Between Time and Dreams

Ready? Let's Dive In.

noreply@blogger.com (jb ) — Thu, 13 Jul 2017 16:31:00 +0000

Are you ready for some new posts? I sure am.

Enchanted

noreply@blogger.com (jb ) — Tue, 02 Feb 2016 05:15:00 +0000

Spring is everything transformed. Dazzling change of season springing us from dreary and bare into something happy and new. Empty sticks climax into trees full bloom. The dark greyness of winter surrenders into bright green lush. And baby birds are everywhere. Making chirping noises and fluttering as they spread their wings and learn to fly.

Many have asked. Where do you go from here? Find a new church, start a home church, not go to church, etc.? And the answer is both simple and complicated, but not something I will answer fully in this moment. See, I am absolutely *enchanted* with the God of the universe. The Creator of sunflowers, butterflies, Chai lattes, newborn babies, stunning sunsets and Siamese kittens. God pursued me for years in the most amazing ways. Even when I resisted. I knew full well that embracing Him would take everything in my life and turn it upside down. My love story with God is intricately close to my heart. I was twenty-nine years old when I finally understood the magnitude of such suffering and sacrifice and it has been a decade of falling deeper in love. It has had its ups and downs. But let me be clear. I am strong enough in my faith to not let anything -or anyone- diminish or distort the beauty of grace.

Not any church.
Not any religion.

Not any pastor.

It is beautiful to be part of a church that is enchanted by giving glory to God.
I want that. For me. For my family.

But I remember feeling like the bird who flew into the sliding glass door.
Still recovering from what I didn't see coming. Stunned by the illusion of something that appears reflective and transparent but shows itself to be obtuse and dense to any hint of criticism. An impermeable wall separating the word of God from its rightful application. I'm weary from hearing big words swirl around in my mind only to crash headfirst into conflict if I dare take it to heart. Or hands. Or feet. So I move forward motivated by the experience and driven to live grace as vividly as the change of seasons.

Life Interrupted.

noreply@blogger.com (jb ) — Mon, 18 Aug 2014 22:11:00 +0000

It is a privilege to share with you my thoughts on Jen Hatmaker's book, Interrupted. As a writer, responding to book reviews with positive, constructive thoughts and offering polite recommendations to buy a worthwhile read is a pleasure to do. Except when its not. When its more of a warning to proceed ahead with caution.

Don't get me wrong. I loved this book. But I am going to tell you why reading it was harder than 29 hours of childbirth without an epidural. Why I clench my jaw thinking about the moment I opened it and began a journey to where there was no going back.

At first, you might think its totally cool that someone else out there feels this way. Turns out you really aren't alone. Comforting to know some chick in Texas with a huge smile and tons of kids has put on paper what's been stirring in your soul. Jen Hatmaker describes her spiritual state of longing as a "dryness" whereas I felt more of a "restlessness." You might think a spiritual crisis is about to happen, but in the restless angst or barren dryness you slowly discover God is actively at work, shifting your focus away from bland religiosity while vividly making your heart yearn for ways to love people who are suffering, alone, hurting, hungry, neglected, shunned and marginalized. In your neighborhood and across the world. Reading this book helped me to understand that being "interrupted" is not a rally to force everyone into joining one individual's "cause" to do good, instead it is a beautiful obedience mandated repeatedly as the Bible's clear and consistent message to followers of Christ. "Love one another as I have loved you" isn't turning a blind eye to people who are in desperate situations. Ignoring the beggar that we see but want to ignore -doesn't end well. Unless we get ourselves involved in actively serving and loving others passionately as Jesus does, we are missing a huge part of living out the fullness of the Gospel. We miss grasping -to the best of our human ability- the immense depth of love and mercy Jesus has for us.

Not everyone will understand. Not everyone will be eager to embrace the changes that happen in order to interrupt life and church as we know it. To put those the world sees as being in last place -first. To embrace the least of these and glorify God by loving them as VIPs, giving compassion to their suffering, dignity to their hurting, and nourishment to their withering. It is reaching out to those who struggle with poverty, starvation, addiction, loneliness, depression, lack of shelter, disease, etc. and extending love and grace without condition or expectation. It is important to know however, that the reality and magnitude of "interrupting" the status quo hasn't caught on in all the places it needs to yet. And if you don't happen to be a best-selling author and pastor's wife -and this book happens to you- prepare yourself for the possible uncertainty that might come as a result.

