TEAM DUB

OLIVE: MONTH 36

2020-07-29T16:53:00.001-07:00

Dear Olive,

Your birth came late one night without any warning, strong and fierce and a week early, without any doubt. I was eating a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios at ten o'clock at night when my water broke right there in the kitchen with an audible popping sound, as if to announce "I'm ready, it's time!". I stood there calling for your dad and shaking in anticipation and excitement because I would finally meet you and be introduced to the baby who kicked so assertively in my womb the past months. It's actually fun writing this post now, three years later, because nothing could be more appropriate to your personality than the way you entered this world: assuredly, determined, and loudly - crying instantly and making yourself known.

I can hardly find the words to describe what these last three years have been like with you. There aren't any words to describe the amount of chaos and fatigue and sheer, absolute overwhelm. I feel like I owe you a thousand apologies for all the things that I haven't done with you (as well as the blog posts that I've missed). Life changed the very second that you were born. I thought of your sister and how she would be so excited to finally meet you. I worried about the transition of bringing you home and how everyone would settle. I was told over and over how it would be different this time around because for one thing, I knew what I was getting into. Secondly, your sister existed and NEVER would there be a time where it was just you and me. All of these notions I carried with me to your birth, packed neatly in my hospital bag between diapers, blankets and a few cute outfits.

There are a few things that nobody told me. For a few long hours after your birth when it was just you and I, I fell in love with you so absolutely and with an abandon I couldn't be present for the first time around. I couldn't take my eyes off of you. We nursed together nonstop with no problems. You had tiny little elf ears that pressed flat on top, two little faint purple spots on your nose that got darker when you cried, and the thinnest layer of dark fuzzy hair. Your eyes were almond shaped like your dad's, your eyebrows his as well, and you were the tiniest baby I had ever seen in my life, at a little over six pounds. Only I could soothe you and it made my heart and my body respond with something so primal, something I didn't have the wherewithal to notice the first time around. I kept kissing you and smelling you (oh, your smell!) and cuddling you with an intensity that could only come from being my second child. It was just you and me, and the whole world. Three years later, I can still be transported right back to those first 24 hours where nothing else in the world existed except the bond between you and I. From the second your daddy placed you on my chest I have never been more sure of anything in my life: It is possible to love something so much that it hurts, a second time.

When it was finally time for our bubble to burst and to share you with the rest of the world, I got the privilege of introducing you to your sister. Your daddy and Grandma and Papa and Nono were there. Vivienne was so excited and in awe to meet you but at the same time looked at you as if she'd always known it was you. That first meeting between the two of you, and the last three years of watching the two of you together, has been the most gratifying journey of my life thus far. You love each other in a way that can't be forced, as if it was always meant to be.

As you turn three this year, I apologize my sweet girl, for all the things that I haven't been able to keep track of (including this blog). When I asked you what kind of birthday you wanted this year you replied that you wanted "rainbows". And family only. You are not the party lover that your sister is, so we will celebrate you with your favorite people: your cousins, your aunts, uncles, and grandparents. While you don't love public attention, you are deeply affectionate with those you love. In fact, your fierceness does not stop at love. I've had to teach you these past few months to stomp on the ground when you get mad because if you don't, the door to your bedroom gets slammed so hard it rattles the entire house. "I AM SO FRUSTRATED!!" has become a household phrase with you, standing there with your little arms crossed over your body, curly little tendrils dropping into your face, and a raised foot ready to stomp it out. I hear all time how competent you are my little one. You're only turning three but to most people you seem that you are at least five years old. You're big for your age and wickedly smart which can be hard for people around you to assume that you are anything less. As your mama though, I know underneath that tough intellect is really just my two, almost-three-year-old, who wants so badly to be in first grade with her sister but also won't give up her baby bottles. And you have spent many a timeout in your room, especially lately, but I love you in those moments of grief just as fiercely as I do any other. It's impossible not to, standing there naked with your little undies riding up one side, and your arms crossed over your marker stained chest.

