Big Beauty Blog

Awakening

2012-01-22T11:29:00.000-08:00

Pollyanna's Locket said, "When you look for the bad in mankind, expecting to find it, you surely will. - Abraham Lincoln."

When we wake up in the morning we have a choice, when our feet hit the ground, whether we want to start our day with joy or sadness. I understand that life gets us down. However, every twist and turn leads us to where we are supposed to be. I am such a fatalist like that. I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. The simplest encounter with a human can change the course of our day.

Today? I wake up feeling grateful for all the positive and happy people in my life. I also am grateful for those that are dark in their thoughts because they make me appreciate my own ability to see the light in life. I prefer to think of good and happy things. I choose my attitude and my life and whether the changes I make are positive or negative.

I choose joy.

Resolved

2012-01-02T12:35:00.000-08:00

I made no resolutions for the New Year. The habit of making plans, of criticizing, sanctioning and molding my life, is too much of a daily event for me. ~Anaïs Nin

With the ball dropping comes the promises for the year to come. I have never been one for a big resolution. Sure, everyone says they will start a diet, however, I do not know of many people that succeed with that. I think it is almost like you are setting yourself up for failure when you make a resolution. Sadly, I can't remember a significant resolution that I kept, or even remember for that matter.

The question is do you make a resolution on New Year's? I know it is a few days past, however, it seems there should be a grace period. Much like after Ash Wednesday, I still always end up brooding over what to give up or take on for Lent. Is my life goal based enough that I do not even need a resolution? Do I make it something simple or do I find something that I will have to work hard for?

Last year about half way through the year, I decided that I would try to clean my karma account. I wanted to make sure I took responsibilities for my actions and apologize for any wrongs I had done. I have tried to maintain this in my daily life -- not that my life is so peppered with wrong doings, however, I like the idea of being accountable for my actions.

My thoughts are all over the spectrum for a resolution. I think that I definitely should blog more, read more, spend more time with those I love as part of a resolution. I hate to add dieting in there. I prefer to say eat healthier, move more, and use my new exercise ball. I want to be more creative -- sew more and make my Pinterest dreams a reality. Do I have to call this a resolution though? Do I need a whole year to complete this? It seems I can do this in a few months and I just need to keep reminding myself that these are my goals.

Last year was a crazy year. I experienced loss and change. This year it seems I have so much exciting things to come ahead regarding my career. My life is evolving with my new job and I have so many exciting events about to happen.

My resolution? I am not making one. Life is what you make of it. I plan to live my life and continue towards making it greater for the rest of my life -- not just a year.

Hung Like a Monkey

2012-01-01T21:19:00.000-08:00

Hangover cure.

I actually had a very mild NYE. Stayed in with a friend, drank some wine, snacked on some yummy food and watched the ball drop. But sometimes I do over indulge and I end up hating life the next morning. The best cure? Well, there are many schools of thought on this. Orange juice, Gatorade, vanilla milkshake (my favorite) and menudo. Menudo? Do not misjudge me. I heart all Mexican food, generally. However, I draw the line at tripe. However, there is something remarkably similar called pozole. Below is my recipe for it. It serves at least 10-14, depending on how big their appetite is. I made it for Christmas Eve dinner this year, and we literally had enough for 2 more days. I scaled down that recipe. I do have some short cuts too, but I tried to keep the recipe below pretty authentic. You can make it on the stove or in the crock pot (my fave). The fresh veggies are what makes it for me Adding that when it is hot gives it a dimension of flavor and texture. I do not know what it is about cold cabbage and cilantro in hot soup that makes me smile. Enjoy!

Pozole

Serves up to 10

3-4 lbs of pork shoulder (you can use pork tritip as a substitute)
2 - 29 oz. cans of Mexican style white hominy
1 - 15 oz. can of tomato sauce
1 - 15 oz. can of chicken broth or chicken bullion
1/2 white onion diced
2 cloves of garlic minced

Seasonings:
If you read my previous blog "Nada Enchilada" it has a recipe for enchilada sauce. You can season the mean with the seasoning and make a brothy version of the sauce making sure to add extra oregano. The seasoning is quite universal for tacos too. However, if you don't have it you will need the following:

