tales from the crib

a better example...

2012-01-25T20:55:00.001-06:00

i realized as soon as i sat down to write about tate's storytelling abilities that i couldn't think of a single good example. this is generally what happens to me: i come up with a really good post idea or the kids do something really hilarious, and i mentally write a really fabulous and humorous post about it. then i sit down at the computer at the end of the day to write everything down physically and...my mind is completely blank.

today, i have worked really hard to tell this same story of tate's over and over in my mind so that i wouldn't forget, and you could get a perfectly amazing example of what i hear every day from tate. you can feel free to thank me later...

we were at supper tonight. as we got ready for our family devotions, we were looking at a picture of soldiers coming to arrest Jesus (i know, it was a really uplifting and positive story tonight). tate looked really closely at the picture of the soldiers while bill explained to the girls about judas' kiss of betrayal.

"mom, these swords that the guys have? they are the swords that come out of your arms, like this..." (he demonstrated but i still didn't get what he was talking about, so if you don't get it, don't worry).

"these swords come out of their arms, and then, when they are on their horses, they ride toward each other and put their swords down then the swords poke in their eyes and cut their...necks."

"really? how did you know about that?" (this is me trying not to panic. how on earth does he know about this? bill and i just watched a show that had jousting in it, but i can't imagine how tate would have been able to see it...)

"it was on a show that i watched when i was a baby. it had big bird and elmo in it. big bird and elmo had swords and they rode on horses. i saw it when i was a baby. elmo and big bird fought in a big battle."

there you have it. a perfect example of the kind of story that tate has been telling lately...

(just a side note: lilianna listened carefully to tate's story and then started trying to find elmo in our story bible. you can see what kind of warped theology our kids are going to have...)

storytelling

2012-01-24T14:13:00.001-06:00

tate has developed a gift lately of creating the most fabulous and fantastic stories. anything can be happening, and he will already have done that thing or know all about it from personal experience already.

one day i found a dirty, deflated football in the house. i think it is one that the neighbor's dogs use for fun and slobbering. i had expressly told tate it needed to stay outside, but he brought it in anyway. i opened up the window and the screen and set it on our ledge so that it wouldn't make its way back into the house.

a few days later, tessa noticed it sitting up there and pointed it out to tate. "yeah. i threw it up there," he said in his lower-register-i'm-such-a-stud-i-can't-stand-it voice. "i think." at least he had the common decency to qualify his confident statement of fact.

the other day we were talking about disney on ice, and he informed us that he had already gone to see the show, when he was a baby, with his brother. although almost all the things that he claims to have experienced happened when he "was a baby," this is the first time that his "fantasies" have involved non-existent family members.

tessa and i weren't exactly sure how to handle that story. it was so obviously not true, on so many levels. we ended up just winking at each other and saying, "oh really!"

i guess i'm glad that he has an imagination. zoe's imagination has shifted to a world of fiction and, unfortunately, imagining all the scary possibilities for things that can go wrong in the night. tessa still can jump into a conversation with random, imaginary persons, although we are seeing that less and less often. i haven't always witnessed tate's imagination at work. he's not as comfortable playing on his own. i guess i was thinking he didn't have the same breadth and depth of imagination as the girls.

now i know "the truth"...

on resolving to do...nothing

2012-01-23T21:04:00.000-06:00

this is a sponsored post from trop50. feel free to add your resolutions on the trop50 facebook page to receive a $1 off coupon for trop50.

i thought this might be a good time to check in on how my fabulous and inspirational new year's resolution is going.

in some ways, it isn't working out quite like i had hoped. i'm preaching for my second time this month this week. this takes diligence, time and requires me to do...something.

plus, it seems like the kids need clean clothes or something. i don't really get it. but i have found that trying to pretend there aren't piles of laundry (both clean and dirty--it seems i'm good at putting the clothes in the washer but not so good at getting them folded and put away) all over the little hallway that works as our laundry room doesn't seem to make those piles go away. things are getting so desperate that the kids are wearing clothes i've never seen them wear before.

i've also tried (if at all possible) to post here at least 5 times a week. this has required a little bit of extra effort on my part, mostly in the evenings, but it has been good accountability to write something, even if i am in a bad mood.

on the other hand, i've been making more time and space to get together with friends. we've had friends over every weekend of this new year. i've spent more mornings spontaneously getting together with a friend. i've (tried to) do "nothing" with lilianna by giving her some undivided attention. i take a fairly long nap every afternoon (unless tate wakes me up). i let myself do "nothing" even if some of the other things don't get done.

i hate to feel like i could be accused of being lazy. i grew up with the dutch, protestant work ethic that says you should always be working hard. you should always have something to show for the time spent.

but the winter days are hard...

and my job is hard...

and doing "nothing" for at least part of the day is giving me the ability to have a better attitude and do a better job for the parts of my day that are more demanding, that require me to do work hard mentally, physically and emotionally.

for better or worse, i'm sticking to my resolution to do more nothing.

who's with me?

photo by steve snodgrass

jack-jack ain't got nothin' on lilianna...

