Trapped Between a Scream and a Hug

Verses

noreply@blogger.com (Rachel Sue) — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 18:45:00 +0000

I'm very curious about this:

Which is better?

Google + or Facebook?

Pinterest or Google?

Wordpress or Blogger?

Tweetdeck or Hoot Suite?

Instagram or Twitter?

Seriously, guys. What do you think?

Cousins are the best

noreply@blogger.com (Rachel Sue) — Mon, 06 Feb 2012 18:37:00 +0000

I recently got together with my cousins for a baby shower. I don't know what it is, but there is something so special about that relationship.

We are all so very different. Some of us were raised in a very privileged life, some were not. Some were raised in California, some in Florida, some in Utah. Some of us are married, some are not. Some of us are mother's, some are not. Some of us are loud and outgoing, some of us are reserved and shy. But when we get together, it doesn't really matter anymore. It's like the last 20 years have been stripped away and we are all little girls having so much fun together that we plot and plan to get our parents to let us have a sleepover.

These are girls I am lucky to see every 6 months or so, but who I feel so comfortable with. I feel so lucky that I have them.

A Contradictory Life

noreply@blogger.com (Rachel Sue) — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 18:26:00 +0000

I've been thinking lately. I'm not a totally honest person. And I don't mean that I am a pathological liar or a thief. I just mean that sometimes, particularly hard times, I am less than sincere.

Chances are, if you ran into me and asked me how I was doing, my answer would be, "Good." Even if I'm not doing good. Even if two of my kids threw up that morning or we were completely out of money because of an unexpected expense or. . . or. . . . or

My list could go on but you get the picture. Why do I do that? My justification is, Well, no one really wants to hear about the unbearable cramps being the reason that I am currently standing in the pharmacy section of Target, searching for Midol. They just asked me to be polite. But here's the thing: I have good friends who ask me the same question, and I'm pretty sure that they are asking because they care, rather than out of common courtesy, and you know what? I give them the same answer.

Sometimes I feel like there is exactly one woman who truly knows me, and that is simply because we are living parallel lives. I tell her things that I tell no one else, because she truly understands. And sometimes I wonder if maybe, just maybe, when those friends ask me how I'm doing, if I answered fully and truthfully, that I might find more women who's lives are much like mine. But, for now, I'm going to have to find the wizard first. I don't know if I have the courage to lose those friends.

A Thank You Note

noreply@blogger.com (Rachel Sue) — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 15:19:00 +0000

Dear Lovely Ladies who commented on the previous post,

THANK YOU. I really needed to hear ALL of that That I wasn't alone, that I just needed a break, that the world was NOT ending. Thank you for taking the time out of your day to stop what you were doing, click over and leave me a few words. It really means the world to me.

I'm not exaggerating. Lest you think I gush to much, I was desperate. It was very dark over here, and you let in a little bit of light. Enough to make me realize that it was going to be okay, that it was going to pass and that I was not alone. I'm going to say that again, because it's important: that I was not alone.

And if there is someone reading this in the darkness, you're not alone either. Even if you don't want to shout about it quite like I did, you are not alone.

Thanks again lovelies,

I hate making up titles. I really, really do.

noreply@blogger.com (Rachel Sue) — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 23:14:00 +0000

Yesterday was one of those days. My husband was out of town Monday until late last night, and yesterday afternoon I was at the end of my rope.

I was not patient. I was mean. And as I was screaming at my children I had a brief out of body experience. I realized what I was doing and a little voice said, "Seriously? You're really yelling at them for that?"

I hate those days. I hate that out of control feeling, the unreasonable rage that just overwhelms me. And over the stupidest things. Why? Why do I do that, when I know better? It seems like I should be old enough now to and have enough kids to keep it together.

Tell me I'm not alone. That I'm not the worst mother in the world for yelling about stupid things? Please?

Sunshine, blessed sunshine

noreply@blogger.com (Rachel Sue) — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 22:25:00 +0000

Whenever the sun comes out, my boys think it is summer.

For example, today I went outside for a few minutes to talk on the phone. (It was the only place I could actually hear. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does this.)

