn't need to stand in a queue, not that there was a queue at the reception desks though, it looked impressive. I wasn't in the system for the self booking machines but was on the system at reception. We were then directed to the atrium where there was a coffee shop, a WH Smiths a Marks and Spencer's and a Costa coffee and all

around the atrium were screens where names of patients kept popping up with directions to where they had to go. We had a coffee and a sandwich while we waited and eventually my name popped up and we were directed to where we needed to go, all very high tech.

Then they let themselves down in the Upper GI clinic as they too had a screen on the wall giving the names of the consultants and I suppose patients names would pop up too, the only problem was that it was showing doctors names for the AM surgery and my doctors name was nowhere to be seen. You are just left to sit there with none of the nursing staff asking who you were or who you were to see until eventually one turns up and calls your name. Well, we all know I can be a bit of a tit and I can get irritated at the most innocuous of things that most others would just shrug off, including Ishbel, but for gawds sake, if you are going to use this technology and put it on the wall, at least make sure it is being kept up to date, or switch the F*****g thing off, it's not rocket science and when patients are sent round from the reception area, it doesn't take much for one of the many nursing staff to at least enquire who you are, look at a list and at the very least say, ' Ah yes! Mr Stronach, Mr J will see you in ...." I know that they can't say, " he will see you in 15 or 20 mins" but any communication is better than no communication at all....

Which then brings us to Wednesday. So I was booked in for a 7.30 am appointment and because I couldn't have a routine ECG on Friday because they close early too, leading into the weekend... I have to get one of them as well, I was told by the clinic on Friday that they normally pick you up about 2 hours before but at 6.40 Am still no sign of the transport. I phone the hospital switch board on the number on the card issued by the Upper GI clinic only to get a recorded message that the number has changed! Re-dial and explain the situation and that my appointment booking is for 7.30! Can't help with that other than to give me the number for patient transport, which I duly ring but get no response.

Then at 6.55 AM 'C' arrived to collect me and I told him that I had been trying to ring patient transport services, he told me that they do not man the lines until 7 AM and that the first collections are scheduled for 7 AM or as near to, WTF, are departments not talking to each other or is this just a case of total inefficiency within the NHS and associated services, who knows, but for me at least very irritating. Just before the transport did arrive I left a message on the Upper GI nurses answer phone explaining that transport hadn't arrived and that I would probably just go to work, I hate hanging about ...

So anyway we arrived just before 8 AM and I was taken to the day admissions ward. The anaesthetist who had me on his list for surgery for a Laparoscopy- this is when it all started to go even more downhill after the irritating wait for the transport - and I explained that I believed I was in for an endoscopic ultrasound and that the Laparoscopy was for next week, He said no, laparoscopy today and ultra sound tomorrow! I said no one procedure today and the next on the 6th, so confusion reigned and of course I was also getting my Laparoscopy confused with my Gastroscopy that I had had at Basildon back in April, well there are all *copys*, so easily done for an idiot like me, so he toddled off shaking his head not knowing whether I was being done or not ...

The Polish nurse, who I think was in charge came to see me after that and I must say she was delightful and helpful and her command and use of English was second to none, just a pity that M the male nurse from Spain wasn't the same as he had to have every thing repeated to him, when he would utter, Huh! every time you spoke to him and not just me, other staff had the same problem trying to communicate with him and at one point he answered the ward phone, gave the ward name listened for a few moments, didn't say anything else, but after a few moments, put the call on hold without saying a thing, nipped into the ward office and asked one of the other nurses to take the call as he couldn't understand what was being said. it's just an observation and I have made it elsewhere in these posts, but I have absolutely no problem with other nationalities coming to work in this country as long as they can speak and understand the language, but I find it incredible that you have an SRN who has such difficulty with the language working in an NHS hospital....

Then Mr H turned up to discuss the procedure, the Laparoscopy, and said he noted that there was some confusion and asked who I had seen in clinic and when. I informed him that I hasd seen Mr J on Friday of last week and he responded, 'no you didn't!'

Apparently I hadn't seen Mr J as he and Mr H were in America last week! Well I know I am probably going a bit senile but I know who I saw, unless of course the clinic notes were wrong and the consultant I saw gave me the wrong name or there are two Mr J's, so of course this got my back up and I responded in an argumentative fashion that I knew who I saw and I knew what I was told... ending with, 'that the initail impression of the glamour and glitzy show of Broomfield was being let down by all the little niggly things under the surface and that I had been receiving much better care, treatment and response from Basildon Hospital'

At this Mr H sharply retorted that I seemed to be blaming him for me having cancer and that at least, unlike Basildon, we are not under investigation for killing patients, WTF! I was left speechless by this little outburst and couldn't believe what I had just heard. He went on to point out that unfortunately for me, 'coming from Thurrock and others from Basildon and Southend who had cancer HAD to be referred to Broomfield, and as such, they dealt with over 2 million patients and did I want the procedure or not'

So rather than say what I immediately though, which was F*** You mate! I said off course. Before he buggered of he did admit it wasn't last week he and Mr J had been to America but it had been the week before thereby implanting the thought in my mind do I really want his guy near me if he can't even remember what country he was in last week .....

The nice Polish lady came back to me then to take my blood pressure, and do the ECG, I suggested she might do well to wait a few moments ....... she smiled

After all of that , I was first up and still in surgery for just after 9 AM so all of the aforementioned while seeming like hours wasn't that long but I don't suppose it helped them or me towards a stress free day and I was back on the ward just before mid day.

I felt absolutely fine when they woke me up, was on a drip and didn't feel in any discomfort, although I have to say and it was probably the as an outcome of my argumentative nature and his outrageous comments about another hospital I was probably the day patient from hell for the remainder of my stay and just wanted to get out of there, even had the elderly chap patient in the next bed complaining about my loud tapping of my fingers waiting for the drip to be removed and released and that was complicated as M the SRN from Spain, when asked when I could be discharged and transport booked to take me home, said he had had a colleague book the transport and they would get me off the drip soon, that was around 1 PM, I eventually got out of there at 5 PM.....

Now I have to say that in defence of the hospital, that the clinic on Friday did give me notes an the procedures and that I was due in for a Laparoscopy but I didn't read the note and that the Endoscopic ultrasound was for the 6th, even although they seemed to think I was staying in overnight and having that on the Thursday, but Ishbel said the same thing as me that we were sure that we were told the reverse order, so it was all my own fault for not reading the notes, but that does not make Mr H's comments any more excusable and just as a matter of note it would seem that I was not the only one complaining about the level of service this week as I noted in one of the local papers, that a mother was complaining about the treatment of her 14 year old son at the hands of Broomfield, so not as perfect as Mr H would like to think, but then none of as are, including me.

Finally, I suppose you are all asking the question, if you have hung on this long and if you haven't I don't blame you, as to what the results were, well, a severely bruised tummy for one

and the results showed a 33cm long tumour but with no spread. So, Mr H who came back to see me in the afternoon tells me that that is fairly good news and that after the Endoscopic ultrasound and the CPEX test on the 10th I shall probably be referred to Southend Hospital for Chemotherapy and then back to Broomfield for surgery... So looks like I am going to be a TiT for a few more years

Back to normal I hope tomorrow with a Carrot and Coriander soup recipe and a Book review of Henry Wood Detective Agency by Brain D Meeks on Sunday or Monday

As Jules Said, (Not So) Freaky .... - Best Moments Award

2013-05-25T10:56:00.003+01:00

Last year I wrote a post telling you how Ishbel and I met up with a couple of friends we met on Twitter. Well really it was a friend and her husband; Julia R Barrett and her husband Oscar. Oscar doesn't do twitter, much too busy ... Anyway we became great friends with Julia over a couple of months and she thought it might be a good idea to meet up as they passed through London on their way to a hiking trip in Wales. Arrangements were made and they duly arrived and, as I said this resulted in me posting Julia and Oscar, read it here.