1 tablespoons of California chile powder
1 tablespoons of Pasilla chile powder (negro)
1 tablespoons of Garlic powder
1 tablespoon of Mexican oregano
1/2 tablespoon of New Mexico chile powder
1 tablespoons of kosher salt (1 tablespoon of regular)
1 tablespoon of onion powder
1 tablespoons of ground cumin

Cut the pork in bite size cubes, trimming most of the fat, and season it liberally with the above mixture. In a large stock pot (if you are making it stove top) or in a large frying pan (crock pot style) with 2 tablespoons of oil or if you use non-stick a little cooking spray. Saute the diced onion until translucent. On medium high cook the pork until seared on all sides. Then add 2 tablespoons of flour and any leftover seasoning and continue to cook for another 5 minutes. If you are doing the crock pot version, you should have your crock pot plugged in and on high. If doing the crock pot version add the hot seared pork to the heated crock pot and continue the recipe. Add garlic, tomato sauce, chicken broth, and water from both cans of hominy. Bring to a boil and allow to simmer for 30-40 minutes or until meat is tender. If in the crock pot, cook on high for 2-3 hours. Add hominy plus one can full of water and allow to simmer for another 30 minutes or in the crock pot on high for another hour or on low for another 2 hours. For my taste, I like to add a little more oregano at the end.

Garnish

sliced radishes
finely sliced cabbage
finely sliced jalapenos
chopped red onion
chopped cilantro
lime slices

Serve with corn tortillas.

Yum!

You can also make this with chicken or turkey. I made the turkey a few years ago after I had a small turkey I got during the turkey wars before Thanksgiving day.

Hangover or hunger cured.

Sock it to me.

2011-12-22T21:55:00.000-08:00

Just what I have always wanted.

I had a very important with good friends recently. We were discussing things we received for Christmas that we dislike. I brought up chenille socks. I hate chenille socks. What is the purpose of these not so cozy or comfy things? You cannot wear them with shoes. They are too slippery to wear when walking about the house. They come off when you wear them to bed. Did I mention they are grossly flammable too? I am guaranteed to get a pair for Christmas. I would bet money on that.

Mommy Backlash

2011-11-12T13:22:00.000-08:00

Investing.

Today I spoke with my friend who is a mom. She is the mother of three. She is fortunate enough to have a career that she is able to work a few days a month to help run the household. Her husband works from home. They live comfortably. They do not go on lavish vacations, have designer clothes, or fancy cars. They have chosen to do this because they value the importance of her being able to stay at home with their kids. I also have a friend that just recently became a mother. She and her husband also were able to juggle finances and make sacrafices so that she could stay home with their daughter. I have a great respect for both women for many reasons. They are both employable, smart, and genuine people that have put aside their own needs for career and material matters for the sake of their children. I do realize that not everyone has that financial ability -- so they think.

Both women have expressed that they are happy to secure time during these years with their children. This should be celebrated! I praise them both for their decision and they have my admiration for it. Granted, I am not a mother, however, you would think that someone that was a mother could see the value of this even more, right? Not so much. Both women have told me of how other women make remarks to them about staying at home and not working --- negative comments. I think it is shameful that their friends cannot take the time to praise them for making such sacrafices and instead choose to belittle or make them feel ashamed. Why? Is it their own guilt? Is it jealousy?

I know many people that value things. We all value things to some respect. We value our cars, houses, clothes, trips, etc. However, would you be willing to give those things up to live in a modest apartment, drive a used car, and be able to afford to stay home with your children? I was not aware that this was such a hard decision for some. Yes, I am sure there is more budgeting, more coupon clipping, more dinners in than out, more staycations rather than vacations. However, I think my friend's husband put it best when he pointed out that kids don't know what they don't have. He grew up with more needs than wants, but his childhood memories are rich with family and love. Isn't that how it should be?

Market Value

2011-10-25T18:18:00.000-07:00

I know my worth. Priceless.

There are times that I reflect upon situations that have occurred -- when people have treated me less than acceptable, when they have not valued me or my ideas, when they cannot see what is before them. I can take this from the masses, but there is something hard to digest when it comes from a man. There is something that boils in my gut that makes me a little harder and a little less tolerable of being treated less than my worth. Forgettable? I think that I am far from it.

