life is colourful

panic disorder

2012-02-12T01:08:00.000+08:00

i am the kind of person who can easily get tense...and people around me usually thought that i am okay in the middle of the semester...the expression maybe???

when i am in that super tense condition...i refuse to listen to any advise..and any stupid advise like...'sabar weyh' can never fail to annoy me to the max...and listening to anyone babbling and nagging about stuff that i should and shouldn't do will make me feel like i rather die than listening to all those shit...

i am that loud girl in town...being spontaneous is my specialty...and sarcasm is always described by my close friend as my way of life...-___- ...duuhhhh...

despite of all that tough and fierce faces i showed towards everyone...i am fragile...i always don't know what to do when i got mad or upset about something...i sometimes cried when everyone is not crying...and not crying when everyone is crying as i am the steadiest among all of them...

being in this archi world, it was like we have been trained to think about our idea all the time...when we said 'i'll sleep on it'...we do sleep WITH it...we think in our dreams and sometimes shockingly woke up and sit straight holding our pen and tried to sketch or write again all the solution that we found in the dreams...

pathetic? yeah ..i know...

and i am now nervous counting days left before i get back to launceston....

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrggghhhhhh...

pardon me.

i know that i am panic....but i am not sure what am i panicking about...grrrrr.....

- E N D -

the worst part is when you forget what is the meaning of being blessed...

2012-02-11T01:25:00.000+08:00

just like other normal human being....i can't stop myself envying others...how i wish i could be like him/her...how i wish i was born filthy rich...how i wish i could speak all the languages on earth (although the truth is...my Malay [which is my mother tongue] is just as bad as my English..T__T )

envying others can somehow leads you to a positive path...like you'll try hard to be better and improve yourself... but it could also happen the other way around where without realizing the fact that we forget disregard all the so-not-cool life we had...He had blessed us with so many other thing...

so...kurang-kurangkan la facebooking je memanjang...lepas tu dok baca newsfeed...lepas tu dok sibuk tgk video orang post...waaa...sedap la sore dia..eyh hensem nya boyfriend dia...eyh...girlfriend dia sangat jelita...aaa..nak anak comei camtu jugak...kulit dia flawless kau...waaa...banyaknye duit dia pi jalan2 sana sini...haaaa...waaa...dia skrg dah keje besar....

ape lagi reaction2 logic yg bakal kuar??lepas tu LUPA nak bersyukur dengan apa yg dah dikurniakan Allah kepada diri sendiri...

Astaghfirullahalazim...

berusaha menjadi lebih baik tak salah...yang salah ialah apabila kita buat-buat tak nampak nikmat yg Allah bagi dekat kita...lagi salah bila kita lupa nak bersyukur...

Nauzubillah..

- E N D -

gemini i am

2012-02-10T00:37:00.000+08:00

so lately...i've been temporarily obsess about the zodiac thingy....

*reminder : never believe those lines in the newspaper when they wrote about stuff that might happen and stuff you should and shouldn't do...
berdosa weyh!!!

im only going to talk about the character..

i never get really interested in knowing this zodiac stuff but finally got hooked up after reading one of my friend's tweet...*sigh..

reading about my own sign is like reading my own writing...and seriously..it's like reading my own thought pun ada jugak...

and sometimes..it's like listening to my friends talking about me....haha...haaaa...korang...now you know why i act such way...my sign explains everything...haha...

here some images i found thru net about geminis...adalah la yg macam tak betul sikit-sikit...tapi most of em are super right...hauhauhua....

that quickly bored part is just super true...*sigh

'saya adalah sangat tidak terkawal'

*tu belum kisah baca fadhilah kamsah nye character berdasar tarikh lahir...teringat kawan aku tanya aku...'eyh...ni ko tulis sendiri eyh??' sesungguhnya..aku pun terkejut biawak membacanya...sebijik kot dialog...*haih..

- E N D -

hunch

2012-02-09T00:29:00.000+08:00

i'm not a psychic...definly not one...

i usually took thousand wrong turns before i found the right one...
i am quite an observer..i observe almost everything...anything that happen around me...
and with a lil experiences in life...sometimes..i have the ability to predict...
so, people called it hunch...some of my friends even called me psychic...but the truth is...i've learned a lot from the past...so, i took precaution all the time...

i had too many hunches lately...and its happening one after another...and seriously....sedih sangat when bad things happened...

usually...i can predict things that would turn out wrong...rarely happen that i can predict good things coming...

what should i do?
i could not ignore all the hunches...i've tried...and most of the times...i'm regretting the choice i've made...but sometimes...it just too scary to be true...haih laa....

what i can do is to keep praying....hoping..and finger cross each time i'm about to hear the news...
boley heart attack haku!

last but not least...let's live life happily...no matter what happen...always be grateful and thankful...live life seriously...think critically...thank you for sharing all the news with me..the good and the bad...i will always try hard to lend my shoulder for you to cry on...inshaAllah...

- E N D -

definitely not sentap, tapi berkecil hati

2012-02-02T22:56:00.002+08:00

i read this on one of my friend's wall...and i couldnt agree more...so, i shared it on my FB wall for my friends to read it...i didn't mean to provoke anyone, but it seems like one of my many MALE friends got a bit carried away by those statement and from a woman point of view, "it is sad to know that i know someone who could write such thing on my wall like he has no female relatives at all...seriously! "

so, i don't know what is so wrong about the post, but this guy, he tried real hard to shift the blame to woman...

okey la...sekadar berkongsi rasa dengan pembaca lelaki di luar sana....
(gaya menulis akan diubah..so yg tak biasa aku cakap gini..sila jangan muntah hijau baca entry ni)

perempuan memang lah makhluk yang sukar difahami, tapi sedarlah, semua makhluk dicipta bersebab...
tak kira la sejahat mana, sekeji mana, sesundal mana pon perempuan yang korang kenal, semuanya mengimpikan suami yang terbaik untuk dirinya....

same goes to lelaki...so...i do not understand men...like seriously...tapi pernah terkeluar dari mulut seorang kawan yg tidaklah berapa baik(oke, bunyi sedikit men-judging..tp da tatau cane nk describe)...knapa perlu pilih perempuan A kalo perempuan B lebih baik?