2012-01-20T21:09:00.000-06:00

remember the end of the incredibles (spoiler alert)?

lately, i have been calling to mind the point in the movie when jack-jack turns bright red and looks like a little devil child.

not for any particular reason...

...except for the fact that lilianna is starting to make this version of jack-jack look like an angel!

i am trying not to feel like i'm at my wit's end. after all, i've handled toddlers before. this is my fourth time doing this. i'm what many consider a pro. i know all the tricks, and i am confident in my ability to thwart any kid-size plots to overtake the household.

...except when it comes to lilianna.

granted, she has been battling some kind of bug this week. she had a pretty bad fever sunday through wednesday. she still has been sleeping a lot more than usual (and i am indeed thankful for small miracles).

she is definitely one of those kids who knows what they want, when they want it, and they aren't going to take "no" for an answer.

...no matter how vehemently you try to say 'no.'

listen. bill and i have strong-willed kids. extremely strong-willed. we get it. we know how this works, and we know how to stand our ground (after all, the apples don't fall too far from the tree).

...but lilianna is definitely our toughest nut to crack yet.

pray for me.

my kids have turned me into an introvert...

2012-01-19T21:41:00.000-06:00

i'm still thinking a lot about this...

i can remember going to conferences when i was in high school and being the one who reached out to the new people and made them feel comfortable.

in college, i never studied in the library unless i went with multiple people. i rarely worked alone, if i could help it. i studied better when there was noise and activity around.

even in seminary, i lived with a family. i would do my reading up in my room alone, but when it came time for greek homework, i would join everyone else in the living room so i wouldn't have to be alone so long.

once bill and i got married, we didn't hesitate to invite people over, even if our apartment was microscopic, and the only place to sit was on a giant inflatable sofa.

then i had zoe. i can still remember getting into a routine with her that did not involve leaving the house except when absolutely necessary. i had to make myself get together with friends, and that was usually a beneficial thing to do, but i spent a lot of time by myself too. a lot.

now, with four kids who all have conversational needs, who are each developing their gifts of debate and argumentation, i'm tired. some days, i feel like i have no more words left in me, even though i may not have had a single adult conversation the entire day.

if we are going to have people over, i just want to have one couple over. i want my kids to go to bed early, and i want to have good conversation. the thought of being a part of a large group or going to a big party makes me feel exhausted before i even get there. i'd rather stay home with bill and watch a good movie...or even a not-so-good one for that matter.

i know i used to be the life of the party (more or less). now i wonder what has happened to that girl. is it just maturity? like someone suggested in the comments? is it because my kids are draining away my vivacity? is it because i still feel relatively new in this city and i haven't quite found my "group" to "party" with?

i really don't want to sound like i'm whining. i don't really mind who i am now. i do feel more comfortable with myself, like i have less to prove. i like having quiet time to myself, and i'm glad i don't have a desperation to be with other people. i like the quiet get-togethers we have with friends and the great conversation that develops once the kids are in bed.

also, i love my kids. i really believe they are going to make great lawyers some day (except for tessa who will probably be some kind of human rights activist--at the rate she's going, people from around the world will be seeking her expertise at fighting against injustice). in my more rational moments, i'm glad for the strength of...character (yes, let's call it that) that my kids all demonstrate. but i can't deny that they use up a lot of my words and a lot of my energy.

i'm curious to see what happens personality-wise once they grow up more and begin to leave the house. will my extrovertish nature reassert itself? or am i permanently changed into someone who loves and craves peace and quiet?

for now, give me that peace and quiet (please!)...

photo by mojobaer

this is actually me trying to stay positive...

2012-01-18T21:55:00.000-06:00

[your kids] can be like rats. i mean this in the nicest possible way. but they
may still be drooling, covered with effluvia, trying to wrestle underpants on
over their heads because they think they’re shirts, but in the miniature war room
of their heads, they still know where your nuclear button is. they may ignore
you, or seem troubled by hearing loss, or erupt in fury at you or weep, but
in any case, they’re so unreasonable and capable of such meanness that
you’re stunned and grief-stricken about how much harder it is than you could
have imagined. all you’re aware of is the big windy gap between you, your
lack of anything left to give, any solution whatsoever.

