An average mom with 3 not so average kids

Hello

2014-03-27T06:33:00.000+08:00

It's been a while since I last wrote. Almost 2 years ago in fact. So many things has changed and happened since then. From a mother of 2 I unexpectedly became a mother of 3. Who would have thought, not me definitely. Life's been really different being a mother of 3, especially for a stay at home mom with no help like myself. Today, yesterday was a pretty bad day for me. I have been having bad days quite often actually. Before having 3 kids I used to cook passionately and take photos of my food as a way of releasing my stress and of course have my own thing apart from being a mom and a wife. Today I no longer have the luxury. Everyday I feel as if I'm walking into a casino, not knowing how the day will turn out. Will I be lucky and hit the jackpot or will I lose everything. Not saying I hate my life but sometimes there's so much you can take. I miss writing, I miss cooking, I miss taking photos with the camera. Day in day out it's all about chores and kids, and till today it still puzzles me the amount of laundry I need to do everyday and the pile of clean clothes never gets folded and put back into the cupboard. Sometimes I even wondered why bother, it will still end up back in the pile anyway. Every morning I wake up thinking ok today will be different, I'll be productive, I'll finally clear away the clutter, I'll straighten out the backroom so that I can have my own personal space again, I'll get rid of the pile of clothes, I'll get organized. Then everything just falls apart. I sat on the mat with my baby, head in my hands sobbing away.

Everyone tells me it's just a phase, it will get better when the kids gets older. I'm just afraid I won't be strong enough to wait till the day to come. But till then I just have to cross my fingers and pray I have the strength to face the day, a day at a time.

And by the way here's the new addition to my brood. Not the best way I want to introduce my baby boy to the world but it's 6.30 in the morning and he's up. I've just lost my train of thoughts to write down.

Happy Mid Autumn Festival!

2012-09-30T01:34:00.001+08:00

This year I didn’t have the time to make mooncakes like I always do so no pictures of homemade mooncakes. The actual day is tomorrow but we celebrated it today out of convenience for everyone. The kids loves playing with lanterns although wish hubby celebrated with us but poor guy was busy with work for the past few days, today included.

Anyway would like to wish everyone a Happy Mid Autumn Festival!

In love with….

2012-06-28T23:24:00.001+08:00

…Daiso! For coming up with so many clever (and useful) inventions at such affordable prices! I’ve gone gaga over Daiso, 100 Yen shops the likes ever since I first stepped into one a couple years ago. Lots of useful household items for just RM5! How not to love them?

Another thing about me is that I love love earrings, especially those dangling ones and I’ve been searching high and low for a holder that can ~~display~~ hold all my earrings. I didn’t want to get those mini mannequin with holders branching out stands because aside from being so expensive, it can’t possibly hold all my earrings until I thought I was clever enough to figure this.

Using a corkboard with tacks to hold the earrings, it was handy in the beginning until it gets slightly tedious having to pin the earrings to the board and frankly it looks kinda messy.

So one day while strolling inside Daiso, I found some wire mesh! So here’s my new earrings holder/stand!

Busy.busy.busy

2012-05-31T20:21:00.001+08:00

Just a quick post trying out a nifty apps (I hope!) from my ipad. Yes despite saying no to tablets and whatnots we have 2 at home now. Oh well, at least it keeps me entertained while i keep watch over my youngest.

Update:
Not too bad! I can now blog from my ipad! Blogging on the go the next time!

So much has happened since the last post. I've missed out sharing so many updates! And could you believe that my chubby whabby is going to start solids soon? Gosh time flies faster when you have a house and 2 kids to look after.

♥Happy Mother’s Day!♥

2012-05-13T08:25:00.001+08:00

Here I am sitting in front of my laptop, blogging after a long hiatus on a day where mothers every where is being honored for their endless contribution of care and love to their family and some may say to the society, with my eldest sleeping over at my in-laws place and my youngest cooing away after being fed. No flowers, no cards as Ashley’s school was closed for a week due to a few cases of HFMD this year for me but surprisingly I don’t feel sad because I actually forgotten that it’s Mother’s day this weekend if it weren’t for Facebook!