Things you love: NOODLES (of any kind), french fries, milk, sleeping and cuddling, your bouncy horse Charlie, stomping in puddles, your sister, reading books and reciting them back, being at your sister's school, your sister, family movie night, riding your tricycle, cheese and black olives, anything your sister does or has,

It's funny how life works my dear Olive bird. What happens in the relationship between a parent and a child is an exploration and examination of what she thinks she has come to know as absolutes about herself. You are the child that looks nothing like me and yet you also challenge the most underlying characteristics of my personality. I'm willing to bend and accept these things because I cannot contain your spirit, not that I would want to. Watching you maneuver through life makes me think you're on to something. You take my world and you shake it up, turn it upside down and set it on fire. And suddenly I realize I kind of like it that way. And I would never have known that without you. I wouldn't have experienced this depth of feeling without you, and for that alone I am grateful to be your momma. I love you with everything I can, and when

LETTER TO VIVIENNE: MONTH 60.

2014-10-01T21:01:00.000-07:00

Dear Vivienne,

Last month you turned five years old, something I never imagined happening when you were first born. I come back to that memory of you often, your little pink face staring into mine with big, open eyes, as they placed you on my exhausted chest. You were making little noises as you took your first breaths, and we met each other for the first time. I cannot believe you have been in our lives for five years. Or has it only been that long? Your birthday also happened to land on your first day of Kindergarten which made everything extra special, (or extra emotional - whichever way you're willing to look at it).

You are almost completely self sufficient now, Viv. You get up in the morning and brush your own teeth, get yourself dressed, and pretty much anything else I'm willing to let you do. I'll admit I still want to help you with everything, and I'm trying to let go more, let you have the autonomy that comes with being a five year old. You are literally the best big sister I could ever have imagined for Olive. You do everything with her in mind. If she cries, you are right there to investigate the problem. You want to hold her and kiss her first thing every morning. You've come up with countless nicknames for her, you follow her around while she crawls pretending to chase her, you let her take most any toy she wants - even if it's directly out of your hand. Your dad and I both high five each other all the time at what an amazing big sister you've become. It's really been a joy to watch the two of you fall in love.

Since the arrival of your sister last Christmas, your father and I have been making an extra effort to really savor the moments with you like never before. I remember when you turned one and clapped through your entire party at all the guests. I remember the way you would say "nilch" for "milk" and the way your little hugs felt whenever we would say "give love". Sometimes I take a deep breath into your cozy blanket just to smell you, and it's as if I've just stepped back in time. As soon as you learned to walk all you wanted to do was run everywhere. You still do. We have several talks about what it means to be a "grown up". You've always been an old soul in a tiny body, but lately you are obsessed with what it will be like when you are a teenager or when daddy and I are older. Sometimes these things cause you anxiety, to which I can only say that everything will be ok, and that you have a long, long time until you are completely grown. This seems to do the trick. You still believe that I hold all the answers to life, which is both amazing and humbling.

Kindergarten has been a huge deal for all of us, and your dad and I were so nervous about this transition for you, given we just moved from the city. Besides a few tummy aches and a couple of really hard homesick moments, you have handled everything beautifully. Can we just talk about school for a moment? SCHOOL. I never really considered that I was going to have to live through school all over again with you. But here I am getting up early with you, making sure you're there on time, worrying about whether or not you're meeting your challenges and if you're drinking enough water, and preemptively throwing up at the thought of the exams in the years to come.

One fantastic thing about Kindergarten is that it has given you an immediate community, and the friends you've already made have given you such a sense of confidence and pride that it's inspiring to watch. You are thriving with a whole new set of rules and people and a set of principles that are outside of our home. I love watching you navigate life and all the circumstances that come up with your new found realities. You are an amazing kid, Vivienne. You need to know this. Your heart is immensely big, and you feel things to the fullest. Maybe it's because you're a lot like me, but I know these feelings can sometimes be overwhelming for you. I watch you try to make sense of them all, in a world where sometimes it feels as though it would be easier to feel less. Trust me when I say they are a gift. I will always try to answer your questions in the most honest way I can, and know that I think your mind is absolutely beautiful. You are beautiful.