--anne lamott, "mother rage: theory and practice," (italics mine)

i suppose you could say that i am behind the times, since this article was posted in 1998, and i am only now getting around to reading it.

we haven't exactly been having bad days or anything. but sometimes i am just completely overwhelmed by how absolutely unreasonable and even mean the kids can be. i picked up tessa today from the bus, and i told her not to walk on top of the snow piles since she wasn't wearing her boots. she responded sharply: "no!"

it's not like we are in the habit of allowing this kind of response to our requests, etc. we have taught our kids to treat us with respect, or so i have thought. this response is becoming more and more common, however. i think it is meant to be half-joking, but the thought is the same.

i'm not sure which is worse, having direct defiance, or the behavior that tate is demonstrating of late, which is neglecting even to acknowledge that i have told him to do anything. when we were working on homework, i felt i was either ignored, defied openly or whined at. all of which meant i eventually lost my temper.

i didn't exactly explode or get violent. but i insisted that we were done with homework. i was no longer going to be treated the way they were treating me. this seemed to impact both tessa and tate, who ended up in tears.

i don't like to cause tears...but i get weary of being treated so badly.

just for the record, tessa and i resolved our issues quite nicely after we both had a chance to settle down a bit.

that is, until tomorrow, i'm sure!

desperately seeking...an identity

2012-01-17T21:36:00.000-06:00

bill went through a phase awhile ago (when we lived in omaha) where absolutely everyone that we had any kind of relationship with needed to take the myers-briggs test. we learned about the various personality types of our family members and talked about the ways that our personalities will affect the ways we interact.

i always battled a little frustration and dissatisfaction after taking the test and identifying my own personality type. i wanted a very definitive answer: this is who you are, these are your strengths and weaknesses and, ultimately, here is what you should be when you grow up.

while i could identify aspects of myself in the descriptions of the two personalities that i flip-flopped between, i never really found anything satisfyingly definitive. i chose to file the information i gleaned in the back of my mind for future reference, instead of for daily use.

if you have talked to me at all in the last few weeks, you have probably heard me talk about my latest obsession: quiet: the power of introverts in a world that can't stop talking. here's the thing: the more i read, the more i feel like this book describes me (more or less), even though when i take the myers-briggs test, i still come up extrovert. i don't think it is just because she speaks very highly of introverts and very poorly of extroverts (i do not exaggerate--if you are an extrovert, you need to have very thick skin to survive reading this book). when i take the quiz related to the book, i come up very strongly introverted. i can't tell if the mixed results are because i find some of the question on the myers-briggs confusing and hard to answer, or if i am some kind of bipolar personality!

i appreciate this book giving me the power to value the things that i am more and more learning to be true of myself. i don't do very well with small talk. if we are going to have a conversation, things are going to get pretty personal, and fairly deep, very quickly. i love having people over but i prefer to have just a small group, such as one couple, or, at the most two, instead of a gigantic gathering of people. i can get pretty goofy in the head if i don't do anything social for too long, but i still remember with some yearning the four days i spent completely alone when bill took the kids to tennessee for a weekend.

in the book, susan cain differentiates between kids and adults who are "high reactive" and "low reactive." contrary to what you might predict, it is generally those who are introverted who are "high reactive." loud noises, big crowds, chaos and pandemonium call for too much reaction for those who are "high reactive," leading them to prefer a quieter life with less stimulation. those who are "low reactive" can easily handle drama, heightened activity and lots of people.

another differentiation is between those who have high sensitivity, even when it comes to tastes and smells and those who have low sensitivity. now i can attribute the fact that i prefer music to be played at a lower volume than anyone else in this family to the fact that i have a high sensitivity.

this book has given me much to think about when it comes to parenting, but at this time i appreciate how it is helping me gain a greater awareness and understanding of myself. i think one of the greatest benefits of agi...er...maturing, is feeling more comfortable with who i am as a person. i feel better and better about saying "no" to things that don't line up with my personality, or to things that make me too uncomfortable or that don't satisfy.

as i get closer to having the freedom to consider what my next steps will be personally, i'm thankful for the way this book has helped me identify things that are true about my personality. believing myself to be extroverted, i may have pursued careers or possibilities that actually left me drained, unfulfilled, or, worse, for which i was completely unqualified. because of reading this book, i feel one step closer to narrowing down, if ever so slightly, the kind of interests and possibilities i would like to pursue for or in the future.

some day i will know what i want to be when i grow up...and now i know it won't be something that demands tons of interaction with large groups of very loud people!

i received a free copy of this book as part of my involvement in the from left to write book club. regardless, the thoughts and opinions expressed here are purely my own. if i haven't recommended this book to you already, consider this my sincere and somewhat forceful recommendation!

on learning to read...

