It's always me....

The S Family

noreply@blogger.com (anom) — Sat, 22 Aug 2015 19:08:00 +0000

noreply@blogger.com (anom) — Wed, 29 Apr 2015 19:29:00 +0000

Testing.

Tetiba rasa nk menulis dalam blog balik. My last entry thn 2012. Skrg dah 2015. Kenapa tiba2 nk tulis blog balik? Sbb there are times aku rasa nk luahkan perasaan, tapi x ada channel yg sesuai. We'll see..

x leh tido

noreply@blogger.com (anom) — Mon, 05 Nov 2012 19:05:00 +0000

aku rasa dh pukul 3 lbh tp mata aku seriud x leh tido. X pasti knp. Hmm, sbb aku minum cappucino least ptg tadi atau sbb aku 1st day period. Ntahlah labu. Jgn pagi esok terlajak tifo sudah, huhuhu.
Apa nk citer ek?... Ooo. Ni 1st time aku update blog dr hp lumia aku. Testing.
oklh, time to publish

Hatiku berbunga2

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 30 Mar 2012 04:49:00 +0000

Cerita ketika dalam kereta masa on the way nak pegi keje pagi tadi. Saya malas nk drive & minta En Suami hantar saya pegi keje kt UM nun. Dia tak kisah pun. Lagipun, as usual klu dia hantar, mesti singgah breakfast kt McD sungai besi.

ANW, bukan ini yang saya nk citer. ceritanya pasal topik pagi di sinar. Ada sorang caller (pompuan) bengang dgn suami dia. dulu seblm kahwin, bila tny pasal gemuk. tak kisah. kalau dah tak muat pintu, dia buatkan sliding door. tapi bila tanya skrg, lps dh beranak 7, badan pun x berapa nk kuncup, jawapan suami dia... kalau laam2 camni, nak lari. Ada ke patut jawab mcm tu. sentaplah makcik tu. klu aku pun sentap!!

aku pun terus ler tanya en suami. awak sayang kat kita tak? yalah, dh nk masuk 12 tahun kahwin kan. anak dah dua, w/pun badan tak berapa nk kembang lagi tapi dh banyak2 part2 yg gelebeh sana, gelebeh sini. jatuh sana, jatuh sini. huhuhu. aku suruh dia jawab betul2 & dia cakap... dia rasa dia lagi sayang banding dulu. aawwww. terharu I. somehow, aku percaya apa yg dia cakap tu betul sbb aku pun rasa sama. hahahhahahahahaha *poyo*

dr masa mula2 couple dulu, aku selalu ckp aku terima dia sbb dia nak kat aku. masa tu mesti aku tak kisah. saper yg nak aku, ake terima je. lame sungguh. the reason aku ckp cam tu sbb aku ada terbaca. suruh sayang orang yg sayang kita. which aku rasa tindakan aku amatlah betul. klu ikut aku masa tu.. banyak je mamat2 hensem yg aku suka/admire.

oklah.. itu je nk tulis. bubbyeeee

Entry #500

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 12 Feb 2012 07:11:00 +0000

Tak sangka saya dh post 500 entry dlm blog. W/pun makin lama makin suram dgn update tp utk tutup the blog.. may be not. At least with the current address, I feel more secure from being found. :). Ntah hapa2 kan? Nk ada blog tapi x nak org jumpa. Saya pemalu ler *_*.

ANW.. ari ni ari ahad. Miss SA tido, & Master SA tengok TV kat bawah & Mr S kluar pg KL. nk ke low yatt katanya, survey brg2 komputer. Saya x anak ikut & dia pun malas nk bawak sbb tau kitaorg mesti boring klu pg situ. Si dia plak, bila smpi situ, mcm lupa diri. semua bnd dia n belek, huhuhuh.

Apa nk citer ek? Masa mula2 bukak blog, ingat nk citer psl panic attack. kdng2 aku rasa my panic attack makin teruk. Yg penting aku dh tahu, normally happened bila aku tertidur kat tmpt2 tak biasa e.g dlm plane, rumah, tmpt baru. br ni masa pg portugal, kena kejap dlm plane. aku tertidur, bila terbangun gelap semcam & aku x namapk any way out. Nasib baik aku taulah jugak apa nk buat bila terkena tu. Just urut belakang, bagi angin2 kluar. Insyaallah, lps tu ok ler. Dahlah tu, klu lalu kt tunnel pun rasa takut. padahal, dulu2, suka sngt klu masuk tunnel.

oklah. tiba2 mls nak tulis

2012 resolutions

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 27 Nov 2011 17:00:00 +0000

Syawal shared with me this suff & I decided to make them my 2012 resolutions :)

1. Leave your heart from hatred

- Happen especially at work.

2. Clear your mind from weariness

- I have to admit that I worry a lot. However I am trying to be cool in everything

3. Live simple

- I am simple bu Mr. S is not. So... ada sket susah lah

4. Give more

- Will try my best !!!

