Creative Living

Labels

2009-04-27T21:23:00.003+02:00

“If someone sticks a label on you, then it’s their loss. You are who you are, and if they can't accept you as that, too bad for them.” - Gayle Nakama

We all label people, and we are all labeled by people, sadly it’s just the way things are done these days. And by labels I don't only mean the obvious ones like nerd, tart, snob, etc. In my personal life I was labeled a boyfriend, then a husband, now I'm a husband and a father, and when I make my wife angry I am labeled things I can't write here… :) In my working life I was labeled a trainee, then a designer/engineer, then a business owner. And in my social life I have been labeled many things, some good, some bad.

Read more...

Reactions

2009-04-05T21:49:00.002+02:00

“Man's last freedom is his freedom to choose how he will react in any given situation” - Viktor Frankl

This week I'll be borrowing something that my sister emailed me because I believe it is of vital importance. I wrote something along similar lines when I first started my blog and it really is gratifying to know that a respected person agrees with my beliefs, especially when many people close to me think I'm full of it. (to refresh your memory on my article, click here…)

The 90/10 Principle by Dr. Stephen R. Covey

10% of life is made up of what happens to you, 90% of life is decided by how you react…

Limitations

2009-03-30T09:32:00.001+02:00

“Our limitations and success will be based, most often, on your own expectations for ourselves. What the mind dwells upon, the body acts upon.” - Denis Waitley

With young Adam keeping me so busy I haven't had much time to write an article this week, so I am borrowing something that a good friend of mine sent me. While I am totally against animals in captivity, this story really helps us realize the truth about ourselves. We might be a technically advancing species, but when it comes to our own potential, we have sadly forgotten our own abilities.

Change

2009-03-23T08:27:00.003+02:00

This weeks article is slightly different thanks firstly to the birth of my son Adam on Friday morning and secondly a realization I had along my journey of self development.

“Other things may change us, but we start and end with family” - Anthony Brandt

Firstly, along with the birth of my first child comes a whole lot of change, and I can either embrace it or stress myself out and resist it. And the same applies to all aspects of change. A lot of us are so comfortable with our life as it is that the minute something happens that takes us out of our comfort zone we become anxious, which leads to stress, which leads to health problems, which leads to more stress, until one day we are so worked up we can't even remember where it all started. The sooner we can all learn to embrace change, the sooner we will find peace and harmony, after all, change is inevitable and there is nothing we can do to stop it. Think of a surfer, the difficult part is fighting against the waves and getting out to the breakers, the easy part is riding the wave back to the shore. So ride the waves of change in life, and have fun doing it.
“Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.” - Karen Kaiser Clark

Secondly, my blog has always been about how we are responsible for our own lives, which we are, but I have come to realize we are cannot create our life alone. My wife and I did not create Adam alone, we had help, our creator helped us create a new life. We co-created. With this realization comes more change. I will be renaming my blog to 'Co-Creative Living' and at the same time I will be gradually moving it to a new system, one which I find more flexible and easier to use. To check it out click here. (Let me know what you think of my new blog please...)

“Change is the only constant” - Proverb quotes

I look forward to sharing many more articles on Co-Creative Living with you, have an awesome week.

Patience

2009-03-16T07:26:00.005+02:00

“The key to everything is patience. You get the chicken by hatching the egg, not by smashing it.” - Arnold H. Glasgow

Well, with the due date for Baby Thomas past, I thought I'd write about something we need a lot of at the moment. And something a lot of us have very little of these days. It seems to me that the whole world has gone mad, everything is such a rush, and I know from experience that when you rush things mistakes happen.

I haven't always been a patient person, but living on London for 2 years helped me become a lot more patient. When I first got there the public transport system used to raise my stress levels far too much, but after a few months I realized that there was nothing I could do about the late trains, tubes & buses. So I would just pull out my book and read. Why is it that we let things we have no control over stress us out so much? Are we all becoming control freaks? I'd love to read your thoughts on this...

“Have patience with all things, but chiefly have patience with yourself.” - St. Francis de Sales

Having learnt a bit of patience when it comes to external matters was relatively easy, being patient with myself was another matter completely. Until recently I hadn't even realize I was being impatient with myself. Thankfully my wife pointed it out to me. I have been reading loads of self development books and wondering why life hasn't changed dramatically. The reason..., I was trying too hard and trying to change too much at once. So, I have stopped reading too many books, I am reading an intensely spiritual book at the moment, which is probably going to take me 2 years to complete, but as I have realized, there is no rush when it comes to living life.

“Patience is necessary, and one cannot reap immediately where one has sown.” - Soren Kierkegaard

When you plant a seed, do you dig it up all the time to see what is going on, to check whether it is growing or not? (If you do, let me know, I'd love to chat to you.) We plant the seed in good soil and water it trusting that it will grow in it's own time. So why don't we trust that life will treat us the same way? I'm not saying we must become lazy and just sit around and wait for things to happen, do what can be done and trust that the results will come at exactly the right time. The minute we become impatient, we become stressful, and when we are stressful we are not in tune with the universe.

“He that can have patience, can have what he will.” - Benjamin Franklin

“The principle part of faith is patience.” - George MacDonald

I believe that if we could all learn to be patient with ourselves and with others we could spread a lot more peace and harmony on this wonderful planet of ours. I hope you start believing it too....

Our true self

2009-03-09T09:14:00.003+02:00

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." - Dr. Suess

Do we really know ourselves, our true selves? Or do we only know the person we have become through years of conditioning? We were all born perfect, but then, in those first few months of our lives our conditioning starts. Our family and close family friends start pointing out our imperfections. And this carries on for the rest of our lives, and eventually we start believing what our family and friends say to be the truth. So what do we do? We start behaving in ways that will help us fit in with what is considered 'normal'.

I look back on my life and wonder where I would be today is I had done things differently. I have always been shy and what is considered a bit of an introvert. To try and counteract my shyness I did things to try and 'fit' in. I started smoking at a young age, not because I enjoyed it, but because the 'friends' I had at the time were doing it. I started drinking at a young age too, this helped me overcome my shyness and I believed made me more like able, I was more 'fun' to be with. I even started saying and doing things that were out of character, all just to try and get people to like me.

"Don't compromise yourself. You are all you've got." - Janis Joplin

Now that I have decided to try and discover my true self my life has become really tricky. All the friends I have made have started changing their opinion about me and sadly our friendships are no longer what they used to be. I'm not as much 'fun' to be with as I used to be. I'm even considered "arrogant" and "a know it all" by some. Luckily, what matters most to me is what I think of myself and I know my true friends will always be around.

"I was once afraid of people saying, "Who does she think she is?" Now I have the courage to stand and say, "This is who I am."" - Oprah Winfrey

So why are we constantly trying to live up to other peoples expectations? Why are we constantly trying to "keep up with the Jone's"? The answer is simple, but scary. Our ego convinces us that we will be happy if more people like us and if we have what "the Jone's" have. There is a common misconception that only men have an ego, every single one of us has an ego. Most of us are our ego. I have yet to meet a person who has shed their ego.

