Random Ramblings

Thought for the day

noreply@blogger.com (S) — Mon, 23 Apr 2018 08:17:00 +0000

Who else finds it creepy when people follow you on social media and watch every single thing you do, but fail to interact with you in real life?

I mean what's that all about?

I must admit I am one of those people who like to 'like' and react to posts, I don't know, maybe it's the social butterfly in me or something, but I am who I am. And I'm not pretending to be someone else.

Like on instagram you can tell who's seen your story (yes, even the one time quick look at someone's story with a false handler is all it takes) and it's really, really weird. I mean if you come across my social media presence feel free to interact with it. Because it's not some dirty secret I'm trying to hide - I don't have dirty secrets like that - maybe others do? Oh, and that includes the 'blockers-you-know' category of people - someone you know if real life who doesn't want you to know about their real / virtual life because deep down they are ashamed of it, and have put your standards as a benchmark of their life, which they'll know they'll never achieve.

Now there's a thought...

But for me, I wouldn't put anything up on social media that I wouldn't have the audacity to say out loud. So, if you've been clever enough to find my old blog please do stop and say hello. Not connecting this blog to all my other outlets is a personal decision, but it definitely doesn't mean I'm hiding behind a veil of secrecy.

Normal service resumes

noreply@blogger.com (S) — Sat, 21 Apr 2018 09:23:00 +0000

It's been almost ten years since I wrote my last blog post. Things have changed drastically. All those 'tick the boxes' events have taken place, and today I find myself sitting in my kitchen sipping on a humungous mug of coffee (never drank so much damn coffee in my life to keep up with the insanity, it used to give me headaches before if you recall), typing on a Mac (who remembers, I said I'd never sway Apple??) So, as you can tell A LOT has changed.

A ten year gap in writing means a lot of things, it means your style will have changed, it can become muted somewhat, your language will have changed, you might not be as brash as you once were, and you might also start to consider other people's feelings - for what it's worth, I don't think I was ever into slamming (many) people down, but I suppose that filter is a bit narrower these days.

A ten year absence means I'll probably have to start all over again, whoever used to read this blog may have disappeared, and the face of the internet has changed drastically. What I like about this blog though is that in the ten years I've been active on other social media platforms I have not promoted this blog. No one except those few followers I used to have (from the good ol' days) actually know about. And I intend on continuing just like that. I don't plan on publicising this blog, and I will not be linking it up with my other social media platforms either. For me, the importance of this blog is in it's name - it's a silent rant, and it's a collection of my random ramblings... which, I am proud to say, have not stopped (they've just been full blown live with the people I now live with instead!)

So what has made me choose today to write a post?

Though I've been absent for years, I've still been receiving a steady stream of likes and comments on this site, even though I've not written anything. Last night was a bit of a low day for me, work has taken it's toll and I find myself wondering whether I am getting anywhere, and being utilised to my best abilities. I woke up this morning to a comment from a reader who said their father had directed them to my blog. Honestly, sometimes it's the small things that prompt you to make big change. And I sat in bed going over all my old posts, smiling (sometimes cringing) at my old writing. But one thing is for sure - I don't for a second regret any of the things I have written, because as I recently heard, it's not just about content, it's also about context. There was a time in my life where my blog was everything to me. It was an outlet where I could find no other. I have always invested my time in people to a certain degree, but it has never been as important to me as it has to some. And that's where my blog has acted as an outlet for the many thoughts in my head, the comments I've wanted to make (Twitter is a ball of fire I found, where character limitations really take the context out of the content and can be deeper water to drown in). But most of all, what I love about my blog is that it has never been about one topic, one issue, one person, or one single theme. It's just about all the strange happenings in my life, the things I want to talk about, and the need I have to discuss with other like-minded people. Sometimes people comment, other times, they don't. And that suits me just fine.

So here I am, ten long years later, in attempt to revive what once was - not for you, but for me.

What's changed? Well, we have three new characters in our life for one. They'll make their appearances soon enough, as they have on my various social media outlets (anonymously, of course) but in the spirit of privacy, we'll bring them in as and when it's contextually needed.

But for now, let's get started shall we?

Random Ramblings Rated 8.1 on Blogged.com

noreply@blogger.com (S) — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 21:05:00 +0000

Yay! Finally, my talents are recognised!! Haha, only joking... (umm, yeah right), so I scored an whooping great 8.1 - which, in case you aren't familiar with the language of demical points - means 'GRRRREAT' - Yup, just like Tony said! Yes, pretty chuffed, so here's the link: http://www.blogged.com/directory/personal-blogs

Sooo, where have I been? I know, I'm sorry guys, just came back from the ol' homeland, i.e., Karachi, and what a trip it was! I fell ill when I got there (forgot that I was a 'phoreigner' and thought I could stomach the water) and then got scared sh*te-less (well no, not quite) when the six, or was it seven? No, no, definitely seven, bombs went off, and then came back only to get a form of food poisoning - yes, seem to have puked up my guts in the last week!! :( *poor me*

The good news is that I think I have fully recovered now... but unfortunately told by my Doc to lay off over-exherting myself, which means I will not be able to take part in the race for life tomorrow! Totally disappointed, because I was really looking forward to it. Oh well, never mind, inshallah next year - on to bigger and better things. But! My other team members will still be doing it tomorrow. Let's hope all goes according to plan tomorrow! Good luck guys... :)

The Deluded "American Dream"

noreply@blogger.com (S) — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 19:17:00 +0000

First of all a big sorrrrryyyyy to all my readers!!! I know I have been mega-lame with my blogs recently, but recently life has been a little random to say the least... I've just returned back from the States and my body clock feels like it is on auto-pilot - the only problem is the pilot doesn't actually know what time it is! So, I am resorting to writing a blog in order to stay awake and to update you on the few snippets of randomness that I've been experiencing lately... and this time, well... let's just say it's a little different...

As many of you know I write about nothing specific, and everything in particular. I write about the 'madness' (yes that's what I call it) in my head, and the sporadic thoughts that pop in and out of my mind from time to time. I observe things around me, and yes - sadly, I people watch. I want to start this blog by saying that this blog is being written in response to a number of reader requests for my thoughts on America - or rather, the "Americans". It is not something I would have willingly revealed, but as it is the twenty-first century and we are entitled to speak at our own free will, I shall share my thoughts with you.

Let me first start by saying (you know something controversial is around the corner when I say that don't you) anything I am about to say are generalisations - they are my reflections on a people, a creed, a community, a race - they are by no means directed at any one person, and they are certainly not intended to be distasteful or insulting. These are, as I said, mere observations (which, as many of you know, may potentially turn into another infamous rant.)

I have always had a 'thing' about America - well, don't we all? Having said that, I've never had any hard feelings against the American people. I have always found them extremely down to earth, friendly and open... that was until recently...

