My Voice

It's Been A Little While

2008-07-14T18:04:00.002-05:00

Sorry that it has been a little while since I blogged. I am working on some things in regards to my blog and will be back to blogging shortly. Please bear with me as i am in bit of a transitional period at the moment. I hope to have a new post up in the next few days.

Ignorance Is Bliss

2008-07-02T14:46:00.006-05:00

Ignore the problem and maybe it will go away. This is a philosophy that, in my opinion, the Southern Baptist Convention has chosen to adopt with its refusal to start its own sexual predator database. The official SBC response is that the government has a database, so churches should utilize that database for their research. I was hoping for a different response and in my opinion their leadership made the wrong decision on this issue. Ignoring this serious problem is not going to make it go away and it will open the doors for litigation against the denomination in the not too distant future. This problem is huge and the sad thing is that nobody seems to want to deal with it.

I think that the SBC should not have only started a database, but also partnered with an organization to setup an anonymous tip line to allow for the reporting of potential issues. The problem with church abuse situations is that they are being left up to the individual churches to handle, and in many cases the person being accused has a great deal of power and friends. This means that the victim may be victimized all over again by coming forward and trying to address the situation, and in most cases it is easier for the victim to leave the situation than to attempt to fight a losing battle.

I find it very interesting that a number of SBC Pastors will get together and sign a petition to protect the Earth, but there does not seem to be a group of pastors that want to protect its attendees. In my opinion, that is very sad.

Are You Kidding Me?

2008-06-24T10:32:00.004-05:00

I saw this posted on a Christian college website:

"Unfortunately, Satan doesn’t want you to choose a Christian college. He wants to control your future."

I don't even know where to start with this. What this school is communicating is that God wants you to go to a Christian college. Really? I went to a public college, made some incredible friends and met my wife who is a Christian. I don't have any problem with someone choosing to go to a Christian college, but let's don't use religion to sell or guilt someone into choosing a school. In my opinion this statement is way out of bounds. To be honest, being in full-time ministry did more damage to me than any public college ever could.

Focused Prayer

2008-06-20T06:25:00.002-05:00

Have you ever prayed for that "one" thing that you wanted an answer to? You pray for it constantly and it is always on your mind. Currently, I am going through that type of situation where I have that "one" thing I am asking from God. Yesterday, in my quiet time, He hit me right between the eyes with this challenge: What would I pray about if I knew this prayer would be answered tomorrow? Ouch! The truth is, I get so focused on what I want or need that I lose track of truly spending time with God and worshiping and honoring Him. I am so focused on my need or want that it consumes my focus; not God. As I am learning to trust Him more; I am also learning to focus on God and not my wants and needs.

Answer To All Our Problems

2008-05-22T09:23:00.001-05:00

I have been reading through the book of Acts in my quiet time and seeing how the church grew from the very beginning. It is incredible to see the zeal that these new converts had and to see how God working despite the opposition trying to squelch the Good News from being preached. It is interesting to me to note what was preached by the early preachers. Christ was preached. Christ crucified and risen again. This was the message spread across the region. There was no “rockin” praise band or cool direct mailers to promote the service, but friends invited friends to hear the Good News. I have noticed a trend in many “contemporary” churches on sermon topics in the past few years. Parenting, sex, finances, singleness, addiction, and small group involvement appear to be the main topics of discussion. I want to call it the Dr. Phil theology where the church is setup to address and fix everyone’s problems. However, Jesus did not come to solve everyone’s problems, and the church was not founded to “fix” its membership’s issues. Jesus could have solved world hunger, but He didn’t. World hunger was not our greatest need. Jesus could have overthrown the Roman government and had an established Kingdom here on earth, but He did not do that because that was not His primary purpose in coming. Jesus is The Answer to our greatest need, but I do not believe that He came to solve all of our problems. My concern is that the church is “selling” success more than it is preaching the Word. Want a happy marriage; then follow these steps. The steps may or may not be loosely based on a Bible passage taken out of context. What do we tell people that still end up in broken marriages, bankrupt, and with children who make poor decisions after following these steps to success? The fact is that we can follow these steps taught in church and still end up in divorce. Why because we are all sinners and all human. Tithing does not guarantee financial success and following Christ does not mean that our lives will be perfect and all of our problems will be solved. Jesus is the answer to our greatest need, eternity with God. However, to sell Jesus as the answer to all of our problems is not right and will end up doing more harm than good in the long run. The Word of God is to be preached and proclaimed. The Good News still applies today and should still be taught.