Well, lots of folks read that post, one of whom was Marylin Warner, Marylin does not do twitter either but she does write and post a weekly letter to her mother who has Alzheimer's, reminding her mother of their past conversations and the life lessons that she had instilled in Marylin and others and that Marylin, through her posts, now passes on to her family and of course to us through the medium of her blog. Marylin's blog can be found at 'Things I Want To Tell My Mother', here

Well Marylin remembered my post, I think she is a little bit like Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory in that she must possess an eidetic memory to remember so much of what she has learnt over the years. Marylin's post to her mother last week took a slight twist in that she informed her mother, and us that she had been nominated for a 'Best Moment Award' on one of her earlier writings and in keeping with the award she had to nominate others and bless her cotton socks, as well as awarding much more deserving posts, including Julia, she included me, that post can be seen here

All it remains for me to do then, is to thank Marylin profusely for thinking about me and for including my poor attempts at communication, in her basking sunshine. That's what she does over on her blog once a week, she brings a little ray of sunshine into your life and if you have had a poor day or week, her soliloquising on past and every day events makes you smile, they make you ponder the meaning of life and they make you grateful and thankful that the world is not full of people who do not respect the rights of others and it makes you hopeful that because of her and others like her who have hearts that are so full of love and tender caring feelings, that this world isn't that bad, after all........

So, if Marylin Warner can take it.. My first nomination goes right back to her - just follow the links above to Marylin's site, YOU REALLY WILL NOT REGRET IT

Julia R Barret over at http://juliarachelbarrett.net/ who is, in the words of Amy Farrah Fowler, 'MY BESTIE on this internet thingy writes amazing blogs about her life and her books and then just to confuse us uneducated peasants throws in an in-depth, well researched, post on nutrition, medical matters or anything else that she decides needs to be ripped apart - and confuses the hell out of me and makes me laugh out loud, giggle and blush in equal part, pop over and visit and say a big Hi, here

Penny Watson over at Penny Romance is so outrageous at times you almost choke on your own tongue at some of what she says and does and if you are a guy and you have a beard, send her a photo, she loves (almost) any bearded guy, if you have nice pecs, so much the better. I suspect her dream date would be a bearded James Bond and a few Martini's but lord knows what she would do with him after the drinks..........

Lorca Damon over at Lorca Damon.com Lorca comes or at least should come with a health warning the pain that she inflicts from laughing so much is just not funnneeeee at all, but you just can't not revisit to see what she says next - not wearing a bra or bathing for 4 days, oh gawd my sides ........ I couldn't even put a response on there as I was scared of the reply I might get ....

John Malik over at ChefJohnMalik.com is, as you can see from the title of his blog, an accomplished chef, or so he says, and I believe I have never had the opportunity to taste any of his dishes, but when he fires up the old keyboard and it gets to the correct temperature he can certainly cook a well written recipe of writings on a diverse range of topics from the love and care of residents in a care home facility that he was the executive chef in, to a farewell note to a beloved pet and a heart throbbing pedal pounding description of his latest escapade on his mountain bike although he really needs to have some work done on those hairy legs before posting any more photos of them....

Jaye Manus I have no idea what Jaye is saying half the time, I am far too thick to understand it, but over at http://jwmanus.wordpress.com/ she seems to spend her time giving succour, comfort and unpaid advice to aspiring self publishers on how to go about getting their own works published , she really is a good egg giving so much of her time to help others - another one of those 'nice people' that draws you in and you feel so comfortable with when in her company...

Pauses for a break.......

Well I could go on and on and I believe in the rules we are allowed up to 15 nominations, but If I keep going I'll be here all day. If I have missed you in this posting please, please forgive me I am feeling chastened as I write this but I really do have a short attention span AND I will ignore that bunch above on the next one and include you, I will really.... But before I go can I make one more final special mention and you will understand why after saying no more, why I do for this one and it's for LESLEY

Yes you, Lesley Scott, one of my adorable nieces. Lesley can be found on Twitter at https://twitter.com/grouchymonsta and on her blog at http://clichesandcatastrophes.blogspot.co.uk/ Unfortunately for us the wee monkey doesn't post very often, IN FACT IT HAS BEEN OVER A YEAR NOW, SHEESH but, she really should she has such a way with language and in describing the insane workings of her twenty something mind that one of these days I am sure she will going from being a beauty therapist to being one of our finest comedy stage performers and or writers. There is a wee collection of her stuff over at her post, it is worth checking her out and while there, tell her to start writing again, we the public deserve to read her and there is no point in hiding your light under a bushel (what the hell is a bushel, BTW?) But get out from under whatever it is Lesley and Post, post post.......

Rules for the BEST MOMENT AWARD: 1. These nominees (now winners) repost these rules completely after their acceptance speech. 2. Winners now have the privilege of awarding the next awardees! The re-post should include a Thank You for those who helped them, a NEW list of people and blogs worthy of the award (up to 15), and the winners posted here will then notify their choices with the great news of receiving this special award. Download the award's logo at MomentMatters.com/Award and post it with your acceptance.

Guest blogger: Ian Beckett - Suicide is anything but Painless; so why WOW?

2013-05-24T11:06:00.000+01:00

As you know I have made many friends on twitter and one of them is just a couple of miles away, although we have never met in person. Ian Beckett is a local councillor in the town of Harlow in Essex, you know how I feel about politicians, and so does Ian, bless but he still likes me, I think. Ian posts blogs very rarely and so I sometimes miss what he has to say, but I am glad he pointed me in the direction of his latest blog which after reading I am sure you will agree with me that it took a lot of courage for him to sit down and write and then to push the 'publish' button on his browser.

You do get to know people on twitter and facebook but, if you are not close personal friends, just how well do you actually know your 'friend'. Well as it turns out, not that well at all.

Ian suffers from a mental health disorder, I know you have to be 'special' to be a politician, but really Ian...... and he was hospitalised for some time because of it, eventually receiving help to control it and he is now a genuinely hard working local councillor, married and with a gorgeous daughter. From his twitter feed at @ian_beckett you will see that Ian is passionate about helping others and is so fully committed to doing so that he puts me and no doubt others to shame with his tireless efforts to fight for others in a system so loaded against them that it's a bit like being caught in a rip tide, but being a stubborn man, he just refuses to give in and be carried away - long may he continue to fight for those who just can't quite do it for themselves, the world needs more Ian Backetts' looking out for us and not expecting much from us in return.

Suicide is anything but painless; so why WOW?

Introduction

I will start with an admission. I have tweeted and retweeted in relation to the case of Stephanie Bottrill, the 53 year old woman who took her own life in May 2013 and left a note laying the blame at the hands of the British Government. Like many, my reaction and actions were fuelled by the sense of injustice and the senseless and selfishness of a government that, faced with the real challenges of Austerity, lashes out at the weakest and the most vulnerable in society.