Since we still live at Grandma's our commute to school is extra long. I thought this was going to be such a challenging imposition, but it's actually turned out to be one of my most cherished moments of the day. We have an uninterrupted hour to do nothing but talk. This is your favorite thing. We talk about life, big and small. Today we talked about Halloween and poop. Yesterday it was your friend Jude that we talked about, and why boys seem to act differently than the girls at school. A few days ago you were telling me that you couldn't wait to be a teenager, because "teenagers can drive". We then proceeded to talk about how when you learn to drive you will most likely drive me around. I made a big deal about this and told you I was very excited for that day. We talked about how one day you'll be driving on your own. Your demeanor changed at this thought, you looked up at me very seriously and said to me in the sweetest, serious voice, "but mommy, I don't want to be on my own...I could get lost in this big world, you know!..." You will never know how my heart felt in that moment, Vivi. Let me tell you now that I will never let you get lost.

You have changed so much since that late evening that you joined us in September of 2009. I imagine I won't ever stop feeling like I have a portion of my brain that will always be dedicated to you, won't ever stop wondering where you are and what you are doing, won't be able to escape the constant, nagging hope that you are happy and fulfilled. My heart always feels like it's beating on the outside of my chest, thanks to you. I can't thank you enough for the dimension that this has added to what it means to be alive.

I adore you. Keep growing strong, and know that I'm right here with you, always.

Love, Mama

MOMENTS NOT TO FORGET.

2014-10-01T13:02:00.002-07:00

OLIVE, MONTHS 6-8.

2014-09-03T21:10:00.001-07:00

Dear sweet Olive Bird,

The last few months have been the craziest of transitions, with moving from San Francisco and getting settled in Sacramento. But amidst all of this you are just completely delectable my babe. People have a hard time resisting you with your toothy little smile, and your sparkly little eyes. You're crawling and pulling yourself up. You're saying "dada" and "dog" and some others we're not completely sure about. You want to do everything your sister does, and she is still quite possibly the best thing that ever happened to you. You've always been very curious and very observant, and I love watching your little mind work. We have a few more weeks until we move into our home, and your sister just started Kindergarten, and I actually can't wait until things settle down and I have some time to take a few deep breaths with you - just you and I.

I love being with you and getting to know you. You are strong willed, but oh so sweet. You are the cuddliest. You point and reach for things you want, and you refuse baby food, but love everything that the adults are eating. You're still my mama's girl. I am completely smitten with you, my love. You make everything complete.

Keep growing and getting stronger. I'll be here watching and cheering!

Love,
Mama

CATS

2014-05-23T21:28:00.001-07:00

Viv saw the theater production of Cats awhile back and has since been acting it out every chance she gets. She rotates characters and puts on performances all. the. time. I'm not much of a Cats person, but her love of it has made me reconsider. We actually have delved into the meaning a bit, and we've looked at every YouTube video of Memories that ever existed. This kid is an actor, and we're going to jump into it when we move to Sacramento. Now we just need to show her a different play for some variety!

x
A.

FLASHBACK FRIDAY

2014-05-23T21:23:00.000-07:00

Olive has truly tripled in size and personality, since this first week of her life. We've been growing and expanding around here. Despite all the buzz and chaos of moving, these two have entwined themselves together like an old, familiar quilt. Watching the two of them become sisters has been nothing short of magical. It's the single most surprising thing about my motherhood journey so far. I had no idea how much they would love each other. While I'm sure the whining and bickering will one day creep in a bit, I'm so ready to witness this journey they're on.

Here's to sisterhood.

OLIVE, MONTH 4.

2014-04-19T22:21:00.003-07:00

My little Olive Bird,

You're four months old! And 16 pounds! And every bit of you is delicious. We have been in the middle of some serious life changing times, and sometimes life feels so chaotic and scary that I'm afraid I will miss your tiny little moments. But then I'm reminded that I am so lucky to get to be home with you - that it's my privilege to do the everyday with you. I may not be writing down your every giggle, but I can promise you that I am witnessing you grow every day, and I am loving you through every bit of the process. You have fit into our family like the perfect piece. You've been coming into your own, and getting a bit of a routine - and every day around 4:30 you wait for your daddy's chest to lay on for an afternoon nap. You laugh, and you are trying to roll over. You're super content, a happy baby, who is taking everything in with a quiet confidence. You've discovered your voice in a big way this month, and have been experimenting with all the different octaves. It's quite hilarious. You are still a complete and total Mama's girl, and I soak up every minute of it.