Have Answers?

2008-05-09T15:26:00.003-05:00

Have you ever been in a spot where you wanted to find out God's will? Where you wanted that answer from God? I was spending some time praying this morning on an item that is very heavy on my heart. I felt a different twist during the prayer time. Do I want the answer to my prayer more than my relationship with God? I think that many times in my life, I have wanted to answer more than God. My prayer today is that I will value and love God more than even having an answer to my prayer.

High School Reunion

2008-04-22T08:29:00.002-05:00

My oldest daughter likes High School Musical, but my world has been rocked by talks of High School Reunion. The emails started a couple of weeks ago about planning the North Florida Christian School Class of 1989 reunion, and not just any reunion but a 20 year reunion! Has it really been 20 years? In some ways it only seems like yesterday that we graduated and in other ways it seems a whole lifetime ago. To put things in perspective, here is a list of top movies, songs and tv shows from 1989 (I feel old looking back at this list).

Top 10 Movies (according to Amazon.com):
Batman, Ghostbusters 2, Back to the Future 2, Steel Magnolias, Look Who's Talking, Christmas Vacation, Honey I Shrunk the Kids, Dead Poets Society, Driving Miss Daisy, and Dead Poets Society

Billboard'sTop 10 Pop Songs:
Another Day in Paradise (Phil Collins), Miss You Much (Janet Jackson), Straight Up (Paula Abdul), Right Here Waiting (Richard Marx), Lost In Your Eyes (Debbie Gibson), Like A Prayers (Madonna), We Didn't Start the Fire (Billy Joel), Two Hearts (Phil Collins), When I See You Smile (Bad English), Blame it on the Rain (Milli Vanilli)

Top 10 TV Shows:
Roseanna, The Cosby Show, Cheers, A Different World, American's Funniest Home Videos, The Golden Girls, 60 Minutes, The Wonder Years, Empty Nest, Monday Night Football

By Works of Righteousness

2008-04-17T13:06:00.002-05:00

In my many years of being involved in the church, I have always heard a Pastor refer to “Spiritual” growth. Ironically, “Spiritual” growth is almost always measured by an individual’s works in the church. The church seems to believe that the more actions that an individual performs; the more that person grows "Spiritually". Usually the first measured action is attendance. A person begins by attending service and then begins to “grow” from there. The next “growth” step is then giving. After giving, the person progresses to small group attendance. From there, they may serve or even move into leadership. Most church circles refer to this as their “discipleship” model. Recently, I have begun to question this as a method for tracking “growth” or “discipleship”? Do actions always model what is occurring in the heart? It is worth noting that salvation is not based on works, but the trend by the church is to base a person’s spiritual growth entirely on their works. What is the best way to track this? Honestly, I don't know, but it would be interesting to find a different method to track "Spiritual" growth.

Life Experiences

2008-04-04T22:52:00.001-05:00

Life experiences, both good and bad, have the potential to change us forever. For example, those who have been on airplanes that have made emergency landings tend to view air travel much differently than those who have never encountered any airline problems.

Last Saturday afternoon, we had our spiritual abuse/cult recovery support group meeting. As Angela and I began driving home from this meeting, I realized just how much my experience with spiritual abuse has forever changed me. The recovery process is long and hard, and I realize that much progress has been made on my journey. It was not that long ago that the idea of setting foot in a church was a daunting task to me because I never wanted to go back to church again. It was almost as if I was going back to the scene of a crime. Spiritual abuse is not something that I have encountered just once in my past, but I have experienced it in many of my previous church experiences. In addition, I have seen people close to me just destroyed in the name of ministry or minister. Angela and I discussed just how much we have progressed on this journey of recovery. We actually have started attending a church again, and this is a HUGE step for me. However, the idea of being involved in a small group is still intimidating. I don’t know if I am ready for that yet or not, but that is ok. Recovery takes time and healing will take place in my life there as well.

