yammy

Values

2012-01-12T01:05:00.002+08:00

I'm not sleepy and I don't want to sleep yet.

I'm just starting to reflect all the things I've done for the past years.

I'm determining the good deeds are heavier than the bad deeds.

Well, it's not easy as one-two-three but it's not hard like ny major subjects.HAHAHA!

I'm not getting any younger and the more days I age, the more I easily get tired and out of focus.

I want change! Not only my external concern but also the INTERNAL.

It must start within me and I'm so hard headed to accept it.

PATIENCE! PERSEVERANCE! OBEDIENCE! RESPECT! TRUST! HARD-WORKING! CONSISTENT!

I need to develop these values to become a better person.

Good night. :)

LazinEsS...

2012-01-08T23:25:00.002+08:00

I'm lazy and I'm very much aware of it.

But it's just I'm not happy with the things I'm doing right now.

I'm happy reading books, playing online games, singing and shopping.

But I want to have a brighter future someday. I'll just push myself so hard for it.

I've prepared my New Year's Resolution and I'll follow it no matter what...

2012-01-06T01:00:00.002+08:00

I used to cry every time I hear the song I'll post below but now, I can listen to it smoothly.

The song reminds me of the painful yesterdays I had.

It's Tagalog so I presumed you really can't understand... just ask Mr. Google...

Enjoy listening.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ArtFgZx3UT0

Realizations...

2012-01-04T23:36:00.002+08:00

While taking my 1st quiz for this year (Taxation Subject. Nah! I was not prepared for it), I have so many realizations popping in my mind. After answering all problems (it was very hard), more realizations are keep popping out so I grab an index card and write it.

Here it goes:

1.) I want to EXCEL not because I'm jealous but this is what I want to do.

2.) I want to be a CPA-LAWYER not to be proud about it but because I want to make my father proud of me.

3.) I want to change myself not because I want to be noticed and appreciated by everybody but because I want to step out in my shell and discover new things about me.

4.) I want to entertain people by the means of singing, dancing and etc. not because I want to be popular but because I want to share what I've got from our creator.

5.) I want to fulfill all my obligations (whether past/present) not because I want to gain trust to others but because I want to regain trust and confidence to myself.

6.) I want to correct my mistakes in the past not because I'm afraid it might leak out in the future but because I want to live my new life in peace and harmony.

7.) I want to serve not because for the benefits I will receive in the future but because it's my passion and it's one of the things that my heart desire.

8.) I want to learn new things not because I want to be the Jack-of-all-Trades or Ms. Know-it-all but because I want to grow and learning new things will help me achieving it.

9.) I want failure and pain strike me not because I'm weak and unprepared for it but because I want to remind myself that there's always next time and that next time should not be put to waste.

10.) I want to be in-love not because I want to forget the man who broke my heart but because I want to give a chance to my future prince charming who deserve the love I have.

11.) I want to be happy not because I'm tired of being sad but because God wants me to be happy.

It's quite long but I have it all in my heart coz every word I write, I MEAN it!

New Years Resolution

2012-01-02T00:49:00.004+08:00

New Year's coming and I can't stop it. Haha.
And it's very common to have or prepare a New Years Resolution.
But what is really New Years Resolution?

According to Wikipedia:
- is a commitment that a person makes to one or more lasting personal goals, projects, or the reforming of a habit. This goal must be reached by the next New Year. Keep in mind that this is a goal, not a wish and should be something that you as a person could strive for.

And I've created for myself. Haha! I know it's been pretty useless for years but still I want to give myself a try.

Here it goes... (and uhmmm... by the way it's I've prepared it in a way that I'm talking to YOU! you better don't argue, it's my blog.. :p)

1.) No more excuses! Im tired of saying no to myself and to others. I'll just do what must I do and I don't care if it hurts or not.

2.) Fulfill all my promises. I'll gonna pay all my debts (whether small or big) and do what I've said. It's like I'm being true not only to others but also to myself on all the words I said.

