WRITER RAMBLINGS: a fiction writer stuck in an academic author's body

I got to say the "P" word at work today...

2008-07-24T12:26:00.004-04:00

Today I got to say the P-word at work.
You know penis...

A guy came in and pulled a book from the shelf called Venus Envy. (I know, I giggled at the play on words, too, but it really isn't a good book. And I own a bookstore. And I've heard from others that they didn't enjoy it. So I consider myself a semi-expert on good books. I digress...)

So anyway this guy (we'll call him CHCWNT) pulls Venus Envy from the shelf.

CHCWNT: I don't get it.
ME: What's that?
CHCWNT: The title. Venus Envy? What does that mean? I don't get it.
ME: *blink*blink*blink*
ME: WELLLLL... I think it's a play on words.
CHCWNT: What words?
ME: *blink*bink*blink*
ME: Um...Penis.
CHCWNT: HUH?!?!
ME: PENIS. I think it's supposed to be a play on PENIS ENVY.

and then he says?

CHCWNT: It's too tight here, I can't get it back in... (as he tried to shove the book back on the shelf)

NOTE: OK, I realize in my own juvenile, crude mind this might only be funny to me to link together an innocent conversation like this, but, hey, whatever. A girl has to amuse herself somehow.

Blogidation

2008-07-19T16:22:00.003-04:00

Shhhh....
I have a dirty little secret:
Blogging makes me feel validated.

I don't know what it is about blogging, but it makes me feel important. Like I really exist in this world. Something special in a universe of other special things. Like I'm "someone" in this big ole bad blog-o-sphere black hole.

I don't know who reads my blog. I don't even know how many people access it. I rarely even look at the statistics that tells me these things (the last time I looked was months and months ago). However, I still feel some kind of existence just blogging. Maybe it has something to do with my lack of adult contact and spending 12 hours a day babbling, "SAY MAMA! Come on MAAAA-MAAAA. I KNOW YOU CAN SAY IT! SAY MAAAAA-MAAAA" to a 5 month old.

But I could be wrong.
It could be that I'm just completely egocentric.

HM.

I never got a Barbie cake...

2008-07-12T20:24:00.006-04:00

A regular customer came in the bookstore today. She had her cute little granddaughter with her. She just turned five. Not only did she get a Barbie car, but she also got a Barbie Cake. When the customer told me this I had a flood of memories and disappointment rush over me.

I never got a Barbie cake.
And I wanted a Barbie cake.
I asked for a Barbie cake growing up.
But I never got a Barbie cake.
Jodie (a girl I grew up with) got a great Barbie cake.
I asked for a Barbie cake for my birthday after that, but I never got one.
And, yes, I'm still bitter.

On occasion, I bring up the Barbie cake neglect to Todd. So much so that sometimes when I'm complaining about something (besides NOT getting a Barbie cake), he'll say, "Yeah, yeah. I know. You never got a Barbie cake."

When I was pregnant, I saw a Barbie cake at the grocery store. There she was, sitting on top of the bakery counter in her own little clear plastic protective box, as beautiful as ever. I knew this was my chance and I shrieked, "A BARBIE CAKE! I want a Barbie cake when I have my baby!!" Fully understanding and knowing the importance of THE BARBIE CAKE, I just KNEW my sensitive husband would remember and get me a Barbie cake to celebrate Ella's birth. Five months later? Still waiting for that Barbie cake...

For those of you who have NO IDEA what a Barbie cake is, you must now leave my blog...
.....
....
...
..
.

Still here? *sigh* OK. A Barbie Cake is a Barbie doll stuck in a cake to look like the cake part is the bottom of her big ball gown. A Barbie cake looks like this:

(Isn't she ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL?!?!)

Anyway, my bookstore customer today told me that she had a Barbie cake when she was a child. She reminded me that most Barbie cakes had only "faux" Barbies - that is the doll part had no legs (it was just a Barbie upper torso on a stick).

That's not how I remember it. Jodie's Barbie cake had a REAL, FULL SIZE Barbie. Know how I know? I GOT TO PLAY WITH THE BARBIE WHEN I NEVER RECEIVED MY OWN BARBIE CAKE.

