Finding Me

Its just a mind thing

2014-11-07T21:40:00.000-08:00

Depression: Its Just a Mind Thing

Anyone dealing with depression is always searching for a cure. The right combination of meds. There is no perfect combination of meds that will cure depression. Medications can help with depression, but they are not a cure. The cure is within our own minds. Depression is a mind thing. Chemicals within our brain, convince our conscious mind that we are depressed, and we believe it. The good thing is that if our mind can be convinced that we are depressed, it can also believe that we are happy.

I was told by a psych doctor one time that I needed to get out of bed and get back to life. I ask her how to do that and she told me to "fake it till I make it." I didn't really understand that advice until years later. If you want to be happy, be happy. If your not happy at first, fake it. When you fake it enough, your mind will begin to believe it. Our minds change with repetition. If you tell yourself you are happy everyday, even if you aren't, eventually you will start to be happy. You have convinced your mind that it true. If, you keep telling yourself you are depressed, you will always be depressed.

I finally started to understand that happiness, just like depression, is a choice. You have to decide what choice you want to make. It sound simple, but it is not. It is hard to fight against depression. Part of that is because we become comfortable with our depression.. Life outside depression can be scary. But it is life. Depression is not living. The first thing to do is to take an inventory of what you have to be depressed about and what you have to be blessed about. I had nothing to be depressed about. This is when I decided I was not going to be depressed anymore.

I ask God to take away my depression, and I had faith that I was no longer depressed. I don't know if God decided to cure me or to give me the strength to choose not to be depressed, but I am not depressed. I am choosing to be happy. I still have hard days where I can feel depression creeping up, but I ignore it because I choose not to be depressed. I am still dealing with getting out of my comfort zone and I have days that I hide at home, but I am not depressed. I also know that I will get stronger every day. It is a mind game. It is my not medication, it has not changed in over a year, it is God and me. I am changing the way I think. I am still taking my meds and I don't think anyone should stop taking medication, even when they are feeling better without talking to your doctor. But If your not getting the results you want on meds, you need to do the rest of the work yourself. Change your mind. Choose to happy.

Remember your going to have bad days, but choosing how to react to those days, is up to you. We can't control the struggles but we can control how we react to them.

I am not going to let depression win. I am stronger then it. With God, I am stronger then anything that comes my way.

Going Down The Rabbit Hole

2014-10-23T12:12:00.000-07:00

Going Down The Rabbit Hole

In 2008 my mom died. It was December 30th and my husband, daughter, my nephew, and I were coming back from snow skiing in New Mexico. If I could pinpoint a time that I began my spiral down the rabbit hole, it was that day.

I didn't cry, I took 4 Xanax and slept all the way home. I cried at the funeral. I was sad. But I didn't let go of my emotion easily. To this day I have only been to her grave once. I couldn't go to the grave and I couldn't feel what my heart was screaming to say. How could I tell myself that the fear that I had when I was little, was still with me. I was not going to tell myself that I was, at 39, a terrified orphan. If I grieved her, I would have to except the fact that she left me alone. She was gone. So was I.

I let Depression and drugs carry me down the rabbit hole. By 2010, I was gone completely. There was not a glimmer of the person I used to be. I was done.

But God wasn't. He came down that hole after me. I didn't know Him anymore, but I heard his voice and I knew my life had changed forever. He carried out of the hole. It wasn't easy, or pretty, or fast, but together we climbed out.

I wasn't an orphan anymore.

Life After Depression

2014-10-01T15:34:00.000-07:00

Life After Depression

When I was in that deep dark hole of depression, all I prayed for was to get better. I wanted to live a normal life again. After two years, my prayer is working. I am getting back to life. The problem is, life has changed. I've have changed. I feel lost. This life I so desperately craved for so long, is scary.

While I was in my dark hole, life went on without me. People left my life. I left my career. Even things that stayed the same, now feel foreign. I have forgotten how to live life.

I never want to go back into the dark hole again. But I knew how to survive in that hole. It is what I have known for two years. Even though life was hell in the hole, I knew how to live it.

I think that there is a part of me that doesn't want to let go of that hole. In some crazy way, it has become a safety net that I am holding on to just in case this new life gets to hard.

Sometimes I can hear it calling me. The crazy, terrifying thing is, sometimes I want to listen.