3.) Stay pretty and gorgeous ALWAYS. I need to look presentable whether I'm school or at home. Right make-up and good choice of wardrobe is also a plus. It's my starting point to boost my confidence.

4.) Be like Athena. School quizzes, assignments, orals and exams are always present in School and I need to backed up myself for those things so that I can get better grades. I miss being the achiever and it feels good to be one.

5.) Always be prepared. Problems and temptations come without informing you (I hope they will. haha) and I need to be ready in facing them. I'm an adult now and I need to stand on every decision I make.

6.) Stick to Prayer Time. It's my VITAMIN for my daily needs (Physical, Intellectual, Spiritual and etc.) and it's my only time to reflect and hear what the Lord wants me to say or do. It's my date with him too.

7.) Spend quality time with the Family. Nah, I know it's really IMPOSSIBLE but it's essential. I just gotta spare some of my time to bond with them. They're my family and it's them what I've got no matter what happens.

8.) No more Laziness Moments. I need to discipline myself (from what I eat to what I must do) and encourage myself to not be late anymore or miss my usual transactions. Less games on internet and text habits. And also Exercise (to reach my desired body. HAHA)

9.) Treat myself. Everything I do (whether success or failure), I'll reward myself that will encourage me more to do better. Being happy is a must but being HOLY must prevail. Bahhh... God wants me to be happy so I let myself be happy.

10.) Smile always. There's nothing wrong if I smile (hahaha... My teeth are not really nice but at least the charisma I got will enchant the people I'm smiling with). I'm Little Ms. Sunshine and it's my way of making other's day uplift.

11.) Be responsible. Hahaha. (I know I have so many responsibilities and so far...secret) It's not I have no choice, it's just this is what I want to do and I will do it perfectly.

12.) Stay being in-love. Love.love.love. It's all I can give but it's the only thing that can hurt me too so badly. I maybe broken but it doesn't mean I'm afraid to love again. I easily give love to anyone but I'll make sure that the love (romantic way) I have will be given only to my only one.

Last but not the least.

13.) Focus on my priorities. They are my inspiration and all and I'll do everything to keep them. I've prayed so hard for this and I don't want to neglect/ignore it again.

Hope I can follow it. Hahaha...

Happy New Year everyone!

Crowning Glory

2011-12-31T00:10:00.005+08:00

Honestly speaking, I really don't know what to write then I remember the poll question I've sent to my friends in the morning. I want to feel new for the upcoming year 2012 and for me to achieve it I must do something or change something not only the inside but also the outside. First on the list is my hair.

I want to look attractive next year but keeps my sweet/spontaneously look.

These are my choices:

Curly Hair

I've tried curly hair before and it fits me well. (praising myself. hahaha)

silky straight hair

I really wanted to try this but I'm afraid that I might not maintain this style for it requires regular maintenance for it involves big bucks... I'm still a student (with many extra-curricular activities involve, extra expenses) and my mom don't give me big allowance for me to compensate this luxury (hahaha! for me it's a luxury). I just wish the hair rebond, cellophane, spa and etc will be affordable so I can achieve this... hahaha

I'm not really that pathetic, I still can get money from my Dad or my other siblings but there's an exchange for that. If I'll be a good student (good grades, NO... HIGH GRADES T_T) and also be obedient with them, I'll get what I want. I just wish they'll be very generous to me...

Good night. :)

I'm giving up

2011-12-30T00:52:00.002+08:00

2010 was a year full of blessings...

but I've only put it into waste this year, which is 2011...

I've done enough but I guess this is my time to give up...

Giving up don't mean I'm being weak and not concise on my decisions...

I'm giving up coz I want to grow and leave everything that is ugly, dirty and not nice...

I'll live my Adult life now happily, but still in accordance with God's plan...

I'm an Adult now and I'll do anything to achieve all my dreams.

So that I will not give up the things I wanted the most in the future.