They followed me out. (of course.) And they started to play cars out there, which is totally fine with me. . .Except for the fact that neither one of them was wearing any shoes. They couldn't quite see the logic of coming back in the house to put them on, they were perfectly fine in their "feet." Which may also be why they keep leaving the door open. They might be fine, but I am freezing!

Um, maybe help?

noreply@blogger.com (Rachel Sue) — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 05:26:00 +0000

So, I read and COMMENTED on blogs tonight. I haven't done that in a long time. It felt good.

I'm kind of kicking myself. I think that I have done it again: committed to too much. I started freelance blogging. Did I tell you that? A few months ago. So far, so good. In a way, it's fun. It's so amazing to be validated. That this hobby of mine? Yeah, it's actually worth something. It's also kind of more work than I was looking for.

Did you know I make lots of stuff from scratch? Partly for the whole health consciousness benefits, mostly to save money. And while it doesn't take a lot of time, it takes time.

And I started a book. I hesitate to write that. I have started, literally, dozens of books over the past 10 years. And in the last year I have written 80 pages. So, at this point, I'm pretty committed. But don't ask me to read it. Not yet. Maybe never. But that takes time, too.

And I'm still teaching my girls dance. And I'm cub scout leader. And I get called to substitute in primary more often than not.

That "good, better, best" talk has been floating around in my head. But the problem is, I'm having a really hard time classifying. How do you do it?

No. Really, I'm asking. How? Do you schedule your life down to the minute? Do you do the bare minimum? Do you sleep? I really want to know. Because, well, I could really use some advice right now.

And P.S. You can tack pink eye on to Tayleigh's list of afflictions. No school for her again tomorrow. This chick is going to fail second grade, I swear.

Thus far this winter

noreply@blogger.com (Rachel Sue) — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 04:00:00 +0000

I know, I haven't been around much. Shall I tell you why?
Let me sum up the last month with my children:

Eden: A bad cold, including one night of vomit inducing coughing
Tayleigh: the stomach flu, nasty cold with cough, stomach flu, stomach flu, cold, ear infection
Seth: stomach flu, nasty cold with cough, pink eye
Eric: nasty cold with cough, pink eye
Me: stomach flu, bad cold, annoying cold
John: stomach flu, bad cold, annoying cold

So, yeah. I've been a little preoccupied. And I am SO excited for winter to be done already.

Have you ever noticed. . .

noreply@blogger.com (Rachel Sue) — Fri, 06 Jan 2012 22:36:00 +0000

This has been bugging me lately. Not necessary on my own blog, but out there in the internets. . .

People take things WAY too seriously.

Seriously.

It gets kind of ridiculous. I don't even like reading the comments on most articles any more because

1. People are mean
2. People are dumb
3. People are just kind of ridiculous.

I don't know about you, but I tend to take everything that I read, with the possible exception of scripture, with a grain of salt. I feel like that needs to be prescribed to the rest of the word.

What about you? Have you noticed this?

On the day after Christmas. . .

noreply@blogger.com (Rachel Sue) — Wed, 28 Dec 2011 04:45:00 +0000

Well, we made it to California. With only

5 times hitting traffic

4 coughing children

3 potty breaks

2 total meltdowns

and one boy scared of palm trees.

Let's hope the trip home is slightly shorter.

Just a thought

noreply@blogger.com (Rachel Sue) — Wed, 21 Dec 2011 05:50:00 +0000

So, the other day I was driving down the freeway, approaching an underpass. And you know how people use the fences on the overpass as their own personal billboard. Well, yesterday there were homemade banners for Ron Paul. And next to the banners were a couple of people holding up more Ron Paul signs and waving at cars.

Here is why this is interesting. It was cold yesterday. There was no sun. The air out here is seriously toxic because there is NO SNOW. (But that is a topic for another day.) And yet these people are holding homemade signs campaigning for Ron Paul. In the cold. On an OVERPASS.

This makes me more curious about what is so great about Ron Paul than a million dollar commercial on TV degrading the other guy.

Just sayin.