Whenever I spoke at churches in the Orlando area I always had an analogy that I used in regards to our Christian walk. This analogy is that in our Christian walk we never “arrive”. We never get to a point where we have made it and have totally figured everything out. This is true in recovery too. Recovery is a journey and I don’t think that I will ever “arrive”. Rather, I will journey on this road, for my experiences have forever changed me.

Travel Issues

2008-03-31T13:11:00.002-05:00

I was scheduled to fly back to DFW from Nashville yesterday evening at 6:40 PM. However, I finished my work a little early and headed straight to the airport to catch the earlier 4:30 PM flight. I was put on the standby list for the earlier, and it looked very favorable. The earlier flight was then delayed to a 5:00 PM departure but I was able to depart sooner than my originally scheduled flight. Just as I was boarding the now 5:00 PM flight, I saw that my original 6:40 PM flight was delayed to 9:40 PM. Wow, I was glad to catch the earlier flight. Once I landed at DFW, I received the following email on my phone:

American Airlines Flight 1155

Date: March 30

Departing: Nashville, TN

Arriving: Dallas/Ft. Worth, TX

Status: Cancelled

To make alternate flight arrangements, call American Airlines at 1-800-433-7300.

Let's just say that I am incredibly grateful to have caught the earlier flight or I would probably still be in Nashville today.

Quote of the Day

2008-03-25T10:06:00.003-05:00

I still continue to read The Pressure's Off: There's a New Way to Live by Dr. Larry Crabb. Here is part of a paragraph that I thought was interesting.

"We assume church growth and strong book sales are proof of God's blessing. They may be only the result of good marketing and fleshly appeal."

Mortal Sins

2008-03-12T08:51:00.002-05:00

I saw on FoxNews that the Pope has updated the list of "mortal" sins within the Catholic Church. Having grown up Baptist, this idea is very foreign to me. Or is it? It occurred to me that Baptists have a list of "mortal" sins too, but they just choose not to publish it. In the Baptist world, these are sins that are unforgivable. Once these sins are committed, a person is no longer deemed worthy of working full time in ministry anymore. The list is very short, but the consequences very severe.

The top of this list is divorce. I know people who were not allowed to be denominational missionaries because of a divorce. I ask is divorce a worse sin than pride? Is it unforgivable? Is there something that a person must do to clean their record of this? It is sad to see many lives turn away from the church and God because of denominational reaction to divorce. Many organizations will not consider someone for ministry work with divorce in their background. However, they will gladly accept their money though.

There are other sins that make the list, and it doesn't take a great deal of observation to figure out what they are. I understand the responsibility to examine the heart, but I have seen restored hearts forever marked by a Christian version of the Scarlet letter. Interesting to note that Christ's blood makes that Scarlet letter white as snow.

I Can't Hear God Anymore

2008-03-09T17:42:00.003-05:00

I mentioned having the privilege of meeting Doug and Wendy Duncan in an earlier blog. I attend their support group on a monthly basis (if you are in the Dallas, Texas area looking for a spiritual abuse support group, please contact them), and I have found this to be a very necessary part of my recovery process.

Wendy wrote a book titled "I Can't Hear God Anymore: Life in a Dallas Cult". If you have ever been the victim of spiritual abuse or a cult, then I encourage you to get this book. I found her story riveting and I could not put the book down. However, beyond the story, this book was helpful to me in so many ways. Wendy's honesty and openness in sharing her feelings about what happened is incredible. However, the book goes beyond her involvement in this group to the process of healing that she and Doug journey. This to me was the best part of the book and is a source of encouragement for me. The recovery from spiritual abuse seems like it should be quick and easy. However, it is a rough ride with many ups and downs. Some days I feel like I have made a ton of progress and other days it seems like I am back at the starting line. I realize that this is normal in the healing process and thanks to books like this it gives me much hope in my own personal journey. You can order the book here.