5. Expect less

- Everything I do, I do i for Allah s.w.t

They are all applicable to career, personal life, family matters, etc,etc & effective immediately

Welcome 2012

macam2

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 07 Nov 2011 17:32:00 +0000

macam2 citer sepanjang cuti raya haji ni. my holiday started on 4/11 = my wedding anniversary. Taking a aday off ngan mr s pegi jalan2 cari makan. what else, hehhehe? then, terbeli h/bag coach. design tu mmg dh lama aku suka & kebetulan plak, this one blogger yg mmg jual coach h/bag jual this dsgn. tanya mr s dia bagi green light.. woot, woot. kita tunggulh bila bag tu smpi yer which I don't know when? ANW, ari tu dh terorder bag LC, also from a blogger. (not the same blogger) & tak cakap kat mr s, huhuhuh.

our wedding anniversary celebration was ended with cake cutting cermony lah konon2 nya. I ordered rainbow cake & pavlova. The pavlova is so yummy & the cake too. but the cake is too big, 3kg. cer bayang, camner nk abiskan. I makan satu slice ajer. klu ada big event, mmg oklah order tu. tp pavlova tu mmg sedap yg amat. I bought 4 & makan 3 1/2. on that day, mmg level of sugar tinggi yg amat...

then on saturday, x buat apa sgt. masak sket2 for raya haji as the in laws will celebrate at our house? awkward kan? apsal sambut kat my house plak? selalunya sambut kt rumah parents kan? malas lah nk citer. to cut the story short.. my MIL ada masalah to celebrate hari raya since ALL her jeweleries were stolen last year during raya. tapi jadang2, my naughty taught cakap alasan malas nk masak. anw, x nak citer panjang sbb aku suka je sbb dpt spend kat rumah senditi. lagi best, aman & sentosa. mr s pun suka jugak sbb dpt sambut kt rumah sndri. so.. worry not :)

on pagi raya, the boys got ready for semahyang ray & do you know that my MIL woke up at 8.30am? tak taulah nk cakap apa kan. for me, very melampau. klu x nak sambut raya pun, u still have husband/son to take care of kan? seriously, I keep losing my respect to her tp x penah ckp to mr s. mesti dia tak suka kalau I caka[. after all, she is still his mother. the rest of the family has agreed to just follow what she decided.. not to sambut raya, with hope it's only for this year. But..if she is still like this next year, we will celebrate raya at her home. besides, next year will be at mr. s side for hari raya. my MIL told us not to come to her house during this hari raya & also during aidilfitri. Don't ask me why ....

after zuhur we went to malacca. the holiday was my MIL's idea. She didn; want to celebrate raya, remember? I actually against the idea because holiday + public holiday = not fun at all!!. The holiday was 2d1n but we only joined them on the first day as we have to go back to johor on the 2n day (thank god). And from what I heard mr s, what they palnne, didn't really worked because so many people + traffic jem. *I told you so*. ooooo.. sometimes I felt so bored with MIL and PIL (tp sket2 jer). ssoooooooooooooo banyak complain. padahal dia yg nk sgt pg holiday ni. incident no 1.. nk went for dinner. dh smpi melaka ni, kenalah pekena ikan bakar kan. nk travel dlm melaka tu, bukannya tau sgt kan? pakai GPS lah & sometimes GPS ni bengong gak. lain nk dipegi, tmpt lain yg dibawak. so adalah delay sket.. sket sgt pun. x adalah smpi berejam x jmp tmpt. dlm keter dh pot..pet.. knp nk makn jau2h lah, patutnya dia tak ikutlah, dinner roti canai & nasi lemak dh cukup ler. halooooooooooooo. ni 1 incident, banyak lagi incident2 lain yg aku bengang je tapi of course aku senyap jer. jawab pun dlm nada ketawa2. aku komplen balik kt mr s jelah lsp2 tu & u know what he seems to agree to what I said. yg PIL tu plak tu masalah over protective nya. pening kepala makcik, hhehehe

balik kampung... as usual bestlah kan? hehehhe. ada kenduri. syafique & syra enjoy themselves. mr s got him a new sony tablet s. the main reason why we went bac to johor, balik hari. sanggup tu. dpt amkan sup tulang yg super sedap. fresh lps korban semlm.

eh.. oklah. panjang plak aku mencech. esok nk pg keje n banyak kerja ni.huhuhu

panic attack

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 21 Oct 2011 14:53:00 +0000

tau tak apa itu panic attack? Why is it so important smpi I have to make special entry about it.

Ok.. let me share my experience with you readers (if any, hikhikhik). To cut the story short...I signed up for 6x facial treatment at one of the beauty salons in MidV. How/why I sign up? it should be in another special entry.ANW, for my first few visits, I really enjoyed the experience. The moment I lied down on the bed, I slept peacefully and woke up when the session was done. I always looking forward for the next treatment.