The Depression Roller Coaster

2014-10-01T12:01:00.000-07:00

The Depression Roller Coaster

I have never liked riding roller coasters but with depression, I ride one often. A good few days then a bad one. I sometimes think I would rather not have the good days because it just makes the bad one that much harder. When I was in my depression hole, I knew the next day would be bad just like the previous. There wasn't any surprises. Now that I am starting to have good days, When the bad day shows up, I feel a lot more let down. I don't like waking up wondering what my day is going to be like. I need to start following the steps again. They will stop the ride. I am ready to get off the roller coaster.

How You Can Beat Depression

2014-09-29T10:00:00.000-07:00

How You Can Beat Depression

Medications can only go so far in treating depression. The rest is on you. To stay depression free, will require work on your part. You have to make a lifestyle change.

Sleep: Make sure you get at least 7 hours of good sleep every night
Routine: Having a set routine. Get up and go to bed at the same time each day
Exercise: Get moving. At a minimum, walk for 30 minutes a day.
Goals: Set goals for yourself each day. This is very important when you are trying to overcome depression
Be Social: Visit with friends. It is important to keep a support system.
Stress: Eliminate stress from your life. Meditation is good to handle stress that sneak up on you.
Avoid alcohol and drugs: No Exception. They are the biggest triggers of depression.
Understand your depression: Learn how it affects your thinking. This is helpful to talk yourself out of depression. Depression is a liar. Knowing this puts you in control.
Therapy: Utilize some kind of therapy. A therapist or life coach is. If that isn't an option, keep a journal or blog.
Spirituality: Rely on your higher power. I could not make the changes without God. My faith keeps me going everyday.

Overcoming depression and keeping it away, takes work. But, being free from depression is worth the work. I haven't made all the changes I have to do. It is a long process sometimes. Do what you can, when you can. We will get there.

If you need someone to talk to email me at: commentsjm@gmail.com
or follow me on twitter @justbreathe_jm

Pick a Diagnosis

2014-09-27T02:03:00.000-07:00

Pick A Diagnosis

Diagnosing a Mental Illness

I was put on an antidepressant right after my first child. I don't remember getting a diagnosis. Ten years later, l was diagnosed with depression by my GP. Seven years after that, 2011 l think, I had a major spiral of depression and addiction. I was given a new diagnosis: Bipolar. This diagnosis never felt right, but that is what the doctor said. It wasn't until I got my addiction under control that I figured out I wasn't Bipolar. So I was back to Clinical Depression. This was not a perfect fit, but that is all I had. Three years after the spiral, I am still struggling. I am getting better, but I'm not cured yet. I have done a lot of reading, and I came across an article about Major Depressive Disorder. I am going to do more research, but this seems to fit.

Now for the intended post:

My point from the above rant, was that diagnosing a mental illness is challenging. There is not perfect box of symptoms that fit everyone. My depression is unique from your depression. There are many different types of Mental Illness and everyone has different symptoms. In my experience, If you have any kind of depression, you are put on antidepressants. while I do agree, antidepressants are usually necessary, they aren't a complete cure.

The area I live in does not have access to good mental health tools. Maybe in other areas, there are better resources. For me, I have been left to research and teach myself about my depression. It has been good for me. I have learned a lot about myself and about my depression. It is not about a diagnosis. It is about the whole person.

It is a disease of the mind. Medication helps, but I started getting better when I began researching "me" more than just a diagnosis.

A Christian Living With Depression

2014-09-18T09:34:00.000-07:00

A Christian Living With Depression

I am a Christian and I have Clinical Depression. If you suffer from depression I am sure you can understand the this battle. It is a battle between my head and my heart.

My head:

When l am low into depression, the world is dark and painful. It is hard to imagine a future. At times I really don't want one. The struggle of living is just to hard. The anxiety leads me to fear everything. When I am deep in a depression, it is hard to see hope that the pain will ever end.

My heart:

I have faith that God is always with me. With God, I don't have anything to fear. He will always be there to protect me. I know that God has a glorious future ahead for me. I trust Him completely.

I know that my fear and hopelessness comes from a disease. I know that God knows it is the disease causing these feelings. God understands. I still don't. As a Christian, I know I have nothing to fear, but my head still fears. I know that God will get my through my depression, but my in my head I still feel hopeless.

So who will win this battle? Even through my deepest depression, I know the answer. God is stronger then my depression. I know he will break through my fears, and give me hope when I feel hopeless.

