A Baby Boomer Woman’s Countdown to 50

Life After 50 Continues

2008-05-10T15:11:00.000-07:00

To All My Readers of A Baby Boomer Woman's Countdown to 50:

Good news comes to those who turn 50...yes...you can now not only find my posts on my new blog at aboomerslifeafter50.blogspot.com ... but you can also now find new posts on the 50 Something Moms collaborative blog. Check out this new site and look for posts by Judi. My most recent post is Puppy Love.

Judi

Life After 50

2008-01-29T15:19:00.000-08:00

To all my readers...yes...I did turn 50 on January 8, 2008...but...but...but...since blogging has become my ritual this past year...I just could not stop blogging because I turned 50...no...now is the time to celebrate my age...to keep my community going...so I can share...and grow...and continue to learn from all my virtual friends...as we commiserate and celebrate the second half of our lives.

So...so...so...please join my new community...yes...join my new community...it is going to be fabulous...and fun...and you never know the ups and downs...and downs and ups to come.

You can find "A Baby Boomer's Life After 50" at the following address:

aboomerslifeafter50.blogspot.com

I look forward to hearing from you there!

And hopefully...you'll see this blog in book form one day...yes...watch for "A Year to 50...An Extraordinary Journey by an Ordinary Woman" coming soon to a bookstore or online bookshop...sometime soon.

Judi

P.S. - This blog will remain up on blogger...so if you have any friends who are turning 50 and want to read my archived posts...feel free to pass along the address.

Happy Birthday to Me!

2008-01-08T14:23:00.000-08:00

It's here...today is the day...no more days to go...January 8, 2008...I'm 50...I'm fifty...I'm five times 10 = 50...no more counting down...no more waiting...I've reached the milestone...so what do I want to say to myself today...yes...what do I want to say to myself on this special day...I think I'll just sing:

Happy Birthday to YOU,
Happy Birthday to YOU,
Happy Birthday dear JUDI,
Happy Birthday to YOU.

How old are you NOW?
How old are you NOW?
How old are you NOW?
How old are you NOW?

I am 50 years old,
I am 50 years old,
I am 50 years old,
I am 50 years old!

Now I get to spend the entire year celebrating. I already had my 50th birthday party...it was spectacular...and today I went to the spa for my massage...and my manicure...(I treated my daughter to a facial too...even though it wasn't her birthday...it was great to share a spa day with one of the most favorite people in my life)...and I'm getting ready to go out to my birthday dinner with my daughter and my son, the other favorite person in my life...The Cheesecake Factory...that's where we're going...and I'm going to have a BIG piece of CHEESECAKE to celebrate my birthday...and blow out another candle...maybe they will sing to me...I think I can handle a little more singing.

And the sun is shining...and I know that my other favorite person in my life...my late husband is looking down on me today...yes...he is looking down on me and wishing me a happy birthday...wish he could have been here to celebrate with me...but I know he is here in spirit.

I still have another 12 months to enjoy my 50th year...I still have to plan my trip to the Mandarin Oriental Hotel in NYC...that was on my birthday list too...and my trip to an exciting European city that I haven't been to before...Provence...Provence...Provence...I want to go to Provence...where the lavender grows and grows.

I am 50. As Gail Sheehy says in her book Passages, in the roadmap of life I am now entering the "Refreshed (or Resigned) 50s...it's the best of life for those who release old roles and find a renewal of purpose"...and I'm ready...I believe what Gail says is true..."The courage to take new steps allows us to let go of each stage with its satisfactions and to find the fresh responses that will release the richness of the next. The power to animate all of life's seasons is a power that resides within us."

I am 50...yes...I am 50...let me open that Hallmark card...what did it say...what did it say...hmm...hmm...Hallmark always says it best...

Some birthdays are bigger than others -
Their memory sparkles and glows,
Their songs and their laughter
Will echo long after,
And this year
I have one of those.

Yes...this year I have one of those...happy birthday to me!

Judi

P.S. - To all my blog readers...a special 'thank you' for going on this year to 50 with me...for being by my side during my ups and downs...during my laughter and during my sorrow...while I think of myself as an ordinary woman...my countdown to 50 has been an extraordinary journey...and my life after 50 is going to be an extraordinary journey as well...stay tuned..the best is yet to come...I'll be back soon...after all...I did say writing was one of my new year's resolutions.

If you are not already an email subscriber...please sign up so you can receive all upcoming posts...as my 'life after 50'continues.

My 50th Birthday Party

2008-01-06T17:29:00.000-08:00

My 50th year is almost here...just two days to go...two days to go...and oh...what a birthday party I had yesterday...with a BIG birthday cake...a REALLY BIG BIRTHDAY CAKE...it had my upcoming age 5-0 written in big numbers across the top...it was my favorite cake with bananas and strawberries and real whipped cream...I blew out five candles...I made five wishes (I'm allowed to make more than one wish on my 50th birthday) and I ate a really BIG PIECE OF MY REALLY BIG BIRTHDAY CAKE!

All my friends came to my party...more than I've ever had at any of my previous birthday parties (my mom always made me choose a few kids to attend my birthday parties when I was younger...she said I had to choose six or seven girlfriends since my parties were always held at home in our small apartment...except for my Sweet 16...which was held at Mama Leone's Italian Restaurant in Manhattan...that was a great party too.)

But...for my 50th birthday my daughter invited all my girlfriends...more than six...it was a BIG BIRTHDAY PARTY...with 30+ girlfriends...it was simply the best birthday party I have had in a long...long time...(not that I can remember the last birthday party I had...think it was actually my Sweet 16...yep...it was my Sweet 16...was that really 34 years ago...OMG!)

I started off the day by getting my hair cut (still makes me feel good to get my hair cut...nothing beats a good haircut for making me feel better).

Then I went to get my make-up done at Bobbi Brown Cosmetics...Dolly, the make-up lady did a really great job...she convinced me to buy several items...let's see...what did I purchase...oh, yes:

...I bought the pink blush (it was a new color and it was a creme version...so I had to get it...especially after Dolly said it brightened my face...how could I resist...I need to have a bright face for my 50th year)

...and I bought the foundation with oil (Dolly said that at my age it was time to start wearing foundation with oil in it...no more oil free foundation for these wrinkles...I'll show these wrinkles who is in control)

...and then I bought the compact powder that Dolly said I should put on before I use the new pink blush and after I use the foundation with oil

...and I bought the lip liner and gloss to go with it...Dolly said that I should use a lip liner that is almost the same color as my lips and just put gloss on the center of my lower lip

Dolly is really smart when it comes to making faces look better...I hope I can duplicate Dolly's magic...probably not...since I didn't buy all the make-up brushes that she suggested...I had to set some limits...but I said I would return to purchase the rest of my beautiful face at a later date.

Nevertheless, I left the Bobbi Brown Cosmetic Counter not only looking great...but feeling great too...thank you Dolly for making my birthday face bright and cheery.

So...there are two more days until my 50th...two more days...but the celebration year has begun...my 50th birthday party was simply the best...I'll cherish the memories forever.

Judi

New Year's Resolutions

2008-01-03T19:48:00.000-08:00

It's the first week of 2008...so I guess there is still time to write my new year's resolutions...not sure I'm in the resolution writing frame of mind right now...I may need more time to think about my resolutions...but, I really should make some resolutions for 2008...after all...it is my 50th year...should I write down 50 resolutions in honor of my 50th year...no...I don't think so.

I was intrigued by the resolution writing I read the other day in the Blogher newsletter. Lisa from Blogher said she writes her resolutions in what she calls 'The Matrix.' Here's what she said to do: "Across the top of the page write the months of the year. Down the left-hand side draw up the bucketfuls of life you want to live in the coming year. These buckets may change in order, but they're nearly always the same" (let's see...can I do this...am I able to do this 'Matrix' exercise during the end of my 49th year...just 5 days shy of 50...let's see what this 'Matrix' is all about):

Heart - Lisa says this is about what you want to accomplish for yourself and your family...I want to mend, to heal, to support my children during this difficult year of grieving and mourning the loss of my husband...my children's father...my big love...yes...this is the year to heal my broken heart...put it back together again.

Family - Lisa says these are the key things to do with extended family and friends...I want to be there for my family and friends...and open up and let them be there to help me too...no more superwoman (I still like Alicia Keys'new superwoman song...and I may still sing the words as I hum the tune...but unlike Alicia who sings about 'putting on her vest with the S on her chest'...that's not me...no...I'm taking off my vest with the S on my chest...I'm not gonna fly...I'm packing up my superwoman cape too...and keeping my feet firmly planted for my 50th year.

Spirit - Lisa says this is about giving back financially and personally...I want to do that...I need to do more volunteer work...I need to give back financially too...I need to think about how I'm going to give back to the community and communities that need my help...maybe that will help me heal too.

Wallet - What are the items I am forced to worry about this year? Lisa didn't have any answers for this one...not sure I do either...although, I do have a new set of college tuition bills to look forward to this year...once my son goes off to college...and I likely have other items to worry about that my husband used to take care of around the house...but I guess I can't worry about the items I don't know about...good thing my husband didn't tell me all his secrets...less worries to worry about.