I do not apologise for my Twitter comments, but I do pause for reflection. The despair that many people find themselves in is evident and yet it takes a tragedy for it to hit the headlines. The despair is evident in the in-trays and in-boxes of MPs and Councillors the length and breadth of the country, and if truth be told some of those politicians, and yes I do speak for myself, have a sense of impotence. For immediate and meaningful solutions are beyond my reach or even those of the administration of which I am a part and that impotence is just one element that motivates the campaigner in me.

So why do I “admit” my tweets in relation to Stephanie Bottrill? It has been suggested that there is an inherent danger in publishing this tragic event and the fact that it is not an isolated incident and this needs some consideration. I am not a psychologist, although it is something I have studied and my studies and life experience tells me that there are people predisposed to suicide or suicidal behaviour. How they came to have such a predisposition will vary considerably, but in many case they are likely to have fragility, susceptibility and a vulnerability that commentators should be mindful of. What I am saying is that in addressing the real concerns within society, in examining and reporting on events, and their cause and effect, we need to be cautious that we are not simply piling on the despair. A challenging documentary on sensitive subjects will often be accompanied by a postscript announcement along the lines of “If you have been affected by the contents of tonight’s programme….” followed by contact details for help or support. This is not something you find in our newspapers and something you might struggle to squeeze into 140 Twitter characters (although I regularly tweet and retweet information about individuals and organisations that are there personally or professionally to help others). In short, we do not help those who are feeling hopeless without offering a message of hope or at the very least empathy and support.

These reflections have finally led me to write this blog which has been gnawing at me for a while. In it I will try to explain why I now consider myself to be an active disability rights supporter and what fuels this activity. Those individuals who follow me on Twitter and haven’t yet tired of my repetition will know that I am a strong supporter of the WOW petition – www.wowpetition.com. WOW petition? For the uninitiated it is a petition to get 100,000 signatures to stop the War On Welfare. It calls for a Cumulative Impact Assessment of all cuts and changes affecting sick & disabled people, their families and carers, and a free vote on repeal of the Welfare Reform Act. Visit the website for more information and please, please sign the petition (39,000+ signatures at the time of blogging).

When I signed the petition in late 2012 I had no idea I would get drawn into this, primarily, online campaign but the sense of outrage, solidarity, support, empathy and almost without exception good humour was overwhelming. Becoming part of what I consider to be the “WOW family” strengthened Twitter friendships that already existed and brought new followers into my timeline that I’m now happy to consider friends. Without a doubt it has fed and fuelled my Twitter addiction and rarely a day goes by when I don’t Tweet at least once in support of the WOW petition and I relish the challenge of find new angles to get the message out there (you can’t send the same Tweet twice, Twitter considers that Spam and probably rightly so).

During the last six months though, as I’ve become immersed in the world of WOW, I have had twinges of paranoia. A little voice (metaphorically speaking) has periodically said – someone’s out there saying “Beckett’s just jumping on the bandwagon, typical bloody politician”; “What does he know about disability?”; “Why the big deal?” Ok little voice – I’m not jumping on the bandwagon, I’m not typical, my knowledge of disability is based on my life experience and standing up for things that are morally right or wrong is a big deal. There – sorted. Well, actually not….

Many of those supporting what WOW calls for suffer from, or care and support those who suffer from Mental Health issues. “Mental Health issues” is clumsy construct for which I apologise but I’m not an expert so what you see is what you get and no offence implied. This is where it starts to get personal.

Family History

In 1946 a caring wife and mother died of cancer leaving behind a husband and two sons age 21 and 15. The eldest of these two young men was my father and both he and his brother would go on to experience severe mental health problems in later life. My father’s illness was a depressive one; my uncle’s was more psychotic and harmful to himself and those around him by all accounts. Both men took their own lives, my Uncle in the 1970’s at the age of 44 and my father in the early 1980’s at the age of 58. I can only speculate at the significance of the loss of their mother at relatively early ages to these two men. I know that my father adored his mother and memories of her often provoked strong emotion and sadness.

My father’s depressive illness predated my birth and pervaded my home life. I have vague recollections of Dad being sectioned when I was very young, literally being taken away by men in white coats; I remember visiting Dad in the local psychiatric clinic where he was frequently admitted; I remember understanding but not fully comprehending the distress that memory loss following ECT treatment caused my father – Electric Shock Treatment, as it was colloquially referred to, proved to be a lot more shocking the more I learned about it. I remember my father telling myself and my sister in the months before he died that he did not love us – so obviously a lie and in hindsight so obviously part of this preparation and planning, for in his unstable mind if he could stop us from loving him then it would make his decision to leave us so much easier. Sorry Dad that was never going to happen. I was almost the same age as my father when I lost him as he was when he lost his mother.

I accept that there is significant evidence of some mental health illnesses having a genetic origin, I certainly believe strongly that the environment in which one grows has a significant influence but I do not accept that it was inevitable that I would experience my own mental health problems. Yet, I have. My three older siblings have not and perhaps being the youngest of four in this environment was also a factor. I don’t intend to detail my full medical history, that is not the point of this blog but my own “issues” emerged in my teenage years, went unresolved for a number of reasons and returned with a vengeance in my late teens and early twenties. My illness, like my father was a depressive one and I remember soon after his death my GP saying to me “You are not your father”. There was however times I felt I was destined to follow his path.

A Downward Spiral and a Turning Point

Through my twenties my bouts of depression were sporadic. I took antidepressants with a degree of reluctance, as if that just dragged me further down the path my father had gone. I was never offered and never felt the need for therapy. My bouts were typically triggered by emotional loss – usually the breakdown of relationships or over-committing myself and becoming overwhelmed by the sense of letting people down. It was many years before I understood these as “triggers” rather than the root causes of my illness.

By the time I reached my thirties I was looking for an escape route. Increasingly this route was lined with alcohol. I attended one Alcoholics Anonymous meeting and listened intently but when it came to my turn to speak I said, “My name is Ian Beckett and having listened to other people’s stories I’m pretty sure I’m not an alcoholic”. I was the first to admit that alcohol presented problems for me but it was not one of dependency. Of course, nor was it the solution to, or in any way helpful to, the problems I was experiencing. Alcohol is a depressant and invariably it simply dragged me down further.

Outwardly an extrovert, privately I was increasingly preoccupied with “the need to be needed” and anything that resembled not being needed would fairly instantly transform itself into an expression of rejection. It would take a full blown nervous breakdown in my mid-thirties for the significance of that preoccupation to fully materialise and start to be addressed.

Attempts at suicide are sometimes referred to as “cries for help”. Some suicidal behaviour is indeed that. It is also an expression of hopelessness – it says “I can do no more and I cannot go on”. Sometimes, but not always, that is accompanied with a genuine desire for one’s life to come to an end. I can remember an extraordinary sense of relief one summer evening when I stood in the garden and said “ok, depression, you’ve won again, get on with it, do your worst” – there were times when it was easier to quit than to fight. But by now I was married, I had a mortgage and my spiralling downwards was no longer “all about me”.

At some point my GP referred me to a psychologist, informing me that that there was a six to eighteen month waiting list. Six months later, following a melodramatic “cry for help” of my own I was an inpatient in the local psychiatric unit and eventually fast tracked to the door of a psychologist.