But the joy wasn't forever. I went for my normal session during Ramadhan and as usual, it's already set in my mind... time to sleep. Yes... I did sleep but this time I woke up unexpectedly at the almost-end of the session. I was wearing mask that time with net covered on my face (including nose, mouth & ayes). But no mask paste on those areas. The moment I woke up, I felt I cannot breath & suddenly the room felt so hot. I felt so scared of not able to breath & started sweating. I seriously felt very scared & like I was going to die. The net made things worse. felt like to pull out anything on my face. That net really made me gasping for air. Tried not to panic... I called the beautician but I didn't know what's her name. I just said.. hello... helloo. Hoping someone will hear me. My voice was still in controlled manner , still can control myself from screaming. luckily someone heard me & the beautician came. I told her I cannot breath & wanted her to clean my face. Sh said it's not time to remove the mask yet & just about 10 min left. Initially, I tried to follow what she suggested. But the moment she left again, I felt panic again and told her to take off everything. It really made me upset & scared for the next session. On the way back to office, I put lots of thought about it. At one time I felt to withdraw from the treatment. But I paid all already & didn't think, I'll get refund if I quit.

To make matter, I thought it wouldn't happened again. The next few days, I got the attack again. this time in a commuter. Same symptom...I was sleeping in the commuter & suddenly the train stopped due to system problem. I couldn't breath & started sweating. Luckily, it didn't take long & manage to control myself. keep telling myself to take a deep breath.

Then, I googled about panic attack & how to handle the situation. Alhamdulillah, things get better. I managed to control the feeling. In fact, since the attack at the salon, I already went twice for the facial. The first time, I was really scared & panic. Luckily the beautician is very understanding. I told her my problem & surprisingly, it is normal *phooh*. She made it easier for me & I know what to do if I don;t want to get the attack again. The answer is don't sleep :)

I am back

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 20 Oct 2011 01:39:00 +0000

After reading my blog last night, a new spirit has came. I promise myself to update my blog regularly. be it short or long. Since, I already know how to update the blog using email, it will be much easier I guess.

Today, sent to work by Mr Hubby. yey... once in a while. Normally I will drive to work. ANW, I am in UM now, not forever. Until Apr next year. After about 6 months working here, I am getting used with the traffic. It's not that bad. I left jome about 7.30 and manage to reach here by 8.30. The only reason why I need to go out early is b'cos I want to get a parking space. If not, I have to park illegal & the chances of getting clamp is high. Luckily, I am a morning person so no problem.

p/s: picture taken during our recent trip to Shenzhen, China. Not so recent...it was in July

OK. time to get back to work.

So long......

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 19 Oct 2011 17:16:00 +0000

Giler lama blog ni tak berupdate. Ni kes tak leh nak tido & tak tau surf apa lagi kat internet, trus teringat kt blog ni. baca my old entris, make me realized how blogging can be a good therapy for me. Lots of things happened & mmg rugi tak dpt share kt personal space ni. FB tu dh ramai sgt kengkawan. itupun kadang2 aku rasa mcm show off plak bila dok upload gambar jalan2

oklah. harap2 aku rajin nak memblog balik. InsyaAllah

Age

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 13 Jun 2011 07:47:00 +0000

Today, in a history @ my workplace, a female lecturer just been promoted to a full professor. The 1st female lecturer in our fac & that marks a very important event. When is mine??????????? Hmm, I don't know & of course I want to. However, with the KPI.. I just don;t know. My earlier target was AP in 3 yrs time but seems like I've to extend it to 5yrs, huhuhuhu

penat

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 09 Mar 2011 14:07:00 +0000

rasa penat ari ni. ntahlah.. banyak sgt deadlinya miggu depan. dahlah cuti sekolah minggu depan. mmg kena struggle minggu. x ada berpoya2 tapi senin lepas sempat lagi pegi ikea, hihikhikhik.

petang tadi ada meeting group. x tau kenapa aku rasa mcm tak sedap ati jer. I felt like I talked too much & just takut org tak suka. itu je lah :). ANW, aku ni kan macam banyak cakap sgt, ingat nk slow down sket. nak low profile le konon2nya, huhuhu.

nk letak lagi satu gambar masa sesi amik2 gmbr ari tu..

get together 1

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 08 Mar 2011 13:58:00 +0000

testing lagi..

please click the picture for larger view

*woot..woot.. entry b'gambar using email blogging. I loiikkeeee

hohohoho

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 08 Mar 2011 13:23:00 +0000

entry ni ada kesinambungan dr my previous entry. Super excited sebenarnya sbb saya baru tahu belajar update blod guna email. *sangat suka*. hopefully, lps2 ni lagi rajin aku mengupdate kan?

ANW.. things pretty good lately. I had a blast weekend @kampung. tapi tulah, abah kena food poisoning semlm smpi kena admitted kt hospital pontian. luckily just for one night

oklah... nk sambung tengok glee plak. gwyneth paltrow night

testing

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 08 Mar 2011 13:20:00 +0000

jadi tak?

fatter and fatter

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 01 Mar 2011 15:41:00 +0000

sedih pilu di dalam hatiku... :(. all this while I am positive by controlling my diet I will lose weight. I expect not much, my target is 48kg. That time my weight was 50kg. See... I just want to shade off 2kg. Sounds easy, right? The truth?? In deniable, I have to admit the number doesn't go down. It's increasing (even though not that much) but still ...:(. I feel so depress. Waaaa

apa mau cerita?