Dallas Support Group

2008-02-29T21:48:00.003-05:00

I have had the opportunity to meet some incredible people over the past year, and one of these people is Wendy Duncan. After getting settled here in the Dallas area, my wife and I began to search for a spiritual abuse support group. We did not know if such a thing existed because many people who have suffered severe spiritual abuse do not wish to discuss the matter much less meet with others who have experienced the same trauma. In searching for such a group, we came across Wendy. Wendy is a person who has been through extreme spiritual abuse and is willing to talk openly and honestly about her experience. In addition, her and her husband, Doug, have formed a support group to deal with the very subject of spiritual abuse. If you are in the Dallas, Texas area and looking for such a group, click here for more information. There is no reason to walk the long road of recovery alone, especially with great support groups like this one available.

Also, check out Wendy's web site here. Her book is a must read and I will be blogging about that very soon.

Guest Blogger: Grant Jacobs

2008-02-26T20:19:00.003-05:00

Grant Jacobs and I have been friends for a very long time, and he is like a brother to me. We have talked a great deal about church issues recently and here is a post from him regarding church. He put this on his MySpace, and I felt the need to republish it here as well.

For my third topic, I chose to talk about the Cultural Christian problem. This really is one of the lesser problems facing the church today, but still something which deserves some discussion. To me there are 2 facets to this issue, one deals with Christians, the other more with the church itself. Neither of these are long, detailed topics, but something I would still like to see change.

Have you heard the joke about Baptists and fishing? It goes like this. Take a Baptist fishing and he'll drink all your beer. Take 2 Baptists fishing and they won't touch your beer.

For some, sadly church is all about being seen and giving the perception of being a good Christian. These folks care far more about appearances than the actual relationship they have with God. When one of these folks makes a sizable donation to the church, you will know about it. I try to take a positive approach at times; maybe if they come to church often enough, hear the messages and have fellowship with more devoted Christians, in time, they will start to be the light, rather than taking the spotlight.

The second facet I wanted to discuss is how I see churches behaving more as businesses, and less like churches. I know there is a balancing act here, but nearly every church I have attended in the past 10 years has struggled with this issue.

My prime example is a very simple one. Every week when you enter church (at least those I have attended), there is a church bulletin. Usually it contains the extensive social calendar for the week's events, announcements, usually some information about the agenda for the upcoming service, perhaps even the dreaded fill in the blank sermon notes, and lastly, the numbers section (usually budget information). While I love full public disclosure of the funds the church is gathering and spending, where is the weekly or yearly total about new members or new Christians? While the numbers may not appear as impressive, I think even a few souls every year is worthy of celebration.

Also on the subject of the church business model is the notion there seems to be some function every night. I know some people who must be at church 3-4 nights a week, and they are NOT staff members. While all this fellowship can be good, where does it leave family time? I wonder if statistics in the coming years will bear out a remarkable number of trends which can be attributed to the lack of a good family nucleus, and a fair number of those families will be devoted church goers. I honestly feel there is NO substitute for a parent's involvement in their children's lives. Perhaps these activities are geared to provide opportunities for church members who have a tough schedule, but I think some people go too far and think they need to attend them all.

Okay, these are not "huge" issues in the grand scheme. I have one final topic to discuss and I am sure like most things I bring up, it will stir the pot a little. The topics above were just me venting a little on some of the "little things" that have bugged me over the years.

How Big is College Football in the Southeast?

2008-02-25T12:17:00.001-05:00

For those around here who don't understand the priority of college football in the southeast, I think this is a good example from the Atlanta Journal Constitution:

Tit for tat: House votes to bag mascot tags

By Ben Smith
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Published on: 02/22/08

Georgia House members dumped two things off their plates Thursday: Gators and Tigers.

In a 142-10 vote, the chamber voted to stop making out-of-state university mascot tags if neighboring states don't return the favor.

"Whatever is good for the goose is good for the gander," said state Rep. Barry Fleming (R-Harlem), speaking with earnestness on the matter.

Fleming was really talking about Bulldogs. He and the vast majority of his House colleagues think the citizens of the Bulldog Nation living in South Carolina, Alabama and Florida should get mascot tags of their own in those states.

After all, the state of Georgia offers Clemson and Auburn tags along with those for Florida alums living in the Peach State.

The Gators fans' response to the House vote was, essentially, grow up.

"Now this is really a joke, isn't it," said Martha Smith of Norcross. "I've never heard of anything so infantile in my entire life."