Had I never read Interrupted- my life would be easier right now. My friend count and popularity on Facebook -much higher. But as the past few weeks have been challenging, they have been life-changing as well. By the way, none of you Hatmaker book virgins should dare read anything by this lady unless of course, you want to risk disrupting Sunday mornings, sabotaging some relationships, aching for purpose, getting rid of stuff, and ending up flat on your face- begging God for direction. I'm intentionally waiting until the warranty on the BMW is over before I dare read her other killjoy, Seven.

Much like everything God uses in the Bible to move the ball forward, this book doesn't lend itself to idle people. Instead of sitting on the sidelines handing out Gatorade, you read this book and you're forced into the game. One with competitive teams and sadly, man-made rules. But press on. Messed up, imperfect, humbled souls throughout Scripture -who didn't look or act the part- made the cut when it came to God being glorified in extraordinary ways. Jesus entered the world as a crying, pooping, babbling infant. Which just means all of us are perfect candidates for the job of being His vessel for change, insignificant as we all are. Figuring out what that looks like is hard. Really hard. Talking about it is hard. Yet dreaming about something better inevitably happens when you read Interrupted.

Here are some quotes to give you an idea what I'm talking about.

"Until we are all compelled and contributing, we're settling for an anemic faith and a church that robs Christ followers of their vitality and repels the rest of the world." - Jen Hatmaker

Ouch.

"If you truly love ME you will feed my sheep. My people are crumbling and dying and starving and you're blessing blessed people and serving the saved." - Jen Hatmaker

No holdin' back.

"All of a sudden I saw my exact reflection in Peter: devoted but selfish, committed but misguided. It won't suffice to claim good intentions. Not with God screaming, begging, pleading, urging us to feed the poor and orphaned, to care for the last and least in nearly every book of the Bible. It will not be enough one day to stand before Jesus and say, "Oh? Were you serious about all that?" - Jen Hatmaker

So if you dare read this be forewarned. Not everyone will understand your shift in perspective. Your character may be attacked. Gossip might abound. You might even be forced out of fellowship. And undoubtedly you can bet the word "divisive' will rear its ugly head. But don't think for a moment it is not worth reading. Don't shy away just because its hard. The tension of understanding just how important serving is to grasping the fullness of the Gospel brings about positive change. So many amazing people whose compassion for the least of these and dedication to staying humbled servants inspire me in remarkable ways.

Let me share with you Interrupted's back cover excerpt.

"Have you ever felt like you are completely missing the point? Are you one of the millions who crave a new direction in the church, fed up with religious games, empty promises, and cultural Christianity? You are not alone. You are not crazy. Maybe Jesus is ready to interrupt your life."

The effects of being Interrupted may not be visible in the place where you are right now. Perhaps change might not look the way you hope and expect it to. This book is one of many that begs and pleads with our beloved church to examine itself. Many pastors, like Francis Chan, are showing the fruits of shifting gears towards a focus that minimizes men and uplifts a merciful God.
Mega-size is not the prize. An abundance of mercy and compassion is.
Don't get me wrong-please don't misunderstand.
I LOVE the church.
I LOVE the people within church.
I LOVE those who serve His church. There are some awesome and amazing pastors out there!
We are all on this wonderful journey together. Regardless of where we end up on Sunday mornings -in a living room, school auditorium, movie theater, private building, or in secret hiding. I trust completely in God's plan for His bride.

Pray we all experience the freedom to have honest and forthright conversations sparked by books like Interrupted, Radical, Crazy Love, etc. without the fear of being called out as "divisive" or alienated from church community. And if you don't want to be on the fringe alone, buy lots of copies of Interrupted and spread the love! Go ahead. Wreck your friends. Interrupt calm spirituality with a kick in the pants. Read this and find yourself less concerned about vindicating your name, preserving popularity, or staying comfortable. Encounter the beautiful freedom of glorifying God and boldly embracing those in need- the people Jesus passionately reached out to and repeatedly calls us to love and serve.

-Julie

Oh yeah. Brandon Hatmaker mentions this incredible verse,
which I've pondered on SO much lately:
"Go and learn what this means: I desire mercy, not sacrifice." - Jesus (Matthew 9:13)

Keep Calm and Don't Breathe the Gas

noreply@blogger.com (jb ) — Mon, 07 Jul 2014 19:51:00 +0000

Cool, calm, and collected. I used to be all of those things.
Until the day I had children. Swollen belly enduring two days of labor, middle of the night c-section, and twenty-two hours on an airplane across the world- these pains of mothering have changed me.
The responsibility for their constant well being has consumed me.
I've been overtaken by this lifelong investment, no longer emotionally detached. You could say I've been wrecked by my dive into parenthood- and stuck on the verge of panic ever since.