the key point here is PILIH...bila memilih..haruslah mahukan yang terbaik...
kalau tak..tidaklah dinamakan pilih...nama nya random pick..!! pick ye..bukan choose...
dan pimpin lah perempuan2 yang telah dipilih tadi...jgn disia2kan...

bagi lelaki, jangan lah sentap sangat mempertahan ape yang kami(perempuan) sendiri tidak faham apa yang cuba dipertahankan bila ada statement perempuan nak lelaki yg baik yang boleh membimbing dia ke jalan yang sepatutnya...yang boleh jadi ayah kepada anaknya...kita sama...kita mahu yang terbaik untuk diri sendiri...dan mahu yg terbaik untuk anak-anak yang bakal lahir ke dunia...bila sudah berzuriat, pasti kita mahukan anak-anak kita nanti memilih pasangan hidup yg baik buat diri mereka...

jadi mengapa harus mengeji semua kaum hawa sedangkan roboh atau berdirinya masjid semuanya di atas keputusan kaum lelaki....

issue lelaki dan perempuan ni memang takkan pernah habis...belum lagi bila lelaki bersuara pasal poligami...boleh dikira dengan jari berapa banyak lelaki yang boleh memberi hujah yg bernas tanpa menyakitkan hati kami perempuan yg mendengar/membaca....

persoalan yg pasti...layakkah kita dapatkan yg terbaik sedangkan kita bukan yang terbaik?

lastly....

bila banyak sangat dalam kepala...terus jadi malas nak tulis...so..pempaham sendiri la ye...kalau bengap tu tak dikira ape gender nya...

*terasa bodoh sebab respon pada respon yg bodoh...bila emosi mengawal minda...ni la yang jadi..T_T

- E N D -

ntah hape hape

2012-01-22T01:15:00.002+08:00

yes...those are books that i've bought today...as usual...when i am in need of certain books..i couldn't find any..and when the job is done...the books that i should have read to complete the task appear just like that!

so..in this case...tu buku yg ade perkataan HOME tu...grrrr...

went for book shopping today...unfortunately...i couldnt angkut semua...sebab dah tak larat nak angkat... T_T

going to bookshops always makes me happy...it is one of my way escaping my hectic life..too bad i cant really do that in launceston..(i mean entering one bookshop after another that often)since everyone will recognize you because you look a bit different despite of the size of the city itself...*kecik gila lonnie tu... and they will sarcastically start questioning why you visit their shop that often..*ok..im being paranoid here...

so, after blissful book shopping at bookexcess we went to mid for a movie..unfortunately..most of them (the movie that we want to watch) were all fullhouse and the choice that left are chinese movie...sedih tak terhingga...however...jalan hari ni best sebab manusia tak ramai, banyak balik kampung....

duduk makan pretzel kat auntie anne sambil observe manusia lalu lalang...and that awkward moment when you saw a pair of lesbian kissing in public...and you're the only one who notice that..and they're alert that you're staring...(okay..tak sengaja stare)..and they dont even bother..siap senyum kenyit mata lepas tu kau yang seram..boley?

haih...the best moment was when you enter ZARA and all you could see were not their gorgeous clothes but their tall, dark, and handsome shop assistants...macam heart attack kejap tgk lelaki2 kacak begitu ramai...hahaha...and maybe they have been well trained by the company..they are all polite and friendly like hell..MNG penuh dgn mak2 org yg menjadi shop assistants tapi masih mahu berfesyen...

the truth is...kenduri yg sepatutnya esok...ialah hari ini...and aku miss that kenduri...sedey...

cuci mata hati gembira menyanyi
mulut longkang tak boley cuci kasi wangi
perangai sampah bakar diri tak kesah la muka kau muka penuh budi pekerti...

- E N D -

sharing is caring

2012-01-17T15:06:00.000+08:00

bagusnya artikel ni..ada jawapan..punca dan akibat...baca baca...

http://zaharuddin.net/senarai-lengkap-artikel/3/982-mengapa-peminat-agama-berpecah-sebegitu.html

- E N D -

sarcasm is like art..sometime it seems good...but after all, it is just another RUBBISH, we, the human being created to hurt others

2012-01-17T14:26:00.001+08:00

nowadays, blog, twitter, facebook especially and any other medium that connect people (you name it) have been exploited from it's main purpose..

so..mainly...these mediums are created to connect people...CONNECT...!!
but what happen today, most of these mediums are used to promote stuffs, to say bad things about others (i this case, twitter is exceptional..it is a place where people babbling about everthing..as in..EVERTHING..!!), to humiliate other with their grammar mistakes while knowing that 'these' friend will actually read their stats or tweets...tempat berdakwah tak kena cara...and macam2 lagi yg lari dari tujuan asal ...to 'connect' people...

this morning, i became annoyed reading a stats written by one of my friends in fb...some might get me wrong after reading this...but it is just an opinion that i would love to share....

first of all..sharing IS caring...but when you share something that ain't appropriate...and it hurts others' feeling...what's the point of sharing...owh ya...you share so 'you might look good and others will respect you?' so...from what i wrote just now...a typical answer i would receive will be...'bukan senang kita nak ajak org berbuat baik..orang pasti akan fikir yg bukan2..ada je...' yup...true...but haven't you think about any other appropriate way untuk tegur orang?

ok...start with issue tudung...i've read like seriously a lot about tudung...and some women can't accept it when ppl voice out about this tudung issue...some will bitchly react : kubur lain2...jaga kubur sendiri sudah...
and this i copied from my facebook...

Respon 1 -

"Yang kau sibuk sangat tu kenapa ? Suami aku pun tak pernah halang aku nak pakai tudung ke tak nak pakai tudung ke."

Respon 2 -

"Bapak aku pun tak pernah cakap apa-apa , So kau jangan menyibuk lah dengan hal2 orang. Kau sendiri pun dulu tak pernah betul !"

Respon 3 -

"Kubur lain-lain , kau buat hal kau , aku buat hal aku"

Respon 1- Suami kamu seorang yang lemah dan penakut kerana nak minta isterinya menutup aurat pun kamu tidak mampu bertegas. Ketahuilah bahawa, suami kamu itu DAYUS !