Depression can lie to my head, and at times, I will believe it. But my heart, it know the truth.

Depression Marathon: Fortune at the End of the Road

2014-09-15T15:48:00.001-07:00

Depression Marathon: Fortune at the End of the Road

This is a great blog!

Finding my path

2014-09-15T14:03:00.000-07:00

Finding My Path

Feeling a little lost

I spent the last three years struggling to find myself again only to discover the "me" I was searching for doesn't exist anymore. I'm different and my life is different. I don't know this new woman or her life. She doesn't have a career, like I did. She doesn't have kids at home, like I did. We have the same husband, but not the same relationship. I'm so lost.

I thought this would be an exciting time. That anything was possible. I'm supposed to be on a new journey of discovery. That's what I told others and I still believe that. However, I didn't expect to feel so lost. I'm not excited. The truth is I'm scared. I don't know where to go from here. Have I somehow lost the path? If so, how do I get back on?

I know that God has a plan for me, and I need to just keep living one day at a time. Live in the present.

The Medication Dance

2014-09-10T21:45:00.000-07:00

The Medication Dance

If you have been living with Clinical Depression for a while, you have probably done the medication dance. You start feeling good and you start thinking you don't need your antidepressant. You start to think you can do it without medication. If you look back through my blog, you will see that I did the medication dance a couple of times over the years. You think we would learn after the crash and burn that lands us back on medication.

I finally have come to terms with the fact that I have a disease and I will have to take medications for it for the rest of my life.

Clinical depression is not something that will go away. It's also not something you can control without medication. You might be okay for a while but it will come

back. Trying to struggle with depression without medication is crazy. There are new antidepressants with very few if any side affects. If you had diabetes, you would take insulin. You have Clinical Depression, you need antidepressants.

So, I stopped the medication dance. I accept the fact that I have a disease and I will do whatever it takes to enjoy life.

Don't Get Lost in Depression

2014-09-10T19:50:00.000-07:00

Don't Get Lost In Depression

I was in a pretty bad depression that lasted for over a year. When I made it out, my fears were:

Would it come back?
How long would it last if it did come back?
What could I do to stop it from coming back?

I'm sure that I was not alone in my fears. Anyone who has experienced a long depression, knows those fears.

Well, the first two questions have no answers. There is know way to know. That is a scary feeling. It is also something that you need to get out of your head. I mean really don't think about it.

Something to can think about is the third question. What do I do if it comes back? The answer is, you fight. You now have an advantage. You know it lies. You know that it will end.

When you feel it coming on, you start fighting. Don't let it get a chance to suck you in. Get out of the house and visit friends. Start doing things you enjoy. Try not to be alone. Other things that help are:

Remember depression lies to you. You can choose how to feel
Journal your bad feelings and then write down the reasons that they are not true
Keep a list of all the blessings in your life.
Set a goal such as running or loosing weight, etc. and put your all into doing it

The longer you stay in bed and let the depression hold on, the harder it will be to fight your way back. I gave into it for a long time. When I stopped letting it control me, I started getting better. There are days when I want to crawl back into my depression. I might give myself they day off, but then I have to fight back or it will suck me back.

Depression is a disease of the mind. You will always have to be aware that it can strike. Stay on your medication. If you feel yourself getting depressed, talk to a therapist if you need to. Get rid of stress. Just remember that you have the ability to decide how you want to feel. Don't let depression lie to you.

Understanding Suicide - For Those They Left Behind

2014-08-12T13:16:00.000-07:00

Understanding Suicide - For Those They Left Behind

I have be trying write this blog for about 6 months. That's about how long it has been since my sweet friend had to bury her 17 year old son. He committed suicide right before Christmas, during his senior year in high school.

With the shocking news about Robin Williams suicide making news today, I decided I was ready.

Loosing a loved one is always hard, but when they are lost to suicide, it has to be so much harder. The families are left with so many unknowns.

Hopefully I can help families dealing with suicide gain a little understanding. I have some of the answers to the questions that are raised by suicide.

The first thing you need to know is that over 90% of people that commit suicide have a mental illness of Clinical Depression. Most have gone undiagnosed, and therefore, untreated. It is hard to get a diagnosis until It has become unmanageable.

I have struggled with Clinical Depression for years. I know the hell and I know how suicide can feel like freedom, especially to someone who has not been diagnosed with this disease.