Way back before kids- I used to work nights at a Level 1 Trauma Center. Twelve hour shifts caring for people in a very busy emergency room. Nothing unnerved me back then. In the five years I did that job- I stayed even-tempered and thought clearly. Wasn't phased in the least by the insanity of life and death chaos.

Quite the contrast to how I now handle situations of uncertainty pertaining to my five beautiful offspring. I take the challenge of getting these little people safely into adulthood as a pretty big deal. But I'm also constantly reminded to keep the balance of letting them live fully and experience cool stuff without senselessly creating undertones of worry and anxiety.

I should actually be embarrassed to share how I reacted to something like this, but oh well.
This was my morning.

I'm upstairs making my bed. Kids are downstairs in the family room watching the most annoying show ever made by Disney channel. The song drives me crazy and every kid on the planet has it memorized. Being a smartypants, I've made up alternative lyrics in my head, which I would never share with anyone under 18.

So I'm putting pillows on, wondering if I really want to start laundry next or postpone to another day. I hear a little voice coming up the stairs, beckoning me by my three letter word. First thing I do is decifer the tone. Declarative is quick and means somebody's not sharing and it goes like this- MOM!
But this was different. This tone was questioning and it was warily preceeded by an "um".
Never a good sign.

"Um...mom?"
"Yes?"
"Your lamp fell."
I breathe in and decide laundry can wait. Might be time for me to drink caffeine instead. Two lamps on either side of the couch are in constant peril with little ones that can't resist jumping on the love seat when I'm upstairs out of sight. The lamps are like much of the furniture in the room - twice as old as the kids. Waiting for everyone to reach puberty before I splurge on any idea of having new decor. The lamps have survived tipping over more than I can count. No big deal. I smile as I head down the stairs, until I hear the rest of it.
"Oh, and....the light bulb kinda broke all over the floor."

I freeze for an instant as the words travel from my ears to my mind. I think shots and stitches if they step on glass as worst-case scenario. I race down the rest of the stairs and into the family room.

"Everybody upstairs- QUICKLY! Let's go!" When danger is present, I use my drill-sergeant voice.

They sense the urgency and four sets of feet pound their way towards the second floor. I hear them giggling, pulling out toys to play with, and shutting the bedroom door as I brace to assess the damage. I notice the lampshade knocked off its axis, barely hanging from the edge of the side table. My fear gets validated as I see shards of thin white bulb speckling the carpet like fragments of French manicured fake fingernails. I hope for any indication that it was a rounded silhouette. But no. It was one of those. The dangerous kind.

I grab my phone to google a solution. My mind races to find buzzwords to describe the catastrophe.
-CURLY LIGHT BULB POISON-
Article after article comes up.

"The worst toxin in your home exists in your lamp."
"Toxic mercury gas leaks into air from broken light bulb"
"Liver damage and delay caused by kids mercury exposure"

All the years I've exclusively bought organic milk and washed their hair with non-paraben shampoo to avoid little bodies having contact with toxins have become instantly undone with the shattering of one light bulb. I have no clue how much "poison gas" from this is actually swirling around the room. I throw open the patio doors and turn on the fan full blast.

I decide to call my only hope for comfort. My husband answers and I express how distraught I am over the fact that deciding to use energy-efficient light bulbs has backfired into a dangerous situation and now our kids have been exposed to poison mercury gas. His response was not nearly as concerned as I had hoped. Sometimes having someone panic with you when you think you failed as a parent is validating.

"Oh, one of those broke in my hand once. Don't worry honey, it should be fine."

His soothing voice and calmness makes me feel instantly less freaked out. I express my adoration of a man so amazing that I love him like crazy. We hang up and I head back to the trusted source of all knowledge- the internet- to make sure I clean everything up the right way. The Environmental Protection Agency gives tips on how to dispose of broken CFL bulbs and I also found suggestions on how to clear the air. FYI: keep children away from the area for fifteen minutes, turn on fans, open doors, make sure to pick up the broken pieces with duct tape prior to vacuuming.

So now you know. I panic and freak out when it comes to my precious kids. It is the reason I cut up grapes and hot dogs into pieces that mice could swallow. The reason I am constantly counting them when we are out and about. I could go on and on. Parenthood is riding a roller coaster every single day. Exhilarating and heart-pounding, filled with dips and turns, ups and downs. Dangerous light bulbs and crazy kids shows. And while being a mom might not always be easy on the nerves- man is it the best thing ever. So take a deep breath and enjoy every second of summer!

~JB

Listening to: No Strings by Mayer Hawthorne & Maps by Maroon 5
Reading: Charis: God's Scandalous Grace For Us by Preston Sprinkle

More blog posts coming soon.