Americans are funny people, who in my opinion, have been fed a deluded version of what constitutes as being the ultimate "American Dream". Every one (including people my age) seem to "own" their own homes and are driving around in gas guzzling jeeps and SUVs like there is no tomorrow. When I ask around about what I can only describe as a ridiculous amount of wealth virtually dripping out of people's ears, I am told that everything here is bought on credit. "Buy now, pay later" schemes mean that you can live like a princess (or a prince) even if you are nothing but a pauper (or 'hobo' as I've heard them say.) It's no wonder that the current US economy is in such a dire state. It reminds me of a rather profound statement by a British economist a few months, who said, "my best financial advice came from my mother, she said, son, if you haven't got it, don't spend it" - his statement was in response to the recent property crisis in the States - I really don't think I could've put it any better myself.

But this isn't the only thing, "diva mentality" and melodrama prevails wherever I go and with whomever I speak to. Everyone has an excuse for something and I am told that possessing "daddy's credit card" at the age of forty is perfectly reasonable (I am thinking, hmm... I wouldn't mind that bit!), airing personal problems in public seems like second nature, and the concept of privacy seems unfamiliar. But I think the worst part has to be my realisation that every single person has their very own specialist - or rather an "ist" - of some sort, i.e., a psychologist, a physiologist, a dermatologist, a physiotherapist, a gynecologist, etc, etc... If you ask me the only "ist" they are actually missing is a hypnotherapist to knock some sense into them. The private health-care system is ringing people dry; they live and work to pay their health insurance - to stay alive, to stay young, and it makes me wonder whether the end really does justify the means.

In reality it made me feel very fortunate to be a Brit, where everything seems real, logical and moderate to me. In England, if you go to your doctors they will listen to you, make a reasonable judgment and send you packing with the suggestion to have a hot cup of tea and a digestive biscuit, and everything will be okay! Whereas in the US, doctors - or rather 'consultants' (remember they might not actually hold a Doctorate) - will hype it up and freak you out by classifying the common cold as some kind of rare disease which only three percent of the nation are suffering from, and guess what (hold your breath now) - you've got it! Everyone has an illness of some kind and they use them as excuses so as not the burst the inexcusable bubble of sheer laziness.

Obesity is termed as "metabolic syndrome", "hyperthyroidism", or "Cushing’s syndrome" (which I accept does happen to some people, but I refuse to believe it can happen to eighty percent of a nation.) Drive-thrus and food joints at every corner means that people have absolutely no control over their food intake and the lack of public transport means that they don't partake in any exercise (unless of course you're rich, live in Beverly Hills, own your own gym, and have a full-time instructor on site.) The doctors have a pill for almost anything, except a cure for being fat - oh, sorry - was I just politically incorrect there? Oops... I meant... erm... sorry, what are we calling it again these days??? I wonder whether jacking in the ol' sedentary lifestyle will cure it all (oh, and by that I mean getting off one's proverbial 4r5e and actually doing some work!)

A stroll in the mall reveals a range of cosmetic surgeries, scattered about the place as if they are shoe shops or hairdressers; you don't need an appointment or a referral to get yourself injected with some potentially life-threatening, high dosage drug - all you have to do is flash the cash, sit down in the operating chair (or table) and wait... two hours later and you have the perfect nose, sparkling white teeth, or down from a size eighteen to a zero - it seems absurd, but it's true.

The Asian and Muslim communities are living in some kind of time-warp where everything is as it should have been "back home" in some long-forgotten era. People are obsessed with provincialism (what? Oh sorry, too hard a word, I meant "re-gion-al-ism") and you are judged by whether you are from a particular neighbourhood, in a particular district, in a particular town, in a particular city, from one part of the border or another.

These sub-groups live by an 'extreme' moral code - you have those who are literally (to quote one friend) "from the pind* to the pind", or there are those who have adopted a totally western lifestyle which is neither here nor there. Then there are those who cut themselves off from all things western in a bid to maintain and sustain religious affiliations and allegiances, and instead lose themselves on a path of insanity. Balance is unheard of and it makes me question my own values and beliefs. Luckily I come out of it feeling more content than ever. I feel sorry for the communities living out there, who are so very fooled by the "American way" that they find themselves utterly miserable and alienated.

I could go on, but I am sure that by this point you are all gasping from shock that I have chosen to write this... the thing is, I am all for progression, and I am open-minded enough to accept different lifestyles, but when I see sane people, yes level-headed, sane people, being sucked into believing that this is the norm I will have something to say. It totally freaked me out and no, it is not normal - it is nothing but a deluded version of a dream that will eventually turn into a ghastly nightmare.

...So take the good, and leave the bad.

*Translation
"Pind" = Village

I'm feeling...

noreply@blogger.com (S) — Wed, 14 May 2008 23:10:00 +0000

Make yourself heard - Vote!

noreply@blogger.com (S) — Thu, 01 May 2008 12:55:00 +0000

They say that charity begins at home; if you want to help the world - help the person next to you. This theory, in my book, also applies to politics that (whether you like it or not) affects every little thing that we do in life and the world around us.

Today is the day of the Local elections, while I am limited in what I can say about these elections, I do want to say how important it is for you to vote today. I do this not to come across as condescending in any way, but I do it because I feel that there is such little knowledge out there about why your voice counts. There are two main elections taking place: 1. The local elections (around 4000 council seats are up for grabs across England and Wales) and 2. The London Mayoral elections (including members of the London Assembly).

Now, a few weeks ago my sister held a dinner party; it was a delightful evening with a few old friends, but soon the conversation went onto politics and we found ourselves generations ahead of ourselves, and according to one of our friends we'd well and truly "turned into our fathers" - it's true, we had. But my question is, what's wrong with that? For years, the generation above me (well in my family at least) fill almost every dinner party and gathering with discussions about politics around the world, and it is a known fact that if you want to hit if off with an Asian uncle-jee just start talking about current affairs - they're like putty in your hands. I'm quite fortunate in that I come from a background where I was always made to know and understand the 'who's and what's' of the global arena, and my father always insisted that we always voted, no matter how hard times may have seemed in the UK. The thing is that this passion and need to be counted had a different impact on each and every one of me and my siblings. Needless to say, I became aware of my surroundings and willfully and actively embraced all that I had learnt from the environment that surrounded me, whereas my other siblings were either 'moderate' in their understand, or didn't want to get involved at all - because they'd seen and heard enough, and quite frankly, life for them was more simple than that.

So what's the point I'm trying to make? It's easy - every one of you will have grown up with a different set of values and beliefs instilled into you, and your experiences will undoubtedly colour your judgement about what to do and what not to do. Some are more apt to taking part in politics, whereas others, like one of my siblings would prefer to take a back seat - that's absolutely fine, but in the democratic world voting is (in however a menial way you see it) you chance to be heard, not seen, but heard.

A few years ago a couple of religious "Islamic groups" declared a fatwa that voting in western countries was not allowed - this to me is total gibberish. It's has no basis and is certainly not born out of any Islamic legal ruling. Quite on the contrary, to remain silent, is in Islam, seen to be taken as consent - so really, by not voting, a person is willingly putting themselves in a position where they actually are (in theory) voting for the majority party / leader. Do you see?