Respon 2 - Setiap langkah kamu keluar dari rumah , kamu menariknya ke arah Neraka ! Tidak kah kamu merasa kasihan dengan ayah mu ?Respon 3 - Didunia berani kamu membantah , apakah kamu berani membantah didepan ALLAH pd hari perhitungan nanti ?

first and foremost...each time i read such stuff...i would wonder when and where these conversations happen....

and soalan macam mana yg diajukan smpai keluar respon2 dr minah tak bertudung tadi... persoalan kedua...how could the manusia alim yg respond kemudian tu respond balik macam tu...i dont have comment about situation 3..but a lot of comment for 1 and 2...

persoalan pertama...respon 1 from manusia baik...terang2 la pegangan agama si suami manusia kurg baik itu kurang atau tidak teguh mana...its all about choice...dia cari pompuan tak bertudung dari awal...so..ape yg cuba disampaikan dgn respon 1 oleh manusia baik tadi? dgn statement mengatakan suami si manusia kurang baik ini dayus..tidak akan dapat membuka hati atau pon menyedarkan lagi manusia kurang baik ini..malah lebih menyakitkan hati mereka dan seterusnya menjauhi terus manusia baik baik...

respond 2 pon sama..mungkin kalau ditukar (!) dengan (.) bunyinya akan jadi lebih molek?

so...selaku manusia sarcastic...(i've been told by my friend very recently about my sarcastic habit...believe me..i didnt mean it at all..that's me...time aku neutral pon aku kna sarcastic jugak..sso takley buat ape.. ) saya menyeru kepada semua rakan2 yg baik mahupon kurg baik agar sama2 memperbaiki diri....

menegur sentiasa ada caranya..being judgmental wont solve any problems...btw...who are you to judge God's creation?

bila manusia kurang baik berubah menjadi baik sikit...tak perlu digembar gemburkan...doakan dia jadi lebih baik....membuat spekulasi tentang mengapa dia jadi baik telah pon membuat anda menjadi manusia kurang baik juga!

bila manusia kurang baik beri respond bangang...balas la dengan bijaksana...orang bangang tak perlu disakiti hati mereka...mereka akan dengar kata orang yg diorg hormat...

oke..dah malas nak menulis...ini lah yg matt(my lecturer) maksudkan...aku bercakap...lepas tu bila dah malas..suka2 hati je berhenti...ahaha....

kesimpulan dari entry ini..

*judgmental adalah bangang..!!
*menegur banyak caranya...selagi org yg ditegur tidak rasa offended....teguran anda mungkin bakal mengubah dirinya ke arah yg lebih baik...salah tegur akan menyebabkan hati manusia2 kurang baik tadi lebih liat nak menjadi baik..bukan mereka tak tahu apa mereka buat itu salah...cuma kurang yg mengingatkan...kebanyakkannya mengeji dan tak kurg juga yg memandang serong...
***mnjadi biadap adalah satu pilihan!

mengeji manusia juga adalah satu pilihan...dia kurang pengetahuan agama..ajarkan dia..bukan pandang serong....grammar dia teruk...kau kutuk la lagi...dah tau ko lebih pandai...nape tak btolkan? or tak perlu kutuk2...ko nampak pompuan seksi...ye..dia pompuan jahat...okey..aku tahu ape jwpn nye..sbb aku pon dah baca byk kat internet...

yang pasti betul...

Siapa kita untuk kata tunggu or nanti terhadap hukum Allah?

- E N D -

lazy bump

2012-01-07T22:19:00.001+08:00

like seriously...i am facing this major problem concentrating in stuffs i do...i procrastinate like i had 100 hrs/day and when i say procrastinate it mean that i am wasting my time doing stuff that i shouldnt do..while im having this super urgent drawings that need to be completed...i still can do blogwalking, facebooking, and blabbering at twitter...

i panicked but still i didnt do anything to overcome my panic attack...i stress about all those study stuff as well..but still no courage to start thinking...grrr...am i losing my mind? i know i have to get my ass start working...but...malasnya...ya ampun...

*kau bukan Paris Hilton...neither..the bimbo part nor the 'jutawan' part...so..JANGAN MALAS!!!

- E N D -

how ignorant human being can be?

2012-01-06T13:46:00.000+08:00

ignorant-perkataan yg kalo disebut...kawan terdekat akan sebut ignorant = kunang...

okey..ape yg ignorant nye aku pon tatau..sebab rasanya macam ai ni sensitive jeerrr...

so, these past few weeks...i've been here and there doing business stuffs, personal stuffs, meeting people...i received and shared lots of happy/good news and bad/sad news from random location around the globe..and terasa sesak nye lah dunia...

i have my own reason why i chose to write about this 'ignorant' stuff today...after living in two different country...no matter how greener the the field at the other side...i still love this 'not so green' field here in Malaysia...watching local news..and reading local newspaper sometimes make me wanna puke...seriously..i dont know what these people tried to do....or who they want to impress..but i am certainly not impress...neither party impress me so far...cakap la ape korang nak cakap...kalo jem jalan raya pon korang tak mampu nak tempuh tak payah kecoh..kalo tak mampu nak bersesak2 dalam train...saya akan fikir 2x untuk pangkah anda...

oke..politik pulak melalut...back to the main topic...

ignorant..i have a situation here...

reason menulis = sebab kejadian macam ni tak pernah pulak aku nampak kat Launceston yg famous dengan issue racist tu..even aku yg sihat ni pon bila tangan full ada je yg offer nak tolong...wlaupon offer tu mcm ala-ala for the sake of being polite...at least 'polite' la kan...

location : komuter station
major of concern : pink coach
so..as everyone in Malaysia SHOULD know, pink coach is only for female ONLY...should be no exception...but what had happened? i saw 4 healthy man in the coach and 1 old man who i believe travels with his family... 1 from that 4 healthy man sit in that crowded pink couch....and 1 pregnant lady was standing....i can't stop myself feeling super annoyed watching this man...and this HEALTHY STRONG man travels with his beloved girlfriend...both of them sat facing that pregnant lady i told you earlier....so..sama je bangang...boyfriend bangang....girlfriend double bangang sebab pilih boyfriend bangang macam tu....