Amnesia Girl :p

2011-05-22T12:21:00.001+08:00

I'll just pretend that he doesn't exist in my life until I get used with it...

I love him but It's better for me to hide it...

Have a Blessed Sunday

Blinded from the Start!

2011-04-29T23:15:00.003+08:00

He really didn't love me at all.

It was just a mere attraction.

And I can't blame him for that.

For it was I who brought it to life.

It was very obvious...

The love I have for him made me blind for all the sad months I had...

Even though it's painful to admit but I need to accept it...

My boo didn't love me at all...

Good thing, there are many people who LOVE me unconditionally.

What more should I ask for?

Goodnight people!

2011-04-29T22:44:00.002+08:00

It's hard to hide the feelings you want to express...

To pretend that things are alright...

But it's HARDER to see the one that I love to suffer that's why I'm brave enough to stand beside him. I know it will hurt me more than the pain I've felt before when he left me.

I know I will die. For every second that pass, I'm breaking my heart into pieces, slowly killing myself inside.

Knowing he really didn't love me from the start, I want to forget everything about him...

I've prayed to GOD so hard that he will give him back to me.

To have him back.

But now... NOW!

I'd rather allow myself to be hurt, than to see him miserable for I know God's love is more than anything I'd ask for.

Just teach me Lord to love him as my brother...

OJT Madness

2011-04-13T12:05:00.002+08:00

I thought looking for companies for OJT is as easy as one-two-three. I was wrong.
It's been 2 weeks already but still I haven't started it yet.
I guess I need to strengthen my patience for I know I have a short one.
And also, I need to consider the requirements for it will be the basis if they will accept me or not.
Gotta comply all my INC's.
I need also new set of clothes, make-up, shoes and bags.
Although I look presentable with my clothes it's just I want to look mature.
I'm not getting any younger and I need to have reality check.

Gotta go fellas, my class will start in a minute.
Have a nice day!

Blissful Moments

2011-03-28T06:51:00.004+08:00

I thought it was hard to express what you really feel.

To release the stress of your life.

To let go of the things that are not longer yours.

To sacrifice for someone you love.

To move on after you fall.

and to come back to the Lord after you decided to leave all your sins, worries, fears and doubts.

Even though it's not hard, it's not that also easy.

It's not easy to admit your own mistakes...

To accept the reality that things are not the same as before...

To realize that things are over now...

To laugh after you cry...

To gain confidence after showing your weaknesses...

and to ask forgiveness to the Lord after committing the sins that separated us.

I know I will succeed in the path that I've decided to take.
I'm willing to sacrifice all the things that keep us apart.

Little by little, I'll learn to appreciate the life that he had planned.

I will trust the Lord with all my heart and believe in him.

No one can separate us now.

I love you Lord, now and forever.

Help me to become your faithful servant.

Guide me in helping other people.

Enlighten me every time I decide.

Encourage me at times that I'm down.

and love me with an everlasting love.

I'm as stupid as a freak!

2011-03-24T23:12:00.002+08:00

And so what If I miss him?

And so what If I still love him?

And so what If I'm still not over him?

And so what If I'm still hoping that he will come back to me again?

Nobody cares! HE DON'T CARE AT ALL!

These shameless words I've uttered

These unstoppable tears I've shed

This useless feelings I have for him...

Are NOTHING!

and it can't do anything to make me feel better.

I don't want to cry anymore.

I don't want to mention him every night in my prayers anymore.

I don't want to believe anymore

I don't want to dream of him anymore.

I WANT TO FORGET HIM!

Coz no matter how I tried to change now, I still can't UNDO the past.

It's all my FAULT!

I've tried my very best to move on.

I've been very busy.

I've been to many places.

I've accomplished more than anything I've ever imagined.

I've done everything just to forget him.

Even if I hate to admit it... I MISS HIM and I STILL LOVE HIM!

