Hope

Mad.

noreply@blogger.com (Merissa) — Wed, 03 Apr 2013 04:13:00 +0000

Have you ever been so mad at someone that you couldn’t look them in the eye?

Have you ever given anyone the silent treatment? Knowing that you still love that person, but you can’t get yourself to relax and just ‘be’ around them. You silently demand an explanation, and apology. Your heart beats faster when you see them; maybe your palms even sweat? You might take on tenseness in your body, a hunching of your shoulders and even an indignant stare. Your posture changes.

Have you ever been mad at someone like this?

Have you ever felt this kind of ‘mad’ at God?

I was never given permission to be mad at Him. I would brush it off as a “no-no,” blaming others or myself for circumstances. I would grab at lofty theological explanations or pat answers that I had heard so many times in my Christian walk. I kept powering through, trying not to feel my feelings.

In the last 6 months, desiring to live more authentically, I have been gradually allowing myself to feel my feelings as they come up. And here’s what has happened.

I noticed I was holding a grudge. My posture had changed.

I have not wanted to read the Bible. I have only prayed small prayers for others but not really for myself - all along thinking “Yes, God is good, Yes, he is faithful” but not really believing this.

I was mad… at God.

He allowed things to happen that caused me and many other people to feel pain. I didn’t understand. I had many questions. I wanted an explanation. Why do people suffer? Why is there death in this world? Why do young children grow up in extremely dysfunctional homes only to end up with tremendous challenges that will make it next to impossible for them to succeed in life?

The list of questions goes on.

I know about the problem of evil and the problem of sin. I know about our need for Christ.

However, coming up to Easter this year, none of these answers seemed sufficient to explain away the pain and destruction. The anger and sadness that I was feeling was real. I could no longer push it aside and think “Well, praise God for the hard stuff.”

I was exhausted. I was dry and cracked and at the end of my own strength. I felt trapped and hopeless.
I downloaded a new song on ITunes from one of my favourite artists. It’s a song about a sparrow and His care. I turned it on and then it happened…

I broke down. I let go.
I looked Jesus in the eye. I let him pull me into His arms in an embrace. I shouted and swore, telling him how mad I am. I pounded my fists into his chest and let it all out. He held me tight, never letting go…

I felt His love wash over me. He never left me.

My friend Jess said to me the other day… “Hope is not a feeling, it is a choice”.

She is right.

Although I still don’t have answers for my questions, I know that God loves us so deeply. I choose to look Him in the eye. I know that He is strong enough to take our pounding fists and ugly cries and screams. He invites us to be in relationship with Him, even if it doesn’t look pretty.

Friends, have you ever experienced this? Have you ever felt mad at God about something?
It is good to be honest and it is good to feel. Let it out in His presence.

“You awaken us to delight in Your praise,
You have made us for Yourself,
and our hearts are restless
until they rest in You.”
-St. Augustine

Moonlit

noreply@blogger.com (Merissa) — Fri, 08 Feb 2013 00:36:00 +0000

Just recently, I had to go back over my journal/blog, to be reminded of God’s faithfulness. I found myself in circumstances where I had forgotten who He is. I was unable to see His goodness in the land of the living.

I was sad. I was tired. I was furious.

There was just too much pain and senseless chaos in the places where I found myself working and living.

I came across this poem-like piece, which I wrote over a year ago (below).

When I wrote this, I was reminded of the people long ago, the ones in Scripture who each recognized something different in God: a characteristic, a quality of His being. In doing so, they reflected His face back to me.

I compared them to my own friends, and how I had seen God’s face reflected in each of them, in the circumstances they were in.

What I realize now, is that this does not happen in a vacuum. It is often these exact circumstances that cause us to see God, to turn our face toward Him. Like the moon reflects the light of the sun, we reflect it back to those around us.

Prayer (the Banner reads)

In the faces of my brothers and sisters I see prayer written out, like a banner across the sky.

A new-in-faith sister. As she prays and seeks the answers, knows that she worships a God that hears...

and I remember that Hannah did beseech in anguish... lips moving, voice silent.

The Banner reads: He hears! He hears!

A battered, wounded wife. As she cries and aches, we bow heads low and sigh to a God that sees...

and I remember that Hagar sat at a distance, so she wouldn’t witness her child succumb.