"Too many people spend money they haven't earned, to buy things they don't want, to impress people they don't like." - Will Rogers

Most people reading this will feel offended in some way, that's the ego's self defense mechanism kicking in. Feel good?

"Until you make peace with who you are, you'll never be content with what you have." - Doris Mortman

So how do we discover our true selves? And why would we want to? All it takes is a decision, once the decision has been taken, our inner guidance takes over. The reason, inner peace. Have you ever seen a new born sleeping? Can you imagine experiencing the inner peace that the new born is experiencing? It is possible. Imagine waking up in the morning not having to worry about a thing, doing what you want to do, not what you feel you have to do. It is possible...., we just need to discover our true self.

"Few are those who see with their own eyes and feel with their own hearts." - Albert Einstein

"Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens." - Carl Jung

Resentment

2009-03-02T08:50:00.003+02:00

“Resentment is one burden that is incompatible with your success. Always be the first to forgive; and forgive yourself first always.” - Dan Zadra

What is resentment? Well, according to the Wikipedia, "Resentment (also called rancour, or ranklement) is an emotion of anger or bitterness felt repeatedly, as a result of a real, or imagined, wrong done."

The end bit is quite interesting, "...a real or imagined wrong done." Some of us have resentment for events that didn't even happen, we just imagined them, or we perceived a situation in an incorrect way. Such is the power of the human mind.

“Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” - Malachy McCourt

I battle to understand why us humans cling to resentment so strongly. Our resentment towards others does nothing but damage ourselves. Do you think the person, or persons you are harbouring resentment towards are affected in any way? They just carry on with their lives as they would usually, while you are slowly killing yourself. Yes, resentment can actually kill you. How? Did you know that every single human being is born with the possibility of developing cancer? And before I go any further, let me upset your world even more, cancer is a disease of the mind, not the body. This is where most of you either stop reading or put up your defenses, because I have just challenged a belief you have held for so long, and your beliefs make life comfortable....

Have you ever wondered why, with all the advances in modern medicine, there is still no cure for cancer? And there never will be a medical cure, the cure will be one of understanding. Cancer is your bodies way of telling you there is something wrong with your mind, something wrong with your thinking. And resentment is the main cause for cancer. In the movie, "You Can Heal Your Life" a woman is interviewed. She did research on finding out what the common thread was in people who had been cured of cancer, of course the answer was that they changed the way they thought, about themselves and life. So, before you disagree with what I'm writing, do some research of your own.

“Hanging onto resentment is letting someone you despise live rent-free in your head” - Ann Landers

So how do we let go of resentment? Forgiveness is the only way, forgiveness of yourself and others. To forgive someone, you don't have to physically go up to them and tell them, although it would help, you can just forgive them in your own mind. How do you know if you have truly forgiven? The person or situation wont dominate your thoughts as much and you will feel a slight shift towards joy.

Some of us harbour resentment so deeply in our subconscious that we aren't even aware of it, but sooner or later, your body will let you know, and if it does, do the hard work, you're worth it.

"When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free." - Catherine Ponder

Problems

2009-02-23T07:00:00.003+02:00

“Don't tell your problems to people: eighty percent don't care; and the other twenty percent are glad you have them” - Lou Holtz

We all have problems, some of us have bigger, more complicated problems than others, or so we think. You see, all problems are relative, relative to the person perceiving the problems, and relative to the situation. Why is it that we like to talk about our problems so much, and why is it that we all feel so empowered when talking to others about their problems? I have always wondered why people talk about the same problems over and over again, and I found a simple explanation in an unlikely book. People enjoy their problems, and they enjoy talking about their problems because it makes them feel united, it's almost like a bonding experience.

The really sad thing is that when you ask someone what they have done about a certain problem, most of them will say they don't know what to do. And even sadder is that they haven't even bothered to try and find out what can be done. The only logical explanation to that can be that the problem really isn't a problem, just something they like to talk about....... or is it?

“People don’t want their lives fixed. Nobody wants their problems solved. Their dramas. Their distractions. Their stories resolved. Their messes cleaned up. Because what would they have left? Just the big scary unknown.” - Chuck Palahniuk

This quote explains a lot. Some of us can't imagine what our lives would be like if we didn't have problems, what on earth would we talk about? What would we do with our spare time? Some of us are even defined by our problems. So what types of problems are there?
Financial problems - possible solution, adjust your current lifestyle?
Health problems - possible solution, seek advice from a trustworthy source?
Weight problems - possible solution, change your diet, start exercising, see a dietitian?
Relationship problems - possible solution, seek counselling?
Personal problems - possible solution, life coaching?
Work problems - possible solution, change your career, job, speak to HR?
The list goes on......, but what we all need to realize is that there is always a solution to a problem, no matter how big it may seem at the time.

“Focus 90% of your time on solutions and only 10% of your time on problems.” - Anthony J. D'Angelo

Most of us spend most of our time mulling over a problem trying to find a solution, and most of the time when we stop mulling, the solution comes to us. I often catch myself getting stuck on a problem, so I decide to take a break or do something else for a few minutes and the answer usually comes to me, and I also always try to look at things differently, which really annoys my family and friends. A lot of my family and friends will see a problem and I'll see a solution, the reason they get annoyed, well, they can't talk about the problem any more.....

“We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.” - Albert Einstein

Now for the controversial part of my article. Did you know that most of the problems we have in our lives we created ourselves? 'But I didn't cause the current global financial crisis!' you may say. Well actually, you did, we all did in some small way. The human race is responsible for it and if you aren't part of the human race, I'd love to meet you. And the more personal the problem, the more responsible we are. Take our health for example, unless the problem is hereditary, we are responsible for it. (Even hereditary problems can be cured if done correctly!)

“The way we see the problem is the problem” - Stephen R. Covey

So why are there problems? I believe problems exist to let us know we are doing something wrong. If I have a health problem, it's my bodies way of telling me there is something wrong with my thinking. You see, only our mind can create, our body can't create without our mind telling it to do so. If I have a financial problem, it's because I have been creating lack in my life, and so on...

Take responsibility for your life, start by being grateful for what you have, stop giving your problems so much power over your life by talking about them less, and try to see the positive side to seemingly negative situations. Your problems will gradually start to disappear, and you can enjoy life on this wonderful planet we call home. That's why we are here, to enjoy our lives!
I leave you this week with one of my favourite quotes...

“If your happiness depends on what somebody else does, I guess you do have a problem.” - Richard Bach

Beliefs

2009-02-16T07:00:00.002+02:00

“I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.” - Bertrand Russell

Oh boy, this is a really touchy subject, but one I love to discuss. Did you know that there are over 40 religions in the world? Which one is right? Well, that all depends on who you are talking to. If you are talking to a Christian, obviously Christianity must be right, if you are talking to a Jew, then Judaism must be right, and so on.... and yes, there are extremists who will die to defend their beliefs.