Tension

noreply@blogger.com (jb ) — Thu, 15 May 2014 04:59:00 +0000

Check out this blog post by Rachel Evans Held. Thought it was an interesting read. Pray for tension to bring about god-honoring change and reconciliation.

"Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute. Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy." Proverbs 31:8-9

Looking Up

noreply@blogger.com (jb ) — Fri, 09 May 2014 05:31:00 +0000

Yesterday I saw them- they both waved in unison. I smiled and reciprocated. Months had passed since I had first seen them walking along, side by side. Time had rotated us into a whole different season. Red and orange leaves had scattered into fall. Bare limbs braved the blistery winter, and now spring was coming into full bloom.

The day our lives had intersected had been the perfect autumn day. Crisp, breezy, deep blue sky. The leaves on the trees lining the street were strikingly vibrant shades of crimson red, golden yellow and bright orange. And yet, I drove down the street that I do every day- barely noticing. I was running late. Moms who drive their kids to school are painfully aware of the exact time needed show up in order to leave the parking lot during daylight hours. Nobody cares that you had a rough afternoon or got a late start out the door. Half of the moms lined up are statistically either on their period or gearing up for it. Its like a PMS parade, except for the few dads that brave the dangerous parking lot at midday. If you don't get a prime spot with easy access out- you stay ~~stuck~~ parked in a line that takes hours to move. Its like reliving moments of childbirth five days a week.

On that day I was trying to rush from one destination to another, with multiple small children talking nonstop in the background. I was pushing thru the stresses of busy motherhood- getting things done and checked off my to-do list. Or so I thought.

It ended up being the kind of day that caught me by surprise and held me captive until I relented into seeing its magnificence. And it started when I saw a man and a woman walking side by side on the sidewalk. Probably nearing retirement, they were out for a leisurely afternoon stroll. Cars were shuffling into the parking lot by the second. I was within twenty feet of my desired spot when I saw this man suddenly stop. He turned to face the woman. She took a step backward into the grass of a yard. He quickly walked around behind her as she fell into him. It almost felt like it happened in slow motion.

The cranky carpool-frenzied voice in my head told me to keep on driving. I was almost there. I could get a good spot. Besides my little girl would be waiting. I didn't want her to wonder where I was. Somebody else would help out. Somebody that had a clue on what to do.

And then I apparently did what I do when I am in a situation that catches me off guard.
I panic. And internalize it.
And in an instant, the thought seeped in. What if that was my mom.

I pulled up to the house they were in front of, rolled down the window and called out to the man. He was leaning over the woman now lying flat on her back. I had no idea what was happening, so I just called out, "Hey, is she alright? Do you need me to call 911?" And he told me that he needed me to stay with her while he ran to their home nearby to get her medication. SO... I roll down the windows a bit, lock my kids in the car (I'm overprotective like that), and sat on the front yard of a house in front of a school next to a lady having a seizure. I held her hands and spoke gently to her as she stared up at the sky. Another stay-at-home-mom -who had an epileptic husband- also stopped. The two of us sat on either side of the woman, reassuring her as her body began to relax, as we waited for her husband to return.

And so I looked up that day. At the most beautiful sky ever. And I noticed the stunning beauty of the trees. I took deep breaths of cold air that filled my lungs in the midst of uncertainty. I interrupted my busy day with a moment to just sit and hold the hand of a lady I didn't know. To calm her with nothing more than my presence and my voice. I was fortunate enough to meet a very sweet and humble woman last fall, who has lived a lifetime with epilepsy. Who now sees my car and makes a point to wave to me.

So I'm thinking about this today. How can we be more intentional connecting with people?
I would love to hear your ideas-

JB

Listening to this amazing song you should most definitely download from iTunes:
Am I Wrong by Nico & Vinz

Addicted to Love

noreply@blogger.com (jb ) — Wed, 23 Apr 2014 20:44:00 +0000

In empty parking lots at dusk many people hide out in their cars, waiting for deliverance. Anxious for another fix. The location changes day to day, but even the hassle of it isn't much of a deterrent. All across town, vacant pavement becomes a lucrative hideout for hushed transactions. Where you might be known by a fictitious alias- or perhaps a pen name- like the former Mayor of WVC. When you want something you know you probably shouldn't have, you figure out how to make it happen. You make excuses, you sneak away, you ask around, and always know exactly how much it will cost you.

I resisted for a long time. I knew that a lot of people shared this hard-to-break habit, but certainly not to this extent. Many days I try to ignore what I crave or where to get it. Often I convince myself it is not something I need. Just a want. And on occasion, I find myself wishing I had never known how mind-blowing this little indulgence would turn out to be.