lebih menyayat hati...when theres one chinese old lady who sat offer her seat for the pregnant lady...sikit je lagi aku nak nangis dalam train tu...akak yg pregnant td macam serba salah nak duduk...tapi dia mmg dah tak larat nak berdiri...kaki dia kelihatan sedikit bengkak...kalau la ikutkan kemarahan aku...mmg la laki td yg duduk tu aku ikat letak kat landasan keretapi, biar mati kna langgar...owh..tak lupa juga girlfriend dia skali... lelaki2 sihat lain yg masuk dlm pink coach...aku pon tatau caner la hina sangat tergamak masuk pink coach...perempuan2 muda sihat dan kuat yg lain...aku tak paham jugak cane masing2 boleh biar orang yg lebih memerlukan berdiri depan muka korang! perempuan2 yg membawa anak kecil yg boleh diriba juga tidak ketinggalan...apalah salahnya diriba anak itu dan seat dia at least boleh jugak diberi kat makcik2 atau wanita2 mengandung yg lebih memerlukan...

so kepada yang baca entry ni...and pernah masuk pink coach...pastikan itu adalah kali terakhir anda masuk pink coach...kalau tak..you are just another bangang man i ever met on earth...

*masih boley bertolak ansur dgn pakcik tua yg masuk ke dlm pink coach dan duduk...even nyah pon oke je lagi masuk pink coach..tapi kalau nyah duduk..pompuan sejati berdiri...mmg nyah tu habis kemuliaan dalam diri...lelaki yg masuk pink coach lepas tu boleh selamba duduk...buat2 tak paham bila tgk makcik tua mahu pon perempuan mengandung berdiri...layak mati sahaja..semak je hidup atas dunia...belom kira lg yg letak bag atas kerusi dan biar org lain berdiri...owh...di manakah letaknya otak?
*emo

- E N D -

task tak siap, ulangkaji/study tiada, bercuti sakan juga tidak, tapi kenapa semua kerja tak siap-siap?

2012-01-03T00:05:00.001+08:00

so..my break is almost halfway.. i can say it already halfway...once the date hits february...i know i have to be mentally and physically prepared for the new semester....being unproductive never fails to make me feel bad about myself...

kerja tak pernah serious..site takde lagi...holiday tanpa serabut - TIADA...kerja yg menghasilkan wang juga tiada...any skill improve? NONE...

okay...LOSER gila kot!!

actually, kalau di ingat2 balik..ni la satu2 nya cuti yang aku tak buat timetable...so..mmg slama hari ni aku ada daily schedule...now? NADAAA...

so...this week punya plan...siapkan dwg ni lusa...(serious sket kunang!) tulat..once again Ipoh...gila ah..kalo highway boley bercakap..pasti dia tanya aku..ape aku buat ulang alik...

*banyak sebenarnya di dalam kepala..tapi bila terlalu banyak di kepala..pasti la jadi sikit di luar kepala...
**tgk gamba terasa seksa mengenang kesejukan winter waktu itu...tapi sekarang sibuk gadoh panas...bila ntah nak pandai bersyukur..

- E N D -

ini entry manusia lost

2011-12-28T13:15:00.000+08:00

pnah dengar tak quote 'it's important to do what you love' ?
lately, question that kept lingering in my mind..harus lah soklan berbunyi..

adakah semua manusia melakukan pekerjaan idaman mereka? (apakah struktur ayat? blasah saja)

keliru, confuse, tak paham or senang cerita tak tahu kenapa boleh jadi begini...lately ni sedikit confusee...betul ke aku ni nak jadi architect?

dok office menyampah...tambahan pula dikelilingi lelaki2 cakap bajet bagus like mr.know all...atau pon yg kurang menghormati sensitiviti wanita ataupon karier individu lain...rasanya macam diri ni tak cukup kuat utk ke site bergelumang dgn lelaki2 yg menjaga tapak serta pekerja2 indonesia, bangla mahupon pakistan...tambahan pula COW cakap macam la perempuan ini tidak tahu apa2 langsung...

owh...diskriminasi jantina di Malaysia masih jelas kelihatan di mana2 sektor...bukan lah kami hadap sangat berdiri sama tinggi konon2nya setaraf dengan kaum lelaki...cuma sedikit hormat...adalah biadap memandang rendah pada kaum perempuan...*mungkin mereka ini tidak tahu betapa 'rendah'nya mereka di mata perempuan bila mereka berkelakuan begitu.

okey...cukup la faktor itu yg membuatkan karier architect menjadi karier yg makin diletak ke tepi....
however, tak boleh nak lari jauh mana...belajar separuh gila...menggadaikan waktu tidur...kesihatan diabai...so..biar la berbaloi...mungkin lecturer...atau kalau rezeki Allah nak bagi..mungkin dapat bekerja dengan herzoq and de meuron ke..kolhaas ke..zumthor ke..menang award seketul dua...mari berangan jadi the next ken yeang...time tu segala discrimination factor boleh buat2 tak nampak kejap..haha..

*motif la kan berangan macam ni....haih...

- E N D -

baru sedar dah tua bila isi borang group of age dah skali dengan mereka yang 30-an

2011-12-19T18:20:00.001+08:00

attended kak nad's engagement ceremony + birthday last saturday...it was a simple ceremony yet beautiful where only the closest family members and friends were there to celebrate...

it's her!

Alhamdulillah, everything went well and she is now called Basri's fiance. I know very little about her fiance so I won't say anything about it....and kak nad, (just in case you read this, we are very happy for you)

I have a great weekends so far, the week before, Sekar and I went to our friends' wedding (berry & munirah and Mao & PP) met everyone, talking stuff like work life, study thingy, married life and the preparation to it, babies and etc...

having those conversation make me realise that I am seriously old...(but like seriously young at heart =P)... I've been asked million times about my future plan and who I plan to spend my life with....and the group of age that asked...it's like..ALL...so, this is the part where I think some of my elder friends got annoyed when people ask about marriage and babies...yup...this usually happened to the female....rarely to the male...

it had been really hard being a single lady these days...people will judge you like you are deaf enough to listen and stupid enough to understand whatever they said about you....some of them had being supportive through my journey of completing my studies, and some of them are/were 'supportive' enough by advising everyone around me that i m just 'playing' around...

so, to those who wonder and you read my blog, my answer is... WAIT & SEE..

i don't have anyone special in my heart yet...but it doesn't mean i'll remain that way forever....i might be your only friend that seems happy and eager to get filthy rich, famous and excel in what i do, but I do think about what you guys WANT ME to think...so, hentikanlah ceramah2 free tu...I will always have answers for all the questions, so, sebelum korang yang annoyed, baik korang jangan tanya....