What would happen to society if a discovery was made that proved all religions to be wrong in their teachings? Would us humans be able to cope? You see, all religious beliefs are based on faith, none of us were there to witness what actually happened so we believe what we are told, and the sad thing is, this extends beyond religion. I could start a rumour right now and if I could get enough people to believe it, it wouldn't matter if it was the truth or not.

“If you don't change your beliefs, your life will be like this forever. Is that good news?” - William Somerset Maugham

The good news is that we can change our beliefs whenever we want to. (In the past we might have been burned on the cross! Isn't it a shame that humans were killed by other humans because their beliefs didn't conform to the norm at the time....) And I'm not only talking about religious beliefs, I'm talking about self beliefs too.

I was raised as a christian and went to an Anglican church, but I never felt comfortable going to an Anglican church, so I started going to a non-denominational church which I really enjoyed for a while. Now I don't go to church at all because there are just some aspects and teachings I feel uncomfortable with. Does this make me a bad person? The sad thing is, you are probably judging me as you read this, doing the exact opposite of what the bible teaches.

"Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven:" - Luke 6:37

Enough about religious beliefs, lets get to self beliefs. If I believe I am useless at something, guess what, I will be. It doesn't matter if all my family and friends tell me otherwise, what I believe is what really matters.

“All personal breakthroughs begin with a change in beliefs.” - Anthony Robbins

Most of our self beliefs come from the way we were raised as children. Fortunately as adults we have the power to believe whatever we want to, the problem is that most of us are unaware of our self beliefs. To find out what our self beliefs are, we need to ask some pretty difficult questions, and even more importantly, answer them honestly!
Do I respect myself?
Does it show in the way I behave?
Does it show in the way I dress?
Does it show in the way I eat & drink?
Do I love myself? (not the arrogant kind of love, the caring kind of love.)
Does it show in my love for others?
Am I a good partner/husband/wife/father/mother?
Am I good at my job?

The list goes on....

If you are in a relationship, ask your partner to answer the questions too, if there are any differences, they need to be discussed. It's no good if I believe I'm a good husband and my wife disagrees. And don't let the discussion become emotional, it's just a discussion, not a life threatening event.

“The outer conditions of a person's life will always be found to reflect their inner beliefs.” - James Allen

"Just because you believe it, doesn't mean it's the truth." - Brynn Thomas

"Believe and your belief will create the fact." - William James

I read some disturbing news yesterday. More humans have died at the hands of other humans than through natural disasters!
What is wrong with us?

Adjacent Possibilities

2009-02-09T07:00:00.000+02:00

“The possibilities are numerous once we decide to act and not react.” - George Bernard Shaw

Have you ever heard the term 'Adjacent Possibilities"? I hadn't, until the latest book I'm reading. I don't mean to alarm you, but we are where we are today because of all the decisions we have made, conscious & unconscious. There is no one else to blame, they have all been our decisions. We have all made decisions we have regretted at some point in our lives, but they can't be changed, we have hopefully learned form them. Can you imagine where you would be right now if you had made a different decision at some turning point in your life?

That's what adjacent possibilities is all about. Our current thoughts have adjacent possibilities running alongside them all the time, some better, some worse. And we can always choose which ones to follow. If you like the current thought, stick to it, or choose an even better one, if you don't like it, definitely choose a better one.

“The vast possibilities of our great future will become realities only if we make ourselves responsible for that future.” - Gifford Pinchot

Now most of us would say, 'I can't help what I'm thinking or feeling!'. If that's the case, we are currently living what is known as a reactionary emotional existence. Let me explain, when we wake up in the morning we can either decide to have a good day, or we could let the day decide for us. If I get up in the morning and decide that today is going to be a good day and I walk out the bedroom door and kick my toe, two adjacent possibilities are present. I could either get angry and say to myself, 'If that's how my day is starting, the rest is going to be a disaster!' OR I could silently scold myself for being clumsy and just tell myself to be more careful in future. If I had reacted angrily without thinking it would have been an emotional reaction. Some of us go through our whole day reacting to every situation as it occurs in which case we are living a reactionary emotional existence.

“The vast possibilities of our great future will become realities only if we make ourselves responsible for that future.” - Gifford Pinchot

To start becoming responsible for our own lives, we need to understand how life really works. I could buy the most powerful computer in the world, but it would just be piece of junk if I didn't know how to use it. I often have discussions about my belief system, and I have often been told my mind is 'too open'. All I want to find out is the truth, and to find the truth I have to have an open mind. Why do I want to find out the truth? Because I want to live the best life I possibly can, and to do that I need to get as close to my creator as I possibly can. But that's a discussion all on it's own!

“Stop thinking in terms of limitations and start thinking in terms of possibilities” - Terry Josephson

Every time I need to make a conscious decision I remind myself of the adjacent possibilities, and I always try to choose the thoughts that bring me feelings of joy and happiness, and if something bad is happening and I feel I have no control over it, I look for the lesson or the best possible outcome and then I let it go. Why don't you start choosing your thoughts and emotional reactions, it really is empowering, and the more you do it, the easier it becomes, just like any other habit.

“The optimist lives on the peninsula of infinite possibilities; the pessimist is stranded on the island of perpetual indecision.” - William Arthur Ward

“Limitations live only in our minds. But if we use our imaginations, our possibilities become limitless.” - Jamie Paolinetti

Control

2009-02-02T07:00:00.000+02:00

Before I get to this weeks article I would like to invite all of you to join my social network. I have created an online social network for 'Creative Living'. It's similar to facebook, once you have signed up you can start discussions, download photo's, video, etc. The reason I started it is for like minded people to connect and discuss some of the concepts I write about, ask questions and share experiences. It's going to be interesting to see just how many of my readers join, it'll be an indication as to how many really want to learn how to create their own life and how many like being controlled...., which brings me to this weeks article. To sign up, click here.

"What I do say is that no man is good enough to govern another man without that other's consent." - Abraham Lincoln

How many of us are in some form of relationship where one person tries to exert control over the other? Many years ago, in my very first serious relationship I was the one doing the controlling. Back then I was incredibly insecure, and I could never quite understand why my partner was with me. What was such a lovely person doing with little old me? So, I tried control what she wore, what she ate, who she spoke to, what she did with her money, what she did with her spare time. I basically tried to control her life. My logic at the time was that the more control I had over her the more she belonged to me. Rather scary how our minds and our ego can trick us. Fortunately I learnt a lot from that relationship and a few others and I am now secure enough to understand that my wife is with me because of who I am.

"No one can drive us crazy unless we give them the keys." - Doug Horton

No human being has the right to control another, there are no wedding vows out there that mention control. I know a lot of people who are in relationships where the one person controls the other person by manipulating certain conditions. Generally the person doing the controlling is insecure about something in their life, they might not even be aware of it. (The ego is very cunning). And sometimes the one being controlled is totally aware of the controlling and accepts it for some or other reason, usually fear of what life might be like if they decided to end the relationship.