And then some days I just give in. I hold crinkled bills in my sweaty palm and show up wearing no makeup, ponytail hair and faded sweatpants. I disregard any feelings of shame or guilt or second-thoughts and just live in the moment. Because I can. Because I like it. I crave it. Maybe I even convince myself I somehow earned it. Deserve it. Need to have it. Blah. Blah. Blah.
Justification for gratification. Simple as that.

And sometimes it doesn't feel wrong at all. It feels like a hug. Like the unconditional love you fully appreciate once you know exactly who your real friends are. And that's where I'm at.
It's comforting happiness.
All topped with homemade whipped cream.

So now you know exactly where to find me sometimes.
After dark. In the moonlight. In a random parking lot. Around Salt Lake City. Near a painted hippy truck. Delighting over pure Belgian goodness.

-JB

Disclaimer

noreply@blogger.com (jb ) — Mon, 14 Apr 2014 02:56:00 +0000

Here is the small print. The blog post warning label. Almost everything these days seems to need one.

So here it is. The official disclaimer.

Between Time & Dreams is a personal blog. Its not journalism. Or an instruction manual. Or a manifesto on how things should be. It is not prescriptive or definitive.

Its simply me sharing my personal thoughts and opinions. On a wide variety of topics. Some stories you might find entertaining. Some assertions might rattle your mind. You may or may not agree. These are feelings and ideas. And that is perfectly okay. You might find my perspective untypical, especially if you were to somehow try to stereotype me, which I don't recommend.

I might have an opinion that gets you all fired up. Or not.

Discussion & engaging dialogue is how we all figure this life out. So pull up a chair and share.

I say this so you don't have an expectation that this blog is something that its not.

Sometimes I use humor that could be potentially offensive to people who might be sensitive. I might blog about random things like boobies and breastfeeding, boogers and toddlers. Sometimes a bad word slips out. If you are easily offended, perhaps this is not the reading that will bring peace & calm to your soul. There are plenty of bloggers out there that are much more polished than I am.

This girl is a work in progress. I'm not perfect. I mess up. I strive to learn and grow in my understanding every single day. I love God, my husband, my kids, my family, my friends, my church- and I want to be the best version of myself that I can be. I'm passionate and driven to make the most of this life. Not waste opportunities.

My point of view is based on my current real-time understanding. It might change, it might not. Comments, questions, critique, and your stellar insight is always welcome.

As far as my opinions go, sometimes I can be right on the money-

and other times I miss the mark. I am willing to listen. Let's talk about it.

I am also going to ask the tough questions. Questions you might think about, but not want to say out loud. I'm willing to go there. Because I think there are lots of things we don't question enough. Things that don't have any biblical basis, yet we treat as Gospel. We go with the flow. We uphold the status quo. We do what everyone else is doing. Just because. Perhaps we should seek out wisdom more than we do. Be humbled. And face hard questions. Be willing to examine any blindside we might have when seeking truth. Because truth isn't afraid of being exposed or being wrong. Truth remains.

Next post will be coming at you soon...

~JB

Matthew 7

13 "Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many will enter through it.

14 But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it."

Hang Loose

noreply@blogger.com (jb ) — Mon, 07 Apr 2014 16:10:00 +0000

There will be a new post from me up soon...

Open Letter

noreply@blogger.com (jb ) — Mon, 07 Apr 2014 16:04:00 +0000

It takes courage to speak up. Especially when it is something this important. I share many of these same concerns and wish I could have been as loving, eloquent and straightforward addressing them. I hope honest conversations can bring about unity, restoration, and change.

Here is the link: Tim's An Open Letter To My Church

Love Is Worth The Fight

noreply@blogger.com (jb ) — Fri, 14 Mar 2014 05:14:00 +0000

I'm reading a very cool book. One of the first things that resonated with me was written in the foreward, by a pastor who grew up in the South. He decided to minister to a large population of people living in significant poverty in the area in which he grew up. As he spoke with other religious leaders about this, he was shocked to discover some wrongly assumed he had liberal theological ideology simply because he wanted to do something to help the poor.

This struck a chord because I have been accused of being "a cultural Christian" -someone who is assumed to be soft on theology simply because they take a love-centered, active approach to its application.

Jesus told us to love one another. He told us to take care of widows and orphans and those in need. But sadly, there are people out there that just want to argue. With EVERYBODY. What a tragic way to try to live out faith. Hard to explain the mercy of God- his love and grace- if you degrade people as you do it.

Recently we went to see one of our favorite bands. Skillet. Such an amazing concert. Very loud. We might end up with partial hearing loss, but it was soooo good. As we were leaving, someone approached us and tried to argue how wrong and "unbiblical" the songs were.