I've loved and lost the day I LET YOU GO... :'(

hard times :(

2011-03-01T00:03:00.004+08:00

I want to shout his name and release all the pain I've kept from all this time.

My heart can't bear this pain anymore.

But what can I do?

I'm not the one who own his heart now.

I'm not the one he needs.

and I'm not the one his heart truly desires.

Even if it's so painful to admit, it's the truth and I need to face the reality.

I know I must move on.

It's been 5 months already but still It's so hard to bear.

I still can remember all our happy memories.

I can still remember his soft voice

his gentle touch...

his warm hugs...

his sweet kisses...

his aura...

his totality...

I miss my boo so much.

I'm trying my very best to fulfill my promise to him.

A promise that means the whole world to me...

A promise that even it will take to a lifetime, I'm afraid I can't do right..

A promise that means taking my old life to grow into a new one...

A promise of an everlasting love...

forever and ever...

(I know no one will know about this...

but this is what I feel boo... sorry if i'm so weak about this stuff...

but Im still trying to live my life as okay as possible even if you're not with me anymore...)

I love you darryl...:'(

rainy days without you :(

2011-02-22T13:35:00.002+08:00

It's been six months and I'm still affected.

I'm still hurt and bleeding.

When you left me behind, my life became dark.

For you are my light, my sun, my star.

I'm still crying day and night

Wishing you will be mine again.

For you made me so special and gay

While I'm so busy making others so happy.

Sometimes, I want to shout your name

and tell the world how much you mean to me.

For you are my life, my inspiration, my better half.

I miss you Darryl...

Everything is alright

2011-01-09T01:57:00.002+08:00

I just discovered that he deleted me as his friend in facebook.

I must be glad. I must be very happy coz at last now he's helping me to move on. (I deleted his number now on my phone)

But why is it I'm crying?

Why is it I feel great pain in my heart.

I must move on. That's the best thing that I should do for myself.

I must not love him anymore. I must not hope. I must give up.

But it's really painful.

I know things will be alright soon. Soon enough that I will not notice myself crying anymore.

I will focus more in my life now. My new life. The new me is my priority now.

I will just add him again when things are fine already.

I will not be in a hurry.

I will enjoy every moment I spend.

I will appreciate every detail of memories I create.

I will give all my best in everything that I do.

And I will not pretend anymore.

I have loved Darryl with all my heart before.

But now, I will love myself completely.

I hate this PART!

2011-01-03T01:57:00.002+08:00

I'm missing him so much again.

I want to call him so badly.

I miss his voice, his aura, his totality.

But I need to control myself.

Good thing classes resume today.

I just hope my busy schedule will doom out my mind today.

Or maybe a new boyfriend will do... hahaha

It's really impossible... tsk.tsk.tsk.

Good morning folks... Currently finishing my takehome job (to be submitted today)

And its raining so hard outside... Wish I can have someone to hug to :p

Everything Must come to its end.

2010-12-28T23:39:00.006+08:00

Direct to the point.

No holds barred.

What really happened to us?

I just hope he will answer all my questions.

I'm a bit confused but at the same time scared.

Scared that I might be wrong and everything was just a LIE.

But I know I'm not wrong.

I've been thinking of it all over again.

This post will be the weirdest post for I will be posting the things that drove me crazy for almost 5 months.

This is my Boo... This is my first and last picture I had taken.

I taken this during our 9th meeting. I just returned his jacket at this time.

I was tensed and happy on this moment for I was about to say sorry and tell him the truth.

Without knowing, this was the last day that I can call him mine... My better half... (Sept. 10, 2010)

The pictures below are just the few snapshots of all the messages we had in Facebook.

From sweet messages and many more.

I'll not post the rest of the pictures... it's all that I have now... :)

Blue Christmas :'(

2010-12-25T01:21:00.002+08:00

Today is the birthday of our savior. Everyone are very happy.

I can hear the laughter everywhere. Fireworks create the noise that makes the celebration more recognizable.