In my humble opinion, ending the relationship should only be done once all other alternatives have been explored, counselling is usually the best one can do, if you can find a good counsellor. Of course, trying to get the insecure partner to agree to counselling can be quite tricky, they generally believe all the problems are their partners.

In a nutshell, never give your freedom away, and if you decide to, make the most of your decision. Stop complaining about it, and get on with living. We can create the life of our dreams, we just need to start believing we can.

"He who controls others may be powerful, but he who has mastered himself is mightier still." - Tao Te Ching

Self concepts / Self perceptions

2009-01-26T07:55:00.002+02:00

'An individuals self-concept is the core of his personality. It affects every aspect of human behavior: the ability to learn, the capacity to grow and change. A strong, positive self-image is the best possible preparation for success in life.' - Dr. Joyce Brothers

Have you looked in the mirror lately? What do you think of the person you are looking at? The reason I ask this, is that it doesn't really matter what other people think of you, but it is extremely important what you think of you. You see, what we think of ourselves can determine our success in life.
Below is a list of self concepts:

- Creativity
- Public Speaking
- Memory
- Learning
- Popularity
- Relationships
- Physical looks
- Parent
- Sport
- Organizational skills
- Time management / Productivity
- Abilities
- Earning power
- Promotional abilities
- Annual worth
- Financial planning, etc. (the list could go on)

If we believe we have a poor memory, then guess what, we are going to have a poor memory. If we believe we are a bad parent, then guess what, we are going to be a bad parent, and so it goes on.

'People only see what they are prepared to see.' - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Does what I have written make sense? I know people who need to be told that they are this, that or the other, just so that they can feel better about themselves. The sad thing is that until they believe it themselves, they never will feel better about themselves. I used to be very insecure, and doubt my abilities, and it has taken some hard work, and I am finally beginning to believe that I can do anything if I really put my mind to it, and I will be teaching my children the exact same thing.

Try this quick exercise. Write down the list of self concepts, and next to each one write down what you believe about yourself, and be totally honest. Now choose the ones you would like to change.

For example, next to 'Memory' I wrote, 'I have a bad memory' and I definitely want to change that, so I cross out what I wrote and wrote what I want to be true, 'I have a good memory'. Now I have to train my brain, so just like any training I start off slowly, I repeat to myself, 'I have a good memory' 20 times. If I'm on my own I even say it out loud and once I get really comfortable doing it I say it to myself while looking in the mirror. Seems a bit silly, but what have you got to lose? I'll let you know how well it works in a few weeks, but please
don't wait for my results, start changing your self concepts today. You're worth it!

'What the caterpillar calls the end, the rest of the world calls a butterfly.' - Lao-tzu

'Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.' - Carl Jung

For more about self concepts / self perception, check out this great site.... Authentic-Self.com

Habits

2009-01-19T09:02:00.003+02:00

“Our character is basically a composite of our habits. Because they are consistent, often unconscious patterns, they constantly, daily, express our character...” - Stephen R. Covey

We all have habits, some good, some bad. Some conscious, some unconscious. Most of our unconscious habits are formed during our childhood and we aren't even aware of them until we start looking deep within. A habit doesn't have to be something you physically do, it can be a thought pattern or self concept as well. I am going to be a parent in the near future so when I read my personal development books I always notice the little gems of advice about parenting. I'm busy reading a book by Brian Tracy called 'Million Dollar Habits' and I have posted an extract which reveals two bad habits most of us develop from childhood. View the post here. It wouldn't be fair to blame our parents for them, they did the best they could with the information available to them at the time, and we are now adults anyway. (We are now responsible for our own personal development.)

“Mindless habitual behavior is the enemy of innovation.” - Rosabeth Moss Kanter

They say it takes 21 consecutive days to break a habit, but I find that a bit of a generalization. I feel it all depends on the habit and how deeply it is entrenched within us. Take smoking for example, with certain people it can take years to break the habit. The reason for this, they have become dependant on the habit, they can't imagine their life without that one little pleasure, regardless of the health risks. (I should know, I used to be a smoker...)

“The chains of habit are too weak to be felt until they are too strong to be broken” - Samuel Johnson

Breaking a habit is very similar to setting goals, we need to apply the same principles, and it all starts with a decision. Below are the nine steps for successful goal setting and
I will show you how they apply to changing habits.
1 - Write down the goal/habit in detail.
2 - Write down the reason for wanting to achieve the goal/change the habit.
3 - Make sure the goal/new habit is achievable.
4 - Break the goal/habit into smaller steps.
5 - Set deadlines for each step.
6 - Share the goal/habit with someone close to you.
7 - Visualizing how we will feel once we have achieved the goal/changed the habit is vital.
8 - We must continually measure our progress.
9 - We must reward ourselves once we have achieved each smaller step.

The trick here is diligence. So many of us start off well, then we get distracted by the busy-ness of our lives. Successful goal setting is a habit in itself. So what do we do?

“Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going.” - Jim Rohn

We firstly need to develop the habit of successful goal setting. To do this we must choose a goal we know we can achieve, something small. Write down the nine steps and measure ourselves every day, write down the results, no matter how trivial. Once we have achieved our first goal, we then choose a goal that is a bit more difficult to achieve, and so on. By doing this we form the habit of goal setting, and once we have developed this habit, life becomes an adventure.

“Good habits, once established are just as hard to break as are bad habits” - Robert Puller

Here is something fun to do, imagine it is five years in the future. Now write a letter to a close friend telling them how wonderful your life is, write as if you are living the life of your dreams, and be specific, write about the house you live in, the car you drive, your career and interests, your partner, and write with passion and share how you feel about your life. Let your imagination flow freely.....have lots of fun.

Affects of parenting

2009-01-19T08:40:00.009+02:00

Below is an extract from a book, 'Million Dollar Habits' by Brian Tracy

Starting early in childhood, as the result of the things your parents do and say, you begin to learn the two basic negative habit patterns that then become the most destructive influences in your life as an adult.

The first negative habit pattern that you learn is called the inhibitive negative habit pattern. This is what soon becomes the fear of failure, risk and loss. As a child, your natural urge is to explore your environment. You eagerly reach out to touch, taste, feel and experiment with everything around you. But often your parents react and even over react to this behaviour by discouraging you as much as possible. They say, “No! Get away from that! Don’t touch that! Leave that alone!” Many parents reinforce their words and threats with spankings and punishment.

Children need love like roses need rain. Love is as important to the developing child as is food. Any interruption of the flow of unconditional love to the child causes the child to feel nervous and frightened. Psychologists say that virtually all adult problems are rooted in the phenomena of “love withheld” in early childhood.