The moments you have with your sister are so precious, and hilarious! Daddy and I often joke that we don't even need outside entertainment anymore, we can watch your sister perform death defying acts just to see you giggle "one last time". No one makes you laugh like she does. She adores you Olive, and has taken to calling you "Booshka-Toot". It kinda stuck (sorry about that).

The other day I was feeling down and overwhelmed due to the reality that I don't have the time to give to you that I had with your sister. I felt panicked that I was missing something, or that you weren't getting all that you deserved. But then your sister came out of her room and walked over to you and said (in her sing-song voice that always makes you smile), "HI OLIVE! Let Sissy hold you! Hi Booshka-Toot! Vivi loves YOU!" And you lit up in a way I could never make you light up. I felt so content I couldn't even speak. It dawned on me right there that you don't have everything she had. You have more. You have her. And that is the best gift we could ever give you.

We adore you our sweet Olive Jane. Keep growing strong.

Love,
Mama

MOMENTS CAUGHT ON INSTAGRAM.

2014-04-04T22:12:00.000-07:00

This little girl has grown up so much.

Sisters.

Baby O, as we've taken to calling her.

Olive putting up with my (dirty) mirror shots.

She's been learning to swim.

Donkey.

Car sick trooper.

I shamelessly match them, any chance I get.

Mother and daughter photographers.

Pimple disguise.

Speaks for itself.

V doing what she does best - tinkering and crafting the morning away.

Setting up an animal school.

Looking back on these moments is always bittersweet. I love these two so much. They really are my whole life (quite literally these days) and I wouldn't change it for a second. I know I'll look back one day and miss this manic period of my life. (I'm not there right now, but I'm told I will be.) Things are hard most of the time right now. (And tiring, and stressful, and scary, and utterly beautiful.) BUT, these two are mine, and right along side all the other stuff -- I walk around feeling so damn lucky every single time I look at my children.

OLIVE, MONTH 2.

2014-02-19T20:53:00.002-08:00

Dear Olive Bird,

We've had you two whole months now, and you are quite simply irresistible. You smile with your eyes - as evidenced in the picture above - and it's rare when you're not smiling. At the doctor appointment this month you had 6 vaccinations which broke Mommy's heart. Mostly because right before they pricked you (three times) you looked up at me and gave me the sweetest little grin with your whole face. It crushed me to watch your little face turn purple with rage. You weigh 12 pounds, the same as your sister at this age. You are incredibly strong! You've been lifting your little neck since day one, but the doctor thinks you're almost ready to roll over. You sleep on your tummy, and you love music.

It's been quite a ride these last few months. I told myself before you were born that I would try my best not to compare you to your sister, and I think I've done that for the most part. It's hard not to see the similarities, and even the differences, in the two of you so far. You're so tiny, little bird. You have so much growth ahead of you and I find myself almost sad about every milestone, knowing it brings you closer to getting bigger. You are super happy and healthy and that is ALL I wanted for you when I was still growing you.

You adore your sister. It's only been 9 weeks and the bond already seems so strong. If she is anywhere near you, a huge smile spreads across your face. She can make you light up just by being near. It's pretty incredible to dream about what your relationship will become. She adores you as well, and is pretty used to you now. She took the transition of you pretty well, and she wants to be involved in every little care taking step. Above all though, you are a mommy's girl. You are most settled and content when you are with me, and I am completely fine with this baby. Smitten may be more accurate. It's something I didn't anticipate, (your sister was a daddy's girl as well) and I love it.

All that worrying before you were born about how I would be able to love someone else the way I love your sister, and here I am - two months in - and I couldn't fathom life any other way. It's an incredible thing being the mother of two daughters, and something I'm only beginning to understand the meaning of. I just want you to know you are dreamy, and you are loved. People who meet you call you "content" and it's true, you seem content with your tiny body. A calm, peaceful little bird.

Vivienne will always be the one who made me a mother. You are the one who made me realize my confidence as a mother. I adore you, Olive Jane. Grow strong.

Love,
Mama

THE NUTCRACKER.

2014-02-08T08:11:00.001-08:00

Two weeks after Olive was born, I took Vivienne on a date to the Nutcracker. It's something we do every year, and I wasn't going to miss this year! It was nice to spend the afternoon together, finding each other again. We went to a nice restaurant and then met some little friends for the ballet. Someday soon I'll take both girls. It's one of my favorite things about Christmas.