To be honest, everyday feels like a Mother’s day to me. My girls telling me how much they love me by showering me with hugs, sloppy wet kisses (from Jocelyn!) and that I get to be there with them during their growing up years is far better than flowers or cards.

Jocelyn’s bored with her toys so my post shall be short, I can always save it as a draft but it’d never get posted!

Dear God, you have truly blessed me! You entrusted me with the lives of two unbelievably beautiful human beings. Thank you for giving me the joy of being their mother. I may not have been the best. But you know I have tried <3<3<3

To all the mommies, have a great day today! You deserves it.

*Edit*

They got me a card after all!

She flips over!

2012-03-29T23:03:00.001+08:00

Jocelyn at 4 months, 3 weeks old flipped over today and I was lucky to capture it on my phone!

One word

2012-03-02T16:08:00.001+08:00

.Contented.

Twenty 9

2012-02-24T21:35:00.001+08:00

Last Saturday I turned 29 years old and it was just like any other day in my life as a stay at home mom. Woke up to my 3 month old adorable girl smiling at me, hubby gave me a sleepy birthday kiss before I start my day with a quick breakfast and then chores. Where’s Ashley you ask? Well she’s staying over at my in laws place the night before so was bummed out I don’t get a birthday greeting from her but she make it up by giving me a lovely birthday drawing. Had dinner with my in laws at The Han Room

Can’t believe next year it’s going to be the big 3-0, it feels like only yesterday I celebrated my 21st birthday with my housemates, the first year I stayed on my own away from my parents. The year supposedly marks my independence, having the best time of the life. Imagining that at 29 I would have a place of my own, a great career with a wonderful man and travelling around the world. Well the reality isn’t too far out from my dream life although it’s totally not what I expected it to be. I have a home with a wonderful man, a career as a stay at home mom to two wonderful girls. Now if only I got the travelling part right

1 and 3 months old

2012-02-16T10:14:00.000+08:00

Can’t believe it’s been a month since we moved into our new home and well we are still unpacking. It’s crazy looking at the amount of things we’ve accumulated over the years living with my in laws, never thought I’m such a hoarder!kekeke and it’s taking me longer than I’ve planned as I never expected my little Jojo to be such a handful. But we just got to take things one day at a time even though it can be so overwhelming looking at the unpacked boxes lying around, or the dirty plates in the sink or the laundry waiting to be done or how disorganized my kitchen is. Well you get the picture. But despite all that nothing beats having your own place, nothing I tell ya especially when you’ve waiting for years for the day to come. Here’s a picture of my kitchen in its less messy state, the rest of the house is not picture ready. LOL!

And coincidently, my youngest turned 3 months old. What? 3 months old? Geez I wish time would just slow down, it feels like only yesterday I came back from the hospital with my newborn and now she’s already 3 months old.

{My little bunny girl at 2 months, 4 weeks old}

Her milestones thus far at 3 months old

- able to lift and hold her head very well when she’s on her tummy

- loves to smile especially when the mummy calls her or even when she sees mummy

- definitely a chatty girl

- can grasp objects especially her clothes very well

- sleeps through the night!! first started at 8, then 7 and now she goes to bed at 6.30 in the evening, waking up once at midnight for her last feed till the next morning.

- tried once to flip over

- loves to sit up rather than lie down , think it’s time to bring out the Bumbo seat

- doesn’t like to be left alone, prefers human contact at all times (bad for the mama who has tons of chores to attend to)

Really, time should slow down otherwise I can’t keep up with my two girls!

Aren’t they cute?