When your parents become angry with you as the result of your natural desire and drive to explore your world and your environment, you have no way of understanding that this is because of their fear for your safety. Instead, as a child, you merely react and respond with the idea that, “Every time I try or touch or taste something new or different, my mother or father gets angry at me. It must be because I am incapable and incompetent. It must be because I am no good. It must be because I can’t do it.”

Fear of Trying Anything New

This feeling of “I can’t” begins the development of the fear of failure. If you are discouraged or punished too often as a child, very early in life you will become fearful of trying new things. This fear will then carry over into later childhood, adolescence and adult life. Thereafter, whenever you think of doing something new or different, something that entails risk or uncertainty, your first reaction will be “I can’t!” As soon as you say the words “I can’t” to yourself, you will begin immediately to think of all the reasons why such a thing is not possible for you.

You will think and talk in terms of failure, rather than success. You will think of the uncertainties and all the possible risks of loss that may occur. Before you even try something new, you will talk yourself out of it.

The kindest words that a parent can tell his or her child, in addition to the words “I love you,” are the words “You can do anything that you set your mind to.” It is amazing how many people’s lives have been dramatically affected by the influence of a single person, a parent, relative or friend, who simply told them, over and over again, “You can do it.”

The second fear that we learn early in life, which then affects us for the rest of our lives, is the fear of rejection, or criticism. We are all sensitive to the opinions of others, especially to the opinions and reactions of our parents when we are growing up. Parents often take advantage of this need to please to control and manipulate their children. The way they do it is by giving or withholding approval and support, based on the behaviour of the child at the moment.

When the child does or says something that the parents don’t like, they immediately become rejecting and critical of the child. Since the approval and support of the parent is like a psychological lifeline to the emotional health of the child, the child is immediately affected and pulls back from the behaviour in order to regain the love and approval of the parents.

Parents very soon slip into the habit of manipulating the child with “carrot and stick” treatment. They alternate with approval and disapproval, with compliments and criticism, to control and manipulate the child’s behaviour.

As a child, you are too young to understand what is going on. You know only one thing. The love and approval of your parents is indispensable to your well-being. It is the key to your emotional health. You therefore learn that, “If you want to get along, you go along.” At an early age, you begin to conform your behaviours to earn the approval, and avoid the disapproval, of your parents.

The Approval of Others

As you grow older, you become increasingly sensitive to the approval or disapproval of others, starting with members of your family, and then your friends and associates. Teenagers especially become extremely sensitive to whether or not they are liked or disliked by their peers. Instead of being fearless and spontaneous, completely open, honest and expressive, they begin to shape their behaviours and conform to whatever they feel their peers will approve of at the moment.

The child does not know why the parent is behaving this way. The child simply concludes that, “Every time I do something that Mommy or Daddy disapproves of, they stop loving me. Therefore, whatever it is, I have to do what makes them happy. I have to do what pleases them. I have to do what they want if I want to be safe.”

This feeling generates what is called the “compulsive negative habit pattern,” which is characterized by the words “I have to!” As an adult, the child who was subjected to disapproval and destructive criticism becomes hypersensitive to the attitudes and opinions of others. They are continually saying, “I have to do this” or “I have to do that.” When the fear of rejection becomes extreme, the individual becomes so hypersensitive to the opinions of others that he or she cannot make a decision until he or she is absolutely convinced that everyone in the world around them will approve and support the decision.

The worst situation of all, which is quite common in most people, is the combined feeling of, “I have to” but “I can’t.” The individual feels that he has to do something in order to win the approval of an important person in his life, but simultaneously, he is afraid of trying anything new or different, and becomes extremely sensitive to the reactions and comments of anyone around him.

The root cause of negative habit patterns can almost always be traced back to “destructive criticism” in early childhood. Often, destructive criticism is accompanied by physical punishment. In either or both cases, the child very quickly loses his or her natural spontaneity and becomes fearful and hypersensitive to others.

All the other fears that hold people back - the fears of loss, of poverty, of embarrassment, of ridicule, of ill health, of the loss of love of someone, of public speaking, of taking a chance, of starting or trying something new or different – are all rooted in the fears of failure and rejection that begin in early childhood.

Living

2009-01-11T22:57:00.002+02:00

“Quality questions create a quality life. Successful people ask better questions, and as a result, they get better answers.” - Anthony Robbins

I know a lot of successful people, they might not think they are successful, but they are. The problem is, they are successful in their respective careers, but they aren't all that successful at living life. How can I say this? Well, in my humble opinion, if you are successful at living life, you are happy, and happy people don't complain a lot.

I have been told I'm pretty good at what I do, career wise. And I only got to be good by studying and working hard. We probably all studied and worked hard to get where we are in our respective careers, but sadly we haven't applied the same diligence to our life skills. If we want to live successfully, we need to find out how life really works. I used to think that life just happened to me, and that I had to do the best I could with what happened. Nothing could be further from the truth. I was introduced to the truth a couple of years ago when I watched the movie 'The Secret'. Ever since then I have been learning more and more about what power we actually have at our fingertips.

I wish I had been exposed to the truth at a much younger age, I can only imagine how different my life would be then. Thankfully it's never to late to learn. I believe the laws of the universe should be taught to us in high school, and some are. The law of gravity is a universal law, but it doesn't really help us understand ourselves any better. There are seven fundamental laws we should all be taught,
1 - The Law of Mentalism
2 - The Law of Correspondence
3 - The Law of Vibration
4 - The Law of Polarity
5 - The Law of Rhythm
6 - The Law of Cause and Effect
7 - The Law of Gender

and there are many other laws, but they all fall into these main laws. The law of attraction for instance would consist of 1,3 & 6. Basically I feel we should be taught the truth about life.

“Without the way , there is no going; without the truth, there is no knowing; without the life, there is no living.” - Thomas Kempis

I know a lot of you reading this don't really believe it, but this might shock you! Just because you don't believe it, doesn't mean it's not the truth. Can you imagine how different your lives would be if you had been taught the truth right from the beginning? Imagine knowing your true creative power from an early age!

If we don't change, we don't grow. If we don't grow, we are not really living.” - Gail Sheehy

What I am trying to say this week is this. To be really successful at living we need to learn more about how living really works. Become the driver of your life, not the passenger.

Be not afraid of life. Believe that life is worth living and your belief will help create the fact.” - William James

Goals

2009-01-05T09:23:00.003+02:00

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.” - Albert Einstein

It's that time of year again, the start of a new year, the time when we make new years resolutions and tell ourselves that this year is going to be different. How many of us stuck to our new years resolutions last year? If we want this year to be different, we are going to have to do things differently to last year. One thing we are not taught at school is goal setting, and I believe it is something we should be taught from an early age.

“Without goals, and plans to reach them, you are like a ship that has set sail with no destination.” - Fitzhugh Dodson

When we set out on a journey to a place we have never been before, we buy a map or ask someone for directions. Can you imagine how long it would take to reach our destination if we just got in our car and started driving! The same applies to our life, if we don't write down our goals and refer back to them frequently we may never achieve them. And when we follow directions, we constantly look for landmarks along the journey that let us know we are heading in the right direction. The same goes for setting goals, we need to set smaller goals that lead to our bigger goals.