The Banner reads: He sees! He sees!

A tired, ailing friend. As she carries on, she is being carried on the back of a God that knows...

and I remember that Jeremiah told of His plans to prosper, not to harm, a hope and a future.

The Banner reads: He knows! He knows!

An expectant brother. As he holds out and looks for direction, he is waiting on a God that speaks...

and I remember that Elijah observed storm, earthquake, fire to hear a still small voice in a whisper.

The Banner reads: He speaks! He speaks!

A contrite girl. As I lay face-down all muddied up, I'm washed by a God whose loving presence dispels all fear...

and I remember that Mary conceived by the Spirit and bore the Son, preordained by the Father...

The Banner reads: He’s here! He’s here!

In the faces of my brothers and sisters, I see Him lifted up, like a banner across the sky.

hope in the One who shows us the Way.

noreply@blogger.com (Merissa) — Tue, 03 Apr 2012 02:45:00 +0000

My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me.
I cannot know for certain where it will end.
Nor do I really know myself,
and the fact that I think that I am following your will
does not mean that I am actually doing so.
But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you.
And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing.
I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.
And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road,
though I may know nothing about it.
Therefore will I trust you always,
though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death.
I will not fear, for you are ever with me,
and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.

-Thomas Merton

"God in his gentle love longs to set us free from the prison we have stumbled into- the loveless prison where we refuse both the offer and the demand of forgiveness. We are like a frightened bird before him, shrinking away lest this demand crush us completely. But when we eventually yield- when he corners us and finally takes us in his hand- we find to our astonishment that he is infinitely gentle and that his only aim is to release us from our prison, to set us free to be the people he made us to be. But when we fly out into the sunshine, how can we not then offer the same gentle gift of freedom, of forgiveness, to those around us? That is the truth of the resurrection, turned into prayer, turned into forgiveness and remission of debts, turned into love. It is constantly surprising, constantly full of hope, constantly coming to us from God’s future to shape us in to the people through whom God can carry out his work in the world." --N.T. Wright Surprised by Hope p.289.

wrapping up

noreply@blogger.com (Merissa) — Mon, 26 Dec 2011 21:47:00 +0000

Thanks
#739-951

#744 The thought of snow-shoeing again
#761 The process
#779 Gitxsan art and culture
#796 nice moccasins soft and warm
#807 I am almost done my internship and my graduation lies just on the horizon
#821 A new place to live when I get back and a good friend for a roommate!! YAY!
#837 Being called "Cousin"
#845 A great internship experience and mentor.
#871 Little birds flying in unison
#951 Realizing I need to make some changes.

winter sun and dreams i have

noreply@blogger.com (Merissa) — Sat, 12 Nov 2011 00:50:00 +0000

11/11/11 -today marks my 28th year of life.

In the grand scheme of things twenty-eight is but a drop in the bucket. Yet at the same time it has been a very real stretch of time. I have memories as far back as when I was two...

A winter morning in the state of New York (1985 or 1986?)

Moccasins, beads, vests.

Chief with feathers.

Vague. Almost seeming fictional but

Vivid, enough to have forever left an impression.

Warm winter sun.

I have always enjoyed warm winter sun.

Even my dream in 2007 or 2008, of certain people riding a train. A clear sky, mountain pass, with warm winter sun.

Are you speaking Lord?

And here I am in 2011. Today the sun is hiding behind clouds, maybe knowing a bit of how I feel:

A bit of excitement, trepidation, hesitance, paradox, confusion.

Here I sit.

Having finally experienced laughter, handshakes, hugs, tears, downward glances and painful looks...also joyful radiant worship and knowing.

The knowing...like a permanence.

A boulder that lies, massive, in the middle of a river. Though time erodes it, it never disappears. It is there. Though water moves and rushes, covers and uncovers. It is there. Knowing.

This has been the warm winter sunshine on my face, even when the sun is hiding and there seems to be little clarity.

Their faces, their smiles, their identity.

Sharing and experiencing and seeing Your renewing work in them. You make all things new.

That has been the sunshine on my face.

Lord, I am wondering.

Am I still trying to run away from my calling? (yes, I dared to write it! and now I feel frozen)

Lord Jesus.

What were you doing when you were twenty-eight? You were once twenty-eight.