Snow. And not even that much.

noreply@blogger.com (Rachel Sue) — Tue, 13 Dec 2011 20:43:00 +0000

I think the snow is affecting my motivation.

All I want to do is drink hot chocolate, curl up on the couch with a blanket and watch movies with my kids.

The problem? I don't have time for that.

Sigh.

The worst part? When it snows in January when I DO have time, I won't enjoy it nearly as much.

Have you ever noticed. . .

noreply@blogger.com (Rachel Sue) — Fri, 09 Dec 2011 15:03:00 +0000

That every time you go to the bank you get a check that day?
That there is always more to do and more that you WANT to do at Christmastime?
That it is hard to find non annoying Christmas music, particularly on the radio?
That you can never get there fast enough to get the great deals?
That the day after you mom, someone will spill koolaid everywhere?
That people are equally nicer and more impatient at Christmas?

Yeah. Me too.

Book Review: Heir to Power

noreply@blogger.com (Rachel Sue) — Wed, 07 Dec 2011 14:40:00 +0000

When I first got Heir to Power I was a little bit hesitant. I do love a good fantasy novel, but they can be elusive. And it seems like when they are bad, they are horrid. So, I went into the book with some trepidation. But the further and further I made it in, I realized that this one would not be getting a place on the horrid list. This one kept me reading.

Heir to Power is a post apocalyptic look at a secluded people, living their lives according to the records of their ancestors. The story revolves around Kairma, a sixteen year old girl about to come into her powers as second in command of the tribe. Only, she has no desire. This is the story of her journey, as well as the journey of the rest of her tribe as they come to respect her position.

Author Michele Poague has made the story of the Survin tribe and people come alive in Heir to Power. It is the first of a three part series that will take the Survinese people farther than they ever expected. You can find the first two books, Heir to Power and Fall of Eden on Amazon, with the third, Ransom, to be released shortly. You can read further reviews of her books at Tristi Pinkston's blog.

A 7 year old's views on universal physics

noreply@blogger.com (Rachel Sue) — Tue, 06 Dec 2011 21:23:00 +0000

Tayleigh: Did you know that even if you build a machine, that you still can't go back in time?
Me: Why is that?
Tayleigh: Because you are there doing stuff. And you can't fit.

I think she is a genius. But that's just me.

P.S. IT'S FIXED! Christmas cookies, here we come!

So it's Friday now

noreply@blogger.com (Rachel Sue) — Sat, 03 Dec 2011 03:34:00 +0000

And I lost my train of thought. Why does that always happen?

*******************************

I am going through oven withdrawals. It wasn't the baking element. I was wrong. It is, however, then entire oven display. Yes. Because of one freaking short in a digital display, I have to pay 120 dollars to make it better. Stupid oven.

Do you know how hard it is NOT to bake cookies? It's all of a sudden Christmas time and I can't make cookies. I also can't bake bread, or rolls or muffins. (Muffins? Eden says in despair.) Nope. Well, I've been getting a lot of work done elsewhere at least.

*******************************

I have 3 presents left to buy. THREE, people. I gotta tell you, I'm pretty proud of myself. Which is where the NOT MAKING CHRISTMAS COOKIES comes in. If you haven't figured it out yet, I NEED MY CHRISTMAS COOKIES.

******************************

And I think I'm done. I'll let you know when the oven is back. There will be many less occasions to use caps lock then.

I know it's not Friday

noreply@blogger.com (Rachel Sue) — Wed, 30 Nov 2011 17:17:00 +0000

But I want to be random anyway.
I really like Pan Am. Did it get cancelled? I have decided that I like the guy on that. There is something about his accent that I really like. If you have no idea who I'm talking about, he is the guy that was on ER who was from Croatia or something. And if you still don't know who I'm talking about, well, I don't think I can help you.

**********************************

I'm trying so hard to be really super efficient, particularly with my time. It is hard. Have you ever tried to always be doing something? I read while I eat. I fold laundry while I watch TV. I address Christmas card while waiting for my slow computer to boot a page. It's getting ridiculous.

But I'm getting a lot done.