2012-02-06T08:20:00.001+08:00

{Middle picture : Dryper’s previous design}

Drypers has come out with a new designs for their disposable diapers/nappies and they are simply too cute! With fun and colorful wordings like I love mummy and I love daddy plus eye catching pictures, you can bet it’s going to be a fashion trend pretty soon

Sweet child of mine

2012-02-01T10:20:00.001+08:00

Tummy time again

2012-02-01T09:38:00.001+08:00

Jocelyn at 2 months, 4 weeks old getting better with tummy time

Super Quick Update

2012-01-30T23:38:00.001+08:00

Tomorrow night would be our third week staying at our new place. Still in the midst of unpacking and settling down hence explains why I haven’t been blogging much lately because on top of all the house moving activity Jocelyn keeps me occupied all the time. We had a hard time trying to get her to take naps during the day until finally we realized she sleeps better (and longer!) on her tummy two days ago. Before this she would wake up after 5 minutes of snooze time and I have to spend the next 30 minutes trying to get her back to sleep with her wailing and fussing. So hopefully it stays that way , I mean her sleeping better on her tummy otherwise it’s going to be really tough for me trying to juggle everything.

And talking about my little girl, boy is she getting bigger! She’s turning 3 months old in a weeks time and she is weighing at a healthy 6.5 kilograms. Well probably by now she’s put on a few more grams since her paed appointment a week ago. Things are much more interesting with her getting better in interacting with us. She would cooed back at us each time we talk to her and she’s such a cheerful little thing. Here are a few pictures of her at 2 months old.

It’s That Time of The Year Again..

2012-01-01T09:26:00.001+08:00

Whoa!!Can’t believe we are almost 10 hours into 2012 already! Didn’t catch the fireworks countdown with hubs and Ashley this year like we always do as Jocelyn’s still too young to be out at such late hours. But both Jocelyn and I had our own countdown at home while the other two was out, she stayed up with me till the clock struck midnight, I gave her smooches and she smiled happily before having her feed and dozing off into slumberland. Such a nice way to end 2011 and step into 2012!

As I read my post at the start of 2011, I’m slightly disappointed that we didn’t get to achieve the most important goal which is to move in to our own place this year. Well honestly when it comes to house renovation there’s so much we can do and most of it are just beyond of our control. And also plus the fact that our contractor isn’t exactly the best man for the job. Poor hubby has been running around handling most of the house stuffs on his own while I was busy with my very own project. But I’m just glad and relieved that things are over and we finally get to move in 2 weeks time! Keeping fingers and toes crossed things would go as planned.

Gosh! am having a tough time trying to recall 2011. Is it really then that the year has passed by in a blur? Well 2011 wasn’t filled with lots of eventful highlights compared to 2010 as I took a break from my job (miss that place heaps!)to focus on the pregnancy, but 2011 was nice nevertheless despite minor hiccups. Ashley started attending kindergarten and I must say I’m so proud of her. She’s really independent for someone her age and although she’s not exactly book smart – she’s lazy when it comes to writing – I’m just very happy she excels in other areas like public speaking – she went up on stage and recite a couple of lines!( I should really find time to sit down and showcase her pictures and videos of 2011). She still needs some work done on her tantrums though, sigh can’t help it when she’s the only child in the family but hoping things would change once we moved out cos then she’s got to learn to help around the house.

Things are a little slow on my other blog, hardly had the time to update it BUT my little business has been thriving thanks to the support of friends and family. Received a few orders for brownies and I even tried my hands on decorated cakes. Shamelessly proud to say my decorating skill is getting better with each order! So hopefully with a new built in oven and my own cooking plus baking area I can finally have a proper home based business.

And how can I possibly leave out the most important event of 2011 – our second girl! Jocelyn Erin. I can’t thank the stars in heavens and Kuan Yin Ma enough for blessing us with another child. It was such a pleasant surprise when I saw the two lines and life has never been the same again since then. Having a baby when you have a 4 year old is very challenging but it’s a challenge I happily took on.

Looking back, sure 2011 wasn’t filled with lots of happenings as I wish it had but it’s still an amazing year nonetheless. Met new people, being pregnant for the second time, having my own business and all this while being surrounded by supportive husband and loving family. Yeap it’s been truly an amazing year and my wishes for 2012? Well for starters moi, a hot body! LOL ok ok in a better context a healthier and fitter me so that I can keep up with my two girls and lots business opportunities. For my hubby – to have a great career (so that I can continue being a stay at home mom. heheh). For my family and friends to stay healthy and be surrounded by loved ones throughout the year. I foresee it’s going to be a challenging 2012 but I’d say bring it on!