So coming back to voting today - It is my heartfelt plea to all of you who read my blog and live in England or Wales - please vote. I'm not going to tell you who to vote for (like so many others have done today via text message, I mean what's that all about? Let me make up my own mind for god's sake!) But I am going to say what I was always told - use your vote wisely, but make sure you do it.

Most polling stations are open today from 7.00am - 10.00pm, to find your local one visit: About My Vote

For more on the London Mayoral elections, visit: London Elects

The Apprentice

noreply@blogger.com (S) — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 22:53:00 +0000

It's not often that I write about TV shows on my blog, but tonight was a particularly riveting episode of the BBC's show The Apprentice. I have to say Sir Alan chose to challenge his latest contestants with one of the best tasks so far - create and sell your own card for a special occasion.

This is how it goes: 2 teams, Alpha and Renaissance - Alpha led by one Michael Sophocles chose to design and sell the idea of "Singles' day" cards, while Renaissance led by Kevin Shaw (or the "pit-bull terrier" as Claire so eloquently put it) decided to go for a more ingenious idea: Celebrating environmental awareness (was it, I think? I can't even remember I was that bored with it!)

All in all, both teams were pretty lousy but in the end one of them had to win, and this time it was Alpha with their pathetic 'celebrate singles' day' <- who the heck would want to buy a flippin' card to remind themselves of that? I mean who would you give it to? Forget that, you're likely to lose a lot of friends by sending it to them: "here you go mate, celebrate the fact that you're a lonely ol' hag!" Umm... okay(!) Jeez...

Overall, I just couldn't believe how utterly blind-sighted Kevin was. When called into the Boardroom he took Claire and Sara which was totally baffling - if anything Jenny (puppet-master of such a ludicrous idea) should have been in there. But instead Kevin decided to take these two; the ones who (a) actually shared a half-decent idea (Eid and Vaisakhi cards come to mind) and (b) could have saved his sorry 4r5e had he actually listened. The 'show' in the Boardroom was even worse. What a performance! It actually made me cringe when Claire and Kevin began to gang up on Sara - but luckily good ol' Sir Alan was having none of it. Good for him - at least he saw right through the shrewd (albeit naive) game-plan Kevin decided to resort to. Eventually Kevin got fired, and I'm glad. The only thing Kevin got right was market research, finding a gap in the market. But the problem is that he wasn't clever enough to actually recognise what that gap was. He heard an idea that sounded good and clung on to it.

But I suppose the worst part was when Sara and Claire got back to the house and the rest of the candidates launched into Sara. I mean what was that all about? The thing is, Sara actually did nothing (which is what ticked them all off) all she did was act as an assistant to one highly incompetent Kevin. It was totally unnecessary and borderline victimisation. I do agree that Sara has contributed little to the show since it began, but in the end it was a decision made by Sir Alan and they should've stayed out of it. The sad look on Sara's face was almost unwatchable, but a sight that I suppose isn't uncommon in the city.

In the end I guess I have to agree with Tre Azam on this one:

"The argument back at the house after Kevin's firing was shocking; it made me want to throw the remote control at the screen. The way the remaining candidates all ganged up on Sara was disgusting. That was no way to behave, there's no excuse, regardless of high levels of competitive pressure. While Lee and Alex interrogated their victim, Raef stepped in to defend her, and in doing this, he showed himself to be a real hero for me. He had the guts to stand up for Sara when everyone else was verbally beating her. Good for you Raef. You're now my favourite. Well, at least until next week!"

Here, here!

The dilemma of force

noreply@blogger.com (S) — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 23:23:00 +0000

I have touched upon this issue in the past, the issue of forced marriages. Many people think that this problem only occurs when the force is an explicit act, through physical violence. But there is another type of force which is far more dangerous, and perhaps, more common - implicit force; through emotional blackmail and pressure.

One would think that this type of behaviour only occurs in illiterate and uneducated families, where (one would hope) the parents would know better and give their children, often born and brought up in the west, some degree of choice. But this is not the case - these acts are often carried out by well-educated people, many of whom are from strong and good family backgrounds. They use any technique in the book to brainwash their children and convince them that the only hope is the one being presented to them. The types of conversations that may be experienced by the receiving party (i.e., the girl or boy in question) would entail threats of an early death, a plea to keep the family name, the prospect of dying a lonely, old bachelor (or spinster), or simply - do it or get out.

Asian parents in this country just don't get it - Western Asians are not Western, they are not Asian, they are something in between. The believe and trust in their overpowering and burdening culture, but they too have been brought up like people living in the West (i.e., English, American, Canadian, etc, etc.) Their values are intertwined in something which is Asian and something that is Western... what does that mean? It means they are unique. It means that they can only (sadly) understand one another.

I have had so many conversations with friends and colleagues over the last two months who have become so guilt-stricken by parents and family that their options seem limited. Sometimes this force is so discreetly done that the parties involved aren't even aware that it is happening to them, until one day they wake up on the morning of their wedding day and realise that it has all been one big mistake; a decision made by someone else. To the extent, that I am aware of at least two cases where freedom of choice was not given to the consenting party, and yet, somehow, strangely, the people concerned were educated, British Asians... all brought up like me.

To be honest it scares the crap out of me - because eventually, without freedom of choice, rebellion and blame prevail.

Random Conversation of the Day

noreply@blogger.com (S) — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 22:29:00 +0000

I am sure I'm not the only Heroes fan out here - What I love about them the most is that each of them has a unique ability to change the world, save lives, and to alter destiny. I often think that if I were to have a super power what would it be? But that question has already been answered, because I already have a super power; the power to attract total strangers and have random freak conversations.

So earlier today, I'm sitting on the 24 bus on my way back from Whitehall when a middle-aged guy in front of me turns around and looks at me. I look back at him and smile. He smiles back at me and that's all it takes...

Him: Hi
Me: Hi
Him (shrugging and then huffing): God, this weather, I don't know, I just don't understand it...
Me: I know, it's confusing isn't it, it was lovely this morning, really sunny
Him (obviously wanting to rant): I'm sick of it to be honest (and then turns around)
Me: Okay well this is my stop, I've got to go
Him: Ooh alright dear, well you have a lovely day...
Me (standing by the stairs to go down): I shall, you too
Him: Ooh, look at those lovely colours (he points to Accessorize)
Me: What, in Accessorize?
Him: Oh yeah, aren't they lovely (he does a grand gesture with his hands and arms)
Me (a wry smile emerges and I giggle): Yes they are, aren't they...
Him: Ooh, and those in there, Monsoon, not very expensive either are they?
Me (slightly confused): No I guess not
Him: You know I do Diana Ross's hair
Me (thinking huh?): Erm, okay... you what?
Him: I do Diana Ross's hair, I'm her stylist
Me (eyes wide open): Oh, okay... that's really good (laughing)
Him: I turn fifty tomorrow you know
Me (even more, huh?): Wow-
Him (cutting in): -I don't look it, do I?
Me (thinking, he so does): No way, you don't look fifty...
Him (turning around to ensure the other commuters are listening to him): I'm going to be in Hello magazine in two weeks
Me: Wow, lucky you, that's great - I'll-
Him (cutting in again): -Look out for me won't you, two weeks from today
Me: Okay, I really have to go now... see you... you made me day
Him: Okay darling, you take care now

Talk about random... What happened to boring old unfriendly Londoners???