2012-01-16T22:14:00.000-06:00

in spite of the fact that he still can't identify all the letters of the alphabet by name, tate seems to be progressing in the area of reading.

we started with the "bob" books (can anyone explain to me why they are called bob books when so far as i can tell, no one is called "bob"?). after experiencing some measure of success with those, we are branching out a bit more.

with tessa, we found the fly guy books by tedd arnold to be beneficial. now, tate really likes the cat the cat books by mo willems. i like the elephant and piggy books that willems writes better, but they are still just a bit beyond tate's reach.

now that we are on our third round of "teaching" reading, i find myself more fascinated than ever by the process that goes on in one's mind as one learns to read. i give tate quite a bit of help sounding out the words because i don't want him to get frustrated too easily. as he tries to figure out the words on each page, i can tell that he is studying the pictures as much as he is trying to make out the words themselves. he seems to have a strong sense how a story should go, even if it is one he hasn't heard read before. sometimes he fills in extra words that aren't written on the page, but that certainly contribute the same ideas toward the storyline.

sometimes it seems like he is only relying on his memory of the story and the details he gleans from the pictures. then, out of the blue, he will read a word that he hasn't seen before without any help from me. i find this absolutely mind-boggling. how can he not know all the names of the letters, yet still be able to figure out words like "again," "friends" and "playing"?

even though tate can easily get frustrated, i love this part of our work together. this is one of the few times in working with kids that you i can almost visibly see the light bulbs coming on. i look forward to our future endeavors together, as well as the moment when lilianna is ready to join our reading club!

i just wish she would find a different way to tell me that she thinks we should update the living room

2012-01-13T13:49:00.000-06:00

we've had a couple of moments of crazies around here. somehow, i seem incapable of monitoring and caring for kids while preparing supper at night.

often bill is home during this time so as long as i can keep him off facebook or from playing angry birds during that time, he is helpful for keeping everyone alive and well while i cook.

unfortunately, the last two nights this has not been the case. and now i'm dealing with a serious case of crazy. and i think we may have to get rid of our couch (unless any of you have some kind of miracle help for me (she said hopefully, with a bit of a quaver and a trembling lower lip)?)

tessa decided 10 minutes before supper was ready that she absolutely, no-argument-will-satisfy-and-no-i-will-not-listen-to-you-mom-i'm-just-going-to-start-putting-on-my-snow-pants-even-if-you-expressly-forbid-it, had to play outside in the snow.

while i was trying to regain control of that situation, tessa and tate drew my attention to lilianna. seriously, everything moved into slow motion at this point...

lilianna, standing next to our living room couch, revealed that she had figured out how to unscrew the lid from the cooking oil (genius, that kid, absolutely brilliant, that one). while i moved in slow motion to try to get it away from her and my voice took on that slow motion tenor, "no-o-o-o-o-o, li-li-annnnn-nnnna!), she somehow managed to move in fast motion (knowing her doom was imminent) and pour a heaping (heaping is the crucial word here) cup full of oil and start to drink it before i snatched everything away.

since the cup was "heaping," we now have a couch cushion soaked in vegetable oil. which means that even though i have successfully removed and washed the couch cushion cover, the couch cushion itself is going to continue to seep oil every time we sit down on it...

unless you have another solution (she asked hopefully)?

i think it is what you would call a "vegetable miracle"...

2012-01-12T21:33:00.006-06:00

yesterday, i nearly fell over into the refrigerator when i asked tessa what she wanted for a snack. she replied that we should have more vegetable snacks.

!

(...and that isn't even the miracle!)

i decided that her suggestion was a sign from the hand of God that we should go ahead and try making kale chips as soon as possible.

i bought the last two bunches of kale that they had at the supermarket, since one seemed kind of small. when tessa got home from school, i got her to help me make the chips, which, of course, made them infinitely more interesting to her. one bunch of kale, mixed with olive oil, sprinkled with kosher salt made two baking sheets of chips.

i kid you not. the first baking sheet came out of the oven, and tessa, tate, lilianna and i finished off the whole sheet before the second sheet could come out of the oven (they bake for about 10 minutes).

we divided the second batch into bowls. it started to seem a little uncouth to eat them right off the baking sheet. we finished the entire batch. tessa forgot about 4 of her chips, or there would have been absolutely none left for bill and zoe to try.

the four of ate an entire bunch of kale this afternoon.

see what i mean by miracle?!

photo by constructiondealmkting

"ball of fire" doesn't even begin to describe her

2012-01-11T19:24:00.003-06:00

see that girl sitting there?

no, that is not some new-fangled (nor old-fashioned for that matter) playpen. that is what is left of our coffee table.

it used to have a glass top. guess who shattered it?

i can see why it would be considered unsafe to have a glass coffee table with kids. to my credit, the table survived a couple moves and 3 years of kids (which isn't even counting the 5 or so years it survived numerous grandkids at bill's parents' house). i really didn't have any reason to believe it wouldn't last another bazillion years...

...until lilianna made up her mind.

i was busy at the computer when i heard the loudest crash i could ever imagine.

i turned around to discover that the glass was completely smashed. lilianna decided to play with my 5 lb. weight. instead of setting it down on the table, she dropped it. unfortunately, the glass wasn't up for that kind of weight-lifting.

now we have a very nice footrest. and i can laugh every time i see one of the kids start to set something down on the table only to have it drop down to the lower level.

lilianna thinks it is a great reading spot.

anybody have a spare coffee table (preferably one without a glass top)?

happiness is...