At my first session with Mr R he informed me that he would evaluate me to determine whether or not he could help me. At the end of that first session he informed me that he could. The sense of relief in hindsight is palpable – if I had been deemed as beyond hope, not requiring help (or helpless) my life might have taken a different path. Over the course of eighteen months, initially as an inpatient but then as an outpatient, Mr R gave me to tools to take control of my life. My life, it seemed had been something happening to me, now it would be something I would, as far as possible, determine for myself. I learned that putting my needs before the needs of others was not necessarily selfish, for Mr R showed me that if my needs went unfulfilled, I would struggle to assist other in meeting theirs. The journey I embarked on was not a smooth one – it was a bit like relearning the facts of life or having a second adolescence with the only constant being my acne. The difference that Mr R made to my life cannot be underestimated but, and this is a big but, I fully understand that what he helped me do was to learn how to help myself and protect myself by learning to understand myself.

That Cognitive Behaviour Therapy was roughly thirteen years ago and my mental health has not been a bed of roses since but nor has it been painfully wrapped with the thorns I so associate with the earlier years. I have experienced bouts of depression since my psychological epiphany. At best I have seen these bouts coming and made adjustments before they became debilitating. At worst I have accepted, eventually, though still by no means fast enough for my family, friends and colleagues, that I’ve need help, sought it and done something about it.

My Discrimination

I’ve never been afraid to talk about my mental health with those that I trust. It has been a painful journey but not without its rewards and realistically that is my expectation for the rocky road ahead. I have never considered myself as person with a disability. That’s not how I self-identify. Others may have a different perspective of me and until recently I’ve considered that to be their problem not mine.

Various forms, from job applications, learning surveys, social questionnaires, ask the question in various ways – do you have a disability? My honest answer to the way this question is typical framed is to say “no”. In early 2013 I received notification that I had been selected for Jury Service. I was quite excited – yes, I’m easily pleased. However, as I filled out the form I had a sinking feeling that I was never going to see the inside of a court room. I had to complete and return a declaration form and on it I had to state whether I had ever had a mental health illness requiring hospital treatment. With a sense of foreboding I answered honestly “Yes” and sent the form off. Four weeks later I received notice that my services would not be required.

This is the only occasion on which I have knowingly been discriminated against. It doesn’t feel nice. I have deliberately not worked myself into a frenzied outrage about it – that wouldn’t help anyone, least of all myself, but have simmered and not always gently. Ultimately my experience is a one off and I’ll get over it. Imagine it happening every day though; imagine if it was one of the few things you could be guaranteed to experience on a trip to the shops or the job centre. It’s when I see discrimination of a far great magnitude I cannot but want to join the collective protest which, whether politicians chose to listen or not, Will Be Heard!

Growing up in the Sixties the theme song to the TV series M.A.S.H. “Suicide is painless” infiltrates my memories. Its melodic quality and ironic undertones were lost on me a child and yet the words, which cannot be further from the truth, take on a haunting quality. Suicide is anything but painless and the fact that those left behind or who literally have to pick up the pieces can require Trauma Support is not as widely recognised as it should be. Whether you consider it to be an act of despair, an act of courage or an act of cowardice, acts of suicide are not borne out of the ether and to be able to assign a single factor let alone an individual as a single source of blame or cause is naïve, nonsense and if gone unchecked potentially dangerous.

“So little voice, having almost reached the end of this blog, do you feel better now?” Yes, a little. However, I will feel a great deal better when we see true social justice metered out so that when resources are finite we prioritise the needs of the most vulnerable rather than use them as a punch bag.

Ians' original post can be found here

Saturday with Ishbel

2013-05-19T09:33:00.002+01:00

Had a relaxing day with Ishbel on Saturday and rounded it off with a meal at the local Indian restaurant, The Raj Tandoori.

It is a nice wee place and serves good food, even if it did start of life as the local public convenience, don't judge and anyway recycling is good for the environment, even of buildings, isn't it?

The day was pretty miserable weather wise, cloudy and overcast with a cold wind, but by the time we left the restaurant after a two hour natter, laughs and a shandy for me and the usual red wines for Ishbel, it was a thoroughly pleasant evening for a walk to burn off the carbs as we strolled home .....

Ishbel, always chilled with a glass close to hand

Pilau rice, butter chicken, lamb peshwari and king prawn delight

The Raj Restaurant

Film Review: Star Trek Into of Darkness

2013-05-18T09:49:00.000+01:00

photo from IMDB

Went and saw this on Wednesady with Ishbel who I should add has a fancy smart phone and an Orange account. Needless to say all you with Orange accounts know about 'Orange Wednesday two for one cinema tickets', but it can only be used if you have your phone with you ...... Ishbel, you know what I'm saying .......

So the second outing for Messrs Pine, Quinto, Urban, Saldan and Pegg in the genuis of JJ Abrahams Star Trek franchise.

Was it as good as the first, where he cleverly re-wrote history and changed the time line? Yes

Are the cast and crew putting everything into these movies to give us the viewer a great cinema experience? Yes

Some Spoilers here

As usual it was action from the beginning with Kirk and McCoy on a planet that was still in the stone age and the inhabitants worshipping a volcano that is just about to explode and destroy the planet. The Enterprise has been sent to study the planet only but Kirk decides to break the Prime Directive and save it instead. His first and not his last disobedience of orders and if anything he is even better at that than the original James T Kirk..... A sub text in the opening sequence is Spock being lowered into the just about to explode volcano with a device to stop that from happening and as usual in these circumstances, everything goes to cock and he is about to die - can he be saved or not.....

Moving along to Starfleet headquarters Kirk is demoted to first officer and Admiral Pike is given back command of the Enterprise.

Then we meet Mr Cumberbatch -latterly of the BBC's Modern Sherlock and a fine job he makes of that - in London, as the villain of the piece. Abrahams uses a character from the original series reprised in the original movies and it works well. Cumberbatch, for the most part is very laconic, but then, his on screen presence in this part really calls for brooding malevolence and he does it particularly well. We then get a few moments and mention of an other original series beastie that probably falls into the category of 'everyone loves them and the episode' which if memory served also had an episode of Deep space nine 'dedicated' to them too, but not sure if they ever popped up in TNG, it was a nice touch and acknowledges the greatness of the original series and writers..

Ishbel particularly likes Mr Quinto and thinks he is so like Mr Nimoy, high praise indeed..... and I agree with her, Simon Pegg is hilarious as Scotty.

Overall a great 2nd outing for Mr Abrahams and the cast of this reboot and we both thoroughly enjoyed it. In fact I am getting worried about my Ishbel there was a time not so long ago where most 'action movies' would leave her as cold as a flash frozen fish newly placed in the hold of a trawler, but she is getting right into them and I sometimes wonder if she is garnering new ways to beat the s**t out of me as I keep annoying her or is it the 'hunks' that are attracting her? I'm still trying to find out who Christian and Sean are that she keeps saying she would like to be the ....... well best not go there.....

My rating: 5 out of 5
Ishbel: 5 out of 5

Radioactive Alert!

2013-05-15T13:22:00.000+01:00

Went for my PET scan today at the rear of the hospital in the the car park. Why are these things in the car park in the back of a trailer and not in the actual hospital it seems like a third world thing to me.