Cooing away

2011-12-30T17:16:00.001+08:00

Guess I have another mini chatterbox in the house, after Ashley hehehe

Playtime with Miss Daisy

2011-12-21T21:14:00.001+08:00

Lately little Jocelyn spends most part of the day awake hence I have to do things with great haste because she doesn’t like to be left alone (read; she wants to be carried all the time!). Luckily this little dolly keeps her occupied while I take my showers or do a quick cleaning up of the room. She’s just fascinated by the bright colors and sounds the dolly makes when shaken. And Miss Daisy used to belong to Ashley, looks brand new eh. Although it’s good for 5 minutes or on lucky days I'd get 10 minutes but better having her fuss the moment I put her down.

And here’s the video of her playing with Miss Daisy

Pictures of her taken at 6 weeks old.

It’s tummy time!

2011-12-16T08:12:00.001+08:00

{Lil Jocelyn, 4 weeks 6 days old ‘talking’ her sister}

Tummy time helps with both fine and gross motor development so we did some tummy time session when she’s 4 weeks old. At first, she wasn’t moving much still oblivious that she’s now on her tummy instead of on her back, after a few minutes just lying on her tummy we decided to wait for a few days before trying again. Although I did managed to capture her cooing and even smiling! We were supposed to do it after a few days apart but as always got caught up with other daily activities that we only get to have another session when she’s 5 weeks old. And this time she managed to lift her head and even tried to turn to the other side! Bravo my little Jocelyn!!

*****************************************

How she’s doing so far at 5 weeks old

Motor Development

Opens and shuts her hands.
Raises her head and chest while lying on her stomach
Stretches her legs out and kicks when lying on stomach or back.
Mouths objects brought to her face.
Pushes down on legs when feet are placed on a firm surface.

Visual Development

Watches faces intently.
Turns head toward direction of sound.
Follows moving objects with her eyes.

Language Development

Grunts, gurgle.
Begin to babble.

Social/Emotional Development

Smiles! Grins!

Cognitive Development

Stares at her hands and fingers.
Has accustomed to regular eating and sleeping patterns.

Coos, grunts, gurgles oh my

2011-12-08T23:39:00.004+08:00

My little Jocelyn turns one month today and I’ve been relishing every single moment with her. Although I could do with some extra snooze time, yeap you heard it right. This mama who used to stay up for more than 48 hours without sleep preparing for her little girl’s birthday party actually wished for some extra hours ok minutes! to sleep. Jocelyn’s sweet and I can pretty much catch her cues – sleep, feed, diaper change – but hey when you have a preschooler at the same time it can be quite overwhelming. Especially when she hit her growth spurt at 3 weeks old. Boy didn’t they say the stomach of a newborn is just the size of a marble? How is it possible for a little person wanting to nurse every hour? Next it’s the fussing, baby girl I know you’re still adjusting to the new life outside of the womb and mommy’s doing the best to help you to adapt to this new life with us but each time you give me this faint cheeky smile and stopped fussing the moment I carried you, just make me wanna spank your cute little bum bum for being cheeky then kiss that chubby cheeks of yours because you are so adorable!

I absolutely love the grunting sounds she makes when she sleeps, yes this angel of mine grunts. And she wriggles so much just like how she was inside of my womb. As I’m writing this she’s wriggling in her sleep and managed to wriggle from point A to point B in her crib. Even at month old, she has some personality she’s mighty feisty if I say so myself, if she wants something (usually milk) she wants it right away. No way she’s going to wait for me to take my own sweet time in getting ready for her to nurse and she’s strong! Even hubby said so whenever she kicks. Oh did I also mention she loves bathtime? She’d stopped crying the moment I put her in the bath and you can just see she enjoys being in the water, floating and smiling away.