Smith, a Georgia Gator tag purchaser, said she worked in the University of Florida's athletic department in the 1970s and has a son who attended the institution.

Under the bill, Smith won't have to give up her tag until it needs to be replaced. For Gator alum Greg Grillo of Alpharetta, that could be as early as August. He said he wouldn't be surprised if the Florida Legislature asked for some reciprocity from Georgia on another issue.

Said Grillo, "I heard the Florida Legislature told Georgia to pound salt unless they would allow for Sunday alcohol sales in Georgia."

Good Read

2008-02-23T22:34:00.002-05:00

Here is a couple of paragraphs from The Pressure's Off by Dr. Larry Crabb. I was reading this book tonight and this paragraph just jumped off the page at me.

"It's a surprising thought, and not a little disturbing, that obedience to biblical principles can be wrong. But when doing right is a strategy to get what we want, our energy is pride and our focus is self. Biblical principles are reduced to the basic principles of the world when they're followed in order to gain the Better Life we demand."

Baseball Season is Coming

2008-02-21T17:29:00.003-05:00

A much lighter note on my blog today. I am getting geared up for baseball season, and part of me wonders why I follow the sport anymore due to the steroid scandal. How in the world can these guys continue to play in the major leagues despite breaking the rules? With this fiasco, Pete Rose should be reinstated and so should the players from the Black Sox scandal.

Now that I have stated my peace on the steroids issue, I can move on to other things. I am excited because the Atlanta Braves play here in Texas this year. I will get to see my favorite team and not have to leave town. I look forward to this series in June and hope to take my girls to see the Braves play. The broom will be out because the Braves should sweep the series.

What Makes a "Good" Christian

2008-02-15T09:47:00.002-05:00

In sorting through all of the things that I have experienced over the last few years, I have had to take a hard look at my belief system. Why do I feel guilty for not going to church? Why do I have my quiet time? Why do I tithe? Etc. I realize that at an early age I was taught that a “good” Christian had their quiet time, attended church (every time there was an event), and tithed. In addition there were other activities that put you in the even more elite status of Christianity such as not listening to rock music, not drinking, etc. In the book that I am reading, “The Pressure’s Off” (by Dr. Larry Crabb), I realize how much of a “works” belief system I grew up with. I don’t believe that we can do anything to earn the status of a “good” Christian. The only reason we can be called a child of God is because of what God did for us. Even if I did everything perfect for the rest of my life (I cannot be perfect for an hour, much less that period of time), I would still not be able to earn God’s love and forgiveness. Through this process of healing, my belief system and motivations are challenged.

I do not spend time with God now so that He can answer every need and want that I have. I don’t do it so that I can put a gold star on my heavenly chart and earn brownie points with God. I do it so that I can spend time with Him, and develop a relationship with Him. The reality is that because I am a Christian does not mean that my life will be easy, good or the dreaded “B” word, blessed. I am promised that nothing can separate me from God and that He will not leave me. So many times I lived with the illusion that God exists to provide my needs and comfort. That is a misconception on my part.

The great thing now is to watch as God changes my motivations for my actions. You see tithing does not mean that I will escape financial difficulty. It also does not mean that I will receive financial blessing. It also does not make me a “good” Christian. If I tithe for these reasons, it is not honorable to God. I want my motivation for the tithe to be out of an overflow of my relationship with God. My desire is to give joyfully out of my love of God (due to my relationship with Him). This is a life long journey, and for the first time I think that I am starting to “get it”. There is much more about this journey to share.

February 12, 1994

2008-02-12T10:30:00.000-05:00

On this day in 1994, I was preparing to take my date to the Florida State University Baptist Student Union Valentine’s Banquet. My date was in charge of planning the banquet and ensuring that everything was in place for the evening. There was one little surprise that my date did not know about. I had made plans to propose to her at the end of the banquet. Since she was in charge of planning the banquet, it made it easier to get myself scheduled to be the last speaker. Many other people knew what was going to happen, but she had no clue. At the end of the banquet, I stood up and went into my talk. Near the end, I could see a look of confusion on my date’s face as my talk took a detour, and then shock as I went down on one knee and proposed. Angela said yes and we were married that next April. It was truly the best decision that I ever made.