*yang sibuk2 cakap jangan memilih, jawapan saya, bukan memilih, tapi saya tahu saya tak boleh hidup dengan dia sepanjang hidup, jadi mengapa mesti saya kata 'ya'?

- E N D -

dengan kesabaran senipis kulit bawang...terhasil la entry tak berotak macam ni...

2011-12-14T15:04:00.000+08:00

entry yang bersifat biadap, emo, tiada rasa ingin menjaga hati sesiapa, dan terlalu berterus terang.
jika anda berjiwa sensitif sila tutup blog ini...

sepulangnya di Malaysia....selain daripada menonton drama2 Melayu yang tak habis kesah nak menjatuhkan orang, mengumpat, mengeji orang, menghakimi manusia lain sesuka hati, busy body tak pasal2, dan jumpe bomoh...takde dah kisah lain...tapi sememangnya meleis memang begitu....

tahukah anda mengapa typical spoil brat lebih gemar berkawan dengan another spoil brat?

dan mengapa rempit hanya mampu berkawan dengan rempit...

hal ini terjadi kerana sikap manusia sendiri...

lepas tu golongan baik lagi satu sibuk la mencela ckp diorg ni smpah masyarakat la hape la...padahal kalau member baru buat baik sikit dah cakap macam2....

this applied to orang yang baru nak berjinak2 dengan tudung bila org sekeliling sibuk buat spekulasi pelik2 kenapa dia pakai tudung...haih...bangsa lain aku tatau..tapi meleis mmg la begitu..

sama la seperti harta orang lain...selaku manusia yang telah ditakdirkan hidupnya mempunyai nama yg bertitle...aku tak pernah rasa happy pon dgn nama sendiri...hal ini kerana..kerana nama yang tak seberapa ini, manusia yg kurang bijak senang2 menghakimi kami...

cukuplah fitnah yg ditabur sewaktu sekolah...dan cukuplah dgn mulut manusia yg tak habis2 sibuk nak tahu bapak aku ada harta ape...or tak kurang juga yang buat spekulasi pelik2..owh typical meleis...

kadang kala terfikir...mereka yang tak tahu bersyukur atau aku yang over kaya raya dan mereka yang papa kedana...?
tak faham kadang2..seronok sangat ke cakap pasal harta orang? seronok sangat ke perabih duit orang...*owh...entry ini sudah mula bersifat biadap...maaf kepada yang membaca....

yang bercakap...kalo parents bekerja sebagai petani..boleh la jugak diterima otak...tapi...dia sendiri berjalan sana sini dgn adik beradik yang ramai....kete rosak bapak bagi pakai mini cooper..ye saya tahu kete anda viva je...tapi kalau kenari saya rosak..bapak sy tak bagi pakai kete dia..dia soh nek train!

pfftttt...hal ini sama terjadi kalo si A sibuk ckp pasal si B...lantak la dia nak pakai ferrari ke hape ke? bapak dia yang kaya...kita yg tak mampu buat cara tak mampu...tak perlu nak sibuk2 ckp pasal org lain punya harta....lepas tu sibuk nak suruh orang tu belanja ko sana sini...ye si polan banyak duit...tapi apakah ertinya persahabatan kalau tiada give and take? sibuk nak take je...

okay...entry ini khas untuk orang2 yang suka bercakap mengenai harta orang lain tanpa memikirkan hati orang yg dikata...kita takkan pernah tahu status economy orang lain...maka adalah tidak adil untuk bercerita pada orang lain atau judge orang lain seperti..."owh dia takpe...dia banyak duit"

kan lebih elok bunyi nya..."saya tak boley berbelanja begitu...cara saya tak sama macam dia..."tak payah sibuk2 nak shift the blame...cakap pasal orang tu kaya la hape la...

dah terkena berkali2...dan percaya lah...saya ingat setiap yg pernah bercakap...peratus anda sebagai kawan hanya lah 1%...99% lagi...i prefer to say something like...owh i know him/her.....

* dah pernah membuat kira-kira...yang tak boleh blah nya..yang bercakap tu spent duit lagi banyak dari orang yg dikata...keji!
** kalo orang lain buat pada orang lain juga perasaan menyampah itu sama sahaja...tiada kurangnya...

- E N D -

muka batu hati daun

2011-12-13T01:33:00.001+08:00

ni la ayat yang selalu diungkapkan time uitm dulu dek budak2 studio...apa yang batunya mungkin la sebab kerek nya muka ini...daun nya hati mungkin la sebab sebenarnya aku tak sekerek muka aku(muntah sekarang..)

Allah mengurniakan ujian supaya manusia berfikir...dan mengenal seluruh ciptaan nya...MENGENAL bukan MENGHAKIMI...siapa kita untuk menghakimi...ramai yang tertanya-tanya kenapa saya begini dan mengapa saya begitu...jawapannya..pengalaman hidup...

saya jarang jumpa manusia yang mahu menyedarkan...selalunya jumpa manusia yang lebih suka menyalahkan, menghakimi, menuduh membabi buta, dan senang-senang melemparkan fitnah....

saya lebih selalu jumpa manusia yang suka membuli, mengambil kesempatan atas kelemahan orang lain dan memperbodohkan orang lain.

kadang kala, saya terfikir adakah ini dikira aniaya...doa orang yang teraniaya makbul bukan?

hurting someone that i care means hurting me...termasuk la family members, friends, atau pon manusia2 lemah lain, haiwan... oh..sebenarnya ada byk cara utk menyakiti saya...

kadang2 mahu saja saya doakan mereka melalui perkara yang sama di masa hadapan...supaya mereka faham apa itu erti kemanusiaan...bercakap memang mudah...yang menanggung sahaja yang tahu peritnya...

apapun, ujian Allah hanya pada yang mampu menerima...bukan pada yg tidak mampu...yang mampu menindas...itu juga ujian Allah pada mereka...supaya mereka sedar dan tahu bila untuk berhenti...