It amazes me when you mentally make the decision to reach out to someone, when you say to yourself that you are really going to put some effort into someone to see what flourishes, and then they dismiss you. It is as though men have a sixth sense, this same sense that makes them contact you after you have just deleted their number. It's as if they know when you have put a bet on the table and they know when you decide to take your winnings and go home.

I'm sometimes asked why I am single. This works as a fine reason. I am single because I refuse to run after someone that shows no reciprocity. I hate hearing this phrase, but it fits, "He is just not that into you."

This is my pretty. It's unforgettable.

Morning Joe

2011-09-23T09:13:00.000-07:00

Pour myself a cup of ambition.

One of my guilty pleasures is coffee on my patio. I love waking up, making a fresh cup of coffee, and sitting on my patio and absorbing the morning. The birds are chirping, the squirrels are running amuck, and my cats are sitting anxiously at the screen door hoping for a glimpse of outside life. I sit, relishing the fresh air, gliding on my retro gliders, and sipping my hearty coffee. I often think how grateful I am for such a great view. I know some people have ocean views, mountain views or city views. But for me, I am quite content looking at my vanilla backyard.

Another strike.

2011-09-21T21:18:00.000-07:00

Swing batter.

I am attracted to dorks. I like a guy that knows inane things. A man that can appreciate the Star Wars trilogy, a man that knows what Botts' dots are, a man that will spend more than five minutes explaining how something works or functions because he wants me to see the beauty in it -- this is the man for me.

Obviously there are main physical attributes that I find attractive -- such as beards and glasses among others. However, truly I must be attracted to a man's mind. I like someone that can have a conversation about the serious or the stupid. Dorks do this. I heart a dork.

I am a dork. I call myself this. I think this is part of the reason why I am attracted to men that are dorks. Also, because they are generally sweet in nature. These are the guys that did not go through, what I call the "asshole" phase in high school. These are the guys that were far too awkward to talk to girls. These were the guys that were in band, glee, chess club. They grew up into productive members of society. They admire and appreciate women, but above all they respect women. These are the men for me. Luckily, there are many that are attracted to thick, cute, smart women!

However, amongst these dorks, there are a few that never quite reached their potential. These are the men that for some reason, never out grew their awkwardness. They never grew any amount of confidence about what they had to offer the world. They never grew any amount of confidence about what they had to offer women. This is sometimes by no fault of their own. Some never found a girl that appreciated them to know that they were fantastic, others found it and may have lost it and become bitter.

I have sometimes joked that the reason why I am such a good flirt (when properly motivated only) is because I have realized that the men I am most attracted to do not have "game". They do not have the well-groomed dating skills that some suave men have. They need proper coaxing.

This evening I had a date with a man that had never been on a date in his life. He is 33 years old. He was awkward. He was sweet though and passionate about what he talked about. It makes me think what he would have been like if he would have found his confidence. But unfortunately, I think he was too awkward for me.

I think people's perception has changed nowadays. It seems that dorks are more accepted at a younger age. I hope so. It is a good thing for someone to find their value.

Still in search of a unicorn....

Nada Enchilada

2011-09-09T22:28:00.000-07:00

Here is my enchilada sauce recipe. You can do the math and break it down for just one use. However, if you mix the dry spices like I say, you can store it in a storage bag or container and you will have enough for two uses -- possible three! You can use this sauce for enchiladas, nachos, or on top of burritos! You will never use can sauce again. Why bother? Now you can brag to your people how you made HOMEMADE sauce! And it is far more economical and tasty!!

Enchiladas de Natalie

The easiest way to make the sauce is to use dried, powdered spices. Please feel free to omit dried and use fresh garlic and onion and also you can use whole tomatoes or fresh tomatoes as well.

Sauce:

To create this yummy goodness you will need the following:

2 tablespoons of California chile powder
2 tablespoons of Pasilla chile powder (negro)
2 tablespoons of Garlic powder
1 tablespoon of Mexican oregano
1 tablespoon of New Mexico chile powder
2 tablespoons of kosher salt (1 tablespoon of regular)
1 tablespoon of onion powder
2 tablespoons of ground cumin
2 cups of water/broth (low sodium!)
1- 29 oz. of tomato sauce (and 1 - 15oz. can of tomato sauce if spicy scares you!)
Take all of these ingredients and blend them together. I use an old jar. You can also use a baggie. You will use half of these seasonings for the sauce.