********************************

So, I may have done something stupid. Rather than call a repair guy about the oven, I got online and bought a new heating element. I googled it, and when my kind of oven won't heat, that is usually what the problem is. It didn't occur to me until tonight to check the broiler. Cause if it's the heating element the broiler should still work, right? Oh, yeah. It doesn't.

*********************************

I got called to be the Bears leader. Cub scouts. Pray for me, friends.

Is it true what they say about coming in threes?

noreply@blogger.com (Rachel Sue) — Mon, 28 Nov 2011 18:37:00 +0000

Why do good weekends always end on a sour note?

We had a good weekend. Delicious dinners, lots of family we don't get to see very often, a trip to the zoo, a trip to the theatre. And then yesterday.

The morning went amazingly smoothly. The girls did everything they were supposed to with the promise that we would get out Christmas decorations after church. You would think tomorrow was Christmas Eve, the way they were begging. We did church, I taught Primary. (Yes, I did get released. And I haven't been to Relief Society yet. Everyone keeps asking me to sub!) Came home and started making lunch. Threw the corn dogs in the oven, washed the dishes, turned the girls into pack animals and they brought up all the decorations. (I love that they want to help AND are capable of helping.)

The timer went off on the oven for lunch. I pulled the tray out of the oven and could still see the ice crystals. At first, I thought it was me. I was stupid and forgot to turn on the oven. But, sadly, no. The oven was on. It was just cold.

There goes our budget for the month. Awesome.

Then, around 11:30 I am shaken awake by Eden. "Seth is throwing up in his bed." The thing every mom wants to wake up to in the middle of the night. I got him cleaned up and made a bed for him in my room. And, as luck would have it, I couldn't fall back asleep.

It's a good thing I just spent an entire weekend being grateful, or I would be pretty depressed about this turn of events.

Last Weekend

noreply@blogger.com (Rachel Sue) — Mon, 21 Nov 2011 22:56:00 +0000

I am still exhausted.

Last weekend was full. Overflowing even. It was spent at the Time Out for Women event in Salt Lake City. This was my second year volunteering. I spent two days taking pictures, wandering around the Salt Palace, taking notes and catching up with a friend.

Those two days are full of stories. I hope to tell you some of them and I hope you don't get tired of me.

First, let me tell you about my stint as photographer. I was a bit intimidated. I have a DSLR and I love taking pictures of my children, but I wouldn't presume to call myself a photographer, especially inside. But still, they asked and I said yes. I went Friday afternoon my stomach full of butterflies. In the planning of an event for 5000 women, small things like the details tend to be forgotten and the fact that I was the photographer was the extent of my knowledge.

I was quickly informed that I would be in charge of video as well. Not of the event, thank heaven, but of the women attending the event. I was given a list to guide my pictures
*women in big groups
*women waiting at the door
*how long the line is before the event (longer than a picture can ever capture)

and a list to guide the video as well
*women waving at the camera
*women saying "We love Time Out for Women!"
*women answering questions

That last requirement was the hardest. By definition, I am an introvert and walking up to strangers and asking them to be filmed is not my idea of a good time. But, I did it. And I am so glad I did.

I met a woman who had received a scholarship to come to the event and the only word that she could muster was grattitude.

I met teenage girls who came to feel the spirit. Teenage girls. I know!

I met women who came looking for answers and I met women who received them.

And I met one woman, lying on a cot at the end of an aisle surrounded by her friends. An empty wheelchair sat close by for transportation. I almost didn't approach her, but something pushed me towards her and I asked her why she had come to Time Out for Women that weekend. She had recently had a pacemaker put in and was still recovering from that surgery. On top of other health issues, she hadn't left her home for the past four months. Oh, how she wanted to come, and rather than commiserate, her friends took it upon themselves to make it happen. They made the arrangements, they took care of her, they brought the cot and a sleeping bag and they got her there. She said, for the first time in months, she felt like herself again.

As I write this, I can feel my throat tighten and I wish that every woman had friends as proactive as hers. And that maybe sometime, I can be that friend.