Yes. I'm STILL BITTER.

So, I'm here today to officially announce the unofficial title of my memoir:

I Never Got a Barbie Cake (and Other Childhood Deprivations That Made Me Who I Am Today).

I'm totally serious. So don't steal it (HELLLOOOOO COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL).

Did I mention I never got a Barbie cake?!?!

2x + 2 Days = 2x 2 Much

2008-06-20T19:07:00.002-04:00

Remember just a few postings ago when I whined about how much I needed a make-over? Nothing like having your worst thoughts verbalized to you in a matter of two days.

So, we're once again in a ~~pre-approved Weight Watchers meal restaurant~~ crappy pizza joint when a woman walks over and looks at me and looks at Ella and says, "Is this your grand-daughter?" I actually laughed. It was amusing to me because Todd has this paranoia that we are going to take Ella to her first day of kindergarten and everyone is going to think he is the grandpa. I think it also didn't bother me because the woman was (not to be mean) mentally challenged. So, OK, maybe to her I did look like a grandma. No biggie.

Until today.

A bookstore customer of ours came in when Ella and her keeper dropped by and the customer said, "Is this your grand-daughter?"

It wasn't that funny this time around. (Especially since I just colored my hair...HELLLLOOOO)

I know I'm getting OLD. But 39 is NOT. THAT. OLD.

Dang.
I seriously need a makeover.
Apparently one to take about 35 years off...

You Say Tomato...

2008-06-19T11:25:00.002-04:00

It's really hard to be healthy when you have a baby.
REALLY REALLY HARD.
(Not to mention my husband is a REALLY REALLY bad influence. Sorry honey, you know it's true...)

So in an attempt to lose the baby weight (and then some, OH, and get into those size 6 jeans that are buried at the back of my closet that aren't even in style anymore), I decided to go on the Weight Watchers at home program.

It went pretty well for the first couple of weeks. I actually lost something like 12 pounds. I cheated, but it was way healthier than I had been eating since Ella was born. And then? I don't know what happened.

I'm tired.
Too tired to cook.
Too tired to think about it.
Too tired to be motivated.

Excuses? Maybe. (And did I mention my husband is a REALLY REALLY bad influence?!?)
(Yes, it IS nice to have someone else to blame Heh heh heh).

So the past couple of days I've used an upcoming trip as my excuse. You know, as in, "OH, I'm going on a trip and will eat crappy anyway, I might as well start over when I get back."

So today I visited a local fast food restaurant for a ~~pre-approved Weight Watchers meal~~ CHEAT chicken sandwich (who am I kidding? Of course I had the whole value meal! I mean, it IS a VALUE). Upon ordering, I received a "Do you want a tomato on that?" from the girl at the window. In light of the recent tomato scares, I actually contemplated for a second before I said, "I dunno, is it too scary?" Two managers standing behind the girl visably GRIMACED and looked at each other before one of them said, "Welllllll....we've been approved to serve them again, but..." *shrug* I beamed back a big smile and said, "SURPRISE ME. I feel like living dangerously today" (I almost saw LIABILITY beaming over her head like a neon sign as she hesitated).

In case you are wondering, I didn't receive the tomato. But I did eat every bit of that cheater chicken sandwich.

And, I almost licked the box.

No Removal Shock Here...

2008-06-14T09:44:00.004-04:00

Nothing is ever innocent anymore...especially on the Internet. The most innocently entered search terms can net some of the most interesting (& shocking) results. Case in point:

This morning I INNOCENTLY entered the following search terms for some clipart for a T-shirt I'm working on:
black and white hanging sign clipart

Seems innocent enough, right? I thought so, too. Well, until I get this result:
http://www.clipartguide.com/_pages/0060-0504-1516-0610.html

Color me surprised that this item was removed.
UH, HELLLLLOOOOOO...
(WHAT is WRONG with people?!?!)