Health - I like this one...according to Lisa...this is about taking care of my body...so that I can do all these other things...my new year's health resolution is to continue my monthly facials...take care of those wrinkles...go to the gym at least twice a week...maybe try yoga...maybe try that spin class...maybe not...maybe train for a marathon...maybe not...keep taking my vitamins...every day.

Create - What am I going to sew, make, paint this year...oh Lisa...I like this one...I like creating...this one is fun...let's see...I definitely want to sew something this year...make a skirt...a form fitted skirt...and maybe I will paint my closet...or the dirty wall in my basement...or maybe I'll take a painting class...or an art class...or a sewing class...yes...I really like creating...so many things to create.

Work - This is what I'm going to do at the office...I think I'm going to try to spend more time working all the other resolutions...spend a few less overtime hours working at the office...in my 50th year...I will work hard...but I am also going to spend more time on my other new year's resolutions: more heart...more family...more spirit...more health...more creating...and less wallet...definitely less worrying.

Write - Lisa says she learned the hard way in 2007 that if she tried to lump writing in with creating or working, it came last...I agree...I'm going to spend more time writing too...I'm going to finish my year to 50...I'm going to write my book...and maybe I'll start another blog...maybe I'll call it 'day by day'...or maybe I'll call it 'life after 50'...or maybe I'll just wait and see what I want to call it...no need to resolve this resolution right now.

I like this 'Matrix' approach...why limit myself to one or two new year's resolutions...who's counting...not me...I'm just counting down my days to my 50th birthday...five to go...five to go.

Judi

Defining Moments

2007-12-30T16:51:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow is New Year's Eve...December 31st...the last day of 2007...tomorrow is the last new year's eve I will ring in as a forty-something...and what a year this has been...I knew it would be a year filled with ups and downs...and downs and ups...but I never thought it would be a year of such catastrophic change...for me and for my family.

It is just shy of two weeks since my husband's passing...just short of two weeks since I picked out his resting spot...I remember driving to the cemetery with my brother-in-law (my husband's older brother)...as we both grieved in the car and wondered how this had all happened...how this had all happened so quickly...I said to him that "I never thought my 49th year would be filled with such a defining moment as losing my spouse." "Defining moment," he said, "This is not the defining moment...the defining moment is what you do afterwards...how you go on afterwards...that is the defining moment."

I've been thinking about those words since my brother-in-law said them..."the defining moment is what you do afterwards...how you go on afterwards...that is the defining moment"...yes...I've been thinking about those words...and about the other defining moments in my life...and what I did afterwards...

...like the defining moment when I graduated from high school and went to Cornell University...that was pretty big on the scale of defining moments in my life...it was a whole new world of learning...a whole new world of growth experiences;

...like the defining moment when I graduated from college and took the summer off to chaperone a teen tour on a camping trip across the country...I had graduated and was off to see America and Western Canada...to see the sunrise over the Rockies...to see the sunset over Lake Tahoe...to shoot the rapids in Wyoming...to see the big brown bears in Lake Louise and Banff...it was such an incredible trip...one I will always remember;

...like the defining moment when I returned from my summer travels and had to get a real job...a job in the big city...in New York City...I remember becoming a secretary in an ad agency...I knew how to type...I had a college degree...I knew I could make this job work;

...like the defining moment when I knew I could do more and was ready for a change (two months later...the defining moments happened more quickly when I was younger...I grew restless more easily)...at that moment up popped a new job right around the corner...a fabulous job as an editorial assistant at a magazine...what a wonderful job...writing...meeting new people...going to exciting press parties in the food, fashion, and beauty industry...it was lovely...at least for two years...until I grew restless again;

...like the defining moment when I left the city and took a corporate writing and public relations job outside the city...yes...I left New York City...my favorite city...but only during the day...at night I returned back to my teeny-tiny one bedroom apartment...the teeny-tiny apartment that I shared with a roommate...the teeny-tiny apartment in a third floor walk-up...in a muddy green tenement building...the apartment that enabled me to call myself a sophisticated 'city girl';

...like the defining moment when I met my husband...I was 25 (ah...so young...ah...to be 25 again)...he was 32...we fell in love...we moved in together...we explored the the city together...there were so many spots we frequented...walks downtown to Greenwich Village...walks uptown to Central Park...and Saturdays were the best at the green market in Union Square;

...like the defining moment when we left the city and moved to New Jersey...and I started another corporate job(that was a 'biggie' moment...not sure how he convinced me to leave the city...but he did...I made the move...despite the traffic circles and the task of learning how to drive again (drive a Cutlass...yes...I drove my husband's Cutlass Supreme...I wanted a big car around me if I was going to drive in New Jersey)...I made the move;

...like the defining moment when we tied the knot (on Superbowl Sunday in 1984...back in New York City on a cold January day);

...like the defining moment when we bought our first home (it wasn't exactly a house...I wasn't able to go all the way...I was still used to being a city girl...so we bought a townhouse...with a galley kitchen...and a carport instead of a garage);

...like the defining moment when I gave birth to my daughter (was I scared...boy...was I scared...I didn't know how to take care of a child...I remember when we brought her home from the hospital and I sat up all night listening to every murmur she made...was she okay...was she hungry...did she need changing...I did not know for sure...but as time went on...I learned how to be a mom);

...like the defining moment when I gave birth to my son (was I scared...boy...was I scared...I never had a brother...I didn't know how I was going to raise a little boy...I didn't know a lot about sports...and how was I going to potty train him...I left that up to my husband...he did such a good job (he did a great job with the sports too)...and I remember the pediatrician saying that 'no boy ever went to college without being potty trained');

...like the defining moment when we bought a real house...not a townhouse...but a house with a lawn and a backyard...and a two car garage (was I scared...boy...was I scared...how was I going to take care of this house...how was I going to pay for this house...the realtor had shown us a much more expensive house than we had originally planned to purchase...she knew I would fall in love with the large kitchen...and especially the artistic kitchen tiles...and want to buy it...and I did);

...like the defining moment when my daughter graduated from high school and left for college (was I scared...boy...was I scared...my first born going off to a strange new place...leaving the house...the house with the two car garage...and the large kitchen...with the beautiful artistic kitchen tiles);

So many defining moments in my life...and now one of the biggest of all...losing my spouse (sooner than I ever imagined)...boy...am I scared...and soon my daughter will graduate from college (and hopefully move to the big city...just like her mama did almost 30 years ago)...and my son will graduate from high school and leave for college (my baby boy...off to a strange new place...leaving the house...the house with the two car garage...and the large kitchen...with the beautiful artistic kitchen tiles)...wonder what I will do now...maybe I'll have to change the artistic kitchen tiles...they are getting a bit old...maybe I'll have to remodel the entire kitchen.

Defining moments...I'm thinking about those words again..."the defining moment is what you do afterwards...how you go on afterwards...that is the defining moment"

Judi

One Day At A Time

2007-12-25T18:50:00.000-08:00

It is Christmas...it is two weeks to my 50th birthday...50 weeks since I started counting down my 49th year...one week since my husband passed away...one long week..."life changes fast"...said Joan Didion in "The Year of Magical Thinking"...the book I read the past two days...amazing how I had not read a book in almost a year...yet, I read this book in two days...two days...I took solace in the grief she described...the grief she wrote about her deceased husband, John...the grief I am now feeling for my own husband.

As the memorial candle burns I am thinking about how my life has changed during my 49th year...yes...after 24 years of marriage...24 long years...in just six short months...in just one short week...my life has dramatically changed.

I still can't figure out how to work my new microwave oven...I wasn't worried about not knowing how to work my new oven...I thought my husband would be home eventually...he would show me how to work it...

I still can't figure out how to change the answering machine that says my husband's name when I check the messages...I wasn't worried about not knowing how to work the answering machine...I thought my husband would be home eventually...he would fix it...

I never changed the outdoor light bulbs either...the big bright bulbs that light up the outside of my house...even when the days grew shorter and the nights got darker...I didn't change the bulbs...or adjust the timer...I wasn't worried about not knowing how to fix the outdoor light bulbs...I thought my husband would be home eventually...he would change the bulbs...

But now...but now...I'll have to read the new microwave oven manual...and I'll have to call the telephone company and ask them how to change the voicemail message...and the light bulbs...the light bulbs may remain dark for awhile...but the days are getting longer...so there will be more light around the house...spring will be here soon...if the groundhog sees his shadow...or maybe not.

"So what are you going to do?"...I asked myself many times this past week..."How are you going to move on now that your husband is not coming home again?"...each day as I went to the hospital while my husband was sick...people would ask me..."How are you doing?"..."How are you managing through all of this?"...and my answer to each question would be the same old thing "I'm taking things one day at a time...one day at a time."

As I start to gear up for 2008...the year that likely will be my own year of "magical thinking"...I know there will be good days and bad days...days of many tears...and days of laughter...as I remember the past 24 years with my late husband.