2012-01-10T18:41:00.000-06:00

...watching lilianna run across the playground at school excitedly calling out the name of her best friend, "rora."
...watching tate and tessa confidently and skillfully navigate their bikes among the pedestrians as they rode home from the bus stop (one last time before winter comes with a vengeance, i fear!).

...watching zoe purchase a kindle fire with money that she resolutely saved up week by week, fighting the temptation to buy the small things that seemed attractive in the short-term but would take away from achieving her goal in the long-term.

...spending a morning ignoring my to-do list in favor of tea and conversation with a good friend.

...catching up with bill at the end of the day and watching our favorite television show together.

...sitting at the dining room table and watching bill and the kids laugh uncontrollably at absolutely nothing.

sometimes i look around and think how absolutely cliché some of our experiences are. sitting around the table, laughing and joking together seems like something that should be on a sitcom. i'm working harder to appreciate these small moments, to capture the snapshots mentally so i can remember them when i am trying to figure out how to deal with the brick walls that are my children.

photo by juliejordanscott

this year, i want to do...

2012-01-09T18:27:00.000-06:00

...more nothing.

vacation is over. that means i am relatively glad for the kids to be going back to school, although not happy to have to get out of bed early again and go back to the rigorous drop off/pick up schedule.

today i came home and did...nothing. for at least a little while anyway.

(actually, if the truth be told, i played angry birds for nearly an hour.)

after a very crazy and hectic december, it has been nice to have relatively nothing to do this week. i've tried to give myself very small goals for what to accomplish each day.

1. pick up the kids on time.
2. keep up with email.
3. keep the living room area picked up.
4. make supper each night.

i want to reduce my blogging expectations and commitments for reviews, etc. just because when it is something i have to do, then it isn't fun any more.

of course, i'm realizing that i can't put off the laundry forever. the pile is growing, and the kids are running out of things to wear. i'm going to have to work that into my small goals list.

then there is the realization that i do have a few other commitments to church and school that i can't ignore, and some of these commitments involve working ahead during the day. ignoring these will add to my stress levels a bit this week.

overall, i want to resolve to give myself less to do during the day. with the kids' schedule, i only have very small windows of time and opportunity to get stuff done, and it is discouraging to have so much unfinished each day.

living out this resolution this week, however, has only led to greater stress and pressure to figure out how and when to do both the things i want to do (like finish crocheting a hat for myself) and the things i have to do (like write a sermon).

i haven't quite figured out quite how to "resolve" my resolution issue. my ultimate goal is reduce stress in my daily life. do i do that by trying to do nothing or by trying to do everything?

(any answers appreciated.)

photo by steve snodgrass

merry christmas...from our family to yours!

2011-12-25T18:03:00.000-06:00

contemplating the probability of miracles

2011-12-22T15:48:00.000-06:00

we are getting near the end of this leg of our journey as a family. this would be the journey that brought us to chicago from omaha, that made bill a full time student and introduced us to life with an uncertain future.

each day finds us getting closer and closer to that great unknown: the future. bill is wrapping up his dissertation and getting ready to defend. our savings is dwindling, and the need for bill to find a job (because, quite frankly, i don't want that pressure myself, thank-you-very-much) is looming greater and greater on our horizon.

...which has me contemplating the probability of miracles.

there has been a lot of talk on the internet, in the media and in our circles about the state of the economy. i always felt like we were outside those troubles because we would have been poor these last few years regardless of the economy, given bill's student status.

now that we are in the process of job-hunting, the state of the economy has everything to do with the fact that there are very few jobs available right now. fewer professors are retired, fewer schools are hiring for fewer positions because fewer students are enrolling and fewer alumni are giving. things are looking a little bleak.

both of us would really love to stay around here, if at all possible. chicago has really come to feel like home for us. we love the opportunities that the kids have at their schools, through the park districts, and even through my blogging. we all have friends that have found places in our hearts. our church has been a home and family away from home and family.

it hurts to think about starting all over again.

but it would take a miracle for bill to find a job in this area. in fact, the more he looks, it is going to take a miracle for him to find a job anywhere.

do i believe that those kinds of miracles can happen?

some days: yes.

other days: no.

most days: we'll see.

in the book, the probability of miracles, by wendy wunder, cambell cooper is surrounded by people who believe in miracles, which she herself clings to the cold, hard facts. she has cancer. the doctors have nothing else to try. the end, she is told, is near.

her mother and sister, in sheer desperation, drag her and all of her possessions to a hard-to-find little town called "promise," in maine. it has been said that those who are able to find the town are sure to also find the miracle they seek. throughout the summer cam struggles between her desire to cling only to facts, and the "fact" that she witnesses a great many unexpected blessings that might easily be labeled as "miracles."

reading cam's journey toward belief in the midst of fear, uncertainty and denial has helped me consider my own willingness or unwillingness to believe in the miracle that i seek. i have learned that my unwillingness to believe stems more from fear that my miracle will not come true, than that i really believe it can't happen.

this christmas, i'm going to go ahead and live with hope. whatever the outcome, i will look forward to the future, even while i enjoy our present.

i received a free copy of the probability of miracles as part of my involvement with the book club, teen lit rocks! regardless, the thoughts and opinions expressed here are purely my own.

presents for everyone--including myself!