I am Walrus Man, Hear Me Roar

2008-06-12T13:58:00.003-04:00

I should've known what kind of day it was going to be when I pulled up next to a dusty van at the gas station and someone had scratched into the dust, "You Need Walrus Man".

HM.

No shock that the things that followed were just as strange.

Like, when I see a trash pile with boxes and on one of the boxes (IN THE TRASH PILE) someone had put a sign: "Free Kittens" (I was seriously afraid to wonder what was in those boxes).

Or, like when the woman called me at the bookstore today to tell me she had read an article in the paper about me and how I play the harp and would I please play at her event. (OF COURSE I DON'T PLAY THE HARP...).

Or, like when I tell a regular bookstore customer, "I don't need a lounge day, I need 2 lounge weeks at a Mexican beach resort with Jose serving me non-stop Margaritas!" (I mean, seriously, Jackie, WAS THAT OUT LOUD?!?).

It didn't hit me until after the customer left that it's not a Mexican beach or Jose that I need at all.
I just need The Walrus Man.

Coo Coo Ca Choo.

The Google Giggle's On Me

2008-06-08T18:35:00.002-04:00

My baby hates me.

She's at a point where it seems like everyone else can get her to calm down when she's upset but me. I know this can't be an uncommon new mother feeling - at least that's what the intellectual side of me (yes, I do have one of THOSE) is saying, but the emotional side is screaming:

I GAVE BIRTH TO YOU. HOW CAN I NOT CALM YOU DOWN?!?!

This morning she had a cry that I had never experienced before - almost like a frightened (or bad dream) cry. So I bounced up to get her and she just wouldn't calm down. After a few minutes Todd took her and it seemed like she calmed right down. "Why does my baby hate me?" I asked him. I was pretty upset and laid in bed for a little while before I got up and did what any self-serving, self-respecting research writer would do: I Googled.

I actually Googled "Why does my baby hate me?" and wasn't surprised to find that someone had posted this same question on a Yahoo forum. I knew it wasn't just me!

The person seemed to be having the same sort of problem (although her baby seemed a little older than mine). Her baby cried whenever she saw her (the mom) and no matter what the mom did she could never get the baby to calm down. There were four posting answers and all of them said basically the same thing: don't pick her up because that makes it worse, AND (get this) FEED HER A SNACK. "Keep feeding her snacks and she will finally stop and be happy."

Huh?!?
Wha?!?

UH.
OK.

Even as a new parent, this didn't seem like sound advice to me. FEED HER A SNACK!?! Uh. No. I scroll back up to re-read the post to see if I missed something (like maybe her baby was, say, a RHESUS MONKEY). And there it was, glaring back at me like a big red warning DON'T BE CONFUSED flashing neon sign:

Harvest Moon DS

(In case you don't know, they were talking about a VIDEO GAME, NOT a REAL BABY).

*sigh*

(Guess it's a good thing I don't try everything I read on the Internet...)

My (Apparent) SuperSized Head

2008-05-31T14:05:00.000-04:00

So.

I need a serious makeover. I mean, in addition to the 3,000 pounds to lose that we won't mention, I just need a serious makeover.

I look tired.

My complexion looks all blah.

My hair is limp (not to mention it is falling out).

And it needs some serious shaping.

I need a pedicure (or maybe just one of those Ped-Eggs, I haven't decided yet).

And I smell.

(Ok, I made up the last one, but, hey, you never know when you leave the house with baby vomit in inconspicuous places).

(Don't laugh. It ~~did~~ could happen.)

So anyway, when I'm out spending what little money I have on frivolous items like, you know, DIAPERS AND FORMULA, I decided to get some of those cute headbands. You know the ones that are skinny, but you wear around smoothed back hair? The ones that you can double up on to make them look even cuter? You know, like this:

It is probably SO LAST YEAR, but I don't care. I think it's cute and I need some help with this hair that I wear up ALL.THE.TIME.

I can't remember the last time I bought myself something so FRIVOLOUS (yes, I know, sad. Shut up), so I was pretty excited. I get home, get the baby situated and RUN to the bathroom to try my new gift to myself! Only to find? Apparently my butt is not the only thing that is too fat. I guess my head is, too. My cute little hair "bands" squeeze themselves until they rubber band right off the back of my head.