“A goal without a plan is just a wish.” - Larry Elder

“You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.” - C.S. Lewis

I know a lot of people who never set any goals, their reason, destiny. They believe they are born the way they are and their life has already been planned for them. Even I used to believe it, and wouldn't it be nice if it were true, we could just go through life dealing with the day to day drama believing we are where we are because it's God's plan and at the end of our life we can then blame God for everything we didn't like in our life. It was a movie that opened my eyes to the truth, 'Bruce Almighty' starring Jim Carrey and Morgan Freeman. While the movie is a comedy, it emphasizes free will. And I can't believe in free will and destiny, they completely
contradict each other.

“Destiny is no matter of chance. It is a matter of choice: It is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved.” - William Jennings Bryan

“Destiny: A tyrant's authority for crime and a fool's excuse for failure.” - Ambrose Bierce

So if you believe in destiny, I'm sorry, I can't help you, but if you believe you have some control over your life then I'd like to share with you. My first goal for the year is to learn how to set goals effectively, and I'll share what I learn.

I believe we all share one common goal, to be successful at living life, and we can all help each other achieve this goal, by loving each other, encouraging each other, respecting each other and sharing our infinite wisdom.

I leave you this week with a quote to remind you that what happened 5 seconds ago can't be changed!

“It doesn't matter where you are coming from. All that matters is where you are going.” — Brian Tracy

Giving

2008-12-22T10:10:00.002+02:00

“You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.” - Kahlil Gibran

It's that wonderful time of year again, the time for giving. And while it is an extremely joyous time, it still saddens me that there has to be a time for giving. Why can't it be like this all year round? I know we can't afford to buy gifts all year, but we don't have to give material gifts. The most precious gift anyone can receive is the gift of love, and the opposite is also true, the cruelest thing we can do is withhold our love from someone close to us.

“If you have much, give of your wealth; If you have little, give of your heart” - Arabian Proverb

I like to think of us channels. All we need to do is channel God's love, the minute we block it the minute things start going wrong. And there are different types of love, the love we have for our children is different to the love we have for our partner, and the love we have for our friends is different to the love we have for our family, so there is nothing wrong with telling your friend you love them.

“To give without any reward, or any notice, has a special quality of its own.” - Anne Morrow Lindbergh

When I talk about giving, I'm talking about true giving, and true giving means expecting nothing in return. As soon as we give expecting something in return it becomes conditional. I know a lot of people who are offended when they give a gift and the person receiving doesn't even say thank you. So what! Give because you want to give! The same goes for love, if we give love expecting love in return, we aren't really channeling it, we are
expecting it to do a u-turn. And that sounds rather selfish, doesn't it?

“The value of a man resides in what he gives and not in what he is capable of receiving.” - Albert Einstein

This planet really needs more love and care, so for the sake of future generations start giving gifts that cost nothing, give love, tolerance, understanding, kindness, patience, all the things we seem to expect from others. And most importantly, give these gifts to yourself first, only once you can accept them from yourself can you give them to others.

I leave with an obvious, yet forgotten truth.

“Remember that children, marriages, and flower gardens reflect the kind of care they get.” - H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Feeling comfortable

2008-12-15T09:13:00.003+02:00

“A dream is your creative vision for your life in the future. You must break out of your current comfort zone and become comfortable with the unfamiliar and the unknown.” - Denis Waitley

Most of us love to live in our comfort zone, we feel safe and secure there, but as we get older we start having certain regrets. If only I had done this or that. I have recently started doing things I wouldn't usually do. Writing these articles for example. A few years ago I would never have done this, and it was not an easy decision to make. I thought people would think I was becoming one of 'those' people. I feared I would lose all my friends. Thankfully that hasn't happened, although our relationships have definitely changed. I even had some friends tell me that 'I've changed too fast.' Too fast for who? True friends will stick by you no matter what, and those are the ones I want in my life.

“Move out of your comfort zone. You can only grow if you are willing to feel awkward and uncomfortable when you try something new.” - Brian Tracy

I have purposefully moved out of my comfort zone twice this year. The first time I went to a bachelor party with a difference. It involved go-kart racing, and there were few people I knew. As the day approached, the usual thing happened, the voice inside my head, (commonly known as reason?), started coming up with all sorts of reasons why I shouldn't go. In the past I would've just let it continue, and it would've eventually come up with a good enough reason which would've been acceptable and I would've cancelled. Luckily through all my reading I've been made aware of my ego, and when it happened I just smiled and ignored my 'voice of reason'. And I'm so glad I did, I really enjoyed the new experience and hopefully will get to do it again.

The second time was on Saturday. I receive emails about events happening on a weekly basis and one has always caught my attention, 'The Coffee Club', and my voice of reason has always made an excuse not to go. But this particular topic, 'Experiencing Life Creatively by Joy Truscott', is what I write about all the time, so I just had to go. My wife agreed to come with me, so having her support made it a bit easier. But something unexpected came up and she couldn't make it. In the past that would've been enough for me to cancel, but I didn't, and it was one of the best decisions I have ever made. It's amazing how much you can learn in a short space of time, and not only that, it really helps when you hear other people talking about what you believe in. I look forward to the next 'Coffee Club'.

“The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.” - Martin Luther King, Jr.

Next time you are invited to do something that is out of your comfort zone, be aware of your 'voice of reason' and try to recognize it for what it really is, your ego. You never know, you might be missing out on the chance of a lifetime, but of course you will never know if you keep on listening.

“To the degree we're not living our dreams, our comfort zone has more control of us than we have over ourselves.” - Peter McWilliams

Have an awesome week and keep creating your life. I leave you with a quote which really put a smile on my face....Moooo :)

“To make a goal of comfort or happiness has never appealed to me; a system of ethics built on this basis would be sufficient only for a herd of cattle” - Albert Einstein

Attitude

2008-12-08T09:47:00.004+02:00

“Our attitude toward life determines life's attitude towards us.” - John N. Mitchell

If you had told me this ten years ago I would've thought you were nuts, fortunately I have opened my mind a lot more and started learning more about life. Back then I had a very negative attitude, some of my friends would even say to me, 'Stop being so negative.' My reply would be, 'I'm not being negative, just realistic.' What a load of rubbish. So many of us have this victim mentality, we believe we have no control, or limited control over our life. We get out of bed every morning and believe we just have to deal with whatever life throws at us every day. Well guess what, if that's what we believe, then that's what is going to happen. If we want it to change we need to change our attitude.

I had such a bad attitude that I refused to expect good things to happen to me. My philosophy was, 'Don't expect good things to happen and you won't be disappointed'. And that's exactly what happened, fortunately nothing really bad happened, but I often wonder how different things would be if my attitude had been different. I can't change the past so I am just truly grateful that I have been introduced to the truth.