So far she’s been hitting her milestones like vocalizing (making sounds like ohhh, ahhh), responding to familiar voices and sounds, look intently at our faces when we put ours near to hers, and I believe I caught her chuckling once or twice. And today we went for her monthly check up and immunisation/vaccination. As always took her weight and measured her height and so far she’s been on track. She’s gained 1.5 kg and shot up almost 10cm more than her birth height. She cried longer and ahem louder than her sister.

Overall she’s healthy, happy and well fed and that makes me a happy mama

5 in the morning

2011-12-04T07:42:00.002+08:00

You woke me up and I thought it’s time for your feed. Fumbling sleepily I tried to nurse you but you kept fussing around, figuring it could be your diaper I changed you. True enough you gave me the biggest grin once I put on a fresh clean diaper for you. Scooped you up in my arms and immediately you fell back to sleep with a smile on your cherub face, you looked so angelic.

As I looked at my soon to be a month’s old baby girl, I count my blessings for being able to go through this journey again. Sure it started off rocky then I have to deal with the leaky breasts that resembles a broken tap, waking up in the wee hours, trying to understand why is she fussing about and decoding what the cries meant. You would think I have it covered since I already went through this before with Ashley but it’s never the same. It’s a brand new learning experience. Someone in a forum said this “You can never graduate with a masters in motherhood, you go to class everyday.” How true.

When I first started breastfeeding, I went in unprepared thinking it’s something that will come naturally but I was quickly reminded nothing in life is easy. Having to deal with sore nipples, horrible engorgement, leaky breasts(why they have to leak!) and being frustrated with bad latching on, it’s a wonder I held on for 6 months. But I must admit, as the weeks roll by I was looking forward to Ashley turning to the legal age of being fed formula. I can finally get someone else to make the milk while I rest. But really I do blame it on myself for being kept busy with the wedding and putting less emphasize on parenting. Well that’s the price I got to pay for being a mother such a young age and not having the support that I have right now.

Having said that, I do miss the bonding time with Ashley while breastfeeding.. It’s really beautiful watching your child suckle and be so at ease, so trusting lying on your bosom. And then ~~drunkard~~ contented look afterwards, It’s something that you can never replicate with bottles hence this time around I’m determined to persevere to at least a year. And crossing my fingers I would never have to use the bottles.

Ah, my little girl is stirring up from her sleep and this time I think it’s really time for her feed

2 weeks old

2011-11-23T21:57:00.002+08:00

Our sweet little girl turned 2 weeks old yesterday and so far all of us are coping well with the new addition in our lives. I still can’t believe I’m doing this all over again – waking up every 3 hours or so at night for her feed and diaper change, caring after a newborn, trying to understand her cries and at the same time looking after a preschooler. It was overwhelming and to a point exhausting especially during the first few days after I got back from the hospital since I was recuperating from caesarean. Luckily I can still manage despite having a vertical surgery wound instead of the norm, horizontal.

Ashley so far hasn’t shown any jealousy towards her little sister, if anything she’s one sweet, loving sister always kissing Jocelyn, holding her little hands. Just that it’s not easy for her to understand that when mommy’s busy attending to her little sister’s needs, I can’t play with her and sometimes she’ll throw a fuss about it. But I’m trying to spend time with her while Jocelyn naps. I hope to establish some kind of routine with the eldest once baby’s much older and of course once we move to our own place.

As for Jocelyn, a week after her birth she actually gained weight! From 3.74kg at birth she put on a good 500gram within the first week! Even her paediatrician was mildly surprised when the weighing scale showed 4.2kg because usually babies will lose weight after being born before gaining weight. Guess she’s really absorbing the nutrients in my breastmilk eh?

And for the mommy well I’m back to my pre pregnancy self although it’s nothing to shout about because I was overweight before I got pregnant but I’m hopeful that I’d be able to lose weight with breastfeeding. And after the visit to my gynae the other day, he said my wound has healed well and I’m allowed to go about with my daily activities but advised to go easy on exercises involving the abdominal. Right now I’m just counting down the days when I’m finally allowed to go out and run errands (and eat anything but sesame oil and ginger)

The arrival of our second princess

2011-11-18T16:32:00.001+08:00

It’s been more than a week now since I last wrote and so much has changed since. It’s scary how fast time flies huh. And yes I’ve given birth to a healthy baby girl and loving every single moment with her. The whole birthing even though not my ideal birth experience, went well despite all the negativity surrounding caesarean deliveries.