The memorial candle will burn out in a few days...January will be here...my birthday month...a new calendar will be posted...another year of 365 days will begin...not sure how I will manage through them all...I'm not going to worry about it right now...nope...life is too short to worry...for now...I'm going to take things "one day at at time...one day at a time...just...one...day...at...a...time."

Judi

How Do I Love Thee?

2007-12-18T18:33:00.000-08:00

Today is a sad day...I'm not sure what to write...what to say that will make me feel better...my husband...my soulmate...my almost 25 year partner...passed away today...he decided he had fought the good fight...after six months of suffering he laid himself to rest.

He never asked me if it was okay...if I was going to be okay...I think he knew...he knew in his heart that I was going to be okay...so he decided he could leave me...I guess he was putting me to a test the past several months...he wanted to see if I was going to pass the test...and today...today...I guess he thought I had...at 49 years old...just shy of the big 5-0...he left me on my own.

So what do I say to my dear husband?

...the person that I shared almost half my life with

...the person who picked me up when I was down

...the person who always listened...whenever I needed an ear

...the person who taught me about sports...like Yankee baseball...and Giants football (and who was patient with me when I tried to follow the games...patient when I didn't know what was going on...patient when I asked stupid questions because I didn't know what was going on)

...my dear husband

...the person who cooked fabulous meals for me...like his baked salmon with dill sauce...like his turkey burgers on soft, fluffy potato rolls...like his tangy barbecued chicken with homemade coleslaw and crisp potato salad...like his famous pasta casserole with tons of cholesterol-laden cheeses... and like his sensational Thanksgiving feasts with hors d'oeurves, specialty tur-duck-ens, smoked turkeys and luscious, cheesy mashed potatoes...nope...Thanksgiving will not be the same without you

What do I say to you...my dear husband

...who gave me the biggest and best hugs...whose long arms when wrapped around me made me feel so safe...so secure...so loved

The only words I can say are the words of one of my favorite poets...yes...Elizabeth Barrett Browning said the words of love so eloquently...so my dear husband...as I count down in my final days to my fiftieth birthday...as the fifty tears fall down my face...the only words I can say to you are the words of my favorite love poem:

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of being and ideal grace.
I love thee to the level of every day's
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for right.
I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints. I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

Yes, I will miss you...I will miss you...I will miss you...and with our daughter and our son...I will always remember the good times we had...for the rest of my life...let the good times roll.

Judi

A World on My Shoulders

2007-12-13T19:58:00.000-08:00

There are 26 more days to go...26 until I turn 50...I have to hurry and get the world off my shoulders...the world that I've been carrying on my shoulders for almost 25 years...no more...when I turn 50 I want to just carry my two shoulders on my body...not the world.

That's it...starting today...starting today I'm going to simplify my life and take the world off my shoulders...my life needs to be real simple...now that I'm turning 50 I don't want a complicated life...what measures should I take...hmm...hmm...hmm.

For starters, instead of buying enough food for a family of five or more...especially when there are only now two in my household...I'm going to buy less...I'm not going to fill my shopping cart to the brim with food I won't eat...or don't need...just because it is on sale...or because it looks good...that will also simplify the process when I come home from the grocery store...I won't have as many bags of groceries to put away...less weight on my shoulders.

Next, I'm going to stop doing the job of five...I'm going to focus more...just be me...not me times five...and I'm going to shift from two bags to one briefcase and one handbag on my shoulders each night...I don't need to take home so much work from the office...I need to get all those bags off my shoulders. (Hold it...hold it...where will I put my Snapple that I bring to work every day...I don't think it will fit in my briefcase...uh oh...I can't leave my Snapple at home...I better rethink this...maybe I'll just downsize to the job of three...there's me, myself and I...yes, three is better than five...I'll do this gradually.)

Then...then I think I'll stop some of my magazine subscriptions when they run out...no more Vogue and InStyle...I must choose...make better decisions...I don't have time to read both magazines...but, which one should I choose...I do like the celebrity and accessory info in InStyle...but I do like the interesting stories in Vogue...I know...I know...I will only allow myself to purchase the September issue of Vogue and maybe...maybe the Spring fashion issue...but I don't need a subscription anymore...less weight on my shoulders (although the September Vogue is usually a pretty heavy magazine at 700+ pages)...but think of all the weight I'll take off my shoulders the rest of the year. (Wonder if I should switch and buy a subscription to Real Simple magazine instead...especially if I'm going to simplify my life...no stop it...stop it now...no more magazines!)

I'm going to cut down on my newspaper purchases on the weekend...from three to two...two Sunday papers are enough...and maybe I'll try to spend less on clothing...fewer, bigger, better purchases...Armani here I come!

I feel the weight lifting already...it's getting lighter...I'm standing straighter...wow...how did I keep the world on my shoulders for almost 25 years...so glad I'm turning 50 and finally realizing that the world is a big place...too big to be situated on MY shoulders any...any...anymore!

Judi

One in 3 Million

2007-12-08T19:35:00.000-08:00

It's December 8th...one month to go until I turn 5-0.

I was researching the Census data today and trying to find out exactly how many of my fellow "turning fifty in 2008-ites" there were out there...from my readings...not exactly sure that I was reading the chart correctly...but to me...to 49 year old me...it looks like I am going to be joined by approximately 3 million other 1958ers who turn 50 next year...and that includes some pretty hip and cool people...according to my husband's AARP magazine (of which I will soon have my own copy)...I am in the company of some pretty hip and cool people turning 50...people like:

- Madonna...one of my idols...but I didn't need AARP to tell me about Madonna's birthday...I am so hip and cool I already knew about it...I'm already planning to attend her birthday concert on August 16th in Central Park...that will be on the list for my summer celebrations during my fiftieth year.

- Ellen DeGeneres...Ellen D. is so much fun...wish I could watch her show more often...I wrote her a note and told her to invite me to her on-air birthday party on January 26th...not sure she will read my note...especially if I am one of 3 million people turning 50 the same year as she is...why will she care about inviting ME to HER birthday party...maybe I should invite HER to MY birthday party instead!

- Sharon Stone...Sharon is turning 50 on March 10th...I didn't know she was the same age as me...I remember when she wore a Gap teeshirt to the Oscars...what year was that...according to AARP magazine, Sharon likes dark chocolate...I like dark chocolate too...wonder if I eat more dark chocolate if I will retain a figure like Sharon Stone.

- Michelle Pfeiffer...Michelle looked pretty good in the "HairSpray" movie this year...however, she did play a mom...not like her sexy character from many years ago in "The Baker Boys."

- Prince...Prince is turning 50???...he will always look like a kid to me...Purple Rain...Purple Rain...that may have to become my song for my fiftieth year...(I may have to dress in purple...I used to wear more purple...but it isn't really one of my best colors...but maybe my skintone is changing now that I'm getting older...maybe I can wear purple more often...will have to check out some purple sweaters and see if they look good with my 50 year old skintone).

Madonna, Ellen, Sharon, Michelle, and Prince...not too bad a group to be turning 50 with...some pretty talented people were born in 1958...3 million of us...there's going to be a whole lot of candles to blow out in 2008.

Judi

December Countdown

2007-12-04T18:54:00.000-08:00

It's December...it's the final month of the year...my countdown year is nearing an end...let's see...there are 31 days in December...minus the past four days...that's 27 days...and then I have to add eight days in January...that's 27 + 8 = 35 more days...35 more days and I turn 5-0, fifty, fif-tee, 5 x 10 = 50.

I have so many plans to make for my fiftieth year...I get to be 50 for 12 months...for 365 days...the entire 2008 year...so that means I can really celebrate ALL YEAR LONG...no need to rush the celebration...let's see...I think this is such a big milestone that I really need to celebrate in a big way...I really need to do all the things that I put on my list...no choosing...I should do everything...everything...everything...why wait...I'm only going to hit this big number once in my life...so I better make it big.

Yes, I'm going to go to the Golden Globes in January and be a celebrity groupie...and I'm taking my fellow 50 year old high school friend with me...she doesn't know who any of the celebrities are anymore...but that's good...then if we don't see any celebrities when we are camping out near the red carpet...she won't be disappointed. (Note: This wasn't on my original list...but I added it...I always wanted to do this when I was younger...and now that I'm turning 50...I'm going to listen to the Nike ad and 'just do it!')

Yes, I'm going to have a birthday party...my daughter wants to throw me a party...so I'm going to let her plan a party...no planning for me...this time she is going to surprise me and do all the work...wonder what kind of birthday cake I will have...will it be chocolate...will it be vanilla...will it be strawberry shortcake...or my favorite with the strawberries and bananas...oh...I do love birthday cakes...everyone loves birthday cakes...and blowing out the candles...just like I used to do when I was a kid (I still remember when my mom made me a 'mini' party...everything was 'mini'...we had 'mini' hamburgers on 'mini' rolls...we had 'baby hotdogs in blankets'...and we had little chocolate cupcakes...the kind you make in the 'mini' muffin pans...and I got one of those 'EasyBake' Ovens that never really worked...but it was so much fun...so much fun...'Easy Bake' Ovens were easy...not like my complicated new microwave oven...the oven that overcooks my bagels instead of defrosting them like my old microwave oven did).