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 25 Feb 2011 07:44:00 +0000

dalam kepala aku skrg, macam2 ada *sigh*. semuanya benda2 yg merisaukan *waaa*. Ok, cuba kita tengok apa yg aku duk risau tak abis2 ni, huhuhu.

Perkara pertama a.k.a Masalah terbesar..... berat saya dh naik w/pun saya tak makan banyak (betul ker tak makan banyak, *kwang,kwang,kwang*). Tadi timbang kat opis dah 51kg. timbang kat rumah still tunjuk 50kg tp nk gerak2 kearach 51kg. sedih :(. kenapa ek? aku rasa diet aku dr dulu smpi skrg lebih kurang. mmg asyik makan je kejenya. *sigh* pening, pening. konon2 nya berazam nk exercise lebih tapi so far, tak berapa memberansangkan. in 2011, br sekali pg swimming. gym 2,3 x tapi kejap2 jer. Nampaknya aku kena exercise lebih lagi ni. makan tu? nk kurangkan kot mana lagi? dinner pun aku amik before 7pm. OKlah tu kan. tak apa. saya akan berusaha lagi, huhuhu *SEMANGAT!!*..(macam poyo pun ada :p)

Perkara kedua.. KPI. susah btul jadi lecturer ni lah. banyak naaa KPInya. the main contribution to KPI ni ialah publication & research grant. aku lack in both plak tu. tu yg jadi seriau + gelabah+ pening+ semua2 yg merisaukan aku jelah. Ada satu apper aku yg dah direject ni ingat nk antar kt knl lain. tapi nk kena tengok2 balik dululah kan. bila baca balik.. mmg hampeh pun. patut kena reject *nangis* research grant plak, aku berusahalah nk apply ni yg ada opening & closing date dlm 2 minggu. the application progress.. very slow. dah keje urgetnt lain banyak dowhhh. kadang2 rasajgnlah risau sangat, pelan2 kayuh orang kata. tapi most of the time.. STRESS!!. Tawakkal jelah kan. Yg penting aku usaha buat & semoga aku berjaya lah hendaknya, InsyaAllah.

Ketiga & last... postdoc leave. since masuk keje, my research a bit tunggang langgang. macam tak terurus & tak tau nk mula dr mana. tp baru2 ni aku ada jmp lecturer dr Um & since that, aku rasa mcm nmpk cahaya. since kt tmpt keje ckp boleh buat ostdoc..postdoc. aku pun tertarik & menarik lah, n this lecturer pun OK bila aku tny. masa tu rasanya tak ada masalah nk buat kt local uni sbb ada my colleague yg dh pegi. tup2 bila bawak my application ke KPT tdk dipertimbangkan atas alasan buat kt local. Apa ke hal??? bila selidik lbh kurang & tanya camner kwn aku ni boleh lepas, jawapan officer kt tmpt keje aku ni is... di luat bidang kuasa dia sbb KPT yg lpskan. maksud disebaliknya ialah colelague' aku tu aaa kabel lah kat KPT lah kot nya kan? lgpun seblm ni aku penah dengar this same colleague dpt cuti tangguh belajar for 1 year sbb masalah keluarga. masa tu dia belajar kt oversea & musykil gak camner dia boleh dapat. n then recently, member ni lps postdoc leave tu dia terus sambung industrial attachment. klu ikut our group nak dia balik ke dept dulu n to give chance otehrs kluar. tapi tulah.. tup2 KJ cakap, application dia dh lepas. Well.. well... pikir sendiri lah kan. tapi honestly, I don't mind pun pasal dia tu. ntah. aku mngkn risau terlebih sbb tak tau nk cakap kat mana kt SV tu. Dia pun mcm berharap *huh*.

Apa2 pun yg apa aku boleh buat ialah just berdoa minta semua urusan dipermudahkan :)

Nak citer apa ek....

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 09 Jan 2011 03:46:00 +0000

bila ada masa free camni, xtau plak camner. selalunya bila ada bnd menarik yg aku rasa nk blogkan, sibuk lah, apalah. ishhh. serious aku x tau nk citer apa.

kita buat karangan darjah 1 lah..

hari ni hari ahad. suami saya x ada sbb tu boleh relax lbh sket sbb semlm saya dh siapakn semua kerja. membasuh+memasak+ meng'mop'lantai+ dua2 anak saya tak sihat. skrg ni anak kecik saya tgh tidur, anak sulung tgh tengok TV kt bawah & saya tgh tunggu mesin basuh siap basuh baju. utk sarapan, saya buat nasi goreng. semua dh makan & utk lunch pun kita akan makan nasi goreng lagi.