With depression, you can't feel joy like other people. All you feel is sadness. It doesn't matter how good your life is, you are unable to feel happiness. The hardest part is that you know other people would not understand how you feel so you have to fake happiness. You pretend to enjoy life, but inside you just want it to stop. Sleeping is the only reprieve you get from the misery.

I can understand how much harder it is for someone who hasn't been diagnosed. They don't know why they feel the way they do. They have to believe that this is as good as life is ever going to be. That is a terrifying thought.

I take medication every day and always will. I know life will get better. I still struggle, and suicide is always a thought in the back of my head. I want it there as a safety net just in case. That is how terrifying being depressed makes you.

It is disease. There is no cure. It can be managed but I doesn't go away. When you loose someone you love to suicide, you wonder why. Was there something you could have done? The answer is no. When life has finally become so unbearable that they have decided to use that safety net, they are done. Depression won.

Depression is a disease. It's unpredictable. Even with treatment, there are no guarantees. Today I feel pretty good, but I will never know what will happen in the future. Even though I think now that I am stronger then depression and I would not commit suicide, I'm also realistic enough to not say I NEVER would do it. The truth is there are no sure things when it comes to this disease. I live one day at a time. That is the only way to mange it.

Your loved one did not commit suicide to hurt you or because of you. They had a disease and that disease, just like any chronic illness, finally beat them.

It's time to bring awareness to Depression. People should not be ashamed to say they have it. We are not ashamed to say we have cancer, Lupus, or any other chronic disease, so why can't we admit to having Clinical Depression. It needs to be talked about. I have lost many friends because they don't understand why I push away or decline invitations. This loss of friends and family make managing this disease harder.

If you want to stop suicide, bring Clinical Depression out of the dark. Demand more research and better treatment. Finding a cure is the only way to stop the tragic suffering and death from suicide.

Forgetting the bags

2014-08-09T01:59:00.000-07:00

Forgetting the bags

I have really been struggling with my depression and anxiety for a long while. I finally decided that medication alone wasn't enough so I decided to see a therapist. I was hoping she would give me some coping tools because life should not be this hard.

I went into the appointment feeling broke and in need of tools. What I came out with was a feeling of being kinda normal. That was a strange feeling!

I have been looking at my depression and anxiety as a problem that was messing up my life. What I discovered was that my messy life was causing my depression and anxiety. Wow!

The therapist started asking about my life. I start rattling off the events of the last four years. The death of my mother, addiction from self medicating, marital problems, surgeries including a Hysterectomy, changing hormones, and the loss of children, they moved out of the home. She looked at me and said "Of course you are having a hard time dealing with depression, look at what you have been through" It was not until that point when I looked back at all I had been through, that I ever thought I might have a legitimate reason for being depressed and anxious. I had been carrying all those bags but never realized how heavy they were.

I think, when we get used to dealing with clinical depression, we sometimes forget to look for other reasons that may be adding to our depression and compromising recovery.

We need to check for bags.

A strange new road

2014-07-31T10:48:00.000-07:00

A strange new road

My journey through depression has been tough and the road hard, but I have always been able to see the goal at the end. Even in the darkest times, I hung on to the believe that I would find the old me one day and my life would be good again. In fact, many times, it was that belief, along with God, that got me through.

Here lately, I have been praying for understanding. There have been so many changes over the last four years. I feel lost and unsure of what I am supposed to do. I asked God to guide me through and help me to know what I am supposed to do in life.

Day by day he is blessing me with new insight on how to proceed on my journey. Today, he showed me something I was not expecting. My goal of finding the old me is not going to happen because the old me is gone. She didn't make it through the journey. I have to find another road that will lead to someone I haven't met yet: The new me.

The thought of this new journey is terrifying and exciting.

Here I go

Nothing Last Forever

2014-07-30T13:39:00.001-07:00

Nothing Last Forever

This is what I hold on to when my world turns dark. Living with Depression, I get caught up in the dark. I forget that the sun will shine again.

I feel as if darkness and light are in a battle inside my head and I am just standing on the sidelines waiting to see who wins.

I need to join the fight. Help the light destroy the dark. I am frozen though. It is a very long hard battle and I get so tired. There are times that I stop caring who will win. There are even a few times that I secretly hope the dark wins. Thankfully God steps in, wakes me up, and helps me to start cheering for the light again.