*keadaan mengajar saya menjadi manusia walaupon kadang2 lupa diri
**kadang2 kita lupa nilai murni sebab sibuk nak pertahankan ego sendiri

- E N D -

bila manusia lupa diri

2011-12-06T15:50:00.001+08:00

hidup ini indah
tapi bila lupa menghargai makhluk lain yg Allah jadikan
memang panggilan manusia juga hilang layaknya untuk di panggil
bukan suruh mencinta, hanya dihormat
bukan minta disanjung, cuma harap jangan dihina, apa lagi dicela,
kadang-kadang rasa mahu berdoa supaya kamu punya situasi itu di keturunan akan datangmu
tapi yang pasti Allah hanya mengurniakan ujian kepada yg mampu menerima

*ramai yg buruk sangka dengan mulut laser tapi lupa mulut dengan hati manakan sama
**bila niece kata adik mahu kakak, can you be my kakak? rasa mahu berderai air mata...

*** rindukan mereka di launnie...apakah?

- E N D -

it's hard to say goodbye

2011-12-02T23:03:00.001+08:00

i should be packing up all my stuff now and tidying the room...but end up blogging... i suddenly feel sad...like seriously...i am going to miss Launceston..yeah..the place that i called 'boring'...yerp..it's true...no matter how lame the place can be..but with great people around you..you won't be dead because of the extreme boredom...because you still have fun people around you...and it's weird how you could feel sad to leave the place that never come across in mind to be called as home....

okay...drama gila....

if only i can have my life just as i wanted it to be....

- E N D -

rasanya..tindakan ini betul!

2011-11-24T19:21:00.001+08:00

ini ialah pizza seafood

gambo pizza di seat kereta...yeah..gambo ini ialah gambo pizza 100% buatsendiri...kira ni 2nd time la...1st time the day before..mangsa cubaan eksperimen pertama haruslah housemate sendiri..-nisha yg rela dan terpaksa..dipaksa dan wajib makan...dan mangsa2 lain ialah ahli2 parti bersatu melayu studio yg tinggal...aqilah nizar and zulfadly majid...ni ialah pizza kedua setelah di challenge oleh bebudak kecik ... soklan2 seperti...'kakak, bila mahu buat muffin lagi?'(apam ku disalah ertikan sebagai muffin..T_T) dan soklan seperti...'kakak, achik suka makan pisha(pizza)..kakak pandai tak buat pisha?' ...kakak..along suka makan nasi yang hari tu..bila kakak mahu buat lagi..(hamboih...)

along, angah, achik...how can I not miss them? huuuu...

achik : yang paling banyak soalan...

ammar - budak pipi mahal...

kegembiraan menjamu bebudak kecit ni makan...PRICELESS!! walaupon nakal subhanallah...tapi..kalau memang depa dok makan...seronok nengok nya...

so ..perasaan sentimental mahu balik cuti ini sudah tiba...excited to be back with family and friends in Malaysia...but at the same time sedih nak tinggalkan all the sweet memories in Launceston... the places i've visited...the people..the memories...i can be sure enough that i am gonna miss everything and everyone in Launceston...oke kunang stop it! macam la ko balik malaysia tak balik sini balik kan! haih....

i'm gonna miss all sesi2 sosial di sini..(pergh ayat nak bajet artis kan...)

picnic...fishing(walaupon aku tak fishing hanya menyemak and buat2 bising kat pontoon...)masak2...do my smirk face all the time...main ngan bebudak ni...baca buku smpai muntah...tgk keindahan alam smpai smpai rasa dunia ini mmg indah walaupon hanya dgn melihat daun2 kering...owh ok...OVER...

*pernah terjadi...dan berazam tidak mahu ianya terjadi lagi...

- E N D -

how selfish people can be...

2011-11-22T12:24:00.001+08:00

so...today i would like to talk about selfishness...yeah...when boredom strikes..i had plenty of time to think about things that might annoyed me..

i am still in Launceston menghabiskan duit mak bapak...which I think sangat loser considering my age and i am staying here doing nothing..apply keje semua tak dapat...grrr....

As money is the biggest issue lately, so i have to be a bit 'berkira' here and there...like seriously..i hate it...but i have to, now...this berkira situation will happen only when
1) you are dealing with another berkira human being
2) you are dealing with a human being yg 'harta ko - harta aku TAPI harta aku- aku sorang je yg punya'
3) people who always take advantage on others

first and foremost
no matter how rich your friends are....NEVER NEVER NEVER take advantage on them no matter what...unless they really want to pay it for you... the give and take situation should always happen...NEVER always take or always give..NEVER...this is how BFF finally goes ballistic and turn to 'i hate you from the core'. trust me..i've been in both shoes..so i know how it feels like...

civic factors...
when you start something together...make sure you finish it together...as in TOGETHER...no halfway together or only be together when you feels like it...this usually applied on the shared properties...this as well...i've been in both shoes...when people choose when they want to get involve but the real fact that is...ape kejadahnya in a logic civil mind..put yourself in your friends' situation...why would they need to pay for your part? or do stuff on your behalf? you shared it right..the concept is still the same...you want it look good..?? do it together...