kt rumah ni semua orang x sihat. mula2 saya je batuk smpi ilang suara. dahlah klu saya batuk ni, mmg teruk. batuk smpi nk kluar anak tekak. dahalh tu setiap kali batuk, setiap kali tu terkucil. at one time tu rasa mmg wee wee betul. memalukan je kan? semlm aje, saya kn tukar kain batik 2x. anak dara saya plak saya perasan dia demam bila amik dia dr nursery petang jumaat tu. hingus pun dh asyik meleleh. tp mungkin jgk dia demam sbb injection hari tu. so saya pun x risau sgt. saya rasa demam biasa ajer. petang semlm plak, saya nampak anak bujang terbaring lemah kt atas sofa. sy ingat dia ngantuk, pegang2..laaa, dia pun demam jugak. badan dh panas. nasib baik lah anak2 saya bila demam x banyak ragam. cuma si kecik tu mcm tak leh nk tidur. asyik bangun nangis tp itu masa awal2 malam je & saya pun belum tidur lagi. dlm tu sempat lagi saya mop lantai rumah, hehheh. utk si abang, sbb badan dia panas, saya letakkan tuala basah kt kepala & badan dia. saya tidur dlm pukul 11 lbh & terbangun dkt2 kul 1 sbb makcik kecik bangun & nangis. rasa badan dia panas balik. bagi makan ubat & terus dia tidur smula smpi pagi ni. legaaa.

eh.. nak tambaha lagi satu citer. memandangkan sang suami tak ada & saya malas nk kluar, maka dengan paksa relanya saya memasak. tak terpksa pun, heheh. semlm saya masak sardin & goreng ikan pekasam jer. masa masak tu makcik kecik th tidur. plan asalnya saya nk mkn dgn diaorg. tapi bila saya tegah goreng ikan pekasam, teringat nasi panas2 terus makan dgn penuh seleranya. dh lama x makan nasi dgn banyaknya. byngkan lah, saya masa 1 1/2 pot. saya rasa saya sorang je makan 1 pot kot. gila sedap!! cubalah makan nasi panas2 + ikan pekasam tabur bawang,cili api & perah air asam limau + kuah sardin. meletupppp. anak bujang saya pun, sardin punya pasl, mmg banyak dia makan. pendek citer, nasih tghari tu abis. adalah tinggal secoet. so mlm tu saya kn masak ns lg. masak lbh sket utk nasig goreng pagi ni. si anak bujang tu, selalunya mmg liat nk suruh makan tapi sbb sardin ada, mlm tu dia makan lagi. saya pun mkn jugak sbb ada ikan pekasam punya pasal. sy mmg seboleh2nya kurangkan makan nasi. at least sekali sehari tapi semlm saya x kisah. makan nasih for lunch & dinner. bukan sket tau... banyak giler saya makan tapi sedap punya pasal, saya x kisah, hehheheheh.

sambung cuter sket lagi lah.. pasal berat badan. berat saya dh nk smpi 50kg. takuttt. saya seboleh2nya x nak lbh 50kg. klu dpt 46 - 47kg, mmg heavenlah kan. tapi susah sketlah nk maintain sbb saya ni mmg suka makan. saya dh beli scale kt rumah, senang saya nk monitor hari2. pki satu scale jer. banyak2 scale, mau pening kepala, 10 scales lain2 berat badan. klu semua rendah x apalah. mesti ada scale yg bg berat yg menakutkannnn. saya skrg mmg jaga diet sndri. kurangkan makan ajer. exercise yg mampu dibuat cuma sit up. mmg berjasa betul sit up bench y aku beli kt car boot dulu. aku kena pg swim ni tp tulah... malas. tapi my excuse knp x pegi minggu ni sbb saya period. heavy blood flow. i'allh mngu depan saya kuatkan semangat.

ok abis citer. dlm tak tau nk tulis apa, panjang jugak citernya kan. oklah bubbye. mesin basuh pun dh siap basuk kt awah tu rasanya.

sambungan citer angin

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 09 Jan 2011 03:23:00 +0000

.. bangun pagi tu aku still mode marah + merajuk. Tp mr. s, as usual buat cam biasa. terus tanya aku.. angin lagi ke? aku jawab jelah terus, a'ah. still kurang bercakap. sepatutnya pagi tu dia ada furteh check up kt az zahrah & semlm dia suruh aku teman. tapi bila dia pikir2 balik, dia kata tak payah sbb dia rasa m'bazir masa je nk pg/balik upm nk amik aku. Aku suka jer... hari tu mmg very little communication dgn dia. aku pun mode geram lagi. MALAS nk b'cakap.