2011-12-20T16:16:00.000-06:00

thanks to walgreens for underwriting this post. i was paid as a member of the clever girls collective, but the content is all mine. visit the beauty section of walgreens to see for yourself.

last sunday, i started making my list of what needs to be done each day this week so that we can be all ready for christmas this weekend. as i was sitting there sorting and writing everything down, i could feel myself starting to enter panic mode.

i turned to zoe, who was cuddling next to me on the couch, and asked her if she wanted to run a few errands with me, so i could at least cross off a few of the more pressing and urgent items on my list. thankfully, she was willing, so off we went.

we stopped in at walgreens where i knew i could purchase several gifts for stockings and for under the tree. we looked at magazines for my mom and dad (shhh! don't tell them). i also like to get chocolate for the dads in our lives because it seems like you can never go wrong with chocolate when shopping for those hard-to-buy-for guys.

lip balm is a must for kids and adults alike with these cold and dry days seeming to suck all the moisture out of everyone and everything. the kids are more willing to wear lip balm if it tastes good. i like something that doesn't make my lips feel greasy as well as something that adds a little color to my pout.

speaking of me, i have to admit that it is a little hard not to shop for myself around this time of year. i spend more concentrated amount of time in stores than i do at any other time of year, so it seems like a good time to go ahead and get that beauty item or article of clothing that i have been thinking about but haven't purchased yet. plus, i have to admit, i start to worry that bill isn't going to find the time to shop...at least, shop thoughtfully!

i have to admit that i found a few things at walgreens to add to my list. you already know how i feel about my eyelashes. i'm hoping that the maybelline volum' express falsies flared mascara can work its magic to make me have fuller and longer-looking eyelashes. we'll see...

i also have been using the same 3 shades of eye shadow for the last six months so i'm thinking about giving almay's intense i-color smoky-i palette a try. i like the shades of brown the best.

what would make me feel extra "done up" for going out is to get some new nail polish, like essie's "brooch the subject" and "shine of the times" for a great finish.

i feel like these choices would be a great addition to my makeup routine, particularly when i want to look extra special...

...like when i take all four kids to the grocery store!

merry christmas to everyone! i hope you can experience the peace and joy of the season in the midst of the busy-ness of shopping, wrapping, baking, gifting,...(yikes, i'd better get back to work!)

lilianna!

2011-12-15T19:50:00.004-06:00

i have concluded that if one of my kids is going to set our home on fire, it will be lilianna. i am just too much in an older kids mode. i forget that i have a child who very quickly, very easily and extremely quietly gets into stuff that she shouldn't.

while trying to make supper, help tate finish his homework, and help tessa with her art project, lilianna played very well and very quietly...with the toaster oven.

after a great amount of time, work and effort, she managed to figure out how to fit a cardboard box into the toaster oven.

after conquering that problem, she tried to figure out how to take out the two racks and the tray. we all discovered that if you drop them on the ground, they make a lot of noise.

then she took the camel from the nativity set and let him play amongst the crumbs at the bottom of the toaster oven. maybe he was eating some lunch.

every day, about 20 or more times a day, i say, "lilianna, what are you doing?"

she says, "nooooooooo."

very helpful.

anger management

2011-12-14T20:13:00.000-06:00

you don't have to spend too much time with our family to know that my kids may have some anger issues. when my kids really get upset, "temper tantrum" seems too mild to describe the fury that is unleashed.

yelling, foot stomping, toy throwing, hitting, door slamming, wall slapping are all behaviors that are all too common around here. sometimes i wonder what the neighbors think about all the sound emanating from our apartment.

i really want to help my kids figure out a safe and effective way to deal with their anger. i recognize that anger is a part of life. stuffing down those emotions can lead to greater frustration, and, eventually, to health issues (which i'm sure are in my own future). but violence is also not a great way to handle anger.

i've tried to tell my kids to hit their pillows, but that isn't very satisfying (as i can attest to by experience). i don't want them to yell at me, or at each other. we talk a lot about talking through frustrations and anger. it kind of makes me laugh now to hear my kids yelling at each other as they fight over a toy or something else, "let's just talk about it! let's just talk about it!"

maybe talking it through works better once one has had the chance to settle down a little bit.

i have to admit that i haven't really found a way to deal with the anger that has surfaced in myself since becoming a mother. i don't want to have to explain why barbie's leg is broken (she may have been thrown across the room one day) or why a couple of our plastic drawers are cracked (they may or may not have been kicked).

i need to know how to help my kids: what is a safe and effective way to express anger in a way that satisfies the desire for some kind of violence to be done?

temper, temper, tessa...

