The Great

Today..

2012-01-17T08:18:00.001+08:00

I woke up crying which I've not done in years. I thought I have perfected the art of being strong.

That no matter what happens, I can face this with no tears when it comes to people.

Part of me hated myself for even attempting to open up. Part of me really wish I didn make this stupid move.

Oh man, this hurts.

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This side of me

2012-01-16T23:35:00.001+08:00

I'm glad no one reads this anymore.
Now it feels that this place is my refuge.

I had a call tonight from Christine. Thinking it was just a status update, it became a conversation of my past and how it shaped me to who I am. The truth hurts but it was the truth.

It's true when she said that I find it hard to open up my heart to anyone else.
It's true that there is no ONE single person who knows everything about me. None.
and when she said that the probable cause of this was the passing of my dad, I knew that it was the reason.

In the past 10 years, I don't think I've ever mentioned about how my dad lost his battle in cancer on the web or even to anyone else. I have learnt how to defend myself emotionally that I find it better to harden my heart than to open it and get crushed again. To anyone for that matter. Not even my mom.

But who knew that because of this, I unintentionally pushed people away and probably hurting them along the way? So many of them.

Today, I found out that I've been sabotaging myself.
and I just pushed someone away from me.

Looks like I need God more than ever now.
I need some time alone.

Bangkok Getaway!

2012-01-16T13:44:00.002+08:00

I think I'm a freak sometimes. All I wanted to do was to have a shopping trip in Bangkok and spend all my money there. I ended up browsing online for the best value accommodation, the mode of transportation and many other stuffs I'm embarrassed to mention

Of course, being me - I sidetracked a little when I checked other fares online and then proceed to plan my next holiday! Do you know that a round trip to Melb in Oct cost a freaking RM900 only!? ROUND TRIP BAYBEH!

I'm contemplating if I should just go ahead and book the flights since I've not been to Australia before. Have not even seen my cousin's house in my life! -.-

Then, there are places like Jakarta, Macau, Cambodia, Vietnam, Japan, Taiwan, Thailand.

How does AirAsia keep their fares so low? Incredible! So, that was what I did the entire week..

Look at the crazy amount of tabs I've!

Then, I researched on the accommodations as well. With Jee, our imaginations run wild! We (read: me) ended up checking the airfares to Seychelles! What a beautiful placeeeee!

RM 5,000 for accommodation and flight! CRAZY OR WHAT!

I can't wait to get my ass back to work so I can go for holidays like these! I really need to start applying for jobs now. People are crazily worried for me while I'm chilling away. I'm such a champ, really.

Gotta get my butt off the chair and get lunch and do some printing.

and....spring cleaning again.

Hopefully I start with my job applications too!

Hey you :)

2012-01-13T15:11:00.000+08:00

So, it's the 13th day of 2012! How does time fly? It doesn't make sense! But anyhow, things have gotten better from the end of 2011. Trying to recover and heal from the crazy things that happened. Super thankful for having a merciful and graceful God :)

I should really blog more often since I'm not working now but what ya know? Procastination beckons.

Christine and me on NYE. How was yours?

I don't think I will ever come to this but I think I have enough of my holidays.
There's only so much you can do with your free time while all your friends are busy working. Hehe.

I'm actually spring cleaning my room and I reckon it will be done by tmr latest.
Probably bake, sew, do some crafts, read and exercise.
But cant imagine it doing for the next few months. I actually sat down and look for jobs yesterday. Not bad eh?

I don't know what I'm even babbling about.
and...I should sit down to jot down my expectations for the year.
It's good really.

xoxo

The final week before I'm labelled as the ex-auditor

2012-01-01T22:38:00.003+08:00

All I can say is crazy.
Final working day was on 23rd Dec.
Flew back and everything was happening in a spin. Too fast, too fast.

Sabah.
Christmas.
Meet ups.
Ipoh.
Genting.
PD.

Finally, I'm back home.
Without my glasses and tons of backlog work to complete.

Clearance.
PF.
SESB work.
Maxis stock count report
Claims.

Such a champ.
Haha. Oh wells. 2012 yo.

A new year.
Was so reluctant to even think of the new year as any different, but someone convinced me otherwise.
So yea, there will be thoughts to it.

and how can I end this post without the obligatory line..
Happy New Year!

and owh, I hope you had a great Christmas because I certainly did.
Totally loving this picture :)

It's really very painful

2011-12-14T23:43:00.003+08:00

The disappointment, the humiliation.
What are you trying to teach me, Lord?