Enjoy.

LIFE (VIA INSTAGRAM), THE LAST MONTH OF 2013.

2014-01-25T08:42:00.001-08:00

OLIVE, MONTH 1.

2014-01-17T21:37:00.000-08:00

Little Baby Olive,

We've had you for one whole month. ONE WHOLE MONTH! (Technically six weeks, because Mommy can't seem to come up for air these days, and is running about 3 weeks late on everything in her life). Anyway ...

You were over 9 lbs at one month old, and are rapidly putting on the weight! You are a dreamy little baby. You pretty much cry when you've either pooped your pants or need feeding. You are a "tad" fussy in the evenings, but seem to be a bit of a Mama's girl, because whenever you hear me or I pick you up you become calm. I love this, Olive Jane. I don't particularly think newborns are all that easy to begin with, but you baby are just so darn delectable.

Even though I am completely lost in a haze of trying to figure out how to be a Mommy to two girls -- none of that has any reflection on you little bird. Your sister is one of your favorite things ever, and anytime you hear her you get a huge grin. It melts my soul. Those are the things I could never have prepared myself for. I am so excited to grow with you. I am smitten over you, little love. Your smell, your coos, and even your cute little poop face. Your sweetness has filled our little family right up.

I love you little bird,

xx
Mama

OLIVE JANE WEATHERS.

2013-12-19T16:06:00.001-08:00

Welcome to the world, little Olive Jane Weathers! She was born at 1:29pm on December 4th, after a ten hour, perfect labor. My little 6 lb, 15oz Olive. So far she's pretty dreamy. Adjusting to two kids has it's challenges, but for the most part we are loving having a newborn in the house again. Minus the lack of sleep ;). Her big sister is so incredibly loving and helpful. She's a lucky one, this Olive Jane, having Viv for a big sister.

x
A.

THESE DAYS.

2013-11-21T21:50:00.001-08:00

These days feel very long, and also so very short. Most of the time I feel like I'm trying to catch my breath, both figuratively and literally. Is Vivienne's new school a good choice? Why has she been sick lately? When will she start to feel better? Are we doing enough during our days together? Am I being a good enough mother? How will she react to the new baby once she's here? How will I react to the new baby once she's here? How can I fit another child into my life? It goes on and on, as I lay awake at night trying to make sense of all the changes that lie ahead.

I'm not the best at handling change. I've always really craved change, but then when it's about to happen I get incredibly overwhelmed and scared. I feel so conflicted about the future. I'm sad that Vivi and I are ending our four year stretch of just the two of us. I feel incredibly lucky to have had this much alone time with such a wonderful little gift of a girl. I miss her so much when I think of how my time will be divided in just a couple of short weeks. I want to bottle up her smell and the way she looks and everything about her right now, before it all changes and she's a "big sister". Before she's not the only one. I'm honored to be having another baby. I'm scared to death of having another baby. I like the way things are now, just the three of us. We make a great threesome. I can't wait for Vivienne to have a little sister, and to know that relationship for the rest of her life. I can't wait to hold another baby in my arms, and to become a mommy again. I want this baby girl out of my achy body right now -- and I'm also terrified about the labor I know I'm in store for.

Conflicted is the best way to describe my place in life right now. And yet, there's this peacefulness I've never felt before that washes over me when I think of adding another little being into our love bubble. I know I'm not the first mommy to ever feel this way, and I certainly won't be the last. What's more, I know that in a years time these feelings will be nothing but a blip in my memory. Life as I know it will be long gone, replaced with a new way of being. One that I surely won't be able to imagine my life without. And yet, here I sit anxiously wondering how it's all going to work out.

I've never been a huge Thanksgiving person. I like the holiday enough I guess, but this year, in the midst of all that's going on, I want to take the time to be thankful for what I have. For the time that I've been able to spend with Vivienne. For a healthy family. For a brand new baby on the way. My life is full, maybe not worry free, but full. And I wouldn't want it any other way.