Race for Life 2008

noreply@blogger.com (S) — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 20:54:00 +0000

Hokay! So, as you can see I've decided to do kick off my high heels and put on my trainers in aid of Cancer Research UK. I'll be running (or rather stumbling feebly across) in Regent's Park on Sunday 20 July for the Race for Life - I know, I know, it's not a very long run, 5k (my baby nephew could do it) But hey, it's for a good cause, sooo.... think about it, dig deep, and sponsor me and my team!

So why Cancer Research? Well, here are a few facts in case you don't already know:

In the UK in 2005, there were 153, 491 deaths from cancer, this equates to around 26% of all deaths (the proportion of males was around 29% and 24% for females).
The 20 most common causes of death from cancer are cancers of the lung, colorectum, breast and prostate (which account for 47% of all cancer deaths).
Cigarette smoking has been identified as the single most important cause of preventable death in the UK. Overall, one third of all deaths from cancer, including around 88% of lung cancer deaths, are linked to tobacco smoking.
Although there are more cancer deaths in the over 65s, cancer causes a greater proportion of deaths in younger people (in 2005 cancer was responsible for more than one in three (37%) deaths in people aged under 65 years in the UK).

We're trying to raise £1k which shouldn't be too hard, but that all depends on my kind-hearted friends, family, colleagues and most of all, supportive readers ...Okay, have I guilt-tripped you into donating yet?!

No doubt more 'randomness' to follow during my training, which started with a visit to my physiotherapist with my dodgy foot earlier this week (arrrgggh!) - Thankfully I have the all-clear to run, so I'll update more about my adventures over the next few weeks!

She sat there staring out of the window...

noreply@blogger.com (S) — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 21:31:00 +0000

...a tear rolled down her face. She turned as far away from me as she could, discreetly opened her bag and reached out for a tissue. A gut-wrenching feeling filled me and I held out my hand to touch her fingers, but she moved herself away, carefully slipping her arms into a resistant cross. I turned to look at her, she looked back at me, but I turned away. I glanced back at her again; she half-turned, but then she looked away.

"Anywhere here will be just fine thanks" I said to the cab driver, "sure" he replied back as we pulled over into a side road. We got out of the cab and she started walking away. I paid the driver hurriedly and ran behind her, "hey" I called out, "we need to talk about this". She shrugged, seemingly unfazed "we're always talking about this" she sighed. I heated up, an uncontrollable anger boiled inside and erupted to the surface "when?" I yelled, "when have we spoken about it, we are not always talking about it!" She stood there wide-eyed, looking around, as if searching for an escape. She lowered her head and said nothing, a deep concern emerged on her face as she began to speak. "I'm sorry" I interrupted, "I shouldn't have shouted at you" trying my best to calm down, hoping to tame my raging emotions. I drew closer to her and held her hand, "you speak" I said. So she spoke, and my life would never be the same again.

I listened to her intently, the passion and depth in her voice reeled me towards her, the concern in her words pulling me in further than I had ever imagined I could go; I was taken under her spell. She parted with her words in an attempt to resolve her own internal dilemmas, but instead they poured out like a riddle that I, her audience, was left to solve. I thought about what she said, what she thought she knew, and what I thought I knew. But slowly, I found myself obsessed with something that in reality, I had no idea about.

They say that the end of one identity is the beginning of another, but what then do we make of multiple identities; faces that appear and then fade away, and reappear and then fade, and then one day appear again as something else.

[This post, and others in yellow are works of fiction, some of these tales are indeed 'figments of imagination', whereas others may have been inspired by real-life events. The pieces are part of a larger collection of short stories which are being shared in a humble attempt to exchange techniques (and perhaps feedback!) from friends who I am aware are also in the midst of similar creative works...]

A child lies in his bed...

noreply@blogger.com (S) — Sat, 12 Apr 2008 22:04:00 +0000

...waiting to be put to sleep by his mother. The room is dark, the only light is provided by a bedside lamp. The light falls on the little boy’s face and hides the mother, her presence is identified by a gloved hand which is resting on the child’s bedcover. There is a bottle and a small cup on the bedside table.

Child: Mummy, why are you wearing gloves?
Mother: I burnt my hand while I was cooking today.
Child: Will you have to wear them forever?
Mother: I don’t know… maybe until the scars heal.
Child: Does it hurt?
Mother [Frustrated]: Aren’t you tired yet?
Child [Yawning]: Yes I am… Mummy, are we safe now?
Mother: Yes, we are safe forever.
Child: What about Freddie?
Mother: Forget about Freddie.
Child: Mummy, I won’t get anymore nightmares here will I?
Mother: No, not after tonight you won’t.
Child: Why? Why not after tonight mummy?
Mother: Well because of this special medicine Doctor Kim gave you of course.
Child: I don’t want to take medicine; it makes me feel sick, and Freddie-

[She interrupts him]

Mother: What happened to Freddie was an accident. Now come on, you don’t want to have nightmares forever do you?
Child: No, I suppose not.

[The mother picks up the bottle from the side table; she opens the cap and pours a small amount of blue liquid from the bottle into the cup, as she picks it up her hand accidentally hits the bottle and it falls to the ground, as it rolls over the word “Freddie” appears. The mother becomes unnerved and bends down to pick up the bottle. The child also sits up and looks down at the floor, his eyes widen and his face changes to a look of shock; he gasps silently. The mother does not notice the child; she picks up the bottle and places it back onto the bedside table. She picks up the small cup and turns to the child.]

Mother: Open wide…
Child: Mummy, I want to go downstairs.
Mother: Why? It’s after midnight and you need to go to sleep.
Child: I want my badge, the one that the nice fireman gave me.
Mother: We’ll have a look at it tomorrow, now come on, drink your medicine.
Child: My tummy hurts.
Mother [Exasperated]: What?
Child: I think I’m going to be sick.
Mother: No you’re not.
Child: I am; I really am mummy.
Mother: Okay, wait.

[She raises the duvet cover and he jumps out of the bed. He stands up straight and looks directly at her but it is too dark for him to see her face.]

Mother: Be quick now and don’t turn on the light, we still don’t have curtains yet and I don’t want the neighbours to see us.
Child: Yes I know. I won’t switch on the light mummy.

[The child hurries to the door, as he does he bumps against the light switch which turns on; he stops.]

Mother [sheilding her face from the light]: I told you not to switch on the light.
Child: I… I’m sorry… I didn’t mean…

[The mother slowly turns around…]

My 100th Blog Post

noreply@blogger.com (S) — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 05:52:00 +0000

For the last couple of days I have been signing onto my blog and looking at the words "99 posts" on my dashboard. A stark reminder that my next post will have to be something significant. But as much as I try, when I force myself to write in these preconditioned situations, I just can't do it.

