A Painful Awakening...

New Year, new 'old' me...

2014-01-02T16:48:00.000+00:00

As I continued to heal and work through my grief, a great many things got back on track: work, friendships, relationships, health and kink. It wasn't all straightforward, and there have been a few steps back, as well as the many forwards, but the progress has been noticeable. Throughout my scene life this blog was hugely important in helping me process my new experiences. The volume of posting

Making my way back...

2013-01-21T22:50:00.000+00:00

The signs had been good. Slowly getting back into wanting to play 'properly'. Certain types of scenes: caring, DD, and relatively easy headspaces. With time and practice and the desperate need to reclaim my head I was starting to get into proper roleplay again. Some times it's been easier than others but all the while I've definitely been moving forward. And within that, little by little, going

Pain

2012-12-02T22:50:00.000+00:00

I can't take the pain. It's too much. Too severe. I want it to stop. He holds me, saying nothing, listening to me scream. "Please, it's too much, I can't cope, I just can't cope" I'd never imagined anything could hurt so much. I thought I was tough, I thought I was brave, I thought I was invincible. I fought the tears of course. Tried not to give in. I've learned that if you build

Discipline, rules and consequences.

2012-05-19T15:29:00.000+01:00

As regular readers of the blog will know, discipline and punishment is one of my main kinks. It's a dynamic that I have with HH, and only with him. It's not something that lends itself to multiple relationships and it requires a deep level of trust and understanding. In the past few months when I haven been playing much the discipline has still been important. I ask HH for help with things:

The naughtiness continues!

2012-05-01T22:27:00.003+01:00

This evening Abel and I went out to dinner with some new friends. Let's call them Bambi and the Hunter. Mainly because one will really hate their name and the other will be bemused by it. We've met Bambi and the Hunter a couple of times now. Enough for EJ to start escaping. Both are fairly new to the scene and meeting kinksters, although both experienced with each other. They're partly

That feeling...

2012-04-29T19:48:00.001+01:00

I've got that swoopy feeling in my tummy. You know, that squirmy, oh oh I'm in trouble, eeek feeling. It started with a cheeky email, sent to that person, after a few glasses of fizz. It was bratty and provoking and he responded on form. Surely time to back down? Oh no, I haven't felt bratty in a long time, best to go all out, not leave him in any doubt of my intentions. Hence, I bravely

The words won't come...

2012-03-11T12:54:00.001+00:00

I'm waving shyly at you lovely readers and hoping my absence will be excused. That's the first problem I face returning to the blog that I have shamefully neglected. Shameful not just because of the perceived neglect of the readers I've had for so long, but the neglect of myself and my need to document and process. All I can offer is that it's been a challenging couple of months with health

Happy New Year!

2012-01-01T00:31:00.000+00:00

I couldn't decide which photo to use on Christmas Day and in the end I took the lazy option and decided to share the other picture with you today. It was taken by HH, at Kinky Towers; a fabulous venue hired by Abel for a kinky weekend with some of our closest friends. This was just one of the amazing rooms in the house; a medieval kitchen with huge fireplace. I love how vulnerable I look,

Merry Christmas!

2011-12-25T02:32:00.000+00:00

Thank you, dear readers, for your support again this year; particularly in the past few months where I've been distracted by real life and not blogging as frequently as I'd like to. As I said in my last post, I see my blog as a safe place where I can be me. From the start I've loved processing aloud, sharing my thoughts with you all. But, increasingly, I'm also enjoying sharing the photographs

Safe Places

2011-12-09T20:52:00.004+00:00

When I was little my Grandmother’s house was a safe place; a refuge from the world of alcoholic parents screaming at each other, and being the eldest child who grew up very quickly. A place where I didn’t have to be in charge and where I was unconditionally loved. Uni was my next safe place. Living away from home, making new friends, getting involved in things that interested me and for the first

Getting over my 'difficulties'

2011-10-19T22:35:00.000+01:00

My past few visits to HH have seen me arrive in an odd mood; last weekend was true to form. Despite looking forward to the visit and the weekend of play, despite having discussed scenes in advance, despite knowing on this occasion I was due a punishment as soon as I arrived (and had been worrying appropriately!), despite all this I refused to play. Not in a bratty, whiny way - just in a 'you must

A painful review

2011-10-11T07:01:00.003+01:00

As those of you who are regular readers of The Spanking Writers will know, Abel is somewhat of a collector of implements. In one of his recent posts he listed a helpful Implement Rollmaker of Honour. Two of the entries in particular caught my eye. The first was the Claire's Accessories hairbrush which seemed incongruous amongst the others: "For hairbrushes: it just has to be Mason Pearson –

At the moment of truth...

2011-10-10T06:03:00.001+01:00

Kami and Abel recently played a very severe scene. (See her account here and his account here and you'll understand how severe.) In it they played one of his stories, 'The Punishment List', where the girl recieved a double caning; as severe as any girl could get. Chatting to Kami in advance about the scene she had two worries about it: that she wasn't going to be able to take the pain, or that

Socially out of my depth?

2011-10-09T17:51:00.001+01:00

There have been several posts about social media and kinky life lately. I've held back from commenting on any as I didn't think a mere comment would suffice to explain my views. So these are my own personal thoughts on my online life and the community I'm part of. Those of you who are in the same community, or at least an intersection of it (think Venn diagram), may see it a very different way.

Beautifully me

2011-09-18T14:18:00.000+01:00