Taking half of the seasonings and adding 3 tablespoons of flour to a large dry stew pot or large pot. It is important that it is dry. With a spatula, toast the spices and flour on low. You want to toast them for about 5-7 minutes. This really brings out the flavor of the spices. Then with whisk in hand, add either 2 cups of water or chicken broth -- or you can half it with one cup of water and one cup of broth. Whisk to blend. Then add tomato sauce. Taste. If it is too spicy for you or your guests or little people, please add a 15 oz. can of tomato sauce.
If you decide to use fresh garlic, please puree the garlic with water so it is smooth. You may need to adjust the salt and add more after you simmer.
Let this simmer for about 10 min on low. Taste one more time, add salt if needed.

Now you have enchilada sauce!! "What do I do with this?", you ask. Hmm, this depends if it is morning or afternoon. Do you want breakfast or dinner?? Or breakfast for dinner?? Breakfast wins!!!

Breakfast first.
Enchiladas de Natalie -- desayuno

This will yield 8 enchiladas. I, personally, substitute chorizo with SOYRIZO. I grew up with the smell of chorizo cooking in the morning. The smell and look of the grease makes me want to gag. Reasons why I love SOYRIZO. All the yumminess of chorizo without the smell and grease (gag).

6-8 oz. package of chorizo (gag) or SOYRIZO
5 eggs
1/2 package of queso fresco
1 cup of monterey jack cheese or Mexican blend cheese
8 corn tortillas (mi rancho is the best!!)
sour cream or plain Greek yogurt (Zoi non fat is amazing! (if desired))
Canola Oil

In a frying pan add the chorizo. Cook on medium-high. Cook until it is broken up and red grease fills the pan and drain. If you want to make it yummy, use SOYRIZO and just cook it until it is broken up.
And 5 beaten eggs and cook until the eggs are firm.
Add broken up queso fresco. (mush it up in your hands!)

In a separate, smaller pan add about 2 tablespoons of oil after pan is heated for a minute on medium high.
Add one tortilla at a time, flipping after counting to ten. You are just softening the tortillas in oil. If you do not want to use oil, you can soften them in the microwave for a few seconds with a damp paper towel on top. If you use the microwave method, you can spray with Pam before you add them to the pan. If you fry them in the oil, lay them in a casserole pan after you cook them.

Add about 2 cups of the sauce (warm) to the tortillas. Run the tortillas through the sauce, coating them. Add the chorizo ingredients and roll. Continue with all of them. When you are finished add another 1/2 of a cup of sauce to the top of the enchiladas and sprinkle the cup of cheese on top. Place in the oven at 400 degrees for about 15 minutes or until bubbly.

Let it stand for about 5 minutes before serving. You can add sour cream or plain Greek yogurt.

After I make a batch of sauce, I keep it in the fridge in a sealed container. I love to add it on top of anything, or just dip it with chips. Never use canned sauce again!!!

Big Beauty

2011-08-05T09:44:00.000-07:00

I smile with ease.

Please do not think I am being arrogant. The whole point of this post is to discuss confidence and women's treatment of themselves.

I always say I like my chunk. I have never been short of self confidence. I know I am a pretty girl and I know I have a personality to go with it. I am not conceited; I know my flaws. I always know when I walk out the front door that I am a good person, that I feel attractive, and I really think that projects to others.

I have often had friends that fit more of the mold the world desires. Thin. I have many very attractive friends that are constantly worried about how they look and their weight. I worry about how I look. I think as a woman that is normal. We feel as good as we look -- or think we look. It still amazes me how many, from what I would think, attractive women self loathe and beat themselves up for not being what they consider an ideal.

I know someone that has always done this. She beat herself up because she was overweight and now she constantly says how much better her life is now that she has lost all her weight. She opted for surgery. I am not against this, however, I truly believe that it is a surgery on your stomach, not your head. To each their own. This woman is still not happy with herself. She is constantly pulling at her clothing, self criticizing her body and looks, instead of focusing on her health. Will she ever be happy? Probably not. I know she looks at me and remembers what she used to be like in horror. She always asks about my weight loss as if that is all I should be praised for. She seems to affect her confidence. I think we all fake it a bit. I fake it a bit. Sometimes I do not feel my personal best, however, I know that I am cute -- chunk and all!