So anyway after signing off the pc, I went back for a quick nap and woke up just in time to make pancakes for my little girl. I got teary eyed thinking after this I would spending less time with my firstborn and wasn’t looking forward to the days I would be spending at the hospital without her. We sent her to school and told her when she comes over the hospital after school, her meimei would be out to greet her. With a heavy heart I bid her goodbye while at the same time it beats super fast en route to the hospital.

Reached the hospital just slightly after 9 and checked into the admission office to finalize the necessary paperwork. After everything’s been sorted out we were escorted to my room for the next few days. To be honest, the hospital really need some upgrading works done as the facilities isn’t top notch anymore. So anyway once I was in the room, the nurses came and prep me for the surgery (shaving, enema and all) I was getting very nervous as they got down all my details, and kept asking me what’s the horoscope for the baby. Eh? It seems most couples who choose elective caesarean deliveries would have their preferred time of birth. Me? I just told them anytime between 11 and 3 is fine by me. So I waited, and waited, and wished I could eat something and almost snatched the piece of bread off hubby’s hand. Everytime I hear the sounds of wheels coming closer, I sat up on my bed and told my husband this is it, it’s finally happening! But it wasn’t. Close to 11, a female doctor whom I thought was the nurse came in and brief me on epidural, turns out she was , well supposed to be my anaesthetist. And the waiting continues.

Finally at noon, the OP nurses came and said it’s time. Hubby would have to wait in the lounge outside of the OP while they prepare me for the surgery. To be honest I felt really miserable when they wheeled me into the OP leaving my hubby outside. And suddenly this male doctor stood next to me and told me the female anaesthetist had to go elsewhere due to some reason. I wasn’t pleased and didn’t really digest what he was telling me, all those medical jargons. Plus he wasn’t smiling.

12.15pm , they got me onto the surgery table, asked me to loosen my hospital gown while he administer the epidural and all this was going on with hitz.fm blaring in the background. Pitbull’s Rain on Me was playing while I was thinking ‘ they are going to cut me open soon’ .

The procedure wasn’t that painful but I cried, I just couldn’t help it. It was really overwhelming sitting on the table watching the nurses bustling around preparing the tools for my surgery and the delivery of my little girl while epidural was administered into my spinal. My anaesthetist kept asking if it’s the pain while a nurse came and held me close trying to console me. I told him no it’s not the pain, just felt very overwhelmed. Another nurse passed me a gauze for my tears. I felt so vulnerable. As they laid me down, hubby came in and he asked me if I’m alright. I kept telling him I can still feel my legs but it was tingling. Then the shaking came, my teeth was chattering but I didn’t feel cold. I was warned about this but didn’t expect it to be that bad. Even hubby got scared at the sight of me shaking like that. Oxygen mask had to be put on me because I was having difficulty breathing, not sure if its panic attack or because I was lying flat on my back and baby was still pretty high up. I was a mess, shaking and kept on sucking on oxygen while tears rolled down my cheeks. Hubby kept on apologizing to me that I have to go through all this. My anaesthetist was nice, he took over from the nurse the moment I started crying and held my other hand. He kept reassuring me it’s normal and that everything would be over soon.

Minutes later my gynae came and said it’s time. After what I thought was eternity, I heard my lil girl’s cries. I cried along with her, hubby had tears on his face while he went on saying ‘That’s Jocelyn, our girl is out!!’. They brought her to my cheeks and I gave her a quick peck on the cheeks before the nurse brought her to the cleaning table to clean her up. Hubby wanted to stay with me while they finish up with the surgery but I told him to go to Jocelyn, I would be ok I reassured him. My gynae said everything went well and I did great. I’m just glad everything is over.