48 MONTHS, IN WORDS.

2013-11-15T00:12:00.000-08:00

My Dear Vivienne,

A little over two months ago, you turned four years old. (Sorry for such a delay, better late than never). My goodness, four. Four?! I've started and stopped this letter to you several times. It's taken me a bit of time to wrap my head around how quickly we've come to this point. There are so many things that make you such an amazing person, I'm not sure where to even begin. I guess I could start with YOU. ARE. LOVED. If there's anything I hope you look back on and remember with a feeling, it's that. Daddy and I love you with a fierceness that we never knew existed. So many things in life have an entirely new perspective. In the last four years you've given us that experience, in whatever shape it's taken. We are better people for it, and we have only you to thank.

One of my favorite times of the day lately is when I put you to bed. We've gotten into the not-so-great habit of laying together until you fall asleep (something we've never done before). Maybe it's the impending arrival of your baby sister and the fact that I know we are on a countdown to some big changes, but I cherish these moments where it's just you and I in the quiet, not saying a word, just laying together. Sometimes you'll reach out and put your arm around me. I always rub your legs and belly. You'll ask me questions or tell me about the random thoughts you're having, right before the fatigue gets the best of you, and you drift off. Last night it was, "Mommy, are mermaids real?" When I told you "no babe, they're just pretend" you nodded and went right back to your thoughts. We have some of our most real conversations in these short minutes. Vivi, I will always cherish this time with you.

I guess the biggest "thing" in our lives has been the fact that Mama "has a baby in her belly". You tell everyone you meet. You tell them that you're having a sister and that her name is Olive (we're not sure of her name entirely, but you think you are). At least ten times a day you put your mouth to my belly and sing a little "hiiiiyuh, there baby, hiiii!" over and over. It's so ridiculously sweet how excited and attentive you are. When you feel her move, you exclaim with the biggest smile on your face, "oh my gosh mommy, she sure does love me!" And she will. This baby is so so lucky to have you Viv. You are like the best present I could ever give to her - and you get to have each other. I'll admit, this concept is all so new to me. I hardly know how I can fit another baby, another love, into my life. I can't imagine loving something as much as I love you. I know I will, and through all of this my biggest concern has always been you, but you continue to amaze me with your understanding and excitement. I think you'll do great with the transition, and we'll all just figure it out like we always do, this time the four of us. It makes my heart swell to think of our little love bubble growing. I'll say it again, like I say it to you everyday -- you are an amazing big sister.

I'm really loving this stage of development with you. You've always had such an active imagination, but lately it's at an all time high. I've been looking into some early dance and acting classes for you because 90 percent of your time is spent in character, as someone other than yourself. You love the movie The Croods, and Rio, so Daddy and I spend a lot of time as cave people, and birds. You are either Eep or Jewel. You will direct entire scenes word for word. You assign us roles and tell us what to say, and half the time don't even need us as participants because you have to stop several times to tell us we did it wrong. It is entirely exhausting. It's also super fun. Mostly it's mind boggling watching the wheels tick in your brain while you're scheming up a scene. You completely become the character, and if you have to pee, sneeze, or need a glass of water you say, "pause mommy, I'm Vivienne now....ok, unpause!". You're a riot, kiddo.

We've been doing a lot of movie watching this last month, as you were recently diagnosed with a case of mononucleosis. I had no idea you could get it this young. And while it was good to finally get some answers (daddy and I were getting worried), and know that it's just a nasty virus, it's hard to watch you having such a rough go with your energy levels and the random bouts of sickness you've been enduring. It's been a tough few weeks for you Toots. You tell me sometimes, "Mommy, this virus really likes me." Oh, the confidence you have sweet girl! So we're doing a lot of mellow activities when your symptoms flare up, but other than that your life is business as usual for a four year old. New school that you love, pooping on the potty (a HUGE deal for you), swim lessons that you rock like a champ (you dunked your face finally!), and handling all the baby buzz around here with ease. You're a big girl now, as you tell me all the time. Evidenced by the want to grow your hair out and have buns and ponytails, and all things girly.

I know there are things I'm leaving out that I wanted to capture for you, it's late and my pregnant, insomniac brain forgets things. But I have to get this down before you turn five :).

I love you so much Vivienne. Just typing that sentence makes me cry. (Okay, lots of things make me cry these days, but I get to blame it on hormones!) You're a constant reminder to me of what matters. I look at you and I still can't believe I created something so perfect. As long as you are happy and healthy my job as a person feels complete. Keep on growing and imagining and thriving. I'll be right here by your side watching.