Then you get the injection of weapons grade radioactive waste and have to sit for an hour or so and then they come and collect you and take you to the toilet so that you can empty your bladder, but remember we are in a trailer in the car park so being radioactive you have to march back to the main building in the freezing howling May cold weather with one operative walking in front of you and another behind you...

I fully expected them to be wearing Hi-Viz vests with KEEP CLEAR, RADIOACTIVE HUMAN IN CONVOY, with flashing red and amber lights on helmets on their heads, but no just one in front and one in rear but keeping their distance with the comment, 'we're not being rude, we just need to keep our distance or we will overdose being in here every day!

And then after I've had my pee, and I was fully expecting that to be glowing bright orange as it came out, yet the morning was so full of disappointments. The car park with the trailer with the scanner is located at the rear of the hospital, it's a bit of a hike and not really well signed, but never mind finally got there after being given some help by a nice young African doctor who saw my confusion plus point for the folk at the rear of the hospital. Got me to the main reception area where the funny voiced elderly European was sitting and asked me where I was to be. I responded PET scan, she replied through those doors, minus point as it was the wrong place for the pet scan as it turned out but I should have put my trust in the cleaning chap who asked if he could help me as I stood at the empty reception desk! If I'd accepted his offer then I probably wouldn't have picked up the questionnaire and spent 5 wasted minutes filling it in until the receptionist showed up, asked me my name, couldn't find it on her system and then asked me what I was in for... Pet scan

Nope, back out to the main reception, past the coffee shop hang a right and walk along to the next reception area. There will probably be no one there but just have a seat and someone will turn up!

So, off I went and true to her word, there was no one there but eventually (it wasn't that long really) Jodi a nurse from the trailer, in the car park, without the toilets and who hailed from, shit I've forgotten, rambling again, numpty - I know it was America and it started with a P, but she was nice and took me into a little cubicle to go through the routine when someone popped there head round the corner and said, would you mind terribly if someone from head office sat in while Jodi goes through the procedure, just to see how it all happens. Well I had no objections but asked Jodi if she minded as it was probably a review of her practices, did she really want to be spied on, bless her she didn't mind either.

So through the registration and the sticking of the cannula in the arm which was a baby one, they must have heard about me and my tantrums then a seat for 15 minutes then the injection of the radioactive waste material then the hike in the howling wind for a pee then the hike back in the howling wind in the open car park and then on to the skinny little slider bed thingy before being inserted into the doughnut with me arms above me head and by the time they had finished it I barely managed to get the ******* things back down as they had locked in place and my shoulders were numb, for gawds sake people why can't you just do it with the arms down by the side and then buy a good photo shop editor suite and rub the arms out, I ask you, is it me? Sheesh it feels like you are in there for hours. If I need to go back in I think they are gonna have to handcuff my hands above my head as there is no way that's happening again

Oh and as an aside I woke up this morning feeling as if I had had the best sleep in months and felt great until I had to have me arms above me head for bloody hours sheesh, and no Lesley, my sweet beautiful niece, I didn't even get to turn green like David Banner, nothing ever exciting happens to me not even turning into a radioactive zombie

Dickheads

2013-05-13T16:03:00.000+01:00

These are spam comments left on a post about some poor guy taking his own life in the back of his van in the car park of the Centre I manage

"Wonderful goods from you, man. I've understand your stuff previous to and you are just too fantastic. I really like what you've acquired here, certainly
like what you are stating and the way in which
you say it. You make it enjoyable and you still take care of to keep it smart.

I cant wait to read far more from you. This
is really a terrific web site."

"Can I just say what a relief to find somebody that actually understands what they're talking about on the net. You actually understand how to bring a problem to light and make it important. More people should check this out and understand this side of the story. I can't believe you are not more popular since you most certainly have the gift. Feel free to surf to my site"

"Great article. I'm dealing with many of these issues as well.."

Now I ask you, "IS IT JUST FUCKING ME, OR ARE THESE ANONYMOUS SPAMBOTS COMPLETE AND UTTER DICKHEAD MORONS?"

They found it an enjoyable experience FFS......... Why can't they just roll over and die and give the rest of us a break, because I think, without them at least, the world would be a better place ....

The original post was here

A Walk in the Woods

2013-05-12T21:18:00.003+01:00

Had Jennifer, Steve and the girls, Mollie, Shannon and Lacey Mae over this weekend and I am glad to report that 2 year old Lacey Mae seems to be getting over her screaming for no reason mode, that's a relief.

Any way the girls thought it would be a good idea to drag grand dad into the woods for a walk, with camera woman Mollie in charge of photography, including a couple of self portraits and then catching Lacey Mae later licking her dinner plate, sheesh, you can't do anything privately these days.

Oh, and Shannon had to run on ahead back to the house as halfway through the walk stupid granddad realised that he had uncovered the ham joint he was cooking for dinner for its' last 30 minuted in the oven and neither daft granddad or Mollie had taken their phones with them, why would we on our nature walk of course.......

Apparently when Shannon appeared breathless on the doorstep grandma Ishbel and mummy Jennifer had dire thoughts about granddad (I've no idea why they would think there was anything wrong with me ...) until she breathlessly informed them, 'turn the oven off before granddads' ham burns .......

Mollie and Shannon looking at the noisy Parakeets

Moody Moo Lacey Mae

A fallen tree

The fallen trees' root base (it was a biggy)

Mollie, Lacey Mae and Shannon

Headless granddad

Shannon can't resist striking a pose

Pretty wild flowers

A wood lice

Look, it's me, Mollie

Little and large

Pretty trees

Lacey Mae can't get enough of her granddads; cooking (and it saves him having to wash up too

Update: My meeting with the Nice Doctor

2013-05-10T18:03:00.002+01:00

Well I told you on the 24th of April that I had been into the local hospital for some tests and that the initial results were suggesting that it was something serious, as if a sliding hiatus hernia wasn't serious enough as it attempts to choke your gullet from the inside... what the hell. I know tit, right.

Anyway there was good news after all, I don't have a hiatus hernia, pauses for applause and to take a bow ......

But we got a phone call last Thursday, 2nd May to go in and see the consultant that I saw on my first appointment earlier in the month. Once again it was confirmed no HH but that I appeared to have a wee bit of a lump at the bottom of the gullet where the flap should be that opens for food to be discharged into the stomach and that this was an oesophagus cancer tumour which actually looked quite large, he even had some high def pictures of it and numpty that I am I forgot to ask for copies to show you all, what am I like!

Anyway, the scan I had earlier was concentrated around the gut area looking for the hernia so I was back in for a couple of hours on Saturday to have a full scan to give them a better picture, I can show you the mess the kid made of my arm looking for a vein to pump the iodine in, will that suffice for now?

So the scan has been taken and I am being referred to Broomfields Hospital for further tests and surgery. Until they do that they don't know if it is localised or not but I suppose the scan on Saturday will give them a better understanding of what they are dealing with, me and Ishbel and the kids, well we just wait with me having my usual 'so what' attitude, which is getting on a few nerves .....

Anyway, took a break from writing this and have had the other CT scan but have now also been told to report on 15th for a PET scan too. I must remember and ask for the photos so I can upload them!

Had a meeting with my GP today and for the first time since 93 we actually had a conversation, I have to say it was nice and she has told me if I fell bad or just need to talk to call and make an appointment .....