Waiting for the time...the ordained moment even saying to your mother Mary "my time has not yet come" that day you turned the water into wine.

But twenty-eight... what was your twenty-eight like?

Did you have questions like I do?

There are Spanish whispers of distant shores and countries whose names begin with ... even that I am too afraid to write.

All this when I feel so alive with the First people.

earthen skin, dark piercing eyes and laugh lines. Holding beautiful treasure. Spiritually sensitive, discerning thinkers, keen knowers, appreciators...even in their deepest aching and breaking they are gems like no other kinds.

the bulwark. the earthwork.

strength and protection.

I am sure of some things

and unsure of others...

sure of a deep yearning to see all know You, to see all free, to see all fully alive.

my heart bleeds and aches with emotion that I cannot explain, nor explain away.

What is the culmination?

Why the unrest in my soul?

Am I still meant to be heading in that direction ?- across continents and oceans.

Or am I to remain for all my days?

cant it be both and?

can it be now here...later there?

is it one or the other? black or white? yes or no?

Wait.

You speak into me, over me, out of me.

Wait.

I will wait for You, Jesus You're the sun in my horizon.

walk by faith and not by sight.

noreply@blogger.com (Merissa) — Tue, 08 Nov 2011 06:43:00 +0000

attitude of gratitude

#688-738

#694 -clean clothes

#695 -reminder that there is no better time than the present moment

#701 -texts from C. A growing friendship

#706 -answered prayers every day.

#710 -being able to laugh at myself (waving at a stranger by accident, thinking its someone I know)

#712 -there are still golden leaves on some trees, and they look like gold confetti when the wind blows them around.

#718 -my brother and sister-in-law, their friendship and an unexpected call from my brother just wanting to chat.

#720 -forgiveness. Psalm 32

#725 -sunlight on my face spilling over my pages while I read in the bakery and then seeing the one snow-covered mountain peak aglow in the setting sun.

#737- L. sensing and experiencing, from darkness into light... Your love drawing him closer.

Thanksgiving 2011

noreply@blogger.com (Merissa) — Tue, 11 Oct 2011 00:44:00 +0000

Give Thanks to the LORD, for He is Good....

#641-#687

#641 Belly laughter with C. on Skype

#646 "help yourself to some toffees"

#655 Hot tea on a cold and rainy day

#660 Sunshine and a Fall nip in the air.

#664 Bakeries with fresh cinnamon and coffee

#666 You say: "Do not be afraid, Do not be dismayed. I am with you. Do not fear, I am your God. I will strengthen you and uphold you with my victorious right hand" -Isaiah 44:10

#677 My beautiful friend, M, she is truly a blessing

#673 The Discipleship Journal Bible in a Year reading plan

#674 The garments of praise, for a spirit of heaviness

#679 my little sister's photography

#681 a pretty wooden rosary, gift from J.C.

#687 A family who loves me

His Love endures FOREVER...

Thanksgiving 2011

noreply@blogger.com (Merissa) — Tue, 11 Oct 2011 00:43:00 +0000

Give Thanks to the LORD, for He is Good....

#641-#687

#641 Belly laughter with C. on Skype

#646 "help yourself to some toffees"

#655 Hot tea on a cold and rainy day

#660 Sunshine and a Fall nip in the air.

#664 Bakeries with fresh cinnamon and coffee

#666 You say: "Do not be afraid, Do not be dismayed. I am with you. Do not fear, I am your God. I will strengthen you and uphold you with my victorious right hand" -Isaiah 44:10

#677 My beautiful friend, M, she is truly a blessing

#673 The Discipleship Journal Bible in a Year reading plan

#674 The garments of praise, for a spirit of heaviness

#679 my little sister's photography

#681 a pretty wooden rosary, gift from J.C.

#687 A family who loves me

His Love endures FOREVER...

more thanks

Prayer (the Banner reads)

noreply@blogger.com (Merissa) — Fri, 07 Oct 2011 04:08:00 +0000

In the faces of my brothers and sisters I see prayer written out, like a banner across the sky.

A new-in-faith sister. As she prays and seeks the answers, knows that she worships a God that hears...

and I remember that Hannah did beseech in anguish... lips moving, voice silent.

The Banner reads: He hears! He hears!

A battered, wounded wife. As she cries and aches, we bow heads low and sigh to a God that sees...

and I remember that Hagar sat at a distance, so she wouldn’t witness her child succumb.