Because honestly, this is too much for me.
Can you just make it stop for me, please? I cant take it anymore.

When tears cant flow but your heart bleeds

2011-12-14T14:04:00.002+08:00

I knew this was coming, but never knew it felt this painful.

I want to cry.

I want to shout that it's so unfair bcuz it really is.

God, why?

I just hope there's a reason to this.

2011 - The last lap

2011-12-04T21:34:00.002+08:00

December

Always a good month to reflect on your year, your life.

Unfortunately, as I began to count on my achievements this year, I was a lil disappointed bcuz I did not see myself bearing much fruits.

I remember starting the year with so much excitement.

I could even remember the first Sunday service of the year was by Pr Kenneth on Provers 3:5.

I was ready to start the year.

I made a resolution to bring my uncle to church and accepting Christ.

I had great motivation to really do life with the people that was assigned to me.

I knew there were very precious people.

What happened?

I have no answer.

If God called me back home today and asked me what did I do with 2011...

I could only stare back at him blankly.

There were many great opportunities given to me to bless other people and I hope I did.

Maybe I'm too hard on myself. Maybe I'm not.

Did I sow enough in God's kingdom?

Or was I too busy being busy?

O God, forgive me really.

Forgive me for the countless times I disobeyed you.

Can I really start over again?
The last lap - I'm gonna try my very best to at least try.

and after that,

it'll be a whole new thing altogether.

Still praying about it.

In fact, nothing about these things are certain! CRAZY!

On another note, Jac came back from UK and she has decided to come to Acts regularly only after her first visit! It's amazing how we still kept in touch after so long and amazing how we knew each other! :) I really pray and hope that we will do life together!
I could really feel the connection! Maybe its bcuz we have the same surnames, the 'Chongs'!

Ok, back to work.
The last lap.

I hope I leave on a good note :)

Tough to swallow

2011-11-30T19:07:00.003+08:00

Once in a while, I deserved to get whacked.

....and today, is the day.

Never knew it was so hard to take though.

Probably, I gotta have a thicker skin.

As I stare blankly at my laptop, I wonder if this would actually work out.

Serious thoughts now. Two complete difference of tolerance.

Maybe I should just continue what I've been doing. Diversify is always better right?

and probably, this is the trigger I need to show that I can do this.

Ball of rage.

It never felt this RIGHT

2011-11-15T22:49:00.001+08:00

Apart from my career n the occasional stupid things I've been doing, I've been very very happy :)

Never imagine this day would come, but yea :)
I can only thank God. Indeed, He truly knows the desires of my heart.
Every bit of it.

It feels right this time.
And I hope it is!

But for now, imma gonna hunt for food! No dinner yet! Can u believe this? Lol.

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Let's just say I did something very stupid

2011-11-13T21:40:00.002+08:00

Oh, how I love doing this stupid thing.

and I feel like an utter hypocrite.

Telling one thing and living out the other.

Funny thing is, I totally enjoyed it.

Aiks, so bad! I so gotta pick myself up and knock some senses to my head.

It's harmless for now, but never know I might hurt the person I care for in the time to come.

Is it bcuz I'm still young and I know I can afford to do these stupid things? Lol.

Why am I blogging all these nonsense stuff when there's more important to do?

Like work. Or laundry.

Or watching the new series - New Girl.

I cant even blog from the computer

2011-11-03T01:06:00.001+08:00

Well, its been long. Lets just say I wasnt as strong as I thought it would be. It hurts.

Countless times, I did it n the mistake repeats. Maybe bcuz I dont see hope anymore n hence the actions.

I thought this time might be differrent. I drop my game.. N guess what? Its still the same. Defense is still the best offense. I shall stick to my rules.

Great. I have tons of work pending.

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Two more

2011-10-21T09:59:00.002+08:00

It's gonna be 2012 very soon. Say soon and it will be 2012 already.

Heck, we are 24. We are of THAT age - Christine.

Sigh.

Since Maxis, I was assigned back to SESB.

Two weeks in Sabah - hellish.

Study break.

Singapore. Met some new friends. New perspective in life.

Study.

Hang out with Laura. Girly chats. Boys.

Back.

Study some more.

Enjoying the most I can.