There is a time and a place for everything, for happiness, for sadness, for turmoil and joy. For mistakes and corrections, tears and smiles. There are particular conditions that make us act or react in certain ways. For me, my blog came at a time when I desperately yearned for some kind of outlet for my thoughts, for the zillions of questions in my head, the answers I thought I had discovered and the conclusions I wanted to make. My blog is a paradise. A place that I can choose to fill with as much or as little as I want; to observe, to analyse, and to write. It is a place where I am not what I should be or what I am thought to be, but what I want to be - free, simple, me.

Thank you to all my readers and fellow bloggers (especially those I have met here).

*celebrations all round*

The Woes of Social Networking

noreply@blogger.com (S) — Sat, 05 Apr 2008 07:45:00 +0000

The last two weeks of my life have been filled with an extremely tiring influx of human interaction – a process that has led me to realise the degree of reliance I have upon my PC to keep me connected to what I see as the ‘real world’ and how utterly incapable I have become of real-life social networking.

For me, it all began with a simple email sent to me from a friend asking me to check out her “profile”. Intrigued, I followed the web link and before I knew it I had promptly signed up to what was about to become the biggest social phenomena known to man – it was a site called Facebook.

Like most people, I too started off with four or five friends, most of whom sadly seemed to be my own family members, but the list rapidly grew, and it grew, and grew, and grew. Today, my total ‘friend’s list’ has exceeded a hundred; something which is not uncommon to most Facebook users. My fascination with telling people about every little thing happening in my life grew, I started adding applications that would analyse my personality and reveal all, and there remain no stoned unturned, no question unasked, no fact kept secret. But, unknown to me, I had subconsciously slipped into a world of complete revelation and openness. There remained no mystery to me anymore, the world, it’s wife, and children knew who I was. I was being poked, super-poked, “x-d” and then even “desi-poked” by strange people I had met randomly, or worse, didn’t even know.

Social networking sites often have this effect on most people. Indeed, you might even be experiencing it right now; it becomes a drug, the need for constant attention, for love, respect and acknowledgment – a trait inherently familiar to human beings. It had indeed offered me, a person who already has such little time to share with others, the opportunity to be a social butterfly. But cracks quickly emerged when I realised that my Facebook life had not heightened my social profile, but instead, it had in real terms, reduced it. Friends who would once meet for lunch or coffee now thought ‘wall posts’ and ‘virtual hugs’ could equate to dinner on a Friday night; birthday presents and phone-calls would be received as ‘igifts’ and an ‘ilike’ song dedications; and the worst one I think had to be the number of users methodically stalking each others "profiles" and "friends lists" to add on people who they were introduced to once for five minutes ten years ago.

But this week I was obliged to attend a number of social events which, in effect, forced me to emerge from my web-cocoon once again, to interact with real people, to meet, sit, talk and exchange verbal communication – it was refreshing, but it has equally been one of the most tiring week’s of my life. Needless to say, in this day and age, we have become addicted to instant relationship management; we are so addicted to these virtual connections to maintain our relationships that we forget the purpose of building ties in the first place. We have become a nation who expects instant acknowledgement and gratification; we make ties in a second and break them even more quickly, through an IM, SMS, 'e-comment', or even an email. We forget that although an x-me hug can be delightful, it cannot replace the reassurance of a real hug; that although a wall post can be enough to tell someone you remember them, it still can’t give the familiar emotion heard only through voice and tone; and that although friend’s lists can exceed a hundred, of those, only one or two are real friends. It just goes to show, social networking is all well and good, just so long as you don’t get lost in the luring white light of a rather distorted virtual world.

This article also appeared in the Saturday Post

Celebrating talent in the Muslim community

noreply@blogger.com (S) — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 06:55:00 +0000

This week, I was invited to attend two Awards ceremonies that brought together talented British personalities (Muslim and non-Muslim alike) to celebrate the work of those who, through the written word, or creative industries had contributed to British society. The events were a hub for young Muslims to mingle, exchange experiences, and most of all, to be noticed - and to be honest, I do not think I have ever seen so many Muslims network their hearts out under one roof in my life. But although the purpose of both events may have been the same, I could not resist the temptation but to compare the two.

The Muslim News Awards held at Grosvenor House this Tuesday was a star-studded evening, but if it hadn't been for my fellow blogger and friend Mr.Alam, I doubt I would have had the energy to sit through it, let alone be guided and introduced to a number of fascinating people (I am told this is usual in networking-savvy "Muslim" circles and a necessary part of the "getting noticed" process). The purpose of the night however confused me somewhat. The Awards ceremony applauded the work of established personalities (both Muslim and non-Muslim) - to mark excellence within the Muslim community. These people, in my opinion were already celebrities, and I wondered why we were using a "Muslim" event to recognise activities they were partaking in which actually contributed to British civil society, and not just Muslim communities.

The Muslim Writers Awards established by Innovative Arts however was held at the prestigious ICC in Birmingham and came together to celebrate the work of ordinary Muslims who had taken their first steps (and I must say, they are very big steps for the likes of me) in the media world; be that through blogging, short-story writing, or poems, the evening brought together a variety of people from all backgrounds who it seemed, have no other outlet which will recognise their achievements. It was refreshing to see so many young, unheard of faces and voices have the chance to be seen and heard, to be valued, and most of all, to be rewarded for a talent that for me at least cannot be equalled.

But the most stark realisation for me was why do we need "Muslim" events to celebrate talents that are much the same as non-Muslims? Why do Muslims feel an urge to establish their own awards and bodies to help aspiring young Muslims? I wondered whether there really aren't enough avenues or opportunities for young Muslims to have their voices heard, or whether it is simply a confidence-building issue amongst those who see themselves as a minority group. The reality however, whichever way you choose to look at it, is that there is still a long way to go in what I'd like to term as "media acceptance" of Muslim (and minority ethnic) voices. As one writer quite eloquently put it, "unless I am writing about honour killings and hijabis, publishers just don't want to know". Let's hope that initiatives like Innovate Partnership enable more young, talented voices, from all ethnic backgrounds and religions to be heard. Bravo!

Random Quote for the Day

noreply@blogger.com (S) — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 20:46:00 +0000

"What the film really shows to me is that Wilders doesn't know the difference between Islam and Islamism - and when it comes to the latter he is completely lost. This is his major attack against Islamism? He reminds me of those socially-awkward, marginalised, introverted children in a schoolyard whose solution to persecution at the hands of a bully is to write the bully's name in his notebook and then rip up the page."

Ali Eteraz on Geert Wilder's film "Fitna"

An old one but a good one...

noreply@blogger.com (S) — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 05:54:00 +0000

Can't believe it took the bloomin' ibook ad for me to discover this! Describes my world perfectly!!! ;)

The New Enlightenment: Theories in Islamic Reformation

noreply@blogger.com (S) — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 21:47:00 +0000

Last night I had the pleasure of meeting Madhavi Sunder at the London School of Economics. An expert on women's human rights in Muslim communities with a formal background in law, Sunder had been invited to speak about "The New Enlightenment: how Muslim women are bringing religion out of the dark ages". Her views about international human rights laws fuelled her to write an article on women's rights activism in the Muslim world, titled "Piercing the Veil", which opens with the rather provocative statement, "human rights law has a problem with religion". The dissertation looked at the failure to address women's rights under even the most oppressive regimes because such law is reticent to interfere with religion and culture.