“Having a positive mental attitude is asking how something can be done rather than saying it can't be done.” - Bo Bennett

Changing an attitude is like changing any habit. It's difficult at first, but as you get used to it, it becomes easier. It also helps to have the right support group. If you want to develop a positive attitude, but continue to socialise with negative people then everything becomes that much tougher. Another hurdle is what I call the 'waiting game'. A lot of us are waiting for something to happen, then we'll change. Fortunately it doesn't work that way, we need to change our attitude first.

“Happiness is an attitude. We either make ourselves miserable, or happy and strong. The amount of work is the same.” - Francesca Reigler

Life is all about choices, and choosing eventually becomes an attitude. When someone does something that annoys me, in the traffic for example, I choose the way I react to it. I can choose to let it upset me or I can choose to let it go. Some of you might say, 'I just can't help it.' That's like saying, 'Someone else controls me.' They usually send people like that for observation. Take control of your life, start by developing a healthy attitude.

“You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you.” - Brian Tracy

“Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude.” - Thomas Jefferson

Writing this article reminded me of an article I read a while back, 'Be Here Now' by Terry Winchester. Click here to read the article, and be honest with yourself while reading it....

Good News vs Bad News

2008-12-01T09:02:00.003+02:00

“Nothing travels faster than light, with the possible exception of bad news, which follows its own rules” - Douglas Adams

The world we live in today thrives on bad news and I think I have finally figured out why. If you disagree with my opinion on this, I would love to see your opinion, nothing would make me happier than to be wrong about this one.

We like to read about other peoples misfortune, because it makes our life seem so much better. The same goes for gossip. We love to talk about other peoples misfortune for the same reason, we even say bad things about other people because it makes us feel better about ourselves. Let me use an example to illustrate my point. I often hear other people talking about how much weight someone has put on, and I wonder, are they saying this because they are concerned about the other person, or because it makes them feel better about their own
physical appearance? Sadly it's usually it's the latter.

Unfortunately very few of us are even aware of this problem, we are bombarded with bad news on a daily basis, the media industry thrives on it. So we get sucked in and just go with the flow.

“The news media are, for the most part, the bringers of bad news... and it's not entirely the media's fault, bad news gets higher ratings and sells more papers than good news.” - Peter McWilliam

“For most folks, no news is good news; for the press, good news is not news.” - Gloria Borger

Personally I don't buy the newspaper any more, and when I do pick up a newspaper I usually go straight to the sports section or I just skim through the headlines until I find something of interest. Some people say I am being naive, I should be informed of what is happening around me. How is being informed going to make my life any better? I don't know how many people are aware of energy, it's all around us and in us. The more we talk about something, the more energy is given to it. The more we talk about crime the worse it gets, the more we talk about the current financial situation, the worse it gets. If we all started talking about the situation being better, it would eventually start being better. Of course it would take years to undo what's been done, but at least it would be a start.

Thankfully I have found a website with a difference, South Africa - The Good News, click here to check it out.

My wife sometimes says I'm too positive for my own good, and sometimes she's right, but being positive puts a smile on my face and that's all that really matters. I must say though, it gets very lonely being one of the only positive people I know. So here's a message to all you positive people out there, you are not alone, and don't let the negativity on this planet get to you. You are needed more than you think.

Smile, it's infectious!

What's important?

2008-11-23T20:19:00.002+02:00

“Infinitely more important than sharing one's material wealth is sharing the wealth of ourselves -- our time and energy, our passion and commitment, and, above all, our love.”
- William E. Simon

We spend most of our time working so that can afford to live a certain lifestyle that we forget why we are actually on this planet. Do you think we were created to work 8-12 hours a day until the age of 65 and then try and enjoy life when we are actually too old to enjoy it to it's fullest? My logical mind tells me there is something wrong with our current perception of life. I have come to the realization that relationships with friends and family are far more important than material possessions. Think about it, when we leave this planet to wherever it is we go, what do people remember most? What we owned or the type of person we were? What do we remember most about people close to us who have passed on? What they owned or the relationship we had with them?

“That which you create in beauty and goodness and truth lives on for all time to come. Don't spend your life accumulating material objects that will only turn to dust and ashes.”
- Denis Waitley

The reason I have changed my outlook on life is that I am going to be a parent in a few months, and I remember my own childhood. My father wasn't around as often as he should have been, he was too busy working to give us a certain lifestyle. But did you know that children need something far more precious than material things in their developing years. They need the most precious thing of all, our time. When we give our children a new toy, how long does it keep them happy for? Depends on the toy, but give a child your time and attention and they will cherish it forever. Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with wanting the best for your family, but if it means sacrificing quality time with them you need to take a long hard look at the situation. And sometimes we think we know what is best but we don't take the time to discuss it with those close to us.

“Children will not remember you for the material things you provided but for the feeling that you cherished them.”
- Richard L. Evans

I have just started reading a new book and in it I read something profoundly true, 'We do not become good by trying to be good, but by finding the goodness that is already within us, and allowing that goodness to emerge.' The same thing applies to happiness, 'We do not become happy by trying to be happy, but by finding the happiness that is already within us, and allowing that happiness to emerge.' The buying or accumulating of material things will only make us temporarily happy, until we need our next fix.

“Any so-called material thing that you want is merely a symbol: you want it not for itself, but because it will content your spirit for the moment.”
- Mark Twain

Sometimes we even treasure our material possessions more than we do our relationships. How often has it happened that a friendship has been ruined because of something as silly as a broken possession? And did you know that by nature we are hoarders, we keep things packed away in our cupboards for one day when we might need it, and usually that day never comes. My wife and I try and do a clean out every 6 months, and we battle to let go of some of our possessions, even though we haven't used them for quite some time. And with Christmas around the corner, now is a really good time to do a clean out and give some of your unused items to someone who actually needs it and will have a use for it.

Our material possessions do not define who we are, so I urge everyone to make more time for each other and more time for yourself, I know I'm going to.

“Increase of material comforts, it may be generally laid down, does not in any way whatsoever conduce to moral growth.”
- Mahatma Gandhi

“Material possessions, winning scores, and great reputations are meaningless in the eyes of the Lord, because He knows what we really are and that is all that matters.”
- John Wooden

Dreams

2008-11-17T08:50:00.002+02:00

“You see things; and you say, 'Why?' But I dream things that never were; and I say, 'Why not?'”
- George Bernard Shaw

As children we all dreamt of becoming something, yet how many of us have lived out those dreams? As we grow up all sorts of outside influences affect our dreams. We are told it's a silly dream, we'll never make a living doing it or no-one in our family has ever done that. I even know some people who can't remember what they dreamt of being as a child, that's how badly they have been influenced.