I mean, is it REALLY too much to ask for just a little tiny bit of Tra-La-La Here Comes the Sun Feelin' Good About Myself!?!?

*sigh*

No Sweet 16 for this 16th

2008-05-30T21:19:00.006-04:00

Ella turned 16 today.
Weeks.
16 Weeks.

Before going off to work, I sat her down and had a serious discussion with her about how now that she is 16 she needs to start pulling her own weight.

You know, like getting a driver's license and getting a job.

It seemed like the responsible parenting thing to do.

In true "I just turned 16 and I'm a princess and you're not the boss of me" fashion, she instead decided to take up a bad habit:

I think it had something to do with us not having a party for her and not being featured on MTVs My Super Sweet Sixteen. This is only speculation on my part, of course, since she's not speaking to me...

American Idol-atry

2008-05-22T06:45:00.000-04:00

I totally don't get the complete and utter devotion to American Idol.
*cough*my husband*cough*

I mean, it seems that after a certain age, devotion (er, obsession) to/with this kind of thing is, well, creepy.
*cough*my husband*cough*

Anyway...

My husband used to get mad at me because I never wanted to watch it. (Sorry I outed you, honey). It was just a little too cheesy for me (not to be confused with Chikeeze)...

Last year FOR THE FIRST TIME I watched some of the tryouts. They were amusing, but I eventually lost interest as the "popularity contest" went on. Same thing happened this year. I did make it pretty far this year, but only because Michael Johns and David Cook were such hotties (LOVED the "Cougars for Cook" sign in the audience a couple of weeks ago). But after Michael Johns got voted off, I (once again) completely lost interest unless David Cook was on.

Last night, I had Idol on while I was doing housework. Well, honestly? It was on because we were DVR-ing two things at once and you can't change the channel which is really stupid.

But, I digress.

Anyway, I must admit, I really enjoyed the David Cook/ZZ Top pairing. I would've preferred two hours straight - without moving - staring into the TV - of a David Cook concert (paired with other cool musicians). The rest? COMPETELY OVER-THE-TOP CHEESY. I mean, who else was creeped out by the "I'll be your father figure" group sing? *ew*.

And, don't even get me started on the semi-choreographed dancing...
I mean, did you see poor Brooke try to dance and sing at the same time? Egad. And what about that rocker chick who so obviously wanted to be anywhere but there? Speaking of which, how torturous of them (the producers) to make the LOSERS (helloooo big L?!?) stay on the rest of the contest only to perform on the last night to remind them what big losers they are? It's all too weird for me (not to mention, I have NO INTEREST in trying to watch 16 year old David Archuletta trying to sing Neil Diamond. I mean, HELLLLOOOO, was he even born in time to know what "I will be your father figure" is all about?!?).

Anyway, SO GLAD that David Cook won. I'll really look forward to seeing, er hearing, more of him.

I can't believe I just wrote an entire blog post about American Idol.
I suck.

WTF (What The Family)?!?

2008-05-21T16:10:00.004-04:00

You really don't understand the importance of public restrooms until you have a child. At least I didn't. ESPECIALLY a baby. If there isn't one of those flip down diaper changer thingies, then fahgetaboutit. (It's hard enough for my germaphobe mind to put her on one of those flip down things let alone a public restroom floor *shudder*).

That said, get this...
I'm out today at a popular, well-known, department-like store. They have a big sign over the exit door for a FAMILY RESTROOM.
FAMILY.

So, I take Ella's seat off the cart, leave my items, exit the building to the vestibule area, and go into the FAMILY RESTROOM. Imagine my surprise when I find that the FAMILY RESTROOM is just a large, one person restroom WITH NO FLIP DOWN DIAPER CHANGER THINGY.

Now I axe you, what made this a FAMILY RESTROOM?
I mean, WTF?!?!