So, that's about it then, no problems, Aunt Julia tells me I'm going to be fine and if I die before hugging a Redwood in her back yard and having a serious talk with Jake about hunting mountain lions, there'll be hell to pay, so I'll be clinging on regardless until we save enough money for that trip.

No outpourings of sympathy here folks, I am still as active as Mr Fat has been over the last couple of years, and in fact since been given the news, have never felt better, so I'll keep you posted with any gory and funny little happenings, there's bound to be a least a couple in this little development that will be worth reporting on even if it's the fact that my death is reported at the hands of Ishbel and not the other as she decides she can't take any more of my cheerfulness , what, I only said you'd think that, 'after 37 years together that the get out jail card would have have been to a party and not the grave' ... I think the slap on the head was a tad over reactionary, and it hurt too, sheesh .......

Our Boss!

2013-05-08T10:59:00.000+01:00

Got these postcards delivered in the post today from Sharon one of my receptionists, I have no idea what she is trying to say about me ?

Pork Chop, Apple, Cider and Sage

2013-05-07T14:55:00.000+01:00

Quick and simple recipe for you and tasty too....

Ingredients;

2 or 3 pork chops
1 tbsp of sunflower oil
2 Large apples, cored and quartered
Couple of large potatoes, skins on washed and quartered
80 ml (3.5 floz) each of cider and hot veg stock
50g (2ozs) blue Wensleydale (but any good cheese will do as well
1 tbsp roughly chopped fresh sage

1 large pan /skillet
Preheat oven to 230c (210c fan)

If fat on chops, snip with scissors at 2cm (2/4" intervals) this will stop them curling on hitting the heat

Heat the pan / skillet and over a medium to hot flame adding the oil.

Add the chops and brown on both sides, remove from pan and set aside

Add the potatoes to the pan and coat with the oil and roast all over for 12 - 15 minutes (careful not to burn)

Place the chops back in the pan and add the apple quarters. \pour over the cider and the hot stock adding salt and pepper to taste

Place in the oven for 15 minutes or until pork cooked through

Remove from oven, crumble the cheese over and return to oven for 2 - 3 minutes

Remove from oven and sprinkle over the chopped sage

Serve, spooning over the juices, and enjoy

original recipe seen on Good housekeeping

Book Review: In Her Name: The First Empress Trilogy - 'Forged in Flame'

2013-05-04T21:11:00.000+01:00

Look inside Amazon UK here
Look inside Amazon US here

What can I say about Michael R Hicks and his 'In Her Name' books that I haven't said before. The guy knows how to weave a story creating whole new worlds and people who live and die by a code of honour that is so savage that it takes your breath away, yet, at the same time they are a species endowed with as much passion for love and life as they have for killing......

Hicks has clearly spent many hours in deep thought thinking about the characters of these books so that he can pass on a clear and descriptive narrative to us, the readers; introducing us to a new species on a new planet and he just isn't giving as a story he is giving us a living history of a species in meltdown over hundred's of thousands of years and then going back and telling us how it came to be.

This is the eight book in the In Her Name series by Hicks and his writing get's better with each book, that's not to say that the writing was in any way bad or poor in the previous books as all seven that came before, drew you in from the first page and you, at least I, didn't want to put the books down until I had devoured each story, and neither, I believe will you. When they ended I do believe that I suffered withdrawal symptoms and being an avid reader with lots of other books by other authors in my TBR pile, after reading a Hicks book you find it a wee while before you are ready to go elsewhere.

I am not going to spend any time on characters or back story in this review, as part of a series it will be meaningless to you and if you have read any of his books you will already be familiar with them. What I can say is, if you haven't read any of these books and you are a fan of science fiction, war, and love with an anthropological study of a alien race from the beginnings of time when the Earth was still in a primordial pool and then bypassing us by before finding and killing us (and even when they are, you still can't help but like them!!!) then these books are for you.

Book 1 - EMPIRE
Book 2 - CONFEDERATION
Book 3 - FINAL BATTLE
Book 4 - FIRST CONTACT
Book 5 - LEGEND OF THE SWORD
Book 6 - DEAD SOUL
Book 7 - FROM CHAOS BORN

Book 8 - FORGED IN FLAME

and if you head over to Mr Hicks web page here you will be able to nab a free copy of Empire to get you started

The pages for Hicks Books on

Amazon US is here and

Amazon UK is here

Ratings:

Editing for Kindle: 5 out of 5
Reading Enjoyment: 5 out of 5
Plot: 5 out of 5
Overall Rating: 5 out of 5

Mr FAT'S day with the nice doctor.....

2013-04-24T16:42:00.001+01:00

Well, went to hospital last night and had a CAT scan and today had a gastroscopy. Had to wait for about an hour and a half for the young doctor to then come and see me. I knew there was something up looking at his glum expression and then he paused and hesitated when we had sat ourselves down in the consulting room off the recovery room. "Well, is it bad news"? I asked He still looked glum and hesitant so with my best smokers smile I said, "what's the problem then, don't hang about I've taken the day off and the sun is still shining out there and anyway, it's my bad news and not yours, so let's get it over with.

As you know I have been feeling a bit lifeless for the last couple of months but in all truth I have actually been feeling much better over the last week or so and again I thought it was nothing more than a sliding hiatus hernia, bloody uncomfortable, but manageable and that was the point of the camera down the gagging throat today.

As it turns out there is a hernia, but, "We have another problem" says he. We won't fully know until we get the results of the biopsy and then we will arrange a multi discipline consultation (what the F... Is one of those - I didn't ask - which got me into more trouble from Ishbel) but in the meantime we are organising a full MRI and another CAT scan. You may need to start a course of chemotherapy but we will sort all that out on your next consultation"

"Any questions"? Says he
"Well yes" says I and he looks expectantly at me and I say. "I've been in here all morning, any chance of a fag break"?

I know, I know, but what can one say to the above, he says there is something wrong with me. I ask if I am going to die and will it be a painful death, he looks glum and I again say what are you looking so glum for, it's not you with the problem and anyway the bottom line is that yes I may have a serious life threatening illness/disease that has no doubt come about by being a fat git who smokes, has asthma, a touch of arthritis and who's idea of exercise is walking to the kitchen to make a coffee and then of course there is the final point that until we get the results of the biopsy we don't really know what the extent of the problem is ..... So no point in worrying at all, is there? Mind you if he can't tell me what is actually wrong with me, and I never thought about it until I was lugging the tonne of medicine and energy drinks home from the pharmacy, what the hell did he give me it for, just a thought, but they were all very attentive and nice and I did get a wee packet of ginger nut biscuits with a coffee while in the recovery room, so that was a result.... If you've never dipped a ginger nut biscuit in your coffee you haven't lived

Oh, and if it does turn out to be bad news I've told Ishbel that if she continues to put plastic in with the normal waste and not in the non recyclable I will be back rattling the bins against the window at night haunting her until she learns to do it properly and another thing when I say it goes in the oven when the correct temperature is reached, WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT, that doesn't mean putting it in there just after you turn the oven on, otherwise I will come back and make sure all her food is burnt.... Loves ya babes

An Apology and A Post [SPA DAY]

2013-04-17T15:45:00.002+01:00

Well it's been about 9 weeks now since I have posted a blog or indeed visited any of the blogs that I support and for that I am truly sorry. I have even been absent from twitter too and while not deliberately ignoring my many friends, casual and dear ones too, at least I was inclusive to everyone by not interacting.