The Banner reads: He sees! He sees!

A tired, ailing friend. As she carries on, she is being carried on the back of a God that knows...

and I remember that Jeremiah told of His plans to prosper, not to harm, a hope and a future.

The Banner reads: He knows! He knows!

An expectant brother. As he holds out and looks for direction, he is waiting on a God that speaks...

and I remember that Elijah observed storm, earthquake, fire to hear a still small voice in a whisper.

The Banner reads: He speaks! He speaks!

A contrite girl. As I lay face-down all muddied up, I'm washed by a God whose loving presence dispels all fear...

and I remember that Mary conceived by the Spirit and bore the Son, preordained by the Father...

The Banner reads: He’s here! He’s here!

In the faces of my brothers and sisters, I see Him lifted up, like a banner across the sky.

The slightest rainbow

noreply@blogger.com (Merissa) — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 22:13:00 +0000

His promises endure.

we are called, we are His.

Graces

#536-#640

#538-the temptation is to hide. I don't want to hide. LORD Your strength. Your Presence. Reminding me it's enough.

#539- it's never too late to make a brand new start.

#544- the gift of tongues.

#546- Esther (the book).
#557- C. asking about You.

#556- B. getting ready to follow you amidst the difficulty.

#566- Protection.

#567- Rivers.

#568- Coffee smells fresh-a coffee shop here in town.

#569- Faith coming from hearing and that by the Word of God.

#573- A car to drive. I don't have to take a bus or hitch hike.

#585-Encouraging messages and texts.

#592- Learning to listen and abide; Lord draw me ever closer.

#593- Yogurt covered pretzels.

#599- A quiet environment to sleep after night shift.

#602- Harvest Moon.

#603- Crab apples; gifts to pick off a tree with branches bending low and heavy with good fruit.

#604- Crab apple blueberry crisp- not too shabby I must say.

#608- Sara Groves' music

#633- yummy moose meat for the first time.

#624- a gift of yellow wildflowers from a sweet blonde boy.

#627- a ninja headband on an awesome two-year-old.

#628- Seeing Jesus' love made real to kids who have faced rejection many times.

Feathers of Hope

noreply@blogger.com (Merissa) — Thu, 22 Sep 2011 07:12:00 +0000

I experienced something really magnificent today.

Up on a hillside in one of the communities where we visit, there was about 30 eagles of all different sizes soaring, flapping their wings, doing nose-dives and playing with each other. My neck was contorted as I was trying to watch them from the car window, against the blue autumn sky.

Now I am not an expert in birds, so I am not sure what all of this behaviour meant, but I have never seen anything like it. I usually see one, at most two eagles together, and here there were more than 30!

I am thinking they were either teaching the young ones to fly, or getting ready to migrate South; perhaps waiting to catch some air currents.

I was perplexed and in awe.

My internship mentor and I, talked about the significance of eagles to the culture. It is often viewed as a sign of good things to come.

Shortly after, we visited with a couple in their home about a 20-minute drive from this location where we saw the eagles in flight. While we were talking to them, the man pointed out the window and said: "Look there's an eagle!" We told him about our experience just minutes earlier. He was also wondering about the good things that were to come, as a result of seeing so many eagles. He left shortly thereafter, and we were left visiting with the lady.

Now, I am not one to just believe superstitiously in signs, but I felt in my spirit that there was significance to why we had witnessed this display of congregated eagles in flight.

The man and woman are both believers, but there is a lot of pain and broken relationship in this family.

After listening to her pour out her heart, we prayed with her and I believe God did something amazing! He is a giver of good gifts, and as we prayed I asked Him what the eagles meant and immediately I knew it meant "freedom".

God is bringing healing and freedom to the situation! We are putting our hope in his unfailing love and we will wait for Him.

The whole experience was something new to me, but it was spectacular. God is spectacular.

"Have you never heard?
      Have you never understood?
   The Lord is the everlasting God,
      the Creator of all the earth.
   He never grows weak or weary.
      No one can measure the depths of his understanding.
He gives power to the weak
      and strength to the powerless.
Even youths will become weak and tired,
      and young men will fall in exhaustion.
But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.
      They will soar high on wings like eagles.
   They will run and not grow weary.
      They will walk and not faint."