2nd part of civic factor
call me fussy...yes i am...but i rather call it responsibilities... when you are using someone else properties...please take a good care of it as it is one of yours.don't simply campak2 sesuka hati, kalau bawak kereta semua lubang ko masuk, masuk highway bawak kete laju lepas tu member ko yang kna baya saman ko...be responsible...bukan nya kawan ko takmo bagitau ko..tapi..sometime they already know..your answer will be..'aku takde duit' or that lame sorry face..(this also applied to other stuff like shoes, laptops, clothes, books, bla bla bla..)so...yeah..there's no point in asking...after all..if you have no intention at all in putting yourself in others situation..like seriously..there no point letting you know and stop blaming others..and saying that it is not your problem at all...it is all about civic!

let me make it clear.. in any problem...never in a chance only 1 person is the bad one...NEVER...
1) mana ada manusia perfect
2) takkan ade manusia 100% innocent

i always tried my best not to dwell in the pass and concentrate on the present moment..not saying that i don't think about the future at all...berhati2 itu pasti... but saying something like...ko pon macam tu jugak dulu is definitely wrong...like seriously wrong!!! people don't live in their past...at least your friend let you know that you are 'suck'..have you ever been trying to tell him/her about it in the past time?

okay..enough about money talk...but money really do matters in every single aspect in life...so don't say it is not important...money can change life..to a better or worse...

benarlah kata manusia-manusia typical
no money no talk

*serabut sbb takde duit..T_T(duit ade, tapi rasa guilty..tak baik lak kata takde duit...)
**be responsible..!! masalah aku ialah aku sering lupa aku takde insuran mulut...tapi if korang tak cukup menjengkelkan..pasti aku lah the sweetest person you ever know on earth! (oke boleh muntah skarang!)
*** teringat time meminjam laptop nora untuk jangka masa yg super lama awal2 tahun dulu..!! jasamu dikenang!!
****yg lain2 yg pernah dipinjam barangnye...thank you korang! kalo ade yg aku terlupa pulang..baik tuntut segera!

- E N D -

it's a loser talk...

2011-11-17T13:30:00.001+08:00

so, today i am going to write about how loser i feel i am. positively..i think it's the PMS syndrome...and randomly saying..it's a depressing got nothing to do reaction...i am bored to death.. i am jobless...i never really good at anything...i am not a best student...i haven't really achieve anything yet...a pathetic loner..i am not even a bimbo (at least bimbos have beautiful face with an empty mind..)i don't have any skill like a 'skill'...yeah i am just super plain......yada yada yada...this got nothing to do stuff really drives me nuts! thinking about who's gonna hire me in the future since i have no experience at all in architecture had somehow make me feel..urrghh... i don't want to be stuck in ID field (interior design thingy)...but I AM TIRED chasing after all my dreams...ha!

so here i am..stuck doing nothing..not producing but decreasing any amount of money that i had...wasting every single second unproductively...gosh..i just cant help it!

okey..enough babbling for today...i hope this silly feeling will go away...like seriously...pronto!
kalau tak...hujung bulan ni..balik mesia!

- E N D -

it's a random talk

2011-11-13T06:49:00.001+08:00

so, i've been jalan-jalan, makan-makan,and lepaking like non-stop ever since i finished my class this semester...and like seriously...it was great...what worries me now is that i didnt get any work yet..T_T

so, as a full time observer...i've been observing about a lot of thing...stuff, people, trees, the greens...i analyzed people..the way they talk, the way they behave, the way they spent their money, and bla..bla..bla...

it's true that who are we be friend with sets others perspective towards us...so..as one of this fella keep talking about his/her past uni where s/he think that all people in her/his past uni were all fake really make me sick...how real are you i wonder...!!! you did talk about others...you did talk bad thing about others and you are claiming that they're bad..?? like seriously? get real plz! you keep thinking that you know people but the fact that no you have no idea at all about people but experiences taught you how to 'judge' people sometimes make me went...euwww.....

and that certain thing that i think should be just a 'secret' between you and your friend(that you claimed you know everything about her) shouldn't be revealed...i don't know...but i hate it if you talk such thing about me behind my back...since everyone had their own version of 'aib'...what you did yesterday is aib for me...

okay..enough about that...feeling unappreciated drives people crazy i must say...like seriously crazy..yet..you can't force people to like you nor to hate..all of them come naturally unplanned....so, ignorance is everything in this kind of situation...hatred don't solve everything tho..but i really hope that one day you'll change..feeling better or making others look bad doesn't make us better at all...having more friends doesn't mean that you are adorable at all...like seriously..your 'friend' is sometime your worst enemy...and your enemy sometime is the best person for you to refer to in order to learn about yourself...ha! yup..i always believe, a true friend is a friend that will let me know what i did was wrong...(not condeming!)and not the one who keep saying good things that will make me feel comfortable all the time...

the more you talk, the more i find myself hard to tell myself that you're ok....

*not me, not I...like seriously...i am not his/her favourite friend...so..i wonder what kind of stories s/he had told people about me...haih...duniya duniya!!
*orang-orang macam ni la yang bisa membuat manusia bertelagah sesama sendiri... bajet malaikat!
tak pernah lagi dgr dia cerita pasal kesalahan diri sendiri...semuanya salah orang lain...sedar lah!!

- E N D -

dear gay friend...seksualiti merdeka? seriously?

2011-11-03T22:00:00.000+08:00

http://mynewshub.my/2011/11/03/penganjur-seksualiti-bangga/
http://www.themalaysianinsider.com/malaysia/article/asri-seksualiti-merdeka-must-be-rejected/

as a friend..i will never stop reminding you that it is wrong...
i know you know it is wrong...what i read thru net scared me a lot...like seriously...to the Muslims...have you forget what had happen during Nabi Nuh's time? fight yourself...change...you have everyone's support if you are ready to be on the right path..it is jihad! fighting yourself to be a better person is always a better jihad...

i use to write about this a year ago...and i don't expect to write it again...honestly...it's sad..and sickening i must say...

it is all about choice...i am sorry to be harsh...but fighting for 'your right'? you must be kidding me...