In her lecture, Sunder begins with an analysis of pioneering work being undertaken by a group called Sister's in Islam (SIS), a group which was set up to lobby and reform Malay family laws affecting disadvantaged groups, namely women. She hails the work of its Executive Director, Zainah Anwar, a former member of the Malaysian Human Rights Commission. Her work, she says, has enabled the reinterpretation of the Quran, and allowed women to question the norm, and through the process of osmosis, has also filtered into other countries where Muslim women are a disadvantaged group, and refers to it as "universal lobbying" of Muslim women who are “making a difference”.

Quoting figures from a recent study by John L.Esposito and Dalia Mogahed entitled "Who speaks for Muslims: What a billion Muslims really think", Sunder claims that over one billion Muslims globally anticipate equal rights in Islam, and then goes on to describe human rights as "rights guaranteed in a secular political world” – the audience gasp and the implication of her statement is clear; Muslims want to embrace secular human rights. But I am not entirely convinced and I start to wonder what this actually means and how is it different to Islamic human rights, if indeed there is such a notion, and whether these groups welcome equal right within Islam, or if these simply are basic human rights - above and beyond religious or cultural boundaries.

The study Sunder relied on was based on researching around 50,000 Muslims globally via Gallup over six years, and it is difficult to say how representative this is of the majority view of Muslims, whose numbers presently exceed 1.3 billion. Contrary to Sunder’s claim what the research actually states is that "Muslims across the world want neither secularism nor theocracy. They want freedom, rights and democratisation … however, they claim that society should be built upon religious Islamic values and that the shari'a (Islamic law) should be a source of law. Simply put, the majority of Muslim women and men want rights and religion, and they don't see the two as being mutually exclusive” – a direct contradiction to Sunder's thesis.

Sunder goes on to explain that her proposition does not mean abandoning faith and spirituality, but finding synergies between secular human rights and applying them to religious groups. She advocates choice in practicing religion (voluntarily) and the freedom to live a life (in the secular world) which enables a person to uphold their basic rights; which is a universal concept - but her belief is clear; in today's modern world the approach to culture and religion must be a secular, "enlightened" one. Basing her logic and reason on enlightenment (and effectively the age of reason) however, Sunder is entering risky territory, and her reformist ideologies are based largely on theories which will undoubtedly be seen with suspicion by many in the Muslim world, who inherently promote dogmatic belief over secular, man-made theories.

In one of her slides, Sunder picturises two women sitting together in an organisation called Sisterhood is Global Institute (SiGI). The woman on the left is shown to be wearing traditional Islamic attire (the hijaab and jilbaab*), whereas the lady next to her is dressed in western clothing, she is not wearing the hijaab. Sunder points to each woman and highlights the distinct difference in appearance, making reference to their socio-economic background, "the first lady is from a poor background, whereas the second lady (without a headscarf) is from the city", insinuating that the poor, uneducated lady is donning the hijaab due to lack of education and exposure to ‘progressive’ city-life.

This point seems the most relevant and I ask Sunder the extent to which she believes socio-economic deprivation limits progression in human rights. In answering my question, Sunder gives a somewhat vague response, and relies on her hypothesis about culture and religion being the causal factors in oppression and limitations to human rights for women. This seems like an easy answer. The Muslim world is currently predominantly based within the war-torn, third world - countries with high corruption, high unemployment, low skills, inadequate basic provisions, and civil unrest, to name a few. Secular countries on the other hand, are largely first world countries where human rights, equality and democracy flourish – those who live in these countries are comparatively at an advantage in terms of quality of life. So the two societies cannot be weighed side by side because the baseline is unequal. Probing Sunder further, I ask her whether she really believes that human rights are of primary concern to those living in countries such as Pakistan, Iran, Afghanistan, who often lack basic amenities, things that the western world take for granted. Her response is again blurred by her continuous subjective reliance on theories of culture and religion hindering progression. I am still not satisfied.

After the lecture I approach her and ask her to explain her theories in more detail, it seems that Sunder is far more convincing in a one to one conversation as compared to when standing in front of a large audience (which I admit, and in all fairness, is understandable). Her knowledge on the subject matter is extensive, but her understanding of Islamic issues are not as objective as I would have hoped. She tells me that she is more interested in the process of change and "operationalisation of the new enlightenment", i.e., the process by which change takes place - which to me seems she wants to have an observational and analytical role in the reformation process, but her presentation instead implied that she is at the very centre of the change, implementing it herself. The problem with this approach is that non-Muslim theorists, although well within their rights to encourage and help promote change within a particular society, are seen as a threat or simply put "fire-starters", who lack knowledge and intricate understanding of Islam and wider causal factors that contribute to the state in which Muslim countries are living today. To give an example, at one point Sunder talks about education in these apparent "deprived" Muslim communities and states that all children must be able to read the Quran within seven years, or within ten years - the main discrepancy in this claim is that it is not within seven or ten years, but from the age of seven or ten that a child is encouraged to read the Quran. It may seem like a small mistake, but one that will no doubt be used to inform further debate and thinking among non-Muslim theorists.

Recommended texts:

- Piercing the Veil - from the Yale Law Journal, 2003, by Madhavi Sunder
http://www.yalelawjournal.org/pdf/112-6/SunderFINAL.pdf

- Who Speaks For Islam?: What a Billion Muslims Really Think, by John L. Esposito and Dalia Mogahed
http://www.amazon.com/Who-Speaks-Islam-Billion-Muslims/dp/1595620176

*Translations
Shariah = Islamic legal system
Hijaab = Covering of the head
Jilbaab = Loose fitting dress

Random quote for the day...

noreply@blogger.com (S) — Thu, 13 Mar 2008 04:29:00 +0000

"Starbucks doesn't have a way to identify lavish customers perfectly, so it invites them to hang themselves with a choice of luxurious ropes."

Tim Harford on consumerism;

Cappuccinos, frappuccinos, chai tea lattes and the like.

The Undercover Economist

How to win a woman in ten simple steps...

noreply@blogger.com (S) — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 05:38:00 +0000

My recent posts about How to Lose a Woman in Ten Ways really caused a stir in the blogging community, so much so that I have since received emails from various male friends and bloggers with their experiences of this diabolical process. But before I do decide to share one or two incidents with you (from the other side), I must respond to a long standing request made by one FaisalK - and that is, so what do women want?

Simple...

1. Be a gentleman - hold the door open, stand up when she arrives, offer to take her coat, etc, etc.

2. Clothes - Think about what you are wearing (you can never go wrong with smart-casual, jeans, a shirt, and suit jacket, or chinos and a jumper will do the trick - shoes must be thought about, aftershave is also very important)

3. Physical appearance - Shaving isn't a big deal, so long as you don't look like an undercover yeti - the ol' Colgate smile is also a must-have (sounds simple enough, but I've seen some shockers in my time!)