dia kn pegi oustation ke pahang, jumaat pagi smpi ahad. aku dh berkira2 x nak packkan baju sbgi tanda protes lagi. skali ptg tu, masa dia amik aku kt opis & aku tny psl check up dia (dgn nada x mesra lagi sbb still marah). dia kata esok dia kn pg test darah lagi. then aku ckp bukan pagi2 esok nk kena pg pahang. barulah dia pun ingat, nk pg pahang esoknya. then aku fikir... klu aku langsung x kemaskan baju dia mesti trus x ingat punya. mmg aku betul pun sbb mlm tu x namapk gaya dia nk mengemas pun. mlm tu, aku kluarkan jugaklah 2,3 helai baju dia, kain pelikat tp since aku x tau iterinary dia kt sana, x tau apa lagi yg dia nk bawak. yalah... still mode jual mahal, x nak bercakap dgn dia kan. tp aku cakap lah, aku dh sediakan baju tp x tau dh cukup ke belum. tau apa dia cakap... dia kena pg opis smula sbb dia x bawak surat panggilan tu & dia pun x ingat ieterinary. boleh plak camtu? nk jalannya pagi esok. tu pun nasib baik aku tanya. kalau aku buat diam, keras batu. camner? Hmmmm. Mmg tak ada pilihan lah kan? dia pg opis amik surat & mlm tu dia yg kemaskan bag dia sndri. alah tinggal masuk bag je pun & tambah lagi 2,3 pasang baju. pagi tu aku bagi siap2 ubat2 dia. manalah tahu kt sana dia sakit. eden je yg tahu camner nk handle dia.

sebenarnya, klu ikut dlm hati ni still lg rasa marah tapi aku x tau since bila, aku dh malas nk layan sgt angin aku ni. mengalah pun mengalah lah. at one time nnt, aku akan bagitahu dia apa yg aku x puas hati kat dia. klu aku bising2 time aku tgh marah2 ni, sllunya it will get worse & hurt me more.

oklah bye...

Angin taufan

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 06 Jan 2011 14:43:00 +0000

bukan angin kus-kus lagi, ribut taufan terus....*not good, not good*

citer dia camni..aku marah+angin kat syawal tiba2 petang semlm. something yg dh lama aku x buat. nk kata gaduh, bukannya gaduh. aku je yg berasap.. eh silap dh terbakar trus. mlm semlm, aku tgh basuh pinggan, mr. s suruh aku tepi sket sbb dia nk basuh tangan/badan Miss S yg kotor sbb mkn bread+choc. aku pun trus cakap... nk tukarkan pampers tu, mandikanlah skali. Mr.S terus menjawab, awak (aku ler tu) suruh tukar pampers je kan, apsal nk mandikan plak? aku dengar terus menyirap. yalah... apa salahnya mandikan, badan miss s kotor. lgpun mmg dia nk tukar pampers. si mr s siap tambah lagi knp dia nk kena mandikan, sbb td aku cuma suruh tukar pampers. dble menyirap!!! masa tu aku tgh basuh gelas coke yg dpt free dr UK. tiba2 je aku terus hempas gelas tu dlm sink & mmg pecahlah. masa tu mr s dh nk gerak naik atas & aku ingat dia x akan tanya. tup2 dia dtg balik bila dia dengar & question aku balik dgn nada yg menyakitkan hati, kenapa? aku jawablah...( x ingat aku jawab apa) tapi his reply buat aku mkn menyirap. masa tu aku tgh masukkan serpihan gelas tu dlm plastik bag. His remark tu buatkan aku hempas gelas dlm plastik tu atas lantai plak & terus berkecai seribu. mr s cakap apa ntah lagi tp aku x ingat. yg pasti menyakitkan hati. I tried to calm down, cuba muhasabah dirilah konon2nya..knp aku buat camtu? sambil pungut kaca2 yg berderai tu. seee.. I am very responsible for everything that I do, tau. dh abs pungut kaca, duk dalam toilet plak, meratapi nasib & this time aku nangis tp nangis sob, sob jelah, bukan meraung. masa dlm toilet t, mr s ada turun kjp tny mna susu miss s. gaya mcm nk bising knp aku x buat susu, tapi bila dia sedar aku dlm toilet, dia buat susu sendiri.

ANW... aku rasa yg buat aku jd camtu ialah sbb penat sgt kot. Semlm ptg aku kluar cepat sbb nk pg kajang ngan mr. s, nak hantar baju kt Dzull (p/s upah jahit baju dh naik dr 75 ke 85 *nangis*). then balik rumah sbb nk amik miss s, nk bwk pg az zahrah for her last immunisation smbl pick up master s from school. plannya nk smpi azzahrah dlm kul 3 lbh sbb tak mau ramai org. tp typical mr. s, pantang ada peluang, nk take a nap lah kejap. end up kul 4 lbh baru kluar. amik master s dr skool & masa tu ujan lebat gile. pg azzahrah. mr s pun nk jmp s psl breaathing problem dia. nak di jadikan citer, punyalah lmbt gile nk jump dr. bayangkan, smpi dlmkul 4.30ptg, kul 7 br balik. dhlah miss s tu x tau duk diam. lari sana sini, jerit sana sini. penatt!!! mr s most of the time ngadap s/khabar & handphone *angin*. bial jmp dr plak, tgk2 mr s kn buat further check up..buat ECG. tu yg jadi makin lama tu. masa tu ok lagi. on the way balik still ok lagi. singgah makan tori nan kt hj tapah dulu lagi.