Yes, I'm going to go to some wonderful European place that I haven't been (well...maybe I will also go back to a place that I've visited too...I did go to Paris...but I didn't see it all)...Provence...so far that is top on my list...and I'm getting ready by using my ROC Protient Fortify Life and Define Night Cream...it's from France...so hopefully when I go to Paris or Provence my face will look as good as the French model in the advertisement...as the ad says "while I sleep, the formula's patented technology is working within my skin's surface to help strengthen and tone my skin...after 8 weeks my facial features are supposed to be lifted and the definition along my jawline, chin, and eye contour is supposed to be improved...we'll see...we'll see...I do want to have smooth and soft skin when I go to Paris or Provence.

Yes, I'm going to go to the spa...not a fabulous spa...but a day spa...on my birthday...on January 8th the spa is where I will be...need to make sure my body is in shape for my 50th year of celebrating.

Yes, I am going to spend some time at one of my favorite spots...the Mandarin Oriental Hotel in NYC...not sure when...one sunny day in 2008 I will go to the Mandarin...maybe for breakfast...or lunch or dinner...or maybe just for tea...I must enjoy the marvelous view of Central Park from the 36th floor on a sunny day.

I'm tired already...and my 50th year hasn't even begun...I think I better get some sleep and rest up...I will turn 50 in 35 days...and I need my beauty sleep so my ROC night cream can do it's magic...so my elasticity can improve...good night...sweet dreams.

Judi

Let the Light Shine

2007-11-30T18:22:00.000-08:00

It's the last day of November...that means after today...after today...I will have 39 more days until I will be a quinquagenarian...in 39 days I will no longer be counting down months...or weeks...or days...I will hit the half century mark...I will turn 50.

It's so hard to believe how fast the time has gone...what a year this is shaping up to be I thought as I hugged my husband in his hospital bed tonight (My Soulmate - June 17)...as I tried to console him when he asked me "what am I going to do when I get out of the hospital...I will never be the same as I was." "You're right," I said as we both cried a good cry. "That's okay," I said. "Crying is good sometimes...it's good to cry and let all the frustrations out...don't worry, " I said, "Don't worry, we'll both be stronger...definitely stronger...after this year," I added as I thought about this incredible 49th year journey I've been on with my husband...my soulmate.

The big guy up there...someplace...somewhere put me in this situation so I would grow stronger...he knew what he was doing...he wanted me to learn to be independent..wish he hadn't made it so difficult...I could have learned this life lesson with less impact (I said 'he'...I do think the wise man is a wise man...if the wise man was a wise woman...life would be easier...smoother...not as many ups and downs...I don't think a 'she' would have made me go through all this to be stronger).

And as I reflected on my 65 watt flood light bulb that blew out in my kitchen this morning...I thought how much stronger I've become in the past year...especially during the past six months...I remember thinking this morning...as the light blew out..."how am I going to screw in another light bulb all the way up there on my kitchen ceiling...how am I going to let the light shine again...after all...I'm not tall enough to reach the ceiling with my out-stretched arm...I'm not tall enough to unscrew that bulb ...that's my husband's job...he is the one who is 6'4"...not little 5'3" like me...he is the one who screws in the kitchen bulbs...but he is not here to help me right now."

"I can do it...I can do it...I can do it," I said to myself...and then I stood tall on the kitchen chair...I reached up on my tippy toes (and held on to the cabinet as not to fall)...I unscrewed the old flood light...I did it...then...I reached up again and screwed the new bulb in place...it was bright again...and I was all ready to start a new day...all ready to read my morning paper.

Stronger...yes I'm stronger...but soon the flood lights on top of the house will burn out...and I know I can't reach those lights...so hubby you have to get better soon...as my guy Kanye West says in his new song "Stronger":

Now that don't kill me
Can only make me stronger
I need you to hurry up now
Cause I can't wait much longer

Judi

Inheritance

2007-11-25T13:37:00.000-08:00

My sister was visiting over the Thanksgiving week...it was so nice to see her since I don't usually see her during the holiday...we've always been close...not in proximity but in our thoughts...and via the telephone.

While she is older than me...three years older to be exact...I've always been the one that people think is the older one (do you know that when we were at the hospital visiting my husband the other day that a nurse thought my sister was my daughter...okay,okay,okay, I know she looks younger than me...but my daughter...that's it...I'm getting a facelift and having all my front teeth capped!)

I noticed that my sister not only has beautiful teeth...bright white and perfectly straight teeth...but my sister also has beautiful skin...very few wrinkles...I remember how she used to always have acne when she was an adolescent...I didn't inherit the acne...I had very dry skin...like my mom...my sister inherited my dad's oily skin...and while she complained when she was a teenager...now she is smiling...now as she ages she is happy...because oily skin has been good to her face.

As I looked at my sister and me...I realized that we both inherited some of the good and the bad from our parents...my dad gave me his skinny legs and his stomach (any extra pounds go straight to the stomach)...and my dry skin came from my mother's genes...and my sister...my sister got my mom's hips and thighs...and my dad's oily skin...but look how good she looks now at 53.

I thought a lot about all this inheritance...about the sense of style we both got from our mom...and I guess a little from our dad...and the sense of laughter that we both got from our dad...and I guess a little from our mom...and the determination we both got from our mom...and a little from our dad.

And as I thought about what I got from my parents...I wondered now that I'm almost 50...now that my kids are almost grown...I wonder what they will say they inherited from me...I wonder if they will be pleased when they are 50...if they will look back and be happy with the two halves that make them who they are...with a lot of themselves added in there as well...well time will tell...yes...time will tell...

Ooh, I hope they carry on the sense of style that I have tried to instill...and I hope they get the oily skin...so they are wrinkle-free...no ironing needed...but who knows by then...I bet there will be some new miracle cream that takes away all the wrinkles anyway.

Judi

Adapt and Adjust

2007-11-19T17:51:00.000-08:00

I can tell that I am slowing down...or maybe life is just speeding up...time is just passing me by...how can it be that in about six weeks I will be 50...and my 49th year will be over...no more counting down...no more feelings to 50...in just a few short weeks (well...there are lots of holiday eating weeks to go through too...so it will feel longer)...I will be 50...this is all too much to handle.

But as Dr. Pamela Peeke, author of Fit to Live and Fight Fat After 40, says "I must be Darwinian...I must constantly adapt and adjust...I must stop thinking so much and be more like the Nike ad and "just do it"...I should stop with the shoulda, coulda, woulda...and "just do it."

Dr. Peeke says we should focus on our mind by adapting and adjusting...focus on our mouth by eating smaller quantities of food and eating more frequently...and focus on our muscle...or as she puts it "medicate with movement"...I like Dr. Peeke's advice...I'm glad I attended her stress seminar at the Pennsylvania Governor's Conference the other week.

So as I arrived home tonight...all stressed out...but looking forward to my Thanksgiving week vacation...I tried adapting and adjusting to ease the stress in my body...I decided to focus on my mind...I thought I would take a nice relaxing bath and clear my mind of all the stressful vibes floating around in my head...yes...a nice relaxing bath would do the trick.

I filled the tub (the nice shiny tub that my cleaning lady had cleaned today)...and I added some nice relaxing bath foam...and I eased my aching body and especially my aching feet into the nice warm water...and as I started to relax...I heard a ka-ching...ka-ching...ka-ching...yes, the water began to empty out of the tub...I did try to adapt...I jiggled the stopper but it didn't work... and I did try to adjust... I put my aching right foot over the drain...but the water continued to flow out...so I put my aching left foot over the other half of the drain...not good...nope, the gurgling continued...and after about 15 minutes I got tired of adapting and adjusting...my de-stress bath became just too stressful.

I guess I will have to work on the other two areas of Dr. Peeke's advice...she said we should also focus on our mouth...eat smaller quantities of food...and eat more often...I can do this I thought...yes...I can do this...this is easy...I will have my chamomile tea and only allow myself two cookies tonight (well maybe a few chocolate covered raisins that my dear friend sent me too...just two or three)...tonight I will focus on my mouth...that will be easier than adapting and adjusting...although...although later in the week this might become more difficult...after all...it is Thanksgiving...and I did order three pies for Thanksgiving dinner...I couldn't decide which one to get...my son wanted Pecan Pie...my daughter wanted Peach Crumb Pie...and the pieman told me about this fabulous Black Forest Berry Pie that is made with Rhubarb...ooh, ooh, ooh, my favorite...it sounded so good I couldn't pass it up...so I ordered the Black Forest Berry Pie too.

And after my pie-fest is over...then I'll do the last leg of Dr. Peeke's advice...I'll work on my muscle...I promise to "medicate with movement"...yep, I promise to be at the gym on Friday...and hopefully Saturday and Sunday too...yes...as Dr. Peeke says..."I'll walk the dog even if I don't have one"...
exercise is non-negotiable after 40 (and I guess that means after 50 too)...so as Dr. Peeke says "just shut the hell up and do it!"...and I will.