4. Speech - Structuring and articulating your sentences in a coherent and well-mannered way will take you a long, long way

5. Don't kill off chivalry - It's the 21st century and it's all about equality - but yes, I'm afraid you are still expected to pay

6. Sweep her off her feet - Flowers, chocolates, cards, will all work in your favour (surprising her unexpectedly are big point scorers)

7. Communicating in the modern world - Texting her before you call shows that you are not imposing yourself on her - show interest and ask her questions, but don't act like the riddler (remember Lesson 1) -

8. Don't be a narrow-minded fool - Leave religion to the imams and politics to the politicians - men often scare away women with their dictatorial, blinkered outlook on most subjects

9. Make her laugh - Humour is one of the best way to a woman's heart, especially if they are personal anecdotes

10. Be human and be a friend - There is nothing worse than an arrogant git looking for a trophy wife, so be down to earth and approachable, remember she'll not only be your life partner, but your friend for life

That's all folks... more stories to share later - good luck guys!

In The Name of Honour, Marriage ...and Force

noreply@blogger.com (S) — Fri, 07 Mar 2008 06:51:00 +0000

Earlier today the BBC broke a story about thirty three girls who have apparently disappeared from schools in Bradford - authorities suspect that the girls have been taken abroad to be forcefully married. The story is not new to the Asian community, particularly to those living in the North of England, but it is one that is slowly being acknowledged and responded to by the community, and to some extent, the current government. There are two problems, firstly the issue of force - be that implicit, or explicit; and secondly, the use of violence to protect honour.

Late last year the BBC aired a programme about honour killings and forced marriages - the content was shocking, and included a number of interviews with prominent Asian community leaders and Muslim figures; highlighting the degree of importance now given to this issue and engaging in discussions which until now have been silenced. The programme alone prompted around thirty referrals in Wales, which usually only gets around two per year, and the message was clear - We recognise this as a problem in our community, and we are willing to face up to it.

The most shocking part however was that it was not only the traditional mindset of first generation immigrants, but one that has infiltrated into second generation British Asian and Muslims – citizens who have been born and brought up in this country. Crimes against young men and women who refused to marry out of force, or worse, against those who 'fall in love' with someone outside their own caste, sect, or family - people who are then likely to be ostracised by their own community for rebellion. Estimates by Reunite are that around 1,000 women are subjected to forced marriages annually in the UK (and these are just the reported cases amongst the Indian, Pakistani and Bangladeshi community and do not include the large proportion of men helped by the Foreign Office's Forced Marriages Unit.)

A few days after watching the programme I decided to catch up with Nazir Afzal, Director of West London Crown Prosecution Service. Nazir’s work in this area began in 2004 when he held his first conference on honour-based violence; his aim was not merely to raise awareness about this issue, but also to develop strategies to deal with such crimes. The resulting interest was phenomenal, “victims hadn’t heard a man speaking out against this issue, and once I’d done this conference, they wouldn’t let me go”. Being tactically placed, with access to senior police officials and Ministers, Nazir has not only been in a position to prevent these crimes from taking place, but also to help prosecute perpetrators guilty of such acts of violence.

But the question is why do young British Asians and Muslims who have grown up in such a multicultural society agree to partake in acts of violence and forced marriages? Without wanting to justify the motives or actions of those responsible, Nazir claims that the perpetrators are often victims of society themselves who succumb to social, cultural and family pressure. Nazir disagrees that the problem is linked to strict religious ideologies within the Muslim community, “this behaviour by no means makes this a religiously induced problem, the causes range from ignorance to a lack of information” he assures me, “mosques are now beginning to talk about it, but even they feel threatened by the community. Men often suffer from identity politics which is infused into them from an early age.” The concept of ‘man being a piece of gold and women being a piece of silk’ is largely believed by young Asian men – who choose to stick to “tribal values” more so than their parents.

But why then is the problem so apparent within the Muslim community? Is this problem linked to a school of thought which promotes forced marriages and justifies violence for the sake of honour? In order to get a better picture of the problem we must examine the demographics of the Muslim community - Around 74% of Muslims are of Asian origin - predominantly Pakistani at 43% - of this community, the majority are originally from Azad Kashmir (including Mirpur and Kotli), equating to around 50% of the British Pakistani community – these are often groups who have undergone chain-migration, live in silos, and try to emulate a particular lifestyle from the Indian Subcontinent.

Second, there is the issue of low attainment and high unemployment which both contribute to overall social well-being and liveabilty (or quality of life). The Muslim community, makes up around 1.5 Britain’s today and has one of the highest unemployment rates at almost 18%. Together, the Pakistani and Bangladeshi community is estimated at around 1.8 million people, of which around 60% is of working age. Of that the unemployment rate is around 17% amongst Pakistanis and approximately 20% amongst Bangladeshis (the current UK unemployment rate being 4.3%).

Educationally, around 33%, that’s one in three Muslims have no qualifications. Out of this group, Pakistani and Bangladeshi boys have the lowest rate of basic, entry-level qualifications (such as NVQ Level 2, GCSEs or O’Levels) at round 22%. Approximately 48% of Bangladeshi women and 40% of Bangladeshi men have no qualifications, compared to 40% of Pakistani women and 27% of Pakistani men with no formal qualifications. The percentage of those with no qualifications in the UK is around 15%.

To add to these factors, Asian and Muslim communities tend to group together and often reside in shared accommodation – this continues after marriage to maintain the traditional “joint family system”, though around 32% of Muslim households experience overcrowding, with Hindu and Sikh households experiencing around 22% and 19%* respectively.

These are all are interlinked causal factors and contribute towards general social status, acceptance, awareness, honour and cohesion – not being fully integrating into British society or accepting the “system” because they are not a part of it. In terms of marriage, Asian communities tend to group together, to maintain social and religious cohesion and a sense of identity. - this ultimately leads to less integration, and the preservation of one’s “natural identity” – they are often seen by the younger Asian generation as an obligation towards an ageing, yet very alive elder generation who they are still somewhat indebted to or bound by cultural ties. Women are more often than not seen as the "honour" of the family and are encouraged to nurture a sense of cultural identity - and so if they do decide to lead a life independent of cultural restrictions and limitations, they are seen as a disgrace and their actions are a crime.

These are all factors which undoubtedly add to slow-progression and ago-old feudal mentality amongst some within these communities. Until these social causal factors are addressed, little can be done to change the perceptions amogst young Asians - but we must acknowledge that this problem is not one that is linked to religious ideology with its roots in Islam or any other established religion.

Later this year, the government will bring into force the Forced Marriages Act 2007 - a rather 'delicate' piece of legislation which aims to protect "individuals against being forced to enter into marriage without their free and full consent and for protecting individuals who have been forced to enter into marriage without such consent" - the Act does not limit itself to force through means of violence, but also through coercive methods which include psychological pressure - a problem faced by a large proportion of young British Asian adults, the majority of whom are bound by perpetual indebtedness and ‘honour’ in the UK today.