bila dh smpi rumah, nmpk keje2 nk dibuat + plan, the next morning nk klaur awal sbb aku ada kelas kul 8am, dh mula rasa penat. miss s plak, asalnya tidur dlm keter tapi bila smpi rumah dia bangun & got cranky. aku ni plak.. nk basuh pinggan+basuh baju +etc,etc nk buat. msa tu mr s kat atas, buat apa ntah. I suspect ngadap h/p sbb ms kt hospital h/p dia abis battery. aku dh panggil sekali, nyahut tapi tak turun. lama lepas tu baru aku panggil lagi, baru dia turun n masa tulah dia angin ribut taufan aku datang.

aku mmg rasa the main reason sbb penat sgt2 + keje banyak + mr s is not helping at all. to make it worse dia menjawab balik apa aku cakap *read: nagging*. sbb merajuk + marah, i stayed downstairs smpi tertidur kt bawah atas sofa. mt s kejut suruh aku naik atas sbb dia nk semahyang. aku plak rasa mmg dh betul2 tidur mcm tak larat nk bangun. mr s ingat aku sengaja x nak bangun kot. dia tolak2 aku kasar2 + sakit pun yer smpi aku angin balik. masa dia tolak2 tu aku buat terjatuh & tergolek dr sofa. nasib baik tak sakit tapi mr s tolak mmg kuat & sakit. aku siap ckp.. nk surh kita mati ker? nk bg lbh effect, aku pg dapur amik pisau bagi dia cakap nk kita mti kan? bunuh terus. drama queen betul aku kn? aku pun terperanjat mcmn aku boleh buat camtu. 1st time buat & kalau boleh x nak buat dah. tobatt tpi pastu aku naik atas jugaklh. smbg tidur... empat2 org tidur sekatil.

aku nk type lagi... tapi saya dh ngantuk. smbg esoklah plak tapi x janji. keje banyak daaa

Welcome 2011

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 28 Dec 2010 03:04:00 +0000

Hmmm..all this while I never care about new year resolutions. I always think they are useless b'cos at the end you never follow them. However, for this coming 2011 I want to make an exception. This is b'cause in 2010, my performance is pretty low especially in my career development. I know the main reason is I was occupied with other stuff. Earlier this year I was swamped up with moving to our house & I was just being appointed as the permanent staff at my work place. Then, ever after that we're bz planning/decorating/etc the house. In office, I was involved in 3 diff conf where I was incharged with publication team in 2 of them that made me really bz *pre an post event*. So.. how do I got time to concentrate on my work, specifically research+grant_paper & what not *sigh*. Honestly I really feel miserable with my performance but I can't do anything. On top of that, family/personal commitment that required more attention from me & always my top priority. After all, they said family comes first :)

ANW, below is my 2011 resolutions:

1. Strategize for my career development systematically.
I already know what I need to do/achieve. First thing to do is to list my *must-achive-objective* quarterly. And I hope by the end of the year I will worry less on my KPI, huhuhu. My not-so-long-term goal is to get AP. The plan so far.... will be going for my postdoc leave soon, then need to think for industrial attachment somewhere for Prof. Engineer.

2. Less shopping, huhuhu.
Big problem b'cos I am so addicted with all those online shops. But who are not???? I do love most of my purchases that I've made but some not really.

3. Save more.
Since the house renovation or came back to M'sia, I save really little & that is really ashamed. I always believe it is important to have savings. Luckily, most of our 0% interest payment schemes almost finish. We have more than 5 zero interest payment. 4 of them have ended this month *phew* and another 2 will be ending soon *dble phew*. I wanna debt free!!!

Suddenly.. I feel too lazy to continue. bubbye

tak ada tajuk

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 19 Oct 2010 16:38:00 +0000

x tau nk tulis apa sebenarnya. skrg dh pukul 12.40am. tak leh nak tidur sbb td purposely minum nescafe satu mug sbb ingat nk stay up. ada paper nk tulis. tapi hampeh.. keje ke mana, tidurnya tidak. tak apalah. esok masih ada. cuba siapkan esok. padahal, esok the deadline. klu siap paper tu, siaplah.klu tak maksudnya tak ada rezekilah tu kan. hmmmm

ANW, ari ni ada citer kelakar. tp seblm tu, aku ni tgh tgk grey'a anatomy season 6. tgk streaming tp sbb malas nk tunggu buffer banyak kali, nk kasi dia d/load abis dulu. pastu baru boleh tgk ngan aman. tapi dlm hati risau sbb takut tak bangun esok. dhlah kena bawak keter esok. ada tutorial kul 10, x prepare lagi. pastu ada meeting ngan student kul 10. so... boleh ke siap paper aku tu, hehheheheh :). just wait & see jelah yer.

back to the citer kelakar, at least for me & Mr. S of course. macam ni citernya... petang tadi, balik dr kerja sama2, sampai rumah, dua2 turun kereta. tapi I noticed Mr. S kept looking at me. ingatkan apa benda lah dia perati/pikir. sudenly dia cakap "awak dah tua, x sama macam 10 thn dulu" I was like... hampeh btul tapi mmg tak ada rasa sedih pun, tp rs insecure tu mungkin ada sket2. bukan apa,I rasa mcm Mr. S makin tua, makin handsomelah plak. compared tu zaman 10 thn dulu, yg dia tu mmg sgt cekeding orgnya. ANW, while waiting for him performing Asar b4 went out again, I put the incident as my status in FB. I only managed to check the status by 10pm & actually it was Mr S who checked it for me. And.. my oh my... I got 31 comments responded to my status. They are hilarious & really made my day, hahrhahahhaha. Maybe I'll try to paste the comments here but no promise.