I use myself as an example. Growing up I wanted to be a game ranger, but when the time came to make that final decision of what path to follow, the advice given to me was that there's no money in being a game ranger. Back then there wasn't, now there is. But it's not about the money, it's about doing what makes you happy. So I followed my second choice, engineering. I really enjoy what I do, but it's not my passion. My passion these days is doing this, sharing my knowledge about how I believe life was originally meant to be. About how to regain the power we were all given at birth.

“Really great people make you feel that you, too, can become great.”
- Mark Twain

As parents we have a huge responsibility, we have to guide another human being through life, and the best way to do it is to encourage them. Encourage our children to be all that they can be, not what we think they should be. One of the saddest things I have seen is a parent trying to make their child live out the dreams the parent never fore filled, regardless of the child's dreams. And as human beings the best thing we can do is to encourage our family and friends to follow their dreams. I have received many encouraging words about the articles I write, sadly, not from family or close friends, but the encouragement inspires me to carry on.

“You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.”
- C.S. Lewis

Just because you haven't followed your dream, doesn't mean it's too late. You have the choice to follow your dream part time, make it into a hobby, you never know where it will lead to. So I encourage every one of you to find your passion in life and start taking small steps towards achieving your dream. The first thing you can do is start writing. Write down your dream, and then the steps you believe you need to take to get there. Secondly, find someone you can talk to about your dream, and try to find a positive person, because a negative person will just tell you it can't be done.

“You block your dream when you allow your fear to grow bigger than your faith.”- Mary Manin Morrissey

And thirdly, believe in yourself, you have no idea how much power you have at your command.

Acceptance & change

2008-11-10T08:13:00.002+02:00

“Life can either be accepted or changed. If it is not accepted, it must be changed. If it cannot be changed, then it must be accepted.” - Unknown

This is a very difficult concept to grasp, even for me, but thankfully I am finally coming to grips with it. Most of us spend so much time and effort trying to change the things we can't, and when we finally realize how futile it is we're too old to appreciate life to it's fullest.

And what it the one thing we try to change the most? Other people.

I was at a lovely wedding this weekend, and the sermon and speeches all had the same message, acceptance. I believe our divorce rate would be far lower if we all understood this simple concept. If we can't accept the way our partner is before we get married, don't get married. If we go into our marriage thinking we can change something about our partner, we will spend most of our time being miserable. The more we try and change someone, the more they will dig their heels in and resist. Acceptance is the key. If we accept our partner, friends, family, colleagues, etc the way they are, they will be far more open to suggestion.

“Consider how hard it is to change yourself and you'll understand what little chance you have in trying to change others.” - Unknown

Most people go to see psychiatrists hoping to be fixed or have their problems sorted out. Many stop going because it doesn't happen. A psychiatrist can't change you, they can only give you guidance on how to deal with certain situations, change has to come from within.

The bottom line is this. We have no right to change someone else, who are we to think we know what is best for someone else? All we can do is offer guidance. And another thing, people change far easier when they feel safe and secure, so if you feel you can offer guidance to someone, make sure it is in a safe and secure environment.

I wish people would spend half the time and effort they spend on others, on themselves.

“If you don't create change, change will create you.” - Unknown

And one last thing. Never expect something from someone else if you aren't willing to do the same thing yourself.

Below is one of my favorite quotes, and if you really think about it, adopting this attitude can change your life immensely.

"When you change the way you look at things... the things you look at change" - Dr Wayne W. Dyer

Have an awesome week.

Decisions - Part 2

2008-11-02T20:01:00.001+02:00

“More than anything else, I believe it's our decisions, not the conditions of our lives, that determine our destiny.” - Anthony Robbins

Two weeks ago I wrote about the importance of making decisions when in the right emotional frame of mind. I can't stress how important this is. Most wrong decisions are made when our emotions are not in sync with our mind. So how do we get into the right frame of mind? A while back I wrote an article on climbing the emotional scale, read it here.

There is also another very important component to decision making, and it is known by many names; 6th sense, hunch, inner voice, gut feel, etc. For the purpose of this article I'm going to call it 'spirit'. How often have we made decisions because something just didn't feel right? Not often enough I believe. That's because most of us have lost touch with our spirit. There is so much noise in our lives at the moment that when our spirit speaks to us we aren't able to hear it.

Last weekend I went for a walk down to the beach and came to a fork in the road. There were no signs indicating which way led where, so how did I decide which one to take? Fortunately the only noise around was the sound of the ocean and the thoughts in my head. So I stilled my mind as best I could, (it is not an easy thing to do, just try it), and took the left fork. Was it the right decision? Well it was for me. Fortunately I had enough time to go back and check where the right fork went, and although it also led to the beach, where it ended up was not nearly as much fun as the left fork.

What point am I trying to make here? I had to make a decision with very little information available to me, both paths led down, so I had to trust my spirit to guide me. Some of you may say I was just lucky, maybe so, but We do make our own luck!

“Make decisions from the heart and use your head to make it work out.” - Sir Girad

What is all this noise that I am talking about? Well it's things that can influence our decision making. Television, radio, magazines, books, people, the list goes on, and too often we make decisions that are influenced by this noise and it ends up being the wrong decision. And then we try to blame this noise, but we are the ones who made the decision, aren't we?

"It's not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are." - Roy Disney

So when making decisions, be very aware of your emotions, and make the decision from a place of peace. Meditate, pray, go for a walk or workout, whatever it takes to get away from the noise. Your ability to make the right decisions will increase immensely.

"Decisions become easier when your will to please God outweighs your will to please the world." - Anso Coetzer

Try and make one decision from a place of peace. I have decided to be grateful for every day! (because I believe every day is a gift from God.)

Have an awesome week.

Expressing gratitude

2008-10-27T08:24:00.010+02:00

“Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.”
- William Arthur Ward

I don't know how many of you remember me mentioning that I had won a weekend away for myself and my wife? Well, this past weekend was that weekend. And in this weeks article, I just want to express my gratitude. Firstly, thanks to God for blessing us with such an awesome prize and secondly to Misty Mountain Reserve for treating us so well. They really have a stunning place and extremely friendly and helpful staff, if you need a relaxing weekend I highly recommend looking them up. Click here to view their website.

Below are a few photo's of the weekend;

Above - the view from our deck.
Below - my lovely wife in front of our chalet.

Above - my lovely wife relaxing at the pool.
Below - the view from a walk I went on.

Above - sunset from our deck.

I now have one more thing to be incredibly grateful for, we just went for our 20 week scan and Baby Thomas is perfectly healthy. So thanks again to God for entrusting us with a new life, and thanks to my wife for looking after Baby Thomas so well.

Did you know, the more you are grateful for, the more you will receive? It's a law, that if used wisely, will bring happiness and abundance into your life. So what have you got to lose, start being grateful and watch your life change.

Next week I'll continue with more on decisions.

Have an awesome week.

“Gratitude helps you to grow and expand; gratitude brings joy and laughter into your life and into the lives of all those around you.”
- Eileen Caddy