Product Review: Heelys

noreply@blogger.com (Rachel Sue) — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 20:31:00 +0000

So, I got a pair of Heelys. Yeah. For me.

You can stop laughing now.

No, seriously. You can stop.

I got them to do a review. And, let's be honest, I was a little nervous about it, because really they are not really my style. But I am always one to try new things. We got the package and my kids got so very excited. They thought they had won a brand new pair of roller skates. The girls skated around the house in them, and the boys, since they couldn't keep them on their feet, rode them around on their hands.

The first time I wore them for real I felt like I was back in 6th grade at the roller skating rink, and I desperately wanted a wall to hang on to. After a little while, it got easier, but I don't think I will ever be quite as adept as the eleven year old boys who zoom down my street on theirs, but I think I can get to the point where I am not in constant terror of cracking my head open. And, well, the practice is pretty fun!

I was surprised when they arrived how cute they are. Mine are gray and pink and I would wear them around to run errands and for a day at the park. Except I'm still working on keeping my balance in them. So , I guess I should say eventually I will wear them around to run errands! They are really comfy and fun and I'm glad I got to try them out. That, and I think I know what my daughter is getting for Christmas. . .

If you are thinking along the same lines, Heelys is throwing a Black Friday special: between Nov. 25-28, buy a pair of Heelys, get the second pair for $25.

*Thanks to Heely's and Buisness2Blogger for providing me with these for the review.

Things I like this week:

noreply@blogger.com (Rachel Sue) — Thu, 10 Nov 2011 16:45:00 +0000

Let's try to counterbalance last week's list, shall we?

*How I Met Your Mother. But I think we have discussed that. But you should watch this. And think Indiana Jones. And if I could find the rest of the clips that are Star Wars and Ghostbusters, I would link you there. Because I love it so, so much.

*Dancing. I found a CD of African music at the library that made dance this week, oh, so much more fun!

*Pandora. Most of the time. This week it's been good to me.

*My husband's jacket. It is a fleece lined hoodie and I am driving him crazy because I keep stealing it. It's just so warm!

*Psych. But that isn't anything new. I love Psych. I always have.

*Yogurt. I love it. I have been making it for about a year and I'm getting pretty good. If you're curious, here is a link to the recipe. It is awesome over a banana with a little chocolate syrup on top.

Yesterday

noreply@blogger.com (Rachel Sue) — Mon, 07 Nov 2011 15:43:00 +0000

First, I want to apologize for the video that's been on autoplay. So annoying. But, good news: I finally figured out how to turn the autoplay off. You can read my blog again, without having to turn the sound off. Hooray!

Second, I got released from the Primary presidency yesterday. I have mixed feelings about this, but mostly I'm sad. I'm also kind of annoyed at the whole releasing process. They called me to come to the church about 20 minutes before it started, with no warning whatsoever. We haven't been in that long, so this was the last thing I was expecting. So, the counselor releases me and I head to the chapel to wait for the rest of my family.

Here's the thing: it was Fast Sunday yesterday. Which means that my blood sugar was low. And I go just a teensy bit crazy when my blood sugar is low. I proceeded to cry for the next 45 minutes.

I know.

And of course, since it is testimony meeting, something possesed me to get up and bear my testimony. (I'm pretty sure I know what, but the timing was pretty awful.) So, I get up and basically make an idiot of myself. Yep, I was one of those people, my husband assures me, that you couldn't understand because I was crying so hard.

It was embarrassing for all of us.

See, if they had given me some kind of warning or even a days notice rather than a minute's, I could have held it together. But no. They have to drop a bomb on me 10 minutes before testimony. Not cool, guys. Not cool.

The Ultimate Showdown snort

noreply@blogger.com (Rachel Sue) — Sat, 05 Nov 2011 22:01:00 +0000

This post brought to you by Puppies vs. Babies. All opinions are 100% mine.

There is one question that the universe has debated since the beginning of time. And no matter what, it has been impossible to come to a conclusive decision. Until now:

Which is cuter? Puppies vs. Babies?