Suddenly I feel so sleepy & bye2. To be continued.....(maybe)

monday morning...

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 11 Oct 2010 01:19:00 +0000

mood keje belum ada. just nak tulis ni je before I totally forgot about it.

I am hoping for the best but expecting the worst......

Quote ni for myself, my preparation for KPI for year 2010, huhhuhuhu. I have tried. kalau tak ada rezeki nak buat camno kan? Aku jmp ayat ni kt blog joe bangla. dh penah dengar/baca seblm ni tapi terlupa until I saw it again on his blog

ANW, hari ni MyP start final exam. Exam before this, he did pretty good. I hope this time is better.

Chow

Bersyukur lah weiiiii

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 04 Oct 2010 04:41:00 +0000

semenjak 2,3 minguu lepas, aku x tahu knp aku rasa macam stress sgt. well, bukan tak tahu, tahu sebenarnya tp in denial kot, huhuhu. lbh2 lagi minggu lepas ada dept meeting. i think dept meeting ni mmg jadi virus kat aku lah. lain kali, jgn duk lama2. stress weiiii.ANW, penyebab stress yg paling utama ialah KPI kat tempat keje nilah... papers & grants. I lack in both things. ada tu ada tp uncertain. dlm pss application ajer. My close frens dh ada yg dpt. hantar sama2. tu yg menambahkan stress aku rasa. Hmmm.

Semlm pegi beraya rumah member. jmp my colleague & dia ada cakap something yg mmg buat aku anginlah. it happened to be dia ni my office mate. I wish I could be a bitter bitch, hehehhe. Luckily, my hubby was there and heard it too. senang sketlah aku nk buat curahan perasan on my feeling for the past few days/weeks. I really like when he tried to make feel better. Indeed I feel better. And this morning, when I read someone's blog.. I feel even better.

From the blog, the writer pointed out few ineteresting points:
1. lost passion on work..work is suck!!
2. GTH will all the KPIs or deliverables at work
3. family is all what I want. having them around me is the only blessing that I want.

Yup.. point 1 & 2 are the contributors for my stress. Point 1 is still accepatble. I still love my job but the KPI? It's really killing me. I don't know why but maybe b'cos whenever I go.. everybody keeps talking about it. ang this KPI strongly related to promotion, increment,etc.etc. I found that I am very happy with what I am doing as long as nobody mention the word KPI. But once the word KPI comes in.. aarghh, I feel like I want to scream. And also... whenever my HOD face comes into my mind... double aaarrgggghhh.

I keep telling myself to be positive. Look everything from the positive side. What I want is I want to be happy, I don't want to worry over nothing b'cos I know once I am happy... everything will be great :)

I have long things to do list. hmmm. Got to go now.

Excessive stress

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 01 Oct 2010 15:43:00 +0000

I felt so stress lately & I don't like it all. Who like, right? Anyway... why I am so stress??? My answer; work stuff, what else. But seriously, everything is so stressful. However, I always try to control myself. Not to think about it. Hmm, sometimes it work but most of the times... nope.

I actually am very sleepy now & can't really think clearly. My eye lids keep closing & yes.. I am forcing myself to stay awake. While typing this, I'm watching Grey' Anatomy as well. I put the window side by side.. so typing and watching. Yeah... I multitask all the time.

Tomorrow is going to be a bz day. My old school frens are coming. Of course I feel nervous but luckily, it is a potluck gathering. So, I decided to cook nasi tomato & orderes cple of other foods. But I am very excited to meet them again. I used to have a crush on one of them but I definitely positive I have no feeling towards him anymore. nadaa. Mr. S shouldn't be worried, hheehhee. I invited my adik/ x-BF buthe couldn;t make it. I wish he could come b'cos me myself cannot imagine how will I face him.

ANW, back to the title of this entry. Mr. S told me about his colleague having bleeding in his brain. Few days ago he was critical but he's getting better. They later found out that the reason was excessive stress. he was a prof & he was giving a talk when it happened. His mic suddenly dropped which he didn't realized it. Somebody gave him the mic back & he dropped it again. then, his condition became worse & later sent to the hospital.. His story really make me scared b'cos that is waht I feel now. I think I should slow myself down with the work stuff. But... hmm, I don't know :(. I tried not to think about other people too, their achievement and everything make me really down sometimes. Hurmmm, I think this is what we call as patrparanoia.

I need to sign off now. Dear God... please help me,please help your helpless humble servant. Please make me grateful with what I already have, please, please,please...