Isaiah 40:28-31

I am joining in on the Faith Jam over at FaithBarista Bonnie's:

and a Wednesday-hoping with Ann at A Holy Experience:

Short and sweet

noreply@blogger.com (Merissa) — Mon, 22 Aug 2011 19:44:00 +0000

so it has been a while since i last shared my thank yous on here.

I just recently returned to the habit of giving thanks at the end of my day.
It is good.

I am in a new space. Read here

The thanksgiving brings refreshment to the soul, it humbles and hastens me to enter His courts and find Joy.

#498-#535:

#506: coffee in the morn
#509: Your perfect love drives out fear
#513: a friend reminding me to look at the inside more than the outside.
#518: You are near and real even when surroundings are extremely chaotic and little makes sense. You are with me even in the dark.
#521: a quiet evening to talk with you with no interruptions. Processing.
#525: a phone plan with my fave 10!
#529: The Word and the hunger it creates for more of it and more of You.
#530: prayer and the people who do it.
#531: a gift of plums and peaches
#535: three generations of women laughing and making bannock.

hope and faith

noreply@blogger.com (Merissa) — Sun, 14 Aug 2011 04:34:00 +0000

I have been here almost a week now!

What a beautiful place. Emerald rivers, dense forest, canyons with suspension bridges, old buildings and an historical First Nation village, artwork and totem poles everywhere, mist hiding the mountains random black bears, fish and smoke houses.

It's a pretty unique environment, that's for sure.

I have met a lot of new people. It has been so interesting learning about the culture! One of my favourite moments this week, happened when a lady took me into her smoke-house where she hangs up salmon strips and steaks for smoking. I loved the smell of smoke and fish... She handed me a piece of dried salmon and then said "yes there's been an old Grizzly up in the back here wanting to come and get the fish. I got my gun, you know. I just shoot it off and she runs"

Where else in the world would you hear someone say that?!? loved it.

I am learning to listen to God. He is taking me down a new path, and it feels quite uncomfortable at times because I am not used to it. I am thankful, though, VERY thankful.

I am understanding hopelessness and the defeat that comes with that mind space. I am seeing the meaning of hope... putting our hope in Jesus, the Hope of Nations.

That phrase.. the Hope of Nations is taking on a whole new meaning to me.

I am being challenged in my own unbelief... and the crippling effect it has on our ability to minister to others... Do I believe the promises of God? Do I live my life in that steadfast trust in the One true God? Do I believe the power of being in Christ? That I am blessed by God the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ who has blessed us in the heavenly places with every spiritual blessing in Christ? (Eph 1:3)

well, i am learning that I dont' always live that way... but I want to!! This week, as I stopped trying so hard, I asked God to show me what He is doing. I waited and watched and listened and obeyed. I saw the Holy Spirit move in a powerful way. He feeds the soul-hunger of those who are soul-famished...

Pray for me as I continue on this internship.. I am aware of the spiritual battles being fought.. and learning about the difference between fear of man and fear of God.

God bless you and keep you and make His face shine upon you!

"Don't let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust also in Me"- Jesus (John 14:1)

near

noreply@blogger.com (Merissa) — Thu, 04 Aug 2011 07:47:00 +0000

I am thinking about what brings me close to God.

I am experiencing one of the busiest summers of my life.

Here I am packing to leave in less than 48 hours to go on my four month internship, and I am overwhelmed by everything that needs to happen!!

I have neglected spending time in His Word like I set out to do; now being very much aware of His prompting me to be still, to listen, to relinquish.

I look back on all these busy days that flew by in a whirlwind, and recall the times where we were close, times where He opened my eyes to see His beauty. He never leaves…

Dancing grass on a windy afternoon..

electric sky-canopy over us

meadows green where I paused to think…

Tranquil lakes in new places

In catching up on long lost family time with my cousin and her husband

and celebrating new family (a sister-in-law): the wedding of my little brother and his beautiful wife.

Perhaps the closest I felt to hearing God's heartbeat was holding this beautiful little boy for the first time.

One of my best friends had a baby!

My thirst for His Words brought me last night to drink.

I hear Him promising....the faithfulness…the nearness…the renewing.

Praise the Lord oh my soul! Praise the Lord!