As I waited in the recovery room alone I kept on asking the nurse in duty how long would I be in the room as I wished to breast feed my little girl soonest possible. Luckily she was patient with me harassing her every 2 minutes. 1.30pm I was wheeled into my room and I saw my hubby carrying my second child. I quickly asked to hold my girl and held her close to me before I feed her. Yes within the first hour of her arrival to the world and I was already breastfeeding her. Actually it would be much later because they need to give her all the necessary shots and a bath but boy my girl clearly made her stand, she was fussing and crying alot that the nurse asked my hubby to bring her to me for feeding.

It’s funny how I was dreading the idea of being cut open and yet after a week later I almost forgot the whole ordeal. And with Ashley even though it was a natural birth I didn’t get to bond with her immediately yet with Jocelyn despite not being my choice birth I bond with her almost right after the delivery.

{Hubby holding Ashley before handing her to me}

{Me + Jocelyn after her feed – yeap I looked pretty cheerful for someone who just had a major surgery}

{Jocelyn after her bath and shots}

My 9 day old girl

2011-11-17T13:22:00.003+08:00

{This was taken at 6 days old}

Today's the day

2011-11-08T06:46:00.000+08:00

Finally the day we all are waiting for has arrived! If everything goes as planned, we would be meeting Baby J at noontime. Frankly, I'm feeling quite overwhelmed right now, anxiety, excitement, anticipation, fear, how can someone possibly feel so much different emotions all at once just baffles me.Oh and I'm feeling slightly sleepy right now after having to wake up at 4 in the morning earlier. Been waking up at that hour almost everyday since the past week.

Yesterday was a pretty miserable day for me, had food poisoning and I just refused to see the doctor knowing they would surely admit me for the night. I promised Ashley that we would be sending her to school and make her some pancakes before I check in the hospital at 9am so I wouldn't want to disappoint her. Plus I haven't finish packing the last minute stuffs before going to the hospital today. So I bear with all the pains and discomfort while quickly re-set up the cot, my hospital bag, leave instructions to the maid on housechores etc but the food poisoning was pretty bad because I couldn't keep anything inside, I even puked water. So reluctantly I went to the hospital after dinner,luckily the doctor at the ER said there's no need to be admitted or be on drips, gave me a jab in the butt and sent me home. At least I get to spend one more night with my firstborn before her lil sister comes out.

Lots of things to say but mind's too sleepy to type them out, anyway do wish us a safe and smooth delivery yea. And the next time you see me it would be on the arrival of Baby J :)

xoxo
Alesia

It's been decided

2011-11-03T09:44:00.001+08:00

If baby J doesn't spring up a surprise on us this week, we would be meeting her on the 8th of November. It took us quite a while to accept the fact that despite what I do in ensuring that we would have a natural delivery, baby J just doesn't want to come out that way we wanted to after meeting the doctor yesterday morning. I was tossing and turning on the bed the entire night thinking about it. At week 39 I'm still not dilated far enough and baby J is still very high up. I know EDD is merely just an estimation and you can go way past week 40 into week 42, but with subsequent pregnancies didn't they say baby tend to appear earlier? Well it's the case for most mothers I know at least. And even though with all the signs (menstrual cramps, bad backaches, achy butt, swelling feet) for weeks now, still she's not ready.

And hubs has to report to work for the new job on the 14th so no way we can wait till that long, I need him to be with me should I go into labor and baby J is nearing the 4kg mark. As much as I believe in women being able to birth naturally no matter how heavy your baby is still it's like playing Roulette. So with a heavy heart we decided to opt for caesarean section this coming Tuesday. I admit I was being really unfair when I doubt my hubby's involvement when it comes to making decision for the baby. I refused to understand the extreme stress he's under trying to get things going for us, it's really a trying time for him and me right now - a new house, a new baby, him having to give up a job he really like for another job that even though pays well there's not security or guarantee once the contract's up. And with his recent health scare, I really don't think it's fair to continue piling up more stuffs on his already overloaded plate. So after much deliberation and thoughts, I guess it's meant to be, we would be seeing baby J this Tuesday. Trying to be positive about it and slowly am getting very excited about meeting her finally.