Judi

An Evening to Savor

2007-11-13T20:07:00.000-08:00

Last night I felt like I was transported away to a magical place...I wasn't sure it was real...I had to pinch myself as each moment passed...that's because I was with Richard Gere...yes, the real Richard Gere...well, let me preface by saying that I was with the real Richard Gere, but so were hundreds of others...but that's okay...because I had one of the center row orchestra seats in the Kimmel Center at the concert to honor Richard with the Marian Anderson Humanitarian Award...I always knew I was in love with Richard Gere...but after last night...after last night...it was truly confirmed (as it was for the other hundreds of women - young and old - who were in the audience too...and also on the stage)...we all wanted to have our bird's eye view of the man who stole our hearts in "American Gigolo," "Officer and A Gentleman," "Pretty Woman,"...and "Unfaithful."

But, it wasn't just Richard Gere who transported me away...it was also the Philadelphia Orchestra and their Firebird tribute to Richard that filled my ears and melted away the stress in my body (almost as good as my lavender facial)...as the music played...all the tension that had built up during the day started to release...the tightness slipped away from my neck as I focused on the violins...and the oboes...the clarinets...and the flutes...the trumpets...and the drums...all perfectly synchronized...it was all wonderful music to my ears...by the end I felt like a firebird free of all my stress and ready to fly (and why have I not spent more evenings at the orchestra before...why have I waited until my 49th year to treat myself to such pleasure...for sure life is too short not to enjoy such pleasure more often...note to self...add to my "to do" list for my 50+ years...must make up for all the music I have been missing.)

And it didn't stop there...next came the opera from soprano Measha Brueggergosman...and the trumpet man Jon Faddis...and then Patti Labelle...more, more, more music swept me away...by the end I was ready to soar.

An evening with a good friend (who agreed to join me...so glad she did), good food (Alma de Cuba for dinner...need to visit this restaurant in Philadelphia more often too), good music (I could have sat and listened forever)...and Richard Gere in real living color...it's a night to remember...and oh...oh...oh...what a prelude to my fiftieth year.

Judi

Pausing to Think

2007-11-07T19:55:00.000-08:00

I was reading about an exercise today from Renee Peterson Trudeau, a nationally recognized career and life coach. This exercise was very appropriate for me as I approach my fiftieth year...it included six questions...hard hitting questions...questions to make me reconnect with who I am, questions to make me reflect on what matters most...and questions to make me consider what I want to create next in my life...dare I answer them...I thought as I started to read.

I took a pause...like Renee said to do...and I started to think about how I would answer these questions:

1. What do you need most in your life right now (personally or professionally)? Okay, Renee, you asked...now I'll answer...personally....personally...I need a renewal plan...need to build up my strength so I can tackle the next phase of my husband's recovery process (My Soulmate - June 17)......I need my hubby to get better and come back home and things to go back to normal...whatever normal is...or used to be...but frankly I don't know what that is anymore...and since it is not going to happen any time soon...I need some strength-building exercises to build me up...wonder if extra iron tablets would do the trick.(That's enough of this question...this is difficult...I'm not ready with the answer to this one right now...what's the next question?)

2. What do you want your life and career to look like one year from now? Good, Renee, this one is easy...if I raised my hand in the class I could give the answer to this question...a year from now...just one year from now...I want to be a published author...to have a successful blog that many baby boomer women are reading...that has my second career in full swing...as for my life...I want to have my son in a successful first year of college...my daughter in a successful year at her first job (in New York City...where I can visit her...of course)...and I want to have my hubby home (but that was my answer to the first question...can I use it twice...wonder if Renee would be okay with the same answer twice?)

3. If you knew you could not fail, what would you do next? What a great question...this is a fabulous question...Renee is a very good life coach...she knows exactly what questions to ask...failure has always been my fear...after all these years...now I have the opportunity to think about what I would do next if I knew I wasn't going to fail...well...well...well...what would I do...maybe I would buy a second home at the shore...or start that blogging business for baby boomer women...or publish that book on my own...or go back to school for my MBA...or for my design degree. (I like this question...it's fun to think about!)

4. What topics, issues or causes make you come alive? I like this question too...this is an easy one...many topics, issues and causes make me come alive...I'm very passionate about many topics: fashion, food, beauty, home decorating, movies, books, magazines, exercise (fun sports like hiking, camping, bicycling...not that I do any of these sports right now...but that was not a criteria for the question)...I'm very passionate about many issues and causes: women's issues, family issues, kids' issues, poverty issues, health issues, global warming issues. (That's enough for now...I'm jazzed just thinking about all these things...hope I can get to sleep tonight.)

5. What is most important to you at your current life stage? This one is an easy one too...family happiness...personal health and happiness...feeling content. (That was a quick one...I like this question.)

6. What belief, issue, or obstacle is blocking you from experiencing the life (or career) you desire? Hmm, hmm...think I'll go back to that question #3...is it fear of failure...or is it just fear itself...or is it my age...nah, definitely not...although I would't mind having a few more years to think about this question.

Think I'll have to go check out Renee's book...The Mother's Guide to Self-Renewal: How to Reclaim, Rejuvenate and Re-Balance Your Life...or check our Renee's website, www.reneetrudeau.com...to see if she has any answers.

Judi

Lavender to the Rescue

2007-11-03T13:34:00.000-07:00

Today I had my monthly facial...yes...I'm so proud of myself that I actually kept that appointment on my calendar...I usually find some excuse why I cannot make appointments that I schedule in advance...but I did not cancel this time...this time...I even arrived at the spa early...yes...as I approach 50 I have to start treating my body better...especially my face.

I just love the lavender oil that my facialist (is that what you call someone who does facials?) uses all over my face and arms...it is such a relaxing smell...I was just floating away for a whole hour this morning...shame it had to end...wonder if they have facials that last all day...wonder if I bought my own lavender oil if I could make the relaxed feeling last...I think I'll have to go buy some at Whole Foods...that's where my facialist, said I could find it.

Yes, I'm going to go buy some lavender oil and spray it on my pillows...maybe the scent will help me sleep better...and I'm going to put it in my closet...and in my vaccuum cleaner bag...then my entire house will smell like lavender...imagine if I had a stress-free home...maybe I'll take it to the office too...wouldn't that be great...a stress-free office.

According to Wikipedia, "If applied to the temples, lavender oil is said to soothe headaches. Lavender is frequently used as an aid to sleep and relaxation: Seeds and flowers of the plant are added to pillows, and an infusion of three flowerheads added to a cup of boiling water are recommended as a soothing and relaxing bedtime drink..."(Ooh, I'm not sure I could drink lavender...but perhaps I'll give it a try sometime.)

I'm also going to try another tip from my facialist...she is just full of stress-free tips...that alone is worth the monthly visit...she recommends that I try iced-Chamomile tea...it may help my irritable bowl syndrome as well...I do like Chamomile tea...I've never tried the Lipton Chamomile tea...but I will now...and I think I'll have to make it iced too and add the honey like she said.

I may have to try meditation too...or maybe yoga...not sure this type A personality is ready for total reinvention...but it's worth a try...so glad I have an extra hour tonight to think about it...as they said on the radio..."Fall back the clock night" should be a national holiday.

Judi

P.S. - As I prepare to finish off my 49th year and compile my book, I'm eager to hear from my community...those who are in your 40s and 50s...what stresses you out...and how do you de-stress...share your tips...leave a comment...join the conversation.

Sweet Dreams

2007-10-31T19:22:00.000-07:00

Here I sit...October 31st...the last day of the last October as a fortysomething soon to be fifysomething...and I'm all alone...my husband is still in the hospital recovering from his illness...my son is at a concert somewhere nearby...my daughter is away at college...and I am alone...alone with my three bags of candy...and not one trick or treater knocking at my door.

Soooooooo...I guess I will have to eat some of that candy that is sitting in a basket in the kitchen...it is just too, too, too tempting...I bought all my favorite chocolate candies this year...Peanut M&Ms...Regular M&Ms...York Peppermint Patties...yummy,yummy,yummy...not like the Charleston Chews that my husband always buys...yucky, yucky, yucky.

Let's see...I'm peri-menopausal...it's now 8:00 pm...I have yummy, yummy, yummy chocolate candies in my kitchen...and I cannot resist...nope...I cannot resist...dare I start on the chocolate binging I may never stop...but I cannot hold back any longer.

I just consumed two York Peppermint Patties...2 bags of Peanut M&Ms (they're little bags so it doesn't count that much)...haven't touched the Regular M&Ms yet...I'm actually proud of how I am pacing myself during this peri-pausal chocolate moment. However, I also ate 3 mini-chocolate chip cookies (while I was making my son's lunch)...and two Milano Chocolate Raspberry cookies (had to try the new raspberry variety of Milano cookies that some colleagues brought to me...raspberries are my favorite berries...I had to force myself to try them...well...not exactly force myself...no...it didn't take too much forcing...I just opened the bag and put my hand inside and pulled out a cookie...then I ate it...then I put my hand in the bag again and pulled out another cookie...and ate that one too...then I slapped my hand twice when it tried to go inside the bag for a third time.)