Love,
Mama

A DADDY AND HIS DAUGHTER.

2013-10-13T21:48:00.000-07:00

It's a privilege to be in the presence of these two, I'm in awe of their bond (and their similarities ;). It's a lucky kind of thing to witness on a daily basis.

x
A.

NONO & VIVIENNE, A DUET.

2013-10-13T21:40:00.000-07:00

Some moments are just too precious for words. This was one of those.

x
A.

KICKING OFF OCTOBER.

2013-10-01T21:55:00.001-07:00

LIFE LATELY, VIA INSTAGRAM

2013-09-28T22:06:00.001-07:00

Train ride with Daddy

Swim lessons

Jamie, our favorite barista

San Francisco - window view

Cat sitting. Ang.

Shadows

Monkey business

Heron Head walk

New kitty - Sunny Love Love (aptly named by Vivi)

HAPPY 4TH BIRTHDAY VIVI!

2013-09-02T22:09:00.000-07:00

She did it, she turned four! There was a very successful art party with lots of messy kids (evidence in the mural above) and one happy little girl. Fun was had. I can't believe my little baby is four. More on that later...

x
A.

DEAR BABY.

2013-08-27T22:25:00.000-07:00

Hello there sweet Baby (girl),

Tonight I am sitting here on my computer, trying to get some last minute things done for your sisters birthday party on Saturday. She'll be four years old in less than a week. Your daddy is in Detroit for work, and your Grandma is downstairs spending the night with us. I just wanted to take a minute and tell you that I'm really excited to be your mama. These times at night have become special to me - when everyone is asleep and it's just "you and me". As I type this you are doing crazy somersaults and I can feel every little jab and poke and flip-flop. It's amazing! You haven't been quite this "aggressive" in your movements yet. All just more evidence that you are growing and preparing for the day you'll meet us.

Sometimes I feel like I hardly have time to focus on the fact that you are on your way. I am already entering seven months pregnant with you, the third trimester! I had an appointment today to check up on you and you are doing great. The perfect size, and the perfect heartbeat. I can't wait to meet you and hold you. I try to imagine what you'll look like and what you'll be like. I have your sister here to distract me most of the time, but you should know that I am counting the days until I get to see your bright little face. I just can't believe I am lucky enough to do this a second time! Everyone here is waiting eagerly to meet you. You're lucky in that the second you are born, you'll already have such a great daddy and sister to greet you.

Keep growing baby. Know that while you were busy preparing for us, my heart was so full just thinking about you.

Love,
Mama

LIFE VIA INSTAGRAM (THE LAST MONTH)

2013-08-24T21:36:00.000-07:00

SWIMMING

2013-08-18T23:18:00.001-07:00

Vivienne started swim lessons a few weeks ago and it's been a little rough to tell you the truth. I was surprised because she loves the water. Every time she swims at her Nono's house (my dad), she's fearless. She's been in the water a ton. She really likes water. That said, her first swim lesson was a bit of a nightmare. She clung to my leg crying and wouldn't go in. I had to sit near the steps and hold her hand, just so she would sit on the steps and observe. I tried every persuasive argument I could think of, but she was terrified. The second lesson was worse. It's like the anxiety of the first lesson was bigger than the pool itself, and by the time we were nearing the locker rooms she was in full blown panic mode. The tears started, and the pleading for me not to make her go in, and oh the screams. It's an indoor pool so I had the added pleasure of her wails being echoed off the walls. Finally her coach got her to sit on the stairs and play with a toy fish. Anyone watching would think she has never been in the water before. But by the time we left she was happier, and proud of herself for staying in the water and finishing the lesson (on the steps).