Baby Einstein Gone Wrong

2008-05-14T10:03:00.000-04:00

AKA: How NOT to Do Baby Einstein Flash Cards

Ella has Baby Einstein flash cards. If you don't know what they are, they are laminated flash cards with colorful photographs of different items that a baby may (or may not) find interesting. On the back, they give you "triggers" to ask the kids and also pronounciations for the word in different languages.

Ella has a particular affinity for the STAR and the COW. I was showing them to her a few nights ago and I was pronouncing the two words in Spanish (following, of course, the pronounciation guide on the back of the cards). Todd takes them from me and goes through all the different lanuage pronounciations for the star (In French this is .... In Spanish this is...) and then he says, "And THIS? This is a ROCK STAR!" and he starts playing air guitar for Ella.

Then he takes the cow card and goes through all the pronounciations. When he finishes he says, "And in Texas? This is called STEAK."

Spoken like a true native Texan...

What I Did for My 1st Mother's Day

2008-05-12T10:57:00.003-04:00

Yesterday was very interesting. It was a huge Blessing to have my first Mother's Day - something I never thought I would experience in my life.

On my Mother's Day, we went to this "special" place. It was a little crowded, but it had these nice loveseat-type chairs with an umbrella. Just to the right of where I was sitting was a beautiful wall of blooming flowers. There were an amazing amount of different kind of appetizer-like finger foods. Then, Todd picked up this beautiful white 6" orchid plant off the floor. It was SO BEAUTIFUL and I was picturing it in my Bay Window!

It would've been a perfect Mother's Day if we hadn't been at Costco...

Parents or Creepy Couple?

2008-05-07T10:28:00.000-04:00

Here are some things that would make you a very creepy couple if people didn't know that you had a new baby:

Breast pump top on kitchen counter.
Baby Einstein video (dude, have you ever watched one of these?!? TOTAL ACID TRIP).
Medical syringe in the living room.
Rash ointment on the living room ottoman.
Semi-nude baby photos on computers.
Packs of batteries all over the house.
Anal thermometer on ottoman tray.
Video & 35-mm cameras on bedroom nightstand.

Parents or creepy couple? Very fine line...

All Skate, No Restrictions

2008-05-05T13:41:00.000-04:00

Here's a little game anyone can play:

Which of the following seems the most out of place?

a. A dad grocery shopping with his 4 year old daughter.
b. A dad grocery shopping with his 4 year old daughter at 7 a.m. on a Saturday morning.
c. A dad grocery shopping with his 4 year old daughter at 7 a.m. on a Saturday morning and singing.
d. A dad grocery shopping with his 4 year old daughter at 7 a.m. on a Saturday morning and singing along to "You Make Me Feel Like a Natural Woman" at the top of his lungs in the line behind me.

You choose...

Finding Yourself

2008-05-03T11:27:00.002-04:00

Today in the bookstore I found a lady bug helping herself to the book, Eternal Impact: Investing in the Lives of Men by Phil Downer. I assumed she was lost, so I gently redirected her to the Gardening Section - specifically, to a book about roses on display in the window.

I thought it would give the gardening display window some authenticity.

Anyway...

I wondered later if I had made a mistake. Maybe she needed redirecting to the relationship section (given her ealier interests)?

Jackie's Top 5, II

2008-05-01T19:10:00.002-04:00

5 Things I TOTALLY don't get:

5. Ice cream with birthday cake.
4. Dancing with the Stars.
3. Calamari.
2. Tila Tequila.

And the number 1 thing that I TOTALLY don't get?

Sperm for tickets.

Stupid Human Tricks

2008-04-28T17:28:00.001-04:00

Want to have some fun the next time you are shopping? Follow these simple directions:

Go to your favorite local grocery or department store.
Remove one of the security sensor tags from a random product.
Find a person with a FULL CART (important part) of items (you know, a person who will need the cart to get out to their car).
Place the security tag on an inconspicuous place on the cart.
Watch the person using the cart try to leave the store.

It's really, really funny.

Until it happens to you.

(don't ask me how I know...)