Although welcomed by many enforcement bodies and community leaders, the Act is essentially looking to reduce the number of immigrant-marriages by force, a strategy which seems more in line with current immigration limitation plans, than to reduce forced marriages. It will not abolish the long-standing tradition of emotional pressure, nor will it, in my opinion, prohibit or deter crimes committed in the name of honour.

If you fear you may be forced into an arranged marriage, are suffering, or know someone who may be, you can contact:

FCO Forced Marriages Unit: 020 7008 0151
Southall Black Sisters: 020 8571 9595
International Campaign Against Honour Killings: http://www.stophonourkillings.com/

*Data has been sourced from National Statistics Online.

This article also appeared in The Saturday Post

The Laws of Cause and Consequence

noreply@blogger.com (S) — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 19:58:00 +0000

What do you do when you meet someone (randomly), exchange details (innocently), realise you've made a big mistake (regrettably), ditch your so-called acquaintance (pathetically), and then, in its usual warped way, fate, karma, destiny, or whatever you want to call it comes back to have a good ol' laugh at your expense.

The laws of 'cause and consequence' are such that they make you totally responsible for your own actions, and there is no way of controlling that which comes back to haunt you - i.e., prior to making a decision though you are unable to predict the fate that may 'befall' you, you have a number of options - while some choices are relatively easy to make, others can be far, far more draining. All you can do is weigh up the pros and cons for each route; mull over it, discuss it, write it down, and hope for the best. Or you can - as in my case - choose to avoid making any decision whatsoever. But irrespective of the option you did decide to take, and no matter how long ago you made that choice, those laws are still out their, floating around in the air, waiting for the right moment to descend upon you when you least expect it.

With me, and in my usual random, chipkoo-magnet manner, I was "befriended" by a rather questionable and annoying personality at work (yes at work). It seemed that this person did not understand the concept of either being ignored, blanked, blatantly ducked, or simply - not bothering to answer emails. None of it seemed to work in my situation, and so I was advised by a good friend to finally take the matter into my own hands and confront him… so I did. Yesterday, my last task for the day was to write an email requesting him not to contact me again, because it made me feel uncomfortable, and because it was highly inappropriate. Much to my surprise I received an email first thing this morning with agreement to comply to my request. I felt guilty, but I was finally off the hook.

But-t-t… see, that's not where it all ended… remember the old laws of "consequence"? It was bound to come back, I just didn't think it'd come back so soon. Oddly enough I very rarely used to see this person in my building, I've probably only seen (or ducked) him three times in nine months and instead our relationship was much like your average email-stalker (you know they're there but there's no way of getting rid of them)… but since my "confrontational email" I've bumped into this person three times today - in the lift, in the corridor, walking up the stairs… and it's not even midday yet. It seems that the payback for my "cause" was awkward moments for life! ...Next time I think I'll stick to ignoring people!

Life Swap

noreply@blogger.com (S) — Sat, 01 Mar 2008 07:50:00 +0000

I decided to meet up with an old friend for coffee today after what I can only describe as yonks. But as she was updating me on the happenings of her life I couldn't help but notice an Asian couple who had just entered the cafe. I don't know what it is, and I really must stop doing it, but when two people who look kind of shifty walk into some place I kind of automatically assume that they're doing something they know they shouldn't be doing, like for example dating ...I wasn't far off. Now, ordinarily I'm not one for snooping around in other people's business, and I'm not very good at over-hearing people's conversations either (bimbo moments that go "huh???" have proved that), but this evening was a little different.

The cafe was packed and we were all sitting quite closely together, so much so that the windows had steamed up with condensation (thank god for the power of GHD and serum!) The girl and guy were obviously on a "potential-marriage-coffee-meet-up" - which, if you're not Asian means a "first date" (yes it does, don't shake your head like that, you know it does, and you prepare for it like it is one). Anyway, bizarrely, rather than leaving them to it and concentrating on my friend and her life story, I found myself analysing the girl and wondering, what the guy would be thinking of her at that present moment in time, while he went to go and get their drinks. As she sat there taking off her jacket and fixing her hair the voice in my head just wouldn't stop, "why is she doing that? she looks desperate! that top is waaay too low for a first meet-up, short skirt, what's that all about? good gosh those shoes" ...And that's when I realised what had happened - for the first time in my life, I was checking her out like a guy! The only problem was that I didn't know if that was what he was thinking, but what I did know is that I would love to have known...

...Oh the irony of it all!

Bimbo moments that come to haunt...

noreply@blogger.com (S) — Wed, 27 Feb 2008 07:06:00 +0000

"This train is now ready to depart, stand clear of the closing doors" yelled the driver. I rushed in. Exhausted, I managed to find a seat and sat down. The train wasn't as packed as it usually is on a Tuesday evening, but then again, it was almost eight o'clock, and the mad commuter rush had passed. I turned up my music and let out a sigh of relief; the day was finally over. But just as I was about to close my eyes and switch off for the next twenty minutes I saw a familiar face from the corner of my eye... oh dear.

My face went red from embarassment as I tried to look away but it was no use; he had already spotted me. A stupid grin emerged on my face as I tried to think of something serious, something unrelated to him or what happened, but I couldn't. The more I tried to think, the worse it was getting, and the more I could feel his stare getting closer and more intense. I finally gulped, and let it be known that I had realised who he was, and that I was in fact trying desperately, to avoid eye contact.

I was trying to ignore him and wipe out any recollection of what happened because of one very, very embarassing incident...

Boots the Chemist, London, 1998

Me: Hey! How are you doing?

Him (quietly): Oh hey, I'm fine, erm, how are you doing?

Me: Yeah, I'm doing well... (I go on about my life for five minutes, but his expression is quite uninterested and I am getting irritated at his lack of enthusiasm about my life story, remember I was quite young)

Him (looking around): That's great, yeah...

Me: So what are you doing here? You're not working here are you?

Him (preoccupied, looking behind an aisle): Hmm? Yeah... that's really good for you...

Me: What? I said, are you still doing your undercover security guard work???

Him (stunned)

Me (oh sh*t)

The next thing I see is the cluttering of goods as they fall off a shelf behind me, a man runs out of the store, "Him" zooms after him and I am left standing there feeling like a total wally.

Store assistant: Thanks a lot, we were watching that guy for the last half an hour, we almost had him before you showed up and started rambling like a maniac!!

Needless to say that was the last we ever saw of each other, until of course, today :(

Random quote of the day...

noreply@blogger.com (S) — Tue, 26 Feb 2008 04:29:00 +0000

"I talk about marriage because we are in a couple-society, because it effects us all, because I want to talk about it. It does not mean marriage is on my mind all the time, nor does it mean I am desperate. May God forgive those who think they can judge my life and through what? Posts I choose to write about on the Internet. I blog about what I feel like, which does not mean I am up for being dissected and psychoanalysed. Please, don’t assume the role of a therapist."

A quote by my dearest fellow blogger, Unique Muslimah on 'Marriage is Not on the Agenda', couldn't be more accurate if she tried!