So now what...will I be up all night from the caffeine or sugar rush (probably)...will I throw the rest of the basket of goodies in the garbage like a good girl (maybe)...or will I leave them there for the next two months for all the peri-pausal chocolate moments I'm likely to experience (likely yes...at least for now).

I think I've had my fill of peri-pausal Halloween treats for this evening...I like my chocolate high...I feel satiated...I feel happy...I'm going to have sweet dreams tonight...think I'll turn on my favorite Annie Lennox song "Sweet Dreams"...cannot believe that "Sweet Dreams" was first recorded in the 1980s...what was I doing when I heard that song for the first time...it was when I was twentysomething...seems like just yesterday that I turned on the radio and heard the Eurythmics playing that sweet tune...

Sweet Dreams
Lyrics by the Eurythmics

Sweet dreams are made of this
Who am I to disagree?
Travel the world and the seven seas
Everybody's looking for something
Some of them want to use you
Some of them want to get used by you
Some of them want to abuse you
Some of them want to be abused

Sweet dreams are made of this
Who am I to disagree?
Travel the world and the seven seas
Everybody's looking for something
Some of them want to use you
Some of them want to get used by you
Some of them want to abuse you
Some of them want to be abused

I wanna use you and abuse you
I wanna know what's inside you
(Whispering) Hold your head up, movin' on
Keep your head up, movin' on
Hold your head up, movin' on
Keep your head up, movin' on
Hold your head up, movin' on
Keep your head up, movin' on
Movin' on!

Sweet dreams are made of this
Who am I to disagree?
Travel the world and the seven seas
Everybody's looking for something
Some of them want to use you
Some of them want to get used by you
Some of them want to abuse you
Some of them want to be abused

I'm gonna use you and abuse you
I'm gonna know what's inside
Gonna use you and abuse you
I'm gonna know what's inside you

Judi

Restructuring

2007-10-28T18:40:00.000-07:00

I had had a tough week...and when I arrived at my colorist on Friday night he said it was time for "restructuring"..."Restructuring?" I thought...now what did he have in mind...I thought I was going to just perk up my hair color and fix up my highlights...little did I know that I was going to be "restructured"...but, it was just what I needed after a long week and it sounded much more interesting than a touch up...I left feeling refreshed...renewed...and I even cancelled my haircut for the next day.

The fall of my 49th year is a good time to think about restructuring...what else should I restructure...ah yes...my closet needs restructuring...think I'll throw out some of those old clothes and some of those old shoes that I take out of storage every fall...why do I keep those old clothes that I never wear year after year...those clothes that I save "just in case" they come back in style...maybe I would have more room in my closet if I threw out those "just in case" clothes...especially the ones with the big shoulder pads (speaking of shoulder pads...I was watching one of my favorite movies the other night...Pretty Woman...with the fabulous shopping scene with Julia Roberts on Rodeo Drive...I loved that movie about 20 years ago...but when I watched it the other night...all the outfits looked so dated...how could my favorite Richard Gere movie...my favorite Pretty Woman...be so dated...was it that long ago...yes, even Pretty Woman would have to restructure her closet if she were to open it today...and get rid of those huge pads weighing down her shoulders)...no more shoulder pads for me...I'm almost 50...I don't need to keep anymore outfits in my closet that have football shoulder pads...unless it's for a Halloween costume and I'm trying to look like an '80s gal.

What else should I restructure this fall...what else should I change or alter in my life before I turn 50...let's see...I would like to restructure my kitchen...but that's a major effort...and it would never happen in the next two months (two months, oh my, is that all that is left of my 49th year?)

I would like to restructure my backyard...that's a major effort too...I can't even get my landscaper to show up and rake my leaves let alone restructure the back or front yard of my house.

I need little restructurings...like my hair and highlights...maybe I'll restructure my mountain of magazines and newspapers that are piling up on my kitchen counter...that's a good, simple idea...I know...I'll go visit the new The Container Store that is opening up near the mall next week...yes...I'll restructure my magazines and newspapers in lots of containers...they have containers in all shapes and sizes for all my little restructuring needs.

I think I'll also buy a new bookcase...a retirement bookcase...to put all the books I've been collecting that I'm going to read in my retirement...I just found another book I want to read...Cathleen Black's new book called "Basic Black" to add to the list... just as Donna Karan said, "As every woman needs basic black in her wardrobe, she also needs Basic Black on her bookshelf."...wish I had time to read this book before I retire...maybe if I restructure my free time (what free time???)...I would have time to read this book before my first career is over(notice I said first career...of course I am going to have a second career someday when I am 50+).

I think I will also restructure my handbag for the fall...it is time to take out that new Suzy Chen handbag this week...the weather forecast is sunny and cool...no rain on the horizon...yes, I'm ready for a new week...ready to welcome November...only two months to go to my 50th birthday.

Judi

The Treadmill of Life

2007-10-23T19:28:00.000-07:00

I was on the treadmill the other day...at the gym that is...although sometimes I feel like I'm on a literal treadmill every day...busy...busy...busy...will life ever slow down?

But, while I was on the treadmill at the gym I decided to speed up...I punched up my usual speed of 3.5 ...then I noticed a chart on the side of the treadmill...it gave a range of heart rates depending on your age...ah ha...I thought...let's see if I can keep up the pace of a 50 year old...let's see...let's see.

There were different suggested heart rates for a Fat Burning - low intensity workout or a Cardio -high intensity workout. The different suggested target rates decreased with age:

Age 20 Fat Burning 130 Cardio 160
Age 30 Fat Burning 123 Cardio 152
Age 40 Fat Burning 117 Cardio 144
Age 50 Fat Burning 110 Cardio 136
Age 60 Fat Burning 104 Cardio 128

I put my hands on the hot spots of the treadmill and waited to see where I netted out...was I keeping up with my age group...or was I younger...I held on tight...oh what would the treadmill say...what will my treadmill age tell me...I couldn't wait for the numbers to pop up...I walked faster and harder...but nothing appeared...faster...faster...faster...I pushed my body...nothing appeared...is it broken I wondered...or is my body going at such a slow pace that the heart rate won't even register?

And then the magic number appeared...130...130...130...yes, yes, yes...not only was I burning fat for a 50 year old.....I was walking like a fortysomething who was burning fat...and a thirtysomething...and even a twentysomething!

As I kept going my heart rate fluctuated...130...128...125...but I was maintaining my pace...on the treadmill of life, I was at my peak performance for a fat burning almost 50 year old...and after 30 minutes I was truly proud of my body...my legs...my arms...and every part of me that kept this almost 50 year old body moving...even my arthritic knees...and I listened to the music on my iPod..."More that a Feeling...Never Feel This Way Again!"

Yes, the treadmill of life can speed up...but this soon to be 50 year old body is on the move...50...50...50...ready or not...here I come...nothin's gonna slow me down.

Judi

Mid-life Cleansing

2007-10-16T18:09:00.000-07:00

I started to read an excerpt from Dr. Christiane Northrup's book entitled The Wisdom of Menopause and I could not stop...thank you Oprah for featuring Dr. Northrup on your show...actually on your website...or in your email newsletter that I subscribe to...so glad I decided to subscribe to this newsletter since I don't have a TIVO to TIVO the Oprah Show (may have to get a TIVO for my 50th birthday...then I don't have to read about the Oprah Show...I can watch it...not that I have a lot of extra time to watch old episodes of Oprah)...anyway...back to Dr. Northrup's book...her excellent book that I most definitely have to purchase at the bookstore or on Amazon.com tomorrow.

I felt myself shaking my head as I read the excerpts from Dr. Northrup's book and from her appearance on the Oprah Show...everything she said was so true...I felt like she was a sister...a fellow peri-menopausal sister...someone that I bet if I met in a room...I could just walk up to and talk to...and have so much to share.

"At midlife, more psychic energy becomes available to us than at any time since adolescence," says Dr. Northrup. (Yes, Dr. Northrup, I do have a great deal of energy...no wonder I have problems sleeping...and I think I do have more energy than my adolescent son...he stays up late and can sleep in on weekends...whereas, I stay up late and get up early...must be that psychic energy moving through my body.)

To transform, says Dr. Northrup, "We must be willing to take full responsibility for our share of the problems in our lives. It takes great courage to admit our own contributions to the things that have gone wrong for us and to stop seeing ourselves simply as victims of someone or something outside of ourselves." (Okay, you're right...absolutely 100% correct...I need to take more responsibility for the issues I have in my life...stop worry about everyone else and doing more for myself...when was the last time I went to the gym...that's it...no more victim for me...watch out treadmill...here I come...I'm going to get in tiptop shape in my mid-life...use that psychic energy that is running through my body for a good cause...wonder if my psychic energy can work to heal my husband's wounds...and work to help my son with his college applications...stop it...stop it...here I go again...taking care of everyone else and not working on myself...where is my ID card for the gym?)