2011-12-13T20:53:00.000-06:00

this is the conversation i overheard today... "tate! you pulled on my hair!" "sorry, tessa." "it isn't funny!" "sorry, tessa." "you were pulling out my hair, tate! it isn't funny. it really hurt!" "sorry, tessa." "do you think it would be funny if i was bald, tate? do you? it would not be funny if you pulled out all my hair and made me bald, would it?!?!?!?!?!" "sorry, tessa." "you almost pulled out all my hair!! you can't do that!!" "sorry, tessa." ... "tessa, will you still play with me?" ... "tessa, won't you pleeeeeeaaaaaassssssse still play with me?" "okay. but don't pull out my hair this time."

in which i "dare to try" a new look...and you get to vote on it

2011-12-08T10:42:00.001-06:00

thanks to l'oreal for sponsoring my post about my favorite beauty looks, tips and tricks! check out makeup.com for beauty advice from the experts.

i wasn't allowed to wear makeup until i was sixteen (except for a little mascara starting at 14--that's how completely boring my eyes are. but more on that later). when everyone else was sitting in front of a mirror practicing makeup techniques, i was running around playing kickball or something else that made me hot and sweaty (and uncool).

all that to say, that i still tend to have a little fear when it comes to standing in front of a mirror with a pile of makeup in front of me. but i am also terribly conscious that i have the most boring eyes ever. my lashes are very short and stubby. my eyes aren't particularly big nor do they have a very distinctive shape. anytime that i've had a makeover or had anyone help with my makeup, i always pay very careful attention to what they say to do with my eyes.

one day, i opened my pinterest page and saw this:

i was immediately intrigued. could i figure out how to do this? was it too dramatic for every day wear? well...you tell me.

i'm trying not to be mortally embarrassed that i made a video of myself putting on makeup. i just couldn't pass up this opportunity to try out a new look, just in time for the holidays. please tell me what you think. is this something you would dare to try for yourself? (note: bill isn't crazy about it, so you won't hurt my feelings if you tell me to pass.)

i was selected for this sponsorship by the clever girls collective. click here to learn more about makeup.com or become a facebook fan by clicking here.

funny, funny tessa

2011-12-07T19:55:00.001-06:00

last night at supper, tessa was telling us about a friend of hers who was going to some kind of "castle" place with her family for her birthday. i jokingly suggested she might be going to white castle.

tessa actually thought that sounded right. we were a little surprised, so she asked us what "white castle" is.

bill told her that it is a place that sells little burgers (this is not how i would have described it).

tessa said, "yeah, that must be it. they are little people."

**********************************************

i hate to tell you this tessa, but compared to your parents, and compared to how tall all of you kids are going to be, everyone is "little people."

letting zoe find "somewhere"...

2011-12-05T13:12:00.001-06:00

i still remember the moment so vividly. bill and i were sitting at our kitchen table at our little house in omaha. i had baby zoe in my lap, and we were watching her with absolute fascination and wonder as she did nothing more than be a baby.

we were so conscious of the gift we had been given in her. it was at that moment that it dawned on me that our job for the rest of her life was to give her the resources and ability to exist apart from us.

when a baby is first born, parents realize all too quickly that their child is reliant on them for every single aspect of their existence: staying clean, eating and drinking, protection from and care for illness, getting dressed each day and night, diapering needs, moving from one place to another, etc.

but a baby achieves developmental goals when he or she learns how to do something without a parent's help: rolling over, crawling, walking, dressing oneself, self-feeding...each of these developmental milestones means that a baby is turning into someone who can live apart from his or her parents.

this is a little bit of an overwhelming thought for a first-time mama.

now that "baby zoe" is nine and is moving into teendom (groan of fear), i realize that the lines between self-reliance and parental reliance are fuzzier than they were when she was a baby. i knew then that i had to teach her to feed herself, but now, at what age do i start letting her walk home from the bus stop by herself? when does she need to take responsibility for getting her homework done on time? what age or developmental level should i stop nagging and let her suffer the consequences of her actions and decisions?

occasionally i can tell zoe is chafing under some of my parental controls. other times, she seems content to be grouped in the same category as tessa and tate. but i'm well aware that the times of frustration and annoyance are going to grow as she gets older. i want to do a good job of slowly letting her go to make her own way, but still letting her reach out for my hand of guidance when she needs it.

as i try to make my way down this foggy road toward her adulthood, i know that the best thing i can do is keep the lines of communication open. i want her to feel like she can come to me to talk about anything and everything. i know that some days i do better than that at others. my goal remains, however, to communicate to her that communication will always be the most powerful tool for her ultimately to get what she wants, if and when it is appropriate, and for us to maintain a good mother/daughter relationship.