Daddy Daughter Dance

2008-02-10T17:52:00.001-05:00

The City of Grapevine has an annual Daddy/Daughter dance, and I took my princess this year. The rooms were all decorated with a princess theme and there were several knights who made an appearance in addition to many other princesses.

Kellyn had a blast dancing and eating the kid friendly food that was available. In addition, Kellyn was able to ride in a limousine for the first time.

We topped the evening off by going to dinner. Next year I might have to take two princesses to the dance!

Failure

2008-02-04T13:34:00.001-05:00

I have had to think through this word a great deal in the past couple of years. It is not a word that I like. However, I have had to learn to deal with failure. The biggest challenge is to realize that failure does not define me. I may have failed at something but that does not make me a failure. If anything, the most valuable education for me comes when I try to find a solution for a problem. It is very rare for me to find the solution the first time. Basically, I experiment (a nice word for failing over and over) until I find the solution.

I was part of a failed church plant in Clermont, Florida. I have spoken about it some, but for quite some time the reality of this failure haunted me. I could not shake it and I allowed it to define me. It was hard for me to move on and accept what happened. I wanted to talk to people in God talk about the experience rather than just owning up to what really happened.

The danger in reaction to failure is that we tend to put absolutes in our lives in response to failure. Words like, “I will never”, “I cannot”, etc. in order to defend ourselves from experiencing these feelings again. Those are phrases that I said to myself too. Now that I am farther along in the journey, I have come to let go of many of those phrases and be open to what God has in store for me. The biggest danger in response to failure is to allow the enemy to try to gain a foothold in your life with it rather than allowing God to redeem it.

No Pressure

2008-01-31T10:25:00.001-05:00

I have been reading another book by Dr. Larry Crabb titled The Pressure’s Off. This book has hit me right between the eyes and has really caused me to examine my motives in life. Dr. Crabb introduces the Law of Linearity which is the belief that the good life comes to those who follow the rules. If I want things to go right in my life, then I need to have my quiet time, tithe, and follow certain principles for good living. This type of thinking causes me to chase happiness and contentment rather than intimacy with God. Doing all of these things is not wrong, but my motivations for them are flawed and can actually move me away from God. What am I really chasing, God or a comfortable life? When I think about it, even the modern church has bought into this way of thinking. How many sermons have you heard that talk about principles for being a good spouse, being a good parent, or how to be financially successful? There is nothing wrong with any of these things either, but there is no guarantee that if these principles are followed that there will not be problems encountered in marriage, parenting, or finances. What now? I will continue to share as I read more of this book as the first couple of chapters has really caused a lot of thought.

The Greatest Need

2008-01-24T09:56:00.001-05:00

I worked in full-time ministry for a number of years and I still have the opportunity to work with churches in my role today. I have witnessed many things over these years that I will never forget, and one came to mind yesterday. I remember one situation that I witnessed where a person had stopped by the church to ask for assistance with her financial needs. Her story was one of sadness and brokenness. She was a single mother of multiple children, some of who were special needs. The reaction of the church was the usual reaction to these types of requests. She was given an application and someone said a prayer over her. I realized something in this situation. Was the church really addressing the person’s needs? Was real need of this lady really financial? Ironically, I don’t think so. I think that her real need was love and acceptance. Her real need was to find a place where she would not be alone on this journey. The church could provide financial support and never really address her “need”. The story of Jesus and the woman at the well comes to mind. She thought her greatest need that day was water, but Jesus looked beyond that to the real need in her heart. The truth is that Jesus could have solved all of the world’s problems. He could have led a revolt of the Roman government. Yet, that was not our greatest need, our greatest need was Him.

Thoughts and Prayers

2008-01-21T11:23:00.000-05:00

While living in Birmingham, I became a big fan of the Rick and Bubba radio show. I found out Sunday morning that the 2 year old son of Rick Burgess, one of the shows hosts, drowned on Saturday night. Having a 2 year old myself, this news hit me pretty hard. I cannot imagine what the Burgess family must be feeling and my families thoughts and prayers are with them during this terrible tragedy.