For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his love for those who fear him;
as far as the east is from the west,
so far has he removed our transgressions from us. Psalm 103: 11-12

First Post

noreply@blogger.com (Merissa) — Wed, 11 May 2011 07:07:00 +0000

I am having fun getting this blog set up. It's mostly a place where I can post some thoughts and pictures during my time in B.C. but also some prayer requests and other updates.

I am starting to really look forward to this internship. I met my mentor, B., last week, when he came out here for the Internship Seminar at the school. We had a really great time of bonding and getting to know each other through activities and personality profiles which they made us do. We even shot at each other with paintball guns in the woods... that was probably the most interesting activity.

I am starting to become more and more fascinated with the specific First Nation culture I will be immersed in. I am learning alot through some books I have started reading and through first hand talk with B.

I am writing a paper for one of my modular classes on missions. The paper is dealing with contextualization of the gospel to First Nations. Working through how we can present the gospel to those of other cultures in its purest form, while not imposing our own culture on the receiving culture. First Nations have had enough of that from the years of assimilation. On the other hand, I am also interested in learning more about how you can do this without creating syncretism (when cultural elements overshadow/amalgamate with the teaching of the gospel and truth is compromised).
I think when Jesus enters a culture, he turns it inside out and upside down with Truth. However, I don't think that all culture is bad. I actually think God loves culture and diversity.
God does renew our minds, and with that comes renewed actions and behaviours.
Worldview change. Learning that we were created in the Image of God, and that Christ makes it possible for us to be reconciled to God, and what that means for us in everyday life.

Some Prayer items:

I am working through some of the logistics now of having to move to another province for four months. Work and living arrangements,shopping around for winter tires, going to the dentist now so I don't have to later in the year... all those fun things.

please pray for living arrangements in B.C. There are some options available. Pray that it will work out that I have a place that fits with my personal needs but also my internship needs while I am there.
I am waiting to hear if I can work there as an RN while I am interning. This will be a great opportunity for me to be a part of the community and meet and interact with many people I would not otherwise meet. Although I will only be able to work casually, It will be a financial help also.
Please pray for my ongoing preparations throughout the summer before I leave in August.

Thanks for dropping by!
I am hoping to send out a prayer letter to all of my friends and family soon, that will include this blog address as well as a mailing request for emails.

God bless!

A Photo Journal

noreply@blogger.com (Merissa) — Sun, 08 May 2011 23:29:00 +0000

Things that bring joy...

A Walk behind my house.... Springtime soon to give way to Summer!

Books recently finished...
the ability to read and learn...

A Greens Smoothie... fresh fruit and greens

Fresh flowers around the house... such beauty...reminding me of God's goodness and how precious and temporary our life on earth is...

Bedroom... finally cleaned and organized

My quiet corner... journal, Bible, pen and reminders of God's grace and manifold gifts

anastasis

noreply@blogger.com (Merissa) — Thu, 21 Apr 2011 03:30:00 +0000

For I received from the Lord what I also passed on to you: The Lord Jesus, on the night he was betrayed, took bread, and when he had given thanks, he broke it and said, “This is my body, which is for you; do this in remembrance of me.” In the same way, after supper he took the cup, saying, “This cup is the new covenant in my blood; do this, whenever you drink it, in remembrance of me.” For whenever you eat this bread and drink this cup, you proclaim the Lord’s death until he comes.-- 1 Cor. 11:23-26

Easter, not egg hunts and chocolate or bunnies and peeps.

Easter--the remembrance.
Proclaiming the Lord's death.
Death on a cross.
Body broken.
For us.
Blood shed.
for us.

Three days in a tomb.
RESURRECTION

So that we might have life, and have it to the full.
The old gone, the new has come.

I am convinced, more and more, that Christ is the bread of Life.
This Easter, I am aware of my hunger.

I am recognizing my tendencies to eat and try to fill on that which is not Bread.
Empty.
reminding me of an empty tomb.

He is life.He said this to Martha on that day, when it appeared to be too late. When her brother was dead four days, stinking in the tomb. Jesus wept. (John 11:17-43). He is the resurrection and the life. Lazarus' resurrection, a foreshadowing of our Lord raised in power. An empty tomb.
We can believe.