Confidence is attractive. I want my niece to grow up knowing that she is a beautiful girl. I want her to know that no matter her size she is a beautiful girl.

Recently, I found a blog that I love.
http://plussizepinupblog.com/

How refreshing it is to see woman that love themselves! These are woman that do not fit the "ideal" that we see all over the media. They own who they are and KNOW they are beautiful!

I had an opportunity this year to go to a burlesque show. My friend was in the show. She is a gorgeous woman who has curves and she rocks them! The whole show was amazing. I was so energized by these woman dancing and loving themselves. Women that were not the media's ideal. Women that embraced their curves, their chunk, their junk and the crowd reveled in it. During this evening, I went to the ladies' room and the women waiting to use the facilities were what I would consider thin. They were going on about how amazing the women were and referring to one dancer (the most plus size of the bunch) and how she was so sexy and beautiful. So many times women are so critical of others, it was refreshing to see that these women appreciated each other.

I wish we all could be happy and healthy -- especially mentally. Life is too short not to appreciate ourselves.

What happened to the loyal dog?

2011-07-22T10:21:00.000-07:00

Too much love to give.

There is a trend I see in dating this time around. Maybe it has always been there, but now it has become more visually identifiable to me.

I see it very often in internet dating. Polyamory. I notice it in match questions and many people choosing to be upfront about choosing this in their lifestyle. For those of you who do not know what this is here is a link:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyamory

I watched an indie movie recently, "Breaking Upwards". Among the breaking up of a boyfriend and girlfriend, they discuss polyamary. They attend a party where those who practice this gather. It was very much romanticized. But it was given a stage that I have never seen before.

A dating site I frequent has many questions about polyamory. It also has many people that describe how this is what they want in their profile. Is this the new trend? Is monogamy dead? Are people jaded by the prospect of keeping a mate from cheating?

I have also been approached on a similar point. Cuckold. This was actually a term I was unaware of and I had to look it up. For those of you who do not know what this is, here is a link:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cuckold

These men actually approached me normally, wanting to know about me and are interested in dating. Then they tell me that this is what they want. I was shocked. I realize to each their own. If this is what these people want, more power to them. My worry is its repercussions on relationships and how they are formed with families.

I know I am an old fashioned in my thinking. I still have the romantic idea that I will meet a man and marry and live happily every after. But that is my dream. Are the days of marriage and monogamy gone? Do we run from these ideas to something that is easier and upfront?

The family unit has changed. Starter marriages are frequent. Is this the next evolution?

karma account

2011-07-08T13:32:00.000-07:00

It is a good feeling when, to your knowledge, your karma account is clean. At this moment, I can say that I have apologized for my wrongs and I feel I have good vibes in the universe. Darn hippie.

I recently made peace with an old situation. I feel good about it now. Reflecting back to old things and realizing how far you have come from this is a growing experience. I am grateful to be able to look back and know that I would never change a thing.

I made a decision at the beginning of last month that I would always try to recognize when I was wrong This was a personal decision. I am hoping this is something I can always do. I am not perfect. No one is. However, I think that when we show others we recognize our wrongs then that helps us grow and helps them see the real us.

And let the good things come showering my way because my karma account is clean -- good feeling!

Enjoy your day!

Happy Fourth of July!

2011-07-04T14:11:00.000-07:00

A little corny.

This will be my first recipe entry. I found this recipe more than 5 years ago. It is from Chef Bobby Flay, who is the perfect combination of talent and ginger - - sigh.

I tried find his original recipe for measurements and such, however I couldn't locate it online. Keep in mind I am an off the cuff cook -- a dash here, pinch here. You may have to make a judgement call as far as amounts if you were to make a smaller batch. I believe the best way to cook is with your senses, smelling and tasting as you go. This is the perfect recipe for summertime get togethers. Corn is quite inexpensive in the summer and because this salsa contains nothing but veggies and seasonings, it keeps wonderfully even when it is as hot as Hades, like today (105!!!)

I hope you enjoy it, as my people do. Remember the love you put into your food, comes through.