I am very grateful for the support other mommies have been giving to me especially encouraging me to go for natural delivery, I tried my best, I was and still am very positive about it but I suppose you just have to go with the flow or current circumstances. Right now I'm going to prep myself with info on gentle caesarean section delivery, I no longer can control the path she comes into the world but at least I can make it enjoyable and memorable for her :)

Something I got from a book last night and it came just in the right time

Remember that the best birthing plan is the one that results in a safe delivery for you and baby. So if circumstances dictate a change — whether in location, atmosphere, even birthing position — try not to be discouraged. Focus on the positives — like looking in your newborn's eyes and welcoming her into the world.

Any moment now......

2011-10-25T08:51:00.002+08:00

.....I hope. Times like this sometimes makes me feel like a failure being a mom and a woman. Despite being pregnant for the second time, I still can't tell the signs I've been having is a sign of me going into labor. Nesting instincts, feeling the baby at the lower part of my abdomen, frequent tightening for the past few weeks, all being refuted by my gynae who tells me nope, baby's not engaged yet and no no signs of labor.

I'm tired, I'm frustrated, I'm upset, I'm disappointed, I'm restless - all the negative vibes seems to surround me this few days. Please don't come and tell me to hold hands and think of happy thoughts. I have been thinking of happy thoughts so much that it's rubbing off me in a bad way. I've been trying to hold it together but it's so overwhelming and there's so much you can do when your moral support failed you. Ashley's been quite ill since last weekend and I've been taking of her while trying to keep myself afloat, as always she's a gem. She'd ask if I'm alright and checked on me every now and then. I was so miserable last night, not sure if it's contractions or tummy upset or maybe both (see I can't even tell them apart) stabs of painfulness kept coming at me every 15-20 minutes or so yet no bloody show or water bag burst. She held my hands, or pat me on my arms and occasionally rub or caress my head. She's the reason I'm still able to hold on even though it's holding on to a very very fine thread of hope.

Again Caesarean section is the better solution right now given the current circumstances - baby's getting bigger (3.4kg), it's nearing the due date and no signs (the mister warns me he's not going to be there if I still stubbornly insists to just wait cos he has to report for a new job a few days later). Sometimes I wish people would leave me alone and just let me deal with all these myself, it's my body, my baby. I still don't understand why people would think going through Caesarean is still a better option as compared to having a natural vaginal delivery. Ello, I don't care the risk of complications after the surgery is far lower these days, it.is.still.a.surgery. A major one at that too mind you, woman's body is designed in such a way that we are able to give birth naturally UNLESS you have some life threatening situation then yes I agree to idea of having a surgery. Friends must be thinking that I'm an advocate of natural birth and nothing else, ok fine I'll admit to a certain degree, only a mother can understand what I'm going through right now, stepping into the next phase - motherhood by starting off in a way I've envisioned means so much to me. I was robbed of that experience when I first had Ashley, deep down inside I loathe myself not able to have the birth I wanted. 4 years down the road, I'm stoked to know that I'm expecting again, I feel like this is my second chance. To experience birth like how it should be. Never mind that the mister is less enthusiastic about our second baby, yes I was moaning and grunting the entire night and he tells me it's probably nothing. If this was a boy or first child he would have rushed me to the hospital in a heartbeat. Having the birth the way I wanted is the only control I have left over this pregnancy, at least I'm giving my baby the best I can in terms of welcoming her to the world.

Financial situation has affected our marriage in a huge way, already I'm such a low maintenance person. I mostly splurge on food, cooking ingredients for the family. I do understand the stress and difficulty he's going through trying to support the family but I wish he'd tackled it in a much better (and less hurtful) manner. I've lost count the number of times he goes ok you want it your way? Try natural and if it fails, caesarean, I'd just borrow money from my brother for the delivery then. It hurts alot that my birth is now weighing on our affordability (again natural delivery is so much cheaper!)

Maybe I should just resigned and let others dictate my life, sure cut open my stomach, take out my baby. Go ahead, do whatever you want to do.

Baby, mommy's sorry for failing you even when you're still in my tummy. I wish I can be stronger than this.