"I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead." Philippians 3:10-11

Glory to God.

daffodil dream

noreply@blogger.com (Merissa) — Tue, 12 Apr 2011 03:36:00 +0000

#455-#497:

#457: a short but good conversation with Cindy on the phone (thank You for the courage).
#459: 7 gifts booklet-free from Ann Voskamp
#462: 2 scholarships to pay next semester's tuition!! Thank You Father!
#466: helping me remember what is important
#474: my natural hair colour
#475: freedom in forgiveness to access Your throne room
#487: encouragement from an elder
#490: eyes opening about the world from what I'm learning in class
#492: daffodils blooming full!
#496: normal blood results.

Your heart...

noreply@blogger.com (Merissa) — Mon, 04 Apr 2011 22:45:00 +0000

Gifts #419-#454

#421 Laughter in the house
#425 Spring weather 11C!
#428 My future sister-in-law, a blessing.
#429 Zumba! so much fun!
#431 Cupcakes and friends' birthdays
#436 Bold proclamation of Your goodness and the Hope that is in You, at a funeral
#437 Protection and provision in the snow storm
#445 Stories and memories, Your heart for the Stoney people.
#448 AMA friendly rescue from that odd wedging maneuver I did into a ridgy ditch with my car.
#451 New family.

REST

noreply@blogger.com (Merissa) — Fri, 25 Mar 2011 06:05:00 +0000

Then

where has it gone

when

thrown over and under

the cares of tomorrow

creep in and scamper

to hide

In the unfilled recesses

of today’s hustling

and toil

Then

where has it gone

when

leaden and weighing

these burdens cast shadows

on the need to slow down

to breathe

in the beauty and grace

of thanksgiving amid

the turmoil

Now

I know it’s not gone

when

gentle and humble

He woos me to come

lay down and remember

to rest

in provision

of a Root growing deep into

Love’s soil

grace abounding

noreply@blogger.com (Merissa) — Tue, 22 Mar 2011 02:41:00 +0000

Gifts #352-#418

#354 Love that drives out fear #355 Tulips in full bloom on the kitchen counter--> from You, a love note #361 Purplish blue toe nail polish #363 Learning from those who have suffered much for the Kingdom #365- Hummingbirds, birds in general...love them #372 Your words to me, keepin me tender #374 Humility when I am aware of Grace #378 Coffee in bed, love note. #379 Hope Hope Hope, renewed reminders even in darkness + painful uncertainty #382 Your opinion of me, more important than anything else #387 Laughing and acting like a kid again, abs hurting from so much ridiculousness! #391 my Kid's church girls, hearing them pray-nothing like hearing preteen talk to the Father. #398 Clouds ablaze in oranges, pinks and lilacs #404 the Eucharist #405 Greek and Hebrew Lexicons #406 Women and Men, woman made from man's rib by God, man and woman in the image of God. #409 Harmony singing #410 Grandpa and Grandma settling in, Grandma being happier and more at peace, thank You Lord. #411 Found my Necklace!! almost 1 year after losing it. #413 Girl friends and BBC Jane Austen #414 Pretty purple tops-lilac- love it.

Psalm 131

My heart is not proud, LORD, my eyes are not haughty; I do not concern myself with great matters or things too wonderful for me. But I have calmed and quieted myself, I am like a weaned child with its mother; like a weaned child I am content. Israel, put your hope in the LORD both now and forevermore.

the Spirit helps in our weakness

noreply@blogger.com (Merissa) — Mon, 21 Feb 2011 07:38:00 +0000

Thanks #294-351---

#294 exercise I don't loathe, and consider fun!
#301 Spirit reminding me of grace given me, and grace that needs to be extended
#307 Glimpses of heaven in community
#310 in my days of trouble, You answer me when I call
#316 male friendships, my brothers in the Lord
#321 humility
#325 exciting option for my ministry internship
#327 Your Word, Your Truth, alive in Me
#334 church planting
#337 reminder to live an intentional life
#342 miracles even though I don't understand
#343 hore frost coating every tree, fence and telephone pole
#346 wool sweaters
#347 your constant love and presence when it seems like everything is out-of-control
#350 snowy adventures with new friends in the mountains

Elpis..

noreply@blogger.com (Merissa) — Sat, 29 Jan 2011 23:11:00 +0000

¹¹ Day after day every priest stands and performs his religious duties; again and again he offers the same sacrifices, which can never take away sins. ¹² But when this priest had offered for all time one sacrifice for sins, he sat down at the right hand of God, ¹³ and since that time he waits for his enemies to be made his footstool. ¹⁴ For by one sacrifice he has made perfect forever those who are being made holy.