Roasted Corn Salsa

Ingredients:

5 ears of white corn
1 poblano or pasilla pepper diced
half of small red onion diced
1/2 cup of chopped cilantro
lime juice
salt, pepper
cumin
chile powder
honey

You can make this two ways. Easy or slightly easier. If you are accustom to grilling corn, then grill the corn and let it cool. If you do not own a grill, clean and shuck the corn. Place it on a plate in the microwave. Two cycles on high for six minutes will be perfect. If you have a gas stove, throw the ears on the fire for color. I also roast my pepper on the burner. It is not completely necessary, however it does lend a depth of flavor.

With a sharp knife, cutting away from you, cut the kernels from the cob. Add chopped cilantro and red onion. If you roast the pepper, clean off the ashy skin on the outside. It is up to you whether or not to leave the seeds in or not. I usually clean it out, so it is more acceptable to the masses. Add the chopped pepper.

Stir in salt and pepper to taste. The juice from at least 2 limes with at least 1 tablespoon of honey. Yes, honey. It makes this type of sweet vinaigrette. Yummy.

Add a teaspoon of cumin and chili powder. You can use more or less red onion of you are trying to get kissed that night!

Stir and taste. TASTE! People never taste things to see if they have the appropriate seasoning. It may need more salt or honey. It should taste balanced -- salty, sweet, spicy.

I hope I become better about relaying recipes! Serve this with chips or on grilled salmon is yummy too! I hope everyone has a happy and safe holiday!

And enjoy the fireworks in the sky! They can be romantic, even without a ginger on your arm ;)

Sappy. Happy.

2011-07-01T11:41:00.000-07:00

"I see." said the blind boy.

I was at work on Wednesday. A grandmother and her grandson were shopping. The boy was adorable and about 5 years old. He was blind and had a little cane. I greeted them "good morning" like I always do to everyone I encounter. He asked his grandmother who I was. She turned it into a lesson and told him that I was a worker and that it was polite to greet me back. I said it again. She smiled and responded.

For some reason, this touched me. I literally choked up. I was so touched by the love between the grandmother and her grandchild. I was equally touched by the long road the little boy had ahead of him in this crazy world.

Day to day we broad over our little sorrows. Sometimes it is moments like this that makes you grateful for your life. I try everyday, upon waking, to think of my "gratitudes". These are things that I am grateful for --people that I am grateful for. I feel by starting my day reflecting, allows me to maintain a positive spirit when I start my day.

Today, I am grateful for my lovely family that I was able to spend three days with last weekend. I am grateful for the laughter of children that I experienced there and the unconditional love of my sister and parents. Today, I am also grateful for my good friend and her family. I spent the morning with coffee and her boys. I am grateful to experience that love those boys give me. They are a joy. Today, I am focusing on my non-material gratitudes. People in my life. I was told once that you are a lucky person if you can count on one hand the number of good friends you have. I am so grateful for the number I can count on two. This is a treasure that surpasses any number in the bank. I love my peeps and people in general. Flo Sco said, "Give out love, and love is what you will receive." It is a good quote to live by. Eeyores of the world, read this, live this, do this.

Smile, it increases the value of your face.

Daddy's Girl

2011-06-19T17:26:00.000-07:00

Today is Father's Day. I was fortunate to have an amazing dad growing up. Many fathers know how important their roles are, however, some do not know how important their roles are especially to their daughters.

My father listened to me, he was strict when needed and also was present in my daily life. I can definitely say that this is the reason why I am such a confident woman. I heard this saying once, it said that a boy that grows up without a mother society pays, a girl that grows up without a father, every man pays. I know I was a lucky one.

I am grateful that I had such a great father growing up. I mourn the fact that he is not that same lively spirit he was when I was a child. Multiple sclerosis has changed him. His personality is quiet and withdrawn. He has moments of levity -- I cherish that because I can still see that sparkle in his eyes.

I have many friends that have lost their fathers. I can relate to the pain they feel at pivotal times in their lives. I miss my father sharing my accomplishments and lecturing me on my wrongs. Forgotten looks have replaced that.

My father always had terrible health that I can remember. It was either his high blood pressure, diabetes, or poor diet that was constantly a source of stress for me as a child. I remember being so worried that I would lose my father when I was young. As an adult, I see that my father was selfish to only think of himself in disregarding his health. If you are a dad, take care of yourself. There is nothing worse than worrying about your father's health as a child. It makes me angry when men disregard what they know is healthy and unhealthy, not seeing past how it looks to their children, let alone how it affects them.