- E N D -

some words are mightier than the sword

2011-11-03T21:19:00.001+08:00

so today, i would like to write about words...yeah...nowadays, there's a lot of medium for us to express our feelings...FB, Twitter, tmblr, blogspot, wordpress, youtube & etc...yeah..you name it...i have somehow been involved with some of them...positively and negatively i must say...

i am such a sensitive person...(yup, i realize that i've been super sensitive lately...yep...i am no more the old ignorant Kunang...)so...i've been expressing quite a lot...through twitter and in blog especially...

i've learned a lot about how words can really change the perception towards people...hurting or being hurt...like seriously...dua2 pon keji.... and my big mouth sometime can't stop babbling and merungut tak tentu hala...astaghfirullahala'zim...

bab terlebih jujur (or dlm erti kata lain laser tak tentu hala) memang belum dapat diubah...tapi rasanya..belum lagi la smpai tahap mengaibkan sesiapa...(okay self judgmental is no good i tell you..but i did receive certain advice from close friend when i am getting quite carried away..thank you for reminding me!! )

like seriously..a simple word can change the whole story...and the tone used as well..and without clarification and just assuming...things can become worst... the "best" part is when we feel that we've been fitnah-ed...(sorry i couldn't find any other words to replace fitnah)and sometime we did not realize that we are actually creating that fitnah... yup...i've been in both situations...and it is sickening to realize that i am actually creating the fitnah while i actually think that i am 100% innocent...thanks Allah that i am the type of person who prefer to blame myself first rather than others...theres one situation where there's a 'friend' 'introduce' me as wild girl to her friends that later become my friends too...and also mistakenly said bad things about me to my close friend...okay..i prefer to call it stupid judgement!! you call yourself a 'saint' by talking bad things about other? it doesn't make you even better...AT ALL...!!!

there's also a situation when i am hated thus the whole family are involved...which had made me super sad + pissed off...yeah..you can hate me...you can call me bitch..but there's nothing to do with my family...ntah family sape yg ko nampak...sedap2 mulut ko ckp tu family aku sebab mereka berperangai buruk...this type of person yang membuatkan aku hilang hormat kat orang2 yg sepatutnya aku hormat...

like seriously..i am easily annoyed...annoyed with people who think they are 100% right no matter what... yup..i can't deny that usually these people are witty...they are like lawyers..they are good at making wrong things look right....and they always forget that, in a fight,(misunderstanding situation) between human being...takkan ada satu side sahaja yang salah...yg membezakan...tahap kekejian masing2....

so, stop acting like an angel and face it...we are human being..we can never be 100% innocent...i did a lot of bad things...and i've learned a lot from it...but it always pathetic to see how others think that they are always right...

hmmmm....dah poyo sangat dah ni...harus berhenti menulis...

* salahkan teknologi...mulut lancang kini lebih lancang dengan teknologi...
**perlu mengingati diri...bukan nya kau tak biasa ...ape lg yg kau kecohkan?
***akibat mengenang kisah lalu..sigh..

- E N D -

they are not me...and i don't want to be them

2011-11-02T08:37:00.001+08:00

so after all those hectic days within this year...struggling to have everything(assignment tasks) complete and bla bla...i finally have my own time...its happy the fact that you can kill the time freely...and boley kemas2 rumah without this feeling..'alamak..umah bersepah..tp i still hv tonnes of work to be done...1st thing 1st...!!' pegi merayap tak tentu hala..although belom lg merayap2...(plan dah ada....tapi..yeah..plan je la..)watching movies sampai rasa nak muntah...tdo smpai rase pnat...observe orang sekeliling sampai rasa owh i should stop observing so i won't get sick with their true colour...procrastinate sampai lebam...and mengumpul buku nak baca...('',) and i suppose this break should be the break yang i will fill with all my favourite activities...insyaAllah..takde sape soh gi ofis..takde sape mintak masuk keje..and next month baru start insyaAllah...mohon dipermudahkan...

so...go away all negative charges...and hello miss positive..ahaks...whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger..so face it don't run!

*teringat kata-kata pujangga seorang sahabat : as long as they are hypocrite they're ok...

- E N D -

a lil' reminder for me...

2011-10-31T08:42:00.000+08:00

quoted from a friend's status on FB...

mengecilkan hati orang adalah berdosa, berkecil hati juga adalah berdosa. Tetapi lebih besar dosanya jika kita berkecil hati ~✿ ~> I’m so confused <~ (=.=)' Kenapa orang kecilkan hati kita, kita pulak yang berdosa ?? Then I asked my dad what’s that mean. Ayah: Jika seseorang hina kita, dia berdosa. Jika kita terasa hati dgn penghinaan dia, kita juga berdosa. Tetapi dosa kita lebih besar dari dosad...ia. Anak: Uiikk... Tapi kenapa pulak? Kita tak buat apa-apa pun? Ayah: Kerana orang yang menghina kita itu adalah peringatan daripada Allah. Anak: *blur (>,<)' Ayah: Kenapa kita dihina oleh orang tu? Kerana itu adalah ujian dari Allah. Kenapa Allah hadiahkan kita ujian itu? Kerana DIA nak mengingatkan diri kita yang dah leka dengan dunia. Bila kita berkecil hati dengan orang tersebut, bermakna kita tak redha dengan ujian yang Allah turunkan. Kesimpulannya, kita bukan kecil hati dengan orang, tapi kecil hati dengan Allah. Anak: Ooooooo... Ook...(n_n)' Ayah: Lagi parah bila kita pun cerita pada kawan-kawan kita. “Dia dah banyak buat aku macam ni, macam tu…” dan sebagainya. Dan kawan-kawan kita pula akan cerita pada kawan-kawan lain. “Kesian kawan kita tu.. budak tu dah banyak sakitkan hati dia…” jadi keredhaan kita terhadap ujian Allah itu akan lesap. Anak: *termakan cili . hee (",)' ♥~ So, the conclusion is...Jangan mudah terasa hati... ♥~ Maknanya kita tak redha dengan Allah... ♥~ Nanti Allah pun tak redha dengan kita...Na’uzubillah... ~♥> "Sebenarnya, setiap kali orang memuji kamu...Seharusnya kamu rasa malu. Ucaplah astaghfirullah al-azim kerana orang memuji kamu disebabkan Allah S.W.T telah menutup aib dan kelemahan kamu." Astaghfirullah al-azim

i don't want to be neither...because both of em pon keji...why do the same thing while you can choose not to be one?

dear Allah, lead me to the right path...and dear friends...do remind me...when either situation happen...pls remind me that i've been doing the wrong thing..

saya manusia biasa...masih boleh berfikir...dan masih tersasar bila berfikir...

**a good friend is a friend who let his/her friend know that they've been doing a wrong thing, rather than talking bad thing behind their back...(yep..i do talk bad thing about people, but i try my best not to talk about my friend)
***agak terkilan bila ada kawan yang lambat menyedarkan dan berkata kasar di kemudian hari...

- E N D -