Dr. Northrup doesn't make it easy for me...nope...she wants me to really transform...she says "We must be willing to feel the pain of loss and grieve for those parts of our lives that we are leaving behind. And that includes our fantasies of how our lives could have been different if only." (If only...if only...where do I start...I'll have to work on my 'if only' list...not sure I'm ready for this yet...wonder if I can work on my 'if only' list when I'm 50+...it may take some time for me to compile my 'if only' list.)

According to Dr. Northrup, "When you hit about 35 to 40, you have an ego structure strong enough to really express who you are. So it's like all the stuff you knew when you were 12 or 13 or 11 comes back, but now you have the wherewithal and the skill set inform to manifest that in your life...You're reinventing yourself. You're figuring out who you are and you can't stand it another moment to live the way you've been living." (That is exactly what is happening to me...my ego structure is finally getting stronger...thank goodness...Dr. Northrup is so right...right...right...know wonder I was cleaning out my closet the other day...I was really throwing out a lot of stuff...a lot of old clothes and shoes...and I thought it was just my fall ritual...my fall closet cleansing after my annual trip to the dry cleaner to get my winter clothes from storage...I wasn't really cleansing...I must have been at the early stages of mid-life cleansing...as Dr. Northrup describes...this is exciting...this is getting very exciting.)

I also liked Dr. Northrup's advice to one baby boomer woman who was stressed out...just like me...she said the woman should "get her hormones balanced and get more circulation. The circulation of blood equals the circulation of joy," she says. "So you need to actually deliberately put in your calendar joyful times...make a list of five things you want to do—and then do them!" (This is easy...I like this tip...of course I have to actually do these things I put on my list...let's see what are my five joyful times...1- I have joy when I see my friends like the other day...2-I have joy when I go for facials...my next appointment is scheduled for November and I made a promise to myself not to cancel...3- I have joy when I go shopping for clothes...most of the time...especially in the fall...love those fall clothes when they are freshly arrived in the stores...4-I have joy when I relax and read my Vogue and InStyle magazines...even when I see designer clothes I cannot afford...I still have joyful moments looking at the pictures...5-I have joy when I watch a really great chick-flick...especially if Richard Gere or George Clooney are in the movie...that's it...that's my five joyful moments...I'm done...this was an easy part of my mid-life transformation...I like this step.)

Dr. Northrup says "many women struggle with anger...The anger is always at yourself because you have allowed yourself to be shortchanged...it's important to express—not repress—your anger...to get rid of anger...You use the anger and then get out of it as soon as you can...and get into joy immediately." (Okay...there we go again...back with the joyful moments...just like yesterday when I arrived home and was so angry from the entire day...angry at work...angry at the pain my husband was having...angry that my son had parked his car in the middle of the garage so I could not pull my car into my spot...angry...angry...angry me...angry...angry...angry day...wish I had read this article yesterday...wish I had known about Dr. Northrup's advice yesterday...then I would have had a joyful moment immediately...I'm going to put more joyful moments on my list and stick the list on my refrigerator...think I'll add ice cream to the list and M&Ms...dark chocolate M&Ms...I'm going to double up my joyful moments list...this is more fun than writing an 'if only' list.)

Dr. Northrup has lots more advice...about sleep...about stress...about sex...all the peri-menopausal "S's"...I stopped reading after she mentioned eating less carbohydrates...I didn't feel like giving up my many joyful pasta moments just yet...not ready to eat ground flaxseed as she suggested...but overall...overall...I do like Dr. Northrup's tips and I do think that she has some great advice...so when I get a spare moment...I'm definitely going to put her book on my 'to get' list and then on my 'to read' list...and maybe...maybe...even on my 'joyful moments' list...but for now...for now...I'm off to have an actual joyful moment...let's see...which moment should I choose...where are those M&Ms?

Judi

High School Daze

2007-10-14T17:20:00.000-07:00

I closed my eyes today and I thought I was back in high school...let's see that was 1971 to 1975...to be exact...my high school days were on my mind today...this glorious and sunny fall day...I was celebrating my high school friend's 50th birthday...was it 36 years ago that we first met...how is that possible...and another friend joined us as well...I hadn't seen this friend since high school...more than 32 years since we graduated...32 years...how is that possible I thought to myself, as I drove home from the apple farm where we had gone to pick apples.

We were just like 17 year old school girls...only more mature...and with a few more wrinkles...a few more years of experience behind us...wonder if we ever realized that we would be meeting during our 50th year...that we would still be in touch after all these years...it felt just like the old times...we talked about the guys and gals from our high school days...and I remembered them...yes...I remembered Peter and Nancy...and Stephie and Laura...and Ginny and May...and Marianne and Debbie...I remembered the cool kids...and the smart ones...the ones with the Afros...and the ones with the sideburns...and the parts down the middle...and those who wore aviator tinted glasses...and bell-bottom pants...the quiet ones and the loud ones...the ones who sat in the front of the class and the ones who sat in the back.

I remembered the teachers...the easy teachers and the hard teachers...the young teachers and the older teachers...the new teachers and the more tenured ones...and those special teachers...the teachers that were special because they were such good teachers...or because they were so memorable...like my French teacher who wore a shirt with red hearts all over it...and a red tie on Valentine's Day.

I pulled out my high school yearbook when I arrived home...ooh...ooh...I really didn't look good in high school...didn't like my hairstyle very much...so 70s...let's see...what did it say in my yearbook...oh yes...I was in the Drama Club...I was on the Yearbook staff (I don't remember being on the Yearbook staff)...I was a Rexo Room aide (ah, yes...there were no computers in those days...instead we had to make copies of worksheets using a manual rexo machine that had nasty blue ink that got all over my fingers)...and I was also in Arista...think that was the acronym for the honor society.

Before I put my yearbook back on the shelf...I flipped through more pages to read all the notes that different friends had written...there was one note that stood out from the rest...perhaps because it said exactly what I was feeling on this glorious sunny fall day 30+ years later as I picked apples with my high school friend who was turning 50 today and the other friend who had turned 50 in March...it was from Spyro...wish I remembered Spyro......wonder what happened to Spyro...wonder if he became a writer...he sure had eloquent words to say when he was 18 years old...bet he never realized that his words would ring true three decades later on this glorious October day:

"Happiness is to be with certain friends like you. That is something I will treasure for the rest of my life. For it is worth more than anything else I value."

Judi

Reinventing Myself

2007-10-09T19:23:00.000-07:00

I was reading a book the other day...yes...actually I read an entire book...all 127 pages...even the credits...(and I thought I would not read a book again until I was retired...nonsense)and I read it in 30 minutes...I could not put it down...I wish all books were as easy to read as this one...it was called "It's Not How Good You Are, It's How Good You Want to Be"...the book was authored by Paul Arden, a creative genius who had worked at the Saatchi & Saatchi advertising agency for many years...this little book captured my 49 year old attention span...it struck at my heart strings...being the creative person I am and have always wanted to be...I should have had a career in advertising...wonder where I would be now if I had pursued a career in advertising?

I especially liked Arden's words on creativity..."Creativity is imagination, and imagination is for everyone," he says...and he provided a wheel to help me understand my life's creative circle...I read through each age group in the circle...and thought about my life's creative circle...

Age 0 - 1 -- Nothing (nope, I was nothing from mid 1957 until that fateful day of January 8, 1958 when I was born...born into my creative circle.)

Age 1 - 3 -- Minimalism (I think I must have shown signs of creativity at an early age...will have to ask my mom about my pre-school days...although I don't think I ever went to pre-school...there were no pre-schools back in the late 50s and early 60s...I think my mom likely gave me a few Crayola crayons to draw with...I loved Crayola crayons...loved to get a new box of pointy crayons.)

Age 3 - 5 -- Fantasy (I always played dress up...dressed up in my mom's pointy shoes...dressed up in my mom's clothes...liked to dress up with her costume jewelry and pretend I was a fancy lady.)

Age 5 - 10 -- The Beginnings of Copying (I did copy pictures from magazines...and I liked to draw...even if I wasn't very good at it...I would make collages from all the magazines we had around the house.)

Age 10 - 15 -- Art Becomes Grown Up (I think this was the age when I started to sew and make real clothing...this may have been the age when I decided I was going to be a famous designer...which never came to fruition.)

Age 15 - 20 -- A Need to Change the World (Yep, that was me...I was going to change the world...no wonder I went to work on the McGovern presidential campaign.)

Age 20 - 25 -- Beginnings of Political Awareness (No wonder why I stopped working on the McGovern presidential campaign...or any political campaigns.)

Age 25 - 30 -- Maturity (Yep, I was maturing...I got married at 25...I had my first kid at 28...that sent me into rapid maturity...nothing like becoming a parent to send a person into rapid maturity...being responsible for another human being...buying a house - I wasn't totally mature...I only bought a townhouse...I bought the entire house later in life.)