The day will come when I am strong enough to join the battle. I have faith in that.

Nothing last forever. The dark night will end.

God is with me during the dark, so I know that when the light does shine, it will shine brighter then I could have ever imagine.

The Bumpy Road

2014-07-29T19:50:00.001-07:00

The Bumpy Road

Along our journey through life there are times we have a choice between taking the easy road or the bumpy road.

The easy road is smooth and flat without any hills and valleys There are not any potholes obstacles to dodge. There isn't a whole lot of scenery to look at. It's a safe road to travel

The bumpy road is a roller coaster ride of hills and valleys. There are many obstacles to dodge. It contains some scary turns. It's a dangerous road but the scenery is amazing.

The choice is yours.

Just Breathe

2014-07-29T04:43:00.001-07:00

Just Breathe

It has been a while since I have written. It has been a ride. I am on antidepressants and they are working pretty good. Now the real work begins. After a few missteps, I finally figured out that I needed to slow down and breathe. I am now taking baby steps.

I have also decided to go to therapy. l need the tools to help me learn to live again.

I don't know how long it will take to get to my life, but Im ready for the journey

Living Mindfully with Bipolar Disorder

2012-02-07T14:49:00.000-08:00

Living Mindfully with Bipolar Disorder

Stress is the main cause of the manic/depressive cycles in Bipolar Disorder. Living a life of Mindfulness is one of the best things someone with BD can do for themselves. Mindfulness teaches us to stay centered on the moment, concentrating on the present without thoughts or feelings about the past or the future. Worrying about the things that have or will happen creates undue stress about things in which you have no control over. This is important to someone with Bipolar Disorder. Stressing over the past or future can exasperate the disease. Staying within the present, and giving past thoughts and actions no meaning, enables us to live fully in the present. It keeps us grounded, which is what someone with BD needs to be.

Mindfulness teaches us to treat our thoughts with kindness. Notice them, but do not try to change or push them away. Except them for what they are and let them move along. Mindfulness can help with the racing thoughts of someone with BD by teachings us to acknowledge that the thoughts are there and treating them with kindness, without giving them any importance. They are not good or bad they are just simply thoughts and nothing more. One way to achieve this is by Mindful Meditation.

Mindful Breathing is the meditation that I use. Sitting in a quiet place, you close your eyes and concentrate on the breaths you take. The breath in and the breath out is all you notice. When thought pop into your head, bring your self back to the breaths in and the breaths out. Once you are able to master this without any thoughts coming to your mind, you will be able to take this with you anywhere when dealing with stressful situations or racing thoughts. This meditation keeps you grounded in the present and helps block out the racing thoughts.

When dealing with Bipolar Disorder, being able to control stress and control the thoughts in our head, is a huge step in treating this disease. The next time you start feeling out of control, remember to pay attention to the breath in and the breath out.

Two thoughts cannot coexist at the same time: if the clear light of mindfulness is present, there is no more room for mental twilight - Nyanaponika There

Still no meds and holding steady

2011-11-20T05:40:00.000-08:00

Still no meds and holding steady

I am still medication free. So far no side effects. The depression is not any better but it is also not any worse. I feel like I am waiting for the other shoe to drop still. I am still not getting out much. Every morning I have good intentions of going and doing things but as of yet, I haven't really made any real good attempts. I have been a few places but not as many as I should. I truly think now that I have gotten so used to staying in bed and covering up my head that it has become more of a habit.

I am not afraid of getting out now so why don't I? That's the question I am working on right now. Am I still in depression or am I being a coward and taking the easy way out. Have I just got so used to living with depression that I don't know how to live without being depressed?

Off all meds

2011-11-11T09:15:00.000-08:00

Off all meds

Well I am now off all of my meds. I have had some ups and downs but not any worse than I did when I was on the antidepressants. I feel like I am thinking clearer. I am still just taking it one day at a time.

I am hopeful that I will get my life back, but I also know that I am going to have to be the one to do it. I'm still too scared to take that first step. I have been telling myself for over a month now that I was going to start running, but there is something that just keeps me from going.

I am keeping me from living. Why?