Involved fathers are who get to see joys in their child's eyes. I pity a man that has put his own feelings about ex wife and baby mama ahead of the needs of his child. I had a friend once that did that. He was not present in his daughter's life because he was still bitter about his ex wife's infidelity. I feel so sorry for his daughter. She will always think that she is the one that did something wrong for her father to leave. He has missed so much in her life. Birthday cards and Christmas gifts cannot replace a father's absence

Being a daddy's girl is a wonderful way to be. I look at my niece with my brother in law. She seeks his approval and love and he gives it freely. It is comforting to know that because of this she will always know her value. Having your daughter grow up to be a self-assured, independent, and confident woman is priceless.

If the shoe fits...

2011-06-12T16:44:00.000-07:00

Loser shoes.

I have never heard this phrase until last weekend.   We had a lengthy discussion after, and I do believe it is a great way to categorize some people -- we were speaking of men. I was getting some dating advice from my best friend's male companion.

Let me preface this by saying, I have said several times that you just can't judge in this economy. What I mean is that there are many people that are amazingly qualified and skilled that cannot find work. Moreover, there are people that are in jobs that they are overqualified for or that are no where in their field of expertise just so they can work. These are not the men (or woman) I am referring to. Those people are working or trying to work and have had to swallow a great deal of pride in order to get a check. I respect that. I respect anyone that has had to endure job displacement, career change, or even someone that had to change jobs because the economy requires it. I respect anyone that brushes themselves off and gets back on the saddle, even if it is on a pony, not a stallion.

What we discussed were "losers". I am not blind to know there are men and women losers. But for this purpose we were speaking of men.

We were speaking of whether it was in my best interest to approach a man that I felt was attractive or that I was interested in. I had shared that I felt it changed the roles and dynamics in a relationship if a woman starts off with power. He shared that women sometimes need to make it easier for men and that the guys that do approach women are not always the caliber that they are looking for but they get dates because they are comfortable and confident. Comfortable in their loser shoes. Yes, loser shoes. I had him enlighten me on this.

According to him, some men are comfortable in their loser shoes. They do not care that they are living in their mom's backroom, or sponging off of friends. They walk into a bar and own it. They will ask a girl out and flirt with her even though they have been "in between" jobs for the past few years. These guys put on their loser shoes and skip in them. These are the guys that I have heard women talk of as "bad boys".   There are women that fall for this, and I pity them. I have said many a time, that a woman needs to know her worth. You get what you think you deserve in life. Chew on that.

So there are also men that get loser shoes, and are not comfortable in them. They are not comfortable with the fact that they are in between jobs or unhappy in their job. These men do not care for their loser shoes and are anxious to trade them in. However, they may not be able to because of circumstance. These are the guys that would not approach a woman because they do not want to come at someone unless they are on their game. I have a friend that lost his job and is working in a field he hates, but it is a job.   I went on a few dates with a guy this year that was an out of work handyman. He just did not work, no job hunting, no side jobs, no nada. One hates his shoes and the other is comfortable in them. Funny thing? The guy that has the job says he does not feel comfortable going out with me because he is not where he wants to be in life. The other? Well, we went out twice. I know, I know. I was trying to be open. After the second date, I came to the realization that when you do not have a job, then everything else should be stellar. Expectations are higher, because you don't have a job.

I am trying to be open to people I would not otherwise be open to. I am a picky broad. I will be the first one to admit it. However, I know that I have to try to be open to different people and the idea that they may be a great new friend. That sounds so Sesame Street. I just don't want to trip over someone's loser shoes, unless he is changing out of them.

Did I miss the Ed Hardy shirt?

2011-06-03T08:51:00.000-07:00

It's ironic that his shirt says "affliction".

Use your imagination. Think if you were a man (not a hard stretch for some). Let's say you moved from the East coast to California. Beautiful California. Where when you go to a baseball game in June, it is unseasonably chilly -- not even chilly, let's say "crisp". You are enjoying a baseball game with your buddy and some girls that he knows. Everyone is drinking beer, bantering, laughing, and having a generally good time. You find yourself chilly. What do you do? You didn't bring a sweatshirt? Ah, the young lady behind you has a sweatshirt. Your first reaction? Yes, you should definitely ask to wear hers. Why not? She declines. Your reaction? You tell her she is rude, multiple times. We left.