If ever you have debated this with anyone--moms verses dog lovers--you will want to check out the Puppies vs. Babies online contest. You can make your voice heard! Is your little boy the cutest thing to exist on the planet? Or is your little golden retriever beyond adorableness?

Personally, I fall on the side of babies. It may be because I have had four, and have never had a do. Also, dogs are annoying. Cute, yes, but annoying. My babies were, well, I know that I am a tiny bit biased here, but they were pretty much the cutest thing that I have ever seen. There is absolutely nothing that can compare to the first smile, the sweet, squeaky noises that they make while they are sleeping. Oh, I need a baby.

But, this isn't about me, this is about you. What do you think? Is it the baby or the puppy boat? Which one will you ride on? Be sure to head over to the Puppies vs. Babies online contest and vote! I'm curious: let me know, leave a comment with your vote!

Because you know you wanted to know. . .

noreply@blogger.com (Rachel Sue) — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 13:55:00 +0000

You know what I don't like? I think I will tell you. Because you are dying to know.

*I don't like how long school is. Because they get home and have like 5 minutes to do their chores, do their homework, practice the piano, eat dinner and take a bath. Seriously. Not enough time.

*Elementary school homework. Really? Really? Okay. So, I get that they should read every day. And that's fine. But the stupid little work sheets. It's ridiculous.

*I hate the conflict between hot and cold that my house goes through. I have the heat set for really low about 9. Which cools the house off, so for the last hour or two that we are awake I am freezing. But if I let it stay warm right up until we go to bed then I can't go to sleep because it is too hot. It is frustrating.

*I hate it when movies flash the names of their actors in their commercials even though it is no one that we have ever heard of. Seriously. Who is Will Collide. . . . oh, wait.

(teeheeheeheehee)

*I hate the How I Met your Mother is NOT on demand. Come on, guys. Just when I have discovered the glories of it, and you deny me that?

*Watching baseball. I'm sorry. But it's true.

*The way that clearance sucks me in. If there is something I can't pass up, it's a big, red clearance sign.

I think that is all for today. I hope your curiosity has been satisfied.

A Letter

noreply@blogger.com (Rachel Sue) — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 15:28:00 +0000

Dear President of the American Atheists Society,

I understand that you do not believe in God. And I do not begrudge you that right. I believe in God, but I also believe that everyone in this country has the right to worship the way that they please, and to let others do the same. That is not my concern today.

I would, however, like to address the Highway Patrol tribute crosses that so seem to offend you as you drive past them on the highway. The white crosses that stand in tribute of the fallen, those who were killed in the line of duty. And I wondered if it had ever occurred to you, that those crosses were not for your benefit at all? Did it cross your mind that those crosses were meant to be more than some offensive religious symbol that you are forced to see as you travel?

Maybe, just maybe, it could be that those tributes have nothing to do with you whatsoever. Maybe, just maybe, those crosses are for those who loved the men and women who have fallen. Could it be that their beliefs differ from yours? Could it be that those men and women DO believe in a God, and that those offensive white crosses serve as a reminder to those families of their belief that there is a being greater than they, that there is a God who is caring for their lost loved ones? And would you really deprive those families, who have made the greatest sacrifice, their solace? Would you be so selfish as to take away that simple reminder?

Maybe the next time you drive past a cross on the interstate, maybe you could consider the fact that they are not for you. And think a little bit harder about what you are trying to do.

Sincerely,

Trapped Between a Scream and a Hug

Verses

Cousins are the best

A Contradictory Life

A Thank You Note

I hate making up titles. I really, really do.

Sunshine, blessed sunshine

Um, maybe help?

Thus far this winter

Have you ever noticed. . .

On the day after Christmas. . .

Just a thought

Snow. And not even that much.

Have you ever noticed. . .

Book Review: Heir to Power

A 7 year old's views on universal physics

So it's Friday now

I know it's not Friday

Is it true what they say about coming in threes?

Last Weekend

Product Review: Heelys

Things I like this week:

Yesterday

The Ultimate Showdown *snort*

Because you know you wanted to know. . .

A Letter

The Ultimate Showdown snort