in the book, finding somewhere, by joseph monninger, hattie and dolores "kidnap" a horse to rescue it from being mercifully put down. they drive across the country to find a safe pasture for the horse to run wild, to fully come into its "horseness." in their travels, they learn about themselves and what kind of safe place each of them needs to run "wild" with their ambitions and desires, so that they can truly come into their own as people.

after reading this book, i hope that zoe never decides to leave on her own for a cross-country adventure to find herself. i hope that i can be the one that provides the safe place for her to discover all that the world has to offer her in terms of achieving her dreams and discovering who she is created to be.

i hope that the excitement of discovering what kind of "zoeness" zoe will have gives me the ability to open up the gate and let her become all that she can be.

i received a free copy of finding somewhere as part of my involvement in the teen lit rocks! book club. regardless, the thoughts and opinions are purely my own. i am not a big horse fan, so this isn't my favorite book ever. i thought it could be better written. but i can't see the attraction for young girls who love horses so i give this book a b-.

mamas can't get sick

2011-12-05T12:48:00.001-06:00

my hopes for our family's recovery were dashed on thursday morning when we heard the all-too-familiar retching sound coming from the kids' bedroom. this time it was tate's turn.

unfortunately as the morning wore on, it became more and more apparent to me that i had not been sick with everyone else on monday because i was definitely feeling something more than queasy along with tate.

tate and i spent the day sitting on the couch together. let me tell you, this does not go over well with anyone.

tate was furious if i couldn't immediately leap up and get him a drink of water, or book, or whatever it was that he wanted.

lilianna was either crawling all over me for attention or getting into anything that is not kid-friendly to get attention.

tessa was furious that i couldn't sit at the counter with her and do her homework. apparently parental help from the couch is not the same as parental help at the counter.

thankfully, zoe had an after-school program so she didn't have to suffer from the effects of a mother's helplessness.

i am embarrassed to admit that videos were the only thing that saved the day for us. the television was on a lot more than i usually have it on for the week, let alone a day.

i was quite relieved that tate and i were both fairly recovered by friday. nobody seems to be suffering ill effects from a day of television-watching. everyone seems to have recovered from my day of inactivity.

if only i could say the same for the laundry pile...

recovery

2011-11-29T20:04:00.001-06:00

we returned from our thanksgiving trip to visit my family on sunday afternoon. by sunday night, i had pretty much put everything away that we had brought with us. the laundry was sorted and ready for washing the next day. apart from a little emotional turmoil, i felt like i was ready to return to life as normal.

unfortunately, we had brought something more with us than i had planned. lilianna woke up crying at 11.00 that night. when i went to check on her, my worst fears were confirmed. she had thrown up in her bed.

i sat up with her until 1.00, trying to keep a bucket handy. after growing frustrated with her continued attempts to run around the house and wake people up, i put her back to bed and didn't hear another peep from her until morning.

i laid awake in bed trying not to notice the gurgling of my own tummy, wondering if i myself would ever be able to go back to sleep. suddenly i heard bill start to groan as he tossed and turned. i was pretty sure i knew how that story would end. he was pretty sure to regret that frozen pizza he ate before we went to bed.

i finally feel asleep at 4.00. tessa came into our room at 5.00 to tell us she had had a bad dream. i was too tired to comfort her much. i just tried to send her back to bed as quickly as possible. soon she was back, this time with a tummy ache. myatt #3, down for the count.

boy did i regret eating off her plate sunday night (at the time i just didn't want to get another plate dirty). even more did i regret kissing bill (parents of young kids should just avoid all physical contact altogether during cold and flu season). how could i possibly not get this illness?

i didn't eat more than a banana and some bread for most of the day, sure that anything i ate would visit me again. apart from some queasiness today, i'm still okay, however.

today, bill went back to school. lilianna ran around and colored on the walls. tessa got up early and attended class. zoe and tate avoided illness for one more day.

is it safe to say we are fully recovered?

i really, really hope so.

i'll bring the cranberry stuff...

2011-11-21T19:55:00.001-06:00

i have to admit that there used to be a time when i wouldn't even think about putting cranberry sauce on my turkey.

maybe because the cranberry sauce our family served still had the can marks on it. yum.

now i make sure that i volunteer to bring the cranberries and this is the recipe that makes me drool every time i think about it:

1 cup ruby red port
6 cups fresh cranberries
1 1/2 cups sugar
2 tablespoons fine orange zest
1/4 teaspoon salt

i use my cast iron skillet, but you could use any skillet. using high heat, bring the port to boil. stir in the cranberries and cook and stir until they begin to pop.

add the rest of the ingredients and cook and stir until the sugar is dissolved. let the mixture simmer for 3 to 5 minutes. when it is cool, you can serve them garnished with orange zest.

excuse me, i have to go wipe off my keyboard now.

happy thanksgiving!