Holly and Charlie K

Had a few health issues, still no idea what the root problem is, although I am scheduled for an MOT test at hospital tomorrow, but whatever it is it has left me feeling a bit blue. Still am if truth be told, but as is the way with these things, you finally get an appointment and you start to feel a little better.

That feeling of well being was made even better by seeing Holly and Charlie the other week and then seeing Mollie, Shannon and Lacey Mae yesterday, collecting the first two from school and heading into Woking for a meal with them with 9 year Mollie, soon to be 10 (on Monday) reminding us so much of her Aunt Marie (takes charge and leads from the front) deciding which restaurant we were going to eat in and then marching us up and down streets to get to it......

Charlie, Ishbel and Rhiannon

And then even more amelioration from the blues at the hands and I do mean hands, of a couple of gorgeous young ladies, Rhiannon (for me) and Charlie (for Ishbel ),as I had booked a Spa day for both of us at Bannatyne Health and Fitness Club to celebrate our 37th Wedding Anniversary.

We were giving 15 minutes to relax in the relaxation and mood room which consisted of six heated tiled loungers in a mood lighted room with candles and soft relaxing music, and then we were shown into the massage room where Ishbel elected to have a head, face and neck massage from Charlie and poor Rhiannon was left to give me a head, shoulder, neck, back, arms and chest massage ..... our first massage and I can tell you Rhiannon used her elbows too and I have never felt so utterly relaxed in my life before it was just so wonderful and calming and I could feel the knots dissolving under her expert hands and this went on for about 45 minutes.

After this, and there was a variety of treatments to be had, including a chocolate massage, surprised that Ishbel didn't go for that, manicures, pedicures, all in all a pretty long list including a massage with hot stones. We then had a tour of the facility after which we were giving free range to use all of the equipment by just going back to reception and saying that we wanted to try out the equipment although Ishbel decided that she was going to try the x- trainer and spent a few minutes on one of them. But the draw of the outside Jacuzzi was [roving too much for her and after 30 minutes in the indoor hot tub (they recommend 5) she spent 40 minutes in the out door one. We then got dried off and changed and went for a wander round the rest of the facility watching people go through their paces, and it was quite busy for a Wednesday morning and there was a creche too for toddlers so there was a lot of ladies visiting the club. After a light brunch in the cafe' bar it was back to the wet area, I had a swim and a sauna and Ishbel, guess where she was ..............

Am I happy or what......... Oh yes!

Relaxation / Mood Room

You can go dear, I am happy and content, right here ............

Apparently we are going back, no complaints from me on that .......... Bannatyne's Therapy staff looked after us and treated us well and for what we had and for the facilities you are allowed to use at a cost that was not going to break the bank - thanks folks particularly Charlie and Rhiannon for looking after us, hope to see you again soon.

Film Review: A Good Day To Die Hard

2013-02-24T08:07:00.001Z

image from the IDMB site

Went and saw the latest offering from the DIE HARD franchise on Saturday with the lovely Ishbel, who is a big fan of the movies and indeed of Mr Willis. Me I can take or leave him although my favourites with him were the TV series Moonlighting and the movies Hudson Hawk, The Fifth Element, Tears of the Sun and Red - but the whole ensemble cast was outstanding and funny in that last one.

Die Hard, I have been able to take or leave but did really enjoy the one set in New York with Samuel L Jackson and Jeremy Irons although the rest of the cast weren't so good but the interaction between Willis, Jackson and Irons were great, every time. Even the first DIE HARD movie and I suspect the others too, although can't remember that much about them, was the bullet speed of the dialogue. It was sharp, it was funny and it was brilliantly delivered.

A Good Day To DIE HARD had, like it's predecessors, lots of Boom and Bang but absolutely little in the way of dialogue and certainly not delivered with bullet speed. Nor did I think it was sharp, or funny and it was most definitely not brilliantly delivered. It honestly seemed to me as if Mr Willis was a bit tired with the whole thing.

It opens with him in New York honing his firing skills in an underground range and being approached by a scruffy looking cop with the ubiquitous NYPD badge hanging around his neck carrying a file. The file as it turns out is on Maclean's son who is in a Moscow jail awaiting trial on a murder charge and Maclean feeling sorry for himself as he recalls never being there for his kids, so it's all his fault. Oh, Oh, first warning shot across the bows here then. John Maclean feeling sorry and guilt ridden, yeah, we know he is getting older, the scruffy cop calls him grandpa (sic) and this might explain his guilt, But FFS it's John Maclean there isn't a sorry bone in his body!

And that's another thing, you know if you follow my blogs that I don't swear a lot, not because I don't, swear like a trooper at work and where appropriate and as one of my niece's said to me a while back, Unky Tom, sometimes you just need to use a 'good Fuck' and she's right of course, some situations and dialogue just aren't the same if there isn't a 'good fuck' in there somewhere and there has been plenty of that in the past in the DIE HARD franchise and it wasn't out of place, but the best we got in this was 'Let's go and kill us some bad guys' between Mr Maclean and his wayward CIA operative son! And not a Yipee Ki Aye to be heard anywhere throughout the too long ninety seven minutes the movie was on, even when the baddy was professing his love for westerns while doing his impression of the next person to be voted of from Strictly Come Dancing/Dancing with the Stars....

Oops just given a bit of the plot away, never mind.... Maclean is driven to the airport to go and help his son in Moscow, by his daughter and they are professing their undying love for each other and then he is in the back of a Taxi in a traffic jam in Moscow, outside the courtroom and then it's boom bang a bang for the next 85 minutes with pretty much drivel for dialogue and me wishing Ishbel had left me to my nap......

Apparently we can't wait for his next outing in GI Joe and @JuliaRBarret is bullying me into watching Loopers too, come on ladies 'gies a break will ya'

So from me I give it a 1 out of 5 and
Ishbel gives it a 5 out of 5

Book Review: Force of Nature (Joe Pickett 12) By C.J. Box

2013-02-23T13:09:00.000Z

Look inside Amazon UK here
Look inside Amazon US here

Well after 4 years, that's me finally caught up with Mr Box's Joe Picket (although I do believe another one is due out shortly)! And what an explosive way to end the current crop,

This was more a Nate Romanowski tail than a Joe Pickett tail. Over the last 11 books we have come to not know too much about Nate Romanowski as knowing who he is or what he has done would be more dangerous than stepping into an unprotected nuclear waste site, youd get a fatal overdose of contamination and your life expectancy would be reduced to milliseconds rather than years....

Force of Nature changes all of that and those that know Romanowski are dropping like bugs who've just been sprayed with DDT.

Nate's old bosses in Special Operations have decided that having him still on the loose with the knowledge that he has is just too dangerous, for them, and the only way to remove that danger is to kill him and anyone that he may have confided in, whether they know or not. If they are loosely connected to Nate, they need to die, including the Picketts, all of them.

The best thing Joe can do is stay out of the way, pack up the family and head out of dodge until the smoke clears and the body count can be checked and then to wait and see who survives, although it doesn't look good as Nate explains that the hunter on his tail is even better at hunting and killing people than he is, and we know from past experience that Romanowski is skilled in his craft!