Millions of people are starving to death every single day. Living in filth with no access to clean water or healthcare. Orphans in desperate need of families. Child mortality rates skyrocketing for preventable diseases. Children sold into slavery and sex trafficked.

And this guy just thinks God isn't a Skillet fan.

Seriously? What do you think makes God's priority list. Me going to a Christian concert?

Unbelievably sad.

Check out this link to the protest at a Switchfoot concert recently. Jon Foreman shows he is a class act by telling concert-goers to show love and kindness to the people protesting his show.
LOVE ALONE IS WORTH THE FIGHT is the song by Switchfoot that is popular right now.
How beautiful is that.

Saying No.

noreply@blogger.com (jb ) — Wed, 05 Mar 2014 23:18:00 +0000

I'm learning. Every day I'm learning. How to get better at things I'm expected to know as a parent. Like how to get a first grader to remember ridiculously hard spelling words. Or do math homework that is essentially an LSAT exam.

I've figured out how to hide vegetables my kids hate in foods that they love. Learned how to make homemade play dough out of flour and salt. How to get the prime spot in car pool line and lose my voice cheering on my future professional athletes. I'm practically supermom in these areas.

One thing I've had to learn recently is to say one simple word.
NO.

Let me be clear. I know how to say this to the kids. No. You can't cut your own hair. No. You're not allowed to put your socks in your sister's face. No. We are not getting a dog.
No. No. No

The place where I have a hard time speaking up is when I'm out. With the kids. I had no idea people had such curiosity when it came to this. Its chaos going anywhere with five children. I count them over and over again to make sure they are all within my grasp. One. Two. Three. Four. Five.

Cue random stranger who approaches loudly and unexpectedly. I know as soon as I see their hands go up what they are going to say and do. And many times I don't react quickly enough. Its done and I walk away feeling like I failed. Like they beat me to the punch. Like I lost the draw in a wild west gunfight. Like my confidence took a hit and I'm left temporarily weak and insecure.
And I'm a spineless, sucky mom.

But I've learned. Today was another example affirming that. I'm amazed I acted quickly enough. In these situations, seconds matter. You can't hesitate. The words have to be shoved out there. Out in the open. I was nice, but firm- and even gave an explanation.

Here's how it went:

We were waiting for food to be delivered to our table. My dreadlocked little cutie was sitting in the highchair next to me. I saw the waitress put the tray down. I smiled and said thanks.
As I spoke, hands shot up. Two inches above his head.

"His hair is soooo amazing! Can I touch it?"
Realize this is never actually a question. Because most people touch as they ask. Her voice was shrill and loud. The crowd at the next table looked over.

"No, you can't."

Her hands stayed suspended over his head. She looked at me as if she didn't understand my answer. I know that most people have kind intentions. I don't want to be rude, but I can't go against my gut as a mom. I do not want to disrespect my kids' personal space. I would not want someone I didn't know to come up and start touching my hair. That would creep me out a little.

The woman persisted."But I'm dying to touch it and see what it feels like. "

Usually the first no does the trick. But sometimes you have to reinforce.

"No, but you can admire it from afar," I suggested with a smile. "I do appreciate your compliment, but I don't want my kids to think its ever appropriate or acceptable for a stranger to touch them."

I saw her hands go down. She shrugged and walked away. I looked at my little people, who were happily enjoying their lunch. See I want them to stand up for themselves. Not feel intimidated. Not feel pressured to do what somebody suggests just because its sometimes uncomfortable to say that one little word.

Well-meaning hair touchers, your kind words letting me know you appreciate the time it takes to twist and roll I am truly thankful for. Really.
But when it comes to physical contact, to touching my little boy's hair-
this mama is gonna tell you one thing.
No.

~JB

Get Wrecked

noreply@blogger.com (jb ) — Mon, 03 Mar 2014 17:14:00 +0000

Last week I endured yearly check-ups to the pediatrician. It was the finale for immunizations. Nothing quite like having little ones get four shots each. Seeing them scared or upset is just awful for me.

This week it was a trip to the pediatric dentist. Even though it was just x-rays & cleaning- they had anxiety thinking a shot could possibly be involved. They remembered having sore legs from the week before. I tried to tell them it was just teeth brushing- no shots. My heart raced when I heard them start to panic. I swallowed hard as they gripped my shirt and pulled me closer. I spoke softly and assuredly. On the outside, I looked strong. On the inside, I was totally wrecked. They cried out my name with wavering voices. I caressed arms and held hands. I talked them thru the flossing and polishing and counting of teeth until they finally smiled, knowing it was over. And within seconds, you would never have thought such drama had ever happened. The dental assistant was busy making balloon animals and my kids were screaming with excitement. The only other drama I could possibly anticipate for the day was the inevitable balloon getting popped in the car on the way home. I so wished they offered parents nitrous gas as a courtesy. I felt completely drained by the emotionally challenging office visits required to keep my little people up-to-date and healthy.