¹⁵ The Holy Spirit also testifies to us about this. First he says:

¹⁶ “This is the covenant I will make with them
after that time, says the Lord.
I will put my laws in their hearts,
and I will write them on their minds.”

¹⁷ Then he adds:

“Their sins and lawless acts
I will remember no more.”

¹⁸ And where these have been forgiven, sacrifice for sin is no longer necessary.

¹⁹ Therefore, brothers and sisters, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, ²⁰ by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, his body, ²¹ and since we have a great priest over the house of God, ²² let us draw near to God with a sincere heart and with the full assurance that faith brings, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. ²³ Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. ²⁴ And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, ²⁵ not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.

Hebrews 10:11-25

habit... not yet... but getting there

noreply@blogger.com (Merissa) — Mon, 24 Jan 2011 17:45:00 +0000

There are days when life is just plain difficult, and I don't always feel like giving thanks.
However, I have come to value this slowly forming habit...when I read over the blessings, the little gifts, the big gifts, I start to see a glimmer:

#270-#293

#270 -The bright full moon reflecting off snow covered mountains
#271- the Bible-study ladies I am getting to know as we delve into the Word
#273- My mom's sense of humour
#281- Sleep.
#282-Granadilla pulp in a can
#283-My little (not so little) brother is engaged to a wonderful girl!
#287-Hope-word for the year
#289-Thin electric line of pink on the horizon as the sun is waiting to explode into the winter sky.
#290-Chinooks
#293- Love, shaping me.

Hope Adventure.

noreply@blogger.com (Merissa) — Thu, 20 Jan 2011 20:33:00 +0000

I am being unconventional in my resolutions this year, by not making a ginormous list of things I want to accomplish like I usually do. Usually the list has a number of character things, practical things and some way-out idealistic things.
I'm trying something new.
I have chosen to focus on Spiritual Discipline as I was starting to do toward the end of last year.
Calhoun's Spiritual Discipline Handbook has been great, as well as a class I took in Spirituality for Global Ministry, last year.
I have sensed a push from the Holy Spirit to try some of these things. My first step was making room. Since 2009, the message I was getting from the Lord was "make room", so I am in a place now where a lot of external things have shifted in such a way that I am making a bit more room.

I come across some helpful ways that I really feel God has dropped into my life, through others.
Ann Voskamp's blog contains some awesome tips and encouragement for incorporating Spiritual Discipline into everyday life.
I particularly liked her "100 days" Calendar. You pick 3 things each day for 100 days in order to help build habits. It is realistic. Plus I get to check little boxes if I do it! I love checking boxes.
So far it's been going really great. One of these things is to memorize Philippians, 2 verses a week.
Her blog has also encouraged me to make the gratitude list I've been keeping.

By God's Grace, I am learning the difference between cooperating with the Holy Spirit for transformation as opposed to feeling the weight of duty or obligation, striving in my own strength to accomplish what I think God wants me to accomplish.
I am learning about His love, his UNFAILING love, his UNCONDITIONAL love, his FREEING love.
"The Unfettered Rhythms of His Grace..." (I forgot where I first heard this phrase)

So yesterday I found another great way of making resolutions, without really making resolutions.
On Faith Barista, I was invited to find one word that would shape the year.

God Words that have recently been shaping me:
"His pleasure is not in the strength of the horse,
nor his delight in the legs of the warrior;
the LORD delights in those who fear him,
who put their hope in his unfailing love"- Psalm 147:10-11.

The one word that nipped me in the nose...
HOPE.
Hoping....
in his unfailing love.

Hoping in His unfailing love.
His UNFAILING love.
His LOVE.

And so the journey continues...the journey to know this hope, to know the Love in which I hope.
praying in this hope....for this hope...
Waiting...
Leaning into...
with Baited breath...
...
Already it has been a butterfly in the stomach, jumping-out-of-my-skin experimental leap....
but when I open His Word, it is a prevailing, a rooting, a settling, a resting... a healing.

Boldly, we can embark on a Hope Adventure with our Love.

" For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

Ephesians 3:14-21