Jackie's Top 5

2008-04-25T12:03:00.003-04:00

Here are the top 5 strangest things I experienced over the past week:

#5: Love Me, Love My Doll
#4: Oppressive Lesbian Judgement
#3: Ninja Cocaine Kitty Butt Spraying Me in the Eye
#2: Man Playing Bagpipes to the Water in the Park Across from My House

And the #1 strangest thing I experienced over the past week?

A billboard for a local funeral home advertising their ability to podcast their funeral service over the Internet with the tag line, "Now Everyone Can Attend" (and a picture of an elderly woman with her laptop).

But no judgment...

2008-04-22T21:50:00.004-04:00

At the grocery store tonight, I get in line behind 2 women unloading their one cart together. I'm holding Ella and navigating my cart with one hand and one of the women says, "OH! So this is the little screamer I heard earlier."

HM.

ME: "Yeah, girlfriend has some lungs. She really doesn't like to be in her car seat..."
Her: "Well, I guess she got EXACTLY what she wanted then, didn't she? She's being held..."
*insert oppressive judgment here*

You know, never mind that you are judging me for a baby that has been sick since Saturday.
Never mind that she has projectile vomited for the last 3 days and can't keep anything down.
Never mind that when she sits at the smallest reclining position it's completely uncomfortable for her because of her serious reflux.
Never mind that she's had such bad diarrhea for the last 24 hours that it soaks through a diaper and 2 layers of clothes.
Never mind that I've had to sleep with her on my chest sitting up in a chair for the past two nights so that she doesn't vomit every 10 minutes.
Never mind that I had to change me twice and her once this morning due to the volume of her projectile vomiting.
Never mind that even though she's sick, I still have to schlep her around in public to get everything done that needs to be done.

And?
Never mind that you are a lesbian couple looking down on me for my parenting skills.

But no judgment...

Creepiest Thing EVER

2008-04-21T12:00:00.001-04:00

As I mentioned previously, I'm logging a lot of baby-created TV time.
Lucky me.
(And now, luck for you!)

Since I didn't watch a great deal of TV BB (before baby), I've been introduced to some pretty interesting things. For example, who knew that The Food Network is possibly one of the greatest channels on TV?!?

While channel surfing in the wee hours this morning, I came across a BBC program called Love Me, Love My Doll. Well, who could resist that, I ask you?

Let me say this:
CREEPIEST. THING. EVER. (in the history of creepy things)

There are men (and I suppose women, but the show was only about men) who spend up to $10,000 to create their own life-size, life-like "doll". For what purpose? I'll let you use your imagination.

The weirdest part to me was not that men bought these just for sex (well, aside from that fact that people actually spend $10,000 on them! That was weird to me...). The creepiest part was that all of the men in this program talked about "being in a relationship" with their doll.

HELLLLLOOOOOOO...
REALITY CHECK: IT'S A FRIGGIN' DOLL!

One guy actually had 8 of them.
EIGHT.
AT $10,000 EACH.
You do the math.

Of course, this is the same guy (who actually seemed semi-normal) that has a GIRLFRIEND. His girlfriend knew about the doll(s), but he hadn't been upfront about how many he had and the extent of his "relationship" with them. So, for his birthday he decided to have a birthday party with his girlfriend.
And two of his dolls.
Which he dressed up.
And put make-up on.
And birthday party horns in their mouths.
(Way...)

When she arrived, she started cracking up and then said, "I need a beer." Later she asked him how many he had and how often he used them. When he said eight and about once a week she was stunned. Flash to them eating and drinking wine at the dinner table.
WITH THE DOLLS.

Flash to the girlfriend saying, "I'm glad he was open about it. I don't have a problem with it..."
BUT YOU COULD TOTALLY TELL SHE DID!
Voiceover at the end said that the girlfriend broke up with the guy a week after the "birthday party."
BIG SHOCKER.

It's creeping me out just to re-live it again and relay it here.
If you excuse me, I need to shower...

If you're intrigued by the creepy, I found a portion of it posted on YouTube. (FYI: It's under the mature audience section, but it doesn't show anything lewd...aside from the general creepiness of it).

We Otto be friends, Man...