When we encountered this last night, we were amazed. I, personally, was amazed that this guy was even cold because we were consuming mass amounts of beer. It was, to put it lightly, a douchy move. The weird thing was that this guy did not exhibit any other douchy -- visually douchy attributes. He was a bit curt in the conversation at times, but I think he thought he was being funny. Sometimes sarcasm doesn't translate well. I get that. Did this guy roll up in a hummer? Did he have a Ed Hardy shirt on or even an affliction shirt? None. It can be hard to have to avoid a douche bag. I just think it is far easier when they advertise up front.

Who wants to be the guy that ruined a good time because he was cold? Man up. Grow some. Girlpants!

Shiny Attraction

2011-05-31T15:18:00.000-07:00

I love nostalgia. The one thing that makes my smile every time I see it is an Airstream trailer.

For me, this trailer is gorgeous. It is so shiny and its lines are simple. Anyone who knows me, knows I am not a camper and for the most part have never even tried going "camping" in a trailer. However, if I had an airstream, I think I would take it out whenever I had the chance, just so I could sit on the outside of it with a cocktail at night and a cup of coffee in the morning and bathe it its shiny beauty.

Back off. I'm Beautiful.

2011-05-30T13:42:00.000-07:00

Sexy Beast.

Dollface, honey, looker, goodlookin', head turner, beautiful, pretty, easy on the eyes, attractive, gorgeous, stunning, breathtaking, glamorous.

Great words to describe a woman's beauty. My complaint is this: When did SEXY become the new version of any of these words?

It seems to me that men throw this word around all the time. It is commonplace to use it as a replacement for any of the words above describing a woman's beauty. I think because of this it has lost its meaning.

It is not that I am by any means scared of my sexuality. I am quite aware that I am sexy. I feel sexy. Do I need to be told that I am sexy? Not really, unless it is in a moment that warrants it. To me, sexy is a blanket term. Like "nice". She is "nice". You look "nice". "How was your date with the troll?" "Nice."

I often hear the "sexy" term when describing glasses. The sexy librarian thing haunts four-eyed girls everywhere. In recent years, I wear my glasses all the time. Until this new pair, I never really felt attractive in my glasses. I always received compliments when I wore them, but I never thought too much of it. Now that I have my new pair. I think I am wicked cute! I am sure this projects in my confidence and mannerisms. However, I want to be told I am cute, pretty, or attractive in my glasses -- not sexy.

Navigating my way through dating -- and Internet dating. This seems to be the lead line for many men. Sexy? Maybe there are many women out there that giggle and swoon over this word being used to describe them. Not me. I would rather be told I am cute or pretty. If they have a thing for a chunky girl in glasses, then after a few sentences of banal conversation, they confess their fondness. Absolutely appropriate. But as a greeting, "Hey Sexy." at the start of conversation? Hold on, eye roll. I remember reading that Alicia Keys said, "I would rather be called smart than sexy." Throw a "pretty" in there, and it's the cherry on my sundae.

Following the yellow brick road....

2011-05-20T11:11:00.000-07:00

I am here to see a man, about a horse.

I used to say finding a wonderful man was much like finding a unicorn. We see so many beautiful pictures of this mythical creature. We hear stories that sound real and make us wish we could find a unicorn ourselves. This translates well to being a single woman on a journey to find love. My attached and married friends tell me that there are great men out there, they give advice as to where I should look to find them, and they use thier partner as examples as to what to look for.

I still believe in unicorns. I still believe that men are wonderful. I refuse to live my life jaded and angry at the men I have chosen to be part of my life. My glass is half full. Florence Scovel Shinn says, "Every man is a golden link in my chain of good." This is my journey and I accept all of its twists and turns with a smile.

Dating is not easy. My hope is to share my humor in all of this with you. My rants are light and my thoughts are heavy. I hope you laugh and ponder my tales. I hope you are witness to the great things that happen in my life. I am curious to see how the book ends, but I have no intention of turning to the last page. Here it goes....