Having Faith

2011-10-04T12:34:00.000-07:00

Having Faith

Well I have decided to put my faith in God. After a lot of research, I have decided that to stop all the medication is the right way for me. I have tried all of them and they haven't worked. Now I am just giving it to God and stopping them all. Please pray for me because I know that quitting Psychiatric drugs is hard but I feel this is the right decision. I will keep you updated on how it is going. Wish me luck!

Regressing

2011-09-20T12:28:00.000-07:00

Regressing

Sorry I haven't written in a while, but like I said this is an ongoing journey and I'm nowhere near the end, I Thought I was doing good and then "Wham" Back in bed I was for over a week. That's the thing I can't understand with depression. You can be feeling great for a while and then all of a sudden, for no reason, your spiraling down out of control.

I am having a hard time right now trying to just understand why I just can't be fixed. Why can't I just say to myself " You are getting out of bed, stop this shit, and get on with your life?" Why can't it just be that easy? Why can't I have control of my own brain?

Do you know that the only way you can get into the great mental health programs like Dr. Phil is always talking about is to fork up around $70,000.00? He doesn't bother bringing up that little point on his show. I emailed him about this little oversight, but I haven't heard back yet. :) (not holding my breath).

You always hear "Money isn't everything", but you know what, that is kind of a lie. To receive great health care, especially mental health care, you have to have money. So what I take from that is if I want to have a normal life and be a normal mother, I'm going to have to rob a bank. (just kidding!).

Well I am going to stop griping and feeling sorry for myself today. I will post again soon

Going back to 2008

2011-09-03T17:11:00.000-07:00

Going back to 2008

The death of my mom in December 2008 was hard. It wasn't until I started trying to piece together what was happening to my life that I realized just how hard it affected me. At the time I thought I was just fine. A day after her death I went to a New Years Eve party.

We had the funeral. All my family came down. It had been the first time I had been with my brothers since my dad's death 11 years earlier. It was just like a family reunion except mom wasn't there.

The funeral was the last time I cried about her death at the time. That year, in my eyes, was normal. I don't remember anything else remarkable happening, but without me realizing, things were happening inside my head. I was fighting a lot with my teenage daughter. My job was starting to go down hill. in my eyes it was just small things. It still would be another year before I realized I was disappearing down a very dark hole. It would be another year before i would begin the fight to get back my life and the real me. If someone would have told me in November of 2008 how my life was going to turn, I would have thought they were crazy.

The spring of 2009 I changed to the nightmare job. It was awful and I hated every minute of it. The last day I was there, my boss said one day he would come in and kill us all. I left that day.

That was when the anxiety started. I didn't want to go anywhere, especially alone. I knew I needed to work but I just couldn't make myself do it. I got on unemployment and just rode on it for over a year, sliding farther away from life everyday. I was staying in bed most of the time. My GP was trying different antidepressants and they were not working. Nothing was working until Superbowl of 2010. I thought I had found the answer to all my problems. Boy how wrong I was. I was beginning to turn my whole life upside down and completely disappear.

The Year I Disappeared

2011-09-03T14:16:00.000-07:00

My normal life

The Year I Disappeared

I used to be normal. I had a normal life, with three perfect kids, a husband, and a great job. I could go anywhere I wanted and I did. Vacations, the mall, the lake, where ever I wanted to go. I could also go to the Grocery Store.

The "Grocery Store" A big one.

I went to the grocery store today for the first time in two years...

I disappeared two years ago. This is my journey of fighting my way back to my normal life and the real me. A life before clinical depression.

If you know what clinical depression is, you will understand my journey. If you don't know what clinical depression is then drop to your knees and thank God.

I am not entirely sure why or when it happened just that around that time a lot of big things impacted my life. My mother died, my daughter went to live with her dad and stopped speaking to me, and I change to a new job that literally turned out to be a nightmare. I remember the last day I went to that job, I got in my car, crying and called my husband to come get me because I couldn't drive the 40 minutes home.

I guess it was probably an accumulation of traumatic events that caused me to slip away until one day i was just gone.

What were my two teenage boys that still lived at home doing? I don't know, I was gone. Why did my marriage disintegrate? I don't know, I was gone. What were all my friends doing? I don't know, I was gone. I didn't exist anymore.

This journal is about my journey to find "me" again. Because I don't remember a lot from the earlier times, those entries will be more broad time frames. As we get closer to the present they should get more precise.

So stay with me and ride the ride of clinical depression, and together we will find out how it ends. I will make it back. I know I can find my way.