2008-04-19T05:04:00.002-04:00

What I'm about to describe here is not for the faint of heart. Reader discretion is advised.

This will forever be known as "The Ottoman Incident."

OK.
So.
My dog tried to eat my baby's head.

Ok. Ok.
Let me back up:

A few days after we brought Ella home she was lying inside her Boppy pillow (the greatest invention since onion and chive sour cream, btw...) on the ottoman that goes with the big double chair. I was sitting on the chair part, she was on the ottoman, and my dog Indy was lying next to Ella on the ottoman.

Flashback: We had wondered how Indy was going to react to the baby upon arrival. He is, after all, MY DOG - he sleeps at my feet, he goes from room to room with me throughout the day and he looks sincerely dejected when I go into the bathroom and shut the door. He's always done this. For THIRTEEN YEARS.

So you can see how we would be curious about the effect of a baby addition to the family.

Not to mention he absolutely freaks out every time he hears a baby crying on the television.

Yeah. You think this would've been clue enough for me, but no...

So when we brought Ella home, we were surprised that Indy was less than interested. He really didn't seem stressed at all. The heaven's opened, the birds sang, the bunnies hopped, all was good.

Except for The Ottoman Incident.

So when they were lying together on the ottoman, Ella was doing one of those loud, long baby cries while Indy slept next to her (you know WAH WAH WAH WAH WAH WAH...). All of a sudden, out of a deep slumber, Indy goes GRRRAP and snaps at her head.

And then I proceeded to gently remove him from the ottoman while speaking in soothing tones.
*ahem*

Look, I know it sounds bad and without making excuses for him, if the dog wanted to bite the kid he would've. But he doesn't. I know this because he's done the same move to both Todd and me when he's sleeping and we try to move him. He's just a crotchety old dog when he sleeps. (Who, apparently, doesn't want WAH WAH WAH WAH WAH bouncing around in his head when he's trying to sleep. I COMPLETELY understand...)

Flashfoward a few weeks: I put Ella on the ottoman to play with her and, yep, you guessed it, Indy is there again (I have a slow learning curve). One of Ella's flailing arms accidentally lands on one of Indy's legs, which he looks at and then moves (and he's all like EWWW baby human germs! Baby human germs!). When it happens again, he gives a warning growl (which allowed me to intervene this time).

The saddest part?

Ella just looks at him all like, "Dude...I have NO IDEA what you are, but I SO want to be your friend..."

Poor kid. Nothing worse than being rejected by your own dog.

Bored Baby Labeling

2008-04-18T10:25:00.002-04:00

I guess it's no surprise that my husband and I ended up with a high maintenance baby. (For those of you who know us, I'll give you a moment or two to regain your composure from laughing...)
.....
....
...
..
.
Anyway.

I mean, my ADD husband goes 100 miles an hour at all times of the day and night and I'm pretty HM myself most of the time. But who knew that my baby would start to exhibit this behavior as early as 4 weeks?

My baby gets completely bored. How do I know this? She unmistakably raises one eyebrow, sighs a really loud (unmistakably) bored sigh. This is the sign that you have about 34.2 seconds to 1) either entertain her, or 2) move her to another location so she can entertain herself before all hell breaks loose in the form of what I call the "screaming bloody murder" cry.

I looked at Todd a few days ago and said, "Do you think she has ADD?" (I mean, let's face it honey, she would take it naturally). This sparked an interesting discussion about the pros/cons of "Labeling" your kid.

Before Ella was born, Todd and I had a discussion about how we were both really driven with high expectations and how we both needed to be careful about setting these expectations for our kid and instead let her be who she wants to be. We've probably made some mistakes in the past with the other 2 girls (my stepdaughters are 15 and 19). We should probably learn from that, right?

Anyway, it scared me that I may be labeling my daughter already. I'm sure it's human nature, but how do you let your kids be who they want to be without pushing all your learned behavior BS on them?

Baby Gorbachev (Who's My Baby Daddy?)

2008-04-16T22:45:00.000-04:00

Coincidence?

I think not...