Age 30 - 40 -- Hell Bent On Success (Yep, that was me in my 30s...I was "hell bent on success"...I was heading up the corporate ladder...climbing my way to the top...I didn't get all the way to the top...but I was still determined to do it with two kids...and a husband...and a house...I was on auto-pilot...it was full speed ahead.)

Age 40 - 45 -- Repeating Success (I was on auto-pilot...hard working...persevering...full speed ahead...that was me...climbing my way to the top.)

Age 45 - 50 -- Trying to Keep Up With the 25-Year Olds (That's me...I went on the treadmill the other day and I just could not keep up...no more running for me...but how do I walk fast and keep up with the 25-Year Olds who are running?)

Age 50 -- The Watershed (Yes, Arden is right...I'm going to hit the "watershed" soon..."the parting" or "divide" as it says in the dictionary...wonder what life will be like after I hit this divide...what new ventures will I have...what new people will I meet...how will my life change...how will I change...what will I change???)

According to Arden's "Life's Creative Circle" aged 50 - 60 is titled "Reinventing Yourself"...I really...really...really, really...really like the sound of those words...that's what I want to do...RE-IN-VENT MY-SELF...my WHOLE SELF...wonder who I'll become...think I'll bring back some of that creativity that's been brewing inside me all these years...it's time to crank up the gears...get those rusty parts moving that have been dormant...it's time for a complete REINVENTION.

Judi

P.S. - Arden's "Life's Creative Circle" did not end at 60...the rest of the years were too far out...but here's what I have to look forward to:

60 - 75 A Gentle Decline Into Senility (See why I stopped focusing after the first half of the circle?)

75 - 85 Youth Regained (So I'll have about 15 years of senility and then I'll get my youth back.)

85 - 100 Inhibitions Lost, Don't Give A Damn, Me, Me, Me (Life's sure like a circle...it's back to being a teenager again at 85+.)

Bringing Out My Beta

2007-10-04T19:13:00.000-07:00

I'm such an Alpha...I rise on weekday mornings at 5:30 am and don't leave the house until 7:30 am...sometimes even later...yet my Beta son...my Beta son...he rises at 7:00 am...actually his alarm goes off at 7:00 am and then he takes a shower...grabs a granola bar...and runs out the door...in fact...in fact...sometimes it is 7:20 am and he is still in the shower...just how he does it...I don't know...I just don't know...and I sit and worry every morning that he is not going to make it to school on time...but every morning...every morning...my Beta son seems to make it out the door on time...not a minute early...not a minute late.

I'm an early riser...always have been...and always will be...except maybe on the weekends...I've never been one to sleep until noon...maybe until nine...but not until noon...then half the day is wasted...but my son can sleep late...even on weekday mornings...as for me...I'm an Alpha girl...I try to pack in as much as possible into the few hours I have in the morning - shower, makeup, breakfast, read the newspaper (that is most of the time...when the newspaper man delivers the newspaper before my 6:30 am breakfast right to my walkway...not like yesterday...when it did not arrive...I have such a wonderful newspaper delivery man...he is just so wonderful...but yesterday and today too...I feared for the worst...I feared he had left me...left me in my worried Alpha state...left me...never to be able to read my favorite New York Times at the 6:30 am hour again...but then I saw the paper...down by the puddle of water...where the sprinkler had flooded the edge of my driveway...there sat the newspaper...and that little bit of Beta in me said "okay, it's not on my walkway...but at least I still have my newspaper.")

Yes...I must learn how to be a Beta girl...as I approach 50 I must learn how to bring out the Beta in this Alpha body...be more like my Beta son:

- to throw my clothes around the house or around my room...or let them pile up on the seat of my stationery bicycle instead of putting all my clothes in the hamper...or maybe leave all my clothes in my car after the gym instead of bringing them inside the house...or just throw them on the floor...that's what I'll start to do...just throw my clothes on my bedroom floor;

- speaking of my car, I need to also let my trunk fill up with stuff...lots of stuff that I put in my car...any kind of stuff, but never take the stuff out of my car...and leave old travel mugs with coffee still in them in the cup holder...and wrappers from the food I'm going to start buying at Wawa...that's what a really good Beta guy does...that's what I'm going to do;

- and I think I'll also stop making my bed in the morning...just leave it with an un-made Beta look...with the comforter partially touching the rug and the sheets down around the edge of the bed...and I'll throw a few clothes under the covers...maybe under the bed too;

- and maybe I'll forget to wash my eyeglasses...see how long it will take until I cannot see out of the glass;

- and I'm going to stop paying my bills the moment I get the bill in the mail...I'm going to wait until the last possible day...maybe even make a late payment if necessary...I'm going to see how far I can take it until the Alpha in me starts to shiver...then I'll write that check;

- and I think I'll relax more...not work so hard...watch more television...maybe even watch South Park, Family Guy, and The Simpsons...maybe learn to play video games...like Halo...and play Halo for five hours straight...not take a break;

- and I'm not going to worry when I don't wipe the counter after I cook my dinner...or not wash the dishes after a meal...why wash dishes...I'll just pile them up in the sink...who needs to use a dishwasher...dishwashers were invented to wash dishes...who needs to wash dishes when I can just let dirty ones pile up.

I think I was given a Beta son so I could learn how to value diversity...truly value and celebrate those differences in each individual...I love my son dearly...and I must admit he has made me a better person...a more tolerant and patient person.

I'm still learning every day...yes, I'm a life-long learner...every day I try to worry less...now that I am inching closer to 50...I think I'm going to try to worry even less...to bring out that Beta in me...enjoy life more...that's what Beta guys do...and so should I...I've been an Alpha girl for too long...I'll be 50 in less than four months...it's time to lighten up...and let out my Beta...I know it's hidden somewhere in my Alpha body...it must be a recessive gene...how else would I have given birth to such a beautiful and fabulous Beta boy?

Judi

Guess who else is turning 50 in 2008?: OMG...just read that Madonna is turning 50 next year too...my favorite Madonna...and she is possibly planning a concert to celebrate her birthday...I can't wait...this is definitely going to be on my list of things to do in my 50th year.

Let's Face It

2007-09-29T18:04:00.000-07:00

As Rita Rudner says in this fabulous little book I bought today called "I'm too young to be this darn old"..."I don't plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts till my ears meet."

Well, I didn't have a face-lift today...no radical surgery...but I did give my face a real lift...I went to have a facial...I had stalled long enough...my daughter had given me a gift certificate to the spa back in June...and I finally took the plunge...and it was so wonderful...my four month tension-filled face finally felt relaxed.

As I put on my towel wrap and prepared to slide under the warm covers on the massage table...I knew my 49 year old face was in for a treat...Donna, the facial therapist, put on soothing music and the scent of lavender filled the air...she examined my skin..."not too bad," she said, "but you have some breakout areas near your chin and around your mouth...are you having digestion problems?" she asked. (How could she tell from my face that I had irritable bowel syndrome...it was pure magic...she was a facial magician.)

"You should take acidophilus," she said, "to improve your flora and it will help that breakout area around your mouth and chin." (Imagine...from flora to face...and I thought it was the chocolate brownies I had eaten...or the other sweets I had consumed...when it really is the stress from my stomach that is causing my face to break out...I will have to keep eating my Activa yogurt that's supposed to fix my digestive woes...and then maybe my face will be fixed for good.)

Once Donna finished analyzing my face and dipensing flora advice...she moved on to exfoliate my skin, remove the impurities (as the brochure description said) and massage my face and neck...then there was the customized mask and treatment creams...it was simply divine...yes...my face felt like I was 49 going on 40...not 49 going on 50.

"You should have monthly facials," said Donna, "It will make your skin glow and your makeup will go on more smoothly." That's all I needed and I was sold...when the going gets tough...I'm going to get glowing...I went straight to the register...paid my bill and did something I always say I'm going to do, but never do...I made my next monthly appointment for November...and I'm going to promise my 49 year old self not to cancel it...or not to forget about it either...I'm going to put my facial appointment on my calendar...in big, bold letters..."Let's face it," I said to myself, "this 49 year old face has to keep glowing if it's going to look good when I'm 50."

And maybe next time I might even venture out and try another kind of facial...there are so many to choose from:

-the anti-aging hydration treatment...this is the one I want to try next...it incorporates a collagen veil for moisture & collagen stimulation with a warm paraffin mask appled over it for maximum penetration and hydration (my face could definitely use some stimulation...maybe if it was stimulated the wrinkles would fade away.)

- the lifting, firming and tightening treatment...this one sounds good too...maybe this is the next one I want to try...it's an intense facial that includes a medium retinal resurfacing treatment to soften facial expression lines. (I wonder what my face would look like if my facial expressions were softened?)

- Pumpkin Enzyme Peel...ooh, maybe I'll try this one next...wonder if they put pumpkin on your face...it says that this natural fruit enzyme has a powerful antioxidant and rich source of beta carotene.(I've eaten pumpkin bread and pumpkin pie...but I've never put it on my face...but I'm adventurous in my old age...I'm ready to try it.)

Oh, I think I'll just try them all...there are 12 months in a year...I have plenty of time for more facials.

Judi