Today was round three. I really expected things to be smoother. We left the last lesson on a positive note and her swim coach is really kind and reassuring. The pictures above are her victory dance after the traumatic second session. But no no no. As soon as we approached the stairs to get to the pool area, the anxiety took over. She started to cry. She began pleading with me to take her to the locker room so that she could just try to pee. She wanted me to go in with her (which is not allowed). Ultimately, she was just miserable and shaking, and I found myself sitting there with her wrapped around my neck thinking that we should just leave. That it wasn't worth it. Swimming should be fun and all that stuff, right? But Mitch and I made a commitment that she would stick it out. She isn't allowed to quit because she's scared. So I began my patented pep talk, again. I told her as she clung to me and weeped into my neck -- that she was perfectly safe. No one would make her do anything in the water that she didn't want to do. She could sit right on the steps in the water, the whole class, and just observe if she wanted to. She would not have to put her head under the water. I talked to her coach with her listening and repeated all of those things. I told her I would be right there the whole time, watching her. I promised her it would get easier. I assured her that it was okay to be scared. That I was scared too at her age, and so was Daddy. I said one last time that all she had to do was sit in the water, and try her best. That I knew that she could do that. And then her coach came over and took her little hand and pried her away from me while she cried. I told her firmly to sit down on the steps and listen to Paige, her coach. I acted like it was no big deal, when inside I wanted to cradle her and tell her she could be scared as long as she wants. I stayed right behind her while she tried her best to hold back her tears.

And then something happened. After about a minute, I saw that she was starting to relax. A little boy came over to her and just started talking to her and showing her how he could put his head under the water. He was loud, and excited, and couldn't care less that she was upset. He was all smiles. She started to concentrate on him. I told her that I was going to sit on the bench about 3 feet away, and she just nodded at me. After about 5 more minutes she was fully submerged in the water on the bottom step. I saw smiling. She looked over at me with a cautious look, like she was getting approval for not being upset anymore. I gave her the thumbs up and looked as nonchalant as I could. She started having fun, and letting Paige (her coach) touch her and actually did a few kicking exercises with her. Toward the end of the class, she was completely comfortable. She was doing all of the activities with the other kids and every time she did something she'd look over at me with the biggest grin. Her eyes were full of pride and she was so eager for me to cheer her on every time. At the very end of class, she actually let Paige help her jump in from the side of the pool. She was beaming as I cheered and hollered.

I honestly can't describe the feeling I got in my chest when I saw her going for it. I know she isn't afraid of the water. I know she can already do all of those things that she's "learning" in the class right now. And even if she couldn't, it just doesn't matter, that's not the point. But seeing her break down her own boundaries, watching her be proud of herself, that was the single most accomplished feeling I have ever felt in my entire life. It's not about what we accomplish, but how we feel about ourselves during the process. It's the process that counts. It's her process that counts. This new stage of Vivienne's childhood, the one where she is taking an active role in becoming who she is, it's simply astounding. She knew she went for it today. She was dancing and singing and hopping around all the way to the parking garage after her lesson. She was high on her own capability to try. To give it her all. When we got in the car I asked her if maybe next time she wouldn't have to feel so nervous? She said, "I'm only gonna be nervous when I first get there mommy, ok?" Yes sweet girl, it's more than ok.

A VERY OVERDUE ANNOUNCEMENT

2013-08-18T22:02:00.003-07:00

That's right, another baby Weathers is on HER way! In early December we are welcoming our new baby daughter to the mix. We are thrilled, slightly terrified, but mostly couldn't be happier. It's been a bit of a journey to get to this place, with a few bumps along the way, but we wouldn't trade it for anything.

I have been so behind on blogging. It's something I've felt bad about almost nightly, but then just get too tired to catch up on. And once you're so far behind, well, it feels impossible to catch up. But here's to throwing that pressure out the window! I'm going to start fresh, with some great news, and keep on keeping on.

Since I entirely missed the first trimester on here, and am WELL into my second (about 24 weeks now/6 months) I'll just say that things concerning the pregnancy have been good. Besides the usual first trimester grossness, I've had no complications and she seems to be growing and tracking right along schedule! So I'm very thankful. There have been a few ups and downs with life in general, but we're all well, we're all still here, and we're all still living each day as best we can and loving each other along the way. Vivienne is VERY excited about having a baby sister, and claims to have known all along that it was a girl. I just can't believe I will be the momma of two girls. I feel privileged.

So here we go! A very merry Christmas indeed ;).

Love,

THE LAST MONTH, VIA INSTAGRAM

2013-05-22T20:10:00.001-07:00

birthday brunch

birthday candles

a happy girl ;)

mama's cake

card for mama

friends having ice cream

wiped out

bribery accessories