In memory of Steve Jobs - You gotta love what you do.

2011-10-06T19:00:00.003+08:00

I got this email from Laura a while back when I was struggling to love my job.

Today, Steve Job - the co founder of Apple - passed away.

I want to post this so I can remember to love what I do, 10yrs from now.

And not to just dream, but to go for it and beyond.

RIP Steve Jobs. You are a legend.

Forever remembered.

***

You've got to find what you love,' Jobs says
http://news.stanford.edu/news/2005/june15/jobs-061505.html

This is a prepared text of the Commencement address delivered by Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple Computer and of Pixar Animation Studios, on June 12, 2005.

I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college. Truth be told, this is the closest I've ever gotten to a college graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That's it. No big deal. Just three stories.

The first story is about connecting the dots.

I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out?

It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: "We have an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?" They said: "Of course." My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to college.

And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents' savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn't see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn't interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.

It wasn't all romantic. I didn't have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends' rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5¢ deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example:

Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed. Because I had dropped out and didn't have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can't capture, and I found it fascinating.

None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied the Mac, it's likely that no personal computer would have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.

Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

My second story is about love and loss.

I was lucky — I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started Apple in my parents garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released our finest creation — the Macintosh — a year earlier, and I had just turned 30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board of Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating.

I really didn't know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down - that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure, and I even thought about running away from the valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me — I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.

I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.

During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the worlds first computer animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT, I returned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple's current renaissance. And Laurene and I have a wonderful family together.

I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.

My third story is about death.

When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn't even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor's code for prepare to die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you'd have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.

I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and I'm fine now.

This was the closest I've been to facing death, and I hope it's the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late 1960's, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and polaroid cameras. It was sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great notions.

Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words: "Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish." It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

Thank you all very much.

Little things that makes me happy

2011-08-26T01:21:00.001+08:00

Just came back from a team dinner and I had so much fun :)

I love this team n I thank God fpr hearing my prayer. Indeed He knows the desire of your heart.

God is good!

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Blogging via mobile

2011-08-25T00:16:00.002+08:00

Let's just see how awesome this app is. Hope it exceeds expectation. Hmn, so how do i upload the pics?lol..

Not bad, it really works! AWESOME! :)

and thats the bday gift my team got for our partner! Awesome team!

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Life took a turning for the better since April :)

2011-08-20T07:39:00.002+08:00

So, after 1.5yrs I'm still in audit! Hehe. Who would ever thought that I would come this far?

I thought I would quit within the 1st yr itself.

But apparently, there are rumours going around that I wanna quit so badly so contingencies have been made. Lol.

Well, I dont know how it could go this far, but I guess the face shows in the earlier times.

It's been a week since I am placed in this team, in this job.

So far so good.

But above all, I really wanna learn something. I wanna contribute back to my team.

I wanna do my best.

I realise I may not have the experience or knowledge an associate1 should have, but God's good that He's allowing me to make amendments from now. I really wanna do my best and learn as much. I would work twice harder if that's what it takes.

I don't know how it would be but I'm just surrendering it to God.

I hope that when I visit this blog in 2 months time, my opinion is still the same.

***

Quite excited that the EPL is back!

All the drama and the talks of who's better, who should be sent off, how the managers are a moron and so on..

BLISS!

and this just comes to show how much I <3 them!

#YNWA

I'm already having Liverpool posters all glued to my wall :) :)
Thanks to Blu-tac! Amazing creation. Hehe.

New client.

2011-08-11T23:51:00.002+08:00

So, tmr will be my first official day in my new client.

After 1yr of doing a telco company, I would be doing the other from tomorrow onwards.

I do not know what to expect, the hours may be crazy.

The workload may be crazy.

But I'm just hoping that the working culture, the team dynamics would offset everything.

By God's grace, I can emerge victorious from here! :)

It's scary because this would really determine if I'm worthy to be promoted next year.

Last year wasn't exactly the best as certain things have happened, but omg, I'm so glad I'm out of it :)

Hoping that things would be changing for the better!

Oh, how beautiful are these precious :)

2011-07-14T01:42:00.004+08:00

These shoes are so pretty and cheap.

All are selling below RM 70.

Too bad they are not in my shoe size.

Pics taken from here.

It's been a long time since I fell sick

2011-07-07T00:20:00.002+08:00

Slept for 5 hours and I'm still so tired.