I recently came across a short video from a ministry called Mercy Project. Heroes rescuing children from slavery. Children as young as mine. I thought back to my little sweethearts calling out my name, grasping for my hand while they faced the unknown in the dentist chair. My eyes filled with tears thinking about children all around the world -just as precious as my own- that are forced to face situations that are truly terrifying. Children forced to do the unimaginable. Many do it alone. And it crushes me to think about kids who have no one rescuing them, no one there.

We don't want to think slavery exists today. But it does. We want to believe that all children grow up carefree and happy. But the tragic reality is that many don't. And to deny this makes it an even bigger problem. A silent one where people don't step in and do something. We stay detached because its easier not to acknowledge it. Easier to dismiss the magnitude of suffering that goes on every single day around the world affecting millions of vulnerable people while we do carpool, shop at Walmart, plan our weekend, and make healthy, low-fat dinners.

We all have our share of things we need to make ourselves better aware of. Ways we can grow, change, and impact the world in a positive way. As parents, we need to make sure our children learn what unconditional love looks like, what compassion looks like, what forgiveness looks like, what humility looks like, what perseverance looks like and then just do it. Live by example. Not empty talk. So whether its sending money to an organization rescuing trafficked children, bringing awareness to an injustice, feeding the hungry, assisting with orphan care, adoption, missionary work- we can't ignore or think that its not our responsibility to become part of the solution. Pure and faultless religion is spending less time doing church stuff and more time doing Christ stuff. The least of these is not you and me. So let's put our money (literally) where empty mouths are, let's be unified and determined to help those who are suffering and helpless. We all need that push to do more for other people and less for ourselves.

There are some amazing people inspiring me right now. And I'm so thankful.

~JB

Refine Me Please

noreply@blogger.com (jb ) — Fri, 08 Jul 2011 05:20:00 +0000

I'm being refined. And my attitude lately has been one of mild irritation, frustration, and a desire to avoid people during this recent iron-sharpening process. Because I want it all to be organized & structured with succinct purpose & efficient mentoring by respectable teachers. I want a completion date. And a diploma for my efforts.

I know this is good for me. Who doesn't want to build character and be more patient and compassionate. I just want different people to do the refining. And I know that probably isn't going to happen. Very intentionally I'm sure. The ones who have been chosen to scrape away my pride, bad attitude, and impatience seem to be the kind of people I am least like. People like the following:

1. A union postal worker who has no chance of ever getting fired for gross incompetence or reckless driving. God has used her multiple times. First was when the hot pink envelope my wonderful mom had sent me containing a Shoebox card and a check to buy a brand new Medela double-action breastpump did not arrive. I waited and checked the mailbox four times a day. For three weeks. What can I say, I was anxious to never have to squeeze the life out of my boobs with my bare hands ever again.

Part of me wanted to approach our mail carrier and ask why whenever I was expecting a card that contained a check in it- it seemed to magically disappear. I dreamed of saying this very matter-of-factly without appearing sarcastic. I wanted to ask her why she drove over multiple neighbors' mailboxes with the mailtruck and then made them feel like it was their responsibility to fix it.

But I didn't. I couldn't. So I did what any hormone-raging pregnant woman carrying twins who couldn't bend over or breathe comfortably did. I avoided confrontation and took my oversized self to see her boss. Mr. Postmaster himself. And two days after he "talked" to her- the hot pink envelope with adorable mother-to-be card magically appeared. All that was missing was the check. Seriously there was a slit in the side of the envelope. But I didn't care~ because my thoughtful mom had already stopped payment on it and mailed me another. This time there would be no messing around. Check number 2 came FedEx Express.

Now today, in the rain, I went to check the mail and saw that an oversized cardboard box had been shoved into my mailbox deeper than...I better not say. But even with part of it sticking out getting drenched, I struggled to pull it out. I might have even whispered a few words I shouldn't have under my breath while throwing my full weight around to yank and tug. When I finally got it out I discovered that the box contained fragile computer components. Ones that really shouldn't get squished or soaked. I exercised self-control and didn't freak out as badly as I would have expected. Instead, I did it over the phone. Into the kind, loving ears of my supportive husband, who I called the second I got back into the house. And then I was fine. And miraculously - so was the stuff inside the box.