Is everyone we know to be trusted? People we have known for years, newcomers with seemingly impeccable bona fides, who can be trusted, who can't? Box mixes it up here for us and we end up trusting some we shouldn't and doubting others who we should have more sense about and then the final showdown, who survives and who doesn't and the biggest question of them all, does Sheriff Maclanahan get re-elected and I can tell you now, Box has left us to stew over that one, the swine.

Book 1 - Open Season √
Book 2 – Savage Run √
Book 3 – Winterkill √
Book 4 – Trophy Hunt √
Book 5 – Out of Range √
Book 6 – In Plain Sight √
Book 7 – Free Fire √
Book 8 – Blood Trail √
Book 9 – Below Zero √
Book 10 – Nowhere to Run √
Book 11 – Cold Wind √
Book 12 – Force of Nature √

Editing for Kindle /iPad: 5 out of 5
Reading Enjoyment: 5 out of 5
Page length on kindle /iPad: 396
Plot: 5 out of 5
Overall Rating: 5 out of 5

Aid, I need Aid!

2013-02-22T21:21:00.000Z

Much is being said on the internet and the press about Prime Minister Cameron's latest uttering s about maybe taking money out of the overseas aid budget to prop up security instead.

Now I have to say that I have become so disillusioned with politicians and politics that I have been fairly quiet on that front recently and not even any feel good stories have drawn me out of the stupor that I am in, have there in fact been any feel good stories that I may have missed, thought not!

I even have to confess that I am not up to date with what the latest hulaballoo is all about, as I really can't bring myself to look at in in any great detail!

But, what is annoying me even more and prompting this little return to the fray is the mention of oversees aid, again. £10 billion is the UK's budget for overseas aid I believe. Don't get me wrong I am all for helping out those less fortunate than ourselves and we should do it without any strings attached, and hope those we are giving aid to, manage to get their countries together making them a better place for their own people to live in. We hope the aid we give to the leaders of these countries is going to be put to the most beneficial use, but unfortunately, and all to often, all we end up with, is feed back from news specials about the corruption and the misappropriation of funding in the countries that we give to. Or, as in the case of India and Pakistan who we have giving millions if not billions of pounds to over the years, and who are continually firing shots at each other, while they both spend billions on their nuclear arsenals, and while the majority of their country folk live in abject poverty with no proper road, hospital, school, sanitary or welfare infrastructures.

The same can be said for most if not all of the African countries who also receive aid from us too. And then over the last couple of days I have heard that we should be proud as again, Prime Minister Cameron has stated his intent that the overseas aid payments will be maintained and that Britain's should be proud as we are the 'ONLY COUNTRY TO CONTINUE TO DO THIS'.

Now this brings me to another point about our own 'Green and Pleasant Land' where aid is also needed in the form of food banks to stop our own unemployed and out of work and low paid folk who are finding it increasingly more difficult to feed and clothe themselves on a daily basis let alone from week to week as we did not so long ago with our weekly trip to the supermarket, stumbling back to our cars with the burden of the overfilled trolley safe in the knowledge that we had enough food and detergent and toilet paper to last us the week before we had to make the return trip.

Now, people in our country are the starving masses, as they are in every other Western democratic country, with the only thing, free to us, for the moment, the air that we breath. Everything else is taxed, food, clothing, fuel and in the UK the poorest in our society are to be hit with the latest Tax invention, The Bedroom Tax. yes, you read that correctly, the current government, made up of a coalition of Conservatives and Liberal Democrats are bringing in a Tax system that will take those on low paid or out work and receiving state benefits, with a reduction in the benefits they receive if they have empty bedrooms in their homes!

Prime Minister Cameron came to power with the war cry of 'our big society' the idea I think was to make us all be inclusive and to think not only about ourselves but our neighbours and our towns and villages and districts and ultimately our country. That everything that we do should be done on the basis that it will not only improve our own lives, but everyone else's lives by the help and the sacrifices and the tightening of our belts; And the Government would do their part too! This was a policy that every one should adhere to, government, councils and businesses. But it seems to me that penalising people for having empty bedrooms is not a moral or just way to go about it, as it was our Governments who created the problem in the first place.

The bedroom tax is, I fear, designed to push people out of their homes, homes that they may have lived in all of their lives so that those homes can be given to people with families, regardless if your sons and daughters and grandchildren visit you on a regular basis. When you are forced to downsize you are effectively being told that you are now no longer allowed to have family visits. There are even cases where couples who might have two bedrooms but one of the parties is sick and or disabled. This may mean that they can't sleep together in the same bed in the same room. But the rules say that if they are married or in a common law relationship THEY MUST SHARE THE SAME ROOM, and therefore one room is technically free and therefore if they are on benefits, as they are likely to be as one is unable to work and the other is a carer, then they will receive a cut in their benefits!

Since the 1980's when the Tories introduced the 'right to buy' scheme where council tenants were actively encouraged to buy their own homes from the council, at below market prices, and with councils NOT ALLOWED to reinvest the shortfall in monies raised by building replacement stock, a policy that the Labour did not change when they were in power for 10 + years, the number of council houses available to the public has shrunk to the dwindling numbers that we have today, and as families have grown up, children have had families of their own, there has been insufficient housing stock built in the public sector to meet the needs of the unemployed and low paid, so family members who are on benefits now, must pay a price for the inadequacies of our Governments who continue to mismanage and govern badly on our behalf - So much for an inclusive and caring society.

The other battle cry of the politicians is the attack on those people on long term benefits in that they have been conditioned into receiving these benefits and because generations of the same families have never worked, their children and their children's children are therefore also conditioned into not working but to sticking their hands out to receive the 'free' benefits that those of us who work must pay for through taxation. So coming back full circle to overseas aid my questions are:

Are there countries out there that receive overseas development aid from the UK and other countries who are conditioned into receiving this aid?
Is the aid given to these countries being misappropriated by corrupt local politicians?
Is the aid being provided, the wrong aid?

Let's quickly look at the last question there. It's that time of year again in the UK for RED NOSE DAY where we are encouraged to donate to charities to help out the poor in third world countries. So, the millions that they raise, added to the already £10 billion that we pay for through taxation means that third world countries are certainly getting a lot of money each year, just like benefit recipients do, and they need do nothing at all to receive their 'reward' except live in abject poverty with starvation, drought and who knows what else thrown in for bad measure!

But there is one other constant, and it has been a constant for as long as I can remember seeing these images on the TV screen and even when I have been to Africa, and it is this.

You have large cities, and let's take Mombasa and Nairobi. Cities of gleaming steel, concrete and glass in the centre but surrounded, like a doughnut with shanty towns with little or no sanitation or clean water supplies. No power lines, no sewerage or water pipes, no metalled roads, nothing, nada; no infrastructure that allows a country to grow and develop, yet we continue to give hand over fist and investing in schemes that maybe help a few thousand instead of tens or hundreds of thousands? It is madness, yet we keep doing it, Why?

Why not, instead of giving these countries millions of pounds in cash each each year do we not just say enough is enough and every developed country who does try and help, instead just send their Army Corps of Engineers with all their equipment and we build proper roads, with sewerage runs, with the plants that go with them, Water pipes, electric pylons and metalled roads. We can then give them prefabricated houses that can be built along these metalled road routes and get the people of the slums they are living in with the infrastructure in place. Surely this would be better than continually pouring our money into an abyss of apathy and greed feeding local politicians and their corrupt regimes?

I only ask this as I seem to be unable to understand it all, maybe I'm just thick!