I may not have the best Christmas ever in my life but I consider this celebration as the loneliest Christmas.

Ever since I was a child, there is only one wish that I keep on hoping for.

I just want to celebrate Christmas with a complete family.

With my Papa and Mama.

With my Brothers and Sisters.

With my little nephew.

And in addition to my simple wish.

I just want my Boo back.

I miss him so much.

Just another chance to prove to him how much I love him...

Merry Christmas :'(

A Night With Him

2010-12-20T14:47:00.002+08:00

It my 12th time to see him.

Before we separated our ways, he asked me if he can have his goodbye kiss (even only in the cheeks).

I just told him this:" Go ahead."

He leaned forward and really did it.

I giggled. Flabbergasted by the moment. He still get me off the guard.

His simple touch and the times our skin touch each other feels like heaven to me.

I'm still in love with him.

I'm looking forward now on my birthday. (He said yes when I ask him to be with me)

You will always be my Boo

Face Off!

2010-12-18T06:45:00.003+08:00

The time had come for me to finally see his new girl.

I'm sleepy at this moment... I will edit this soon :)

How long must I bear on this pain :(

2010-12-14T01:11:00.002+08:00

I just want to be my old self again.

I miss the times doing things that really defines the real me.

I might be good at pretending but it can't hide to what I really feel.

I'm honest with my emotions, it's just I don't have the guts of showing it to others.

I don't lie. I always tell what is really the truth.

I'm honest with what I say. Every word I utter, I mean it.

The only problem is, I'm not being honest to myself.

I need to be strong coz others need me but I want to give up.

I'm trying my very best to divert all my attention just to escape from all the miseries but still it's taunting me.

I want to cry even just for a while.

I want to be weak even just for a second.

I want to be free even just for a mile.

I'm still a girl, longing for love and caress.

I also want to be happy... :(

Something Bad

2010-12-10T00:34:00.003+08:00

For once in my life I dreamed of having a perfect life.

Having a happy family.

Living with no worries.

But its impossible.

I love to sing, dance and entertain people but things are not coming to my way.

Some people misunderstood me from all the things I do.

Some people had insulted me for they think that I can't do things right.

Some people used to hate me for no apparent reason.

Some people play fools on me coz they know that I will not fight back.

I want to leave this place and start a new life.

I want to change everything about me.

I want to be beautiful and rich so that I can help many people easily.

I want to MAKE a DIFFERENCE SOMEDAY!

Too much to BEAR!

2010-12-08T23:44:00.003+08:00

As days goes by, everything is getting clearer.

There are some things that still confuse me and I will never stop searching until I find the truth.

I'm MAD!

My wrath can kill someone that I really hated the most but I need to control.

I'm not like that. I'm not used to hate people. Before, I easily got irritated and got many conflicts and wars. Many hates me for my not so nice attitude. But I'm not like that anymore. I can't dare to hate people anymore in more than an hour. I might cry a little but after 5 minutes, everything is normal again. Like nothing happened.

But the pain I feel inside now wants to overcome me. I don't want to be cruel. I don't want to revenge. But I don't want to cry anymore.

I also want to be happy.

Am I asking for too much?

I deserve to be happy also, right?

When I love, I give everything.

I wish someone will heal me... :'(

Pieces by Pieces

2010-12-08T00:20:00.003+08:00

I borrowed the phone of my friend (a friend of mine who is also a friend of My Boo) just to play games. Then I remembered the things he had told me a few days ago about me and my ex so I get my phone, get the number he used the last time he called me and type it on his phone when I discovered something...

The number is my friend's mom's number. I got dizzy and mad at that moment.

How did it happened?

There must be some things going on without my knowledge on it.

I asked many questions to him.

Things are getting clearer and clearer.

The more I seek for the truth, the more I found myself pitiful.

OMG! I fell for someone who only fooled me.

I wanted to hate him but I can't.

Even if I hate to admit it, I'm still in love with that bastard. :'(