#2. Random people who recklessly drive thru parking lots in the wrong direction to steal parking spaces away from considerate people who have their blinkers on and have been waiting patiently for the Suburban leaving to buckle their seven kids into carseats. I'm not going to go into detail on this one. I actually think God knows that I appreciate walking farther because its good cardio, especially now that I don't belong to a gym.

#3 People who hold the spot in line of someone who you never actually see. I'm not going to get into specifics. But I will never again wait in line for hours for a limited quantity the day after Thanksgiving. Not for anything.

So...now that I've shared a few of mine- who is being used to make you a more compassionate, understanding, patient person?

Nine Months

noreply@blogger.com (jb ) — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 21:35:00 +0000

Nine more months to go. I feel it today. The uncomfortable and necessary bulge of appreciation. Niners -until Thanksgiving- that is. And yet, here we are, stuck in February, and my mind is tossing around all the things I’m thankful for.

Am I the kind of person to journal my thoughts? Not really. Thankful to have a job I love doing. Thankful to work from home. Thankful to live in a house that is far too big and nice for my simple taste. Thankful I picked up Bride Wars for four bucks the day I found out Hollywood Video was going out of business.

I am also thankful to have a guy who does the dirty work. Spider-killer. Car-washer. Computer-fixer. Someone who knows how to run his chick the perfect candlelit bubblebath and make a stellar martini. A hot and sexy guy who keeps the garage as clean as I keep the house. And sometimes, he goes way beyond all I could possibly expect and he does the unthinkable. He goes out braving snow, wind gusts, icy roads, with a low fuel light warning, and makes a journey of risk and adventure to Walmart.

Parking next to a battered car that has a screen door loosely attached to the roof, and a bumper sticker that has a spelling error in it, he clicks the lock button on my SUV’s keychain. Greetings come in the form of a grunt, from a goth teenager in a blue vest, swirling without purpose on a stool by the door. He makes his way thru the thong-laden ladies and acne-faced teens waiting in line at the pharmacy, all the way over to the aisle many men won’t even dare to pass. Women are in abundance in that aisle, along with a solo male employee, stuck stocking razors. Razor guy is careful to avoid eye contact with the man brave enough to enter by his own accord. Some of the ladies smile, others display a look of scorn and jealousy over witnessing love in its finest form.

I am at home, slung over the couch, trying to read a book that has been borrowed for longer than Bill Clinton was President. Hair in a pony-tail with freshly painted nails, can’t decide if I want Diet Coke or Sprite. I wonder which will make me feel less bloated. Neither- so I go with a glass of organic whole milk. Bad decision. If only I had chocolate chip cookies. The ringtone Adam Sandler uses in the movie, Bedtime Stories, breaks me out of my cookie fantasy. Ring. Ring. Riiiiiiing. Riiiiiing.

“Hey babe,” I say in my sweetest take-care-of-me-I-feel-awful voice.
“I don’t see the brand you told me,” he exclaims breathlessly.
“Are you sure?” I ask.
“Yeah. High demand for this stuff,” he explains.
“ Oh, sweetie. Before I forget, can you pick up some easy-bake chocolate chip cookie dough too? They keep it over by the yogurt area. ”
“Fine. What about this other THING you said you needed? You know, the THING I came here for?”
“Ohhhh that!” I say casually, “See any overnights with wings?”
“What does ultralight mean?” he responds.
“Means they are really thin. Don’t get those. They leak." I reply, rummaging thru the pantry searching for a bag of Fritos.

Of course, I’m sensitive and smart enough to sense he wants to get my cookies home to me as soon as possible. I quickly agree to a substitute and opt out of explaining or defining the language that complicates purchasing feminine hygiene products. I know better than to bore him with my irrational fears about toxic shock syndrome or my crazy philosophy on why alternating between internal and external products depending on whether its day-time or night-time resonates as logical to me.

When I hear the garage door opening, I jump up and put away the Fritos. Meeting him at the door, I give him a squeeze and a kiss, as I tell him how much I appreciate his trip to hell and back. He smirks, hands me my bags of necessities, and knows my true appreciation won’t be for another few days. How thankful can I be-nine months from Thanksgiving-except to preheat the oven, pop in Bride Wars for later, and enjoy the fact I have someone to love, a guy that appreciates me as much as I do him. A man like that is hard to come by. And I know it. The ladies in that aisle know it. Razor-guy knows it.

Love. Sacrifice. Appreciation. Now, back to this book I can't seem to get into.

Listening today to Two Is Better Than One by Boys like Girls.
Cheers~JB