Maybe I slept too much.

Aihs. Two more days to the weekend.

At least I managed to finish the bulk of the work and the Maxis team has been so kind in letting me take a half day off :)

On another note, deciding when I should buy the HTC Sensation.

Dying to get a smartphone which has whatsapp and twitter. Yes, I'm shallow like that.

so I can also post pictures wit it!

My current BB is just not doing me good.

Cant wait, cant wait.

and can someone please remind me to subscribe to my CPA paper? Oh bosan.

I don't know.

2011-07-05T00:19:00.003+08:00

Maybe I'm just not good at this.

Thought this would be different.

Maybe it's just me.

Can I just turn back time?

It's Monday already!

2011-07-04T00:09:00.002+08:00

Reckon it's gonna be a long night, but thank God that my senior is very nice :)

Hoping that I can finish my new project in time.

Been researching on the HTC Sensation n SamsungGalaxy S2.

Think I made my mind.

But the thought of rm1k plus flying out of my pocket is just plain painful.

Gah.

and Novak Djokovic just won the Wimbledon Grand Slam 2011.

It's sad that Nadal lost, but a well deserved champion.

There's still the US Open.

I dunno what I'm babbling about.

Think I need to sleep.

Gonna procastinate for now and continue my work tmr :)

3am

2011-06-28T03:21:00.002+08:00

Felt extremely tired when I came back at 11.30pm and just crashed.

Now I'm awake catching up some work and watching Wimbledon :)

Not the best start of the day, but I cant complain on the end of the day.

Met up with few of my batch mates, had some hilarious conversations and a few online conversations that was just plain awesome :)

Ok.

I'm procastinating to start my work.

So lazy! lol

Guess who's back in KL?

2011-06-27T03:53:00.002+08:00

and so I spent the night after my touchdown in KL with the girls.
It's been so long since we three hang out and we hanged out again on Saturday in Chic Pop.

I went mad, shopping like there's no tomorrow.

But I'm an awesome bargain hunter yo!

2 pair of shoes, 2 vintage belts, 2 vintage scarfs and a dress for only rm138!

Am I awesome or am I just awesome? :)

The Saturday was one of the best saturdays in a very long time.

A weekend started with me giving tuition to the Subang kids,

then to ChicPop with the girls (Quality time and shopping combined!) - and I SAW KINKYBLUEFAIRY! I was star struck! She's so awesome I tell you! :) :)

Had a satisfying 3hr nap and off for dinner with the family whom I have not seen in ages.

Monopoly with my youngest bro and Wimbledon.

Ah, such is life :)

and of cuz, Sunday!

Was my first time in Sunway! Awesomeee place!

Call me optimistic, but I see that the whole ConventionCentre would be filled to the brim in a few months time and that's just how exciting it is partnering with God! :)

I dont know how Pr Kenneth knew, but God knew and He spoke right to my heart.

No one knows what I'm going thru, but wow!

God's just so awesome la.. :)

Here's to another awesome week and we will be in our 7th month of 2011!

Crazy how time flies! lol.

and I'm hoping to get my HTC Sensation very soon. It's such an awesome phone!!

Any generous souls to the ClarynChong foundation? Hehe.

ReUnion Conference 2011 - HOPE

2011-06-05T21:14:00.002+08:00

I didn fancy in bringing up my hopes too high because as the saying goes,

'The higher your hopes are, the greater the disappointment'

This time, it's a lil different.

Bcuz my HOPE now is not based on thin air, but in my Jesus.

As I committed my hopes into prayer,

I wanna pen this down so that come next year, I wanna see these miracles happening!

1) Hope to see that my uncle and aunt get saved

2) Hope to see my relationship with my mom gets better

3) Hope to see my ministry in God grows

4) Hope to see my career blooms!

5) Hope that my life partner is someone who is of God's choice :) (That one long time more) lol.

But we shall see.

and I believe it'll come to past.

On another note, yday was also another night I wont forget as God spoke to me through Euodia.

The little struggles that I tell God - no one knew. Only He knew.

and for Euodia to speak every of that in prayer, I can only know that it's Him.

I've no idea what God has in store for both Dia and me, but I know that God did not leave me behind and we'll be going fwd together :)

Here's to an amazing week!
Signing off from airport.

Gonna be in Sabah for 3 weeks! xoxo